"I Had No Idea My Wife Was a Lesbian" #164

Summary

Podcast Summary: "I Had No Idea My Wife Was a Lesbian" #164 – Bellied Up

Release Date: August 14, 2025

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Introduction and Hosts' Banter

The episode kicks off with the ever-charismatic hosts, Myles ("You Betcha Guy") and Charlie Berens, diving into their trademark lighthearted banter. They explore the theme of "useless talents," setting a playful tone for the show.

• Charlie: "I organized my junk drawer, and I should have done a time lapse video of it, because, first of all, it took a long time." [00:29]

• Myles: "Probably the states and caps. Knowing all the states and caps." [01:19]

Their conversation humorously oscillates between mundane skills and quirky knowledge, such as Myles' professed expertise in U.S. states and capitals, highlighting Charlie's knack for organizing cluttered spaces. This opening segment not only entertains but also establishes the hosts' chemistry and comedic rhythm.

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Caller Story: Neil's Tumultuous Journey

Transitioning from light-hearted chat, the hosts welcome their first guest, Neil, who shares a profound and emotionally charged personal story that delves deep into faith, identity, and personal struggles.

Leaving the Mormon Church

Neil begins by recounting his strict Mormon upbringing and marriage to a Mormon woman. His quest for spiritual truth leads him and his wife to leave the church, a decision that drastically alters their lives.

• Neil: "I decided that this wasn't the church for me and my wife decided it wasn't for her either. So we both together left the church, which drastically changed our whole entire lives." [12:06]

This departure initiates a cascade of challenges, including alienation from family and a severe depressive spiral lasting over two years.

• Neil: "It made me depressed for like, two years. I was very much contemplating suicide for a long time." [14:34]

Marital Struggles and Identity Revelation

Compounding his struggles, Neil's wife grapples with her sexuality, identifying as predominantly lesbian with some bisexual tendencies. This revelation strains their marriage further.

• Neil: "My wife, at the time, decided she was like, 80% lesbian, 20% bi." [15:33]

The couple faces immense pressure from their respective families, particularly Neil's in-laws, who harbor suspicions and false accusations about his fidelity and integrity.

• Neil: "Her dad was like, 'I'm pretty sure he's cheating.' They started making lies about everything." [16:00]

Felony Charge and Legal Turmoil

Amidst personal turmoil, Neil is wrongfully accused of theft by his former contractor friend, leading to an unexpected felony charge. Unaware of the legal ramifications until recently, Neil describes the bewildering experience of being falsely implicated.

• Neil: "I learned I had a felony on my case. I didn't know I was charged." [22:17]

Working diligently in his new job in roofing, Neil is now focused on rectifying his legal status, hoping to rebuild his life.

• Neil: "I'm fixing it, and it is not really affecting me, but I'm working on it." [23:58]

Words of Resilience

Despite enduring significant hardships, Neil offers heartfelt advice to listeners facing their own battles, emphasizing perseverance and hope.

• Neil: "Just hang in there, no matter what. It will only get better." [28:04]

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Second Caller: Chad's Summer Camp Conflicts

Shifting gears, the hosts engage with their second caller, Chad, who shares his frustrations running a Christian summer camp in Texas. Chad's story revolves around his antagonistic relationship with a fellow camp counselor, Rob, whose rigid and uncooperative demeanor hampers camp activities.

Camp Director Woes

Chad, the camp director and cook, expresses his disdain for Rob, who refuses to partake in essential camp functions like teaching swimming—a role Rob begrudges assigning to himself.

• Chad: "He goes, 'No, that's my wife's job to teach her how to swim.'" [35:31]

The lack of teamwork and Rob's overbearing attitude create a toxic environment, leaving Chad seeking humorous yet practical solutions to mitigate their conflicts.

Hosts' Humorous Solutions

Myles and Charlie respond with their signature humor, suggesting outrageous yet entertaining methods to resolve the tension, such as sabotaging Rob's role or engaging in playful retaliation.

• Charlie: "Maybe you'll both come to appreciate each other a little bit more." [37:20]

This segment balances the gravity of workplace conflict with comedic relief, showcasing the hosts' ability to navigate serious topics with levity.

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Interactive Segment: Pig Naming with Chad

In a delightful twist, Chad introduces a lighter topic by seeking advice on naming pigs for his family farm. The hosts embrace the challenge, offering a barrage of creative and humorous names inspired by Iowa landmarks and personalities.

• Charlie: "Caitlin, Clark, Kinnick, and Kittle." [59:37]

Their inventive suggestions not only provide Chad with practical ideas but also infuse the conversation with regional pride and wit.

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Final Banter and Wrap-Up

As the episode wraps up, Miles and Charlie continue their playful exchange, reflecting on the diverse and intense stories shared by their callers. They maintain the show's upbeat atmosphere, leaving listeners with a sense of camaraderie and anticipation for future episodes.

• Charlie: "Enjoy life while you got it, all right?" [54:38]

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Notable Quotes

1. Charlie on Organizing:
   "I organized my junk drawer, and I should have done a time lapse video of it..." [00:29]

2. Myles on U.S. Capitals:
   "Probably the states and caps. Knowing all the states and caps." [01:19]

3. Neil on Depression:
   "It made me depressed for like, two years. I was very much contemplating suicide for a long time." [14:34]

4. Neil on False Accusations:
   "They started making lies about everything." [16:00]

5. Neil's Advice:
   "Just hang in there, no matter what. It will only get better." [28:04]

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Conclusion

In this episode of "Bellied Up," Myles and Charlie expertly blend humor with heartfelt storytelling, creating a balanced and engaging narrative. From Neil’s harrowing experiences with faith and identity crises to Chad’s amusing yet relatable summer camp struggles, the hosts navigate each story with empathy and comedic flair. This blend of deep personal tales and lighthearted banter not only entertains but also resonates with listeners, making "Bellied Up" a must-listen for anyone seeking both laughter and meaningful conversation.

Transcript

[Miles]

Welcome back, everybody, to another episode of the Bellied up podcast.

[Jared]

We're here.

[Charlie]

We're live sluggers. Chicago, doing the thing. Miles. Feeling good.

[Miles]

You. You feeling good today, Charlie?

[Charlie]

Feeling rocking and rolling.

[Miles]

Jared was asking us what our most useless talent is.

[Charlie]

I'm good at organizing things, and I told him that what I'm good at organizing.

[Miles]

I would love to know what you even organize in your life.

[Charlie]

Junk drawer. I organized my junk drawer, and I should have done a time lapse video of it, because, first of all, it took a long time.

[Miles]

Well, here's the question. What were you avoiding? That you were cleaning out your junk drawer?

[Charlie]

See, it is useful. You're right. I avoiding. God, I avoid. Like, I'll just. I'll. I'll see a tree and I'll be like, that thing needs to come down. Meanwhile, you know, I'm like, five videos behind what I'm supposed to be.

[Miles]

Your team is calling you like, hey, Charlie, what do you think of this edit? And you're just out there cutting down a tree.

[Charlie]

Feels better. Feels better. You know, just to be, like, doing something with the hands. You know, maybe I'm misusing my talent, Miles. Maybe I should be working with these things more, you know? What's your most useless talent?

[Miles]

Probably the states and caps. Knowing all the states and caps.

[Charlie]

Arkansas. Little Rock, Alabama.

[Miles]

Alabama is.

[Charlie]

Oh, oh, oh. I think we found a problem.

[Miles]

Montgomery.

[Charlie]

Montgomery, right. Maine.

[Miles]

I think so. Maine is Augusta.

[Charlie]

Is it? Or is it Montpelier?

[Miles]

No, that's Vermont.

[Charlie]

Montgomery. Oh, Vermont is Montpelier. You remember that one commercial as well as a little kid, early 2000s, they're like, what's the little kid? They're like, what's the capital of Vermont? You don't think she's gonna get it? And then all of a sudden, she goes, montpelier. So cute.

[Miles]

Okay, okay, Kel, that was worth our precious podcast time.

[Charlie]

Yeah, whatever. Yeah, whatever.

[Miles]

We should start doing. We should. We just started doing that with each other. We can. We can challenge whether or not that was worth our precious podcast time.

[Charlie]

I mean, arguably, we shouldn't even be doing this podcast. If you're talking about time saving things, this podcast is organizing the junk drawer. I got news for you, Miles. Hey, there's two pianos back there. Can you play one of those?

[Miles]

I can play chopsticks.

[Charlie]

Let's hear it.

[Miles]

That's the one that's like.

[Charlie]

Oh, yeah, that's cute.

[Miles]

I like that. I can't do the. I can't do that part. Can you? Maybe you can be the stick to My chop.

[Charlie]

Oh, that would be nice. So.

[Miles]

So. Yeah, I got the states and caps on lock.

[Charlie]

That's not bad.

[Miles]

You're going to Wyoming too soon?

[Charlie]

I'm going to Wyoming.

[Miles]

Cheyenne?

[Charlie]

Nope. Oh, nice flex. I thought you were interested in my trip to Wyoming.

[Miles]

I just wanted to flex my useless talent.

[Charlie]

Yeah, I'm going backpacking Miles in the Big Horns. This may be the last podcast we do together. Might be eaten by a moose.

[Miles]

Who are you going with?

[Charlie]

Buddies or Adam Gruel? Yeah, he's a.

[Miles]

So Adam is his fun stuff friend and I'm Charlie's work friend. That's so Charlie even. Yeah. Huh. Yeah, I'm his work husband and Adam Gruel is just his fun buddy. You know, never once have I. Actually, he's. He's done a throwaway invite to his cabin in the middle of Wisconsin that's not easy to get to, but. Anything else, not even a whisper. And that's fine. I. I'm fine with it.

[Charlie]

Let me. Let me ask you this. Do you think I planned this or do you think Adam planned it and called me up?

[Miles]

That's probably true. We're both not.

[Charlie]

We're not compliant planners. Yeah, I think that was a very.

[Miles]

Weasley way to get out. No, it's.

[Charlie]

It's true. And I did invite you to my cabin and you denied.

[Miles]

I did not deny. It's just. You can't just.

[Charlie]

You weren't there when.

[Miles]

This is like a rule for life. If someone says, hey, you should come to the cabin, it means they have no intention of you showing up. Really?

[Charlie]

Because I sent the text to both un. Dude, dad. Dude, dad had no problem complying.

[Miles]

He didn't read the room, you know, and you. It's like, hey, yeah, we gotta have you out to the cabin sometime. Jared, it's not an invite to this cabin. It's just a pleasantry that you said invite when Charlie goes, yeah, we gotta have you guys out to the cabin. That's just a pleasure.

[Charlie]

So now I got to invite you in a specific way. Miles, didn't you invite Charlie once to a pheasant hunting and he didn't show up?

[Miles]

I did an official. Yeah, I did an official invite to go pheasant hunting. He said yes, and then he double booked himself and didn't show up.

[Charlie]

Well, to be fair, that's a very Charlie thing for me to do. And also, I had a show, so I had no business saying yes.

[Miles]

You just gotta spend your whole life doing shows. Are you gonna hang out with the people that care about you?

[Charlie]

Miles, I. This is not fair, okay? It's not fair to bring this up right now in front of all these.

[Miles]

People as we're about to do a show tonight.

[Charlie]

I know.

[Miles]

My wife and kid are just at the hotel room while I'm doing that.

[Charlie]

Anne's not gonna come.

[Miles]

I. I. Not with. Not with our kid. No.

[Charlie]

That was a little man.

[Miles]

Yeah, he's got a sketch.

[Charlie]

Well, Miles, look, I do want to have more fun with you, and you should really come up to my cabin sometimes.

[Miles]

We got to have you out to the cabin sometime.

[Charlie]

Well, why don't you come out when you want to do it?

[Miles]

Or. I am just saying this to get out of this conversation because I accidentally brought up that I have a lake cabin, and you said you don't. You know, it's kind of one of those deals. Well, we got to have you out.

[Charlie]

You have a lake house.

[Miles]

Have you ever showed up to someone's after they said we got to have you out to the lake?

[Charlie]

No, because I.

[Miles]

Exactly. Just doesn't happen.

[Charlie]

But if you ask me.

[Miles]

But if you said, we're having Baron's Palooza at my cabin on this date, so get signed, sealed, and delivered.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Then I would be like, all right, I gotta figure out how to get there.

[Charlie]

All I have to do is come up with a name for it.

[Miles]

You're like, I didn't say that. Yeah, I'll be there. Yeah. Figure out how to get there if I can. Yeah, I mean, if you picked a date, for sure.

[Charlie]

I did pick a date. Check your text. Check the text. I got receipts. Receipts.

[Miles]

He's like, yeah, the only time I got is, like, July 3rd and 4th. Can you guys come out then?

[Charlie]

No, it was two weekends before that.

[Miles]

We'll have you out to the cabin on December 25.

[Charlie]

Just for the day. That's how I feel. Anytime anyone does a destination wedding, it's like, you don't really want me there. I'm not. I'm not taking my vacation well, so.

[Miles]

Yeah, so what? What would an invite to your cabin look like, Miles?

[Charlie]

You want to come out to my cabin?

[Miles]

I do, Charlie.

[Charlie]

When.

[Miles]

When are you available?

[Charlie]

Whenever, dude. I'll have my people reach out to your people.

[Miles]

See? Work.

[Charlie]

You know what, Miles, buddy, I. Okay, I'm gonna. I'm gonna do a deer and fishing trip in the fall.

[Miles]

Okay?

[Charlie]

So I'm gonna.

[Miles]

Again, very, very wide time frame.

[Charlie]

All right? I'm gonna find the dates and invite you out. Bring your bow. Bring your pole. Okay. No guns, because it'll probably be bow Season. Okay. Get you a tag or a fishing license. Whatever you want to do. Caught a muskie off my shoreline.

[Miles]

Did you? I've been hitting the bass off the dock.

[Charlie]

Have you?

[Jared]

Yeah. What have you been using?

[Miles]

Just been bobber fishing, basically.

[Charlie]

Oh, okay. I like a little bobber fishing. Yeah, I was crushing.

[Miles]

It's nice to do that off the dock.

[Charlie]

It is. You know what's even nicer? Get a little top water going. No. Nothing gets me going like some knocking at top water.

[Miles]

Except for I. My nephew was also fishing with his little Mickey Mouse one.

[Charlie]

He got bigger fish than you?

[Miles]

Well, no, but it just kept casting it over my line.

[Charlie]

Well, he's your nephew.

[Miles]

I know. And the wind was going right to left, and he was casting left to right and kept blaming the wind.

[Charlie]

That is a true Midwesterner right there. Blame it on the wind. Well, Miles, I'm sorry that you feel left out, but I feel like you're just.

[Miles]

I don't feel left out. I'm just stating facts.

[Charlie]

I mean, I understand what happens.

[Miles]

I'm a realist. I understand how the world works.

[Charlie]

You feel guilty that you didn't come to my cabin, and so now you're.

[Miles]

Is. Is Adam married?

[Charlie]

No, he's not married.

[Jared]

Well, there we are.

[Miles]

You kidding me?

[Charlie]

We're going on a backpacking trip in Wyoming.

[Miles]

Correct. This is single guy stuff.

[Charlie]

Yeah, it is. I mean, this is like.

[Miles]

It's true. I. I'll walk it back a little. You know, I messed up. I got married and had a kid.

[Charlie]

Right, Right.

[Miles]

So that's not your fault.

[Charlie]

You can't come backpacking with me. But you're also not going to die alone, so, you know, you take the.

[Neil]

Good with the bad.

[Miles]

I'll have someone to wipe my ass when I'm 90.

[Charlie]

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Or at least. Well, that depends how. And I won't go into that. Well, should we take some callers?

[Miles]

Let's do it.

[Charlie]

Let's do it.

[Miles]

Neil, you got Miles and Charlie from the Bellied up podcast.

[Jared]

Hey, how's it going, guys?

[Charlie]

Good, Neil. How are you doing?

[Neil]

Pretty good.

[Charlie]

Nice.

[Miles]

Well, I heard you got yourself a little bit of a crazy father in law. Would love to hear the story.

[Jared]

Oh, dude.

[Neil]

Oh, dude.

[Jared]

Okay, so, well, where do you guys want me to start?

[Charlie]

From the beginning.

[Jared]

From the. Okay, so from the beginning, I. I guess I'll just start and you guys can just comment.

[Neil]

They go.

[Jared]

I was raised Mormon. I was raised, like, really Mormon.

[Charlie]

Like, like, soaking Mormon.

[Jared]

Went to church.

[Miles]

Like. Like. Like Ruby Frankie Mormon. Like Ruby Frank.

[Neil]

Yeah.

[Jared]

Basically, I went to church every Sunday. Never, ever missed for like, for the longest time, for 25 years. Married a Mormon girl even. Everything was handy dandy and everything. And then we moved down to Utah together. And about a year before COVID I decided that I did some searching and my own kind of. What do you call it?

[Miles]

Spiritual journey.

[Jared]

My own spiritual journey for the church. And I found in my own decisions without trashing on it too much because I've already had my anger phase with it. But I just decided it wasn't for me and my wife decided. My wife at the time decided it wasn't for her either. So we both together left the church, which drastically changed our whole entire lives. Like, very much so.

[Charlie]

How so?

[Jared]

Basically, for me, it was like rethinking my whole entire life. It was. I thought for the longest time that this was the true church. There was nothing that could. There was nothing that you could say or do that would change or sway my. Sway my. You were lost my thoughts on. At all. Yeah, Like, I was. I was. I knew my path. I knew what was the right thing. You were wrong. I was right. And that was all gone. Like, it was. And it.

[Charlie]

What happened, though.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

Did you try coffee for the first time? What, What. What was the deal?

[Neil]

No, really, What?

[Jared]

Actually, it was kind of. It was my friend and he introduced me to weed for the first time.

[Neil]

But.

[Charlie]

Wow, that'll get you rethinking some things.

[Miles]

He listened to one Chief Keef song, was like, this is it. Then the guy's like, wait till you hear a Lil Wayne song.

[Jared]

Yeah, it was kind of one of those things that I decided because I was kind of like questioning the church at that time anyways. And so at one point I was like, you know what? If I'm going to commit myself to this, to this church, I want to know everything. I want to question everything. I want to know every single little bit and piece. I'm going to search through it all, you know. So I spent like a few months just, like really researching everything, really digging into everything and just decided that. And the more and more I looked, the more and more I realized that this wasn't the church for me. So I like, really did, like, affect me big and a huge way. I remember I was driving to my friend's house, and it just kind of dawned on me. And he's like eight hours away. And I drove the whole entire way without listening to anything. It was just me and my head for eight hours. I was like, oh, my gosh. My whole entire Life is like a lie, basically.

[Charlie]

Wow, that is wild.

[Neil]

And then it was.

[Jared]

And then it made me depressed.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Jared]

Well, and then. So it made me, like, super, super depressed for, like, two years. Like, two years. It was just, like, I wasn't into anything. I was just, like. I was very much contemplating suicide for a long time and all that kind of thing. And then my wife at the time, because she left the church at the same time, too, and without me knowing, was contemplating her sexuality the whole entire time. So I'm just. Yeah. So I'm super depressed, losing it all. Just like, oh, my gosh. My family stopped talking to me for a bit because that dynamic got really. I'm the first generation. Yeah.

[Neil]

My wife's a lesbian. Yeah. Like, full lesbian.

[Charlie]

Or is she bi?

[Jared]

She.

[Neil]

If.

[Jared]

If you asked her, and this is straight from her, she said she's like, 80% lesbian, 20% bi.

[Charlie]

That's not good for you.

[Jared]

No, it was not good for me at all. No, but.

[Charlie]

Keep going. I mean, this is.

[Jared]

Yeah. So we. So shit. I forget there's.

[Neil]

So you were at.

[Charlie]

Your wife's a lesbian.

[Jared]

This is such a big deal. You guys have to remember that, like, it was so stressful for me. Everything that happened, I would start having memory gaps. I had to write some of this shit down, like, because I don't. I didn't remember it all. I had to write it all down.

[Charlie]

But.

[Jared]

So, yeah, we both leave the church and she's contemplating that she's lesbian. So I'm like. I can already feel that in our relationship. I'm like, oh, my gosh. What? Something's going on between us. I'm already super depressed because I realized my whole entire life was a lie and my family has stopped talking to me. I'm like, man, what is going on? I'm feeling really bad. And instead of her family and her friends being like, oh, wow, like Neil and. Oh, crap. I was trying not to use her name.

[Charlie]

We'll cut it out.

[Miles]

We'll cut it out.

[Jared]

Thank you. I'm trying really hard not to use their names because I. I don't want to deal with them at all. Yeah.

[Neil]

Okay.

[Jared]

So I was like, man, like, my wife are trying really hard to, like, you know, trying to fix things, whatever. No, that's not how they took it at all. In fact, her dad was like. Was like, oh, I'm pretty sure he's cheating. He's cheating on her. Like, she's. She's depressed. He's super depressed and sad, and she's being all weird and Stuff like he has to be cheating on her. And he convinced like the rest of like the family. Like we had. She had a friend that would like call her up and be like, where's Neil? This and that. And like trying to find every. And like they were just making my life hell for like three, for like three years, just trying to, like they wanted me to be cheating so bad, but I never was. And it like, it got to the point where it's just like, it was insane. They started making lies about everything of just being like one time, one time as I was. This was right after I left the church. It was a few months afterwards. I was sleeping terribly, not doing well. At one point in the middle of the night, around 1am, I basically went on a fever dream. I got into the car and I thought I was driving to a nearby chicken store, like a chicken tender shop. And because we go there all the time and our friends own the store. So we went over there. So I drove over there like in the middle of the night, not realizing what I was doing. And then I called my wife and I was like, hey, where are you? And then she answers back and she's like, what do you mean, where are you? It's him. Like, what the fuck are you doing? And I'm like. And then like I woke up, like my brain woke up at that moment and it dawned on me that I was like, holy shit. Like, where am I? Like, what is going on? Like, it was no longer day, it was night. It was really, really, really trippy and it freaked me out. And so. And then like about 10 minutes later, I just drive back home and I was like, oh my gosh, that was like crazy and stuff. And I talked to my, talked to my wife about it a little bit and we then went to bed or whatever. She told her friend that story and her friend was like, he was out cheating in the middle of the night. Oh my gosh, blah, blah, blah. And it's like, oh my gosh, chill woman. And she would say like all these things and stuff, trying to. This is the worst part about this chick too. So she was telling me all these like things, telling, trying to convince my wife that I was cheating on her and stuff. Well, at the time we would be like one time we would be like watching a movie and my wife had her little brother and her friend and they're like these 19 year old hot boys, super jacked and stuff. And she was sitting with them and reaching down into their pants while we're watching this movie, while she's married. And then she's attacking me for being like, yo, I think Neil's cheating on you. It's like, come on, bitch.

[Charlie]

Wow. Yeah, wow. So much to unpack there.

[Miles]

So where are we at now?

[Neil]

Where are we on a rant?

[Miles]

No, you're good. Where are we at now?

[Jared]

Where, like, me personally?

[Miles]

No, I mean, like, is that. Is that present day stuff that's going on?

[Jared]

Oh, no, dude, this happened like years ago. Two, three years ago.

[Miles]

Yeah. So what's going on now? Like, what's this? What's your situation?

[Jared]

Like, what's going on now? I finally got divorced. I. During that divorce, like, I went and I started working for this little contractor guy down there that went south. And then her dad got involved too, with it all, and it was just like he was trying to pin all these things on me. So I just left Utah. I was like, man, dude, I'm tired of utter. Like, everyone down here is against me. Like. Like her. They're all just being rude and just trying to make like they were literally just making my life hell. They were trying to pin, like, this guy's house got robbed on him, which I'm pretty sure it never did. I don't think anything happened. They're just trying to pin things on me. And it was like. It just got so stressful and so insane that I finally just left and I moved back up into Washington where my family lives.

[Charlie]

Wow.

[Jared]

Like, screw it, I'm done. And I moved up here and. And it actually made. They were able to pin one thing on me legally, which I think they were just trying anything. I don't think they were trying to do any. Do anything. I think they're just trying to make my life harder as I get away from. From there. Because for the last, like, year I've been trying to find a job and I learned I had a felony on my case. And I was like, what the fuck? And I couldn't get a job anywhere.

[Charlie]

What was the felony?

[Jared]

The felony was after I got divorced. I was lifting with the guy and he was the contractor and I lived with him for a little bit. And he. It was funny. He was actually my weed dealer at the time too, when I lived in Utah. But. But afterwards, like, I was working with him and he was finally just had enough of me or whatever. That's another story. But so I. So I left and I moved out of his house and I moved into another house. And about a week later, he said his house gets robbed. And I don't believe him because he Was saying all these things, like. And then he tried to blame it on me, and I have this tiny little Chevy bolt. And he was like, man, you stol motorcycles and these speakers that are like, huge speakers and stuff like that. And I was like, dude, not only was I moving and my car was full of stuff, but how am I gonna fit a motorcycle in a. In a Chevy bolt?

[Charlie]

Well, you rent a U Haul, basically. Yeah.

[Jared]

Yeah, I gotta. Gotta get the U Haul. You're right.

[Charlie]

So.

[Miles]

So you just are a wanted man then? Because I don't think you can just find out you have a felony. I think that you would know if you had a felony or not.

[Jared]

No, I didn't. I really didn't know.

[Miles]

So you're a wanted man then?

[Jared]

Yeah, kind of. But I'm fixing it. And it is not really like, it is. It is being fixed, and it's Some. If I got pulled over, it would not be. It would not affect me.

[Neil]

It's.

[Jared]

We're on that part of it now where I'm actually fixing it because I got a job now. Finally got a job and got some income coming in, so where I can actually do something about it.

[Charlie]

So you got.

[Jared]

It's been a stressful year and a half.

[Charlie]

You got charged with a felony.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Miles]

And you never got arrested.

[Charlie]

You never got arrested and you didn't know you got charged with a felony?

[Jared]

Yeah, because it was in Utah. And I honestly was thinking, like, because it was so outlandish to me that he was like, you robbed my house and blah, blah, blah. Like, you're ridiculous, dude. Like, you're absolutely ridiculous. I'm not dealing with this. I'm walking away, like, because I just didn't think anything would happen. It felt so outlandish to me. But this is where I found out how I think he stuck. How I think the felony stuck is that he went to my wife's dad. Which. Yeah. Which. Which he said that he. That he has video proof of me going to him in the front of his house and admitting to him that I robbed this guy's place. And I was like. Like, yeah, like, think about that for a sec. Like, he. He had tried to get this guy to think, like. And he believed it. So he's like, neil did rob it. Neil did. Robin. I was like, dude, like, show me the video. Let's see the video. I would love to see that video. Let's see it. Like. And they have never, ever brought it up. And. But that was more than enough for him to. To be believed by her dad.

[Charlie]

But what about the police officer? Wouldn't they have need to see the proof?

[Jared]

That's what I thought. Like, I. That's.

[Neil]

That's what I thought.

[Jared]

So, like, I. I have no idea. I have no idea what's gone down. Like, in a few months here, I'm gonna. I will be going to trial and figuring it all out. But, like, I have no idea how they got it pinned on me. I have no idea who they talked to or what went on. Or they got other people to lie for it and be like, oh, yeah, he totally's like, I have no idea.

[Charlie]

Are you sure this guy was dealing you weed and not PCP?

[Jared]

Yeah, 100%. But he did deal in other things too. But I know I only bought weed from him.

[Charlie]

Wild.

[Jared]

He was what really sucked too, is that, like, I really liked the guy. He was a cool dude. And then all of a sudden, it was just like. I don't know, it was like a switch or whatever.

[Charlie]

Well, you lose a motorcycle and a couple good speakers, and that can do a lot to a weed dealer.

[Jared]

Yeah, he didn't have a motorcycle.

[Miles]

Well, you guys, it wasn't about the speakers. That's. The back of the speaker is where he was storing all of his wheat. Oh, yeah, that's real issue here. Well, man, we appreciate you calling in and sharing your story. Sorry you had to go through a bunch of that. That's tough. But you're feeling better now or. No?

[Jared]

Oh, yeah, I've been. Now that I'm honestly, since I've been working. I'm working on copper roofs now, and I put on copper roofs, and it's so, like, specific. And you have to be anal about everything. And I don't know, it's like my perfectionist dream, basically. And I love it.

[Miles]

Nice.

[Charlie]

Well, listen, if you are thinking of stealing something, copper roofs, that's what you want to steal right there.

[Neil]

I mean, that's true.

[Jared]

We're taking a copper roof off right now and putting on the new one. So it's like there's this trailer that's just full. Full of copper. And it's just like, man, where this would be like.

[Neil]

Yeah, where's where again?

[Jared]

Yeah, not telling that one. Sorry, guys.

[Charlie]

Next time.

[Miles]

All right, man, well, we're glad that you're in a better spot now and again. Thanks for calling in.

[Charlie]

Yeah, really appreciate you.

[Jared]

Sorry I blabbed on.

[Charlie]

No, it was good. It was good. And we're glad, you know, you were feeling down to. And you got through it. So, so good for you. And real Quick, what advice do you have for people who are feeling that low themselves?

[Jared]

Oh, dude, it's one of those things that even when. Even when the people there that are supposed to help you and that are supposed to be there for you, just hang in there, no matter what. It will only get better. It's hard. It is hard to hang in there, and I understand, and I know that more than anyone, but as long as you just keep going, like. And just remember that there's another day like, it. It will get better. And that's hard to remember, but just remember that.

[Charlie]

Well, that's really good advice. That's a place to leave it. Well, thank you for sharing, man. We appreciate you. And good luck with those copper roofs. Okay.

[Jared]

Yeah, thanks for calling, guys. Sorry, I feel like I just blabbed on the whole time or so.

[Charlie]

No, it was. It was really interesting. Fascinating.

[Jared]

Oh, yeah, they're.

[Neil]

There was.

[Jared]

There's a lot to it.

[Neil]

But.

[Jared]

Yeah, that's a good bit for you one. But thanks for calling. It's good to talk about it to someone else and hear reactions.

[Charlie]

Yeah, yeah, 100. Definitely.

[Miles]

Well, have a good one, man.

[Jared]

Yeah, you too, guys.

[Charlie]

We'll see you soon. Bye. Bye.

[Miles]

Some odd something. It's a lot of bad stuff that's happened to one guy.

[Charlie]

Yeah, I got more questions than I got answers out of that phone call.

[Miles]

He just ran past when he said that he was just blacking stuff out and then had the fever dream. I mean, are we a true crime podcast?

[Charlie]

I think we could. I mean, I want to ask him more questions. Really? Yeah, let's call him back up.

[Miles]

I mean, talk about a kick to the nuts. Oh, my God, get out of the Mormon Church, finally. And your wife's like, yeah, I'm a lesbian. You're like, God damn it.

[Charlie]

Well, why didn't they just. Why didn't he just tell that to the dad? You. That's not his place. Yeah, I don't know, but, yeah, I got a lot of questions. Like, also, the robbery didn't say the family.

[Miles]

Yeah, it's just. I. I don't know.

[Neil]

My.

[Miles]

My brain's in a pretzel and it not. It doesn't make the sense. Is not there right now for me, so.

[Charlie]

Well, hey, let's see how the trial goes.

[Miles]

We'll see how the trial goes. Yeah, and we will. Maybe this. This is a. This is a good caller to do the. We'll talk about it once the smoke settles.

[Charlie]

Yeah, once the smoke settles. So, yeah, if you're listening right now, fella, what was his name again? Oh, he didn't want to say his name.

[Miles]

No, he's. He said his name.

[Charlie]

Oh, okay.

[Miles]

Yeah, he's fine.

[Charlie]

All right, well, Neil, we wish you the best out there. And once the trial's over, you give us another call. We got more questions. Miles, you've been back to school, right? Time or two?

[Miles]

School.

[Charlie]

Back to school to prove to Mommy that I'm not a fool. Or Daddy. I forget I gotta watch that movie again. But you going back to school, right?

[Miles]

I have been back to school before.

[Charlie]

And sometimes like the, the school over the summer they make some new step, you know? Yeah, but they did it on a budge, you know, for budget and.

[Miles]

Which is French for budget.

[Charlie]

True. And sometimes you go ass over tea kettle over the steps and you haven't even gotten a math class yet. Well, let me do some math for you, okay? You go to the hospital after that, you take in an ambulance ride. Well, one plus ambulance equals. Shoot, man, I'm out of money. But Nicolay is going to, you know, talk to that insurance company and give him a piece of his beard. And you're going to get that cash back at you, baby. So call 1-855-Nicola.

[Miles]

Jeffrey, you got Miles and Charlie from the Bellied up podcast on the line. How are you?

[Neil]

Holy heck. I'm doing good. How are you boys doing good.

[Miles]

I heard you hate someone at summer camp. Tell us what's going on at summer camp.

[Neil]

Yes, I do. Sorry about my dog barking in the background. So, yeah, so we have. I run a summer camp down here in Texas. And so what happens is every July for the entire month of July, gentlemen that I have to work with, you basically come and live with me for a month. Not like in my house, that we are stuck in the same 40 by 48 room for 14 to 16 hours a day. Well, I'm cooking, doing my thing, and he just sitting on his lazy butt doing nothing.

[Charlie]

First of all, you don't sound like a guy that hates anyone. You sound like a guy that runs a Christian ministry, you know, Christian camp it is.

[Neil]

You got to be kind of.

[Charlie]

I could tell that when you said holy heck. And yet here you are hating someone. I gotta, I gotta show you some passages in the Bible.

[Neil]

He's one of maybe three people in my life. I shook his hand. We're not going to be friends.

[Miles]

And that's okay, you know, a little confused. It's summer camp. Why are you in the cabin for 14 to 16 hours a day?

[Neil]

So it's the main building that I'M in. So on top of being the camp director, I'm also cook. So it's in the main. The mess hall where the kitchen is.

[Miles]

Oh, so, okay. So you're the camp director, huh?

[Neil]

Yeah. So throughout the year, this whole facility runs with me and one other part time custodian. And then in the summertime, we ramp up, hire a bunch of extra lifeguards, people that got the Christian camp. We gotta pinch the pennies here and there. So I'll also do all the cooking.

[Miles]

That makes sense. Budget cuts.

[Charlie]

But you're the director.

[Neil]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

So you must have hired this guy.

[Neil]

No, so he was told to me that he's gonna be. How to think, how to explain this. So he hires and trains all the counselors, but because he's like my equal in a hierarchy, it's of the. It's a Catholic diocese.

[Charlie]

Oh. Yeah.

[Neil]

We're under a bishop. And so the bishop's like, hey, here's our guy. He's gonna train you and help you. Like, well, that's great. And so we're equals, but he handles the actual, like, programming of the camps. Like, he's doing the summer camp songs. He's making all the fun nights, the messy water games, all the activities they do, and I'm running the actual facilities.

[Charlie]

Are you a little bit jealous that he gets to do all the fun stuff? Is that where this is coming from? Why weren't you selected to do the fun stuff?

[Neil]

Oh, this guy's older than I am.

[Charlie]

He's older than you?

[Neil]

Yeah, older, more experienced. I mean, he's. He's in his early 30s. You know, I'm in my later 20s, but the reason why I despise this guy is the very first summer we were out here, it's his daughter's, like, very first time over at summer camp because she was old enough to finally be a camper. Do a swim test, right? Make sure everybody can swim in the pool. And those guys like, hey, you know, my daughter can't swim. We're like. So we're chatting up with him. It's like, what a beautiful memory this could be for, you know, first summer camp, she's learning to swim with her dad. You get to be in the pool. Then this guy, straight face, looks at us and goes, no, no, that's my wife's job to teach her how to swim.

[Miles]

Hell yeah.

[Neil]

I can't be having that kind of attitude. And that's just kind of stuff. Tone for.

[Miles]

Is this guy. Is this guy's name Harrison Butker?

[Neil]

No, no, no, no, the guy name's Rob Robin.

[Miles]

Robin Butler, brother.

[Charlie]

I wonder, though. I wonder if. If old Robin doesn't know how to swim himself, and that's why he's doing it.

[Neil]

Oh, you know what? I didn't ever. I never asked if he could swim.

[Charlie]

Yeah, I bet you maybe. You know, usually when we hate someone, it's that we don't know them well enough. I think that's the process for anyone who has some sort of disdain for another human being. And I kind of wonder if you and him could just get to know each other a little bit better. Maybe you'll find out he doesn't know how to swim. And that's where this is all coming from. Miles, what are you looking at?

[Miles]

So sorry this is so disruptive, but across the street, there's a UFC gym, and there's a kid training with a trainer, and the trainer just knocks the kid on his ass.

[Charlie]

We're trying to help this guy. We're trying to help him with Robin, for God's. I'm sorry. I apologize for Miles.

[Miles]

I'll do my pen.

[Neil]

So what you're saying is, I need to take this guy to UFC gym.

[Miles]

That could be it.

[Charlie]

True. That could be it. Maybe you plant a seed with him and see if there's any sort of. Any sort of fighting you can do to kind of get this out of your system. Maybe you'll both come to appreciate each other a little bit more.

[Neil]

Certainly.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Neil]

No, they're calling. So it's like, hey, I wonder if there's any Midwest advice of how to politely yet sneakily tell someone, like, just off.

[Miles]

Oh, wow.

[Charlie]

Do you hear that, Miles?

[Miles]

Yeah. I mean, is that very Catholic of you?

[Charlie]

Oh.

[Jared]

Ah.

[Neil]

I mean, you could say no. Could say it's not.

[Charlie]

Here.

[Neil]

Here's the Lord forgive.

[Miles]

Yeah, Classic. So it's just the Catholic thing. You just do whatever you want and then just go, I'll go to confession.

[Charlie]

There you go. Here is my question, though. Aside for him not wanting to teach his daughter how to swim, being a bit of a sexist, bit of a chauvinist, what else has he done?

[Neil]

Just trying to think. What else have they done? So throughout the year, when we have our little meet and greets, he's a. Did you write that down? Kind of guy. Like, you'll be in your meetings. You know, I'm sitting there taking my notes. Someone will say something. He'll turn me, go, hey, did you write that down?

[Miles]

Like, as a joke or being serious?

[Neil]

Dead serious. He doesn't take any notes. I'M over here trying to scribble away because it's. Hey. Well, I work really hard. Two months out of the year could just.

[Charlie]

What is this guy doing? His other job.

[Miles]

What is he doing?

[Charlie]

His job.

[Neil]

So in the other 10 months out of the year, he oversees the youth ministry in our diocese. So all the. All the different churches, youth group. He plans and does events for them.

[Miles]

The old big shot.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Big swinging communion over there.

[Neil]

No. Yeah.

[Charlie]

What skeletons do you think he has in the closet?

[Neil]

Oh, man. No. He's got a couple. No. At one point he tried to do a T shirt printing business and that failed.

[Miles]

That'll happen. That'll happen.

[Charlie]

You're hitting Miles right in a soft spot.

[Neil]

Right.

[Miles]

Every good entrepreneur has tried and failed that selling T shirts. Okay, so whatever. I thought. Yeah.

[Neil]

She tried and failed at a couple things. I mean. Yeah, no problem.

[Miles]

I thought. I thought that he was gonna say that they, like, were to do like a fun event where it was like renewing your baptism and everyone showed up and everyone was gonna get re baptized, but to make it go quickly, they just like brought like a hose out there and everyone was dressed in white and they just started hosing people down. And then it turned from baptism to.

[Charlie]

A Mardi Gras Bud Light commercial from the 80s.

[Miles]

So I went to summer camp once as a kid.

[Charlie]

Did you ever gone.

[Miles]

We called it Bible camp.

[Charlie]

Yeah. Never 12 kids. That's Camp enough.

[Miles]

Yeah, that's true. Every day. It was summer camp in your house.

[Charlie]

Exactly.

[Miles]

I went to Bible camp. And I have. I think I confessed this. I don't know if it was on this podcast or on you betcha radio, but at the end of the week, they would do like a relay race with your cabin. So each cabin would do a relay race and we were winning. And I was a part of the. Where you put an egg on a spoon and you hold the spoon in your mouth. And then we had to, like, go down a set of stairs. And then the last leg was the canoe. But you didn't get a paddle. They had to do it with their hands. And my egg fell off of the spoon. And if it falls off, you're not. You gotta go back to the beginning.

[Charlie]

Grab your hand.

[Miles]

But the egg didn't crack. So I just put it back on the spoon.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

And just kept going.

[Charlie]

That's fair.

[Miles]

But I was supposed to go back.

[Charlie]

Did people get upset with you?

[Miles]

No one found out. So it's just kind of.

[Charlie]

How have you lived with this your whole life?

[Miles]

I don't know.

[Charlie]

Yeah, well, That's a good story, though. Did you guys win summer camp?

[Neil]

Will do that make you good stories?

[Charlie]

Yeah. What's the wildest thing you've ever seen at this Catholic summer camp?

[Neil]

Oh, boy. The wildest thing. So this will be our third summer. Trying to think. What's the wildest thing we've ever seen? Well, so this is back when I was a counselor. So this summer camp program is going like 40 something years. This camp that we've built new. So it's kind of this weird in between of traditions. Back when I was a counselor in high school, we had the thing where one kid was homesick to make them stop thinking about wanting to go home. You tell them that, hey, this is a snake problem. We need to dig a hole, so we'd get a shovel. You start making them dig a hole to stop.

[Miles]

So you're running homesick. You basically just stole the plot of holes.

[Neil]

Yeah.

[Miles]

You realize those kids were prisoners.

[Neil]

But it was at a summer camp, wasn't it?

[Miles]

I think it's called Camp something in holes.

[Neil]

Camp Green Lake.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

How much do these parents pay you to take their kids for a week?

[Neil]

About 500.

[Charlie]

500 a week. Not a bad business right there. How many kids you got? Let's run the numbers.

[Neil]

We can have about 100 campers at a time.

[Charlie]

All right, all right, all right. Here's what you can do. All right, you can't do anything about this year. You're stuck with the guy. But next year, you start telling the parents, at $600, you skim 100 off the top from each of them. You go to that bishop. Hey, I got a little donation for the church, but come in with some strings attached. All right. I saw this happen in an episode of the Sopranos where they bought a stained glass window. It's the same kind of thing, or maybe it was the wire. Either way, you can bribe a bishop. All right, so you guys start thinking, how do you just get this money? My thing is overcharge the parents, skim off the top, get that guy booted.

[Neil]

Mm, I like. What do you think, Charlie?

[Charlie]

All right, good, good, Miles, you're pretty quiet here.

[Miles]

Well, I'm just thinking about summer camp, you know?

[Charlie]

Oh, sorry. Are we still thinking about the egg in the spoon?

[Miles]

No, no, no, no. I'm just thinking about summer camp in general. And, you know, I have a very specific someone who works at a summer camp in mind. You know what I'm talking about, Charlie?

[Charlie]

Like white hot American summer.

[Miles]

No, like. Like there's just a specific type of person that likes to work at a summer camp.

[Charlie]

Okay.

[Miles]

Would you say that that stereotype rings true? You know, the overly positive person that is just kind of innocent. Is that true in the summer camp game?

[Neil]

Oh, yeah, but not for you. All the other directors in the camp business are very chipper. Very chipper people.

[Charlie]

Do you have to sleep with this guy? I. I mean, do you have to sleep?

[Neil]

We will. We will be in the same cabin together. We'll be within about 10ft of each other, But I will be my own closed off room.

[Charlie]

Okay. What's it like sleeping with them?

[Neil]

Man, I can't hear out of one side of my head, so I just put my good ear down and I don't hear anything.

[Charlie]

Oh, okay.

[Neil]

He snores or he's loud. I don't hear anything.

[Charlie]

Okay. So you're talking to us on one AirPod right now.

[Miles]

How did. How'd you. How'd you lose your hearing?

[Neil]

Born without it.

[Charlie]

Oh, born without it. All right.

[Miles]

Is it a situation where you can do the. The implant to improve it, or is it a different condition?

[Neil]

Probably could if I wanted to, but it's just easier to have the one good ear and the one bad ear and then you can tune out a lot of noise.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Neil]

A lot of people.

[Miles]

Some of my grandpa, he puts his hearing aids in and doesn't turn them on.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Just doesn't care what everyone's saying.

[Charlie]

Yeah. It's just for show.

[Jared]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

That point.

[Neil]

It's easy. Just a smile and nod sometimes just.

[Miles]

Have you ever seen Parent trap?

[Neil]

Oh, yeah.

[Miles]

Sounds like you need to get. You need to get this guy in the dead of the night just snoring away. You need to drag his mattress out to lake and just float him out to the middle of the lake and just start doing that stuff to him.

[Charlie]

Yeah. Or you're the cook. Just make like beans and let her rip.

[Neil]

I gotta deal with that.

[Miles]

You gonna fart him to death?

[Charlie]

I think so. He's got minimal options here, you know? I mean, you got to make this as unpleasant for this guy as humanly possible. You know, you read in the Bible, it's an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. Make the whole world go blind, right?

[Neil]

I guess so. Yeah.

[Charlie]

Did I misread that section?

[Neil]

You're pretty close enough.

[Miles]

So do you guys sing Angel's wings at this camp?

[Charlie]

Angel's wings and I will raise you up.

[Miles]

That's what the words are.

[Charlie]

I didn't know that.

[Neil]

Yeah. Bear you on the breath of God, make you to shine like the sun to shine.

[Charlie]

Like the sun.

[Miles]

Shine like this.

[Charlie]

I don't think so. Hey, one more quick Catholic quiz for you.

[Neil]

Peace be with you and with your spirit.

[Charlie]

Damn it. He's. He's been at.

[Miles]

He's not lying. He's been to church. Yeah, good for you. That was a test, and you passed.

[Neil]

That was a deacon.

[Charlie]

Oh, your dad was a deacon. Oh, deacon. That's a different deal right there. You know, those were the cool priests.

[Miles]

Just couldn't fully commit to being a priest.

[Charlie]

Yeah, one foot in, one foot out. You know, it's like foot in the. He can preach, but he can't dole out the communion. Is that right?

[Miles]

You can do the. You can walk around and do the, like, incense thing, though.

[Charlie]

He's an incense guy.

[Miles]

So is he. Is he pretty good with the old incense, urn, thingy?

[Neil]

Oh, yeah, the thurible. Oh, yeah, he's great with it.

[Charlie]

Thurible.

[Miles]

I know. I knew it was a thermal. That was also a test flexion.

[Charlie]

I was the incense altar boy because I like matches the most.

[Miles]

Should we do. We're fully in it. The last four calls we've done have just been about religion. Charlie. Should we have him do Bible camp Catholic trivia to us?

[Charlie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's do Bible trivia with Mia Miles. Three questions. Winner gets a cookie.

[Neil]

Oh, geez. Okay. I'm kind of. Bible questions.

[Miles]

Just Catholic trivia.

[Neil]

Catholic trivia. All right. Who was the priest who told Mary that she was going to have her heart stabbed by the swords?

[Charlie]

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Say that again. Say that.

[Miles]

That sounds like an episode of Game of Thrones.

[Charlie]

It was a priestess.

[Neil]

There was. There was a priestess at the baptism of Jesus. Okay, not the baptism. At the circumcision. So sorry. Jesus. Circumcision. There was a priestess who wiped up and told Mary, your heart will be stabbed by, you know, the swords of sorrow night with heart of Mary. Do you know what her name was?

[Miles]

I didn't know the Bible had a section detailing Jesus's circumcision. That seems.

[Charlie]

Yeah. What is this, a St. James version? What's going on?

[Miles]

I don't remember that.

[Charlie]

Hang on. Elizabeth. No, Elizabeth was her cousin.

[Miles]

No, she's.

[Neil]

Elizabeth was the cousin. All right, Anna. Priestess Anna.

[Charlie]

Oh, yeah, Anna, all for one. All right.

[Miles]

They really talk about him, you know, getting his foreskin chopped off.

[Charlie]

He was Jewish, dude.

[Miles]

I know, but I was Jewish.

[Neil]

On the eighth day.

[Charlie]

Eighth day. On the eighth day.

[Neil]

Okay, chopped it off.

[Charlie]

Eighth day.

[Miles]

I mean, that'll happen.

[Charlie]

All right. Hopefully they.

[Neil]

Well, thanks.

[Charlie]

All right.

[Neil]

Do a little softer. Ball one.

[Charlie]

Yeah. Why. Why are you starting with the. That's, like, the final question there.

[Neil]

All right, let's see. What do we got? Something. What was the third plague that Moses enacted on the Israelites?

[Charlie]

Locusts.

[Neil]

Correct.

[Charlie]

Bing, bing, bing, boom. Also the only plague I know, but perfect. Next question. Don't go Old Testament on us again. All right.

[Miles]

Yeah. What the.

[Charlie]

That's probably.

[Neil]

What, New Testament?

[Charlie]

Yeah, that's the pissed off God stuff.

[Miles]

We only just. Yeah, yeah.

[Charlie]

Miles doesn't like to lose. He's getting sad and salty over here.

[Miles]

The Bible's not my strong suit.

[Jared]

I'm more happy.

[Miles]

I'll give you 13 years Catholic education. They just taught you all the rules.

[Charlie]

Oh, yeah, rules.

[Miles]

I don't know the Bible.

[Charlie]

All right, give it.

[Neil]

I'll give you a really soft T ball question here. Who was the prisoner that they traded Jesus for during the Barabbas? Good job.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Another Bible question.

[Charlie]

Boom, boom. All right. Miles wants a rule question. Catholic rule question.

[Neil]

Good question. Rules.

[Miles]

Charlie, how. How long before Communion are you supposed to fast?

[Charlie]

An hour. Yep.

[Neil]

That's an easy one. That was a good one. How many are boys? I can't even think of any. I'm sorry. Brain dead right now.

[Charlie]

All right. That happens.

[Neil]

Well, that summer camp heat.

[Charlie]

Well, enough. Enough Catholic talk. Let's figure out how you're gonna kill this counselor. You gotta sleep with poison. No, I'm kidding. We don't want to kill him. Let's see here. I don't know. Do you know his wife?

[Neil]

I do.

[Charlie]

Do you like his wife? Not like, ninth Commandment like her.

[Miles]

Of course. She doesn't talk much. He doesn't let her.

[Charlie]

Is that the deal? Is she in, like, one of those, like, Opus Day kind of things?

[Neil]

She just. She's really introverted.

[Charlie]

Okay. All right.

[Neil]

Like, two or three times I met her, it's been like, oh, high wave, and she disappears somewhere.

[Charlie]

Did she ever teach her daughter how to swim?

[Neil]

You know, this will be the third summer, and I've yet to see his daughter swim, so I'm gonna have to go with no on that one.

[Charlie]

All right. I would say you could teach your daughter, his daughter, how to swim, but that's probably just not something you want. That's not a.

[Miles]

That would be the way to piss him off, probably.

[Charlie]

Yeah. You could teach his daughter how to swim. Show him how, you know, real father does it.

[Neil]

You know what? It's not a half bad idea. I do teach swim lessons.

[Charlie]

Well, there you go. There you go. I. You know, I think the real situation is here is you. You're stuck inside all day while he gets to go outside and have some fun. So I think you gotta just put some PB and Js on the menu, make them in advance, get out there and have some fun. All right? I think if you have some fun, that'll balance things out in the bedroom with you and your buddy. And. And then. And if that doesn't work, just smoke them out of there. All right?

[Neil]

As long as I can plan.

[Charlie]

Yeah, yeah. Or just start watching movies really late and sleep on your good ear.

[Miles]

Yeah, just start watching the Da Vinci Code. That'll really piss him off.

[Charlie]

Is he, like. Is he a hardcore Catholic?

[Neil]

You know, I've never asked him the trivia, so I want to know. But I sweet. Work at the diocese. I assume he leaves tons regularly.

[Charlie]

Yeah. Okay. All right. Some. Some guys are just in for the paycheck. You never know. Well, anything else we can help you with? You got buy, sell, or trade?

[Neil]

You know, unfortunately, I don't. You're thinking all the summer camp. I'd have some. Of course, I don't. But tell us. You tell your folks I say howdy.

[Charlie]

All right, we'll do. That's the Texas version of that. And you guys have a safe summer camp and have some fun and, you know, look for a redeeming quality in the fella. Maybe you can start building a better base.

[Miles]

There's got to be some common ground.

[Charlie]

Yeah. You know, something, Just look for that. If you can't beat them, then. And try to have. Yeah. Have some fun with them. You guys are Catholic. Bring some booze up there. You know, have some fun.

[Neil]

No, we have plenty of that. Don't you worry.

[Charlie]

Okay.

[Miles]

All right. The camp counselor is letting loose after hours.

[Neil]

A little.

[Charlie]

Little Sacramento whiskey. There you go. There you go. Well, you guys have fun, all right? It's summer, for God's sake. The robots will kill us soon, so enjoy the life, all right? Enjoy life while you got it. All right?

[Neil]

Sure will, Charlie Miles. Y' all be good.

[Charlie]

You, too.

[Neil]

God bless you.

[Charlie]

God bless you, too. And also with or in. With your spirit. With your spirit.

[Jared]

Bye. Bye.

[Charlie]

Bye.

[Neil]

Bye.

[Charlie]

Now, you know, that call was going great until you got distracted by the guy getting his ass correct.

[Miles]

And I do apologize, but Jared saw that, and now I couldn't.

[Charlie]

Dude just got smoked. Where'd he hit him? Hit him in the face. Oh.

[Miles]

And you could tell, like. Like, he's.

[Neil]

He.

[Miles]

He's there because his parents kind of made him Go there like the kid really didn't want to be there.

[Charlie]

Yeah, he's just gassed. Just questioning all his life decisions at this point.

[Miles]

Oh, you got a voicemail, Jared. Yeah, yeah. You whooped me in trivia, Charlie.

[Charlie]

I know I didn't.

[Miles]

I knew the Barabbas one. What was the one before that?

[Charlie]

The plague.

[Miles]

I was. I was trying to remember all of the plagues because I think one. There was frogs that came down. There was the locust. The think there was. Isn't. Wasn't one of the plagues just like famine?

[Charlie]

Yeah. Is that a plague?

[Miles]

Wasn't it raining blood too at some point?

[Charlie]

Yeah. I mean survival. They rained a lot of stuff. You know, Wild Book man. You look at that Book of Revelations. I mean someone was on psychedelics with that one. They actually think that the guy who wrote it was eating the. Some bread that had gone awry. Same stuff that they added in Salem, Massachusetts that the. The quote unquote witches. They thought they were just hallucinating on psychedelics. It's the mold on the bread. You know. It's crazy how that works, man. He doesn't have a name.

[Miles]

All right, we have Nameless Man.

[Charlie]

All right, let's hear it.

[Miles]

Voicemail.

[Neil]

Hey Dollars. Chad here from Chad. I'm a big farmer from Iowa and need some help. I'm called in before but I. I'm trying to find a way name by pig. It's a big deal in the pig world to name the pigs and give them a catchy name and I'm kind of stuck with all the traditional stuff and I want to be different and need some help and my last name is Yoder. Trying to maybe I'm an Amish descend in here a couple generations back and left that. But trying to figure out how to maybe tie that in with a little bit to help with some marketing around that and really kind of help my farm grow and I figured you guys.

[Jared]

Could help me out. Now listen.

[Neil]

I just listened to the last episode and I'm no Joe from Jetta Lube.

[Jared]

I won't promise anything of that quality.

[Neil]

With my laugh etc. But I'd like to pick your brains and go down a few rabbit holes on. On this and. And figuring out how to get something accomplished with these pigs that makes it popular for old Yoder family farms.

[Charlie]

Here you shout out to Yoder family farms first of all, Amish in the background. My uncle owned a pig farm. That's a tough business man. Did you.

[Miles]

What was your uncle's pigs names?

[Charlie]

I'd have to ask him. I don't know. I just know that my uncle almost died from methane poisoning in there. You know, it can kill you quick. But anyways, Naming your pigs. I was just in this movie. Green and Gold, actually. Nice flex, Charlie, but the main character.

[Miles]

In that how to do in the box office.

[Charlie]

We don't need to talk about Craig T. Nelson, though. The main guy, he named his pigs after the packers from the 68 Super bowl team. So, you know, unfortunately, he's in Iowa. They. They don't really have a professional sports.

[Miles]

Team to Caitlin Clark.

[Charlie]

That. That one could be Caitlin, one could be Clark.

[Miles]

Yeah, there you go, Clark.

[Charlie]

There you go. Yeah. And so just famous. Oh, famous. Oh, famous Iowans. Actually, the guy who invented chiropractor, he is from. He's from Iowa. Daniel David Palmer. That's three names.

[Miles]

Finger was invented in Iowa too, wasn't it?

[Charlie]

Yeah, so was the. The trampoline. So there you go. There's Daniel, there's David, there's Palmer, there's Caitlin, there's Clark, there's Kittle, there's Kittle, there's Kinnick. Kinnick.

[Miles]

Yeah, just go. Caitlin, Clark, Kinnick and Kittle.

[Charlie]

Yeah, right there. I mean, we've got. We just. I mean, how many pigs you got? You know?

[Miles]

And Kirk isn't there. Head coach named Kirk. I remember. It serves an F. What about what?

[Charlie]

Wasn't Superman from Iowa? No, he was from King.

[Miles]

That's Clark Kent, but he.

[Charlie]

Well, Clark and Kent. But he wasn't from Iowa, was he? He was from Iowa.

[Miles]

Caitlin, Clark and Kent, Kittle, Kirk and Kinnick.

[Charlie]

That's pretty good. And just one called Kinetic, just for fun. Sounds fun on the tongue, you know. Yeah, that. Well, what is it? Yeah, I lost it. Well, you guys know when you have a thought.

[Miles]

Wasn't there. Wasn't there a cornerback for the hot guys with the last name King?

[Jared]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Charlie]

Oh, Destiny.

[Miles]

King, King, Caitlin, Clark Kent, Kirk, Kinnick and Kittle. That's all your pigs names and Kinky.

[Charlie]

Just. Why not?

[Miles]

Now all the Iowa State people are getting pissed at us.

[Charlie]

You know, I don't know enough Iowa State people to care, but that's good. So you're off to a good start right there, my guy. Chad, you keep doing the thing, man. And hey, if it starts smelling like methane, get out the way. Can lose a few brain. Few brain cells that way. Yeah, well, word of caution for the pig farmers. All right. Oh, another tip for all you pig farmers out there. Some grocery stores, when they're getting rid of, like, they don't sell, like, the chicken or they got freezer burnt chicken or something. You can get that actually for free. Just tell them you'll take their stuff, you get free pig food, but just, you know, don't go feeding them bone in chicken wings. So you might lose kittle that way. But anyways, they got. Got the old food and, you know, pigs, they'll eat anything, for God's sakes. Yeah, that's what makes the bacon so good. All right. Yeah. There you go. Well, Miles, another fun episode here on the Bellied up podcast. Now we're gonna go do it live.

[Miles]

Yes, we are. Guys, thanks for tuning in. Tip your bartender. We'll see you next one.

[Charlie]

See you next one.

[Neil]

Okay. Hope you guys have a good one.

[Jared]

Goodbye now.

[Charlie]

Toodaloo.