Is Ethan Breaking Up With His Goth Girlfriend? #170

Summary

Bellied Up Podcast #170: Is Ethan Breaking Up With His Goth Girlfriend?

Hosts: Miles (“You Betcha Guy”) & Charlie Berens
Release Date: October 9, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this lively, small-town bar episode, Miles and Charlie belly up for their trademark blend of Midwest humor, friendly banter, and taking calls from real people grappling with all sorts of everyday dilemmas. Notable segments in this installment include: an update about the show's legendary traveling spear, a deep-dive with returning caller Ethan about millennial relationship woes (and living with a goth girlfriend for rent), and a wild story about cleaning a Vietnam vet’s hoarder house—complete with a live bear cameo.

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Key Segments & Discussion Points

1. The Brotherhood of the Traveling Spear (00:01 - 04:41)

• Location: Station Number Six, West Dallas, WI
• The podcast kicks off with Miles and Charlie celebrating the arrival of a custom-forged spear crafted by listener Weston from High Falls Forge.
  • The bar’s owner, “Miles with an I,” helps unsheath the spear:
    • “Now me and Miles with an I have now touched the touch tips.” — Miles (03:07)
  • Admiration for Midwest craftsmanship and a plug for High Falls Forge’s Instagram follows.
  • The guys joke about co-parenting the spear:
    • “The brotherhood of the Traveling Spear.” — Charlie (03:26)

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2. Ethan’s Bellied Up Relationship Update: Breaking Up for Rent? (06:41 - 31:54)

Ethan Checks In

• Returning caller Ethan brings signature candor and gallows humor as he updates the hosts on his relationship with his goth girlfriend.
• Ethan asks the hosts about their lives before getting into his own:
  • “Hey, you know what? I’m just booze cruising in life right now, man. One shot of whiskey at a time, you know?” — Ethan (09:44)

What’s Got Ethan Down

• He’s 23, feels too young and cooped up, but clearly appreciates his girlfriend’s support during tough times (like after his father died).
• The relationship is fraying at the seams due to:
  • Major differences in political views
  • His partner’s frequent emotional outbursts over small things
  • General drifting apart
  • “It’s just iffy. I don’t know. I’m... so young, you know. I gotta get out. I gotta do something.” — Ethan (12:05)

The Little Things (that become big things)

• Example: Ethan leaves tacos out, triggering a meltdown. He’s more easygoing about food spoilage and gets frustrated over escalations.
  • “Is that really warranted a door slam? ...Nothing grinds my gears more than that, dude.” — Ethan (15:22)
• His coping method: disengaging, going online, playing games (and jokes about “Benjamin”—likely meaning self-soothing or perhaps a pet/alter ego).

On Compatibility & Staying Together

• They stay together for practical reasons (shared rent at $1,200/month split down the middle).
• Both parties lack the desire for kids right now; Ethan cracks wise about future prospects:
  • “Red flags turn green. I need another to ruin my life.” — Ethan (17:46)
  • “You did make... this is the bed you made, you’re dating a walking red flag.” — Miles (17:49)
• Ethan’s on-again, off-again status with dating apps, and his comedic gripes about “having to lower standards.”
• Ultimately, Ethan is pretty transparent:
  • “Are they the right person for me at the end of the day? ...I don’t think they are. I think one more year and then I think that’s it.” (21:40)

Hosts’ Perspective

• Miles and Charlie reflect that this “relationship of convenience” is common and try to gently point toward moving on.
  • “It’s not a lease, dude. You can just stop doing it now.” — Charlie (22:09)
• Their good-natured ribbing helps Ethan maintain humor through frustration.

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3. Ethan’s Oil Land & Tiny House Tales (23:05 - 26:45)

• Ethan explains his family background: sitting on undeveloped land with oil/rent potential, helping his sisters manage a shared inheritance, and dreaming up a “classy” tiny house resort/trailer park.
  • “You’re building a resort, essentially.” — Miles (24:49)
• He admits he’s not flush with cash:
  • “I don’t make enough money to hold over a house over my head...I have to have a roommate.” (26:24)

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4. Vocations, Standup Comedy, and Instagram Reels Riffs (27:03 - 30:34)

• Ethan describes his low-ambition IT job (“booze cruising,” multitasking, dealing with old folks):
  • “You are the Google for people that don’t want to Google.” — Charlie (27:52)
• Brief foray into the idea of him trying standup, to which Charlie and Miles encourage him to crowdwork or rant on TikTok/Instagram instead.
  • “You got your first bit right there, Ethan, you know.” — Charlie (29:36)
• Notable quote:
  • “You can get live cop shootings and then you can follow it up with like some autism awareness program. I don’t know.” — Ethan on the randomness of Instagram Reels (29:48)

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5. Griffin’s Hoarder Uncle, Unexpected Bears, & the Philosophy of “Seat Left” (35:08 - 54:06)

House-Cleaning Adventures

• Griffin recounts helping clear out his Vietnam-vet uncle’s hoarder house after a disastrous plumbing flood.
  • “Lawnmowers, weed whackers, chainsaws, brand new tools all ruined. Insulation falling from the ceiling. I found, I think, four or five snakeskins, couple rats.” — Griffin (36:08)
• Talks about working with his stubborn uncle and dealing with hoarded military rations (MREs), old tools (including lamenting the loss of a radial arm saw), and general chaos.

Live Bear Cameo

• While on the call, Griffin spots a black bear at the amusement park where he works:
  • “Apparently there’s a bear. Sorry to distract you, fellas. I work at an amusement park in the Smoky Mountains, and there’s a bear right outside.” — Griffin (39:01)
  • The hosts rib him for not calling safety.

On Family, Inheritance, & Odd Characters

• They discuss his uncle’s cranky personality, military past, and phrases like “A seat left is a seat left.”
  • “That’s philosophical is what it is.” — Charlie (47:29)
• Uncle’s legendary friend “Barf” and “Barfisms” earn Miles’ confusion and a round of laughter.

Reviving a Classic Car

• Griffin shares the aspiration to restore his uncle’s neglected 1967 Corvette Stingray:
  • “He got back from Vietnam. He got. He bought himself a 67 Corvette Stingray. And it’s been sitting in the garage untouched for about 25 years.” — Griffin (52:46)

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6. Short & Sweet: Voicemail from Raven (58:44 - 59:57)

• A flustered caller, Raven from St. Louis, leaves a message, then immediately realizes he lost his nerve and hangs up. The hosts have a field day riffing:
  • “That pregnant pause, man. It’s almost like his wife just walked in the room...” — Charlie (59:15)
  • “Blink twice if everything’s okay.” — Miles (59:38)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On relationships:

  • “I hate to be that person to say that. Love this person, care for this person as much as they care for me… but I mean, like, just two separate different paths, you know?” — Ethan (11:38)

• On Midwest DIY pride:

  • “We like to support the local craftsmen out there…Made in the Midwest.” — Charlie (04:40)

• On millennials and housing costs:

  • “So you've heard of, you know, stay together for the kids? Yeah, they're staying together for the rent.” — Miles (22:46)

• On the randomness of life (and the show):

  • “You can get live cop shootings and then you can follow it up with like some autism awareness program. I don't know.” — Ethan (29:48)

• On family eccentricities:

  • “That’s Barf over there.” — Charlie (46:32)

• On practical wisdom:

  • “A seat left is a seat left.” — Griffin’s uncle (47:28)

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Timestamps for Major Segments

| Segment | Timestamp Start | Timestamp End | |-----------------------------------------------|:--------------:|:-------------:| | Traveling Spear & Craftsmanship Update | 00:01 | 04:41 | | Ethan’s Relationship Woes | 06:41 | 21:40 | | Ethan’s Land/Family Inheritance Story | 23:05 | 26:45 | | Ethan’s Job, Standup & Social Media Rant | 27:03 | 30:34 | | Griffin Cleans Hoarder Uncle’s House | 35:08 | 54:06 | | Voicemail: Raven’s Stage Fright | 58:44 | 59:57 |

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Overall Tone & Vibe

The episode delivers classic Bellied Up energy: barroom warmth, no-bullshit honesty, and gut-busting laughter mixed with genuine curiosity about real struggles—be they messy breakups or cleaning up after stubborn old vets. Ethan’s segment is especially raw and funny, turning millennial malaise and romantic indecision into sharp self-aware comedy. Griffin’s bear story and hoarder yarns add a touch of the absurd, punctuated by recurring Midwest wisdom.

A must-listen for fans who love a blend of heartfelt advice, real world weirdness, and razor-sharp banter.

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For more, follow @bellieduppod and keep an eye on their Instagram stories for the chance to call in!

Transcript

[A]

Okay, Miles, we got time for a bellied update.

[B]

Well, welcome back, everybody, to another episode of the Bellied up podcast.

[A]

Well, didn't we do our first caller on this already? Oh, well, here we are. Here we are. Yeah, here we are, guys. We're rolling with it.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Has there been a time where trusting me led you astray?

[A]

Well, there was that one time where you gave me that one little tasty treat in that Fargo bar.

[B]

And I don't think that happened.

[A]

It did happen.

[B]

I don't think that happened.

[A]

It was after my show and I forgot who I was for a little while.

[C]

So.

[B]

One time. So I think that I got a pretty good 99%. So just trust me, Charlie, okay? This is the beginning of a new episode.

[A]

Yes, it is.

[B]

We're here at station number six.

[A]

Station number six in West.

[B]

And the guy, the guy who owns the joint, his name is Miles as well.

[A]

Miles.

[B]

Cheers. To Miles.

[A]

Cheers, Miles.

[B]

Now I don't want to.

[A]

Miles, come on over here real quick.

[B]

Get over here.

[A]

Miles. How long? You're kind of like the red haired Miles.

[C]

That's right.

[A]

He's got.

[B]

He's spelled with an I though, so I don't know.

[A]

Hey, there's no I in Miles. Unless you're Miles. That's right.

[C]

We're working through our differences, but yeah.

[A]

Hey, you guys are drinking the same cocktail there. So, Miles, have you ever had. Quick question.

[B]

In your experience for the listener.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Because you're like Miles. Yeah.

[A]

Other Miles. In your experience, Miles with an eye. And your experience owning station number six, this beautiful cocktail bar in West Dallas, Wisconsin, have you ever had someone bring a spear into the bar? We've had a lizard. We've never had a spear. You've had a lizard. Well, now's your time for the spear. This is a spear that. We were at Will's north woods in Chicago and we had a caller, Weston, call in from High Falls for High Falls Forge in Wisconsin. I believe he's up there in Crandon, but I could be mistaken. Could be a different city, could be High Falls for all I'm aware. But he said he'd make us a. I'm setting it up, Miles. Setting it up. I'm laying the when is trusting me ever gone astray? Stop biting your nails. Anyway, he made us a spear, so Miles with an eye would. Since Miles and I both purchased this jointly, we. We can't really figure out who gets to unsheath the spear. Can you unsheathe our spear? Okay. Drum roll, please.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

Hollow tip spear Baby.

[B]

Wow, look at that.

[A]

Wow. That is y. That is a beer, man. Touch a tip. Miles, touch a tip. Other Miles, touch a tip.

[B]

All right, now me and Miles with an eye have now touched the touch tips.

[A]

That's a sharp tip. Now we've all touched it. That's pretty cool, man.

[B]

Thanks, Miles.

[A]

That's badass spear.

[B]

Yeah, it is.

[A]

Well, Miles, we're now co parents of this spear.

[B]

The brotherhood of the Traveling Spear.

[A]

Yes, I like it.

[B]

All right, I get to throw the spear first.

[A]

Where are you gonna throw it at?

[B]

Jake, can you go stand over there with the target?

[A]

Jake, can you put this beer on.

[C]

Top of your head?

[B]

Actually, you know what? I got an apple in the truck. You put that in your mouth, Stick it. No. Yeah. It's great spear. So if you guys are looking for a spear. Yeah, I like the little. Little mark.

[A]

His logo and everything.

[B]

Pretty cool.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So there we go. There's a bellied update on our spear. It exists. Send it to us. Weston, nice job on it. And we're going to take care of this guy.

[A]

We're going to take good, good care of it. Yeah, he made a nice sheath for it, too. Good leather work on it. He did a nice little fire forge on the wood there, you know, where you burn up the wood. A little help that seal it, get a nice seal on there. What is this? This is pine. A little pine handle. How about that, huh? How about that, Miles?

[B]

I like it.

[A]

Little soft wood handle, huh?

[B]

What do you say we go back to your house, go in the basement, throw this sucker around.

[A]

Oh, yeah, we'll take it down to the archery range. We should do that, actually.

[B]

Absolutely should.

[A]

That's great. All right, well, folks, we like to support the local craftsmen out there. So make sure you follow at High Falls Forge on the old Instagram. He's got some knives and other cool things going on there, too. So shout out to Weston. Great craftsmanship, man. Made in the Midwest. High Falls Forge. So, Miles, we got another set of callers today and a whole shebang, huh?

[B]

Yeah, it's gonna be a good day, I think.

[A]

Well, should we take some callers?

[B]

Let's do it, guys. Charlie and I have been playing a little bit of prize picks. Ladies late the price picks lady prize picks. Lately.

[A]

Lately we've been playing with our prize.

[B]

Picks, submitting lineups left. And Charlie's turned into quite the lineup guy. I've been impressed by some of the stuff you've been spitting out and sending me. It's, you know, you're more than meets the eye. I would have to say. I got skills.

[A]

I don't even talk.

[B]

Start calling you the Schwab. Yeah, he's got that much. No sports knowledge.

[A]

Thanks, dude. I appreciate that.

[B]

And right now, guys, if you go to prize fix, they'll give you fifty dollars in lineups. When you play your first five dollar lineup, win or lose, you'll get fifty bucks in lineups. You can use code belly, code bellied up. All one word, bellied up. When you sign up today, Prize picks is the best place to win cash while watching sports. It's easy to play. She open up the app, create a lineup, pick more or less on a few player stats. That's it. No complicated lines, no spreads, no confusing rules. Just you, the players and your picks.

[A]

The only spread you got to be worried about is that spread.

[B]

That spreading. Spreading out your cash on the table.

[A]

Oh, there, I see. I was gonna go with a little appetizer spread, but, you know.

[B]

So, guys, whether you're on the couch at the bar or watching with friends, you can turn your sports knowledge into real cash. You can play today. Download prize picks today. Use code bellied up yellow.

[A]

Ethan, how you doing, dude?

[C]

I'm doing all right. How about you guys?

[B]

We're doing great. We're bellied up to the bar. Glad to have you back on, man. We got another bellied update on our hands here.

[C]

Well, glad to be back. Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me. How, you know, let's everybody. Everybody tunes in. They listen to everybody else. Yeah. How are you guys doing? How's your guys's week? How's your guys's life been? Any updates in your guys's life?

[A]

Damn, Ethan, man, thank you for asking.

[B]

Just means a lot, man. Yeah, it means a lot.

[A]

Miles, what's going on with you?

[B]

Yeah, it's been good. Mostly, you know, I. Yeah, I kind of spent the last couple hours just getting bullied by Charlie a little bit, which doesn't always feel great, but, you know, it's part of the gig, you know, it's got to put on a brave face.

[A]

Ethan, do you like NSync?

[C]

NSync? You know, born early 2000s. Oh one I heard my sisters listen to. Wasn't that. Wasn't that hit? Wasn't that hit?

[B]

Girlfriend, dude, later, later.

[C]

I go down. Later. Going down the line, you know, I love them white boy tunes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

New Kids on the Block.

[C]

Exactly.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Miles first concert was NSync. He was six years old. He went with his brother. His dad took him reluctantly, so. But no Judgment.

[C]

You go, you know, first concert for every time, you know. My first concert was Mushroom Head, and I got in for free.

[A]

How'd you get in for free, then?

[C]

So there was this barbecue joint that I used to work at for some time. The one of the. The owner apparently was, like, making his way down to Florida and saw a truck break down on the side of the road. Turned out to be, like, a Mushroom Head concert truck. And they helped him out and gave him, like, free food and such. And then for a. For a favor, I guess, a return favor, they played a free concert at his. Sorry, part of my language. At his. At his barbecue joint. Me only living about a mile and a half away from the barbecue joint. Maybe stay up all night because, like, kept on hearing nothing but bass.

[A]

Oh, you could hear it a mile and a half away, huh?

[C]

It was pretty. It was pretty loud. It was pretty loud.

[A]

But you got him for free. How old were you?

[B]

He was at his house is what he said.

[C]

I was still a walking little sperm, but I'd say about maybe 16.

[A]

Oh, I didn't. I didn't connect the dots that. That was at your house. The place was connected to your house. Okay.

[C]

Well, I mean, it's like a whole. I mean, I used to live in, like, a small, small town, so like, a mile and a half away was like a Walmart. And then right next to the Walma, it was like a barbecue joint. It's crazy. And it's crazy in Kansas.

[A]

I think I'm putting the piece puzzle together now. I'm a little. Now Miles is bullying me. See, it's a given. You know what?

[C]

It's all right. You know, Miles, he's trimmed down a lot of weight from the. From when he. When you guys first started. And, you know, it takes a lot of. That takes a lot of practice. It takes a lot of work to.

[A]

Trim down that weight.

[C]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

How are you doing, Ethan? What's going on, man?

[C]

Hey, you know what? I'm just booze cruising in life right now, man. One shot of whiskey at a time, you know?

[A]

Are you. You're losing it. Not too hard, though, are you?

[C]

Not too hard. No, no, no. Not too hard. Hitting it to that little. Little. Little pin, you know, the little Penjamin. That's what I be hitting. I mean, from I went from a plater working with, like, acids, like, nitric acid, getting nitric acid in my eye, to sitting at home and basically being an Indian scam caller all day, but without the scanning.

[B]

So that's your new. That's your current gig is you are a telemarketer.

[C]

Not. I mean, to a degree, not really. What I used. What I do is I help, like, major theaters in the US So people would call in and be like, help my projector and my projection. It's not. It's not. It's not working. I can't play Fantastic Four. And then I tell them to turn it off and turn it back on again like it's a router and it magically works.

[B]

So you're an IT guy?

[C]

Yeah, yeah, to a degree. I am Chinese, after all.

[B]

Yeah. Hey, it's just.

[A]

You could.

[B]

See, you can use the stereotype all you want, but when you got the proof right here, I mean, what do.

[A]

We do, you know, When China invades.

[C]

Man, I'm gonna be on their watch list.

[B]

But how's the relationship? I don't remember. You guys are just. You're still dating, you're not engaged or you got married since the last time is you're just still dating?

[C]

Hell, no.

[A]

3.

[C]

Three years minimum for a mar. I don't. I don't know. I. Me personally, you know, I really. I really like the girl. When I first got. Got in touch with her and then, you know, year to go by, man, this is how marriage must feel. Year two go by, you know, I still like when we have our. We have our ups and downs, and I'm like, you know what? I think that we're just going on, like, two separate life paths at this point in time, you know?

[B]

And I hate.

[A]

I hate.

[C]

I hate to be that bear, you know, I hate to be that person, to say that. Love this person, care for this person as much as they care for me. You know, they're. They're awesome. They helped me when I found my dad croaked on the. On the bed. So. I mean, they've been through a lot with me, but I mean, like, to do separate different paths, you know, just being at different places.

[B]

All right.

[C]

We still live together, but, I mean, you know.

[A]

Are you breaking up with your girlfriend over this podcast right now?

[C]

No, no, no. We've had this talk. We've had this talk several times before, but it's. I don't know, it's just. It's just iffy. Iffy. I don't know. I'm in. How old am I again? 23. And I'm so young, you know, I gotta get out. I gotta do something. I'm always cooped up in my house all the time.

[B]

Yeah, okay. Well, you know, you say you're going do different paths. What are the two paths you guys are taking? Which road are you going down and which road is she going down?

[C]

I mean, I would discuss as much as I can, but I mean, that's kind of like her dillywat. That's her business. But I, I would talk about if I could, but I can't. Okay, sorry, fellas. No, no drama, no tea. But I'll just say, you know, politically, she's very left leaning. I'm not that very left leaning. I see both sides of the party, but, you know, she, she. We just get in a lot of arguments that, hey, you know, I don't necessarily believe this. I believe this. I don't necessarily believe that. I believe that. And you know, I respect their opinion. They respect my opinion at the end of the day. But when it keeps affecting the relationship to this degree.

[B]

Politics. Politics, man.

[A]

They will. You know, it used to be that one could be a lefty, the other could be a righty, and you could still boink and it's fine.

[B]

You know, a lot of.

[C]

I get that 100% and I agree with that wholeheartedly. But I mean, nuclear, Nuclear family and all that, you know?

[A]

Yeah, for sure, man. For sure. Absolutely. So that, that's kind of grinding your gears. It's the, It's a politics thing that's kind of sending you guys on two different paths, huh?

[C]

Caught that. I'm just like constantly crying, man.

[B]

It's just.

[C]

I mean, I get it, I get it. Right, okay. Cry, that's awesome. Let out your emotions, do your thing. You know, I'll confir, I'll comfort you, I'll console you, I'll do all this good jazz, but if you're just gonna crash out over the most like simplistic things and like slam the door like a seven year old dude that nothing gets me grind. Nothing grinds my gears more than that, dude. Just like a simple slam door. Like, hell no. That's the equivalent of knocking up 5 temperatures on the fucking thermostat. It's terrible.

[A]

What are some of the benign things that the door is being slammed over, Ethan? Because sometimes those benign things there, it's kind of a proxy war for something bigger, you know.

[C]

No, I, I get that. It's like, okay, all right, granted, you know, my fault, my fault. 100 really, really stoned. 2 o' clock in the morning, I got a Mexican fat burrito, something that I lay in my toilet myself. I heat that thing up in the air fryer, I go back down, sit down on My computer, I go ahead and just like, iPad, kid out and just watch Instagram reels doom scroll for a good hour or so. Completely forget my burritos in the air fryer, go back and her tacos sitting out. Granted, she doesn't like having leftover food that's been out for more than an hour. Me personally, if I got a Chick fil a sandwich down on the floor that I bought yesterday, I'm gonna eat that. I'm eat that sucker. I'm gonna slap some chick fil a sauce all over that. I'm eat that sucker. Cold or not, botulism, here I come. But I mean, so you left, you.

[B]

Left her tacos out on the counter is what happened.

[C]

I mean, listen, granted, my fault, I understand that, but like, is that really warranted a door slam? Is it?

[B]

How good were the tacos? Are they pretty good?

[C]

I mean, a nice, a nice Mexican lady made them out of her food truck while her seven year old kept on, like, tugging on her shirt. So I think it's pretty good. That's the equivalent of like going into a Chinese restaurant, seeing the yellow panels and a kid doing his homework in the corner.

[B]

Yeah, you know, you're getting a good meal if you see that. I guess.

[C]

There you go. If they don't have a thick, thick Chinese accent, you know, it's whitewashed food, it's no good.

[A]

Ethan, Ethan. Okay, okay, all right, wait, let me dial it back now. So you left her, you left her tacos out on the kitchen? Okay, could the deeper issue be that you've been spending more time with Benjamin than you have been with your girlfriend?

[B]

Maybe.

[C]

I mean, I think it, I think it definitely plays a part. I think it's definitely a key player, but I don't think it's the root cause. What, what's the root caus me just not giving a. I mean, sometimes I'm. Sometimes I'm like, okay, great, I understand you're sad. I'll help and console you. That's my thing. That's why I'm here as a partner. That's, that's my job. I gotta help you. You know, we help each other out. It's like constantly, like day in, day out over small, small stuff like, oh, oh, my alarm's going off. Like, oh, I'm just driving down the road and I see a. I see a dead coon on the street. I'm gonna start crying my eyes out. I'm like, hey, you know, life is life. Life is a. And I just keep going. It's Just, you know, it just gets so draining at some points where I'm just like, screw it, man. And I'm just gonna go back to my computer and just play game. Well, I mean, I feel like a shitty person for doing that, but I mean, once you start doing it just so much, and so much is so much, you know, it just gets like.

[A]

You know, maybe it's, I mean, do you think you can do it for another three years, Ethan? Hell no.

[B]

All right, it might be premature for this question, but what, you know, if you're back on the dating market, what are you looking for in a gal then?

[C]

Red flags turn green. I need another to ruin my life.

[B]

That's what I'm talking about. Yeah, I mean, you did make, you know, this is the bed you made your dating a walking red flag.

[C]

You know, I gotta, I gotta lay on it, I gotta lay on it, you know, double edged sword, as they say.

[A]

So what you're saying is you're maybe not gonna get back in the dating world. You're just gonna spend another couple, two, three, four, five, six years with this gal until maybe you have a couple, two, three, four, five, six kids. And then you just spend a few, couple, two, three, four decades.

[C]

Well, here's the thing, here's the thing about kids, right? I'm 23. Do I want to have kids? Hell no. Maybe when I'm like 25, 27, sure. You know, or if I'm really drunk one night, you know, just shit happens. But I mean, no kids for me. She doesn't want kids. She's got a real narrow body, real slim body. And she doesn't have really wide burning hips. So she would always talk about if I get pregnant, I'm gonna die. When I push this child out, I go, that's great to hear. That's awesome.

[B]

I want children.

[C]

I want children in the future. I want some good looking Asian babies, dude. And then it's, and then it's like. And I go.

[B]

Okay, all right, well, so, you know, if you do get back to the dating scene again, just looking for different red flags, like you tried these red flags out, it turns out that's not your cup of tea. Are you gonna try different red flags?

[C]

Oh, no, it's definitely my cup of tea. I just don't, I think that the person itself, I mean, just later down the years, they're, they're growing, they're developing into a different person as they are. We're both going down two different paths right now. I think I'm going through my Actually, I don't know what I'm going through right now.

[B]

You're looking for a conservative goth girl is what you're saying.

[C]

Yeah, but that's, that's rare. That's like, that's like glacial water. That's never gonna happen, you know, So I got, I mean I gotta, I gotta lower my standards a bit. See as ever has a half Asian and half white boy. I mean, all I get on dating apps is fat Mexican girls that love anime and it pisses me off.

[B]

I love how he's, he's dating this gal and he's on dating apps.

[A]

Are you. What dating apps are you currently on?

[C]

I'm not on any because I got caught. But it was, it was mainly like tender hinge, full nine yards, my Christians only fathersonly.com, stuff like that.

[B]

Now that would be a trip. Finding a goth farmer would be quite, quite the deal.

[A]

Hey, you know, they're out a lot.

[C]

Of acreage that you know, that we're working on now. I got a whole lake that's dedicated my last name. We got some catfish, bass, you know, all the works. You ever see those posts on like online where it's like some 90 year old granny who has like a 12 point buck in the, in the backyard and you try to sweeten her up to get that deed? It's like that, but opposite.

[B]

So you're looking for an old granny to come shoot a buck in your backyard.

[C]

You ever have a gummer before?

[A]

Once you go, oh my God.

[C]

That's what I've been told though, me personally.

[A]

Ethan, Ethan, Ethan, let's reel you back in here.

[B]

Never heard that before.

[A]

Ethan, I. So look, it's clear that it's not going to work out with this girl, right?

[C]

Correct.

[B]

So is she just a rent payment for you now or what?

[C]

I mean, I very much care for the person. I do love them still. I hope to see them grow out to the person that they fully want to be and they go down the path that they want to choose and that they are destined to be. I want to help them with that. They've done so much for me in my life. I truly do love them and cherish them for that. But are they the right person for, for me at the end of the day? I hate to say it, but I don't think they are. I think one more year and then I think that's it.

[A]

It's not a lease, dude. You can just stop doing it now.

[C]

You know, I mean, I mean we, we live in a house together. It's 1200amonth. We split it 600. 600. Easy as my car payments. Like what, 293? Yeah, yeah.

[A]

It's.

[C]

It's.

[A]

I mean, it's a financial decision for you.

[C]

Exactly, exactly. I mean, it sucks as much to say, and I don't use them for that. And I'm certainly not using them for that. I very much care for them. They help me, and I help them. I take them to work. I get off at 10, they get off at 10. I go and pick them up. You know, it's. It's. It's not that bad.

[B]

So you've heard of, you know, stay together for the kids? Yeah, they're staying together for the rent.

[C]

Stay together for the 20, 25, man. You know, you got. You got to do it is what it is, you know?

[B]

Don't we.

[A]

What's this farm that you have that's in your name, though? That's the one. Your dad's one, Right, Right, right.

[C]

So when my dad died, we. We have like 160, 123 acres or something like that. Okay. Most of it being oil stuff because I'm. My whole family. My. My great. Not my great grandfather. My grandfather himself popped a couple wells down on our property, got that black gold. And then we just been building up from there, and we've been sitting on royalty checks. They wanted to coal energy. The people that wanted to buy, like, land and do the oil wanted to rent our acreage per acre. $5 per acre. Tell me that isn't the scummiest thing ever, man. $5 per acre.

[A]

Yeah. That's wild. So is that why you're not, like, making money off that? Because you rented it out to some oil company to drain the oil? We.

[C]

Well, we were given that offer, and it was basically a big old dick smack in the face. So we just told them, no, have a nice day. And we just started working on our lake itself. We're working on setting up two tiny homes up on the lakeside. We have horses, feigning, goats, ducks, all the lot. We're setting up a trailer park to go in the back where our paintball place used to be. And a lot of people say trailer park. They immediately think a trailer park boy.

[A]

Or.

[C]

You passing your sister long. It. You know, it's. It's. It's not like that. You know, it's gonna be. It's gonna be a class, everybody. It's not gonna be like that.

[B]

Yeah, it's gonna be a classy trailer, dude.

[A]

There's a lot of nice Trailer parks out there, I'll tell you that.

[C]

No, it's. It's for those people that are, like, in their 50s, you know, having their midlife crisis, wanting to get an RV and go down to a nice lake. You know, that's what it's for. Slingshots.

[B]

You're building a resort, essentially.

[C]

Resort minus the casino. If I could have a casino in there, I'd be playing baccarat all day.

[A]

So, dude, you're saying you're staying in this relationship for the financial deal, but you're sitting on oil land and trailer park money, man. You know, you don't. Right, Like.

[C]

Right. I mean, my sisters are the ones that are, like, actually living at the old property right now. I was basically casted out and kicked out, and then I decided to move up here. Then they moved in over there and they're, like, rebuilding the entire house. They're redoing, like, they're doing the trailer park. We have a whole llc. They're doing a lot of stuff down there, and it's a lot of progress. We are going to eventually make the lake down there kind of public access where people can bring their kids down, have some nice, fish in, drink a few beers, you know, have a good time. Good old American spirit, you know.

[A]

There you go. So you're not. You're not, but you're not. You don't have, like, an inheritance. There's not for liquid cash here yet.

[C]

Oh, I already spent a good money of that inheritance over at the casino on baccarat. Man, oh, man, have I made some money. No, I'm joking. I only spent a little bit on that. I mean, I've. We all gotten a share. There is four of us. I have three sisters and the only boy. So we all split it in four ways. We got some jewelry, we got some gold, we got some stocks, we got some money, so on so forth.

[A]

So don't you think you have the financial ability to just kind of move on with your life by yourself?

[C]

To a degree, yes. If I want to be in financial debt all my life, then, yeah, 100%. I don't make enough money to hold over a house over my head. I don't have enough money to hold over a rent. So I have to have a roommate, and I'd rather take a roommate that I'm already acquainted with and already have previous relations with than rather have some, like, random tweaker come through and steal my shit.

[A]

Okay, well, starting. I never thought I'd say this, Ethan, but it's starting to make some sense.

[C]

No sense.

[A]

600 per month.

[C]

There you go.

[A]

Cool. Well Miles, do you have any other questions for Ethan here?

[B]

No, I think, yeah, I mean is your this it job, is that the dream or you got your eye on something else already?

[C]

I mean so far I've just been booze cruising it. I mean I've been sitting on my, I wake up at noonish, 12:30, 1 o', clock, I clock in, I sit on my ass all day, binge, watch a little bit of Netflix, do some follow up calls, you know, just, just multitasking the background, really ADHD stim out like full on autism stint out. And then you know, I just help people here and there, take few phone calls. But really blows about the job is dealing is having to do with like 80 year olds that have no idea what to do with the computer.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

That's. I mean it's kind of why you exist as a job though. Yeah, everyone else can kind of figure it out that.

[C]

No, that's true.

[A]

You are the Google for people that don't want to Google, you know, There.

[C]

You go, there you go.

[A]

Either.

[C]

What is a Google?

[A]

What about your, what about your standup career, man? Weren't you going to get out to the clubs? Weren't you going to put up some jokes?

[C]

Yeah, you know I've been thinking about that and doing, I've been doing a little bit more research about that. I've been always told to do it. I'm just not a very funny guy. I'm very more of like a conversational less person myself. So if I do anything I have to do like crowd work, but I.

[A]

Get up there, get up and give it a go.

[C]

Well, it's also like a time thing, you know, I work 1pm to 10pm Monday through Friday. I gotta go pick up ball and chain from, from their liquor, from the liquor stow every, every day. So I mean it's, I mean, yeah, I just don't have the time to do it. There's no time to do it.

[A]

Okay. All right, well Ethan.

[C]

I think, Charles.

[A]

I think, I think you could rearrange a few things and you can, you can find some time to do it. You could, you could get a shift, you know, or just start up, open.

[B]

Up the Tick Tock app and just start ranting about stuff on Tick Tock. That's kind of a crowd work type of thing.

[C]

Yeah, I've been thinking about doing that. I've been thinking about doing that on Instagram. Instagram is a lot less uncensored I can go see like an Indian man cut open like a live wire and get electrocuted. And then the next reel I have like some Ukrainian drone footage. Dude, it's so unhinged. She's so unhinged. Like, I have like fruits, fruit. AI eating other fruit and then follow up with like a horse giving birth. Dude, it's completely to the walls. It's different.

[B]

All right, well, you found your, your home then, I think.

[A]

Yeah, you got your first bit right there, Ethan, you know.

[B]

Well, let's go. This is my favorite thing about Instagram reels. And then just say exactly what you just said.

[C]

Exactly. You can get, you can get live cop shootings and then you can follow it up with like some autism awareness program. I don't know.

[A]

We got, we gotta bring Ethan in for our next bellied up live, I think.

[B]

Yeah, we do. Yeah, that's, I mean, that shows just all, it's just all crowd work.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll. We'll throw them up there before we start and just see how it goes. And then we'll bring him up and interview him to see how his first standup set went.

[C]

Yeah, we'll see how that goes. We'll see how that goes. We'll see if I shit my pants or if I piss my pants.

[B]

A number one or a number two.

[C]

Situation, you know, sneezing might be both.

[B]

Oh, well, Ethan, we appreciate talking to you as always. It's always a fun treat to get to talk to you. I'm glad you're, you're doing good, it seems like. And yeah, good talking to you, man.

[C]

Yeah, it's been a pleasure. Thank you again. Thank you both. Congratulations on the success of the podcast. Congratulations, Miles, on your marriage. That's been gone for about like what, year two now? Congratulations all around. Three years. Yikes. Congratulations everybody to the person who was texting beforehand. Sorry, man, I was in the shower. You guys have a wonderful one. It's been a pleasure speaking with you guys.

[B]

Thanks.

[A]

Thanks for my congratulations too, Ethan. You fuck. I appreciate that. Congratulations, Charlie, on a great stand up career.

[C]

Hey, that's so true. Congratulations, Charlie, with your, with your standup career, with your tour going on a while ago.

[A]

Thanks.

[C]

You know, I kept getting Instagram notes saying yellow and then some fish here and there. That was, that was phenomenal. Only reaction I could do to that, by the way. Well, that's it. I hope you guys have a wonderful one. Go Bears.

[A]

Bastard.

[C]

Sorry, I'm from Kansas. I don't know much.

[A]

You take care, man.

[B]

Ah, always A pleasure.

[A]

Yeah. What a wild way to live, man. He's doing it, huh?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

A lot of people, I think, are in that situation, you know, they're in a relationship of convenience.

[B]

Hey, 600 bucks for a. For a house. Not a bad gig.

[A]

Today's economy, you see, you know, it's the roommate, you know. Yeah.

[B]

Well, should we take another caller, Charlie?

[A]

Let's do it.

[B]

This podcast is truly a one of.

[D]

A kind comedy show.

[B]

Every Thursday, Charlie and Miles belly up at a small town bar and take live callers from all all over the world to kick the night off. Please welcome Mr. Charlie Barons, Milwaukee.

[A]

How are you guys doing? Good to see you guys. Who's got the breweries scored 2 to 1?

[B]

What?

[A]

We're down? All right, well, we're down, but we're not up. Okay. Huh? Yelly just fouled out. Son of a. That's all right. That's all right. We'll get through it, guys. How are you doing?

[D]

Doing good.

[A]

You? Yeah, I'm doing good.

[C]

What.

[A]

What's your name? Liam. Where you from? From here in West Dallas. We're not in West Dallas right now. No, we're not. What are you on right now that you don't know where you are?

[B]

Charlie, It's Halloween time.

[C]

Halloween.

[A]

Hallows Eve.

[B]

Now that I got a kid.

[A]

Oh, you got a kid now?

[B]

Now that I got a kid. You know, we got to go trick or treating. One thing I learned about trick or treating with a kid is you got to walk around with a little tumbler as well.

[A]

A little tumbler.

[B]

You know what I'm gonna be having in that tumbler of mine while I'm walking around the neighborhood?

[A]

A little scotcha hooch in there.

[B]

A little Tippy Cow.

[A]

Tippy Cow. Tip it on back. Hey, this is your treat.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Did you get that?

[B]

Because I trick or treated for the dad.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. But. But just, you know, it's tough, like with a tippy, you know, if you did adult trick or treating and you were the cool house, just giving away full bottles of Tippy Cow, you know, and like a king size Snickers, that'd be the move, actually.

[B]

That'd be really good.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Cookies and cream bar with a little chocolate shake.

[A]

Tippy Cow Dunkers, baby.

[B]

Could be the move. Could be the move. So, guys, this Halloween, when you're walking around with your kid and you're wondering, how did I end up here? Just reach for a glass of Tippy Cow. It makes it all go a little bit smoother.

[A]

Tip it on back.

[C]

Moo.

[B]

Griffin you got Miles and Charlie from the Bellied up podcast. How you doing today? You got some time to chat?

[D]

I got. I got some time. How you fellas doing today?

[A]

We are good. We are looking forward to riffing with Griffin. That's what I'm talking about.

[B]

So we hear that you did a whoopsies and you. You cleaned your uncle's house. Tell us about that.

[D]

All right, so we got a little context. First, he's. He was a Marine Corps helicopter pilot in Vietnam.

[B]

Wow.

[D]

And then after he got back in Vietnam, he became an airline pilot, and he got this little sliver of land in. In northern Georgia. He named it after himself. And flash forward 50 years. February, March, the toilets, both toilets, front, upstairs, downstairs. The valves broke and flooded the house while he wasn't home.

[A]

Did the valves break or did someone just get Taco Bell?

[B]

What happened?

[A]

Really?

[D]

No. So it was before pecs became a thing. So that gray stuff and the valve. The gaskets in the valve wore out, so the water started shooting out of the handles.

[B]

Okay. Yep. So then what happened?

[D]

All right, so pretty much flooded everything. Ruined the kitchen into the living room and the basement. And he's a hoarder. So there's just crap everywhere. Lawnmowers, weed whackers, chainsaws, brand new tools all ruined. Insulation falling from the ceiling. I found, I think, four or five snakeskins, couple rats. Just terrible, terrible. So I called my dad. He came down from New York, and we spent about two weeks throwing everything out. And then come to find out we got to do the same thing in this other house. In Atlanta. No, no, no flooding. But Amazon packages, junk mail, 50 years of tools and stuff, and grumpy old stubbornberg.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is your uncle still with us?

[C]

Oh, yes.

[D]

Yeah, he's still here. He's kicking. He lives full time in Atlanta.

[B]

So what does he think about you cleaning your. Cleaning out the place?

[D]

Well, when I had mentioned it the first time, he was less than willing to park with his things.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, as most hoarders are, you know.

[D]

Yeah. So I. I didn't tell him. I just did it. And then my father went to visit him and told him, and I say it went better than I thought it would. He just went, okay, how much? Is the dumpster still there? No, the dumpster is not.

[B]

He's like, yeah, there's still hope. Yeah. Okay, well, which company was it and which dump did it go to?

[A]

Yeah, your dad did the right thing. You can't leave a hoarder with a dumpster. And that's like leaving an alcoholic with an open booze bottle, right?

[D]

Exactly. So I. I try to go about once a month, and I pretty much go to. I go to relax, but I end up just cleaning.

[A]

That is relaxing, though. It is relaxing. I get a. I get a little buzz every time I reorganize a room in my basement. You know, just gets you going. You find Christmas presents for people down there too?

[B]

Yeah, that's a good question. You find anything good in there?

[D]

Oh, dude. Let's see. I forget what they're called, but I've brand new in. In the box. Those little glass or the ceramic coffee containers. Oh, apparently there's a bear. Sorry to distract you, fellas. I work at an amusement park in the smoky Mountains, and there's a bear right outside.

[A]

No, black bear or brown bear?

[D]

Yeah, black bears. We don't have brown bears. All right, let's see if we can see him.

[A]

Oh, yeah, you're in the smokies.

[D]

Not to change subjects, but okay, well, we can look at that later.

[A]

No, look at him now. What's that bear doing?

[D]

He's right by the train tracks.

[A]

All right, well, they say if it's black, fight back.

[D]

Well, yeah. Oh, look at that. It's a big one. Let me get a picture. I'll send you the picture when we're done here.

[B]

There's a bear at the amusement park?

[D]

Yeah, they get in all the time. You'd be surprised.

[B]

In, like, what's the protocol? Is it you just let them be? They don't. Is there a fence around this amusement park, or what are we looking at?

[D]

Well, so the park is pretty much like a giant triangle, and in the middle is woods where the train tracks and stuff runs through. So we're supposed to call safety and they deal with it.

[A]

What do you mean deal with it, though? They gonna.

[D]

Oh, that's a great question. I would assume so.

[B]

Don't throw a big stick situation.

[D]

People might throw a sting if you make it dinner.

[A]

Yeah, you don't want to do that.

[B]

Also, Charlie, he's supposed to call safety, but he's on the phone with us. So the bear's just gonna get loose in the amusement park? We're gonna have a whole thing on our hands.

[D]

There's someone else here. I think she'll do it.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Hopefully.

[A]

Glad you're following up on that. They're more scared of you than you are them.

[D]

That' exactly.

[A]

Yeah. For black bears, brown bears. Oh, man. They'll get after you.

[D]

If you go to the national forest, you can hunt them.

[A]

Hunt which ones?

[D]

The black bears.

[A]

Black bears, yeah. Yeah, you can, apparently. Yeah, I've never done that, but. So now your uncle, he's got this big old thing going and you didn't find anything. Anything weird, aside for the snake skin and the rats? What's. What's the wildest thing that he was storing?

[D]

Probably about 15 full bins of MREs, you know?

[A]

You didn't throw those out, did you? Those are good forever.

[D]

Well, I kind of had to. That's where the water kind of leaked. So I open up a bin, and it's just water and then sealed MREs. We joked about opening one, but it was a bit nasty, so we opted not to.

[B]

Yeah, but isn't it probably. Isn't it vacuum sealed?

[D]

Well, the red beans and rice were in, like, little cardboard boxes and either. So would you get past that smell? I couldn't if.

[B]

If it was a, you know, doomsday scenario. Yeah, I would get past the smell.

[A]

Yeah, you'd eat some.

[D]

You know what? I'll just borrow his credit card and buy some more.

[A]

Not on doomsday.

[B]

Doomsday scenario.

[A]

It's not gonna work.

[D]

I can do that now and then I'll have them for doomsday.

[A]

Smart, smart. So. But why'd you throw the tools out, dude? A little sewage isn't gonna hurt the tools.

[D]

It was more the mold. So it was sitting for about eight months before I could. Before I could get in to really deep clean it and stuff. And so that kind of just soaked into the plastic and all the packaging. So we cast what was good.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

We got rid of a lot of other stuff. The poor thing. The radial arm saw had to go. No, it had like. Yeah, I didn't want to, but the. The tabletop. I went to go touch it and it just fell apart. One of those fiber wood tabletops.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You can replace that, though?

[D]

Oh, I guess. Better, Charlie. There was a lot of rust on it. You touched that, the whole thing just imploded on itself.

[C]

Oh, really?

[D]

So we opted to. We opted to go throw that away. That was a sad day.

[A]

Yeah. Those radial arms, pretty cool, though. I think they are. I think they stopped making those, didn't they? Because they were too dangerous.

[D]

I believe so. You have the chop saw now.

[A]

You got chop.

[D]

The chop saws now.

[A]

Good.

[D]

Yeah. Well, then dentals come later, so. Yeah, I would kind of replace it.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Radial arm shot wasn't quite as portable.

[D]

As the old shop and quite. Quite much louder.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. My dad still got one in the basement. They're nice, though, if you can find them.

[D]

My dad still has his, so we didn't feel so bad because, you know, we're gonna put another radial arm, so.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So I got a question for you. Your uncle for it. Why hasn't he been there in a while? What is he. What's he doing in Atlanta that he doesn't make it up there anymore?

[D]

Oh, he's pushing 85.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

And then there's been some. Some health scares, so he's been taking it easy. And then we got some great neighbors. The neighbors have been helping me take care of the property until he can come up and visit.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

Well, you're a good nephew, man.

[D]

I try.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So. Or he's a smart nephew and knows when old.

[D]

No, no, no.

[B]

When an old uncle finally goes. No, though, it's got to go to someone.

[A]

Oh, are you. Are you edging for a little inheritance here? I am not.

[C]

I am not.

[B]

All this time he's putting in as an investment in his future property. Charlie.

[D]

No, no, no, Griffin.

[A]

We're sniffing you out from a mile away.

[D]

Yeah, okay. Let's put it this way. You know, you ever have that one friend who, like, roast people the wrong way because of how stubborn he is?

[A]

He's sitting right next to me.

[D]

Yeah, okay, so I'm one of the few family members who. I don't care. Tell me whatever you want. That's great. I'm gonna go say the same thing to you in about 10 minutes so he can install me. Call me. Okay. Actually, I used to visit him after work. I work pretty late sometimes, so I'll say, oh, yeah, I'm gonna leave at 7. I don't leave until 10, and I get there at, like, 1 2am hey, you putz. You're late.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

I called you and told you I was going to be late, but that's not what you said originally. Well, so now I just don't tell him at all. I just tell him when I'm halfway there because then can't be. It can't be late. I'm already on the way there.

[B]

Yeah. Smart. So you're saying that you're kind of the only one in your family that puts up with his stubbornness and overall crankiness?

[D]

Yeah, more or less. I mean, not so much anymore, but yes, more or less.

[B]

Yeah, but, like, what do you expect? The guy was in Vietnam, you know, it's. I think he'd be stubborn and cranky, too, if you fought in Vietnam. I know, Charlie.

[A]

Yeah, sure.

[D]

I was entertained for a while because you know, he hadn't started repeating stories yet. We're past that point.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What did he do in Vietnam, did you say again? He was a pilot.

[D]

He was. He was a medevac. Well, among other things, a medevac helicopter pilot.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[D]

In the 60s. 63 to 67.

[A]

Yeah. So he was probably. I mean, he saw some stuff, man. I'm sure he did.

[B]

Yeah, sure he did.

[D]

If he did, he doesn't talk about that stuff. He talks about his friend Barf.

[A]

His friend Barf? What about his friend Barf?

[D]

I forget. I forget what his name, but his last name was Barf, so. And he had, like these weird sayings, so they called it a bar Fizza.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I thought it was a nickname. And I'm like, that's just like the most, like, old timey nickname ever.

[A]

Yeah, that's Barf over there.

[D]

Reminds you of Space Falls, doesn't it? Yeah, no, that was his last name. His last name was Barf. I think it was Jimmy Barf or something like that. And he had these weird Say. Yeah, they had these weird sayings. They called it a bar fism. And his favorite one, that he yells at me all the time. Up until this coming July, up at the cabin, there was one place to sit, and that was his chair. And, you know, I'm a skinny dude, so my ass starts to hurt after about 30 minutes on the floor. So as soon as he would get up, I take the chair. Apparently his dog does the same thing because she beat me to it a few times. But he called it a seat left is a seat left. I don't even know where that came from. And that's the only one I've heard. But he calls it a bar fish.

[A]

I like it.

[B]

Seat left is a seat left.

[A]

Hey, that's philosophical is what it is.

[D]

I guess.

[B]

So.

[A]

I think, therefore I am. A seat left is a seat left.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

So now what I did was he had this couch, and it was an older couch, and the springs literally ripped the two by six support off the fabric so it, like, kind of crinkled on itself. God, don't sit in that. How uncomfortable that is. So I bought him a couch. But for about eight months, he was convinced that we were gonna go get it fixed. That was not happening. So now I have a place to sit.

[A]

Oh, good for you. Yeah, you gotta trick your hoarder uncle into making his life better.

[B]

Really?

[D]

Well, what I started doing is, you know, he's not a big fan of gifts, so whenever I bring stuff, he goes, how Much do you pay for that? Yeah. You mean receipts? So I tell him I didn't pay for it, which is a half truth. I didn't pay for it. But then he goes, well, then who paid for. I'm like, Santa Claus dropped it off, man. He wanted you to have a new couch. You got to lay down somewhere. Wait, but that. That I kind of ran out of. Ran out of uses on that. You kind of caught on.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. You got a unique relationship with your uncle. You know, I just.

[D]

I think he's hilarious.

[B]

Yeah, that's great, man.

[A]

Yeah. You spend as much time with him as you can.

[D]

Yeah, that's the plan. I was gonna go next week, but instead I'm taking the puppies to New York, visit some family, and I'll probably go after when I get back.

[B]

Now, was your uncle married ever?

[D]

Yeah, he got divorced a couple years ago. He was married for, I think about 50 years. I'm not really sure on that one.

[A]

Holy.

[D]

I. I hadn't spoken to him in about 10 years up until I moved down here.

[A]

Now.

[C]

Go ahead.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, what. What constitutes getting divorced after 50 years?

[A]

The spring poking out of the couch might be one of them.

[D]

I'll leave that to your imagination.

[A]

Well, don't. Why?

[D]

Well, that's. Well, because that stuff I'm not privy to and probably not worth or shouldn't be shared. We'll leave it there.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Sounds like you were privy to it.

[D]

I. I have bits and pieces. I don't have the full story.

[A]

Well, we'll leave it there. That's fine. Does leave you wondering, though. It doesn't.

[B]

I mean, I feel like it's just like, if you get past. You get past, like, year 20, probably year 30. I feel like you're like, all right, it's just not worth it. Yeah, we're just in this, you know?

[D]

Yeah, they had some. They had some tragedies happen to them, and they dealt with it differently, and I see they're all stubborn in their own way and. Yeah, that's about as much as I know.

[A]

But anyway. Did she get half the snake skins? Did she get half the snake skin?

[D]

I. You know, I. I don't like snakes. Not. Not at all. But my girlfriend's grandmother, she loves them. I always tell her, the best snake is a dead snake. That doesn't go over very well. So I was telling her, oh, I found these snake skins. Well apparent. I didn't know this, but apparently you can't tell what kind of snake it was from the skin. I was screwing with her that I found copperhead skin. She goes, how do you know? You can't tell. Well, then, good thing I threw him out.

[B]

So, wait, your girlfriend is a snake gal?

[D]

No, no, her grandmother.

[B]

Grandmother.

[D]

She has property and by the Kentucky border, and she has, like, this semi trailer. She keeps stuff in. She goes, yeah, just go in and get whatever tools you want, but don't touch my snake. I'm like, yeah, no, I'm not going in there.

[A]

She's got a snaketuary. Yeah.

[D]

Apparently. It was funny. We were pulling insulation down from the.

[C]

Ceiling because it was.

[D]

It got ruined. And I saw the snakeskin fall. I'm like, nope. So I went upstairs, I grabbed the marlin, and I kept the marlin by the door. And we were. We were planning to shoot that thing if it fell out. Never found it. Just some skins.

[A]

You can shoot a snake, even a.

[D]

Snake inside, inside the house. That was the.

[B]

A snake didn't want to live in that house.

[D]

Yeah, Rats nest, snake skins, all this stuff.

[A]

You got rats.

[D]

It's all clean now. Yeah. What I'll do is I'll send you some before and afters when we're done here.

[A]

Yeah, do it, man. What's.

[B]

What's Barf up to these days?

[D]

I. I'm sure he's. He's long packed with us. I'm not really sure.

[B]

So. So Barf's still here. Just in spirit.

[C]

It.

[D]

My understanding is he's one of a couple that are still left.

[A]

Your uncle?

[D]

Yeah, my. Yeah. Yeah, he's. My understanding is he's My uncle's. One of the few.

[B]

Eventually, Charlie, if you live long enough, you turn into, like, my grandparents. And every time I see my grandparents, basically, they're just like.

[A]

Like.

[B]

Yeah. So. And so died. He was the only one left, so now it's just me. He's just like, all my friends are dead, you know? What am I still doing alive?

[D]

Well, you know what I gotta do next, fellas. So my. My dad, he was here for about five weeks, and he did what he could in the other property. A couple things left, but the big thing is he got back from Vietnam. He got. He bought himself a 67 Corvette Stingray. And it's been sitting in the garage untouched for about 25 years.

[A]

No way.

[D]

And I'm. I'm determined to ignore him and get it running.

[A]

Yeah, dude, you've got to. That's a cool car, man.

[D]

Yeah, he. He started fixing it with one of his employees was helping him fix it. Someone got pissed off at somebody in it, and it's had the rotors off for about two years now, and that's about as much work has been done in the last couple decades. But he's got a friend that wants to get it running, so I'm gonna try to see if we can figure something out. I know it's just brakes and then whatever you need to replace after 30 years of sitting in a garage. So I imagine fluids, gaskets. Yeah, I imagine there's probably still oil in it, so we'll have to drain that. Yeah, I'm hoping to just get it. I'm hoping to get it running and then tell someone here what's wrong with it.

[B]

So next time someone asks you what's the coolest thing you found in these houses, you say that. I don't know why.

[D]

Yeah, that's true. But that. That wasn't. That wasn't in the basement. That was in his little detached garage.

[B]

And it got me on a technicality there.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

I was about to say, if that was stuck in the flood, we would have been fixing that already.

[B]

Yeah, that's true. Well, that's cool, man. We. That's. That's fun. We appreciate it. Your uncle seems like a good dude. You know, RIP to Barf.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Tell your uncle he says hi. And, Miles, raise your glass to Barf.

[B]

After. After Barf finally passed away, they took him out in a Barf b. Oh.

[A]

Hey, there it is.

[D]

You know, my uncle's a hoot and a half. I think you'd like him.

[B]

I believe it. I believe it, too. Well, we appreciate you talking to you today, man.

[D]

Yeah. Fellas, thanks for calling. Oh, Charlie, real fast. Sorry. I don't want to keep you in April, my girlfriend and I went to see you at the Bijou Theater in Knoxville.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

My God, that was fantastic.

[A]

Oh, thanks, dude. A raving review.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Raving review.

[D]

I was told I shouldn't name names, but on my 21st birthday, we went to Philadelphia to see a rather famous comedian, and let's just say, what a letdown. So it was nice breath of fresh air. Hey, man, we were laughing that whole time.

[A]

Thanks, dude. That's why you go see Unfamous comedians.

[D]

Now, hold on. I gotta ask you. How the hell did you say that whole monologue for the ADHD with a straight fucking face? I couldn't get through without laughing. If I were to. If I were you.

[A]

Well, you know, I'll tell you this one thing, Griffin. If. If you say something every weekend for enough time, you're gonna have that committed to Memory. So that's just a time.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Time under the dial kind of thing there, my guy.

[D]

Yeah, I can probably do half that before I burst out laughing at myself.

[A]

Well, thanks, dude. Hey, really appreciate your rave review of my live show. And, folks, if you want to see it, you go to charliebarrons.com right now. Backslash tour. And Miles loves it when I, you know, promote.

[D]

I bet. You know, Miles, if you started doing your own shows, you could do the name drop, too, along with the other podcast.

[B]

No, I got a kid. I can't do comedy shows.

[A]

Yeah, I don't have a family.

[D]

Where's that rule written down? I don't see that anywhere.

[A]

Bring him on the road. Miles. Miles has a lot of great bits.

[B]

Great.

[D]

Well, that's what you got to do is you got to get him part of it. Have him come out and start roasting people.

[A]

I know. Well, he did that to me, actually. And this was Miles.

[D]

I'm talking about the kid, not.

[A]

Oh, the kid.

[D]

Bring the kid out and just get. Give him some pointers and just pick someone and say, hey, go.

[B]

Yeah, bringing a kid into showbiz always turns out good. You know, that's what I think they say.

[D]

Well, you know, the best part about it is you just got to homeschool them, and then their schedule is pretty wide open.

[B]

Okay, that sounds like a good plan. Not only is he a weird homeschool kid, but now he's been put in front of crowds. I'm sure he'll have no issues later on in life.

[A]

No.

[D]

You know, I do work with a lot of people who are homeschooling, and I think you got the right idea going. You might want to steer clear.

[A]

Well, Griffin, thank you for calling in, man, and we'll let you go. We know you got a bear that's probably attacking a little camper right about now.

[D]

Bear is gone, but I do have to get back to work, fellas. Thank you.

[A]

You all right?

[D]

I'll give you an update when I go back to Georgia on that Corvette.

[A]

Please do, man. We'd love to see it.

[D]

And then I'll send you some of those pictures of the bear and the before and afters.

[A]

Oh, before and after of the. The. The house. Not the bear.

[B]

No, the bear.

[A]

That's good.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah, before and after him eating me.

[A]

Okay, good job.

[D]

Great selfie. And my stomach's pulled open.

[B]

All right, before of the bear, and then the after is just him cooking meat on the grill.

[A]

All right, well, we'll see you soon. Griffin, thanks for calling in. Man. Well, that was great.

[B]

That was great, Charlie.

[A]

Another excellent call around the.

[B]

I just have a feeling like someday there's gonna be a Griffin in your life, Charlie.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you have so many brothers and sisters, you're wound to.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

You're. You're bound to have a nephew named Griffin, right?

[C]

Probably.

[B]

Math adds up.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And he's gonna call into a podcast and be like, yeah, I got a old uncle. He's got a cabin in Wisconsin. And, you know, he's 85, he's cranky as hell.

[A]

He got divorced.

[B]

He's kind of a hoarder. And the pipe broke, and I had to go clean it out, and I just found a whole load of junk. There was this weird spear in there. I don't know what that was from.

[A]

Where is that spear? Let's go throw that at something.

[B]

All right, guys, well, I'll do a voicemail. Oh, you gotta.

[A]

Oh, we got a voicemail. We're not done yet, folks.

[B]

This is from Raven.

[D]

Raven, that's so Raise your Bellyed Up Podcast. My name is Raven. I'm from St. Louis, Missouri. Well, what I have to get off my chest is. Well, I'm not really sure, actually. Dang, I didn't. Well, hold on, let me call back. I just messed this up. Oh, my God, I am embarrassed.

[A]

That's so Raven.

[B]

That is so Raven.

[A]

That pregnant pause, man. It's almost like his wife just walked in the room, you know? I got something I gotta get off my chest.

[B]

And it was like, my wife is acting, like, a ton total. She walked in, he's like, yeah, I gotta call you back.

[A]

Gonna get beat. Well, thank you, Raven. When you are not under surveillance, you call us back, my guy.

[B]

Yeah, also, blink twice if everything's okay.

[A]

All right, we'll see you guys next time. Come check out station number six, West Dallas. Don't forget to tip your bartender.

[B]

See you. The next one, guys.

[A]

Bye.

[C]

Bye.

[D]

Okay, hope you guys have a good one.

[B]

Goodbye, now.