Lost in Midwest Translation #134

Summary

Podcast Summary: Bellied Up – “Lost in Midwest Translation #134”

Episode Overview In episode #134 of "Bellied Up," released on January 9, 2025, hosts Charlie Berens and You Betcha Guy (Myles) dive into a blend of comedic banter, engaging debates, and interactive listener calls. This episode, titled “Lost in Midwest Translation,” highlights the unique linguistic quirks of the Midwest, relationship dynamics, and the humorous intricacies of daily life in small-town America.

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1. Introduction of New Podcast Features (00:00 – 02:00)

The episode opens with Myles announcing exciting new features for the "Bellied Up" community. Recognizing listener frustrations with long wait times for live calls, the hosts introduce a 24/7 voicemail line (218-303-5095) designed to ensure every listener has a chance to be featured. Myles emphasizes the importance of energy and interesting topics to increase the likelihood of being on the show. Additionally, they accept video messages via Instagram (@bellieduppod), encouraging listeners to share visuals alongside their stories or questions.

Notable Quote:

• Myles (00:00): “...the more interesting your topic and the more energy that you bring increases your chances of being featured on the show.”

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2. Comedic Banter: Frozen Custard Shirt (01:21 – 02:18)

Shortly after introducing the new features, Charlie and Miles engage in light-hearted teasing about a frozen custard shirt Charlie received. The shirt resembles the logo of Baron's Frozen Custard, leading to playful speculation about whether Charlie has plans to start his own frozen custard business.

Notable Quotes:

• Charlie (01:21): “Yeah, dude. First of all, look at that. I can move my boobs.”
• Myles (01:24): “Are you starting a frozen custard store?”

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3. Debate: Is Skiing an Extreme Sport? (02:18 – 08:07)

The conversation shifts to a spirited debate between Charlie and Miles about whether skiing qualifies as an extreme sport. Miles argues that the inherent risks, such as high speeds and steep grades, make skiing extreme, especially given instances where people die from extreme skiing maneuvers. Charlie counters by suggesting that while extreme skiing exists, skiing itself is not inherently extreme unless pushed to such limits.

Notable Quotes:

• Myles (02:49): “...skiing is crazy.”
• Charlie (03:34): “Well, maybe you are, because...”

The debate further extends to comparisons with other activities like figure skating and rollerblading, highlighting the subjective nature of what constitutes an extreme sport.

Notable Quotes:

• Charlie (05:08): “Yes, it is.”
• Myles (07:02): “Yeah. Especially if you're hunting by someone's private land and they come storming up to you in a pickup with a gun out the window.”

The discussion also touches on personal experiences, such as Charlie’s brief stint with skydiving and Miles recounting a tobogganing near-accident scenario, reinforcing their playful rivalry and contrasting viewpoints.

Notable Quotes:

• Charlie (07:32): “I’ve been on an airplane where the turbulence has gotten bad that I thought it might crash. No fear, zero fear.”
• Miles (35:31): “Right as I thought I was gonna hit that tree, I just flashed 1-855-NICOLETTE.”

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4. Listener Call: Paige’s Birthday Conundrum (12:34 – 34:05)

A pivotal segment of the episode features a call from Paige, who shares her frustration with her husband Drew's indifference towards celebrating her birthday. Raised in a large family where her own birthday was often overlooked, Paige finds herself in a similar predicament with her husband preferring solitude on her special day.

Key Points:

• Paige’s Background: Grew up as one of five kids, often making her own birthday cakes due to lack of attention (13:24 – 13:30).

• Relationship Dynamics: Despite loving her husband, Paige feels undervalued on her birthday, leading to a desire for more recognition and celebration (15:04 – 15:23).

• Therapeutic Advice: Charlie and Miles adopt a mock-therapy role, offering humorous yet insightful advice. They suggest practical solutions like Drew getting a meaningful necklace with their daughter’s birthstone or Paige employing creative tactics to communicate her needs effectively.

Notable Quotes:

• Charlie (16:17): “How much work would you say? Did you have a son? Did you have a daughter?”
• Paige (15:47): “Well, because I'm a good wife. Okay. I deserve. Birthday.”
• Myles (21:18): “Drew, if you're listening, you now know the game plan...”

The segment culminates with the hosts providing specific recommendations to Drew, such as purchasing a double Peridot necklace for Paige, blending heartfelt advice with their signature humor.

Notable Quotes:

• Charlie (23:30): “Okay, so a double peridot necklace. Boy. Both in August.”
• Myles (26:00): “Drew, you need to get her a necklace with your daughter's name on it.”

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5. Hot Wheels Collection: A Hobby Gone Awry (37:07 – 54:05)

As the call progresses, Paige shifts focus to another personal challenge: her burgeoning collection of Hot Wheels cars. Starting as a hobby before her commitment, Paige now finds herself overwhelmed with thousands of toy cars, seeking advice on how to manage or sell her collection.

Key Points:

• Collection Details: Paige has amassed several thousand Hot Wheels, including rare editions valued up to $120 each (49:25 – 49:42).

• Monetary Aspects: Despite the large number, Paige acknowledges the investment is financially manageable but seeks ways to declutter or monetize her collection (53:15 – 53:23).

• Selling Strategy: The hosts humorously strategize on how Paige can sell her collections, suggesting trades for items like an old Dodge truck, emphasizing their comedic approach to problem-solving.

Notable Quotes:

• Paige (48:44): “I need to get them gone.”
• Charlie (49:43): “I mean, you're married with a couple thousand Hot Wheels.”
• Myles (52:43): “How much for the whole thing?”

The exchange highlights the often absurd lengths to which hobbies can escalate, blending personal anecdotes with comedic relief.

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6. Midwest Language Quirks: Navigating Regional Terms (39:04 – 47:27)

Another engaging topic emerges as Paige discusses the language barriers between her Iowa roots and her Minnesota wife. The conversation uncovers various regional terms that perplex outsiders, such as "quick trip" vs. "quick star," and unique phrases like “gray duck” in the game of duck, duck, goose.

Key Points:

• Terminology Differences: Paige shares frustrations with her wife’s use of specific words that differ between Iowa and Minnesota, leading to misunderstandings and playful teasing from the hosts (39:04 – 43:07).

• Implications for Children: Concern is voiced over how these linguistic differences might affect their daughters' social interactions and adaptability (43:07 – 44:09).

• Cultural Integration: The hosts and Paige explore the challenges and humorous aspects of blending different regional dialects within a family setting.

Notable Quotes:

• Paige (40:45): “I might be the minority on that one, because down here we call them quick Stars.”
• Charlie (42:51): “Well, there’s the same company, same church, different pew.”

This segment underscores the podcast’s ability to blend light-hearted humor with relatable regional experiences, fostering a sense of community among listeners from similar backgrounds.

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7. Closing Comedy and Merchandise Promotion (54:05 – End)

As the episode wraps up, Charlie and Miles continue their comedic exchanges, promoting their exclusive "Tippy Cow" merchandise and encouraging listeners to engage with the show’s social media platforms. They also humorously reference their earlier discussions, maintaining the episode’s entertaining tone.

Notable Quotes:

• Myles (36:30): “I like to get sunlight in a glass. Oh, you know what I call that? Tippy cow.”
• Charlie (53:50): “If you're interested in this classic Hot Wheels collection, DM the orange track farmer on Tik Tok before Tik Tok.”

The hosts conclude by thanking their listeners, promoting upcoming giveaways, and leaving the audience with a final burst of humor that encapsulates the show's unique charm.

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Conclusion

Episode #134 of "Bellied Up" masterfully combines humor, personal storytelling, and regional charm to create an engaging listening experience. From introducing new podcast features to navigating relationship challenges and regional language quirks, Charlie and Miles offer a blend of comedy and relatable content that resonates with their Midwest audience. Notable moments include the heartfelt advice session with Paige, the playful debate on extreme sports, and the lighthearted merchandise promotions, all underscored by the hosts' chemistry and comedic timing.

Final Notable Quote:

• Charlie (56:00): “Fear the beard.”
• Myles (56:01): “See you. Next one.”

Transcript

[Miles]

Guys, we got big news in the bellied up world. We now have a voicemail line. We know that it can be frustrating to call in and wait for a long time. We hear you. That stinks. So by including the voicemail line, it will allow everyone to get a chance to have their topic heard. We'll listen to the voicemails, then line up calls with the ones that we love. This means the more interesting your topic and the more energy that you bring increases your chances of being featured on the show. So if you want to be on the show, call 218-303-5095. You can call in 24. 7 and again, the number is 218-303-5095. If you forget the number, it's in the description of the podcast. So don't worry. Also guys, we are accepting video messages for bellied up. So if you want to show us something or just want to ask a simple question, DM your video to the bellied up Instagram that's ellied up pod on Instagram or tag us on Twitter slx. Not only do we want to hear your voice, we also want to see your face. Could be a fun thing to do. So send your videos on in ask a question, show us something cool. We'll maybe have you on the podcast. Cheers. Enjoy the episode. Is that Baron's frozen custard? What is that?

[Charlie]

Yeah, dude. First of all, look at that. I can move my boobs.

[Miles]

Are you starting a frozen custard store?

[Charlie]

See that? I can move my boobs.

[Miles]

I see that didn't help you in that arm wrestling, dude.

[Charlie]

Dude, do another. Do a rematch.

[Miles]

I wasn't even using my dominant hand.

[Charlie]

Shut up.

[Miles]

Well, yeah you were cuz you right hand, left handed.

[Charlie]

Do it again. Do left hand. Let's go. We got to do it again.

[Miles]

I have a rule. Do arm wrestling like once a decade. So I used it up.

[Charlie]

That's. This shirt is Baron's frozen custard. I actually, I did a show in Atlanta, Georgia. If you didn't know where Atlanta was, I could. You were looking confused. And there's actually a barons there that they own their frozen custard. I mean frozen custard is not something you really find much out of Wisconsin.

[Miles]

Send them a cease and assist or.

[Charlie]

No, I invite them to the show, I give them some barons fashion brandy and they put it in some of their custards. I like that they gave me this shirt with my name on it.

[Miles]

Very similar logo though.

[Charlie]

It is very. Dude, damn. It's really Close.

[Miles]

Yeah, it is.

[Charlie]

Shoot, that might be the font. No, it's got two curly.

[Miles]

Well, they were established since 1976 and you weren't even born yet.

[Charlie]

Maybe I stole it.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

Wow.

[Miles]

Anyways, Charlie.

[Charlie]

Yeah?

[Miles]

Ah, we were having a discussion on the way to Milwaukee.

[Charlie]

Okay.

[Miles]

About whether or not skiing is an extreme sport. No, I think that it is an extreme sport now. People die all the time.

[Charlie]

Skiing, you can ski.

[Miles]

You're on a slick surface going downhill, sometimes the grades pretty steep. Yeah, there's people flying by you left and right.

[Charlie]

No. Yeah, you can ski extremely. But skiing inherently is an extreme sport. Okay, you just said it. It depends on the grade of the deal. I mean, look, I can ski and I'm not an extreme sports guy, okay? I just. I don't do it.

[Miles]

All right, well, maybe you are, because.

[Charlie]

You'Re four year olds can ski. I've seen four year olds ski better than me.

[Miles]

Four year olds can fly a dirt bike off a jump too. It doesn't mean that it's not extreme.

[Charlie]

I think you can ski extreme. I think football is more of an extreme sport than then.

[Miles]

Then here we go again.

[Charlie]

What do you mean here we go again? Did someone else bring that up?

[Miles]

Flat ground, there's no trees. On a football field, you're in total control.

[Charlie]

It's way more dangerous.

[Miles]

There's nothing else attached. There's no. You're not on something. I think as soon as you are on something, it becomes extreme.

[Charlie]

Is rollerblading an extreme sport?

[Miles]

If you're going downhill and there's trees, yeah. Have you ever rode. There's not a skateboard or a roller, rollerblade or scooter. You ever bombed a hill before? You start getting the. The. The little wiggles.

[Charlie]

You're putting.

[Miles]

It's dangerous. It's extreme.

[Charlie]

You're putting qualifiers on it. You said if there's trees, you only skiing slopes like the trees are so far away. And it's just you on this a green circle deal. Now, look, I didn't grow up skiing, all right? So I started off mostly ski the blues and the greens.

[Miles]

You don't have to justify me. Your level of skill. I think skiing is crazy.

[Charlie]

Well, you think I'm an extreme sportist?

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

Frickin A then, yeah, I'm an extreme sportist.

[Miles]

I think skiing is extreme. If you had to pick an extreme sport, Charlie, which one would you pick? Not skiing.

[Charlie]

Not skiing. Skating.

[Miles]

What kind of skating?

[Charlie]

Ice skating.

[Miles]

That's not extreme.

[Charlie]

Yes, it is.

[Miles]

It's flat.

[Paige]

You are.

[Charlie]

You are zipping around On a. On a surface with knives on your feet.

[Miles]

Okay.

[Charlie]

What's more extreme like that, you know, and then the people picking them up and scooting them around, they're just. They got knives.

[Miles]

Okay, well then you're saying that figure skating and skating is extreme, then skiing has to be extreme.

[Charlie]

No.

[Miles]

You kind of got yourself there.

[Charlie]

No, no, I'm sorry. You got butter knives on your feet when you're snow skiing. You got actual butcher's knives on your feet.

[Miles]

You have trays that can decapitate. You're skiing.

[Charlie]

No, trees aren't sharp. Find me one person that's ever been decapitated skiing. Go ahead.

[Miles]

I don't think I want to Google that. I think I'll end up on a list.

[Charlie]

No, it's never happened. The only people who die skiing are the people who do it. Extremely. And you can do extreme skiing, but skiing inherently is not extreme.

[Miles]

But figure skating is.

[Charlie]

Oh yeah, I do. Yeah.

[Miles]

How many people die a year? Figure skating?

[Charlie]

Probably. Like, I mean, have you seen Tanya Harding? Which.

[Miles]

Which happened. Not on the ice.

[Charlie]

She had skates on. She had knives on her feet, dude. And she got hacked away by some like piece of tire iron or something. It was tragic.

[Miles]

I don't think Tonya Harding was the one that got hacked at. Right.

[Charlie]

Who knows? You know what I'm talking about?

[Miles]

She did the hacking.

[Charlie]

No, she hired somebody. Yeah, she hired gun. Kind of badass. That's an extreme sport, dude. You got hitmen after you.

[Miles]

Just because you have extreme people in a sport doesn't make it extreme.

[Charlie]

I. Who are you to def what an extreme sport is, Miles? Who are you, I ask? You know what I think is really extreme? Road hunting for ditch chickens.

[Miles]

Yeah. Especially if you're hunting by someone's private land and they come storming up to you in a pickup.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

With a gun out the window. You know, that'll. That's pretty extreme.

[Charlie]

Yeah. You can be like, legally, I can do this. So be like legally, I dare you. Legally.

[Miles]

Nancy Kerrigan.

[Charlie]

Nancy Kerrigan. Yeah. She got a test.

[Miles]

She got. Yeah, See?

[Charlie]

Is she okay now, by the way? She recovered. I have no update on that. Yeah, I skydived once.

[Miles]

That. See, that's extreme.

[Charlie]

No, I was strapped to someone else.

[Miles]

Still extreme.

[Charlie]

I didn't do anything. I got nauseous.

[Miles]

Did you?

[Charlie]

I'm not a fan of that. I think that's kind of a waste of gas, you know, like we got so many friggin uses for gas. Jumping off a plane. Yeah.

[Miles]

Really.

[Charlie]

Don't get me wrong.

[Miles]

I feel like most people who actually do it are like, that was awesome.

[Charlie]

Well, I didn't get the. I mean, it was cool when I did it, I was like, oh, I'm going to die.

[Miles]

Exactly. And that's why it's extreme.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

There's a fear of dying.

[Charlie]

I actually, when I dropped, I didn't have a fear of death anymore. I figure I'm in God's hands now.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

And also, the guy who is on my back just.

[Miles]

It's a great life lesson, Charlie. Just jump and build your wings on the way down.

[Charlie]

That's true, that's true. But you should have a parachute just in case swings don't form.

[Miles]

Yeah. I don't know why I did that. What is that?

[Charlie]

I was trying to do a duck call, but it didn't come out right. That's a duck who just died skydiving.

[Miles]

I'll be honest, you sounded like my dad snoring when he. When he doesn't wear a CPAP machine. That's what I thought you were doing.

[Paige]

Doing.

[Charlie]

Are you on the cpap?

[Miles]

No, dude, lost weight. Don't snore anymore.

[Charlie]

You know what I got? I got one of those things that stretches your nose out.

[Miles]

Breathe. Right. Strip.

[Charlie]

Yeah, I got a deviated septum because I got punched once.

[Miles]

What'd you do?

[Charlie]

I don't want to talk about it.

[Miles]

Okay.

[Charlie]

You should have seen the other guy, though. He walked away pretty good.

[Miles]

He sleeps like a baby every night.

[Charlie]

You've been in any fight smiles?

[Miles]

No.

[Charlie]

As a kid.

[Miles]

I'm a Frenchman. I don't fight.

[Charlie]

Ah, we, We. You just. Are you a Frenchie now? You know a lot of French.

[Miles]

I'm French. You know that. My mom said she wants to learn French.

[Charlie]

Why doesn't she?

[Miles]

I don't know.

[Charlie]

It's never been easier listening.

[Miles]

It's never been easier to learn French. Take a class right on your phone.

[Charlie]

Better learn it now before a bunch of people are walking around with those little brain things in their noggin. The. The neuralink, you know, and they're all walking around speaking in tongues and stuff and stealing money account in the stock market because they're smarter than you. I had to get one in, Miles. I had to get one little squeaker in. One little squeaker.

[Miles]

Let's just get it over with. You're not a big fan of neural link, then?

[Charlie]

No, I mean, you know, I think I. Look, I just think, you know, we're creating a new species and we got to look at what the more look at the humans with Better technology. Look at what we do to other humans. That's what's going to happen.

[Miles]

Here's the question. Do you think we did all right with this species or do you think we should try again with a different one?

[Charlie]

Well, I don't know, Miles. I think we can get better. I think there's a lot of room for improvement.

[Miles]

I know.

[Charlie]

Maybe we should. Maybe we should focus on improving our species before we make another one that.

[Miles]

Says, yeah, a great life lesson. Just like when you get on the airplane, secure your own oxygen mass before assisting others.

[Charlie]

Exactly. Wow, what an analogy, Miles. I like that.

[Miles]

Next time you're on an airplane, remember that. It's a great life lesson.

[Charlie]

Okay. You and I are flying on an airplane. Oxygen mask drop down. I'm asleep. What do you do?

[Miles]

I put my oxygen mask on first and then I wake you up.

[Charlie]

Do you put my oxygen mask on if I'm not waiting?

[Miles]

Oh, I assist you.

[Charlie]

You will assist me?

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

Or will you?

[Miles]

I mean, but. But if you're not waking up, you're seem like a lost cause and I gotta help other people that are alive.

[Charlie]

Really?

[Miles]

You know, like if you hit, if that's when you had got like. Can you imagine that timing?

[Charlie]

What timing?

[Miles]

Like you die right before a plane goes down. You know, like that would be awesome. You don't have any of the. You just die in your sleep and then the plane crashes.

[Charlie]

I've. I've been on an airplane where the turbulence has gotten bad that I thought it might crash. No fear, zero fear. I was like, okay, it's happening.

[Miles]

Yeah, it's like, is weird. He kind of like stood up and said, come on, this is all you got. This is all you got. I'm ready.

[Charlie]

It's crazy in near death situations, you're just on and you're in the moment and you're not, not thinking about fear. So that's why we shouldn't worry as people, you know, because in those moments there's going to be no worries. Yeah.

[Miles]

That's why every situation I'm in, I just, I act like it's life or death. So I can just be on at all times.

[Charlie]

I can tell. Yeah, I can tell.

[Miles]

Like right now I'm thinking about how you could murder me. And I am dialed in.

[Charlie]

See that?

[Miles]

I knew that that wasn't the way you'd murder me. We arm wrestled and you clearly don't have enough strength to kill me with one punch.

[Charlie]

You. Dude, you jumped the gun on the arm. Let's do it again. You counted it let's do it again.

[Miles]

Mine left to get to Charlie. We got calls.

[Charlie]

I'll never live it down. I'll never live it down. You cheated. Yeah, you did. Roll the tape back. See? He cheated.

[Miles]

Should we take some callers? Let's do it.

[Grant]

This is Paige.

[Miles]

Hi, Paige, this is Miles and Charlie from the Bellied up podcast. How's it going?

[Grant]

Good. How are you guys?

[Charlie]

We are doing so good, Paige. We are doing real good. Thanks for. Thanks for, you know, calling in. We appreciate you. And so. So word on the street is in the voicemail you left, you said that you love celebrating your birthday, but your husband isn't really a birthday guy.

[Grant]

No, he's not. He likes his birthday, but he likes to be alone on his birthday. Thanks. I like to be celebrated.

[Miles]

Yeah. See you. You like when your birthday is a big deal.

[Grant]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Are you an only. Are you. Are you an only child?

[Charlie]

No.

[Grant]

This is the thing. I grew up in a family of five kids, so I had to make my own birthday cake. Most years.

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Okay. Yeah. I mean, you're getting all the questions that I already had. You know, what was the cause of this, all that stuff.

[Charlie]

She's a middle. Are you. Middle child?

[Grant]

Yes.

[Charlie]

Well, that makes sense. We're getting somewhere. Paige, look, I gotta tell you, I'm one of 12. I have two sisters that share the exact same birthday, and they're both named Mary. Okay, so if you think you got issues.

[Miles]

Yeah, that's real.

[Charlie]

Mary Kate and Mary ellen, both born February 23rd.

[Miles]

What?

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Grant]

No.

[Miles]

Why would your parents name your. Their kids the same name?

[Charlie]

I'm one of 12 kids. They ran out of names.

[Miles]

Is your dad George Foreman?

[Charlie]

No, that's just how it goes. So Paige.

[Miles]

So Paige knows what they're. What they're going through. They know. Not only do they not have their own birthday, not only does it get overlooked because there's 12 kids in the family, they also don't have their own name.

[Charlie]

Yeah, they got nothing. They got nothing that's their own, so. And, Paige, it sounds like you were raised similarly, you know, halfway there. And so what? What, like, growing up, you had to make your own birthday and then you married a guy. Do you kind of marry your dad? You know, he's doing the same thing here where you have to plan your own birthday still.

[Grant]

Yeah. My dad probably doesn't even know what my birthday is. He's a great father.

[Miles]

I see a trend here. Start off, he's a. He's a great husband. He's a great father. But.

[Grant]

Yes. And my Husband is amazing. He's just blue collar. You know, he. He goes to work, he comes home, he has a beer, and he goes to bed. Like that's just his life.

[Charlie]

Every day.

[Miles]

Amazing.

[Charlie]

Yep. He's living the dream. He's living the dream. But you want.

[Miles]

So why do you want to disturb his peace?

[Grant]

Well, because I'm a good wife. Okay. I deserve.

[Miles]

That's true.

[Grant]

Birthday. You know what? I made him a kid this year.

[Miles]

Oh, congratulations.

[Grant]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Charlie]

How can I just ask this? When you made him the kid, how much work did you go through to bring that kid into this world?

[Grant]

I went through. I mean, what was it, 76 hours of labor?

[Charlie]

What? 76 hours of labor?

[Miles]

Well, there you go.

[Grant]

I was in early labor for two full days.

[Charlie]

Oh, my.

[Grant]

And I was in the hospital and labor all day.

[Charlie]

And how much work would you say? Did you have a son? Did you have a daughter?

[Grant]

Daughter. Josie.

[Charlie]

Josie. Josie. Beautiful name. How much work do you think Josie did during those 72 hours? 76 hours?

[Grant]

I mean, hopefully a lot. I mean, she had to get turned manually, so maybe not much.

[Charlie]

She didn't do a damn thing right on the day of her birth. I think you did all the work on the day of her birth. So we should celebrate you on your daughter's birthday. And on your birthday, I think you should turn the tension from you to your mom. Yeah, your mom's the one that really should be celebrated, because what did you do on your birthday except get pushed? Do you celebrate the first day you got pushed on a swing? No, it's the same damn thing.

[Grant]

Oh, my goodness. I feel like I'm getting gas lit here out of my own birthday.

[Charlie]

You're not being gaslit. It's just you did nothing of substance on your birthday. It deserves celebration.

[Miles]

So don't just be throwing the G word around here, okay?

[Charlie]

What's a G word?

[Miles]

Gaslight. Yeah.

[Charlie]

Gab. We don't even know what that means. Okay?

[Grant]

I do. I'm a therapist, Charlie.

[Charlie]

Oh, you're a therapist. Well, here, let me be your therapist. How come you picked a husband that you knew was not going celebrate your birthday to be your husband?

[Grant]

I didn't know it.

[Charlie]

You didn't know. Do you celebrate your birthday while you.

[Grant]

Were dating too fast?

[Charlie]

You married him to. How long were you dating before you. Before he popped the question?

[Grant]

Two weeks?

[Miles]

No. Is he in the military?

[Grant]

We've been married for four years. No, he's not. Don't you dare even.

[Charlie]

Wait, you got married? Don't you dare even. You got Married after two weeks.

[Grant]

Well, no, we. We knew we wanted to get married after two weeks. He probably got me a ring, I don't know, two months later or so.

[Miles]

That's so much better. That's so much better.

[Grant]

Yep. So, yeah, we've been married for four years. Dating for five. Great.

[Miles]

Well, here's the question. You were saying? I didn't know he was like that. Do you. Would you still have married him if you had known that he doesn't like birthdays that much?

[Grant]

100%. It's, like, his only flaw.

[Miles]

I know. So you can't be mad at him. You still would have married him.

[Grant]

Well, I guess that's it.

[Charlie]

No, that's not it.

[Miles]

That was a therapist trick right there.

[Charlie]

Silence. Yeah, we had to fill the silence. We fell for it.

[Miles]

Yes, you did.

[Charlie]

All right, let's dive into this.

[Grant]

You guys are good.

[Charlie]

I think. I think. Paige, I'm going to take a page out of your own book here. You guys, like. Wait, did they. I think that there's a big difference, and I don't mean to get all sexist here, but I think there's a big difference in the way men celebrate their birthdays and women celebrate their birthdays.

[Miles]

Correct.

[Charlie]

You know, Charlie.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Grant]

Calling for. I need the male perspective.

[Miles]

Yeah. Gals on their birthday, they want it to be a big deal. They want to go out with their friends. They want to put a sash on.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

They want to woo.

[Charlie]

They want to.

[Miles]

It's my birthday.

[Charlie]

They want all their friends wearing T shirts with pictures of them on it.

[Miles]

Correct. 100%. And, Charlie, what do guys want on their birthday?

[Charlie]

We want to not be texted at all. Because we spend all day replying to texts on our birthday. You know, we just want to be left alone at a bar by ourselves. And we want. If someone shows up, we want to be like, hey, just so you guys know, so it's not awkward, it is my birthday I don't want to talk about. Just get me a beer.

[Grant]

Well, there we go. I guess I just need to get a bunch of girls around me, then.

[Charlie]

Yeah. Well, let's talk. What is. Yeah, you talk. We've been talking over you. Because, you know, we're men, and that's what we do.

[Grant]

Yeah. Your man.

[Miles]

Yeah. Sorry we were gaslighting you. We apologize.

[Grant]

Good Lord. But the thing is, for me is, I want a good presence, okay? And I don't even get a present on my birthday, hardly ever.

[Miles]

Well, does he do what I do? Does he do what I do with my wife when she asks If I'm getting her a present for a birthday, I say, well, I got you a wedding ring, so that should cover me for at least 10 years.

[Grant]

Because I picked out my own wedding ring.

[Charlie]

Oh, my God.

[Grant]

For it.

[Miles]

Well, there you go.

[Charlie]

He's footing the bill. But you want to be special. All right. What? Pre. He's never gotten you a presentation.

[Grant]

He has. I have to take it out, and that's not much of a present.

[Miles]

That is true.

[Charlie]

Well, would you. Would you rather he gets you some you don't want, then you get some you want, but you had to pick out.

[Grant]

I don't know the thoughts. What counts to me, even if it's something little.

[Miles]

Well, what about this? What if he got you the most precious present of all?

[Grant]

What the.

[Miles]

The present. Just spending time with you.

[Charlie]

His presence.

[Grant]

That would be amazing.

[Miles]

That's what he does.

[Grant]

If he would put down the video games for one evening, that could be a gift.

[Charlie]

He's a video. Now, this is interesting. You're calling into this podcast.

[Miles]

I don't think this is about birthdays at all.

[Charlie]

I think. I think we're uncovering a few more issues you might have in this relationship.

[Miles]

But that's going to be in our next session. This. Our time is up.

[Charlie]

Yeah, our time is up.

[Miles]

Our time. Well, our time is up, so I'm gonna have to dive into that next time. So you can. I can bill you again?

[Charlie]

Yeah. Tick, tick, tock.

[Grant]

Hey, Those sessions are 53 minutes, okay?

[Charlie]

53 minutes down to the second. For real. So does he listen to this podcast?

[Grant]

Yes, he's the one that got me on it.

[Charlie]

And you're thinking that this is the only way you're gonna get through to him?

[Miles]

You thought this was a good idea?

[Grant]

I guess so.

[Miles]

All right, here's the thing. What? Let's see. All right, so what is your husband's name? I don't remember if we talked about that.

[Grant]

Drew.

[Miles]

Okay, Drew. Hey, let's meet in the middle. You put down the video games a little bit more, spend some quality time with the wife and daughter, and just go get her a present. It sounds like she doesn't even care what it is. You know, do what my mom used to do when she bought my dad tivo for his birthday one year, knowing full well my dad doesn't watch tv. So go get her some new ice fishing gear.

[Grant]

Maybe. I'd like to try it.

[Miles]

Yeah, and then when. When you don't want to do it anymore. He's got a new. He's got another rod.

[Charlie]

Yeah, that's Smart. Drew.

[Grant]

We're.

[Charlie]

We're dropping advice here. Drew. What? Subtly. Well, what would you want Drew to get you? What would be your most magical birthday? Describe it.

[Grant]

I would love a necklace with our daughter's birthstone in it.

[Miles]

See?

[Charlie]

Okay, time out.

[Miles]

But now. But now he can't get it.

[Charlie]

No, he.

[Miles]

Because she just said that she doesn't want to tell him what to get.

[Charlie]

She didn't tell.

[Grant]

But there's. There's many necklaces in the world.

[Miles]

Okay, okay.

[Grant]

Yeah, there's gonna pick the right one.

[Charlie]

Let me.

[Grant]

The one he likes.

[Charlie]

Paige, let me ask you this. Were your daughters born in April?

[Grant]

No. August.

[Charlie]

Thank God. What is that birthstone?

[Grant]

It's Paradox.

[Charlie]

What the hell is that? Oh, it's green.

[Grant]

Really pretty green color paradox. Either. Or Peridot. P E R I O D T.

[Charlie]

Or something per dot.

[Grant]

I believe that's right.

[Charlie]

Yeah, that's exactly right. All right, so a double per dot necklace. Boy. Both in August. Let's see here. August is the eighth month, which would mean that eight. So December. Oh, it's a good month for. For Drew and you. Christmas babies, huh?

[Grant]

This summer was a hot one.

[Miles]

It was right before he got the new video game for Christmas. It was actually December 23rd. And then since then, it's like, I guess they're having one kid that was his Christmas.

[Grant]

Oh, my gosh. To any wives out there whose husbands play Tarkov, I'm with you.

[Miles]

Okay. Don't know what that is.

[Grant]

Yeah, it's called Tarkov, and it's a game you play with your friends, and it's so addicting that he just is busy all the time. It's awesome.

[Charlie]

Wow. So is. Is there. It sounds like there's more than one issue with this situation. Have you ever played Tarkov?

[Grant]

No. It's very violent, I think. I don't know. It seems like a foraging game, but there's a lot of violence. But just whatever.

[Charlie]

Well, okay, so you want a necklace with the deal on it. Okay. I think Drew might be listening. This.

[Miles]

Drew, if you're listening, you now know the game plan, and that's something that. The reason why he doesn't. Men are really good at getting directions and then doing a task. You know, if you're leaving too much interpretation for him, you know, he's. He's going to get distracted by something else. So this is good.

[Grant]

I figured if they heard it, heard it from y'all, it might happen, right?

[Miles]

Drew, you need to get her a necklace with your daughter's name on it. And the Birthstone, Right? That's what we're going with.

[Charlie]

She didn't even say the name. She want them engraved.

[Grant]

Perfect. Whatever. Whatever he wants to do. That's just general. General what I want.

[Charlie]

Okay, simple.

[Grant]

You can shake it up.

[Charlie]

Simple. Now, if you were the therapist and you were giving yourself therapy, what would your recommendation be in this situation?

[Grant]

I would say to tell him what you want.

[Charlie]

Yeah, and.

[Grant]

But you know what? Sometimes you get tired of doing that, and I understand that, too.

[Charlie]

Well, you've told him what you want, right?

[Grant]

Right, I have.

[Charlie]

So can you think of other creative ways to tell him? Perhaps call up a podcast that he listens to?

[Grant]

Yeah, Charlie and Miles. That's the first thing that came to mind.

[Charlie]

Oh, I said that will work.

[Grant]

100.

[Miles]

If none of this works, just take all the HDMI cords in the whole house and hide them. And then he'll pay attention to you. I can tell you that.

[Grant]

And you can just take the power cord PC.

[Miles]

You could say, once you have a wrapped present for my birthday on the counter, then you can get the HDMI cords back. Boom. Done.

[Charlie]

Sounds like a hostage.

[Miles]

That is what marriage is all about. Keeping score, having leverage over the other person. And what's better leverage than all the HDMI cords for a guy who loves video games?

[Charlie]

I can't think of anything.

[Grant]

It's true.

[Miles]

You're right.

[Grant]

That's all I have to do. Passive aggression.

[Miles]

Yeah. Well, since we got you in the line, do you mind giving Charlie and I a little therapy?

[Grant]

Sure. What do you need?

[Charlie]

Gold Miles.

[Miles]

Well, that's the. I mean, you're supposed to pry it out of me.

[Charlie]

I think, yeah, you've listened to this podcast enough. What do you think our issues are?

[Grant]

Well, Charlie's definitely got a dating aversion here.

[Charlie]

A dating aversion?

[Grant]

I'm not sure. You and the ladies, it seems like you got some high standards or high stands for yourself. You need to love yourself more, buddy.

[Miles]

It's not about the people you're dating. It's about you, Charlie.

[Charlie]

It's about me. Gotta love myself. Well, I am dating. Yeah, I am. I got a girlfriend.

[Grant]

I knew that. I hope it's going well.

[Charlie]

It's going.

[Grant]

Ship will be better if you love yourself more.

[Charlie]

Oh, my God.

[Grant]

You can't get everything you need from the other person. It's got to come from within.

[Charlie]

Wow. That's amazing. Can I send you $100?

[Grant]

Absolutely.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Grant]

My going rate's 225.

[Miles]

Well, you all. You've only been working for four minutes, so what do you mean.

[Charlie]

Yeah, let's divide that quick.

[Miles]

End the session, Charlie.

[Charlie]

No, no, it's your time. We're splitting this. What's Miles's advice?

[Grant]

Oh, God, Miles. I don't know. I feel like you're pretty roundabout guy. You're getting into fitness, you're taking care of yourself.

[Charlie]

Was that a dick? You know, you're pretty roundabout guy.

[Miles]

I used to be roundabout.

[Grant]

No, I meant roundabout as in, you know what, the self care has gone up. He's probably a good dad. It doesn't sound like his wife's very pissed very often. Yeah, that we know of.

[Miles]

Yeah, we don't talk about that enough.

[Charlie]

No, you are a good husband.

[Miles]

I don't piss my wife off that much.

[Grant]

Yeah. I just feel like you. You. You're doing well. That would be my critique for Miles.

[Charlie]

That's not a critique. You can't come up here and tell me that I need to love myself more and say Miles is freaking perfect. That's bullshit.

[Grant]

But we all know that comedians don't love themselves. That's why they're funny.

[Charlie]

Oh, so she calling you not funny.

[Miles]

I'm not a comedian. I'm a podcaster.

[Charlie]

Wow.

[Miles]

Influencer. I'm an influencer.

[Charlie]

No, you're an under the influencer.

[Grant]

Yeah, you.

[Charlie]

Wow. I can't believe this.

[Miles]

I mean, the professional said it, Charlie.

[Charlie]

I. I guess. I guess she hasn't listened to enough episodes. That's all I gotta say. That's all I gotta say.

[Grant]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

All right, well, I'm gonna go love myself more. Okay. I think. Yeah.

[Miles]

I don't know. His girlfriend doesn't live around here, so I think he does enough loving himself at home.

[Charlie]

You guys, shut up. You don't need a la. You bring your own laugh track with you. Miles, this is.

[Grant]

Well, love you, Charlie.

[Miles]

Also, thank you for doing this for free, because I would have been like a bozo. Hired a therapist just to tell me that I'm perfect. Like, that would have. That would have been a waste of money, so.

[Grant]

Well, I always advocate for therapy. You guys. Okay.

[Charlie]

Your local therapist, you're.

[Grant]

Yeah, they're always there.

[Charlie]

Yeah, well, it can be a good thing.

[Miles]

Unless you don't need it, like. Like me.

[Charlie]

$225.

[Grant]

You're mild and you're perfect.

[Charlie]

Stop calling him perfect. This dude's got a massive ego already.

[Grant]

I know. That's the problem. He already agreed he was perfect so quickly. That's why you didn't say that.

[Miles]

You guys said it. And I just repeated what you said. Days.

[Charlie]

Well, Paige, this has Been a pleasure.

[Miles]

When is your birthday, by the way?

[Grant]

January 2nd. We don't got much time.

[Miles]

Well, actually when this came out, when this comes out, it will be past your birthday.

[Charlie]

So hopefully you're sitting there with a beautiful necklace and you two are listening to it in the car.

[Miles]

How awkward that's gonna be if he doesn't get her anything.

[Charlie]

Oh my. He's just gonna.

[Miles]

He's like, let's listen to bellied up this week. And then this call is on here and he's just sitting there wide eyed, just. Hey, honey, you mind if we stop at the jewelry store on the way to dinner?

[Charlie]

I see a Jared. Let's. Let's listen to cribs cast. If you were to give your husband therapy, what would you say?

[Grant]

I would tell him he needs to go back to therapy so he can actually travel with me every once in a while.

[Charlie]

He doesn't travel.

[Grant]

He doesn't like leaving the house too much. He's a bit of an anxious guy, but he's a good guy.

[Charlie]

Yeah, he's a good guy. So skull changes.

[Miles]

Well. Well, he's also sounds like he's using that a little bit of his of a crutch, you know, You've heard of therapy dogs. It sounds like he's got therapy video games and he's using that to his advantage.

[Charlie]

Tell him he's gotta start living in the real world, not the virtual world.

[Grant]

And Drew, you guys tell him.

[Charlie]

Well.

[Miles]

Oh yeah, I forgot we were talking to him.

[Charlie]

Yeah, Drew, listen, guy, have a seat, man. You know, if the video games bring you happiness, that do what you gotta do.

[Miles]

Yeah. You know, honestly, you're doing great, Drew. Yeah, so I wouldn't change a thing. You're perfect.

[Charlie]

Maybe get her the necklace though.

[Grant]

But. Get the necklace.

[Charlie]

Yes.

[Grant]

Okay. We leave it there.

[Charlie]

Yeah, we'll leave it at that.

[Miles]

I mean, honestly, it just sounds like you're gonna buy more hours on the Xbox if you just get her the necklace. It's an investment in your future, man.

[Grant]

Amen.

[Miles]

Yeah, there we go.

[Charlie]

Well, buying time. That's why they call it that. Well, thank you, Paige, for calling in. All right.

[Grant]

Of course.

[Charlie]

And yeah, tell Drew he says hi. Okay, Will do.

[Grant]

All right, thanks, guys.

[Miles]

Yeah, have a good one.

[Charlie]

We'll see ya. Send an invoice.

[Grant]

Take care.

[Charlie]

All right, bye bye. Now that calls.

[Miles]

I love that caller. We should have page on more.

[Charlie]

What are you doing?

[Miles]

Nothing, I'm just putting out the vibe. You know, I honestly did not see that coming.

[Charlie]

No saying you're perfect. Good God, she Clearly listened to one episode where I may have.

[Miles]

I was on the. My best behavior.

[Charlie]

Yeah, yeah. Once in a while you behave real good. You feel like your mom's gonna listen to that episode or something? All right, well, I, I resent that. I. I think I love myself plenty.

[Miles]

Okay. How many times a week you think.

[Charlie]

Miles? You know, the other day I was on a toboggan.

[Miles]

Yeah. We were out of toboggan together.

[Charlie]

Together, yeah.

[Miles]

And nuts to butts, as they would say.

[Charlie]

Nuts to butts. And we were ripping down that big old hill and gravity took its force and that tree popped. And if it weren't for my quick, fast acting stuff, we would have smashed right into that tree. If we did well, I think we, we could have been saved, medically speaking, on the bills. Because we could have called our buddy Russell over at Nicolet.

[Miles]

Correct. Yeah, that. You know, in that situation, most people have their life flash before their eyes. I had a phone number flash before my eyes.

[Charlie]

What was that phone number?

[Miles]

Right as I thought I was gonna hit that tree, I just flashed 1-855-NICOLETTE.

[Charlie]

Really?

[Miles]

Yep. Wow. Just right across. Boom.

[Charlie]

That's amazing.

[Miles]

And thank God it did because if we would have hit that tree, I would have been calling him up right away after I had came to.

[Charlie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Miles]

Then I would have called Nicolet. And so if you guys end up in a toboggan accident, hey, you know who to call or go to. Nicolay law.com.

[Charlie]

Yeah. Fear the beard.

[Miles]

So you're saying that we almost hit a tree?

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Tobogganing. Would you say it's an extreme sport?

[Charlie]

Yeah, absolutely. Tobogganing is.

[Miles]

Yeah, you guys are out there tobogganing this winter, you end up getting hurt. Just give Nicolay Law a call and they'll help you out.

[Charlie]

Yeah, give them a shout.

[Miles]

Charlie, the winter gets long.

[Charlie]

It does.

[Miles]

Gets dark at 5pm and you just, you feel like you just can't get enough sunlight. And you know what I like to do at a moment like that?

[Charlie]

What's that?

[Miles]

I like to get sunlight in a glass. Oh, you know what I call that?

[Charlie]

Tippy cow. Yeah. Sun, sunshine in a glass with some rocks.

[Miles]

Yep. And the best part is, Charlie.

[Charlie]

What's the best part?

[Miles]

Miles, you can not only enjoy a nice glass of Tippy Cow, you can also be wearing a shirt that says tip a glass ass, not a cow.

[Charlie]

I get it.

[Miles]

Exclusive bellied up Tippy Cow collab merchandise. You can get them@oubet you.com.

[Charlie]

That is slicker than snot on Northern Pike.

[Miles]

And Charlie, we actually are also going to be giving away some shirts to a few lucky callers.

[Charlie]

No kidding.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

So if people call in, they get a shirt. A couple, couple, two.

[Miles]

Tree unclear on that.

[Charlie]

Well, we'll figure it out.

[Miles]

Yeah, we got people for that.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

I'll just know that what we're going to be giving away some of these shirts so you can tip a glass and not a cow this winter season. Charlie.

[Charlie]

Miles.

[Miles]

Cheers, my man.

[Charlie]

Cheers.

[Miles]

Tipping on.

[Charlie]

Back to a tippy cow.

[Paige]

Well, I'm currently stuck in line at the ethanol plant, so I could be better, I suppose.

[Charlie]

Oh, no. Stuck in line at the ethanol plant. Sounds like when that happens. Sounds like you're in Iowa. How is Iowa? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what are you doing at the ethanol plant? What are you in line for? Just getting your daily ethanol intake.

[Paige]

I'm just trucking the corn. What magic happens inside the plant is beyond me.

[Miles]

Where are you at? What you hauling?

[Charlie]

Sounds like he's hauling corn in Iowa. Miles.

[Miles]

I know. I just wanted to say the line.

[Charlie]

No, I know. I just. I like.

[Miles]

So much more fun that way.

[Charlie]

I like to rip you back.

[Miles]

Should we start over?

[Charlie]

Yeah. Yeah. Grant, how in the heck are you? Where yet?

[Miles]

What's your hauling?

[Paige]

Yeah, I'm doing fantastic, guys.

[Charlie]

Good.

[Paige]

Hauling corn here in northern Iowa.

[Charlie]

Good for you.

[Miles]

Sound like you're stuck at the ethanol plant.

[Charlie]

Yeah. He's got that tone in his voice, doesn't he, Miles?

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Paige]

Just that defeated. I've been here for two hours and I want to go home.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

What's taking so long?

[Miles]

All the other guys are here, stacked up like cordwood.

[Charlie]

Yeah, that's exactly what it sounds like. Well. Well, what's on your mind, Grant? I hear that you and your wife. You got a wife from Minnesota, and you guys say some things differently. There's a bit of a language barrier between the Minnesota, Iowa love connection.

[Paige]

I'll start off by saying, I mean, I love my wife.

[Miles]

She is.

[Paige]

I love everything about her. However, there is this one thing that just drives me up the wall. So, yeah, like I said, she's from Minnesota, and I'm from down here in Iowa. And she doesn't have that, like, classic Minnesota accent. She. She did say a boot one time. I still give her grief for that.

[Charlie]

That's Canadian.

[Miles]

Yeah. She said.

[Paige]

And it's southern Minnesota, too.

[Miles]

So some would say that she's saying a boot, but really what she was saying was about.

[Charlie]

Yeah. And sheep.

[Paige]

There you go.

[Miles]

Or a boat.

[Charlie]

I don't know.

[Miles]

Yeah, it could be Any of those.

[Charlie]

Well, what was she talking about?

[Paige]

I don't even remember, but I just kind of stopped what I was doing. I looked at her and I said, what. What did you say? And she. She denies it to this day, but it was very clearly I. Something she was talking about. Just. I don't know. Just slid that one in there.

[Charlie]

Oh, man. I think your wife was dating a Canadian before you is what I think.

[Paige]

Oh, boy. I don't know about that.

[Charlie]

All right.

[Paige]

I hope not. Nice guys and all, but.

[Miles]

Well, what the heck? Why is she so ashamed of her Minnesota roots? Why didn't. Why is she denying that she should be wearing that with a badge of honor?

[Paige]

I don't think she denies it because she's got a couple phrases that she repeatedly throws in my face, you know, that make no sense down in Iowa. So. So if you guys were gonna go to, like, a gas station and you wanted to get something relatively quick, you know, at this chain gas station, what. What would you call that place?

[Charlie]

Quick Trip.

[Paige]

Like, what would be the. Yeah, all right, fine. I might be the minority on that one, because down here we call them quick Stars.

[Charlie]

Well, they're the same company, same church, different pew. Yeah, they actually call them quick stars in Iowa. And then you cross the border, it's a quick trip trip.

[Paige]

So that. That one's not so bad. Like, we'll go visit her folks, and there's a quick trip right up the road, and I'll mess up and call it Quick Star. And she gives me grief for it. But the. The other one that drives me nuts is. So if you were going to, like, you know, your buddy just had a baby or something, and you're going to take them a meal that's in, like, a dish, you know, and it's. It may or may not be warm, but. But what would you call it? What's the name for that type of. Of food?

[Charlie]

Casserole. Casserole. I forgot.

[Miles]

Hot dish.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

So hot dish.

[Charlie]

What do you call it?

[Paige]

I call it a casserole. Like a normal person.

[Miles]

No, like.

[Paige]

Like it's its own word, designed for its own type of. You know, what is a pizza?

[Charlie]

Hot dish.

[Paige]

What's soup.

[Miles]

If you call.

[Paige]

I had some coffee this morning.

[Miles]

If you.

[Paige]

Thank you.

[Charlie]

Thank you.

[Miles]

If you call it a casserole, then you are an.

[Charlie]

Yeah, Miles, that's a cute play on wor. I will grant you that. But, Grant, I gotta tell you, man, I'm with you. There's a lot of weird words that people say all across the Midwest. That are a little goofy. Like, for starters, you know, we're here in Milwaukee, okay. If you're looking to hydrate, you go to a bubbler, okay. But you go anywhere outside, you ask for a bubbler, they're gonna hand you a little glass piece and they're gonna say, toque away, my guy. And. Or you find yourself in Cincinnati, you get invited to a three way. Well, you' showing up in your silk undies to a chili cook off, all right? And before you know it, you know you got some problems, and that's a new one. Oh, you've never heard of the Cincinnati three way?

[Paige]

No, I have not. I. I'm a little scared to hear. Finally hear about it.

[Miles]

No.

[Charlie]

Well, there's.

[Paige]

I'm okay.

[Charlie]

Having gone this long, there's noodles involved, but it's not the frisky kind.

[Miles]

They're cooked.

[Charlie]

They are. Them noodles are cooked.

[Paige]

And I'm just worried that all these Midwest language barriers. So we got two daughters, and I don't want them to be, you know, sitting on the playground someday in a circle with all their friends, and they're capping them on the head like going, duck, duck, duck. And then they pick somebody, they want to chase them, and they say, gray duck.

[Charlie]

No, I. What they're going to say is gray duck. That's what he's worried about.

[Miles]

I know. Gray duck, I think, is almost an exclusively Minnesota thing. You guys say gray duck in Wisconsin?

[Charlie]

No, no, no.

[Miles]

I grew up right on the border of Minnesota and we said goose.

[Charlie]

Yeah, I mean, that is definitely a Minnesota thing. And you're right, they will get made fun of for that. But I mean, the biggest concern would be, are they. Are they Vikings fans? Are you raising. Are you raising these kids to be Vikings fans?

[Paige]

Oh, yeah, We're. We're teaching them early just how, you know, don't get too excited and don't put a lot of faith in your kickers.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Well, how can you be talking crap about gray duck and a boot and hot dish and be raising your kids as Vikings fans?

[Charlie]

That is a good question. You are in Iowa. You don't have to choose a life of problems, but you are.

[Paige]

That's just the way I was raised. We're kind of in that goofy. You know, we're closest to Chicago, closest to Kansas City, but, you know, just went with the Vikings one day, I guess.

[Charlie]

Well, what do you mean closest? Where in Iowa are you? What city?

[Paige]

Kind of in the corners called Charles City we call Chucktown.

[Miles]

I thought he was maybe talking about Davenport.

[Charlie]

Oh, Speed of davenport.

[Paige]

No, no, no.

[Charlie]

Do you call couch a davenport?

[Paige]

My grandma did. Otherwise I would have never heard anybody else besides you say that.

[Charlie]

Yeah, it's a beautiful one.

[Miles]

Another language barrier, Charlie.

[Paige]

Well, I'm not perfect either. I'm lazy with my language. I use a lot of contractions, and I call it like a pumpkin and a crayon and a crick, so she gives me a hard time for that, too.

[Miles]

How else would you say, though?

[Charlie]

Yeah, that all sounds pretty good to me.

[Paige]

Yeah. All right, well, good. That's not just me.

[Miles]

What do you call the device that you use to change the channel on the tv?

[Paige]

I would call it a remote, but a clicker. Does sound more fun.

[Miles]

It's a clicker.

[Charlie]

Definitely a clicker. What do you call your shoes that you play when you're doing something athletic?

[Paige]

Like cleats?

[Charlie]

No, something athletic on a court.

[Paige]

Like basketball shoes.

[Charlie]

Tennis.

[Paige]

Or, like, tennis court?

[Charlie]

Tennis shoes.

[Paige]

Tennis.

[Charlie]

Yeah. You ever say tennis?

[Paige]

Tennis shoes. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never played tennis a day in my life.

[Miles]

No, no one has.

[Charlie]

Yeah, it's just they're called. And it's not called tennis shoes. It's called tennies.

[Miles]

They're tennies. Yeah, I call them. I call them tenny runners.

[Charlie]

Tenny runners?

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

That's just weird. You really call that.

[Miles]

You call a water fountain a bubbler? Buddy, that's co. That's cool.

[Charlie]

But, buddy, it's cool. Bubbly Tenny runners. God, we can't even be friends anymore. See, don't let. Don't let your kids.

[Miles]

Of all of the dumb that I said, that's the last straw, that we.

[Charlie]

Can'T be friends anymore. Yeah, because you do an arm wrestle. We'll see if you can say it. Come on.

[Miles]

No, I got Lopper's elbow.

[Charlie]

No, these are the beautiful. Truthfully, we need to celebrate our differences. Okay. We do. As a society, whatever our differences, we must embrace them. But if your kids grow up saying, duck, duck, gray, duck, I hate to say it. They're not getting into college, all right? So you're gonna have to. You're gonna have to wrestle that one out of their vocabulary if you want them to grow up a normal life.

[Paige]

Grant, I. I will do my best. I will try, but, you know, she spends more time with them being at home while I'm stuck at the GD Ethanol plan.

[Charlie]

Yeah, take them to work with you.

[Miles]

Are you still in line, by the way?

[Charlie]

Oh, yeah.

[Paige]

I'm gonna be here a while. They closed it, too.

[Charlie]

You.

[Paige]

You can have your truck. You Gotta have your truck in line by the closing times, which is 2:00. You know, it changes every day. And then you gotta. But then they'll just. They'll dump you eventually. So I might be here till the sun goes down, which is about 4:30, but.

[Charlie]

Well, you'll be home in time for dinner, and then you can be with your family. And I just gotta say, that is what life is all about. You like what I did there, Grant? Huh? Yeah, that's poetic ending right there. Well, this is great. Well, tell everyone over at the ethanol plant we say hello. All right, I'll try.

[Paige]

I got a kind of a goofy buy, sell and trade, if you got the time.

[Charlie]

Thank God. Of course we got the time. We know you do. Is it a bunch of corn?

[Paige]

No, I'm selling that. I ain't trading that. Okay. Price right now. Oh, yeah, but so. So this one kind of. I don't know when that you guys are gonna. This one will come out, but it's kind of good for Christmas time. So. A few years ago, I had a little. Little extra money and I was gonna buy a old car, kind of restored, make it look all nice. And I realized that a few thousand dollars wasn't gonna cut it. I can't afford a big car, so I started buying toy cars, specifically, like Hot Wheels. And at the moment, I'm currently sitting on several thousand toy cars and even more. A little more money tied up in that and I. I need to get them gone.

[Charlie]

Wow.

[Paige]

I got too many.

[Charlie]

I mean, you're married with a couple thousand Hot Wheels. Did she know about that before getting into this?

[Paige]

Yeah, yeah, I started it just before we met. I mean, you don't start something like that. Yeah. When you're. When you're already in a committed relationship as a single guy.

[Miles]

Yeah. Just think, you met her a few months earlier, you might have not had this collection.

[Paige]

I probably had enough money then to buy that actual driving car versus all these little ones. But.

[Charlie]

Do you have any rare Hot Wheels in your collection?

[Paige]

I got a few, so they roll. I won't nerd out on you completely, but they release like special edition ones every year, and they're worth. You know, you still buy them for a dollar, but last I checked, I got one that's probably worth about 120 bucks right now.

[Charlie]

Wow.

[Paige]

But I mean, that's. Certain ones will go for, you know, you can buy them for. For 25, 30 bucks, and they'll sell for 50 to 100 in some cases. So, I mean, it's. Prices are all over the board. But I also got just a ton of like $1 ones too.

[Charlie]

Do you have a three car garage? And one of the cars is just like an entire parking lot for these.

[Miles]

He's got a thousand car garage.

[Paige]

Yeah, I got a couple totes full of them. Anyways, do you have the tracks started? I, I did. I used to do like some videos on the tick tock where I would race them. But then the track kind of takes up a lot of space.

[Miles]

Yeah. What is the handle? We need to look this up.

[Charlie]

Yeah, let's look it up.

[Paige]

Okay, so it's, it's, it's the orange track. Farmer.

[Charlie]

Let me see this.

[Miles]

So let me guess. You have an orange track and you also farm. Farm.

[Paige]

Atta boy. Nothing gets by you guys.

[Charlie]

I'm excited for this Shrek farmer.

[Miles]

Okay, here we go.

[Charlie]

Oh wow. He's got a following.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

So dude, you can't sell these. This is.

[Miles]

Well time out. You taking some of these out of the box.

[Paige]

So I, so I, I've done a thing since January 1st of 2020 where I carry a car in my pocket every day. I've got spreadsheets that tell you what car was what day, like which one was my wedding day, which one was the day my daughter was born. Yeah. So I, I, I've opened. That's been about 1800 days. So.

[Charlie]

Wow. Are you, yeah, this goofy little snowman I think I got.

[Paige]

Oh yeah, that was the advent calendar one. Where the heck is number 11?

[Charlie]

Right in the middle.

[Paige]

That's not my voice by the way. Perhaps I was right again. Bitchin shade of green who was still a brand.

[Charlie]

Finally. Day 12. Way up in the corner.

[Paige]

Ah yes.

[Charlie]

One of these car ornament hook deals. Just like that, we're half done and.

[Paige]

Only 12 days until Christmas, y'all. Matt.

[Miles]

Wow, you got a real nice radio voice.

[Charlie]

Yeah. Is that AI?

[Paige]

Yeah, that's a stock Tick Tock voice. Yeah, I'm in there a few times. You can see my beautiful face.

[Charlie]

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. You made a cool, I mean that.

[Miles]

Is kind of cool that you have like you bought ones on specific days. That's kind of cool.

[Charlie]

That is cool. I mean I, I gotta admit to you, I, I didn't have a whole lot of hope, but I, I'm liking a few of these from Miles's account right here. Wow.

[Miles]

So are you trade, you want to trade these?

[Charlie]

Yeah. What, what's the neat, what do you want to trade for?

[Paige]

Well, I traded for more cars, but that's not exactly solving My problem. I mean, probably just selling them out, right?

[Charlie]

What's your problem?

[Paige]

Somebody's got a.

[Miles]

How much for the lot?

[Paige]

I trade for like an old Dodge truck or something. How about that?

[Miles]

I don't know if that's gonna fly.

[Charlie]

Yeah, it might be. Really?

[Paige]

How much?

[Miles]

If you were selling it, how much for the whole thing?

[Paige]

Whole shebang. Oh, man. So I know what I've got invested in them, give or take. So I mean, I whole thing, every. Every car I own, probably, I don't know, $5,000 maybe.

[Miles]

I know.

[Charlie]

Wow.

[Paige]

Yeah. I got a problem.

[Charlie]

Yeah, you do.

[Paige]

But I bought them for cheaper than that, so I think I'm actually money ahead. That's some guy map.

[Charlie]

If you sell them.

[Miles]

Yeah, yeah, he's. He's rich on paper.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Charlie]

All right.

[Miles]

He's worse. It said I'm investing Y. Yeah, exactly.

[Charlie]

Well, there you have it, folks. If you're interested in this classic Hot Wheels collection, DM the orange track farmer on Tik Tok before Tik Tok. Isn't Tik Tok going away? Aren't they closing that thing down?

[Miles]

I don't know.

[Paige]

I think that's what they say, I guess.

[Charlie]

All right, well, messaging them now if you got before it all goes out.

[Paige]

I'm also on the Instagram too.

[Charlie]

Same handle? Same handle. All right, well, there you have it. Well, thanks for calling in, Grant. And yeah, good luck selling your fleet, my man.

[Paige]

Thank you guys. Tell you folks I says hi.

[Charlie]

All right, offload that corn. We'll see you. Well, that's a fun hobby.

[Miles]

I just. I would love to be a hobby guy. Guy.

[Charlie]

What would be your hobby?

[Miles]

Well, I'm a. I'm a phase guy. So I go through phases.

[Charlie]

Phases?

[Miles]

Yeah, like I bought a pocket watch.

[Charlie]

Oh yeah? I've never seen you. Well, it's once on your wedding. It was a.

[Miles]

Correct. It's one of those things you don't wear around.

[Charlie]

Why not?

[Miles]

Cuz it was expensive.

[Charlie]

Oh, really?

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

How much was it?

[Miles]

I don't want to talk about that.

[Charlie]

I want to talk about. Would you trade it for the trade the watch for the cars?

[Miles]

I would not really.

[Charlie]

So is more than that.

[Miles]

No, I. I'm not giving a price.

[Charlie]

Come on know. Don't be weird about it.

[Miles]

So what I mean though is I'd love to be someone who would spend multiple years collecting or doing something. I just. I'll go through phases. Well, I learn more.

[Charlie]

Yeah, but why don't you go through the phase of the cars? Do them a solid good. You got an old Dodge.

[Miles]

Can you imagine if I went home and said, hey, an trip was good? About $5,000 worth of hot wheels. So I'm going to throw them in the basement. Even though we're trying to clear everything out of our basement, I'd go over good.

[Charlie]

Yeah. They're probably a choking hazard too.

[Miles]

Yeah. Spin zone, though. Be pretty fun when he gets older.

[Charlie]

That would be fun. You'd be. You say you're investing in your child's future.

[Miles]

That's something we can do together.

[Charlie]

Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

[Miles]

Well, Charlie, is that it?

[Charlie]

I think that's it, Miles. Another one in the books.

[Miles]

Guys, remember we got the road hunt for ditch chicken stuff on the website. We got the tippy cow shirts on the website. Oh, you betcha. Dot com. Com. Thanks for tuning into another episode.

[Charlie]

And watch for deer and tip your bartender.

[Miles]

See you. Next one.

[Charlie]

Boom.