Married Man Loves Another Man's Wife (W/ John Crist) #152

Summary

Bellied Up Episode #152: "Married Man Loves Another Man's Wife" featuring John Crist

Release Date: May 22, 2025

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Introduction and Major Announcement (00:00 - 06:00)

In this episode of Bellied Up, hosts Charlie Barrons and Miles "You Betcha Guy" Berens kick off with a huge announcement. Initially hinting at a potential Tony Award nomination, Charlie quickly clarifies the real news: the podcast is launching its first-ever live show. With palpable excitement, the duo revels in the news, declaring:

Charlie Barrons (00:35): "We did a thing."

They reveal the live event details, slated for July 8th at Zany's Chicago, following the 4th of July weekend. The hosts encourage listeners to tailgate and participate, teasing a series of experimental shows that may extend beyond the initial date. The segment is filled with humor and camaraderie as they discuss logistics and the fun chaos anticipated during the live event.

Guest Introduction and Early Banter (06:00 - 14:00)

The episode warmly welcomes comedian John Crist, who joins Charlie and Miles for the episode. John introduces himself with a humorous twist, highlighting his sobriety:

John Crist (06:34): "I've been sober for five years and this is the bar."

The conversation quickly turns playful as the hosts and John sample a non-alcoholic drink, joking about its mysterious ingredients and lack of actual alcohol. Charlie and Miles engage in light-hearted banter, poking fun at John's antics and setting a lively, comedic tone for the episode.

Luke Bryan Song Challenge and Wildlife Talk (14:00 - 28:00)

The trio delves into a Luke Bryan song challenge, testing Charlie's knowledge of the country star's discography. The segment, labeled "How Many Luke Bryan Songs Does Charlie Know?", becomes a comedic rollercoaster as Charlie struggles to identify songs, leading to playful ribbing from Miles and John.

Transitioning seamlessly, the conversation shifts to wildlife and hunting, where John shares an anecdote about wildlife management in Nashville. The hosts use their trademark humor to discuss topics like cranes, deer hunting ethics, and the hypothetical scenario of a robot takeover, blending satire with genuine insights.

John Crist (14:05): "They were flying too low."

This blend of humor and thoughtful dialogue keeps the audience engaged, showcasing the hosts' ability to navigate diverse topics with ease.

Listener Call: Rob's Marital Dilemma (28:00 - 75:00)

The highlight of the episode features a listener call from Rob, who presents a deeply personal and complex situation:

Rob (46:15): "So if you stay, there'll be trouble, but if you go, there might be double."

Rob and his friend, both married with children, express their feelings of falling in love with each other's spouses. The conversation spirals into a mix of serious relationship advice and hilarious interjections, as the hosts and John navigate the sensitive topic with their unique comedic flair.

Charlie Barrons (62:16): "Just tell your wife what's going on."

Miles (75:36): "It's like I'm cheating on my wife, but it's for love, so it's okay, man."

Despite the gravity of the situation, the interaction remains humorous, with the hosts offering typical podcast banter alongside genuine advice, creating a balance that resonates with listeners seeking both laughter and introspection.

Second Listener Call: Tyler's Accounting Conundrum (75:00 - 85:00)

Following Rob's intense call, another listener, Tyler, reaches out with a light-hearted dilemma:

Tyler (78:02): "How do you make accounting sexy?"

The hosts seize the opportunity to infuse their signature humor into Tyler's query, suggesting playful and pun-filled approaches to presenting accounting in a more appealing light.

Charlie Barrons (81:05): "Put a 'freak in the sheets'—the spreadsheets."

The segment is a comedic exploration of blending professionalism with humor, offering listeners laughs while addressing the universal quest to make one's profession more attractive.

Conclusion and Final Banter (85:00 - 89:33)

As the episode winds down, the hosts reflect on the day's conversations, acknowledging the mix of deep personal stories and comedic relief. They recap the live show announcement, thank their guests, and sign off with their usual blend of warmth and humor.

Charlie Barrons (89:27): "Hope you guys have a good one."

Throughout the episode, notable quotes and timely humor underscore the hosts' ability to navigate a variety of topics, making the episode both engaging and relatable for listeners.

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Key Highlights and Notable Quotes:

• Live Show Announcement:

  Charlie Barrons (00:35): "We did a thing."

• John Crist on Sobriety:

  John Crist (06:34): "I've been sober for five years and this is the bar."

• Advice on Marital Issues:

  Charlie Barrons (62:16): "Just tell your wife what's going on."

• Accounting Humor:

  Charlie Barrons (81:05): "Put a 'freak in the sheets'—the spreadsheets."

• Robot Takeover Satire:

  Charlie Barrons (15:50): "They're little dragons."

Episode Flow:

1. Announcement of Live Show – Setting the stage for upcoming live events.
2. Guest Introduction – Welcoming John Crist and establishing camaraderie.
3. Luke Bryan Challenge & Wildlife Talk – Engaging listeners with quizzes and humorous discussions.
4. Listener Call: Rob's Dilemma – Diving deep into personal relationship challenges with humor.
5. Listener Call: Tyler's Query – Addressing professional insecurities with comedic solutions.
6. Conclusion – Wrapping up with final thoughts and expressions of gratitude.

Final Thoughts:

Episode #152 of Bellied Up masterfully blends comedy with genuine conversations, offering listeners a rich and engaging experience. From the excitement of live show announcements to the heartfelt and humorous handling of listener dilemmas, Charlie, Miles, and John Crist create a dynamic episode that resonates on multiple levels. Whether you're tuning in for laughs or insightful discussions, this episode delivers on all fronts, embodying the unique charm that makes Bellied Up a standout comedy podcast.

Transcript

[Charlie Barrons]

Very big announcement.

[Miles]

Very big announcement.

[Charlie Barrons]

And this announcement is so big, it's gonna blow you guys away. Miles and I are nominated for a Tony Award. Oh, that wasn't it. Hang on, hang on. Let me read the other side of this paper. Oh, we're doing our first ever live bellied up, ladies and gentlemen.

[Miles]

Bellied up. Live Bellied up. It's not live bellied up. It's bellied up Live Bellied up.

[Charlie Barrons]

It. We'll do it live.

[John Crist]

We're doing it live.

[Miles]

We're doing live. So yeah, we finally.

[Charlie Barrons]

We did it.

[Miles]

We committed.

[Charlie Barrons]

We did a thing.

[Miles]

Whoopsies. We did a. I did a thing.

[Charlie Barrons]

I did a thing. Zany's Chicago, July 8th, after 4th of July weekend. Don't party too hardy because we're coming into town. You guys better be tailgating it. We want all the fibs coming out.

[John Crist]

Out.

[Charlie Barrons]

I know, I've been mean.

[Miles]

Yeah. This is not. That's not. This isn't great for the show.

[Charlie Barrons]

This was convenient.

[Miles]

Basically have gone on like a three year run.

[Charlie Barrons]

Longer than podcast.

[Miles]

On this podcast.

[Charlie Barrons]

On this podcast alone, three years just on fibs.

[Miles]

And now we're like, hey, fibs. We figured show in Chicago.

[Charlie Barrons]

Well, we figure, you know, Pope's a fib. Might as well do it with the fibs, you know, that's true. Fibs are holy now. So we're coming. We're coming to town July 8th. We're gonna do one show, maybe two. One show, maybe two. Two shows, maybe three. Three show, maybe four. Four, four. Can I get a five? Five show, maybe six. Six show, maybe seven. Seven, seven. There is seven over there.

[Miles]

For sure. One show for sure.

[Charlie Barrons]

One show, possibly two.

[Miles]

We'll see.

[Charlie Barrons]

We're piloting it out, guys. You're gonna be here for the experimentation side. It's gonna get weird in there.

[Miles]

Yeah, let's. Yeah. Remind people that like working out the kinks.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. Set the bar low. Walk right over it.

[Miles]

So what's it going to look like, Charlie? What can they expect if they come to bellied up Live?

[Charlie Barrons]

You come to Belly Up Live, you're going to sit down and there's going to be a screen there. There's going to be a screen behind the stage. It's going to have a QR code on it. With that QR code, you are going to be able to submit your questions, your buy, sell and trade your weird things, whatever it is. We'll probably put a prompt above the QR code asking for something specific. It's your opportunity.

[Miles]

Well, yes. So basically, you get into the venue, get into Z. You're going to get yourself a drink.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[Miles]

And then you're going to scan the QR code. You're going to submit your topic. And Charlie and I aren't just going to be messing around the green room. No, we're going to be pouring over your topics.

[Charlie Barrons]

We're just going to be. Yeah, we are going to get dialed in.

[Miles]

We're going to get dialed in. We're going to pour over your topics. We're going to pick the ones that we think are the best. So you got to bring some heat, too.

[Charlie Barrons]

Bring that heat.

[Miles]

And once the show starts at some point, we'll have the people that submitted the topics that we like the best come up on stage and discuss it with us. Just like we are doing bellied up right here today.

[Charlie Barrons]

Well put simpler. You're going to come up on stage and belly up to the bar with us, Correct? Right.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

And we're going to.

[Miles]

Whether or not it's a real bar.

[Charlie Barrons]

Or it's a table, our budget is limited.

[Miles]

We haven't worked that out yet, but.

[Charlie Barrons]

Well, we haven't worked out the kinks, but it's going to be fun, guys. It's going to be a great time. And also, if you have something you want to buy, sell, or trade, bring it in. Make sure it's not firearm. They don't allow those. They don't. They do not. Yeah. No.

[Miles]

And also, make it small.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Like, don't bring a kayak.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, you can bring a grenade. That's been emptied out, though.

[Miles]

Okay.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, they sell them at the Army.

[Miles]

Repo, but make it small, you know, small. Don't be bringing in a, you know, lawnmower.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, it's a tight club.

[John Crist]

Tight club.

[Charlie Barrons]

It actually used to be a strip joint. It is a day. Yes. It's a very long, thin club. Oh, food arrived. Wow, that looks really good. Thank you. Thank you very much. No, thanks. That's wonderful.

[Miles]

Thank you.

[Charlie Barrons]

Really appreciate you. Oh, gonna eat that after the intro. I'm gonna steal some of your fries, too.

[John Crist]

I know.

[Charlie Barrons]

I got a salad, so I steal Miles fries.

[Miles]

But I think it's gonna be fun. This will be my first live show.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, but you've been on stage before.

[Miles]

Miles on stage, but still, first live show, you know.

[Charlie Barrons]

Huh? You nervous?

[Miles]

Not really.

[Charlie Barrons]

A little bit.

[Miles]

I'm not too nervous about it.

[Charlie Barrons]

A little bit more excited. Okay. Yeah.

[Miles]

Excited, nerves.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yep. Nervousness, just. I forgot I left my wings in your fridge. Damn it. Nervousness oftentimes is just covering up for Excitement. Yeah, it's nervous facing excitement. It happens. Happens to all of us.

[Miles]

I think it's going to be fun, though.

[Charlie Barrons]

Give me a great time. We'll have some other comedians there as well, just to warm you guys up, get you acquainted. We're going to have some fun. It's going to be a great time.

[Miles]

Make sure you get to tailgate beforehand, get some beers going, you know.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, exactly. Show will be at like probably seven o' clock, something like that.

[Miles]

Yeah, yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

We haven't fully figured it out yet, but it's going to happen. It's going to be fun. Can't wait to see you guys in Chicago July 8th for the first ever Bellied Up. Fudge it will do it live.

[Miles]

Fudge it will do it live. Frick it.

[Charlie Barrons]

Frick it. We'll do it live.

[Miles]

Frick it. We're doing it live.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, we'll do it live.

[Miles]

Ted Zanies, right?

[Charlie Barrons]

Zany's. Yeah, you said just.

[Miles]

Yeah, Chicago Zanies. So we'll probably put the link in the description of the episode. So buy tickets.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, you click on the link. Pretty self explanatory. Keeping the ticket prices pretty reasonable too.

[Miles]

They may go hot too. So. Yeah, be quick.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, they may go quick because it's a hot tick.

[Miles]

Nice.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Bellied up podcast. I'm your host, Charlie Barrons, here with Miles. You betcha. Guy and comedian and buddy of ours.

[John Crist]

That'S kind of trailed off after comedian. Yeah, comedian.

[Charlie Barrons]

He's a comedian buddy. You know John Crist, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah, you know him, you love him. And he's got his own drink here at the. At the Red Door Saloon in Nashville, Tennessee. What is it? Drink looks a little creamy, sir.

[John Crist]

Is. Well, I've been sober for five years and this is the bar.

[Charlie Barrons]

Congratulations.

[John Crist]

My sponsor. Technically, I'm not allowed within 50 yards of here.

[Rob]

Okay.

[John Crist]

But it's fine. Yeah, I'm joking.

[Miles]

It'll come out way after you're here.

[John Crist]

So I was always like, it's like, you know how like if you're like a cocaine addict, you're like, I need $3,000 cash. And your wife's like, no, this is one of the things that. This was one of the red flags.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[John Crist]

I go, no, I got to go to Red Door Saloon in the afternoon. But it's for. It's for work. It's for a podcast. It's for Charlie Barron's podcast.

[Charlie Barrons]

They're like, thank you.

[John Crist]

Yeah. Are you guys just setting up an Instagram live so you can get drunk. But this is actually. There's no alcohol in this drink.

[Charlie Barrons]

Well, what is in it?

[John Crist]

I don't know.

[Charlie Barrons]

Let's taste and see if we can crisp.

[John Crist]

Okay, let me think.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, there's pink lemonade.

[John Crist]

Let it wash over you, brother. Okay, now there's not pink lemonade in it.

[Charlie Barrons]

What? There's some creamy.

[Miles]

Yeah, I mean, it just tastes like I'm on a beach.

[John Crist]

Yeah, it's like a pineapple.

[Miles]

Pineapple.

[Charlie Barrons]

That's the flavor. I was thinking Sprite.

[John Crist]

Yeah, it's like pineapple Sprite and a little bit of.

[Charlie Barrons]

Got some red.

[Miles]

If you plug those in, I'm sure a drink would pop up.

[John Crist]

It's a Long island iced tea minus alcohol. Oh, it's like they just go, hey, what do you want? Yeah, I got stuff. We'll just. Anything non alcoholic back there. They're just pouring it in here.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, nice.

[John Crist]

Probably what that is.

[Miles]

And then they just throw an orange thing on the side, just like make.

[John Crist]

It look oranges here. They're like, well, this is a bar.

[Charlie Barrons]

Like a boozeless wop kinda, you know? Can we say that?

[John Crist]

Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, what a boozeless wob.

[Rob]

That's great.

[Miles]

You can.

[Charlie Barrons]

I mean, that's what they call it. Yeah, of. You call it wap, not awp.

[John Crist]

This. You're gonna get a lot of. You're gonna get a lot of respect in Nashville for doing it at this bar.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Hell yeah.

[John Crist]

Yeah. Because everybody's like, oh, red door. Yeah. These guys get. These guys know the town.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, that's nice.

[John Crist]

I'm trying to think if we were at like, Miranda Lambert's. They're like, all right, dude, skip this episode.

[Miles]

As we were at Luke Bryan's on Monday.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, it wasn't.

[Miles]

It was Luke's 32 bridge, which is way different.

[Charlie Barrons]

And then.

[John Crist]

Different.

[Charlie Barrons]

And then we did Acme seed and feeders.

[John Crist]

A good one. Yeah. Well, that's all the way in Lower Broadway. The farther you start at the top of Broadway when you're Acme is about a 3. 3:30 in the morning spot. Oh, we're at Acme. I go, did call an Uber immediately. You're an acme. Wow. All right. I go, I'll go, how did you get there? So.

[Miles]

So what would you tell us if we told you we were there at 11:00am?

[John Crist]

I go, dude, when you go to rehab, you're like, what was rock bottom Acne at 11? 11?

[Charlie Barrons]

No, it is searching for my soul from the night before.

[John Crist]

You want to get lunch? Sure. We're still here.

[Miles]

You could Tell the staff was kind of looking at as, like, why are you here right now?

[John Crist]

Okay. Like, we'll get you another drink, but you shouldn't go belly up at the bar at Acme. No, this is a. This is. I would say I. I think I tweeted out, like, two weeks ago. I was like a Luke Bryan, y' all. Sleep on Luke Bryan. This guy's been putting out hits since you were in high school. Don't you think so?

[Miles]

Oh, yeah.

[John Crist]

People disrespect Luke Bryan. I don't like it. I'm not having it.

[Charlie Barrons]

You're not having it?

[John Crist]

I'm not having it anymore. This guy's been serving you nothing but hits since you were in middle school, and you're old.

[Charlie Barrons]

Brian, I got to be honest with you. If you named, like, 10 songs, I'm not sure I'd be able to pick out the Luke, because Luke Bryan, in my mind, and this is a non Nashville sort of thing to say, but he kind of blends in with a lot of other dudes from country, dudes.

[John Crist]

From the era or.

[Charlie Barrons]

No, just generally speaking. I don't know that I know the distinct difference between Luke Bryan and.

[Miles]

Yeah, I mean, he gets the most flack for being the guy that talks about the trucks and the beer.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, that's all Luke Bryan?

[Miles]

Yeah, pretty much.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, wait, wait. Is this his, like, back of the truck with window down.

[John Crist]

That's a lot of songs.

[Miles]

You're just talking the tribute.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, no, no, no. And the radio low.

[John Crist]

And the radio.

[Charlie Barrons]

Is that it?

[John Crist]

Yeah, that Chicken fried.

[Charlie Barrons]

No, not that one.

[John Crist]

Yeah. Yeah, he does have a song called. Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

You know, where he kind of wrapped.

[Miles]

He's got a song called Kick the Dust up, and. And honestly, I know what you're saying, but that song, I. It's tough for me.

[John Crist]

Oh, you don't like it?

[Miles]

N. Wow.

[Charlie Barrons]

We're. We can't do this. We can't be coming here in Nashville.

[John Crist]

We can't do this.

[Charlie Barrons]

We gotta change our tune right now. Miles, we're gonna get a lot of. Ha. Come here to the. To the Red Door Saloon and talking.

[John Crist]

About whatever y' all bring up down here from the north. Yeah, this. If you're. If we're saying this tonight at this bar, we're kicked out.

[Miles]

Okay.

[Charlie Barrons]

We might be kicked out if we talk louder about it right now.

[John Crist]

Yeah, you kicked out of here. That's all they have, is Luke Bryan and Jason Aldean on that jukebox.

[Charlie Barrons]

We should play it.

[John Crist]

That's all they have. Yeah, we can't have anything else in here.

[Charlie Barrons]

Well, I'm a huge fan myself, so.

[Miles]

Of Luke Bryan.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Name two songs.

[John Crist]

No, no, no, it's not like that. But if you hear it like, I went to Alan Jackson a couple years ago. I was like, alan Jackson. And then I knew every song. Yeah, you go to Jason Aldean. You go to Lou Bryant. You'll never song. Everyone, every country artist should be judged by how many do you know?

[Charlie Barrons]

Okay. How many not, how many not. How many can you recall? It's not like a fill in the blank. It's a.

[John Crist]

When you hear it, you go, oh, I know this one.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Crist]

And what would you say for you? I would say. Yeah, Brian, I'm 15, 20.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

Start singing one.

[John Crist]

No, you got to just hear them. Oh, you want me to bring it out?

[Charlie Barrons]

Sure. All right, we'll see.

[John Crist]

We'll see if Luke Bryan.

[Miles]

All right, guys, this is the new segment called how many Luke Bryan songs does Charlie know?

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, you stop the song and see if I can't.

[John Crist]

We can't play it.

[Miles]

How many notes? You seem like the show. Like, how many notes do you think you could name that tune?

[John Crist]

All right, country girl, shake it for me.

[Charlie Barrons]

Shake it for me. Okay, play it again.

[John Crist]

Play it again. Play it again. I just said this three times.

[Miles]

It's kind of his M.O. though.

[John Crist]

That's my kind of night, you know?

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, that's my kind Tonight.

[John Crist]

One margarita.

[Charlie Barrons]

I don't know.

[John Crist]

Unbelievable.

[Charlie Barrons]

Well, maybe it's the way you're singing.

[Miles]

You're also just. You're also just reading.

[Charlie Barrons]

Reading me lyrics.

[Miles]

No, he's not reading lyrics. He's just reading the title in a sing songy way.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, this isn't fair to me right now.

[John Crist]

Margarita. Two margarita, three margarita, floor.

[Miles]

No, he's got no knocking boots, too.

[John Crist]

I can't play it right because that'll be.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, that's all right. It was a fun game while last.

[John Crist]

We got big time advertisers here, so we don't want to, you know.

[Charlie Barrons]

Would you just do.

[John Crist]

No, I should say we got sponsors that.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[John Crist]

Copyrighted.

[Charlie Barrons]

Twist the labels. No, I get it. Smart, smart. I'm slow on the uptake.

[John Crist]

What did you just do?

[Charlie Barrons]

So he just.

[Miles]

As a Wisconsin guy, he just saw you touch the rim of his beer and he went into fight or flight mode, huh?

[Charlie Barrons]

Trying to clear it.

[John Crist]

You know, you're right. You're right.

[Charlie Barrons]

So. Yeah, what's. What's been going on, man?

[John Crist]

Lots going on in Nashville.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[Miles]

A lot of cranes. A Lot of cranes.

[Charlie Barrons]

More cranes than a sandy bottom lake in Wisconsin there. You know, it's a crane joke for you.

[Miles]

That's just not the humor you're gonna find on any other podcast.

[Charlie Barrons]

Have you guys ever heard a crane.

[John Crist]

Do its call like one of those white birds?

[Charlie Barrons]

Dude, it sounds like. Like you got dragons.

[John Crist]

It's like, we don't want to get copyrighted, but bring up a crane.

[Charlie Barrons]

Let's bring up a crane. I can't do it.

[Miles]

Just do it, Charlie.

[Charlie Barrons]

It' it's going to sound too much like my ego.

[Rob]

Like.

[Charlie Barrons]

Play it, because that's not doing it. It's not Jared's.

[John Crist]

Like, I don't.

[Charlie Barrons]

That wasn't making the noise that I hoped would come out of my mouth. So hang on, let me find a crane.

[Miles]

And if you're wondering, this is now the second time.

[Charlie Barrons]

Pretty good. Yeah, but they do that. Like I was get. You knew where I was going with it. But they do that up in the air, you know, and, and, and, and it comes out of nowhere. It's loud. It's. It's.

[John Crist]

So what is it for? Mating.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. You know, just letting. It's what they do before they breathe fire on you, you know? Yeah, yeah, They're. They're little dragons.

[John Crist]

They'd be hard to shoot. Do you hunt them?

[Charlie Barrons]

They. They were extinct because they're not very hard to shoot at all, as it turns out.

[John Crist]

They extinct to themselves.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, they got. People would eat them. It was a sirloin of the sky back in the day. But now.

[John Crist]

Now call that extinct or you just call. They didn't make it. We didn't take them out. They just.

[Miles]

They were asking for it.

[John Crist]

Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. They were flying too low.

[John Crist]

Nature's extinction.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[John Crist]

What do you got? Where do they do that? Don't the birds fly from up there? They come down here for the summer.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. Sometimes they're.

[Miles]

We don't know where they go. We just know they leave.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[John Crist]

What birds?

[Charlie Barrons]

A lot of them. You know, ducks, geese. Cranes, I'm sure have a migratory pattern. Scarlet tanagers. You know, typically what happens is they'll come down for the winter.

[John Crist]

Actress?

[Charlie Barrons]

No.

[Miles]

Dude, she kind of sounds hot on Instagram.

[John Crist]

Scarlett.

[Miles]

She's in the next Marvel movie. She's Mrs. Marvel.

[Charlie Barrons]

The Red breasted Mergansers. I've talked about them on this podcast. That's another.

[John Crist]

I'm not making a job.

[Miles]

This is what. This is not a uncommon thing. I gotta hear bird talk a lot on this podcast.

[Charlie Barrons]

He put up a rule that I can talk about birds. So I'm using my one every 10 episodes right now.

[John Crist]

I do. I do. We have one on our podcast about. I went on a safari, and I bring it up. I go, well, when I was on the safari, I think I bring it up every episode. They're like, no, no. They're like 10 minutes in. Yeah. And now I'm doing. On someone else's pot.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. Well, what you see on that safari.

[John Crist]

Well, I go, hey, listen, here's how these type of things go.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[John Crist]

Because, like, we can't. Like, my girlfriend, she's always. We had the. What's it called with the. They all run through the gorge in Lion King.

[Miles]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

The wildebeest. Yeah. Yeah.

[John Crist]

So they're going across the. They're going across the river. They all. It's just like a Lion King, and there's a bunch of crocs there. They all got to go together. They're all scared to death to get on the other side. Oh, and then one of them got.

[Charlie Barrons]

Its hoof caught damn.

[John Crist]

In the rocks or something like that, and he was trying to get free. And then the. Our guide goes, you don't want to see this. What? He goes, this is. It's. And it's like. I go, should we help? Should we go? And he goes, that's not. It's the circle of life, right?

[Charlie Barrons]

He gave you the Mufasa speech.

[Miles]

Did you go on a Disney safari?

[John Crist]

I was like, I think these are animatronic.

[Miles]

You, like. You, like, take. You, like, take your Mickey Mouse ears off. You're like, oh, this is sad, man.

[John Crist]

It's like the. The jaws hear something.

[Charlie Barrons]

Did you see it, though?

[John Crist]

Because I left.

[Charlie Barrons]

God, I can't believe I would have stayed.

[John Crist]

We would have.

[Miles]

I think I would.

[John Crist]

Well, we did. I mean, it. We did see a couple. And it was. It was. It was horrific, really. And we saw a. This is. This is gonna. Everybody that follows me is gonna. Not anymore. But we saw a zebra, and it. It kind of. It was laying down.

[Charlie Barrons]

Okay.

[John Crist]

And I go, is that. They shouldn't be doing that. Right? Like, they don't. There's prey out here.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[John Crist]

And it goes. Yeah. That's when, you know, they're. They're hurt or they're.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, that.

[John Crist]

The pack has to go on and all the. Zero. Yeah. And. And they go. He goes, you see those vultures up there? They go, if we wait here about 10 minutes, this will be a skeleton. And it was. We watched the whole thing. Did you realize that one of them lands and starts, like, Picking at it and then just. I mean, while.

[Charlie Barrons]

It's a lot.

[John Crist]

100 of them. Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, my God.

[John Crist]

It was wild.

[Charlie Barrons]

It said spiritual experience.

[John Crist]

No, it really was Doggy dog world. Let's go.

[Miles]

Faltery zebra world out there.

[John Crist]

Yeah. And then he goes, anyway, what's next? And then you just go on to the next thing.

[Charlie Barrons]

That's crazy.

[John Crist]

It was. It was really wild. Yeah. And that happens in Wisconsin, I'm sure.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. Did you. We have some stuff like that.

[Miles]

You know, we go deer hunting.

[John Crist]

Well, how far.

[Miles]

Listen.

[John Crist]

Okay, that's it. Because how far. How far in the. In the hunting process? Would you take it before you go? Hey, we should probably call it, you know, like the guys that go the big five hunting in Africa. You're like that. Yeah. Okay. Why not? You don't think it's.

[Charlie Barrons]

Well, here's. Here's the way I would do. Is. Is the population. Is there a. Is there a. Have we built a thing where the population needs this to sort of sustain? Here's what happens to the deer if they get overpopulated.

[John Crist]

Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

They. They start, like, licking the same stuff, you know, and they get chronic wasting disease.

[John Crist]

And that happens here at Red Door, too. If. Hey, if it gets overpopulated in here, people start licking st.

[Charlie Barrons]

The packs get close. You know, I'm not doing myself any favors. We bring the wolves back in a real way where they need the deer.

[John Crist]

Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

Which would probably be preferable.

[John Crist]

Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

In general. If you're like a hippie and. Which I kind of am, you know, and then I guess there's no reason to do it. But the thing is, is they. They are so populated. But that's the other thing is, where do you take it? Like. Like with grasshoppers, you know, everybody would.

[John Crist]

Agree that if there's ants in here, kill. You're not gonna scoop them up and take them outside. Kill them.

[Charlie Barrons]

Right.

[John Crist]

So you go, roaches, kill them. Rats kill them. Right. And then you go, possum. You go, well, I'd. There's like a catch and release possum program that Sebastian has a joke about. He's like, just kill him. Just take him to the other side of town. He's like, you're killing these. But then you go, like in Arkansas, the hogs.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[John Crist]

You got to kill those things. Yeah, those. Mow them down.

[Charlie Barrons]

Right.

[John Crist]

So then you go, well, what if there's like. Like you go. Because I. I've been to the. The thing here in town. It's the exotics, the richest of the rich, because it's like, it. I don't want to. I don't want to say it, but it's like the, like, addiction is like, you got to keep heightening the. The bigger, the more they're like, oh, let's go. Let's get one of those, like, rams that are on those cliffs in, like, in Utah. You're like, all right, dude, just forgive your dad. Or like, when is it. You know what I'm saying? But it is. See, I don't get the, the dopamine from hunting. I never. But I. Yeah, the only thing they.

[Miles]

Haven'T done is kill a whale and stuff it.

[John Crist]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then you go. And then you go, well, let's keep like. And then he goes, well, you want to go to go down to, like, South Africa. They got these like. Or you know what I'm saying? You just have to keep.

[Miles]

Correct.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, you keep.

[Miles]

Trophy just keeps getting larger.

[John Crist]

So where do you stop? Where would you go? Hey, that's too far for me. And I think some people would say it's too far for them with a deer.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, for sure. For sure.

[John Crist]

People don't like that.

[Miles]

Correct. Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

But I think another thing to, like, if you're gonna eat meat, you know, then you think, well, what happens to that? So if a deer. That's pretty environmentally sound way of getting yourself some meat. But. So you kind of. But then plants, you know, I gotta plant my house right now. Rubber plant. And I, I. This is the only thing in my life I have to take care of.

[John Crist]

And how's it going?

[Charlie Barrons]

I do a pretty subpar job. Yeah, but I do, I do talk. No, it's not that. I've had many years and I talk to it sometimes. It's still doing. Yeah, just has trouble in the winter.

[John Crist]

And when you go on the road.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, well, it doesn't like a lot of water, so it probably does get lonely.

[John Crist]

Well, what about the guy. What about the guy that says, hey, Tanzania, it's going to be 50 grand to hunt this, the lion. But it's going into the economy there, and it's going to help save people.

[Charlie Barrons]

I can buy that argument. Here's.

[John Crist]

No, dude, you can.

[Charlie Barrons]

If, if, if you.

[John Crist]

I don't know. I can.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, I can.

[John Crist]

I've heard that before.

[Charlie Barrons]

I know, I know because. But it depends how sustained the population is.

[John Crist]

Because of humans. No, Whatever you're hunting, that's how the humans doing.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, dude, I'm going to have to pay for this all back because pretty soon these robots are going to be running around and they're just going to be hunting humans.

[John Crist]

Oh, yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

And then I, I got note. I'm just a target out there.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[John Crist]

For you first.

[Miles]

So if the robots are hunting us, do you guys think that they would pass you up? You know, like, if it's not a big enough rack on a. On a bus.

[Charlie Barrons]

Look at humans just get like scrawnier to like.

[John Crist]

It's like, I saw him with a shirt off in the shower.

[Miles]

He is not going to look good on our wall.

[John Crist]

Yeah. Oh, that'd be funny.

[Charlie Barrons]

Like, just a bunch of us, like with our next. Or the wall talking to each other.

[John Crist]

What do they. What do they measure? Like ears or full?

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, probably if you're balding a little.

[John Crist]

Bit, they go, nah, nah. This guy.

[Charlie Barrons]

It's an irregular, you know.

[Miles]

Hope they don't measure girth, you know.

[John Crist]

That would suck there. Yeah, yeah. Because everybody, you know, you got to kind of like. You got to kind of talk yourself into the, like. No, like, if, like doing stand up on the road is a little bit of like an addiction for me.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[John Crist]

Where I feel. It's, it's.

[Charlie Barrons]

It's very.

[John Crist]

A lot of dopamine and you can kind of talk yourself into. I need to get. I need to do the Wisconsin funny bone this weekend. No, I gotta work. You gotta kind of keep telling somebody a story about why you need to.

[Charlie Barrons]

Go out, about why you're doing that.

[John Crist]

Yeah, well, you've been working 52 weeks in a row. No, I got a. A bit that I gotta. They were like, you know, that you should probably take a break.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, right, right. And you're like.

[John Crist]

But, dude, you're hunting. You're hunting a lion in Zimbabwe. No, dude, the economy.

[Charlie Barrons]

I don't want to. It's finding any excuse.

[John Crist]

Yeah. You gotta come up with something.

[Charlie Barrons]

I. I feel so bad hunting any sort of like lion or. I don't. I. Deer is pretty much the top of the thing. I've taken.

[John Crist]

Well, like a hippo. Like the big five, which are like, you know, the big five are not really.

[Charlie Barrons]

No.

[John Crist]

Can you look that up? The big.

[Miles]

That was Chris Weber.

[John Crist]

Yeah. Now you're talking, dude. Yeah, yeah. The big five. I believe it's the hardest. It's the. The hardest animals to kill.

[Charlie Barrons]

Hardest animals.

[John Crist]

Yeah. So one of them is like, we.

[Charlie Barrons]

Can look that up. You don't need to one hand it right now. You know, I'll try to. I'll give it up.

[John Crist]

Big five animals. Africa. Lion, leopard, elephant, buffalo, rhino.

[Charlie Barrons]

I don't know, man. I couldn't do that.

[John Crist]

But. But. But hunting an elephant is not hard, Right.

[Charlie Barrons]

It's like if you can't hit an elephant, you know, it's not like.

[John Crist]

Like a leopard is pretty hard to track, Correct. Yeah. And to get a rhino is not hard. Only an elephant. But you gotta have an elephant in your house.

[Charlie Barrons]

Well, yeah, it makes sense.

[John Crist]

But it must be a. Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

Dopamine.

[John Crist]

Oh, yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

What if you went out there with, like, a camera, you know, and you got a really good picture of it, you know?

[John Crist]

Yeah. Would that do it for you?

[Charlie Barrons]

Couldn't. And then you hang that in your thing.

[John Crist]

This drink for an alcoholic, it feels good. Well, kind of, but it's not really what I had in mind. It's like a mocktail. Like a photographer. I don't smoke anymore, but I just chew a toothpick. Well, doesn't really give you the same energy.

[Miles]

You go hunt for an elephant and they're like, hey, just hold the elephant closer to camera so it looks big. Just hold it out a little bit more.

[John Crist]

Yeah. If he does, like, a paw or like, not a paw print, but like a footprint in the mud, just scoop that up, take it home.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, Right.

[John Crist]

I got it.

[Charlie Barrons]

You got it?

[John Crist]

Yeah. What you need.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. That is kind of weird because you could just also. Also donate that money and not kill the lion.

[John Crist]

But what if they were, like, growing them, like, on the hunt? Farmer. Or they breed them to hunt, but then those are.

[Charlie Barrons]

I don't really like that. Like, what's the point then? That's like going to a deer farm.

[Miles]

Fence farm.

[John Crist]

The next day. The next episode should be people saying their level of hunting. And we decide if they're.

[Charlie Barrons]

If they're good people or not.

[Miles]

We'll let that one slide.

[John Crist]

Yeah. Because if you're off. If you're off your back. Back porch with a gun, just mowing down, and you're not like, taking the deer, doing anything with the meat. You just.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, yeah. And that's. That's not. That's not what you want.

[John Crist]

Because the nightmare. Those kids, like, all those kids that were, like, grow up to be, like, serial killers are, like, definitely hunting squirrels.

[Miles]

Well, it's the homicidal triad is what it is.

[John Crist]

Thank you. Charlie left. Thank you. Explain.

[Miles]

Cruelty to animals is number one. So they'll just do cruel things to animals. This is called the what, Homicidal triad.

[John Crist]

This is. We're getting into it. Yeah, yeah.

[Miles]

The second one is a wild one. It is. They wet the bed as an adult.

[John Crist]

Now this. Wow.

[Charlie Barrons]

Really? Are you making this up?

[Miles]

It sounds Like, I am, but I'm not.

[John Crist]

He's got the wildest Google history.

[Miles]

I'm on a list. I'm on multiple lists. Last one is they, like, are kind of a pyro technique. They, like playing with fire and arson and stuff like that.

[John Crist]

Wow.

[Miles]

So. So those three things, then.

[Charlie Barrons]

Don't do a sleepover with any pyros.

[John Crist]

Because there might be.

[Charlie Barrons]

You might be.

[Miles]

Don't bring your cat around them either.

[John Crist]

Yeah, because you go. But you. When did you first start, like, don't.

[Miles]

With cats?

[John Crist]

I killed a possum in college.

[Charlie Barrons]

How could you do that?

[John Crist]

I felt. I felt horrible about it.

[Charlie Barrons]

With a car.

[John Crist]

Awesome. No, I don't want to say how I did it, but I. I felt very bad. I was like, this. I'm good on this.

[Miles]

You're talking about, like, your bare hands.

[Charlie Barrons]

You just.

[John Crist]

No, I just, like, it was just. This is gonna. I'm gonna get. Something's gonna happen to me for this. Saying this.

[Charlie Barrons]

We can take it out.

[John Crist]

It was in a trash can, and I put the lid on it, fill it up with water.

[Miles]

Oh, my God.

[Charlie Barrons]

Dude.

[Miles]

All right, step one, Check complete.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[John Crist]

I didn't know how many.

[Miles]

Wait, is that what they call you? Rubber sheets? Yeah, so. Oh, sh.

[Charlie Barrons]

Rubber sheets.

[John Crist]

I was wetting my bed in the frat house. Shoot.

[Charlie Barrons]

It wasn't even water. It was just piss, you know?

[John Crist]

No, but I. I go, you guys.

[Miles]

Want to come over for a bonfire tonight?

[John Crist]

We'll burn a car downtown. This is not what we had in mind. No, but I. I was like, we got to kill this. It's been terrorizing our frat house. And I was like, I got it. And then we st. We. And we felt. I. I still feel bad about it to this day. I go hunting is not for me.

[Miles]

Well, the one that's not really hunting, per se.

[John Crist]

Oh, it's not. Oh.

[Miles]

The diabolical part is that I don't imagine you had another trash can full of water that you just dumped in at once. So you had to stand there with the hose while it's. And just slowly walk it out.

[Charlie Barrons]

Did you pull up the thing? And it's just scratch marks on the top of this deal. You sick. Oh, my God. Oh, my gosh. What was I supposed to do? Were you pledging at this point? Couldn't you have found a fish?

[John Crist]

I probably was a freshman.

[Charlie Barrons]

No. Then it's not your fault. Wasn't your own accord.

[John Crist]

And I'm not a man. I got. I got too much moisturizer on my skin right now. I Don't have any means to kill an animal. I have no means to do that.

[Miles]

Possum.

[John Crist]

Okay. What would you have done?

[Miles]

Possum Killer is a great nickname at the fraternity.

[John Crist]

That's the title of this podcast. What would you have done? I would say we have. We have to exterminate.

[Miles]

And I can't call someone to come.

[John Crist]

And you have to do it.

[Charlie Barrons]

I would get one. I've done it in a shovel. I've done this shovel.

[John Crist]

That's probably better than my way.

[Charlie Barrons]

Well, something like that. I probably put in a trap and then take it somewhere. I like to think I do that because I'm better than you guys.

[Miles]

Yeah, you said you got to exterminate it. I just take a blunt force trauma, probably.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. My brother, this one time, he had a rat running around, and he had a cat, and the rat was messing with the cat, and he was trying to get this rat in his. In his. It was in his bathroom, and he ended up taking, like, a fire poker.

[John Crist]

And he stabbed it.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, dude, he felt bad about that, too.

[John Crist]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

Even a rat.

[Miles]

I had to do that with some voles around my house.

[John Crist]

The shovel, I don't even know what a vole is.

[Miles]

It's just like a little field mice.

[John Crist]

Like the Tennessee voles.

[Miles]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

Same. Same difference. I don't know.

[John Crist]

Their mascot. No, they're the ones.

[Miles]

Yeah, a little road burrow underneath.

[John Crist]

Well, that. Well, we should all be, like, celebrating because technically I felt bad about it. So you're like, he's not a serious. This was. This is full circle, to be fair. This guy's a good guy.

[Charlie Barrons]

Every time I clean a fish, I do feel bad about it a little. I. No, I feel. Yeah, I feel bad, and then I. I want to, like, put it of its, like, misery before I start, you know, cleaning it or whatever.

[John Crist]

But then. Yeah, but the fishing, we. That's good. Like, that's pretty much. You're Jesus.

[Charlie Barrons]

That Jesus did that Jesus did that Jesus.

[John Crist]

Now, I don't know if Jesus was hunting the lion, but I knew Jesus did fish.

[Charlie Barrons]

He did. And his buddies fished. And that's why Catholics, you know, we have this every Friday. You gotta eat fish. Nobody questions it. It's like. Like, was Jesus friends, A bunch of fishers, you know, kind of lobbying big.

[Miles]

Fish back in the day. He got a brand deal with big fish.

[John Crist]

Hey, we're going to print. We're going to print with this book about the history that y' all. Do you want to. Anything else in there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Put a fish on Friday.

[Charlie Barrons]

Why slide it in there right between the commandments.

[John Crist]

Just. Just put in black. No Jesus words. Jesus words. Put it in red. And then ever since then, we've been like, Yeah, I don't know.

[Charlie Barrons]

Does lobster count? Yeah. Questionable.

[John Crist]

Well, they took that out of the Red Lobster. The live lobster you would pick with. That's.

[Miles]

Oh, yeah, they don't have that anymore.

[John Crist]

That's the. It's. It should be the serial killer square triad. Yeah. Add one more.

[Charlie Barrons]

Go.

[John Crist]

Going to Red Lobster.

[Miles]

Go.

[John Crist]

Give me that one while it's alive.

[Miles]

The homicidal bingo. That's what it is.

[John Crist]

When did that stop? Stop?

[Charlie Barrons]

I don't know that up.

[John Crist]

When did they stop?

[Miles]

Did they stop? Last time I was at a Red Lobster, they definitely had the live lobsters in there.

[John Crist]

They did.

[Charlie Barrons]

I. Last time I was there a couple years ago, I do believe they had it.

[John Crist]

Why were you at Red Lobster?

[Charlie Barrons]

Because I.

[Miles]

Celebrating.

[John Crist]

Yeah, I did.

[Charlie Barrons]

Have you tried the best.

[Miles]

Don't act like you're a.

[Charlie Barrons]

It's a staple of American society to.

[Miles]

Tell me that I shouldn't be going to Olive Garden.

[John Crist]

Oh, sorry, dude.

[Charlie Barrons]

Well, that's. If you're gonna eat any meat, though, you know, you want to be closer to the food cycle. That way you appreciate it more.

[John Crist]

Yeah. And the lobster that you eat elsewhere, it. That same process has been done to it.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[John Crist]

Might as well monitor it.

[Miles]

Correct?

[Charlie Barrons]

Right. You might. You might as well think twice before, because then you'll probably eat lots of it if you have to do all this work for it.

[John Crist]

Yeah. Because you go to a steakhouse sometimes, those really nice ones, they go, which one. Which one do you want here. Of the raw. Ever been to the steakhouse?

[Miles]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[John Crist]

They've killed the animal.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[John Crist]

Just behind your back.

[Miles]

It would be kind of diabolical if they're doing the Red Lobster approach, and there was just some cows out back. They're like, go pick your cow. You want that for the table? Yeah. Chicken.

[John Crist]

Oh, we don't. Nobody has any problem with killing chickens.

[Charlie Barrons]

No. Or eating their eggs, you know, I mean, taking their young. That's why, I guess.

[John Crist]

Where do we draw the line?

[Charlie Barrons]

I know it's. It's tough.

[John Crist]

I was in Peru on a mission with my church, and they. That's all they like, their finest. Just. They have the chicken there for. So we came. The whites came, you know.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[John Crist]

We got a chicken dinner for you, and they. They grab the chicken. Have you ever killed a chicken? Yeah. They grab it and they slit its throat, and they Go up like this and they go. And they break its neck and then it runs around for a little while.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[John Crist]

You're like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Miles]

How else would you.

[John Crist]

Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

I just knew you were sensitive about it.

[John Crist]

Yeah.

[Miles]

For our pre dinner entertainment, we have the chicken.

[John Crist]

Yeah. And they did. And they. But that was like a regular. Like they were like, we have no moral. We got to survive.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[John Crist]

What do you.

[Charlie Barrons]

It's us with the privilege that are sitting here around thinking about it.

[Miles]

I mean, I think it's a classic. You don't want to know how the sausage is made, you know.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. Especially sausage.

[Rob]

Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[John Crist]

But again, if you are. Are a village person in Africa and you're like, we gotta eat this. We gotta kill this to live. We will, we will. They can't email in the pod. They're probably not listening. But we will allow that. Well, they give an exemption.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[John Crist]

Sponsors exemption. Yeah. Tell us your situation. So if you like, hey, I live in whatever. I live off the land. I have to kill deer. You go, you're good. We'll give you a, we'll give you.

[Charlie Barrons]

The stamp and when. We'll do it while we're sitting here eating burgers at the bar. Yes, yes.

[John Crist]

But don't they have. If you fish, there's a limit in.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. You have limits.

[John Crist]

Yeah. About how, what size. And you got swatch.

[Charlie Barrons]

You know.

[John Crist]

But why do they do that? Because they want them to not go extinct.

[Charlie Barrons]

No. Yes, exactly.

[Miles]

The population up and.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. So it's all about population management.

[John Crist]

So you come back in the boat and you got like 17. They're like, no, you can lose your boat. Really?

[Charlie Barrons]

You do that?

[John Crist]

That.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, you got to be really true. Yeah, it is.

[John Crist]

Where?

[Charlie Barrons]

Wisconsin.

[John Crist]

No way.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, you can lose your freaking boat.

[John Crist]

No, no, no, no. I never heard of this.

[Charlie Barrons]

You know, you can loot.

[John Crist]

They'll take your boat, they'll take your boat.

[Charlie Barrons]

They don't mess around.

[John Crist]

Do that.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. If you, you can't take too many. Too many walleyes.

[John Crist]

Not the right size walleye.

[Charlie Barrons]

Tariff the walleye. Exactly.

[John Crist]

So you come back with too many, they go, we're. We're confiscating your boat. Boat.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. If you, if you catch, if you're bringing in a species you shouldn't, or it's out of season or whatever, they'll take whatever you got. So you got fishing poles gone. You got a boat gone.

[John Crist]

But if you have the fish, they're dead. They're like, we're. Or we get these fish.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, they'll take the fish. Too.

[John Crist]

And eat them themselves.

[Charlie Barrons]

They'll probably bury them in the garden.

[John Crist]

Now. I didn't make that up.

[Charlie Barrons]

No, that's what you do with the fish guts. You bury them in the garden. You get, my grandpa had monster pumpkins because you put the fish guts in the garden.

[Miles]

Oh, you're gonna learn a lot doing a podcast with Charlie.

[John Crist]

I don't. I want to see. I want to. Somebody. Somebody needs to comment and say, I know somebody. That their boat got taken.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, I bet you a lot of people. Yeah, there's a lot of people that push the. Push the limits with that kind of thing. Quite literally speaking.

[John Crist]

You know, like, how you sneak, like, cocaine across the border in a tire or something like that. You have, like, a false bottom in your boat, and so you open it up. Now, this guy's from Wisconsin, dude, for sure. Would you get respect, like, on the streets for that?

[Charlie Barrons]

For, like, street dealing?

[John Crist]

Yeah, it was kind of.

[Miles]

No, it's actually kind of the opposite. You get actually shunned for doing stuff like that.

[Charlie Barrons]

People don't like that.

[John Crist]

Yeah, it's like that. You know that fish. You saw that fishing competition where they wait and the guy put all the.

[Miles]

Weights.

[John Crist]

And fish, and then they start fighting.

[Charlie Barrons]

Dude, the pitchforks came out in that moment.

[Miles]

I mean, the big problematic thing is, like, the prize for that competition was, like, a lot of money.

[Charlie Barrons]

Like 100.

[John Crist]

Yeah.

[Miles]

So that's why people were.

[Charlie Barrons]

They went to jail.

[John Crist]

Okay. So they. They hid them or something like that in the lake. They caught them in a. And then they put. They put weight in them.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, they put lead weights in them. Or sometimes people will catch them, put them on a stringer, drop the stringer to the bottom of the lake, and then they'll go, like, troll for their anchor, or they'll put a marker on it, pull the anchor up, and now they got fish for the competition that they call, like, the day before. It's. It's. Yeah, it's bad news, but. Yeah, that's. When you put that much money on a competition like that, people are gonna.

[John Crist]

Do what people do. Yeah, they're gonna do that. Where was that? In Wisconsin?

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, that one was. That one was in Lake Winnebago.

[John Crist]

It was.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[John Crist]

That was the only thing I've ever known about.

[Miles]

Dude, if you put any money on something like that, people come out of the woodwork. We did, like, a cornhole tournament in Minnesota once.

[John Crist]

Yeah.

[Miles]

The prize was, like, a few thousand dollars. Professional cornholer show up to our event. That was just supposed to be a rag Tag.

[John Crist]

They're like, I'm from Idaho.

[Miles]

They got the. They got the jerseys on and dude got sponsors.

[John Crist]

Yeah, I would. We got to be. Can we.

[Charlie Barrons]

Have you ever been in one cornhole tournament?

[John Crist]

No. A fishing tournament?

[Miles]

No.

[Charlie Barrons]

No, Never been in one. Haven't done it.

[John Crist]

Involved in that.

[Charlie Barrons]

You should.

[John Crist]

What kind of season is it right now?

[Charlie Barrons]

Right now in Wisconsin, we haven't had the fishing opener coming up. Yeah. Beginning of May.

[John Crist]

And then they get. People get out of school for that.

[Miles]

They more so do for deer hunting. First deer opener get out of school.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, that's. That's a valid excuse that time of year to have an excused absence.

[John Crist]

I heard that. Is it in maybe Tennessee where you can only get a certain amount? So like you. If you're tracking one and you see it and you go, that one's not. If I only have two this year, I'm not getting that one.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, yeah, that happens.

[John Crist]

It has to be a nice.

[Charlie Barrons]

It's got to be depending on where you are, certain regulations. Some don't let you.

[Miles]

In Minnesota, you can shoot a doe or a buck, and then if you shoot a buck, you can go get a bonus tag and shoot a dough.

[John Crist]

Okay.

[Miles]

So it's like all different types of rules depending on where you're at.

[Charlie Barrons]

Wildlife management.

[John Crist]

Yeah, that's what they call it. But Trump cut all those jobs, didn't he?

[Charlie Barrons]

That's true.

[John Crist]

Yeah. So now I think you can do whatever you want.

[Miles]

Did he cut the DNR or did.

[Charlie Barrons]

He cut the dnr? Right.

[Miles]

Because you can't hunt in a national forest.

[John Crist]

Oh, well.

[Charlie Barrons]

Used to be the rule. Yeah. But we'll see.

[John Crist]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Now it's got free game. There's no one working there.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. I think it's a free for all. But anyways, we'll. We don't know the right answer to this. Morally, ethically, whoever you are out there, All I know is that when the robots come, we will be paying our dues.

[John Crist]

They're coming for us. Yeah. And he goes, you didn't like that Elon Musk tweet? This is what he got. They know from an Elon birthed robot.

[Charlie Barrons]

We'll see how it goes.

[John Crist]

They're not coming to Wisconsin, though.

[Charlie Barrons]

The robots that late?

[John Crist]

I mean, if they're. They're taking over.

[Miles]

Dude, I'm in North Dakota first they're.

[John Crist]

Going to New York, la, Chicago, Atlanta. If they're trying to take over. Yeah. You got a while.

[Charlie Barrons]

Okay. Thank you. That actually makes me feel like.

[Miles]

Also there's a lot of guns in Wisconsin. And stuff, too. So they're gonna go there.

[Charlie Barrons]

It'd be a pain. Pain. Yeah. It'd be an inconvenience.

[John Crist]

Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

But we got a lot of water, so unless they need water like the Great Lakes, we're right there. So let's just hope they don't need water.

[John Crist]

Yeah, it's a good point. Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

Which I think.

[Miles]

I think, like, electricity and water don't mix very well.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, it's pretty good. I'm gonna put in a big hose in my doomsday bunker.

[John Crist]

I wonder if you just explain like, to a robot. Like, explain a pontoon boat. What is this? They're like a Tesla. We get a Ford F150. What would we need this for? And they got yachts.

[Charlie Barrons]

And you're like, technically, it's a tritone.

[John Crist]

You know what the hell they were like, well, do you pull people? Not on this one. So. Oh, so you did. Well, why does it have a water slide on? It's because we're rich. That's because we're doing well.

[Charlie Barrons]

The pontoon. I. The pontoon is a weird. Like you. That's kind of do like a booze cruise. I was never a big pontoon guy, but then I drove it here first.

[John Crist]

Oh, you weren't. And then you got converted.

[Charlie Barrons]

No, I'm not converted. They're a pain in the ass. I, I'll go on a pontoon for sure. And it's nice to. To like, if you rent one for a. A day or two. You know, it's nice to go out there and have some fun. But I don't know why I'm talking about pontoon. But you brought it up.

[Miles]

Oh, no. They're trying to get in some callers here.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, yeah, let's. Let's take some callers.

[John Crist]

It's a cold on.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. Folks, the holidays are here. Summer holidays which involve things that float. Things that float would be rafts and boats. And sometimes a raft will hit a boat and. Or a boat will hit a raft and you'll get injured in that. And if you do, the last thing you want to do is deal with the insurance company.

[Miles]

I wouldn't want to do that.

[Charlie Barrons]

No, I'm trying to just float out on the lake.

[Miles]

And now I got to deal with an insurance company.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, you got a split raft. You know that? That's enough for one person to handle. Let Nicolet handle the rest. Call Nicolet Law, ladies and gents. One, eight five, five, NICOLAY. And you just worry about patching that raft and watch out for boats.

[Miles]

Robert you got the Bellied up podcast here with Miles, Charlie and the comedian John. Chris is on the line.

[John Crist]

What's going on, brother?

[Miles]

Yeah, welcome to the pod. I heard that. I don't know where to go with this, but you're in love with your best friend.

[Rob]

Yes. Yeah. So I actually have a couple things that I can request for the airing if that's doable. Can you guys, like, do like a voice change? She wants it because she's freaked out because she works at a huge company and she doesn't know which one. It's like, yeah, we almost got him, dude. I even have to change this name now because I've talked about it with, with my. You know, obviously we're gonna call her Sarah.

[Miles]

Okay.

[Charlie Barrons]

Okay.

[Rob]

And then we're gonna call me. I don't even know if we can. Maybe we have to do like a new open. I don't know. But.

[John Crist]

But we'll just. We'll decide the name it. We'll decide the name at the end based on what, how the story goes. We'll pick up a good Persona for it.

[Rob]

And then if I let the name slip, if I need to let the name slip, maybe we'll just beep that.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, we got you so far.

[John Crist]

This. If you're gonna commit a crime, this sounds like the worst criminal of all time.

[Miles]

Thinking about this live, how high profile are you that you're requesting a voice changer?

[Rob]

Well, I've got. I mean, I'm not a high profile at all. I've got a. I'm an outside sales guy, so I've got a lot of customers that. Because I travel between two different states, so a lot of people know my voice.

[Charlie Barrons]

He's a big deal.

[John Crist]

Yeah, dude.

[Rob]

And then she's a. Upper management at her company, and it's a huge bank. They have like multiple branches all over the place.

[Charlie Barrons]

Like bank of America or Chase or.

[Rob]

It'S as big as one of those. Okay, go with. We'll go with the Banking Incorporated Corporation.

[John Crist]

Take notes a lot. All right, all right.

[Miles]

These are his demands. He wants nothing less.

[Charlie Barrons]

There, Matt. You. You got it. You got our word. And I'm excited to pick a voice for you.

[Miles]

Yeah. I hope you know that we're going to give you whatever voice we want.

[John Crist]

And based on this buildup, this story better be wide.

[Rob]

It's a lot. It's a lot.

[Charlie Barrons]

Good.

[Rob]

So where. Where do you guys want me to start? You want me to start the beginning? You want me to start at. Okay, okay. So me and her knew each other. Me And Sarah. Rob and Sarah. Once upon a time, we knew each other back in 2013. That's when we met. We had like the perfect meeting story. It should have been a love story, but we turned it into a friendship because of bad information.

[Charlie Barrons]

Curtain boy.

[Rob]

Exactly. We met at a dance hall that's no longer around, but we both knew it. Our families used to dance there. I saw her from across the dance hall, walked over to her, asked her to dance. We had that first dance. Country music. If you live in Texas, that's like, you know, there's fairy tales.

[Miles]

We got Troy Bolton on the line. This turned into High School Musical.

[John Crist]

Here.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, out here. Two stepping.

[Rob]

Yeah, exactly, exactly. So it was a. It was a. I can tell you the name of the dance hall because a million and a half people went to it. It's Midnight Rodeo.

[John Crist]

Oh, yeah.

[Rob]

We're from San Antonio. And Midnight Rodeo was a. Was a staple point. It was like, you know, it was our urban cowboy spot, you know, from this part of Texas.

[Miles]

Yeah, yeah, we got it.

[Rob]

Everybody and their mama and their grandma dance there. So we met there, we hung out, we knew each other for, you know, years. She was interested in me, but I didn't know I was interested in her. She didn't know. And we just wound up developing a friendship. Now, how or why we didn't figure this out is mostly just due to shyness or just the wrong time, but, I mean, she's like the perfect match for me.

[Charlie Barrons]

Why do I feel like you're both married right now?

[Rob]

We're both married. Well, not only are we both married, we both have had kids in these marriages. We both own houses.

[John Crist]

Wow.

[Charlie Barrons]

It's gonna be messy.

[John Crist]

Fully paid off. The house?

[Rob]

Oh, God, no. I mean, I wish that would make it easier.

[John Crist]

Just gotta get some clarification. All right, good.

[Charlie Barrons]

Okay. So you guys met. Yeah, keep going.

[Rob]

Okay, so she met her husband at that same dance hall. And I met my wife. I know. And I met my wife not at that dance hall. You know, so it's not like all everybody met at that dance hall. But I met my wife in 2016, and she met her husband in about 2017. 2018. Team. They've got a five year old daughter. Me and my wife have two boys together. We're all friends. Like, they come over to our house. They were here Sunday.

[Miles]

Wow.

[Rob]

For a barbecue.

[Miles]

Oh, my God.

[Charlie Barrons]

So you got butterflies for this? G?

[Rob]

So. And then I have a.

[Miles]

He's over there like before, trying to keep his cool, and he's like asking people how they Want their steak done. Well, like, the chick he's in love with is just sitting right there. He's just over there flipping burgers, being like, oh, this is up.

[Rob]

I did. I did. And her. Her husband actually, you know, was, like, hanging out with me outside and stuff, and we're talking.

[Miles]

Oh, my God.

[Rob]

Meanwhile, we're literally having. I mean, just the best time of our lives one day out of the week when we both work from home. And the rest of our week is just, like. It's a. It's just living until we get to that next point. As far as relationship goes, like, we love our kids. We don't want to change anything about our kids. We just want all of our kids to live under the same roof without our spouses. That makes sense, right?

[Charlie Barrons]

Way back. Back this train up. You're saying one day a week when you both work from home, it's the best day of the week. What are you guys doing on this one day? Are you. I'm guessing you're not working from home.

[John Crist]

Home.

[Rob]

We're both working from home. We pick a house or whatever, and we find a way to get one vehicle in the driveway, and we hang out for the whole day, and we just talk. Like, we just. We went to TJ Maxx last time.

[Charlie Barrons]

And we had like, you're still friend zone, dude. You are still directly in the middle.

[Rob]

Well, there's other things going on, too. You know, there's. But there's. There's.

[John Crist]

That.

[Rob]

We know that that's good. That's. That's, like, so small compared to everything else. It Just. What we should have done in 2013 we're kind of doing now. And it.

[Miles]

Yeah. Oh, man.

[Rob]

This is a point where we know well, and there's so much to unload. It's like, I don't want to just be.

[Miles]

Yeah, you've been unloading that TJ Maxx.

[Rob]

Dude. I could have. Oh, and just so I'm clear here, so Josh is the other guy. I had a bone to pick with Charlie Barrons, but I guess I'm gonna have to. Maybe we'll have to do a sequel to this or something.

[Charlie Barrons]

Wait, why?

[John Crist]

We can do it now.

[Charlie Barrons]

Do it right now, dude.

[Rob]

Okay. Charlie Barron's Brandy is not for sale in Texas, and I don't know what the heck Charlie Barrons has got against Texas, but we're gonna. Yeah, well, that's gonna. That's a.

[Charlie Barrons]

You know, I will. I will get you a bottle.

[Miles]

Well, hold on. We need to put some stipulations on that. Bottle we need to get.

[John Crist]

Not on your day off. Not on your day off.

[Miles]

He's trying to get Randy with your brandy, Charlie.

[Rob]

They wanted to charge me $22 of shipping to get it over here. Another liquor store a couple states down because that's the closest I can get it because I live in central south Texas, which is, you know, a half a country away from everywhere. So yeah, they wanted 22 hours to ship it and then the bottle was like 20 something bucks. But I didn't understand.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, man, it's. It's a whole thing with the. The mafia used to run the liquor business. And that's still. Still kind of the thing. We only sell in Wisconsin. But you come up here to do it. I mean, not do it with her, but you come up to Wisconsin, I'll get you a thing. So where are you guys at right now? Like you guys are just. You've anything. You've never rounded first, you know, I.

[Miles]

Think he's hit a grand slam.

[Rob]

We have, we have played many innings. But there is, there was the past where we never did any of this where we both wanted to. But it was just, you know how like you change 10 years. 10 years ago you weren't the same guy you are today.

[Charlie Barrons]

Right.

[Rob]

You know what I mean? Like the people that we, that we were 10 years ago, we don't even know those guys. Well, that's how I was. That's how she was. We were. We were bar people, we hung out, we dance, hauled. We. I had a. I have a 14 year old daughter from my first marriage. That's not this marriage. It was another marriage. This is my second marriage. She's only been married the one time. But I had a 14 year old daughter. So I would, you know, have my. Every like once a month or so I'd see her at this dance hall. She was pretty frequent there. And she's a good girl. Like she wasn't like a runaround, different guy a night kind of person or nothing. She just, she liked dancing. Like country dancing was like her favorite thing to do in the whole world.

[John Crist]

What's her favorite date? What's her favorite. She go Copperhead Road.

[Rob]

The wobble. She's just old George Strait songs, whatever man. Anything she can dance anything. She's just very, you know, very beautiful person on the dance floor for sure.

[Miles]

So where do we.

[Rob]

She's got a go ahead.

[Miles]

Where do we go from here?

[John Crist]

Yeah. How can we help?

[Charlie Barrons]

You are so clearly in love right now with the gal who's not your wife.

[Rob]

What did I call for, to get the advice on. Well, I mean, I just, I, I just more or less called to get like in case anybody else is going through this kind of stuff kind of thing, like to help everybody out because we're all either happily married or we're not. You know what I mean?

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[Rob]

And I've got a beautiful family. I've got a. I mean we both have successful careers, we both have families and like beautiful kids. But we're both in really unhappy marriages. And the spouses that we have were, are not the people that, that long term we were designed to be with. They were the people that kind of got us through really rough times in our life that we had kids with and we made mistakes, both of us did, and we know we did now. And we're just looking for a way to try to make it all work without, you know, ruining the kids life.

[Miles]

Yeah, I mean, I think we're a little beyond that.

[Charlie Barrons]

Well, not, we're not beyond ruining the kids lives, Miles.

[Miles]

I just mean like the, the, the, the first domino has already fallen. Like we can't rebuild the tower at this point.

[Charlie Barrons]

Let's imagine, let's imagine right now. Imagine a world. Do your, does your wife and her husband, do they kind of have a thing? You guys leave them in a room together. I mean this could be a pretty easy financial negotiation.

[Miles]

Put your wife and her husband in a room and like, you know, it's like leave some KY out and shit and just leave them there for a while and see what happens. That could be a good out.

[Rob]

So the funny thing is is they're actually kind of similar. They're both, you know, they're not me and her the extroverts and her and him are the introverts. Like if we, if they weren't with us too, they would never know anybody. Like all the friends in our friend group are from our old lives. We don't have any of their friends because they didn't have any to bring with them.

[Miles]

Yeah, it's.

[Rob]

We, we both kind of married the same person. We. It's, it's funny how our, our lives have always followed the same patterns and stuff since we've known each other. But that's very true. I mean, we literally have said they could marry each other and probably be happy even though they don't like each other, but it's because they're both miserable. You know what I mean?

[Miles]

Yeah. I mean you're talking a lot about the stuff that maybe, probably doesn't matter. You probably just needed to make the decision to, to just, just end what you currently got going on before it gets real worse.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. Your choices are right now are like, should you stay or should you go? And I think what you have to remember is if you stay, there'll be trouble, but if you go, there might be double. Oh, you know, that's a Luke Bryan song right there. Should I stay or should I go now?

[Miles]

All right, John, let's take you, have you take a stab at it. What do you think Rob should do here?

[John Crist]

All right, well, you, you kind of in this type of situation, you're kind of glorifying the, the what if. The, if you get out of this one and get into the new one, you're going to realize that it's the. Yeah, it might have been you in the same three marriages.

[Charlie Barrons]

Wherever you go, there you are.

[John Crist]

Yeah. Another Luke Bryan.

[Rob]

Really getting the country dance hall trifecta here with all the.

[Charlie Barrons]

Luke Bryan, you know, doing the theme.

[John Crist]

Yeah. I think, yeah.

[Miles]

You're saying he needs to work on himself before he does anything.

[John Crist]

I mean, you, when you, when you're, when you can't have something, it's like, oh, I wonder. I bet it, I bet then you're go.

[Miles]

Grass ain't always greener.

[John Crist]

Yeah. Yeah. Now this is a little, this is a, this is a deep type situation here. So there's a lot of, there's obviously a lot of feelings involved and there's a of lot, lot of it is. Yeah.

[Rob]

And I think, I think it's important to know that when I met my wife that I have, you know, we've been married since 2020. We were both coming out of really bad relationships, me and my wife. I was working on myself. You know, Covid was a funny time I think for everybody. Act that how I followed you guys podcast. I, I, I found Charlie Barons hanging out with dude dads and stuff like that, and man, it's crazy podcast, like every day. Yeah, I love.

[Charlie Barrons]

Thanks, man.

[Rob]

Bellied up is one of my top, top listens on my Amazon music here.

[Miles]

I've, I, I've heard a lot. One. Thank you. You're not gonna like the next thing I say, but I've heard people use Covid for a lot of excuses, but this is definitely the most unique thing of being like. And then I just kind of had to start cheating on my wife.

[Charlie Barrons]

Well, no, he got married in 20. Were you cheating in 2020?

[Rob]

Right after you were married in 2020.

[Miles]

Oh, okay.

[Rob]

So I've been faithful throughout my whole entire marriage until April of Last year. And there's another story there. I mean, there's so much. It's. It's almost too much for just one, you know, episode. I don't want to take up, like, the whole day, but there's a lot of. Of backstory. There's a lot of little moments, but everything. But, yeah. Getting back to when I met my wife, I was actually working on myself, and I hadn't quite healed yet. And I'm 30. I'm gonna be 37 here in June, so I'm approaching 40, Charlie. You know how it is. You start approaching 40, you start like, you know, like, what the hell am I gonna do for the next 20 years? Because after that, there's nothing except retirement.

[Charlie Barrons]

John's older than me.

[John Crist]

Okay.

[Rob]

So. So he definitely knows. He definitely knows. You know, he's already contemplated all these things.

[John Crist]

Oh, yeah.

[Rob]

It's just something weird about. About turning 40, where the years prior you start, really. I mean, you've kind of realized you're approaching the halfway point, and what is. What. What are you gonna do? So I healed and. And corrected, and I feel like I've fixed a lot of myself. Well, I've done that for the past five years. My wife has been at the same spot she was five years ago now. We had two kids back to back, pretty much due to Covid and being working from home and stuff, but. And I would not take that back. I love them. They're two boys. I didn't have any boys before them. I just had, you know, my daughter from the previous marriage. So I have. Everything I've ever wanted in life with the exception of. Of my marriage, is just. It's just not the right marriage. It's. I know it's not the right marriage because. Because so in a wrong marriage before.

[John Crist]

Sounds like the guy that's trying to tell us he's going to hunt a lion. He's like, but listen, this. This is why. Yeah.

[Miles]

Sounds like a lot of justifications.

[John Crist]

You're in a tough spot. You're in a tough spot for sure.

[Charlie Barrons]

I think. Here's what I think. I think the truth will set you free. You tell your.

[Miles]

That's right. It's just. Just do it.

[Charlie Barrons]

Just tell your wife what's going on. Tell her, and then let the cards fall where they're going to fall. Fall, you know, I mean, at this point, you know, they're gonna know if you do the. The thing, you know, they're gonna figure that one out, because obviously you guys.

[Miles]

All share at some point. That's gonna happen or like to think that you're gonna go the next 40 years just doing this work from home once a week thing.

[Charlie Barrons]

It's crazy. Yeah. I mean, Wednesdays are good, but, you know, after some time and think about.

[Rob]

This, is it too selfish to think that I could get divorced, keep the kids. Kids, keep the house, and also have the wife that I want to.

[John Crist]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Dude.

[Charlie Barrons]

What?

[Miles]

This guy is so delusional.

[Charlie Barrons]

What does she get?

[John Crist]

This is one of your buddies. This is one of your buddies. They're called.

[Miles]

You think we're pranking?

[John Crist]

You got to, dude.

[Miles]

I mean, you are living in delusion land.

[John Crist]

Yeah, man, this is wild.

[Charlie Barrons]

Dude, let me tell you.

[Miles]

It's like. It's like I'm cheating on my wife, but it's for love, so. It's okay, man. We like to line dance together.

[Rob]

It's not okay. I'm having such a hard time with this.

[Charlie Barrons]

All right, well, here's the reality of what's going to happen. You're going, if you do this, you tell the truth, you're going to. Half of everything is going to get evenly divided and they're the kids stuff it usually goes with. Goes goes with the mom. Typically, she's got more say, depends on the state, all that sort of stuff. But.

[John Crist]

Yeah.

[Miles]

And you're no shot at the house. Yeah, you got no shot at the house fight for that one.

[Rob]

We have a. We have something that we've talked about, you know, just me and. Me and Sarah have talked about with the house and that they sell their house and she buys ours. You know, it's. There's a lot because we plan to break this to them together. Oh, probably here this year, that is.

[Miles]

Can you call into the podcast and just leave the phone in the corner so we can be a fly on the wall?

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, just leave a voicemail.

[Rob]

Hey, wait a minute. Fly on the Wall podcast is already making.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, that's true.

[Miles]

Hey, dude, like, you imagine they walk in and Rob and Sarah are sitting on the same couch together. Like, what are you doing sitting over there? What's going on here? Just be disastrous.

[John Crist]

Why is Charlie Barron's here?

[Miles]

Charlie's radiating.

[Rob]

Why is there a lot of recording equipment sitting up here? Why is Charlie barons of a bunch of brandy?

[John Crist]

I'll tell you this, to wrap this up. The bone that you have to pick with Charlie about the alcohol, you're going to be run out of that Texas town, so Wisconsin. And you're going to be able to absolve that because you can get where you're Going to have to move to. Is going to be so far away. It might be Wisconsin. And you can have that alcohol there.

[Miles]

You just go to the liquor store at that point.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, forget the shipping.

[Rob]

It's 81 degrees outside right now.

[John Crist]

Now.

[Rob]

And this is spring. You know what I'm saying? What are you guys rocking with up there?

[Miles]

I don't think this isn't a negotiation, dude. You're gonna get run out of town. And Charlie was nice enough to welcome you to Wisconsin.

[Charlie Barrons]

This isn't like a John. Technically did that, but.

[Miles]

You agree?

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, I agree. You're welcome here. Yeah.

[Miles]

Charlie's actually got an extra bedroom if you need to crash somewhere for a while.

[Charlie Barrons]

I do. I. I didn't change the sheets, though. I'm gonna say I. They're fresh sheets. They're not.

[Rob]

That's all right. I'll bring a Snuggie or something. It's all good.

[Charlie Barrons]

There you go. You bring half a Snuggie is what you bring.

[Miles]

Yeah. You just gotta have the conversation sooner rather than later. It's gonna suck, but it's better than just living in TJ Maxx for the next however long.

[Rob]

I'm telling you, TJ Maxx is a wonderful place with the right people, folks.

[Miles]

I don't understand this guy.

[John Crist]

At least go to HomeGoods, dude. At least level up, bro.

[Miles]

At least go to get some Cole's cash.

[Rob]

Dude. We could go. We could go anywhere and have a good time, me and her. I know you're thinking we're just friends. We're just friends or whatever, but we've known each other since 2013, and we're like. I mean, it's not a. It's not nothing new. It's been going on for a year. The. The. The romantic aspect of it has been going on for a year, but we talk, like, every day. And everything that she complains about is what I'm going through and vice versa. Like, we figured out that what each other actually needs, like your. Like your love needs or whatever, is actually what we have, what we need. You know?

[John Crist]

Hey.

[Rob]

Each other. To already give.

[John Crist]

That's love languages.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. Yeah, Right. There's seven of them or something.

[Miles]

That's great.

[Rob]

I thought, let's do the two.

[Charlie Barrons]

There might be five.

[Miles]

Let's talk about the love languages after you get out of your current marriage, and then we can figure out you.

[Charlie Barrons]

Gotta go through quite a 48.

[Miles]

And we're on step two right now.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[John Crist]

We're going to change his voice. We're going to change the Language, too. We're going to. We are going to. We're going to change everything about this.

[Charlie Barrons]

God, I forgot. We got to change the Voice.

[Miles]

Our next sponsor for the next episode after this, Ashley Madison.

[John Crist]

Yeah, I was going to say a lawyer.

[Charlie Barrons]

Dude, did you also change your name from Robert to Rob?

[Rob]

I know. Isn't that original?

[Charlie Barrons]

All right, all right.

[Rob]

Well, I mean, I could give you guys an after story. You know, that. That might be. Yeah, the better episode, for sure. But what we're starting with right now is. Is a whole, whole lot of conversation. And, like, you know, the fact that we've known each other for more than 10 years now and have never, ever, like, pissed each other off and stuff like that, that we've lived together before in the past, never dated, just as friends. There's a lot. There's a lot of backstory and stuff like that. It's not just an affair, because an affair is, like, not a word. It's an ugly word. You know what I mean? But it is. What. What's going on. But there's a whole lot more to it.

[Miles]

Yeah, I mean, I think it just is an affair. I think we could safely say that.

[Charlie Barrons]

I don't think it's. At least.

[Miles]

Are you. Are you a politician?

[Charlie Barrons]

Is that also why, like, you're really good salesman?

[John Crist]

Outside. Outside.

[Charlie Barrons]

He's a salesman. Have you talked to, like, therapist?

[John Crist]

No, he's talking. We are the.

[Rob]

He's like, dude, I thought that's what I was doing.

[John Crist]

The wildest part about this. He's like, charlie can fix this. Sarah.

[Miles]

Sarah, babe, you go look at the candles in TJ Maxx. I gotta call into the podcast.

[Charlie Barrons]

I'll get this squared away. All right.

[Rob]

It would be funny if I was eating. I was sitting in the handicap stall of a TJ Maxx bathroom right now.

[Charlie Barrons]

All right, well, listen, Rob, good luck.

[Rob]

Yes, sir.

[Charlie Barrons]

Tell Sarah we says hi. And me.

[John Crist]

Not me. Y' all, too.

[Charlie Barrons]

Tell your wife we says, yeah, I.

[Miles]

You know what? I'm. I'm with Judge. You say hi.

[John Crist]

I'm just being polite.

[Charlie Barrons]

I'm being polite. I'm being polite. I'll say hi.

[Miles]

You could tell your future ex wife I says hi. Later, guys.

[Rob]

And y' all tell your folks we says, howdy from Texas, man. And I'll. I'll. I'll call again after the bombs have been dropped down here and maybe give you guys an update on a bellied.

[John Crist]

Update.

[Rob]

Starting over. Exactly. After I've bellied up.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[Rob]

Well, financially.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

Child support. Google that. And all Right.

[Rob]

We've already been divorced one. Thanks. Scared.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, that's right. You know how to do it.

[Miles]

He's like, just put it on my tab.

[Charlie Barrons]

It's a well traveled road.

[Miles]

All right, well, have a good one, man.

[John Crist]

Thanks for the call, brother.

[Charlie Barrons]

Stay away from the dance halls between now and then.

[Miles]

Oh, man, that is the first time we've had someone call in and just openly be like, I'm having a full blown Z affair. That's super messy. I feel.

[Charlie Barrons]

Feel like, yeah, yeah, that was wild.

[John Crist]

Well, okay.

[Miles]

We saved that one for you.

[John Crist]

When it was ringing, I was like, oh, y' all do like a cool effect that it rings and then we play a voice and then we, like, advise them. I was like, is this guy on the phone? This guy? This is my first time on this podcast. That's how you introduce me. Could you not, like, who's the call screener? Is it just blind? Is it completely blind?

[Charlie Barrons]

Daily voicemails.

[Miles]

Daily voicemails. Then we line up a ton of.

[John Crist]

What did he say in the voicemail?

[Charlie Barrons]

I don't know.

[Miles]

We could play his voicemail.

[John Crist]

He said, I got a relationship question.

[Miles]

No, he said, I'm in love with my best friend.

[John Crist]

Oh, yeah, you're right. You're right, you're right. We did.

[Charlie Barrons]

So I thought we were in a typical, like, 22 year old.

[John Crist]

Yeah. He's at the office. She's at the office. They talk at the water cooler.

[Charlie Barrons]

They don't know how to, you know, make it to the next step.

[John Crist]

Yeah. And then I say, he's like, I'm nervous to ask her out, but I see her at church.

[Miles]

You're like a classic, classic friend zone situation.

[Charlie Barrons]

That was what we were walking.

[John Crist]

I thought, that's a prank. That's not real.

[Miles]

It's not good. When they ask off the bat to.

[Charlie Barrons]

Do a voice choice. I don't even know how to do that.

[Miles]

We're a Netflix documentary.

[John Crist]

Are you running cocaine across the border? Change your voice, dude.

[Charlie Barrons]

You gonna play that? Jared.

[Rob]

What's going on, guys? Robert, Ben, Antonio's Texas, long time listener with you guys. First time ever doing something like this. I'm a little nervous, so go easy. But I have a little dilemma. My best friend, female best friend of 14 years.

[Miles]

We are both married with kids.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh. So we did know.

[Rob]

And we're falling in love with each other.

[John Crist]

Yeah.

[Rob]

She has a husband. I have a wife. I have three kids. She. She has one child.

[John Crist]

Is this the call we heard?

[Rob]

This is in different bodies. And it's quite an interesting tale of how we met.

[Miles]

He, like, thought we were going to be like, oh, my God, this is a fairy tale. Like, you guys belong together.

[Charlie Barrons]

Same person in different bodies. Usually that don't work out a whole. If you get the person with the ex. A lot of times someone completes you, and, well, they don't complete you. That's a therap. Compliment. Compliment.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

They can help you. There's help. Be strong where you're weak.

[John Crist]

But I might have. I'm gonna have to look myself. Well, they didn't know I was on this pod, But y' all have to look yourselves in the mirror. Be like, this is the guys that are gonna ride with me on this topic.

[Miles]

He, like, totally thought we were gonna be on his side.

[John Crist]

They'll understand.

[Charlie Barrons]

That's. That's on us, Miles.

[John Crist]

That might be on y' all.

[Charlie Barrons]

Dude. Dude, we have given out the bike. He listens to every episode, and he's like, these guys.

[Miles]

Yeah, this is the only place I can go.

[Charlie Barrons]

Damn. I think at the end of the voice, he said, charlie Burns for president in 2028. That's what it's transcribed as. He hasn't said anything, really.

[John Crist]

Counting on episode.

[Charlie Barrons]

He's like.

[Miles]

Oh, my God.

[John Crist]

Oh, wow. I'm going to be up. I'm going to put my head on the pillow tonight, and I'm going to be thinking about that for several nights. Nights. For several nights, he was.

[Charlie Barrons]

He was just kept bringing back howling love, like cocaine in, you know, that's. That love. If they. If they package it up love. So is a drug.

[John Crist]

You've heard people say that is. That is it.

[Charlie Barrons]

It would be criminal.

[John Crist]

That is it.

[Miles]

That is so. It was so delusional about the whole thing.

[John Crist]

That is. Wow.

[Charlie Barrons]

It's crazy for.

[John Crist]

I think, for any funny. Honestly thinking about going down that road that my therapist had always be like. He would always tell me. He was like, play it all the way out.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[John Crist]

Like, then what? Then you get. Then you get to live in an apartment on the other side of town, get visitation on Saturdays, meeting up in the Chick Fil a parking lot to pass off the. Like, play it all the way out. I'm. I'm not even joking. No, I mean, like, in dead serious. And like, all right, let's walk this through.

[Charlie Barrons]

Right?

[John Crist]

And then you realize, oh, and now being honest, obviously, is difficult. Very difficult. But I think the idea of, like, when you're imagining something, it's perfect. And we're gonna be whole. We're gonna be in public at the dance hall. Now. We don't have to hide anything. And you're like, yeah, but walk this all the way through and the money and like. Yeah. It's not an ideal situation, but you play either one of them all the way up.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. You're kind of imagining it, doing the escapism thing, you know, playing your own fantasy deal. And then. Yeah, it'll be. It'll be interesting. But, yeah, at this point, I think he's just gotta tell the truth and go from there. I mean.

[John Crist]

Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

Worse would just be continuing.

[John Crist]

Yeah. I think also if you're. If you're like. You know how those guys that, like, those guys that have done those crimes or whatever, and they. They are hiding in the woods, they live there for, like, 50 years, and then they just, like, walk out and they're like, I did it. I can't take this.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, yeah.

[John Crist]

Anguish anymore. Hey, whatever.

[Miles]

Talking to two Catholics here, dude.

[John Crist]

Got it. Yeah.

[Miles]

We were raised by guilt.

[John Crist]

I think 40 years.

[Charlie Barrons]

We were born in the guilt.

[Miles]

You merely adopted it.

[John Crist]

We know about that. Yeah, he pro. Yeah. To live. Live with that.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[John Crist]

Secret for another 40 years is not the way either, unfortunately.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[John Crist]

And then. Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, that'll eat you up inside.

[John Crist]

And we. And I would say also, I don't know. You're both of y' all, but we. We have no. I have no platform to. To advise this guy.

[Charlie Barrons]

No.

[John Crist]

Me, I made a bunch of terrible choices in my life, so I. I don't. Yeah, yeah.

[Miles]

I mean, but the one easy thing is, like. Yeah, just tell them.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[Miles]

I think regardless of what you're saying, don't text. Yeah.

[John Crist]

Yeah. Give.

[Charlie Barrons]

Give you some time to, like, cool off.

[Miles]

Send a Snapchat, like, with, like, a dog filter to kind of lessen the burden. Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, I wish.

[John Crist]

My heart's beating fast.

[Miles]

Are you?

[John Crist]

Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

I. I feel for this guy because it's. That's a. That's a wild. That's a wild thing to have over your head every day.

[John Crist]

Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

You know when to live with that other person, See them every day and deal with that. Yeah, he's like, in the next year, I'd be like, just do it next week.

[Miles]

Problem is, like, he's gonna. They're gonna do it and they're Come out, and then all of a sudden, he going to, like, live with this chick, and then he's going to be like, she farts.

[John Crist]

Yeah. Why does her toe go like that?

[Miles]

The toe goes like. She's always asking me what I got going on. Before, it was nice. We just saw each other once a week. And now she's just here all the time.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. This makes a heart girl.

[Miles]

Going to go back to the. The dance club, and we're just going to do this whole thing again.

[John Crist]

Start it over.

[Charlie Barrons]

Fourth time's charm.

[Miles]

Oh, well, I'm glad we were able to have such a fun, upbeat.

[John Crist]

It's a good way to get it. Yeah. All right. Somebody has to. Either somebody that hears this and follows the pod or I gotta. I need some resolution on this.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're gonna get it.

[Miles]

We have his number so we can text when the.

[John Crist]

When the pod down the road happens. Oh, we gotta bring you on somebody.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[John Crist]

I'll fly up, do it. We'll do a live pod from South Texas.

[Miles]

Like, we're outside the house. It's like a breaking news.

[Charlie Barrons]

Dude, we should go to that dance hall. That's where we should do it at.

[Miles]

Yeah, we could.

[Charlie Barrons]

Where it all started.

[Miles]

Then we could just have an episode of Jerry Springer style.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, this is probably how Jerry Springer started in some ways.

[Miles]

All right, guys, we got a voicemail coming up here.

[Rob]

Hey, Tyler.

[Charlie Barrons]

Hey, Miles. This is Tyler from Minnesota 25.

[Rob]

Quick question for you guys.

[Charlie Barrons]

I'm an accountant, and, you know, on dating apps, no one really wants to see.

[Miles]

See, you know, click on and like.

[John Crist]

Someone who's an accountant.

[Charlie Barrons]

So my question for you guys is, how do you make accounting sexy?

[Rob]

How do you get, you know, the.

[Miles]

Girls, you know, for the opposite way for the guys.

[Charlie Barrons]

For any accountants out there, how do you make accounting sound attractive? Love you guys.

[John Crist]

Have a great rest of your day.

[Miles]

All right. You just put in your bio, I'm a freak in the sheep sheets. The spreadsheets.

[Charlie Barrons]

You put six.

[John Crist]

He missed that. He was going to move on to his own joke, and he didn't properly appreciate. That's a great joke. Does he always do this?

[Miles]

Yes.

[John Crist]

Unbelievable.

[Charlie Barrons]

Did you don't always do that.

[John Crist]

I thought you were. Yeah, I thought you were done with.

[Charlie Barrons]

Freaking the sheets, and so I was ready to. To go on that. And then you said that. No, that was really good, Miles. Sorry. Sorry. I wasn't. I wasn't living in the now. I wasn't living in the moment.

[Miles]

I said that to someone in person, so. My wife's friend.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, no, you too. Great. Got that one. I got that one.

[Miles]

Don't give him props for that one.

[John Crist]

You too.

[Charlie Barrons]

So which one of your wife's friends did you say?

[Miles]

You're. She brought her new boyfriend and he. I was like, oh, what do you do? And he said, I'm accountant. I said, oh, so you're freak in the sheets. And they both looked at me like.

[Charlie Barrons]

How do you know that?

[Miles]

Well, no, they were just like, I was so inappropriate. I was a freaking spreadsheets. It's an accounting joke.

[John Crist]

Oh, okay.

[Charlie Barrons]

How many more dinner parties have you had with that?

[Miles]

Not much. It gets a laugh about a quarter of the time.

[John Crist]

We got you, dude, though. We got you.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, that was really good.

[John Crist]

How do you do that?

[Charlie Barrons]

How do you. What do you think?

[John Crist]

I mean, first of all, you're. You're rich.

[Charlie Barrons]

Rich as an accountant.

[John Crist]

Yes. Is accounting a rich job? You get money for that?

[Miles]

Depends on what kind of accountant you are. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

He's got. To quote my grandma's friend, my aunt was dating an accountant, and I asked that same questions. He. Does he have a lot of money? And Lois Bentley, she goes, well, he's got access to a lot of money.

[John Crist]

That's a good one. Yeah, I think it. Well, okay. You got a. You. You gotta like rich, rich, rich dudes that, like, work for IBM. They're like sports car enthusiasts.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[John Crist]

The job is. Get the job out. Just get the job out and put something else. You do that's cool, right?

[Miles]

Yeah, yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

It doesn't have to be your personality.

[John Crist]

Yeah. Like, we have a cool job.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[John Crist]

If we're talking about what do you do for a living? I'm sitting in the circle. I go, I can't wait to get it to me. I'm a comedian. That's a cool Joe. I play in the NBA. What if this accountant is up against other jobs he's done?

[Miles]

Yeah. Don't play on their. Don't play their game.

[John Crist]

Yeah. You got to move. Off you go, dude. Avid fisherman. I own a pontoon boat.

[Charlie Barrons]

Whatever it is, a Prius, you know, some whole thing.

[John Crist]

What's your best quality? Put that in the.

[Miles]

Just highlight that.

[Charlie Barrons]

Let the job come out naturally for a living.

[John Crist]

Don't worry about it. Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

Hey, mystery.

[John Crist]

Don't worry. I can't tell you.

[Miles]

Or. No, just. Just you. You don't know it because. Yeah.

[Rob]

You.

[Charlie Barrons]

You wouldn't know it.

[Miles]

You. Would you just try. I don't know. I don't want to bore you with that.

[Charlie Barrons]

Also, there's a lot of. My buddy was an accountant.

[John Crist]

Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

And I think that's what he is. And he was trying out for the FBI, so he was doing the gun training. So if you're an accountant, he was.

[Miles]

Trying out for the FBI.

[Charlie Barrons]

Like.

[John Crist]

Yeah, FBI this week.

[Miles]

All right, everyone, we got a crime scene over here. I want you to Come look at it.

[John Crist]

All right.

[Charlie Barrons]

How you're actually shouting in the bar and everyone's turning.

[John Crist]

We gotta cry about that.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[Miles]

There's no crime scene. That's not good to yell at a bar or.

[John Crist]

I was gonna say he could switch jobs because there is pretty soon gonna be an inside sales job opening up in South Texas.

[Charlie Barrons]

That is true.

[John Crist]

It's gonna be open.

[Charlie Barrons]

That is true.

[John Crist]

He wants to get in there.

[Charlie Barrons]

Well, think about it, too. Not to, you know, bring up robots twice in this episode. I think I only get one per episode. But in, like, anywhere between one to five years. Years, there will be no more accountant account.

[John Crist]

Gone.

[Charlie Barrons]

I mean, for sure. So you're going to have to, like, come up with another aspect of the. Start the startup now, you know, or just write 61. Accountant. If you write 6:1 before anything, they just see the 61.

[John Crist]

What does that mean?

[Charlie Barrons]

Your height.

[John Crist]

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Miles]

Shoe size.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, yeah. Sho size 61.

[Miles]

60. Size 14. For reference.

[John Crist]

Literally, you could. This guy could. You could open up a TD Amerit trade account and then just say investor.

[Miles]

Yes.

[John Crist]

Seriously. No, no, no. I'm out on this guy. Because if you're struggling here, it's a wrap. I would have gone creative a long time before figuring out what my job is. Dude. I'm eas. Like, just silence the truth and just blow up the other.

[Miles]

Just like, give some money for. To your little nephew who wants to do a lawnmower business and your private equity.

[Charlie Barrons]

Private equity investors. Yeah.

[John Crist]

Philanthropy. There's a million.

[Miles]

Just drop a 20 in the plate at church and you're a philanthropist.

[John Crist]

Just like, you know, the. The. You know, the housewife that's married to the rich guy that has, like, a candle shop. It's emerging money every month. She's like business owner. Not because she doesn't want to say. This is. This is the easiest problem to solve.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[John Crist]

After that last call, we should have started with this.

[Charlie Barrons]

We should have.

[John Crist]

This would have been this guy's problem.

[Charlie Barrons]

Really eased us into it. Oh, I just write founder. You know, I don't even know what that is, but just write it down.

[John Crist]

Yeah. Of your own dating life.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, I found it. You know, or look her. Because he's trying to.

[John Crist]

There could be a thousand. Yeah. This is. This is. This. This solves so easily. And I also. Isn't this what dating sites? It's this.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[John Crist]

No one else is like, how can.

[Miles]

I spin my own life to sound better?

[John Crist]

That's what the whole thing is.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[John Crist]

What? You're lying. About other stuff in that profile.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. Don't let the job be the truth. Yeah.

[John Crist]

This is where. Of all the things, this is where.

[Miles]

I also like to imagine there's, like, a ton of girls on this app. Just, like, swipe through.

[John Crist]

Like an accountant. Yeah.

[Miles]

Oh, God.

[Charlie Barrons]

I also like how our advice to the last guy was tell the truth. And this guy's just, why. Dude, we're so inconsistent.

[John Crist]

They're like this. We never know where they're gonna fall. Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

This isn't a Bible study.

[John Crist]

Yeah. But anyway, that's a good one.

[Charlie Barrons]

Good luck, dude. Yeah, good luck.

[John Crist]

It's everybody else the same. What you mean? Fudge on your height, fudge on your weight. On your. A pickleball player. You don't play. You played once.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[John Crist]

Yeah. Also, that's why you're not getting any matches, because you say you play pickleball in your.

[Charlie Barrons]

Right.

[John Crist]

In your. Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

You play tennis like a man.

[John Crist]

Something. Yeah. We'll offer this. We'll. We'll go through your camera roll and we'll tell you the photos to put.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, yeah, that'd be a great service.

[Miles]

You know that there are services out there that will take photos for you for your dating profile.

[Charlie Barrons]

Really? Like a senior pictures.

[Miles]

Guys are paying to have good photos to be on their dating profile.

[Charlie Barrons]

Just.

[Miles]

I knew a guy in Fargo who, like, went somewhere else in the country to do that.

[Charlie Barrons]

Really?

[Miles]

As a photographer.

[Charlie Barrons]

Like a boudoir photographer, but for Tinder.

[John Crist]

Boudoir far. Except. Put your shirt on. Yeah. Why do you have your shirt on? Put the fish down and put your shirt on. Why am I not getting any matches?

[Charlie Barrons]

Some. You know, they're. There's like, a whole art to a dating profile. I don't really.

[Miles]

I got lucky, and I. I have. Didn't have to do that very much.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. I'm out the game, too.

[John Crist]

Same. Yeah, I'm at the game.

[Charlie Barrons]

Thank you, God.

[John Crist]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Now it's, like, only how people meet. You remember when it first came out, and like, every.

[Charlie Barrons]

It was like, oh, you met online.

[John Crist]

And girls would always be like. Like, my friend put me on here. I didn't even want to do this, but, like, my friend, like, he's just like, we'll see what happens.

[Charlie Barrons]

Nobody.

[John Crist]

Nobody set one up themselves.

[Miles]

Correct.

[John Crist]

Yeah. I was like, yeah, okay. Yeah. I didn't even want to. Yeah. They were like, let's just see what. Like, what? I just, like, flipped my Tinder back on.

[Miles]

And then Jake met his girlfriend at a bar, and he was having people being like, you met someone at a Bar.

[Charlie Barrons]

You just approach. You talk to them in real life.

[John Crist]

Neanderthal, caveman. Oh.

[Miles]

All right. Well, thanks for coming on, John.

[John Crist]

I think on the net is. It was a positive.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. For the whole episode.

[John Crist]

Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[John Crist]

I feel like we were good up front. We took a big dip, and then we. Yeah, we. We. Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

Where. Where can Rob find your tour dates?

[John Crist]

Probably coming down there. I don't know. JohnChrist, comedy.com or any of my social channels.

[Charlie Barrons]

Nice.

[Miles]

Oh, yeah, man.

[John Crist]

I don't think I'm. I don't know. After that. I don't think I'm trying to promote.

[Charlie Barrons]

Honestly, I saw you drop the mic and, like, walk away.

[Miles]

I actually saw him in the middle of that, take his phone out, and he deleted our numbers out of his phone. It was in real time.

[John Crist]

Yeah. Dude, come up to the bar, dude. We got a podcast. It'll be fun.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[John Crist]

This is why my sponsor says I can't come to this bar. And how did it go? You know what? I should have listened. Yeah.

[Miles]

John, what happened? You're like, you should have heard this podcast, man. It was too much.

[John Crist]

I've been sober. I've been so. For five years. I relapse. I relapse. I'm at the bar.

[Charlie Barrons]

You had one Red Bull too many. One Red Red Bull at the Red Door Saloon.

[Miles]

Charlie, I'm starting to think that you and I are the problem.

[John Crist]

We might be.

[Miles]

It's like, it's all about the company you keep, man. And we're just. We got these guys calling in.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[John Crist]

People on the Internet goes, you got to start staying away from that.

[Charlie Barrons]

Charlie, come on, now. What did Jesus do? He hung out with the prostitutes and the fishermen. Who? Huh?

[John Crist]

Who's. Who's.

[Miles]

You're the possum killer.

[Charlie Barrons]

So we welcome you here, too. Just clawing his way up.

[Miles]

He's filling it up, and he's like, ah. Why is it. What? Damn it. There's a kink in the hose.

[Charlie Barrons]

There's a hole in the bottom of the trash.

[Miles]

He's just giving this possum a bath. Well, guys, tried to kill the possum. Didn't go well. So now we just got a pet. Don't worry. He's clean. I cleaned him up.

[Charlie Barrons]

It's a posse.

[Miles]

Oh, man.

[Charlie Barrons]

Don't worry. Those nails are pretty well. Pretty well filed down.

[Miles]

He's clawing his way up for the possum. He's trimming the nails.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, yeah. Well, God bless that possum. God bless Rob. God bless the accountants.

[John Crist]

Amen.

[Charlie Barrons]

Amen.

[Miles]

Well, guys, thanks for tuning in to another episode of the Bellied up podcast. Tip your bartender and we'll see you next one.

[Charlie Barrons]

See you soon.

[John Crist]

Okay.

[Charlie Barrons]

Hope you guys have a good one.

[Rob]

Goodbye now. Toodaloo.