NFL Mascot Wants to Be a Lawyer #155

Summary

Bellied Up Podcast Episode #155: NFL Mascot Wants to Be a Lawyer
Release Date: June 12, 2025
Hosts: Miles (You Betcha Guy) & Charlie Berens
Location: Frank's Lounge, Fargo, North Dakota

---

1. Frank's Lounge: A Nostalgic Dive into History (00:00 - 03:43)

The episode kicks off with Miles and Charlie sharing the rich history of Frank's Lounge, the current setting for their podcast recording.

• Frank's Lounge Origins:

  • Charlie (00:20): "It used to be, back in the 1980s, a club for gentlemen."
  • Miles (00:27): Mentions the original name, "The Pussycat Lounge," and a prominent pink kitty neon sign that’s still present today.

• Community Relations:

  • Charlie (01:11): "The Catholic Church across the street requested the name change to Frank's Lounge, showing respect without legal confrontation."

2. The Mini Donuts Debate: Hole vs. Hole (03:00 - 05:02)

A light-hearted discussion ensues about the difference between mini donuts and donut holes.

• Misunderstanding Clarified:

  • Charlie (02:15): Highlights the confusion between donut holes and mini donuts.
  • Miles (05:02): "Donut holes are what's left when the middle of the donut is taken out."

• Taste Test:

  • Miles (03:00): "These are the mini donuts. Cheers to the first time I have mini donuts at a bar."
  • Charlie (03:41): "Very crispy on the outside, but melts in your mouth after that first layer."

3. Happiness: Beyond Money (03:43 - 08:21)

Jared’s question prompts Miles and Charlie to explore what truly brings them happiness beyond financial means.

• Charlie on Happiness:

  • Charlie (04:00): "Donuts, dude."
  • Miles (05:02): Describes the joy of finding a full beer after thinking it’s almost finished.

• Personal Joys:

  • Charlie (06:03): Shares his happiness from organizing and decluttering his paint storage and renovating a space at home.
  • Miles (07:51): Talks about the bliss of planning vacations in advance, making them feel "free."

4. Caller Spotlight: Joy and Her Camo-Wearing Husband (10:04 - 26:50)

Joy calls in with a humorous and relatable dilemma about her husband's obsession with camouflage attire, making it difficult for her to locate him.

• Joy’s Dilemma:

  • Joy (12:05): "I can't even find him in my own house or see him anywhere..."
  • Charlie (15:22): "Because he's wearing camo, obviously."

• Advice and Banter:

  • Miles (16:13): Suggests blending camo patterns to counteract her husband's camouflage.
  • Charlie (26:23): "They’re in his closet behind all the camo, is it?"

• Marriage Anecdotes:

  • Joy (17:08): Celebrates her second anniversary with a simple dinner, hinting at the humorous challenges in her marriage.
  • Miles (19:18): Discusses the woes of handling excessive Amazon purchases, tying it back to Joy's story.

5. Guest Feature: Calvin, the NFL Mascot Considering Law School (31:01 - 58:02)

Calvin joins the podcast to discuss his experiences as a professional NFL mascot and his contemplation of pursuing a career in law.

• Calvin’s Background:

  • Calvin (31:14): "I was a professional mascot in the National Football League."
  • Reveals his tenure with the Louisville Cardinals and mentions being under an NDA.

• The Life of a Mascot:

  • Calvin (35:32): "Don't talk as a mascot. Especially when you see someone you know."
  • Shares unique challenges, like developing personal relationships within the mascot suit.

• Transitioning Careers:

  • Calvin (42:57): "I'm really trying to figure out here. If I keep on doing this mascot thing or go to law school."
  • Charlie (43:15): "The way technology's advancing, robots can do the law school stuff."

• Mascot Insights:

  • Calvin (53:01): "The top three rules of being a professional mascot? Silence, be approachable, and have fun."
  • Discussion on Mascot Etiquette:
    • Miles (54:00): Asks about appropriate interactions with mascots.
    • Calvin (54:00): "Kids used to just come up to you and just, like, punch you."

• Future of Mascots:

  • Calvin (51:58): Expresses interest in potentially becoming a high-profile mascot with improved skills.
  • Charlie (56:35): "Good luck with your future endeavors. Do them both; you only live once."

6. Humorous Interludes and Banter (Throughout the Episode)

Throughout the episode, Miles and Charlie engage in playful banter, humorously critiquing aspects like rental car companies, sharing exaggerated anecdotes, and interacting with callers in a comedic fashion.

• Rental Car Rants:

  • Charlie (30:37): "What's wrong with rental car companies?"
  • Miles (29:34): Suggests dedicating an entire episode to their ineptitudes.

• Mascot and Furry Conspiracy Theories:

  • Charlie (58:00): "I'm sending Miles some bird savers for his window."
  • Speculates humorously about mascots moonlighting as furries.

7. Closing Remarks and Final Exchanges (58:02 - 64:14)

As the episode wraps up, the hosts and callers share final jokes and light-hearted comments, maintaining the comedic spirit of the show.

• Final Jokes:

  • Charlie (60:36): Invites the Pussycat mascot to join the conversation, leading to humorous criticisms of the mascot’s dance moves.
  • Miles (62:37): "He attempted to twerk as well, but his ass was kind of like just looks like a two by four."

• Goodbyes:

  • Calvin (64:03): "Hope you guys have a good one. Goodbye, now."
  • Hosts bid farewell with additional jokes about the ongoing antics at Frank's Lounge.

---

Notable Quotes with Attribution and Timestamps

• Charlie (00:33): "How cool was that old pink kitty sign at Frank's Lounge?"
• Charlie (04:00): "Donuts, dude."
• Miles (05:02): "It's the best feeling to come back and find a full beer waiting for you."
• Joy (12:05): "I can't even find him in my own house or see him anywhere."
• Calvin (31:14): "I was a professional mascot in the National Football League."
• Calvin (53:01): "The top three rules of being a professional mascot? Silence, be approachable, and have fun."
• Charlie (43:15): "The way technology's advancing, robots can do the law school stuff."

---

Key Takeaways

• Historical Appreciation: The hosts provide an engaging look into Frank's Lounge's past, setting a nostalgic tone for the episode.

• Humorous Exchanges: From mini donuts debates to playful jabs at each other's lifestyles, the episode is rich with humor and camaraderie.

• Relatable Callers: Joy's struggle with her camouflaged husband and Calvin's unique career path offer listeners both laughs and moments of connection.

• Insightful Guest Conversation: Calvin's insights into the life of a professional mascot and his career crossroads add depth to the comedic narrative.

This episode of Bellied Up masterfully blends humor, personal stories, and unique guest insights, making it a memorable listen for both regular fans and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Miles]

Welcome back, everybody, to another episode of the Bellied up podcast. I'm here with my buddy Charlie.

[Charlie]

Hello, Hello. Hello, Charlie.

[Miles]

Today we are at Frank's Lounge in Fargo, North Dakota, and we were just getting the lowdown about Frank's pretty cool story.

[Charlie]

Very cool. It used to be, back in the 1980s, a club for gentlemen.

[Miles]

Allegedly.

[Charlie]

Allegedly. And there was a big pink kitty, which is now in Frank's Lounge here. Right.

[Miles]

Big neon sign. It used to be the old logo. Charlie's got it on his hat. Shirt, Same. And what was the name of old before it was Frank's Lounge back in the 80s. What was the name of it?

[Charlie]

The Pussycat Club Lounge. The Pussycat Lounge. And there was a Catholic church, though, across from the new location. This location. Frank's Lounge.

[Miles]

He wanted to. Frank wanted to name it the Pussycat Lounge.

[Charlie]

Yeah. Wasn't his name Jim?

[Miles]

Yeah, Jeff. Jeff wanted to name it the Pussycat Lounge on the. In the new location. Catholic church across the street said, we would love it if you wouldn't.

[Charlie]

This is a bridge too far. Okay.

[Calvin]

And.

[Charlie]

And, you know, hey, respect. They're respecting. I don't even think they were mandated. They could name it whatever they wanted. They respected the local bishop's request. Yeah. Or whatever.

[Miles]

I got a letter from the bishop. It's basically a cease and desist from.

[Charlie]

The bishop pretty much. I mean, you know, the Catholic Church probably could have, you know, tighten their belt and throw down some money for a lawsuit prevent, you know, push their weight around, you know, pulled some money out of the graveyard, sent it at. At this situation. But they didn't have to because they said, you know what, we'll just call Frank's Lounge. But we are putting a picture of the strip joint in Frank's Lounge, which they have right over there in the corner.

[Miles]

Yes, they do. So, Charlie, one thing that piqued my interest when we walked into Frank's Lounge is I saw a sign that. Advertising their mini donuts.

[Charlie]

I know.

[Miles]

And I said. And I said, when was the last time you had many donuts, Charlie? And he said, it's been a while.

[Charlie]

Yep.

[Miles]

And then he proceeded to talk about mini donuts. And he was not. We were not talking about the same thing.

[Charlie]

We actually were talking about mini donuts. Miles, you said I was talking about donut holes. And I said, no, first of all, why do they call it a donut hole? It's not a hole.

[Miles]

It's the donut hole. So what makes the hole in the donut is what you get out of it.

[Charlie]

And That's a donut hole, to be honest with you. And I'm not messing around. That did not make sense until I was today years old right now.

[Miles]

You just realized why they're called donut holes?

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

It's because the whole of the donut gets taken out and that's what's left.

[Charlie]

And it's not even a hole at all, though. Really?

[Miles]

You are right. You are right on that.

[Charlie]

I thought it was a whole donut.

[Miles]

Should we taste test these mini donuts?

[Charlie]

Yeah, These are the mini donuts. Yep. Okay.

[Miles]

Cheers to the. This is the first time I have many donuts at a bar. I don't know if you have, but.

[Charlie]

I feel like maybe. Oh, my God. Thank you, Lord, for these gifts. Wow. Holy wow.

[Miles]

Actually, the. Oh, I. I just. I went full thing in my mouth.

[Charlie]

Sounds like you Miles. Sounds.

[Miles]

Just pop that into your mouth. There you go. Very good. So if you're at Frank's Lounge, you got to get some mini donuts. Very crispy on the outside, but melts in your mouth after you get past that first layer.

[Charlie]

Damn.

[Miles]

Charlie, Jared has a question for us.

[Charlie]

What's up, Jared?

[Miles]

That he would like us to answer. If money doesn't buy happiness, what makes you happy? What makes us happy? If money doesn't buy happiness, everyone knows that. What makes us happy, Charlie?

[Charlie]

Donuts, dude.

[Miles]

Donuts are the last one. Sure. And that is the Charlie Baron's origin story of how he gained 60 pounds. Like, I used to weigh you for a bit, Charlie. You should just gain 60 pounds.

[Charlie]

Should I?

[Miles]

It would be funny.

[Charlie]

Do you think?

[Miles]

What would the bit be that you got fat?

[Charlie]

Fat, Charlie?

[Miles]

Yeah, it's like Fat Mac on Always Sunny in Philadelphia. What makes you happy, Charlie?

[Charlie]

Well, what makes me happy? God. Oh, I'm glad you brought it up. Okay. You know, you know at night when you're like, kind of when you don't have any shoes or socks on and the insides of your toes itch? Yeah, I like scratching that itch.

[Miles]

I think that just sounds like you have athlete's foot. I think you may just need some ointment.

[Charlie]

Really? But then I wouldn't be able to scratch. That's what makes me happy.

[Miles]

Is okay. Scratching itches. This is going to be. Sounds strange, but what makes me happy is when I have a. I'm drinking a beverage, let's say a beer here, and maybe I set it down. I walked away for a little bit and I came back. And mentally, I think that I'm almost done with the beer.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

And then I Pick it up again and it's full. And it's just the best feeling. I still have a full beer to drink.

[Charlie]

That's.

[Miles]

It's just the best feeling in the world. It happened to me last night.

[Charlie]

That's got to make you feel really good. I, I get that. I get that. You come back and it's just like you set the bar low in your mind. You come back and you just exceed expectations.

[Miles]

Yeah. It's either that or I'm just drinking someone else's beer and don't know it.

[Charlie]

So that way, either way it's a win win, you know, and then you don't have to get a flu shot. So I also like, you know, the paint storage place in your, in your house. Like under the stairs.

[Miles]

Just in the garage, under the stairs, wherever.

[Charlie]

Yeah, it's a show all the time. One of my happiest moments of the past two months was cleaning mine out and actually getting rid of the stuff with. With just a quarter bit of paint that I've never even. I don't even know what that color was for. It was probably for five different paints of coat generations back in the household. Paint probably had lead in it. I got rid of it.

[Miles]

Did you dispose of it correctly?

[Charlie]

I did.

[Miles]

Okay.

[Charlie]

I did. That was gonna be my, you know me, Miles. I'm a hippie. I don't mess around with that stuff. But I. And also there was a toilet underneath the, underneath the basement stairs. That's where they put a toilet back in the 1800s. I got, you know, I got a little sawza. I cut the pipe and it's a fully functioning under the stairs. That, that toilet pipe was just breaking up the whole room. Nothing flowed underneath that, the, the stairs in that compartment. But once I cut that out, it transformed the whole area. And I still think about, sometimes I think about that as I'm going to sleep. What else makes you happy, Miles?

[Miles]

What do you mean? When you go in.

[Charlie]

When I go. When I go to bed, I, I go to bed. Like kind of thinking about how that.

[Miles]

Happy that makes you.

[Charlie]

No, I just think about, like. And then I, I start to get other ideas because there's still another little compartment if you go around the corner. So I'm like, do I open that up? You know, is that a load bearing situation? I start thinking about that and then I fall asleep. But makes me happy. Gets me going. Can you tell right now? Yeah, yeah. You can see visual evidence if you look for it. But anyways, what else makes you happy, Miles?

[Miles]

I think what makes Me happy is paying for a vacation in advance. And then when you get to the vacation, it just feels like it's free.

[Charlie]

Oh, yeah.

[Miles]

You know?

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Like, wow, I love this free vacation. I'm really glad that Miles 12 months ago paid for this.

[Charlie]

Yes. Yes. Because there's nothing worse than being on vacation and resenting every drink you purchase.

[Miles]

Yeah. If you already paid for it, you're good to go.

[Charlie]

Yeah. It's money spent.

[Miles]

Mm.

[Charlie]

Forgot about.

[Miles]

Now my wife's gonna listen to this and go, miles, you've never planned a vacation 12 months in advance ever in your life. But six months, then. Okay.

[Charlie]

Really? Do you plan?

[Miles]

Well, we just do it together. I don't like.

[Charlie]

That's so cute, dude.

[Miles]

Well, it's cute, but then we end up spending three hours trying to find the best deal and weighing all the options, and I'm like. By the end, I feel like I have a spreadsheet. I'm like, if we go these days, this is the flight costs. And then if we go. But if we were to go this days, it would be cheaper if we went here. And so then it's, like, turns into this puzzle, and it ends up taking five hours, and then we don't even. We don't even book anything.

[Charlie]

Wow. You're. You're a better man than me. That. That whole thing gives me kind of a little anxiety just thinking about.

[Miles]

Yeah, me too.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

No, I don't love it.

[Charlie]

Okay, okay, okay. Got it. Got it.

[Miles]

Yeah, it's fun.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

I. That. Yeah. Well, yeah, It's. When you do it, I'm surprised you do it. Six months events, I'm more the guy that would wait till, like, the week before and just pay as you go and resent the whole thing.

[Miles]

No.

[Charlie]

Yeah, You. You don't know about that. About me.

[Miles]

There's no way that you would plan something just a week ahead.

[Charlie]

Yeah. All the time. By that, if I'm lucky, you know what makes me happy? Licking my finger and dip in this remaining brown sugar. Try it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Two fingers in there. Good for you. Mm.

[Miles]

Well, Charles, we're here at Frank's Lounge. Would you like to take some callers?

[Charlie]

You know what else makes me happy is when someone's got a really expensive bottle of booze, you know, and they. They're telling you about it, and they're like, you want to try something? Then you try. Like, that's okay.

[Miles]

Yeah. I mean, well. But also, like, do they even like it?

[Charlie]

No. One of my buddies got, like, a lot. A lot of money. And he always is kind of flexing his booze. And then I test it and I go, it's okay. Just to see how he reacts.

[Miles]

That one sip you took was $15.

[Charlie]

He does that. He does. He's like, okay. It was just okay. And he forgets, like, every time I do it, because he says the exact same thing every time. Poor guy. Anyways, yeah, let's take some callers. Sorry, A.D.D.

[Miles]

You'Re good. Joy, you got Miles and Charlie on the Bellied up podcast, I hear. Joy, I hear that your husband only wants to wear camouflage. Is that accurate?

[Joy]

It is. I got a bit of conundrum here, and I thought, who better to call than the best Midwest? And I was trying to come up a name for you guys.

[Charlie]

We appreciate the effort. That was.

[Miles]

That was literally could have said anything, and she. She couldn't get anything out that we were the best at.

[Charlie]

The best of the Midwest.

[Joy]

Could be, like, a jingle and, like, who you gonna call Midwest therapist or something? But that's lame. Couldn't think up anything else.

[Charlie]

That's not so bad, Joy.

[Miles]

Well, listen, just pretty funny, though. She was like, the best in the Midwest at. Oh, they're not good at that.

[Charlie]

They're not great listeners. They talk over each other a lot. And the guest. Neither of them are particularly good at sports or. Or fixing stuff for school.

[Joy]

What do we call it? But you give people advice.

[Miles]

Yeah, there you go.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Joy]

Bringing life happenings, and it changes people's lives.

[Charlie]

So those who can't do give advice. So there you go. Joy, here we are for you. What's.

[Miles]

What's. We're wondering what.

[Charlie]

What's so bad about the camo?

[Miles]

What's the problem?

[Joy]

The problem is I can't even find him in my own house or see him anywhere. We go, we're on a walk, and it just looks like I'm holding an invisible man's hands. People are making fun of me because I look like a crazy lady. So then, you know, in our house.

[Miles]

They'Re like, look at that lady on drugs over there talking to a tree.

[Joy]

Exactly. And, like, you know, we're at home because his love language is touch. So he's like, you know, I. You don't like it when you show more affection, and I want hugs and kisses. I'm like, okay, that's fine, but we gotta play Marco Polo if you want me to find you. Well, they do work out that great.

[Miles]

They do say that you need to touch grass. So we should get some grass camo.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

He should wear. You should Wear a speedo. You should wear a grass camo Speedo and tell you to touch grass.

[Charlie]

One man's grass is another man's mossy oak miles.

[Miles]

So I'm just trying to help the guy out. Well, he seems like a great guy.

[Joy]

And lately he's been saying, you know, he wants to get, like, these camel chairs and, you know, this is a voice from beyond get you that I'm hearing. His camel chairs. He wants to make, like, his man cave, all camo and stuff. And I'm like, well, that's great. I'll only be able to find you if you smile, because then I'll see your teeth, but that's it.

[Charlie]

At least he brushes. Last thing you want is camo teeth.

[Miles]

Did he wear a camo tux at your wedding?

[Joy]

He did not. I made him wear something else so that it didn't look like I was marrying nothing.

[Charlie]

Now, when you say all he wears is camo, does that extend beyond the slacks?

[Joy]

Sometimes, yeah.

[Charlie]

He has camel boxers.

[Joy]

Yeah, I think he does have some.

[Charlie]

Okay. All right. All right.

[Miles]

Now, does he like to. To hunt, or does he just love camo?

[Joy]

He does a little bit of hunting. He could do a little bit more, but, you know, he only goes, like, once or twice. He's a fair weather hunter.

[Miles]

I was gonna say. Are you. Are you saying he's got stolen valor on wearing this much camo?

[Joy]

I mean, I don't know if he's doing it on purpose or like, I've tried to buy him other clothes, and he doesn't wear them. I never see him again. He opens it, he's like, oh, that's nice. And I never see it again.

[Charlie]

They're in his closet behind all the camo, is it?

[Joy]

One time I asked him, I said, you know, you really like that hoodie, don't you? He's like, oh, no, I got like, 10 of these. I'm like, okay, that's why.

[Charlie]

Well, where's. What's the real problem here, though, aside for you not being able to find them? You know, I mean, you. You've got a guy that you're married to that everywhere he goes, he's the best dressed guy in the room. So what. What is the real issue?

[Joy]

I mean, how do you know he's the best dressed guy in the room?

[Charlie]

Because he's wearing camo, obviously.

[Miles]

Joy, I love the commitment to the bit.

[Charlie]

What? Oh, because she thinks, damn it, Joy, you just.

[Miles]

I like that.

[Charlie]

Yeah. Joy, you know, you can see camo when it's up against, you know, a Brown wall. Well, not a brown wall, but an orange wall. Oh, maybe that's what you can do. Maybe you can get them into wearing blaze orange. Maybe. Maybe that's. That's your gateway.

[Joy]

Be nice and loud.

[Miles]

Yeah, you can. Yeah, you can't. Just a button down, black button down shirt and be like, you should wear this. That's. It's too jarring for him. Ease them into other clothing items by going blaze orange.

[Joy]

Yeah, I got to stay within the theme. I got you. And I suppose I can't do pink camel. He won't go for that.

[Charlie]

Well, you could. You could. I mean, Joey, what you got to remember is that every color is camouflage. Depending on the situation, you know, hey.

[Joy]

I could use that to. Yeah, I could be like, you know, this tan color. Do we ever go out to the desert? You will blend in.

[Charlie]

Exactly.

[Joy]

And if you know all the. And like, with some blue, go to the beach. Come blend in.

[Charlie]

Right.

[Joy]

But I just. I don't know why he wants to be camouflaged all the time. I'm like, why are you always trying to hide from me? Which I'm like, is he doing it on purpose maybe?

[Miles]

Joy, he's not hiding from you. He just wants all eyes on you instead of him.

[Charlie]

That's it. Joy, he's a gentleman.

[Joy]

Oh, my. He could be quite the romantic. And I. Did he even know?

[Charlie]

How's the marriage going otherwise, Joy?

[Joy]

Oh, well, we had our second anniversary yesterday.

[Miles]

Congratulations.

[Charlie]

Congratulations. Two years. What'd you guys do?

[Joy]

We just went out to dinner.

[Charlie]

Okay, what's been. What's been the biggest fight in your marriage so far?

[Joy]

Vegas fight. Oh, my. Nothing really stands out.

[Miles]

I mean, there has to be something.

[Charlie]

What's the thing you're avoiding saying, Joy? I see that internal clock skipping right over it. Most people.

[Joy]

Nothing at all.

[Charlie]

Nothing.

[Miles]

What did you black out in the last two years that you're trying to forget?

[Joy]

See, I mean, I put him in charge of money because, you know, I like money, so.

[Miles]

Oh, so. So you guys will argue about how much money you're spending on coffee.

[Joy]

Depending. I've gotten better. Because he'll see, you know, he'll see the charges. And he's like, yo, what was this about? And I'm like, yo, I want a little something something special for Monday.

[Charlie]

What's the thing that you bought that pissed him off the most?

[Joy]

Oh, that pissed them off the most. I like Amazon. We've joked I'm gonna name my first baby Amazon because I like Amazon.

[Charlie]

We got an awi. Amazoning while intoxicated Is that one of your things?

[Joy]

No, actually, I don't do that, thankfully. Yeah, otherwise, I would probably buy everything I've ever wanted on Amazon.

[Miles]

Yeah, I mean, that's the. That's the pandemic right now for men across the country is not only is their wife spending too much money on Amazon, they have to spend an hour and a half every day breaking down all the boxes in the garage.

[Charlie]

It's a one, two punch.

[Miles]

It's just a kick to the left and right nut.

[Joy]

I mean, we got cats, so the cats really like the box.

[Charlie]

Oh, yeah.

[Joy]

Yeah. Gotta keep those babies happy.

[Miles]

So what. What's. What's the thing that's, you know, you say you like Amazon, but what is the item you bought that he was like, we don't need this. Why did you spend money on this? You're killing me.

[Joy]

Usually put the big. Like a big, expensive purchase. I ask, I'm like, hey, there's a lot coming out tomorrow. I mean, I also have a horse, and he's pretty expensive, so.

[Charlie]

Oh, you have a horse. You're a horse and cat gal, huh? I am horse people. We know about horse people.

[Joy]

Oh, yeah.

[Charlie]

I met some horse people once, and they're nice folks. Odd ducks.

[Joy]

It depends on which ones. Which ones? There's a lot of different breeds. Just like there's some weird dog owners, and usually they have, you know, certain breeds have certain weird people.

[Charlie]

Okay.

[Joy]

And then there's normal.

[Charlie]

What are the different types of horse people, Joy?

[Joy]

Well, the thing always goes is there's horse crazy and then there's crazy horse people. Horse crazy Love. Just horses and will be nice. And the crazy horse people are crazy like cray cray.

[Miles]

Like, what kind of crazy? Like.

[Joy]

Like they're the ones that all. You make them mad or say something upset, and they're gonna carry Underwood your truck.

[Miles]

So basically, in the horse community, it's equivalent to being a hairdresser. You know, hairstylists in the horse community are crazy horse.

[Joy]

I mean, horseburns sometimes love their gossip.

[Charlie]

So they're gossipers. I just like the idea of if Carrie Underwood wrote that song about a horse. Well, he dug my key into the side of this sea biscuit and then he died. You know, Doug, my key biscuit, and then he died. You know, think about worked. It worked in my brain. Anyways, what were you saying before? I got stuck on a thought and I had to get it out, but I ignored everything you said between the time that got stuck in my head.

[Joy]

Okay. My husband has ADHD, so, you know, we have about five different conversations in 10 minutes.

[Miles]

But that's fun.

[Joy]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

It's Bali and combos.

[Miles]

So. You. So. So, Joy, you know my pain. You. You live my.

[Joy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Calvin]

You get.

[Joy]

You gotta bring them back and be like, you gotta find something they like, and then you dingle it in front of their face. Like, hey, hey, look, look, look. Oh, shine. Yeah. Yeah, we're back on this now.

[Charlie]

Put your husband on the phone, Joy. I want to talk to someone on my team.

[Joy]

You know, I should ask him to call him, because he is a pretty funny guy. I mean, usually he makes me say that, but he. He can be pretty funny.

[Charlie]

What's he doing?

[Joy]

I've gotten quite a few more. Oh, he's. I think. No, he's at the dmv. He said. I was gonna say he's at work, but he's at the DMV because he hit a deer, that's why.

[Charlie]

Oh, no. Did he keep.

[Joy]

He wasn't watching for him.

[Miles]

Well, the deer didn't see him use camo.

[Joy]

Exactly. He's like, there's nobody driving that car. It's thin and still gone. And we didn't even get any meat in the freezer from it.

[Miles]

Yeah. Charlie. What's he doing? He's at work so that they can pay for all the Amazon charges.

[Charlie]

Yeah. Honestly, you know, you.

[Calvin]

You.

[Charlie]

You judge him, okay. But he's out there. Do you guys both work, or is he the. The.

[Joy]

Oh, no, we both work. In this economy? Really?

[Charlie]

All right, well, I don't know. I don't know if. I mean, he's at the DMV in the middle of the day. Oh, it's his lunch break, probably.

[Joy]

No, I think he's. He had other errands to run this morning, and they. It couldn't happen on a Saturday, so.

[Charlie]

Oh, is it Saturday?

[Miles]

Thursday.

[Charlie]

Oh, that couldn't happen on a Saturday. I get it.

[Joy]

Yeah. You got. You gotta follow.

[Miles]

We gotta. Joy, do you have any techniques. Joy, do you have any techniques for me to keep Charlie locked in?

[Joy]

I mean, it's easier if you're a significant other, but.

[Miles]

Which is going on. But I'm as close to. As you probably can get.

[Charlie]

Yeah. What can Miles do to keep me on track? Joy? Oh, show a little.

[Miles]

Does smart. Does snapping work? Because I've had the urge so many times. Snap at me to be like, Charlie.

[Charlie]

Yeah, that's fine. I will respond to that over here.

[Joy]

Start their own dance and start, like, clapping and doing other stuff along. And then you get in a dance off. That doesn't always work.

[Miles]

Yeah, yeah, you're right.

[Joy]

Then he'll make noises. Because when they start making more noises.

[Miles]

Yeah. He'll just start singing.

[Charlie]

We're doing the west side Story.

[Calvin]

Do it.

[Miles]

Do it.

[Charlie]

That's some good pipes you got.

[Joy]

You could get a favorite drink. And then you wave that in front of his face and he's like, oh, hello.

[Miles]

Yeah, that might work. The only way to focus Charlie in is go look at that golden finch over there.

[Charlie]

Oh, where?

[Calvin]

Boom.

[Miles]

He's dialed in.

[Charlie]

There was a golden finch dead outside Miles's place. It was very sad.

[Miles]

We think it hit the window.

[Charlie]

Yeah, I'm sending Miles some bird savers for his window. Songbirds are dying at a rapid pace, you guys, because of all these freaking windows.

[Miles]

Yeah, it's. It's kind of like shingles, you know? Reason why tornadoes and bad weather doesn't hit big cities all the time is because they have shingles repelling it. Now we have an opposite problem. That windows are attracting birds.

[Charlie]

Is that true? Shingles, Tornadoes?

[Miles]

No. There's a guy. There's a guy. There's a guy I used to work with when I was working concrete. That was his theory.

[Charlie]

Oh, he would talk about shingles and contrails.

[Miles]

Yeah, you would just say that shingles repelled bad weather.

[Charlie]

That's hilarious.

[Joy]

So that was his way to get people to do some re roofing, huh?

[Miles]

Yeah, actually, pretty smart. Pretty smart.

[Joy]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Charlie]

Well, I don't think you have a problem with your husband to bring it all back home.

[Joy]

I mean, if I wear camo, does that cancel his camo and I can see.

[Miles]

Yeah, maybe do a camo off. You just start wearing only camo as well, and either in. Either your marriage is going to just explode into love, or he'll realize, like, yeah, maybe I should tone it back, because I now get it.

[Charlie]

Yeah, you just mirror him everywhere you go. Just wear camo. He'll get sick of it. That's the way to do it. Yeah, there you go.

[Miles]

Except for he might really love the camo undergarments.

[Charlie]

That might get him. Might get him going.

[Miles]

Either way, you guys will probably have a kid within the year. So if you start wearing camo, some.

[Joy]

Camo and the rest of history.

[Miles]

Yeah, guys already have a tough time finding it. And then you throw camo underwear on. We are screwed. We got no shot.

[Charlie]

When.

[Joy]

When he goes hunting. That is the only time he can concentrate and doesn't have adhd. Then he can be quiet, all right? Then he can focus.

[Miles]

I got a deer costume you can borrow.

[Charlie]

You Do.

[Joy]

Yeah, we can make it this own hunting game.

[Charlie]

There you go. Little role playing goes a long way.

[Miles]

Well, Joy, we appreciate you calling in and chatting with us today.

[Joy]

Yeah, of course. I love you guys. Podcast. It makes me laugh all the time when I'm in the car.

[Charlie]

Joy, we love you. Tell your husband when he says, hi.

[Miles]

Joy, it's been a Joy.

[Joy]

You're welcome. And I bow. All right.

[Miles]

Tell your husband to watch out for deer. Did you already say that?

[Charlie]

No, but make sure he knows.

[Joy]

Yeah, yeah, I think he. I think he knows now. I think he gets the idea. It's got to be looking for him.

[Miles]

All right, talk to you later.

[Charlie]

Add in these new cars.

[Miles]

That's the worst in the new cars.

[Charlie]

Yeah. They have all these screens, and I.

[Miles]

Was in a car. I don't know if it was a rental car or whatever, where the seat would vibrate if I got too close to a line.

[Charlie]

Oh, yeah. Yep, Yep.

[Miles]

That doesn't help.

[Charlie]

Ass cheek vibrates. I. I was in a car, a rental car, and the whole seat was a massage chair.

[Miles]

Did you like it, though?

[Charlie]

I mean, it was kind of nice, but I just felt like a real. You know, because it was like a big SUV and it was like a massage chair in it.

[Miles]

You know, Charlie's like, I can't get it to get off of the. The butt massager.

[Charlie]

Oh, no.

[Miles]

Trying to get the back massager just won't work. I guess it's broken. I guess I'll just leave it on.

[Charlie]

I did get a butt massage, and it was nice. Yeah, his face is real good.

[Miles]

It was nice.

[Charlie]

It was. It was like a little. It felt like a rolling thing. Right on. Right on the tank. It was good. Yeah. You guys sit out there and judge me losers. Yeah. Go rent. What was it? I forget the car.

[Miles]

Should we take another caller? Charles?

[Charlie]

The nice thing about the car, though, I didn't even have to pay for it. It was a free upgrade because they ran out of the smaller ones.

[Miles]

So even get me started on rental car companies. Don't even get me started.

[Charlie]

Yeah, what's wrong with rental car companies? Okay.

[Miles]

All right. Another pie. Maybe we could do a intro. We could dive into it, do a whole episode hour long about how dumb rental car companies are.

[Charlie]

Miles, you know, it's road trip season.

[Miles]

Yes, it is. Yes, it is.

[Charlie]

The sun is shining, the lakes are humming, and we are getting in our cars and we're going to someplace else.

[Miles]

I like to do this. Roll the window down. I go like this with my hand.

[Charlie]

Oh, yeah. Just let the wind carry those fingers to a new dimension and a new state of mind.

[Miles]

And as you're feeling that wind through your fingers out the door.

[Charlie]

What was that, Miles?

[Miles]

I just hit a deer. No, Because I was watching out for my hand and not a deer.

[Charlie]

Oh, no. Miles. I bet the insurance company is going to try and pin this one on me.

[Miles]

They're absolutely beating. Bending me over the barrel and showing me the 50 states. Charlie, I don't know what to do.

[Charlie]

And we all know this was an act of God. We didn't invent a deer and put them there. That insurance coverage should. Companies should cover it. But they're not, because they're a bunch of greedy little wankers. We'll call Nicolay Law, ladies and gentlemen. Injured, get Nicolay 1855. Nicolay silent te on.

[Miles]

That's what, that's what I should do is call Nicolay.

[Charlie]

Kick away.

[Miles]

Okay, go.

[Charlie]

Nicolelaw.com Already done.

[Miles]

Done called them. Already done.

[Charlie]

Calvin, you're talking to Miles and Charlie from the Bellied up podcast. How you doing?

[Calvin]

I'm great. How are you, Charlie?

[Charlie]

Doing real good, my guy. Now, listen, we heard that you got had an interesting job in the past and we'd like to know a little bit more. Yeah, we want to know a little bit about that.

[Calvin]

Yeah, let's do it. Right. So it's past and present. Oh, so I'm still doing it.

[Miles]

Okay.

[Calvin]

And so I am. I was an undergraduate, I was a graduate, and I was professional mascot.

[Charlie]

Nice, dude.

[Miles]

Our professional mass mascot.

[Calvin]

I was a professional mascot in the National Football League.

[Charlie]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait. Give us a hint.

[Miles]

We know it's not the packers, right?

[Calvin]

It is not the Packers. No, not the Packers.

[Charlie]

It's in the Midwest Lions.

[Calvin]

I. I can't say, Charlie. I'm under NDA.

[Charlie]

Oh, damn right. Come on.

[Calvin]

So, unfortunately, I cannot disclose what team it was, but it is a Midwest team. Okay. And it was absolutely phenomenal to do it.

[Charlie]

Okay.

[Calvin]

Tons of fun.

[Miles]

Hey, let's just play a game. Just make an animal noise. Is it a. Just make an animal noise that just first comes to you?

[Calvin]

Oh, I say like, nay, maybe.

[Charlie]

Oh, bro. No, nay. We saw a horse. The Colts.

[Miles]

The Colts.

[Charlie]

Wow.

[Miles]

Okay.

[Calvin]

I wouldn't confirm nor deny.

[Miles]

So you're the guy. I, I. Okay, how do I get around?

[Charlie]

Yeah, no, dude, he's aroused.

[Miles]

So if you. We're not saying that you are the mascot for the Colts, but. So you got some Shakira hips on you because I know that mascot is constantly whipping his hips around.

[Calvin]

Well, I Appreciate that, Miles. I don't know if I would describe myself. Shakira. Right. But I definitely can whip the hips around a little bit if needed.

[Charlie]

Okay, nice. What's it like? Okay, can. Can you tell us about the mascots? Blue Charlie, can you tell us about the. Your former mascots? Can you confirm? Okay, so where'd you. Where did you get your start? Let's hear the origin story.

[Calvin]

Got my start at Bentley University in Waltham, Massachusetts.

[Charlie]

Where in the hell. Okay, I get. Yeah, give us the mascot.

[Calvin]

Yeah, that's. Let's. The Falcon. So he just changed. Take a look on the Google Adam, right? You'll see an article about me when I unveiled myself, Right? So that's where I got my origin story.

[Charlie]

Wow, you crushed it with the gals.

[Calvin]

Not at all, Charlie.

[Miles]

Yeah, that's a. That's a good question, Charlie.

[Calvin]

No, no, you would think so, right? You think it'd be, you know what I mean? The ultimate cheat code to life, right?

[Miles]

But unfortunately not, because you can't tell anyone. And you just.

[Calvin]

Exactly.

[Miles]

And you just smell like sweat all day.

[Calvin]

You smell like a complete. All day. You smell like you just played an entire football game. Like smiles, like, we understand each other.

[Charlie]

I gotta tell you this, though. That's not true for every mascot because I knew someone who dated a bucky, and she. She said that there were many BUC EE's and that they all have a Bucky tattoo on them and.

[Calvin]

Really?

[Charlie]

Yeah. And it's usually hidden. The tattoo.

[Calvin]

Oh, wow.

[Miles]

Ooh.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Calvin]

Damn, Charlie. Shit.

[Charlie]

That's just what I heard. So do you.

[Calvin]

Okay, okay, I understood.

[Charlie]

Have you gotten a tat of any of your mascots?

[Calvin]

I. I have not quite yet, Right? So at Bentley, I was one of one. So I was the only mascot up there, dude, right? So, like, on a Friday night, freshman year, I saw this application. They needed a mascot, right? So I applied. Monday, I got like a text message from, like, my then to be boss. It's like, hey, are you available right now? And I said, yeah, sure. I went down, he threw me a pair of shorts. And he's like, hey, we need you to mascot a retirement event.

[Charlie]

That's a good first starter. One, you know, not a lot of big movements.

[Calvin]

I was so confused with that video of me walking around like I was a statue, right? And these, like, it's these. All these old retired professors who wanted nothing to do with a mascot. Like nookies, right? Like, trying to get them, and they're like, we don't want to be here.

[Miles]

That's what when I think of professor, is the thing that they want the most in life is a noogie.

[Charlie]

Yeah. 100 retired professionals, too. They don't even have hair.

[Calvin]

That's. See, like, I thought that's what they would want, Right. You know, I mean, I try to get them a little excited, right. But eventually they gave me the job still somehow.

[Miles]

Oh, so you didn't just get the job, you had to audition?

[Calvin]

I had to audition at his retirement event. Yeah.

[Miles]

Okay.

[Charlie]

Like, if this kid can handle the retire retired professors event, he can handle anything.

[Miles]

How difficult is it not to just talk as a mascot?

[Calvin]

Oh, it's so difficult to not talk. Especially when you see someone you know.

[Miles]

Oh.

[Calvin]

And you think, in the entire world.

[Miles]

I believe it. Do you do.

[Calvin]

And see, the weirdest thing, Miles, right. Is actually that you develop relationships with people from inside the mascot suit. Like your best friends as a mascot with, like, this one person. And then you're out of the suit and this person doesn't even look at you. Right. They're like, I don't even know who this guy is.

[Miles]

Wow. I mean, now you know how Bruce Wayne feels. You know?

[Calvin]

Exactly.

[Miles]

You're basically 100%. You're basically the less cut, less skilled in martial arts version of Bruce Wayne.

[Calvin]

Well, that's kind of hurtful.

[Charlie]

You don't know that.

[Calvin]

You don't know my martial arts skills. Like, we haven't met each other yet.

[Charlie]

Also, you think about this.

[Miles]

Sorry, sorry, sorry. You are the poor version of Bruce Wayne.

[Calvin]

That's fair. Yeah, we can go with that. Yeah. 100%.

[Charlie]

You're the true value Bruce Wayne. So listen, I think this would be. This would be a crazy, like, plot in a movie or something. But you're the mascot, right? And you're out at an event and you see your girlfriend there, and she's with another guy and. And they're, like, making out and they're like, let's get a picture with the mascot. And they come and this guy's got his hand around you, you know, and she's got. She's got her hand around, like, past you on his butt. Anything like that ever happened to you?

[Calvin]

Nothing like that ever happened. But right now I'm thinking, Miles, like you said, my lack of martial arts skills. I could use my martial arts skills as the mascot and, like, flip this dude and get into, like, a great battle scene. That's all I'm thinking.

[Charlie]

Do you really have martial arts skills?

[Calvin]

Absolutely not.

[Charlie]

Okay. But it's a good none at all.

[Miles]

So that would be no, that would be the worst. Do they give you any sort of protocol that's okay to, like, talk? You know what I mean? Like, would they be, like, all right if you saw your girlfriend cheating on you, it's all right to confront a whole situation? Like, we'll give you a pass on that? Is there anything like that?

[Calvin]

So, like, no. If I had a girlfriend two years in college, and she didn't know until, like, the last few months of relationship.

[Charlie]

Wow. Did that start the decline of the relationship that you kept that a secret?

[Calvin]

She started. She started, like, getting with this other dude. It was all fine. It was whatever.

[Charlie]

Really.

[Miles]

Well, it's probably because you wouldn't open up yet, man. She felt like you were emotionally unavailable.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Think about that.

[Charlie]

Yeah. You didn't tell her about this huge part of your life. That's like finding out your spouse is in the CIA, dude.

[Calvin]

I. I mean, I guess. Yeah. That's something, right? But I. You're trying to be secretive. You know what I mean? There's like. It's the whole point of the mascot.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

And can you really fault her for being secretive about the other guy if you're being secretive? Not at all.

[Calvin]

You know, that's why I kind of blow it off. You know what I mean? I blow it off, and I'm like, it's what happened. You know? I mean, I had more fun being the mascot. It's better, you know? I mean.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

And that's, like, the best diss you could have ever said about your ex girlfriend. I had more fun being in a giant costume that smells like sweat, piss, and puke than, you know, being with you.

[Calvin]

And I hope this gets to her somehow.

[Charlie]

All right, well, what was. What was said in your second mascot?

[Calvin]

So. Yeah, my second mascot is I moved to Kentucky.

[Charlie]

Huh.

[Calvin]

Right. And I became a mascot of a large D1 institution where I'm at right now. Right. And had definitely a lot more. So that was the Louisville Cardinal.

[Miles]

Oh, okay.

[Calvin]

Yeah, that was definitely a lot more fun.

[Charlie]

Let's pop that one up.

[Calvin]

So as of, like, a week ago, I'm no longer the Cardinal.

[Charlie]

What happened?

[Calvin]

I graduated.

[Charlie]

Oh, congratulations. But, damn, thank you. It's gonna be tough to leave that one behind. Wow.

[Calvin]

Yeah. No, that one. That one was definitely a ton of fun. Get into front of crowds. Apps, like actual crowds. At Bentley, we were D2. Right. So crowds were pretty small. No one was really getting into it. The only sport people really cared about was women's basketball. Right. And then you got to Louisville, and then it's Just popping all the time. It was awesome.

[Miles]

At your D2 school, you're performing in fronts of. In front of tens of fans.

[Calvin]

Exactly. Hey, now, football games, we had like a thousand, right? It was, you know what I mean? Mostly the other team fans, but it was good.

[Miles]

It's just parents. Yeah, that's it.

[Calvin]

It's just parents. Yeah, it's just parents. It just parents. Yeah. But Louisville was awesome. No great experience.

[Charlie]

Do you make a lot of money?

[Calvin]

Unfortunately not. Right? There's definitely. There's wage disparity. Right, okay. In the mascot game, right? It's definitely way different. Like, I was talking to several professional organizations before I chose the one I went to, right. In between undergrad and grad. And like, there were some places that paid like 10 bucks an hour. And then there was other places that paid like six figures.

[Miles]

Really well, doesn't it? You got to bring some talent to the six figure job, right? Like, you got to be able to do flips and stuff, correct?

[Calvin]

Oh, yeah. You gotta be like the Bulls, you know, I mean, like the Bulls mascot or like the Bucks mascot, right? Like those mascots that. You know. You know what I mean?

[Miles]

Yeah, yeah.

[Charlie]

Are you like, Are you. You're like, good enough to get to that place?

[Calvin]

I'm pretty good. Right. So I had an interview with a larger organization, an NBA organization, right. And I was in the final round. So there's about three people, right? They started with like thousands of applicants and I got down to three. So there's definitely a shot that I have to get to that level.

[Miles]

You're at the table.

[Calvin]

Yeah, I'm at the table. Right? It just, you know, I mean, so get in the stake now.

[Miles]

Do you like, send them a highlight reel? Like, do you send them your Huddle.

[Calvin]

Link and then 100%, right? So like the one application I sent out, right, I'm like, I was super desperate for a job, so I put way too much effort into it and I made it like it was an entire high school. Like quarterback Huddle profile or coded an entire website for this. Took it way too seriously. Didn't even get a callback.

[Charlie]

Damn.

[Miles]

Yeah, like this wrong here. He's too. Try hard.

[Charlie]

Can we watch your huddle reel?

[Calvin]

I could definitely send that to you. Yeah.

[Charlie]

Can we?

[Miles]

Great.

[Charlie]

Yeah, we should. We.

[Calvin]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

We can't show it though. Can we show it or no, I have to check.

[Calvin]

I haven't seen it in a bit. Right. So we'll have to check what's on it and I can let you know.

[Charlie]

Yeah, you can't have the Colts thing on it, so.

[Calvin]

Yeah, no, I. Well, I've never said that.

[Miles]

Right.

[Charlie]

No, you didn't. Yeah, you didn't say that. I said that.

[Calvin]

No, you said that. You said that. Yeah. But here's my predicament. Sorry. No, Miles.

[Miles]

No, you go ahead.

[Calvin]

So here's my predicament. Right. So just graduated from grad school. Right. So I'm really trying to figure it out here. If I keep on doing this mascot thing or go to law school.

[Miles]

Okay. That's quite. Quite the gap.

[Charlie]

Yeah, quite a gap.

[Calvin]

Yeah. Quite the gap here.

[Charlie]

But listen, I'm. I'm just gonna say something. The way technology's advancing, robots can do the law school stuff. Robot. I mean, the lawyers are all going to be robots in a matter of a few years. I think we're still at least 10 years out from a robot being a mascot.

[Calvin]

And I'm sorry, Miles, but I. I had to bring it up. But I knew Charlie was gonna bring up the whole AI thing with this. Right. I knew it was coming.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

I mean, thanks a lot. What?

[Charlie]

I'm just saying. I'm speaking truth here.

[Calvin]

You are, Charlie. No, you are. Right.

[Charlie]

Yeah. People should know. People should know. But anyways, I think.

[Miles]

I mean, let's not just rush over the fact that you said that mascots aren't going to get replaced by robots.

[Charlie]

Not that lawyers will be replaced first.

[Miles]

Jared. Jared disagrees.

[Charlie]

Really? Jared?

[Miles]

There's already.

[Charlie]

No, there's already animatronics and stuff already. Yeah. But let's see the best animatronics right now. Can they. Can they really do, like, the flips and stuff? No, but I think eventually they will. Yeah, eventually. But I'm saying right now.

[Miles]

But a lawyer is much tougher to be.

[Charlie]

Yeah, but no, right now, basically, lawyers are using, like, chatbots to do all their preliminary stuff.

[Miles]

Yeah, he's talking, like, all the other stuff, like a trial lawyer, maybe.

[Charlie]

Not.

[Miles]

Not.

[Charlie]

Right.

[Calvin]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

You're saying all lawyers. Yeah. Okay, I suppose. I suppose. I don't know. You got to run the numbers. Look, one's gonna be a lot.

[Calvin]

I disagree with you, though, right? I disagree with you because I think a mascot. Right. You need to have that connection piece. Right. And, like, if this little kid comes up to, like, this robot mascot, you.

[Miles]

Won'T know it's a robot. The robot will be inside of the costume.

[Calvin]

I don't know about that, Miles. I feel like this robot's gonna punch this kid in the face eventually, and that's a lawsuit. And then we need an attorney. An AI attorney.

[Miles]

Yeah. And then it'll be another robot trying the case.

[Charlie]

Hey, why can't you do both? Why can't you hedge your bet? Do both.

[Calvin]

See, I don't know. Right, That's. That's why I'm here. Right. Trying to talk it out here.

[Miles]

Yeah, just do both. You don't gotta do homework on Sundays.

[Charlie]

Right? It's.

[Miles]

It's.

[Charlie]

I mean.

[Miles]

I mean, basically it's a. I mean, you're. You're working one day a week. And the mascot thing.

[Charlie]

Yeah. You're doing two jobs.

[Calvin]

Doing two jobs. Understood.

[Charlie]

Yeah. And you get a good enough mascot job that can pay for law school.

[Calvin]

Oh, shit. Yeah. No, you're right.

[Charlie]

I know, I know.

[Calvin]

My bad. I apologize. I think.

[Miles]

Yeah, just go for both.

[Calvin]

What can you go for both.

[Charlie]

What can you do right now to improve your skills? To get one of those to become a Bulls mascot, you gotta work on your flips. What do you gotta do?

[Calvin]

See, I'm not tall, Charlie. That's my issue. Right? So I cannot dunk a basketball, but.

[Charlie]

With a trampoline, I'm pretty sure you can. And I. I've never seen a mascot just straight up dunk a basketball without a trampoline.

[Miles]

That would be wild.

[Calvin]

Actually. Right. A little bit more about the mascot in game. Okay. Just, you know, I mean, for your edification. Right. So there's actually height requirements for a lot of mascots. Right? So at Bentley, the heist requirement was 5, 10 to 6, 2. And I'm 5 9. Right. So I actually, like, I was just let in and like, Louisville was the same thing. They barely just let me in. Right. Like, I had, like. Sometimes I'd put, like, stuff in my shoes. Right. In order to make me seem a little bit taller.

[Charlie]

Huh. Wow. Do they measure you there?

[Calvin]

Yeah. They measure you? Oh, yeah.

[Charlie]

Don't they say, take your shoes off.

[Calvin]

They have you take your shoes off? Yeah. There's like, there was one. One team, right. I won't say which. They had like a combine, more or less for a mascot. And they, like, they measured you, they took your weight. They had like health care person there, like all 10, like all 100 yards for it.

[Miles]

I mean, you think that. That being a mascot is like knowing what the nuclear codes are? I mean, the way you're talking about.

[Charlie]

This combine, I just.

[Miles]

I don't say this, but I kind of. I just doesn't feel like it's that serious. I don't. That we need.

[Calvin]

I don't know, Miles. I mean, how many mascots do you Know a one.

[Miles]

You.

[Calvin]

Yeah. So here's what I'm saying, right? You don't know, because we keep it pretty secretive. It's, you know, I mean, it's a tight troop here.

[Miles]

Yeah. I also just don't necessarily see me running in the same circles as mascots either. You know, I don't know if I naturally run into them.

[Calvin]

Understood. All right, well, now you will, right?

[Miles]

I will.

[Calvin]

Come on up. You know what I mean?

[Miles]

I'm about to be on Mascot Tick Tock after this because I've said mascot too many times, and now I'm just gonna get only videos.

[Calvin]

That's a great Tick Tock. If you've never seen Mascot Tick Tock, right? There's some great content on there.

[Charlie]

I want to know who's the most impressive mascot in all professional sports.

[Miles]

Who's the goat?

[Charlie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Calvin]

Oh, that's. I. I gotta go with the Milwaukee Bucks.

[Charlie]

Milwaukee Bucks. My guy. Okay.

[Calvin]

Yeah, yeah, that guy's impressive. Have you ever seen some of his stunts? But also the byu, Right? That guy, right. He's super impressive, too.

[Miles]

I like it.

[Calvin]

Right? Two really, really impressive mascots. If you look up byu, Right. If you look at BYU mascot, there's like this routine he did a few years ago. Super impressive, super athletic fella.

[Charlie]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. The BYU mascot. What? What's the. I think that dudes DM me. BYU mascot. What's his name?

[Calvin]

Shoot, I can't think of his name. Off top my top.

[Miles]

I thought you're not supposed to say that.

[Calvin]

Right? Well, his name's like Cosmo, like the. The map. Yeah, yeah, Right. But the guys came out of the. Like, he came out, right, like, saying who he is and stuff, right? And there's, like, pictures of him, and so he's there.

[Miles]

So he's. He was one of the first gay mascots.

[Calvin]

I think he was one of the first to really, you know, me get out of the bag. That he was. But I feel like a lot of mascots, I mean, you got to be able to dance, you got to be able to, you know, me, express yourself. Feel like he's not the first. Right. But, like, he really opened some doors.

[Miles]

Oh, wait, so that was. I was doing a joke. He actually is.

[Calvin]

Oh, yeah. No, like, yeah, he actually is. Like, he's a gay man. Yeah.

[Miles]

Oh, okay. I thought you're saying, like, he came out and told everyone he was the mascot, and I was doing a joke that he came out as gay.

[Calvin]

Oh, yeah.

[Miles]

But he did both, I guess. Yeah, he did Both.

[Calvin]

He came on out and he came out as gay.

[Miles]

I was wondering. I was wondering why I didn't get a reaction about that. And now that makes sense.

[Charlie]

Also, he never. He never did DM me. It was a different mascot. My phone.

[Calvin]

Yeah, Great, dude.

[Miles]

Yeah. I got a question. When I was at the D2 school, we kind of had mascots. So we had our regular mascot, his name was Scorch, and then we had the blow up version. So, like, you know the. The mascot ones where they have the air thing in there that they blow up and then they walk around and then they're like head bobs around and stuff like that?

[Calvin]

Oh, yeah.

[Miles]

Are you a purist or what's your stance on the. The emergence of blow up costumes?

[Calvin]

Purists, Right? That's taking away the jobs, right? I mean.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Calvin]

Gonna do. Then just walk around. You know what I mean?

[Miles]

Yeah. Talentless.

[Calvin]

It is. It's a talentless position. Right. All I can. The only good one I could ever think about is if you guys remember the Raptors Blow up mascot that used to eat things on the court. Yeah. That was the only good one ever, in my opinion. We will let that one slide. Other than that. No, no. Take it away. Take it away.

[Charlie]

Josh, where do your dance skills compare to Cosmo?

[Calvin]

Oh, Cosmos. Just. That's. This guy's the enemy. He's world class fire.

[Charlie]

Look at this. Yeah, Big package on him, too. Look at that. Look at that. Cougar. Moose knuckle right there.

[Calvin]

No, great, great. Bella, great. Great fella. Right now they're good, right? I don't want to brag, but I did come in second in the Wall FM, Dancing with the Stars and 2023.

[Charlie]

Whoa.

[Calvin]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Big competition, Charlie. Big competition.

[Charlie]

Damn. Congratulations on that.

[Calvin]

I appreciate it. They never gave me a trophy, but I'm gonna state it out with pride everywhere I go. Put it on the resume.

[Charlie]

Short kings got to know how to dance, you know?

[Calvin]

Oh, yeah. You got to make up for it somehow.

[Charlie]

Mm. Mm.

[Calvin]

I don't necessarily want to call myself short either. I mean, I think a pretty average Charlie.

[Miles]

But you are 5 9. You are a short king through and through.

[Calvin]

Well, that's hurtful, but okay.

[Charlie]

Why is it hurtful? He's calling you a king. You are a scotch taller than a short king. Though short king, I believe, is technically 56 to 58 and 3 quarters. So you just squeaked in there.

[Calvin]

You know, I mean, well, they always say you round up an inch, so I'm actually. I'm downplaying Myself. So I'm more or less 5, 10.

[Miles]

That's what. That's what I tell my wife as well. Just round up.

[Calvin]

Sound that good. 511.

[Miles]

I'm 1. I'm 1. 30 seconds of an inch past the last inch. So let's round all the way up.

[Calvin]

Exactly. You understand it. You get it.

[Miles]

All right.

[Calvin]

Measure your hair sometimes.

[Miles]

Yeah. Put a. Bump it in. Well, let's. I got one last question for you. What would you say are, like, the top three rules of being a professional mascot? What do you. What's. What are they?

[Calvin]

The top three rules of being professional mascot? Yeah. I would say silence, right? Make sure that, you know, I mean, you maintain the character. Right. At all times. Right. That. That'd be, number one. You're approachable, right. You create an environment people want to be at. And number three, just have fun with it. Right. I think that's the biggest thing, is just making sure that you have fun. Because when you have fun, the audience is having fun, right? And you can really amplify that environment.

[Miles]

That was the most corporate lawyer.

[Charlie]

No wonder you're going to law.

[Miles]

Are you reading off of a script for that? Tell me what the real rules of being a mascot are.

[Calvin]

Don't show up drunk. Don't drive high. Do your job.

[Charlie]

Yeah, There you go.

[Miles]

Okay. You got it.

[Charlie]

Oh, what's what? As me as a general, as. As a civilian, how can I interact with a mascot that's appropriate? Like, can you go up and give them a big old bear hug from.

[Miles]

Like, a sack tap, you know?

[Charlie]

Yeah. Can you?

[Calvin]

If you guys think that's definitely not right. Like, I. I'm definitely worried about having kids, Miles. Right. With all the sack taps that you got. Because I never had a handler at Bentley. Right? So kids used to just come up to you and just, like, punch you. Right? Right. So many times, Right? Like, super worried about that. I tell the future wife that one.

[Miles]

One day, just speed begging your nut sack the whole game a hundred percent.

[Calvin]

Because I think it's hysterical, right? And it's like, this isn't funny, right? There's something down there.

[Charlie]

You wear a cup. You gotta wear a jock strap, though.

[Calvin]

No, there's no way. There's no, like, where to really put it in, right? Because you know what I mean? You're already. So. I would wear a cup here and there to, like, hockey games and stuff, but other than that, no.

[Charlie]

Are you naked under there?

[Calvin]

You got shorts and, like, the smallest T shirt you can find.

[Charlie]

Wow.

[Miles]

Interesting.

[Calvin]

Yeah. No, because it's hot. It's hot in there, huh?

[Charlie]

You ever done it commando?

[Miles]

No.

[Calvin]

No, I wasn't that bold ever. Right. Because the things are itchy, right? Like, they don't get washed properly. Right. You really can't wash it, like. Right. The only that's really washed, like, properly, like, once or twice a year. Right. So, like, you don't want to, like, catch something either, you know what I mean?

[Charlie]

Tumble dry or you hang it.

[Calvin]

Hang it? Yeah, hang it.

[Miles]

I just thought of something. You know, as you saw, the. The BYU mascot's got its own Instagram page.

[Charlie]

Y.

[Calvin]

Right.

[Miles]

Like, they're creating content around mascots. Do you think there was a college out there? Like, one way we can get our mascot in front of more people. Let's start a podcast with them. And then they're like, all right, debut day one, episode one of the mascot podcast. Here we go.

[Calvin]

I think it's a great idea, Miles. Right. And the mascot just sits there and says nothing.

[Charlie]

Right. Miles would kind of like it if I dressed up as a mascot on this podcast.

[Miles]

Then I could just put words in his mouth. Yeah, Charlie, you dirty dog. Why would you say that?

[Charlie]

I'm just sitting there nodding occasionally.

[Calvin]

Yeah, I mean, I think you have to have the video content with it. Your YouTube might blow up more than, like, your Apple podcast, your Spotify, but I think it could work.

[Miles]

I don't think it could.

[Calvin]

I don't think so either. Miles, I was trying to be affirmative. I was trying to help your idea here.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Calvin]

Make it so you didn' team as yet. I mean, as stupid of an idea. But.

[Miles]

I was saying it was stupid.

[Charlie]

Well, we appreciate you calling in. Good luck with your future endeavors. Do them both is the short story. You only live once and, you know, work on your front flip. You might become a buck one day.

[Calvin]

Oh, I appreciate it. Long time listener, first time caller. Right. Charlie, I've tried to see you in person two times now. Through the pooch both times. So I haven't been able to see you. Right.

[Charlie]

But there was probably a Colts game or something when I was in Indianapolis.

[Calvin]

No, it was in Louisville, Kentucky, and Wilkes Barre, Pennsylvania. Oh, yeah. I missed both of them.

[Charlie]

You know what? Now that you say that in Louisville one day, I was walking around your campus down there. There was a bunch of journals. Yeah.

[Calvin]

Was you really? Yeah. No, it's a good place down there. Right? Yeah, I just missed that show. Right. Just missed that show. I ended up having to give my ticket to a buddy and his girlfriend. His girlfriend hated you.

[Charlie]

Really?

[Calvin]

So he dumped her.

[Charlie]

Good. Why'd she hate me? Yeah, it wasn't a bad show.

[Calvin]

I. I don't know, Charlie. We didn't like her much anyway.

[Charlie]

She must be in the AI business anyways. Yeah.

[Calvin]

Well, it was good talking to you.

[Charlie]

Good talking to you, too. Yeah, you will.

[Miles]

See you in the fall.

[Calvin]

Well, I appreciate it. Right. I hope you guys are watching.

[Miles]

Yeah, I can tell My family, like, I. I know a celebrity. They're like, which one of the Colts? And I'm like, no, no, no.

[Charlie]

The cult.

[Miles]

The cult.

[Calvin]

Good talking to you.

[Miles]

Yeah, man. Have a good one. Just a whole underground world you just don't know about, you know? Yeah, I like that there's, like, a goat in Mascot World. I like that there's.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Oh, yes. You know, what's the Bucks mascot's name?

[Charlie]

Bango.

[Miles]

Bango. He's really doing some good stuff.

[Charlie]

Bango is.

[Miles]

Do you think he watches film on himself?

[Charlie]

I'm sure, dude. Absolutely. Yeah. He's spending a lot of time in there. He takes it serious, you know? I mean, and you. You wonder how many of those mascot guys are, like, moonlighting at the furry conventions, you know? You know what I mean?

[Miles]

You should ask him.

[Charlie]

I should have. I just thought of it.

[Miles]

I never even thought about that.

[Charlie]

Call him back up. Let's just ask him if he's a furry. Just give him a buzz.

[Miles]

Just. Just call and then just let him answer and we'll hang up.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Calvin]

Hey, what's up?

[Charlie]

Hey, Calvin, one more question. Did you moonlight as a Furry ever?

[Calvin]

I did not. No.

[Charlie]

Do you know any mascots that do moonlight as furries?

[Calvin]

I. I do not, unfortunately.

[Charlie]

Okay, you guys, maybe. Fortunately, you don't know each other like that. You don't.

[Calvin]

We. We don't. Right? Unfortunately, not. Right. We're not on the same level. Like that, I guess.

[Charlie]

Damn. It's a lonely world, man. It's a lonely world. Only you can. Well, all right.

[Miles]

Just wondering.

[Charlie]

Well, you watch for deer now.

[Miles]

But again, I can't trust anything a mascot says because they just. They just lie to everyone. They say, I'm not the mascot. I'm not a Furry.

[Charlie]

No wonder that gal cheated on him.

[Miles]

I think we could confidently say that Calvin's furry.

[Charlie]

I wouldn't admit it either.

[Miles]

When he dresses up as an animal.

[Charlie]

Yeah. I mean, he's already there.

[Miles]

He's actually getting paid to do it.

[Charlie]

Right. And we would know. We're both wearing pink Pussycat hats. Pussycat shirts and hats. We were looking good today. We never even addressed this.

[Miles]

Yes, we did.

[Charlie]

Did we?

[Miles]

We talked about it?

[Charlie]

Our hats and shirts. No, we didn't.

[Miles]

We told the whole story.

[Charlie]

No, I was talking about that. But we didn't talk about the clothing we wear.

[Miles]

Charlie's got the pancake. Actually, I. I said it.

[Charlie]

I know. Guys, this is what I'm doing a bit.

[Miles]

Hey, try.

[Charlie]

Huh? Oh, yeah. Snap fingers.

[Miles]

Let's dial in.

[Charlie]

Do I. Do I. Do I have a cat mascot. Can we wear it?

[Miles]

Yeah, you want it? Go put it on. All right. Well, guys, for the first time ever, why don't you go take a seat there, Pussycat? You have. I like your whiskers. You have very nice whiskers. So tell us a little bit about Frank's Lounge. You want another beer? Is that what you want? You want another beer? We'll take another beer for Cat over here. So tell us, what do you like to do in your spare time? Wow.

[Charlie]

Wow.

[Miles]

Cocaine and hard drugs. I can't believe that. Can we. Can we see your signature move? We'd like to. Let's clear the. Let's see your signature signature move. All right. I thought maybe you're going to grab the wall and wiggle till you're.

[Charlie]

What happened when I was gone, Charlie?

[Miles]

You. You just missed it.

[Charlie]

What happened?

[Miles]

Pussycat, the mascot of Frank's Lounge, just came out while you were in the bathroom. Yeah.

[Charlie]

No way. Like here.

[Miles]

Where.

[Charlie]

Where is Cat?

[Miles]

I don't know. He left now, but. Yeah, you just missed him.

[Charlie]

That sucks.

[Miles]

But honestly, you didn't. He didn't have very good moves.

[Charlie]

Really?

[Miles]

Kind of awkward, you know, he smelled like beef and cheese.

[Charlie]

Yeah. You didn't sack tap him, did you?

[Miles]

No, I would never. I wouldn't do that.

[Charlie]

Did he get you?

[Miles]

He attempted to twerk as well. Yeah, but his ass was kind of like. Just looks like a two by four. It wasn't a lot getting thrown around, really.

[Charlie]

Yeah, it's not what I heard. I was talking to people back there.

[Miles]

He's got dump truck.

[Charlie]

He's got dump truck. He can dance like a stripper. I mean, they're impressed. So you must just not have much taste.

[Miles]

Yeah, I mean, I guess I just don't have taste. Different perspective.

[Charlie]

Someone also said I sack tapped you real hard.

[Miles]

Who's who?

[Charlie]

Or I. I mean, he already broke the rule. Next caller.

[Miles]

Well, guys, that's another episode of the Bellied Up Podcast.

[Charlie]

Folks, you see it all here.

[Miles]

You're just not gonna get this at another podcast.

[Charlie]

No, no.

[Miles]

We do understand that having a mascot on the podcast is bad podcasting, but what were we supposed to do?

[Charlie]

Well, that's why we encourage him to watch the video on YouTube and shop Spotify.

[Miles]

Spotify.

[Charlie]

That, too.

[Miles]

All right, Charlie.

[Charlie]

Well, should we take another caller? No, it's Tip, your bartender. We love you guys.

[Miles]

How hot was it in there? Hot. Lightheaded.

[Charlie]

Hot. Yeah.

[Miles]

Didn't you need a break?

[Charlie]

I mean, I need a water. There we go.

[Calvin]

Okay. Hope you guys have a good one. Goodbye, now.