Secrets of The Mennonite Mafia #184

Summary

Bellied Up Podcast – Episode 184: "Secrets of The Mennonite Mafia"

Hosts: Charlie Berens & Myles the You Betcha Guy
Date: January 22, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Charlie and Myles belly up at their favorite small-town bar for wide-ranging, laughter-filled discussions, heartfelt Midwest banter, and—most notably—a revealing live caller segment that delves into the little-known world of the Mennonite Mafia in Mexico. With their trademark comedic chemistry, the hosts riff on surprise parties, guilt-fueled Midwestern traditions, plus tales of missions, cartels, and love. Real callers with real (and sometimes wild) stories make this episode a memorable ride.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening Banter: Midwest Surprise Parties & Guilt (00:00–10:47)

• Midwest Surprise Parties: Charlie wonders about the joy of having a surprise birthday party—a new, culturally nuanced tradition for Midwesterners resistant to surprises.
  • "I want it to be a Midwest surprise party." (A, 01:32)
• Economic Anxiety: The group jokes about how even at a surprise party, a true Midwesterner is worried about who's footing the bill.
  • Miles: "You want to reassure them that their parents paid for the beer tonight, or he'll be in a 'I'm paying for this funk' for at least an hour." (B, 02:35)
  • Charlie: "There’s only ten minutes of usable joy at this surprise party." (A, 03:41)
• Repayment Rituals: At a Midwestern get-together, guests circle around sharing what they contributed, creating an elaborate system of guilt, repayment, and social accounting.
• Game Night as Therapy: Gambling at the party is proposed as a way to win back your outlay—“Nothing better than going on a bachelor party to a casino… and then you start winning, and the whole trip’s paid for.” (A, 05:24)
• Surprise Party—Good or Bad: Surprise parties can go wrong as easily as they go right, with Charlie joking about haunted houses and surprise colonoscopies. (07:00+)

Notable Quotes

• “Be careful what you wish for. In fact, Miles—surprise: Charlie, you have to have a colonoscopy!” (B, 08:27)
• “Comedy and horror are the same—both rely on surprise.” (A, 07:57)

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2. Underrated Comedy Videos & Creative Motivation (10:47–13:15)

• Underrated Work: The hosts reflect on viral hits vs. personal favorites—“It’s a great way to deal with a video flopping, just call it underrated.” (B, 09:59)
• Creative Balance: Sometimes they just make videos for themselves, not the algorithm. “Every once in a while, you just gotta do a video for you.” (B, 10:38)
• *Plug for "Worst Fishing Show” and Midwest ASMR, which didn’t get their due on release.

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3. Caller Segment 1: “Lee” and the Mennonite Mafia in Mexico (14:40–49:03)

Background

“Lee,” a pseudonymous caller from Texas with mission work experience across China, Cambodia, and Mexico, reveals the hidden dynamics of Mennonite communities in cartel-controlled regions.

Discussion Highlights

• Mennonite-Cartel Symbiosis (16:06–18:33):

  • Mennonites in Mexico, despite their plain-living reputation, are wealthy farm owners.
  • Cartels exploit this, using Mennonites for money laundering and smuggling goods (guns, equipment) across the US-Mexico border.
  • “Nobody questions Mennonites. They buy farm equipment, guns, and smuggle them in—no one checks because they're Mennonites.” (C, 17:56)
  • Cartel fronts and “borrowing” money—narcos meets Ozark-style operations.
  • “This is like Narcos and Ozarks combined.” (A, 17:56)

• Life in Cartel Country (19:30+):

  • Missionaries must coordinate with local cartel leaders for safety—sometimes being turned away for security reasons.

• Socioeconomic Impact (22:12+):

  • Cartel reliance on local indigenous people for poppy/weed growing has declined with fentanyl, slightly improving local conditions.
  • “Now with fentanyl, [the cartel] just leaves [the natives] alone.” (C, 23:14)

• Cultural Gaps & Realities:

  • Hosts joke about imagining blinged-out Mennonites—“Tractors with spinner rims and underglow… Gucci light blue denim shirts!” (B, 18:36; A, 19:12)
  • Lee clarifies: “We don’t interact much with Mennonites, but you see evidence—ginormous farms, huge houses.” (C, 23:58)

• Missionary Experience in China (25:13+):

  • Chinese religious restrictions; “illegal now to have anyone under 18 in church.”
  • Lee’s “Chinese name” and naming rituals discussed lightheartedly.

Notable Quotes

• “They make a profit, pay the cartel back, and now the cartel has clean money to spend up here.” (C, 18:06)
• “If we pitched this show, people would say it’s too unrealistic!” (A, 24:47)

Memorable Moments

• Lee proving he’s “white as can be” despite his Chinese name and sharing how he got more compliments on his looks in Asia than ever in the US. (29:35)
• Extended, lighthearted digression about giving/receiving names in China: “I would have to refer you to my mission inspector. His Chinese name actually means Thunder and Lightning—we’re all jealous.” (C, 31:33)

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4. Midwest Dating, Missions, and Fogo de Chao—the Life of Lee (34:32–59:00)

• Lee as a Modern Renaissance Man:

  • Contractor, missionary, piano player, and a “homeschool crazy” Texan hunting for a girlfriend (preferably not a redhead, though he later backtracks).
  • “If you want to get in contact with Lee…look for the guy in Texas wearing boots, that’s a Cowboys fan, between 6 foot and 6 foot one.” (A, 59:54)

• Missionary Motives and Religious Banter:

  • The hosts, both Catholic, probe Lee on Protestant-Catholic assurance and the missionary “completion percentage.”
  • “What’s your conversion ratio? …You gotta know, first ballot.” (A, 41:05)
  • Playful theological sparring on guilt, purgatory, and confession.
    • “We’re hanging on by a thread of guilt.” (A, 43:57)
  • Singing is (jokingly) posited as the real test for entry into heaven.

• Lee’s Dating Adventures:

  • Takes girls to Dallas orchestras and Fogo de Chao for fancy but platonic evenings.
  • “I love playing my piano. I love working. Those are two pretty good hobbies.” (C, 50:26)
  • Looking for “homeschool crazy,” outdoor-loving, tough gals who also appreciate chivalry.
  • Humorous dissection of date logistics, measuring height, and whether a guy should always pay: “Always.” (C, 50:44)

Notable Quotes

• "If my getting into heaven depends on my singing, I'll be the first one going to hell." (C, 47:30)
• "Guilt is what's saving this world right now. We're hanging on by a thread of guilt.” (A, 43:57)
• “Turn those mission trips into a missionary trip.” (B, 59:15)

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5. Listener Calls: Boats, Relationships, and Midwest Geography (66:28–84:58)

Alex from Missouri (67:01+)

• Young mechanic/mower, in a long-distance relationship with a Minnesota gal.
• Main complaint: his girlfriend likes very, very long walks—“It’s like 8 miles of walking.” (D, 69:07)
• Resolved by compromise: “I'll let her go walk around for a minute and then join her halfway so I gotta walk four or five miles, not eight to ten.” (D, 69:39)

For Sale Segment

• Alex is selling a 14-foot camoed John boat, trailer included—fixing it up himself.
  • “Would you trade it for an engagement ring?” (A, 77:16)
  • “No, but her dad gave me a boat with a 20 HP motor—thing scoots.” (D, 78:45)

Wider Midwest Geographic Debate

• Is Missouri in the Midwest? Verdict from the hosts: Yes, but still catching some ribbing for not fishing enough. (72:22)

Mom Shout-Outs and Casey Anthony Tangent (74:57–75:22)

• Warm tributes to mothers everywhere, with the caveat: “Shout out to all the moms out there, except Casey Anthony.” (B, 75:06)
• The group jokes about legal liabilities: “Let’s throw in an allegedly there, just so we don’t get sued.” (A, 75:27)

Tech and Banter

• Extended riff on proper texting etiquette, slow replies, and how Charlie “sets the bar low so anytime he texts before that it’s a surprise.” (D, 84:00)

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6. Mid-Episode Local Sponsor Highlight: Flannel Can Sparkling Water (62:41–66:25)

• Guest: Russell from Nicolet Law, now branching into the “flannel can” sparkling water game.
• Taste test on-air: “This tastes like a diet creamsicle!” (A, 63:45)
• All flavors produced/canned in Wisconsin—“Everything is Midwest focused, even the can.” (B, 64:45)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Midwest Party Economics:
  "This is costing me everywhere I look." (A, 02:06)
• On Missionary Motivation:
  "You can't put a price on heaven. ...But if you could, it would be whatever you're paying for these trips." (B, 36:37)
• On Fogo de Chao:
  "That’s a crazy place for a first date—you’re just getting the meat sweats on date number one." (B, 52:04)
• On Confession and Guilt:
  “If we just come up with something called confession, we can just do whatever we want and go to confession later.” (B, 43:24)
• On Getting Into Heaven by Singing:
  “Where we come from, you get into heaven by going to church and mumbling the songs.” (B, 47:37)
• On Relationship Dealbreakers:
  “I'm not big on red hair because the last... she had red hair and it kind of sucked.” (C, 57:06)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Midwest Surprise Party Dissection: 00:00–05:50
• Money, Guilt & Midwest Traditions: 02:32–04:30
• Casino Night & Winning Back Party Funds: 05:09–06:16
• Caller Lee & the Mennonite Mafia: 14:40–24:19
• Mennonites, Cartels & Missions: 16:06–23:10
• Banter on Names, Cultures, and Panda Express: 25:13–33:44
• Missionary Motives & Catholic-Protestant Banter: 36:06–47:00
• Lee’s Dating Life & Fogo de Chao: 50:26–54:40
• ‘For Sale’ / Listener Marketplace: 77:04–78:45

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Episode Tone & Feel

This installment combines authentic Midwest warmth, playful self-deprecation, and at times surprisingly deep insight. Charlie and Myles’ rapport remains irrepressibly silly, but their ability to host genuine, winding conversations with real callers gives the episode a homey and unpredictable appeal.

Listeners are treated to the absurd (Mennonite cartels, surprise colonoscopies), the heartfelt (missionary stories, dating woes), the practical (boats for sale, recipes for leftover guilt), and plenty of that singular “belly up” bar-table camaraderie.

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Summary for the Uninitiated:
Whether you’re here for Midwestern comedy or genuine stranger-than-fiction stories, this episode delivers. From surprise parties to surprise mafias, from faith to flannel cans, Charlie and Myles create a welcoming space for laughter, confession, and maybe a little redemption (Catholic or otherwise).

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Skip the ads, not the stories. Until next week, don’t forget—tip your bartender!

Transcript

[A]

Welcome to the Bellied up podcast. Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Charlie Barrons. I'm here with my companion. I'm here with my partner. I'm here with my friend Miles, the you bet you guy. Miles, how you doing today?

[B]

Happy to be here, Charles.

[A]

Thank you for touching my hand.

[B]

Thank you for having me.

[A]

Now, the arm touch. I like it. I like it. Miles, I was thinking, I like surprises to you. I like being surprised.

[B]

What kind of surprise I we talking? Like, you're driving down the road, you're looking in the glove box, bucks for a napkin. And then you look up and there's a deer in the middle of the road. That kind of surprise. Or like, like you get home from work and you go in the bedroom and your girlfriend's dressed up like a deer. What kind of surprise are we talking?

[A]

Wow, Miles. How'd you know I was in the furries? Dude, gotta be kidding me. No, I'm kind of thinking, like, surprise birthday parties.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

You know, so you want someone to throw you a surprise birthday party?

[A]

Never had a surprise birthday party, Miles. I wonder what it's like. I mean, have you ever had a surprise?

[B]

I've never had a surprise birthday. I've also, like, I. I do. I feel like I give off the aura that I don't like surprise parties.

[A]

That's why I haven't thrown you one yet.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, that's why.

[A]

But I'm putting it out there that I like them, so.

[B]

Okay. So just do with that information what I like.

[A]

And when you throw me my surprise birthday party, Miles, I want it to be.

[B]

You wanted to be a midwest surprise.

[A]

I want it to be a Midwest surprise party.

[B]

So what's funny is I imagine that a midwest surprise party is that it's actually not a surprise, because Midwesterners don't like surprises, traditionally.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So it's like, it's. They know the party's happening, but, like, the surprise is like, how much beer is going to be there?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

The surprise is we bought a keg. They walk in and they're like, surprise. He's like, I know. And they're like, surprise, we got a keg. And he's like, oh, my God, you got a keg? Got a keg.

[A]

Oh, are we selling cups, too? Surprise. You're making money off your own surprise party. Yeah. You know, because I also think at a surprise party for a Midwesterner, you, you know, a true Midwesterner, especially if his partner is, like, putting on the surprise party, you know, he's thinking in the back of his head, this is my money. At the end of the day, this isn't a surprise. This is. This is costing me everywhere I look.

[B]

It should be a potl. Surprise party. Should be a potluck.

[A]

And very early on, you want to reassure, like the partner should reassure. Hey, your parents paid for the beer tonight. Just so you know, this is all on everyone else. You've got to reassure him early on. That or he's going to be in a funk. He's going to be in a. I'm paying for this funk for at least an hour. Every person he sees is not going to be a good surprise. It's going to be like, how am I. This can be. How many extra hours this week?

[B]

Yeah. You tell everyone when you. When they. If it's your party, you go around, you shake everyone's hand, say, thanks for coming. You make it so that the tradition is they tell you what they paid for. So then each time you talk to someone, it's like, hey, I paid for the hors d'. Oeuvres.

[A]

Oh, you shouldn't have. You didn't have to do that, you know. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

I paid for all the beer in the fridge, not the keg. I can't claim that.

[A]

You know, it's okay.

[B]

That was your father in law.

[A]

Oh, did he really? Oh, my gosh.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

I gotta get you guys something.

[B]

So you know you're gonna owe him.

[A]

Okay. Yeah, I figured. I figured.

[B]

That's the other thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is like, there's a guilt that comes with.

[A]

I was just.

[B]

Surprise party. You're like, okay, now I got to repay all these guys.

[A]

So I just learned that in this act out. Because I don't know if you could tell. And that's why you said. I was like, oh, I'll send my cash. So now there's only going to be, like, 10 minutes of usable joy at this surprise party.

[B]

After you do the tradition of what everyone paid for. You're like, all right, so I got to get Tim. I got to give him some more tackle. I gotta bring over a case of beer to Rick.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Like, you're tallying it up, and then you're adding that onto your other tally that already exists. And.

[B]

Well, and if you're. If your wife is doing it correctly, she knows what everyone brought. And then the party favor when you leave is just repaying you all of what you brought to the party. So then you don't owe him a favor.

[A]

Oh, see, that's the real surprise. At the end. She could just Be there with the. The bro.

[C]

The.

[A]

The chest freezer open. You know, like, we. We. We had the. The old chest freezer, right. With the broken seal. So everything was, like, crusting up on the side. The sides were mostly like frost, you know, but deep under there, man.

[B]

Party favor. You can take some deer sticks home with you.

[A]

And then that. That takes care of the. The payment back. It's like, we offered it. If you didn't take it, that's on you, you know, so. Yeah, yeah. No, I. I like this. And then also, I think a fun since now, since we're just enjoying it, you know, I like games, Miles.

[B]

And it's your party.

[A]

Yeah, Yeah. I mean, if. You know, I was like, I was feeling guilty about turning this from general to specific, but I really like games and gambling.

[B]

And then you. You know, to pay for all the stuff, you end up winning your money back.

[A]

And see, that's kind of it. Yeah. You know, there's nothing better than, like, going on like. Like I've gone on a bachelor party to a casino, and this was in the Dalles, and I was feeling a little tight on the cash. But then I start winning at the casino, which is a huge surprise because it doesn't often happen. And then it. You're like, this whole trip's paid for. This is amazing. I'd like to add that into the surprise party, too.

[B]

Yeah. Just another version of Midwest surprise party is just driving that person to the casino.

[A]

Yeah, right, right. And they win, you know?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. That's.

[B]

Well, that we can't necessarily guarantee.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, I just thought of a party idea that you could do.

[A]

What?

[B]

You could have, like, a casino night party for someone's birthday. And then every time someone wins, 10% of the winnings go to the birthday person.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And then. So then it's like, you know, that's the only gift that you get is just a wad of cash at the end of the night, and you'd get 10% of all the winnings.

[A]

Oh, wow. That's kind of slick. So. Okay, well, explain. Explain that one more time for my brain.

[B]

You're praying you're playing roulette.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You cash out up a hundred bucks. Ten bucks of that goes to the birthday boy.

[A]

Okay. The B day. B. Okay.

[B]

And then they get to take home 90, so everyone's a winner.

[A]

Wow, that is really. That is really cool. I mean, it's kind of like over there, you get that because you're a Fargo boy and all your guys is gambling goes right to charity.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, that's cool.

[B]

Local hockey, youth hockey.

[A]

You know, it's good to support the youth hockey. I also was thinking two miles right there. Like a surprise party doesn't necessarily mean a good thing. Surprises can be a good surprise or a bad surprise, you know. So your surprise party.

[B]

Yeah. So it doesn't have to be a birthday party. You could do like a surprise, like a surprise you owe money to the IRS partner.

[A]

It's like, surprise, you know, and then you turn the corner and she's like, I'm pregnant. Then you turn the other corner and there's this gal with a 10 year old, like, this is yours, you know, and then you turn the other corner and it's your parents being like you're not biologically ours, you know, and then you turn the next corner.

[B]

I think this is called a haunted house. Charlie. I don't know if this is a.

[A]

Surprise party, but, but, but horror movies work the same way. Comedy works in that element of surprise. Laughter triggers and terror triggers. It's just the surprise. So it's, it's a double edged sword.

[B]

We didn't say that it was a happy surprise party.

[A]

I pity the fool who wants a surprise party for his birthday. Because you do not know that that could go two ways, my friend.

[B]

Yeah, you just said you want a surprise party. You didn't say a happy surprise party.

[A]

Yes, you must specify. It's like, be careful what you wish for. In fact, Miles, surpr.

[B]

Charlie, I have to have a colonoscopy because you're almost 40.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Surprise colonoscopy party. The doctor's just like, bend over.

[A]

You know, you weren't going to go to the hospital, so here you are.

[B]

Time for your photo shoot. Bend over.

[A]

That's actually really good. That could be a good sketch right there. You know what I want to do, Miles, is start. Start a horror film. And it could be called Surprise Party, but I want to start it the way we do a sketch normally, you know, so let's say we did that like Midwest haunted house video that we did. We, we start off the movie like that. It starts off like a sketch people are used to seeing. And then the end is like, I kill you or you kill me or something.

[B]

And then seems like about every fourth video we try and work in the ending of someone killing the other person.

[A]

Well, you know, it's just surprise.

[B]

Like at this point you're like, oh, it would be a surprise that, that I kill you at the end. But we've done it enough now to where it's like, actually, they're surprised when we don't end up.

[A]

That's right. I forgot I put you in the trunk that one time.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No, but you were alive at the end. It was a fake.

[B]

We didn't put the. I was dead. I don't think.

[A]

Didn't we put that in the car?

[B]

I don't remember.

[A]

I was, like, saying creed first time. Or biker versus driver.

[B]

Guys really don't have to wear your underwear. You can wear your pants.

[A]

That's one of my. That's one. Like. I feel like that was a really underrated video. Yeah, for. That's up there for me. I got a lot of underrated videos on my mind. Like, a lot of videos.

[B]

It's a great way to deal with the pain of a video flopping. It's just calling it underrated.

[A]

Yeah, it's underappreciated. Like the real ones. Like that one, you know?

[B]

Or maybe they didn't.

[C]

I don't know.

[B]

Maybe it just was bad all around.

[A]

I thought it was really good. I thought it was really good.

[B]

I think that's, like, the battle of doing what we do is. There's a. There's a. A constant push and pull between something that you think is unbelievably funny versus, like, what you think will do well on the Internet. And every once in a while, you gotta just do a video for you.

[A]

Yeah, you do.

[B]

With no consequences. Like, hey, I don't even know if anyone's gonna care about this video, but I just really like it, so I'm gonna do it. You got to do that once in a while.

[A]

Yeah, 100%, man. You just. You just got to rip and roar, you know, and let the consequences be what they might. And then it's always a coin toss.

[B]

You know what one of those was for us?

[A]

The.

[B]

The worst fish show.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

The worst fishing.

[A]

Worst fishing show. That. Honestly, though, nobody has ever come up and said they liked that video to me.

[B]

No, either.

[A]

But I bet you if they saw it, they would like it. You know, it just didn't travel. It didn't get the eyes.

[B]

So if you listen to this. Go look at. Go watch the. The. I think it's just, like, the worst fishing show ever or something like that. Yeah, the video shot that at my lake.

[A]

I think we should repost that one. I don't think we should see what happens. You should repost Midwest asmr, too.

[B]

I should? Yeah.

[A]

I remember that.

[B]

Might do numbers in today's world. I think people listen to asmr.

[A]

It Was ahead of its time.

[B]

I was early.

[A]

It was ahead of its time. Well, should we take some callers here, Miles?

[B]

Let's do it. Time for some prize picks. Prize picks right now, we'll give you fifty dollars in lineups. When you play your first five dollar lineup, win or lose, you'll get fifty bucks in lineups. All you got to do is use promo code bellied up when you sign up today. There's only so many weeks left in this NFL season, so only so many weeks left. That means you need to download prize picks today. And I mean, you guys, if you're doing it now, you're like me in high school with, you know, taking tests just like cramming, like not even the night before, like, like the period before the test. But any bit of cramming before the end of the test is worth it. So go download the prize picks today. This week I gotta pick Matthew stafford. More than 35 and a half pass attempts. Think he's going to sling the ball around? He's hit it the last five weeks and I just think that the more people should be getting in on price picks. It's actually bringing Charlie and I together this football season, we've talked more about prize picks than we have than we did the previous year. And so if you got a buddy that's estranged, you know, like Charlie and I, when he's in Milwaukee and I'm in Fargo, you gotta say, hey, we're gonna play prize picks together. Sharing lineups back and forth. So, guys, download prize picks today. Use code bellied up.

[A]

Miles. January. Let me tell you something about January. It's chaotic, okay?

[B]

It's what?

[A]

It's chaotic.

[B]

Okay. What's that?

[A]

It means wild and crazy and all over the place.

[B]

You're saying with a seat it's chaotic.

[A]

Is it? Because I don't think there's a K in the word. But what is K? And by K I mean okay. And by okay, I mean excellent is Tippy Cow Miles. So listen to me. We are going to let you in on a little bit of a hack, okay? You can skip the baking, okay? You skip the mix and skip the unnecessary effort. Just grab yourself a bottle of Tippy Cow chocolate shake. See? Chocolate shake. Chaotic chocolate. How do you.

[B]

How do you say yep, yep, I got it. Yeah.

[A]

Do you, do you say cocklet? No, you say chocolate. And it's smooth, it's creamy, it goes down easier than your New Year's goals disappearing by week three. So bring it to a buddy's place, pour it over ice and suddenly, you're everyone's favorite person in the room. So go on, have a cow. Wisconsin cow. Tip it on back to the tippy Co Moo.

[B]

Drink responsibly. Typical. Rum cream. Copyright 2025 Midwest Custom Bottling, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. All rights reserve. Hello. Is this Lee?

[C]

Lee Unza?

[B]

Yes. Lee, nice to meet you. This is Miles and Charlie from the Bellied up podcast. Where are you from?

[C]

Texas.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[C]

How did I get a quick disclaimer? Disclaimer? Yeah. That's not my real name. I just. That's my Chinese name. I didn't want to use my real name because. I don't know. You'll figure out later.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

All right. Yes.

[A]

I love it when people use pen names on the show, Miles. It means they got some juice.

[B]

So what is the. You said that's your. Your what name?

[A]

Chinese name.

[B]

So your Chinese name.

[C]

It's technically my honey name. The honey. You're basically like the Native Americans of China. Chinese.

[A]

Cool.

[B]

Okay. That's cool.

[A]

I didn't. I did not know that actually was.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And you.

[B]

And you, now you. You grow up in Texas?

[C]

Oh, yeah. I lived in Texas my whole life. But do you all want to. There's a bunch of things we can talk about, so I just want to make sure that I want to talk about, like, the. The Chinese thing before we.

[B]

I love a call where we have to protect someone's identity.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That is, like, I am licking my chops at this call right now. I know we're about to get into some juicy. And when Jared told me that we have a guy that wants to talk about the Mafia, I was like, let's get him on the line.

[A]

And so you want to talk about the Mafia, Lee? I wasn't paying attention when Jared was talking. This is crazy. Let's get into that.

[C]

Okay, so I got to give a little bit of backstory.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So I'm 20. I grew up in Texas my whole life. Very much a country boy. But the church that I go to, we have a lot of missions, and that includes China, Cambodia, and Mexico. I've been to all of those places. And in Mexico, I don't know if any of y' all are familiar with the Copper Canyon or the Tata Mara, but it's basically Indians down there, and it's all in cartel country. And so two years ago, I went down there for a bit. And I don't know if y' all know this, but the Mennonites have a heavy presence in that area of Mexico.

[A]

Oh, we talked to another Caller who was talking about that? Mennonites.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

That's where I got the idea that, hey, I should call, because look at this, Miles.

[A]

One of our stories sparked a memory that's gonna give us a mafia story. Hell, yeah. All right, so you got a lot of bearded folk.

[C]

Well, first of all, not all of them do this, but. So the cartel, the one down there used to be the Sierra. Sierra Leone cartel or the Juarez cartel, the Mennonites, the city of Katemok. They have a very heavy presence down there. And most Mennonites are supposed to be, like, poor. They're not supposed to, like, have a lot of possessions. But a lot of these Mennonites around there kind of said, we want to be rich. And so they have a lot of money because they own a lot of farms, but because they have a lot of money, they kind of have to band together so the cartels don't take advantage of them.

[A]

Yep. Oh, yeah.

[C]

And so the cartel decided we're going to use this to our benefit. So basically, the cartel uses the Mennonites to money launder their. Their blood money or their drug money into clean money.

[A]

This is like the Ozarks of Mexico.

[B]

This is like narcos and Ozarks combined.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Narcos means OG Starts. That's how they would pitch a show. This is a show.

[C]

All right, so basically what happens is the Mennonites will, quote, unquote, borrow money from the cartel, the drug money, and they'll come out to the US because nobody questions Mennonites. And they buy up a whole bunch of farm equipment. And they also buy guns, bullets, equipment, and other things that are hard to get in Mexico. And they smuggle it that down to the border in all of their farming equipment. And nobody checks them because they're Mennonites. And so then we're down there. They sell all the guns, they sell the bullets, they sell the equipment, and then they make a profit and they pay the cartel back. And now the cartel has clean money that they can come spend up here.

[B]

Dude, that's quite the scheme.

[A]

Really.

[B]

Small knights down there are like. All their tractors got spinner rims on them. Their tractors got under glow. They're rolling around town with, like, diamond chains. You know, the Mennonites down there all got grills with diamonds in them. They're just living large, you know?

[C]

Yeah, they're. They got some pretty big houses, and.

[B]

They have, like, Versace. Versace. Like the same clothes you'd wear. Are they. But they're like Gucci.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

There's Mennonites down there with Gucci flip flops on. Gucci.

[A]

Gucci. Gucci light blue denim shirts.

[C]

So.

[A]

Okay, okay. So you know this, though, because you were just doing mission work down there, or were you doing mission work down there and I put mission in their quotes?

[C]

No, I was doing mission work down there. What was there a lot of. There's a lot of starvation down there. So we take food down there, but the guy that we contact with, he's lived down there for almost 20 years with the Taramara. And it's. It's in drug cartel country. Like, whenever we. Whenever we went down there, we have to call ahead and ask him, hey, is it okay for us to come? And he has to call the local cartel leader. And then he basically through the train, tells us, okay, it's okay or not. And whenever we went, that particular time that I went, they said, no, you can't come tonight. So we had to stay the night in Kotemo before we could head that way.

[A]

Were they taking care of rogue Mennonite at that point, you think?

[C]

No, it's just that control of the road. So they probably were shipping something on the roads that they didn't want us being around. That's the best guess that I have.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. Interesting. Wow, that's wild. Now if you. So they're. They're kind of. They're. They're running this, like, legit, illegit business kind of. Yeah. Okay.

[B]

I think you just discovered drug cartels. Yeah, you accurately described it.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

They're like, supplying demand. Well, I'm. You know what I do right now.

[B]

We are talking to a microphone, and so it's like a podcast.

[A]

Yeah, Miles. So what I like to do because. And I've had a lot of people email us to thank me for doing this. I like to pretend like I just came into the conversation in the middle of it.

[B]

That's because you constantly are coming into the. Coming to. Into the conversation.

[A]

I'm processing. My brain is always processing, Miles. And sometimes I got a few other windows open and I just got to close.

[B]

Yeah. Dial up connection.

[A]

Yeah, that too. That too.

[B]

Okay, so what do you do? Like, so, like, in your shoes, you're just bringing food in and you're trying to stay out of everyone's way and just hope that nothing bad happens or whatever?

[C]

Pretty much. I mean, we've been down there for almost 15 years now, and we're actually. We're sending more teams down there actually in, like, About a month or two. So we're not just going there and leaving. We have a constant presence there, but pretty much, yeah, like, we go in, the cartel knows that. They know who we are, who we work with. There's a hospital down there, so they know that we're not trying to do anything funny. And they don't. They really don't care if we help the locals.

[B]

Yeah, they're like, this is. If we can keep the locals happy by not having to do anything other than letting these people come give them free food.

[A]

Well, that. That's what they're doing. They're taking credit for it. You know, they're like, we brought all these.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

Christian people from Texas down here take care of you guys. They're taking credit for it for sure.

[C]

Sort of. Well, right now they kind of dialed back their presence. So before fentanyl, the cartel would use the Chartamaran natives to grow a lot of their drugs. And they basically come in and tell the chart of Marans, who are some of the poorest people on Earth, basically. You grow drugs or you. Well, yeah, the other option is not very good, but if you grow drugs, will pay you. And the. The Tardamon already suffer from an extreme poverty. And, like, it doesn't rain there. It's the freaking desert. And then also there's an extreme alcoholic problem. And so you grow drugs and you don't feed your kids, and so everybody dies, pretty much. Oh, this just got really. Fentanyl now with fentanyl, now they aren't having to grow drugs as much. So it's actually really good for the. For the natives down there that were dying more.

[B]

So how are they getting paid then? If they're not growing the drugs anymore.

[C]

The cartel just leaves them alone.

[A]

They.

[C]

They don't need them to grow drugs anymore, so they don't mess with them.

[B]

I know, but how do they make money to. To eat?

[C]

They just either they go work for the farmers, the. The Mennonites in quite a area, or they just have to try to grow corn out of practically rock.

[B]

Huh?

[A]

Yeah. Those cartels, they're really doing them a service. That's fascinating.

[B]

Man.

[A]

This just turned into an investigative news report. Have you ever. Have you seen kind of the lavish lifestyle of the Mennonites out there? Are they, like, doing.

[B]

Are they really rolling around with, like, Air Jordans on and stuff?

[C]

We didn't. We don't interact much with the Mennonites. We only did with one guy, and he was kind of. He was. He just like a Normal, I would say American middle class citizen, it looked like. But you, you see the evidence in the ginormous farms.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And like they own all the businesses around there. And you like drive past some houses that just look like absolutely really expensive.

[A]

Oh, that's crazy. So they're probably doing all the things they're not supposed to be doing. They're like reading the Bible of Joseph Spliff down there, you know? That's crazy.

[C]

I don't know about that. I can't speak too much more on the Mennonites.

[A]

Well, dude, you already said they're smuggling drugs for fentanyl.

[B]

That's where I draw the line.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't want to comment on if they're having sex and drinking foods.

[C]

You know, I don't know if they're actually smuggling the drugs, but they're definitely doing the money part of it.

[A]

Dude, that is that like, I feel like if we were to make that show, people would be like, nah, that's like too unrealistic, you know, but it's, that's, that's, that's wild. Miles, we gotta make that show.

[B]

Okay, let's do it.

[A]

And Lee, don't worry, you'll be a central character in this.

[C]

Okay. Do you want me to explain my name a little bit?

[A]

Oh, yeah, that'd be cool.

[C]

So we also have been in China for over 20 years and I'm sure y' all are aware of this. China is not the most liberal minded of countries.

[B]

What, what?

[A]

I thought that they were pretty free flowing with what they let their folks do over there.

[C]

Yeah. So right now they would technically say that it's fine to be a Christian, but it's actually, it's illegal now to have anyone under the age of 18 in church or to share the gospel with anyone under the age of 18. So they're hoping to basically like phase all the believers out.

[B]

Yeah, they're playing for the next couple generations. They're like these, these people are too far gone. They believe in Jesus just too much.

[A]

China always does that. They take the long con, you know.

[C]

Yeah. So last last year we went to China and we had a lot of contacts there, a lot of pastor contacts. And we were up in the Hani villages up in the mountains and they, a bunch of the people that were friendly were staying with which first of all, I want to sidetrack. Chinese, Chinese food is so much better than American Chinese food.

[B]

American Chinese food, basically, if it's, if it's supposedly from another country, it's going to be way better. In that country.

[A]

Yeah, that.

[C]

No, I look at Panda Express with disgust now.

[B]

Well, yeah, I mean, I kind of look at Panda Express with not that much. Much love now.

[A]

Yeah, I've. I've never eaten at Panda Express, being like, you know, this was the real authentic Chinese experience.

[B]

Yeah. It's like, hey, we got a place in Fargo, Charlie.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Authentic Chinese food.

[A]

I love it. Yeah.

[B]

And then I rolled to Panda Express. We're never gonna do that.

[A]

You know, funny story. Fargo's the last place I had Panda Express. In your mall. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, you're just. I'd love to see Charlie Barron's in the food cart food court at the West AC Mall eating Panda Express.

[A]

Yeah, it was just me and.

[B]

And, you know, the nice food court, though, ain't it?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Not. Not used a ton, you know.

[B]

Well, it was probably a downtime.

[A]

You know, it was a Wednesday night.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, it was. You know, it's a long day of recording. I need, you know.

[B]

So you went to Panda. So after we did bellied up, you went and ate Panda Express by yourself in the mall food court in Fargo.

[C]

That's depressing.

[B]

That is the most depressing I've ever heard.

[A]

I had to get new.

[B]

I. I had a whole, like, restaurant attached to the mall.

[A]

I didn't find them. I was really hungry, Miles. We hadn't eaten all day. I was working real hard at the bar, and you don't let me eat sometimes because apparently. Too loud.

[B]

We started the podcast with you eating a full breakfast here.

[A]

Well, we weren't rolling because I chew too loud. And honestly, I think it's you that chews too loud. I think I'm a quiet.

[B]

So you. You can't get me. I don't care about your chewing. It's the listeners that complain about it. So now you're. You're basically saying that the listeners thoughts are inval.

[A]

Charlie, I would never, never say that about our listeners, Miles. I didn't hear it from any of our listeners. I heard it from you. Okay.

[C]

Are you gonna shoot this rabbit or no.

[A]

Shoot what rabbit? Are we hunting?

[C]

Y' all are going down a rabbit trail.

[A]

I like that. I like. Sorry.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Let's get. Let's get back focus.

[B]

So, all right, what do you want to tell us about China?

[C]

Oh, there's so many security cameras, like, it's insane. I stuck my tongue out as many as I could, but I don't think I got them all.

[A]

That's good. Yeah. If there's any government that, you know, would probably take retaliatory recourse for you sticking your tongue out. I think it would be China. So we don't. We don't want to lose you, so be careful around those cameras.

[C]

But, yeah, they were happy to get me out. Were they? Well, I'm pretty sure they're happy to get any foreigners out. Like, you don't. Okay, so a couple weeks ago, y' all had a guy on the podcast who had like an Asian wife or something.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Remember that? Okay, I guess it was a couple of months ago for y'.

[A]

All.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Remind us.

[B]

Remind us what it was.

[C]

Basically, he had, like, had a wife from either Philippines or Vietnam or something like that.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Something about how, like, there's a bunch of jobs that Americans don't want to do and he's one of them or something like that. That was pretty funny.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Got it.

[B]

Yep.

[C]

So he is 100 correct. Asian women go crazy over white guys. I got more attention in a week in Asia than I think I've got my entire life in the States.

[A]

Really.

[C]

There was not a single woman over the age of like, 16 that we talked to that didn't say something about how handsome I was.

[B]

Jeez. So. So, you know, if I'm like a 7 Milwaukee 5, I'm a China 10, pretty much.

[C]

Are you pale skinned?

[A]

Pretty pale. I say he's on the pink side of pale.

[C]

Do you have a big nose?

[A]

It's not bad.

[B]

Charlie's got a bigger nose than I do.

[A]

I do have a bigger nose.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

But yours is oddly shaped, so I got weird.

[B]

Look how long my nostrils are.

[A]

Yeah, you got long nostrils nose.

[B]

I can fit a full quarter up there like a hot dog down a hallway.

[A]

You got a cut nose is what you got.

[B]

What's that like?

[A]

It looks ripped. Looks like it's been working out, dude.

[B]

You know, I. I do nose exercises, so. Yeah, it's like the guys that. That chew on the, like, rubber thing to make their jawline better. Oh, doing nose exercises.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

And it's not the nose exercises.

[A]

You're thinking of flaring the nosts. Oh, like, no straw.

[B]

Not doing that.

[A]

No. Wait, no, I'm confused because I thought you said you were Chinese. Did I mix that up?

[C]

No, I'm. I'm white as can be.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Oh, so when you went there, you got a Chinese name. So what do you think Charlie and I's Chinese name would be? Can you give us a Chinese name?

[C]

Well, I am not at all. I don't speak any Mandarin. Besides a little bit.

[A]

I don't think we should trust a white guy from Texas's Chinese name.

[B]

But this is all we got right now. Charlie, what you want us to call.

[C]

China, I would have to refer you to my mission inspector. Who? He's fluent in Mandarin.

[B]

His.

[C]

His Chinese name actually means Thunder and Lightning. We're all jealous of him for that.

[B]

Let's go. So you get. You get gifted. A name. A Chinese name when you go there?

[C]

Yeah, pretty much. It's kind of like a thing. And we give them English names.

[B]

Nice. So you're like. They're like, we're gonna name you Thunder and Lightning. And you're like, your name is Brian.

[C]

Pretty much.

[D]

He's got it.

[B]

You were gonna be Kyle.

[C]

I gave a name to one kid over there, but I don't remember what I gave it.

[B]

All right, you can meet Terence. Dude, I'm feeling Chuck.

[A]

I like that. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

You are gonna be.

[C]

Literally, yeah.

[B]

You are gonna be Ashley. Okay. Why does everything about, like, none of our is cool here. You know what I mean?

[A]

No. Well, it's because. It's because we're. We're used to it, Miles. Someone thinks it's cool. I'm not sure who.

[B]

Yeah, I don't know if you went to China. Like. Like, they're like, I want an American name. And you said you're Brian.

[C]

I don't.

[B]

I just don't know.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

They're gonna think that's cool.

[A]

They'll love it. They.

[C]

Anything. Like, I gave this one kid a watch, and he about lost his mind. I was like, this dude, this thing cost me like 20 bucks at Walmart. And he was like, pretty sure I made an indentured servant for life. Damn.

[A]

Well, that. You took it there, didn't you? Jeez Louise. All right, so let me ask you this. What's the church that you're traveling with? Is this. Are you a non dom? Non.

[C]

We are non dom. I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna say names or anything.

[B]

We're talking about the mafia and the cartels here.

[A]

Oh, that's right.

[B]

That's right.

[C]

Well, not so much. I don't so much care about that. But the church I'm with really likes to keep our interaction with the churches in China off the Internet because we don't want them finding that we're doing what we're. Because we just say when we're going over that we're tourists and we don't want them being. Oh, they're Christians and. Oh, who are they visiting with? And. Oh, they're visiting with this person and they go and visit this person and then we don't want that happening.

[A]

They probably already know.

[B]

All right, well, well, so we'll won't. We won't put this episode on tick tock then. Yeah, otherwise they're gonna find out right away.

[A]

Yeah, they'll. They, they'll like, do some sort of voice analysis and they'll be like, oh, that's Lee with the tongue, you know, and then they'll remember that it's probably.

[C]

Fine, but I just fix his time out.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Are you listening, Miles? Or do I. Do I have to. Do I have to vote?

[B]

I was mostly just shocked that you were listening that intently.

[A]

Ah, okay, well, you. You have the office on in here. It's not. Not good for me. Lee, what else can you tell us? You got, you got anything, anything else hidden up your sleeve there, my guy? Any other interesting things you've seen?

[C]

I mean, sure, y' all talk about my life back here in the States. Are we talking about China?

[A]

Anything, Lee. Whatever you think sticks out, you know.

[C]

Okay, well, I can tell you a little bit about my work. So I'm a contractor. I own my own business and I work in a college town. I do a lot of work for realtor companies on rent houses.

[A]

On rent houses.

[C]

Rent houses and apartments and all that fun stuff.

[B]

So you're basically just fixing garbage disposals all day long?

[C]

I have done that a few times. I don't generally do that, but basically everything from that stuff to big repainting, entire house jobs.

[A]

Oh, okay. All right. You like it?

[C]

I love it. But because I do that, I do a lot of service calls on broken stuff. And so I've seen some pretty funny stuff.

[A]

Yeah? What have you seen?

[C]

Well, here's a good for instance. I remember one. One house that we were doing work on and there was a college girl house, which is a lot of them. And on the fridge they had one of those like magnet menus, like this dry erase. And the entire menu was just ass. That was the entire menu all week long.

[A]

What do you mean? What was the menu? Ass.

[C]

AAA A S A A S S. There we go.

[A]

Okay, good, good spelling there.

[B]

So they were just eating ass all week? Just eating ass?

[C]

Pretty much. I guess.

[A]

So that was okay.

[B]

Did you take some holy water and spray it on the house before you left or.

[C]

No, no, I just. I just laugh at it and laugh.

[A]

How old are you, gangly?

[C]

20.

[A]

Oh, yeah, 20.

[B]

It does sound like he's 48.

[A]

Yeah, he's got.

[B]

That sounds like he's lived many lifetimes. So, so, so you. So you're like. You're, like, traveling the world on mission work since you were like, 10, then?

[C]

No, I've only been doing that stuff since I was 14. No, 16.

[A]

Okay, that's. That's wild.

[B]

Free.

[A]

Does it cost you anything to go?

[C]

No, it costs me. It doesn't cost me a ton, straight up, but I lose a fair amount of money whenever I'm not doing my business because.

[B]

But, I mean, what's the. You know, what's the cost if it gets you into heaven?

[A]

That's true.

[B]

You can't put a price on heaven. No, but if you could, it would be whatever you're paying for these trips.

[C]

Well, it isn't for me to go to heaven. It's try to get other people to heaven.

[B]

Yeah, but don't. No, don't give me that.

[A]

We know. We know that.

[B]

I know that they gave you, like, the corporate media training to say that, but you're doing this so you can go to heaven.

[A]

Yeah, You're. You're this little insurance policy. All right? We're Catholic. We know all about doing deeds.

[B]

We know about having insurance policy.

[A]

It is a quid pro quo.

[B]

Why do you think we tip the bartender? Yeah, insurance.

[C]

Well, we can agree to disagree on that.

[A]

Well, you'll come around.

[B]

Okay. Well, here we go.

[C]

Charlie.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, we're kind of resisting the message. He's trying to tell us right now.

[A]

We are.

[B]

You are a missionary and we are.

[A]

Convince us.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So we're a couple.

[B]

You know, you're going to Wisconsin Bar as your mission trip.

[A]

You're trying to convert the drunken Catholics to.

[B]

To believe what you believe.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Ready, set, go.

[C]

Well, I'm not going to try to start off right away because I start our fight away and they're drunk. They're just going to laugh. Laugh at me and basically do what y' all are doing.

[B]

Oh, no, we're not drunk.

[A]

We've only had a couple. Two.

[C]

Yeah, I'm sure that's what they would say, too.

[A]

Yeah. Have a seat. What's your name?

[C]

My name's Daniel.

[A]

Daniel.

[B]

Daniel.

[A]

Daniel. My brother. Okay. How you doing? Where are you from?

[C]

I'm doing all right. I'm from Tejas.

[A]

Tejas. Oh, okay. I've heard of that. You heard of that Mile?

[B]

I've not. No.

[A]

It's Texas.

[B]

Is that a type of like.

[C]

Like a height.

[B]

Like a car? I feel like a car after that.

[A]

No, he's Just pronouncing it the traditional way. Tejas. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. Miles is quite the educated man.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. So what?

[B]

So you want to play some bar dice? You want to do a little bit of gambling? What are you in town for?

[C]

Sure we can do some gambling. As long as I ain't having to put dollars down. We can use quarters.

[B]

Okay, we got ourselves a guy with short arms not getting deep into the pocket.

[A]

That's fine. That's fine. All right, the first bet is four quarters. You got four with you there, Lee?

[C]

Oh, of course I got a bunch.

[A]

Oh, see, we are. See, we got you gambling just like that, dude, you think you're out here missionary ing us? We're missionaries.

[B]

We don't know he's a missionary yet, Charlie.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Yeah, I got these. Charlie, you want to know where I got this roll of quarters? Where'd you get collection basket? At church.

[A]

Oh, did you steal that?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

That's hilarious.

[B]

They don't even. They just throw the coins away. It's too big of a hassle to take them to the bank.

[A]

You know what they say they only like bills. The left hand must not know what the right hand is doing. And my left hand is a bad boy, if you know what I mean.

[B]

Yeah, I'm left handed.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, I see you're talking about.

[C]

What church do you go to, guys?

[A]

I go down to St. Mary's Rose.

[B]

St. Mary's St. Rose.

[A]

Yeah, I go every. Every week I go.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah. Wow.

[C]

And why do you go every week?

[A]

Well, did you. Sleight of the hand? How do you think I'm supporting this habit?

[C]

Well, it sounds like you got yourself a pretty good financial thing going there.

[A]

It's not bad.

[B]

Yeah, you know, we learned that technique. There's some Mennonites down in Mexico that really got it figured out. Yeah, I. I saw a YouTube video about it. It really inspired.

[C]

Yeah, well, Charlie, I've seen you've thrown down quite a few of whatever beer you're drinking there. Do you have a ride home?

[B]

He's walking.

[A]

Yeah, I'm just walking.

[C]

Yeah, you're walking. Well, can I give you a ride home? I don't want to send a brother out in the cold.

[A]

No, it's okay. I got a girlfriend.

[B]

Are you sure about that?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Dude, if you come up to Wisconsin and you offer right away to give a guy a ride home, you're definitely. They're gonna think something el other than just being a nice guy.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So I guess there's a difference between the south and Wisconsin.

[A]

Yeah, that is. That is. Yeah. We've had too many instances of mass murderers up here. So, you know, we. We know. But. But, you know, I like it. You're a nice enough guy, you know, you're. You're. You're. How many people have you. What's your conversion ratio? You're a quarterback. What's your.

[B]

Yeah. What's your completion percentage?

[C]

I. I have no idea. No, no numbers I can give you. I know that. I've talked to a few. That. Then it said to Christ, but I don't know what my actual. There's no reason to keep a tally. Well, you.

[B]

Well, but that's insurance policy. When you get up there, you can be like, hey, I was batting 500, dude, you gotta let me in now. Yeah, I mean, that's a hall of fame numbers.

[A]

Batting 500, right? You gotta know, first ballot.

[C]

Y' all guys are hate.

[A]

We're a hoot. Is that what you're a hoot?

[C]

Huge.

[A]

Huge.

[C]

Like an outhoot.

[A]

Yeah, no, I gotcha. I got jibber.

[B]

And if you don't think. I mean, you realize that you're gonna get up there and they're gonna have stats for you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, they're gonna be like, hey, you know, you were doing this, but what about this? You know, you got way too hammered at the bar about 468 times in your lifetime. And then you have to be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, but I tipped really good all night. All 468 times.

[A]

Right. You got to come with some receipts, my man, because you think. You think God's keeping all the receipts. Some he might lose somewhere. So you gotta just double. Double up on the books. Because he's got a lot of other things he's working on, you know?

[B]

You know, getting into heaven, I imagine, is a lot like marriage. It's all about keeping score and having leverage over the other person. If you can get up to the pearly gates and have some leverage.

[C]

Better now, you said you sound like every. Every happily married man I ever talked to.

[B]

That's damn right. That is damn right.

[A]

So, chances you're going to heaven, what do you think?

[C]

100.

[A]

Damn. That's confident.

[B]

Because he is accepted as Lord and savior. Jesus Christ.

[A]

I like his life. You see, I'm. I'm looking 50% right now. I'm saying 50. 50 at best.

[C]

Oh, bro, that means you're a zero percent. There ain't no 50. 50. There's your zero.

[B]

Catholics got purgatory.

[A]

Yeah, we got. Come on, we got more wiggle Room here. See, you're. You. If you want to convince me, you got give me some reason.

[B]

You're just, you're, you're, you're, you're working too much in extremes, you know?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Catholics figured out that, like, hey, we're going to look like we're doing good, but, you know, we're going to have a lot of guilt because, you know, we're not going to always behave. So if we just come up with a thing called confession, we can just do whatever we want and then go to confession later.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you know how much good guilt has done in this world? You know, many times I've donated when I didn't want to just because of guilt. I mean, for God's sakes, the numbers are off the charts. You know, Guilt is what's saving this world. Right now. We're hanging on by a thread of guilt.

[B]

Help. Yeah. It's like the commercials where you, they want you to donate so they can save the dogs, you know?

[A]

Yeah. Oh, my God.

[B]

Just 12.

[C]

I hate those commercials.

[B]

Just 12 cents a day.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And this little, this little pooch here won't have to have its. All of its legs cut off.

[A]

Yeah. You know, they're almost like holding them hostage.

[C]

I love how this went from talking about China to a discussion on Catholicism versus Protestantism.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, what did he say? Catholicism versus Protestantism? Yeah. Don't tell me you're a fan of Martin Luther now.

[C]

I love nylon doors.

[B]

What would you, as a missionary, what would you say to someone who's Catholic?

[C]

Someone who's Catholic? I would say, what's your assurance? How do you know that? How do you. How do you know that you've done everything it takes? I would say the same that I say to any.

[A]

How do you know?

[C]

How do I know? Because it ain't about what I've done, it's about what he's done.

[A]

How do you know?

[B]

But technically, he's also done the same thing for Catholics.

[C]

I am very positive that there are born again saved Catholics. I, I do not. Wait, are you. I'm not.

[A]

Are you saying if someone's straight Catholic, they're not going to heaven?

[C]

I, I don't know. It's not, it's not on me to judge, that's all.

[A]

Then how do you know the other part?

[C]

Because he said so.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, the technicality here is that Catholicism is the. Actually the only religion that was directly started. Started by Jesus himself. Oh. You know, Martin Luther. That's the man. If, if I remember correctly, you Know, and you go down the line, trace it all the way back to Jesus Catholicism.

[A]

Well, Peter was the first.

[B]

He's the rock the church was built.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You are Peter, and upon this rock I should build my church. And the something of the gates of the netherworld shall not prevail against it.

[A]

Wow, Miles. God, if I wasn't Catholic right now, I'd be thinking about it. Lee, what do you think?

[C]

I think that first of all, the verse that he referenced about where he talks to Peter on this rock I built in my church, he wasn't referring to Peter. He was referring to himself. On this rock. On me, I will build my church. And also the monarchy thing.

[B]

I'm Peter, and upon this rock I shall build my church. So why would he address. Why would he say you are Peter?

[C]

Because if. Let's see. I don't remember. Was that. Was that the verse? Wherever he changed his name from Simon to Peter.

[A]

Simon.

[B]

Peter really tested my Simon knowledge here.

[A]

Was he doing missionary work?

[B]

I just know that the 13 years of Catholic education, they hammered that verse into us, you know, so I figured I'd whip it out.

[A]

What's. You know what? Let's get to the real thing. That's going to convince anyone to be in any religion. What's the best song you guys sang? Let's hear it. Yeah.

[B]

And then Charlie and I will do ours.

[C]

I can't sing, bro. I am a terrible singer.

[B]

Just.

[A]

Oh, forgot.

[C]

You want to get played piano for 17 years. So I'm in the worship man on the piano. I ain't singing.

[A]

You want to get into heaven or not?

[C]

If my. If. If getting into heaven is based on my singing, then I will be the first one going to hell.

[B]

Where we come from, you get into heaven by going to church and mumbling the songs. Just moving your mouth to showcase that you are trying to participate, but you don't really want to single swings.

[C]

Y do a pretty good job of it.

[B]

Like the sun and hold you in the palm of his hand.

[A]

See that? Doesn't that feel like heaven right there?

[C]

We might be singing that. I don't know.

[A]

You should sing that. I think that's the real test to get into heaven, Miles, is can. Can you sing?

[B]

Can you sing most of the words to that song?

[A]

Yeah. Can you just land it? If you can land the plane, hit one ending to one verse. You're all right.

[B]

Turbulence don't matter when you're trying to get into heaven well, I think we converted a few people to something today.

[A]

I think we.

[B]

I don't know if that was God or another dream drink, but we converted.

[A]

Them to something, and it's all about the conversions. That's it, Miles.

[B]

Batting percentage.

[A]

Yeah. Well, Lee, we appreciate you, man. Any final thoughts before we let you get back down that old, dusty Texas road?

[C]

Oh, nothing that wouldn't take up too much of time.

[A]

Well, if it's good enough, we'll let it take up the time, Lee.

[C]

Oh, cool. I know y' all always love. Whenever y' all have a single guy on the podcast, you can't seem to get any girl.

[A]

Girls, Lee, step on up, man. Step on up. Step on up. Give people the specs. How tall are you?

[C]

I'm between six and six one.

[B]

Okay, so then you're. Are you six foot one and a half inch? Why? He's. He's not Charlie.

[C]

I'm.

[B]

Sometimes I'm. I'm somewhere between 6 foot and 7ft tall.

[A]

He said 6 and 6 foot one.

[B]

No, I know, but it's like.

[A]

Oh, I see. I see.

[B]

Why not just say you're 61 or you're not? Not.

[A]

Yeah, a little more confidence. You're right, Miles. You're right. You're right.

[B]

Why not say you're six.

[C]

Can I start over?

[B]

And you can always round up if you're six foot one and a half or just half inch. Just say you're six one.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Cool. Then I'm six one.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right.

[B]

With shoes on or no shoes?

[C]

I think with shoes off.

[B]

Okay, well, you got to start saying you're six two, because are you. Unless you're meeting a gal at a trampoline park, you're gonna meet her while you're wearing shoes. So I would just, you know, on your dating profiles, just do with shoes on.

[A]

Put a little lift on those boots. You sound like a guy who wears boots.

[C]

Yep.

[A]

Yep. Okay. And then what's your favorite hobby, aside from missionary?

[C]

My favorite hobby. I love. I love playing my piano. I love working. Those are two pretty good ones.

[B]

Works technically not a hobby, but we'll let you.

[A]

It's a job. But we like that you're employed. And the ladies will like that, too. Do you believe that the man should always pay on a date?

[C]

Always.

[A]

Oh, okay. All right.

[B]

All right.

[A]

You'll get some gold diggers that way. I like it.

[B]

What kind of truck you drive?

[C]

F150. 2011.

[B]

Let's go.

[A]

Oh, 2011. Good year. Good vintage. Okay. Favorite sports team?

[C]

We'll say, I guess I gotta go Dallas Cowboys. But I'm also a college Fan. So we'll go A and M or Texas or Texas Tech. There.

[A]

All right, well, that'll play in Texas, I suppose. What's your biggest pet peeve?

[C]

My biggest pet peeve. The first thing comes to my mind is food I hate. But I think I'll go with relationship. A woman who will not let a man do something like open a car door for. Or like, carry something heavy for. That's. That's so annoying.

[A]

Barry. Something heavy carries. Oh, sorry. I thought he was. I thought this guy was working for the Mennonites for a second.

[B]

Okay, so you, you want. You're looking for the opposite of a lady boss who don't need no man. You're looking for a gal who wants to be wined and dined, sort of.

[C]

I'll give you a description of the last date I went. I say last day. I do this probably twice a year. Is I, I, I take a girl. There's this orchestra I like to go to in Dallas, this big fancy orchestra. So I go there and I take her to Fogo de Chao, which is a. Do you all know what Fogo de Chow is?

[B]

Oh, do I. You like Fogo de Chow. That's a crazy place for a first. First date. You're just getting the meat sweats on date number one.

[C]

Oh, this isn't for girls that I plan on dating. This is just a random girl, a friend of mine. I'm like, hey, you want to go somewhere that's a fanciest place in your life for a night? And then, yeah, they go, so.

[B]

So wait, Fogo de Chao is the fanciest place in your mind for them.

[C]

That's fancy place they've ever been to.

[A]

Wow. This is. Got a lot more. I don't even know what to think about this.

[B]

So you're just taking one of your friends, that's a girl to Fogo de Chow and then to the orchestra?

[C]

Yep.

[B]

What a night. What a night.

[A]

Are you getting cocktails?

[C]

No, I am 20, so I can't get beer or wine or alcohol in general in public spaces. I have plenty of it at home, but.

[A]

Okay, so you're not a non drinker?

[C]

No, I don't, I don't get drunk. I've never been drunk in my life, but I appreciate some good alcohol now and then.

[A]

All right, there you go. Never gotten drunk, huh?

[B]

You know that like the China's not actually listening to this. You know.

[C]

They'Re gonna listen to this. I was homeschooled my entire life. So let me just keep. Let me just Put that out there.

[A]

We knew. Yeah, that was.

[B]

I mean, that was. That was the free space on my bingo card.

[C]

Nice. But I will say this. I am not sheltered. My first job was at a slaughterhouse. I went in there sheltered, and I did not leave sheltered.

[A]

Yeah, I believe that. Okay, that's. So what were. Were you guys slaughtering? All kinds of things.

[C]

All type of mammals.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

Okay. Cows, sheep, goats.

[B]

All right, I'm not gonna let Charlie go down this revel. I'm still very confused. You said the last date you were on, and then you said you took a gal. The Fogo de Chow and the orchestra, but it wasn't a date. So you don't go on dates then?

[C]

That one was, like, half a date. Basically, the scenario with that is I was gonna take one girl who I was just friends with, and then she dipped out.

[A]

Out.

[C]

And there was this girl that one of my other friends have been trying to set me up with for, like, months. And I was like, hey, I need somebody to go with. You think she'd be down? And she was down.

[B]

You didn't tell her that she was the second choice, right?

[C]

No. No, I did not.

[B]

Oh, thank God.

[A]

Yeah. And you can't let that resi go to waste.

[C]

And.

[B]

Yeah, especially at Fogo de Chow. It's a hot resi.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

What really sucked is I got sick the afternoon we went. So, like, I was. The entire day, I was just focusing on not puking and not letting her know that I was sick. And so I enjoyed none of it.

[B]

That's my personal hell, being at Fogo de Chow with all, like, 40 different meat smells going around in the thing and trying not to puke. That sounds terrible.

[A]

Yeah, that's.

[C]

No. Yeah, I got, like, 20 bucks worth of food out of the whole thing for myself.

[A]

Surprised you got that much. How many dates would you say you've been on?

[C]

1, 2, 4?

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay. So you're. Yeah. Twice a year. So what's happening? So what's. What's happening? Why didn't it work out?

[C]

We have very different styles of humor. Like, anything that I think is funny, she just doesn't laugh at. And the things that she thinks is funny, I half laugh at.

[B]

So, I mean, that's.

[C]

After the second date, we were both like, yeah, this isn't the thing for.

[B]

Us, but that's right.

[A]

Okay, so you guys both agreed that you didn't like each other on the first date, huh?

[C]

Second day.

[A]

Oh, sorry. Second. That's what I meant to say. That's what I meant to say we.

[C]

Did go on one after that. That was a lot smaller.

[A]

Okay, well, that. That's good that you guys got that out of the way.

[B]

And hey, so tell us what you're looking for in a gal then. There's a listener out there listening who's in Texas, who sounds like, you know, you might be upper alley. What are you looking for?

[A]

She likes her car door open. She likes her meals picked up. But. But what else?

[B]

She doesn't mind if you take like a six week mission trip in the middle of the year, you know?

[C]

Well, I hope she'd want to go with me.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

All right, but let's see. Here's a couple she needs to be. How do I put this? Well, she needs to be not stereotypical. I need you to be a little crazy. Not bad crazy, but like homeschool crazy, because.

[B]

Okay, so not like, like registered nurse slash hairstylist crazy. You're talking homeschool crazy.

[C]

I'm talking like, loves to do outdoor stuff and also will sometimes get in fights with their brothers. All right.

[A]

He likes a fighter, not a lover.

[C]

Well, can we get a package deal?

[A]

A package deal, probably, yeah. All right. And then do you have any. Any no go's. This is a disqualification for you. Aside for the things already mentioned.

[C]

I'm trying to think. I'm not big on red hair because the last. The last relationship I was in, she had red hair and it kind of sucked. So.

[A]

Why did it suck?

[C]

She was the. The aforementioned. Wouldn't let a guy open her car door. Sort of. Sort of? Sort of girl.

[A]

And you. So you're gonna. You're gonna now say all gingers are. You're gonna be prejudiced against all gingers because of one. I don't think that's in the Bible. Yeah, yeah. I think Leviticus was pretty specific about not being prejudiced against gingers from my recollection.

[B]

Yeah, I think Matthew, Mark, and Luke and John all kind of said, like, let's maybe not do that.

[C]

My bad, my bad, my bad. Yeah, we'll say gingers are back on the table.

[A]

All right, There you go. Okay, so.

[B]

So what's another red flag? Like, no go for you, a red.

[C]

Flag would be siblings.

[B]

Okay. But I think maybe the Bible says that you should just love and want to be with all people, regardless of the siblings that they have.

[C]

Not for marriage, you don't.

[B]

I remember that.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

It specifically says, do not be. Do not be unequally yolked.

[A]

Ah. So you can't have one arm that's stronger than the other. Huh?

[B]

That's why he's the best.

[A]

Hey, hey.

[C]

You're a jam, Charlie. You're a jam.

[A]

Yeah, You're a gem.

[B]

So he's definitely 20 years old?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We asked this question to people who are, like, 40. They're like, I just want him to be a night. I just want her to be a nice gal.

[A]

Breathing, ideally.

[B]

That's your problem. You got too many stipulations. You need to, you know, get rid of some of those and just look for someone that you're connecting with.

[C]

Yeah, that is very true, Charlie. My dad would probably say the same thing. He's been trying to get me to get out there for a long time. He's. I'm pretty sure he's a lot more anxious for grandkids than I am.

[A]

Well, first of all, that was Miles. But second of all, if your dad wants a grandkid, you get out there and start firing, all right? Make it just happen.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Spray and pray.

[B]

Pray. Yeah. Yeah. Turn those mission trips into a missionary trip.

[A]

There it is. If you were gonna let that one go, I was gonna get it in as we closed out. I'm glad. So is he. He's gonna get it in, too.

[B]

Be fruitful and multiply.

[A]

There you go.

[C]

I can't argue with that.

[A]

One as many as the stars in the sky. All right, well, listen, Lee, you get out there and you start finding that gal. If you want to get in contact with le. Because he won't even tell us his name, but he's out there somewhere. Look for the guy in Texas wearing boots. That's a Cowboys fan, between 6 foot.

[B]

And 6 foot one.

[A]

He's out there.

[C]

Yeah, that really narrows it down.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Before I head out, hey, I just want to say y' all are. Y' all are awesome, man. Me and my. My worker, we listen to y' all every single time an episode comes out. And I'll give us a barrel of laughs every time.

[A]

Oh, thank you, man. That means a lot. We. We really appreciate that and hope to keep you company on your next missionary trust.

[C]

Oh, and by the way, Charlie, didn't the packers do great last night?

[A]

You shut the frick up, Lee, all right? You think that's in the Bible? I'll see you in hell, all right? Huh? You were speaking Texan there. I didn't understand a damn word of that.

[C]

I'm sure there's some. Some Spanish or Mexican. Listen. That'll know what that means.

[A]

What'd you say? Say it again.

[C]

Adios. Back and deals.

[A]

Oh, okay, okay. I got it. I got it. That means goodbye. All right, no problemo.

[B]

Ciao.

[A]

They nada.

[B]

Oh, man. Well, I'm gonna be honest, Charlie. I think if. If you just listen that call and you didn't know anything about us, you would have no idea if we are good Catholics or bad Catholics, the way that we're talking.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

We. We're like.

[A]

We could spit some game.

[B]

Are they in on it or are they not?

[A]

That's the thing with Catholics, man. We are all. We're. We're.

[C]

We.

[A]

We've read the Bible, you know.

[B]

Oh, yeah? Have you read the Bible, Charlie?

[A]

Yeah. You get so bored in church, you're like, I'll just read this book set.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Did you ever do, like a flip to a random page?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

And you're like, God, I hope this is, like, one of the rare instances where they're like. They're talking about sex in the Bible, you know? Never got lucky enough to flip to a random sex page in the Bible.

[A]

Y. Yeah, you gotta read that. Think Solomon, you know, or what's his name? The guy who's getting after Bethesda on the roof. You know, the. She's a hairdresser, man. She cut his hair. You know, she did him dirt, man.

[B]

You're talking about Samson. Samson's the one that cut his hair. He lost all of his strength or whatever.

[A]

Yeah, I. I think we know what really happened when he lost all. All his strength. Yeah, he had a two minutes of losing all his strength took advantage situation. Oh, well. Samson. Yeah. What did I say? Solomon.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

No, that's a.

[B]

There a king. Yeah, Solomon.

[A]

King Solomon. That was my bad. My bad. Samson, he was a wise one, right?

[B]

King Solomon.

[A]

They're all wise, man. All those kings had something going on, you know? All right, here we are back with our good buddy Russell Nicolette. And by Nicolettes, I mean Nicolet. And he's got a new flannel can of water. Russell, you're doing.

[B]

Yeah. What's going on here? Russell, Charlie and I were just handed a sparkling water with your face on. It says thirsty or no, and it's at the top, it says ope and go.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

So we.

[E]

We thought we would. You know, a lot of folks have been doing beers and things like that, which are awesome. We have people reach out to us in the past about doing a beer, but I thought we'd do something different, and I like to have some of that sparkling water here and there. So we thought we'd come up with something that was tasty. And Midwest focused and, you know, everything that we kind of bring into our daily life. Flannels, you know, the way we talk. So we. We thought that would be fun, and we put together a few flavors, and we just sent you boys some as well. But see what you think.

[C]

All right, here we go.

[B]

We're gonna do a live taste test here, Charlie.

[A]

Okay, you ready?

[B]

All right, I got the lemon, lime. What do you got?

[A]

I got the orange and vanilla.

[B]

Oh, cheers.

[A]

Cheers. Miles.

[E]

What do you think?

[B]

Oh, I love me a sparkling water that's going down easy.

[A]

This tastes like a diet creamsicle. The. The orange one, which is good. I mean, if it's. I. I'm surprised there's no sugars in that at all. There's nothing.

[E]

Isn't it cool? Yeah, there's no sugars. There's no artificial sweeteners. It's basically, you know, we've got the natural flavoring, and obviously, they're. They're fairly carbonated, but then there's just electrolytes in there. So really, it does hydrate you.

[B]

Wow, dude, you coming for Gatorade's ass or what? You trying to take down the. Yeah, I don't know with this.

[E]

We'll see, I think. Let's see.

[A]

I was so on the pickup on that one.

[E]

Not my goal to take down Gatorade. My goal is just to have a. A fun, sparkling water out there. Originally, we made one for kind of a promo, and people liked it. We were just giving it out an event, so then we decided to make it a little bit more professional and something that can be sold and. And also given out. But I did.

[B]

It's made in Wisconsin, right?

[E]

Yeah, Potosi. The Potosi Brewery, they can it for us. So it's made in Wisconsin. Actually, the cans are made in Charlieville. Like this in Milwaukee? No, canned in. In Potosi, Wisconsin, in the driftless region. So, yeah, it pretty Wisconsin.

[C]

On.

[A]

On. That's great, man. I love that you make your cans right in the. Right in the Midwest. That's awesome.

[B]

You were in law school. You probably were like, all right, I'm gonna become a lawyer. I'm gonna practice law. I'm gonna take down the insurance companies, and I'm gonna start my own sparkling water. Is that kind of what the order of operations were in your head back in the day?

[E]

100%, it was. That's exactly it. And this was. I was on the third or the last thing that I need to check off, and it was like, all right, got to get to that sparkling water. But, yeah, there. And my first day in law school, I was like, someday, someday you're gonna have a sparkling water.

[B]

Well, I appreciate it, man. I appreciate you sending us some water. We're gonna be sucking these down today, and, yeah, like I said, really appreciate you calling in today. This is great. And where can the folks find the flannel can?

[E]

So right now. So we. We've got flannel can coming out, so you can order it, and then it's probably gonna be at some convenience stores very soon. So that's the next step. We're just getting it on its feet now because it went from, like, the promotional item to an actual product for sale. So you'll be able to see it, I think, at the local potential convenience store. I won't name any names yet, but it should be out. And at the very least, just flannelcan.com. check it out.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Flannel can calm guys. Thanks for calling in, Russell.

[A]

Thank you, Russell. Appreciate you.

[B]

Okay.

[E]

Yep, you too.

[D]

Hi, if you record your name and.

[C]

Reason for calling, I'll see if this person is available.

[B]

This is Miles and Charlie from the Bellied up podcast. Answer your phone.

[A]

How in the heck are you, Miles? What's going on? Did anyone an damn phone or. No.

[B]

Thanks. Please stay on the line.

[A]

Well, what the hell was that? What do you have an assistant answering your phone? Huh?

[D]

I got my AirPods in one second.

[A]

Oh, you got your AirPods in. Who's your receptionist?

[D]

Me, myself, and I. Oh, who. Wait, was it a voicemail or something?

[A]

No, it was some, like, robot trying to present ourselves. Screen our call.

[D]

Oh, not me, man. I don't know what the hell that's about.

[A]

Damn. All right, well, what's cooking?

[C]

Not much.

[D]

You just called me the perfect time. Driving. Driving back to the shop from work, right? Stop to the light, looking at some Instagram reels. About saw this dude get smoked by a bus. So perfect timing for you guys to call.

[A]

What the is your algorithm, man?

[D]

It's some not great.

[B]

Also, we're cooked as a society.

[A]

Yeah, how is that stopping at a red light?

[B]

We just can't even not look at Instagram reels. You know what?

[D]

I'm 23. That's all. That's all I got for me right now, man.

[A]

Take it off your phone.

[B]

All you got going on in life is Instagram reels.

[D]

Working reels.

[A]

Well, belly on up to the bar and tell us what's on your mind. For God's sakes, Alex.

[D]

Well, it was about my girlfriend, but I kind of Got that. I kind of got that figured out.

[B]

Okay, well, tell us what happened and how'd you figure out?

[D]

So pretty long story short, like, we've been together for about over a year now, right?

[B]

Great.

[C]

Phenomenal girl.

[D]

Phenomenal. Love my life.

[B]

Right?

[D]

There was a time when I.

[A]

When I.

[D]

When I called you guys, I was like, maybe this. Maybe this isn't right, but kind of. Kind of worked its way out. Just kind of talked things over. It's good now.

[A]

Well, what'd you talk over? What was the problem? Let's make sure that you made the right decision.

[C]

Yeah, pretty much.

[A]

Right.

[D]

So I go to school.

[A]

I'm.

[D]

I'm in school for. To be a mechanic, right? So I'm doing that and I go to work after that, mowing lawns, all. All manual labor stuff. I come home, just kind of wanna chill out, not do a lot. She's all like, oh, let's go for a walk, this and that. Which I'm all down for a good walk, but, man, dude, she kills me. It's like. It's like eight miles of walking. This is like.

[B]

You're like, I love that. That's like, you know, I love this gal. But the walking, dude.

[A]

That was it. Just didn't want to go walking with her.

[D]

Well, I mean, it's not just that. There's some other personal things, but we got those, we got those iron.

[B]

So did you compromise and you guys got bikes?

[D]

No, it's. I just don't go on as long a vlog. Like, I'll let her. I'll let her. I'll let her go walk around for a minute and then I'll join her like halfway through. So I gotta walk 4 or 5 miles, not 8 to 10.

[B]

What you need to start doing is going to the mall. You go sit at one of the couches in the center of the mall, and then she walks around the mall. So you're at this spot, but you're just chilling.

[A]

Smart.

[B]

Scrolling on. I need to grab reels.

[D]

I knew I need to open up. I need to open up a whiskey bar in the mall so dudes can go and sit there while their wives or girlfriends go shop. Is that not like a million dollar idea?

[A]

I mean, that would have been million dollar idea like 20 years ago, but right now, Actually, right now, you'd probably still get the last snort of the.

[B]

Mall on our other podcast. You bet your idea. We already saved malls, and it was basically just placing Hooters, Twin Peaks and the Tilted Kilt in.

[A]

In.

[B]

In malls.

[A]

And you can Just.

[B]

And. And then I'm from.

[D]

Yeah, I'm from St. Louis. I don't know what the Tilted Kilt is, but those three sound pretty elite.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, you just imagine, use your imagination. Anytime that a restaurant's named after a piece of clothing, you know.

[D]

Yeah. You gotta imagine.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Minimal. Minimal clothing at most.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

So also my. I got my AirPods. You guys hear me fine or you mean.

[A]

Yeah, no, we can hear you. You. You sound great. Yeah. Shout out AirPods. Ladies and gentlemen.

[D]

Shout out AirPods.

[A]

Not a sponsor. Not a sponsor.

[D]

If they, if they sponsor me, I'll give them some free epoxy floors.

[A]

There you go.

[C]

Hey.

[B]

Always be selling. Always be selling abs.

[A]

So you gonna marry this girl or what?

[D]

Oh, yeah, definitely.

[C]

She's. She's cool.

[D]

Just went up a visitor last week, Last weekend.

[A]

Long distance relationship?

[D]

Well, kinda. We're on a winter break right now. We go to school out in Kansas. She's out from Minnesota actually, so I.

[C]

Was just up there.

[A]

Ah, so she's a Midwestern gal.

[B]

She is.

[A]

Well, the walks make sense, man. The US Midwesterners, we need our, our. Our outdoor activity or that's how we process our feelings. So you take the walk or you take the blade. You know what I mean?

[C]

You think?

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

I. I gotta get you guys opinion because some of my buddies don't agree with me.

[C]

They think not.

[D]

Missouri.

[A]

Sorry.

[D]

They think. My buddies think that some of the. That the Midwest. Missouri does not. It's not included in that. What's your guys take on that?

[B]

It's a drunk uncle or, or cousin or something.

[D]

But we're the middle of the west.

[A]

You are in the middle of the west also. You're pretty far down there.

[B]

And accent, some of you.

[A]

Yeah, well, you don't. Not too much.

[C]

Oh, sweet.

[A]

You guys are in, by the way. You're in.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Yeah. You're 100% in. No, no questions asked about that. But it's. You know, we're gonna give you a little. Little shit, you know, because you don't come up fishing as much as you should.

[C]

I know.

[D]

Actually I was pretty pissed. I went to visit my girlfriend, right? Her dad's got this nice ice fishing rig. Got like three beds in it, propane heater, the whole nine yards. And I was, I was really hoping to go ice fishing with him, but he went out the day before and I was, I was pretty upset.

[B]

That's because he knew you were coming.

[C]

No, he loved me.

[B]

He's like, I want, I want to go fishing this weekend. But, you know, so and so is coming up, so I better go now.

[A]

You couldn't go out there by yourself.

[C]

Though, Dude, I don't got.

[D]

She was like seven hours north.

[C]

Oh.

[A]

Oh, wow. Okay.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Oh, I forgot the name. I forgot the name of the lake they're down in. You guys ever been to, like, Mankato, Minnesota?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Oh, spent quite a bit of time in Mankato.

[B]

I played football. Mankato.

[A]

Oh, yeah, she's slack.

[D]

Yeah, she's from a little town just north of that. Just like an hour, so.

[A]

Well, shout it out. Shout it out.

[C]

Shout out.

[D]

Gibbon, Minnesota. Taylor, I love you listening. Probably not, but you know.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, she's not gonna love that you. If she is listening, she's not gonna love that you said, you know, if you. She was the one because she made.

[D]

You go, oh, no.

[C]

She is though now.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

But she'll get past it.

[A]

When are you getting engaged?

[D]

Right now, I'm in school. She's got another year left and she's got a couple years after that. She's gonna be like an occupational thera.

[C]

Therapist.

[D]

Don't ask me what that is because I don't know.

[A]

So her occupation is therapy?

[D]

I guess so.

[B]

Sure.

[D]

Take it as you will.

[B]

You just answered that question like my mom answers questions.

[C]

Did I?

[A]

How?

[B]

Hey, what time is dinner? Well, so I got a hair appointment earlier in the day, and then after that I'm gonna run a few errands and I'm really gonna vacuum the. Your mom. Vacuum the living room. And so you. Yeah. And you're like, that wasn't a time.

[D]

That's crazy. My mom is spot on with the time. She's the opposite. She's like 6:30 sharper. You're starving.

[A]

I'm like, all right, so if you're late, you're not eating, damn near damn good for your mom.

[D]

I know. She's a.

[C]

She's a saint. She puts up with so much crap.

[A]

Yeah, shout out to the moms out there.

[D]

Shout out mom. Yeah, Good group of gals.

[A]

Absolutely.

[D]

Single ones. Hit up Charlie.

[B]

Oh, shout out to all the moms out there. Except for like. Was it Casey Anthony?

[C]

Yeah, she's a.

[B]

Don't shout out to her. All the moms except her, Right?

[A]

Yeah. I mean, out of left field miles, but we'll take it. Yeah.

[B]

I just don't want to blink at all moms because there's are some moms out there that. That, you know, aren't saints.

[A]

Did she do it? Casey Anthony?

[D]

I'm pretty sure but probably.

[A]

Let's throw in an allegedly in there just so we don't get sued by the Anthony manner, you know.

[D]

Casey Anthony, because she allegedly did some bad things.

[A]

There we go. Thank you for protecting us legally. I appreciate it.

[B]

Yeah. Because we are the jury. Well, technically, jury's not out.

[A]

No. She could sue.

[B]

No.

[A]

I mean, yeah.

[B]

We just are still unsure, are we? No. About. Never mind. Move on.

[A]

You want Miles?

[B]

Jesus Christ.

[A]

I'm trying to be my wife's conversation.

[B]

You won't let me finish.

[A]

Don't insult your wife on this show.

[B]

No, she interrupts me all the time because it takes me longer to think. Well, get it into my mouth and out into the world.

[A]

Maybe if you'd eat your Nootropics, we would have a little bit more of a pleasant conversation on this.

[B]

God damn it.

[A]

Not a sponsor. Neutral Tropics, ladies and gentlemen.

[B]

I don't think that there's a company out there called Nootropics.

[A]

Yeah, there is. It's Nootropics.

[D]

I've never heard of it.

[A]

Look it up, Jared. It's out there.

[B]

That's like saying, like, this podcast is sponsored by vitamin C. Yeah, well, I've.

[A]

Got some vitamin C on my eyes.

[B]

This podcast is sponsored by Lion's Mane.

[A]

Lion's Mane is a thing. Miles and Miles is right. Oh, Miles is right. What is that? It says Nootropics.

[C]

First thing. Nootropics Deep Depot.

[A]

Nootropics Depot. Okay, well, sounds like a brand to me. Anyways, anything you want to buy, sell, or trade?

[D]

Oh, I don't know. I got. I got a little 14 foot camoed out john boat for sale with the trailer.

[A]

A little duck boat. There we go.

[B]

Trailer's helpful.

[A]

Trailers.

[D]

Well, trailer's helpful.

[A]

Duck boat. It's pretty specific. Trailer.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. It's nice. You know, buying a boat without a trailer sucks.

[A]

Oh, yeah. And then you gotta have a lake or a friend. Well, that's cool. How much you want for it? Would you trade it for an engagement ring right now?

[D]

Oh, on the spot.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Charlie's got an old one. He can trade you for it.

[A]

No, I don't have that.

[D]

Way to beat the dead horse, Miles.

[A]

Yeah. Thank you. Thank you for defending me.

[B]

Also not very nice to say about Charlie's ex wife calling her a dead horse. O, that's a little too. That was.

[D]

That was not implied until you brought that up.

[B]

You said, not me.

[A]

He was implying I was the dead horse.

[B]

No, she's a lovely lady.

[A]

She is. No, no, no. No deal there. No, listen, you keep her moving, okay? We hope you can get an engagement ring for this boat. You got it out in the front yard with a sign on it. Or I do.

[D]

It's a. It's a school, but yeah.

[A]

Why are you selling your boat? Why are you selling your boat?

[D]

So I got two of them.

[A]

Oh, yeah, you gotta get rid of that one. Why didn't you trade it in, dude, it's got a trailer.

[D]

Because I just bought it for. I bought both of them from two of my buddies who don't need them anymore.

[A]

So you bought two boats?

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Fix it up. I'm fixing it up and selling it.

[A]

Oh, nice. Her situation, you know, his and hers, they can't even duck hunt together. She likes going 12 miles out on the lake and.

[D]

Yeah, on a little rickety aluminum boat. Are you her dad? Her dad actually gave me the other. Her dad actually gave me the other boat with a little 20 horsepower motor for that. That thing scoots.

[A]

What's wrong with the boat? Say you're fixing them up.

[C]

Nothing.

[D]

Just make them a little bit nicer.

[B]

Flipping.

[A]

Yeah. Flipping. Yeah. Yeah. Any leaks, any rivets that got to be redone, John?

[D]

No, the Camel one totally replaced the transom. Tig welded a brand new aluminum sheet on the back.

[C]

She's.

[D]

She's dry.

[A]

There you dry. There you go. So I gotta do a transom job on my 12 footer, actually.

[D]

Yeah. Send it down to me, dude.

[A]

Well, that.

[B]

Just send it down to him.

[A]

Yeah, that's fine.

[B]

Just send it down to him. Charlie.

[A]

It. It'll.

[B]

It'll.

[C]

It.

[A]

It should take about 35 minutes, I think, if I'm thinking about this. Right.

[D]

Worth a shot, man.

[A]

Yeah. Well, you come on up to me and I'll let you do my transom. That sounds dirty to people not involved in this conversation.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Whoa. You know, no.

[D]

Also side note, Shadow Jared, go to guy. Is that that number he texts me on? He doesn't use any capitals.

[A]

No cap, no caps. Wow.

[D]

Except like once or twice. That kind of caught me off guard.

[A]

He's a soft spoken man, but he carries a big stick, let me tell you. I was texting you off the MacBook and I didn't capitalize it, so I apologize.

[B]

Shout out. He liked that.

[A]

Oh, gosh. Aren't that okay?

[B]

Jared, I know you. I didn't know you were chill like that. Not using capital letters.

[A]

I don't want to overtone it too much. I could. He kind of talks like a guy who doesn't use.

[B]

He doesn't talk in capital letters. That's actually a great observation about Jerry.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Never everything ends in a period.

[A]

Yeah, right, right.

[D]

I got two exclamation marks in here.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

Really?

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Also Jared. Why do you spell your name like that?

[B]

No, hate.

[D]

It's kind of weird.

[A]

Just I didn't really have a choice in the matter. My parents kind of decided that one. That's true.

[D]

I understand that.

[A]

For the record, I've texted the wrong Jared Jared so much like I have four other Jared's at my phone, none of them have last names and so I've texted the wrong Jared so much. Bellied up stuff. Totally. Actually, one of those ad reads went to a wrong Jared too, way back in the day. Sorry, other Jared. I know I haven't talked to you in six years, but I hope you enjoyed that ad.

[C]

Ready?

[D]

Damn you cold text him an ad read after six years?

[A]

Yeah, pretty much, dude. Pretty much. That's how it goes sometimes.

[B]

That was one of the deliverables with the brand deal that we did with them. Yeah, like Charlie's got a text and all these contacts. The ad reads, could be, it could be a new, new deliverable.

[A]

We could add on that actually could be.

[B]

All right, you're gonna sign up for 12 ad reads on the podcast and then you're also gonna get the text package where we just text everyone we know. The Gorilla Bar marketing guerrilla market, Boots on the ground. That's actually fingers on the phone marketing scheme.

[A]

It's actually a great idea.

[B]

We should, we should add that 100. Got to be worth something.

[A]

Yeah. Bunch of X's just getting, you know.

[B]

Dude, that, that is a talk about something that would be stressful. Like would you rather situation if you, if you threw one. Like you have to just mass text everyone in your contacts. Something that would provide me unbelievable amount of stress.

[A]

Oh my God. Because a lot are going to reply and then you're going to feel guilty enough to reply to them. And for a guy with the people.

[B]

In your contacts that you don't want to message ever again.

[A]

I just went through text yesterday after the holiday and I got through 300 text messages.

[B]

So. Okay, so. So I, I wanna. It is when we're recording this, it is January 12th and Charlie says I'm going through text messages that I got over the holiday.

[A]

Well, I was depressed after the at.

[B]

Least 12 days since he's gotten the last text message. That's the wait time on a text message from Charlie Baron.

[A]

I was talking about Christmas though.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

So even worse I. I got looking up to 18. Like, if you call into the hotline, it's like, wait time is 18 days.

[A]

But, you know. You know, the thing is, though, Miles is like, sometimes you just can't. You can't be. You get sucked into these phones, and then text messages, you get bored, so you flip over to an app, and then I got to delete the app because I can't do it. And so I just let them sit there. And then it gets a good precedent for people. They know that you're to take no offense if you don't.

[B]

You're right. You do need to set a precedent.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

If you respond quickly, that's setting a bad precedent.

[A]

It. It is. And it's not that I don't love you. I do. I just.

[B]

I. I don't love you that much.

[A]

I got. You know, I got.

[D]

Charlie's just setting the bar a little bit low, so anytime he text before that, it's a nice little surprise.

[A]

It's like I walk right over that bar, you know, it's good. But if you call me, I'll. I'll usually answer. That's not fully true either, but I.

[D]

Was about to ask Miles.

[B]

That's not true. Not true at all.

[A]

Well, anyway, I feel like you do.

[B]

Get a better shot calling you. You got a better shot at talking to you than texting you, for sure.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Because I also know the times, like, you know, there's certain times a day where I'm like. I think he might be, like, walking on the treadmill. Female. Trying to prevent us a mental spiral about something. I call him right now.

[A]

Dude, you know me so well.

[D]

Yeah, dude, you should get. You should get a peloton. Those things are wicked.

[A]

Yeah, no, I. I'm a big. I'm a big. I like the. The real thing. I like getting out there in the elements. I got an actual bicycle.

[B]

He just likes to wear the shorts.

[A]

Yeah. There you go. Yeah, yeah. They.

[B]

They not little couple. Couple nut huggers.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, I put a sock in there for cushion. Just for cushion.

[B]

I usually do a Pringles can. You just put a Pringles can in my biker shorts.

[A]

There you go. There you go.

[D]

That's.

[C]

That's something.

[B]

The grab and go kind.

[D]

Grab and go.

[A]

Ah. Well, it was good talking to you. Good luck with them duck boat sales and your upcoming thank you nuptials. And tell your lady we says hi.

[D]

I will, I will. Y' all have a good one.

[A]

You too. We'll see you later. Well, Miles, Chuck it's another episode here at your office. Not my office, but your office.

[B]

But your.

[A]

Yeah, we're at your office, and it's a great spot. Come on down here to Milwaukee if you can, you guys. And hey, while you're here, don't forget, tip your bartender.

[B]

See you. Next one.

[C]

Bye.

[A]

Bye.

[B]

Okay, hope you guys have a good one.

[A]

Goodbye, now. Toodaloo.