The Midwest's Most Interesting Cow Breeder #205

Summary

Bellied Up Podcast – Episode #205: The Midwest’s Most Interesting Cow Breeder

Date: June 18, 2026
Hosts: Charlie Berens & Myles ("You Betcha Guy")
Location: American Legion, Three Lakes, Wisconsin

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Episode Overview

In this lively installment, Charlie and Myles belly up to a small-town Wisconsin bar to chat all things Midwestern—from cultural pet peeves and small town humor, to taking calls from their “most interesting” guest yet: Marley the professional cow breeder with a dream to do stand-up. The episode is full of classic Midwest laughs, local quirks, and sharp, unfiltered banter—plus a string of unusual tales, comedic advice, and a handful of wild, memorable quotes.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Anatomy of Midwestern Grievances

[00:27–14:36]
The hosts fire off a rapid, tongue-in-cheek rundown of what "steams a Midwesterner’s goat"—those small slights and local irritations that get under the average Upper Midwesterner’s skin.

• Bar Dice & Junk Drawers:
  • Loading another’s dice cup, organizing the legendary “junk drawer,” or losing keys for mysterious locks are top annoyances.
  • “Do not ever throw away the key that I don't know what it goes to because someday I'm gonna remember what that key goes to.” – Charlie [02:24]
• Country Roads & Deer Dilemmas:
  • Headlights on high-beam, and the etiquette of checking on a deer after a car hit. “How do you not know? You’re just gonna let your groceries run off back into the woods?” – Charlie [03:47]
• Midwest Home Renovation Gripes:
  • The destruction of classic finished basements (removing wood paneling or carpet on walls) and minimalist bar décor (“not enough things screwed to the wall”) comes up, in a nostalgic defense of “musty” authenticity.
• Out-of-Town Beer Woes:
  • The existential crisis of not finding a Bush Light or Leinie's outside the Midwest.
  • “What is Spanish for Miller Genuine Draft, my guy?” – Myles [07:01]
• Antique Store Dusting:
  • Well-dusted antique stores “means you're charging twice as much as you should!” – Charlie [08:05]
• Small Town Invasions:
  • Frustration over Dollar Generals and ‘chain things’ threatening local businesses.

2. Unfiltered Calls: Meet Marley, the Cow Breeder

[16:02–57:57]

Introduction & Profession

• Marley calls in after “just got done knocking up some fat redheaded virgins and cutting their extra teats off” [16:08].
  • Translation: Artificial insemination and minor surgeries on red Angus heifers.
  • “Just another day on the job, huh?” – Charlie [17:47]
• Off-color workplace humor:
  • “Just punching ass and slinging some jizz.” – Marley [17:53]

Comedy Aspirations

• Marley seeks advice breaking into stand-up. She's a sixth-generation farmer, small town Wisconsin native, and loaded with wild stories.

Stand-Up Sample Set ("Hot Three")

• Marley delivers her written, raunchy, high-energy three-minute set over speakerphone [23:26–28:40]:
  • Jokes about family, “punching ass and slinging jizz,” sugar baby dads, being a “local lesbian legend” (daytime only, since she breeds cows), and the trials of rural artificial insemination.
  • “I'm closing in on 70,000 bitches DP'd and creampied. I'm quite the lover. I service my ladies even when they're laying down—a pillow princess, if you will.” – Marley [26:27]
  • “If breeding cows didn't work out, I'd get into cumming to somebody, but for now, with all this experience handling boxes, I could work at Amazon.” [28:29]

Stand-up Critique & Coaching

Charlie and Myles give tailored feedback:

• Memorize and “internalize” the material so delivery is natural—don't read from the page [29:01].
• Move punchlines to the end of lines; keep jokes as simple and relatable as possible.
• Focus on self-deprecating ginger/cow breeding jokes and hold back specifics about family till the crowd connects.
• “The more you just say it in your voice ... the more it’s gonna hit.” – Charlie [30:16]
• On prop comedy: “Hey, I just got off work ... didn't have time to change,” suggesting to bring a gallon jug of lube as a stage prop [38:13].
• End on your biggest joke but also “put your best stuff up front to get momentum.” [34:58]

Marley's Life Stories

• Wild family anecdotes: stolen sex toys (by her parents), pranking stepdad with Icy Hot in his boxers, growing up convinced freckles come from not wiping your butt (“I was pretty old before I realized that’s not where they come from—probably middle school.”) [52:53].
• Mental health tangents, small town run-ins, and dynamic marriages.
  • “People are always like, you’re making this up. I don’t think I’m that creative to make this up.” – Marley [49:29]

Closing Advice

• “Write ten minutes about yourself every day, add punchlines, keep the best ones.” – Charlie [55:54]
• “Have confidence in the simple things.” – Myles [58:24]

3. The Young Caller: Grandpas, Phases & Mattress Mishaps

[58:36–76:40]

• Scott, a 20-year-old from Utah, shares stories about his British grandpa’s hobby phases—most notably, finding a skid mark in a brand-new pair of bike shorts at a shop.
• Comedic exchanges about proper bike short etiquette and underwear [59:38].
• Discussion spins off into generational differences over vintage furniture, Teemu shopping (buying axes, knives for cheap), and tips for good mattresses.
  • “I call it the zombie killer ... pistol grip, short barrel, 12 gauge shotgun with 11 round mag.” – Myles [63:32]
• A highlight: testing mattresses with his brother, the store clerk mistaking their relationship, and the awkwardness (and savings) found in secondhand mattresses.
  • “Guy says, ‘You two have a good time together’ … we're buying a mattress as me and my brother.” – Scott [74:33]

4. Voicemail: Strike Three Umpire Calls

[79:12–83:23]

• A listener asks: If you were umpiring an MLB game, what would your “strike three” call look and sound like?
• Miles demonstrates an over-the-top karate move; Charlie goes reserved and disappointed (“That’s three.”).
• In-joke about being more deflating than a loud punchout: “That would hurt worse than a big, big labyrinth.” – Myles [82:49]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Midwest Itches:
  “That should be on your license plate—not America’s Dairyland—it should be home of dairy and booze.” – Myles [00:56]
• On Small Town Bar Decor:
  “When you go into a bar and they don’t have enough things screwed to the wall—that really jerks my chain in the wrong direction.” – Charlie [05:12]
• On Midwest Beer Deprivation:
  “What is dosa keys? What is Spanish for Miller Genuine Draft, my guy?” – Myles [07:01]
• On Antiquing:
  “If I walk into a well-dusted antique store, I know you’re charging twice as much as you should!” – Charlie [08:05]
• On Cow Breeding:
  “I just got done knocking up some fat redheaded virgins … removing their extra teats.” – Marley [16:49]
• On Stand-Up Bombs:
  “For years, men have been disappointing women in way less time than my awkward ass will in the next three minutes.” – Marley [23:26]
• On Pocket Knives & Teemu:
  “I spend 10 bucks, buy like four knives at a time … after I lose one, go grab a new one.” – Scott [68:10]
• On Awkward Mattress Shopping:
  “We always sink into each other, so the worker thinks me and my brother are gay helpers together.” – Scott [73:34]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [00:27–14:36] – Midwest Pet Peeves & Cultural Jokes
• [16:02–57:57] – Marley the Cow Breeder: Insane stories, “hot three” stand-up set, comedy advice
• [58:36–76:40] – Scott's Call: Grandpa's hobbies, underwear etiquette, Teemu treasures, awkward mattress stories
• [79:12–83:23] – Listener Voicemail: Umpire “strike three” calls
• [24:45–28:40] – Marley's Complete Stand-up Sample (hot three)

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Overall Tone & Style

Irreverent, rapid-fire Midwest barroom humor—self-deprecating, unguarded, and gleefully off-color at times—mixed with genuine advice and good-natured ribbing. The dynamic between Charlie and Myles is playful and familial, with callers fitting right in to the authentic “belly up to the bar” atmosphere.

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Summary Takeaways

• Rural, small-town Midwest culture is alive, well, and full of quirks ripe for comedy.
• Marley, the episode’s star caller, brings wild stories and a natural comedic edge, gaining thoughtful guidance on how to break into stand-up and harness her unique voice.
• The episode is rife with unforgettable quotes, region-specific observations, and playful digressions that capture the heart of Midwestern camaraderie.

Perfect for listeners who want to “belly up” with friends and feel right at the bar—outrageously funny, a little weird, and brimming with Midwest energy.

Transcript

[A]

All right, folks, welcome back to Bellied Up Podcast. Our buddy Jeff here at the American Legion here in Three Lakes, Wisconsin, made us some duck fart shots here.

[B]

Hey, this is to Jeff.

[A]

To Jeff and everyone here. Cheers.

[B]

Cheers. Thank you, guys. All right. Oh, God, that's good, Jeff.

[A]

What?

[B]

For folks who don't know what is in a duck fart, Kahlua, Bailey's and drizzle with whiskey.

[A]

It's good.

[B]

All right, well, that's delicious. Thank you, sir. Really appreciate you.

[A]

I really like the duck fart shot because my dad makes a mean White Russian and it's just like White Russian, but in shot form.

[B]

In my opinion. Just a nice shot of. Of. Of dairy and booze, you know, the Wisconsin way. Yeah.

[A]

Dairy and booze.

[B]

That.

[A]

That should be on your guys license plate, not America's dairy land. It should be home of dairy and booze.

[B]

Yeah, no, no, better combination. The best combination since peanut butter and pickles, folks. But it's good to have you here. I'm excited to be back here, Miles. Episode 2 We Shot Here and we got that beautiful sound of bar dice rolling through the bar, which is nice. Yeah.

[A]

Good background ambient noise.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And speaking of bar dice.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I was going to talk to you today about, you know, Midwesterners are known for being nice folk, you know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But doesn't mean us Midwesterners don't get a little mad once.

[B]

Oh, no, we can steam up on the inside.

[A]

If you ever been at a bar when. And someone loads another person's dice.

[B]

I was just gonna say that. I was just gonna say that.

[A]

That is one way to really piss off a Midwesterner.

[B]

Yeah. That's like. That's like.

[A]

If you want to make a Midwesterner mad, you load their dice cup for them.

[B]

That's as bad. Popping open the junk drawer and not finding any C batteries.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Not having a plethora of batteries.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

In the junk drawer.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And. And organizing a junk drawer will also make a Midwesterner.

[B]

Man, are you crazy? Yeah. How will I know where anything is correct?

[A]

You know, what's it going to be in its nor in a place that it should be.

[B]

How long is that gonna last?

[A]

Come on.

[B]

How long's that gonna last? I mean, for God's sakes, I gotta know. Do not ever throw away the key that I don't know what it goes to because someday I'm gonna remember what that key goes to.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

You know, someday I'm gonna remember the combination to that close combination lock.

[A]

I even have A key that I know what it's for, and I don't have access to that building anymore. And I still keep it because someday

[B]

you might want to break in, you know?

[A]

True.

[B]

And then they threw full circle and

[A]

I got access to the building again. Then I don't need to make another key.

[B]

Y.

[A]

And you never know.

[B]

No, there's a. There's a few things that kind of get you going.

[A]

What else gets a Midwesterner mad?

[B]

Well, one thing that can really get a Midwesterner mad is if you're driving down a dark country road at night and someone's got their brights shaken up and they're not taking them off, you know, 300ft in front of you. Like, I'm. I'm looking out for deer and you're looking out for deer. But if we're both blind, we're both going to be, you know, and if we do that, I'm taking the back straps, you know?

[A]

That's true. And it's like. Then it turns into a pinball situation for the deer. Hits you, hits them. And now you're both stuck with it.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You're just stuck with it. Sorry. I was putting some gum in there.

[A]

Miles, your breath.

[B]

I want my breath to smell better. I was laughing at what you were saying. Yeah, that old deer, pinball. There's another thing about deer. When someone says, I hit a deer, and I'm like, well, what happened to the deer? And they're like, I don't know. How do you not know? How do you not? You're just gonna let your groceries run off back into the woods? I mean, for God's sakes. Another thing that really steams my goat, Miles, when people take off. What were we laughing about?

[A]

Never heard that term before.

[B]

Oh, you never had a steam goat?

[A]

Well, no, I just never heard it used that way.

[B]

Well, something that really steams my goat, Miles, is when people destroy beautiful Midwest basements by taking off the wood paneling and putting up drywall.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Putting drywall in your basement or really piss off a midwesterner.

[B]

Yeah. What do you think? This. You know, we've lost so many great wood panel walls over the years.

[A]

We lost so many good mold riddled walls over the years.

[B]

So many.

[A]

You know, we lost that. That musty smell in basements.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, now it all just smells like nothing.

[B]

No, it smells like a home Depot, which, you know, whatever. Come on now.

[A]

Come on.

[B]

Anything can smell like that. But you had. You had the scent of someone else's grandpa down there and you took it out. You know, the other thing that really grinds my gears to a halt, Miles, is when people take the carpeting off the upper end of the wall. You know, when they. They have that carpeted wall and they think they're going to modernize it. I mean, I'm just going down home renovation stuff here, but it really got me off the ticker with that one wooden wall situation. Here's another thing that really jerks my chain into the wrong direction, Miles, is when you go into a bar and they don't have enough things screwed to the wall, you know?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, you, you got it. That's like you go to the store,

[A]

he's just looking around and pointing stuff out. Again, that makes you mad.

[B]

No, it really jerks my chain in the wrong direction is what I said. It's like taking a nice bicycle to the grocery store and not locking it up. You know, you got to have respect for your things because if you got nice things, people are going to want to take it.

[A]

I think something that pisses off midw Midwesterners when they travel outside of the midwest and they don't have their beer.

[B]

They don't have their beer.

[A]

Like when I travel outside the Midwest and I go into a bar and ask for a bush light and they ask me what that even is. That grinds me up a wall.

[B]

That just grinds you right up my melon. Yeah, I hate it when you get your melon torqued like that, you know? Yeah, don't to my melon.

[A]

Does that ever happen?

[B]

Oh, has that happened to me? Try asking for a liny's light down there in Texas. They don't even know what I'm talking about. They think I'm asking for cigarettes.

[A]

I'm bellied up to the swim up bar in Cabo and they. And they don't got any bush light.

[B]

What is dosa keys? Yeah, DOSA keys. What is Spanish for Miller Genuine draft, my guy.

[D]

Ho.

[B]

You know, Miles, I think another something that spanks my monkey and. Oh, that's an. That's the wrong terminology. But you never want. If you owned a monkey, you won't want anyone spanking that monkey. That's. That's animal abuse. And something that really spanks my monkey mouths is when they dust in the antique store. What are you doing now? I know these things are overpriced segment.

[A]

Isn't stuff that makes you mad the stuff that makes all midwesterners.

[B]

Well, find me one midwesterner that likes a well dusted antique Store that just tells me you're curating it and overpricing it. If I walk into a well dusted antique store or flea market, I know that you're charging twice as much as you should for that tire iron. I don't care if it's from 1946, it's only worth three and a half dollars. Don't go charging me 20 because some hipster wants to hang it on the wall. It's still got some good use out of it, right, Miles?

[A]

That's right. What. What else chaps your cheeks?

[B]

Well, Miles, thank you for asking. I was curious if you were ever gonna really want to know what chapped my cheeks. But I'll tell you this much. When you buy one of those new cars, you know, and they don't put a spare tire in it, that chaps my cheeks. Cracked right there. A deep crack that I need Vaseline or Utter Butter to help, you know. You ever put Utter butter on your chapped cheeks?

[A]

I have not. No.

[B]

That's something else that really cranks my yoke. You know, I don't know how many more of these I got in me,

[C]

but,

[B]

Miles, what's something else that just sprinkles your sprocket?

[D]

So.

[A]

Something else that sprinkles my sprocket.

[B]

You ever have a sprinkled sprocket rocket there, Miles?

[A]

Something else that'll sprinkle a midwesterner sprocket is, you know, some chain thing moving into town and ruining all the local business.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Dollar General.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Those Applebee's, you know, all those just ruining the Mon Pa Shops in town.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Where did Applebee's get its name originally? You know, a park that someone didn't pick up after their picnic. You know, bees love an apple in the summer, Miles.

[A]

I gathered that.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what? Screw it. What else does? Just what else really stubs your toe?

[B]

Stubbing my toe?

[A]

Not Midwestern, just Charlie Barron's in general. Oh, what else stubs your toe?

[B]

I mean, we could go around the horn on this one.

[A]

Let's go around the horn.

[B]

We could go around the horn on this one. You know what I don't like is when someone borrows your big coat and doesn't leave you anything in the pockets to be like, ah, I didn't wear this coat the last time, you know?

[A]

So you're saying that if I borrowed your coat, you would expect me to throw a 20 in the pocket?

[B]

I'm not saying a 20. Maybe just a receipt. So I have a little mystery to solve.

[A]

You Know, when the hell did I buy. When the hell did I buy that?

[B]

That way if I'm fishing or hunting or something, I got a little something to chew on for a bit, you know, keep the mind occupied. Yeah, all right.

[A]

Got anything else, Chuck?

[B]

What?

[A]

You got any other stuff that's really

[B]

what makes me angry?

[A]

Nothing really. Nothing else that really

[B]

chives my onion? I'll tell you, Miles, there's some stuff that does chive my onion. It's when you go to an airport and you don't have an accurate. You don't have a good enough place to just sit down and recombobulate yourself.

[A]

Is that why you like flying to the Milwaukee airport?

[B]

You gotta have a recombobulation area. And if you don't have one of those, I don't even know what we're doing here. Why don't more airports put in a recombinab area?

[A]

I think that bars should start having a recombobulation area.

[B]

Yeah. Like right outside. Look, they got one right here. Like they got a nice breezeway that you go recombobulated outside.

[A]

You know, it's usually for people that have had maybe one too many beers and they're starting to look a little white in the face. They need to go recombobulate with some fresh air. Could be a good move.

[B]

That is a great move. Yeah. You know something else that just jerks my jones, Miles, is when I'm. I'm out there fishing, you know, there's another boat and they kind of see that you're bringing some stuff in, so they just sort of creep a little bit more toward you. They creep within that.

[A]

Fisherman creep.

[B]

I think fishermen creep and you know, they're glass and too. You know, they got some, some high powered spectacles in there, some Vinox. They're seeing what I'm bringing in the boat and they're just creeping over, you know.

[A]

And I want you to be honest, Chuck.

[B]

Mm. Yes.

[A]

Has there ever, ever been a time where you're bringing in enough keepers that someone's actually going closer to you?

[B]

Yeah, it happened this past weekend. Now, there were other people.

[A]

Your dad bringing it?

[B]

Yeah. Was my daddy got that 26 inch walleye. We'll be talking about that for a while.

[A]

I've heard you tell about 18 different people since it happened. And I.

[B]

That's not enough people.

[A]

I'm not. Hey, let me finish my statement.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If you know anyone that's caught a 26 inch walleye, you can tell as many people as you want.

[B]

Sure. Yeah. How's fishing about? Well, my dad. Yesterday I did. Yeah. I got some good. Good eaters, so.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, Chuck, should we do some calls?

[B]

Yeah, let's do some calls. Miles. I'll tell you this summer leagues are back. You got golf, softball, pickleball, baseball, baseball, racquetball, cornball. Have you seen cornball?

[A]

No.

[B]

It's like cornhole with balls. Anyways, everyone's just trying to get outside, have a good time. But sometimes it's not the game that gets you, it's the. The conditions. You've got uneven ground that hasn't been fixed, wet walkways around clubhouses, poorly maintained fields, golf cart paths that are more pothole than pavement. And you can be. My voice cracked there you can be doing everything right and still in a bad spot. Slip, fall, shake, hard turn, bamboo. Yeah. What's supposed to be a normal summer night turns into a real injury fest because something wasn't taken care of the way it should have been. And you didn't stretch. If that happens, Nicolay Law is who you call. Nicolaylaw.com or 1855. Nicola

[A]

take me out to the ball

[B]

game Take me out to the crowd Folks, if you're going to a ball game this summer, buy me some shady.

[A]

Spy me some crackers. Cracker Jack. What is it again?

[B]

Buy me some peanuts and sh. Rays. I don't care if it rains today. Although that would be a bummer because I got these guys.

[A]

If you're going out to the ball game this summer, you gotta have some Shady Rays ready to roll. Cause last thing you want is to be sitting in the outfield and a home run happens and it's right into the sun and you get a baseball square between the eyes.

[B]

Don't let that happen, folks. Those baseballs faster than you think. And you want to cut that glare with these polarized badass glasses and bring your glove to your mitt. That might help. Otherwise you'll break a hand. But whether you got a mitt or not, you can watch that ball just go right into the hand and you got yourself a homer.

[A]

Yes. And so if you're going out to ball game, pick yourself up some shady [e-mail] use code bellied up for 40% off two or more polarized glasses and you're going to be looking good at the ball game.

[B]

Heck yeah. What up, Marley? How's it hanging?

[C]

Oh, wonderful.

[D]

We just got done knocking up some fat redheaded virgins and cutting our extra pizza off.

[B]

Wait, can you say that again?

[D]

I Bred some redheaded, fat, redheaded virgins. And we also cut their extra teeth off.

[B]

Are you on speakerphone, Marley? Because I I what I think you're saying I'm not trying to repeat it coming out of your mouth first.

[D]

Let me switch it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Finish closing that door.

[D]

Can you hear me better? Yeah.

[B]

So much better. Yeah.

[A]

Ooh.

[D]

Ooh.

[A]

All right. What are you doing?

[D]

I just got done knocking up some fat redheaded virgins. And removing their extra teeth.

[A]

Gotcha. I I thought you had said that. Yeah, but now exactly what I thought you said.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. So for people who don't know what exactly that means, do you want to just sort of elaborate?

[D]

Well, how poorly do you want me to elaborate, or do you want me to get technical?

[B]

Get technical.

[D]

Oh, okay. I was hoping you'd pick the other one. I forgot this is a family show. So I inseminated I inseminated some fat redheads. In Translation. Some red Angus beef heifers. And we removed because some of them grow an extra teat. We remove them so the calf doesn't get confused. And uses one that doesn't have any milk in it.

[B]

Oh, that's really nice of you. That's really nice of you. So you just another day on the job, huh?

[D]

Oh, yeah. Just punching ass and slinging some jizz.

[A]

Put that on a T shirt.

[B]

You could.

[A]

You think we could sell that?

[B]

I bet you could sell it. Ye. Jizz is expensive these days, isn't that what's the cost? Full spunk these days.

[D]

Well, depends, man. Like, you can get them for four bucks, all the way up to a thousand. So, like, you stick the AI guns in your shirt. And sometimes I have a really expensive pearl necklace my husband doesn't need. My husband doesn't need to buy me any jewelry.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Well, right.

[B]

We're getting there, aren't we, Marley? Yeah, well, belly on up to the bar with us and maybe wash your hands first. But or don't. We just had a duck fart. Maybe you can make your own.

[D]

It smells like money.

[B]

What do you mean, smells like money? Yeah. No, I I get it. I get it.

[D]

I make a living digging around in the wrong end of a cow. So I mean, kind of nose blind.

[B]

Hey, who says it's on the wrong end?

[A]

You know, you can get a good look at a T bone by sticking your head up a butcher's ass. But I'll just take the cow's word for it.

[B]

Yeah. There you go, Miles. There you go. Sounds like something your dad said to you. Well, Marley. Not what that's from, I don't know, but what's it from?

[A]

Tommy Boy.

[B]

Oh, it's from Tommy Boy. See, so that does kind of sound, you know, like your dad owns the business. What if you took over the family business? That was funny.

[A]

Is like, you are Tommy Boy at times.

[B]

I'm Tommy Boy.

[A]

You're Tommy Boy.

[B]

No, I'm not.

[A]

Yes, you are.

[B]

I would have to take over the family business.

[A]

Yeah, I know.

[B]

It's anyway, just the dynamics, the comedic dynamics of the show, personality wise. You are Tommy. Thank you. That's a compliment. Thank you, Miles. Marley. Belly on a. Oh, go ahead.

[D]

Okay. It's funny. It's funny you bring up the family business thing because what I needed help with was a hot three for I was gonna try out comedy.

[B]

Well, you got a hot one right there. Just start off with that one. How long have you been in the farming business?

[D]

Oh, I was born into it. I come from a family of six generation farmers. Other than my mummy, she's foreign.

[B]

Okay, nice.

[D]

But on the paternal side. Yeah, a lot of farmers, sure.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Your mom is foreign? Is that what you said?

[D]

Yeah. I'm white, by the way. I know a lot of people think I'm. I. You gotta be some shade of brown to be. I have a foreign mother. But no, she's Canadian.

[B]

Okay, Canadian.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

Sure. All right, well, I think we're off to a good start here with your hot three. Marley. Yeah. You know, I'll tell you this much. There's a lot, a lot of farming events around the country. And if you're a comedian specializing in the farm, actually life, you would make a killing. So I think you really embrace your background here, and you're already doing it. Just write a bunch of facts about yourself, add some punch lines, and boom, you're in. Where do you live?

[D]

I mean, I.

[C]

Well.

[D]

Oh, I live well. I'm from Albany, Wisconsin. It's a tiny town, like 45 minutes south of Madison. I actually graduated with 17 kids in my class.

[B]

Nice.

[D]

Are you yawning?

[B]

I know. He did do a dad side right there, didn't he?

[A]

I just forgot to breathe for a while.

[B]

Yeah, he. He does.

[A]

We discussed that on a previous podcast.

[B]

Yeah, he does that from time to time.

[A]

You have a child, you just forget. Breathe once in a while and it comes out in the sound of a sigh.

[B]

He was getting oxygen, Marley.

[A]

I leaned up and then my diaphragm compressed and pushed the air out of my mouth.

[B]

We had a duck fart. So that was. It was A.

[D]

My kids. My kids step on ducks all the time. And let me tell you what, there's some raunchy ducks around our house.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

All right, yeah, good info. Yeah, that is good info. No, but that's great. You can even just head on up to Madison. They got a great club there. Comedy on stage. Have you done any open mics over there?

[D]

No, see, I have yet to pop my cherry and bomb on stage, but, you know, I. So here's how I got it started. So my chiropractor is kind of dabbles in comedy and a local bar is terrible.

[B]

I hope you're getting a coupon over there.

[A]

Oh, my God, dude, I just. I'm trying to imagine a set from a chiropractor and that is tough sledding.

[B]

Hey, here's a chiropractor joke. How's a chiropractor give a happy ending?

[D]

Anyways, okay, so he got me. There is supposed to be at a bar in Monroe. They're supposed to do an open mic night like a hot three. And they kept pushing it back, pushing it back. Oh, you got your set ready? Yeah, I've been working on it. Yeah, you never. They never ended up having it yet. I keep getting told maybe next month,

[A]

but we want to hear your hot three then.

[D]

Okay, well, I gotta put you on speakerphone. I have it written down because it's been so long. I. I want to get it right.

[B]

Yeah, that's fine. We want to hear every word too. So put us back on speaker.

[A]

Can you just do the shoulder to the ear moment here for us or.

[D]

No, no, I can't. Is this too much?

[A]

No, you're good.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

All right, hold on to your buckles, boys. All right. Evening, everyone. Hope you signed an NDA or at least a waiver for this. Oh, it won't be so bad. For years, men have been disappointing women in way less time than my awkward ass will in the next three minutes. So a little about me. I'm an only child. Explains a lot. My parents made perfection on the first try, obviously. However, I was one of six growing up in my nut house. It was my mom, Thomas, aunt, grandma, grandpa, yada yada. A little more detail is needed. My wonderful mommy is a foreigner. A five foot nothing Canadian cougar, if you will. She is 16 years younger than Thomas. My mom is a brilliantly intelligent saint that walks among us. Unfortunately, she has a questionable taste in men. So now getting to Thomas, her husband, AKA my biological father. Excuse me for that. My daddy issues are coming out now. Thomas stands 6 foot 7 and around 400 to £450. Fun fact.

[B]

Big tall drink of milk. Holy smokes.

[D]

I go milkshake. Fun fact. He was the second biggest high school football player in the nation. He was pretty tore up about being first place loser.

[C]

However.

[D]

However, he currently holds the number one title for cause for dramatic effect. The world's biggest sugar baby. I seriously have no idea how the hell he took the crown. He is not even cute. I do have an educated guess though. Like he does that thing she likes. Like imagine a chihuahua fucking a Saint Bernard. Oh yeah. I'll let your imagination wander on, Mr. Pegatron. Now, I was hoping to follow in the footsteps of the family business of sugar babying. I didn't quite have the knack for like the old man. But in the same vein, I do butt stuff for a living now. Now to poorly explain my career. I punch ass and sling jizz. Local lesbian legend. I used to drive a Subaru, by the way. Bovine prostitute. In professional terms, I'm an artificial insemination technician. I can't say AI tech anymore because people get weird. Back in the day, folks used to think that this was a man's job. However, how many men do you know could handle being in this much pussy?

[C]

No.

[D]

To all the playboys out there, how many women have you been with?

[C]

Anyone? Anyone?

[D]

Well, brother, I really don't give a fuck how many women you've disappointed. That's not the badge of honor you think it is. Now me personally, I'm closing in on 70,000 bitches DP'd in cream pie. No, no, no. I'm quite the lover. The service, my lady. I service my ladies even when they're laying down and don't want to get up a pillow princess, if you will. Some of the old guys are mind blown by this revelation.

[C]

You can't get cows pregnant like that.

[D]

But like dude, how do you think you were made? Some other stories from the grindstone include but are not limited to. Wow, you got a bread real quick. Thanks, I come quick. It's one of my many talents. The occasional beller for me baby. Or how do you breed cows with such a bent up crooked gun is curved for her pleasure. Now sometimes hard breeding cows or cows with like multiple services. We use a method that my farmers have became am very familiar with. It is called in professional terms a gang bang. So basically we use two different baby daddies at once. And the cherry on top. When I pull out, I spit on her back and I call her a good girl. So you gotta mix it up a bit. You know, who am I to kink shame or yuck someone else's yum? And, you know, I always used to say if breeding cows didn't work out, that I'd get into Cummins somebody. But, you know, for the hot mess this has been and everyone bombing their first time, I think, though I do have potential to work at Amazon, I do have a lot of experience handling boxes.

[B]

All right. Hey, nice.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Nice job.

[A]

There's your very nice job.

[B]

So that was that we time that one. No. Okay. Yeah. Really good. You got a lot of good stuff to work with on there,

[A]

Charlie. Okay, here we go. I'm gonna ask you some questions about it. Is that okay?

[B]

Sure. Yeah.

[A]

My question is. So the voice that she used was kind of a sing song news. Like she was reading a news segment.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

What do you think of that deal? Is that kind of her own style? Do you. What do you think?

[B]

Well, I'm gonna put that question right on. It's Marley, right? Marley.

[D]

Like Bob.

[B]

Like Bob. Got it. Got it. Did you know you were kind of doing that sort of theater sort of delivery?

[D]

That's kind of how. Well, you know, a lot of kids from my high school graduated without being able to read. So that's kind of like my customer service voice while reading.

[B]

Got it. Got it. So I think the first thing you're going to want to do is sort of memorize and internalize your bit here and then deliver it the way you're talking to us right now. Because if you. If you deliver it on stage, it's very funny, by the way. There's a lot of good stuff in there.

[A]

Good stuff.

[B]

But it's sort of like the less you think, the less you're presenting it, the less you almost. If the audience.

[A]

The more naturally you say it, the more it's gonna hit.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Exactly. So the more you just say it in your voice. And also, you wrote it like a book or like a.

[A]

It felt like you were reading a story about your life.

[B]

Yeah. So you want to just kind of break it up. Because a lot of your punch lines. It's called a punchline because it's at the end of the line, and you kind of have a lot of your punchlines in the middle of these sentences. So you kind of want to move your punchlines to the end of the sentence, which is sort of a technical thing, but it'll help.

[C]

Help.

[B]

And before you.

[C]

What.

[B]

What do you look like?

[D]

I'm a 510 redhead who's built like a brick house.

[B]

Good, good.

[D]

I'm kind of. Well, I'm a day walker. Ginger.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Like that episode of South Park. Like, I gotta dye my eyebrows and my eyelashes or else the regenification happens.

[A]

That cadence that you just did there was great.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You want to listen back to this? Listen back to this podcast when it comes out, because you'll hear the difference. But an easy thing to do. Saying a little bit about me is kind of a. That's sort of a trope that a lot of people do when they first start off in Stand Up. So a better way of doing that is saying. And this is also a trope, but it's kind of a good one when you're first starting off and say, I know what you're thinking. I look like, like, blank. And then write a joke sort of about yourself, you know, because the. The easiest jokes in comedy are, like, recognition. And the easiest thing to do is

[A]

I look like Little Debbie grew up to be Big Deborah. You know, something like that.

[B]

Yeah, Riff. Riff. That dude do, like.

[D]

Or what? I. What I rift, like, with my daddy issues. Like, you know, I look like everyone's typical redheaded stepchild, except I was the actual child. Or is that too forward?

[B]

No, I mean, I. I think that's. Well, tell me more about that situation. Like, what. What is. Because I was a little confused. Like. Like, people.

[A]

Yeah, the. The sugar baby I was confused about.

[B]

You got to build up to that situation.

[D]

I thought. I thought it was well described in, like, you know. You know, do you know what a sugar baby is? Because my chiropractor knocked me on that one, too, and I'm. That was kind of. Well, you know, I'm a little bit younger than you guys.

[A]

Well, sugar baby. Yeah, it's like he's getting money from his. Like, she pays the bills, right?

[D]

That's. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a stay at home husband, you know, like most people would think of, like, Hugh Hefner and like the bunnies, they just gotta, you know, occasionally put out and look cute. You know, they're kind of a showpiece. Whereas he. He ain't cute like that big fucker. Got nothing cute about it. I don't know how he does. I hate the fucker, but I kind of envy him at the same time. Like, he's cracked the code.

[A]

Are we talking you, Hefner or your dad?

[D]

I don't call him my dad. My mother's husband.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Maybe lean into that.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Before you even get into your dad, though. Like, let's exhaust you, you know, Like, I want to know. Like, you're standing up there, you say, you know, you're redhead, you're five, 10. So get some jokes on that and then give me the, all the jokes on you. Exhaust those and then go into your family, you know, because you got to. When you're gonna do these open mics, you're probably gonna have a three minute set, a five minute set or an eight minute set. So you'll want to, in the three minute set, just get all the jokes about you out and then what are the jokes?

[A]

You remember that you said, obviously the hands in the ass and a sling and jizz. That's a good line.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Did you like my Amazon line at the end?

[B]

Yeah, the boxes. That. That's cute. That's cute. But I mean, it's kind of picking up something that's talking about something that isn't there, you know, like it's, it's an imagined scenario. So it's kind of a tougher one to do. So really just keep it on you. Your life and the things that are most, like, authentic.

[A]

And the beauty is, is you can listen back to this and you can hear which one got the biggest laugh.

[B]

Yeah, you got a step above already.

[D]

Yeah, because it's hard because I can't see you guys. And like, normally I, I would read people and like, their faces and whatnot.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I would. I mean, number one rule of comedy is you end on your biggest joke. Biggest laugh. Correct.

[D]

Mm.

[B]

Your closer. Yeah. Yeah. But when you're doing open mics, you don't necessarily need to worry about a closer or anything. You're just, just, just trying to figure out what works, you know, and then once you have, yeah, like a 12 minute, then you really want to dial in your closer.

[A]

But wouldn't you just in general want your best joke to go last?

[B]

No, you really want it up front when you're starting off so you get like momentum. Because if you go up there and you like bomb one off the top, the audience is going to tighten up and then every joke you deliver after is going to. You're not going to be you, you're going to be like self conscious. So, I mean, you're doing the right thing. You got a lot of stuff, good stuff written here and you do want to just go bomb and, and kind of get that feeling under your belt. But also. Yeah, I felt like you just gave

[A]

way too much information. Like my brain had information overload and instead of, I Felt like you could have. And again, this come from a guy who doesn't do stand up comedy.

[D]

Well, because my biggest fe was too. It's like people wouldn't really like people who know me. Like, I've told this to, like, passerbys and bars. Like when we were on my bachelorette party. I had a lot of practice in that night. Liquidly motivated and all. But like, you know, they. They kind of knew who I was. So I was like getting people, you know, who never met me or don't really, you know, just anyone who's just getting blasted with this. Like, I was afraid they wouldn't quite get it right.

[A]

And I think that the thing is, is that if you. If you have something that they don't get within a couple of lines, you probably. It's probably a joke that's too niche or you maybe should rework it so it's simpler to grasp. Would you agree with that or not?

[B]

Yeah. You want to write it as simple as possible. For sure. I'm also confused. Did you say you're a lesbian?

[D]

No, I breed cows for a living, so I tell my farmers I'm a daytime lesbian.

[A]

Okay. Because I just thought you were a lesbian after that.

[D]

So that, I mean, I do lesbian

[B]

with the cows. Or a long girl. Yeah, no, I get that. I think, I think. But I think that's kind of to miles point. We just want to break it down and really fully understand you.

[A]

So, like, it's almost like, all right, I'm going to do a section about how it seems like I'm a lesbian, but I'm not actually. You know what I mean? And just focus on that and make some jokes about that.

[B]

That.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[D]

Yeah. Because I was hoping, like, I know it's not something I wanted like a lot of hecklers, because I feel like that's where I. That's like my strong suit. Because I tend to be kind of quick with like my rebuttals and that.

[B]

That's good.

[A]

That's good.

[B]

They have the. The riffing on Just do your hot Hot three is.

[A]

Is just do crowd work then.

[D]

Yeah, that. But I. How do you. How do you break into crowd work? How do I, like, warm them up? I just can't go in there. Dry it.

[A]

Well, what do you do with the cows? See, stuff like that.

[D]

I use lube. I have a whole gallon in the back seat.

[A]

Bring that up on stage. That's a great starting thing.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Hey.

[C]

Hey.

[A]

I was. I just got done with work. I was on My way home, so I didn't. Didn't have time to change. And then you plop a big thing of lube on there. That's your starting point.

[B]

It's gonna be the Carrot Top of.

[A]

Well, no, just the one. Well, circle back in. The ending joke is something about the lube. You know what I mean?

[B]

Prop comedy.

[D]

Well, hey, at the same time, too. I was hoping, like, my style. Like, I feel like I'm kind of a Midwestern Theo Vaughn meets, like, the raunchiness of Ralphie May.

[B]

Okay. Okay. I, like, can you see it, or

[D]

am I a little off?

[B]

Okay, so what you just said, like, I'm like a Theo Vaughn meets the raunchiness of Ralphie May. Like, use that. That device to describe yourself. I'm like, so and so meets so and so. You know, like, you do do a quick punchline about how you look on stage and. And then, like, stick with. With you. Let me ask you, do you have a boyfriend?

[D]

I'm married.

[B]

You're married? How long you been married?

[D]

Well, the first time or the second time?

[B]

First time, I.

[D]

Okay, I'm married. So me and my husband got legally married in July of last. Last year, and then we got. Had our formal wedding, so technically remarried on the. What day was that? 25th.

[B]

You can't remember your anniversary?

[D]

Dude, I think about it.

[B]

Well, you know, when you've had two, it's just like. It's like your second child, you know, like.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

First one you care about, the second one you're like, ah, this should work out.

[D]

Well, I was gonna say last week, but it was a before, right? Yeah.

[B]

Oh, congratulations.

[D]

Well. Well, thank you. You know, actually, no, my. My husband's actually older than you, Charlie.

[B]

Why do you say. Oh, God, I see she's trying her crowd work here.

[D]

Mom, didn't you just have a birthday?

[B]

Yeah, I'm 39 now. 35. Yeah.

[D]

It's okay. I met my husband when he was 39. That's when we got together. He's 41 now. Now I'm 28.

[B]

Wow. What does your husband do?

[D]

He's actually. Well, so his official title, he's. He's a farm sergeant.

[B]

Okay. Hell, yeah.

[D]

Yeah, he's a herdsman at the doc. The Department of Corrections.

[B]

Good for him.

[D]

Yeah, actually, we met, like, five years ago when I was a relief breeding. I didn't have my own area, so the other. His main breeders, relief tag. And I met him and I was like, damn, that's a dill. And so I was like. I was hitting on him, like, the whole time. And I don't know if he was just that dense or what, but it. Like, he would. Well, he said he flirted with me back. As in, like, he would send me snapchats. Hey, are you a goldfish cracker? Because you're the snack that smiles back.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

I hate that. He's not. Or.

[D]

Or two, it's sliding.

[A]

Okay, he's not gonna be able to do a hots 3.

[D]

I know that he's a strong silent type.

[C]

Or.

[D]

Or another one. He's like, I flirted with you back then, like, throughout the years. And I was like, oh, you mean like the screenshot of a Facebook post where there's a dildo found in a hayfield? And you were like, is this yours?

[B]

What was it?

[A]

That one's funny.

[D]

No, it wasn't mine.

[B]

Just carried.

[D]

Is only my. Take good care of the toys, you know, you gotta put them in the shed, you know, keep them clean. Just like equipment. I mean, there was this thing where. Oh. Oh, you want to hear another good, traumatic story?

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

So, you know, with your alone time toys. I don't know if, you know, it's not really a thing for guys, but, you know, plethora of them.

[A]

I made the mistake of going into his room at the. At the cabin.

[D]

Okay, Miles, he's not the only one here that does bud stuff. So, anyways, so I moved home from college, you know, during the summer, brought all my toys with. And they started going missing. And I'm like, what the hell? Well, then I was like, I must have lost him or forgot him at my apartment up in college. And it was like, oh, no, I didn't. I found them a couple years years later. My parents stole them.

[B]

What?

[D]

They were. They ended up in their nightstand.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

Yikes.

[B]

You gotta be kidding me.

[D]

No, I wish I was. This is my life, dude.

[B]

Did you bring it up to them?

[D]

How would you.

[B]

Do you guys take anything from my room? Specifically the thing that was vibrating.

[D]

I don't know that one thing, too. I remember my mom telling me the one day she had a stomachache, and I was like, no, that thing. I think I pulled an ab muscle using it. That should have came with a warning label. Now it all makes sense.

[A]

So you're gonna want to. Our moms listen to this.

[B]

Okay, Mine actually.

[D]

Do you want me to make recommend recommendations?

[A]

Oh, God, please. No, no, no, no.

[D]

Your mom tells you she has a stomachache, you'll know. There. There'll be signs, Miles. There'll be signs.

[C]

I see.

[B]

I think this could be included in your set.

[D]

You know, I mean, there's another. There's other good pranks. Like, one time, the old man ticked me off, so I put. I put Icy Hot. And his boxers did. You know, And I just didn't. Hold on. No, this is great. I just didn't do one pair. I did multiple pairs. So he comes up the one day from the basement, and, you know, he's just, like, grabbing himself, you know, he's like, oh.

[C]

Oh.

[D]

You know, like, as most dads do, like, wandering around, and they're just their boxers. And he's like, oh, man. I was like, quit playing with yourself, you sicko. Meaning, I knew what he was feeling. So he went downstairs, he took a shower, put on a fresh pair that were also Icy Hots. And he continues just the uncomfortable. And he's like, holy, I got a rash.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Like, dude, I don't.

[D]

I don't want to know about your rash. But so he starts telling me. He's like, your old lady gave me something. And like, I said, my mom. Oh, there's a deer. My mom. Like a saint of a woman. Right, right.

[A]

Who steals your dildos?

[D]

Oh, okay. Okay. You know, everyone think about what the nuns do.

[A]

All right?

[B]

What do the nuns do? Go to the.

[D]

With their prayers. You ever see one with, like, a really large rosary and you're like, h. Oh, my God.

[B]

You're talking to two Catholics here.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[D]

I mean, I was also. So my mommy, she. She's a Bible thumper, bless her heart. I gotta. She goes to church for the rest of us. I do have a Bible verse tattooed on my wrist, so I'm good. I was baptized in the Sugar river in Albany, if you ever want to go. Lovely place. Lovely town. Just don't go into the bathrooms at the park or needles in there. But anyhow, that water is round. She like. It's dirty. Like, I invite you two to come down and go tubing.

[A]

Oh, yeah. You really sold it.

[B]

Yeah, we'll be right over there.

[D]

Dude, everyone comes tubing in Albany, Okay? I mean, it, like, people literally, like, the line goes across the bridge, wraps around by the bridge, and I'm like, really? This place? But people think it's awesome. And also, too. Is it tubing or floating?

[B]

It's whatever you want it to be. I've heard both. I've heard both. Float the river. You got a lot to unpack here, Marley, I'm gonna tell you that.

[A]

Have you guys considered family counseling of any sort?

[D]

Well, I mean, here's the here's the fun part. A little more about me and my husband might kill me for saying this, because he's like, you know, this doesn't.

[A]

Everything up until this point, he's cool with. But now it's. Now we're entering that territory. God, it.

[D]

I'm an. I'm an interesting creature. So they're like, you know, he used to only date crazy women. You know, like, he'd see red flags and think it's a circus.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And I was like, oh, my gosh, how cute. I'm the first of his that was institutionalized.

[B]

You literally have a. Oh, really? You were. Okay.

[D]

It was a mental break. It was just in college. It was a whole thing. Basically, an offer officer didn't handle the traffic stopped correctly.

[A]

Right.

[D]

I had a meltdown. And, yeah, I got put in cups. And if you say to an officer, like, ooh, tighter. You know, you get your face slammed into the hood while you're getting cuffed.

[B]

Yep. There's some red flags with you. Aside for the one just on your head, you've got. Yeah, you got more red flags than Chinese console it. Okay.

[D]

At least I don't have more chins than a Chinese phone book.

[B]

Okay. There was waiting for that one.

[A]

There we go. We're touching them all today.

[B]

Chuck, I'm.

[D]

Hey, I'm a reformed lady. I'm medicated. I'm a mom. I'm a good Christian girl. You're a mom with my prayers. I'm out here.

[B]

How many kids do you have?

[D]

Well, I have. We have a kind of a yours and mine and soon to be ours kind of going on, so.

[B]

Congratulations.

[D]

Well, thank you. I have a daughter. She's four. She's the carbon copy of myself. Oh, and I'd also like to shout out my daughter's dad, Bailey. He's, like, hardcore listens to this podcast. Well, we've been. We've been OG since day one.

[A]

Let's go. Let's go.

[B]

So you guys were listening to this podcast back when you were married, you and Bailey. Bailey.

[D]

Oh, no, we weren't. We were never married.

[B]

Got it. Okay.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, he's at. Yeah. So, yeah, my husband's different than my daughter's dad.

[B]

Okay. Okay.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

We're. We're all cool. Peace, love.

[A]

I need to, like, visually see the map of this conversation. We've truly follow it.

[B]

We've gone in many directions.

[A]

You know, at one point, I thought. Thought she was a lesbian. Then she said she's not and said her mom's a Saint. But then we found out that her mom's got sore abs from her sex toys. Where are we? Where are we at?

[D]

Well, I've been. I've like. People are always like. I tell them about stories of my life, and they're like, you're making this up. And I'm like, I don't think I'm that creative to make this up.

[A]

Yeah, no, I. I'm with you.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah. And I also have a bunch of buddies that also do farming. We're in a group chat together, and I was, like, fangirling over here, being like, oh, my gosh, I get to go on the Bellied up podcast. And they're like, no way. And they're like, can you get them to sing this, the Catholic hymn?

[B]

Well, I mean, we would, but you really have defamed our. Our ruid. And I will raise you up on e. Wings things.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[A]

You to shine like the sun. The songbirds of your generation in the palm.

[B]

That was a good version. We really. We felt that that was your best.

[D]

I think that was your longest one yet.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

We really had to CL ourselves of the things. The. The sacrilegious things you said about our nuns home today.

[A]

We should swing through the confessional after hearing all.

[B]

Really should. We've had a humdinger here, to tell you the truth. Marley, I think you have a whole hour in you. But. And maybe some other things, too, But I would say.

[A]

Yeah, final. I would just say simplify it down a little bit. Some of it was really wordy and hard to follow. Just keep it simple.

[B]

Just pretend. Go up there and just tell. Talk to them the way you're talking to us right now. And don't burn your steps. You know, don't. Don't go right into your stepfather. Your stepfather. Yeah, whatever. Don't go into that. Don't go into that just yet. Just keep it on you, because you got plenty. I think you. You talk about you being just a basket of red flags, make some ginger jokes, and maybe you can close with the story about them finding your sex toys or something. But.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Oh, I have another. Could I test out a really good ginger one for you? That was. Okay, so the story is leading off the day, my best friend embarrassed me in front of a whole college lecture hall. So my best friend Sam and I, we went to college at the prestigious Uw. Uw River Falls Great school for Dick. Yeah. Moo. You. Dairy science. So I had. I had confessed some childhood trauma to her in the sense of I don't Want to admit how old I was? So my. My family used to tell me of. Do you know, guys know where freckles come from?

[B]

Angel kisses?

[D]

No, it's because you don't wipe your butt good.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[D]

That. That's what I, you know, And I'm, you know, being a day walker covered in them, right? And so it. I was pretty old when I figured out that's not where they came from.

[B]

How old?

[D]

I would probably say middle school.

[A]

Wow. Yikes.

[D]

Who's gonna ask? Oh, where they come from? I'm like, because they don't like your bike good. Yeah. And the other kids were laughing at me.

[A]

So you're just. You're just in there wiping, wiping, wiping. You're like, they're not going away.

[D]

Absolutely. I just keep getting more. And I'm like, son of a. I need a wet wipe or something. So, anyhow, so here we are. You know, I could. I confided in Sam. I thought we were cool and all. So we're sitting, you know, in the back, you know, kind of upper level, big old ass lecture hall. Don't remember the subject. So here comes in a brother of the cloth, a fellow ginger. And I mean, this guy was. I'm a day walker. This guy was a purebred, all right? I'm talking, like curly Afro hair, big old boy, just plastered angel kisses all over his face, right? And so he's making his way up the stairs, like, kind of going in the front. And Sam's like, hey, hey. Lecture is about to start, by the way. And I. I'm like, what? She's like, you see that guy? Yeah.

[C]

He doesn't like.

[D]

And when I say, I just went. Just caught me off guard. And all the heads spin to look at me and my cackle, I just let out. And the professor is like, what's so funny? And here I am sitting there, hundreds of eyes at me, trying to be like me. And he's like, yeah, what's so funny? What am I supposed to tell him? Like, dude, like, oh, that. That guy don't wipe his ass very good. That's why he has so many freckles.

[C]

Like.

[D]

So. Yeah, I did not say that, by the way. But I was like, oh. I was like, nothing, Nothing. Funny joke. Chair squeaked like a fart. I don't know.

[B]

Well, you might want to save that story for.

[A]

I think you end that story. I think you just tell how you thought that. And so then you say that you've had hemorrhoids ever since. You know, something like that. From all the piping.

[B]

Wrapped that one up good. Yeah. Because I think on that story, you keep it about yourself.

[A]

You go, as you can see, I got tons of freckles. So does anyone want to come up here and take a whiff? Something like that?

[C]

I.

[B]

I can't believe you believed that until you were in grade school. What other shit did you believe?

[D]

Oh, man. Ah, there. There are some good ones. I'm trying to think.

[B]

Well, listen, here's. Here's what I think. I think that you've got a lot of potential. I think you. You just got to get up there and kind of. Kind of talk about yourself. Do you write a lot?

[D]

Oh, no, I don't have time to.

[B]

Well, start writing like 10 minutes a day. Just write facts about yourself, add some punchlines. Keep the simplest ones there. Memorize 10 of them while you're driving to different bulls. Are you collecting or are you just inseminating?

[D]

I am inseminating.

[B]

All right, well, on your way there, just practice those 10 lines and I think you're going to have a really solid set.

[D]

Yeah, the. The ladies love me. You know, Charlie, if you need any help in that department, you know.

[B]

Yeah, which department?

[D]

All the ladies, you know, or at least keeping them around. Like sometimes after I breed them, they just follow me around. I can't. They're. They're worse than most people's exes. So, you know, if you need help with the retention. I got you.

[B]

All right, Marley, thank you.

[A]

That's very. Attention problem.

[B]

That's very kind of you. Thank you. But I think I'm excited.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Get over this comedy on state and give. Give it a go. They have open mics every. Every week.

[D]

Oh, boy. I can give you guys an update or maybe I'll get, you know, go kick me out or arrest me.

[B]

Yes. No way.

[A]

Let us know.

[B]

Yeah, call us back with it. We can't wait.

[D]

No. Boy, well, if I get done breeding cows and you see me, if I deliver your Amazon packages, you'll know they'll be signed. They. They keep me out. I had to get a job where I'm around cattle, not people. I. I would be an HR nightmare. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

What?

[D]

No, you know, right? I just. I'm out here cat calling old guys.

[A]

Yeah. All right, well, we appreciate you calling in today and good luck with your stand up set. We'd love to know what happens.

[D]

All right. Big fan. Big fan.

[B]

Thank you, Marley. We're fans of you, baby.

[A]

Daddy. We says hi.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

No, don't, don't miss me. Too much.

[B]

See you, Marley. Oh, man. Wow.

[A]

I'm really glad that we don't. We didn't broadcast this podcast into the bar.

[B]

Yeah, I know. Yeah. She really went for it. I think she's got potential, Miles. I think she's got potential. A lot of. A lot of loose strands on that one. You know, it just was.

[A]

Yeah, tips.

[D]

A lot of.

[B]

A lot of eyes.

[A]

Pick some. Pick some. Some specific ones and slow it down a bit.

[B]

Have confidence in the simple things.

[A]

Catch up to everything she was saying.

[B]

Yeah, she was. She's got a lot there, though. Lot there. I've got high hopes for her.

[A]

All right, should we do another caller?

[B]

Do it. Scott, how you doing?

[C]

I'm doing good. How are you, Charlie?

[B]

Doing great. My guy Miles and I, we hear you got a bike story. Why don't you belly on up to this bar and tell us all about.

[C]

So a few years ago, my grandpa. My grandpa goes through these phases. He's had to go through drone phase, went through bike phase, he went through shooting phase. He goes through all sorts of phases.

[A]

Yeah. So he's got adhd.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he was going through his biker phase. He bought a new mountain bike or road bike, something, and he goes to our local bike shop, grabs some biker shorts off the Shed Health to try them on. He's getting all the gear, grab some biker shorts, and sees a skid mark in one of the bikers in the spare biker shorts. He grabs.

[B]

Did someone stop their bike on those shorts?

[C]

I don't know. I think it was something on the inside of the shorts.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

Are you supposed. I don't know. Are you supposed to wear underwear with biker shorts?

[A]

I think it's actually a great question for Chuck because Chuck's likes a set of biker shorts. Well. And I've seen him wear them. I've seen him wear the biker shorts.

[B]

I did it for a sketch. I did it for a sketch. Here's what else about these biker shorts.

[A]

Did it for a sketch. But I will tell you, he kept them on entirely too long after we were done shooting this.

[B]

You know, it's kind of like if it feels good, it feels good. Miles, here's the thing. The thing about the biker shorts is you. If you're on a bike for a long period of time, you do want some padding there. But I usually wear them with shorts over because they don't have pockets on them, you know? But I do usually I wear underwear underneath them. I don't know if most people do.

[A]

You actually.

[B]

I do actually. I Really? I don't have the. The typical biking, so I'm not even sure if bikers do wear underwear underneath or not. I could see it go both ways. But clearly in this situation, this guy did not. And you would know did. Were they in the resale booth? They get a good price on them at least?

[C]

No. Well, you didn't buy them. They were. Think about my grandpa. He's. My grandpa's British. He was born in England. He moved here in the 80s. So he walks up to the desk. Like, you can just picture his accent. He has. Tells them his shorts have a skin, the shorts have a skid mark. He grabbed them right off the hangers and hands them to the guy. And the guy just basically like brushes it off. He's like, that's fine. You can go hang them back up. I don't think the worker, like, realized

[B]

what he was looking at, you know, I think that. Yeah, that's nasty. I don't know what else to say. Where was the bike store?

[C]

In Bountiful, Utah, just north of Salt Lake.

[B]

Okay. It is a bountiful land out there. Is your grandpa still biking also? Shout out to your grandpa. Getting out on the horse. How old is he?

[A]

It's a bike.

[C]

He's now 69, I think.

[B]

69. That's what I'm saying. Bike, Bicycle, Right.

[A]

He said getting on the horse. He's riding a bike.

[C]

Yeah. I thought you were talking about a horse too. I'm like, I think he got there. We're not talking about horses.

[B]

Are you guys both messing with me right now? You both screwing with me? You both pull my goat here.

[A]

Yeah. Steaming your goat, actually.

[B]

Steaming my goat. That's wild.

[C]

Well, he's not riding bike anymore. He's moved on to a different phase.

[B]

What's his phase now?

[C]

He's doing photography. Like taking photos.

[A]

That's cool.

[B]

Probably a more conducive thing for a 69 year old. Did the skid marks really take him off the bike, Viking?

[C]

Honestly, I don't know. I think maybe he just got bored of that phase. He. He's moving right now and just getting rid of a lot of his stuff. Like all his guns he had. Now me and my brother's got some guns because he didn't. He moved on to different. A different phase.

[A]

That's sweet.

[B]

Yeah, that's awesome. You just get to collect all your grandpa's lost hobbies.

[C]

Yep. Got a drone from him. Gave that one to my brother. Got some guns. Guns. And he was. He was a little bit of like a Prepper thought the world was gonna end. So he had, he had about 5,000 rounds of 12 gauge and.

[A]

And a sawed off shotgun.

[C]

He did have a tactical shotgun.

[A]

Tactical, Is that what we officially call those?

[C]

No, it was like. It's like, it's got like a five round mag on it. It's like, like that's the name of that Metastatic shotgun. It's a short barrel. It's not sawed off. He bought it like that.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, short barrel. I got one of those. We call it the zombie killer.

[C]

Yeah, it's got.

[A]

No, it's got an 11 shell mag on it.

[B]

That's insane.

[A]

And it's pissed. And it's a pistol grip pistol. Griff. Short barrel 12 gauge shotgun with 11 round mag.

[C]

That's sweet.

[A]

It is sweet.

[B]

So hard to shoot, especially with one hand.

[C]

The problem about acquiring all his old stuff is he's got. He, like, he wasn't a hoarder, but he just had stuff. And we're like, we don't want that. But he just like dropping it off at our house. And I'm like, dude, I, I don't want this. This is like, give me an old table from the 90s. Like, what am I supposed to do with this table? I got. I, I don't need this.

[A]

Are you saying that stuff from the 90s is vintage now? Now?

[C]

Yeah, I'm calling you old.

[B]

What? First of all, I don't know how to identify a table from the 90s.

[C]

No, it's just like some old card table. It's got to be old. I know that.

[A]

How old are you?

[C]

20.

[B]

Oh, I guess that would be like me saying lawn chairs from the 80s. Yeah.

[C]

Well, here's the thing. I'm. I'm not. I. My gate daily driver is a 1967 F100. So I'm a fan of old things.

[B]

There you go. Dude. Did you get that from your grandpa too?

[C]

I did not. He's not that big into cars.

[A]

He will be at some point.

[B]

Just wait a week.

[C]

That is true.

[B]

Why don't. How does he find his new hobbies?

[C]

I don't know. He's not really on social media. I wonder if he just. I honestly don't know.

[B]

You guys start signing him up for magazine subscriptions for things you want. So he gets into that hobby and then gets over it. Then you can.

[C]

I want him to get back into the gun hobby. I want more guns.

[A]

There you go. So what are you. You going to school? You working? What's your deal? I'm actually oh, you cut out. What'd you say?

[C]

I. I work, so I'm actually working right now.

[B]

Where are you working?

[C]

I work for a construction company. I do transport and logistics. So I'm drive around. I'm moving equipment right now.

[A]

Okay, so you're getting some windshield time is what you're saying.

[B]

Yep, transport and logistics. So you're not just driving, you're working at the desk too, huh?

[C]

No, more like a little bit, but mostly transport.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You just have to be on the transport, occasional logistics. Like. I gotta get this out.

[A]

Just one logistic drive. Transportation and logistic.

[B]

But you said you.

[C]

You. He's.

[B]

That's definitely his bar line there. You know, like, what do you do? I'm in transport and logistics. Oh, this guy works for the mafia. That's cool. So.

[A]

So where are you at and what you hauling then?

[C]

I am just south of Salt Lake. About 30 minutes south of Salt Lake. I'm hauling a mini excavator right now.

[A]

Oh, you get from Temu or.

[C]

No, no, it's. It's a cat one.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

Nice.

[C]

That should work, huh? You a Teemu fan?

[A]

No, I just recently bought some stuff on Teemu and me and Chuck tested out the tools that we bought and so it's fresh on my brain now.

[C]

Oh, boy. You're talking into a Teemu guy right here. I'm probably. Probably Timu's number one customer.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Were. Until Miles bought all this useless.

[A]

There is some insane stuff on Teemo.

[B]

This hat's off Timo.

[A]

I couldn't believe what I had walked into. I got the app and I was like, all right, for this video, we're gonna find a drill, we're gonna find a chainsaw, you know, all that stuff. And then I clicked on the men's clothing tab of Teemu and I tell you what, I was in over my head.

[B]

Had he got me a faux. A cubic zirconium gold chain.

[A]

Yeah, that was. Yeah, I did.

[C]

Sounds like you're just buying junk.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

When that was. Half of the video was. I was buying, you know, stuff for jokes.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But I'll tell you this. It's a bad day to be a hot dog.

[A]

Chuck's hat got that shirt. No, I got the hat I bought. I bought him the hat. He's wearing it right now.

[C]

Yeah, you better call me the vet, the way I'd be putting them dogs down.

[A]

But yeah, in the men's clothing. In the men's clothing section. I figured out where Chrissy Gnomes husband got his outfits. That's What I learned.

[C]

You know, I like to buy off temu.

[B]

What?

[C]

I buy my pocket knives off TEMU because I lose them like crazy. I grab my knife and set it down on something. As long as lost, I spend 10 bucks. Buy like four knives at a time and just after I lose one, go grab a new one.

[B]

Have you tried keeping track of your knife ever, Charlie?

[C]

You're one to talk.

[A]

Charlie goes through TSA with pocket knives. Yeah, he.

[B]

One time. Twice, actually. Yeah, that's not. That's not ideal that you get a talking to on that for sure.

[C]

I've never been through TSA line without getting stopped.

[B]

Really? How many times have you flown?

[C]

Quite often. Like I was flying. I flew last week and I got stopped for my boots. They're like, oh, there's something in your boots. I'm like, you're kidding me. You don't wanna keep my shoes on? What are we talking about? I take them off, they scan them. There's nothing. Something flying back home or flying there. My toothpaste got stopped because I guess you can't take a full tube of toothpaste. Nobody told me that.

[B]

That's pretty standard.

[A]

That's been probably a thing since, I don't know, 2001.

[B]

Yeah, like 20 years.

[A]

September 12th, 2001. Yeah.

[C]

What am I doing powder inside that?

[A]

I suppose you're not even old enough to even know what we're talking about. You literally weren't born yet if you're 20.

[C]

That is true. I do know what you're talking about. But no, I was not born yet.

[B]

What are we talking about?

[C]

Nine, eleven.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

No, but yeah, I mean, that was a big thing back in the day, is they said you keep the liquids. You got to limit how many liquids you're bringing through. That's. That is crazy. So you were born in 2006?

[C]

Yep.

[A]

Holy.

[B]

And you're driving right now? Dear God.

[C]

Yep. Better stay off the road, Shark.

[B]

I know. We're getting old, Miles.

[A]

Watch out for deer and 20 year olds.

[B]

What's the craziest thing you ever bought off Teemo?

[C]

Craziest thing? I don't know. My brother asked me that last week. I bought an Axe off Teemu.

[B]

That's pretty standard Teemu. Teemu purchasing situation. You're into the sharp things. Do you have steel toe boots?

[C]

I do.

[A]

Well, that's why you set it off.

[B]

I mean.

[C]

No, no, no. I wasn't even wearing my steel toes on the airplane. I'm wearing my steel toes right now.

[B]

Okay. All right. Well, are you buying Your shoes off, Teemo.

[C]

No, I don't cheap out on stuff that keeps me between the ground.

[B]

Ah, there you go.

[A]

There we go.

[B]

You're getting Miles excited over here with those kinds of statements.

[A]

No, I've said that exact thing. I feel like, oh, really? Yeah.

[B]

Miles is a mattress and sneakers guy.

[C]

Mattresses now. I got a funny story about that.

[B]

Sure, let's hear it.

[C]

So my brother got married about six months ago. He, him and his now wife have gone through six mattresses in six months. They don't like the ones they buy.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I didn't know if they were just using, abusing them or if it was just a comfort thing.

[C]

My brother's a big guy. Six, three, like 250. £250. And his wife's like five foot, probably like £50. I don't know. She's small, he's big. So she sinks into him when they sleep, and it misses her up because she's like, you're hot. I want to keep my space. Like, I want to stay cool. You need.

[A]

Did tell them to get twin XL mattresses. Split king. They need a split King.

[C]

I don't know if their place is big. Yeah, I'll let them know. But the reason I don't want them to is because I've been. They're going to firmer and firmer mattresses. And I don't know. I'm only 20, but I swear I've had back problems already from my mattress. I sleep on my stomach, and I used to have. Have like four of those foam pads stacked on tweak my back because it bends so much. So I'm going to firmer mattresses. So I've been taking his old mattress, buying them off him. The last time bought a new mattress, he went. He's like, okay, come to the mattress store with me. Help me move it and stuff. So we get to the store, He walks up. Yeah. He's like. And the guy remembers him because he's been in here a ton.

[A]

He's his favorite customer. He's made so much money off.

[C]

Probably the only customer. Probably the only sale in the last six months. Who goes to mattress stores?

[A]

I do. I have. But I will be going back for another 15 years.

[B]

Hey, got that?

[C]

Zero G's.

[B]

Zero G's.

[C]

So we walk in, guy knows him by name, and he goes, hey, I remember I tested mattress last time. I'm more wondering if you can pull it out. It's around. It was $500. I want this one. It was firm. I liked it. So he pulls it out. He pulls out like it was a fifteen hundred dollar mattress. And my brother's like, this is not the one. It was 500. The guy's like, oh, trust me, I can get you a good deal on this. And he throws. Don't worry about the price. So he, My brother lays down on the mattress and tells me. He's like, come lay next to me. Tells the worker, yeah, we always sink into each other. So worker thinks me and my brother are gay helpers together. And so I like reluctantly lay next to my brother. He's like, come on. So I lay down and he's like, perfect. We're not sinking into each other, so it must be good. And I'm just embarrassed. I'm like, all right. This guy thinks we're together.

[B]

Like, all right, you should say, it's not what you think, sir. We're brothers.

[A]

I'm the big spoon and he's the little spoon, if you can believe it.

[C]

So we go, the guy gets paperwork. He's like looking. He won't sell us the floor bottle. He's wanting to go under behind the counter or behind the back room and find one. So me, my brother is just going to test out more mattresses, just laying on random mattresses. And he's asking me to keep following along with him. He's like, oh, come lay on this one. So I'm like, I'm like whispering to him. I'm like, the guy probably thinks we're gay. He's like, no, he doesn't. We're just laying next to each other. Come back out. And the guy's like, hey, I found a mattress for you two.

[B]

Like us two.

[C]

He's making her together. He found a mattress, we're able to take it. We go get. We walk out and the guy says, you two have a good time together. We're buying a mattress to me and my brother.

[B]

That's great. That's great.

[C]

Psa. Don't go to the mattress store with your brother or anybody.

[B]

And that's our bellied up PSA for today, ladies and gentlemen.

[A]

Psa.

[B]

Yeah. Do not go to the mattress store with your brother. You never know what you'll walk out with.

[C]

Yeah. And then I thought about newlyweds. I'm using their old mattress. I'm like, I don't know if I want to know.

[A]

Mattresses aren't cheap though. You gotta take them when you can get them.

[C]

Yeah, he's mattresses. I feel the 1,500 bucks is pretty cheap. The guy was telling us there Was a sixteen thousand dollar mattress in there.

[B]

We could have got zero G's.

[A]

That was not how much that cost, I can tell you that much. Whoever bought that one's got a rip off 16 grand. It was, it was spendy. It was a lot more than 500 bucks, I can tell you that much.

[B]

But hey, it's a thing that keeps them between the ground, so expect expensive

[A]

part was actually the zero g part of it. The mattress was fine.

[B]

It was the frame.

[A]

Frame.

[B]

Extended frame.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Is it heavy? What?

[C]

Miles doesn't want to admit how much he spent. He embarrassed how much he spent on a mattress.

[B]

He's not embarrassed. He's just, you know, keeping it close to the vest. I haven't even pried that one out of him yet.

[A]

I don't sleep until, you know.

[B]

Well, listen, thank you for calling in with all these really interesting details about your grandpa and his habits and your brother and. And his habits.

[A]

Extracurricular habits.

[B]

Yeah, we. We hope that, you know, he and his wife have some nice sleeps and that you.

[A]

You and your husband have some nice sleeps too.

[C]

Oh my gosh.

[B]

And you drive safe out there, okay? Watch. Watch the road out there in Utah. You guys have some, what, mule deer or something? Yeah, well, avoid them. Okay. Distracted drivers talking on their phone while they're calling into a podcast.

[A]

Who did that be calling into a podcast professing their love for their brother.

[B]

You know, and it's not weird. You know, Utah is kind of a place where that sort of thing's accepted, so your secret is safe with us.

[C]

Okay, well, I appreciate that. I now know that thousands of people are not gonna hear this, so.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

What do you mean not gonna hear this?

[C]

I'm being sarcastic.

[A]

Also, give us some credit. It's like tens of thousands of people.

[C]

Tens of thousands.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I mean, in total. Yeah.

[A]

You know, like over time add up since we've started.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, it's clearly tens of thousands.

[A]

You know, we started with tens, then we went. Now we're at tens of thousands.

[B]

Yeah, if we just had thousands, it wouldn't. Miles wouldn't be able to get that zero G mattress. So, you know. All right, well, it was good chit chatting with you.

[C]

Well, appreciate you guys for making my call. And Charlie, I actually went to your show in February in Salt Lake. It was great.

[B]

Oh, thanks, man. I had a lot of fun out there. You and the Mormons.

[C]

Yep. It was a great show.

[B]

Thank you, brother. I appreciate you saying that. And folks, if you want to see a show like that. Head on over to Charlie Barrons dot com. Not a sponsor. Well, thank you. Glad you made it out to that. I really appreciate it you.

[C]

Yeah, no problem. Well, thank you guys for having me on.

[B]

Yeah, you bet, brother. We'll see you soon.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Bye. Bye. You know, him and his brother, he was broke up about that, you know, and. And I hope they're still together.

[A]

Yeah, I hope him and his brothers sound like a nice couple.

[B]

They really do. They really do. I hope they're happy with that fur match, Chris. That is a great visual, though. Just I'm going.

[A]

Seems like a Seinfeld bit.

[B]

It does. It does. Yeah.

[A]

Well, Chuck, is that it?

[B]

Miles said.

[A]

Oh, we got a voicemail. I always like a bonus voicemail.

[B]

Yeah, me too. This is from Eli. Eli.

[A]

Hey, guys, it's Eli from Chicago. And I'm watching String training right now, and makes me think of all the

[B]

different ways to call strike three and

[D]

how, like,

[A]

creative these umpires get. So my question for you guys is,

[B]

if you were umpire at a MLB

[A]

game, what would your strike three call be?

[B]

Okay, Miles, you go first.

[A]

All right, here we go. Throw the ball, Chuck.

[B]

Something like that was good.

[A]

Something like that.

[B]

Sorry, you terrified this whole bar. He was pretending to be an umpire on strike three. Yeah, we got to give them the context. Yeah, they, they.

[A]

It's kind of a karate style.

[B]

That was good. That was good.

[A]

Sorry about that. All right. All right, Chuck, you ready? Here we go.

[B]

It's three. It's three out. I make it. I, I just. I, I, I'd lower the, The, The. The temp, you know, lower the temperature.

[A]

Did I come hot or.

[B]

No, no, I like how hot you came, but I kind of. Or you can just. You can do the upset father at his son batting, like,

[A]

also, I, I like that. It wasn't like this or like this. It was just like this.

[B]

Strike three fingers. Yeah.

[A]

Jared, I want to hear yours.

[B]

Oh, man, that was. That was good.

[A]

Have you done umping before?

[B]

It can't.

[A]

It can't, kid.

[B]

It was guttural. I liked it. That's what it is.

[A]

Jake is the notorious baseball guy. Get over here. We're gonna end the episode.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, he's turning his hat around and everything.

[A]

Before he does this, I wanna. Jake loves the Twins. He loves the Minnesota Twins. He's wearing the hat right now. And he had the twins on. In the. In your cabin last night.

[B]

He sure did.

[A]

You were somewhere else and they put him on, and he was commentating over every single thing and speculating which pitches Were gonna get thrown. That's how you watch baseball?

[B]

Is that why you had to go retire to your bedroom?

[A]

That's exactly it. Without saying anything, I just got up and went and laid in my bed in the room because it was just too much baseball talk, you know? Yeah. Sorry. That's how you watch baseball, you know? All right, so this is yours. Should be the best one. One. Yeah. Is it strike three. Call. Yeah, just. It's simple. Is it P. That's it. That's all you need? Well, that and then strike three.

[D]

B.

[A]

Okay. That was actually pretty good. That was pretty good. That's all you need?

[B]

Yeah, that was good.

[A]

Thanks. All right. What you think of mine? Yours need a little more motion into it. More motion. You know, you more kind of threw the arms into. I need it more like you need to come completely out of it, you know? I mean, it's tough holding the microphone. Yeah. That's fair.

[B]

What'd you think about mine, Charlie?

[A]

Yours was good.

[B]

Thanks.

[A]

Surprised me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

That was good.

[A]

Surprisingly really good. Yeah, it was really good. God, just think about striking out and then straightening out, looking. And then the ump pulls Charlie's out and it just is salt in the wound.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Mine's disappointment.

[A]

That's three. That would hurt worse than a big, big labyrinth.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, boy. Well, Miles, it's been a pleasure with you here. And the pleasure has been all. Mine has.

[A]

I appreciate the pleasure.

[B]

This is where you say, no, Charlie. The pleasure's been.

[A]

Pleasure's been all.

[B]

You know, that really juices my goat is when I give a compliment and I don't get one back in return. Not that I was expecting it, but, you know. Anyways, folks, thanks for listening to another episode of the Belly to Podcast. Make sure you tip your bartender.

[A]

We'll see you next time. Next one.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Hope you guys have a good one.

[C]

Goodbye now.

[B]

Toodaloo.