The Most Terrifying Midwest Haunted House #173

Summary

Bellied Up Podcast Ep. 173 — The Most Terrifying Midwest Haunted House

Hosts: You Betcha Guy (Myles) & Charlie Berens
Date: October 30, 2025
Location: Vic’s Bar & Grill, Moorhead, Minnesota

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Overview

This Halloween-themed episode finds Charlie and Miles bellying up at Vic’s in Moorhead, MN, sharing laughs with the lunch crowd and fielding live calls from listeners. The episode launches with a hilarious riff on what a "truly terrifying" Midwest haunted house would look like, before shifting into entertaining and heartfelt caller stories—one about stealing from a wishing well in rough times, and another about the etiquette of letting a father-in-law grill on your own flat-top.

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Main Segments & Highlights

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1. Live from Vic’s: Setting the Scene & Midwest Haunts

(00:26—06:03)

• Bar Atmosphere: The hosts paint a vivid scene at Vic’s—a spot where “gentlemen above their 70s hold court” (01:27) and the lunch crowd is in full swing. Jokes about small-town quirks, speakerphone etiquette, and stories about their dads set the Midwestern mood.
• Halloween Spirit:
  • Charlie: “Halloween is in the air.” (00:26)
  • Myles admits he’s just noticing, pivoting to ask about local college experiences and making a classic "More head" joke (00:59).
• The “Midwest Haunted House” Bit:
  • The hosts brainstorm terrifyingly mundane “Midwest” challenges for a haunted house, riffing on region-specific pet peeves:
    • No WD40 for squeaky doors (04:04)
    • Junk drawers inexplicably emptied of useful crap (04:12)
    • All the deer mounts are does—with no antlers (06:48)
    • A fridge with hot dish ingredients, but everything is separated (08:27)
    • The horror of the “Midwest Goodbye” extended to nightmarish lengths (09:16)
    • Pull tab machines that never pay out, fishing lakes with no fish, no beer offered at the end
  • Quote:
    “You walk into a room and they just say bye, and then they walk out of the room. Don’t offer you a beer.” — Myles (05:24)

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2. Caller #1 — Sophia’s “Sticky Bandit” Gas Money Heist

(15:54—38:21)

Key Points & Moments

• Sophia Calls In: She describes being broke after college, needing gas money for a drive between Colorado and Iowa. Spotting a dry casino fountain, she scooped out $20 in coins (“wishing well diving”)—boyfriend waiting outside getaway-car style (16:36—19:02).

• Making It Right:

  • Later, after landing a job, Sophia returns to the casino, converts $20 back into coins, only to find the fountain gone. She throws the money into a nearby planter instead:
    “...we still gotta make it right somehow... So we just started throwing the coins into the woods [planter] outside.” (21:43)
  • Charlie: “So from a distance... ‘Hey look at these meth heads throwing change in the flower pots!’” (22:25)

• Job & Relationship:

  • Sophia now works in digital marketing for a construction firm (22:52); her “accomplice” boyfriend is now training to be a master electrician (33:14).
  • They’re building a house, planning a future wedding—Myles jokes about a wishing well unity ceremony (34:45).

• Delinquent Days: Sophia’s history includes minor Walmart theft (“nail polish, mattress toppers"), sleepovers in rest stops, and Cookie Monster/hamburger pajama anecdotes (30:39—31:40).

  • Miles: “Do you own a pair of Cookie Monster pajamas?”
  • Sophia: “I don’t know, but my boyfriend has some hamburger ones...” (31:34)

• Redemption Arc: Sophia now sees herself as a “job creator,” thanks to stricter store security, and embraces her settled-down lifestyle despite missing the thrill of her wild years.

  • “You’ve hung on with us too long, the puns are coming out.” — Charlie (36:39)
  • “You settling down and getting your life together is bad podcasting, Sophia, come on.” — Myles (31:52)

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3. Caller #2 — The Father-in-Law Grill-Off

(43:05—62:28)

Key Story Beats

• Father-in-law Visits:

  • The guest recounts his discomfort as his rarely-seen father-in-law insists on grilling steaks, using his new flat-top grill for the first time (43:16)
  • Father-in-law “butchers” the steaks—cuts off all the fat, insists on only salt and pepper, keeps the lid down during cooking (45:34)
  • Myles draws an analogy: “Him using your grill is a lot like you dating his daughter...” (44:48)
  • The caller is left nervously supervising (“didn’t even get to relax... my mind’s just racing”). (46:53)

• Jalapeño Poppers vs. Steaks:

  • Caller’s air-fried jalapeño poppers steal the show, making up for the lackluster steaks (47:17)

• Midwestern Family Dynamics:

  • The group jokes about the politics of holiday gifts from multiple father-figures, and the logistics of huge North Dakota distances (48:27, 55:20).

• Best Home Inspector Stories:

  • The caller is a home inspector; tells tales of weird finds (59:03):
    • A jawbone in a crawl space—“I thought maybe it was human. Turned out I think it was like a cow or deer...” (58:43)
    • A disconnected sewer emptying straight into a crawl space (59:44)
  • Miles: “Did you do the John Taffer? Did you say ‘shut it down’?” (59:57)
  • Home inspection horror leads to a classic Bellied Up moral: “A little screw can go a long way.” (62:08)

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4. Midwestern Tangents, Jokes & Running Gags

Throughout

• Escape Room Haunted House:
  • Show closes with a return to the haunted house theme, joking about an escape room that gives cash prizes, or is secretly rigged to watch families implode under pressure (68:15).
  • “People might even pay to do that—steal from you.” — Charlie (67:44)
• Regional Humor:
  • The “Midwest Goodbye from hell” (long, circuitous exit conversations), ticker-tape discussions on “hunky dory” vs. “honky dory,” North Dakota’s never-ending highway, and the siren song of “Menards parking lot steaks.”
• Myles’ $15,000 Car Mishap:
  • Story of crashing his truck into a warehouse support beam (63:16):
  • “I felt like such a moron driving around with duct tape on my bumper... That’s who I am now.” (65:55)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On haunted Midwest houses:
  “Instead of a guy with a chainsaw, it’s just a guy with a plate of blue cheese being like, ‘put this on your pizza.’ Oh, God, no.” — Myles (03:49)

• On wish pond theft:
  “You were not jobless, Sophia; you were cleaning the wishing well!” — Charlie (17:35)

• On the familial Chefs’ standoff:
  “Another guy using my grill. I don’t know. First time that’s ever happened. Just really took me back.” — Caller (43:16)
  “You know, sitting in his Lazy Boy—that kind of deal.” — Caller (45:12)

• On midwestern rambling:
  “The Midwest Goodbye from hell... you can’t get out of the room until after, like, two hours.” — Myles (09:40)
  (As “talkers” retell never-ending stories): “And that’s just the first, like, two hours.” — Charlie (11:03)

• On Midwest distances:
  “You’re in the wrong state, that is a long ass state you guys got.” — Charlie (55:53)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:26 — Bar banter & setting the scene at Vic’s
• 03:39—06:05 — The Midwest Haunted House riff
• 15:54—38:21 — Sophia’s “wishing well heist” call
• 43:05—62:28 — The Father-in-law grill-off & home inspector tales
• 68:10—69:37 — Escape Room as reality TV, episode wrap-up
• 63:16 — Myles’ $15,000 truck mishap story

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Podcast Tone & Style

• Upbeat, conversational banter
• Self-deprecating Midwest humor
• Open-ended, listener-driven format
• Quick-witted, deeply regional, and at times absurd

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Perfect for fans of small-town lore, goofy Midwestern banter, and the oddly specific nightmares that only the Heartland can provide.

“Make sure to tip your bartender—we’ll see you in the next one!” — Myles & Charlie (70:06)

Transcript

[A]

All right, guys, before we get in the episode, I want you guys to call into the Bellied up hotline. And this week, we want to know what's the craziest thing that's happened in your small town? We want to hear all the small town tea. We know that there's some wild stuff going on in small towns across the Midwest. So call in. We want to hear the tea. And the hotline is 218-303-5095. Can't wait to hear from you. Enjoy the episode.

[B]

Well, hi, folks, it's me, Charlie Behrens. I want to welcome you to another episode of the Bellied up podcast. Here beside me is my co pilot, Miles. You betcha, guy. And, Miles, I gotta tell you something. Halloween is in the air.

[A]

It is? Yeah. So first, where are we at, Charlie? Let's tell the folks where we're at.

[B]

We're at Vic Smiles.

[A]

We're at Vic's here in Morehead, Minnesota. Morehead's where I went to college, Charlie. Oh, yeah.

[B]

Hey, what's the benefit of going to school here?

[A]

More head. Never heard that one before.

[B]

Terrible joke.

[A]

It's a great crowd in here. It's. People are here for lunch.

[B]

Yeah, I like it.

[A]

The gals behind us, she's getting a mushroom and Swiss sandwich. I was talking to her. Yeah.

[B]

Was it good? Tasty. I don't see it anymore, so it must have been good.

[A]

Yeah, she doesn't want to be on camera, though, so.

[B]

No, that's fine.

[A]

Yeah, we're not going to interview her.

[B]

There's a place, Miles, this is a place where, like, gentlemen, gentlemen, hold court. Gentlemen above their 70s hold court.

[A]

Yeah, that's what's happening behind you over here.

[B]

And you got to love that. Sometimes you see him at the. At the filling station or at the burger joint.

[A]

The one guy who was on the phone, and he had his phone on speaker, and he was clearly talking to someone, trying to tell him how to fix something. You could tell and, you know, like, if we're talking to speakerphone, we're just kind of doing one of these.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

He was. Literally had the phone, like, right up to his face, just yelling into the mic.

[B]

No, that makes sense because he's trying to look at the thing, you know.

[A]

I don't think he was on FaceTime.

[B]

That's even funnier. It's so good. Well, it's a. It's a fantastic.

[A]

I remember my dad one time answered the phone for. He answered the phone, but it was a FaceTime, and he answered It. And he was talking on the phone like this, but he didn't know it was a FaceTime. So the whole time, the person who's talking to you could just see his ear, and that was it. I think. I think you're on FaceTime. It was right when he got a new iPhone. He, like, he was figuring it out, so he thought he called someone, but he actually FaceTimed someone. So he put up to his ear. The person answered. The face I could see was his ear.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

Puffs of hair coming out that.

[B]

Does your dad have the. The ear hair going?

[A]

Oh, I'm starting to get ear hair. You don't have any ear hair.

[B]

Let me see.

[A]

I've been plucking them out.

[B]

Okay. You get the little. They make the contraption with the. The little spinning.

[A]

I use that for my nose.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, your nose looks good. Dude. It looks like you got a. A. No, zillion. I mean, it looks bare.

[A]

But back to what you were talking about. It's Halloween season, Charlie.

[B]

Spooky. That get you? Yeah. Hey, what would, like, what if there was, like, a haunted house? Like, for Midwest people? I mean, there is. There's tons of haunted houses.

[A]

A Midwest themed haunted house.

[B]

Yeah, Kind of like an escape room, but not an escape room, but a haunted house, but with the theme. Borrowing themes from escape room. You knew what I was saying before I brought up that analogy.

[A]

Yeah. So it'd be like you come around the corner and someone's just standing. Instead of a guy with a chainsaw, it's just a guy with a plate of blue cheese being like, put this on your pizza, you know? Oh, God, no.

[B]

And, like, every door you open is just. And there's no WD40 in the whole house.

[A]

That could be a whole section of it. Squeaky things with no WD40. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. There's no. All the junk is on the floor, and there are no junk drawers. So you're stepping on very important things. And also thumbtack.

[A]

Well, no. So it's like you combine with the escape room. You have to look for something in the. In a kitchen.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But you open where all the junk drawers would be, and there's nothing in them.

[B]

Nothing.

[A]

So you have no idea where to find it.

[B]

Instead, there's a neatly organized silverware drawer with no old chopsticks.

[A]

Yeah. And then the cupboard, there's just. It's just, like, only glass. There's no, like, old beer mug. Like, plastic beer mugs from mug night. There's no, like, souvenir water cups, you know, yeah. It's just all actually like way covered of cups is supposed to be like.

[B]

Nice, nice cups like that you just got from Home Goods or Better Homes and Gardens or whatever.

[A]

Yeah. It's like what you get for your wedding, you know, the registry.

[B]

It's not a glass that, you know, you're pulling out of your thing and you guys smell it before you give it to your buddy, you know? Yeah.

[A]

And then the way that it ends, you, you. You walk into a room and they just say bye, and then they walk out of the room. Don't offer you a beer.

[B]

And, and, and when you're. When you're leaving, there's. There's nobody trying to get you to stay.

[A]

Yeah. And it's because it's so. Such a scary haunted house. They do need a recombobulation area. And in there you meet up with everyone after and you have beers and you do the Midwest goodbye there because it's just so jarring. Just leave, you know?

[B]

Yeah. That's the bar outside. It's called the recombobulation area. Perfect.

[A]

The recombobulation bar.

[B]

Yeah, that'd be a great. I'm surprised there's not a bar name that in Milwaukee.

[A]

There's. There's a room in the haunted house where it's only pull tab machines, but there's no winner in them. So you just rip forever and just never get a winner.

[B]

That's really good.

[A]

And I think like on Space Jam, when he's talking to Michael Jordan, the. The evil, evil villain guy, he's like, you're gonna play one on one all day long and never win or something like that, you know, talking about. Yeah, that's. That's the pull tab. You're gonna play pull tabs all day and never win.

[B]

There's a bunch of deer on the wall, but it's just. Does.

[A]

That would be so unsatisfying to look at.

[B]

Not one rack, you know, deer everywhere, but not one rack to look.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Not one rack to hate. Hang your hat there. Oh, there's. There's like a. It's on a lake. It's a lake house. Except you get. You can't none. The doors open, you know, to get out to the lake.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And there's. There's fishing poles and tackle just sitting there. Same kind of.

[A]

Can't get out. You're just trapped. Oh, there you.

[B]

Maybe you can get out. You finally figure it out. So to completely take away that premise. And there's a boat outside, a haunted boat. And on a Nice lake.

[A]

Well, it's on a nice lake, but there's no fish in the lake. So again, you're just fishing all day and you don't catch anything.

[B]

I was gonna say there's no keys in the boat, but I like what you there, because.

[A]

Yeah, you got one, Jerry.

[B]

There's, like. There's, like, a guy just throwing, like, old receipts away and, like, old phone.

[A]

Charges away and, like, $1 iPhone boxes. He's just throwing them away. Like, God, we gotta keep that. There was another one I had.

[B]

Oh, there's a man. There's a woman cave. There's a woman cave. The detached garage is just for, like, his wife's, like, fifth bathroom.

[A]

Yeah, there's just. There's a whole section. It's just salad, you know, not a meat or potato in sight.

[B]

In the entire fridge.

[A]

Yeah, it's like. And you. There's a section where it's tater tots, green beans, cream of mushroom soup, and ground beef. And it's just. They're all separate and they're not together. So it's like a hot dish, but. But separate ingredients. No. Sounds terrible. Eating a hot dish but not all together. Like eating them separately.

[B]

And you have to finish the green beans. When I was a kid, I actually.

[A]

That's another one. Yeah, just your grandma. Your. Your aunt's green bean. Green bean casserole. You just. You have to eat it to go to the next room. You have to clean your plate of green bean casserole.

[B]

Also, I kind of take away the. No Midwest goodbye. I think there should be a Midwest goodbye, but I should think it should be like every. We all have these talkers in our life, and I want four of them there in a row.

[A]

So you have one room where you think that you're not getting the Midwest goodbye, and you go into the next room, and it's actually the Midwest goodbye from hell.

[B]

Yes, yes.

[A]

And it's all of the people you hate to talk to, and you can't get out of the room until after. It's like, you have to be there for, like, two hours.

[B]

Because they just went through the haunted house too. So they have to go through everything. Can you believe that boat doesn't have.

[A]

A key in it?

[B]

I mean, my God. So the last time I was in a boat like that, it was your Uncle Harold. Now, your Uncle Harold told me to only put a certain kind of gas in it. It was one of those with the dials on the engine where you could only monitor how much oxygen gas was going, you know, how that works. So there is dials on these old Johnson engines. And this was a 1959 Johnson engine was on an Alumacraft boat. Now, Aluma craft. Would you know what. They used to make boats for the military back in the day, Way, way back in the 1930s, you know, for World War II. And back then, Mantwok, Wisconsin. Did you know that they built submarines for the war? Did you know that? Yeah, they would take them up this. The. The canal right up there. Hang on. Well, what was the name of it? Don't tell me. Don't tell me. St. Lawrence Seaway. And so once you get in the same Lawrence Seaway now. So really, if you're looking out at Lake Michigan, if you got your finger in Lake Michigan, you could have your finger anywhere in the world. When you think about how far that water is trapped, that water has touched Russia. Something to think about. And that's just the first, like two hours.

[A]

Yeah, that.

[B]

It's crazy, right? I think we should. I think we should make this.

[A]

Yeah, it's. It's. Then you have a whole room where it's just your dad's in there and he just is yelling at you the whole time.

[B]

Hey, it's your.

[A]

Yeah, like, get your ass in here.

[B]

It's just your. And it's your bedroom from growing up, you know?

[A]

Yeah. They give you a flashlight that constantly is moving. So even if you are holding in the right spot, it's not getting. Getting into the.

[B]

It's a flashlight, but with a little disco ball on the top of it. Oh, yeah.

[A]

And then you have a room where it's just like your mom or grandma, depending how old you are. And all they're doing is just telling you all the people they know in their life that have died recently and then reading the newspaper obituary to you. Oh, yeah. Sue passed away this week. Oh, God, what a tragedy. You know, she was survived by. By her two sons and daughter, and they each have three grandchildren.

[B]

You might have known one of her grandchildren. He taught over at the Catholic school. He's actually a priest now. Do you know him?

[A]

I didn't know that. Yeah.

[B]

Why don't you go get yourself a pop?

[A]

And that's a whole other thing. It's. You have to just go to confession. It's actually the one room is just a confessional, but.

[B]

But you have to. You can't. You can't leave the confessional until you. Until you confessed every sin from your first confession.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, yeah. All the sins that you didn't tell in your Previous confession.

[B]

Oh, even better. All the ones you. All the ones you didn't say. Anyway, I.

[A]

This should be good, Charlie. What are you gonna say?

[B]

Like, I. I touch my happy place.

[A]

I played with my dinghy.

[B]

I'm trying to think. How do you even say that when you're a kid?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

You know, too, like, you know, until, like, some guy you haven't, like, to.

[A]

Your buddies or to a priest.

[B]

Yeah, because you're trying to say, like. I don't want to say I jerked off. I'm in church.

[A]

I mean. Yeah. You watched explicit material and.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't even know.

[B]

Yeah. Anyways, I don't know how we got.

[A]

Sounds scary to me.

[B]

Yeah, I put it in the haunted house. There's a dartboard. No darts. Pool table. No pool table with every ball except the four ball. For whatever reason, you can never have a fair game.

[A]

You know, you're just always solid. You never get to be stripes.

[B]

And it drives you nuts. Yeah, it drives you nuts, you know, because if it were the eight ball, you'd understand it's missing for some reason.

[A]

It's a pool table, but it's, like, slanted, like, at least a half inch of slope on it. It's just the most frustrating pool table ever.

[B]

Oh, it's a bar pool table, but you don't got quarters. We got it. We got it, man. We nailed that.

[A]

Yeah. That's a scary place. Let's take some callers.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

All right.

[A]

All right, guys, this week we're playing prize picks again, and prize picks will give you $50 in lineups. When you play your first $5 lineup, win or lose, you'll get 50 bucks in lineups. Use promo code bellied up all one word when you sign up today. And Charlie and I have been cooking up some lineups. I personally believe that Devon Achan is going to rush for more than 69 and a half rush yards this week. I'm feeling confident. I feel like they're coming off a big win. And he's also just a beast. And so, Charlie, what do you got for your pick? Miles?

[B]

My prize pick this week is Tucker craft. More than 55 and a half receiving yards against Carolina.

[A]

I like that pick, Charlie. That's a good pick, my guy. So, guys, if you want to play prize picks along with us, you gotta download the app, use code bellied up. It's gonna be a great week. It's a lot of fun. And they got all sorts of stuff. They got free to play. They got max discounts. On there. So go check it out. Bryce picks baby Sophia.

[C]

Hello.

[B]

How's it going? It's is me, Charlie, and I'm here Miles. And I heard you're having some bad luck.

[C]

Hey, guys. Yeah, yeah, my luck has not been great, but I'm. I'm hoping I turned it around. I. I tried to go back and make it right.

[A]

Okay, well, let's dive into it. What did you make wrong that you had to make right?

[C]

Well, so I needed some money. All right. I'm on a road trip from Colorado to Iowa. Didn't have a lot of money. Yeah. So, yeah, I. I stopped by a casino because that's fun, you know, and definitely, you know, I saw one of those big fountains where you throw the money into them.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And. Yeah, I decided to hop in there and grab as much money as I could.

[B]

Yes, yes, yes. That's what. That's the move.

[C]

Yeah, it was. It was the move. I think I got about 20 bucks out of it, so.

[B]

I mean, there you go.

[C]

Profit.

[B]

Now that's that entrepreneurial mindset that. That I like to see.

[A]

Yeah. So. So sorry. Tyler was trying to talk to me. He didn't know we were live on the air.

[B]

Oh, you missed.

[A]

So why. Why were you. Why are you in such a tough spot financially that you're dumpster diving and pop?

[C]

Well, I was in college. Well, just out of college and, you know, couldn't find a job and. Well, you know, and so I figured that would be, you know, a quick little come up there and. Yeah, jobless, you know, doing the whole damn thing.

[D]

I know.

[B]

Well, do not set yourself up like that, Sophia. You were not jobless. You were cleaning the wishing well. Okay.

[C]

Oh, yes, yes. I was doing them a favor. Really. That's why the security guard came out and started walking towards me.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah. So. Okay, so you just dive in head first or like, you're just, like, up to your ankles. Like, are you, like. You, like, look like an alligator in there or are you just like.

[B]

It's not wishing pool, Miles. It's.

[C]

Oh, yeah, I guess I should have mentioned there was no water in it. So it looks like the perfect opportunity.

[B]

Oh, my gosh.

[A]

You're not even wet at this point. No, no, I mean, they were just asking for someone to do that.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I mean, like. I mean, I saw it there and I saw the opportunity and just took it.

[B]

Well, I mean, in your defense, if there's no water in it and then it becomes take one, leave one, like at the gas station, you know, Right. And people will take a penny if they need one, leave a penny if they don't. So a lot of people didn't need their pennies. They left them, and you needed them, so you took them. So I think that it's their fault for not playing water.

[A]

So why do you just, like, sit on the edge, pretend like you were, like, looking at stuff, and then just reach behind you and start grabbing Stu? More inconspicuous. Other than just jumping in, that probably.

[C]

Would have been a better idea, but I don't know. It just looks so fun, and I wanted to get as much as I could.

[A]

Okay, so you got 20 bucks. What happened? Did you get away with it or no?

[C]

Oh, yeah, I got away with it. That was. That was no problem. I just kind of ran away and had my boyfriend there ready with the car, like, right out front. So I just hopped right in and took off.

[A]

So we have an ocean. We have an Ocean's 2 situation on our hands.

[C]

Yeah, I mean, it worked out. They'd never, you know, never got in trouble for that, but, you know, fountains, too.

[A]

Miles. Yeah, it's like, you know, on Home Alone, they're the Sticky Bandits, and he sticks their hand in the Salvation army bucket. You're basically a sticky bandit at this point.

[C]

Hey, that makes it sound actually pretty cool. I'll take it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. So your boyfriend, I mean, he must be a real keeper if he's not only broke himself, but also making you do the dirty work.

[C]

Oh, that's just me. I was just. I was down for it. I was like, dude, what if I just, like, go do this right now? And he's like, I'll pull the car up. I'll pull it up.

[B]

All right, so he's a ride or die.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Exactly.

[A]

I mean, 1. This is more of a side question, but, like, you're not great with impulse control, are you?

[C]

Oh, I wouldn't say so. Yeah.

[A]

What other scenarios have you gotten into trouble about? You know, that in the same scenario?

[C]

Well, gosh, that would be a long story.

[B]

Well, lucky for you, we're on a podcast.

[C]

True. Well, geez, I don't know. Just, you know, life, you know, you do extracurricular activities and have fun, and, you know, I think I had a little too much fun, but, you know, that's okay.

[B]

Okay, okay. You're evading the drugs you were using.

[C]

At the time, you know? Yeah, maybe a little.

[B]

Good, good. Because this a children's show, and we'll just say it was caffeine.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, I love Caffeine. That shit's great.

[A]

So you said that you made it, right. Did you go and like throw a 20 back in the pond or what?

[C]

Yeah, okay. So I. Yeah, I went to the bank. I was on my way back out there, you know, I went to the bank and got like, like five. I don't even know, like a bunch of. I got $20 turned into change. Had a whole bunch of change. Went back to that same casino, went back to that same fountain. And I get there and it's like they had like, made it into like a little, like, plant area. Like, there was no more fountain.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah. And so me and my boyfriend are standing there like, oh, well, we still gotta make it right somehow. And I'm like, ah, you're right. And so we just started throwing the coins into the woods fountain. And so we're just like standing outside this casino throwing chains into, like, a new, like, little plant area.

[A]

All the gardeners are gonna be like, oh, let's go. I found a quarter.

[C]

Yeah, they're gonna find 20 bucks worth.

[B]

Oh, you. You put. To put it all back.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Didn't you take this money because you needed it?

[C]

Yes, yes. But now, you know, I got a good paying job and so I didn't really need it anymore. And bad kept happening. So I'm like, you know, I gotta go make this right.

[B]

Oh, I see, I see. Okay.

[A]

And from a distance, someone, like, pulls into the parking lot. They're like, hey, look at these meth heads throwing change in the flower pots probably.

[C]

Honestly, my boyfriend's like, yo, we got to go. Like, this is kind of weird. And I'm like, but I got like a whole nother roll of quarters to go through.

[A]

You're like. You're like cracking the roll of quarters on the side of the planter.

[C]

No, exactly. Actually, that's exactly what happened.

[A]

So what kind of job did you end up with?

[C]

So I'm. I do, like, digital marketing for a software company for, like, building, building buildings.

[B]

Building, building, building.

[A]

So you're a digital marketer for a construction company that.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

So you're not doing jack shit?

[C]

Yeah, I play around in Photoshop pretty much all day, but I love it.

[B]

Well, what's the name of the company? See, look at that.

[C]

Maybe bleep that one out.

[B]

Oh, you want us to bleep it out? I was gonna say we could keep it in and give you some. You know, you're doing your job right now.

[A]

I know the company that hires people who steal change from pools.

[C]

Right? That's probably not the best part put in there.

[B]

Well, we'll bleep it out.

[C]

Good little marketing piece. But you know, we'll bleep it out.

[B]

So you don't get chick canned.

[A]

What you spend the 20 bucks on?

[C]

I think it was gas to get the back of the back way home.

[A]

So you literally had to steal gas money out of a wishing pond? Wishing.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah, I think so.

[B]

Hey, I've been there.

[A]

Been there, Charlie, Charlie's been there more.

[B]

Than I. I've been there. One time I went to Las Vegas and with only enough money in my tank to get there from at the time I was living in Los Angeles. I need to make enough money to get home. And I ended up winning a lot of money at the, at the black check. And I put on the packers to win the Super Bowl.

[A]

Hell yeah.

[B]

Yep. And then I didn't have enough money to get all the way home, so I had to wait at a rest stop and until my other buddy who was there would come give me some money. Yeah, that was, that was the kind of friend I was. I mean, just really just, you know, pathetic.

[C]

I've been in the same situation actually where I was in Las Vegas too. And yeah, my boyfriend ended up winning a jackpot and so we ended up coming home with I think like 2000 bucks or something nice like that.

[B]

But yeah, so that's not the same situation at all. Like you want $2,000.

[A]

The exact opposite situation Charlie was in. Were you kid whole.

[B]

Were you sleeping off like three day hangover in lot with a bunch of lot lizards? Yeah, a truck stop. I mean it was me and their truckers looking at me like, he's got a pretty mouth, you know.

[A]

And.

[B]

So this was a different situation. But I'm glad you guys won the. Won the deal.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. I mean I feel you there. I've stopped at lots of rest stops on the way here and back and. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

What?

[C]

Oh, I don't know. Just, you know, sleeping in your car and you know, you got like a little camp out there and it's actually kind of nice, you know, stop at like every rest stop because you're like, I'm tired. Can you drive? And they're like, no, I'm tired too.

[A]

And you're like, ah, so you guys are some rest stops like five miles apart. You guys are stopping at every rest stop to rest.

[B]

No.

[A]

How high are you guys when you're doing these road trips?

[C]

Oh, blitz. That's what I would say.

[B]

Always drive sober, kids.

[C]

Yeah, this probably shouldn't be an advertisement for, you know, dare.

[B]

No, but dare is probably how you got into it to begin with.

[A]

You know what DARE stands for, Charlie?

[B]

What?

[A]

Drugs are really illegal.

[C]

Or exciting? I don't know.

[B]

Oh, exciting. Okay, okay.

[A]

Drugs are really exciting.

[B]

Yeah, that's what it was. And then you learned that you could sniff white out off your fingertips, changed it to illegal.

[A]

What else do you want to get off your chest? I feel like this is good. We're kind of rolling. You got the. You stole 20 bucks from a casino, which, honestly, it's a lot like you stole from a church.

[B]

Yeah, you know, that's true.

[A]

The casinos have been stealing money from us since the beginning of time, so.

[B]

That feels a little bit better. They're built up mob money.

[A]

So how much money have you stole from a church?

[C]

Oh, none. I never stolen from a church. But I also, you know, haven't been to church in quite a long time.

[B]

Well, you better get your ass there, Charlie.

[A]

We know.

[B]

Yeah, we. We could tell.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Talking about getting blitzed and sleeping and random, you know, sometimes you turn your.

[C]

You turn your life around, you know? And now I sleep in my nice, comfy home and, you know, got a dog and.

[D]

Beautiful stuff.

[B]

Right? Dude, I mean, she's. She's living it.

[A]

Are you still with your accomplice? I mean, boyfriend?

[C]

Yes, me and my accomplice are still together, and we're actually gonna get married, hopefully sometime soon. He hasn't asked me, but we talked about it.

[B]

Nice. Nice.

[A]

Don't.

[B]

Don't. Don't count him out, Miles. Don't count him out. He's coming around. How long you guys been together?

[C]

Oh, it's been about, like, I think, three, four years now. But we just haven't done it because my. My dad likes to give him about, like. Well, not give him a. But he likes to, you know, rattle the cage about, when are you gonna marry my daughter? And, da. Da. And so he's just kind of, you know, he's kind of like, I can't do it now. He's, like, pressuring me, too, like, you gotta make him wait a little bit now.

[A]

Yeah, I was a little bit like that.

[C]

Yeah. When you got the pressure on you, it's like.

[A]

Well, it's just like, I'm not. I don't want to do it because you wanted me to do it. I want to do it because I want to do it, you know?

[C]

Right. Make it special and stuff.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I went the other way, and I don't think that you want to do that. But I think that, you know, you give it a couple months. How do you want him to do it?

[C]

I don't even know. I don't. I don't really care as long as he makes it, like, you know, cute, special, you know? Yeah, just us. No, like, crowd or nothing. That sounds like, kind of stressful.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, crowds tend to.

[A]

Well, yeah, the more crowd you got, the more, like, witnesses you have when you're committing a crime as well, you know?

[C]

That's true. That's true.

[A]

You got any. You got any other. You got any other heists on the brain? You guys working something out?

[B]

Any.

[A]

Any new stuff you're working on?

[C]

I don't know. I'm pretty boring these days. It kind of sucks. I feel a lot less interesting now, you know?

[B]

Yeah, go commit a crime. Call us back.

[C]

Yeah, I guess that's probably not right.

[A]

Yeah, you settling down and getting your life together is bad. Podcasting. Sophia, come on.

[B]

Yeah, this is the boring part of the movie where we're leaving the theater. This is the after credits portion of it.

[C]

They're like, oh, she's, like, getting married and has her life together now. Damn, that was a bad ending.

[B]

Yeah, well, it's not that it's a happily ever after. It's like. It's like when. When the movie ends and, like, the text comes up on screen. Sophia and her delinquent boyfriend went on to marry each other.

[C]

Right.

[B]

You know? Well, that's all right. We're happy for you. Do you think stealing. Do you think stealing from the fountain is the worst thing. Worst crime you've ever committed?

[C]

Honestly?

[D]

Probably.

[C]

I've never really done anything bad. I mean, like, I'm a pretty good human. I mean, I've, like, stolen some stuff from Walmart a few times, but, you know, hard times call for that.

[B]

What'd you steal from Walmart?

[C]

Probably some dumb stuff, like some nail polish or something, like Cookie.

[A]

Cookie Monster pajamas or some.

[C]

Yeah, right, right.

[A]

Something that goes great at the rest stop.

[C]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Actually, yeah, I had a. One of those nice little mattress toppers. I think I'm probably incriminating myself right now by saying this, but, you know, that might have come from Walmart.

[A]

Okay, so you had a mattress topper but no mattress.

[C]

Well, you can't fit one of those in the back of your car now.

[A]

Pretty smart. It's pretty smart, actually.

[B]

Here's the thing.

[A]

Do you. Do you own a pair of Cookie Monster pajamas?

[C]

I don't know, but my boyfriend has some hamburger ones. They're like Little hamburgers and hot dogs.

[B]

We knew there was a pair of.

[A]

We knew you were going to have some sort of fast food or pajama pants.

[C]

I mean, you got to then, like, have like, a little, like, cups that you get from Casey's. Like the nice, like, tumbler sized ones.

[A]

You know, water cups.

[B]

Sophia, what you don't realize is that even though you've got a delinquent past, you've helped create jobs. Every time I leave a Walmart, someone's got to check my receipt. And it's because of people like you. And that has created.

[C]

I feel like you're creating jobs.

[B]

Yeah, you are. You're a job creator. Yes, yes. So pat yourself on the back and stimulates the economy.

[D]

Right.

[A]

No one.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Helps everybody.

[B]

What is that from?

[A]

It's Joe Biden. Oh, here's a meme. That was a meme. That was my Joe Biden.

[B]

No, you should have set it up, though. I would have. Because now in retrospect, for a second there, I was thinking, like, is that Jim Carrey? And then.

[A]

Yeah. You know, my. My Joe Biden tends to sound a little Jim and carry. Ish. All right.

[B]

Ye.

[C]

And we got Trump, who's like, it's stimulating the economy, you know, we're doing great.

[B]

Stimulate the economy. Doing great.

[C]

We make it great.

[B]

I was with Jeffrey Epstein. He was helping me stimulate a prostate. It's okay, right?

[A]

You're too breathy on Trump.

[B]

Am I?

[A]

Yeah, you're too breathy. We'll work on it.

[C]

Yeah, we'll work on it. Charlie, you got it. You got this.

[A]

What is your accomplice do for a living now?

[C]

Oh, he's an electrician.

[A]

Oh, let's go.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, he's. He's doing good. He's trying to get his license and start a whole business and all that.

[A]

And so he's trying to become a master electrician.

[C]

Yeah, I think you gotta go like apprentice and journeyman and then like master.

[B]

He's gonna make some good money.

[C]

Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, we're not doing bad, so.

[B]

Yeah, no, I mean, we know that. I mean, you guys got enough money to plant in the grass now or whatever. Where'd you throw your old money? What was it?

[A]

Yeah, like a flower bed.

[B]

A flower bed? Yeah. You got enough money to plant, you're doing good, right?

[C]

Maybe we can make some flower beds outside the house we build, like, use the same flowers or something or.

[B]

You guys built a house together?

[C]

Yeah, we're building one right now.

[B]

Oh, that's so cute.

[C]

Yeah, it's super cute, but we can't decide on what we want it to look like. So I'm sitting here just like. I don't know what kind of. I don't know. It's a hard thing to plan, you know?

[B]

Is you. Is your boyfriend doing the electrical in your new house?

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

I thought she's back. Oh, no, I would never trust him for that. Not on our house.

[C]

I think he wants to. Yeah. Like have all his buddies come over help wire it and. Well, work buddies and. Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

So I like that.

[A]

I like that. You know what I was just saying about Charlie at your guys's future wedding, you know, they have the unity ceremony. What you guys should do is have like a little like, mini wishing well and you guys both flick a coin into it. And when you know, then they're. You're both in the same. Well, you know, that's the ceremony.

[B]

That is. That is a cute idea.

[A]

Coin flipping.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Ceremony.

[B]

Yeah. Hey, some churches have a baptismal font already there, so.

[A]

Yeah, just do it right in the baptism font.

[C]

Yeah, that'll make everyone happy. And no one will have any idea, like, why we're doing it. They'll be like, this is kind of a weird part of this wedding, but, like. Okay.

[A]

I mean, Jared, they. They. They planted a tree, you know, and no one batted an eye.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Water to tree together. That was a unity ceremony. So anything can be. Me and Anne considered doing a fart mixing unity ceremony where you both would.

[B]

Fart in a bag.

[A]

We both would fart in a. In a jar. And then we'd like, mix the air together, you know, I think they call that.

[C]

No, that's fluid bonding. When, like, you know, you guys are so close, you're like fart bonding.

[A]

Like. Like sharing blood. You mean like, like that? No, like MGK and Megan Fox do that. Aren't they sharing each other's. Probably some wild.

[C]

That's why they're so obsessed with each other still.

[B]

I thought they broke up. I thought he had other girls on his phone or something.

[C]

Oh, probably, yeah.

[B]

I don't know. I don't know. Well, listen, we're happy that you got your new job in the construction. And you're marking the construction. Your boyfriend's electrician. You got a new house together. Seems like he's really keeping you grounded. And we just hope you can. You like that, Miles? You like that? And we hope that was a good one.

[C]

Honestly, I like that one.

[A]

I don't know. I'm excited for your guys's future wedding. I think it's gonna be electric.

[B]

It's gonna be a great time. See, you've hung on with us too long. The puns are coming out.

[A]

Yeah, you're gonna want to hang up. It's gonna get worse.

[B]

Just wait till we bring the whiteout out. Yikes.

[A]

Sharpies.

[B]

Okay, well, Sophia, listen, you be good, all right?

[C]

Oh, yeah, you guys be good, all right.

[B]

And you be good.

[C]

Watch out for deer now.

[B]

You too. You too.

[A]

Tell your apprentice or your apprentice. He is an apprentice.

[B]

Tell your apprentice when he says hi.

[C]

I don't think he wants to be my apprentice to life. I think he's doing good, his electrical work, but yeah. Yeah, I'll tell him. He says hi. He was supposed to be here, but I don't know what he's doing. He says he's in the middle of something, so wiring must be crazy.

[B]

Oh, he is. He's in the.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

The H Vac guy is always in the way, so.

[C]

That's true. That's true.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I wanted to buy him that shirt you guys have that says I worked with tools. I was like, that would be a good one.

[A]

Yeah, but, I mean, not too long ago, you couldn't even. You had to dumpster dive in a phone, so. I'm glad he didn't buy the shirt.

[D]

Shirt.

[A]

Glad you didn't finance the shirt.

[C]

Yeah. I got some now, though. I got some now, though. I got the road hunting for ditch chickens.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

I appreciate it.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, it's been great, Sophia. Great to talk to you and. Yeah.

[B]

Have a good one.

[C]

Yeah, good talking to you guys, too.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Tell your husband we says hi.

[C]

I'll tell him. You guys say hi for sure.

[B]

All right. Bye. Bye. I'll be honest with you, Miles.

[A]

I don't think it's that bad.

[B]

No, she started.

[A]

It's like one of those scenarios, right? Like, would you steal a loaf of bread to feed your family?

[B]

Yeah, obviously.

[A]

Right. But, like, that's kind of the thing. It's like, oh, you stole $20 in coins from a casino to get to. For gas money to get home. I mean.

[B]

I mean, it was probably drugs, but she was just being polite. But. But, yeah, I mean, I. I think, you know, if you. Casinos, you know, they're. They. There's some hard. They steal from us all the time, but sometimes we get lucky and steal from them, you know? Sometimes it's called getting lucky.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

Winning them slots.

[A]

All right. Should we do another caller, Charlie?

[B]

I think so. Miles. Miles, I know I'm not here alone. All right? We've all had or, you know, I. I know I'm not alone here, okay?

[A]

I was like, well, yeah, you're at a bar. There's a lot of people in here.

[B]

Well, isn't it funny? I'm saying the same thing, but you took it two different ways. Yeah, I'm not here alone or alone here.

[A]

Yeah, you're not alone here.

[B]

But we've all had a Halloween party to go to and have suffered that dreaded costume idea block. You know, you're like, I need an idea. I need an idea. What am I gonna do? And you can't think of it. So you're like. You're trying to come up with cute little things. Like, maybe I'll go as an elf and write s on this hand and I E on this hand. You're like, I'm a selfie, you know?

[A]

Yeah, I see. That was good, huh? But is that your costume this year?

[B]

No, I did that years and years ago because I had the same problem. But had I just had a bottle of Tippy Cow chocolate shake while I was trying to stir my creative juices mouth, I mean, the idea would have struck me right there. My creamy, rich, chocolatey treat would have inspired me to be a cow. Yeah, I could have been a cow.

[A]

Well, and you could have been. You could have wore the cow suit backwards. So then he would have been a Tippy Cow.

[B]

Miles. See, now we're thinking. And why are we thinking? Because we've been a drink in the Tippy Cow. Ladies and gentlemen, Wisconsin milk. Tip it on back. Tippy Cow Moo.

[A]

Drink responsibly. Tippy Cow Rum Cream. Copyright 2025 Midwest Custom Bottling Powakee, Wisconsin. All rights reserved.

[B]

Folks, want to let you know I'm on tour. Miles is coming out to see the shows. Every single show. I'll see you in Missouri and Oklahoma. I'll see him Flor and whole bunch of other places too.

[A]

We're going to Missouri. Then we're going to Tulsa.

[B]

Then we're going to somewhere in Florida. I forget which city.

[A]

Maybe Florida. After that, we're going to the White House.

[B]

Yeah, we're doing. That was a. And that's what we're doing. So we'll see you guys. Charlie Baron.com tour and thank you for coming out. It'll be fun.

[A]

Where can they go see your tour dates at What. What website?

[B]

CharlieBarons.com backslash tour. So it's my name.com tour.

[A]

Perfect. I'll see you there.

[B]

B E R E N S I'll See you there.

[A]

On the website. Yeah, not at the tour.

[B]

Well, Miles will be on tour with me. I said that at the beginning. We can't have false advertising. You gotta come. Tell Ann. It'll be fun. Bring Augie.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

All right. Or not. Anyways, thank you, guys. Appreciate you.

[A]

Charlie, it's. It's that Halloween season again. What's that trick or treating season again? Oh, when you got drivers on the road trying to dodge little spider man running across little fairy princesses running across the road. And if you're swerving to avoid a young one and you hit a light pole, you could be in a bad scenario.

[B]

Well, yeah, you could. You. You dodged a. A worse scenario for certain.

[A]

Just to clarify, count your blessings.

[B]

But as soon as you get done counting your blessings, hit that little beard button in your car. And that's going to call Nicolay law, baby. It dials 1-855-NICOLET and he's going to let you know your options now that you're injured. Gingered. It's just a beard chin.

[A]

Oh, Alex, Alex, Alex. You got Miles and Charlie from the Belly it up podcast. How you doing?

[D]

Oh, doing pretty good. How the hell are you guys doing?

[A]

Doing pretty good. I hear you have a situation with your father in law. He doesn't know how to cook a steak.

[D]

Well, it wasn't necessarily the cooking so much. And he's one of those father. I only see him about once a year, so I'm not terribly close with him. So he was coming over for dinner and first I think it was lasagna, then I think it was tacos, and then shows up with steaks. So it's kind of surprised, you know. And then I said, okay, I'll go get the grill fired up and you know, get set him on the counter, I'll take care of it. And he goes, oh, no, you've had a long day. You relax, I'll take over. Like, oh, man, another guy using my grill. I don't know. First time that's ever happened. I just really took me back. So wife got me a new flat top for Father's Day. So I've been using that bad boy pellet grills kind of turned into a storage unit in the garage. So I had to go with the flat top. And I don't know, you know, you got to know how the heat, there's hot areas this and that. It's kind of one of those things, you know, I don't necessarily. I wanted to use the phrase, you know, using another man's grills. Kind of like sleeping with his wife, but being my father in law and it's his daughter kind of, you know, need. Need something else for that one.

[A]

But I also want, you know, let's put your. Let's get in his shoes. You, him using your grill is a lot like you dating his daughter. So, you know, like maybe.

[B]

What?

[D]

Very true.

[A]

Well, it's your grill is your baby, you know, daughter's baby. And then another guy comes in and starts grilling.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

You know, creating friction and heat.

[B]

I would say it was kind of.

[A]

The grill, you know.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Now that you put it that way. Yeah, I see it. I would say it's like wearing someone else's tighty whities, you know. Yeah.

[D]

You know, sitting in his Lazy Boy, that kind of deal.

[B]

Yeah, he's sitting in the Lazy Boy. There's a lot of analogies here. It just doesn't quite fit right though, you know?

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So anywho, I, I say I at least fired it up for him, you know, got make sure it was clean. Got the oil on there, got everything going. One, he takes the steaks inside. He had, I think there were six nice New York strips.

[B]

Oh, oh.

[D]

So I go inside after I got the grill all ready and he's got the steaks on the cutting board and he's cut every speck of fat off of them. What do you got going on here? He goes, oh, I don't like any steak or fat on my steaks. Holy grapes. All the rest of us might, you know, it was everyone, it was. I mean, there wasn't a lick of fat left on them things. So.

[A]

So what did it taste like? I guess I've never had a steak without any fat on it.

[D]

Well, yeah. So then I'm like, God, we don't got any fat. They better offer them some good seasonings here. So I'll whip out my seasoning drawer and. Oh, nope, salt and pepper for me. Thinking, oh God, you gotta do something else, you know, you gotta have something a little more on there. I know every. There's the salt, pepper only guys. But come on now. Little Montreal steak seasoning. That's the stuff. Garlic, pepper. So yeah, you know, he cooked them well, he's. But he had the lid down. You're not supposed to have the lid down when you're cooking. He's over chit chat, not keeping an eye on things, you know, So I didn't even get to relax. It was more just.

[A]

It was like you cooked them as well. Like you could have. You didn't he didn't let you relax. You know, the whole point was you were supposed to relax after work.

[B]

Work.

[A]

You didn't get to.

[D]

No. I mean, yeah, I was standing there, but my mind's just racing, wondering what the hell we got going on here. But you know, we did eat them. They got eight. So it wasn't the worst, worst thing in the world. I did make some jalapeno poppers that I got at the oldies that were the star of the show. Oh, just in the oven there, though.

[A]

Wow, you one upped him by doing it in the oven. Oven.

[D]

Well, I got that little air fryer setting on there. I don't know if you guys got that convection oven. Nice and crispy and it's got convection, normal air fry. I don't know, just a whirlpool. Deal.

[A]

So your, your jalapeno popper is you. You do a jalapeno with cream cheese and bacon or what?

[D]

Yeah, it was just wrapped around there. So.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

Those are good with pheasant.

[A]

We've had pheasant poppers before. It's pretty good.

[B]

My dad does those every Thanksgiving. He's just sitting down like he's doing a puzzle, you know, and he's got like, he's just got his cutting station, then his folding station and you better not help him do that.

[D]

Next time you tell him relax and you'll take over and see if.

[B]

Oh, no, he'll ask for the help. He'll be like, come on, help. But you do not want to sign up for that project. Just tell me. Doing something.

[A]

That's what we call a trap.

[B]

Yep.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah. You know, so overall it was just a weird experience. My other father in law, I don't know if I would have felt the same. I hang out with him quite a bit. It was just, you know, didn't, don't see him a ton and just kind of a weird deal. But he got through it anyway, I guess.

[B]

Your other father.

[A]

Father in laws.

[D]

Well, stepfather, stepdad. That's. Yeah.

[A]

I guess he technically is a father by law. I see. But not your biological father?

[B]

No, it's not his dad.

[A]

It's a stepdad.

[B]

Her stepdad?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, okay. Yeah. Christmas has got to be great for you. Dude. Dude, you're getting present. You're getting so many presents.

[D]

Oh yeah.

[B]

A present from your stepfather in law.

[D]

Him and my mother in law usually get us a nice card with something. Oh yeah?

[A]

Yeah. It gets two. It's an extra Christmas gift.

[B]

Do you call him stepdaddy?

[A]

I was Always so jealous of my half brother because he's. He got so many more presents than I did.

[D]

Double whammy.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

It's like on Talladega Nights when they're like, we're getting a divorce and the kids go, go, yay. Two Christmases.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

A lot of traveling for holidays. Never any battle, but yeah. Yeah. Where are you guys drinking today, anyhow?

[A]

We're over at Vic's Bar and Grill here in Moorhead, Minnesota. You ever been to Mohad, Minnesota?

[D]

Oh, sure, I have. I live just over in Grand Forks.

[A]

Oh, that's not too far away.

[D]

Lived in Moorhead for a bit, right over by campus there. Good times?

[B]

Oh, yeah, real good.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, you're in a tough spot. I think you did exactly what you should do, you know, like, no one expects you to be cool with him cooking steaks on your grill, but you let him do it. He's the father in law. But it was nice of you to keep an eye because if something really was going to go awry, you were going to step in, right?

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just take over. I got her from here.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Could you imagine? I mean, hey, you go sit down, have a beer. I'm. I got it from here, buddy, because.

[B]

Have you had any moments like that? Which you. Your stepfather?

[D]

I only see him maybe once a year. That's what I'm saying. I'm not. Wasn't terribly comfortable just telling them, you know, if it was one of my buddies or something that came over and wanted to use it, I'd say, no, not a chance. Go. You know.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, but. Or watch the kids, but. I mean, is. Is this the first confrontational kind of ex thing you guys have had, or is that there been something else? Where?

[D]

Yeah, no, you know, we got a little different views on politics and this and that, but I don't usually get into it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you said you don't usually get into it. Have you ever gotten into it with them about politics?

[D]

No, no, no, no.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

No. My wife would kill me.

[B]

It's just. As soon as he leaves, you just go off on your wife about it. That kind of how it is as soon as the door shuts. The hell is a mare with your dad? What?

[A]

Did she know you were a little distraught? Did she think it was funny?

[D]

No, I don't think I really told her at the time. I told her later, and she's like, are you kidding me?

[A]

Me?

[D]

It's like, yeah, it wasn't just really. It was really weird having your dad use My girl. And yeah, she. She didn't think it was weird, so.

[A]

She'S like, okay, you're being dramatic. It's usually what I get, you know, anytime after social event and I say something like that, and it's like, you're.

[B]

Fine, you're fine, you're fine. That's funny. Yeah, I've been told.

[A]

But I mean, it was like my. My parents. I. Kind of. Same scenario, but. But, like, my parents came over to my house, and they're like, we brought steak miles. We need you to cook them. You know, like. So then I cooked the steaks, but they only. There was four of us, me and my parents, and they only brought three steaks.

[D]

Those weren't the Menards parking lot steaks.

[A]

No, no, no. We gave those to the dog. Yeah, I tell you about that, Charlie. My dad bought the 20 steaks for 40 bucks in the. In deal in the hardware store parking lot. Oh, yeah. It's a good deal on. On paper. Yeah. And then you get the steaks and you realize that they taste like paper. And my dad want. Tried so hard to make it like, you know, dad buys something cheap.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And everyone else is bitching about, and he's like, it's not that bad.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, it's pretty good. I'll eat another one. And then he's just like. And eventually he did submit, and he was like. He texted me. He's like, hey, is there anyone at your office that would want these steaks to feed to their dogs?

[D]

Well, in. In his defense, anything tastes good after a long, hard day of working concrete. I'm sure.

[A]

Yeah, that's probably true.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's like, I'm usually eating mud and dirt. This ain't too bad. Yeah. So don't get swindled by that.

[D]

That.

[A]

That thing.

[B]

If you.

[A]

It's actually a whole subgroup of people on Tick Tock. Me and Jared found people being like, don't buy these. It's a scam. I got scammed.

[B]

Oh, really? So do they even know if it's real meat?

[A]

I don't know. We don't know.

[B]

Just reading Eaten beyond Menards meat.

[A]

Yeah, Checked it out.

[D]

I've been close before, but.

[A]

Yeah, you can't. It's. It's very alluring. It's. It's. It's like a siren song, you know, it just.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Tractor beam just sucks you right in.

[B]

How many for $40?

[A]

20 stakes. $40?

[D]

I mean, they're like an eighth inch thick.

[B]

Okay, got it.

[A]

And they're tough.

[D]

Yeah. Probably not a speck of fat either. So. Perfect for my father in law, I guess.

[A]

Yeah, that's probably. He probably would love them because like. And they're so thin that if you just breathe hot air on them, they'll be well done.

[B]

Yeah, I mean it's probably like. I don't know, they probably.

[A]

Charlie, it's not a good idea. I know you're starting.

[B]

I'm saying, I mean, look, protein's protein, you know. And if you got the right seasoning, you know, would you. Would you say it. Would your feathering on. Would you want to put on there?

[D]

He just wanted salt and pepper. I like a little the Montreal steak. I think it's a McCormick blend.

[B]

The McCormick blend. Okay.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Lowry's okay.

[D]

Yeah, Once in a while, you know, whatever. Spicy?

[B]

Yeah, you got a few things going. You make it spicy, you're fine. You know, you chop it up a bunch, put it into some, you know, tacos. I'm just saying there's a way to do it. Oh yeah, that is a good deal.

[D]

After you guys leave the bar, you could probably drive around Morehead, Fargo and find that truck somewhere.

[A]

Yeah, and then burn it to the ground.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Is there anything. But is there anything else that your father in law has done that's suspect like that?

[D]

No, no, not too much. I. Gosh, there was probably a couple years where I didn't even see him. This was the first time in maybe the last year or two.

[B]

Why don't you see them very often?

[D]

Well, they live over by kind of Bismarck or Minot.

[B]

You mean he lives in the same state?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, but you gotta. You that's the thing with people with. People don't understand North Dakota and how large it is.

[B]

No, I get. I went from Grand Forks to Bismarck. It's like six hours, right?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, it's like four hours.

[B]

Four hours I could draw.

[A]

I could drive from Fargo halfway into Wisconsin and I still wouldn't make it to the end of North Dakota. If I went the same way in the same amount of time.

[B]

Time. That is a long ass state you guys got.

[D]

Yeah, it's a hole. Yeah, well. Yeah, yeah, I know. Other than that, those things have been a pretty hockey dory, so.

[B]

Well, I like to hear it's hockey dory. Tell your wife we say hello.

[A]

Also, is it hunky dory or hockey dory?

[D]

I usually go with honky like H O N K Y.

[A]

See, I go with hunky dory.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you go with hockey dory.

[B]

No, I thought you said hockey dory.

[A]

I Thought it was hunky dory.

[B]

It's hunky dory, huh? It's not honky dory unless you're talking to a white guy.

[A]

I don't know, like, like a honky tonk. Is that like a honky?

[B]

Haven't you heard that people call white guys honkies?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, it was funnier than we all gave that credit for, but.

[D]

Anyhow.

[B]

Anywho, this is the, this is the long goodbye.

[A]

What do you do? What do you do for work?

[D]

I do home inspections.

[A]

Oh, God. No wonder you were breathing down his neck the whole time. Did you write them up for some stuff? You make them?

[B]

I'm surprised this is the write up, Miles.

[A]

I'm surprised you didn't make them. Redo a bunch of stuff.

[D]

Couple improvement items, some safety hazards. Yeah, I could have had them sign an agreement before.

[A]

He's just standing out on the, on the deck with a clipboard and I. And some slacks and a nice polo.

[D]

Ah, it's not that intense.

[A]

So you're like, okay, because you, you do home inspections or.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, for people buying a house and they hire me and I go take a look, find, you know, everything wrong with it.

[A]

So you go to existing structures, you're not, you're not going to new builds and, and, and inspecting before, like they would pour the concrete or anything?

[D]

No, no, not a city inspector. I do do some brand new houses, but.

[A]

Okay, you're one of the good ones. You're not a city inspector.

[B]

How long does it take you to get over to a house from when the request is put in?

[D]

Well, usually. Well, depends on how busy I am. Two, three, four days.

[B]

Really?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Charlie seems like he's got some pent up anger towards home inspectors.

[B]

Sometimes it can. Yeah.

[A]

What are you guys doing?

[D]

Not around here, feller.

[A]

Yeah. You're in the wrong state.

[B]

Just gotta go to a less populated place, I suppose. Or with a higher concentration of inspectors.

[D]

There is quite a few of them, yeah. Sucks, but.

[B]

Weirdest thing you've ever seen in a home.

[D]

Oh, I came across a piece of jawbone with some teeth on it in a crawl space and I thought maybe it was human. Turned out I think it was either maybe like a cow or deer or something. But when you're down there and it's got about 6 inches of room and it's right next to your face and you're thinking, holy Christ, is there someone buried down here?

[B]

Oh, so you're in a little crawl space.

[D]

Crawl space. Old farmhouse. Yeah. In the middle of nowhere. Good. Place to bury a body.

[B]

Wait, who said it was. Did you get a good look at it or did you just get a half a look at it? And they said, oh, that's just a cow.

[D]

I took it with me.

[A]

Okay, okay, so now you're here.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

How could that go wrong? Yeah, yeah. Transporting a dead body.

[D]

The. The realtor G's husband was a lawyer or something, and I sent it to her and then he said, yeah, looks like some cow or something or other.

[A]

But that's got to be the worst part about being a home inspector, right, Is getting in the crawl spaces.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, there's some pretty shitty ones. I. I was winning one in the toilet was. The sewer was disconnected. It was literally just flowing, throwing right down in the crawl space.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

Did you do the John Taffer? Did you say shut it down? Tear it down, Start over?

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, they were the guys like, oh, are you kidding me? Yeah, yeah, better. Yeah, call somebody or something.

[A]

You couldn't smell it when you walked up to the house.

[D]

Oh, you could. It smelled terrible. Everything was rotten down there. Black mold everywhere. It was an ass.

[B]

You had to crawl down there. Dude.

[D]

Dude, I. I was crawling around a little bit down there, but then once I realized that was going on, I said no. Yeah, I got out real quick.

[B]

So gross.

[D]

The feller ended up buying it and I think he still lives there, so we must have got the fixed.

[B]

How is that not a tear down?

[D]

Oh, I don't know. I couldn't even walk through the yard. It was about 4, 6ft high. Brush, trees, grass. It was.

[A]

Yeah, that's like a guy who works for my dad. He's. He lived out in the country and his grass got so long that he had to borrow someone's lawnmower so he could find his lawnmower to make lawn.

[D]

Oh, God.

[A]

Kind of one of those scenarios.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Honestly, you might have went to the guy who works for my dad's house.

[D]

Well, Fisher, Minnesota.

[A]

No, no, close. It's also the same guy that his. He thought that his well broke and so he didn't have any water in his house, and so he would haul five gallon buckets of water from the shop to his house every day so he could shower and brush his teeth and stuff. And then he finally scrounged up enough money by the end of the summer to have a guy come out and fix the well. And the guy came out there and he had this old fuse box like the ones that you screw in. The guy just screwed the fuse in tighter and it started right up. They spent. He spent the whole summer hauling water and taking five gallon bucket showers when he could have just screwed in a fuse.

[B]

And that brings you to the bellied up lesson of the day.

[D]

If I got a home inspection, just.

[B]

A little screw can go a long way.

[A]

Well, man, we appreciate you calling in today. Sorry you had to go through that traumatic experience of your father in law cooking steaks on your grill with the lid down.

[D]

Yeah, well, thanks for the call, fellers. You guys take her easy. Watch for dear miles. You watch for support polls.

[B]

See you, dude.

[D]

All right, bye.

[A]

Bye.

[D]

Right.

[A]

Did I tell you about that?

[B]

No, I. I got to start listening to your podcast as much as our other callers.

[A]

You're fine. I. You know, I got the warehouse and then there's support beams in the warehouse. You hit holding up the roof. I park my truck inside. I was. I was leaving one day, I wasn't paying attention and smashed the pole in the. Oh, in the place. The pole's fine. Apparently that. That pole is like the sturdiest thing ever, which, thank God, that have been a disaster.

[B]

But how's your car?

[A]

$15,800 in damage.

[B]

What?

[A]

Yeah. What front of it got smashed? 15 initially was 13.

[B]

And then how fast were you going into your.

[A]

I was riding the brake.

[B]

I mean, I'm not an. You can tell me.

[A]

No, I've been telling you the truth, dude. I couldn't be going fast. I'm in a. Where? I was in a warehouse. You think I was Vin Diesel drifting around the corner?

[B]

How is that even possible? Did it even look that bad?

[A]

It. It looked bad, yeah.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Let me see a picture.

[A]

So, yeah, that joke I definitely had coming. Any hate I get for that, I deserve, you know, see if I can find it. But yeah, $15,000 in damage, a lot of.

[B]

There we go. Oh, no, dude. Oh, wow. Yeah, man. You really. You really messed that up. Yeah, you did a number.

[A]

Good for you. What Doubly. Because then it like pushed the whole side panel back so then the door was like catching on it and then. Oh, do some with it.

[B]

So you're talking a whole. A whole new.

[A]

I basically got a new truck.

[B]

$15,000. Could you have just driven it for. Until.

[A]

I mean, I did drive it. It was drivable.

[B]

Oh, so don't get fixed on. Well, did you get fixed already?

[A]

I used insurance.

[B]

Oh, but now your insurance is gonna go up.

[A]

Yeah, I talked to him about it. It was fine.

[B]

They're like, okay, you crashed into a pole. Did it really? Not Go up.

[A]

You want me just to drive around my truck with the whole front end smashed up? Yeah, dude, that randomly will tell me that I'm about. The sensors that broke in the front tell me that I'm gonna crash into a car when there's no car.

[B]

Well, you just added that new piece of information to the pile. I thought it was just every time.

[A]

I open up my door, there's like a loud clicking noise. That's, you know. Yeah.

[B]

So you're adding new information. You're expecting me to regret my initial reaction not knowing all these things? I'm saying the way it looks is fine because also, you're not gonna get your car broken into when your car looks like that.

[A]

Yeah, and I felt like such a moron driving around because it's like, you know, you guys have all drove by someone with a smashed up car and you're like, I gotta get away from this guy. Clearly he's got a record of getting in car crashes. Why was that guy for like a week and a half? I mean, driving around with that. See, I duct tape on my bumper so it wouldn't. It wouldn't rub on my. On my wheel deal. That's who I am now.

[B]

You know, one of those guys.

[A]

I'm a guy with duct tape on his car.

[B]

Yeah, well, you can see why. That's all. That's a lot of dough. I got this back window at my place that I put. It's cracked, so I put duct tape on it years ago, and it still haven't fixed it because I think it prevents people from trying to gain entry.

[A]

Like, he has nothing to steal.

[B]

Right, right. Yeah, yeah. It's smart. Smart business move. Saves you a lot of headaches to have a little duct tape on something.

[A]

You know, I just was thinking about something too. Stick with me here. So you know how, like, if you have a safe with valuables, you put that in a hard place to get. Where in reality would you rather have someone come in, murder your family, and then take your stuff? Or would you rather just have them come in and take your valuables and not. Not even see your family?

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

So, like, why don't we put, like, our safe, like, right by the front door?

[B]

That's true.

[A]

I mean.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

With a sign that says, if you're here to steal, everything that's valuable is in. Is right. Here, take this and go. It's kind of like when someone's gone on Halloween, they just leave the bucket out of candy and just say, take one. Just do that.

[B]

I Think you're on to something with this smile?

[A]

Because I'd much rather lose all my valuables than have someone harm my family. Obviously. Obviously.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Why not? Why are we hiding the safe? I really don't have that many valuables in there.

[B]

And, you know, you're. You can put a sign on it, like, you get one try, you know, you'll get one piece or give them.

[A]

Like, two of the three digits to get into the safe, you know?

[B]

Yeah. And then the third one, just get on the zoom camera. Like, no.

[A]

Like, your entryway is an escape room. And if they figure it out, they can. They get to take all your valuables. Not a bad move.

[B]

That's not a bad move at all. People might even pay to do that, steal from you.

[A]

And all of a sudden.

[B]

Yeah, I wonder if they. Do you think you could put cash prizes on escape rooms?

[A]

Like, if you get out, you get money? Yeah, I'm sure that might be, like, get your money back or something.

[B]

Yeah, get your money back.

[A]

Then you'd have to make it really hard because otherwise you wouldn't make any money.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

You shouldn't run an escape room.

[B]

Or you let people gamble on if they can get out of the escape room.

[A]

Yeah, they put down, like, I put 10 bucks that I can. It's only going to take me 46 minutes.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Could you imagine how intense that would be inside? We should do that and film it and. And get, you know, people who, like, really need the money and raise the stakes and put people really close to that. Them, you know, watch relationships crumble.

[A]

That would be a great reality show.

[B]

That's what I'm saying.

[A]

Like. Like boiling points. So, like, you. You. You have a family doing Escape room, and then you have one mole. They're like, hey, his. His. He's here. We're just gonna throw him in there with you guys. And he's just pissing off everyone in the escape room until they freak out. If they don't freak out, they get the money. It's like, you remember the show Boiling Point Points. So basically they would just be social situations where there was an actor pissing off someone, and if they didn't freak out, then they would, like, get money at the end.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

But if they boiled over and reached the boiling point, then they would lose.

[B]

That's fun. I kind of want to watch that.

[A]

I feel like Scape Rooms is like a pressure cooker for emotions because you.

[B]

Yeah, you could have, like, service saboteur in there and then also a guy who gets money if you know who bet against the family.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, little Judas Iscariot. Well, Miles has been another, I think, episode of the Bellied up podcast.

[A]

Another good episode of the Belly Dub podcast here at Vic's Bar and Grill here in Moorhead, Minnesota. I feel good, Charlie.

[B]

I'm feeling great, dude. Feeling great.

[A]

I had a good. We ate a good sandwich in this episode. Well, he took a break.

[B]

Sandwich was great. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You finished it. I had the. The grilled chicken.

[A]

You ate that like you've never had a meal before.

[B]

I eat every meal like I've never had a meal before. It's a problem.

[A]

You got 12, eight. 12 to 18 siblings, so.

[B]

I know.

[A]

All right, guys, well, thanks for tuning in to another episode of the Belly Dub podcast. Make sure to tip your bartender. We'll see you in the next one.

[B]

Bye. Bye.

[A]

Okay, hope you guys have a good one. Goodbye, now.