Bellied Up Podcast Ep. 173 — The Most Terrifying Midwest Haunted House
Hosts: You Betcha Guy (Myles) & Charlie Berens
Date: October 30, 2025
Location: Vic’s Bar & Grill, Moorhead, Minnesota
Overview
This Halloween-themed episode finds Charlie and Miles bellying up at Vic’s in Moorhead, MN, sharing laughs with the lunch crowd and fielding live calls from listeners. The episode launches with a hilarious riff on what a "truly terrifying" Midwest haunted house would look like, before shifting into entertaining and heartfelt caller stories—one about stealing from a wishing well in rough times, and another about the etiquette of letting a father-in-law grill on your own flat-top.
Main Segments & Highlights
1. Live from Vic’s: Setting the Scene & Midwest Haunts
(00:26—06:03)
- Bar Atmosphere: The hosts paint a vivid scene at Vic’s—a spot where “gentlemen above their 70s hold court” (01:27) and the lunch crowd is in full swing. Jokes about small-town quirks, speakerphone etiquette, and stories about their dads set the Midwestern mood.
- Halloween Spirit:
- Charlie: “Halloween is in the air.” (00:26)
- Myles admits he’s just noticing, pivoting to ask about local college experiences and making a classic "More head" joke (00:59).
- The “Midwest Haunted House” Bit:
- The hosts brainstorm terrifyingly mundane “Midwest” challenges for a haunted house, riffing on region-specific pet peeves:
- No WD40 for squeaky doors (04:04)
- Junk drawers inexplicably emptied of useful crap (04:12)
- All the deer mounts are does—with no antlers (06:48)
- A fridge with hot dish ingredients, but everything is separated (08:27)
- The horror of the “Midwest Goodbye” extended to nightmarish lengths (09:16)
- Pull tab machines that never pay out, fishing lakes with no fish, no beer offered at the end
- Quote:
“You walk into a room and they just say bye, and then they walk out of the room. Don’t offer you a beer.” — Myles (05:24)
- The hosts brainstorm terrifyingly mundane “Midwest” challenges for a haunted house, riffing on region-specific pet peeves:
2. Caller #1 — Sophia’s “Sticky Bandit” Gas Money Heist
(15:54—38:21)
Key Points & Moments
-
Sophia Calls In: She describes being broke after college, needing gas money for a drive between Colorado and Iowa. Spotting a dry casino fountain, she scooped out $20 in coins (“wishing well diving”)—boyfriend waiting outside getaway-car style (16:36—19:02).
-
Making It Right:
- Later, after landing a job, Sophia returns to the casino, converts $20 back into coins, only to find the fountain gone. She throws the money into a nearby planter instead:
“...we still gotta make it right somehow... So we just started throwing the coins into the woods [planter] outside.” (21:43) - Charlie: “So from a distance... ‘Hey look at these meth heads throwing change in the flower pots!’” (22:25)
- Later, after landing a job, Sophia returns to the casino, converts $20 back into coins, only to find the fountain gone. She throws the money into a nearby planter instead:
-
Job & Relationship:
- Sophia now works in digital marketing for a construction firm (22:52); her “accomplice” boyfriend is now training to be a master electrician (33:14).
- They’re building a house, planning a future wedding—Myles jokes about a wishing well unity ceremony (34:45).
-
Delinquent Days: Sophia’s history includes minor Walmart theft (“nail polish, mattress toppers"), sleepovers in rest stops, and Cookie Monster/hamburger pajama anecdotes (30:39—31:40).
- Miles: “Do you own a pair of Cookie Monster pajamas?”
- Sophia: “I don’t know, but my boyfriend has some hamburger ones...” (31:34)
-
Redemption Arc: Sophia now sees herself as a “job creator,” thanks to stricter store security, and embraces her settled-down lifestyle despite missing the thrill of her wild years.
- “You’ve hung on with us too long, the puns are coming out.” — Charlie (36:39)
- “You settling down and getting your life together is bad podcasting, Sophia, come on.” — Myles (31:52)
3. Caller #2 — The Father-in-Law Grill-Off
(43:05—62:28)
Key Story Beats
-
Father-in-law Visits:
- The guest recounts his discomfort as his rarely-seen father-in-law insists on grilling steaks, using his new flat-top grill for the first time (43:16)
- Father-in-law “butchers” the steaks—cuts off all the fat, insists on only salt and pepper, keeps the lid down during cooking (45:34)
- Myles draws an analogy: “Him using your grill is a lot like you dating his daughter...” (44:48)
- The caller is left nervously supervising (“didn’t even get to relax... my mind’s just racing”). (46:53)
-
Jalapeño Poppers vs. Steaks:
- Caller’s air-fried jalapeño poppers steal the show, making up for the lackluster steaks (47:17)
-
Midwestern Family Dynamics:
- The group jokes about the politics of holiday gifts from multiple father-figures, and the logistics of huge North Dakota distances (48:27, 55:20).
-
Best Home Inspector Stories:
- The caller is a home inspector; tells tales of weird finds (59:03):
- A jawbone in a crawl space—“I thought maybe it was human. Turned out I think it was like a cow or deer...” (58:43)
- A disconnected sewer emptying straight into a crawl space (59:44)
- Miles: “Did you do the John Taffer? Did you say ‘shut it down’?” (59:57)
- Home inspection horror leads to a classic Bellied Up moral: “A little screw can go a long way.” (62:08)
- The caller is a home inspector; tells tales of weird finds (59:03):
4. Midwestern Tangents, Jokes & Running Gags
Throughout
- Escape Room Haunted House:
- Show closes with a return to the haunted house theme, joking about an escape room that gives cash prizes, or is secretly rigged to watch families implode under pressure (68:15).
- “People might even pay to do that—steal from you.” — Charlie (67:44)
- Regional Humor:
- The “Midwest Goodbye from hell” (long, circuitous exit conversations), ticker-tape discussions on “hunky dory” vs. “honky dory,” North Dakota’s never-ending highway, and the siren song of “Menards parking lot steaks.”
- Myles’ $15,000 Car Mishap:
- Story of crashing his truck into a warehouse support beam (63:16):
- “I felt like such a moron driving around with duct tape on my bumper... That’s who I am now.” (65:55)
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
-
On haunted Midwest houses:
“Instead of a guy with a chainsaw, it’s just a guy with a plate of blue cheese being like, ‘put this on your pizza.’ Oh, God, no.” — Myles (03:49) -
On wish pond theft:
“You were not jobless, Sophia; you were cleaning the wishing well!” — Charlie (17:35) -
On the familial Chefs’ standoff:
“Another guy using my grill. I don’t know. First time that’s ever happened. Just really took me back.” — Caller (43:16)
“You know, sitting in his Lazy Boy—that kind of deal.” — Caller (45:12) -
On midwestern rambling:
“The Midwest Goodbye from hell... you can’t get out of the room until after, like, two hours.” — Myles (09:40)
(As “talkers” retell never-ending stories): “And that’s just the first, like, two hours.” — Charlie (11:03) -
On Midwest distances:
“You’re in the wrong state, that is a long ass state you guys got.” — Charlie (55:53)
Timestamps for Key Segments
- 00:26 — Bar banter & setting the scene at Vic’s
- 03:39—06:05 — The Midwest Haunted House riff
- 15:54—38:21 — Sophia’s “wishing well heist” call
- 43:05—62:28 — The Father-in-law grill-off & home inspector tales
- 68:10—69:37 — Escape Room as reality TV, episode wrap-up
- 63:16 — Myles’ $15,000 truck mishap story
Podcast Tone & Style
- Upbeat, conversational banter
- Self-deprecating Midwest humor
- Open-ended, listener-driven format
- Quick-witted, deeply regional, and at times absurd
Perfect for fans of small-town lore, goofy Midwestern banter, and the oddly specific nightmares that only the Heartland can provide.
“Make sure to tip your bartender—we’ll see you in the next one!” — Myles & Charlie (70:06)
