Bellied Up Podcast: “The Perfect Scam” (#193)

Hosts: Charlie Berens & Myles, the You Betcha Guy
Date: March 26, 2026

Episode Overview

This playful, laugh-out-loud installment of Bellied Up finds Charlie and Myles ruminating on birthdays and aging before taking live calls from listeners with distinctly Midwestern neighbor problems and backyard Ponzi scheme ambitions. Episode #193 balances absurd banter, semi-sincere advice, and plenty of blue collar charm as the hosts help callers navigate everything from grumpy neighbors with surveillance obsessions to at-home gambling rackets gone awry.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Birthday Banter and 33-Year-Old Revelations (00:00–15:00)

• Charlie and Myles open with quick-fire banter on remembering (and forgetting) each other's birthdays, marking Myles’ recent 33rd.
• They riff on the immutable nature of their friendship and routine:
  “The world changes, but we stay the exact same.” – Charlie (00:48)
• Birthday traditions and early morning calls—complete with lovingly sarcastic compliments.
• Myles’s faux-macho morning routine (with a wink):
  “I do a pump, I get on the elliptical, I then go for a big run. … Then I make my whole family bacon and eggs…” – Myles (03:03)
• Reflections on turning 33:
  “How old was Jesus when he died? 33… So this could be my year.” – Myles (05:08)
• Charlie teases about wills and insurance; light-hearted aging laments (hemorrhoid cream, colonoscopy “photo shoots,” and ear hair maintenance).
• Myles’s resolutions for the year:
  “Laugh more, cry more, and think more.” (10:26)
  “Did you get that resolution from a Bed, Bath and Beyond billboard?” – Charlie (10:33)
• Extended riff on the difficulty of squeezing out tears, favorite shows for a good cry, and hypotheticals if they were the last two people on Earth.

Memorable Moment (11:39):
Myles describes bawling at a Last of Us episode and thinking of Charlie as his apocalypse partner.

2. Riffing on Generational Differences & Small Town Life (15:00–16:15)

• Banter on growing up with maps vs. GPS:
  “When was the last time you drove somewhere using just a map, Miles?” – Charlie (15:12)
  “I've never done that in my life.” – Myles (15:24)
• Jokes about who’s to blame for not learning stick-shift (Myles: “I’m putting that on my dad, by the way.” – 15:54)
• Light roast of each other's “old man” habits and familial shortcomings.

3. Caller Joe: Living with a Hypervigilant Neighbor (16:15–45:05)

[Segment starts around 16:15]

• Caller Joe describes his classic Midwest suburban neighbor, a hyper-observant woman with cameras, spotlights, and a penchant for yelling at dog-walkers and calling the cops… on everyone.
• The hosts dig into the situation:
  • “She’s got some good binoculars and it’s not for bird watching.” – Charlie (18:12)
  • Childhood memory: even as a teen, Joe was barked at for offering to help shovel (21:26)
  • The neighbor sets up more cameras every time Joe adds one – an escalating Cold War of Ring Devices.
  • “She just doesn’t want to miss out on all the fun.” – Myles (22:15)
• Discussion of how to handle it “the Midwest way” (casseroles, kindness):
  “All problems can be resolved with the right casserole.” – Charlie (19:24)
• “Bless her heart” becomes the recurring refrain, the trademark Midwest solution to difficult people.
• Call includes Joe’s mom Rita, who backs up his story and shares her genuine Midwest thoughts:
  “She’s goofy, and… she has issues.” – Rita (37:32)
• The hosts extract embarrassing family lore about Joe (“Mr. Boy Scout” getting a bonfire warning in the woods) and roast his own run-ins with local authorities.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “If you show a little kindness… I think you kill this one with kindness. You do this the Midwest way.” – Charlie (20:27)
• “I think you might have to chop a few trees to get sun to the forest floor.” – Myles, hilariously extending the ‘sunning your butthole’ metaphor (31:36)

Advice Given: Embrace Midwest nice, offer treats/gestures, and maybe—just maybe—she’ll reciprocate or at least ease up. At the very least, it’ll make a great story (and podcast segment).

4. Caller Dakota Cody: Pull Tab Ponzi Schemes in the Garage (48:52–60:40)

[Segment starts around 48:52]

• Dakota Cody from “Minnesota” seeks help after his ingenious—if ethically questionable—plan to run a “private” pull tab box at home backfires. He’s stuck: only two prize numbers remain, but half the box is unsold and no one will buy in.
• Charlie and Myles “consult” on proceeding with a full-blown Ponzi scheme:
  • “The thing about Ponzi schemes is, the moment that you try and get off of it, it’s when it all falls apart. So you have to just keep going, keep this charade going for… probably the rest of your life.” – Myles (50:44)
• They riff about recruiting more degenerates, filtering new boxes through forgetful gamblers, and the economics of “cash flow.”
• Myles turns philosophic:
  “Actually, you need to really discourage people to buy [the last cards]… knowing that they’ll never get their money for their winnings.” (54:29)
• Cody admits he gets his (possibly fake) pull tab boxes on Alibaba.
• “At any point, the pyramid can collapse. … Buy more boxes. Scared money don’t make money!” (Series of lines, 54:45–55:15)
• Strategic advice: Always reinvest, always expand, never stop—otherwise the scheme collapses.
• “While this Ponzi scheme is going on, you need other side businesses, because at any point, the pyramid can collapse.” – Charlie (54:19)
• Ends on encouragement for Dakota to call back “when I’m a millionaire.”

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Charlie on aging and routines: “The world changes, but we stay the exact same.” (00:48)
• On classic Midwestern problem-solving: “All problems can be resolved with the right casserole.” (19:24)
• Midwest nice code-switch: “Bless her heart.” (33:17, 35:29)
• Joe’s neighborhood tale, per Rita: “She’s goofy, and… she has issues.” (37:32)
• Cody’s Ponzi wisdom: “Scared money don’t make money. And the second you stop the carousel on a Ponzi scheme is when it all falls apart.” – Myles (60:10)

Important Timestamps

• 00:00–05:00: Birthday banter, aging, and high-fives
• 05:00–12:00: Myles’s resolutions, emotional range, and ‘last man on earth’ hypotheticals
• 16:15–45:05: Caller Joe’s neighbor saga, including surprise guest appearance by his mom, Rita
• 45:38–48:52: Short topical riff on spring, neighborly dog drama (transitional segment)
• 48:52–60:40: Dakota Cody’s illegal pull tab escapade and a master class in small-town Ponzi schemes

Tone and Vibe

Friendly, self-deprecating, and relentlessly Midwestern—Charlie and Myles juggle ribbing and sincerity, digging deep into the kind of zany, neighborly issues only the Midwest could produce. They’re quick to deploy folksy wisdom (“just take her a casserole”), roast each other and their callers in loving fashion, and turn every scenario—from neighbor feuds to homemade rackets—into a stand-up bit or sketch idea.

Conclusion

Another classic Bellied Up, packed with heart and humor. Listeners are treated to creative, if dubious, advice on neighborly disputes and get a front-row seat for a “perfect scam” in action. The hosts leave listeners—and callers—both better prepared for conflict, and more entertained, for having belied up.

End of Summary