The Untold Truth About School Bus Drivers #143

Summary

Podcast Summary: Bellied Up Episode #143 - "The Untold Truth About School Bus Drivers"

Host Information

• Hosts: Miles ("You Betcha Guy") and Charlie Berens
• Podcast Title: Bellied Up
• Description: Hosts Charlie Berens and Miles engage in comedic banter while interacting with live callers from across the Midwest and beyond, creating a unique blend of humor and relatable conversations.

Episode Details

• Title: The Untold Truth About School Bus Drivers
• Release Date: March 13, 2025

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1. Setting the Scene: Dr. Jekyll's Bar (00:00 - 02:57)

The episode kicks off with Miles and Charlie settling into Dr. Jekyll's bar in Appleton, Wisconsin. Their playful banter sets a humorous tone as they discuss the bar's vibrant reddish-orange and green paint scheme, contrasting it with the ubiquitous gray walls of most bars.

Notable Quotes:

• Charlie: "Two sides of the coin, Miles. Two personalities." [00:20]
• Miles: "Feels like it's always been here." [01:19]

2. Comedy Riffing and Stand-Up Advice (02:57 - 08:32)

Charlie shares that he's working on his stand-up routine, prompting Miles to offer unsolicited suggestions to spice up his act. They joke about incorporating pyrotechnics, explosive elements to engage the audience, leading to a discussion about cost-effective alternatives. Miles also suggests innovative stage movements and structural changes to Charlie's performance, though Charlie humorously dismisses some ideas as impractical.

Notable Quotes:

• Miles: "Nothing will engage an audience like a ball of fire." [03:12]
• Charlie: "I think you need some more pyrotechnics at your show." [03:12]

3. The Idea of a Live Bellied Up Show (08:32 - 09:34)

The conversation shifts to the potential of hosting a live Bellied Up show. Miles and Charlie brainstorm ideas on how to incorporate live audience participation, such as in-person callers and interactive segments. They discuss logistics like booking venues in various cities, enhancing audience engagement through cocktails and interactive submissions, and the challenges of maintaining the show's energetic vibe in a live setting.

Notable Quotes:

• Charlie: "We bring a bar up there, and they come on up and. And we talk out there." [08:24]
• Miles: "And see, the trick is it's getting harder to come up with excuses not to go because she makes the parties for the day that I go clean her house." [18:32]

4. Caller Segment: Sarah from Buffalo, NY (10:00 - 31:06)

Introduction: Sarah calls in from Buffalo, New York, expressing frustration about being late to her scheduled call and seeking advice regarding her cleaning business client, who she suspects might be a swinger.

Discussion Points:

• Client Behavior: Sarah describes her client's overly friendly and somewhat intrusive behavior, such as leaning in excessively, inviting her to parties, and making personal comments.
• Suspicion of Swinging: Miles and Charlie explore whether the client is genuinely friendly or has ulterior motives related to swinging. They humorously suggest tactics for Sarah to uncover the truth, including inviting her husband to the parties or subtly confronting her client.
• Client's Personal Life: Sarah shares details about her client's family situation, including her having many children and a seemingly indifferent husband.
• Compromises for Business: Sarah highlights the difficulty of refusing the client's invitations without impacting her business, as the client pays well and refers other clients to her.
• Additional Anecdotes: Sarah recounts past experiences with other clients where she discovered BDSM equipment in clients' homes, adding to her concerns about the nature of her current client.

Notable Quotes:

• Sarah: "This is crazy. And then she just kind of shrugged it off." [12:33]
• Miles: "I think you need to point blank ask her, like, why isn't my husband get an invite?" [19:43]
• Charlie: "You could have also put in some effort." [28:49]
• Sarah: "He thinks that it's funny. And now he's starting a bag out of me." [19:19]
• Charlie: "And if something happens during that party that is weird, it was Miles who paid the money." [22:44]

Insights and Takeaways:

• Business Boundaries: The episode underscores the importance of setting professional boundaries to avoid personal entanglements with clients.
• Navigating Suspicion: Balancing business relationships while addressing personal suspicions requires tact and strategic communication.
• Impact on Personal Life: Sarah's situation highlights how business relationships can spill over into personal life, affecting family dynamics.

5. Caller Segment: School Bus Driver from Southeastern Indiana (31:06 - 48:45)

Introduction: A school bus driver from Southeastern Indiana joins the conversation, discussing the challenges and quirks of his job, alongside his unique living situation.

Discussion Points:

• Exhausting Nature of the Job: The bus driver explains the fatigue from constantly waving and greeting numerous students, many of whom ignore his gestures. He expresses concern over the lack of good Midwest values among the youth, particularly their obsession with smartphones.

  Notable Quotes:

  • Bus Driver: "I'm on different routes about every different day." [36:16]
  • Charlie: "Look at you. Look at him, though. Holding it down, committed to saying hello." [34:35]

• Behavioral Issues with Students: He shares anecdotes about misbehaving students, including one who refused to disembark due to sibling rivalry, requiring intervention from a parent.

  Notable Quotes:

  • Bus Driver: "He refused to get off the bus because he was mad that his sister got off before he did and he started crying." [36:44]
  • Charlie: "What you need? You need a Midwest dad on there to smack the phone out of their hands." [34:08]

• Living Situation: The bus driver recounts his broken engagement and subsequent arrangement to live on his ex-girlfriend's family farm, where he continues to work with her father. This peculiar living arrangement has left him without immediate family responsibilities but has complicated his personal life.

  Notable Quotes:

  • Bus Driver: "I still live on the farm she grew up in, and I still milk cows with her dad." [38:28]
  • Charlie: "You are the investment. Are you gonna be good taking care of the farm then?" [43:08]

• Balancing Multiple Jobs: Beyond driving the bus, he also holds a maintenance job at a school, emphasizing his busy schedule and lack of time for new relationships.

  Notable Quotes:

  • Bus Driver: "I'm the youngest old man you'd ever meet." [46:43]
  • Charlie: "You're living the farm. Dude, that's gonna piss your ex-girlfriend off." [43:37]

Insights and Takeaways:

• Job Stress: The bus driver's experiences shed light on the often-overlooked stressors of educational transportation roles.
• Personal Sacrifices: Maintaining professional commitments can lead to unconventional and challenging personal living situations.
• Youth Behavior: The discussion highlights generational differences in values and behaviors, particularly concerning technology use.

6. Voicemail Highlight: John from Seattle (51:11 - 55:31)

Content: John leaves a voicemail praising the hosts for their humorous take on corporate jargon and Midwestern hospitality. He appreciates phrases like "same church, different pew" and commends the podcast for bringing smiles without causing offense.

Notable Quotes:

• John: "Same church, different pew... it's the best phrase I've ever used other than y'all." [51:19]
• Charlie: "Another one you can use if you guys like that is 'It's a horse a piece.'" [52:41]

Insights and Takeaways:

• Listener Engagement: John’s feedback reinforces the podcast's effectiveness in resonating with listeners through relatable humor and cultural references.
• Corporate Humor: The mention of corporate one-liners indicates the podcast's ability to weave everyday workplace language into comedic material.

7. Closing Remarks and Final Banter (55:31 - End)

The episode concludes with Miles and Charlie reflecting humorously on the content discussed, reiterating their appreciation for callers, and emphasizing the importance of Midwestern values and humor. They continue their lighthearted exchanges, maintaining the show's signature comedic flair until the very end.

Notable Quotes:

• Charlie: "We're on their phone. Oh, yeah, that's right." [49:53]
• Miles: "It's gonna consume my whole life." [31:06]

Insights and Takeaways:

• Consistent Tone: The hosts maintain a consistent humorous and engaging tone throughout the episode, ensuring listeners remain entertained.
• Cultural Reflection: The episode reflects on Midwestern culture, highlighting both its strengths and the challenges posed by modern societal changes.

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Conclusion

Episode #143 of Bellied Up delves into the often-overlooked lives of school bus drivers, weaving in humorous anecdotes and insightful discussions about professional and personal challenges. Through engaging caller interactions and the hosts' comedic perspectives, the episode offers a blend of laughter and meaningful conversation, staying true to the podcast's unique charm.

Additional Resources:

• Follow Bellied Up: For those interested in joining the conversation or becoming a caller, follow Bellied Up on Instagram @bellieduppod for call-in times and participation details.

Transcript

[Miles]

All right, folks, welcome back to another episode of the Bellied up podcast. I'm here with Charlie.

[Charlie]

We're at Dr. Jekylls. Miles, are you the Dr. Jekyll or the Mr. Hyde in this relationship?

[Miles]

You tell me.

[Charlie]

Well, it's a trick question, because Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde live in all of us. So we're both Dr. Jekyll and Mr.— Hyde.

[Miles]

Very poetic.

[Charlie]

Yes. Two sides of the coin, Miles. Two personalities.

[Miles]

So we all have a little bit of schizophrenia is what you're saying.

[Charlie]

That's a charged Miles.

[Miles]

Really?

[Charlie]

I don't really know. Anyways, we're here at. @ Dr. Jekyll's really cool bar here in Appleton, Wisconsin, right off of College.

[Miles]

Ave. You know what I like about this bar, Charlie? You don't see a lot. All the walls are painted, like, a reddish orange. I like that.

[Charlie]

I like that, too.

[Miles]

We're living in a world where all the bar walls are painted gray and. And all that stuff.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Places I like.

[Charlie]

Bold color choice.

[Miles]

I like it.

[Charlie]

I like. I. I like that someone. Like, there was. There was a barn that they. They were like, oh, we bought this extra paint for the barn. What are we gonna do for it? Go paint Dr. Jekyll.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

You know, and then they found some green paint, too. The green trim. I mean, this is a bold ass. And it's not a Christmas bar.

[Miles]

No, it doesn't feel Christmassy at all.

[Charlie]

No.

[Miles]

Feels like it's always been here.

[Charlie]

Oh, Miles, look. There's two angels, you know? Is that one smoking a cigarette, drinking a beer?

[Miles]

Those are the fallen angels.

[Charlie]

All right, Miles, if. If we were those angels, which one would you be? Which one would I be?

[Miles]

I think I'd be the one on the left.

[Charlie]

You'd be the thinking one.

[Miles]

Yeah. And you look, and you're the one on the right that looks more drunk and depressed.

[Charlie]

See, I saw myself as a thinking one, but let's do it right now. Let's do it. Do the thinking part.

[Miles]

All right.

[Charlie]

All right. Now take a screenshot of that, and then we'll sell playing cards. We should do, like, a whole thing, Miles, where we take, like, art like that, you know, and we just replace ourselves in the art, you know, and just sell that as T shirts.

[Miles]

Like me and you with. I don't know, it's like the. The two Iowa farmers are holding the pitchfork.

[Charlie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be great, gal.

[Miles]

I'll be the guy holding the pitchfork.

[Charlie]

Or you're the Donatello or the Michelangelo, you know, with your willy out There, and I'm just like, holding my hand up, you know, so no one can see it. Yeah, you know, I don't know. That's a little weird. But anyways, you get it. It'd be fun.

[Miles]

You working on your standup right now or what?

[Charlie]

Yeah, I'm riffing some things.

[Miles]

Miles, I actually was thinking the other day. Charlie, you were thinking, yeah, get the.

[Charlie]

Hell out of here. The other day you were. Should have called me.

[Miles]

I think you. I think we should spice up your stand up routine a little bit.

[Charlie]

Yeah, you want a little nip in my stand up.

[Miles]

Um, and I'm just going to throw some stuff out there for you.

[Charlie]

Throw it out.

[Miles]

You can accept it or. Or you can reject it.

[Charlie]

Yes.

[Miles]

Spitballing session.

[Charlie]

It's like when you go over someone's garage and say, hey, you want that box of stuff over there? I'm like, what's in the box?

[Miles]

Yeah, I think you need some more pyrotechnics at your show. Nothing, nothing will engage an audience like a ball of fire. Yeah, sparks, you know, explosive things that will awaken their primal being of being in danger. And then they are laser focused in on what you're saying they're gonna.

[Charlie]

Yeah, no, I like it now, knowing how much of a cheap bastard I am. You know, I'm probably just gonna stop at the fireworks stand, get a bunch of sparklers, line them up around the stage, probably set some, set off a fire alarm, because that's expensive, Miles, to get pyrotechnics.

[Miles]

Yeah, but now you can get the ones that are like fake pyrotechnics that you just like, plug into the wall and they sh. Fake sparks that, like, you can put your hand over.

[Charlie]

Oh, really? Yeah, dude, that's. That's as lame as a plug in.

[Miles]

Okay, well, if you're gonna be a cheap ass.

[Charlie]

Well, I mean. I mean, I'm trying to.

[Miles]

You. You said pyrotech. I guess that's true.

[Charlie]

You're just offering me solutions. Well, I. I like that, Miles. Thank you. Hey, here's a question. When are we going to do the Bellied up live?

[Miles]

Well, hold on. I got way more advice for you.

[Charlie]

Okay. Yeah, let's hear it. Let's hear it.

[Miles]

So I try that. I also like to see happens in a concert is when they finish a song, they kind of disappear from the stage, and then they pop out somewhere random in the crowd and do a song there. You should do that where you disappear and then you pop up in the nosebleeds and do A joke from up there, Miles.

[Charlie]

Great idea. And hate to tell you, in my first tour I did that where I would play a video and then I would go to the last seat of the thing. I say, yeah, that was. Okay. Here's the problem with doing that is you then have to get back on stage. Get back on stage, and sometimes it's a long time and no one can see you. The thing about the stage is everyone can see you. The thing about up there, unless they have a Meg, a Mag Tron, an imag, like where they have a video guy, you know, that could be fun.

[Miles]

Another idea is I think you should do the Midwest goodbye with a joke.

[Charlie]

What do you mean?

[Miles]

Hear me out. Okay, so you start your special. Start your show with a start of a joke. And then while starting that joke, you then get sidetracked and talk about another thing. Then go back and continue on the original joke you started with. And you just do this over and over again. And the final punchline is the joke. Joke you started at the beginning of the show.

[Charlie]

That's a good idea. It took you three, but that is.

[Miles]

There we go.

[Charlie]

I like that. Structurally. Yeah. I get a little aroused for structure, Miles.

[Miles]

Yeah, structure guy.

[Charlie]

Yeah, that's a. That's a fun.

[Miles]

You always got an easy transition. Oh, well, I suppose, you know, and then maybe you like, you start your. Your show on one side of the stage and every time you do a joke, you just do one step closer to the side of the stage.

[Charlie]

That sounds way better on paper than it does on stage.

[Miles]

You start walking around, you're like, oh, I gotta go back to that spot.

[Charlie]

You gotta. You gotta like, get out there and you know, your audience, they're not guaranteed to listen to you or like you. Every night you gotta go out there and just get on your knees and beg them.

[Miles]

Really?

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Okay. You know, so yeah, that was a couple of thoughts I had for you. So just take them or leave them.

[Charlie]

Well, I like the thoughts, Miles. And I got a thought for you. You. And that said we should do a live bellied up. Now, I know that you have a wife and a child and no interest in ever leaving your house ever. But I do think, I do think, you know, we should.

[Miles]

Oh, you're speaking like a true guy with no kids, I tell you.

[Charlie]

Oh, I know. I do have no kids. I have zero responsibilities whatsoever. But I think for one weekend, we could go to Chicago, we could go to Nashville, we could go to Milwaukee, Minneapolis, you name the city and Fargo. Shocker. We could do the Fargo Theater. But I think we start small. We smart start a little club, you know, and kind of do a bellied up live where people in the audience imagine it. They come in, we got like a little submission for questions on the screen. We just tell you where to text your questions to.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

We bring people up.

[Miles]

We open the doors like an hour early.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Everyone gets some cocktails. They can tailgate.

[Charlie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Miles]

And then they can submit their questions. And then you and I, while everyone's having fun, you and I are in the back just grinding, trying to find good questions.

[Charlie]

Yeah, we're always grinding. Like right here at the bar, we are just grinding, you know?

[Miles]

Yeah. And then we have people actually belly up to the bar on stage. Yeah.

[Charlie]

We bring a bar up there, and they come on up and. And we talk out there. Deal. Bellied up live. I think it's got potential.

[Miles]

I do, too.

[Charlie]

All right, guys, if you think it has potential, you got a dm, Miles. Because I've been pitching this idea to him for two years now, and he hasn't done it. So flood his dms.

[Miles]

Don't act like I'm the only one that's you. You could have also put in some effort.

[Charlie]

I'm down, I'm down. I'm the ideas guy. You're the effort guy. Okay. So it's basically gotta get to a point where you're like, all right, this is a great idea. And then you have motivation to book it, because.

[Miles]

All right.

[Charlie]

Or you just give me a date that you can do it and I can book it. Shit, I can book it. I book all these other shows somehow, you know?

[Miles]

Yeah, somehow I book. Should write that book.

[Charlie]

Somehow I book. That's a book. Anyways, Miles, you think we should take a call?

[Miles]

Yeah, I mean, if you guys are interested in us doing a bellied up live show where we take in person callers, or actually, people are belling up to the bar, let us know, DM bellied up dm, Charlie.

[Charlie]

Yeah. And if you guys have something you want to buy a seller trade, bring that base in. We'll do like, dude, that would be awesome. That's like. That's what gets me going the most, is like a little Antiques Road show, you know?

[Miles]

Like, that should get the people going. And Antiques Road Show.

[Charlie]

Oh, God, I could sit there and watch Antiques Road show all day. I love old shit, you know?

[Miles]

Well, should we take some callers?

[Charlie]

I don't know why we wouldn't.

[Miles]

Sarah, good to meet you. You got Charlie and Miles here. And folks, we have Sarah from Buffalo, New York. She says that Buffalo is nowhere near New York City, so don't even loop me in with those assholes.

[Charlie]

Wow, you sound like you're from New York City, though.

[Sarah]

Yeah, well, hey, I mean, you guys are calling me super late, so I gotta ask, which one of you showed up late?

[Charlie]

Oh, damn. Damn. Is that true? Is that true? Yeah, I was late.

[Sarah]

You supposed to call me an hour and a half ago.

[Charlie]

What?

[Miles]

I think time zone difference. We're in the central time zone.

[Charlie]

We're only a half hour late. What time did we say?

[Sarah]

It's so late. Which one was it? Charlie.

[Miles]

It was Charlie.

[Charlie]

I was late for sure. But I, you know, I think that's on our scheduler because they should have booked in the. Charlie late time. You know, we do.

[Sarah]

Shut up.

[Miles]

We do.

[Charlie]

Well, I texted to say I was gonna be late. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I apologize.

[Sarah]

Sorry.

[Charlie]

Yeah, well, I'm not really. But I'm saying it, so that's.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Sarah]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, for sure.

[Miles]

So, Sarah, I hear you have a cleaning business and you're wondering if one of your clients is just Midwest nice or a full on swinger.

[Sarah]

Yeah, I'm. I'm not really sure. You know, Catholic nice or swinger? I don't really know what's going, and I could use your guys's advice to try to figure it out.

[Miles]

Well, let's. Let's get a little backstory what's been going on with said client that's maybe making you feel a little bit weird.

[Sarah]

All right, so just a little backstory. I don't know if this will be relevant or not, but maybe it is. So we'll start with. I used to work for a cleaning business, and that's where I had found her through. And we would go with, you know, groups of people, so it was never just me. And then a year ago, I decided to leave the company and open up my own own business. And she ended up texting me, reaching out, saying, like, oh, I just, you know, I really like you and stuff.

[Charlie]

I'll.

[Sarah]

I'll cancel with the business if. If you come and just clean for me, like on your own. So I was like, okay, yeah, like, I get that, like, you want to trust who's in your house and whatnot. So I didn't really, like, think anything of it. And then starting to go on my own, I just, like, started noticing little things that were like, I don't know if she's being nice or if she's trying to, like, get Me to be with her.

[Charlie]

Nice. Let's get those details.

[Miles]

So what kind of stuff is she doing?

[Sarah]

Nothing. Like, too crazy. But, like, the first thing I noticed was, like, the one time I was like, oh, you know, like, I'm all set. Like, I'm gonna be leaving. And then we were just, like, having a conversation, and we were standing in her hallway, and she just kept, like, leaning in closer and closer to me, like, staring into my eyes. Like, I don't even remember the conversation. All can remember is just her staring into my soul. So I'm like, this. This is crazy. And then I just kind of shrugged it off. Whatever. And then she started inviting me to her house for these, like, parties. I don't. I don't even know. She just would send me, like, an E. E invite through a text message, like, to come have a party at her house. And, like, I. I don't want to go. So I would be making up excuses, like, you know, I. I got something to do that day or whatever. And then this is funny because literally two days ago, she just sent me another E invite to come to a party to her house.

[Charlie]

Oh, you gotta go to that party.

[Miles]

Well, so.

[Charlie]

Hold on.

[Sarah]

No way.

[Charlie]

Yeah, way.

[Miles]

Is the Evite pineapple themed?

[Sarah]

It's not pineapple themed, but it's. It says clothing swap. Bring some clothes to swap and a dish to pass.

[Charlie]

Wait, wait, wait. A dish to pass and clothing to swap? This is freaking. Yeah, now we're cooking with gas. You're going to this party. I hate to tell you.

[Miles]

I would bring.

[Charlie]

I would bring a casserole. A light casserole.

[Miles]

Yeah, something light, you know, maybe even a soup of some sort.

[Charlie]

Yeah. Okay.

[Miles]

It's wet and wild.

[Charlie]

Is she hot?

[Sarah]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

Is. Is a. Is a person attractive? One to ten?

[Sarah]

I mean, she's probably like, an eight, I would say.

[Miles]

Whoa, let's go. She's an eight. Let's.

[Sarah]

Yeah, she's got a lot of kids, but she keeps herself, you know, she keeps herself put together.

[Charlie]

All right, back up the truck. She's got a lot of kids.

[Miles]

Is she married?

[Charlie]

Are the kids living in the house?

[Sarah]

Yeah, she. She's got a lot of kids. They all live in the house. But when she has these parties, the kids aren't home. That's what she sends them all away.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Sarah]

And she does. I will say she does have a husband, but I never really interact with the husband. He's usually at work. Or like, the couple times that he has been there, it's always just like, hi, how you doing? And Then, like, he goes out on about his way.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Sarah]

Like, just her.

[Miles]

Have you ever been clean. Have you ever been cleaning anything at this health house? And you, like, turn around, she's just standing in the doorway.

[Sarah]

Yeah. So sometimes she'll, like, trap me in the bathroom. Like, I'll be in one of the bathrooms, like, in the shower scrubbing it. And she'll just come in there and just start, like, talking to me. And, like, she was trying to show me stuff on her phone the other day of, like, she's like, oh, look at. I just went on vacation here. Look at how beautiful it was. And then, like, every picture she's swiping through is just her, like, in a bathing suit in a pool and everything.

[Miles]

I mean, that is what you do on vacation, though.

[Sarah]

Well, yeah.

[Miles]

Give her the benefit of the doubt, you know?

[Charlie]

Now, let me ask you this. What percentage lesbian are you?

[Sarah]

Zero. That's the thing.

[Charlie]

Like, I don't. Zero. Zero.

[Sarah]

Like, zero. Zero.

[Charlie]

Damn. Bummer.

[Miles]

Well, they say don't knock it till you try it either, though, so.

[Charlie]

Yeah. Have you ever opened yourself up to the experience?

[Sarah]

Absolutely not.

[Charlie]

All right, no further questions.

[Sarah]

I will say you guys will probably think that this is also funny. One thing that she just recently did as well. It's winter time, so obviously it's super cold. Your hands get dry and everything. And she comes up to me and she goes, oh, she goes, my hands are so dry. Let me see yours. What lotion do you use? And she grabs my hands and she's, like, feeling the tops of them, and she's like, oh, they're so soft. She goes, feel, feel mine right here. They're so dry. I don't know what to do. And then I'm like, I don't know. I just use a gold bond lotion. Like, give it a try. And then I walk away. And she was. Wait, wait, wait. She goes, come here. She goes, your hands are so small. And she grabs my hand and puts our hands together. Like, look at. Look at how small your hands are compared to mine. Like, what?

[Charlie]

Wow.

[Sarah]

She'll do all this, but she won't offer me a glass of water?

[Charlie]

She won't offer you water? I bet if you ask for water.

[Miles]

That'S because she wants you to be thirsty, you know, just like her.

[Sarah]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Charlie]

It's a good one. Miles.

[Miles]

Wouldn'T it be funny, Charlie, if we. She finds out? Or, like, she goes there and like, God, this place is clean. I was here a week ago, but it seems like no one's been living in It. And it turns out she just has, like, seven cleaning ladies that she's trying to get to these parties every day of the week.

[Charlie]

She's just got a cleaning lady thing. Hey, let me. What's your story then? Are you together, married, kids?

[Sarah]

Yeah, I'm married and I have a kid.

[Charlie]

Happily married?

[Sarah]

Yes.

[Charlie]

Okay, cool.

[Miles]

So are you and your husband invited to these parties?

[Sarah]

No, just me.

[Charlie]

Oh, man.

[Miles]

I think you just gotta go. You can always bail.

[Sarah]

No, I could always bail. And see, the trick is it's getting harder to come up with excuses not to go because she makes the parties for the day that I go clean her house. So it's not even like I could say, oh, I'm out of town that day, because I'm literally there a couple hours before cleaning her house.

[Charlie]

This.

[Miles]

That is actually very smart. It's like Michael Scott, which says they have to work late, and then they didn't actually have to work late, and then he cancels them. Working late is like, you want to have dinner? You said you didn't have plans.

[Charlie]

Oh, this is a typical scenario where if it was a guy, it would be creepy. But since it's.

[Sarah]

Oh, absolutely.

[Charlie]

We're just having a lot of fun with it.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

Are you creeped out? Are you uncomfortable?

[Miles]

I mean, clearly she hasn't dropped her as a client.

[Sarah]

Uncomfortable.

[Charlie]

Did she pay good?

[Sarah]

She. She does pay good, and she's gotten me a lot of other clients, so I can't really complain about that.

[Charlie]

Yeah, I mean, I would just. What does your husband say?

[Sarah]

He at first thought that it was hilarious and he thinks that it's funny. And now he's, like, starting a bag out of me, like, oh, you're gonna leave me for her? You're gonna. You're gonna be a lesbian. Now he's starting to get mad about it.

[Charlie]

Now he's getting jealous. Isn't it doesn't kind of feel good that he's feeling a little about it, though.

[Sarah]

Oh, absolutely.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

What? So what I got.

[Charlie]

You're a hot commodity.

[Miles]

Your next excuse for this parties. I think you need to point blank ask her, like, well, why doesn't. Why isn't my husband get an invite? You know?

[Sarah]

Yeah, I could ask her that.

[Miles]

Be like, hey, we were gonna maybe do something that night. We. We maybe would both like to come. Can we both come?

[Sarah]

Or just tell her that he's coming and see what she says. Be like, oh, yeah, me. Me and him will be there and then see what her reaction is to that.

[Miles]

Maybe you should. Maybe you should try this tactile. Just maybe start doing, like, some disgusting stuff while you're there. Like, next time she's talking. Next time she's talking to you real close, just rip a huge fart. You know, just.

[Sarah]

What else do you got?

[Miles]

Farting.

[Charlie]

You know what else you got? She don't like the farting idea. I like that idea, though. That could. That could work. She. I. I'm getting. I'm getting swinger vibes for sure.

[Miles]

Yeah, that's.

[Sarah]

That's what I was thinking, too.

[Miles]

The big red flag for me when I knew it wasn't Midwest nice, Charlie, is Midwesterners don't like to touch each other.

[Charlie]

No.

[Miles]

As soon as you start feeling up your hands, that's where the Midwest nice just goes out the window.

[Charlie]

And also in the Midwest, we're making eye contact, but it's like, you know, I did it. I'm done. Okay. I did it. Yeah. To show you that I was raised right. But then after that, I'm staring at some mouse. I'm star at your nose or something because it gets uncomfortable. It gets too emotional. But when she's staring in your shoulder.

[Sarah]

It left me leaving. Questioning everything. Just staring into my soul for like 15 minutes.

[Charlie]

What do you mean, questioning everything?

[Sarah]

Still zero. Still zero percent.

[Charlie]

I don't know if it is, though. I'm going to be honest with you because for these reasons, one, you said she was innate. Now, if you were zero percent, you'd be like, I have no idea how attractive this woman is. Also, that's not true.

[Sarah]

I feel like anyone can admire a beautiful woman and not have any intention further.

[Miles]

Suck it, really.

[Charlie]

Okay. Can your husband.

[Sarah]

I do think so. Yeah.

[Charlie]

That was less hesitant. Yes. But still. Yes, we'll take it.

[Miles]

I think you gotta go to one party mostly because you've peaked, Charlie, and I's curious.

[Charlie]

Yeah. Can you.

[Miles]

Don't view it as you're going to this party and it could potentially be a swingers party. View it as you're doing. Doing research for our podcast.

[Charlie]

Yeah, we'll pay you.

[Sarah]

Oh, yeah.

[Charlie]

What'd she pay?

[Sarah]

Oh, I bet.

[Charlie]

What'd she pay you?

[Sarah]

Well, 200 a week.

[Charlie]

200 a week?

[Miles]

But that's for the whole house.

[Charlie]

Yeah, we'll go, like, we'll go bathroom.

[Miles]

We'll go master Swede. Master bathroom rate, 75 bucks.

[Sarah]

Oh, no, it's got to be the full thing.

[Charlie]

All right, fine. I'll pay you $200. Go to the party, actually. And I should also say if something happens during that party that is weird, it Was Miles who paid the money.

[Miles]

Yeah. Say, Charlie, if this is a weird scenario and you just paid her to go to this sex party.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

I don't know if I'd go that route. Yeah. I think this has got to be a pro bono. Pro bono situation.

[Sarah]

I could always just go try it out and just run out if I have to.

[Miles]

That's what I'm saying. Have your husband kind of, like, stake out the place. He can park a couple houses down. And you.

[Sarah]

There's a golf course right across the street. He could hide in the bushes.

[Miles]

Yeah, well, then that's. Now you guys are the creepy ones.

[Charlie]

Yeah. It's a different level of kink right there. And that's actually illegal. Now. I will also say there's his name.

[Miles]

Tom.

[Charlie]

There's no way your husband's gonna let you go to this party.

[Sarah]

Oh, no, I know he's not. There's no way.

[Miles]

Bring him with.

[Sarah]

Bring him with and see what happens.

[Miles]

Yeah. Cause he's gonna. He sounds like a guy. It's not gonna let any funny business happen anyways. But you gotta at least see what's going on at these parties.

[Sarah]

That's fair. I guess I should maybe.

[Miles]

Here's what you got to do. If she's holding these parties on the same day that you're cleaning, just take really long one day that kind of bleeds into the party a little bit. And just see the people that are showing up.

[Charlie]

If they got Hawaiian.

[Sarah]

That's what I'm wondering, too. Like, what other kind of people are showing up to this? Like, I'm not in her little friend group like that. I don't know who's coming.

[Charlie]

It's just her. She's like, oh, everyone else canceled. I like that shirt you're wearing.

[Miles]

There we go. Charlie, you. You ask if, say, you have a doctor's appointment when you normally do that day, and you need to come a little later on the day that she has a party. So then you're not like, I'm not going to the party. I'm just doing my job. I just had a doctor's appointment this morning, so I had to push it a little later.

[Sarah]

I think you just solved it. I think that's the way to go.

[Miles]

Because then you can get a little.

[Charlie]

Little taste without.

[Miles]

Because now you're not at the party. You're the help at the party. You're cleaning the party.

[Sarah]

Yeah, I am the help of the party.

[Miles]

There we go.

[Sarah]

Absolutely. All right, last question.

[Charlie]

Last question.

[Sarah]

All right. What else do you got?

[Charlie]

I want to Know if you've ever found anything. Cleaning? Yeah.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Sarah]

Oh, I knew you guys were gonna ask.

[Charlie]

Come on.

[Sarah]

So there's been a couple, like, weird situations. I think one of the weirdest one was when I had worked for the company and we had went to this apartment and they were very unattractive, weird people. And we went into the bedroom and they had like, of a camera facing at the bed. And then you looked and there's like all these like bondage straps and stuff like that on the bed. And then she's got like all of her toys on the side and stuff. And they're just nonchalantly like, don't even think anything of it. So then we're freaked out. We're like, this is weird. Like keep. Put that stuff away when we're coming. So we had went back and we were trying to tell the boss and she's like this middle aged Chinese lady that doesn't really know anything. So we're like trying to explain to her and she's not understanding.

[Charlie]

Well, hang on, let me, let me save you there. She doesn't know. She knows a lot, but perhaps not, right?

[Sarah]

Well, she, she picks up the phone and she calls these people and says, you gotta put your toys away before, before they come and clean, otherwise they're not coming. And it's just like now you're sending us back after saying that. So then we had went back and they had put it away, but then the time after it was all right back out again. So I don't even.

[Miles]

Yeah, but have you found anything like that in the swingers house?

[Sarah]

No, I have not.

[Miles]

That's interesting.

[Sarah]

I don't open any drawers or anything like that, but there's nothing laying around. She just kind of has it like very like modern, like little things everywhere, but nothing.

[Miles]

Yeah, kind of like. Yeah, like American Psycho type of style.

[Charlie]

She's. Yeah.

[Miles]

I think you accidentally open up a cupboard and just plastic wrap just comes flying out. Not because they're murdering anyone, but all the bodily fluids. Charlie.

[Sarah]

Oh, absolutely.

[Charlie]

Yeah. Wild. Are there any pictures of her with Diddy around?

[Sarah]

Not, not that I can confirm.

[Charlie]

All right, well, you know, it's nothing that weird then, right?

[Sarah]

That weird.

[Charlie]

Well, I'm out of questions. Miles, you.

[Miles]

No, I think you nailed it. I think you got to just go to one of these parties and report back. We just. We gotta know what's going on at these parties.

[Sarah]

It's next week.

[Miles]

Okay.

[Charlie]

All right.

[Sarah]

He's having one next week.

[Miles]

Okay. Yeah.

[Charlie]

Bad. It was Miles's idea.

[Miles]

Have your Husband, two hours.

[Charlie]

No, you can't pin this on me. I just legally said it's miles idea for any lawyers watching this post. Post step. You're not. There's nothing gonna be. She's not like kill. Serial killer.

[Miles]

What if it's like a total.

[Sarah]

No, not a serial killer.

[Miles]

Totally normal party that she has the time of her life at. It's just. This whole time you've been denying great parties.

[Sarah]

Or what if it's a totally normal party and now I'm the weird one for thinking otherwise?

[Miles]

Correct.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Maybe you aren't as 0% lesbian as you thought.

[Sarah]

Oh, I am.

[Charlie]

Well, we thank you for calling in and sharing this with us. It was fun to spill the tea with you at the bar.

[Sarah]

Thank you, guys. And Charlie, I got a bone to pick with you real quick. Oh, just super quick. Judging by my quick little Google search, you haven't been to Buffalo, New York since 2022, and I want to know what's up with that. Do you not like us or.

[Charlie]

I love Buffalo. I do. I was just up in Rochester. I did Syracuse. I haven't been to Syracuse. I got to get back up there.

[Sarah]

Yeah, I think so too. You probably forget. So whoever does your bookings, you know, book Charlie somewhere near Buffalo, New York.

[Charlie]

I was just in Albany, which isn't Buffalo.

[Sarah]

That's too far from me.

[Charlie]

I know, you're right. I do have to get back up there because that was a frickin awesome time. And I think we did two shows there.

[Miles]

Hey, he'll book a show in Buffalo if you bring your client to the show as well.

[Sarah]

Oh, no, no, that would be. So I'm not bringing her.

[Charlie]

I got all the crowd work bits for her.

[Miles]

Yeah, you've already done a Midwest Swingers. There's already been swingers at your show.

[Charlie]

Yeah, I did it. Have swingers at my show. That was wild, man. They were not. They were shameless.

[Sarah]

When Charlie comes to Buffalo, then I'll attend one of these parties.

[Miles]

That's a pretty good. That's a fair deal.

[Charlie]

I'll be the plus one. I'll go there.

[Sarah]

You'll be the plus one.

[Charlie]

I'll suss it out.

[Sarah]

All right, that's fair.

[Charlie]

Charlie had his swingers play. And I'm not into that stuff either.

[Sarah]

Me either.

[Charlie]

I just kind of want to be a fly on the wall. Maybe. Let's go with your first one. Where, like, if I go there, then you go to the party and you go to the first one, let me know how it is. And then I'll consider the second one. Yeah.

[Miles]

It could be a good after party.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

After the show.

[Charlie]

Yeah. All right, well, thank you for calling in. This was super fun. Tell your husband we say hey.

[Sarah]

And you guys tell your folks they said hi.

[Charlie]

All right, we will do that. We will do that. Stay safe out there. Happy cleaning.

[Sarah]

You guys, too. Thank you.

[Miles]

All right.

[Charlie]

I gotta know.

[Miles]

It's gonna eat me up inside.

[Charlie]

I think I already know.

[Miles]

Now I'm gonna go home, and I'll be thinking about, you know, are they swingers? Are they not? Kind of like. Like a detective that can't solve a case. It's gonna consume my whole life.

[Charlie]

And yeah, little Sherlock Holmes over here.

[Miles]

But I think evidence is leading. But it's always never the person you most suspect either. No, it's always the person you most medium suspect.

[Charlie]

Yeah, I feel like a swingers would be just. That's a lot of work, you know.

[Miles]

That'S a lot to maintain that many relationships. Oh, my God.

[Charlie]

My God. I. I can't. I'm. I'm a one relationship kind of guy.

[Miles]

Just can you imagine, you know, trying to focus on doing your thing, and then you're also having to appease all these other people in the.

[Charlie]

There's, like, people watching, just thinking of.

[Miles]

Baseball, trying to make it longer than 30 seconds, and now you throw in the aspect. You got other people watching me and wanting something from me. You got an audience.

[Charlie]

Yeah. Now you. You don't even have your bat anymore.

[Miles]

No. Yeah. Sounds like a nightmare scenario.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

So, well, let me see.

[Charlie]

We wish her.

[Miles]

The kind of lotion do you use on your hands?

[Charlie]

Oh, thanks for asking.

[Miles]

Your hands are big. Home or. Oh, my God.

[Charlie]

You know what they say about guys with big hands.

[Miles]

Oh, my God. You're kind of sweaty too.

[Charlie]

I was just holding my microphone with it.

[Miles]

Do you want me to tell you off a little bit?

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Also, I'm having a party on Friday. You want to come?

[Charlie]

Can you touch me on the shoulder like that again? Oh, yeah. Oh, God, this is getting weird.

[Miles]

Sweet. Take another caller.

[Charlie]

Yeah, hi.

[Miles]

Is this school bus driver?

[School Bus Driver]

Yes, it is.

[Miles]

You got Miles and Charlie from the Bellied up podcast. How are you?

[School Bus Driver]

Oh, I'm living the dream. How about yourself?

[Miles]

Same. Bellied up to the bar.

[Charlie]

We can't complain.

[Miles]

Should we dive into it, Charles?

[Charlie]

Let's dive into it.

[Miles]

All right.

[School Bus Driver]

Sounds like you fellas are having more fun than me today.

[Miles]

Oh, yeah. So, guys, we have a school bus driver on the line from the Midwest, and he wants to one talk about how exhausting it Is to drive a bus in the Midwest and number two, his goofy living situation. I'm excited, Mr. Bus Driver. What is so exhausting about driving a school bus? You're just sitting there driving, man.

[School Bus Driver]

Well, I don't know about you boys, but I like to wave and say good morning and everything to everybody I see. Well, you know how many people you pass in a bus to begin with, and then you have 60 kids walking past you, and you have to say good morning and have a good day to every one of them.

[Charlie]

Them.

[School Bus Driver]

And half of them won't even say it back. I don't. I don't think that these kids are learning the good Midwest values anymore.

[Charlie]

What the hell? They're not even saying good morning back to you?

[School Bus Driver]

Heck, no.

[Charlie]

Are they on their phones, just staring on their phones, Little robot boys?

[School Bus Driver]

Pretty much. Heck, I don't think they know. They'd know if we crashed into a tree. The way they look at their phones.

[Charlie]

Oh, God, that's scary, man.

[Miles]

So you got to, like, ice. You have to ice your arm at the end of the day from waving at people all day long on the bus.

[School Bus Driver]

I pretty much, much, pretty much do. Yeah. I have to go home and put ice on my shoulder from all the waves and everybody. It's an exhausting experience.

[Charlie]

Look at you. Look at him, though. Holding it down, committed to saying hello when these little shits don't even look up from their freaking devices. You know what that you need? You need a Midwest dad on there to smack the phone out of their hands and say, look them in the eyes. Not too long, but look them in the eyes.

[School Bus Driver]

I. I agree. That's great. That'd be great.

[Miles]

What's. Yeah, go ahead.

[School Bus Driver]

If you get a parent standing at the end of a driveway, man, you might take all day to get these kids home because they just want to talk all the time. I mean, that's the downside of the Midwest.

[Charlie]

That's because their kids aren't talking to them. So they're like, oh, finally a normal human.

[School Bus Driver]

I agree. I agree.

[Charlie]

Yeah. Where in the Midwest are you?

[School Bus Driver]

Southeastern Indiana.

[Charlie]

Oh, yeah, Southeastern Indiana. All right. So, yeah, you're just going down there and you're trying to wave at these kids, and then. What about people who pass the bus? Are they waving at you, too, or. No?

[School Bus Driver]

Well, they're not waving at me, but I'm waving at every one of them.

[Charlie]

Look at you. Look at this guy. He's just a Midwest soldier just ready to go just to spread the midwesternness to a bunch of people. He's like a missionary, you know?

[Miles]

Yeah.

[School Bus Driver]

I'm thinking we must be having some Illinois. Some Illinois people around here or something, the way you get the manners back.

[Charlie]

I. I think phones make everyone fibs is what I think.

[School Bus Driver]

I. I guarantee it.

[Miles]

So my experience with bus drivers going up is they were always yelling at us to sit down and stop doing this and stop doing that. Have you. Are you. I'm gonna pull this bus over type of guy, or what's your approach when kids are misbehaving?

[School Bus Driver]

Oh, I've had to pull over a time or two. But I've also learned that if you just talk to them real mean a couple times, they think you're scary and they'll leave you alone.

[Charlie]

Well, that's. That's a, That's a good option there. You got good relationships with any of the kids?

[School Bus Driver]

Oh, yeah. Well, I tell you, I'm a. I'm a sub, so I'm on different routes about every different day.

[Charlie]

Oh, wow, you're a sub bus driver. Now that's interesting. Yeah, because the substitute teacher, it's tough to get respect from the kids on that. I wonder if the substitute bus driver, maybe that's playing into this.

[School Bus Driver]

It might be, but I know something. Like I said, if you just sound like you're real mean when you get started, then you usually don't have no problem.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[School Bus Driver]

Nicest guy you'd ever meet. But you gotta. You gotta make the kids think you're mean.

[Charlie]

Well, yeah. Cause you gotta lay the precedent. First thing, you gotta make sure there's no horse around. What's the weirdest thing any of these kids have ever done on your school bus?

[School Bus Driver]

I had a kid, actually, two days ago that we got to his house and he refused to get off the bus because he was mad that his sister got off before he did and he started crying. The weirdest thing I ever seen. I've had kids refuse to get off at school. I mean, we can all get behind that. Come on. Who wants to go to school? But, man, you're already home, kid.

[Miles]

Gosh, yeah.

[Charlie]

Yeah, you were there. My guy. Now the next day he's gonna get made fun of for crying.

[School Bus Driver]

I agree. I agree.

[Charlie]

How'd you get him off the bus?

[School Bus Driver]

Well, I'll say the mother came up there. She was not too happy with him, so I. I was a little. I was a little scared to making her angry. I don't know what the kid's thinking.

[Miles]

He was scared. You had to imagine how the kid was feeling. Oh, I know.

[School Bus Driver]

I was the mom come up there, and she was. You could tell she was mad about it. I was like, man, I. I don't want to get on the wrong side. Jeez, kid.

[Charlie]

I wonder what that kid did at school. Because, you know, if the sister got off first, she already told her mom the thing that the kid did. That's probably why he's crying. There's probably a deeper story there.

[School Bus Driver]

He's. He's scared that the school called home before he made it there.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

That'S wild, man.

[Miles]

So, yeah, because, like, I don't think you can, like, physically remove a kid from the bus.

[Charlie]

No, it's not like a bar, you know? You can't bounce him out of there.

[School Bus Driver]

Maybe that's what we need. Maybe we just need some school bus bouncers.

[Miles]

Yeah. Checking IDs.

[School Bus Driver]

And, yes, now you're thinking.

[Miles]

You said in your voicemail you got a goofy living situation. What's going on with that?

[School Bus Driver]

Okay, so I'd say, let's say maybe three years ago, four years ago, maybe. I was dating this girl, and me and her, you know, got pretty serious. We moved in together, and we were engaged. We were living on a farm that her parents owned, and we actually ended up moving into the house that she grew up in. It's a dairy farm. And me and her dad started dairy farming together. Well, then, you know, flash forward another year or so. Well, she found her a new boyfriend, and her dad found out, and her dad told her to get out and told me to stay. So to this day, I still live on the farm she grew up in, and I still. I still milk cows with her dad. Helen. I talk to her dad more than he talks there.

[Charlie]

Oh, my God. You are the father. Son he wish he always had.

[School Bus Driver]

He told me that once, one time, which I thought was weird because he has a son.

[Charlie]

Wow. What a deal. What a deal. That's. That's.

[School Bus Driver]

I mean. I mean, I. I got, like, the woman's end in the divorce. I got to keep all the stuff.

[Miles]

That's what I was. That's what I was gonna say. It's hard to pull off, keeping the house, but you did it.

[School Bus Driver]

Yeah. I don't know. Maybe. Maybe I was smart. I got out of there before we filled out any paperwork.

[Charlie]

So. Do you ever see the girl anymore?

[School Bus Driver]

I tell you what, I. Being a nice guy, I know her and her new boyfriend, I guess, just bought a house a while back, and they're wanting to fix it up, and, you know, me being a nice guy, I even offered to help him out and her new boyfriend told me he'd rather freeze to death than have my help. So you know what? I guess that's their problem.

[Charlie]

That's a real secure boyfriend is what that is.

[School Bus Driver]

That's what I kind of figure.

[Miles]

So do you like, you see her at like Thanksgiving and stuff or. No.

[School Bus Driver]

Oh, yeah, it definitely makes, it definitely makes her angry every time you see her over her parents house and I'm there. But that's okay.

[Miles]

He's got like a stocking on the mantle during Christmas time and.

[School Bus Driver]

Oh, oh, I, I do.

[Charlie]

You have a stocking on the mat?

[School Bus Driver]

I do, I do.

[Charlie]

How long you been in this family now?

[School Bus Driver]

Well, me and her were together. I'm trying to think probably four years ago. And like I, I think we've been broke up now at least two years, so. Probably four years.

[Miles]

So. So like you guys broke up, you guys stayed living in the house together and she found another boyfriend all while you still were living together there?

[School Bus Driver]

No, she moved out. I'm still living in the house.

[Miles]

Got it, got it, got it. Why?

[School Bus Driver]

It's the house she grew up. It's the house she grew up in as a kid.

[Charlie]

Why did you guys break up?

[School Bus Driver]

I guess she decided this new guy was better than me.

[Charlie]

Oh, man. You, you.

[School Bus Driver]

Yeah, fine by me.

[Charlie]

You dating someone else?

[School Bus Driver]

No. Heck, honestly, I kind of like living alone.

[Charlie]

I don't think you're living alone, are you, you're living with her dad, right? Right.

[School Bus Driver]

No, they, they, they live, they live at a different, on a different house. You know, I'm living the house she grew up and they, they moved on into a different house. We moved in there.

[Charlie]

Do you pay rent?

[School Bus Driver]

No.

[Charlie]

Dude, how the hell did this work out? Are you that good with the cows?

[School Bus Driver]

I, I, I honestly have no idea. I somehow just for gumped my way through life.

[Miles]

I don't know, I just started running. I just started driving at some point. Doesn't he, I, I don't think he does. I mean, but no, I mean, he drops his kid, his kid gets on the school bus at the end of the movie. Spoiler alert. That's what it is. Yeah.

[School Bus Driver]

I tell you what, if Forrest Gump drove a school bus, that would have made a way more interesting movie.

[Charlie]

Wow, so you're working on the farm every day and you're doing the school bus when they call you You?

[School Bus Driver]

Yeah, pretty much. I mean, that's a couple days a week. And actually I have another job. Working a maintenance job at a school too.

[Miles]

Wow, Busy guy. This guy's doing everything he doesn't have time to find another gal.

[Charlie]

No.

[School Bus Driver]

Yeah, my. My dad. My dad once told me I was a. I'll do anything for money.

[Miles]

What is your parents think of this situation you're in?

[School Bus Driver]

Oh, they just shake their head. They're like, I don't know. I don't know what, what you're doing, but it seems to be working for you, so that's good.

[Charlie]

Wow. And there's no, there's nothing the dad has not told you that you gotta find your own place at any point in time?

[School Bus Driver]

No, no, they. Basically. He makes it sound like he wants to take. He wants to retire from farming in a couple years and he's looking for somebody to take it over.

[Charlie]

Ah, so you're the investment. Are you gonna be. You're gonna be good taking care of the farm then?

[School Bus Driver]

I guess. I'm not. I'm not opposed.

[Miles]

That's a pretty good deal.

[Charlie]

Yeah, it's a great situation. He's gonna leave you the farm. Dude, that's gonna piss your ex girlfriend off so much when you get that whole farm.

[School Bus Driver]

Yeah, well, I'd say so, but hey, that's not. That's not my business.

[Miles]

No, I mean, a little bit. You are living in her house, working with her dad.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Well, we appreciate you calling in, man. This is great. Yeah. Any advice out there for other bus drivers on how to, you know, not be so exhausted at the end of the day?

[School Bus Driver]

I would say, well, for one thing, if the kids get out of hand, you do need to resist the urge to blame on the brake pedal.

[Miles]

But when they're standing up in the. In the walkway and they slam on the brakes and they go flying.

[School Bus Driver]

Yeah. Mysteriously, a squirrel ran in front of me.

[Miles]

I don't know what happened. Break.

[Charlie]

Check them. That's great.

[School Bus Driver]

No, I. I don't know. I would say that we just need to keep trying to teach the good value to the younger children to, you know, be nice to people and say good morning to everybody because it's. It's getting ridiculous out there. I say it just. It's got to be the phones. I heard a story of a kid. I heard a story of a kid a while back that got on the wrong bus and he ended up at the wrong school in the morning. Like he was at a. There was a. There was a class of like, kids that went over to the local community college for some classes, and after class he walked out of. Walked out of there and got on the wrong bus and they took him to the wrong goddamn school like 45 minutes away.

[Miles]

Clap phones.

[Charlie]

It's the phone.

[School Bus Driver]

And in our school is probably five minutes from there. I'm like, how does this kid get on there and not be like, wow, I've been on here more than a few minutes. You think something's probably wrong, but he ended up 45 minutes away at the wrong darn school.

[Charlie]

How old are the kids when they get phones these days?

[School Bus Driver]

I, I mean, I don't know. I see kids getting on, you know, fourth, fifth grade, sometimes the phone. That's ridiculous.

[Charlie]

Good guy.

[School Bus Driver]

Yeah, I know it.

[Charlie]

I feel like. Yeah, that's just crazy. They can just access anything on those deals. Just a bunch of robots. We're getting dumber. Robots are getting smarter. That's the end of it right there.

[School Bus Driver]

I, I agree. I tell you, kids are so darn. They don't pay attention to nothing. I know. Like the school that I drive for, they, the kids, you know, use computers that, you know, do for learning every day. You know, they have to bring a laptop with them. Man, I bet every day there's at least one kid that forgets their computer, like at home or on the bus. It's like you have one thing you have to have for school today and you can't keep track of one thing.

[Miles]

So do you turn the bus around and go get it for him or. No?

[School Bus Driver]

No. Yeah, a lot of people do. I'm the kind of guy like, well, if you can't manage that, well, you'll just have to figure it out today. Like, there was one thing.

[Miles]

It's not my fault you have to borrow your neighbor's computer. You know, just like I used to have to borrow people's pencils because I never had a pencil.

[School Bus Driver]

Yeah.

[Miles]

You ever have a pencil in grade school? No.

[Charlie]

And I gotta give some sympathy to these kids. If, if I were on that bus, I'd forget my friggin thing every single day.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[School Bus Driver]

You know, yeah, Charlie does seem like the kind of guy that would forget stuff every day.

[Miles]

But that's not because you'd have been on your phone. It'd be because you're like looking at the birds outside.

[Charlie]

I know. Birds are freaking awesome. That's what these little shits are never gonna learn how cool birds are because they're too busy looking at them there. Stupid ass tik tok. I'm, I'm just turning into an old old man, you know? But at the same time, these f. Killing us.

[School Bus Driver]

I agree. I'm the youngest old man you'd ever meet.

[Charlie]

How old are you?

[School Bus Driver]

25.

[Charlie]

You got to Be freaking kidding me, dude. You got to be freaking kidding me. You sound like you've been through three divorces and two world wars.

[School Bus Driver]

Yeah, I know. Everybody's like, if you're only as old as you feel. I'm 87.

[Charlie]

My God.

[Miles]

Well, we appreciate you calling in today, man. This is great. And keep doing the good work out there. Spreading the. Spreading the love, the good mornings and Midwest waves.

[School Bus Driver]

Yeah, I'll. I'll have to work on that.

[Miles]

Hell, yeah.

[Charlie]

Well, thank you. Thank you for your service to the Midwest. You keep her moving out there.

[School Bus Driver]

Hey, you boys watch out for deer, all right?

[Miles]

Thank you.

[Charlie]

Yeah, you watch out for deer and pretend you see one the next time one of those little shits is in the middle of the alley walking on their phone, kick that up to the front.

[School Bus Driver]

Hey, I've only almost hit a deer in a bus once, so. That's okay.

[Charlie]

That's a big win. That's a big win.

[School Bus Driver]

I. I agree. I agree. Yeah, the kids wouldn't have known the difference if there was five of them in front of us.

[Charlie]

As we say that, a school bus drives right by us. That's symbolic.

[Miles]

Really?

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

I was too busy looking at my phone.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[School Bus Driver]

You guys are too busy looking at your phone.

[Charlie]

Yep.

[Miles]

Well, I suppose so.

[School Bus Driver]

Hey, you. You boys have a wonderful day.

[Miles]

You, too, man. Have a good one.

[Charlie]

We'll see you soon.

[School Bus Driver]

Make sure you drink one for me, because they frown upon that if you do that before you get on the bus.

[Charlie]

Well, you will. Take care, right?

[School Bus Driver]

Have a good one.

[Miles]

You know what was the worst part about riding the bus?

[Charlie]

What's that?

[Miles]

I didn't ride the bus, but when we go on field trips and like that.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

When you get the seat that was over the wheel well.

[Charlie]

Oh, yeah.

[Miles]

And then you have to sit there with your legs like you're sitting on a squatty potty.

[Charlie]

Yeah, that's always the worst one, dude. I remember being on the bus. That's why I'm worried about these kids. Like, they're not going to learn. Well, the. I remember kindergarten or first grade, one of the two just exchanging swear words that I learned with my buddy, you know? I mean, what a memory.

[Miles]

It's core memory.

[Charlie]

That's when I learned and he taught me, and I was. And I feel like now kids are learning that off of the Internet, and you should learn that from your friends.

[Miles]

I mean, we're a little bit part of the problem. Charlie.

[Charlie]

I. No, I'm definitely the problem. I mean, look at all the videos we do. This is on the Internet right now.

[Miles]

Correct.

[Charlie]

I know. Yep. That's how it goes, Miles. That's how it goes. Gotta look at the. Look in the mirror before you look at everyone else. Like, why are these kids all on their phone? Hey there, folks. How you doing?

[Miles]

You know, on their phone. Yeah, we're on their phone.

[Charlie]

We're on their phone. Oh, yeah, that's right. It's even more meta than that.

[Miles]

Well, should we take another one? Yep.

[Charlie]

Folks, I tell you what, spring is here. You know what happens when spring is in the air, Miles? The birds, the bees, the. You know what that is?

[Miles]

Boat motor.

[Charlie]

It's a motorcycle.

[Miles]

Motorcycle.

[Charlie]

But I tell you, Miles, and motorcycles, you know, they're dangerous. They can be dangerous. I got a Harley. I do. My dad. My dad calls it a donor cycle. And I gotta tell you, if you're riding down that road, you know, in your. And you get into an accident.

[Miles]

Well, what should they do, Charles?

[Charlie]

Get a time machine and get a car? No, but if you. If you get in an accident, you guys call Nicolet, okay? And be safe on those roads out there. But if you do get in an accident, call Nicolette. Nicolet Law. They're here to help. If you've been injured, give Russell a chit chat cat, okay? He'll make that stupid little lizard on the TV commercials pay so you don't have to screw the insurance companies. Call nickel a Swiss up.

[Miles]

All right, Charlie, we got a voicemail coming our way here.

[Charlie]

Voicemail. It's bellied up. Voicemail.

[John]

Hey, gentlemen, this is John, 32 years old, based out of Seattle, born and raised on the East Coast. But I'm out here in this land now. And no question is mainly a comment. The same church, different pew. You have no idea how amazing of a terminology that is for corporate America. I say this on a daily basis now. So many smiles, so many smirks, just so many comments on it. It catches people off guard. What a perfect terminology. Doesn't really ruffle any feathers. People understand the concept and it can be applicable in so many different things. So I'm just mainly. Thank you for sharing the love of Midwestern hospitality and letting me know about the same church, different pew, because it is the best phrase I've ever used other than y'all, thank you for what you do. You guys are hilarious. You have a wonderful day. And tell your folks and say hi.

[Charlie]

Oh, man. No, tell your folks we says hi. That's really. That's really. Doesn't make you feel.

[Miles]

I literally just said that a call ago. I feel like, yeah, same church, different pew.

[Charlie]

I don't know when we started saying that on this podcast. I feel like you said it.

[Miles]

Yeah, I don't know where I learned it from. I learned from someone, but the same.

[Charlie]

Another one you can use if you guys like that is. It's a horse a piece.

[Miles]

You know what's funny too, is he like described the advantages of a one liner.

[Charlie]

You know, puts a smile on people's face. Get what you're talking about.

[Miles]

Yeah, they don't. There's no explanation. Should need it. Like, yeah, that's kind of what onliners are for. It's joke. No, but it sounds like a great, great guy.

[Charlie]

Great guy. Also. How old did he say he was? 32. 32. He. I could have guessed like 75. You know, some other good, raspy, raspy boys.

[Miles]

What are some other good corporate onliners you can throw out?

[Charlie]

Corporate oneliners.

[Miles]

We knocked that one out of the park, you know?

[Charlie]

Yeah. I mean, are you talking about good corporate one liners or just shit people say on Zoom calls? You know, like, let's sidebar on this one.

[Miles]

Yeah. Circle back.

[Charlie]

Let's. Yeah, we'll. We'll dive into this tomorrow. I don't know what's.

[Miles]

You got any other good. Just regular one liners, Charlie?

[Charlie]

I was gonna say it's a horse a piece. You know that. Is that a one liner? No, you can tell a little. Little joke, you know, like. Like, how's about this? How's about this, Miles? How's about this? Why. Why did the ghost cross the street? Street?

[Miles]

Why?

[Charlie]

To get to the other side. Well, I was expecting half a chuckle on that one.

[Miles]

Did you just make that up right now?

[Charlie]

Maybe, yeah.

[Miles]

I'd keep working on that comedy special years show yours.

[Charlie]

I'm not going to give you any of the A list jokes, Miles.

[Miles]

What. What letter list is that? Joke you think like D, F, G.

[Charlie]

Like I'm never gonna use it, so I'm using it here.

[Miles]

Well, we appreciate that. Voicemail. And hey, tits up. Whatever we can do.

[Charlie]

Tits up is a good one.

[Miles]

Hey, this has gone tits up.

[Charlie]

Tits up. Yeah, I don't actually. You don't want to use that in the office. All right.

[Miles]

I like saying that. That when you're tired, you're sucking hind titgin.

[Charlie]

Hind tit. That's a good one. That's a good one.

[Miles]

Is that it, Jared?

[Charlie]

All right.

[Miles]

Well, guys, thanks for tuning in to another episode of the Bellied up podcast.

[Charlie]

Bellied up pod.

[Miles]

If you're in Appleton, you got to get to Dr. Jekyll here on College Ave. And don't forget, tip your bartender, folks.

[Charlie]

See you guys.