We Finally Figured Out What a Real Sport Is #189

Summary

Bellied Up Podcast, Episode #189 – "We Finally Figured Out What a Real Sport Is"

Date: February 26, 2026
Hosts: Myles ("You Betcha Guy") & Charlie Berens
Location: Hooligan's Bar and Grill, West Fargo, ND

Episode Overview

This episode of Bellied Up has Myles and Charlie holding court at Hooligan’s in West Fargo, dissecting what truly makes a real sport vs. an activity, taking classic Midwestern parenting war stories, and fielding a couple wild calls from listeners—including a brave Borat-mankini contestant from Minnesota. With plenty of small-town camaraderie, lots of laughs, and some provocative debates about the nature of sports, the episode delivers both wholesome and raucous moments characteristic of the hosts.

---

Key Discussion Points & Highlights

1. Hooligan’s Bar Vibes & Childhood Nostalgia

• The episode opens with friendly banter about the NFL helmets lining the bar and a warm-up about the bar’s bartender, "Goose," and his unique sibling-matching tattoo (02:10).
• Memorable Quote:
  “Goose, can we see it? … So it’s a goose talking into a tin can.”
  – Myles, admiring the bartender’s tattoo, (02:34)
• The hosts reminisce about uncomfortable childhood football helmets, “tattoo phases,” and growing up Midwest:
  • Myles: “I was drawing [tattoos] up...like Bible verses, yo.” (03:48)
  • Charlie: “My dad always said, ‘You pick the location of your first tattoo, I pick the location of your second tattoo.’ … Taint.” (04:19)
• Joke debate if anyone has a taint tattoo:
  “We’re not Googling that.” - Myles (04:53)

2. Dad Merit Badges & Parenting Philosophy

• Myles earns his “Dealing with a Kid with the Stomach Flu” badge after a tough weekend of cleanups in less-than-ideal places (05:02).
• Quote:
  “My child decided to conveniently wait until we were in my wife’s car to projectile vomit everywhere.” – Myles (05:39)
• The guys dig into generational differences in childcare lingo—“playpen” vs. “pack and play”, “nookie” vs “pacifier,” vs. “plugger” (08:01–08:58)
• Parenting values are suspended in emergencies:
  • “All of your principles and values as a parent just kind of go out the window, and you're just in survival mode.” – Myles (10:25)

3. Sibling Upbringing, Mantle Boys, and 90s Cruelty

• Charlie, as the second oldest of 12, recalls “raising” siblings, a hands-off “let ’em figure it out” approach, and the infamous “mantle” time out game (12:09–15:39).
• Quote:
  "Once the kid gets able to sit on their own...I would pick them up, put them on the mantel, and just leave the room." – Charlie (12:42)
• Admission this might have caused lasting trauma (“my brain wasn’t fully formed yet!”), but also lots of laughs and roughhousing.
• Jokes about 90s parenting:
  • "Cruelty now and cruelty in the 90s was way...oh, it was way different." – Charlie (17:34)
• High school hygiene: the rise of Axe Body Spray, cologne, and smoking in restaurants (15:53–16:53)

4. What Is a Real Sport? (Caller: Paul)

• Timestamp: Main caller segment begins ~[22:48]
• Paul from Lancaster, PA (with Midwest roots) calls in with his “unpopular opinion” on the distinction between sports:
  • Aggregate/Objectively-scored sports (football, baseball) vs. Pageantry/Subjectively-judged sports (gymnastics, figure skating).
  • Proposes two categories: “aggregate sports” and “pageantry sports” (27:17)
• The hosts question where to draw the line—what about sports with subjectivity from refs (like pass interference in football)?
  • Myles: “If you took football, there’s no way you can say it’s purely objective…” (32:04)
• Charlie suggests a physical test: “You need at least two major joints to be considered [a sport].” (34:22–34:36)
• Flowchart Moment:
  If it involves physical ability and two or more major joints, it becomes a sport; if not, an activity. Scoring: Objective = aggregate, Subjective = pageantry. (37:12)
• Funny exchange referencing the movie “Stick It” (28:52–31:14):
  • “There’s actually a movie with that exact plot named Stick It, right?” – Myles (29:42)
  • “No, I don’t, Miles...” – Charlie, never heard of it, comedic flounder.
• Wrap-up: Is dance a sport? (Polka? “Poker’s a sport.” “Well, it’s a dance…” “Dancing’s a sport.”) (38:45)

5. Medium Rare Steak Wars (Paul’s Second Question)

• Paul laments his rare steak requests being ignored at family barbecues; solved it by eating at home or bringing his own (39:24).
• “Is that wrong?”
  – Paul, seeking moral guidance (40:09)
• Myles: “Honestly, I thought it was going to be worse. I thought you were gonna say you cooked it at your house then brought it there in Tupperware.” (40:18)
• The legendary passive-aggressive move: gifting his hosts meat thermometers—two Christmases in a row (43:40).
• Hosts encourage next-level stealth (“hide your steak in a pizza bag, sneak to the bathroom”), with plenty of laughs (44:44–45:15).
• Advice: “If you do an edible, you go over [to] your friend’s house, even a well done steak is gonna sound good to you.” (46:02)

6. The Borat Bikini Contest (Caller: Ben from Breezy Point, MN)

• Timestamp: Second caller segment ~[49:04]
• Ben calls with details of entering a bar "bikini contest" in a Borat-style mankini, for extra cash—but loses to a “legendary bush lady” (52:10).
• Hilarity as they review the video:
  • “I had just about everything showing except for my rod and reel.” – Ben (50:45)
  • “You got some balls on you.” – Charlie (57:01)
• Discussion of crowd response and post-contest aftermath:
  “A lot of guys were just impressed on me doing that.” (57:55)
  • “Did you get any numbers after this?” – Charlie (57:37)
  • “No, but the winner sure took a liking to me…” (58:02)
• Physique, confidence, and the art of manscaping debated at length.
• Charlie and Myles consider (jokingly) serving as future celebrity judges.
• Ben’s motivation: “I lived with my parents in Illinois … this is just me going out into the wild, doing whatever, because why not?” (62:28)
• Ben’s unique vitiligo moustache: “That’s pretty easy for people to recognize.” (63:30)
• Invitation for Myles and Charlie to record a podcast while fishing at his Bass Pro Shop dealership (66:18).

7. Streaming NFL Games Rant

• Ben complains about Thursday Night Football being exclusive to streaming (Prime), leading to a brief but classic rant on modern media “cash grabs.”
  • “Any inconvenience that we have in this modern life where something doesn’t make sense, it’s because someone needs to make extra money.” – Myles (68:01)

---

Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• “Tattoo is a very big commitment. 100%. And it’s like, for what? … We live and we learn.” – Charlie (03:17)
• “Parenting rules just go out the window...you’re just in survival mode.” – Myles (10:25)
• “Once the kid gets able to sit on their own ... I would pick them up, put them on the mantle, and just leave the room.” – Charlie (12:42)
• “Cruelty now and cruelty in the 90s was way...oh, it was way different.” – Charlie (17:34)
• “You need at least two major joints to be considered [a sport].” – Charlie (34:22)
• “All your principles and values as a parent just kind of go out the window, and you’re just in survival mode.” – Myles (10:25)
• “You got some balls on you.” – Charlie, to Ben after the contest video (57:01)
• “If you do an edible … even a well-done steak is gonna sound good to you.” – Myles (46:02)
• “Whatever your mankini is this week, give it a go. Life’s short, put on a banana hammock.” – Charlie (69:13)

---

Structure & Timestamps

• [00:00] – [22:48]: Bar banter, childhood memories, tattoos, parenting, and Midwest nostalgia.
• [22:48] – [38:45]: Caller Paul on the sports definition debate: aggregate vs. pageantry sports.
• [39:14] – [48:42]: Paul's steak opinions & etiquette; Midwest food debates.
• [49:04] – [68:49]: Ben’s Borat bikini contest saga; confidence, making friends, and viral moments.
• [68:49] – [69:38]: Closing thoughts and inspirational mankini send-off.

---

Final Takeaway

As always, Myles and Charlie fuse Midwestern warmth, irreverence, and quick-witted comedy into candid conversations—with each other and their listeners. Whether you want to debate the true definition of sport, level-up your steak game, or learn how to take life less seriously (banana hammock optional), this episode is guaranteed to leave you laughing and thinking a little differently.

---

“Don’t forget to tip your bartender. Whatever your mankini is this week, give it a go. Life's short, put on a banana hammock.”
– Charlie (69:13)

Transcript

[A]

Welcome back, everybody, to another episode of the Bellied up podcast. I'm here with my buddy Charlie Bang Pow.

[B]

Poo Pop.

[A]

We are here at Hooligan's Bar and Grill here in West Fargo, and we are hanging out. Charlie, what I notice is they have all these NFL helmets. Up top.

[B]

Yeah, I really like that about Hooligan's here, because, you know, there's nothing quite like looking at an actual NFL helmet. You.

[A]

They're like, legitimate helmets. But I also like that they're like, hey, we love football, but we're not willing to commit to one team and

[B]

also not willing to commit to all the teams.

[A]

It's pretty much 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14. Of the 32 teams, they're not a

[B]

fan of the Detroit Lions here.

[A]

I see there's one right there.

[B]

Oh, shoot. Okay, so never mind. I'm an idiot. That's the MC north right there.

[A]

Jared, are they all. Are these all NFC teams?

[B]

Oh, and then they're going by division. Oh, they are all NFC South. Well, and also there's a Ravens helmet that's signed by. Who's the guy that can go Disney regular signed a Ravens helmet right there. Check that out. Isn't that cool? It's pretty sweet. Oh, we can touch it.

[A]

Could Charlie put it on? Can Charlie put it on or not?

[C]

He's got a pretty big head.

[B]

Yeah, I got a big head. Now, this is not an actual. So I'm wrong. This is not an actual. Not an actual helmet there.

[D]

Miles, there's no padding on.

[B]

I know. No, it's like, no wonder these guys are getting concussions. This thing's a tin dome here.

[A]

I mean, that's the helmets that I used to have growing up, basically.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, I have the little bladder. They stick the.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

The thing in the top, and then they go.

[B]

The little.

[A]

Just make it as tight as possible. And every time you took it off, just every part of your head was beat red.

[B]

Yeah. And then you just had the. That little hair outline on the top of your head, right?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

A little web.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So. Yeah. And what I also like about Hooligans is our bartender today. His name is Goose. Goose.

[B]

And he's got a. He's got a tattoo.

[A]

Goose.

[B]

I. He showed me the tattoo after he said, hey, Goose, what's your tattoo? It's a goose, and it's in Vikings.

[A]

A very on brand.

[B]

A goose with a Vikings helmet. Can we see it? Goose? Can we just show the people that?

[A]

So it's A goose talking into a tin can.

[C]

My sister has the matching one that

[B]

she's listening into it.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

Oh, your sister's got the matching tattoo.

[A]

A twins jersey with a Viking helmet on.

[B]

That's a very thoughtful tattoo. Goose. I like that.

[C]

Thank you.

[B]

So. So that's cool that the goose is holding a tin can with a string, and then his sister has another tattoo, so it's like their tattoos are talking to each other. See, I. Miles, I always wanted to, like, get

[A]

a tattoo, you know, you and I want to do one like that.

[B]

Should we.

[A]

We could.

[B]

I've never. So. I've never just had something meaningful enough in my life to get a tattoo of.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And doubly on top of that for me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Commitment issues.

[B]

That's it.

[A]

Tattoo is a very big commitment.

[B]

100%. And it's like, for what? Like, there's no damn waking up. Like, I want a lifelong commitment, you know? Sounds like a divorce guy talking, but

[A]

I wish you would have learned that before you got married.

[B]

Hey, you know, we should have gotten a tattoo

[A]

lot cheaper.

[B]

Lot cheaper. Lot cheaper. But, you know, Miles, we live and we learn. Have you ever. Do you go through a phase, though, as a kid where you, like, tattoo would be cool?

[A]

Oh, yeah, dude. I was drawing them up.

[B]

Were you?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't. I don't even remember what they were, but, you know. You know, probably some, because it was also the time of, like, Bible verses, yo.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, like that.

[A]

That was very popular back in, like, the 2000s.

[B]

You were this close to having barbed wire with a Bible verse around it.

[A]

Correct. That had been disastrous.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

My mom actually said she would buy me one.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

If you got a Bible verse tattoo.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no. Just. Just anything. A tattoo, and I never took her up on it.

[B]

Dude, that's crazy. My parents were like, you're never getting a tattoo. Like, they're like, my dad always said, you picked the location the first tattoo. I picked the location of your second tattoo.

[A]

Where do you think he would have picked?

[B]

Taint.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

The most painful place for attack.

[A]

But also, it could have been. Could be worse. No one get.

[B]

No one's worse than a taint tat.

[A]

No one's gonna see that.

[B]

I don't even think they do taint tats.

[A]

Yeah, they would.

[B]

You think they tat a Tate anywhere. Look it up, Jerry.

[A]

Inside of your mouth.

[B]

Yeah, but that's not a taint. Jared, see if anyone's got a tank head out there.

[A]

We're not Googling that.

[B]

Give it a Google Jared, that's Miles's company computer. Right. You can give it a Google.

[A]

Charlie.

[B]

What?

[A]

This weekend, I earned a new merit badge in dadhood.

[B]

A new. Okay, Steps.

[A]

Well, the merit badge is called dealing with a kid with the stomach flu.

[B]

Oh, no, wait. This weekend?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like when?

[A]

Like, you're not gonna get it. I can see a look in your eyes. You're worried that I've been exposed to the stomach flu before. You are?

[B]

Yeah. I mean, I never got it truthful.

[D]

Right.

[B]

What's the incubation period? Jared, can we see what the incubation period is on Stomach pool.

[A]

He had it for 24 hours, but my child decided to conveniently wait until we were in my wife's car, just projectile vomit everywhere. 12, 48 hours.

[B]

Okay, so when was this?

[A]

72.

[B]

Okay. Okay, then we're cool.

[A]

72 and we're cool. So it's, you know, like, of course that's where he picks to do it.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

Well, it's like, why couldn't he just do it on the, like, the luxury vinyl plank in the living. In the kitchen that's easy to wipe up, you know?

[B]

Luxury vinyl plank.

[A]

Lvp.

[B]

Lvp. I like it fancy.

[A]

Basically. Like, you know, you can't afford real hardwoods. Yeah. You get the lvp, but you're not, you know, it's not linoleum.

[B]

Yeah. Step up from linoleum, and if you're going to vom on it, it's not going to get. It's not going to seat water. Not getting those little cracks.

[A]

Correct. So that's what I would. He did puke on that on the LVP later.

[B]

Okay. But as we mentioned, that's an easy cleanup. Yep.

[A]

And then the final one, we. We learned our lesson. So he had three pukes over 24 hours. Car, floor. Last one, we got him to the sink.

[B]

Oh, dude.

[A]

Let's go.

[B]

Nice. What was the warning sign that he was about to bomb? Okay. Yeah. So he's pretty recognizable.

[A]

Yeah. He also, you know, right before he starts acting a little strange, you know.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

It's really weird. But then he would. He would puke and then he would just, like, smile, which I think is, like, insult to injury. It's like, oh, I was vomit all over the car. But he's like, I felt good. Get those demons out of me. Then he's just sitting there smiling at you. Yeah.

[B]

You know, I get it, though. I get it sometimes. Don't you feel you have a little post. Post bomb. Hi. You know? Yeah.

[A]

Not always.

[B]

You Put a tarp in his playpen just in case.

[A]

We should have. Also, playpen is a. Is. I feel like that's an old term.

[B]

What did he call now?

[A]

Well, like, it would be like, you just don't. I just feel like you don't put kids in a playpen anymore.

[B]

Why not?

[A]

Because you just let them play on the floor. I don't know.

[B]

Yeah, but if you got. If you're not watching them, you put them in the playpen without chokeables.

[A]

So now they call it a pack and play.

[B]

A pack and play.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, that's. Who cares about that? It's a pen for your child.

[A]

I know. It's just funny because I haven't heard playpen in a long time.

[B]

Oh, really? See, yeah, that's me as a 90s kid. You know, that's a guy without kids.

[A]

Do you call the nookie basically calling your. Your kid a pig at that point?

[B]

Yeah, I mean, they're cattle. Pig pen or cattle at that point. Not free range, you know. Do you call a binky a nookie or a binky?

[A]

We just call it a pacifier.

[B]

Pacifier. We call it nookie. Growing up, and then I grew up to learn that was an erotic term.

[A]

My parents. Really?

[B]

Yeah, nookie. I did it all for the nookie. So you can take that nookie and stick it up here. Yeah, stick it up here. Yeah. You know that song? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

My parents used to call them pluggers.

[B]

Pluggers. I like that more.

[D]

Plug them up.

[B]

Pluck them up.

[A]

Plugger. Shut the hell up.

[B]

Does the, does the pacifier fall on the ground? You lick it stick in your kid's mouth?

[A]

I've done that.

[B]

So what does that do? Does it science backed for licking it clean?

[A]

I mean, no, I don't, I don't know.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I just do it because I've seen other people do it. Ah, my kid doesn't have pacifier anymore, though.

[B]

Oh, he doesn't?

[A]

No.

[B]

Wow. How old do you get rid of the pacifier?

[A]

Well, we, we tried to do it at a year. So it turns out that, like, it's much easier if you just do it at like six months.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Because then he doesn't get it. He's not attached to it. And we miss that window. And so then it was a little bit harder.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So yeah, it was quite the weekend for, for me experiencing that because he's like thrown up, but it was kind of like more like spit up. And I think it was just like he was just A little car sick before.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, this time he was actually sick. And I tell you what. Parenting rules. There's two places that I think parenting rules just go out the window, and it's one, on an airplane and two, when your kid is sick.

[B]

Yeah. Like, do you mean by that, like that you just, you lost your decorum and what to do?

[A]

Well, it's just like, hey, you just want to watch tv?

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Like, here, I see. Here's an iPad.

[B]

Oh, okay. You, you gave up a little bit in that moment. You're like, you're going through enough, kiddo.

[A]

All of your principles and values as a parent just kind of go out the window, and you're just in survival mode.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So, yeah, I tell you what, though.

[B]

What's that?

[A]

You're pretty excited for work on Monday. When your kid has the flu over

[B]

the weekend, you're ready to go.

[A]

You're like, bye, honey. Have a good day. So, yeah, spongebob Meme where he's got his hand on the thing going,

[B]

so

[A]

hopefully he doesn't puke again today.

[B]

Yeah, I, I, I, Was it, like, is he for sure Good, though? Like, are you, like.

[A]

Because we're out of the woods.

[B]

You're out of the woods. Okay, well, good, Good. I'm glad, I'm glad you had that.

[A]

So, Charlie, you know, I've asked you before about kids and stuff.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Does this conversation make you want kids less or more in the future or the same?

[B]

Oh, about the same. I'm, I'm, you know, you forget, Miles is the second oldest of 12 kids.

[A]

I've seen it all.

[B]

I've had, like, five. Yeah, yeah. I've, I'm, I'd be on my six kid, you know.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Not, not that I, actually, that's, that's kept me up, you know.

[A]

That's a great point, Charlie. How did you do on the first five? Did they turn out okay?

[B]

No, but, you know, they've got, they're pretty, they're well adjusted.

[A]

This as someone who has 11 siblings.

[B]

Yeah, 11.

[A]

You have 11 siblings. You raised five of them. What did you learn with your first five? That if you do have a child someday that you fix for the sixth one?

[B]

This is a really good question, Mouse. Really good question. When, when I say I raise them, I was.

[A]

Let's just assume for the sake of this segment here that you raised.

[B]

Okay. So when I raise these kids, what I'll tell you is there was a lot of letting them do it on themselves, letting them find out for themselves, you know, like, They. I see them going for a hot stove, I'm like, well, I could tell them no 10 times or just let them do it once.

[A]

Okay. You were a fuck around. Find out. Older sibling slash parent.

[B]

Yeah. I was like, oh, this ain't gonna be good. I'll tell you some things I regret, though, Miles. We got a little shelf right above the fireplace. Some might call it a mantle. And once the k get able to sit on their own, you know, they can sit on their own. Well, good sitters. That's when I would pick them up, put them on the mantel, and just leave the room. And I think that may have created lasting emotional damage in a lot of my younger siblings. So I think I would not do that.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

That's one thing I learned.

[A]

You would avoid putting kids on the mantle and turning the fireplace on.

[B]

I didn't turn the fireplace on. The fireplace was already on. Okay. And. But it didn't heat up cold.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Then Heat up the wall. They look cold, you know. Yeah, they were fine. It was as a punishment.

[A]

Did you invent elf on the shelf? Is. That's a.

[B]

This was before elf on the shelves. It could have been.

[A]

You were on to something.

[B]

I think I was on to something, you know.

[A]

So how would they get down?

[B]

They would cry enough to where one of my other siblings would get them down, or I would go and get them down if I was going to get in trouble. All sorts of things could have happened in there. I don't really remember.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, that's somewhat cruel.

[B]

Yeah, it's a little cruel. I'm not gonna lie. But my brain wasn't fully formed yet.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You know, I was. I was just. You know, we would. We wouldn't. But I.

[A]

There.

[B]

We also had a lot of fun, you know, like we go sledding and all that, you know.

[A]

What else did you do wrong?

[B]

Well, you can't. You can't teach them things and expect them to not do those things to you.

[A]

You know, it.

[B]

Right. Like a little shoelace tying situation. You can't expect to teach them to do that. Your brother's shoes. And then your shoes don't get tied to the chair. You know, you can't expect them to cover for you. You know, if I. Hey, I'm not supposed to be leaving the house right now. But it's really hard to get that level of trust. Trust if you put them on the mantle. So you really got to think these things through.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You know?

[A]

Yeah. Because what's most important in life is that you don't get caught doing bad stuff. And so if that means that you don't stick your siblings on the mantle or your kids in the mantle for

[B]

later on, in my defense, some of them really like being on the mantle. Like, that's how I got started with

[A]

it walks in, all right, kids, I'm babysitting. Who wants to play mantle?

[B]

Because they thought it was funny. They'd be like, no, don't leave. Don't leave. And I'd be like, I'm gone. I'm gone. And then they would laugh and I

[A]

go outside and smoke a blunt outback or what?

[B]

No, I wasn't at blunt smoking age, Miles. That was. I was a kid. I was nine years old.

[A]

You know, I was imagining you're like, 15.

[B]

Oh, no. I mean, I probably did have 15, but I. You know, it's just a little mess around, you know, but that's how it was in my family. There was a lot of. A lot of rough housing and whatnot. And just.

[A]

I bet I imagine you in high school. You were a big cologne guy.

[B]

I did try.

[A]

Especially after hanging out with your buddies.

[B]

I did try some cologne. It was Axe body spray, Miles.

[A]

Okay, well, not cologne.

[B]

No, it was Axe body spray. Usually was to eliminate certain smells from the bowling alley. Back in my high school days, Miles, you could smoke cigarettes at George Webb's. Inside. Yeah, inside. Could you smoke cigarettes inside back in your day?

[A]

That's in one of my days.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I was younger probably than you. I mean, I. I remember smoking and non smoking sections in restaurants.

[B]

Wow. Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You were breaking the law. What are you smoking in a non smoking section?

[A]

No, no, no, no. When I was a kid, I remember walking to a restaurant and they would be like, do you want to sit in the smoking or non smoking?

[B]

Oh, I thought you said you were smoking yourself. You ever smoked a cigarette, Miles?

[A]

I have.

[B]

Okay. Does your mom know that?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

She does now.

[A]

Does now?

[B]

She does now.

[A]

How do you know to stay away from it if you don't even know what it is?

[B]

You know that's true.

[A]

How do you know the stove's hot if you don't put your hand on it? You know, people can tell you, hey, that's hot. But I mean, come on, you really gonna believe everyone? Everything says, I wouldn't.

[B]

Like I said, with my siblings, you can learn a lot easier just by doing experience.

[A]

True.

[B]

You know, and nobody. Nobody ever got in any serious hurts, you know, So I was looking out for my siblings. I now feel a little guilty for it does sound a little cruel, the whole mantle thing. Now that I say it out loud, yeah.

[A]

But cruelty now and cruelty in the 90s was way.

[B]

Oh, it was way different. Like, all my friends were putting their siblings on the mantle.

[A]

Back then, you kind of had a little bit of a crew you ran with that were mantle. It was like you guys were the mantle boys.

[B]

Yeah. The nice thing, too, about the mantle boys is if we were out there shooting hoops and I wasn't doing so hot, I could come home, get that confidence back right away.

[A]

And just put your siblings on the mantle.

[B]

No, no.

[A]

Something or what?

[B]

I was just saying play basketball against them, you know?

[A]

Got it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know if you're taking it out on your siblings. Just be like, you know what? I lost a fucking Billy Bob. Come here. You're going on the mantle.

[B]

No, I wasn't. I wasn't that kind of a fella. No, but it would. They'd be playing basketball outsides, and then I come out and, like, you know, show them I could do a reverse layup they thought was pretty cool. Built up that confidence again.

[A]

I think that's a lie. Got back into a reverse layup today.

[B]

Are you kidding me? Dude, I. I taught Call up Ellie right now. I taught her how to do a reverse layup.

[A]

And Betsy, I'm just not buying it. Are you buying it, Jared?

[B]

A reverse layup is not that hard. What do you. Are you. Are you messing with me? Is that good?

[A]

If you attempted a reverse layup ten times, you're successfully doing it three times.

[B]

No, False. That was my move. No warm up there. I don't need to want. You want to. Do you want to bet on this?

[A]

I would like to.

[B]

You got. You got a hoop in your office,

[A]

and if we are betting, I would. I'll give you. I'll give you one more. I'll say 40 of the time. You're making it 60 of the time. You're failing.

[D]

Do you.

[B]

You have a hoop at your office?

[A]

We do not. So that ends this. All right. Should we take some calls?

[B]

Let's do it. Let's take some callers.

[A]

All right, guys, we are recording this batch of episodes in Fargo, which means every car in the parking lot sounds like it's fighting for its life when you start it. Roads look dry. It's actually straight ice. I think they call that black ice, Charlie. I think they can't even see it

[B]

when you have no idea it's there.

[A]

You know, you're cruising along thinking everything's fine. Then somebody taps their brakes and suddenly everyone's sliding around like bumper cars at the county fair.

[B]

You know, I love bumper cars at the county fair, but only if it's not my bumper car, Miles.

[A]

Yeah, not in real life.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

One second it's normal winter driving, the next it's slow motion fender bender or someone spinning into the D. Fargo winter or Milwaukee winter, for that matter.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Turn into a car crash or an injury. Nicolay Law is who you're gonna call to handle the mess and fight for what is fair.

[B]

That's true, Miles. Just give Russell Nicolay a call. He's the man with the beard, ladies and gentlemen. Nicolay 1, 8 5, 5, Nicola Miles Knight. Can you just borrow this boot real quick?

[A]

Yeah, go ahead. Take my boot right off my foot.

[B]

These are pretty sick. You know, I'm jealous because you got your Brunt package before I did. And I got to tell you, actually, I do think it came in, but then I forgot. I forgot to bring it. But it just came in. I was out of. Out of town. But I am excited to get myself some of these boots because look at these suckers, Mouse. They look comfortable.

[A]

They are very comfortable. This one's got the. The comp toe, the like steel toe.

[B]

Feel that? Yeah.

[A]

Oh, God. I want you to. And break it, Charlie.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[A]

That's the microphone.

[B]

Testing around, right?

[A]

Going anywhere.

[B]

That's good. And it gives you a little extra lift. Two miles.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This gives you another inch.

[A]

And everyone knows that an extra inch goes a long way.

[B]

Sure does.

[A]

Yes, it does.

[B]

Sure does.

[A]

So, guys, Brunt's been sponsoring this podcast. I've been wearing the gear. If you are in the blue collar trades or you just like wearing workwear, you gotta go to bruntworkwear.com and use code bellied up. You get 10% off. And everyone, you know, Midwesterners, us Midwesterners, like a good deal. Anytime you get 10 off a pair of boots, a sweatshirt, a hat, they got a pair all. The whole thing.

[B]

Yeah. And just think about what you can do with that extra 10 bucks. Miles. 10 or 10 bucks?

[A]

10. 10. 10 bucks.

[B]

10 blocks. It's 10.

[A]

10. Yeah.

[B]

See, I'm glad I got that clarification. But, Miles, all the things you can do with $10 these days, you put a few of those, you buy a few things, you set all those $10 aside, you can get yourself a second pair of boots.

[A]

You put in the S P 500 in seven years, give me 20 bucks. And then if another seven years is gonna be 40 and then another seven, it's gonna be 80. Another seven would be 160.

[B]

Look at the brain on Miles.

[A]

So, you know, in 30 years, you save 10 bucks on Brunt. That's great. That's pretty reality. You made 150 bucks.

[B]

I lost you with the math. But I'm excited about it, Miles.

[A]

So, guys, go to bruntworkware.com. check out everything they got. Really high quality. Good stuff. I'm enjoying it. Charlie's enjoying it. Use code Bellied Up. Hi, Paul, this is Miles and Charlie from the Bellied up podcast.

[B]

Paul, it's Charlie. Nice to meet you.

[C]

Nice to meet you, too, guys. Where are you guys bellied up today? What you drinking?

[A]

We're at Hooligans in West Fargo, North Dakota. Where are you at?

[C]

Oh, I'm in Lancaster, Pennsylvania.

[B]

Oh, Lancaster.

[A]

Is that how you actually talk, or were you just doing the Midwest accent just to make us feel good?

[C]

No, I, I grew up in, like, Northern Illinois.

[A]

Oh, yeah?

[C]

Yeah, right there in McHenry.

[B]

In McHenry, yeah. Oh, cool. You ever get up to Wisconsin, Charlie?

[C]

I, I think I refer to myself more as, like, from Wisconsin than Illinois because, like, I, I. Charlie, I'm right there with you when it comes to the Packers.

[B]

Good. You know, good.

[C]

Like, I'm. I'm right there with you, you know, and, like, the last couple podcasts, there's been guys coming on, giving you a hard time about it, and do you know what? I'm right there with you, man. We got next year.

[B]

Thank you, Paul. Thank you, Paul. I appreciate that, that, that, actually, I needed that today, and, and you were there for me, so.

[A]

Especially since we're recording this the day after the Super Bowl. Yeah, I was. Charlie really needed this.

[B]

It's still a little sore. Still a little sore.

[C]

We got, we got next year, but, like, you know, I like the Bruins too. You know, my favorite food in the world is a brat. You know, I call it a bubbler, not a damn water fountain.

[B]

Real.

[C]

I don't, I don't think I'm a fan.

[B]

Okay. No, I, I, I wasn't gonna call you a fib at all, Paul. Just want to let you know it's a safe space here at the Bellied up podcast. And speaking of safe spaces, Paul, we heard that you have an unpopular opinion.

[C]

Oh, my gosh, yes. And I need to get this out, and that's why I called you guys.

[B]

Okay?

[C]

So I got to break this down for you so that you guys get it. All right?

[B]

Okay.

[C]

All right. So sports, you know, and there's sports.

[D]

All right, Sports.

[A]

You know sports, right, Charlie?

[B]

I've heard of them, yeah. Yeah.

[A]

It's this new thing I think that's going around.

[B]

Athletic activities.

[A]

Yeah, but, but more slang term. They're sports balls. Yeah.

[B]

All right, Paul, what about these sports?

[C]

Okay. I think that there needs to be a distinction between sports. I'm going to start this off by saying that thinking like gymnastics people and such, they work hard and that's the sport. However, I think, because you got points based sports and like sports that like, there's more subjectiveness to it, you know, they need to have a distinction. So like Charlie, me and you, we go to a Packers game, you know, and neither one of us know the score of the game, but we both watch it and we check at the scoreboard at the end of the game and we realize that the packers like just stomp the Bears, you know.

[B]

Right, yeah.

[C]

Because we watch the game, we know what happens.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You know.

[B]

Right,

[A]

so. So where that argument falls a little bit of a part is if you just watch the game and you just watch like how good both teams are and he didn't know what the score was, you could get that wrong at the end. Because of the way that sports work is just because someone's playing better doesn't equal that they win the game.

[C]

No, but you, you can keep track of the points is what my point is.

[A]

You're going like you're keeping book, like for a baseball game, but at a football game.

[C]

Exactly. Like Miles, me and you.

[A]

Why, so why did you. Why do you and Charlie have to. Why couldn't you just say that the person who keeps the score on the scoreboard is keeping the score? Because I don't think you want to trust Charlie with keeping score at a football game because you're going to miss some points.

[B]

I don't normally agree with Miles, but on this one I'm definitely agreeing with him on that. Paul, I'm confused. I'm honestly confused by your, your, your point here.

[C]

Even though you're talking about this is just the example. So then me and Miles, we go to and we watch like ice skating,

[A]

you know, which we would do. Paul, you and I, you know, we're big ice skating guys.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

And like, I think that the, that the ice skater, like, they did good, they get an 8.2. Miles may disagree with us and they might think 8.5, you know, and then the judges come out and the, they actually up and they got a 6.7, you know, so.

[A]

Yeah, because we.

[C]

Because there's a points based system and a more subjective way. I think that sports should be classified into two categories of aggregate sports, where it's points based and pageantry sports, which is subjectivity.

[B]

Okay, okay, okay. So boxing. Would boxing be pageantry? Pageantry. See that? Can you imagine? Paul, I want you to tell the boxers that it's a pageantry sport. I just want to watch. That's my new sport is watching you go up to each boxer and telling them, hey guys, this is actually a pageantry sport, just so you know. I just wanted to let you know that, see what happens. Okay.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. I like that in like. Because that, that is one of the complaints with a thing like gymnastics, you know, because like in reality the, the gymnasts could all just like, let's say they're doing vault, right? You know, where they run and they jump and they, they flip off of the little thing. Right.

[B]

I'm. I know what a vault is.

[A]

It's been a while since I've seen you. I forget you just have this constant look of confusion on your face and that's just like regular state.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I should have known. Yeah.

[B]

Some, some of my wrinkles are starting to stay now.

[A]

You know, they could essentially all the gymnasts could just stick it to the. The judges and all just fault and not do their vault and then they all would get first place. Do you know what I mean?

[B]

Well, they would all have to come to the agreement that none of them would do that. And then one would still get first place though.

[A]

Sounds actually like a good idea for a movie about gymnastics.

[B]

Does it?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What would you call it?

[A]

Probably Stick It.

[B]

Stick it to Stick It. Stick it to the. Honestly, Miles, I don't think that's gonna be a very good movie.

[A]

You don't think so? No, I think it would be great.

[B]

Well, see, I think a lot of

[A]

people would watch that.

[B]

Yeah. Why don't you make it?

[A]

Okay, I will.

[C]

You'll be the star of the show, Miles.

[A]

Well, it would probably be female based show is what I was thinking.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Because it's a high. Anyways, boy.

[C]

Boys can do gymnastics too.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So before we go any further, Charlie, you do know that there is a movie with that exact plot named Stick it, right?

[B]

No, I don't. Miles, I didn't know. Is that you say that like. Paul, did you know about Stick It?

[C]

Oh, hell no.

[B]

Okay. Miles, what are you doing watching these esoteric films? Stick It, Jared, have you heard of Stick It?

[A]

This Google Stick It. I think Jared hasn't heard it.

[B]

I think he dreamed this movie.

[A]

Seen the movie Stick it before Goose has seen it. Oh, you've seen it?

[B]

Goose knows about this movie, Stick It. It's a movie about gymnastics.

[A]

Yeah. Where they stick it to the judges. That's why it's called Stick It.

[D]

Really?

[A]

I thought you guys are catching on. Yeah, it's like. Yeah, it's like a pull. It's a play on words.

[B]

Oh, my gosh. Yeah. What's around tomato score on that? I'm guessing 52, maybe 40.

[A]

30.

[B]

30. Yeah. It sounded like a terrible plot as you were explaining it. I was like, who's gonna watch that?

[A]

So. Well, you don't like it.

[B]

I think you might be the only person in the world that's seen that movie.

[A]

Although you've seen Stick it.

[B]

Audience score is 73.

[A]

So much different than Stick It.

[B]

Bring It On. Another pageantry sport. Audience scores.

[A]

Have you ever seen the movie Stick it before? Yeah, she's seen it.

[B]

Did you like it? Bring it on is better. Okay, so see, I'm not lying here. No, I mean that's cool. Sweet.

[A]

So anyway, sorry, Paul.

[B]

Paul and I.

[A]

The bit failed because no one got what I was doing. So there's some listeners out there have seen the movie.

[B]

You just got to start a podcast with 27 year old girls and then it'll really hit women. Paul, is that your. So that's your. That's your controversial take here?

[C]

Is create my controversial take. Like sports needs to be aggregate. Sports and pageantry.

[A]

All right, I got a. I'm going to put a hole again in your little argument here. What about sports that are not purely objective? Because if you took football, there's no way you can say it's purely objective because the refs can call pass interference at their discretion, which could change the entire part of the game, which is them judging the game. Just like gymnastics.

[C]

But you do have coaches that can throw a red flag.

[B]

Not on a passing, not on a

[A]

passenger, not on pass interference.

[B]

I wish they could. Packers season will look much different, honestly, if we could maybe. Paul, that should be your. Your unpopular. Do you think they should be able to throw red flag for passing appearance?

[A]

They tried it, didn't they? And it. It didn't work very well.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

Oh, because it's just so subjective.

[B]

It's very subjective. That's true.

[A]

You know basketball, the refs can. They can derail an entire game. They can call any foul. They don't have to call fouls.

[C]

This is what we're going to do. We're just going to use AI to coach and to ref everything.

[A]

Yeah, we could do that. Charlie, you'd be on board of that.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

So here's another question too, Paul. This is a slippery slope. So then you get into the. All right, so you have aggregate sports, you have pageantry sports, and then you have activities. Right. So like darts is an activity. Right.

[B]

But a pretty. That darts, of all the ones.

[A]

But darts is the most objective. So is it more than basketball?

[B]

Darts is absolutely a sport. You know that.

[A]

Well, I'm saying it's probably an activity.

[B]

No, it's a sport.

[A]

Is chess a sport or an activity?

[B]

Chess is an activity.

[A]

Okay, so what's the difference between darts and chess?

[B]

Miles, can the. The joint movement of darts is significant. The joint movement in chess not significant. You need. Okay, so you're saying a physical hand eye coordination.

[A]

Okay. Okay, so you're saying video games are a sport.

[B]

No, video games are not a sport. Hand eye coordination, but no physical contribution to that. It's just hand motions. It's got to involve more than your hands. No, don't even do it with darts.

[A]

Now you're saying it has to involve more major joints.

[B]

Yeah, I need.

[A]

I need sports based off of how many major joints are involved.

[B]

Precisely.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

You need at least two major joints to be considered.

[A]

Actually, that's actually some of the best. That's maybe the best argument I've actually heard. Thank you. Because people debate this all the time on the Internet on what's a sport or not. That's the best I've heard.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Paul, what do you think of that?

[C]

I think Charlie's right on the money there. You need to be able to move at least a couple of joints, you know?

[B]

Yeah, I think so.

[A]

I think it's actually holding up.

[B]

Yeah. Let's try it. From here on out, anytime anyone. Anyone want to dispute a sport, you call us up and we'll put through the test. Yeah, put through the ringer.

[A]

So what do you want to do about pageantry sports here, Paul?

[C]

Well, I just. I just wanted to get the word out, you know, because I had the idea and like, I was just like, man. Because it all started where. Oh, gosh, a friend of mine was like, oh, yeah, like gymnastics. She wanted to watch gymnastics rather than something else that I wanted to watch. I forget what it was. It was when my second kid was born and I was like, no, I don't want to watch this. This is just all subjective.

[B]

I don't.

[C]

I don't like this. You know, I don't know who's freaking winning or that. And yeah, we got in a whole big argument. I was like, it should be called to just a pageantry sport.

[A]

Now I think what we could do to help fix the pageantry sports is just have more judges so that you get a more accurate read of judging. You know what I mean?

[C]

All I want is like, you know, a little bit of more fairness, you know, just because, you know, one lady, she wears like, you know, light blue, another one wears red. And then, you know, one of the judges doesn't like red, you know, they go for the blue one.

[A]

You know, you were. You will love the movie sticking, dude. You would love it. Part of what spurred the whole catalyst of sticking it to the judges because one of the girls bra strap was showing in her leotard and she got deducted for it.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, she should have known that you're not having your bra strap show and she should have known that as a. Is a seasoned gym. Was she a seasoned gymnast?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Clearly written the rules.

[A]

Accident, though. Well, had nothing to do with her performance.

[B]

You know what else is an accident? Miles? Pass interference. So I think we should also. I think we should put this in a little clip here and leave it up to the fans to decide. So guys, what do you think? Should there be. Should there be two different variations of sports? Should there be regular sports and pageantry sports? Also, do we just call regular sports or do we have a qualifier for the regular sports? Miles or Paul?

[C]

Aggregate.

[B]

Aggregate sports and pageantry sports.

[C]

There you go.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Okay, so here's the flowchart of sports and activities. So you start with said thing.

[D]

Right.

[A]

If it involves physical ability and also includes more than than two or more major joints, Yep, it becomes a sport.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Otherwise, then it becomes an activity. And then once you get into the sports category, if there's a judge and it's subjective pageantry, if it is objective and there's a scoreboard that can easily that cause and effect. You do this, you get this many points goes into a regular. An aggregate sport.

[B]

Okay, I like it.

[A]

There we go.

[C]

That's all I want.

[B]

All right, well, we'll leave it up to the. The people to decide this, Paul. But we like that you're pushing us, pushing us to think differently about all these things going on in society. You know, we like that. That's what we like about this, this bellied up podcast is we're pushing the bounds of what's possible and what's not. Right, Miles?

[A]

That's right.

[B]

All right.

[A]

That's our whole mission as a podcast.

[B]

It really is.

[A]

Say it again. What was it again?

[B]

Just rewind. I forgot what I said.

[A]

I think it was pushing the limits of what humans can do in the space that we call home.

[B]

Yeah, it's all about the joints.

[C]

Yeah, it's all about the joints, you know, and you can. If you can get hurt doing it, then it's a sport.

[B]

Wow, Paul. I can't get hurt. Bad hurt doing the polka, dude.

[C]

That could be considered a sport if you really think about it.

[B]

Poker's a sport. Well, it's a dance.

[A]

Dancing's a sport. More than one.

[C]

Dancing is a sport.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So it's a.

[A]

It's a pageantry sport, but

[C]

there you go.

[B]

Well, thank you, Paul. Is there anything else on your mind before we let you go, my man?

[C]

Yeah, so actually, this one's more for Miles. Actually, I thought about this today, so, Miles. Yes, I would. So you got to tell me if

[D]

I'm wrong or not.

[C]

All right? So I would go over to my cousins, all right, and for a barbecue or whatever. And they would ask me how I wanted my. My burger or my steak or whatever. And I would say, hey, I want it on medium rare, on the rare side. And they would always come over and they would always bring me a well done steak.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Every damn time. All right? And so I started doing. Was at the time, I had a little apartment. I had one of those little charcoals, you know, piece of crap grills, whatever. So I would grill my own stuff, eat it there. And then I would just go over and they'd be like, hey, what do you want? I'd be like, oh, I'm not hungry. Is that. Is that wrong?

[A]

Honestly, I thought it was going to be worse. I thought you were gonna say you cooked it at your house and then brought it there in like a Tupperware, so. And then eat it in front of them.

[C]

I did that once. And they got all mad because.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Grew up on a dairy farm. And she's all like, if you saw this stuff I saw, you wouldn't want it rare. And I was like, shut the heck up. Like, this is the. I was like, you're one step away from putting ketchup on your steak.

[A]

You know?

[C]

And then. And then they don't even like brats.

[B]

They don't like brats.

[C]

They don't like brats. Nobody out here in the stinking Northeast likes brats. It's like when I cook brats at home, you know, I got the. I got the beer bath right There, and I got the brats going, and I'm the only one who eats them.

[A]

That's weird. I guess I would have. I thought the Northeast, like, especially like, Pennsylvania and upstate New York was a shoe in for Bratz.

[B]

I think

[C]

really like it.

[B]

How are you. How are you cooking your brats, Paul?

[C]

Oh, so what I do is I put it up. I. I, you know, get my. My charcoal griller. You know, like, I put my charcoal in there, and, you know, I. I brown them a little bit. You know, get those nice. Get those nice grill marks. You know, I put them in the beer bath, and then they come right back out, you know, down the hatch.

[B]

Okay, but Paul, how long are you letting your charcoal go before you put the bra. Chunk charcoal.

[C]

So it. It depends how fast I'm drinking my beer.

[B]

Okay, okay, fair enough.

[C]

Like, it depends on how. How full my beer is. That's how I know. I don't go by time I go on how. How much my beer is.

[A]

I like that.

[B]

Well, that. That. I. I do like your philosophy there, but it. Paul, I do have to say this could leave open the possibility that some of your brats might taste like lighter fluid. Are you using lighter fluid?

[C]

I don't use no lighter fluid.

[B]

Okay. Okay, good, good. Are you using one of those chimneys, one of them charcoal chimneys to get them all nice and white? Okay.

[C]

Yeah, that's all.

[B]

I was checking. I just want. I just want to make sure you're not. You're not cooking brats on. On untamed coals.

[C]

Oh, no. I know how to do it right.

[B]

Okay. And I figured the way you said

[A]

it all, Paul, back to your original thing, I. I thought you were gonna just show up with your own meat. So what. What, were they pretty offended when you showed up with your own meat that one time?

[C]

Yeah, the one time. They're like, oh, what the hell is this? I was like, it's. It's a. Well, it's a rare steak. Like, get off me. You know, I put, like, some, like, chopped white onions, you know, with it, and they're all looking at me like I'm freaking insane, and, like, I'm just like some animal eating my rare steak. And I was like, well, sorry, mine has flavor.

[A]

Well, could it have been that. That they were looking at you like that? Because when you showed up, you started eating it, and they didn't have their food yet, so they were just.

[D]

No, no, no.

[C]

They were all. No, I made sure of that, Miles. I made sure that I got there, like, in the middle, you Know when everybody's like, still, you know, so that I could just slip on in.

[A]

So you, you show up late with your own steak and say that, you know, you guys cook them wrong on now and then you just eat it and leave.

[C]

No, I didn't leave right away, but you know. Yeah, I tried to just slip in there. There's like, what the heck is that?

[D]

I didn't grill that.

[C]

Like. Yeah, that's because I did.

[A]

So you learned pretty quick. That was no good.

[C]

Thermometer. Two Christmases in a row.

[A]

I think you just need new friends.

[B]

Yeah, Paul. I mean.

[C]

Yeah, I haven't been really invited over for a barbecue in a little bit.

[A]

I wonder why. That is a good move though. That was like my dad's friend. He would like go to his in laws and they would always cook really small portions. And so then he would, after dinner he would be like, oh, I gotta run to the gas station, fill up with gas. And he would go to McDonald's and get a quarter pounder. After, he just ate dinner at their house because it was because they had such small. Small portion size.

[B]

A small portion household.

[A]

A bud bag. Yeah. Yeah. So why not. Why don't you try that next time instead? Just be like, what you need to do is you need to put your rare steak in like a. A warming type of like, you know, like they bring pizza and the little thing that traps all the heat, the delivery guy.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Put your stake in one of those. Then when you get there, just be like, oh, I gotta use the bathroom. Go put that in the tub. In the bathroom. Then. Then you just eat some of their food. And then you're like, oh, God, that food's going right through me. Then you go take an air quote. Shit. Maybe you are taking shit. And just eat your steak in the bathroom after instead of during.

[C]

Well, what someone's gonna say when they see a freaking pizza bag in the.

[B]

No one's looking in the tub, Paul. No one's looking in the tub. They won't suspect the thing.

[A]

I mean, that's crazy move to go into a bathroom and just. If you just got pee, you just whip open the curtain.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, only people are doing that who have like childhood, like real trauma.

[B]

Yeah. Someone that, you know they had an intruder hiding in the shower or something.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, or they just took an edible in there.

[A]

Scared.

[B]

Generally. Generalized scaredness. You ever take an edible, Paul?

[C]

No, no, I never did. I'm a good boy, Charlie.

[A]

I think, Paul, I think you would

[C]

really enjoy it, you know, so when I got out of the military, I got a bunch of guys who told me, hey, you should go on the. On the medical marijuana and do all this and do all that now that you're out. And I don't know, man, I just like drinking beer.

[A]

Okay, but here's the thing, though. You do an edible, you go over your friend's house. Even a well done steak is gonna sound good to you. You're gonna be so hungry.

[B]

We might have stumbled on a solution here for your. Your friend problems here, Paul.

[A]

See?

[C]

And this. And this is why I called in.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

We. It took us a while, but we found the advice you needed.

[A]

So, yeah, just start doing edibles.

[B]

Say yes to drugs. We dare you.

[A]

And then all of a sudden, you care a lot less about how well your steak is prepared and more about that there's just steak in front of you.

[B]

Yeah, you're not gonna chips and mashed potatoes and everything, but you may have an existential crisis at your friend's house, but just.

[A]

Yeah, then just go into the bathroom and whip open the shower curtain and make sure no one's there. Yeah, then you're good.

[B]

You'll be fine.

[C]

So then I get two steaks.

[B]

Well, in this scenario, we didn't incorporate the other steak, but you could still bring it.

[A]

I'm gonna tell you this, you get the right edible, you could have four steaks.

[C]

There you go.

[A]

Yeah, that's the type of appetite that. Appetite you're looking for.

[B]

Appetite.

[D]

Appetite.

[A]

All right, Paul. Well, we appreciate it. I think we solved your problem. I don't know, you could disagree, but

[C]

no, you solved the problem, you know.

[B]

All right, well, we're happy that you called in here, Paul, and get on. Get on back to Wisconsin sometime soon, okay?

[C]

Oh, I'd love. I'd love to, you know, but you guys, you guys say hi to your folks. Watch out for deer, and change your air filter, okay?

[B]

We will. And YouTube. Paul, thanks for your service too.

[C]

Yeah, no problem.

[B]

All right, bye. Bye now. Paul's a good guy. You know, you can see where some of this comes from, though, Miles. Like, you know, you. You want your steak done right, and when it's not, I love the passive aggressive move for the Christmas present with the meat thermometer. That might be my favorite.

[A]

Glaze over that. That was a great move by Paul.

[B]

That was wonderful.

[A]

Two years in a row.

[B]

Even I know that's. I wonder. I wonder if he brought it up or if they all just ignored that it happened again, you know,

[A]

they definitely talk Shit about him on the way home. Yeah, he bought us another meat thermometer.

[B]

I'd always love to get the other side of this. So if you're out there and you're Paul's friend and you listen to the show, call in sometime. We'd love to get the other side. Yeah, actually, anybody out there? If someone's called up to the podcast and talked smack about you, give us the other side.

[A]

There's two sides to every coin, Charlie.

[B]

There is? Well, some coins, actually, through a problem at the Mint, they printed the same thing on both sides of the coin. There's still two sides.

[A]

Still two sides?

[B]

Yeah, there's still two sides.

[A]

Just sometimes on both sides it's the same thing.

[B]

Right. And that's symbolic of life. Should we take another caller, Miles?

[A]

Let's do it. Hi, Ben, you got Miles and Charlie from the Bellied up podcast. We heard that you have entered a contest or you did enter a contest.

[D]

I did and I lost.

[B]

What contest?

[D]

So my co worker told me about a good way to make some extra cash since I'm new to Minnesota and at his local bar they do a bikini contest.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

And so I'm not sure if you guys are familiar with the movie Borat.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Did you put a banana hammock on?

[D]

Oh, yeah, I. I have the video if you want me to send it to you, Please.

[A]

I would love for you to send it right now.

[D]

Wow. Do I send it to the number or.

[A]

Yeah, I think so. Right. Right here, Jared. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Okay.

[A]

You can just text it to this number. Try that. All right. Okay. So you, bikini contest, you said, I'd like to make some extra cash. I got this Borat banana hammock laying around. I'll strap it on and head over.

[D]

Yeah, I'm sending you the video right now.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, I think, Miles, we. We just got react to this video because I got some problems.

[A]

Is it suitable for work? What's that? Is it safe for work?

[D]

Some of the guys at work have seen it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. It was.

[D]

I mean, I had just about everything showing except for my rod and reel.

[B]

Rod and reel. Well, let's put NSFW on this.

[A]

That's what I'm saying.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. That's why I'm like, what are we walking into?

[B]

How. How'd you. Were you confident in it?

[D]

Yeah, I mean, and it was at a bar and I pretty much did it like sober. And they said that guys could win it. There was one other guy in it. It was all other women. The winner. Actually, it was she kind of bribed the. The whole. I mean, there's judges, but, you know, that she bribed everyone to cheer for. It was her 47th birthday.

[B]

Ah, okay. Okay.

[D]

So do you think it come with,

[A]

like, a sob story at all? Because I feel like that always happens.

[D]

No, she was just bribing people with nicotine, I think.

[B]

Oh, she was handing out zins.

[D]

Something like that. Yeah. And, I mean, she sure took a liking to me, but I guess the judges didn't, you know, and the entire. For a while, the. My Mankini disappears and back a little bit, and the judges were behind me, so I can't imagine they were enjoying the view too much.

[B]

Well, did you. Did you trim up for it?

[D]

Oh, yeah. You know, I think that might have been my mistake there. There's a bit of a legend at this bar that for years, the. The bush lady would win it year after year. I guess she retired now.

[B]

Like, she liked bush beer.

[D]

Not quite. Not quite.

[B]

Oh, you're talking about. I see.

[A]

Yeah, I see tufts coming out of the side of the bikini.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Sideburns on the bikini, Charlie.

[B]

I like a good bikini with sideburn. Wise men say.

[D]

Yeah, it was. It was definitely a wild night. I'll never forget it. That was the night that the Bears beat the Packers.

[A]

This is eight episodes in a row now.

[B]

What is wrong with you? What is wrong with. I'm sitting here trying to be supportive, okay? I'm as supportive of you as. As your banana hammock was, okay? And you got to bring that up. The season's over. All right?

[A]

Okay, so I think it's not sending, Charlie, because we're on the phone, so we're gonna hang up. Okay?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then we're gonna get the message, and then we'll call you back. How's that sound? All right, here we go.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Oh, Ben, you are going for it, dude.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Can we zoom in on that?

[D]

I should zoom in.

[B]

Oh, wow. Ben, you hit the gym.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Wait, zoom out. I can't see it now.

[A]

Well, not so. Ben.

[B]

Ben, where'd you go?

[A]

I can't.

[B]

Oh, there he is.

[A]

I can't zoom in far enough to be able to see what's going on with your package, but.

[D]

Are you packing, Ben, see enough? Wow.

[A]

Are you doing bodybuilding poses? Are you a bodybuilder?

[D]

I. I'm not. I. I go to the gym every once in a while, typically. I. I got a little bit going on in the midsection.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[D]

I started doing some cardio trimming down.

[A]

That is. That's a tough watch. Oh, did you squat down?

[D]

Yeah, yeah, a little bit. I was trying to get the crowd going. There is another guy up there. He was doing some. Some twerking, and he actually got second place. He was wearing a American flag helmet and a women's bikini, so he was wearing the top as well. Oh, and the other thing, they had me go out first.

[B]

Oh, so you didn't know. You didn't know. So you had to take.

[D]

The whole crowd there is waiting to see some pretty girls. It's a bunch of drunk guys in there. The place was packed, and I'm the first thing that comes out. And you couldn't see it in the video, but I had rip off pants. So I come out there, I rip them off.

[B]

Let me see it again.

[D]

Is what everyone gets a eyeful of.

[A]

So. Okay. Yeah, there's only women screaming. I can tell in the video for some reason.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, I heard a couple. Oh, couple of those.

[B]

Did.

[A]

Did you hear any. Did you hear any women go all for cute?

[D]

Oh, no, no. I'm glad I didn't hear anything like that.

[A]

Oh, that's a cute little guy. He's got. Oh, there.

[B]

So. All right.

[A]

Oh, he's so cute and cuddly.

[B]

I gotta tell you, Ben, you got some balls on you.

[D]

I see the evidence, I suppose.

[B]

Yeah. Good outline.

[A]

You were this close to having a ball slip.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, my gosh.

[D]

I was so nervous, and they said I would lose if. If something slipped out. I would think I should still win.

[B]

No, that's cheating.

[A]

That's. I mean, that's part of the rules. Okay, so just imagine, Charlie, you and I, we're single, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Just imagine we're the same age. We're 21. We're at this bar, we hear this bikini contest. You and I can be awesome. Dude, this is gonna be awesome. So many hot chicks. So many hot chicks, dude. You know, dude, let's. Let's slam 40 beers and then go to this bar challenge. Crazy.

[B]

Front row seats.

[A]

We're now at the bar. Front row seats. The first woman's gonna come out. Charlie, Here we go. And then you're on Ben.

[D]

And then I do my thing, and you see my thing.

[A]

Wow. What the.

[B]

Oh. Are we at the right bar? Is this.

[A]

Are we a. What kind of bar is this?

[B]

What kind of a bar is this?

[A]

I'm gonna. I might have to leave a Yelp review.

[B]

This is the first time for me. I'm starting to feel something, Miles.

[A]

Yeah, but, you know, I Mean, I'm questioning. I like his bikini. Yeah, it's not too bad. He's.

[B]

He's clearly been to the gym.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, God. Here, he's. Oh, he squatted down.

[B]

Oh, he's got a manscaper.

[A]

Oh, wow. Either he is doing full body wax or he. He can't grow anything.

[B]

I don't know. Oh.

[A]

Oh, you got Charlie all hot and bothered. His headphones fell off. Oh, my God.

[B]

Hey, listen, after you got off stage here, Ben, did. Did you get like. Do you have a girlfriend?

[D]

No.

[B]

Boyfriend?

[A]

No.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Are you asking?

[B]

Well, no, I was just curious. Did you get any numbers after this? Were people generally receptive?

[A]

So did you have to go lobby yourself? Like, did you have to walk around the bar in that afterwards, or did you go put your pants back on?

[D]

Oh, I put my pants back on.

[A]

That.

[D]

That would have been pretty cold.

[A]

Okay, sorry. Back to Charlie's question.

[D]

I did. A lot of people wanted to talk to me. A lot of guys were more just impressed on me doing that.

[A]

The confidence.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

I mean, the. The winner, the 47 year old, she really. She really liked it. And then as soon as the. The Bears won the packers, she just kind of. She came running up to me. I wasn't sure what she was going for. And then she just jumps and wraps her legs around me and latches on. She's not letting go. I mean, she's hanging on there like a leech and she. She just starts thrusting and thrusting.

[B]

Wow. And are you hammocked up at this point?

[D]

I. I am wearing pants.

[B]

Oh, you're wearing.

[A]

But you still got it on underneath?

[D]

Yes. Yeah, I still had it on underneath.

[A]

Did you.

[B]

Did you put a sock in there at all, Ben?

[D]

No, there was. There was not much room left for anything extra.

[B]

Okay. All right, all right.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Those are one size fits all on Amazon. And let me tell you, order. Order the bigger size.

[A]

I don't need to do that, but so. And I don't think Charlie does either.

[B]

You know, I'll say this much right now, Ben, you really sold it. And you went out there and you looked at the. You looked at the crowd. You could see. I see in this video, I see a bunch of fellas just shaking their heads and you just. You did not care. You shook what you had and you gave it to the world. And for that, we salute you.

[D]

We do. I think I have a question. Yes.

[A]

You said you did this to try and make some extra cash. How broke are you?

[D]

Not too broke. I mean, I lost money doing this because I You know, I had to pay for.

[B]

For all that. How much?

[A]

Why don't you just go donate plasma?

[D]

Yeah, maybe I should. I mean, I just wanted to make sure I had a little extra cash, and I was looking at buying a boat and some extra things, just trying to decide where I want to put my money, and I figured that'd be a good, fun time. I do think, though, that maybe for next year, if I go out there again, you guys should do your podcast at that bar and be celebrity judges. I need a couple judges on my side.

[B]

Okay. I like it.

[A]

He's.

[B]

Hey, hey. You gotta respect the game. Pageantry, sport. And we saw it took more than one joint, you know what I mean? So that's a smart move there, Ben. Stack the judging table. And hey, depending on where it is, when it is, we might show up.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah, it's. Well, I'm in central Minnesota.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Could be another bearish packers game.

[A]

What town. What town are you in?

[D]

That was. In what town was that? Sorry, my co workers here.

[B]

Breezy point, preachy point.

[D]

Yeah, I had a real breezy point.

[A]

So you're.

[D]

You're.

[B]

You were happy to do it. Did you get a little adrenaline rush up there?

[D]

Yeah, it was fun. Especially, you know, doing that with, like. I had two drinks the whole night,

[A]

so that was a mistake. So I guess where I was kind of going with that is like, you know, that like, no one. You didn't have to do this. So mostly just think about, like, what was the actual motivation behind wearing the Borat bikini and getting on stage and flashing your junk to a bunch of guys?

[D]

It was. It was my co worker. He's a big fan of you guys, too. Unfortunately, he's not here right now. He's out in Florida. But he really wanted me to wear that and go up there on stage, so, you know, I don't know what that says about him, but I'm just gonna say he's gonna hate me for saying that.

[B]

Why didn't he do it himself?

[A]

He.

[D]

I think he's got some respect for himself.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

He's got micro penis.

[B]

What is it about you, Ben, that gives you this kind of, you know, bravado? Bravado.

[D]

I don't know. I just. So I just moved out here. I lived with my parents in. In Illinois, and I just moved up here and I got my own place now. So it's like I. I never. I never went to college or nothing. This is like my. This is like just me going out into the wild, doing whatever, because why

[B]

not you're exploring yourself.

[A]

He's like an indoor cat that's now outside for the first time and thinks this is how the world. You know? Either that or he's like. He's lived with his parents, he's trying to make friends. Yeah. This is how he has to do it.

[B]

You know, he'll take whatever suggestion from whatever co worker. Have you ever been a man to turn down a dare, Ben?

[D]

Usually if it's something like that, yeah. But it's. I guess it kind of works because I don't know anyone up here.

[B]

Okay, good, Good.

[D]

My hope was I'll never run into anyone I already have.

[A]

It's kind of a what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas type of.

[B]

Yeah. What happens in Breezy point stays in Breezy Point. I like it.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah. And the other downside of this, though, is that I got a pretty recognizable face. I have a skin condition called vitiligo that causes half of my mustache to be colored white. So it's black and white, and that's pretty easy for people to recognize.

[B]

Can we get a picture of that?

[A]

Yeah, I'd like a photo of that.

[D]

Yeah, I think I could probably find something.

[A]

That's kind of crazy.

[B]

Pretty cool. Do you like it?

[D]

Yeah, I enjoy it. I even got recognized at the bar. One of the bartenders there, when I went back, she. The second I walked in, she goes, hey, Two Tone.

[B]

Two Tone. So is it just. It's just your mustache, though? Not. Not your hair?

[D]

No, just my mustache. It's a little bit on the rest of my face. Let's see. I don't take many photos of myself.

[B]

Well, you.

[C]

You.

[D]

Oh, here, I got a nice. Nice fishing photo.

[B]

Oh, cool. Yeah, I send that fish, too. Oh.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Look at that.

[A]

Yeah. If I didn't know that that was a condition, I'd think that you were, like, trying to do something fashion wise, you know?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

That's what people think all the time. It. Not a lot of people know about Vitiligo.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

Yeah. And I like that you just rock the mustache too. You know, a lot of people wouldn't go facial hair, but you really going for it. And that's. That's a nice. It's a skinny northern. Good lord.

[D]

Yeah, I get. I have some trouble bringing in the big ones, but I still lift it like a man.

[B]

Yeah, you did. That's. That's sure did. You should feed that northern a perch before you let it go. Are you a pro fisher? Did you just get that shirt?

[D]

No, I Got it on. Sold. I am a. I work for Bass Pro Shop.

[B]

Oh, cool.

[D]

I get their. Their discount and everything.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

And so Bass Pro Shops was cool with you getting on stage in a banana hammock.

[D]

So I. I used to work for. At one of the Bass Pro locations. Now I'm just at one of their dealerships. It's a lot more laid back and

[A]

behind the scenes, behind the curtain.

[D]

Yeah, which, by the way, we. We're all a big. We're all big fans of you guys here, and if you guys are interested and you ever come up here during the summer. Normally we do not allow test drives for anyone, but we do occasionally do demos for promotional content. If you guys ever wanted to drive a really expensive boat, you could even do a podcast while you're fishing on the water. You could call it jerking it with Miles and Charlie.

[A]

Hey, I like that in the marketing department.

[B]

You know what? I'm fine with it. Can we fish in the tank?

[A]

Let's, Charlie, let's. We gotta negotiate here. We're not just gonna, you know, do free ads for a ride on a boat, Charlie. We need to get them to sponsor the podcast.

[B]

Hang on, Miles. Let me work my magic.

[D]

Like, do you. Do you. I'll even wear the mankini for you if you want.

[A]

That didn't sweeten the pot at all.

[B]

Do you guys have it?

[A]

You're negotiating against yourself here.

[B]

Do you have a tank in your Bass Pro Shop?

[D]

Well, this is just a dealership.

[C]

We don't.

[D]

We don't have anything cool like that.

[A]

We want to swim in the. In the tank.

[B]

Oh, that'd be cool. I was gonna say fish in it while we did the podcast.

[A]

We want to swim and fish in the tank while we podcast.

[B]

Miles of swim.

[A]

I'll fish and I'll wear the bikini.

[B]

Really?

[A]

No.

[B]

Oh, well, Ben, we appreciate you calling in, man. And we'll think about this. This Bass Pro Shop, and you think

[A]

about if you want to sponsor the podcast or not, then we can. Then it's a different conversation.

[B]

You know, Charlie, Miles is my money guy. I'm ready to give it. Give it all away, just like you, Ben.

[D]

All right, actually, before. Before I head out, I wanted to ask you. Well, there was another.

[B]

If this about the bears again, I'm gonna be pissed, Ben.

[D]

No, no, it's not about the bears. Well, actually, no, I do have a big complaint about that, that I think we can all agree on. What's going on with NFL on Prime that you can't. You gotta exclusively watch it on On a streaming service.

[B]

Yeah, it's annoying.

[A]

What do you mean? It's a cash grab.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's all about money.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Any.

[D]

I cannot stand that.

[A]

Any inconvenience that we have in this modern life of where something doesn't make sense, it's because someone needs to make extra money. Yeah.

[D]

I. I just hate it. We're going backwards. With all this streaming service now, I might as well just get cable, right?

[B]

It's all about. It's all about cash grab. Yeah. It's all about jerking off stakeholders or stock. Whatever. It's about jerking people off. It's just more money, Money, money, money. Exponential growth. That's our problem. Speaking of exponential growth, love to see your next bikini show. And Miles and I will chit chat about being the. Being the judges. Okay. All right.

[A]

All right, dude. Have a good one.

[B]

You too. See you, Ben.

[A]

Well, Chuck, Miles Hooligan's just dropped a brunch in front of us.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Great timing too, because I think that that's makes for another great episode of the Bellied up podcast.

[B]

Sure does, Miles. I wasn't expecting to see Ben in full form, but we saw.

[A]

We did. And never know what you're gonna get on this podcast.

[B]

You know, I want to say Ben is an inspiration to us all. Whatever your man kidney is this week, give it a go. Whatever it is, put yourself outside of your comfort zone and life short. Put on a banana hammock.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And with that, don't forget to tip your bartender, guys.

[A]

See you in the next one.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Hope you guys have a good one. Goodbye now. Toodaloo.