We Finally Figured Out What a Real Sport Is #189

Transcript

A (0:00)

Welcome back, everybody, to another episode of the Bellied up podcast. I'm here with my buddy Charlie Bang Pow.

B (0:06)

Poo Pop.

A (0:07)

We are here at Hooligan's Bar and Grill here in West Fargo, and we are hanging out. Charlie, what I notice is they have all these NFL helmets. Up top.

B (0:20)

Yeah, I really like that about Hooligan's here, because, you know, there's nothing quite like looking at an actual NFL helmet. You.

A (0:26)

They're like, legitimate helmets. But I also like that they're like, hey, we love football, but we're not willing to commit to one team and

B (0:36)

also not willing to commit to all the teams.

A (0:39)

It's pretty much 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14. Of the 32 teams, they're not a

B (0:48)

fan of the Detroit Lions here.

A (0:49)

I see there's one right there.

B (0:51)

Oh, shoot. Okay, so never mind. I'm an idiot. That's the MC north right there.

A (0:59)

Jared, are they all. Are these all NFC teams?

B (1:03)

Oh, and then they're going by division. Oh, they are all NFC South. Well, and also there's a Ravens helmet that's signed by. Who's the guy that can go Disney regular signed a Ravens helmet right there. Check that out. Isn't that cool? It's pretty sweet. Oh, we can touch it.

A (1:24)

Could Charlie put it on? Can Charlie put it on or not?

C (1:28)

He's got a pretty big head.

B (1:30)

Yeah, I got a big head. Now, this is not an actual. So I'm wrong. This is not an actual. Not an actual helmet there.

D (1:37)

Miles, there's no padding on.

B (1:39)

I know. No, it's like, no wonder these guys are getting concussions. This thing's a tin dome here.

A (1:45)

I mean, that's the helmets that I used to have growing up, basically.

Summary

Bellied Up Podcast, Episode #189 – "We Finally Figured Out What a Real Sport Is"

Date: February 26, 2026
Hosts: Myles ("You Betcha Guy") & Charlie Berens
Location: Hooligan's Bar and Grill, West Fargo, ND

Episode Overview

This episode of Bellied Up has Myles and Charlie holding court at Hooligan’s in West Fargo, dissecting what truly makes a real sport vs. an activity, taking classic Midwestern parenting war stories, and fielding a couple wild calls from listeners—including a brave Borat-mankini contestant from Minnesota. With plenty of small-town camaraderie, lots of laughs, and some provocative debates about the nature of sports, the episode delivers both wholesome and raucous moments characteristic of the hosts.

Key Discussion Points & Highlights

1. Hooligan’s Bar Vibes & Childhood Nostalgia

The episode opens with friendly banter about the NFL helmets lining the bar and a warm-up about the bar’s bartender, "Goose," and his unique sibling-matching tattoo (02:10).
Memorable Quote:
“Goose, can we see it? … So it’s a goose talking into a tin can.”
– Myles, admiring the bartender’s tattoo, (02:34)
The hosts reminisce about uncomfortable childhood football helmets, “tattoo phases,” and growing up Midwest:
- Myles: “I was drawing [tattoos] up...like Bible verses, yo.” (03:48)
- Charlie: “My dad always said, ‘You pick the location of your first tattoo, I pick the location of your second tattoo.’ … Taint.” (04:19)
Joke debate if anyone has a taint tattoo:
“We’re not Googling that.” - Myles (04:53)

2. Dad Merit Badges & Parenting Philosophy

Myles earns his “Dealing with a Kid with the Stomach Flu” badge after a tough weekend of cleanups in less-than-ideal places (05:02).
Quote:
“My child decided to conveniently wait until we were in my wife’s car to projectile vomit everywhere.” – Myles (05:39)
The guys dig into generational differences in childcare lingo—“playpen” vs. “pack and play”, “nookie” vs “pacifier,” vs. “plugger” (08:01–08:58)
Parenting values are suspended in emergencies:
- “All of your principles and values as a parent just kind of go out the window, and you're just in survival mode.” – Myles (10:25)

3. Sibling Upbringing, Mantle Boys, and 90s Cruelty

Charlie, as the second oldest of 12, recalls “raising” siblings, a hands-off “let ’em figure it out” approach, and the infamous “mantle” time out game (12:09–15:39).
Quote:
"Once the kid gets able to sit on their own...I would pick them up, put them on the mantel, and just leave the room." – Charlie (12:42)
Admission this might have caused lasting trauma (“my brain wasn’t fully formed yet!”), but also lots of laughs and roughhousing.
Jokes about 90s parenting:
- "Cruelty now and cruelty in the 90s was way...oh, it was way different." – Charlie (17:34)
High school hygiene: the rise of Axe Body Spray, cologne, and smoking in restaurants (15:53–16:53)

4. What Is a Real Sport? (Caller: Paul)

Timestamp: Main caller segment begins ~[22:48]
Paul from Lancaster, PA (with Midwest roots) calls in with his “unpopular opinion” on the distinction between sports:
- Aggregate/Objectively-scored sports (football, baseball) vs. Pageantry/Subjectively-judged sports (gymnastics, figure skating).
- Proposes two categories: “aggregate sports” and “pageantry sports” (27:17)
The hosts question where to draw the line—what about sports with subjectivity from refs (like pass interference in football)?
- Myles: “If you took football, there’s no way you can say it’s purely objective…” (32:04)
Charlie suggests a physical test: “You need at least two major joints to be considered [a sport].” (34:22–34:36)
Flowchart Moment:
If it involves physical ability and two or more major joints, it becomes a sport; if not, an activity. Scoring: Objective = aggregate, Subjective = pageantry. (37:12)
Funny exchange referencing the movie “Stick It” (28:52–31:14):
- “There’s actually a movie with that exact plot named Stick It, right?” – Myles (29:42)
- “No, I don’t, Miles...” – Charlie, never heard of it, comedic flounder.
Wrap-up: Is dance a sport? (Polka? “Poker’s a sport.” “Well, it’s a dance…” “Dancing’s a sport.”) (38:45)

5. Medium Rare Steak Wars (Paul’s Second Question)

Paul laments his rare steak requests being ignored at family barbecues; solved it by eating at home or bringing his own (39:24).
“Is that wrong?”
– Paul, seeking moral guidance (40:09)
Myles: “Honestly, I thought it was going to be worse. I thought you were gonna say you cooked it at your house then brought it there in Tupperware.” (40:18)
The legendary passive-aggressive move: gifting his hosts meat thermometers—two Christmases in a row (43:40).
Hosts encourage next-level stealth (“hide your steak in a pizza bag, sneak to the bathroom”), with plenty of laughs (44:44–45:15).
Advice: “If you do an edible, you go over [to] your friend’s house, even a well done steak is gonna sound good to you.” (46:02)

6. The Borat Bikini Contest (Caller: Ben from Breezy Point, MN)

Timestamp: Second caller segment ~[49:04]
Ben calls with details of entering a bar "bikini contest" in a Borat-style mankini, for extra cash—but loses to a “legendary bush lady” (52:10).
Hilarity as they review the video:
- “I had just about everything showing except for my rod and reel.” – Ben (50:45)
- “You got some balls on you.” – Charlie (57:01)
Discussion of crowd response and post-contest aftermath:
“A lot of guys were just impressed on me doing that.” (57:55)
- “Did you get any numbers after this?” – Charlie (57:37)
- “No, but the winner sure took a liking to me…” (58:02)
Physique, confidence, and the art of manscaping debated at length.
Charlie and Myles consider (jokingly) serving as future celebrity judges.
Ben’s motivation: “I lived with my parents in Illinois … this is just me going out into the wild, doing whatever, because why not?” (62:28)
Ben’s unique vitiligo moustache: “That’s pretty easy for people to recognize.” (63:30)
Invitation for Myles and Charlie to record a podcast while fishing at his Bass Pro Shop dealership (66:18).

7. Streaming NFL Games Rant

Ben complains about Thursday Night Football being exclusive to streaming (Prime), leading to a brief but classic rant on modern media “cash grabs.”
- “Any inconvenience that we have in this modern life where something doesn’t make sense, it’s because someone needs to make extra money.” – Myles (68:01)

Notable Quotes & Timestamps

“Tattoo is a very big commitment. 100%. And it’s like, for what? … We live and we learn.” – Charlie (03:17)
“Parenting rules just go out the window...you’re just in survival mode.” – Myles (10:25)
“Once the kid gets able to sit on their own ... I would pick them up, put them on the mantle, and just leave the room.” – Charlie (12:42)
“Cruelty now and cruelty in the 90s was way...oh, it was way different.” – Charlie (17:34)
“You need at least two major joints to be considered [a sport].” – Charlie (34:22)
“All your principles and values as a parent just kind of go out the window, and you’re just in survival mode.” – Myles (10:25)
“You got some balls on you.” – Charlie, to Ben after the contest video (57:01)
“If you do an edible … even a well-done steak is gonna sound good to you.” – Myles (46:02)
“Whatever your mankini is this week, give it a go. Life’s short, put on a banana hammock.” – Charlie (69:13)

Structure & Timestamps

[00:00] – [22:48]: Bar banter, childhood memories, tattoos, parenting, and Midwest nostalgia.
[22:48] – [38:45]: Caller Paul on the sports definition debate: aggregate vs. pageantry sports.
[39:14] – [48:42]: Paul's steak opinions & etiquette; Midwest food debates.
[49:04] – [68:49]: Ben’s Borat bikini contest saga; confidence, making friends, and viral moments.
[68:49] – [69:38]: Closing thoughts and inspirational mankini send-off.

Final Takeaway

As always, Myles and Charlie fuse Midwestern warmth, irreverence, and quick-witted comedy into candid conversations—with each other and their listeners. Whether you want to debate the true definition of sport, level-up your steak game, or learn how to take life less seriously (banana hammock optional), this episode is guaranteed to leave you laughing and thinking a little differently.

“Don’t forget to tip your bartender. Whatever your mankini is this week, give it a go. Life's short, put on a banana hammock.”
– Charlie (69:13)