Bellied Up Podcast #186 – We Solve a Family Mystery (We think)

Hosts: Charlie Berens & Myles "You Betcha Guy"
Date: February 5, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode of "Bellied Up" finds Charlie and Myles at the Cleveland Pub, sipping on signature old fashioneds and taking calls from listeners. The highlight is a lively, hilarious attempt to unravel a convoluted "family wife swap mystery" from a caller, Luke. The second half features a father-son butcher team sharing wild Midwest deer processing stories and the world of exotic brats. The tone is classic Bellied Up: Midwestern, irreverent, honest, and full of laughter.

1. Setting the Scene (00:00–03:00)

Key Points:

• Charlie and Myles banter about the Cleveland Pub’s old fashioneds—especially the "You Betcha Old Fashioned" with Baron’s Old Fashioned Brandy.
• Discusses their Super Bowl plans (Packers didn't make it, much to Charlie's chagrin).
• The conversation veers into a tongue-in-cheek analysis of the evolution of 'working out' throughout history.

Notable Quotes:

• “Imagine the jock itch. No one’s trying to sweat more…it was just running away from saber tooth tigers.” – Charlie (02:28)
• “The first iteration of working out...was the adrenaline from not dying.” – Myles (03:37)

2. Why Do People Work Out? / Beds & Aging (03:00–16:00)

Key Points:

• The duo riff on how physical exercise shifted from functional survival to “working out for no benefit.”
• They joke about the origins of weights and kettlebells, riff on the idea of a "dumbbell" (so-named because only a 'dumbass' would lift one for fun).
• Discussion transitions into workout habits and the perils of back pain as you get older.
• Myles shares a detailed breakdown of why he now swears by his adjustable “Comfort King” bed and the importance of investing in a quality mattress for back health.

Notable Quotes:

• “You want to do work but without any of the benefits?” – Charlie (04:31)
• “Once sleep becomes a contact sport, you gotta start stretching.” – Charlie (10:15)
• “Sleep in zero gravity…I have zero tension on any of the joints.” – Myles (10:58)

Timestamp Highlights:

• 05:38 – Quick history of the kettlebell
• 08:36 – Myles recounts his brief career as a Division 2 quarterback (“I started two games and got benched because I was bad.”)
• 13:55 – “We got a split king. She does whatever she wants.” – Myles on his and his wife’s bed setup

3. Caller Luke: The Great (and Hilarious) Family Wife Swap Mystery (17:38–53:53)

Luke’s Story Breakdown:

• Luke calls in seeking insight on a longstanding family puzzle: Two close friend couples (his grandparents’ generation) essentially swapped spouses and each had more children with their new spouses.
• The swap, referred to as "the wife swap," leads to a labyrinthine family tree: full siblings, half siblings, step-siblings, and a massive extended family.
• Luke admits even after years of family diagrams, it's confusing—especially over holidays, ancestry.com searches, and trying to understand the root cause of the swap.

Timeline & Quote Highlights:

• 17:38 – Introduction to Luke and the “mystery”
• 18:52 – “My family has what we’ve always called the ‘wife swap.’ Basically, two best friends literally swapped wives and then had more kids.” – Luke
• 21:15 – “At some point they were to...figure out, they started fucking each other's wives.” – Myles not mincing words
• 22:34 – Charlie and Myles attempt to map out the family tree, leading to classic Midwestern confusion and laughter
• 24:22 – “Since this happened…how do I ask at Christmas without ruining a holiday?” – Luke
• 26:09 – “I mean, they're Eskimo brothers, so it makes sense.” – Myles
• 29:17 – “You don't want to end up like Grandpa Peter, I can tell you that much.” – Myles
• 33:32 – “It’s like in their blood, you know what I mean? You’ll be fighting those demons your whole life.” – Myles (after Luke jokes about a ‘wives swap’ with his own friends)

Family Mystery Clues & Humor:

• Uncertainty over whether the swaps were mutual, due to swinging, or prompted by affairs.
• Both grandpas remarried, uncles/aunts all still intermingle at family gatherings ("two Christmases"), and the swap's origins are shrouded in secrecy.
• “Kickapoo Switcheroo” – Charlie introduces this tongue-in-cheek Midwest phrase for spousal swapping.
• Luke appreciates the chaos mainly for the “extra Christmas presents” and socks.

Resolution Attempt (48:40–53:00):

• Based on all the evidence, Myles deduces: "Ben is the horniest guy I’ve ever heard of in my life…Peter’s an innocent bystander. Ben is the culprit!”
• “I just imagine him standing by the printer waiting for [dating profiles] to come out.” – Myles, on Ben’s post-80th birthday dating antics

Emotional Core:

• Charlie probes if Luke personally feels impacted.
• Luke: “It’s just the extra presents…no trauma at all. Just questions is all I have.” (45:31)
• Insights into generational differences in dealing with divorce, blended/extended families, and family lore.

4. Call Two: Midwest Butchers, Deer Stories & Wild Brats (55:38–84:59)

Guests: Mark & Justin (father-son duo, owners of Headons Fine Meats, Northern Illinois)

Key Points:

• Mark and Justin share the reality of running a Midwest butcher shop, specializing in deer processing and inventive brats (80+ flavors).
• Hilarious, wild stories of deer drop-offs:
  • "Beamer trunk deer": City guy shows up in a $120,000 BMW with a tiny deer, claims he was aiming for the mom.
  • Field-dressing disasters: Some drop off bloated, unfield-dressed deer.
  • Rotted “barn-aged” deer: van-top transport gone wrong.
• “Only 3% of deer stories are true.” – Justin (58:36)
• “We get people knee-deep in the dumpster sawing antlers off, kids puking from the smell.” (66:12)

Crazy Brat Flavors:

• Skittles, Sour Patch Kids, Reese’s Pieces, “Elvis” (peanut butter banana), bacon Oreo, bubble gum, blueberry (suggested pancake wrap for breakfast).
• “Were you just hammered and thought, what if we threw Sour Patch Kids in there?” – Myles (70:06)
• Classic vs. crazy: Stubborn traditionalists ("missionary since 1969") only want plain brats.
• Notable House Rules: Bought the shop from a Packers fan, so even these Bears-fan owners keep the “Packer Brat” name out of respect.

Quotes:

• “If you put Skittles brats and Sour Patch Kids brats on the Internet and you could ship ‘em, I know there’s people listening who wanna try it.” – Myles (74:13)
• “We do a peanut butter banana brat; bacon Oreo…you gotta get creative.” – Justin (72:41)
• “Serving size is two Oreos. My serving size is two sleeves.” – Myles (72:59)
• “If you’re gonna process it, get it there quick.” – Charlie’s field-dressing PSA (83:44)

5. Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

Hilarious Visuals and Riffs

• Charlie sketching the tangled family tree on bar napkins and paper (18:19–23:00)
• “We don’t lay judgment upon it. That’s for the Good Lord to do, which is where the guilt comes from.” – Charlie (34:12)
• “Saint Nick had two grandpas and divorced. That’s why he had so many stockings.” – Charlie (35:38)
• Relating the wife swap to reality TV: “You could have been on Wife Swap!” – Myles (29:59)

Deadpan Wisdom

• “Best person in a divorced family is the grandkids. You get multiple Christmases, none of the trauma.” – Myles (45:02)

6. Episode Structure & Flow

• 00:00–16:00: Bar banter, workouts, mattresses, and getting older
• 17:38–53:53: Luke’s call—deep-dive into the “wife swap” family mystery
• 55:38–84:59: Interview with Mark & Justin—deer and meat stories, brat talk
• 85:09–End: Rapid-fire hungry wrap-up, plans to order weird brats, sign-off

7. The Bellied Up Midwest Tone

Irreverent, friendly, occasionally mischievous, but always coming from a place of genuine curiosity and good-hearted laughter. The episode’s blend of family mystery, wild small-town stories, and food talk embodies the best of Midwestern radio: authenticity, relatability, and a healthy dose of wise-cracking.

8. If You Only Have Time for the Highlights

• 17:38–53:53: Luke’s wild "wife swap" family mystery—comedy, genuine insight, and classic Bellied Up riffing
• 55:38–84:59: Midwest deer and brat talk with actual butchers (plus why you don’t want a Sour Patch on your Blackstone)

9. Key Takeaways & Running Gags

• Midwesterners can make a bit about any topic, from workout culture to spousal swapping.
• The more convoluted a family tree, the better for comedic storytelling.
• "Kickapoo Switcheroo" is now certified Bellied Up lingo for Midwest wife swapping scenarios.
• There’s a brat flavor for everyone—if you can stomach Skittles or Sour Patch Kids in sausage.
• No matter your family chaos, there’s always extra socks at Christmas.

10. Final Sign-Off

Hungry, curious, and only slightly traumatized, Charlie and Myles wrap up another unforgettable session at the Cleveland Pub.
“Tip your bartender…watch for deer!”

[Listen for yourself for the real-time chart chaos, brat flavor brainstorming, and unfiltered Midwestern hilarity.]

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