We Solve a Family Mystery (We think) #186

Summary

Bellied Up Podcast #186 – We Solve a Family Mystery (We think)

Hosts: Charlie Berens & Myles "You Betcha Guy"
Date: February 5, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of "Bellied Up" finds Charlie and Myles at the Cleveland Pub, sipping on signature old fashioneds and taking calls from listeners. The highlight is a lively, hilarious attempt to unravel a convoluted "family wife swap mystery" from a caller, Luke. The second half features a father-son butcher team sharing wild Midwest deer processing stories and the world of exotic brats. The tone is classic Bellied Up: Midwestern, irreverent, honest, and full of laughter.

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1. Setting the Scene (00:00–03:00)

Key Points:

• Charlie and Myles banter about the Cleveland Pub’s old fashioneds—especially the "You Betcha Old Fashioned" with Baron’s Old Fashioned Brandy.
• Discusses their Super Bowl plans (Packers didn't make it, much to Charlie's chagrin).
• The conversation veers into a tongue-in-cheek analysis of the evolution of 'working out' throughout history.

Notable Quotes:

• “Imagine the jock itch. No one’s trying to sweat more…it was just running away from saber tooth tigers.” – Charlie (02:28)
• “The first iteration of working out...was the adrenaline from not dying.” – Myles (03:37)

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2. Why Do People Work Out? / Beds & Aging (03:00–16:00)

Key Points:

• The duo riff on how physical exercise shifted from functional survival to “working out for no benefit.”
• They joke about the origins of weights and kettlebells, riff on the idea of a "dumbbell" (so-named because only a 'dumbass' would lift one for fun).
• Discussion transitions into workout habits and the perils of back pain as you get older.
• Myles shares a detailed breakdown of why he now swears by his adjustable “Comfort King” bed and the importance of investing in a quality mattress for back health.

Notable Quotes:

• “You want to do work but without any of the benefits?” – Charlie (04:31)
• “Once sleep becomes a contact sport, you gotta start stretching.” – Charlie (10:15)
• “Sleep in zero gravity…I have zero tension on any of the joints.” – Myles (10:58)

Timestamp Highlights:

• 05:38 – Quick history of the kettlebell
• 08:36 – Myles recounts his brief career as a Division 2 quarterback (“I started two games and got benched because I was bad.”)
• 13:55 – “We got a split king. She does whatever she wants.” – Myles on his and his wife’s bed setup

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3. Caller Luke: The Great (and Hilarious) Family Wife Swap Mystery (17:38–53:53)

Luke’s Story Breakdown:

• Luke calls in seeking insight on a longstanding family puzzle: Two close friend couples (his grandparents’ generation) essentially swapped spouses and each had more children with their new spouses.
• The swap, referred to as "the wife swap," leads to a labyrinthine family tree: full siblings, half siblings, step-siblings, and a massive extended family.
• Luke admits even after years of family diagrams, it's confusing—especially over holidays, ancestry.com searches, and trying to understand the root cause of the swap.

Timeline & Quote Highlights:

• 17:38 – Introduction to Luke and the “mystery”
• 18:52 – “My family has what we’ve always called the ‘wife swap.’ Basically, two best friends literally swapped wives and then had more kids.” – Luke
• 21:15 – “At some point they were to...figure out, they started fucking each other's wives.” – Myles not mincing words
• 22:34 – Charlie and Myles attempt to map out the family tree, leading to classic Midwestern confusion and laughter
• 24:22 – “Since this happened…how do I ask at Christmas without ruining a holiday?” – Luke
• 26:09 – “I mean, they're Eskimo brothers, so it makes sense.” – Myles
• 29:17 – “You don't want to end up like Grandpa Peter, I can tell you that much.” – Myles
• 33:32 – “It’s like in their blood, you know what I mean? You’ll be fighting those demons your whole life.” – Myles (after Luke jokes about a ‘wives swap’ with his own friends)

Family Mystery Clues & Humor:

• Uncertainty over whether the swaps were mutual, due to swinging, or prompted by affairs.
• Both grandpas remarried, uncles/aunts all still intermingle at family gatherings ("two Christmases"), and the swap's origins are shrouded in secrecy.
• “Kickapoo Switcheroo” – Charlie introduces this tongue-in-cheek Midwest phrase for spousal swapping.
• Luke appreciates the chaos mainly for the “extra Christmas presents” and socks.

Resolution Attempt (48:40–53:00):

• Based on all the evidence, Myles deduces: "Ben is the horniest guy I’ve ever heard of in my life…Peter’s an innocent bystander. Ben is the culprit!”
• “I just imagine him standing by the printer waiting for [dating profiles] to come out.” – Myles, on Ben’s post-80th birthday dating antics

Emotional Core:

• Charlie probes if Luke personally feels impacted.
• Luke: “It’s just the extra presents…no trauma at all. Just questions is all I have.” (45:31)
• Insights into generational differences in dealing with divorce, blended/extended families, and family lore.

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4. Call Two: Midwest Butchers, Deer Stories & Wild Brats (55:38–84:59)

Guests: Mark & Justin (father-son duo, owners of Headons Fine Meats, Northern Illinois)

Key Points:

• Mark and Justin share the reality of running a Midwest butcher shop, specializing in deer processing and inventive brats (80+ flavors).
• Hilarious, wild stories of deer drop-offs:
  • "Beamer trunk deer": City guy shows up in a $120,000 BMW with a tiny deer, claims he was aiming for the mom.
  • Field-dressing disasters: Some drop off bloated, unfield-dressed deer.
  • Rotted “barn-aged” deer: van-top transport gone wrong.
• “Only 3% of deer stories are true.” – Justin (58:36)
• “We get people knee-deep in the dumpster sawing antlers off, kids puking from the smell.” (66:12)

Crazy Brat Flavors:

• Skittles, Sour Patch Kids, Reese’s Pieces, “Elvis” (peanut butter banana), bacon Oreo, bubble gum, blueberry (suggested pancake wrap for breakfast).
• “Were you just hammered and thought, what if we threw Sour Patch Kids in there?” – Myles (70:06)
• Classic vs. crazy: Stubborn traditionalists ("missionary since 1969") only want plain brats.
• Notable House Rules: Bought the shop from a Packers fan, so even these Bears-fan owners keep the “Packer Brat” name out of respect.

Quotes:

• “If you put Skittles brats and Sour Patch Kids brats on the Internet and you could ship ‘em, I know there’s people listening who wanna try it.” – Myles (74:13)
• “We do a peanut butter banana brat; bacon Oreo…you gotta get creative.” – Justin (72:41)
• “Serving size is two Oreos. My serving size is two sleeves.” – Myles (72:59)
• “If you’re gonna process it, get it there quick.” – Charlie’s field-dressing PSA (83:44)

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5. Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

Hilarious Visuals and Riffs

• Charlie sketching the tangled family tree on bar napkins and paper (18:19–23:00)
• “We don’t lay judgment upon it. That’s for the Good Lord to do, which is where the guilt comes from.” – Charlie (34:12)
• “Saint Nick had two grandpas and divorced. That’s why he had so many stockings.” – Charlie (35:38)
• Relating the wife swap to reality TV: “You could have been on Wife Swap!” – Myles (29:59)

Deadpan Wisdom

• “Best person in a divorced family is the grandkids. You get multiple Christmases, none of the trauma.” – Myles (45:02)

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6. Episode Structure & Flow

• 00:00–16:00: Bar banter, workouts, mattresses, and getting older
• 17:38–53:53: Luke’s call—deep-dive into the “wife swap” family mystery
• 55:38–84:59: Interview with Mark & Justin—deer and meat stories, brat talk
• 85:09–End: Rapid-fire hungry wrap-up, plans to order weird brats, sign-off

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7. The Bellied Up Midwest Tone

Irreverent, friendly, occasionally mischievous, but always coming from a place of genuine curiosity and good-hearted laughter. The episode’s blend of family mystery, wild small-town stories, and food talk embodies the best of Midwestern radio: authenticity, relatability, and a healthy dose of wise-cracking.

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8. If You Only Have Time for the Highlights

• 17:38–53:53: Luke’s wild "wife swap" family mystery—comedy, genuine insight, and classic Bellied Up riffing
• 55:38–84:59: Midwest deer and brat talk with actual butchers (plus why you don’t want a Sour Patch on your Blackstone)

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9. Key Takeaways & Running Gags

• Midwesterners can make a bit about any topic, from workout culture to spousal swapping.
• The more convoluted a family tree, the better for comedic storytelling.
• "Kickapoo Switcheroo" is now certified Bellied Up lingo for Midwest wife swapping scenarios.
• There’s a brat flavor for everyone—if you can stomach Skittles or Sour Patch Kids in sausage.
• No matter your family chaos, there’s always extra socks at Christmas.

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10. Final Sign-Off

Hungry, curious, and only slightly traumatized, Charlie and Myles wrap up another unforgettable session at the Cleveland Pub.
“Tip your bartender…watch for deer!”

[Listen for yourself for the real-time chart chaos, brat flavor brainstorming, and unfiltered Midwestern hilarity.]

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For more info, find Bellied Up Podcast on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bellieduppod/

Transcript

[A]

Hey, everybody.

[B]

How are you?

[A]

It's me, Charlie Barrons. I'm here with my buddy Miles, and we are bellied up belly right up to the bar here at the Cleveland Pub. Cleveland Pub. Miles, I just. I want to say that the old fashions that are made here with the Baron's Old fashioned brandy. The you betcha old fashions are stellar.

[C]

Very good. One of the better ones I've had.

[A]

Honestly, to be frank with you. Me too.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'm not just saying that because they called it the you betcha old fashioned with Baron's old fashioned brandy. I like that. They put the little cherry pie deal in there, little liqueur, and they. And they're going straight soda water. So it's a press, but it's a sneaky press because, you know, it's not like too dry because they get their little sweetness.

[C]

Just a hint.

[A]

Yeah, it's almost like a. It's almost like a cherry flavored lacroix mixed in with the brandy there. It's that. That kind of, you know.

[C]

That doesn't make it sound very good when you say it like that. Well, but it's. It's. Imagine if that was good maybe.

[A]

Are you. You're not a Lacroix guy?

[C]

Well, no, I'm just saying, like a cherry lacroix with brandy doesn't sound that appealing to me.

[A]

But it tastes delicious is what I'm trying to say. It's. It's wonderfully done. It's, you know, it's refreshing. It's a refresh. Some old fashioned.

[C]

This is kind of a summer Old fashioned in my mind.

[A]

That's it. We're getting there. We're dialing it in. We're getting there. Perhaps be a good concoction for all of you guys to try this super bowl weekend. Everybody out there watching the Super Bowl. Miles, are you watching it?

[C]

I will be.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. I did lose some money because, as some of you may be aware, the packers didn't quite make it to the Super Bowl. But that's okay. Maybe next year. I'm already placing my bets. Miles. I was thinking about something, though. Yeah, I was thinking about, like, working out.

[C]

Okay. I like where this is going. Anytime Charlie can start a segment without us thinking about something, I know we're in for a ride.

[A]

Because I was thinking about working out, Miles. And when did we start working out? Like, there weren't Lululemons back in the 1800s, were they? No.

[C]

Yeah. Like, were they working out in, like, what is it, chain mail or whatever? Yeah, everything is that what it's called everything male. Like tink Tink.

[A]

No, everything was made of cotton back then. Can you imagine the jock itch? No one's trying to sweat more.

[C]

They didn't have gold bond back then.

[A]

No gold bond. Can you imagine that? They just had to, like, chop up fur. Really fine. And put that on your deal, you know? So my question is, like, working out early. Early in the world's history was just running away from saber tooth tigers.

[C]

Yeah, that was the first iteration of working out.

[A]

And then afterwards.

[C]

All right, I'm gonna go do my workout. See a bear anywhere around here? You right in here. All right.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. And there, you know.

[C]

New, new record time. Let's go.

[A]

That was really good act out. I know. It's a good act out when three people in the bar look over at you as you're doing it. That was really good.

[C]

Honestly, I felt good to stretch the quads.

[A]

I could tell you got into it, but yeah, I mean, like, they just went out and they must have felt. Imagine how good that's gotta feel. Like if you get away, 50% aren't getting away, but for the 50% that do. What a rush, you know? Yeah, what a rush. You're just.

[C]

That was how they initially got addicted to working out. It wasn't necessarily the endorphins from working out. It was the adrenaline from not dying. Yeah, yeah, I got them hooked. And then I imagine the next phase of. Of inventing working out.

[A]

Is feather flying around here.

[C]

Um, the next iteration of working out. There was a guy, he's like, all right, guys, hear me out. So what if we did all the manual labor that we've currently been doing, but we did it without accomplishing anything. So, you know, you've been chopping wood. We're going to take the. We're going to take the blade off of it, and you're just going to swing a hammer at a tire. Like, well, what would that even accomplish? Like, you just. You're going to get sweaty. You know those. Those hay bales you've been thrown around? We're going to do that. We're just going to get heavy rocks and just lift them up and drop them. So you want to do work but without any of the benefits? Yeah, yeah, we're actually going to work without any benefits so that when we do work, we feel better.

[A]

Well, it must have started that because people were just chopping wood because they had to. And we. When we stopped having to do this for survival, and then we just took all the worst elements of it took out the accomplishment that, you know, and then that's how it goes. Like. Like, you ever see. Like. Like, where did the kettlebell come from? Like, you know what I mean? What. What was the original?

[C]

Well, I don't think. I think kettlebell was late to the game. I think that's a newer.

[A]

It's kettle ball.

[C]

No kettlebell.

[A]

Oh, yeah, but it's not a bell. Jared, can we get a brief history on the kettlebell?

[C]

Yeah, you're right. If it's named that, it's got to be something.

[A]

Yeah. It's got to be named after a kettlebell. And, I mean, I know what a kettle is, but. And I know sometimes people put a bell on the kettle. I just. I don't know why. What do we have there, Jared?

[C]

Kettlebells originated in Russia as cast iron counterweights for weighing crops in the 18th.

[A]

Century, but soon became tools for strength and fitness.

[C]

Farmers.

[A]

All right. Circus strongman. God, to be in the circus. Miles, back in the day, you ever know. You ever meet someone in a circus?

[C]

No.

[A]

I dated an acrobat once. Let me tell you.

[C]

All right, on the. On the scale of. Of crazy, where does acrobat and the circus fit within, like, the. Like, you know, just normal gal. Then you at the top, you obviously have registered nurse and hairdresser.

[A]

He was going with it.

[C]

Where does the. The circus acrobat fit within that scale?

[A]

Believe it or not, it's right around hairdresser. Okay.

[C]

All right.

[A]

But these gals are strong. Strong.

[C]

You gotta be.

[A]

Yeah. And. And just ripped, you know, And. And adrenaline junkies, too. Like, you're risking your life doing that kind of stuff. Yeah, but.

[C]

Yeah, like, the person. Like, I know why it's called dumbbell. He's the first guy to use one. They're like, God, this guy is a dumbass.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's just trying to lift that for fun.

[C]

Yeah. What are we doing? Yeah, that's work.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You're not. He's not even getting paid. I. You know, farmers carry that. Used to have a use. Now you're just carrying stuff around for no reason and no pay.

[A]

But when did it start? When did it start? When did we start? Like, with the Spartans. The Spartans had to have.

[C]

Right. The training, all the young boys to eventually just die for their nation.

[A]

That's true. That's true. But do you think they were actually jacked like that? Because I feel like people have just gotten more jacked, you know? You ever walk through an old hallway, Miles? It's short. People were shorter back in the day mall.

[C]

Nothing to do with working out though.

[A]

Sure it does.

[C]

Your example was great until you just made it about height and not about girth.

[A]

Well, I think it's all connected, Miles. It's all connected. That's when you're wrong about something. You just say it's all connected and.

[C]

It'S like, it is what it is.

[A]

It is what it is. Yeah, but now we're. Do you work out? Oh, I obviously work out. I've seen your workout situation.

[C]

You saw what I did at the arm wrestling table. You know that I didn't always work out though. And I actually was thinking about this, you know, when I started, you bet you I didn't work out.

[A]

Right.

[C]

And so online, the, the idea was that Miles is a guy who doesn't work out. And I was very anti workout at that time. But then I started doing the math and I have, I have had way less years of not working out in my life than I have working out. If you really think about it, I had a gap about five years where I was pretty anti working out. And I think that that was a over correction from spending the last 10 years of my life with very organized working out.

[A]

Because I don't know if you guys know this, but Miles was the quarterback of his Division 2 football team. No, Division 3 football team.

[C]

No, no, it was Division 2. You got that part right. Oh, I started.

[A]

You weren't quarterback.

[C]

I started two games and I got benched because I was bad. So let's, let's, let's not throw around that I was the quarterback.

[A]

You were the quarterback for two days, two games. So why, how many interceptions did you throw in those two games?

[C]

At least two.

[A]

Really?

[C]

Yeah. The, the second game, I only made it like a quarter and a half.

[A]

Oh, no. So we're only talking about mid game one. You're a, you're a one and a.

[C]

Quarter, five quarter quarterback. God, I'm a five and a half quarterback.

[A]

Were you sad when you got benched? Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Disappoint. But I could, but I could feel it, you know, because like in that situation, any quarterback who's upset that they got benched or something like that, they're lying to themselves if they're like, I don't, I didn't see this coming. It's like pretty obvious.

[A]

Did, did you guys lose both games? Oh, yeah, yeah.

[C]

We won one game that season. Ah, well, I don't feel as bad.

[A]

Tough to play it on you though.

[C]

Like it's, it, it's not like I, I Ruined the season. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah. Did you guys have some offensive line issues? You want to even blame it on someone else?

[C]

Right tackle was 235 pounds, so.

[A]

Ah. Well, that should tell you everything you need to know. You've gotten more into working out.

[C]

Not more just working out.

[A]

You've been working out. What's the most.

[C]

I'll go a stretch for like a month where I won't not in it.

[A]

Are you stretching enough? No, I stretch every night before bed.

[C]

How's that going? Gotta feel good.

[A]

It's going good because I wasn't for a while and I'm older than you, so I'm giving you the. The Cliff notes for those who don't know. Yeah. Once you start getting lower back pain when you wake up in the morning, once sleep becomes a contact sport, you gotta start.

[C]

I'm about to change.

[A]

Or stretching.

[C]

So change your life.

[B]

Are you.

[C]

But to change your life now, it's going to be tough for you because you're on the road so much.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

I do not have lower back pain in my future because you know what I did. Why I bought. I made an investment in my future leg pillow and I bought a bed with an adjustable mattress.

[B]

Oh.

[C]

So I have been sleeping in zero gravity. I have zero tension on any of the joints in my body as I am sleeping.

[A]

Really. Okay. Okay. So.

[C]

And I tell you what, we've been on this trip. I just got it a few weeks ago. We've been on this trip in Milwaukee here. So I'm staying in a hotel.

[A]

You're swimming it.

[C]

Terrible. Sleep really back's actually starting to not feel so great. So I'm thinking it's your mattress, Charlie. And how you're in the positions you're sleeping in. Well, I'm shouting this on the mountaintops, by the way, so.

[A]

Okay, here's my question. Adjustable, if this may. I haven't adjust. My brother used to be in the. In the bed business. My brother who works for me now, Johnny B. He used to be a bed dealer back in the day. And he got. Well, he worked. He was the assistant to the bed dealer and. But he got me a. A deal on a bed. He got me an off market. What do they call it? Therapeutic Tempur.

[C]

Pedic.

[A]

Tempur. Pedic. So it. It adjusts too. But the problem with it is memory foam.

[C]

Gotta stay away from memory foam.

[A]

Really? Is that the problem?

[C]

The death of your bed? I. I bought a bed in a box when I moved into my house. I got it to last four Years. But it should only meant three and it was cooked.

[A]

Really? Why, why is that so bad?

[C]

Bad? I just bought. It's gonna be good for 15 years.

[A]

No kidding. I.

[C]

Because it's got the memory foam on top. I mean it's in the name memory foam. It remembers where you sleep over time. And you can see your imprint on the bed over time.

[A]

So that's not good.

[C]

That's not good. There's no support. Not enough support.

[A]

Damn, that sucks. Because this bed's so heavy. Like I moved it twice and the only people that need a tempur pedic are people who move tempur pedic beds. I'm pretty sure because I. The only reason I haven't gotten one is because it's such a pain in the ass to move.

[C]

You got to get a custom bed. Custom. Firm as you can get.

[A]

Really.

[C]

And adjustable. I'm.

[B]

I'm.

[A]

But do you're a back sleeper then? Always in the back?

[C]

Never.

[A]

Well, how are you adjusting an adjustment? Because your legs, if you're sleeping and.

[C]

Your legs are up, they're elevated above your head. Your head's slightly tilted up. Adjustment period for sure.

[A]

So. But you're. So you're only sleeping on your back when you're on that bed though.

[C]

Correct. Okay.

[A]

That's how you're supposed to sleep on your back. Yeah. But then at some point you might want to turn over and you just. You resist the urge.

[C]

Wow. So I'm in the. They say it takes 30 days to adjust. I'm in the 30 day period. And so like yeah, I will wake up at like three and my body wants to turn over and I just have to be like, no, I'm just. I'm just staying on the back.

[A]

See, I. I've never done that. So I just don't use the adjustable feature on the bed. Let me ask you this. What about Ann? Do you guys have the same.

[C]

So we got a split king.

[A]

Damn.

[C]

So she. Whatever she wants.

[A]

Where you getting this money, dude?

[C]

I told. Because talk about it. You bet your radio I heard. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Remind me.

[C]

Yeah, it definitely at face value was like, this is way too much for a bed. And then I started doing the math. It's a warranty, a guarantee, up to 15 years. So they'll come fix your mattress up to 15 years.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

So. And my other bed lasted three years. I'd have to buy five mattresses in 15 years doing the other route. And so I'm actually saving money.

[A]

Wow. So it's an investment really, when you think about it.

[C]

So, yeah, you need to. You need to think about that. Speaking. Which now it does suck because you are in hotels a lot with your tour, so.

[A]

Yeah, I don't know that that's. But when I'm home, you want to be rocking and rolling, right? Maybe you sold me. Are they a sponsor, by the way? You got.

[C]

This is actually no sponsorship. Just pure love of the mattress game for me.

[A]

What's the name of the bed?

[C]

Comfort king.

[A]

Comfort king.

[C]

They have a location of Fargo and Sioux Falls.

[A]

What kind of bed is it again?

[C]

It's a Comfort King.

[A]

Oh, that's the name of the bed.

[C]

They make the bed in store.

[A]

Oh, they do the. Do you go there and. And lay for them and they take your.

[C]

Not quite that custom. No.

[A]

Oh, what are they customizing that?

[C]

Well, they just build it for. They just like. Because you can choose how firm and not you want.

[A]

Well, then you got to test them out, Miles.

[C]

Yeah, I go. I went laid well, but they didn't like, take measurements of me and like, they didn't weigh me.

[A]

I bet they have sensors on those mattresses. You didn't ask.

[C]

No.

[A]

You got like orthotics for your back.

[C]

My body.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Body thought it.

[C]

That's trademark now, by the way, isn't.

[A]

That crazy that we're talking about this just after the workout thing? Like, imagine how beds have changed over the years, too.

[C]

Used to be ground caribou, hide, you know? Yeah, that was the first mattress.

[A]

Yeah. Yep, yep. Now time flies like a banana, Miles. So should we take some callers? What do you think?

[C]

All right, guys, right now, prize picks will give you fifty dollars in lineups when you play your first five dollar lineup, win or lose, get fifty bucks in lineups. Use promo code. Bellied up when you sign up today. And now's the time to sign up today because the big game is this weekend. And I decide to get a little crazy and place a culture pick. Which that just means it's not necessarily picking players, it's picking things about the big game. And I decided to say, yes, that the announcers will say roughing the passer during the big game this weekend. And so it's like over a 4x multiplier. And so I'm feeling good about that. Kind of fun to switch it up from not just picking players, but picking other stuff as well. Charlie, what do you got for the big large game?

[A]

Miles, what's going on? We got the big game this weekend. The big game. And here's my prediction. I'm guessing that the announcers are going to say the word Lombardi because you have to Miles the Lombardi trophy. The pack. Anyway, I don't need to talk to you about the packers right now, but next year, we are going to win the big game anyways. Lombardi. I'm guessing they're gonna say that.

[C]

I love it. Charlie. I think this is gonna be a great way to end the season. I think we're gonna end on a high note. And so, guys, enjoy. It's the best way to enjoy the big game is be putting in picks on prize picks. Download the app today. Use code bellied up.

[A]

Luke. Luke. Luke, Luke. How you doing?

[B]

What's going on? Good. How are you guys doing?

[A]

We're doing great, man. We're doing great. We hear you got a family mystery.

[B]

I do have a bit of a family mystery that I've been trying to unravel for quite some time, and honestly, my entire family has, so I think we can make some good strides here.

[A]

It's your uncle.

[B]

It's not my uncle.

[C]

Okay. It's your crazy aunt.

[B]

It's both of my grandpas. There's two grandpas in this story. So you don't know anything about the story, right?

[A]

We don't know anything.

[C]

We don't know. We like flying blind. We love to discover it with the audience.

[B]

All right, all right, so you might want to grab a pen and paper here, maybe a bar napkin, because this gets a little confusing.

[A]

Okay. All right, hang on. Let me get a bar napkin. Jared, you got a pen?

[C]

You got a pen? All right, all right.

[A]

Thank you. Appreciate that. Okay. All right. I'll be taking notes, Miles.

[C]

Which is already just a bad decision.

[A]

Hang on. One napkin's got to use to wipe up.

[C]

I was gonna say. Now it's all wet.

[A]

Yeah. All right, we'll just. We'll dry that. Okay. Thank you. Oh, she gave me paper.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

Shout out. Thank you. All right, so we got some paper.

[C]

All right, let's hear it.

[A]

Let's hear what we're doing.

[B]

All right, Ready? Wrong. Okay, so my family has what we've always called the wife swap.

[A]

Wife swap? Yeah, the old Kickapoo switcheroo. I like it.

[B]

Yeah. So basically, two best friends literally swapped wives and then had more kids. And so those two best friends were in a group of four friends, and two of them are my grandpas. One of them is technically my step grandpa. One is my blood grandpa.

[A]

Hold on.

[C]

But also your half. But also your half grandpa or something.

[B]

Okay, no, technically not, because. So, well, we'll get into all that. I'm even a little bit confused, too. I've had this drawn out to me on a map multiple times, and I think I have it down now.

[C]

So we got two studs.

[A]

We need some names.

[C]

We got two studs.

[A]

I want both grandpa's names so I can write this down.

[B]

Okay, so I'll give different names, because I feel like my grandpas won't be thrilled if they hear that.

[A]

No, that's fine.

[B]

That's fine.

[A]

Your grandpas are podcast guys.

[C]

Not on npr.

[B]

All right, so what? One of the grandpa's names is Peter, and another name is Ben.

[A]

Peter and Ben. Okay, so Grandpa Peter, Grandpa Ben, Peter.

[C]

And Ben, they both have wives. So add wives to that.

[B]

So the. The two wives are Allison and Shannon. So the beginning combination, though, is Peter and Allison and then Grandpa Ben and Shannon. That's the original combo.

[A]

Okay. All right.

[B]

All right, so Peter and Allison are my blood grandparents. Ben and Shannon I have no relation to, other than the swap happening afterwards.

[C]

Okay, so then do a little family tree and put family tree and put Luke down there.

[A]

Luke.

[B]

Okay, well, so I. I am from the other Peter and Allison side, but Peter and Allison had three kids.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And Ben and Shannon on the other side had three kids.

[C]

Okay, so just do three circles on each side.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Two, three.

[A]

And then how many for Ben and Shannon? Both had three kids. Okay, got it. All right, cool. Yeah.

[B]

So all four of them were in a group of four, like, really close friends. And so at some point, they got a lot friendly with one another. And I don't know. That's the part I'm trying to figure out. But at some point they were to.

[C]

Figure out, they started fucking each other's wives.

[B]

You know, that's what. Yeah, so there's a number of things that it could have been. They could have been swingers, that somebody could have cheated on somebody. You know, it could have been completely mutual, which I don't think would ever happen, but, you know, they could just be like, hey, I like. I like her better. You like her better. Let's just reorganize here. Okay, so, yeah, at some point, they swapped. Officially, they got married to the others, and then they each had one. Peter and Shannon. Now, new combination, had three kids. Three new kids. And then Ben and Allison had four more kids. So very large family. All of these not quite as big as Charlie's family, but it's getting there. It's getting there. So all of them are technically my aunts and uncles. And actually, the combination of. See, I'm now even Confused of. Ben and Allison's kids are technically not related to me. But they.

[C]

I mean, they are. They're your half. They're your half uncles.

[B]

They're all at least half or whole. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Because Allison is your grandmother.

[C]

So you have three full aunts and uncles and four half aunts and uncles.

[A]

He has three full aunts and uncles and 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

[C]

No, those are step. Those are step. Not related. Not. No blood whatsoever. So we got full step and half.

[A]

Well, what about these? Peter and Shannon, they had three more kids.

[C]

Okay, so then that's another half. So he's actually got seven half inches.

[A]

This is what I just said. Miles, do not correct me and then take my right answer.

[C]

That was. That was a rare blunder for me and you. You're correct.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Thank you. I'm the one taking notes here. I'm following three full.

[C]

Three step and seven half aunts and uncles.

[B]

So what's confusing for me is because, like, we grew up together. Like, my mom was in the Peter and Allison combo early on, so they all. All of the kids lived together. They kind of just went back and forth between houses. So all of the aunts and uncles were just, for all intents and purposes, just like, full family. So I never really thought about it, like, half full, whatever. But, yeah, super confusing.

[A]

Would they swap where they slept at night? Like, did they. Did they know what was going on? The kids? Or they.

[B]

My mom, she went. Yeah, she went between different houses. So there was. There was. Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So she primarily would live with Grandpa Ben, who actually wasn't her biological dad.

[A]

Okay. So Luke's mom is over here in the. Ben and Alice. And she part of the first brood or the second. Allison, Peter and Alice. Right. That makes sense. But she primarily.

[C]

So then she went to go live over there.

[A]

Right. Okay. Right here with.

[C]

Okay, Allison. And maybe I'm jumping the gun here, but what is Christmas like?

[B]

Yeah. So that. So since this happens. And that's part of what I'm trying to figure out is, like, how do I ask one of the grandpas at a Christmas or something like that without kind of, you know, ruining a holiday or reopening old wounds? Because I don't know if somebody got cheated on or whatever, but we definitely. I mean, they were best friends, and they're. They're still, like, cordial. Like, they say, hey whenever they see each other. But, like, they're not, by any means, best friends. Makes me think that there's a clue here, you know?

[C]

So you're doing two Christmases, but you're basically all of the same. People are at both Christmases, except for the grandparents.

[B]

Not. Not always. It's usually there's kind of. There's two groups. Some of them kind of moved over to the West Coast. I'm based in New York, so.

[C]

Yeah, but if. If you were gonna have a Christmas on both sides of those families, essentially everyone gets invited to both. Not everyone shows up.

[B]

Yes. Correct.

[A]

Okay, cool.

[C]

Would just swallow their pride. And you guys could just do it all in one shindig.

[B]

That would be convenient for scheduling. But, yeah, that's not really how it goes. We did just have an 80 year birthday for grandpa Ben and everybody. Like, we had like 80 people there. It was crazy.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

That's wild.

[C]

So.

[A]

You consider, since your mom lived with Ben and Allison, who was more of the grandpa figure for you growing up? Was it Ben or Peter?

[B]

Kind of both, I'd say. Yeah, definitely. Definitely both. They've both been in my life a good amount, so.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I mean, they're Eskimo brothers, so it makes sense.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Double Eskimo brothers, actually. That's right.

[A]

This is a.

[C]

They both have slept with the same two women, right? Yeah.

[B]

And both. And both married the same woman and had kids with the same.

[A]

Wow. Damn.

[C]

Maybe the. Maybe the reason why they're not friends is they're just too much alike, you know?

[B]

Yeah, they're. They're actually not very alike at all, which I. I don't know how. They kind of were best friends at first, and I think that's part of what happened with the swap, is that maybe they realized, like, hey, you're nothing like him. You'd be better off with me. And then vice versa. I don't know. That's. So we were at a wedding for one of my cousins recently, and Grandpa Peter said, like, my entire family's been trying to figure this out, but, like, no one really talks about it. So healthy. Are you guys Catholic? Yeah.

[A]

Oh, yeah, obviously.

[C]

Did they get those annulled, by the way?

[A]

Yeah. Did they get the. Do you know?

[B]

No, I'm not sure.

[A]

Yeah, they probably nailed it in.

[B]

So Grandpa Peter at a wedding recently, just said to somebody, I think he was drunk, but he just basically said it was mutual and then. And nothing more. So it sounds like he got cheated on.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So Ben and Allison were laughing, really trying. Baby, that's not good.

[A]

Well, that.

[C]

I mean.

[B]

I mean, I don't know that for sure, but, I mean, nobody says it was mutual and. And means It. I feel like.

[C]

Yeah, it's all about tone at that point, you know?

[B]

Yeah. Which I wasn't there. I didn't hear the tone.

[C]

So he was telling it and then all of a sudden the glass just shattered in his hand after he said.

[A]

It'S mutual me a towel and a band aid.

[B]

Yeah. So I'm trying to. I don't know how the best way is. How to bring this up.

[C]

How is this psychologically fared for your mother?

[B]

She's been fine. Finally. I mean, she just.

[A]

Very casual response.

[C]

Yeah, we've established that she's fine. Yeah. But what's some crazy. She does that is definitely because her parents started messing around with, you know, other people. I don't know.

[B]

I mean, she hasn't really done any crazy shit. I think she just. She just. I don't know. She plays both sides. She likes them both. She. I mean, she. This happened when she was like eight. So it. She's like basically known them both as. As her dads.

[A]

Yeah. How about all the siblings? All your aunts and uncles? Are they all same wife since the.

[C]

Beginning or is history repeating itself?

[B]

Yeah, no, history did not repeat itself. Everybody's kind of. Kind of with their stuff.

[C]

Skips a generation.

[A]

Yeah. What's your relationship like, Luke?

[C]

You got any good friends?

[B]

I recently just got married, so I'm hoping that this doesn't. This doesn't repeat.

[C]

You do not want to end up like Grandpa Peter, I can tell you that much. Don't go to too many game nights with the friends.

[B]

We have been doing a lot more game nights lately.

[C]

It's a slippery slope.

[A]

Yeah. One night of trivia, you know, and.

[C]

And I wouldn't tell them this story. It's going to get some people at that game night some fresh ideas.

[B]

This is like my story to tell. I usually lead with this.

[A]

It's good first date material.

[C]

Get out in front of it. Smart.

[B]

Yeah. Just in case they. Just in case they had any ideas. They just wanted to know that it's been done before.

[C]

I mean, it kind of sucks. Your family could have really cashed in on this. Could have got a cash grab and you guys could have been on the show Wife Swap. I mean.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

You guys really fumbled the bag on that.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, given that this happened in the 70s. I heard that there was. I haven't seen it, but there is a show called the Wife Swap. Is that what you're talking about?

[C]

That's exactly what I'm.

[A]

That was the reference.

[B]

Yeah. It broke up a little bit I haven't seen it, but yeah.

[C]

Yeah, it's just. It's too close to home. You don't ever want to see it. Yeah, no, it's like actors who are in a movie, they never end up watching the movie. Yeah, it's like you've been. You were. You were in swat. Yeah. Swap. You don't want to watch the show. Like, I imagine the. The people who are on the Titanic just have never watched the movie. Just opens. Too many fresh wounds.

[B]

Would never want to go on cruises.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You get it.

[C]

Kind of landlocked people after that, you know?

[B]

Yeah. Move to the glass.

[C]

So what's the mystery? What happened?

[B]

Well, we don't know. We don't know exactly what happened.

[C]

So have you anyone decided to just bite the bullet and ask?

[B]

Not that I know of. I don't think that.

[A]

Who got drunk enough to ask at the wedding?

[B]

One of my other aunts. So he married into the family aunt.

[A]

Classic. Classic.

[C]

That's great. Okay, so Peter's not, you know, he's not telling the full story. So maybe we gotta go after Ben at the next family wedding and have the same in law ask the question to Ben.

[B]

Yeah, that could be it. I mean, I feel like Ben is more willing to let it fly.

[C]

And why are we letting Shannon and Allison off the hook here? Because we could be asking them, too.

[B]

Shannon doesn't really come around very often, and Allison unfortunately passed away.

[A]

Oh, sorry.

[C]

Sorry about that.

[A]

Call. Call Ben up. Get him on the phone.

[B]

He doesn't really answer the phone. He's not very tech. Tech savvy.

[C]

And you're worried about him listening to this podcast?

[B]

No. Yeah, no, my wife was just saying that I shouldn't give the names, but I was going to.

[A]

Wow. We're already down this train.

[C]

Your wife seems like a smart gal.

[B]

Well, yeah, she's a lawyer. She wanted to keep us protected.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Smart.

[C]

So how long you been married?

[B]

Just good. About two years now.

[C]

How's it going?

[B]

Going really good.

[C]

Did she tell you to say that as well?

[B]

Yeah, she has a gun to my head right now. No, things are good.

[A]

Could you ever imagine you have a best friend, right?

[B]

I do have a best friend. I have, actually two best friends. So they married?

[A]

They married.

[B]

One of them is. One of them has a longtime girlfriend.

[A]

Have you ever felt any kind of way toward their significant other?

[B]

I haven't. No.

[C]

I know that that's what your wife wants you to say. Well, what do you say?

[B]

No, I have not. We could do some version of a Yankee swap kind of thing here. Instead of three, you want to do.

[C]

A three way swap. You want to do a wives swap instead of a wife swap.

[B]

I mean, you gotta one up Grandpa Ben, right?

[C]

See, dude, I told you. It's like in their blood. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah. You can't. You can't get it out. It's. It's gonna be around.

[C]

Well, you're gonna be fighting those demons your whole life.

[A]

What town was this?

[B]

This is in New York. To Westchester, New York.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So, yeah, I don't think this is necessarily a thing that goes on here.

[A]

But, you know, we got a thing in Wisconsin called the Kickapoo Switcheroo. Folks in the western part of the state along the Kickapoo river have been known to, you know, at some point realize, I like you more, you like me more, she likes him more, I. He likes her more. And rock and roll, you know, it's. It's common.

[C]

It's a hotbed for wife swapping.

[A]

It is some in. Some in the water. So we're in the river. Yeah, we're accustomed to this here in the Midwest. You know, teach their own. And. And you know, we don't lay judgment upon it. That's for the good Lord to do, which is where the guilt comes from.

[C]

And I love how Charlie always acts like we never pass judgment.

[A]

We don't.

[C]

Like this entire podcast is just us passing judgment constantly.

[A]

I like the facade, though. I like to make people feel comfortable.

[C]

You know, it's just like the most Catholic ever. You know, it's like, hey, we do what the good Lord says. But hey, you want to come over later and gamble and get hammered, Talk about our neighbors?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Now, Luke, does this impact you? Do you feel like something's lost or something's missing? Or do you just feel like you get extra presents on Christmas?

[B]

It's more just the extra presents and different. Two different Christmases. I mean, my parents are divorced too, so I get another Christmas Day.

[A]

You have a plethora of gorgeous rolling in it, man.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

When was the last time you bought socks and underwear? I bet. Never.

[B]

Literally never. I get socks every single year from all three Christmases.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

That's great.

[C]

Yeah, they're not to the point where he's just like, giving it away to the homeless.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

He's like, I just have so many Christmases, so many socks, I can't wear them all.

[A]

That must be where Saint Nick came from. You know, he had two grandpas and divorced. He's like, I got to get rid of all these Damn stockings. I'll go hang them on people's fireplaces.

[B]

Yeah, we actually just. We didn't give away socks, but we did just start like cleaning it. My wife wanted to start cleaning out the closet, so we got rid of like half, more than half my clothes and we just dumped it to like Goodwill.

[A]

Half his clothes.

[B]

It was mainly my clothes.

[A]

This is making room for.

[C]

Well, she's a lawyer. She's. You can't get rid of good pants suit, you know.

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah, that's right.

[C]

What does your wife think of all this? Yeah. How'd it go on the first date when you told her?

[B]

I didn't tell her this on the first date. It's my new bar story to tell. Leaning into it more, but she. I mean, she learned it more than I did at first. My dad tried to like draw it out for me and my mom did too, and it like, it wasn't. Wasn't sticking. I feel like I've been finally like figured out how to give the story properly. So it might have been not as confusing here, but like, she definitely picked it up way quicker than I did.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, it does take some pictures. Pure visual learner. It's hard.

[C]

This did help. Charlie. You did a good job. For those that are wondering, this is. Yeah, this is.

[B]

Yeah, I'd like to see how you drew it out because we also. I mean, my. My mother in law's side is very big into Ancestry.com and doing all the genealogy and she had a field day with this and she. It kind of broke ancestry.com servers crashing. Well, because there's a connection between each of the wives, so you kind of have. I've never seen this before. And I was playing around with her family trees a ton. You actually have to toggle between people because you can't just see both combinations. Otherwise they would have this person show up twice. So it's like.

[C]

Yeah, I mean, your. Your family tree lights up like a Christmas tree on Ancestry.com.

[B]

Yeah, it's speaking. It's less of a family tree. It's more of like a family flowchart.

[C]

It's like that one doctor worked at the sperm bank that was just using his sperm for everyone. You ever see that documentary? It's a wild documentary if you ever watch it. Yeah, yeah. It's. You're. You're basically living that out. But no sperm bank. Yeah, just. Just Peter and Ben are. The sperm bank.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You guys really run a tight sperm bank.

[B]

Yeah. Charlie, do you know anyone? You said it's very common up there. Do you know anyone who's done this?

[A]

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I know. Well, I know at least four people have done it. And one of them had two kids. I think the other one had one, maybe another from a different marriage. And then, yeah, they just decided. And they're. They're still good friends. They just live one, you know, up the river. Well, town over, but the river goes up that way. But, yeah. Mm. Yeah, A buddy of mine, in fact, told me about it, and I was like, that's fascinating. They said, did, you know, so and so and so's Kickapoo switcheroo. I said, no. Well, I'll be darned. And. And they'll talk about it quite often. You know, in fact, I think two of them still own the same house legally. They just never, you know, got it on the books. Yeah. So, yeah, it'll. It'll happen, you know, and. And that's how it goes, you know, Sometimes you. You just can't have two fishes swimming too close to each other without ending up in the same spawn bed.

[C]

Each other. Yeah.

[A]

Eating each other. Well, that would have been a better way to end that one, Miles. Yeah.

[B]

I like the Tickapoo switcheroo. I'm gonna start using that.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

No, I think you did a good job explaining it. It was all right.

[D]

Good.

[C]

Charlie's visual aids helped a lot.

[A]

Yeah. So is there anything lingering, though, with you, though, like, anything you want to talk about?

[C]

You said about this with your therapist?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No, I haven't talked about this with my therapist. I was kind of holding it back for this call.

[A]

Well, tell us what. What. What cranks your gears about it feeling all.

[B]

No, I mean, I. You know, with. With this whole thing. You know, there's. There was these two sides, and some of the sides of the families are, you know, keeping to themselves a little bit, and that's Thus the multiple holidays. But, you know, some moved out to the west coast, and they kind of do their own thing, and it's. There's kind of two teams going on here, so.

[A]

So, no, there's. No. I didn't ask about how your family feels about it. I asked, how do you feel about it? Do you feel like you missed out on anything?

[B]

No, I don't think I missed out on anything. I think. I think everything's good. I think we. I was just curious what was going on. I just want to. I don't. I don't know for sure if somebody got cheated on or not or if they were just swingers.

[C]

Hey. Curious like a 12 year old boy in the shower, you know?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

What's going on? What happens if I poke this? You know.

[B]

These are the things that I think about.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

I mean, I suppose you don't know any different, so that's why it doesn't matter.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

That's why I asked about your mom's psychological damage to this because she would be the one that would be directly affected.

[B]

Yeah, she's a compartmentalizer. She doesn't really talk about her feelings like that. So it's. I, I could, I guess I could ask, but.

[C]

Well, maybe we'll get on the podcast future and ask.

[A]

I'll tell you this. What I noticed, what I noticed with my Grandma sue is that I've taken her to the casino a bunch over the years and the more I take her to the casino, the more she just starts talking. And so I wonder, maybe you get some one on one time with Ben or Peter and you don't even bring it up, but you know, you guys do either. I'm like to gamble.

[B]

Peter does. Yeah.

[A]

But start taking Peter to the casino. You know, he's probably looking for a good casino party.

[C]

We call the butter up technique. You just butter him up with, with casino time, huh.

[A]

Maybe slipping 20 in one of their slots when no one. And Peter's probably familiar with that.

[C]

Peter's been slipping 20s and slots his whole life.

[A]

Mm.

[C]

It looks like he slot machines that he's not even supposed to be on 20 million.

[A]

In fact, if we're doing the sperm count. But I would say yeah, just. And I bet you over time, over time I'm guessing that you're going to, you're gonna get, get, get some more details trickling out. So yeah, you just say Peter, how did you, how'd you and Shannon meet?

[C]

You know, as if he doesn't know.

[B]

I mean he knows that I know. I mean this is one of my grandparents.

[C]

Yeah, you. You know what to do. But I've been asking the right questions.

[A]

Start asking, ask questions about what he was doing back then. You know, like what'd you guys do for fun?

[B]

You know, I think they did coke. I think that was fun. I think that's part of what they did for fun back then, was it.

[A]

They were big, big into the cocaine, huh?

[B]

Well, my Grandpa had his 80th birthday. Started telling us a story about, about all of his friends doing coke.

[A]

So what was the story?

[C]

Yeah, my friends were doing coke. Smart guy, wily old vet.

[B]

Well, at his party actually part of like the decorations were like these Little mirrors, these square mirrors as placeholders for everybody's seat. And it just had, like, paint on it that looked like a line of coke. And so that was just probably a blast from the past for him.

[C]

Yeah, he's just. He was back in Vietnam.

[A]

Wait a second, wait a second. So what was Peter doing for. This was Peter's birthday.

[C]

You said this was Peter.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What was Pete. What did he do for a living? Was he a Wall street guy?

[B]

No, he was a lawyer, too.

[A]

Lawyer.

[B]

Yeah, that.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

It's all high together and there.

[A]

Were they working and so. Okay, that's fun. That's good to know. That's real good to know. So he was a little.

[C]

You still meet a lot of grandpas that you go like. Yeah, he's a cokehead. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Feel like.

[B]

I don't think he does coke anymore. I mean, I don't know. I think he could. I don't really know.

[C]

If someone's an alcoholic when they're 25, are they still an alcoholic when they're 80?

[B]

I guess it depends on. He could be. Well, you could stop.

[C]

Well, no, I'm saying he doesn't have to do coke now. It doesn't mean he's still not a Coke.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's fair.

[A]

Is he still a big part? Well, you say he was drunk when he was talking about this, or Ben was.

[B]

Yeah, he was.

[C]

Has he got pretty good energy for an old guy?

[B]

Got really good energy for an old guy.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So. Yeah, you're right. He still might be on the coke. I just haven't put two and two together on this.

[C]

That's why you call into this podcast, Charlie.

[B]

Exactly. I uncovered things that I wasn't even thinking about. I was trying to figure out. Yeah, I was trying to figure out the wife.

[C]

So buy him a dime bag and then he'll really open up.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, that's true. Just give him a little placebo.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Let's just see what happens.

[C]

Flower. The one other thing that I thought of is you're actually in the best scenario possible. And we, me and my siblings are talking about this, that the best person to be in a divorced family is the grandkids, because you get all the benefits of having multiple Christmases with none of the childhood trauma of your parents getting divorced.

[A]

Oh, that's true.

[C]

So you're. You're in a phenomenal spot.

[B]

No, it definitely rocks. That's why I was saying, like, it. It's. There's no trauma at all. I gotta. No therapists needed. It's Just. It's just. Just questions is all I have. Oh, yeah.

[C]

Well, dude, we appreciate you sharing your story with us here on podcast. It's quite the. Quite the situation you're in.

[A]

And again, that advice. Take Peter over the casino, Ask him if he had any more side pieces over the years.

[C]

Yeah, might have another family.

[A]

Warm up to that one. Yeah, the 70s was the era of secret families, just so you know.

[C]

Yeah, I mean, you say you haven't seen Shannon much. Maybe she's got a secret family.

[B]

She could. She could. She's out in Colorado now, so I might have to pay a visit.

[C]

Wait, so Peter's at home and she's in Colorado?

[B]

Well, they're not together anymore either.

[A]

Do you know why?

[C]

Dude, why didn't you lead with that?

[A]

Yeah, come on, dude.

[C]

We're just wrapping up the call and now I gotta, like, Shannon's got another family in Colorado.

[A]

I gotta upgrade the diagram now.

[C]

God, here we go. Okay, so let's just put. What do we want to name mystery guy for Shannon?

[A]

Do you know Shannon's partner?

[B]

No, she's not with anybody right now. And Shannon. Actually, Shannon's the one that is technically not related to me.

[A]

Yeah, I can see that through this chart.

[B]

Yeah, so she's the one because Ben married, you know, Allison, who then obviously I'm related to them in that way, but Shannon was never related to me.

[C]

I think your. Your grandparents need to get in the same nursing home and run it back. Yeah, they're both free.

[A]

That's true.

[C]

Peter and Ben. Peter and Ben need to run it back in the nursing home.

[B]

Well, Ben has remarried too, and that actually just got. Well, he. So he remarried again and then after Allison passed away, remarried again for a while for like 15 years. And he actually just got divorced like last week.

[C]

Well, now that. That step grandma have any kids?

[B]

She does, but. Yeah, she has even more. Not with him. Not with him, though. Not with him.

[C]

No, I understand that. But then there's just more step. Step aunts and uncles for you.

[B]

I don't really know them that well though. They. They keep it packed away. I don't really see them, but.

[C]

Yeah, I feel the same way. I wouldn't want to get into this train wreck of a family.

[B]

But grandpa be. He's. He's dating again and we went to the holidays for Thanksgiving and for Christmas and he brought a date along and it just. I don't know, felt. Just felt a little weird having 80 year olds dating and they don't do the. They don't do the Apps like Tinder or anything. He actually has, like, a. Like a matchmaker. And we were at Thanksgiving, and he just. He had printouts. Like, 8 by 10 printouts of. Just portrait pictures of people.

[C]

All right, I think we just solved the mystery. Charlie. First of all, your grandpa Ben. Ben is the horniest guy I've ever heard of in my entire life. One, two. Peter. Peter didn't do. Peter is an innocent bystander in this whole thing. Ben. He's trying to stick his dick anywhere he can. And he started messing around with Allison. She fell for his little games, broke up all that. And as you can see, he's just redoing this over and over again. Ben is the culprit.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Ben done it.

[A]

Ben done it. We solved it right here.

[B]

That was definitely my. My theory, too. I mean, it was just ridiculous. He, like, ran to his office to grab the 8 by 10 stapled together. There was, like, 10 pictures of people, and he was like, get a look at this person. That's crazy that I'm gonna bring her to Christmas.

[C]

I just imagine him standing by the printer, waiting for him to come out.

[B]

Just give me a second here. They're coming out.

[A]

There's just a. Oh.

[C]

One fell on the floor.

[B]

Oh, God.

[C]

There goes Cindy. Cindy's pretty hot.

[A]

Like a nude prince. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I just hope to have that kind of energy when I'm. When I'm 80, I'll be.

[C]

Keep doing coke.

[B]

I've never done coke. But your wife's teeter on the other side.

[C]

Y.

[B]

That's true. Well, she's pregnant. I hope she's not doing coke.

[A]

Oh, congratulations.

[C]

Congratulations.

[A]

Your first.

[B]

That's why we got rid of. That's why we got rid of half my. Yeah, it's our first one.

[A]

Well, you're. You.

[C]

There's two ways to get rid of half. Your having a kid and.

[A]

All right, Miles.

[C]

What?

[A]

All right, I know exactly where you're going with this.

[C]

What, and you willingly do it or your wife does it for you is what I was gonna say.

[A]

Okay. Okay.

[C]

So.

[A]

All right.

[C]

Moving cross country.

[A]

Oh, okay. Got it. Got it. I see. I see.

[C]

Luke.

[A]

We know what he was really gonna say, though.

[C]

Just ask your uncle, your grandpa Ben. He knows all about it. I mean, the child support on these guys. You could fund a third world country with that.

[A]

Well, I doubt it, because Ben's the lawyer, you said.

[B]

No, Peter was the lawyer.

[A]

Peter's the. Well, Peter had that locked in, probably.

[B]

Yeah. Ben does like real estate stuff.

[C]

Yeah, of course he does.

[A]

This is like a Great Gatsby. I'm getting great Gatsby vibes from the 70s with these guys. Both well off, huh?

[B]

Yeah, they do pretty well.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Enough to have. Enough to have like 12 kids. I feel like you gotta. You gotta have some cash.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

All right.

[A]

I figured that out with the cocaine.

[C]

Well, I'm gonna be able to sleep good tonight, Charlie, knowing we figure that out.

[A]

What's the culprit, you think? Even though you're not on your tempur pedicure.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Or your cloud bed.

[C]

Yeah. Otherwise it had been disaster this night. All right, well, we appreciate you calling in, dude. This is great.

[B]

Yeah, Yeah, I might need to call back in, give a bellied update after I have my. My conversations to. Actually, we already got to the bottom of it, but just to put a confirmation.

[A]

Yeah, I. I don't think you've gotten to the bottom of it. I'm wanting for more details here, so.

[C]

Please, over a fax podcast. We don't want to. You know, we can make speculation, but we don't. We need all the facts.

[A]

I'd like a little more tea. So get on over to the casino with Peter or Ben, frankly.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, he's more of a sports gambler, so I might need to just go to his house and just start betting on the Jet. He's a big jets fan and they suck, so might just need to take some. Some prop bets there.

[C]

I mean, what a life of misery. Jets fan who also likes the sports bet on the Jets.

[B]

Yeah. And. And potential and potentially got cheated on for sure.

[A]

I think we can go with for.

[C]

Sure on this guy going straight to heaven because he's been living in purgatory.

[A]

Heaven on scholarship.

[C]

On full ride. Yeah, he's a first round draft pick into heaven.

[A]

That's almost a beatitude there. Blessed are the jets fans, for they will get cheated on.

[B]

Yeah. And I mean, I'm an Eagles fan too, so that last week didn't really go too well for me, but Charlie too. Sorry to.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Every single call we've had since the Packers.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Someone's brought it up and it makes me so happy.

[B]

That's why I didn't want to bring it up because, I mean, I. I just lost my team too, so.

[A]

Miles is just jealous. He'll never know this kind of pain.

[C]

I. That is probably a little true. I am jealous of the pain, so. All right, dude, well, we appreciate it and thanks for calling in.

[A]

All right. Watch for deer there, Luke.

[B]

Yeah, you too.

[A]

Tell your folks it says, hey, go to the casino. Now or the do some gambling.

[B]

Regardless, I'll go right, I'll go right now. I'll reach out to Peter.

[A]

Do it and call us back. We'll talk to you soon.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Bye. Bye. Yep.

[C]

What a whirlwind. We got it though, you know.

[A]

You know that back in the 70s, after Peter did a little line, stepped into his step down living room and looked over at Shannon, gave her a little wink, you know, on that plaid couch, said, come on up to the shag carpeting area.

[C]

Let's go to the rec room.

[A]

Let's go to the rec room.

[C]

Do a little recreation, play a little bumper pool.

[A]

I could see it all.

[C]

Smoke a Virginia Slim.

[A]

Yeah, super bowl party season, Miles. Full contact sport. You know, everyone's yelling at the tv, the dip table is overloaded. And there's always one guy, you know, he tries to carry 14 plates all once and he's a professional server or something, but he's not because then he hits the front steps, realizes those are not steps, they're a nice ramp. And boom, pow. Food everywhere. Someone's knee or wrist is instantly a problem.

[C]

Dislocated.

[A]

Yeah. And if you're driving home and someone runs a light because they're still arguing about, you know, the call from five years ago. Well, now there's a crash on. On top of everything else. And if the night ends with a real injury or accident, well, what do you do, Miles?

[C]

I'm gonna call Nicolet.

[A]

1-855-Ladies- gentlemen.

[C]

Don't matter if it's a Sunday on the super bowl, give him a call.

[A]

1-855-Nicola.

[D]

Hey guys, how's it going?

[C]

Hello, is this Mark?

[D]

This is Mark and I've also got you on speakerphone with Justin, who's. We're partners in the business. He's my son.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

How's it going, Mark and Justin?

[C]

You know, you know, Mark, I applaud you as a parent introducing your son as a partner. Because if I own a business with my dad, he would never call me his partner. He would just call me his goddamn son.

[A]

I can confirm that's how he's introduced.

[D]

Now we worked together for years and wouldn't want it any other way.

[C]

All right, Justin, do you feel the same way?

[E]

Yeah, you know, at times.

[C]

You know.

[D]

We'Ve got a pretty good relationship and.

[E]

It'S one of those deals where we've came to terms whenever we get a little mad. I, I stopped going my mom first off because for that each other we just go to the bar and hatched out For a little bit. And we're all good.

[C]

That's good.

[A]

And what. What kind of business are we in?

[D]

We own an old fashioned butcher shop in northern Illinois.

[C]

So you guys just drink old fashions and cut up meat?

[A]

It's a great business model.

[D]

That's it. Yeah. We got our liquor license here, so we got to make sure we're drinking while we're cutting.

[C]

What could go wrong? Old fashions and sharp blades.

[D]

But we also. Yeah, so we're about to. We're in a little town. There's like 500 people here, and we're about 45 minutes from the Wisconsin border and about an hour west of Chicago.

[A]

Okay, so you're kind of smack dab in the middle of the deal there.

[D]

There we are.

[A]

Do you wish. Is there some part of you that wishes you were just over the border here in Wisconsin?

[E]

We talk about that all the time.

[A]

Nice. Nice. You know, the flatlanders, Miles, they're a lot like us.

[C]

They are. Yeah.

[D]

And then. And then also, you know, so we make like, like 80 different flavors of brats. And then. But. And we also do deer processing. And so.

[C]

Oh, yeah, Jared told me that because you. You sent us over some photos of some deer that look like you're about to process.

[D]

Yeah, well, yeah, yeah, yeah, we got some. We got some great stories in here about a couple months ago. I always listen to you guys all the time. I'm like, you know what? I always talk about deer. I should give him a buzz.

[C]

What are some of the stories having?

[E]

Yeah, well, well, start out. You know, every. Every. Every person drops a deer off. We. They always got the story for us. We hear. We hear, you know, hundreds of deer stories a year.

[C]

And how many of those do you think they're telling the truth on?

[A]

Oh.

[E]

I'd say a solid 3%.

[A]

Usually there's a little bit more evidence if you're not doing catch and release with the. With the stories.

[E]

The size of the deer comes in, it's always, you know, I was shooting at the mom and missed, and I got the baby.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, it was a lot bigger before I field dressed it.

[E]

Exactly.

[D]

Last year, Opening day are very. Because we do about 800 deer a year. So opening day, this guy shows up and like this. I don't know. I don't know what model of Beamer was like $120,000 car. And he's like, am I your first customer? I'm like, yeah. He's like, well, I. I got. I got the first year of the season I bet. And he pops open his trunk and there's this little bitty thing in there. And we start laughing, right?

[E]

Probably just spray PA spots on it, that's all.

[D]

Yeah. Can't you get rid of the spots? They got the spray can out. Anyway.

[C]

He put it in the trunk. It could fit in the trunk of his Beamer.

[D]

Oh, yeah. Like. Like, my dog's bigger. So anyway, so we're like, dude, you know, you're gonna pay us, like, 200 bucks to process this gear, and you're gonna get about, you know, maybe five pounds. And he was. He's like, well, I'm gonna go back to the city and tell my, all my buddies I got the first year of the season and. And I'm like, well, why'd you take the shot of this on the first day like this? You know? And he's like, well, well, I, I, I was shooting the mom, and I clipped the mom, and she ran off and I couldn't find her. So this was just a mercy kill.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[D]

That's what I said too. And I'm like, whatever. Well, you know, we'll take your mask, whatever. So anyway, it sure enough, we process it. What was like, maybe what, five, six pounds?

[E]

Yeah, something like that.

[A]

A little.

[D]

A little bitty box. So he comes back to pick it up, you know, and he was being fine. I'm like, hey. I go, did you go out and find that mom? He's like, what are you talking about? I'm like, no, you. When you were here, you said that, you know, you tagged the mom, you had to take the baby. You're gonna go try to find it. Oh, I don't know what you're talking. Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, man. I went out there and. And couldn't find her. And, you know, you're just like, whatever, dude.

[A]

Yeah. Was he Andre did Chicago?

[D]

Well, he came from Chicago, yeah.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Let's get more and more suspicious as we go along.

[C]

I think you just hit that with his Beamer.

[A]

That's what I think.

[D]

And you gotta tell them. Tell the story about the. We sent you a picture of a truck.

[C]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's all smashed all.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

And that, that was a beautiful truck originally. And he pulled in, and I got. It was a beautiful buck he brought me. So I was talking a little bit.

[D]

I'm like, oh, yeah?

[E]

How long we the stand for? When we got. They said, oh, I've been on the stand about six hours, and I didn't get nothing. I'm like, well, what do you mean get nothing? What? What happened? He's like, well, I was driving home about two miles down the road. This deer just ran full speed right on the side of my car.

[A]

Yeah, he got t boned. Good lord.

[E]

Yeah, he got t boned. And that's how he got it.

[C]

T boned suicidal deer.

[A]

Yeah. Not. Not happy with the forest. Was a nice rack on it at least.

[E]

Oh, yeah, it was beautiful.

[A]

Oh, man.

[C]

That's like kind of my dream, you know?

[A]

Yeah. I mean, that's just driving.

[C]

Driving out to the deer stand in the morning. You know, I'm late, so I'm usually arriving around opening, you know, first light.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Wow. I don't even got to sit out in the cold.

[E]

Yeah, yeah. No, that's why I took a picture of that. That was a good one.

[A]

You must have been running at like 18 miles an hour. Look at that.

[E]

Well, I don't blame it. He got it caped and everything. Kicked out. He got it on mount. I never got a picture of the mountain, but I would have done the same thing. He ruined your car. Get it on the wall.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

How's that gonna look as amount. He didn't go head first into it. Huh. He must have tried to jump a bit.

[E]

Yeah, I tried turn and just hit the shoulder.

[A]

Oh, geez. Well, hey, clear shot.

[D]

So we have a 24.7drop off cooler, which is pretty handy, you know, so people can just come, they hang their deer up, and then we give them a buzz the next day.

[C]

Yep.

[D]

And get their cut orders and blah, blah, blah. Anyway, so this guy hangs this drop. That hangs this deer in the drop off cooler. And it wasn't field dressed.

[A]

Oh, no.

[D]

That picture that's laying that essentially laying there. Yeah, yeah, it's completely. It was. So we drug it out and Justin called the guy up and he's like, you know, dude, you didn't feel just the deer. We got thrown the dumpster. Well, the guy loses his. You know, he's dropping the F bomb and how we suck. And every processor does that.

[A]

Does field dresses it.

[D]

Yeah. I've never heard of that.

[C]

Never? No, never once in my life.

[D]

No. No.

[A]

How. Why would he? I just. I mean, dragging an unfield dress deer, none of this makes sense at all. You guys, you need a detective on some of this stuff. Is it bloated? Oh, man.

[D]

Oh, and you talk about the smell.

[C]

It was.

[D]

I mean, we were worried about getting in the dumpster. It wasn't gonna pop because it was so tight. But he wanted Wanted. He wanted us to cut the head off. And we said, no, you know, if you want it, we're gonna leave it here for an hour, and if you don't come pick it up, it's. It's in the dumpster.

[A]

Right. He wanted.

[E]

So.

[D]

So that was that.

[A]

We.

[D]

About three of us, we get it in the dumpster. I shouldn't say we, Justin.

[C]

I say, you sound like my mom. Mom's always. We're gonna do this, we're gonna to do that.

[D]

Yeah. I'm a little guilty of that every now and then.

[B]

Yeah, a little. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

So they get in the dumpster, right? Well, so then literally, the next guy that gets here comes pulling in, and he's got his gear strapped to the trunk. And he. He was a cool guy. He said, you know, his truck had broke down. That's the other picture you got there with the.

[E]

That's crazy.

[C]

That's unbelievable.

[A]

He's got it on a. A Chevy cruise.

[D]

He's kind of. He's kind of a little embarrassed because his truck broke down. You know, he wanted to get a deer in here before it got warm and everything. So it was all good. It was all good.

[A]

You don't have to be embarrassed about that. That's. That's a good. That deer wasn't going anywhere.

[E]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rack the trap to the Chevy cruise.

[D]

So he goes. So anyway, he's kind of apologizing, and one of our employees goes, hey, man, it's all good, you know, at least you feel dressed in, you know. And he's like, what are you talking about? And so we told him the story we just told you, you know, he's like, it's in the dumpster. And he's like, yeah. You know, so that was kind of it. No big deal. Well, no. About 20 minutes later, we look out in the dumpster, and this guy's knee deep in the dumpster. Man, this thing smells, right? And he's cutting the horns off that deer that was all bloated, and his kid was right next to the dumpster, Smelled so bad, throwing up. I mean, you can't make that shit up.

[A]

He just. You take the saws out there.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Little hacksaw. And he was just going to town on it.

[A]

God, that smell.

[B]

That's.

[C]

And.

[A]

And this is. How long had it been the dumpster at that point?

[E]

Not too long, the dumpster. But, I mean, the dumpster just stinks. But the bloatingness just from the, you know, not field testing that is leaking out of the thing.

[A]

Dude, that is nasty.

[D]

Yeah, because, like. Because I think the guy had the deer for a couple days on field dress before he even hung up here.

[C]

Oh, God.

[A]

He really wanted those rattlers that bad, huh?

[E]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Well, he's probably, he's probably. His wife probably wanted to make a antler shandy. Oh, yeah, he's collecting them, you know.

[A]

Doesn'T have to go shed hunting this year.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

The wife. You just brought the wife. Those are always funny ones too, because, you know, we do, we make, you know, beef sticks, all different flavors of sticks and brats and summer sausage and all that out of your deer. And we're, we're like the only ones rather, that keep deer separate. So we don't want everybody together. I mean, everybody gets their own meat back, you know.

[C]

Yep.

[D]

And so we're making sticks and stuff. It gets a little pricey. You know, it's pretty funny sometimes because when you call up the price, you got to be very encrypted when the wife answers the phone about how much the bill's gonna be.

[A]

Well, you know, so the beef. Beef sticks, those are. And you just list it off one by one until you can get. Until the husband. Yeah.

[C]

You give them the price per stick instead of the batch. So the sticks are three bucks. Yeah.

[A]

And these are real good quality sticks, let me tell you. A lot of protein in these, a lot of antioxidants.

[C]

I'm a little curious. You were saying that you guys make 80 different types of brats.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

What is. I want to know a couple things. Like what's the most exotic br that you guys make and which one is like your guys staple?

[D]

Well, I'll tell you, I just listened to podcast a couple days ago. We could get Charlie the Sour patch one for his wife.

[A]

A Sour patch. What?

[E]

A Sour Patch Brat.

[D]

Sour Patch bra.

[C]

You guys make a Sour Patch Brat?

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Yep, yep. You get the full size, you know, Sour Patch Kid. You throw them in there and you know, as you're eating them, cooking them, they start coming to the surface of the skin. It looks like a little sour patch popping out.

[A]

Really?

[C]

A little sweetness.

[A]

That's. That's something slick.

[C]

Were you saying that your wife likes that your girlfriend likes Sour Patch Kids?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Did I say that? I didn't even know I said that.

[D]

Yeah, you said it. I was listening to. I was driving back yesterday from Nashville and it was, it was one of five, I think it's about two weeks, two episodes ago. And you were talking, you said that your wife was a Sour Patch that day.

[A]

Yeah, she was me.

[C]

That was me. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Oh, that was you. That was you, Miles.

[D]

Oh, sorry.

[A]

I didn't know that.

[C]

My wife likes brats.

[A]

Yeah, I like how I say I didn't know that because I clearly wasn't listening.

[C]

I actually told that to you.

[A]

I know. It's. It's funny. It's funny.

[C]

No. Yeah. My wife loves brats and Sour Patch Kids. It would be a great, great thing to try.

[A]

Yeah. How. How well do those ship?

[D]

Oh, we can ship them. Yeah.

[A]

Miles, what do you think?

[C]

Might have to.

[A]

We might. We might have to order some of those for Anne.

[D]

We can. We can ship you some brats up there.

[C]

So there's, like, the Sour Patch Kid. Melt a little bit inside of it. Or not.

[E]

Yeah, yeah, It'll start. It'll melt, start coming out. Like, don't do it on a Blackstone. I did that one time and caramelized my Blackstone. But it's not too bad. You know, you can definitely still see the. The outline of the Sour Patch Kid when you're done with it.

[C]

So do you guys just get hammered and be like, what if we threw Sour Patch Kids in there?

[E]

Oh, absolutely.

[D]

Yeah, absolutely.

[E]

That's how you come with 80 flavors. Like a big one. Yes. We're, like, the most exotic ones. A Skittles brought. Actually, dump a full bag of family Skittles in there. The kids actually. They taste really good.

[A]

Sounds like you guys only had 60 flavors of brats and then went over to the Quick Trip and came back with 80. Should we get some Mentos, too? Yeah, you might as well.

[C]

I got a Reese's one.

[A]

Yeah. Do you have a Reese's?

[E]

Yes, the Reese's Pieces.

[A]

There you have it.

[C]

Two Tums.

[A]

Yeah, get a Tums brat going.

[C]

That's your 80. That's your 81st flavor.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Tongues are Pepto brought.

[C]

That'll work.

[E]

Oh, God.

[C]

Bubble gum, bubblegum flavor.

[A]

You guys, what's the name of the business again?

[D]

It's heading.

[E]

I didn't find meat here and trust him.

[C]

Fentons or Henton's head.

[D]

O, N, S. Okay.

[A]

Headings.

[D]

Yeah. So, yeah, even, like, on Facebook. Our Facebook page is Head and Spine Meats, and we're doing actually a brat extravaganza this week.

[B]

So you.

[D]

Can you click on there right now? You can see all the. We got. We're doing, like, what, 40 flavors?

[E]

Yeah. Didn't get close to 40. Yeah.

[C]

That's awesome.

[D]

We do a lot of normal, you know, normal stuff. Bacon, cheddar, maple cheddar prime rib mozzarella, which is a beef broad.

[E]

Beer.

[D]

Oh, yeah, we do. We do summer shandy brat.

[A]

Oh, all right.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

What would be your guys's like, if you were gonna put your whole reputation on one brat that you guys make, what would it be? Yeah, does sound good.

[D]

Mozzarella.

[A]

Getting hungry.

[C]

I. I love. Yeah. So what, you just. You do you have a whole lineup of candy flavored brats or whatever?

[D]

Yeah, you know, yeah. During, like, broad extravagant. Like, we don't. We don't have all the time. Like, we have all our staple flavors in the store all the time, but, you know, so yeah, like you said Reese's Pieces. We do. We do an Elvis brought, which is.

[E]

See, we're.

[D]

We're pretty Midwest here. We got the train going right by the butcher shop right now.

[C]

I love it.

[A]

You do a PM Bar Banana brat.

[D]

Yeah, we do a peanut butter banana bra.

[E]

Like, oh, my. One of my son's friends came with a bacon and Oreo brat.

[C]

I love Oreos.

[A]

Are you big Oreo guy?

[C]

You know, you're like, okay, look at an Oreo package. Don't look at the serving size. Serving size is 2 Oreos, by the way.

[A]

Nobody has ever.

[C]

And my serving size is two sleeves of Oreos. Oreos. So yeah.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

You're wondering how I used to weigh. You wondering how I used to weigh? 60 pounds heavier, Charlie. Yeah, that's a piece of evidence.

[A]

Old double stuffed over here.

[C]

Why do they even make single stuff Oreos anymore?

[A]

What's the point?

[C]

What is the point?

[A]

What's the most popular of your, like, kind of crazy brats?

[D]

Definitely.

[E]

Definitely Skittle.

[A]

Skittles. Okay. Taste the rainbow.

[D]

Yep, Skittles. And then. But we do like, you know, we do like a maple root beer.

[E]

Blueberry. Blueberry is a pretty big one.

[D]

Oh, yeah, blueberry's really good. Like, like, you wrap a pancake around a blueberry brat and put some maple syrup on it.

[C]

That is sick.

[A]

That's really good.

[C]

Okay, I'm.

[A]

We gotta make a trip down.

[C]

I want to buy stock in them.

[A]

You guys accepting invest investor? That's a no. That is.

[C]

They're like, yes, but not from you guys.

[D]

I was gonna say just the opposite. No, but okay from you guys.

[A]

Oh, okay. All right, nice.

[C]

Because I'm thinking, dude, if you put. If you had the Skittles brats and Sour Patch Kids brats on the Internet and you could ship them, this episode comes out. Dude, I know there's a lot of people listening. At least want to try it?

[D]

We do ship. You know, that's a caveat. No, it's not really a caveat. It's just, you know, it's expensive. Yeah, you gotta do it overnight and they gonna buy Amazon or anything like that, you know. But no, we. We ship quite a bit. We just ship rots and sticks. We don't. We don't ship any meats or anything like that, but we'll ship rots and sticks.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Okay. I'm just saying you might get a few inquiries that I wanted to try that Skittles brought. So just be prepared.

[D]

That. That'd be awesome. Yeah, I mean, we. We take it. We get orders offline. Like, we don't have online ordering, but, you know, you can contact us on our website and then also.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

On Facebook. You know, Facebook's always a good one.

[B]

So.

[D]

Yeah, we'd love you guys to come down because we got. We got a little. We got like a little bar here that we just kind of. It's not that it's open all the time, but it's a bar and we do a lot of sampling, so we have our own barrel picks each year. So we got our own brand name Bourbon and rye. It'd be great to have you guys down here.

[A]

Yeah, I'll have to bring you some brandy and we'll make a Brandy Brat. Yeah, there you go.

[C]

That's the 81st flavor.

[A]

Baron's brand, the BB Triple B, B. What do we call it? B cubed. No, what? B? B to the 3. What do you call B to the B? 3 squared. B 3.

[C]

Triple B, triple D with, you know.

[A]

B to the third, a B3.

[C]

We'll just call it the Baron's Brat.

[A]

That's good. That's better. Miles is a better branding guy, if you haven't noticed.

[C]

If I can get my hands on some Skittles brats and I bring that to Lake in the summer, my dad is gonna be so resistant. He's gonna be like, you can't put. You're. Put Skittles in the bra. I'm not eating that. Or whatever. And then he's gonna try and be like, that's actually pretty good.

[A]

Yeah. You're gonna be like, where my Skittles.

[C]

Broads go, oh, they went bad. I throw them out.

[D]

Yeah. No, so, like, it's funny, like, when we have our broad extravaganza and we'll have, you know, the whole case will be, you know, both cases will be filled full of brats. And then someone comes in, they're like, I just want traditional.

[B]

That's it. Yeah.

[D]

And if we run out of traditional and we got any other flavors, they're pissed.

[C]

Yeah, I believe it. These are the guys who've been doing missionary since 1962. Since 1969, they've been doing missionary.

[A]

They like it just the way they want it.

[C]

And they're like, it's. I don't want to change it. Gets the job done.

[A]

Don't want any of that hippie.

[C]

Yeah. You guys are hippies in the brat community. Just try it, man.

[D]

We've got, like, this big old, like, map, like, in the store with all the places our brats have been. It's pretty cool. It's all over the country. Alaska. Why is it we ship some down to Australia?

[A]

Down under. Wow.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Yep.

[A]

Well, good for you guys. Yeah, we'll. We'll. We'll have to find our way down there. And if not, we'll order some. In the meantime, I might get Miles. Yeah. Skittles Broads for next Christmas.

[D]

Shoot me. Shoot me an address on. On my text, and I'll. I'll. We'll make you guys a pack of process you'll never forget.

[A]

All right.

[C]

All right. Dude, I want to buy stock in your company so bad.

[A]

His idea of buying stock is just sending you a box of Skittles.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. You could do the packers route. You just send me a piece of paper that says that I own stock in your company, but I don't really.

[A]

Hey, but I bet you'll hang that piece of paper up, won't you, Miles? Be damn proud of it.

[D]

Well, you guys will like this. So. So me and my son, we used to. We used to run a big corporation. Then we just said one day to screw it. And we bought this business about five years ago from Mr. Head.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

And he started 19 7. Mr. Head was a hardcore Packer fan. You know, I might mention what happened this weekend, but either way, the.

[A]

You don't need to mention it. Everyone else has a single caller. Good God. You guys almost got through this without doing it. But there we have it.

[D]

So anyway.

[A]

But.

[D]

But you'll appreciate this one of his. So we make a jalapeno cheddar Brat that's actually delicious. It's, like, one of my favorite ones. And. But it was always called the Packer Brat. So I shook his hand that we would never change the name of that bride in the store. So it's still called the Packer Brat. So I'm gonna send you guys a Packer Brat.

[A]

Oh, that's awesome.

[C]

There we go.

[A]

I like that you hold true. And you guys are packers fans, too?

[D]

No, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

[A]

Bears fans, huh?

[D]

We're Bears fans. Yes. But I live true. You know, me and my son shook his hand, and we live true. That word. But because I take a lot of shit when people come in.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

You know, we all got bears on, and then, you know, we're selling Packer brats.

[A]

Wow. Do you have a bear brat. Bear down.

[D]

Bratz that tell that story?

[E]

Yeah, no, we did it one time, and, you know, someone from the city got mad that they thought we were, you know, throwing actual bear meat in.

[A]

I see. That makes sense. It's good that people don't jump to conclusions at all.

[C]

Yeah, you could, you know, you could sell them in. In packs of 13 and call it the Baker's Dozen package. And as a nod to the Dub.

[A]

Bears sketch that's a little more subtle.

[C]

With it, you could have a brat that's like, just like, maybe multiple meats and just call it the Heart Attack Brat. And then they sell them in a Baker's Dozen.

[A]

Oh, that's good. I like that. Two miles. Just thinking about it, huh? And. Yeah, just the. And the.

[C]

See, I'm telling you, I'd be a great partner, guys. It'd be a great partner.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

It's not very often.

[A]

I know, but I think they're writing this down. That's where. That's what that noise is on the other end. It's just a pen scribbling.

[C]

Okay. I kind of have a final question for you guys. So, you know, I would think that Charlie would like to think that Wisconsin is brought country. Would you guys say that or would you say more, you know, Bears, Bears. Chicago Bears. Country's brought country.

[A]

Wow.

[D]

That's a loaded question. I mean, you know, I. I will tell you one thing. We have a lot of customers to drive down from Wisconsin for our Brock.

[A]

That's got to make you feel good a lot.

[D]

Yeah. And I mean, we'll. You know, we'll get the guys that come down with a nice chest, and they've drove six hours, and they're loaded up for their buddies, you know, as far as, you know, which state needs more broad. I. I don't know. I just.

[A]

Wisconsin. That's got to be. So it's kind of like Irish people coming to Milwaukee for Irish Fest, you know?

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

That's a real.

[D]

It's. It's good. Yeah, it's good.

[E]

And to be honest, one of those, you know, every small butcher shop like us, you Know, we all got our own little niche, you know, the one down the road has the best hot dogs. We can't compete with them. And, you know, Wisconsin, they probably got, I don't know, some brat that we don't have. Everybody has their own little niche. They're all good at it.

[C]

No, I get it. 100. But it just sounds like you guys are the ones that I wanted stock in your company, you know, I don't want. I don't want a hot dog butcher shop, you know?

[D]

Yeah, well, not to mention we're a good time too, man.

[A]

I can tell in the way you said that. I figured that you're not lying. Well, we'll have to get down there, you guys. I'll bring. I'll bring some brandy at point. Some. Some point. And maybe I'll get a deer too. You never know. Actually, that's a long way to take it. But, you know, I'd like to see the sausage you come up with with it.

[C]

We'd like to see how the sausage is made.

[A]

Yeah, we would. We would. Yeah.

[E]

Yeah, we'll put you to work. Come down here. That'll work.

[A]

Next time I hit a deer, I'm bringing it down.

[C]

Yeah, he's not field dressing it either.

[E]

You'll like this too. The last kind of deer store I had here, some guy had this beautiful, you know, 10, 12 point buck he brought down from northern Michigan. It was last year, you know, when we had that polar vortex thing going on. It was freezing. And he racked it, strapped it to the top of his minivan, like, with legs spread across the top, both sides, head point in the front. He got here, the thing was frozen solid. Of course, the van, the thing got all dented to hell.

[A]

Oh.

[E]

And by the time it finally thought out, the thing was rotted. He had it. After he hit it, he had it hanging in a barn for what, three weeks or something like that?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

So not only did his van, you know, I think probably got total, that thing was destroyed. Yeah, he got no meat out of that. It was never too far away.

[A]

That's a good PSA for deer hunting field. Dress it and if you're gonna process it, get it there quick.

[D]

Yes, they're quick.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, real good, you guys. This was super fun. Thanks for giving us a call and good luck. We hope you guys sell a lot of brats.

[D]

Well, thanks for. Thanks for calling us.

[A]

I.

[D]

It was kind of wet. You know, I'm not a. I'm not one of those guys that pretty much you're the only podcast I listen to. Because I'm not. You know, I'm not all into that. Hey, Driving. I was actually going down picking up turkeys at a.

[A]

At a.

[D]

For Thanksgiving.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And I was listening to your podcast. I'm like, you know what? I'm gonna call them because you gu. Talking about Dear Story.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah, we're glad you called.

[D]

And then I didn't hear nothing. I'm like, ah, it's probably not gonna work out. And then I got your text message. I'm like, that's awesome.

[A]

Yeah, no, it takes us a while, but we'll get there.

[C]

Well, that's a good point. If you're listening, you want to call in. It may take us a few weeks to respond because we don't shoot these back to back.

[A]

Right.

[C]

Every week, you know, we go in clusters, so it might be that you call us right when we just met up, and it might be six weeks, but, yeah, we'll get something good to talk about. We'll find you.

[D]

Yeah, no, thanks for calling us back. That's awesome.

[A]

Yeah, you guys be good. And hey, watch for deer. Okay.

[B]

All right.

[D]

See you guys.

[B]

Thank you.

[D]

All right, thanks.

[A]

Yeah. Nice, guys.

[C]

There's not a lot of times in this podcast where I, like, I'm truly motivated to do something, but I. I really want to try. Like the Skittles brought.

[A]

I can tell you're getting horned up.

[C]

For those Reese's Pieces brought.

[A]

I've been getting hungry this whole time.

[C]

I want the blueberry brat wrapped in a pancake. Oh, my God.

[A]

I know. And our food's been sitting right behind you. You know, I've been smelling it as we've been talking about food. And, ladies and gentlemen, it's been another great episode with you here on the Bellied up podcast. Miles and I are both hungry, and.

[C]

You should be too, after that call.

[A]

Yeah. All right, tip your bartender, and we'll talk to you soon.

[C]

Okay. Hope you guys have a good one. Goodbye now, Oodaloon.