We Take Illinois To Therapy #131

Summary

Episode Summary: Bellied Up – "We Take Illinois To Therapy #131" (Released December 19, 2024)

In episode #131 of the "Bellied Up" podcast, hosts Charlie Barrons and Miles ("You Betcha Guy") dive into a festive holiday-themed discussion peppered with humor, personal anecdotes, and engaging caller interactions. Titled "We Take Illinois To Therapy," the episode navigates through gift dilemmas, personal updates, and a spirited exploration of regional rivalries, particularly between Wisconsin and Illinois.

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1. Holiday Greetings and Festive Banter (00:00 – 03:30)

The episode opens with traditional holiday greetings as Charlie and Miles exchange merry wishes, setting a jovial tone despite the recording date being distant from the actual Christmas season. Charlie humorously laments forgetting a popular Vine reference, showcasing the hosts' playful dynamic.

• Charlie Barrons [00:00]: "Welcome, welcome, welcome, all you beautiful people out there. I see you. I see all of you. I see your pets, too. You guys look phenomenal. Merry Christmas."

The conversation briefly touches on the challenges of recording times, leading into a light-hearted discussion about previous caller interactions.

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2. Updates on Previous Callers (01:04 – 03:10)

Miles shares an update regarding a past caller who sought advice on avoiding a company picnic. Although the caller managed to evade the event quickly, he mentions that the advice from the hosts wasn’t the exact solution implemented.

• Miles [01:10]: "Remember the guy that called in and he was trying to get out of his company picnic?... He said your advice did not help, but is appreciated."

Charlie expresses curiosity over the caller's alternate strategy, adding humor to the segment.

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3. Holiday Gift Discussions and Personal Anecdotes (03:10 – 05:10)

The hosts delve into personal lives, discussing their holiday gift exchanges (or lack thereof) with partners. Miles reveals that he and his wife, Anne, typically refrain from traditional gift-giving, leveraging past gifts like a house and wedding ring humorously.

• Miles [01:47]: "Yeah, I'm still riding that. Well, I got you a house and a wedding ring."

They transition into a conversation about upgrading household items, such as comforters, with Miles sharing his struggle with a down allergy.

• Miles [02:31]: "The one issue I have is I think I'm allergic to down."

Charlie humorously imagines an exaggerated scenario of Miles having a severe condition, highlighting the comedic interplay between the hosts.

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4. Caller Interaction: Shannon’s Gift Dilemma (07:35 – 19:19)

Shannon, a listener from Wall, South Dakota, calls in seeking advice on selecting presents for her husband, a farmer heavily invested in farming crops like corn, wheat, safflower, and Milo.

• Shannon [07:35]: "I just want to know why it's so hard to buy any kind of presents for men, especially in the Midwest. I never know what to get for my husband."

Charlie and Miles brainstorm gift ideas, suggesting practical items like a Theragun to alleviate her husband's aches from farming activities.

• Charlie Barrons [10:23]: "He's okay, so he's a farmer, body's going through a lot of aches and pains... Get him one of those Theraguns."

Shannon mentions her husband's reluctance to accept massages, adding depth to the advice provided. The conversation humorously oscillates between sincere suggestions and playful jabs at gift-giving challenges.

Miles and Charlie also reflect on their own gift-giving dynamics, revealing that they typically forgo traditional presents, instead focusing on shared experiences and practical household upgrades.

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5. Guest Appearance: Jaden the Bartender and Math Teacher (21:00 – 34:17)

Jaden, a regular at the "Bellied Up" bar and a math teacher, joins the conversation, providing fresh perspectives and stories from his dual roles. The discussion delves into the intricacies of tandem biking, pole vaulting, and the practical applications of math in everyday life.

• Jaden [21:11]: "In high school, I did pole vaulting for a little while. And as of right now, we have a tandem bike sitting at home."

Charlie and Miles humorously explore the challenges of tandem biking, comparing it to cooperative athletic endeavors and emphasizing the necessity of synchronization.

The hosts also discuss the importance of math in daily activities, with Charlie reflecting on how neglected mathematical skills have impacted his DIY projects.

• Charlie Barrons [27:25]: "I do like a little bit of woodworking and kind of the fact that I ruined my floors trying to do some plumbing. And I gotta tell you that math comes in handy."

The segment underscores the podcast's blend of humor, practical advice, and relatable personal stories, fostering a sense of community among listeners.

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6. Holiday Fun and Voicemail Promotion (34:07 – 37:39)

As the episode progresses, Charlie and Miles engage in a "Would You Rather" holiday edition game, presenting festive choices infused with humor.

• Miles [35:26]: "Would you rather have a present to open or a stocking to unstuff?"

Charlie opts for ginger snap cookies over traditional gifts, leading to playful banter about combining treats with favorite beverages.

Additionally, the hosts announce the introduction of a voicemail line to enhance listener engagement, encouraging calls and voicemails to feature on future episodes.

• Miles [36:39]: "We now have a voicemail line... You can call in 24, 7 and again, the number is 218-303-5095."

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7. Regional Rivalry Therapy: Gripes with Illinois (37:39 – 50:52)

In the heart of the episode, Charlie takes center stage addressing his exaggerated grievances with residents of Illinois, particularly focusing on driving habits and sports rivalries.

• Charlie Barrons [38:29]: "There's nothing wrong with Illinois. There's just something not quite right about it. Okay? And I'll tell you what it is. It all stems from Soldier Field, Chicago Bears."

He humorously critiques the passion of Chicago Bears fans, comparing their fervor to an unwarranted superiority complex over Green Bay Packers supporters.

The discussion extends to quirky driving behaviors, such as speeding and aggressive passing near Wisconsin, which Charlie attributes to a cultural misunderstanding between the regions.

• Charlie Barrons [38:37]: "You come to Wisconsin. We go a little slower, we wave, you pass twice at the stop signs... We're not that interested in getting there that fast, you know?"

Maggie, another caller, supports Charlie’s sentiments by sharing her frustrations with traffic behaviors, particularly unsafe school drop-offs.

• Maggie [43:35]: "When I drop my kids off at school... I have to get out of there. I don't have time for that."

The hosts and callers engage in a comedic yet insightful "therapeutic" session, unpacking the underlying frustrations that manifest in regional teasing and light-hearted ribbing.

• Miles [44:00]: "Wait, that's profound, Miles."

The segment culminates in a humorous reconciliation, with Charlie affirming his affectionate albeit teasing stance towards Illinois.

• Charlie Barrons [49:42]: "But we love you a lot. We really do love you. We just sometimes don't like you."

He wraps up the rivalry discussion by inviting listeners from Illinois to visit Wisconsin, blending humor with a genuine call for mutual appreciation.

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8. Closing Remarks and Final Banter (50:30 – End)

As the episode nears its end, Charlie and Miles continue their trademark banter, reinforcing the episode's themes of camaraderie, humor, and community.

• Miles [50:32]: "Well, Charlie, is that another solid good episode of the Bellied up podcast?"
• Charlie Barrons [50:36]: "In the books, ITB Miles. In the books."

They conclude by encouraging listeners to tip their bartenders, maintaining the podcast's central theme of fostering a welcoming bar atmosphere.

• Charlie Barrons [50:43]: "Folks, thank you for listening to another episode of the Bellied up podcast. Make sure you tip your bartender."

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Charlie Barrons [00:00]: "Welcome, welcome, welcome, all you beautiful people out there. I see you. I see all of you. I see your pets, too. You guys look phenomenal. Merry Christmas."

• Miles [01:10]: "Remember the guy that called in and he was trying to get out of his company picnic?... He said your advice did not help, but is appreciated."

• Miles [02:31]: "The one issue I have is I think I'm allergic to down."

• Shannon [07:35]: "I just want to know why it's so hard to buy any kind of presents for men, especially in the Midwest. I never know what to get for my husband."

• Charlie Barrons [10:23]: "He's okay, so he's a farmer, body's going through a lot of aches and pains... Get him one of those Theraguns."

• Jaden [21:11]: "In high school, I did pole vaulting for a little while. And as of right now, we have a tandem bike sitting at home."

• Charlie Barrons [38:29]: "There's nothing wrong with Illinois. There's just something not quite right about it. Okay? And I'll tell you what it is. It all stems from Soldier Field, Chicago Bears."

• Maggie [43:35]: "When I drop my kids off at school... I have to get out of there. I don't have time for that."

• Charlie Barrons [49:42]: "But we love you a lot. We really do love you. We just sometimes don't like you."

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Conclusion

Episode #131 of "Bellied Up" masterfully blends humor, personal stories, and interactive segments to create an engaging and entertaining listening experience. The hosts' ability to navigate through diverse topics—from holiday gift dilemmas to regional rivalries—while maintaining a lighthearted and inclusive atmosphere underscores the podcast's unique charm. Notably, the episode fosters a sense of community among Midwest listeners, inviting them to laugh together over shared frustrations and joys, all while celebrating the holiday spirit.

Listeners who haven't tuned in will find this episode a delightful mix of comedy and relatable discussions, perfect for anyone looking to unwind with smart humor and heartfelt conversations.

Transcript

[Charlie Barrons]

Welcome, welcome, welcome, all you beautiful people out there. I see you. I see all of you. I see your pets, too. You guys look phenomenal. Merry Christmas.

[Miles]

Merry Christmas.

[Charlie Barrons]

I'm here with my buddy.

[Miles]

Merry Christman.

[Charlie Barrons]

Merry Christmas.

[Miles]

Merry Chrysler. You remember that vine?

[Charlie Barrons]

No.

[Miles]

You guys remember that vine, right? Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

I'm old, Miles.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

Jesus, I'm old. Hey, Jesus. The reason for the season.

[Miles]

Season.

[Charlie Barrons]

It's Christmas time. Ho, ho, ho, you beautiful bastards. Now, listen, I'll tell you this much. We, of course, record these earlier in the year, so it's not looking a lot like Christmas out here.

[Miles]

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas here.

[Charlie Barrons]

I'll go low soon the bell will ring.

[Miles]

Any of the words? All I know is it's on Home Alone, I think.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, yeah, that's true. Well, since everybody turned off the podcast.

[Miles]

Now, also, we got a bellied update for you. This one via message.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, yeah.

[Miles]

Remember the guy that called in and he was trying to get out of his company picnic?

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[Miles]

He said, great talking to you guys. Ended up getting out of the company picnic in less than 10 minutes.

[Charlie Barrons]

Wow.

[Miles]

Well, not so fast, Charlie. He said your advice did not help, but is appreciated. So.

[Charlie Barrons]

I wonder what he did.

[Miles]

It's always nice to get an atta boy.

[Charlie Barrons]

It is. That is. I do wonder what he did to get out in 10 minutes.

[Miles]

I don't know. Anyway, nothing we said.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, apparently.

[Miles]

But Charlie. Merry Christmas.

[Charlie Barrons]

Merry Christmas.

[Miles]

You.

[Charlie Barrons]

Miles, what do you want for Christmas this year?

[Miles]

Actually, Anna, I talk. So, Anne and I don't usually do gifts for each other.

[Charlie Barrons]

Okay.

[Miles]

You know, I'm still riding that. Well, I got you a house and a wedding ring.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, yeah, that too. Last year. Yeah, I'm surprised. It's the lasting year.

[Miles]

Yeah, it's on borrowed time with that.

[Charlie Barrons]

Okay.

[Miles]

But we did have a discussion. We're like, we gotta. We gotta get a nice comforter for our bed.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, yeah, you're still doing your college one with kind of weird stains on it.

[Miles]

You can't.

[Charlie Barrons]

You remember?

[Miles]

We just flip that. Oh, we don't look at that side. That side faces down now, which is also a whole nother holster.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, that's right on your face.

[Miles]

But, yeah, we're like. We're like, all right, we have a kid now. I think it's time that we upgrade the comforter from, like, the shit I've had since college.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, I don't think I've ever bought a nice comforter in my life.

[Miles]

Yeah, it's. We're going to finally do it.

[Charlie Barrons]

How much Is that going to run you now?

[Miles]

The one issue I have is I think I'm allergic to down.

[Charlie Barrons]

You're down allergen. Huh?

[Miles]

So we had.

[Charlie Barrons]

Are you not a duck guy?

[Miles]

We had a down pillow, you know.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[Miles]

And I would be fine all day, and then I get to go to bed, and I would start, like, coughing, and my nose would get plugged and all this stuff. Finally, one day, I put it together, I took the pillow, put in the other room, and I was fine.

[Charlie Barrons]

No kidding.

[Miles]

So I can't find a synthetic down comforter for my bed duvet, as they say in the French world.

[Charlie Barrons]

Really?

[Miles]

I don't know if that's French or not, but it sounds like.

[Charlie Barrons]

I can't believe. I don't. I gotta be honest with you, Miles. I. My brain would not have gone to. I have a pillow allergy. It would have gone to, like, I have some sort of sleeping cancer, you know? I mean, I can't believe you thought that one day it might be the pillow.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

I mean, do you have a cat or a dog anymore?

[Miles]

Well, it was because we had gotten new pillows. So then I was like, okay. Ever since we got those new pillows, something's been going on.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, okay.

[Miles]

Anne would be getting pissed because I would be coughing and whatever, and she's trying to sleep.

[Charlie Barrons]

That makes more sense. That makes that this didn't just come out of nowhere. You got some new pillows. That's what you get for trading now. You got to be careful, though, with this comfort.

[Miles]

I got to get the synthetic down comforter. Where it's huge. Huge Christmas, though, for the Montplaisier household. New, new bedding. So that's how you know you're getting old. Charlie, get excited about getting new bedding, you know?

[Charlie Barrons]

But we spend most of our life doing it.

[Miles]

That's true.

[Charlie Barrons]

Sleeping third of your life, Miles, I'm gonna get you some silk undies, okay?

[Miles]

Yeah, Maybe I should get some silk sheets as well.

[Charlie Barrons]

Silk sheets are cool.

[Miles]

Then the problem is, then I'll just be slipping out of bed. I got absolutely zero friction whatsoever.

[Charlie Barrons]

I was gifted silk pajamas at one point. Oh, you want to feel like a million bucks?

[Miles]

Who's. Unless it's your girlfriend.

[Charlie Barrons]

Who is my girlfriend.

[Miles]

Okay, let's say you're getting, like, your aunts giving you silk pajamas. You got. So you're gonna be worried.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, I did. I don't even know if they're expensive or not, but they feel really good. Yeah. You just sit there. Silk baby. It's great.

[Miles]

I bet I gotta try it On.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, I'll let you borrow.

[Miles]

Okay. Thanks.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. Yeah, they're cool. I don't wear them very often because, you know, I. You don't. It's not like lounge. You feel like you're gonna rip them all the time, you know, I already put a hole in them accidentally. I was fixing the sink anyways.

[Miles]

That is a sight to see. Charlie Barron's fixing the sink in his silk pajamas.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Yikes.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[Miles]

That's a disaster.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[Miles]

What do you want for Christmas, Charlie?

[Charlie Barrons]

That's a good question, Miles. You know what? Why do I want anything when I got it all here with you?

[Miles]

Oh, my God.

[Charlie Barrons]

At the bar, doing bellied ups and you find people. Merry Christmas to all and to all of a good night. When you have good people in your life, you need nothing more in your heart.

[Miles]

That's true.

[Charlie Barrons]

Right?

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

Tyler, quit shaking your head over there.

[Miles]

You're an absolute suck up. Tyler, half of these people already bought tickets to your show. You don't need to schmooze them up.

[Charlie Barrons]

All right, Tyler's shaking his head. I was telling Tyler yesterday, I spent a lot of time telling him how he had the best mustache that I've seen in a while. Come here, Tyler. Just show the people. I mean, look at this. I mean, adult film star or Top Gun extra. I mean, he's got it. You don't like it?

[Miles]

No, he's in his shirt.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh. Oh, yeah, that's funny. Yeah, you can. You can find these on oh, you bet you dot com. Wow.

[Miles]

Well, maybe not by then. They might not be at the site.

[Charlie Barrons]

Anymore, but I bring them and get some plug in. Those are nice shirts.

[Miles]

Speaking of Charlie, if you guys want to get something for Christmas for significant other. You got the road hunt for this chicken sweatshirt. I'm wearing the shirt. Go check it out. Oh, you bet you.com.

[Charlie Barrons]

You can also go to Mantweg, mint. Com if you want to get my stuff. Or Charlie Baron, Stockholm for tourist.

[Miles]

Is that what you do when you do crowd work at shows? When you go somewhere is. You just pander like you just did with the Christmas thing.

[Charlie Barrons]

There. I re watched that show. God dang. There was a lot of crowd work and I even. I was like, dude, get back on the stage. I promise you there won't be that much this time. You liked it?

[Miles]

Oh, he's like, it was way better than your regular stuff.

[Charlie Barrons]

No, the crowd was. That's funny. Well, I take that back. I take it back, Miles. You know, I think we could sit here all fricking Day. But I.

[Miles]

We got gifts to open, Charlie.

[Charlie Barrons]

We do have gifts.

[Miles]

The gifts being the beautiful callers that call into this show. Should we open a present?

[Charlie Barrons]

Let's freaking do it, Miles. Let's open a present. Oh, ho, ho. Welcome to the Bellied up podcast. Who we talking to today?

[Shannon]

Hi, it's Shannon.

[Charlie Barrons]

Shannon, what's cooking? Belly up to the bar. Tell us what's on your mind.

[Shannon]

Oh, not too much. I just want to know why it's so hard to buy any kind of presents for men, especially in the Midwest. I never know what to get for my husband.

[Charlie Barrons]

Wow, Shannon, first of all, where are you from? You got a beautiful accent.

[Shannon]

Oh, well, originally, I was born in North Carolina, but I live in Wall, South Dakota now.

[Miles]

You live in Wall, South Dakota, Home of the Wall Drug?

[Shannon]

Home of the Wall Drug. I called you guys maybe like a year and a half ago, and you guys gave me some great advice on how not to hit deer.

[Charlie Barrons]

That's why it sounds familiar.

[Miles]

Did I get this? Did you get the same reaction when you said you were from Wall, South Dakota? Did I do the same exact thing? You sure did.

[Charlie Barrons]

Let's just cut that bit in here. Okay, so now we heard that.

[Miles]

So, yeah, cut in the. So I can skip all of the how much I love Wall drugs. Sc. Clip that in. And now we're here.

[Charlie Barrons]

Now we're here.

[Miles]

So talk to you again.

[Charlie Barrons]

You can't get your husband nothing, huh? You don't know. You have no idea? Well, no.

[Shannon]

And anytime I ask him, he's like, well, I just buy what I want. Or he wants me to buy, like, stacks for his semi, which are like 4,000 bucks.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[Miles]

What do I want for Christmas? I could use a new boat, maybe a camper. Honestly, if you could buy me a pole barn as well, that'd be nice.

[Charlie Barrons]

He just gives you big presents that are way out of the league, huh?

[Shannon]

Yeah, yeah. Or if it's like, little things, he just buys it himself. And then I feel like an. If I don't get him anything.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, you gotta get him something, huh? This isn't it. Well, give us his. Give us the things that he likes to do, Miles, and I'll take it from there.

[Shannon]

I don't know. He's a farmer, and that's about all he talks about all the time.

[Charlie Barrons]

Almanac. That would be cool. That'd be really. Make. Make him something. Make him. You can make him, like, some. For the bull to collect the sperm or something like that.

[Shannon]

We don't have any livestock. He only farms.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, he only farms.

[Shannon]

Only does.

[Charlie Barrons]

What is he farm crops?

[Shannon]

Yeah, corn, winter wheat, spring wheat, Safflower, and Milo.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, wow. Safflower. I'll be darn.

[Miles]

So the milkers are out, Charlie.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, okay, I get it.

[Miles]

Wait, not milkers.

[Charlie Barrons]

You can call it that if you want certain websites, they may call it that.

[Miles]

Oh, God.

[Charlie Barrons]

Ah, yeah, yeah, Miles. My, my, my. So he farms. So his hobbies, his whole life is farming, essentially. But he's got a semi too. Oh, so he's driving truck for the farm as well?

[Shannon]

Yeah, like today he's driving about four hours away for safflower to sell a safflower.

[Charlie Barrons]

I know what you can get him. I know exactly what you can get him. You can get him. He's okay, so he's a farmer, body's going through a lot of aches and pains. And also he's sitting driving for a long period of time. Get him one of those theraguns.

[Miles]

Oh, yeah, it's a little, little ball at, at the end.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you seen those?

[Shannon]

Yeah, yeah, I've tried. He doesn't. I try, like when you soar like, oh, do you want me to give you a massage on your back? And he's like, no, I don't like people touching me.

[Charlie Barrons]

Sounds like a real Midwest man. Now listen, but you're not, you're not touching him, so I love that he says that to his wife too. You're not touching these guns. I have no idea.

[Miles]

Hey, when, when we're doing it, there's no foreplay. I don't want you touching me too much. You know, I'm a straight to business guy. We're going three pumps and we're out of here. I, I, we're keeping our clothes on too.

[Shannon]

I mean, we do have two kids, so it's not like I never touch.

[Miles]

Him, but yeah, I mean, but he's efficient, you know?

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. Before we go too far down that road on the Christmas holiday, U turn. Yeah, let's, let's just, let's do a little Y turn. Like, why were we even touching that subject? How much is a theragun there, Jake? How much is that thing? Can we look up a therapy? Do you think he'd like a massager? Because here's the nice thing. If your husband's being pain in the ass about what to get him, get him something that you would also like yourself. 300 bucks for these theraguns. You might like the theragun. Do you like massages?

[Shannon]

Yeah, I do.

[Charlie Barrons]

We mean really, Miles? What do you mean, really? What are you talking about? What's the issue. What's the issue with the theragon?

[Miles]

My mom listens this. I'm not going further with that.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, my. Okay. Well, it. I don't know if you guys have ever experienced this thing. It's really wild. Buddy of mine got one, and he put it on my back, and. And it got, like, the knot out. Now, I tried it on the other part, and it kind of messed up that arm. You got to be careful with the pressure. And. Yes, Miles, it could work for some other things. But more to my point, he is driving a lot.

[Miles]

You know, he's gone a lot.

[Charlie Barrons]

I was saying she could use it to massage herself.

[Miles]

I know. That's what I'm saying, too.

[Charlie Barrons]

All right, well, so there's three purposes for this, really.

[Miles]

It's the gift that keeps on giving.

[Charlie Barrons]

It does, yeah.

[Miles]

Now, let's. We'll take a ue. You know, we'll. Let's go to a different subject.

[Charlie Barrons]

What else you want to.

[Miles]

He seems like a guy who would love to have a chair. Does he have a thing in the living room where. It's his chair. He's got a recliner that he sits in every single day. Does he have one of those already?

[Shannon]

Yes, he does. I mean, it's getting a little old at this point, but, yeah, he kicks everyone out of it if they're sitting in it.

[Miles]

Okay. I was gonna say, if he didn't. He seems like a guy who should have one of those, so that's out. And also, I could see that you said it's getting old, and I can see a little spark in your brain being like, maybe I should get him a new chair. That is.

[Shannon]

Yeah.

[Miles]

No, that is a huge mistake.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[Miles]

It's finally getting to where it's cupping his butt cheeks the correct way. Yeah. You know, he's finally broke it in to where it's. Now it's like a baseball mitt.

[Charlie Barrons]

Baseball. That'd be like. He gets a baseball mitt, puts it under the mattress for three weeks, gets a bad back, breaking that sucker in. And then just like that, you buy him a new one.

[Miles]

Disaster.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. He's in the sweet spot of the chair. He's probably got his favorite stains, Knows exactly how much changes in it if it comes to that. You know, Don't. Don't. Don't fix what ain't broken.

[Maggie]

All right, all right.

[Shannon]

I won't do that. Then.

[Miles]

That's like my mom putting my dad's coffee mug in the dishwasher, it's just seasoned.

[Charlie Barrons]

He seasoned.

[Miles]

Can't do that.

[Charlie Barrons]

You can't drink your coffee without that. That after hint of mo, you know, that's like blue cheese.

[Miles]

What? Well, tell us this. What have you been thinking about getting him?

[Shannon]

I mean, I've gotten him some shirts in the past. I always make fun of him that he's like a cartoon character because all he wears is jeans and a dicky shirt. Like, doesn't matter if we're going to a wedding. A funeral, church wears the same thing.

[Charlie Barrons]

I like your husband. I'm liking him more and more. The more we talk, the more I'm liking him. What else? What else? Have you gotten them shirts, by the way? Probably. It's probably not doing much for him. You know, I hate to say it, but.

[Shannon]

No, I got him. He's like a big Duke basketball fan. I've gotten him some Duke stuff. He likes Duke, but he doesn't.

[Charlie Barrons]

Why is he like Duke? Duke sucks.

[Shannon]

What? Yeah, Duke is great. I don't know. He grew up as a Duke fan and then he got lucky that he married someone from North Carolina.

[Miles]

That actually is my bad. That's very lucky.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, that. Well, that is really cool, dude.

[Miles]

That's it. Just get him some tickets to a game.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, that's a good idea. Well, what's. What's your budget? Give us a budget, roughly. Oh, I mean, because that's a long way.

[Shannon]

Not like thousands of dollars, but.

[Charlie Barrons]

But maybe a thousand dollars.

[Miles]

Coach kicks. Can't be that expensive.

[Shannon]

Oh, you'd be surprised.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Shannon]

Especially if it's Duke. UNC game.

[Charlie Barrons]

Does Duke ever come to South Dakota?

[Shannon]

No.

[Charlie Barrons]

What about Minnesota?

[Shannon]

No one comes to South Dakota.

[Charlie Barrons]

Do they come somewhere in driving distance or. No. I mean, you guys could do a drive to a game. Oh, you know what would be great? There's this great comedian. What's his name? He's got tickets on sale now. Charlie Barrons. Charliebarrons.com could be a great place for some last minute Christmas gifts. If not you, someone else. Sorry, I don't know what happened there. What else? What else could we get?

[Miles]

I think you just go experience, maybe.

[Charlie Barrons]

Does he. Yeah. Does he like. Well, does he like vacationing? Does he like taking time off?

[Shannon]

That's the other problem. No, I can't ever get him to go anywhere.

[Charlie Barrons]

Just get yourself a gift and tell him it's for him. And then when he doesn't use it.

[Miles]

You can do what my mom did back in the day. Get my dad tivo so she could record all of her shows.

[Charlie Barrons]

That is the only move in this scenario. Yeah, get him.

[Shannon]

Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

Now what we want to know is what do you want for Christmas?

[Shannon]

Oh, gosh, I don't know. A new house. But that's never gonna happen. Okay.

[Miles]

You guys are a match made in heaven. He wants four thousand dollar part for his.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Semi. And you want a new house. So.

[Shannon]

Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

You guys have been married. Sounds like about 10, 15 years at this point.

[Shannon]

About seven. So close.

[Miles]

All right, well, why don't you guys just do that? Just say, hey, let's spend some money this year. We'll get a new house, you can get your truck part and then we're good for 10 years. We're not getting each other gifts.

[Shannon]

Yeah, that would probably work.

[Miles]

There we go.

[Charlie Barrons]

Problem solves another. Satisfied? You bet you customer or bellied up Customer. Damn it. Damn it. I gave Miles a plug on that. Well, it made up for my other plug. That's karma coming out. There you go. Yeah. Thank you.

[Shannon]

Yeah. Yeah. Thanks. You guys have a good day.

[Miles]

Yeah, we appreciate you calling in. Tell your husband we says hi.

[Shannon]

I sure will. You guys watch out for deer, all right?

[Charlie Barrons]

Real good. Bye. Bye now. Yeah, it's a tough one, Miles. Like, I have a feeling like when it comes to you and Ann that you're kind of the guy who says anything I want, I get. Don't get me in anything.

[Miles]

No, like we quite literally have said we. We don't get each other gifts.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, I guess you said that at the beginning of this thing and then you talked about the comforter and. Yeah, so. But I forget, you know. So it's good to be reminded.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

What about your mom? Does your mom get you a Christmas present? What does your mom call you?

[Miles]

Clothes.

[Charlie Barrons]

Clothes. Do you like the clothes? Good clothes. Your mom, good clothes.

[Miles]

Clothes.

[Charlie Barrons]

That's nice.

[Miles]

Yeah. I actually need some new clothes because I, you know, not to brag, lost a bunch of weight and I donated my old clothes that don't fit anymore.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, he's such a good person. 100 shirts I donated to get a tax deductible receipt.

[Miles]

After that I should. I should, shouldn't I?

[Charlie Barrons]

You probably should.

[Miles]

You know me, I'm always looking for a good write off. Yeah, I'm gonna think about that.

[Charlie Barrons]

Does your mom. Your mom gets you clothes and yet you print all your own merchandise?

[Miles]

I know. Well, it's like button ups, you know, something to wear to Easter.

[Charlie Barrons]

Do you ever think about sewing your own button ups mouse?

[Miles]

No, no, no. It sounds like a disaster.

[Charlie Barrons]

I just wonder if you ever get into fashion like that?

[Miles]

We got a canvas vest found on oubetcha.com. oh, you betcha. They're 39.99. Actually, they might be cheaper than that by now. So go check out what the current price of those suckers. We might even mark them down even more.

[Charlie Barrons]

You want? I think the audience is getting sick of all these freaking. Hey, CharlieBarons.com for changes. Should we take another caller?

[Miles]

Let's do it. All right, folks, we got Jaden, the bartender here, a bellied up irl. Yes, he was the guy that's been bringing us some beers. Been refilling our water.

[Jaden]

Feel like I've been slacking. Your beer here is empty.

[Miles]

I know.

[Charlie Barrons]

What does your shirt say?

[Jaden]

Show supervisor.

[Charlie Barrons]

That's great.

[Miles]

Put that on a T shirt.

[Charlie Barrons]

Well, it is. Who made that?

[Jaden]

I made this one.

[Charlie Barrons]

Did you? Oh, Miles, you got some competition.

[Miles]

I know.

[Charlie Barrons]

Miles, I feel like you should do a little negotiation on this one.

[Miles]

Buy the rights, maybe.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, that's great.

[Jaden]

Ask the other regulars around here. I come around with funny shirts pretty much every time I have a shift.

[Charlie Barrons]

Really? Do you print your own? Wow. Wow.

[Miles]

You know what? Ryan the teacher guy has been kind of a piece of lately, so we've been kind of looking to find someone new anyways, so maybe I'll have to get your. Get your information.

[Charlie Barrons]

It's not a bad idea.

[Miles]

And even if it doesn't work out, at least it'll get Ryan back on his toes.

[Charlie Barrons]

That's true. Keep him gas seat. Yeah, yeah, just bring him in and put him in the office right next to Ryan.

[Miles]

Yeah, give him Ryan's office.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, put all his T shirts on the wall. You know, you see these? These are funny.

[Miles]

Now, Jaden, we got some stuff to discuss, all right? Because last episode we were talking about talking to a pole vaulter with a tandem bike, and you said something that could have knocked me off my bar stool. Tell the folks.

[Jaden]

Yeah, in high school, I did pole vaulting for a little while. And as of right now, we have a tandem bike sitting at home.

[Charlie Barrons]

Wow.

[Jaden]

It's not a seven person bike, but.

[Miles]

Charlie, what are the chances?

[Charlie Barrons]

What are the chances, Miles, that we have a pole vaulter? Tandem bike owner. Now, do you make the tandem bike yourself?

[Jaden]

No, we did not. One of my roommates owns it.

[Charlie Barrons]

So you and your roommate bought a tandem bike? He bought it.

[Jaden]

He bought it before I became his roommate. But we're looking for chances to ride it around.

[Charlie Barrons]

Can I just say that's a weird purchase. Did he have a girlfriend? He Did.

[Jaden]

He did.

[Charlie Barrons]

Okay.

[Miles]

And.

[Charlie Barrons]

And he doesn't have a girlfriend.

[Jaden]

No, he still has her.

[Miles]

Okay.

[Charlie Barrons]

Do they ride around on that together.

[Jaden]

More during the summer?

[Miles]

Yeah. Winter was a chance.

[Jaden]

Yeah, I figured now. Not really.

[Charlie Barrons]

Okay. Have you gotten on it?

[Jaden]

I have gotten on it once. Was it fun? It's a lot of fun.

[Charlie Barrons]

Were you riding a tandem just by yourself or was your roommate on the back or.

[Jaden]

My roommate was on the front. He was steering it. I was just the power.

[Charlie Barrons]

You were the power.

[Miles]

See, that's an issue for me because I was thinking if I get on tandem bike, I just look like I'm pedaling, but everyone else is doing all the work.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[Miles]

I mean, especially on a seven person one.

[Charlie Barrons]

That's kind of an interesting question. I haven't really been on a tandem a bunch. What is the harder place to be in the front or the back?

[Jaden]

I would say probably the back seat because you can't steer. It's all up to the person in the front. So I'm trying to turn the handles and it's not doing.

[Miles]

Is it kind of like a bobsled where like you yell out commands to. To lean one way when you're turning or. No.

[Jaden]

Probably be pretty efficient to do that. Yeah, we didn't try it.

[Charlie Barrons]

That's funny. See, a tandem bike sounds like a cute idea, you know, if you're a couple. But I was sitting by this river one time and I saw all these people coming by in kayaks and the double kayaks, the two person kayaks. I think I saw like four marriages break up that day. Like everybody in a double kayak was so frustrated and pissed with each other. I just wonder if tandem bikes kind of the same way.

[Jaden]

I mean, for the two of us, we spent most of the time just laughing because it's hard to get in sync with your pedaling, but, oh, you.

[Charlie Barrons]

Have to get in sync on your pedaling for his.

[Jaden]

You do. It's one chain.

[Charlie Barrons]

This sounds like a broke ass tandem bike here, doesn't it?

[Miles]

You think a chain breaks a lot on one bike?

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[Miles]

God.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, wow. No, that makes sense now. Now that I'm thinking of the mechanics of that because yeah, you do have to be in sync on that. Oh, that's brutal. Especially if someone like Miles is on it, not pedaling at all. Can someone not pedal? Just coast?

[Jaden]

You can. Your pedals are going to continue to spin underneath you. But you could.

[Charlie Barrons]

Now, we've asked this to a bunch of different bartenders here, but what are the most we want to give people here On Bellied up podcast, we want to educate people on the proper bar. What makes your lives easier? What can we as patrons do to make you, as a bartender, your life easier?

[Jaden]

Don't cause any fights. That's about it. I'm relatively new to being a bartender, but these regulars here are nice and quiet, so makes my life a lot easier.

[Miles]

Now, them knowing that you're kind of a green bartender, do they mess with you a little bit?

[Jaden]

Oh, yeah. I have a lot of people who go for the tallest tap that we've got because I can't see inside the cups when I do it. I get a lot of flack for being short.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, that is a tall. That might be the tallest tap deal I've ever seen.

[Jaden]

Eye level for me.

[Charlie Barrons]

Is it? Yeah. How tall are you?

[Jaden]

Like 5, 8 ish?

[Miles]

A little short king.

[Charlie Barrons]

Short king. Yeah.

[Jaden]

Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

What are you doing? You got. Where you at in life? You got a gal, just graduated college.

[Miles]

With what degree?

[Jaden]

Two of them. General math and a math education degree.

[Miles]

So you're going to be a math teacher?

[Jaden]

I am a math teacher. What grade you teach in upper High School? 10 through 12th is more my forte, but I substitute during the day.

[Miles]

Okay. Little geometry, a little calculus, little algebra. You know that we got like the Internet now. Yeah. So how's that going?

[Jaden]

I mean, there's a good amount of kids who say, well, I'm always going to have a calculator in my pocket. And I just say, yeah, you will, but you're in my class right now.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, nice hammer. Lay down the hammer.

[Miles]

That's great. Yeah, just make them do work just because they're in your class, not for real life. Application. I love that.

[Jaden]

For this class, I'm going to teach you what you need.

[Charlie Barrons]

I like it. See, I was a little shit about math when I was in school and I regret it now because now I do like a little bit of woodworking and kind of the fact that I ruined my floors trying to do some plumbing. And I gotta tell you that math comes in handy, you know, that muscle. I mean, you're measuring a hell of a lot less if you can add, I can tell you that much.

[Jaden]

Well, and so much more applications than you even think about. Like me just making change right here. I'm doing math 100 times a day.

[Charlie Barrons]

You're building that, building that. Deal. Yeah, you got to tell those kids, you guys want to be bartenders. Friggin a. You better learn this.

[Miles]

Not to put a damper on this.

[Charlie Barrons]

What?

[Miles]

That type of change. Math, though, you learn Pretty early on. Yeah. Why do we need letters in math?

[Charlie Barrons]

Well, Miles, I'll tell you. So I was doing this little design with a bunch of diamonds, if you will. Okay, eight diamonds, making kind of a star on this tabletop facade. And you got to start thinking like, I know this angle. I know that Pythagorean Theorem is what you're talking. So that's where the X's come in.

[Miles]

A squared plus B squared equals C squared.

[Charlie Barrons]

And how do you. Yeah, so it's very important. It really is. And it'll come in handy in a pitch, in a pinch, when the robots are taking over and you got to build kind of a little contraption to trap them. You're going to want to know the Pythagorean Theorem. Right.

[Jaden]

Well, robots run on tracks. You're probably going to want stairs, not a ramp.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, see, See, math guy here, rise.

[Miles]

Rise and run.

[Charlie Barrons]

Rise and run.

[Miles]

That's it.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, yeah, the rise and run. Rise and run. I thought you were talking about against a robot. I think they got lasers, dude.

[Miles]

So you went to college here at bsu?

[Jaden]

Yep.

[Miles]

Tell us a little bit about bsu.

[Charlie Barrons]

And I also say, love bsu.

[Jaden]

I came up here because it reminded me of home. Nice open on the lake, beautiful campus. I only was here for three years, so honestly, I wish I could have spent more time.

[Miles]

Holy shit.

[Charlie Barrons]

Over two degrees, three years of college, two jobs now.

[Miles]

Hey, joke's on you. Your bartender. Guilty is charged.

[Charlie Barrons]

Well, I gotta tell you this much. Who is. Who is the best patron at this bar? And you can say it low so they can't hear you. Who's the best patron?

[Jaden]

Oh, God, I don't know if I could pick one.

[Charlie Barrons]

Sure you can. Come on.

[Jaden]

Now, I probably have to say professor over there. He's probably my favorite guy.

[Miles]

Time out. Break the hat.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yep.

[Miles]

So time out. Is he a professor at the school?

[Jaden]

He was a professor. Just recently retired.

[Miles]

That dude looks awesome.

[Charlie Barrons]

He looks like Midwest Indiana Jones.

[Jaden]

Fun guy. Reminds me of John Hammond from Jurassic Park.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, yeah.

[Miles]

He absolutely does. Also, I. I like that professor is. I like a professor, likes to go local watering hole.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. Dress like that. Hell, yeah. The straw kind of cowboy.

[Miles]

And he's got a spiral notebook in his. In his breast pocket.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. Dude, could you imagine what's written on that? Probably grocery list.

[Miles]

Squared plus B squared equals C squared.

[Charlie Barrons]

Well, rises and runs, you know.

[Jaden]

Yeah, I'd be willing to bet that there's lines on there. He performs at the local theater. So.

[Charlie Barrons]

Lines. Oh, these freaking Renaissance man. Yeah. Yeah.

[Miles]

Living Legend.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, that's cool.

[Miles]

Last question about pole vaulting.

[Jaden]

Alrighty.

[Miles]

You got a few screws loose to be a pole vaulter or no, if.

[Jaden]

You don't, hitting the pole a few times will knock them loose, that's for sure.

[Charlie Barrons]

Has the pole ever hit you in. In the. In the bottom?

[Jaden]

No, I was lucky enough to not have that. I've been hitting the head a few times though.

[Charlie Barrons]

You know how when you do baseball you wear a cup? When you're a pole vaulter, do you have a plug or.

[Miles]

Yeah, why? You wear like a Sumo protective kind of thing.

[Jaden]

You can wear one.

[Charlie Barrons]

You can. Most people don't like a little tape protector.

[Jaden]

Yeah, just a cup.

[Charlie Barrons]

But what about the bum. Your shit out of luck there, so to speak. You know, mild. Get it? Okay, yeah, I got it. Anyways. Well, you know what I think? You're a math guy.

[Jaden]

Yes, sir.

[Charlie Barrons]

Right. Former pole vaulter.

[Miles]

And a bike rider.

[Charlie Barrons]

Tandem bike ride. You're a creative fella, I can tell. You should invent that. We watch all these videos of these pole vaulters, take a pole up the. Up the rear, and I feel like you should invent sort of a rear protector rear guard.

[Jaden]

Gotcha. Yeah, I'll look into it.

[Charlie Barrons]

Don't patronize me at your own facility. Come on. That'd be great, you know, some comfortable.

[Miles]

Yeah, it's like the bike shorts equivalent.

[Charlie Barrons]

Exactly.

[Miles]

Take the bike shorts you wear on the tandem bike and convert it into a booty hole protector.

[Charlie Barrons]

There you go. It could look like an armored thong.

[Jaden]

You know, made a Kevlar.

[Miles]

A Sumo esque scenario. Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

Who said Sumo earlier? That was me. Oh, that was you.

[Miles]

You don't ever listen to me.

[Charlie Barrons]

I listen to you sometimes I let my. Can you be our therapist for a second?

[Jaden]

Oh, God.

[Charlie Barrons]

So Miles thinks sometimes I don't listen to him, and that's true, but I don't want to start listening to him. So what do we do?

[Jaden]

I mean, as a bartender, I'm kind of a built in therapist, but that's not a problem I've run into before.

[Charlie Barrons]

What's the weirdest thing someone's told you? As a bartender.

[Jaden]

I had a man come in and tell me all about his wife who was 15 years older than him. But what do you mean crazy being.

[Miles]

Way older than your significant other. What's so wrong with that?

[Jaden]

Yeah, nothing wrong with it.

[Charlie Barrons]

Don't look at me like that, Mild. Why are you looking at me?

[Miles]

This is a podcast. Said something.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, you're having the conversation with him.

[Miles]

Oh, sorry. What's so wrong with having a significant other that's way older.

[Charlie Barrons]

Why are you looking at me again?

[Jaden]

I don't get a lot of strange people in here. A lot of the good regulars.

[Charlie Barrons]

Can you tell Miles that I don't appreciate his insinuations during this podcast?

[Jaden]

Well, if you want to listen to him, you also got to speak to him.

[Miles]

No. There we go.

[Charlie Barrons]

What if I don't want to listen to him?

[Miles]

Hey, he's gonna leave this podcast. Be like, God, I thought I got this job to get away from a bunch of high school drama.

[Charlie Barrons]

Well, listen, thank you for coming on.

[Jaden]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Charlie Barrons]

We hope we inspired you to create the grundle protector. And if you do, just know that we. We can help finance it. Charlie Kent, the prototype. And we'll only take 50, 60%. Okay, you know what?

[Jaden]

It's more than I have right now.

[Miles]

So there we go.

[Charlie Barrons]

There you go. Well, hey, thank you for serving us. We appreciate you.

[Jaden]

Absolutely. Thanks for having me.

[Miles]

Yeah, thanks for having us.

[Charlie Barrons]

All right, folks, it is the holiday season, and while you're busy celebrating, I'll tell you this much, life can just throw you some unexpected challenges. Like, if you're dealing with an injury, though. If you're dealing with an injury, don't you dare fret, okay? Nicolet Law can handle the legal mess, so you can focus on making the most of the season, right, Miles? Like, you know, let's say you're clumsy, right? And let's say you were coming down some stairs and you trip and you break your ankle in half. In half. The few days before Christmas, you're thinking about getting your ankle fixed, right? You're not thinking about, how am I going to pay for this?

[Miles]

No, I'm not thinking about that. Because I called Nicolet.

[Charlie Barrons]

Because you called Nicolette and Nicolette. I'll go after those insurance companies. So you can have two comforter money.

[Miles]

And you can get a throw blanket as well.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, I don't even have a throw, but I didn't even know they threw blankets like that. Anyway, folks, Nicolette Law. Miles, stop shaking your head. That was awesome. And give them a call. Nicolet Law Charlie. Yeah, Miles?

[Miles]

Holiday season, I've got a little. Would you rather Holiday Edition?

[Charlie Barrons]

Okay. All right.

[Miles]

Would you rather have a. A present to open or a stocking to unstuff?

[Charlie Barrons]

Ah, usually. Usually there's better stuff in the present than the stuff.

[Miles]

Okay, so present. Would you rather have a present or a plate of ginger snap cookies?

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, might do. The ginger snap cookies.

[Miles]

Would you rather have ginger snap cookies? Yeah, or fun and holiday cheer with your family.

[Charlie Barrons]

Ginger snap cookies.

[Miles]

Now, would you rather have. Oh, really? Okay. Would you rather have ginger snap cookies or an ice cold glass of vanilla soft served Tippy Cow?

[Charlie Barrons]

Is my family there? Yes, I'll take the Tippy Cow.

[Miles]

And the beauty is you don't have to pick either one in that situation because you can take your ginger snap cookies and dip them right in the ice cold vanilla soft.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, look at that.

[Miles]

You can quite literally have your cookie and drink it too. Charlie. Ah, Miles, I got going on this holiday season. Make sure you include Tippy Cow. It's going to make it that much sweeter.

[Charlie Barrons]

Tip it on back.

[Miles]

Guys, we got big news in the bellied up world. We now have a voicemail line. We know that it can be frustrating to call in and wait for a long time.

[Charlie Barrons]

We hear you.

[Miles]

That stinks. So by including the voicemail line, it will allow everyone to get a chance to have their topic heard. We'll listen to the voicemails, then line up calls with the ones that we love. This means the more interesting your topic and the more energy that you bring increases your chances of being featured on the show. So if you want to be on the show, call 218-303-5095. You can call in 24, 7 and again, the number is 218303 5095. If you forget the number, it's in the description of the podcast. So don't worry. Cheers. Enjoy the episode.

[Charlie Barrons]

Maggie, Maggie, come on, belly up to the bar. Water is warm and the beer is cold. What's on your mind?

[Maggie]

Am I seriously on right now?

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, yeah, you're on. I'm Charlie.

[Miles]

No, this is a recording.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, it's not. That'd be funny if this was like someone.

[Maggie]

And put. If someone answers first and then. I know, gives me a little, you know, hint and I'm gonna be on or something.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, we're not that buttoned up.

[Maggie]

My question. Okay. Wow. Okay, cool. This is more for Charlie. Sorry, Miles.

[Charlie Barrons]

Sorry.

[Miles]

That's all right. That's all right. These tend to usually be fun for me. So here we go.

[Maggie]

Okay. Why do you have such a big chip on your shoulder about people from Illinois?

[Miles]

Oh, yeah, Charlie.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh my God.

[Miles]

What's so wrong with people who live a little further south than you, Charlie? What's so wrong with Illinois?

[Charlie Barrons]

There is nothing wrong with Illinois. There's just something not quite right about it. Okay? And I'll tell you what it is. It all stems. Soldier Field, Chicago Bears. Okay. And the audacity that Bears fans have to think that they're even at the same level as the Green Bay packers is something I just resent. All right? And that's the beginning of it. The other thing is you guys come up to Wisconsin in your fib cars, all right? And you expect it that it's Chicago rules. You drive around Chicago, it's like a NASCAR race, okay? You come to us, you come to Wisconsin. We go a little slower, we wave, you pass twice at the stop signs, you know, and it's not because we got nowhere to go. Oh, hang on. My mic is getting a little crazy. It's not because we got nowhere to go. It's just that we're not that interested in getting there that fast, you know? But you guys are pow, pow, pow all the time. And also, prices in Door county have skyrocketed. I'm not going to say because of you, but you sure haven't helped that situation. Those are just three things that are kind of beefs that Wisconsin people have with Illinois. And there's more. But I will say that we love you a lot. We really do love you. We just sometimes don't like you, like if the. You know, and that's it. And I think that's a healthy thing. We do love you. It's, you know, it's like. Let me ask you this. Do you guys have any beef with anyone from Wisconsin, or do you just not think about us? I think that's really what it is, is that you guys just aren't thinking about us, and that makes us even more angry, you know?

[Maggie]

Yeah, I think you're right. Not really thinking about you.

[Charlie Barrons]

See a break my heart like this, I'm gonna go home, cry about it, stuff the emotions down before I walk outside, and then it's gonna come back in some unfounded hatred of Illinois. And that's where the chip come. Comes from. But it's. It's. It's meant with love, so that's all I gotta say.

[Maggie]

Okay, well, that's good.

[Miles]

Well, I got my question for you is what is your gripes with Wisconsin?

[Maggie]

I just don't understand. I just didn't understand why they didn't like us. I remember when I was younger, I had a friend and her cousin from Wisconsin would always come down and visit and call us bibs. And I just. I didn't understand why. Well, I'm outside of Chicago or like a northwest suburb.

[Miles]

So, yes, Charlie, you got to put yourself in their shoes. They're feeling like these are, like, unwarranted shots. They don't feel like they've done anything wrong.

[Charlie Barrons]

That's because everyone comes up to Wisconsin. They go to Milwaukee, and they go, oh, this. This is almost as cool as Chicago, you know? Or they say, like, oh, this is kind of like Chicago, but worse, you know? Or they go, at least there's plenty of parking here. We got more than parking in Wisconsin. All right? So that we're sort of fighting back against that air of superiority that Illinois gives, you know?

[Miles]

Well, and here's another question for you. As a fib. Fib. As a fibula. Yeah. Charlie's got a bone to pick with you. Fibulas.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, that's funny, Miles, because tibula's a bone.

[Miles]

What is so wrong with just slowing down a little bit once you cross the border? What's so wrong with not cutting people off in traffic? What's so wrong with laying off the horn instead of laying on.

[Charlie Barrons]

Thank you, Miles. Thank you.

[Miles]

Why can't you guys just, you know, hey, show a little bit of respect in that sense?

[Charlie Barrons]

Thank you. Yeah, Miles said it better than me.

[Maggie]

I guess we're just angry about stuff.

[Charlie Barrons]

What are you angry about? Let's unpack that.

[Miles]

Let's do therapy with the whole state of Illinois here. What's wrong? Who hurt you?

[Maggie]

This is kind of stupid, but when I drop my kids off at school, there's like a line, you know, to drop the kids off. And I keep telling you that there's a sidewalk. Move up, move up, move up. And, you know, don't stop the car and let your kids out. Just get them out. And I don't know why that infuriates me. And it's so stupid that people don't pull up and they get out of their car. They unbuckle their kids, they let them out of the car, you know, wave goodbye, you know, and I'm waiting between two cars, and I got to get out of there. I got to get to work. I don't have time for that.

[Miles]

So that's the problem right there.

[Maggie]

I honk it. Honking. Yell at them.

[Miles]

You know, that's the problem.

[Charlie Barrons]

But.

[Miles]

But then when people from Illinois spend their whole life saying, I don't have time for this, and then they realize they didn't spend any time doing anything other than trying to get more time.

[Charlie Barrons]

Wow, that's profound, Miles.

[Maggie]

That's a really stupid reason to get mad about something.

[Charlie Barrons]

It is.

[Miles]

It is, isn't it? But it is stupid.

[Charlie Barrons]

It wears on you. And then. And then you take out your. Your pain and your emotion on the. The poor people up north, you know, and you buy the land and you rejack the prices up. God dang it. And then you're in, you know, you're in our slow lanes going 85. Well, if I just want to park here and enjoy the fall colors, darn it, that's my prerogative, you know, I mean, the oranges and. And the greens and the Taco Bell purple. The Taco Bell purples. I mean, you gotta sit back sometimes and just enjoy the colors because you really got nowhere to be. Life is not about the destination. It's about how slow you can get there. Okay? And that's what you get. So if waiting in that line is an issue. Your kids got bikes, right? Put them on those horses and send them to school. Or. Or get your. Get your doors, take off the child protective lock on them. Teach your kids how to tuck and roll.

[Miles]

Yeah. Do a drive by.

[Charlie Barrons]

Do a drive by. You know, exactly. It'll build character. So I hope you know that this isn't with you personally. It's just with the state that, you know, you were unfortunately living in and. Yeah, but I do. Thank you.

[Maggie]

Another question.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, yeah, go ahead.

[Maggie]

I don't want to interrupt. So, you know, you have your chip on your shoulder and you explain why. Now, have you or would you ever date someone from Illinois? And if he did, how would your family feel about that?

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, God, I wouldn't tell my family, first of all. I mean, I would lie. I would say that, you know, she's from Beloit, you know, something like that. I mean, if they found out. Dana, bears. I mean, you've seen Romeo and Juliet, right? This. This ends with a double sui. You know, over at Soldier Field. I mean, I hate to say it, but I'm drinking that poison right after you, you know, so it's a tough. It's a tough goal, but love is love, and you can't. You can't help the old double suey.

[Miles]

Oh, yeah, this is a classic double suey situation, Charlie.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, she was from Illino. News from Wisconsin. We see this five, seven times a year, at least.

[Miles]

Classic double suey.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. Why I. Who are you trying to hook me up with?

[Miles]

Cousin to the double homie. You know?

[Maggie]

No, there's this show on Netflix. It just came out, and it's called. No one wants this. It's like this Jewish rabbi guy and then this girl that's just like a hot mess, and she's not Jewish. And it's just like a feel good movie. It's got a guy from the OC on it. Adam Brody.

[Charlie Barrons]

Adam Brody's still alive. Wow. I gotta give that a watch. He's hot. Yeah. Are you. Are you trying to get with Adam Brody? Is that what I'm getting here?

[Maggie]

I'm. I'm married.

[Charlie Barrons]

You're married?

[Miles]

So. So you're saying that if a guy, someone from Wisconsin was dating another person from Illinois, it would be like a rabbi and a girl who's kind of a mess dating is what you're saying. Who's the rabbi and who's the mess?

[Maggie]

Well, I was listening. I listened to your guys podcast for my work and it just. I don't know, I just saw it and I thought of how much Charlie has a dislike for people in Illinois.

[Miles]

Who's the rabbi and who's the mess.

[Maggie]

In the movie or the show?

[Miles]

In this Wisconsin, Illinois situation, is Charlie the rabbi or is Charlie the mess?

[Maggie]

No, neither of them. All their friends and family. No one wants this.

[Charlie Barrons]

Well, I'll tell you this.

[Maggie]

Let me say this, Juliet, like everyone.

[Charlie Barrons]

Else, let me say this to you and all the people of Illinois. I love you, okay?

[Miles]

I do.

[Charlie Barrons]

But sometimes I'd like you if you just slowed down a skoich and you bought land in Michigan instead. Come visit.

[Maggie]

I guess I won't be heading to the Mars cheese factory.

[Charlie Barrons]

No, come on. I'm teasing. I'm pulling your leg. Get up here. We love you. We do. And here's the thing.

[Maggie]

I came up to see you at the. Sorry.

[Charlie Barrons]

No, don't say sorry. God, you are so Midwest, I gotta tell you. Let me wrap this up here. Let me wrap this up here and just tell you that we do love you. And we need you. We need you. Okay? We need your love for the Bears to transcend. It gives us something to talk about. Because if. If it. If. If we don't have this unfounded hatred for you, we might have to start feeling our feelings. And that is not something we're about.

[Miles]

To do without Illinois, Charlie. It's just. Go Packers.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, it's. It's so much funner to say, fuck the Bears, you know?

[Miles]

So we punchline to that.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, there is.

[Miles]

Go Packers. It's boring.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, I mean, we thank you because without you, you we wouldn't have all your losses against the packers, and we just wouldn't have as much fun. So thank you for being you.

[Miles]

Without the Bears, you wouldn't be able to start the season two, and.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, thank you very much.

[Miles]

Yeah. Well, we appreciate you calling in today. Thanks for the love. Thanks for tuning in. And, yeah, thanks for calling in.

[Maggie]

Don't forget to tip your bartender.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yes, tip your bartender. Thank you very much. Go Packers. And F the Bears. We'll see you soon. Bye.

[Maggie]

Bye.

[Charlie Barrons]

Bye.

[Miles]

Well, Charlie, is that another solid good episode of the Bellied up podcast?

[Charlie Barrons]

In the books, ITB Miles. In the books.

[Miles]

Cba. Could be anything.

[Charlie Barrons]

Could be anything.

[Miles]

Could be anywhere.

[Charlie Barrons]

Could be anyone. Folks, thank you for listening to another episode of the Bellied up podcast. Make sure you tip your bartender and.

[Miles]

We'Ll see you in the next one.

[Charlie Barrons]

See you next one.