What Makes or Breaks a Bar #141

Summary

Bellied Up Podcast - Episode: "What Makes or Breaks a Bar" (#141)
Release Date: February 27, 2025
Hosts: You Betcha Guy (Myles) & Charlie Berens
Location: Old Town Tavern, Appleton, Wisconsin

---

1. Introduction: A Spilled Start

The episode kicks off with a classic, lighthearted mishap as hosts Myles and Charlie find themselves dealing with spilled hot coffee at the Old Town Tavern.

• [00:42] Miles: "Hot coffee on my..."
• [00:46] Charlie: "That's all over you. Oh, man, is that wet?"

Their playful banter and quick apology set a humorous tone, showcasing the hosts' chemistry and ability to turn mishaps into comedy gold.

2. Main Discussion: What Makes or Breaks a Bar

The core of the episode revolves around advice for aspiring bar owners, sparked by caller Bryce from Georgia, who seeks insights on opening a bar with his wife.

Key Components for a Successful Bar:

• Beer Claw Machine:
  [10:38] Miles: "You guys have beer claw machines in Georgia?"
  [10:59] Charlie: "Bryce, number one, get yourself a beer claw machine."

  The hosts advocate for interactive elements like beer claw machines to enhance customer engagement, albeit with a humorous caution about potential spills.

• Lighting:
  [13:16] Miles: "If a bar is too well lit, it's gonna feel like a cafeteria..."
  [13:38] Charlie: "You want to be looking at the deer head and thinking it's a hot girl over there..."

  Proper lighting is essential to create the right ambiance, avoiding overly bright settings that can make the space feel uninviting.

• Decor and Atmosphere:
  [12:16] Bryce: "I love taking pictures of deer heads, bobcats..."
  [16:44] Charlie: "You need neon bar signs... old ham signs."

  The hosts emphasize the importance of thematic and nostalgic decor, such as taxidermy and vintage neon signs, to establish a unique and memorable environment.

• Food Options:
  [21:03] Charlie: "You need a stack of frozen pizzas... pickled eggs is pretty standard."
  [21:13] Miles: "Just being like, you know, the kitchen's down today, we're understaffed..."

  Simplified yet appealing food offerings can complement the bar experience without overcomplicating operations.

Bar Naming Brainstorm:

The discussion takes a creative turn as Bryce and the hosts brainstorm names for the new bar.

• Original Idea:
  [24:36] Bryce: "We named it The Perfect Pour."
  [25:16] Charlie: "Honestly, I think you might need another name."

• Alternative Suggestion:
  [27:03] Miles: "The Rough House."
  [27:35] Charlie: "I like the Rough House."

  "The Rough House" resonates better with the intended atmosphere, avoiding unintended connotations and aligning with the bar's rugged, community-focused vibe.

3. Legal Insight: Understanding Courtroom Objections

Lawyer Russell Nicolay joins the conversation to demystify the use of "objection" in legal settings.

• [36:04] Russell: "You see objections in depositions more than in actual courtrooms."
• [38:25] Miles: "It’s a double-edged sword. You can use it to your advantage..."

Russell explains that while objections are common in depositions, their theatrical portrayal on TV often exaggerates their frequency and intensity in real court proceedings.

4. Relationships Advice: Balancing Decision-Making in Marriage

Caller Cassandra seeks guidance on marital issues related to planning and decision-making dynamics in her relationship.

Challenges Discussed:

• Unequal Planning Responsibilities:
  [40:02] Cassandra: "I just want him to make the decisions and tell me what to do."
  [43:08] Miles: "You want him to change a couple more diapers. You want to go on a spa day."

• Leveraging Needs:
  [47:03] Charlie: "You have to pick a city, and if you want the dog people..."
  [48:04] Miles: "You need to win this because this is a competition."

The hosts humorously dissect Cassandra's predicament, advising her to assertively leverage aspects of the relationship (like the problematic truck) to negotiate more equitable decision-making and planning efforts.

5. Humor Segment: Belly Button Lint Chronicles

The episode concludes with a humorous voicemail from Justin, who brings up the topic of belly button lint, sparking a comedic exchange about personal hygiene and quirky body trivia.

• [59:35] Justin: "Getting a little bit too much lit... In your belly button."
• [60:17] Charlie: "You have a puma on yours, Miles."
• [60:25] Miles: "It's like a street sweeper... shovels it right in there."

This segment highlights the hosts' ability to transform mundane topics into laugh-out-loud moments, reinforcing the podcast's comedic essence.

6. Conclusion: Wrapping Up with Laughter

As the episode wraps up, Myles and Charlie reflect on the day's conversations, maintain their comedic rapport, and leave listeners with chuckles about belly button maintenance and the importance of tipping bartenders.

• [66:15] Miles: "Thanks for tuning in. See you next one."
• [66:20] Charlie: "Tip your bartender."

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Spilling Coffee:
  [00:46] Charlie: "That's all over you. Oh, man, is that wet?"

• Bar Decor Insight:
  [13:38] Charlie: "You want to be looking at the deer head and thinking it's a hot girl over there."

• Legal Clarification:
  [36:04] Russell: "You see objections in depositions more than in actual courtrooms."

• Relationship Leverage:
  [47:45] Miles: "This is about leverage. Marriage is all about keeping score and having leverage over the other person."

• Humorous Belly Button Lint:
  [60:19] Miles: "You just get to a certain age, you got enough hair on your... it just, the lint goes in and it can't get out."

---

Summary:
In this episode of "Bellied Up," hosts Myles and Charlie Berens delve into what makes or breaks a bar, offering practical advice infused with their signature humor. They explore essential elements like interactive features, ambiance, and food offerings, illustrated through a caller's aspiration to open a community-centric bar. Legal insights from a lawyer guest add depth, while relationship advice for a listener highlights interpersonal dynamics humorously. The episode closes on a light note with comedic banter about belly button lint, cementing the podcast's blend of helpful discussions and laugh-out-loud moments.

Transcript

[Miles]

Welcome back, everybody, to another episode of the Bellied up podcast. I'm here with my friend Charlie Barrons, and we are at the Old town Tavern, the Ott.

[Charlie Barrons]

You down with Ott?

[Miles]

Yeah, you know me.

[Charlie Barrons]

You down with Ott?

[Miles]

YeahS, you know Steve?

[Charlie Barrons]

I know Steve.

[Miles]

My name's not Steve.

[Charlie Barrons]

They got.

[Miles]

We're an appleton chart.

[Charlie Barrons]

They got a beer claw here, Miles. A beer claw. The claw chooses who can come, who will. Okay? So you just go pick a beer. All them beers. Oh, shit.

[Miles]

Hot coffee. Hot coffee on my.

[Charlie Barrons]

Sorry, dude.

[Miles]

Fuck.

[Charlie Barrons]

That's all over you. Oh, man, is that wet? Yeah, it is, sugar tits. I'm so sorry, Miles. I didn't mean it. Dude, I was looking at the beer claw. Oh, that's gonna stain on that nice sweatshirt, too. I am so sorry. Let me help you. Sorry, sorry.

[Miles]

You're only gonna pat my dick.

[Charlie Barrons]

Well, I'm patting around your dick, all right, Trying to help. I'm sorry.

[Miles]

The only sweatshirt I brought.

[Charlie Barrons]

Really?

[Miles]

Yeah. Well, I have to raw dog my arms all the whole trip.

[Charlie Barrons]

Dude, how did it spill that fast? I can't believe I did that. Oh, I'm so sorry. You can spill out me later if you want. Let me wipe off your.

[Miles]

This is a classic situation.

[Charlie Barrons]

Wipe off.

[Miles]

You hit your. You hit your brother a little bit too hard. So then instead of telling mom, you're like, no, you can hit me back even harder.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, jeez. You know, I. It's not my fault. It is the beer claws fault. I mean, who puts a beer claw in a bar and doesn't expect accidents like this to happen? Oh, sorry, Miles. You okay? You can be all right. Yikes.

[Miles]

Yes, I am going to be okay.

[Charlie Barrons]

Damn, that sucks.

[Miles]

Although I may have to sue you. Now, that was some pretty hot coffee. And I don't know what kind of burns I'm going to get underneath these pants.

[Charlie Barrons]

Well, unfortunately, it's a yeti coffee cup, which means it doesn't work.

[Miles]

Well, that was your first mistake, Charlie. Oh, maybe next time try closing the lid when you're not using it.

[Charlie Barrons]

How about Habitat for Humanity, folks? I was plugged.

[Miles]

Charity at a moment like this.

[Charlie Barrons]

No, I was just over there trying.

[Miles]

To make you seem like a better human.

[Charlie Barrons]

Just over there this morning helping them put together a few houses for the less fortunate. And Miles is worried about a little bit of spilled coffee. You know, it's all about keeping things in perspective, Effective. And that's what I want the kids out there to know. Hey, Miles, you know the worst part about coffee when it spills is the smell after.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

Just smells like crotch rot, you know?

[Miles]

Yeah. Yeah. You know that. My good pants, too.

[Charlie Barrons]

Those are your goods.

[Miles]

I'm gonna have to utilize the laundry at the hotel.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, man.

[Miles]

Like a dunce. Wow.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, you always know if you're doing laundry at the hotel. Some went wrong.

[Miles]

Go wrong.

[Charlie Barrons]

You know, people aren't just planning on doing laundry at the hot. Well, anyway, how's your day going otherwise, Miles?

[Miles]

It's still going good, Charlie.

[Charlie Barrons]

All right.

[Miles]

You know, I'm used to stuff like this with you now, folks.

[Charlie Barrons]

This was not planned, okay? Don't think we just did this for a cheap bit off the top of the show. Miles is sincerely pissed off right now. And. Yeah, nothing you can do about it, though. It's in the past. The past is the past. Miles, you want to play the beer machine? This is the wrong time to ask, but do you have quarters?

[Miles]

Yeah, they're all gonna be covered in coffee in my pocket.

[Charlie Barrons]

I'll take a wet quarter.

[Miles]

Yeah, I think I'll be all right. I think this sweatshirt, though, is gonna stain, so.

[Charlie Barrons]

It is. You know, I got a sweatshirt like that, Miles. It's tough to get stains out of them.

[Miles]

Good to know.

[Charlie Barrons]

I might have just bought that sweatshirt from you. Yeah, that looks like a new one. Do you have scrunchie arms on that sweater?

[Miles]

I don't know. Showed up in the mail and I put it on.

[Charlie Barrons]

Did it. Who got it for you?

[Miles]

It's a HOKA sweatshirt.

[Charlie Barrons]

Hoka?

[Miles]

Yeah, we did a brand deal with hoka.

[Charlie Barrons]

Really?

[Miles]

They got new boots.

[Charlie Barrons]

Wait a second.

[Miles]

Like, winter boots?

[Charlie Barrons]

Dude, they sent me those boots, too.

[Miles]

Let's go. Dude, they're nice.

[Charlie Barrons]

They went with you for the brand deal and not me. Damn it. Losing out on fat deals to Miles over here surprises me.

[Miles]

Yeah. Yeah. So, anyways, actually, I was thinking about that. You're saying, like, you don't want your brother to tell on your. Until on you to the mom, you know you hit your brother.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Miles]

You know, don't tell mom. You can hit me harder. Yeah, I was thinking. Spurred a thought in my head. What are stuff that you can tell your mom that you can't tell your dad? Oh, and what are stuff that you can tell your dad that you can't tell your mom?

[Charlie Barrons]

That's a real good question. That's right. And I. I actually. I've got a perfect one off the top for this because I broke my dad's saw when I was a kid. Okay. And it was one of those, like, one of those rotating Arm saws. You know, I think I. I forget a reciprocal saw or. What was it? No, no, it's like a ro. It's like. Anyway, it's dangerous. They don't make them anymore. But I broke it and I. I told my mom and she was like, oh, that's okay. You know, she didn't. She. She wasn't really aware that she didn't think my dad used the saw. And then I let enough time pass and then by the time my dad figured out the saw was there, I said, I told mom, you know, and. And it. But it was already history. It didn't help. My dad was pissed. But that's something, you know, broken tool or lost a tool. You can usually do that.

[Miles]

Yeah. I feel like anytime something gets broken or damaged that your dad paid hard earned money for, I usually want to tell mom. Yeah, it might be mom's hard earned money, but she's more capable of handling a situation where you may have sacrificed some money for a broken item.

[Charlie Barrons]

Well, especially if it's your dad's item. Some your dad cares about. Now, if I'm. If I'm thinking about things that tell my mom. Well, let me start with you. What's something that you can tell your mom?

[Miles]

Well, I feel like, you know, like. I feel like it's stuff like, like if you were maybe having a few drinks with your buddies in high school.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[Bryce]

Yeah.

[Miles]

You might call your dad, come pick you up or something. I don't know. If you call your mom. Situations like that, you know.

[Charlie Barrons]

I don't know, man.

[Miles]

When it's guys being dudes.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. There was this time that my dad got caught drinking with his buddies in, In Oshkosh and the police called their dads and the police came back into the holding cell and they're like, one of your dad said that he was gonna, you better stay in here all night. Otherwise if you kind of come home, you're gonna get the back end of a two by four. And they were trying to guess which dad it was. It was between my. My grandpa or this other dad, but that's always good.

[Miles]

You'd rather stay in a jail cell than go home to your family?

[Charlie Barrons]

That's pretty much that. I think that's pretty standard, you know?

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

So your dad would be more permissible to you being picked up by the police?

[Miles]

He would still be mad, but he would, he was. When you just would get you with silence, I feel like, oh, you know what I mean? He picked you up and he just would be like. And just you know, like that. Kill you with silence.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Then you get home, your mom. My mom would yell at me.

[Charlie Barrons]

See, mine was. Mine was exact opposite. My mom was the silent enforcer. She would be silent the whole car ride and she'd come in and she would like, if she'd be like a mob boss, you know, she'd give my dad the nod and then, game over, man. I was getting yelled at.

[Miles]

Okay.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yep.

[Miles]

So really, your mom is the one that runs the show?

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Miles]

My mom is too. I think that's kind of how it goes. Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. So what stuff does your dad get mad about?

[Miles]

My dad, I feel like my dad's pretty calm and things that, like, he should get really mad about, and then he'll get mad about stuff that he shouldn't be mad about. Do you know what I mean? It's a kind of a reverse. When something really bad happens, it's more calming for him. You know, he's gonna be a little more level headed. But if you know something like he's.

[Charlie Barrons]

Spilling a coffee on your dad.

[Miles]

Yeah. Oh, my God. He'd be mad. Golf. Golf simulators usually do it for my dad.

[Charlie Barrons]

Really?

[Miles]

My dad's a good golfer, but, you know, he's old and so he didn't grow up with simulators. He doesn't get it. He doesn't get how a simulator works all the time. And when you know he'll hit it and it's like, clearly a bad shot, he just gets pissed and says, the simulator's all up.

[Charlie Barrons]

I just want to see your dad throwing a golf club through the simulator screen.

[Miles]

He just gets so. And he's just so skeptical. He's like, I don't think this thing is accurate. It's like. Well, it's like pretty accurate, dad. No, I don't think it is.

[Charlie Barrons]

I. I agree with that.

[Miles]

Think they're smarter than technology.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, well, they are. They are. It's hard to prove.

[Miles]

Am I going to turn into that? Am I going to think I'm better than AI as one now that I'm a dad?

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, probably. I mean, I think as technology now you'll be okay with, but as, as your kids get better at it than you, that's when you're going to start.

[Miles]

Thinking you're better and you lash out because you don't know how to handle it.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. Smart.

[Miles]

Yeah. Okay. Well, Charlie. Well, Miles, I might go stand underneath the hand dryer in the bathroom for a little bit and then we could take some callers. How's that sound?

[Charlie Barrons]

A Little wet crotch. Yeah, sorry about that. I'll go down in the bathroom and blow with you. I didn't say blow you. I said blow with you. I'll aim it.

[Miles]

All right, guys, we have Bryce from Georgia. Bryce wants to open a bar with his wife and is wondering what the top five things that could make or break a bar.

[Charlie Barrons]

Bryce, number one, get yourself a beer claw machine. All right, now I have to warn you, that's going to make for some exciting customers. You're going to want to avoid serving any of them hot coffee on account of they might spill it on their buddy. Okay? But number one thing, I'm going with a beer claw machine. My guy.

[Bryce]

Definitely, absolutely. Gotta. I didn't know you guys actually had those up that way.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, yeah.

[Miles]

Do you guys have beer cloud machines in Georgia?

[Bryce]

So it depends on the bar you go to. So we. Geez. We've traveled between the west coast, the northwest, Central America, Texas, east coast, Poland, Germany. We've literally been to probably about, I want to say, our trackers at 102 different bars and breweries in the last, like 12 years.

[Miles]

Yeah. So you guys are tracking this?

[Bryce]

We are, we are. There's. There's some apps out there.

[Miles]

That's pretty sweet. I. I wish I would have done that over these years.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. I mean, 102, it's either going to.

[Miles]

Be at the end, you know. You know, you're 80 years old, you look back at your app, all the bars you've been to, it's either going to be very nostalgic or it's going to be very depressing. Charlie.

[Charlie Barrons]

I think it's probably like two ways. I don't remember any of these.

[Miles]

I don't think I. That. That bar.

[Charlie Barrons]

If you don't remember it, you were there. Yeah, definitely. That's a. Do you go and at the different bars, do you, like, take pictures of to kind of create the vision board for your bar? Is your wife into Pinterest? Is what I'm asking.

[Bryce]

Yeah. So that's actually the whole point of this app. So originally. So back when I joined the military in 2012, we just down. I just downloaded this app and was like, oh, cool. You know, like just kind of like a flex on people. Like, oh, yeah, we've been to this bar over here or whatnot. But having since then to now tracked all these different ones, we're able to actually take pictures, see what people like, you know? You know, I'm a huge fan of having the deer heads and the moose heads, the bobcats all you know, in the small town bar. So I love taking pictures of those, Just tracking and seeing what people like to see, you know, what makes a hometown bar kind of a thing, so. Yeah. Yeah, pretty much.

[Miles]

Yeah. Yeah. And. And, you know, the deer heads and the bobcats and all of the taxidermy on the wall is great, but I think something that will make or break a bar is the lighting.

[Bryce]

Ooh, let's go into this.

[Miles]

If a bar is too well lit, it's gonna feel like a cafeteria and not feel like a bar, Charlie. You're gonna feel like you're at a hospital and not at a little dive bar.

[Charlie Barrons]

What you want to be doing is looking at the deer head and going, I think that's a hot girl over there. And then as you get closer, you realize, ooh, bestiality, not cool.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

That's the kind of lighting you want.

[Miles]

You want to go, wow, look at that rack over there. And your buddy's gonna be, like, thinking you're talking about a woman. And then he gets closer and realizes that it's actually a buck.

[Charlie Barrons]

Exactly. Yeah.

[Miles]

That type of lighting we're going for. You don't want to see the pores on your buddy's face as you guys are slamming beers. That's. That's. No.

[Charlie Barrons]

No, sir.

[Bryce]

Definitely not. Definitely not. No. So my question for you guys was, you know, when we were thinking about doing this here, once we're retired out of the military and whatnot, planning stages now, I was like, you know, I think I know just the right guys to ask some of these questions from.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, well, you came to the right place, you guys.

[Bryce]

I was like, well, you know, so for you guys, what. What makes a hometown bar, you know, a hometown bar?

[Miles]

Take it a step further, Charlie.

[Charlie Barrons]

Step further.

[Miles]

What? Yeah, I think what you're asking is, what turns a bar into a home?

[Charlie Barrons]

Ah, there you go.

[Miles]

Instead of a house into a home, what takes a bar. Do a home. I think what's really tough about that is time is the number one time. And negligence.

[Charlie Barrons]

Exactly. I was going to say, you get your floor in there first thing, and then just don't wash it.

[Miles]

Don't. Don't. You need to do nothing to this bar if you want to make it feel like home. If someone wants to put their buddy's head through the wall, you let them.

[Charlie Barrons]

And you just put a plaque.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

Here lies Bobby's head.

[Miles]

Yeah. You know, if you want. If people start sharpieing up everything, you just have to let it happen. You can't be like, hey, we paid good money for that.

[Charlie Barrons]

No, not going to be good. Living, breathing, organism.

[Miles]

Correct.

[Charlie Barrons]

Is a work of art always in motion.

[Miles]

The second you open those doors on day one, it is no longer your bar. It is its own being. And you have to. Just like a kid sending off to college, you just got to let it. Let it be what it. What it turns out to be.

[Charlie Barrons]

And you can go in with some ambition, obviously. Look, we're going to get the standards out of the way. You're going to want a pull tabs machine. You're going to want either darts or pool, one of the two, depending on the space you got.

[Miles]

A bar is just like a kid. You got to teach a math and science. You got to teach them how to spell. Yeah. All of those things. You need these things.

[Charlie Barrons]

Pole tabs is economics, okay.

[Bryce]

Absolutely.

[Miles]

Pool is game theory.

[Charlie Barrons]

Pool is game theory. You know, you want. You want a dartboard to teach them how to aim. It'll keep your bathrooms cleaner. And, you know, aside for that, I think obviously no shortage of neon signs. You want neon bar signs, and if you can get some of the cool ones, the. The like, get yourself an old ham sign. I mean, people are. People are really going to be impressed with something.

[Miles]

Like old neon beer signs are actually. They're not an expense on the bar. They're actually an investment. Much like fine art is for the billionaires.

[Charlie Barrons]

It's true. I mean, you're saying that possibly facetious.

[Miles]

No, they appreciate over time.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. You got to find good deals.

[Miles]

So.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yes, buying.

[Miles]

So not only are you buying something to make your bar feel like a home, you're actually investing in your future and potentially your children's future.

[Charlie Barrons]

That's very true. Very true. And anything that gets. Like, if a beer tap goes out and you no longer serve that beer, you don't get rid of that tap, you just drill it to the wall. Yep.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Bryce]

Once something collection at that point.

[Miles]

Yes. Once something enters the bar, it can never leave.

[Charlie Barrons]

Nope.

[Miles]

Even if it gets decommissioned, that sucker needs to go up on the wall. It needs to go on a corner. It needs to go on a ce. It's. It's now part of the bar.

[Charlie Barrons]

Mm.

[Miles]

You know, it's like, hey, Charlie, you're old now and you don't run as much. You're gonna cut off your legs and leave them. No. You're just gonna keep them there. They're gonna be dormant.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yep. And you're just gonna groan every time you see them, every time you use them. That's the move right there.

[Miles]

Is that what you guys were kind of thinking you. Or are you guys worried that you may lose control of the bar? Or are you okay with letting it go and let it be whatever it ends up being?

[Bryce]

So for a while, what we were thinking about was doing the brewery thing first, because I love bring beer, wine and meat on the side. But I mean, in the market we're in right now, you're not really making money in that department. And it kind of goes away from what our goal for opening up, like at the Avenue Brew Pub, which is bringing back that sense of community. You guys can appreciate that through the years, the sense community has just gone down. The. Honestly, it has. We were thinking is, how do we bring that back? How do we bring back, hey, you know, you went to church. Let's go have a beer after. Let's go, you know, have lunch and have a lunch beer on a Sunday. How do you bring that back? A tavern, A brew pub. A bar.

[Charlie Barrons]

And it's like a good family reunion. Like you want to. A good way. You get people there. Yes, but you want them to have bonding activities. So, you know, get that dice game going. You want to have dice, you want to have cards. There's. And as far as the TV game goes, you want to go minimal on the TVs.

[Miles]

If.

[Charlie Barrons]

If at all. You know, obviously you're going to want to have the game on. All right. But you don't need whole walls of TVs. That's unnecessary. Unless you're full on a sports bar. But that doesn't seem like the vibe you're going for.

[Bryce]

No, definitely not a sports bar. That's. That's. Hooters is down the way for that. Down that way.

[Miles]

And you brought up church. You brought up church. Why not just talk to the local pastor and just have church at the bar? I mean, you're. Then you don't even have to worry about people going there afterwards and building that sense of community. You just, you know, Jesus turned water into wine, Charlie.

[Charlie Barrons]

He did.

[Miles]

So why can't we have church at a bar?

[Charlie Barrons]

And I think you can. Jesus said, go where the people are, you know, and rather.

[Miles]

I'd rather be with the sinners than the saints. You know, you can learn a lot more.

[Charlie Barrons]

I think you should go to a church that's being decommissioned. I think you should purchase the confessional, and I think you should make one of the chairs at the bar, put up a confessional and call it the confessional, you know, so you can have one. The priest can go inside the confessional. And people can just go up to him and he can open up the little shade. Take your confession and keep her moving.

[Bryce]

Carl, I think you're onto something here.

[Charlie Barrons]

I think I am too. Thank you. Thank you.

[Bryce]

I think this is the move. Now, we did talk about lunch also.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, yeah.

[Bryce]

Your experiences, have you enjoyed the in house kitchen or a business that has a bar that has a rotating food truck selection?

[Miles]

I mean, for a business sense, having someone else make the food is going to be far and away better for you as the business owner. But I like a bar that has food in house that really is kind of shitty at a bunch of different stuff. But they got one thing at the, on the menu that they are better at than any other place in, in the state. Damn near. That's what you need to be going for.

[Charlie Barrons]

Thinking wings, cheese curd, big pretzels, something like that.

[Miles]

You know the Reuben sandwich, right?

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, yeah.

[Miles]

When someone thinks of this bar like, you got to have the Reuben and you're like, well, I don't normally have Reuben. That don't matter at this place.

[Charlie Barrons]

You have the Reuben, you're doing Reuben, you're getting that sauerkraut.

[Miles]

Mm.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. And you should also have a stack of frozen pizzas because, you know, late night, we're even. If kitchen's closed, you want to have yourself a nice frozen pizza, a little Digiorno or tombstone, whatever, and a little pizza oven. And it doesn't have to be good pizza, but you're going to want to have some pizza on hand.

[Miles]

And if you really want to avoid, you know, the headaches of a, of a, like a restaurant in your bar, just have a menu for food. But then just being like, you know, the kitchen's down today, we're understaffed, so we actually don't have any food today. And you just do that forever. And then people then he's like, but we do have frozen pizzas.

[Charlie Barrons]

Mm.

[Miles]

When you could have the appearance of being a bar and grill, but really you're just a bar and a pizza.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oven and you're gonna want a wall of chips. Chip salad. You're gonna want pickled. Pickled eggs is pretty standard, you know, so you're gonna want to have those basics there. And then. I like your idea after that, Miles. That's good. Yeah. What we miss. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I think we kind of hit all the things.

[Miles]

Yeah, I think.

[Bryce]

I think you did. Honestly, after the hunting clubs or the church or whatever, have you just hitting that hometown bar that has that, that choice Reuben, like you said, cheese curds on the side.

[Miles]

Yeah. What. What are you guys thinking about naming the bar? And don't say you haven't thought about that. Cause that's bullshit. That's the first thing people think about.

[Bryce]

You're not lying, Miles. It is absolutely the first thing to think about. So. So I was dinking around brewing mead the other day. And by the other day, I mean like a year and some change again.

[Charlie Barrons]

I'm sorry, you were brewing mead? What do you mean the other day? Like the other century. What are you brewing? Mead?

[Bryce]

Yeah, make mead. Making mead.

[Charlie Barrons]

What the hell, dude?

[Bryce]

Make it. You make. Making it out of honey.

[Charlie Barrons]

That's pretty cool. I didn't.

[Bryce]

The whole. It's a whole thing.

[Charlie Barrons]

I. I've never. I don't think had a glass of mead. Have you, Miles?

[Bryce]

It's not a huge market. It's. It's. It's one of those things that's grown right now, but it's one of the oldest.

[Miles]

Are you sure that it's growing.

[Bryce]

Very slowly since.

[Miles]

Yeah. Hey, Charlie, I don't know if I've heard many people be like, hey, this weekend you want to go to the Meadery?

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. You want to. You want to go. You want to go slam a couple meads? How do you make me.

[Bryce]

Yeah, so it's just ferment. It's like how you do wine. So it's. Instead of using sugars or the sugars from the fruit, you're just subtracting that and you're using honey instead of yeast. Everything else.

[Charlie Barrons]

Cool.

[Miles]

You must make a killing at the Renaissance Fair.

[Bryce]

I was just going to say, man, I'm looking at my horn right now. It works.

[Miles]

Okay. So what's the name of the bar?

[Bryce]

Yeah, no, the bar. Well, we were thinking originally when I was. When we were looking at labels and stuff for the bottles, like you do wine labels or whatnot. We wanted it centered around one of our favorite things. We always loved that. That old timey hometown bar that just had that ancient dog that somehow was still alive, was just roaming around. We wanted it to be not necessarily a dog theme, but dog friendly. So what we named it was so the Perfect Pour. The Perfect Pour.

[Charlie Barrons]

The Perfect Pour. The Perfect Perfect. Poor.

[Miles]

Let me think about that.

[Charlie Barrons]

All right, all right, all right.

[Miles]

Let me put that in my mouth. Chew it around a little bit.

[Charlie Barrons]

Taste it. You guys want to squeaking.

[Bryce]

Is it squeaking like that cheese curd?

[Charlie Barrons]

You guys want to go to the Perfect Pour. Perfect Paul. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect.

[Cassandra]

Poor.

[Charlie Barrons]

Honestly, I think you might need another name.

[Miles]

I. After I chewed on it for a little bit. That's not the Reuben that I thought I was getting.

[Bryce]

Now it's not squeaking.

[Miles]

Now. When I hear that, I think that I'm going to a bar that is only for dogs.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. It's. To me, it sounding like, you know, you might get a lot of those people that, like, put shoes on their dogs there, you know, sweaters.

[Miles]

Sweaters on dogs.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, I. Right.

[Bryce]

We're going down a bad rabbit hole.

[Charlie Barrons]

Well, I think so. And not to not.

[Miles]

Or you may just end up with a bar full of furries that could. Yeah, that's the concern I have.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. Yep. Especially if you're serving me because the meat audience is in the furries and furry people are into stinky thing.

[Miles]

What a bar this is. It's called. What is it? The Perfect Poor.

[Charlie Barrons]

Perfect Poor.

[Miles]

That sells mead and Reubens.

[Charlie Barrons]

I mean, that. I. I'm kind of into that for the furry convention.

[Miles]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

I would really embrace the furries.

[Miles]

If you're going down, just in the back of the bar is just a bunch of litter boxes.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. You know, I think. Well, those are cats.

[Miles]

Yeah. Furries, they go to the bathroom.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't realize.

[Bryce]

Same church, different view.

[Charlie Barrons]

Okay, I got it. Hey, so I think if you really want a dog bar, you almost don't even. It's just known that dogs are there.

[Miles]

You're just a bar that allows dogs. You're not a dog bar that allows humans.

[Charlie Barrons]

Right, right, right. Because Pawfik poor. I mean, it's really. It's. It's too on the nose. I think, as they say, it's. It might be a little too. Too there, I think. But you could, you know, call it Meat Dogs. You know, meat dogs mean dogs. You can. He hates my idea. I hate his.

[Miles]

What about the Rough House?

[Charlie Barrons]

The Rough House is cool.

[Bryce]

Oh, there we go.

[Charlie Barrons]

That's. That's. Yeah.

[Miles]

Welcome to the Rough House.

[Charlie Barrons]

There you go.

[Miles]

And then on Fridays, you can have local open boxing, you know?

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[Miles]

It's like a rough housing, but then there can also be dogs there.

[Charlie Barrons]

I kind of like that idea. Now, is your wife.

[Bryce]

I think you're going somewhere.

[Charlie Barrons]

Is your wife. Is. Does your wife know you're calling us to discuss this?

[Bryce]

Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Doesn't listen to this, though.

[Miles]

So.

[Charlie Barrons]

She doesn't listen to this, though.

[Miles]

Okay.

[Bryce]

Until I show her this one.

[Miles]

Did she come up with the name? Be honest. Yeah, yeah. Yep.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, Yeah. I think the ladies.

[Miles]

Well, yeah. Well, hold on. Were did you feel like it was the best name you guys could do, or were you just worried about hurting your feelings about the poet? Poor.

[Bryce]

I said. Oh, that's a good one. Let's go ahead and let's. Let's put it in the pile here.

[Miles]

I know exactly what's going on here.

[Charlie Barrons]

That's what me and Miles were thinking when you said it, and neither of us really wanted to call it out at first, so we chewed on it. But that was. That was a thought there. So I'm glad we're still in the spitballing phase for this.

[Bryce]

Still in the spitballing phase? For sure.

[Charlie Barrons]

You could call it the Dry Hump. The Dry Hump?

[Miles]

Well, no, it's a wet bar.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, you're right.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[Miles]

That'd be like a. Just a bar that people go and have kombucha or something, you know?

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, that's.

[Miles]

Yeah, you want dry, you gotta think about these things.

[Charlie Barrons]

Charlie, you call it the pillow. Gets the same thing across because dogs hump pillows knocking. Anyways, that was stupid, opening up the.

[Bryce]

Bar in the middle of Portland.

[Charlie Barrons]

That's true. That's true. All right.

[Miles]

I like the rough house, don't you?

[Charlie Barrons]

I do. I like the. I like the rough house.

[Bryce]

I think that's the move. We'll have to. We'll have to give you guys an update once we.

[Miles]

Once we figure so. But what you need to do, though, is you need to somehow. It sounds like you need to make it seem like your wife came up with that name. So you got to somehow work it in somewhere, you know, and let her come up with the idea, because that sounds like the best path to be able to actually be the name.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, get her. Get her all meted up, and then have her start riffing names, you know, and you have a list of names, but have her write it so it's in her handwriting.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

Slip the one you want in there and then say, oh, next morning, like, God, I'm so hungover. That some good honey.

[Miles]

And then fermented honey.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. And then start going through the list like, oh, honey, see this roughhouse one that you came up with last night? I really like that.

[Miles]

Yeah. Do an exercise where you're like, all right, what are all. Nate, what are all generic names for, you know, bars, pub, tavern, house. And then you're like, okay, well, we like dogs. Like what? Dogs. Noise. What do they make, you know? What do they sound like, Charlie?

[Charlie Barrons]

Rough. Rough.

[Miles]

Oh, let's. Yeah, we'll write that down. We'll see. And then you'd write a bunch of other stuff. You probably write down, yeah, whatever. And you'd be like, oh, house. You're like, yeah, it doesn't really work. What if we pair these two? You. You said rough, right? And then, boom. All of a sudden, I see you.

[Charlie Barrons]

Make it come out of her mouth. It's like playing charades almost.

[Miles]

You're playing charades?

[Charlie Barrons]

Boom. Miles, we are smart here. We are dialed in.

[Bryce]

All right, this has been a bellied up name generator.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yes, it has. Forget chatgpt when you got Miles and me. Hey, hey, hey.

[Bryce]

That's about. That's what we're talking about. We're looking at other Washington state or throwing it out there. Wisconsin.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. Come to Wisconsin.

[Miles]

You're gonna have a lot of competition in Wisconsin.

[Charlie Barrons]

You will have a lot of competition.

[Bryce]

We never been, so.

[Charlie Barrons]

Never been.

[Bryce]

We were. We've never been. If we were to where.

[Miles]

Where.

[Bryce]

Where would be the. The bars to check out to? Kind of.

[Miles]

Okay, well, we're not gonna do all your market research for you. Listen, that's gonna cost you a fee. If you want our. You know, you want that.

[Charlie Barrons]

I'll give you this free advice. If you're bringing your wife up here, it's not where to go, it's when to go. Come in July. All right, you bring her up here right now, she's gonna be like, oh, nope. Yeah, no. So, yeah. But I come to Milwaukee, Sheboygan. These are pretty saturated bar markets. But you know what? Look, everywhere in Wisconsin, you're having a saturated market. So I would say pick a city, and if you want the dog, you want to get the dog people. The people that bring their dogs in a lot, you'd probably go to a bigger city, you know, if you want business.

[Miles]

Yeah, the people in the smaller cities are just, like, throwing their dog in the garage or in the backyard and going to the bar.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, they got outdoor dogs.

[Miles]

They have wolves.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. They're like, yeah, they can be out there all winter. Their coats build up. You know, the dog's just hovering over by the heater, by the dryer vent, just trying to stay warm.

[Miles]

Well, man, we're excited for you. You're gonna open up a bar. That's big news. It's every guy's dreams. So just know that you're living out our dream, opening up your own bar. And we're excited. You know, I'm glad that we got that perfect name out of the way so we can find the. The name. You know, it's like. It's a classic. Like, all of our bad ideas led to the good idea, so we wouldn't be here without that. So that's also a way you can spin it.

[Bryce]

There you go. It's perfect. It's therapy. I went to therapy and I found it out.

[Charlie Barrons]

Perfect. I like it.

[Miles]

Perfect.

[Bryce]

Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

Perfect.

[Miles]

Well, thanks for calling in, man, and good luck with the bar.

[Bryce]

I appreciate it. Gentlemen. Gotta watch out for deer.

[Charlie Barrons]

All right, you too. We'll see you now.

[Miles]

Glad he called in.

[Charlie Barrons]

Me. Really dodged a bullet there.

[Miles]

Yes.

[Charlie Barrons]

Holy smokes.

[Miles]

Kudos to us, though, for laying them down easy.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[Miles]

I mean, we really didn't make any rash decisions.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. I knew as soon as you said, I'm gonna chew on that. I'm like, miles hates it, too. Thank God. Thank God. Yeah.

[Miles]

Great guy, though.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, really? Really genuine fella. Yeah, I think they'll. They'll. They'll do all right. It's tough setting up a business, though, with your wife, though, when it comes to, like, a bar, because I think a lot of the. Throughout may not be her thing, you know, but at the same time. At the same time, it's. It's just nice that they just want to bring people together to drink. Drink some meat and eat some Reuben, you know?

[Miles]

Well, Charlie, should we take another caller?

[Charlie Barrons]

Let's do it. Miles, you dry yet?

[Miles]

Getting there.

[Charlie Barrons]

Folks, Tippy Cow is my beverage of choice. When you're sitting out there in the deer stand, in the fishing box, you know, on a boat on a nice cold fall morning, nothing makes you feel better than tipping it back with a tippy Cow, Miles.

[Miles]

And thank God that you spilled the coffee and not the Tippy cow. Otherwise I'd be in the bathroom ringing it out into my mouth, making sure I get every last drop.

[Charlie Barrons]

Wow. I think you just turned some people on out there.

[Miles]

Just saying it's liquid gold, you know.

[Charlie Barrons]

That would be an advertisement for tips. Tippy cow. We should do it. Well, there you go, folks. Tipping on. Back to a Tippy Cow. Wisconsin milk. Wisconsin cows. Moo.

[Miles]

All right, guys, we have our favorite lawyer on the line, Mr. Russell Nicolay. Russell, how are you? I'm doing well. How about you guys? We're doing good.

[Charlie Barrons]

Real good. My glasses are a little foggy, but you know what? Sorry for that. I'm glad to be alive, Russell.

[Russell Nicolay]

Glad to hear that. Good to hear you're alive.

[Miles]

Still no kicking it. Charlie and I are naturally curious creatures.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yep.

[Miles]

Right, Charles?

[Charlie Barrons]

Yep. Just.

[Miles]

And you know, on tv, you see lawyers saying, I object. Objection. Jacked all the time. But for guys like Charlie and I who have no idea what's going on. When do you actually use objection and is, can you use it too much in a courtroom?

[Bryce]

Yeah.

[Russell Nicolay]

So there's really two times you see a lot of objections. So a lot of the stuff that you see on TV is in the courtroom. And there's some to that. Like what? A lot of lawyers that do civil work, which is not criminal work, will do objections in deposition. So that's like where witnesses will be under oath outside of a courtroom. But like at some lawyers fancy conference room with court reporters present. And usually you see objections there when your clients answering the way you don't want them to or there's bad information. So I see defense lawyers do this a lot when often the defendant, you know, someone maybe caused a car accident will start admitting to things and then there's all these objections just flying out. And you know, that's a sign that they don't like the answers that are being given, which are generally truthful. So you see objection this, objection that, objection, form objection. They throw out every objection they can. And I just keep asking questions because a lot of the objections aren't even valid. But the second point, in court, you do see objections in there. But I don't generally see them as energetic as you see in the movies. Because what I've always been taught is often if you're making objections in court, the jurors think you're trying to hide something. So you gotta be real strategic because part of the whole courtroom thing is you're putting on. It's the presence, it's the show, it's a little bit theater. So you have to be real careful. But maybe if you wanted to do an objection to make a point, so you don't, you don't see it as much as you do on tv. I think the more wild objections happen in the depositions than they do in the actual courtroom.

[Miles]

So it's kind of a double edged sword. Right. You can use it to your advantage. But also the other side is like, we got them.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. If you start. Right. Yeah. Anyways, well, objections, that's cool. It's good to get that insight.

[Miles]

I have a feeling like if you were in a deposition with Charlie and you were his lawyer, you would just. Objection. He would start talking and you'd see where I was going and you just object over and over and over again. It'd be like a 10 hour deposition just to get one question out.

[Charlie Barrons]

I don't think he'd even risk bringing me into it. I think he'd Say, ah, he's sick again. You know, he's got the clap or something.

[Miles]

Well, thanks for calling in, Russell. This is great. Where can the people find you at? They are interesting.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yep.

[Russell Nicolay]

You can. Yeah, definitely on social media, but online. Nicolelaw.com N I c o l e t l a w.com or 1-855-N I c o l e t. There we go.

[Miles]

You're better speller than I am. Thanks for calling in, man.

[Russell Nicolay]

It is my last name. So you guys.

[Charlie Barrons]

Thanks, Russell. Hello, Cassandra. This is me, Charlie.

[Cassandra]

Hi.

[Charlie Barrons]

How are you? Hey. You're here with Miles, too.

[Miles]

How are you?

[Cassandra]

Hi. Good. I'm. I can't believe I got through with you guys.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, you got through to us. You did. You got through to us. It looks like you're having some marriage decision making troubles.

[Cassandra]

It's kind of. Yes. It's. It's not. It could be a lot worse, but.

[Charlie Barrons]

You know, don't do it, Cassandra. Don't do it. No, I'm teasing. Tell us. Give us the lay of the land.

[Cassandra]

I always, I'm very like, like upfront. And I always, like, tell my husband what I want, but sometimes I just want him to tell me what we're doing. I gotta plan the dates, I gotta plan the stuff for the kids, and I just want him to make the decisions and tell me what to do.

[Miles]

Yeah. And the problem you're probably encountering is you're like, oh, well, I'll just stop planning and then he'll plan something. But then you find out that you guys then just don't do anything ever. Is that correct?

[Cassandra]

That is correct.

[Miles]

Yeah. Yep.

[Charlie Barrons]

You know what you do? You, you. You ever seen Home Alone?

[Cassandra]

Yes.

[Charlie Barrons]

You know when he's downstairs and he's trying to find his parents and he's like, mom, dad, I'm down here. I'm making bad decisions. You know, that's what she's got to start doing.

[Miles]

Yes. Yes.

[Charlie Barrons]

You gotta start making some bad decisions.

[Miles]

You gotta be bad to the bone.

[Charlie Barrons]

You gotta do it exactly what you want. And he's gonna get so fed up, he's gonna start making some decisions.

[Miles]

Yeah. Just. Yeah. Like you. You could be like, hey, honey, we're opening up a bar. We're gonna call it Pofect Poor. And he's gonna be like, that's not a very good idea, honey. Maybe I should take over the business plan. You know, you got.

[Cassandra]

Well, I actually. I actually started a business a year ago. And, you know, he just lets me do whatever I want.

[Miles]

Yeah, because you're making Too many good decisions you got.

[Charlie Barrons]

What, What's a decision that, like, you wish he would take over.

[Cassandra]

Like our date nights or. Yeah, you know, I want him to just tell me, hey, Saturday we're gonna, you know, be ready by 4:00. We're going out.

[Miles]

Okay. I like. What does he like to do?

[Cassandra]

He likes to side by side.

[Miles]

Keb.

[Cassandra]

Big side by side guy.

[Charlie Barrons]

Okay. All right. Know the type. Know the type.

[Cassandra]

He's a farmer and he farms during farm season and he side by sides. Any other time he's not farming.

[Miles]

Okay, so he's, he's a, he's a homegrown man.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, he's.

[Miles]

So what you need to do is for date night, you just need to start going to the hippie bar. You know, you got to start telling them that you're going to a vegan only restaurant. You got to start whipping out stuff like that. And he's going to pump the brakes real fast and be like, well, if you don't like any of my, my ideas, maybe you should just plan it.

[Charlie Barrons]

By the way, I hope you like side by side.

[Cassandra]

Tell them we're going to get our pedicure and go to a vegan bar.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yes. Now you're thinking. Yeah. Have you, have you even tried that before? You've never even given that one a go.

[Cassandra]

No, I just plan things that I know he likes. And that's the problem. Really? I'm the problem? I think.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. Yeah, it's you. You're the problem. It's, you know, I mean, I think you're, you're being too accommodating to him and you got to just start, just start getting a little naughty, you know what I mean? Doing some wild things.

[Cassandra]

I know what you mean.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[Cassandra]

Okay.

[Miles]

Another good way, too. Yeah, Just make them feel left out, you know, it's like you. He likes to be left out, doesn't he?

[Cassandra]

Yeah, he does. I, I do that all the time. I go with. I just like, you know, do my own thing and then he's. He likes that.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, boy.

[Miles]

Well, you could just start with holding sex as well. I mean, that, that really could work. That's kind of a in. Break glass in case of emergency. Just have that in your back pocket if you need it.

[Charlie Barrons]

No bone.

[Cassandra]

Well, I, I'm trying to have another kid, so.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, does he want another kid?

[Cassandra]

Yeah, but he says not right now. But I tell him if we, if I get out of the diaper stage, I'm not gonna want to go back.

[Miles]

You're in diapers? You said you were in the diaper stage.

[Cassandra]

Our kids.

[Miles]

Oh, your kid.

[Charlie Barrons]

Kid.

[Miles]

Got it, got it, got it.

[Cassandra]

So more kids.

[Charlie Barrons]

You want to have more kids? Okay, so he wants kids. You want kids. I mean, I. I think he doesn't.

[Cassandra]

Want more kids right now.

[Miles]

Yeah. So the withholding sex isn't even gonna work, Charlie. He's gonna be like, fine.

[Charlie Barrons]

No, he'll probably take this. He'll probably take the sex.

[Miles]

Yeah, he probably will. So that's. Yeah, that's your break glass in case of emergency.

[Charlie Barrons]

Okay, what do you got? What do you guys.

[Miles]

You could just trick him into it.

[Charlie Barrons]

How do you do that, Miles?

[Miles]

Well, you know, there's the age old. Yeah, but then you're doing all the work.

[Charlie Barrons]

What about.

[Cassandra]

I'm trying to do less work.

[Charlie Barrons]

Let me ask you this. Like, for your birthday, will he plan something? Like, how bad is he at this? Will he plan for your birthday or Valentine's Day?

[Cassandra]

Well, for my birthday in December, I told him that. But in November, I said, just so you know, you have to plan me a birthday party. I had to. And then I had to tell him the theme and what day to have it because he was like, well, you got Christmas parties and you got this, and basically my sister planned it, but he took all the credit.

[Miles]

Well, see, that's the. That's the classic thing, you know, you're trying to tell your kid he's riding bike even though he's got training wheels on and you're holding onto the bike, still pushing them along. I know you need to sacrifice a couple birthdays and let him do the whole thing and royally it up and then let him know how bad he did so he can fix it next time.

[Cassandra]

Do I just not plan birthdays for him or anything else? No date nights, nothing. And just no what he wants, basically.

[Charlie Barrons]

How's the marriage going?

[Cassandra]

It's great. Really? These are very first world problems.

[Miles]

Yeah, I mean, yeah, you're right. I.

[Charlie Barrons]

What does he want from you?

[Cassandra]

I don't know. He says, oh, our relationship's great. We got a good thing going is what he tells everybody.

[Miles]

Yeah, you got a good thing going. Don't mess it up with all these plans.

[Cassandra]

Okay, so besides that, I have a Keep, sell or trade.

[Charlie Barrons]

Buy, sell or trade. What do you got? No, it's not a wedding ring, is it? Or trade, keep, sell or trade. Okay.

[Cassandra]

Okay. So I have this brand new Silverado.

[Charlie Barrons]

Congratulations.

[Cassandra]

I hit a deer with. Thank you. I hit a deer with it in October. And it has been nothing but problems since I got it fixed. I've been in rental cars since the December 4. He wants me to keep this thing because, you know, he likes it. It's a brand new truck and I want to trade it in for a Suburban for more for our kids, you know.

[Charlie Barrons]

Okay, well, there's the solution to both your problems. Keep the truck. If he plans the next five dates, that's what he wants. Okay, yeah, yeah, we got your leverage.

[Miles]

This is about leverage? I forgot my own advice, Charlie.

[Charlie Barrons]

It's all about leverage, baby.

[Miles]

Marriage is all about keeping score and having leverage over the other person.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yes, exactly.

[Miles]

That's what marriage is. And you have a built in, broken ass Silverado as leverage. Use it to your advantage.

[Cassandra]

Yeah, okay, well, I told him he could keep it, I would get a new vehicle. You know, we don't have to get rid of it. He could keep it, but then he has to sell his truck.

[Miles]

Well, what do you like more? Do you like the new car? Do you like date nights? You can't have both.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, you gotta pick one or the other right now. Baby steps. For God's sakes, this is a marriage.

[Miles]

This is a marriage dictatorship. He's on marriage. You can't have a perfect world. Are you kidding me?

[Cassandra]

I work two jobs and I raise our. I take care of everything with our kids. So that's why I said I deserve to have a new Suburban.

[Miles]

Well, we know that you deserve a lot, but we're also realistic people here.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, this is a starting point. It's not the end. So what do you want more? Right.

[Miles]

Charlie deserves to have a gold toilet everywhere he goes, but he doesn't get that.

[Charlie Barrons]

No porcelain most of the time. So what? Yeah, what do you want more? The. The. The car? Or do you want the date night? So let's just start with that.

[Cassandra]

You know, selfishly, I want the new car, but I probably should take the date night.

[Miles]

You two are meant for each other.

[Charlie Barrons]

Seriously. Yeah, it sounds like this date thing isn't even that big of an issue. So I. I think.

[Miles]

And it sounds like when they go on a date anyways, they just bicker about the car anyways, so you might as well just, you know, vocal cords.

[Charlie Barrons]

And you got two jobs, you got the money, you know, just. Just go buy it and accept the consequences. I mean, what's he gonna do, go side by side?

[Cassandra]

That's what I did. That's what I did with the truck. And now here I am.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. Wait, what'd you do with the truck? I don't know.

[Miles]

She bought a truck. That doesn't work.

[Cassandra]

I thought I bought a truck and just without. Without really asking him. And then here we are.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, I see. I see, I see, I see.

[Miles]

Yeah, well, yeah, I mean, you did marry him. And I'm guessing you dated before you got married. This isn't a mail order husband situation. I'm guessing you dated him. Okay, you said yes. Just throwing that out there.

[Cassandra]

Correct. But he didn't. He didn't side by side before we. We were dating. That. This is a thing since marriage.

[Miles]

Okay, perfect. He's too consumed by the side by side. Just take it out, hit a deer with it. That thing won't work. And now you both don't have cars that work. And now all of a sudden, what else are you gonna do? Go on a date? I like it.

[Cassandra]

He'll have a lot of money freed up to take me on a date.

[Miles]

That's true. There you go.

[Charlie Barrons]

Look, if he gets a side by side, you get the car you want. I think that's. That's pretty. Yeah, Just go. Just go do it. You know, what's he gonna do after you. After you've done it?

[Cassandra]

I guess I could just tell him if he. If he. If we can make a deal. If he gets me a new truck, he has to take me on one date a month, but I'll let him get a new side by side, too.

[Charlie Barrons]

You're throwing. So like keep your leverage, for God's sake. Save the side. But your. Your negotiations are worse than. Yeah, some. I won't say it, but don't throw in the news side by side like he's got everything he wants. Right now you're in the position of power. You can't let him think it otherwise.

[Cassandra]

So just tell him that we gotta go on more dates and you have to plan them.

[Miles]

No. Then he just won't go on dates, Right?

[Charlie Barrons]

No, I'm. Two separate issues here. Two separate issues.

[Miles]

I. I have a genuine question here.

[Cassandra]

Okay.

[Miles]

I don't want to say that my wife is in the same scenario, but my wife plans stuff and I show up and so I'm wondering a little bit if I'm part. If I'm a problem. You know what? Why. Why is. What is your strong desire to have him plan something? Where is that coming from? Why do you want him to plan something so bad?

[Cassandra]

Because I have the 100 mental load for the kids and for work. I just.

[Miles]

This isn't about dates at all. This isn't about dates at all.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[Miles]

You want him to change a couple more diapers. You Want to go on a spa day on a Saturday and have him watch the kids and not be worried on if he's keeping them alive or not?

[Cassandra]

Well, yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

Let me ask you this. Does a side by side have a back seat?

[Cassandra]

No.

[Charlie Barrons]

No.

[Miles]

Has it got a bed?

[Bryce]

No, they're.

[Cassandra]

They're race machines. So.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. Don't want the kids.

[Cassandra]

It's not like a general where it has a big old box or anything.

[Miles]

But I, but I, I think that's all we're really looking at here, Charlie.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[Miles]

It's not even about dates.

[Charlie Barrons]

No. Well, I'll be honest, it seems lopsided. I mean, he's, he's a farmer. I get it. But, but during the summer I get why you're doing two jobs and the kids. But during the winter, there's. There's no reason you're doing two jobs and the kids.

[Miles]

I think I got it, Charlie.

[Charlie Barrons]

Okay.

[Miles]

You need to win this because this is a competition. Marriage is a competition. You need to win this. Yeah, exactly. By taking away the thing he loves without taking it away. So if he's not going to plan, you plan stuff for yourself. You dump the kids on him when he's supposed to be going on his side by side. And I can tell you this much, that after a couple weeks of that, he's going to be like, okay, what do you want? And you're going to say during the week, you're changing diapers on Tuesdays and Thursdays and sometimes for every other Friday, and you're planning every fucking date from here on out. Then you get your side by side back. Boom.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, I can.

[Cassandra]

When we get that. When we get the. We're in a side by side club. So when we get the calendar for the year, I just to plan something for myself on all those dates.

[Miles]

Correct. And plan it early before he wakes up. So he just wakes up to having the kids that he's got to deal with, so he doesn't even have a choice.

[Charlie Barrons]

I like how you say we're in a side by side club. Are you going outside? By siding.

[Miles]

Occasionally date night that she plans for him.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. What, what would happen if you did that? What do you think his response would be?

[Cassandra]

He'd be like, you knew I had this stuff going on.

[Miles]

You're like, well, I had stuff going on too, so deal with it.

[Cassandra]

I don't know.

[Miles]

And then he's gonna come to the table and negotiate, you know, slap some tariffs.

[Cassandra]

Well, I don't know if that's gonna work.

[Miles]

That's what a lot of people say, but we'll let history decide.

[Cassandra]

I mean, really, what's the worst that can happen?

[Miles]

Correct.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, that's, I guess the question. What is the worst that can happen?

[Miles]

It sounds kind of codependent on you. So he's not going to leave you?

[Cassandra]

No, he's not. He married up for sure.

[Miles]

Well, there you go. You got all the leverage in the world, so. The world is your oyster.

[Cassandra]

All right, well, I'm probably gonna get the suburban.

[Charlie Barrons]

Get it? Get that Suburban.

[Miles]

That suburban.

[Charlie Barrons]

Well, yeah, just start taking stuff. That's how a marriage works.

[Cassandra]

I did think about just, you know, telling them, like if I just didn't pay the electric bill or something so he couldn't work on his side by side in the garage, then we'd have to go somewhere.

[Miles]

Yeah, just try it all at this point, you know, Try it all.

[Cassandra]

All right, well, make sure you plan a date for Anne, because I know have her in this boat.

[Miles]

I know I don't need her calling into a bunch of idiots at a bar bitching about me.

[Cassandra]

I wonder what my husband's gonna think when he listens to this. Because he's gonna know it's him.

[Miles]

Well, okay, Charlie, what do you want to say to him?

[Charlie Barrons]

Look, my guy, you got to call in too, because I'm sure you got a side to this story that's not being adequately represented by. I'd love to hear his side.

[Miles]

I'd also love to hear the specs on that side by side.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, it's a racing one.

[Miles]

Yeah, I'd like to get a ocular pat down of that sucker.

[Cassandra]

You can find him on TikTok.

[Miles]

Well, how about you have him call into the hotline, leave a voicemail to us, and then we can get a. Get his side of the story too?

[Cassandra]

Okay, I'll see if I can. If I can get him to do that. Or I might have to. Just call with a follow up.

[Miles]

Okay, all right.

[Cassandra]

With an update of what happens.

[Charlie Barrons]

All right, well, tell him when he says hi. He sounds like a real fun dude. Legitimately. He is really probably the life of the party. My wife's dealing with all the kids. It's awesome. He's probably the guy out there with all his other buddies. You just gotta get your wife to take care of the kids all the time. Dude, she's got two jobs and does all the kids. I mean, I won, you know, he's.

[Miles]

Just like, I'm living like a king.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Miles]

Well, what if she leaves you? Oh, she's codependent on Me? She's never leaving.

[Cassandra]

Yeah, whatever.

[Miles]

Well, we appreciate you calling in and good luck with your situationship.

[Cassandra]

Thank you. He's a good man. We've almost been married for four years now, so congratulations.

[Charlie Barrons]

Tell him, he says hi.

[Cassandra]

We will. Thank you.

[Charlie Barrons]

Bye. Bye.

[Miles]

Now, what should I plan? A date night for Anne, I think. Man, now that I'm thinking about that, yeah.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah. What'd you do for Valentine's Day?

[Miles]

We were in Jamaica or Cambodia.

[Charlie Barrons]

Cambodia.

[Miles]

Yeah, I went to Cambodia for Jamaica. I mean, for Valentine's Day, it's inside joke with me and Jared. You wouldn't get it, but yeah, we were in Jamaica.

[Charlie Barrons]

Did you plan that?

[Miles]

I did not. Her friend did, because she planned to get married.

[Charlie Barrons]

Then did she actually get married?

[Miles]

Her friend?

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Yeah, I hope so.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, you said she planned to get married. I thought she, like. But you guys had a trip.

[Miles]

Book trips.

[Charlie Barrons]

Trip books.

[Miles]

We booked the trip because the friend was getting married.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[Miles]

And we went to the wedding.

[Charlie Barrons]

I get it. I get it.

[Miles]

And I did book the flight and stuff, so does that count?

[Charlie Barrons]

That. That. I think that counts.

[Miles]

I think that counts.

[Charlie Barrons]

You booked now. Did you actually book it? Do you have one of your guys book it?

[Miles]

No, I booked it.

[Charlie Barrons]

All right. That counts.

[Miles]

Yes.

[Charlie Barrons]

What's up?

[Miles]

That buys me a year or two. All right, Charlie, we got a voicemail from Justin that Jared's gonna play.

[Charlie Barrons]

All right, let's hear what he has to say. Hey, guys, I was just wondering if you had the same problem as me getting a little bit too much lit.

[Bryce]

In your belly button.

[Charlie Barrons]

Take a shower.

[Bryce]

Land your belly button.

[Charlie Barrons]

I kind of stink sometimes. It's Justin. I'm 28. Justin.

[Miles]

Hold on.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, let me check. Oh, hang on. I got some right here. We both have. Both have lint in our belly buttons.

[Miles]

Look at that, Jared. That's so disgusting.

[Charlie Barrons]

You have a puma on yours, Miles.

[Miles]

Yeah, that's because I got.

[Charlie Barrons]

Well, I got one, too. I got a hair in mind.

[Miles]

Yeah, you just get to a certain age, you got enough hair on your. On your belly that it just. The lint goes in and it can't get out.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, it's like a street sweeper, you know, just shovels it right in there.

[Miles]

Yeah, it's like the. The dune bucket. They just stick your hand in, you can't get it out.

[Charlie Barrons]

Has Anne ever commented on your belly button?

[Miles]

Oh, she despises it. If we show her that photo, she may puke. And so I make it a point that in the morning or at the. In the. Usually in the evening. I'll take it out and I'll look at her and I'll just drop it on the bathroom floor. Does she not just look her dead in her eyes? You know, what's.

[Charlie Barrons]

What's that about to do? When do you get more lint in your belly button?

[Miles]

I don't know. You just. As soon as you get hair going on down there. I feel like you got a hairy ass belly button. You got lint coming out of there all day. Oh, God. Let's see it. I cleaned it out this morning. That is so funny that we both just pulled it out. It was the exact same size.

[Charlie Barrons]

My boys are a little bigger. Does Anne ever get lint in her belly button?

[Miles]

No, she doesn't have any hair on her belly.

[Charlie Barrons]

Is it. It's really a hair thing, huh?

[Miles]

Just traps it all in there.

[Bryce]

Wow.

[Charlie Barrons]

Isn't that one of the miracles of life, though? Hey, I mean, how does that actually work?

[Miles]

To rent the land, I just, like, trim, like a thing around like a boat.

[Charlie Barrons]

It's like a fire lane. You know, you come for the fire.

[Miles]

Build a little bike lane around the belly button to keep it from trapping Lynn.

[Charlie Barrons]

The lint cut.

[Miles]

No, we. That's what we should do. Charlie, this is. Hey, Muskie tank with me right now, okay? We're gonna start selling, like, you know how you can buy strips of, like, wax stuff that you can put on your skin and rip it off?

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[Miles]

We'll just sell them in little circles with a little wax around it. You just put it on around your belly button, you rip it off, and you. It's a. It's a.

[Charlie Barrons]

It's a delinter.

[Miles]

It's a delinter.

[Charlie Barrons]

The. It's like. And. And people go to, like, our spa for it. You know, they like. I'm going to get a Brazilian. You know, I'm going. I'm.

[Miles]

I'm going to get a Baron's.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah, it's the man wax. We'll call it the Max, you know, and then just.

[Miles]

That actually probably would work.

[Charlie Barrons]

That's a great idea. Are we sure it's the hair that traps it in there?

[Miles]

I. That's my guess. But Jake's probably Googling it right now.

[Charlie Barrons]

Yeah.

[Miles]

How do you. Oh, yeah, he just put his phone away. He was texting his girlfriend all day.

[Charlie Barrons]

What? Yeah. How do you get. Yeah.

[Miles]

Belly button lint is also called navel fluff is primarily made up of stray fibers from your clothing that get caught on your stomach hair, which then naturally directs the fibers towards the belly button where they Accumulate due to the shape of the navel, essentially acting like a trap. It's a dune bucket.

[Charlie Barrons]

We gotta do a whole thing on it, man. We gotta do the belly. The bbt, the belly button trim. The bbw. Like, forget bbw. What? Why is that funny, Miles? I don't know why that's funny.

[Miles]

No, it's the bazillion belly button wax.

[Charlie Barrons]

Brazilian belly. Bbw. Yeah, Brazilian bbbw.

[Miles]

Would you call it the navel fluff?

[Charlie Barrons]

It's like the scientific term for it.

[Miles]

It.

[Charlie Barrons]

That is fan freaking tast.

[Miles]

So. Justin, you're not alone.

[Charlie Barrons]

Justin.

[Miles]

28. That is like one of the shortest voicemails we got, too. Just straight to the point.

[Charlie Barrons]

That voice. That was like a Midwest haiku what he just sent there. It was beautiful. It was like he was paying per character. He called us collapse or something.

[Miles]

Okay, all right. Well, I'm glad that we just exposed our naval fluff to the entire Internet.

[Charlie Barrons]

Oh, God, that's great. I might lead with that in my special.

[Miles]

Are you gonna.

[Charlie Barrons]

No, come on, lead with it. That's what. That's what comedians always say if you got a new bit. Feeling good about that? Yeah, lead with it. Because usually it bombs. I don't think this would bomb. I think I'm gonna have every guy stand up and everyone raise their hand who has belly button Linton.

[Miles]

It's so gross. The. The maintenance staff just fucking hates you because they got so much to clean up afterwards.

[Charlie Barrons]

So many dust bunnies.

[Miles]

It's gonna look like after they sweep a basketball court in that auditorium, little thing they walk behind.

[Charlie Barrons]

And then we do a prize for the person with the biggest one. I just never film my special. It's just that the entire time just releases the belly lint crowd work special. God, what if. What if we collected all the lint and made a pillow?

[Miles]

So gross.

[Charlie Barrons]

Is it though? Why?

[Miles]

Ah, well.

[Charlie Barrons]

Well.

[Miles]

That it, Charlie?

[Charlie Barrons]

I think that's it, ladies and gentlemen.

[Miles]

Guys, thanks for tuning in. Hanging out with us at the Old Town Tavern here in Appleton, Wisconsin.

[Charlie Barrons]

The ott. Yeah, you know me. We'll see you guys soon. Okay. Tip your bartender.

[Miles]

See you. Next one.