What You Should Do With Your Man Cave #209

Summary

Bellied Up Podcast – Episode #209: "What You Should Do With Your Man Cave"

Release Date: July 16, 2026
Hosts: Charlie Berens & Myles “You Betcha Guy”
Episode Theme: Midwest call-in comedy, drinks by the lake, Midwest garage/man cave philosophy, and hilarious listener stories

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Episode Overview

This episode of Bellied Up finds Charlie and Myles once again recording at a lakeside bar in Detroit Lakes, Minnesota, fully immersed in “lake mode”. The hosts lean into their laidback, comedic dynamic, swapping stories about their different drink personas by the water and diving into a string of live calls featuring stories about smashed pumpkins, Midwest garage dreams, and the peculiarities of man cave design. As always, Midwest reality and absurdity are equally honored.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Lake Mode & Drink Personalities (00:10–14:00)

• Transformation by the Water:
  Myles shares how being at the lake makes him a “different guy,” namely when it comes to cocktails. Only at the lake does he trade his standard “Windsor 7” or “Baron's Brandy” for fruity “tequila Fresca” or Malibu-based drinks.

  “One of the few exceptions to being a guy’s guy, a manly man, is when you’re by water—you can have the fruitiest drink possible.” – Myles (01:57)

• Charlie’s Mezcal Complex:
  Charlie admits to often ordering mezcal neat to seem sophisticated, only to have Myles roast him for being a “poser.”

  “You order mezcal neat to signal you’re cool, like you don’t need any ice. The name sounds fancy—and you juxtapose that on you, and people think, wait, maybe Charlie Berens is more sophisticated than he looks.” – Myles (06:00)

• Midwest Brandy Woes:
  When traveling, especially outside Wisconsin, Charlie laments the lack of brandy on offer and riffs on hypothetical international expansion, including a running joke about accidentally becoming a brandy supplier to North Korea.

• Friendly Ribbing:
  The two hosts gleefully roast each other’s drink choices and life decisions.

  “Do you really like Mezcal, or you just like what it says about you?” – Myles (05:59)
  “You never let me finish, ever!” – Charlie (11:23)

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2. Call-In Segments

Caller 1: Kyle – The Pumpkin Smasher (17:35–44:36)

• Story Summary:
  Kyle shares his legendary (albeit minor) brush with crime: During his freshman year, he drunkenly smashed a dorm pumpkin (twice), got caught on security cam, and ultimately turned himself in out of guilt—dressing up for a Zoom court hearing, where he is fined $250 for “immoral conduct.”

  “He hands me a ticket for immoral conduct, which I’ve never heard before.” – Kyle (28:52)

• Memorable Exchanges:

  • Hosts joke that his “criminal” story let them down by not ending with more insanity (like “American Pie”–style antics).
  • Kyle’s recounting of the detailed sweepstakes of being tracked down by campus police is self-deprecating and genuine.
  • Charlie coins: “That was a seedy crime, Myles. It was a seedy crime.” (33:01)

• Kyle’s Life Lesson:
  Though played for laughs, the hosts reflect on youthful exuberance and how minor mischief can turn into cherished stories (and unnecessary legal drama in overzealous campus environments).

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Caller 2: Ian – The Man Cave Conundrum (51:16–79:38)

• Issue Presented:
  Ian calls in from his newly rented home, seeking advice on how to “hodgepodge” a two-car garage into a man cave. The twist: he’s also dealing with a bee sting and is prone to tangents, giving this segment the full “Bellied Up” mosaic.

• Hosts’ Advice:

  • Prioritize visible shelving over cabinets (“I like seeing all of my stuff, Miles!” – Charlie, 56:23).
  • Consider school lockers for a unique (and utilitarian) vibe, but beware of over-committing to a theme.
  • Make the space personal; fill it with found objects, stories, and trophies from estate sales, flea markets, and everyday life (a la “Tony Hawk’s American Wasteland”).

• Comic Detours:

  • Extreme skepticism and jokes about the dangers of crotch rockets.
  • Extended riff on the perils and quirks of buying shoes at the wrong Shields location in Fargo (“Did you go to Shields Home and Hardware?!” – Myles, 62:32).
  • A delightful tangent about mail carrier life, government auction mail trucks, and dubious fire inspections for too many extension cords.

• Key Takeaway:
  The ultimate “Bellied Up” philosophy for man caves: lean into a hodgepodge, let stories dictate the decor, and never take it too seriously.

  “Just start experiencing life and collect things that all have a story behind it—the garage, it’s like a tattoo.” – Myles (72:39)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Lake Cocktails:

  “At the lake, I’ll do something with Malibu in it…just letting those things fly.” – Myles (00:48; 03:06)

• On Signaling Sophistication:

  “I get the mezcal neat because I do like the smokiness…kind of like coffee. Coffee doesn’t taste good, but I really like the taste of coffee.” – Charlie (11:51)

• Kyle’s Self-Reckoning:

  “Let it be known: the pumpkin smasher turned himself in. You guys didn’t come and get me!” – Kyle (27:23)

• Garage Philosophy:

  “Make it your American Wasteland—every item has a story.” – Myles (72:39)

• On Midwest Living:

  “There are two seasons in the Midwest—winter and road construction.” – Myles (14:48)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:10–14:00 | Opening Banter: Lake Mode, Men and Drinks
• 17:35–44:36 | Caller Kyle: The Pumpkin Smasher Story
• 51:16–79:38 | Caller Ian: Garage/Man Cave Calls Including Mailman Tangents
• 72:39–75:01 | Hodgepodge Philosophy for the Man Cave
• 62:04–66:05 | Shields Shoe Store Tangent & Marketplace Finds
• 73:55 | Fire Inspector and Extension Cord Confessions
• 78:53–79:59 | Bee Stings, Hodgepodge Man Cave Wisdom, and Farewells

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Summary & Atmosphere

This episode perfectly captures the wandering, good-humored spirit of “Bellied Up”: listeners receive advice that’s practical, unpretentious, and coated in laughter—whether about cocktails, garages, or infamous pumpkin mischief. Myles and Charlie’s rapport is electric, filled with Midwest-specific humor, gentle ribbing, and deeply felt tangents. Even the caller stories echo the ethos: life is a little bit random, always personal, and best enjoyed with a laugh and a drink by the lake.

Essentially:
If you want a tutorial on how to design a man cave, go elsewhere. If you want to hear how two Midwest comedians wind their way through life and its little absurdities (with caller stories and drink advice on the side), belly up to the bar for this one.

Transcript

[A]

Welcome back, everybody, to another episode of the Bellied up podcast. We are bellied up here again at the zoo on 22 Charlie, a nice little lake bar here in the heart of Detroit Lakes, Minnesota.

[B]

Yes, sir.

[A]

And I don't know about you, Chuck, but when I'm at the lake, I'm a little bit different. Guy called me lake mode miles.

[B]

Lake mode Miles. Okay, what's different about lake mode Miles?

[A]

Mostly just the drinks I choose to put down my throat.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Why you like a little. Do you get a little fruitier?

[A]

What. What does fruitier mean?

[C]

Fruity?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, you get a little fruit

[B]

here with your drink choice mouths.

[C]

What do you know?

[A]

Like, at home, you're like, yeah, I'll do a beer. I'll do a Windsor 7. I'll do a Baron's Brandy on the rocks.

[B]

Oh, you go on the rocks?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And here at the lake, I'm like, I'll do. I'll do something with some Malibu in it.

[B]

Oh, you go Malibu. You get a little rum in your life?

[D]

Not as.

[A]

You know, it's maybe more like a tequila, Tequila Fresca, you know?

[B]

Oh, do you start going. Start going seltzers,

[A]

talking, mixed drinks. And what's funny here is basically, I'm much more. I'm only gonna do these types of cocktails here at the lake.

[B]

You know, water hazard infusion, zoo lemonade, cabin dreams, Looney Paloma. That's a great name. That is a great name. Up north, Morgan, you know, like a

[A]

lake breeze, Vodka lemon, club soda. I mean, that sounds delicious to me right now. Does it not?

[B]

Yeah, it does. Not everyone.

[A]

I'm not doing that at home.

[B]

No, it's. It's like. It's like lemonade stand drinks, you know? Yeah, it's like. It's. It's really. You're getting exotic with it. We really turn into island people when we have no island, really. But there is a body of water here, the reverse island.

[A]

And in my mind, if you. You know, it's. It's like one of the. The many. One of the few exceptions to being a guy's guy, a manly man, is when you're near a body of water, you can have the fruitiest drink possible.

[B]

Yep, yep. I think country.

[A]

More sugar, the better.

[B]

Yeah. The blender is all of a sudden. Okay, yeah.

[A]

Margaritaville machine. Now one of those. Like, we can make some.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You want me to make you a daiquiri? Let me know.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

You want me to make you a spicy marg. Just let me know. Chuck.

[B]

Yeah. Is that how you're going to say to the fellas or what do you, how do you bring this up?

[A]

No, I mean, you know, I'll probably like write it down on a napkin, slip it to them and say like, yeah, I'll do a whiskey. And then they'll pick it up and they'll say, spicy marg, please. Xo. Xo. The smiley face at the smiley face. And then she'll go, oh, yeah, one whiskey coming right up. Okay, maybe a pina colada.

[B]

You can't fully embrace it, though. I feel like you can fully embrace it at the lake. No one's watching.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, I will be a little bit more self conscious about at the lake, but if you catch me at a swim up bar and all inclusive resort in Mexico, I'm letting those things fly.

[B]

And that's when you, when you order it. You know, your first one, your first, you're like, I'll do. What do you got here? You pull up the menu and you're like, I'll do this.

[A]

Oh, you know what? I'm in Mexico, I might as well try it.

[B]

And you say, I'll do the rum one.

[A]

Because you don't want to say like passion fruit daiquiri.

[B]

No, but if you say I'll do

[A]

the rum one, for whatever reason, there's way more S's in all of the names, you know, like side breeze.

[B]

Oh, that's not an S. That's a Z on that.

[A]

But it's pronounced with an S for some reason, oddly. Passion fruit.

[B]

Yeah. I don't even know what a passion fruit is.

[A]

All I know is they care. They care a lot.

[B]

Here's the other thing. When you're out on the boat, someone brought a cooler and so you kind of can spread your wings. You might not be a seltzer person normally, but if there's only seltzers in the cooler, well, you might as well.

[A]

You're not going to not drink?

[B]

No. You're gonna have one of those.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And some guys really embrace the seltzers. On my buddy Mike Feldman, who you met, he is a pure seltzer man now.

[A]

You know, no shame.

[B]

No shame. And he'll argue with the bartender about the different flavors they have. He likes the BlackBerry. Yeah.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Some guys go that. No shame. That's, that's an all year round thing for him. But it started on the boat. Yeah, certainly did.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And what I like about being next to water, whether it be a lake or a beach or a pool, is that you just get to, you Know, you get to get to be someone that you're not.

[B]

Yeah. You get.

[A]

Or maybe you are you. You are who you truly are. Maybe I'm always. Maybe I'm always a fruity drink guy, and I'm just masking it for the world, you know? You think about that.

[B]

I could say you did really take a liking to that bush light apple situation. It's true, you know? Well, let's explore that. Are. Are you a fruit guy? Fruity drink guy?

[A]

I do like. I. I like a fruity drink.

[B]

Y. And the sugar don't bother you, huh?

[A]

Well, it does, yeah. Yeah. The less sugar, the better.

[B]

Sun and sugar makes for a wicked 3P.

[A]

I would say, like, if I. When we go back to Lake, if I'm going to mix a cocktail, I think I'll go like tequila Fresca.

[B]

Oh, Tequila Fresca.

[A]

You had one?

[B]

Yeah. No, I don't know that I've had the tequila fresca mix. Usually, Miles, I do Mezcal neat because I'm a man.

[A]

I hate that. I hate it so much.

[B]

Do you really know?

[A]

But.

[B]

But what am I. Do you think I really like that?

[A]

I think you order Mezcal neat to signal that you one are, like, cool one. You don't need any ice.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To. You like the name Mezcal sounds fancy, which you juxtaposition that on you. You're like, oh, wait, maybe Charlie Barron's is more than the eye can see, you know?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

And. And then you add in a smoky flavor, and you're like, wow, this. This podunk guy from Wisconsin maybe is more sophisticated than we think. And I think that that's why you order it. I don't even know if you really like Mezcal that much, you know? I mean, I've had Mezcal. I don't think you like it that much.

[B]

I like that you talk it like that. I don't know what got me on that Mezcal train. The. The thing about it is, you know, like, I got on the Tequila situation a few years ago, and this isn't.

[A]

I thought you were on the Brandy situation.

[B]

Oh, I've always been on the Brandy situation. That's. I mean, that's. This is. This goes without saying, but sometimes if you get. If you get out of Wisconsin, they're not dialed in on the Brandy, so this is not a Wisconsin.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're on the road a lot.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And what I do like, when you're

[A]

in Spokane, Washington, Right. Or in. You're in. Give me Another. Hartford, Connecticut. You're in Hartford, Connecticut. Or maybe Burlington, Vermont, Vermont, or Albany, New York, or Augusta, Maine, or Delaware. Dover and Dover in Delaware.

[B]

This guy passed his test in fifth grade.

[A]

You can tell you're in Jackson, Mississippi, or Nashville or Nashville, Tennessee, Or.

[B]

Wow, Florida. Do. Florida.

[A]

Tallahassee, Florida.

[B]

Arkansas.

[A]

Little Rock, Arkansas, New Mexico. Santa Fe.

[B]

Wow. Dude, he's good. He knows them all. That's impressive.

[A]

Maybe you're in Juneau, Alaska, you know?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so then it's like the Brandy game is weak.

[B]

Brandy games. Sometimes. Sometimes they don't even have Brandy. Can you believe that?

[A]

I can believe it. Now imagine sometimes you're in. You know, you're. You're in Carson City, Nevada, you know.

[B]

Yeah. Sometimes you are. Sometimes you are. And imagine establishing a liquor brand where most of the world doesn't even carry that. Not just that brand, that. That type of liquor, period.

[A]

True.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You gotta find another country in the world that likes Brandy. And then you now have opened up a whole new market for yourself.

[B]

Yeah, that's true.

[A]

And now they do voice translation through AI on online. So you can just translate your videos into that country's language. And you could be slinging brandy in Chad.

[C]

That'd be funny.

[B]

It was like North Korea loved Brandy.

[A]

Yeah. Kim Jong. Kim Jong Un loves Barron's Brandy, I should say. Do you shut down the brand if.

[C]

If.

[A]

If it gets loose in North Korea?

[B]

I mean, you know, I think. I think we try not to associate with dictators as a general brand.

[A]

No, but you could be printing money at that point that. Into that market.

[B]

That is true. And it's pretty. It's all Monopoly over there. So.

[A]

So, like, if you happen to slip behind enemy lines.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they're just. They're slugging Barron's Brandy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, you're in a weird spot because you're printing money, but also, you might want to consider shutting that down.

[B]

Yeah. That you might be an enemy of the state, you know? Or it's so good that Kim Jong Un just spends all his time getting hammered on old fashions and is too drunk to.

[A]

He just starts hitting the button on the nuclear weapons.

[B]

That's. That's. That's the other way it can go. That's the other way it can go.

[C]

Hey.

[A]

Next thing you know, Dennis Rodman's their spokesman next to Charlie.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Maybe starts doing a podcast with Dennis Rodman.

[B]

We should get Dennis Rodman on the podcast. What do you think about the Supreme Leader, Dennis. Just with his sunglasses and his voice.

[A]

This episode is brought to Brought to you by Baron's Brandy. All hail King Jung Un.

[C]

That would.

[A]

That would be what you'd have to

[B]

do, you know, I'll think about it, Miles. I'll think about it.

[A]

No, I mean, do you shut it down, or do you just, like, maybe sell it and, like, request they take your name off of it?

[B]

I, I, I, I. I think, yeah, we'd have to find a way around this at that point. I'd have to get in every country to kind of dilute that one, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd have to.

[A]

You got a real. You're like. You're quitting your day job, and you're just promoting it everywhere.

[B]

I'm just. Yeah. Learning Japanese.

[A]

You're gonna be down under,

[B]

you know, I do think that. How did we get on this conversation? We were talking about lake drinks. How did we end up with Dennis?

[A]

You were bragging that you order mezcal neat.

[B]

I wasn't bragging about that.

[A]

You were, the way you said it.

[B]

He didn't let me finish. Do you let me finish it? He never lets me finish ever. So the thing is. The thing is, I was bringing up the mezcal thing because I was saying, like, I sort of taste buds wise, I like sort of a smoky situation. But if you're going into a lake situation, I kind of, you know, let myself breathe a little bit. I was saying, typically, if I were to get that, I get the mezcal because I do like the smokiness, you know, it's kind of like coffee. Coffee doesn't taste good, you know, but I really like the taste of coffee.

[A]

I think I have acquired the taste

[B]

of coffee well in the same way with the Mezcal. I feel like I've acquired that where I do and enjoy the taste, but also, I don't know that I have great taste buds, you know, which doesn't say much about guys selling a brandy. But what I do think is that with brandy, you can put all the other stuff in it, so it doesn't matter, you know? I don't even know where I'm going with this, neither.

[A]

Anyway, question was, do you order mezcal to make yourself seem more sophisticated than maybe you are?

[B]

I don't think so, because I also am somewhat embarrassed to order it because

[A]

you kind of whisper it, you know?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. I do a miscalc. Because. Because the next question always. And this is why I'm embarrassed to order. The next question is always, what kind? And I'm like, I might, you know, just give Me, your middle tier one, you know, not the real one. You know, give me the real one, but not the real expensive one.

[A]

That's one. The reason why I asked that is I imagine there's a lot of listeners right now that have never even heard of Mezcal.

[B]

I mean, it's just smoky tequila.

[A]

No, I know.

[B]

I'm just saying I got on it. Someone gave me a bottle not to break and I thought was real good.

[A]

Why don't you do a Baron's Mezcal?

[B]

And the German doesn't quite say, this is going to be a good Mezcal. Some about that German name in front of that. That traditionally Mexican cocktail spirit does not warrant a of that's gonna fly off the shelves.

[A]

You know this. That was a question.

[B]

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. It started off with a tequila, and then tequila is the gateway for Mezcal. So there you have it. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But anyways, anyways. No, I wasn't trying to brag about it. Miles. What are we even doing here? What are we doing?

[A]

Should we do some collars?

[B]

No, I didn't get to say my fruity drink.

[A]

These collars are brought to you by Baron's Brandy, the official brandy of North Kore.

[B]

I can't wait.

[D]

I can't wait.

[B]

I can't wait for that to be clipped.

[A]

Context is everything.

[B]

Context is everything. People could pull so many just random clips from this podcast.

[A]

I mean, the amount of times you could make a. A three minute video backing up a claim that me and Charlie are secret lovers based off of videos we've done on the Internet. Oh, yeah, we're just lovers.

[B]

Yeah. Our knees are touching right now.

[A]

All right, should we take some callers, Charlie?

[B]

Yes, Miles, you know this? Sure.

[A]

There are two seasons in the Midwest, winter and road construction.

[B]

Well, aren't there like 15 seasons in the Midwest?

[A]

There's 17, but two of those 17s are winter and road construction.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Everywhere you go, there's orange barrels, lane closures, and detours taking you somewhere you've never heard of. I actually had to take a detour today because of road construction. I do, like two miles on gravel because of it.

[B]

Had you heard of the. Where you were?

[A]

Yeah, I had. I had. Okay.

[B]

It doesn't completely line up, but it's nice. It's a nice thought.

[A]

One minute you're driving normally, the next minute traffic merges from two lanes into one and nobody knows where to turn is. No, no. Nobody knows whose turn it is, you

[B]

know, or what the turn is.

[A]

No one knows how to zipper. You know the zipper technique. Go all the way to the end. And then you alternate merging instead of getting one line backed up. It's a whole thing. Add. And then on top of that, you add distracted drivers and sudden stops and accidents can happen before anyone has time to react. Charlie.

[B]

Geez Louise.

[A]

Then add in people on their phones. It's a whole thing.

[B]

No one's paying attention.

[A]

Guys, if construction season turns into an injury or an accident, you got to call who? Chuck Russell.

[B]

Nicolette. Fear the beard injured. Get Nicolette Nicolay. Law.com 1855 Nicolette Miles. Here's the cool thing about these shady rays.

[A]

What is the cool thing?

[B]

Cool thing about Shady Rays is these feel like 200, $300 pair of sunglasses. I've got $7,000 pair of sunglasses.

[A]

If I walked in and I said, wow, that guy, he must have a good job because he's got some expensive sunglasses on.

[B]

That's what they would think.

[A]

And little do we know that you're just a podcaster.

[B]

You're a podcaster.

[A]

You bamboozled me because you got some high quality glasses for an affordable price.

[B]

Oh, yeah. And there's a little deal going on where you can get two of these pairs. Two or more. 50% off. Polarized, polarized, polarized. So you can see the fishies out there in the water. If you just go to shadyrays.com miles and use that promo code bellied up, you are set. You're set like this.

[A]

Off two or more polaroids glasses.

[B]

Ah, it's pretty sweet.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And yesterday being here in Fargo, I was watching I have my shady rays on. Because the sun stays up here all the time. Goes down after nine. I have my shady rays on. Past nine.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Now's the time to be looking fine past nine with these shady rays and these sunny days. Check them out. You'll have the great gays. Shadyrays.com Ladies and gentlemen, gays with the Z. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My visual gaze. Shadyrays.com Is this Kyle?

[D]

Yes, sir.

[A]

Totally Kyle. Dude, are you young enough slash old enough to remember the Totally Kyle segment on the either Amanda show or all that?

[D]

Maybe around that time frame, but I think still young enough.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

All right.

[A]

This is Totally Kyle.

[B]

Totally Kyle.

[A]

Remember that?

[B]

I do. From all that.

[A]

Yeah. Do you remember that it was Drake Bell who was doing it? Anyways, Kyle, what's going on?

[D]

Not too much. Not too much.

[C]

My.

[D]

My brother in law has been begging me to call you guys and get this story and he was on On a couple weeks ago, actually.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

About his wife swap incident with his family.

[A]

Oh, yeah, the old wife swap. Yeah. Remember you. Was that the one where you drew out the family tree on the bar?

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Oh, that's a.

[B]

That was.

[A]

That was a lot.

[B]

That broke my brain there a little bit.

[D]

So, yeah. What's your story?

[A]

What's your take on that?

[D]

I. I still don't have it down. I have to ask him every time he explains it, and I still don't get it.

[B]

We should have printed that napkin. Did we take a picture of that napk? We put it on the thing. Yeah.

[A]

Wasn't that helpful? Because you were all over the map. Well, but anyways, he said you got a story to tell. What do you got?

[D]

Oh, yeah, I got a little story slash incident that happened to me back in College around 2021.

[B]

Not to brag, he's a young buck.

[A]

Jesus. You definitely don't know Totally Kyle then.

[D]

Yeah, I was my freshman year just around Covid, so I'll take you guys on a little journey here. So me and my friends were going to visit one of his friends. I didn't know him, at another school. Just trying to get. Get our college experience out of things. So we were going over there to plan a little party. Got over there, we're playing some zombies, black ops, two zombies, having some drinks, and then.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

And then the party kind of fell through, so we found another thing to pivot to. So we started heading off to that. And so we're exiting the dorms, and there I see it. There's a pumpkin sitting in the hallway of this dorm. And so I was like, you know what? I'm a little disappointed by this first party. Let me grab this pumpkin. So I grab it, we go to the stairwell. We're like three flights up. I go, I toss it over the railing. I'm like, okay, that was pretty cool. Smashed real good. Ran down the stairs, grabbed it again, went back up, threw it over again. And so after that second time, got some videos of it, walked out, went to the party, didn't think anything of it. So about a week and a half later, we start getting texts from the kid that we visited that the PD of the school was reaching out about two suspicious males that were entering his dorm room. And attached was a photo security cam hallway of us outside the door. And so we're like, dodge it, dude. Dodge it.

[C]

Who cares?

[D]

You know, they don't know anything clearly. So he dodges it for probably another week and a half. Until they start really grilling him. And he finally decides to give up the phone number of my friend that I went over there with.

[B]

He ratted you out over a pumpkin?

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

So we're, you know, getting calls from this detective. He's leaving voicemails.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You stole a pumpkin from some kid whose dad is well connected.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

So we're like, dude, dodge it. You don't have to answer the phone. Who cares? It's just a voicemail. So, you know, one day we're sitting in my dorm room, and finally curiosity gets to us and we're like, you know what?

[C]

Let's.

[D]

Let's hear him out. So he calls, we answer, and, you know, he puts it on speaker. And I'm just sitting in my dorm room waiting. And so starts explaining. He's like, I'm Detective blah, blah, blah with this PDF, and this is a criminal case involving Kyle. And I was like, hold on. Criminal. And Kyle should not be in the same sentence at all right now.

[A]

You're a criminal, Kyle.

[D]

So I'm like, okay, let's hear him out a little bit more. And he starts explaining the situation, you know, word for word of what. What we were doing. And so I started stressing, if you want to know anything about me, the worst trouble I've ever gotten into was saran wrapping my friend's viola back high school. So nothing. Nothing I do is. Is remotely that bad.

[A]

That's classic Kyle.

[B]

What did he say about the viola? He stole it.

[A]

He saran wrapped.

[B]

He saran wrapped a viola.

[D]

You know, like Costco, 750 square feet. I mean, you couldn't even see the black of the case. It was just all Saran wrap.

[B]

Oh, that's nothing. You did it in the case. You can easily cut that viola.

[D]

That's what. That's what we're saying.

[B]

It's a victimless crime.

[D]

Yeah, we got reported, honestly, for bullying. Allegedly. But anyway, so, you know, I start stressing. I'm freaking out, you know, pacing now in this dorm room. And I'm like, all right, this. This kind of sounds a little serious now. So I decide I'm gonna drive to the school that day, so get my car solo. It's, you know, like an hour drive. I'm going over there. What's your game plan?

[A]

He's turning himself in.

[B]

Turning yourself? The pumpkin assassin?

[D]

Yeah. We called ourselves the pumpkin smashers. So, you know, we were just clever Pumpkin smashers were turning ourselves in. So about 10 minutes out from the school, I flip the Script on them. And I give them a call, and I go, hey, it's Kyle. I'm coming. And they're like, perfect, we have some paperwork for you. And I was like, all right, sounds good. I'll see you in 10. So I go. I get to the school. I'm sitting in there, like, campus security office. And, you know, I'm the only one in there. I'm sitting there for, like, 20 minutes, starting to sweat bullets, because now, you know, it's getting pretty serious all of a sudden.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And so, you know, detective walks out, and he, like, scans the room, and he's like, kyle. And I'm like, well, I'm the only one in here, so. Yep, that's. That's me right here. So he takes me into their, you know, police office and walks me down all the way back of the office, and, you know, all the other officers are sitting at the desk, you know, like, giving me looks like, we got him.

[C]

He's right here.

[D]

There's no way he's walking into the belly of the beast.

[A]

Yeah, the only way that could have been more intimidating is if they actually walked you by jail cells with people trying to grab you as you walk by.

[D]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. So I. You know, I'm not really sure what I'm expecting, but he goes. He brings me into a fully foamed interrogation room. Security camera on the wall, really. And I'm like, wow, this got real serious.

[A]

And this is public safe. This is. This is public safety on campus that's doing this.

[D]

Yeah, this is not city pd. This is just campus police.

[B]

This guy's not a detective.

[A]

Dude, you did not have to go there.

[D]

Well, you know, again, I heard criminal and Kyle involved in the same sentence, and that was not going to fly. I could not have that happen.

[B]

You got to protect your name against.

[A]

Can be.

[B]

Yeah, the recently promoted mall cops.

[A]

No, they're soon to be mall cops in college. Yeah, they're lower than mall cops.

[D]

So I sit down with him, and he's like, all right, we're going to start with your rights. And so he reads me my rights. You know, that's. That's pretty intense. You know, he starts reading the first one or nodding my head, and he's like, no, we're gonna need a verbal yes. I was like, okay, all right. Yes. So once he finishes reading my rights, he goes, okay, we're gonna start with the video. Flips around his laptop, presses play. It's 4K footage of me in the stairwell throwing the pumpkin down, scurrying down the stairs, grabbing it again, going back up, throwing it over again, us giggling, laughing, taking a video, and then that's it.

[A]

I mean, did you have to do it twice, by the way?

[D]

Well, the first one wasn't the best.

[A]

God.

[D]

So I was like, I gotta get my college experience here, you know?

[A]

Okay. And then. So you watched the video. Were you. Did you have to fight laughter?

[D]

A little bit, yeah. I, like, I. I was like, there's no way you guys got camera, like, stairwell footage of me doing this. This is. This is pretty good. But I'm also half scared. So, like, I'm really trying to hold it down right now. And so, you know, the video ends and me being, you know, very innocent, wanting this to. To go away. I wore the same jacket and same hat that I did going to the school, Kyle, so that I could immediately.

[A]

Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, you're done. You're cooked.

[D]

But let it be known the pumpkin smasher turned himself in. You guys didn't come and get me. So I, you know, I pointed at the video. I pointed out my hat and jacket. I was like, you got me. You got me dead to rights. I am. I'm 100 the guy. You know, I'm not trying to scurry out of this. And so, you know, he's like, all right, well, I. I appreciate the honesty. And, you know, there's. There's consequences to this because, you know, the janitor has to come and clean

[A]

that up, and you're wasting precious resources on this pumpkin.

[D]

Exactly. You know, just trying to really make me feel bad about this. Smashing a pumpkin. So I was like, yeah, yeah, you got me. I understand. You know, that's. That's messed up with me. And so, you know, that. That pretty much wraps it up. And actually, a little thing I forgot to mention on the phone, when we were back at. At the school, at my school, he was asking my friend, oh, like, do you know his dorm room? We could send, you know, that campuses PD to your dorm to come and get them. Like, completely serious for no reason.

[C]

But.

[D]

So, yeah. And we wrap up the interview, I guess you could say, and he has me go and wait back in the lobby again. And, you know, another 20 minutes later, he comes out and he hands me a ticket for immoral conduct, which I've never heard before.

[B]

Amoral conduct.

[A]

Immoral.

[C]

Immoral.

[B]

Immortal. Was this a Catholic school or.

[D]

I don't believe so.

[C]

No.

[D]

I think it's just one of their rules that they could throw on somebody.

[A]

It's like, because they can't give you a disorderly conduct because they're not a real police force to make up another one. This sounds just.

[B]

This is the true value laws.

[D]

Oh, yeah, great value.

[B]

The great value.

[A]

True value is a hardware store.

[B]

Well, what I meant was, like, yeah, great value.

[D]

So he. He hands me this ticket, and he says, all right, you got a mandatory court date.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

Wow. Where?

[B]

At what court?

[D]

So I didn't realize it at the time because, you know, my head was running. I'm originally from Connecticut. This was down in Jersey. So, you know, immediately I'm thinking, how am I gonna go to this court date with a suit and leave my family's house and drive to Jersey without them asking questions? Cause I'm 18. I want to keep this a secret. I want to keep it close to the chest, you know, just in case I'm going down. They don't have to know until it's the very end.

[A]

So, I mean, this is clearly how Judge Judy gets cases on her show, right? They just pull from, like, local pub, public safety, PD at the schools. Right.

[D]

I. I can't believe I haven't gotten a call from her yet.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Okay, so, you know, I. I'm thinking about that, and then I realize that it's on Zoom. You know, everything is still pretty backed up from COVID at that point.

[A]

That's huge.

[D]

So I lucked out there.

[A]

You don't have to wear suit pants.

[D]

Exactly. Exactly.

[B]

Were you wearing pants, Kyle?

[D]

I was wearing pants, but they were pajama pants.

[A]

Nice. Okay, Sick.

[D]

All right, so again, I wanted to keep this a secret. However, you know, my whole family was home at the house, and I'm like, how am I gonna escape to my room and do a court date and dress up and, you know, nobody ask questions again?

[B]

So you keep the door closed?

[D]

Well, yeah. Yeah, that's step one for sure. And so day starts coming up. My sister and my mom end up going to visit a college in Vermont. I'm like, perfect. Two people out of the house. That's all we need. Then, morning of the court date, I wake up, my dad's gone at the grocery store, I'm home alone to do this court date. Nobody has to have a clue about it. And so I'm doing, you know, I dressed up, I shaved my facial hair. I wanted to look again as innocent as possible. And I'm waiting in the Zoom, you know, holding room, and I don't know, the lady in there just goes, oh, you dressed up for Zoom Court. That's so cute. And I was like, this Is core. Of course I'm gonna dress up, but, you know, why would I.

[B]

Why would I disrespect you?

[A]

Well, she read your file, and she knew that this whole thing was a joke.

[B]

Yeah, it's a trumped up charge,

[D]

so I. I'm getting in. And you know, my. Based on my last name, I'm one of the first court cases. And so you're in this massive zoom call with other people, traffic violations, stuff like that. And so I'm the first one to go, and the judge is reading out, like, what happens? And I'm looking at all the other people who are on mute, and they're all, like, giggling. And laughing was like. I was like, yeah, this is serious. You know, I'm sure you guys have much worse crimes right now. I'm glad to start your day off with some. Some laughter. And so, yeah, I pled guilty and had to pay court fines of $250. And, yeah, that was.

[A]

Did it go?

[D]

That was that. No, it didn't. I believe, because again, it was from the campus. So I'm clear. I'm clear about the state of New Jersey, that's for sure.

[A]

Let's go.

[B]

Dude, that is. That is incredible. That was a seedy crime, Miles. It was a seedy crime. I like that.

[A]

I'm just glad we're spending our judicial time on stuff like that.

[B]

Yeah, well, it's. What. What school was this in Jersey?

[D]

I was Rowan University.

[B]

Rowan University. Never heard of it. Is that a good one?

[D]

I think so. I don't know. I didn't spend much time there after the pumpkin smashing. I didn't want to go down for another frivolous crime.

[A]

Yeah, that's true. And immoral conduct.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

So. So you got to pay 250. Okay, here's the thing. Would you, you know, like, Charlie, would you pay 250 bucks to. To smash a pumpkin?

[B]

How many stories was it, Kyle? How many stories?

[D]

It was about three.

[A]

I mean, if you're a little drunk. Yeah, you've had, you know, you've had about three, four, five glasses, neat of mezcal.

[B]

That's a lot of money, though, $250.

[A]

It is, but I'm saying is. It could be a lot worse.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, you had a Good time, Kyle.

[A]

250. Way better than I had a great time.

[D]

And you know what? Came out with an even better story from it.

[B]

So now you got a rap sheet, you know. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

You can walk, waltz into Rowan University and just be like, so you heard of the Pumpkin smasher. That was this guy.

[D]

This guy.

[A]

That was this guy.

[B]

I'm. I'm glad that.

[A]

Honestly, a big deal.

[B]

I'm glad that this is where this story went, Kyle, because when. When Jared said there was a pumpkin involved, I was like, oh, no.

[A]

Oh, God. Who shoved what where?

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Oh, no.

[A]

American pie situation. And a circular pumpkin situation on our hands.

[D]

Yeah. Thankfully it didn't go that route. Just. Just tossing it off the railing.

[B]

Now here's what is concerning. I'll say this.

[A]

Toss up the railing, goes down there and sticks a dick in it. Did you have to do the thing smashing? It wasn't enough.

[B]

I kept waiting for that.

[A]

He's like, for some reason, there's a perfect hole in it. I had to see. Plus the guys thought it was funny. That's a pumpkin cream pie.

[D]

Yeah. So I realized. I realized after the fact that, you know, it wasn't just a completely random pumpkin. It had a bunch of names on it. So I realized, I believe it was the all raised pumpkin. And.

[A]

And those are whoever got built in narcs.

[D]

Exactly. I think they got super upset and, you know, pushed their foot down and said, you gotta find them. I'm not slide.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Mm.

[B]

Now, could you see that no one else was coming? Because to me, that's the biggest crime here is if, you know, you.

[A]

No one got to come.

[B]

Yes, yes, Miles, Yes. You know what? Never mind. Never mind me trying to make sense out of this story. I will say.

[A]

What do you mean these. No one was coming.

[B]

Like if you get hit in a head three stories from a pumpkin.

[D]

Oh, no. Yeah, you can see down to the bottom. I mean, my friend was taking a video from the bottom, you know.

[B]

You have the video still?

[D]

I think so.

[A]

I gotta.

[D]

I gotta get it for my friend. But we do still have that security photo of us entering the dorm as two suspicious males.

[B]

Dude, that's awesome. Did it at least smash better the second go round?

[D]

Oh, yeah. That thing was devastated. I mean, it was seeds all over the ground. You know, this could be your origin

[A]

story for starting a tick tock page. Like those guys that just drop stuff off of balconies.

[B]

Yes.

[D]

Satisfying video.

[A]

Yeah, they're like Australian and they have like this huge tower and they drop like bowling balls onto stuff and then you.

[B]

What? Don't they have it in slow mo too?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, you could. This could be your jumping off point for that.

[B]

It's cathartic.

[A]

We don't jump off the railing, but

[D]

yeah, no, just pumpkins and other things, of course.

[B]

Wow. Is that the worst thing you've ever done.

[D]

Yeah, checks out. Yeah. I've never. Never been in a interrogation room.

[A]

Otherwise, your bullying charge is objectively worse than smashing the pumpkin.

[D]

Yeah. And you know what's messed up, too? It was on our friend. And, you know, we were friends, and he still anonymously reported us, so, you know, that hurt, that dug deep.

[A]

Don't love that. You know, but also got to be a monkey off your back, because otherwise, if he didn't rat you out, then you'd still be at large, and you. You'd always just be wondering if that detective was going to show up at your door.

[D]

That is true. You know, everything works out for a reason.

[A]

I don't think that. Yeah. I don't think they just abandoned that cold case. I think that they probably hunt it down. I think they'd use all their resources.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

It's been 10 years. We got better forensics.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

They get a DNA sample of you, and then you. And then you go. You do ancestry.com, and then the government buys ancestrycestry.com. so I got everyone's DNA.

[B]

You throw out one coffee cup, you're pinched.

[C]

Yep.

[A]

Spend your whole life on the run. So it's probably good that you got.

[C]

You.

[A]

You've turned yourself in.

[B]

You put it behind you, and we applaud you for that.

[D]

Thank you. I appreciate it, fellas.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And so I, you know, I kept that story close to my chest for a long time. Didn't. Didn't want it to be out there until 1. 1 Easter, my siblings brought it up and, you know, family and cousins all at the table, and I was sweating bullets telling the story. It was. It was one of the worst, worst days ever.

[B]

Really.

[D]

Everybody laughed and.

[B]

Oh, yeah, Kyle, you got a pretty good life, man. I'm gotta tell you, you're living large over there. Were your parents disappointed in you?

[D]

No, they kind of laughed. They thought it was under the same category as the Saran Wrap, you know, pretty harmless.

[A]

Just totally, Kyle.

[B]

Totally, Kyle. Well, that's. That's. I won't say underwhelming, Kyle. This whole story, but what I will

[A]

say, if you call into any other podcast, definitely change the ending. That you did get a day in jail or something like that.

[B]

Or that you fornicate with the pumpkin, something.

[D]

Yeah, either or. I'll try and work that one in.

[A]

Yeah. Like, I threw it down there, landed on a. On a fence post, put a hole in it. You took it off. You. You humped it.

[B]

Oh, God.

[A]

You know, it all got on You.

[B]

On second thought, I really like Kyle's story. On second thought, this is a nice, wholesome story.

[A]

And then you got into a. You got into a police chase with a pub safety on a Segway, you know, then you're throwing pumpkin Chucks behind you, and it spun his Segway out. He broke his leg.

[B]

He had balloons on Segway. For some reason, they went in the air. Kyle, were you drunk at this point?

[D]

Yeah, of course.

[C]

Were you?

[D]

Okay, she was playing froggy.

[A]

He's. He's playing zombies.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Were you.

[C]

Of course.

[B]

Were you of age or were you underage?

[D]

No, I mean, I was 18. I was a freshman.

[B]

Wow. That's right. I remember now. So they don't give. Get you for a public intoxic intoxication.

[D]

Well, they didn't get me that night.

[B]

Oh, they got you a different time.

[D]

Yeah, it was.

[C]

We.

[D]

It was weeks after.

[B]

Oh, no, I know that. I just didn't know if you're walking with beers in your hand or something, breathalyze them.

[A]

When they. When he came to the station and go, ah, I think we could sense that you were drunk that night.

[B]

Well, you know, they got everything on camera. I can't imagine he's putting his beer away before he's walking maybe around with a pumpkin.

[D]

Luckily, no.

[C]

No.

[D]

Roadside is that day.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what's gonna happen, though, Kyle, is, is there's gonna be payback for you. At some point in your life, you're gonna spend a lot of time carving one of your children's pumpkins. And then you're gonna wake up in the morning, find smashed all over the

[A]

sidewalk, say, like, cut his hand off or something.

[C]

What?

[B]

That's a biblical thing. If your left hand causes you to steal a pumpkin, cut it off.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

I do have to say, every year around Halloween, I start seeing them. I get a little twitch.

[B]

I'm like, do you.

[D]

Give me. Give me some stairs.

[B]

Have you thrown a pumpkin since Kyle?

[A]

Kind of a great WWE character. The pumpkin smasher.

[D]

That is great. I refrained. I've refrained. I've, you know, I put that one in the past and, you know, try to be a better man since Kyle.

[B]

I think that. That you've got a bright, bright future ahead of you. If this is the best, worst thing that you've done, I do think you've done something worse in your life. And you're sort of like confessing this to us to inadvertently confess about that other thing. And I'm curious what that other thing is.

[D]

It's Statue of limitations. You know, as the years go on, the older stories become able to talk about. But that's true. Stories aren't. Aren't able to be talked about yet.

[B]

Okay, okay.

[A]

Aren't you, like, 12? No, you're talking about where you stole your. You stole your buddy's sippy cup in kindergarten.

[D]

Could be a good one. Could be a good one.

[B]

How does it feel now, Kyle, to get that out there in the public?

[D]

You know, I just hope that there's a legend and, you know, across the country, there's. There's more pumpkins getting smashed and, you know, people. People just scratching that itch.

[A]

You. You want to use this as inspiration

[B]

is what you're saying.

[D]

Start a movement.

[B]

Start a movement.

[A]

God damn it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I thought this was going to be a cautionary tale, and it turned into a movement.

[B]

He's proud of it. He's proud of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's your favorite band, Kyle?

[A]

He's too young for this joke.

[D]

Yeah, that's a. That's a tough one. I kind of. I don't really have one.

[A]

It's too young.

[D]

I'm all over the place.

[A]

Isn't that crazy? He's too young to get that joke.

[B]

Kyle, if this was a joke question, what would the answer be?

[D]

Oh. Oh, Smash me pumpkins.

[C]

See? See?

[B]

God.

[C]

Ah.

[D]

Yeah. You just need to leave me a little bit.

[A]

Yeah. All right.

[B]

All right. Well, this was fun, man. This was fun. You know what? Just because this wasn't where I was expecting this pumpkin story to go, doesn't mean I'm not really.

[A]

I like that you're disappointed that he didn't. The pumpkin.

[D]

It's a good ending at the end

[B]

of the day, kind of like. And I found $5. Kyle, I can't believe you did that to the Ra's pumpkin. Shame on you, dude. Shame on you, Kyle.

[D]

Some days I feel bad.

[B]

Oh, Kyle the pumpkin smasher.

[A]

Well, Kyle, I appreciate the story, dude. Good talking to you.

[D]

Yeah. Thank you for having me on. Just wanted to give a little shout out to my brother, too, so I didn't do it. So shout out to him. He listens every morning. I'm excited for him to. To hear this one.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

And shout out to Kyle's brother and say.

[B]

Say what you really want to say to that rat that ratted you out about the pumpkin.

[D]

If I ever see you again, especially with the pumpkin, I'm taking that thing and I'm smashing it six times.

[B]

Nice. That's it.

[A]

No, you make him.

[B]

Also, I'd like To say that Miles said it a lot louder earlier. And these. This nice old couple just got up and walked out. Miles, you gotta be quiet when we're doing this.

[A]

Okay, Mr. Mezcal. Relax. Oh, I forgot that this was a swanky bar.

[B]

You drink one Mezcal in your life and Miles never lets you live it down, you know, It's a popular drink. Miles, do you ever drink Mezcal?

[D]

Is I. You know, I was just gonna ask that question.

[B]

No one knows.

[A]

I couldn't be more right.

[B]

That's crazy, man. That's crazy.

[A]

It's a drink that. That guys like Charlie drink to make themselves sound more sophisticated than they are.

[B]

Yeah, it is. Yeah, it is. I just learned how to pronounce it the other day. So Mezcol.

[D]

Top of your mind.

[B]

I'll have a miscal. No, Kyle, you're a good guy, man. You're a good guy.

[D]

Thank you.

[B]

Yeah. Don't let this weigh on your soul anymore.

[D]

Thank you. I appreciate it, boys.

[B]

All right. Thanks for calling in my guy.

[D]

No problem. Take it easy.

[B]

See you soon. I think I was like a good, innocent story. I know. I think he's a little upset that I was, you know, ragging on him for.

[A]

I think he was chilling.

[B]

Oh, you don't think he was upset by that?

[A]

No, I think Kyle's a good. He's a cool cat.

[B]

No, I wasn't saying he wasn't cool. I just didn't want to upset him.

[A]

Just. If you just hate Kyle, just go ahead and say it.

[B]

I like Kyle. I like Kyle.

[A]

Hey, whoa, Dude, I just.

[B]

Relax, Miles. You're such a bully sometimes.

[C]

Dude.

[B]

How many Violas have you wrapped in Saran, huh?

[A]

None.

[B]

Huh?

[A]

Oh, we got another college Jared. Let's do it. You know that the Mezcal. Dude, stay recording here. Jared, you know that the Mezcal retaliation is for that one time that I said I tried a shaken espresso as Starbucks.

[B]

Oh, that's such a.

[A]

You let me have it.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

This is just me returning the favor. You know, you can just shut up.

[B]

Oh, see, now Miles felt guilty. Look at that.

[A]

Miles, I just want you to know that I never forget.

[B]

What was that drink you got from Starbucks again? Who doesn't get black coffee, though?

[A]

I wanted to try something new. When. When in. Where were we? We were in. Huh?

[D]

Appleton.

[A]

We were in Appleton. When in Appleton, you try something new?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You get to be whoever you want. Napleton.

[B]

It's kind of like being on the boat. Yeah, it's kind of a full circle. Moment how we got on this conversation, you know, and in the same way, I'm a black coffee guy and I enjoy, like, a nice mezcal. Neat.

[A]

Just the way you say neat just makes me want to.

[B]

Just makes you want to watch you

[A]

right in the nose.

[B]

Do it. Do it. It's a big target, Miles.

[A]

What if I did?

[B]

Friggin dude.

[A]

What if I did? Would you do the next caller if I did?

[B]

Yeah. With a broken. No, have Kleenex out of it.

[A]

He's bleeding all over the mic. It's, like, muffled because there's so much blood. It's like Fight Club.

[B]

I want you to hit me as hard as you can. Do you think you would if I. If I told you to?

[A]

No, no, no. Because we got a lot of podcasting left to do.

[B]

Yeah, we do wait for after.

[A]

Like, as it currently stands, there's no end in sight for podcasting for us.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

We've not determined, like, oh, this is. This is where we want to end it. So for the foreseeable future, if I sock you in the nose, I have that always weighing in my mind. When am I going to get suckered? Punched by Barons?

[B]

You know, it's. I know. I like how you held. I can't remember that coffee thing. Isn't that funny? Yeah, I can't remember it. But you remember it every day. You're waking up.

[A]

I never forget.

[B]

Yeah, every time you go to the coffee shop, you're like, I'll just have it black, please.

[A]

And we'll get bullied by Barons.

[B]

Ian, how are you?

[C]

Oh, I'm great. How are you doing?

[B]

Real good, my guy.

[C]

Where's Miles?

[A]

I'm right here.

[C]

Oh, yeah?

[B]

Where's Miles?

[C]

Well, I don't know.

[B]

I'm right here.

[C]

I'm surprised you answer first, Charles. Surprised? Not late.

[A]

Really? All right, well, let's dive into that. The psychology behind that. Why would you. Why were you anticipating me answering first?

[C]

I don't know. Charlie getting distracted or something.

[B]

Distracted?

[D]

Me?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

With, like, an El Camino, maybe?

[A]

Yeah, you did get distracted earlier, so you are spot on.

[C]

Yeah, Every podcast I listen to, that's Charlie getting distracted at some point.

[B]

Really, Dude?

[A]

Every podcast we did, I just had. We did ask the bar to turn off the Chive TV for him, too.

[C]

Oh, God, they left two on, you know.

[A]

Well, Ian, what's going on today?

[C]

Oh, not much. I got stung in the foot this morning. I stepped on a bumblebee.

[B]

Oh, no.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

You're not allergic, are you? Because if you are, you should hang up the phone and use an EpiPen or go into the doctor.

[C]

Oh, no, no, it's fine. I just can't walk right now. It's too swollen.

[B]

Is this stinger still in there?

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

I think you're supposed to suck it out. It's like.

[C]

That's what I heard.

[A]

It's like snake venom.

[B]

Yeah. Can you suck someone around?

[A]

Set the phone down. And I want you to start sucking on your foot for us.

[C]

Okay?

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Hang on.

[B]

Are you flexible?

[C]

Oh, I'm very flexible.

[B]

Damn.

[C]

All right.

[A]

Oh, my God. Did you just fake chow your foot?

[C]

Oh, yeah, of course.

[A]

What's happening? I don't know.

[B]

What are we doing here, Ian? What's on your mind, caller?

[A]

Charlie was begging him to a pumpkin.

[C]

What? No. Oh, God.

[A]

Begging him?

[B]

No, the guy said he had a pumpkin story. I was like, I know where this is going. Well, it didn't go where I thought it was going. Thankfully. Thankfully?

[C]

I don't want a Charlie. You might like that, Ian.

[B]

I don't even know you, Ian.

[C]

I know. That's crazy.

[A]

Let's get to know him.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Ian, belly on up to the bar. We got a seat right here for you. What's on your mind?

[C]

Oh, well, me and my girlfriend just moved into a house, and I have a full two car garage that I can set up into my man cave, and I just don't know what to do with it.

[A]

Mmm.

[B]

Full two car garage that you get to make into a man cave, huh? You and your girlfriend just moved into a house?

[C]

Hmm? Oh, yeah.

[B]

Wrong order of operations there, Ian.

[A]

Waiting for you.

[B]

Wrong order of operations. You can buy a house but not a ring, huh?

[C]

Yeah, that's another thing. We've been together for seven years.

[B]

Seven years, Is that right?

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And she doesn't deserve, you know, the real deal.

[C]

Oh, she does. She does.

[B]

So what are you waiting for, huh?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Well, you don't know. How am I supposed to know? You're broke. You just bought a house. I wonder why. You're broke.

[C]

No, renting a house.

[B]

You're renting. Well, that's different.

[C]

Seeing how it goes, we're just throwing

[B]

money away all over the place.

[A]

He's testing out the marriage is what he's doing.

[C]

Oh, no. Ye.

[A]

This is what we call a test drive in the car business.

[B]

Yeah, you take it off the lot, you know, the resale value goes down. Okay, that was a bad one.

[A]

You know what that applies to?

[B]

I don't really know.

[A]

Are you Talking about his girlfriend.

[B]

I'm talking about the car.

[C]

Car lot.

[B]

I was talking about the car, but I know the metaphor. Kind of didn't make me look super good. I was in dad mode. I put my glasses on my nose every time I do that, even just to give you a little vision, so.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

So you're not super certain about your girlfriend, huh?

[C]

Oh, I'm. I'm very certain. We. We have one kid, a five year old, and we have another on the way.

[B]

Oh. Oh, okay.

[C]

All right.

[B]

Well, you know, sounds like you love her then, huh?

[C]

Indeed. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

You got a foot issue with that bead? Do your knees work?

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Get down on one.

[C]

I don't know if I'll get back up. That's the issue right now.

[A]

What are you afraid of marriage for?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Huh. Good question. Never really thought about it. I. We'll come back to that.

[B]

Okay, well, we will come back to that. That's not why you called in. Why you called in was he's got a man cave.

[A]

He wants to know what to do with it.

[C]

Yeah, maybe it can be my next concave.

[D]

What?

[B]

What did you say?

[A]

What did you say?

[C]

Yeah, the concave man cave.

[B]

Can you spell that? Can you spell what you just said?

[C]

What?

[B]

Yeah, I don't know what you're saying.

[C]

C U, N, T. Oh, wow.

[A]

That's what I thought you said.

[B]

Oh, oh, oh, oh, that. The woman in 3 likes said that. Yeah, it's a callback.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

First of all, I didn't. I didn't get. I didn't get the T. When you first said that, I thought it was

[A]

an M. I thought he said a company.

[B]

That's what I thought, too. I was like, oh,

[A]

sorry, we've been talking a lot of pumpkins.

[B]

This is. This is. We gotta clean it up here. It's a kid show. So listen, Ian, you're. You're thinking, what are you gonna do in. In your new man cave? That's why you're calling in?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay, well, since you don't, what do you have?

[A]

What are we working with so far?

[C]

Like, what's in it? Yeah, well, we have my girlfriend's motorcycle in there. I just recently sold mine, so that one's next to go. And then I have about two project bikes coming in, and that's what's going to be in there for the meantime.

[A]

But you don't have like a workbench or shelving or anything in there? No, it's just raw blank slate, Charlie. Yeah, well, what would you. If you Had a blank slate of a garage. What would you do, Charlie?

[B]

Well, you just said it right there. Workbench and shelving. You got to get a place to look at your things, you know, know where they are.

[A]

Yeah, I. And I actually. I actually part. My personal preference is not a. Like a cabinet to put stuff in. I like seeing all of my stuff. Like, I prefer shelving over cabinets.

[B]

Oh, 100. Dude, like every time I'm in the kitchen, I'm opening up the cabinet door and shutting it. Why?

[A]

Yeah, I agree, it's a little different. I was talking about the garage, but.

[B]

Well, no, in the kitchen too. Like, I don't want to guess where my coffee cups are every morning, you know, I just want to see where coffee cups are because they hide on you sometimes.

[A]

Dude, we had a good thing going and then you said that.

[B]

What?

[A]

I'm talking in the garage.

[B]

I know. I'm talking everywhere. I'm saying take that same mentality you're talking about and move it inside.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

Cabinets are the worst invention ever.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Unless you're an earthquake prone place. And maybe they can keep those cutlery in there. Anyways, Ian.

[A]

So my personal preference would be go shelving over cabinets or, you know, like even a. Even like a metal cabinet. You know, don't need that. Just get some shelving up.

[C]

Yeah, I've seen a lot of the. I don't know, I've. I've seen some school lockers that would be pretty cool to put in there. Like the multi lockers.

[B]

You want. You want to have a panic attack every morning,

[A]

forget the combination. Yeah, that's what I thought too.

[B]

Yeah, I can't even remember where my coffee cups. Hold on.

[A]

We need. We need a fire extinguisher. Just hold on. God damn it.

[C]

Okay, what is this with that?

[B]

It's not. 6969. 420.

[C]

Oh, that. That's what I'm doing right now.

[A]

8008. That doesn't work.

[B]

8008s.

[A]

Yes. Five would be five, not s. That's a fancy. If there's letters on it, just go, B O O B S. Yeah, that's a good one.

[B]

My brain sometimes. Dude, tell. You know, it's the last caller of the day.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, you could go lockers, but then you're kind of committed to like a sports theme. Is that what you want to commit to?

[C]

No, I'm not really that into sports. Just a lot of like. Like car stuff, motorcycle stuff.

[A]

Okay. See, I mean, I like. I like the lockers. If you're gonna hang your leather in there. You know, your assless chaps, your vest, your gloves. Put that in there. That's kind of a cool vibe that

[B]

I would do like that.

[A]

Do his and hers locker.

[B]

Oh, yeah, I can do that. I can get on board with that. Yeah.

[A]

Don't put your tools in there.

[B]

What?

[C]

What?

[B]

What'd you say?

[C]

I. I don't think she's gonna be in the garage. I don't think I needed his on hers.

[A]

Okay, well, I was just saying because you said you got her bike in there, so.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, that could be also a buy phone trade.

[B]

How did you sell your bike but she didn't sell hers?

[C]

I had a more expensive bike, so I. I figured I'd get the higher monthly payment out of the way. Ah, I'm surprised. I'm surprised. I sold it for as much as I did.

[A]

Let's go.

[C]

Kind of rip off. But I was honest about it though.

[A]

You ripped someone off and you told them.

[C]

I. I didn't rip them off. Well, okay. I totally blue booked it in the. The value of it private selling a high value of 7, 700. He bought it for 86, which I. I was honest. I didn't rip them off.

[A]

Or he knows something you don't know.

[C]

Yeah, well, it was all stock too. Well, that'll probably help. Yeah, it go away. I'm on the phone.

[B]

Is that your kid?

[C]

Yeah, yeah, it's a cute kid.

[B]

Where's your wife at? Or your girlfriend?

[C]

She's sitting inside.

[B]

Is she?

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Does she know. Does she know that you're out here planning how to keep her out of the garage?

[C]

Oh, no, I'm not. Not planning. I wish I had a detached garage for that reason.

[A]

That is smart.

[B]

Whatever you do in this garage, you got to be. You got to know that it's a rental. Okay, so true. You're going to be. You're going to have to give it away and you're possibly going to have to reverse whatever you do, so.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Which hopefully we'll buy those house. The owner's in Georgia, so they're like, like four states away.

[B]

You think they'll sell it to you?

[C]

I sure hope so. It's a nice house. Old lady's house for sure.

[A]

Okay, well, if you want to do lockers, hang your leather in there. How's that sound?

[B]

That's good.

[A]

What else have you been thinking about?

[C]

Well, I've been looking at a lot of carpentry stuff. That was for like a few days. And then I just recently got off the marketplace looking at a tire changer and a balancer. Oh, that's a lot of unrealistic stuff, dude.

[A]

Nothing's better than walking through the tool store and just looking at all the stuff. And you're like, I can find a reason to buy that.

[C]

Oh, God.

[D]

Exactly.

[B]

I was just walking through Shields yesterday to get some shoes, and apparently they don't sell them at the small store. You gotta go to the big store.

[A]

Oh, you went to the small store?

[B]

Yeah. I didn't know there was a big and a small store. I didn't know. But I point being, I was going through. I took a little meander through the aisles and you know.

[A]

Wait, did you go to Scheels Home and Hardware?

[B]

I don't know. I went to the one without frickin shoes.

[A]

You went to Shields Home and Hardware?

[B]

I said, miles, does Shields have shoes? And you said, oh, yeah, that's where I did my Holca thing. And I said, okay. So I put Shields in. I went to Shields.

[A]

Did you go to Shields Home and Hardware?

[B]

We do. I do not live in Shields land, Miles. I live in Fleet farmland.

[A]

What's so funny is like, Shields Home and Hardware is shutting down at the end of the year too.

[B]

Really? That's probably. They had some good sales going. Probably.

[A]

Was there a lot of like, grills and stuff?

[B]

There was freaking couches there, man. I was like, what place has couches? No shoes.

[A]

He went to Shields yesterday to get some shoes. He went to Shields Home and Hardware.

[B]

Why is that so funny?

[A]

And wondered why there was no shoes.

[C]

Shoes.

[B]

Why are you laughing too? Yeah, why do you?

[A]

Because we have a giant shields.

[C]

Biggest shields in the world.

[B]

She told me. She said, you got to go to the big shields. I was like, well, I didn't see big shields on my friggin map. Okay.

[A]

That is the most Charlie thing I have ever heard.

[B]

Okay, Miles, let's rewind to this conversation. Miles, does Shields have shoes? Oh, yeah, they got shoes. I just thought all the shields were the same.

[A]

When you walked up and it said big letters, Shields, Home and Hardware, were you not like, oh, God, you think they got shoes here?

[B]

I Shields, shoes. That's what I say.

[C]

I'll defend Charlie on this.

[B]

Thank you. Yeah, some of them do. Yeah.

[A]

Some of the Home and Hardware sell shoes.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, some of them. Really?

[A]

Oh, you can't.

[B]

I didn't even know there were two different types of shields.

[A]

I think they must be phasing them out or something.

[B]

Wild, dude, wild.

[A]

Oh, that's so funny.

[B]

Every Fleet farm has Shoes, I'll tell you that.

[A]

Did you get. Did you get any shoes?

[B]

I did, but I didn't. I had to go to the mall, which sucked.

[A]

If you would have just gone just a little bit further, you would have had shields.

[B]

I was almost gonna call you and ask you why you had the why. You didn't specify which shields I should have gone to. You would think that it being so obvious that you're laughing at me right now. Yesterday you would be like, hey, make sure you go to the big store.

[A]

No, because I never would even imagine someone would end up at Shields, Home and Hardware.

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

Because if you type in shields on your gps, the guaranteed. The first one that's got to show up is just the regular shields. Did you pick the second option?

[B]

I probably picked the one closest to the bar we were at yesterday.

[C]

You want.

[B]

This is not about which.

[A]

That wouldn't have been. That would have been further away. You went past. You probably went past the other shields to get to Home and Hardware.

[B]

I probably did, Miles. I probably. Ian, back me up again. Remind Miles that this isn't crazy.

[C]

That is not crazy.

[B]

Thank you.

[C]

I have to mile or Charlie gets picked on too much. During this podcast. I will say thank you for poor Charlie. Haha. Sympathy for him.

[B]

Thank you. I appreciate that about you. Ian, when are you gonna get married?

[C]

Ah, see,

[B]

this is why I kept picked on.

[A]

No to your. To your man cave point. I think that as a guy, there's nothing better than scouring Facebook Marketplace looking for stuff to put in your garage. I got the garage at the lake here that I'm gonna start. Start adding stuff to. And it's just the best to go on there and see some random stuff because I also like a garage that's full of random stuff.

[C]

Yeah, I've seen a lot of neon signs for Marketplace over here.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Neon signs would be sick.

[A]

You got a Harley. You got a cool Harley Davidson sign. Neon sign.

[C]

Ah, no, no, hardly.

[B]

Oh, he's a.

[C]

A little bit. That and the two stroke.

[B]

What?

[C]

That and the two strokes.

[A]

You're a crotch rocket guy.

[C]

No, I like the naked bites.

[A]

You got a ninja.

[C]

My girlfriend does.

[A]

There we go. Is it pink?

[C]

No, it's not. She wanted to make it pink though.

[B]

You could have made it happen.

[A]

Those things are dangerous, man. Are you worried about that?

[C]

Her? Yes. Me. No. I know. It's just a matter of time and that's why I sold it.

[A]

Oh, it's only a matter of time until you do something bad.

[C]

I already did.

[A]

But see, everyone that I know that has a crotch rocket is dead.

[B]

It's everyone I knew who had it.

[C]

The guy in my work has one arm because of it.

[B]

Really?

[A]

If that's not a cautionary tale for you, what is?

[C]

I don't know. See, you can do a lot with a amputee arm.

[B]

Is he still biking?

[C]

No, he got rid of it.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. You could have a cool prosthetic, though.

[A]

When you said you could do a lot with amputee arm, I thought you meant that they let them keep it.

[C]

No, we're not going back to the finger line. That'd be a huge one to keep.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, you got to be safe on those things. Those things are dangerous.

[B]

Yeah. This is now the PSA portion of the podcast.

[A]

Hey, what if you got a crotch rocket? Sell it.

[B]

Yeah, sell your crotch rocket. You ever go to estate sales or flea market? It's like Facebook Marketplace in real life.

[C]

I don't know. Flea market, scare me. What?

[B]

No, dude, you gotta go to a flea market. Flea markets might be one of the greatest things.

[A]

There's one down the road called Shady Hollow. You want to go?

[B]

I would love to go. Let's go do a video on that. Yeah, that would be great, because you can also. You can go there, and you can do a little haggling, too. You can get the best price.

[C]

I'm so bad at haggling. I can't do it.

[B]

The best thing is, with an estate sale, they also just don't know the prices of a lot of things because it's usually the family that's just like. I don't know, you know?

[C]

Oh, yeah. Oh, I see a lot of estate sales. I'm a mailman, and a lot of people die on my route.

[B]

We got another mailman here that does

[A]

not speak on my road.

[B]

Test your mail, dude, you ever found anthrax in mail?

[C]

Wouldn't I be dead? Well.

[A]

Well, the correct answer was I don't open people's mail. So you. You failed that, and Charlie got you.

[B]

I see. It was a trick question and you screwed the pooch.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. I don't even check my own mail on other people, so.

[B]

Have you ever had any issues with the mail inspector? Inspector? Postal inspector?

[D]

No.

[C]

Well, they're in our. They're in our facility a lot because it's kind of a show.

[A]

Are. Are you scared of them?

[C]

No. No, I am not.

[B]

Do they have a big gun?

[A]

Possibly, yeah, they carry a gun. We knew that already. That was a test for you to see if you really know what you're talking about. We've been thinking about doing a show called Magnum PI which is Magnum Inspector.

[C]

Oh, God.

[A]

Do you think it has legs?

[C]

No. That'd probably be the most boring show ever. It's just a lot of counterfeit tags and.

[A]

Okay, but that's some serious stuff. Catch me if you.

[C]

It is, it is. Some people get creative with it. It's kind of crazy how well they can do.

[B]

Are you walking? Are you driving the mail truck?

[C]

I drive.

[A]

Does anyone walk anymore?

[B]

Oh, yeah. I got people walking my neighborhood. How fast can that truck get up to?

[C]

They governed it at 69 miles an hour. It's one of the new ones.

[B]

Really?

[C]

I know, right?

[B]

One of the new ones. I'm talking about the old school ones.

[C]

Oh, I don't know. My speedometer never worked in it. It would always go from, like 0 to 85 and, like, below it to where no numbers are. So you can really tell.

[B]

Do you think you could. With the money you make selling your wife's bike, do you think you'd be able to buy a mail truck?

[C]

No, they. They don't have them for sale around here. They're scrapping all the old ones, which I'm pretty sad about.

[B]

Why are these.

[C]

Because I would buy them. I don't know. Post office is stupid.

[B]

They can make so much money selling those things.

[C]

I know. I looked one up on a. With. You can go on government websites and bid on them, and I think one of them got up to, like, $10,000 and it had engine issues too.

[B]

Well, that's just a waste of money.

[C]

Yeah, what we like to do, although

[B]

it's souped up mail truck would be. That'd be a great work truck, honestly.

[C]

Yeah, it would. Did you. Have you guys seen the guy who turned the mail truck into a drag? Drag car? No. No.

[A]

I'll have to YouTube that later.

[C]

Pretty. Pretty neat.

[A]

All right. Did we help you with your garage?

[C]

I don't know. I feel like we got off topic.

[A]

I think you just hodgepodge it. You know what hodgepodge is?

[C]

I think so.

[A]

Did you ever play Tony Hawk? American Wasteland growing up?

[C]

Was that PlayStation 2?

[A]

Yeah. So basically, the concept is. Is you go around completing challenges, and then when you complete a challenge, you get a cool new feature for your American Wasteland skate park. And so you need to just start experiencing life and collect things that all have a story behind it. The garage, it's like a tattoo.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I used to have two car bumpers from when I got in an accident. Yeah, I was gonna put those up

[A]

here, but make them into shelves.

[B]

There you go. Little bumper shots.

[C]

Those bumpers were pretty effed up.

[B]

Even better.

[A]

Then they have a story. Their conversation piece.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Or it's like a temporary arts or something. Installation. I know. Yeah.

[C]

I already got this set for keeping them for so long. That's why I got rid of them.

[A]

Oh, okay. So you didn't have them anymore?

[C]

Yeah, no, I have the logos of them, though.

[A]

There you go. Put a magnet on the back. You got a magnet for your beer fridge?

[B]

Yeah. Do you have a fridge in there yet?

[C]

No, I only have one outlet in here, which kind of sucks.

[B]

One outlet in the. Are you kidding me?

[C]

Yeah, it's old. It's old house.

[B]

You gotta get an electrician in there.

[A]

I told you not to do what we do at our office. And just run one extension cord with like 45 different three plugged into Clark Griswold it. Yeah. Do you just kind of what I do, Just Clark Griswold it. We did that and the fire inspector came in and she audibly laughed at her situation and just said, I haven't seen much with that big of a rat's nest before.

[B]

What is this your current office?

[A]

Oh, yeah, our old office.

[B]

Oh, you're the old one.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So they don't even come back. So you're good.

[B]

She pass you?

[A]

No, we failed. What are they gonna do? Fire inspection, Jail?

[B]

Yeah, fine.

[C]

You? I don't know.

[B]

Is your wife home now?

[C]

No, she went to work. They're having some. I think they got locked out, so she had to go unlock the door for them.

[B]

What's all that chitter chatter in the background? You watching the telly?

[C]

No, that's my kid's tablet. She's out riding her bike.

[B]

And you're watching her tablet while she bikes?

[C]

Sometimes I do, yeah. Bluey is great.

[A]

It is a good show. Charlie watches Bluey quite a bit.

[B]

Great character arcs, Bonnie.

[A]

All right, well, yeah, this. Hodgepodge it.

[C]

Okay, I'll hodgepodge it.

[A]

American Tony Hawk. American Wasteland. It. That's. That's actually what I plan to do in my garage.

[B]

Yeah, you're gonna do that here at the lake. What's one thing you want in your garage you don't currently have in your garage?

[A]

Miles, I need to get. Find a tool chest.

[B]

A tool chest?

[A]

I actually have two workbenches. I got a nice pegboard.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

The. The one workbench and pegboard was here from the guy that I bought it from. So it's pretty cool. And so now I just need to start building it out, start getting collected more tools. Maybe go to Shady Hollow, get some old stuff, put it up and. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. All right, well, hey, we'll. We'll go do the flea market this weekend and make it happen.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And, Ian, what we're gonna need you to do is hit up your mail, route some of those recent dead folks and see if they left some behind. Can't take it to heaven. Heaven knows you need it in Ian's new garage, so.

[C]

I can get used to that. Yeah, I just picked up a bunch of. Bunch of wood in my little Kia Soul and brought it home.

[B]

There you go. There you go. Wood in your Kia Soul.

[A]

Oh, dude, you drive a crotch rocket and a Kia Soul.

[C]

Oh, yeah. Well, it's a Kia Soul Turbo, too.

[B]

Of course it's a Turbo.

[A]

Is the Kia Soul the one with the curved back window, the corner, like. You know what I'm talking about.

[C]

It's like a square.

[A]

I think it's a Nissan Cube. Oh, regardless, same concept.

[C]

I hate that car.

[A]

You should.

[B]

Dude, Daddy had that car originally.

[A]

A Soul?

[B]

No, he had the Nissan Pew or Cube. I think he had that. That's like the spoxy looking car, right?

[A]

All right.

[B]

Yeah, he had that. He had that.

[A]

Oh, I hate that car so much.

[B]

Yeah, I don't think he liked it a whole lot either, but you can wipe it all. You can spray it out, basically.

[A]

Oh, it's like all plastic on the inside. Yeah, there's no carpet.

[B]

I think that's what he had. It was some boxy looking thing. I don't think it was a Scion. Anyways, we've really taken this conversation in 20 different does.

[A]

Hodgepodge.

[B]

This whole conversation is a hodgepodge. This conversation's an estate sale of our minds.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

Ian, what are you doing over there?

[C]

I don't know. I'm just pacing back here. I'm just chilling.

[B]

Did you say you were smoking weed?

[C]

That's my pen.

[B]

Let's go.

[C]

Smoking actual bun.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, you're right.

[A]

He drives a crotch rocket in a Kia Soul. Of course he's hitting the vape pen.

[B]

Were you high when you fell off your bike, Ian?

[C]

I didn't fall off the bike.

[A]

You said you had an accident.

[C]

Oh, no, that was a car accident.

[D]

Oh.

[B]

Two of them, same question.

[C]

Weren't my fault, by the way.

[A]

Okay, Yeah, I think you just hodgepodge it.

[C]

Okay. Hodgepodge all the way.

[D]

Yeah. Just call my kid.

[C]

Draw some on the wall, too.

[A]

Let's go.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

Put A picture frame around it, and it's art.

[B]

Yes, yes.

[C]

Chalk sticks good to this wall. I found out.

[B]

All right.

[A]

All right, Ian, while we. Thanks for calling in today, dude. And good luck wrangling in the kiddos.

[C]

Oh, yeah. This is going to be a adventure.

[B]

Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Sounds like that pen's working for you too, my guy.

[C]

It is. It's making the. The B foot feel a little better.

[B]

I forgot all about that.

[C]

I got stung this morning. This thing still swelled up.

[A]

Let's go. Yeah, you might have to pee on it.

[B]

I think that's what you got to do.

[A]

Yeah, we already tried sucking on it.

[C]

It. I. I kind of just tip. Tongued it. Tongue tipped it.

[A]

You're feeling pretty good, Ian.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, good. All right, well, you have a good one. Okay. Go eat something fun.

[C]

I don't know. I just had Chinese so far. Right.

[B]

Glad we know that. All right. Be good, my guy.

[A]

Oh, man, that one was. I mean, if you jumped in and out of that call just a little

[B]

bit, you didn't miss anything.

[A]

No, you did. You missed a lot. You wouldn't have know it. You thought it was a new call.

[B]

Yeah, but you would have the same idea of what was going on as if you listened to the whole thing.

[A]

That's true. It's true. All right. Well, Charlie, is that another episode of the Bellied up podcast?

[B]

I think that wraps it up tight here, Miles. Wraps it up tight. Another episode in the tank. And you guys make sure you tip your bartender.

[A]

We'll see the next one.

[C]

Okay. Hope you guys have a good one. Goodbye now.

[D]

Toodaloo.