B (6:53)
I was like, well, no, no, duh. This is so funny, because this is exactly what we were just talking about a few minutes ago in the context of reconsidered. And I highly mentioned if you're interested in this topic, to go over there too. But here, here's the thing. We like to think. And I feel like I've done this exact same rant already on books with your bestie. So here you go again. For those of you who've listened to our previous episodes probably five times, just because it's one of those things that I care so much about. We like to think that we will know when somebody has or we will feel it when somebody is evil or somebody is dangerous. And it's just not true. And it's actually to think that we would know is kind of a victim blaming mentality. Right. Like, so all these women who married a partner who then abused their children in some capacity should have seen it in advance, is what you're saying. It couldn't be that they were just really deft at hiding it. And I, I think the same is true in kind of any general capacity. I think the whole trend around being an empath that has happened on social media, people being like, oh, I'm an empath. I can feel people's energy. No, you generally cannot. And you are not an empath. That's not really a thing. That's not evidence based. There's no way that we can measure or define that. That's. There are people who are more skilled at sort of identifying red flags early on in people than an. Than other people are or like kind of noting when something seems too good to be true. Sure, you might be like, oh, I'm really in tune to human behavior. I really notice nuance in specific ways. But like an empath. No reading energies. No. And frankly, you make yourself a danger. No, you make yourself at risk. Risk is what I mean by that. Because you put yourself in a risky position because you think that it couldn't happen to you because you know and then you're a target. So anyway, drop that, okay? Drop it and recognize that people are complicated. The end. I teach this stuff and I cannot tell you all the time. The only thing I will say is knowing this so, so closely, I do feel like I sometimes can be like, that's false. That charm is glib. That's false. But here's what I'll tell you. People use the word psychopath and sociopath to describe somebody like this killer. In the book, they call him a psychopath. Right? That would be something we want to say. Not every killer is a psychopath. They are not. And that is very important that we understand that psychopathy is a very specific thing. There is a checklist called Hares Psychopathy Checklist Revised PCLR Psychopathy Checklist R. And it is basically that there is a collection of behaviors and traits and characteristics about a person that make them score high, higher or lower on this scale. We all fall on the scale somewhere. Some of us who are low on psychopathy would be, you Know somebody that's probably not going around doing very dangerous things, but also can still be criminals. In fact, more people don't have psychopathy than do. Right? So it's like everyone in prison does not have psychopathy. People who score high on this, who are considered like, considered to have what would be defined as sort of psychopathy is 2% of the population. However, 25% of the prison population has it. So they are more likely to engage in criminal behavior. Okay, I know 2% sounds high. But you know who else is a psychopath? CEOs, highly successful people, Politicians, your next door neighbor. There's lots of people who are completely functional as psychopaths. Psychopathy is marked by typically people being very charming. They are glib with their charm so that just, it just rolls off their tongue. They just say things that to people please you and guess what, it looks very charming. It's very hard to see through because people who are charming are charming. You're just like, this is the guy who, the barista who's just super friendly and so just delightful and everybody likes. And guess what? On the inside there's something else going on. They often also have a grandiose sense of self worth. So this is, I'm very important. Do they know who I am? I am so critical. That may or may not be something that you learn about until you get to know them a little bit more. But they also, then that's the reason that they're like, I should be the CEO, I should be a politician, right? Because I'm so incredible. Why not take the risk? That's not to say all of them are that like that. It's not to say that everybody who's a politician, that's the path they took. Right? But that's one of the things or one of the characteristics, the other side of it is they lack empathy. So they do not actually really have an ability to put themselves in your shoes. They lack the. They lack responsibility taking. They are cunning and manipulative. So they'll manipulate to get what they want. They won't feel bad about it. It's not their fault, not their problem. And they don't care how you feel. They literally cannot understand how you feel. They don't feel it. They don't feel those feelings. So it's not that they are too evil to want to try, it's that they can't, they don't have it. They also are narcissistic. So they're super self centered and self involved and they have a lot of behaviors that sort of can give these key indicators. So animal abuse would be one of those delinquent behaviors. You know, bedwetting can be connected to this kind of thing. Like late, later in life. Bedwetting, not later than life, but like later in childhood. They are. They just have this classic set of symptoms. Oh, they can be promiscuous because all of those things lead to outcomes of what are there to their desire. So, Ashley, I will tell you, I don't know if we've talked about this. I'm sure we have lots of times, but there was someone that we went to college with who was very well liked and he was high profile on our campus because of his position in, in sports as an athlete. And he, I think had psychopathy, was high on the psychopathy checklist. And, and the reason is he actually was arrested as a child, as a, like a teenager for abusing a possum and videotaping it and playing it for his high school. Now he knows I'm talking about him. He was very grandiose. He was quite charming. Everybody liked him. He was, you know, seemed like the all American guy. He always had girlfriends and was well liked and was successful and smart and had all of those things going for him. But I think there were some allegations around domestic kinds of concerns. I mean, this, that I just, I genuinely think, like, just as I've learned about this over the years, like on reflection, like, I knew him very well and these are the things that I saw that I was like, this is all, not. This all lines up as things. But here's the thing, Lay people aren't supposed to actually do that, including myself. We should not be diagnosing other people. It's just a, a practice for me to think about in people. Right. The problem with it is, and the reason you cannot diagnose is we will all diagnose everybody that we don't like as a psychopath. And that's not what we should be doing. And that's actually totally inaccurate. Right. That's why there are experts who apply these in a meaningful way. You cannot be objective. You're like, oh, well, my roommate. I don't think they care about me. That's no empathy. No, that's not what it is. That's actually not how that works. Right. Or like, they don't, they don't do anything for anyone else. And then they say it's not their fault. That's also not responsibility, you know, taking a lack thereof. Like, that's, that's something else. So we don't point this out to other people. But the point of the entire checklist is. And the point of this whole conversation is you wouldn't know they're the charming guy next door or what you just
