Aly Raisman: Thirty, Single & Thriving (FBF)

Summary

Call Her Daddy – Aly Raisman: Thirty, Single & Thriving (FBF)

Host: Alex Cooper
Guest: Aly Raisman
Date: June 26, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Alex Cooper welcomes Olympic gold medalist and activist Aly Raisman for an unfiltered, emotionally powerful, and often humorous conversation about growing up as an elite athlete, the challenges of moving beyond gymnastics, navigating trauma and PTSD, setting boundaries, and embracing single life at 30. Together they break down societal pressures around timelines, relationships, and healing, while sharing hard-earned wisdom, laughs, and deeply relatable experiences for women everywhere.

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Key Topics & Discussion Points

1. Names & Personality Origins (03:00–05:00)

• Aly and Alex joke about both being named Alexandra, sharing childhood nicknames.
  • Aly: “When I was little, I used to actually be called Sexy Lexi. … I didn’t know what sexy meant.” (03:15)
  • Alex: “I got Big Al from Alexandra. Like, make it make sense.” (04:10)

2. Olympic Excitement & Athlete Identity (05:00–07:20)

• Aly discusses attending the Paris Olympics as a fan, not a competitor, and her enduring love for gymnastics.
  • Aly on the Olympics: “The whole world comes together and you just really appreciate greatness and such incredible athleticism.” (06:00)
  • Both plan to explore unique Olympic events (ping pong, break dancing).

3. Childhood, Family & Relentless Drive (07:21–10:22)

• Aly reflects on her childhood personality and role as oldest sibling.
  • “I used to beg my coaches to let me stay later at practice… I was obsessed.”
• Close family ties noted as a foundation for resilience.
  • “If [my parents] weren’t supportive, I would have never survived… We’re already our own worst critic.” (08:46–09:34)

4. Pressures & Perfection in Gymnastics (10:22–17:45)

• The discussion explores the damage of equating self-worth with performance, and how supportive parents made a key difference for Aly.
  • “So many athletes, their worth is wrapped up in their result.” (11:29)
• Aly chose public school over homeschooling and describes her exhausting training schedule, constant insecurities, and missing out on normal teenage experiences.

5. Insecurity, Body Image and Eating (17:46–25:28)

• Deep dive into Aly’s high school insecurities—being made fun of for muscular arms, unhealthy body standards in gymnastics, and the lasting impact.
  • Notable quote: “At 30 years old, I have just started to be able to wear sleeveless or tank dresses. And it makes me so sad that I wasted that much time.” (18:30)
  • Details about hiding food, pressure to maintain dangerously low body fat, and the long-term health consequences.
  • “[In Rio] my body fat was at 5%. The person who works with NFL players was like, ‘I’ve never seen… even the guys sometimes being this low. … This is so dangerous for you.’” (20:00)

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Healing & Therapy: Navigating Trauma (31:08–37:46)

• Trauma as a Lifelong Process: Aly describes ongoing exposure therapy, the physical symptoms of PTSD, and her journey to find the right therapist.
• Understanding Triggers: Everyday experiences—certain smells, environments, or even names—can be triggering.
• Validating Struggles: “When you’ve experienced trauma, even if you’re on the most beautiful island in the world, you are not there mentally sometimes.” (35:25–35:47)

Memorable Moments

• Aly on therapy: “I have so many people come up to me all the time and share their stories of being a survivor of abuse… I always will say… if you’re having a tough day, it’s okay to watch your favorite show on Netflix.” (33:50)

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The Cost of Trauma & Societal Blind Spots (37:47–47:05)

• Aly candidly recounts post-gymnastics health crises—hospitalizations, temporary paralysis, and the medical system’s dismissiveness until her athlete status is revealed.
  • “If you don’t pick a day to rest, your body will pick it for you.” (43:00)
• The lifelong impact of abuse, the misleading assumption that therapy is a quick fix.
  • Alex: “Those photos that the entire world remembers of all of you… that was day one of the beginning of the rest of your life of trying to heal from this.” (44:53)

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Redefining Womanhood: Relationships, Timelines, and Boundaries (53:06–69:24)

Societal Pressure and Aly’s Viral Essay (53:06–54:29, 56:55–60:12)

• Aly reads from her essay on being 30 and single:
  • Quote: “You're too picky, you're difficult, your standards are too high… Rarely am I asked, ‘How are you? How do you feel with your partner?’ You’re single, that’s great. It’s so important to figure out who you are.” (53:09)
• Intent behind the essay: push back against unfair scrutiny and encourage confidence in one’s own path, regardless of relationship status.

Communicating Needs & Boundary Setting (56:55–63:36)

• Aly now communicates wants and discomforts early on—contrasts with her early 20s.
  • “It’s really interesting. The more I communicate… the more into me they are because of it.”
  • Therapy tip: raise issues early, while they’re small—“If you wait till it happens 50 times, then you have a three hour conversation.” (62:31)

Dating, Power Dynamics, and Red Flags (63:36–69:53)

• Patterns of dating men who are moody, resentful, or threatened by her success.
  • “A guy is allowed to be upset… but when you take it out on me and ruin something that we’re doing together, that’s not okay.” (64:47)
• Alex: “Men are moody, women are emotional. And I would way rather be emotional because at least I’m in tune with my emotions.” (68:00)

Learning from Relationships (69:24–77:28)

• Discussing athlete “types,” trying to date more broadly, and the emotional wisdom that comes with experience.
  • “If you’re not looking back and cringing, you’re not growing.” (62:01)
• Recognizing when partners aren’t interested and why not to take it personally: “Dating wasn’t personal. … If a guy is into you, if you’re confused, it’s just not it.” (71:46)

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Single Life, Timelines, and Social Pressures (77:28–97:45)

First Dates, Chemistry & Real Connection (77:28–87:37)

• Should you give second dates a chance? Alex and Aly debate the “spark” versus growing comfort. Both agree genuine chemistry is non-negotiable, but sometimes a second date is worth it if there are no glaring issues.
  • “If you don’t have that physical, sexual chemistry in the beginning, I don’t think you can create it.” (84:21)
• Navigating awkward dates gracefully, and respecting when there’s just no connection.

The 30s: Freedom, Growth, and Possibility (89:01–97:24)

• Aly looks forward to caring less about others’ expectations, embracing personal growth and excitement for future possibilities.
  • “There’s still so much to look forward to. … There’s so many beautiful chapters of life.” (89:01)
• Pressures (and sometimes invasiveness) from family and friends around marriage and kids. Alex emphasizes that the comparison never ends—being single or married, childless or a parent.
  • “We compare ourselves [at every stage]. The comparison literally never stops unless you stop it.” (91:00)
• Egg freezing: Aly calls out accessibility and cost as unfair for women.

On Not Wanting Kids (94:14)

• Aly stresses it’s valid to not want children: “If someone doesn’t want to be a mom or a dad, they don’t have to be… And I feel like people are so judgmental.”

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Wisdom & Closing Reflections

Notable Quotes

• “I wish that I trusted my gut more and just listened to that more. … The more I figure out who I am, the better relationships I have and the more fun that I have.” — Aly Raisman (97:45)
• “It’s so important to take time to figure out who you are.” — Aly, reading from her essay (53:44)
• “Let’s stop asking our friends: ‘Are you dating anyone?’ or ‘Do you want kids?’ Be more cognizant… Let them answer what they want to answer about their life.” — Alex (95:39)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment | Timestamp | |-----------------------------------------------|---------------| | Names & Childhood | 03:00–05:00 | | Olympics & Gymnastics Identity | 05:00–07:21 | | Family Influence & Burnout | 07:21–10:22 | | Pressures on Body & Confidence | 17:46–25:28 | | Exposure Therapy & PTSD Discussion | 31:08–37:46 | | Health Crises & Medical Dismissal | 37:47–47:05 | | Reading Aly’s Essay on Singlehood | 53:06–54:29 | | Setting Boundaries in Dating | 56:55–63:36 | | Dating Patterns, Red Flags, & Growth | 63:36–69:53 | | First Dates and Chemistry | 77:28–87:37 | | Embracing Your 30s and “Timelines” | 89:01–97:24 | | Final Reflections & Advice | 97:24–98:51 |

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a rich, honest exploration of trauma, healing, identity, and the freedom—and sometimes loneliness—of charting your own course. Aly Raisman’s candor and vulnerability, combined with Alex’s humorous, empathetic interviewing style, create a space where difficult topics feel both accessible and hopeful. Women (and men) navigating body image, PTSD, dating, or simply questioning their “timeline” will find insight, validation, and possibly a sense of camaraderie here.

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For full context, check the episode description for a link to Aly’s article and further resources for trauma survivors.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Thank you so much for having me.

[A]

I am so happy that we're doing this. I'm such a huge fan. I've been a huge fan for a while. To be able to, like, sit here in person with you. It's an honor. So thank you for being here.

[B]

I am such a big fan of you, too. And I think we have the same name. Is your legal name Alexandra?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Me too. Should we call each other Alexandra?

[A]

Should we go by Alexandra today?

[B]

Yeah. Nobody calls me Alexandra in interviews.

[A]

Oh, my God. I wonder, like, how did you get Ali and how did I get Alex? Like, who? Where did you.

[B]

Oh, okay. So. So first of all, I'm a very big fan of you too. Congratulations on everything. It's amazing. Love listening to your podcast. I. So my legal name is Alexandra. And really no one calls me that. When I was little, I used to actually be called Sexy Lexi, which is probably weird, but when I was, like, five years old, everyone called me Sexy Lexi. I don't know why.

[A]

Okay. Ally.

[B]

I didn't know what sexy meant, but everyone called me Sexy Lexi in kindergarten. Like, even, like, some of the moms around me, too, they still call me that to this day. And then when I was, like, a couple years later, I thought my real name was Alexandra. And I. I asked my mom one day, and she said it was Alexandra. And I felt like I had been lied to my whole life. Cause I was a very dramatic kid. So then I went by Alexandra for a little bit, and then I actually don't remember where Ali came from. But I love when my childhood friends call me Lexi because it's just like, they knew me before everything I was about to say.

[A]

I. I thought you were gonna say, I love when my childhood friends call me Sexy Lexi. I'm like, yeah, I wish my childh would call me Sexy Lexi. They call me Big Al. Like, you got Sexy Lexi and I got Big Al from Alexandra. Like, make it make sense. I love that for you.

[B]

I don't know where it came from, but I was five years old. And it's funny, because some of my guy friends that are married now. I'm like, I don't think they call me Sexy Lex anymore.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

But I don't think they do.

[A]

Their wife is like, what the.

[B]

Yeah, I know, but my girlfriends do from childhood. It's, it's funny. But now that I look back, I'm like, imagine hearing someone call a 5 year old sexy Lexi. It's so weird.

[A]

Oh, my God. You were exuding just like confidence.

[B]

I had no idea what it was.

[A]

Okay, well, today we're both Alexandra.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So I read your article and to anyone that didn't read it, you're going to read it because you're going to fall in love. And we're going to talk about it today. But you basically wrote an article about being single at 30 and you talk about how it's really not where you thought you were going to be in your life at that point. So there is a lot to discuss today about timelines, comparison, and just how hard it is to date in general. But before we get into that, because the daddy gang is going to freak out over that conversation. That's literally all we talk about over here. Okay. We need to talk about the Olympics. You are going to the Olympics this year? Yes, I am going to the Olympics this year. We will be hanging out. I can't wait. What are you most excited for about Paris?

[B]

I am so excited. It's my first time going not competing, so I don't really know what to expect. But I'm so excited and I'm obviously the most excited to watch the gymnastics. And I got to go to Olympic trials last week and it was so fun and it was. It's so emotional watching everyone and I know everyone works so hard. So I am a huge fan of gymnastics too. And I grew up just being obsessed with it and watching it. And so I love watching incredible athletes from all over the world too. And I think that's what's so cool about the Olympics is obviously I'm rooting for the US Team and I think that they look so good and I'm so impressed with them. But I also love how as an eight year old, you know, one of my favorite gymnasts was a Ukrainian gymnast. And so I just feel like what's so cool is the whole world comes together and you just really appreciate just greatness and such incredible athleticism. So I'm so excited. And then I also want to go to like, my brother is coming and he wants to go to ping pong finals. I'm like, that would be so cool.

[A]

Can we go together?

[B]

I would love to.

[A]

I'm like, ping pong. And then also, like, break dancing is a sport officially in the Olympics this year. I'm like, I will be there. My favorite movie growing up was Step Up. Maybe Channing Tatum hit me up. We can go watch together. He's like, absolutely not. There are so many random things that I want to go see. Obviously, we have, like, the big, massive sports that get so much, like, notoriety, but there's some, like, random things. I'm like, I want to go see fencing. Like, okay, yeah, we'll go together. We'll go together. You started gymnastics when you were 2. Is this, like, you think about that? I'm like, how do you. Like, two years old and you're starting gymnastics and, like, being an athlete? I feel like that just becomes so much of your identity from such a young age. Right. But overall, we're going back to the beginning. Like, I love to do here on Caller Daddy because it really paints the picture of who someone is. Like, how would you describe your personality when you were growing up?

[B]

That's a good question. Aside from sexy Lexi, I've never been asked that. I think that. Well, I was obsessed with gymnastics. I loved it more than anything else in the world. I just always wanted to be there. I'm the oldest of four, so I loved being a big sister. I still do, but I'm two years older than my brother Brett, and then six years older than Chloe and eight years older than Madison. So I felt like I was like. I just, like, loved being the big sister. And I remember, you know those little, like, cars, the little mini ones that, like, kids drive around? I just, like, would pretend I was, like, the mom and taking them around the driveway. Like, I just loved being a big sister. And they used to sleep in bed with me every night, which is just so cute.

[A]

Where'd you grow up?

[B]

I grew up in Newton. Nita, Mass.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. And I just. I have so many great memories of that. And then I just loved. I used to beg my coaches to let me stay later at practice, and actually, thankfully, they wouldn't let me because they didn't want me to burn out. But I was so sad to leave the gym. I was obsessed. Like, I remember I would miss Halloween even at a young age because I wanted to be at the gym. I was just, like, so driven. I think you have to be, like, born with something a little bit extra crazy and you to be that intense. But I loved it.

[A]

I can see how you being the oldest probably shaped a lot of them. Like, Your relationships in gymnastics because it's like you have this like maternal feeling about you. What was your relationship like to your parents?

[B]

I'm very close with my parents. I still am so very grateful for that because the older I've got, I've realized a lot of people don't have good relationships with their family. So I didn't realize when I was younger just how lucky I am for that. And I also appreciate how when I didn't do well at a meet or practice, they didn't get mad at me. And they were even more, I think, loving and supporting when I didn't do as well. And if they weren't supportive, I would have never survived. Like, I had teammates when I was younger that were actually better than me, but because their parents put so much pressure on them, they just couldn't do it. And I don't blame them. I wouldn't have been able to do it because we're already, I think, our own worst critic. And then our coaches are hard on us and then you go home and your parents are on you. It's just so. I'm so glad my parents, I knew that if I didn't do well, they would be there for me and support me.

[A]

Oh, that's like invaluable. Like, I playing soccer growing up had the same vibe with my parents where it was like they were so supportive. Of course, if I like asked them like, what I could have done better at. Like, my mom was like, oh, I got you. Like, I was watching. But she's not, I'm not getting in the car with a pit in my stomach that I'm gonna get yelled at. And I knew a lot of my friends had those parents that were like, the dad was yelling in the car, like screaming. Like, you've seen the parents that are like insane that you're like, whoa, I can't imagine not being able to go home and escape it. And it feels like a full time job. And we're talking about being like 7, 8, 9, 10 year old girls. And it's like, it's not that deep. It is and eventually became your like life. But it's also like you have to have balance and order, in my opinion, to survive and to go the distance or else you just burn out.

[B]

I completely agree. And I think that it also, maybe without the parents realizing it, it's, I think it teaches the kid that your only value is being a good athlete or being very successful. And I think it also, so many athletes struggle with their worth being wrapped up in how they do in the sport. And I know a lot of athletes struggle with that. And even for the Olympics this summer, so many athletes, if they do really well, they might not know who they are outside of their sport. Cause that's what they've been doing their entire life. And then if they don't do well, I think it's really hard if you don't have the support or the sort of like mental preparation, if you don't do well, to know that you're more than just your result. And like everyone is human. It's really, I think, hard to accept that. So I always feel for athletes when I'm watching. Like, I get nervous even when I don't know people or even when I see a gymnast from another country, like, of course I want everyone to do well. And obviously again, rooting for the U.S. team. But even if I see a gymnast from another country, like not do well, I just feel, feel so sad for them because it. You put so much into it. And I think so many athletes, their worth is wrapped up in their result.

[A]

It is very intense. And I'm curious though, because you saying you love to stay at the gym and you loved all these people, like you decided to go to public school for high school. And I feel like really intense athletes, specifically in gymnastics, they usually get homeschooled. How did you make that decision?

[B]

Thankfully, my coaches and my parents were really wanted me to stay in public school. And I'm actually really glad that they did. I mean, everyone's on their own path. And to your point, a lot of my teammates were homeschooled. And so I feel like everyone has a different journey of what works for them. But for me, it was so important that I could go to school and have that balance. And I can remember I would train six days a week, four to seven hours every other day except Sunday I was off. But then 2016, when I was done with high school, I would sometimes go in on Sunday on my day off. So I was. I'm still exhausted. I'm still exhausted from it. Sometimes people, when I tell them that, they're like, that's not bad. I'm like, yeah, it is. It was bad, but it was really exhausting. It was exhausting. I'm like, still recovering from that, which we, we can get to after. But I can remember I would train in the morning and I would then like literally be like covered in chalk and like go right, right to school. Like, I was so self conscious because I'd like be like trying to like wash my Body, like, really quickly go to school, trying to look cute for boys. I was so uncomfortable. High school is also so hard. I was so, so insecure. And then I would go to class, and then I would quickly do my homework after school and then go back to the gym after. It was just so. I was so driven and so, like, none of my friends understood, I think, how serious I was about it. Like, when I competed in 2012 at the Olympics, it was right after I graduated high school. And I remember my high school friends were like, you never told us you were, like, that good. And I was like, well, I don't know. What do you. I'm like, I don't know. I didn't want to say anything, but

[A]

also, like, what did you guys think I was doing? I'm, like, bad at this thing, but I just get up every morning and go every afternoon, and I just keep at it, like, oh, my God, Ali.

[B]

It was so intense. But it's funny, One of my family members admitted to my mom, he's like, I have to admit, I always thought that he said to my mom that you and my dad were crazy, because he's like, I would. He was like, I would just watch you, like, drive Ali to practice over and over again. And I just thought it was so odd because I would, you know, miss a lot of days of school. I was, you know, like, traveling all over the place, and he was like, I didn't understand how good she was. So he's like, it took me a really long time. And I. He would. He was like, I kind of judged you. And now he's like, I just telling you, I don't anymore.

[A]

But wait, okay, hold on. No one knew how good you were. That's kind of interesting, because Why?

[B]

I still. It's funny when people ask me about gymnastics in my career, like, in normal life, like, if people don't know who I am, they're like, were you good? I'm like, I was fine. I don't know. I just, like, it's just not something that.

[A]

I don't know, like, medals on medals. And you're sitting here, be like, I think I was okay.

[B]

I just. I don't know.

[A]

What do you think that is?

[B]

I. It's so funny. I'm so uncomfortable talking about gymnastics. I don't know. I think part. Maybe some of it is that if it's someone doesn't know who I am, then I'm kind of. I'm, like, excited, because I'm like, oh, they really like me. For me, there's something about it where, like, there's no. It makes me feel so good if I'm out somewhere and, like, a guy is interested in me and they don't know who I am because it just makes me feel like, oh, they like me for me, of course. And so I think it's that. And I feel more connected to them. It's not to say if someone does know. You know, you can kind of get the vibe when you know why someone's sort of talking to you. But I think it. Maybe. I feel very guarded. But then also, I think gymnastics, I have such an interesting, complicated relationship with it that I feel like sometimes I don't love talking about it in my personal time all the time, but I'm doing a lot of therapy to work on that.

[A]

No, I get it. And I think being a woman, like, we just learn. Like, it's not even about the sport, it's just about how we are. We just learn in life. Like, never be too confident because it will come off as cocky. And, like, don't talk about your accolades because now you're just, like, drawing attention to yourself. And, like, that's just, like, what being a woman is like. And it's like, I'll brag for you. You're amazing. So you. Did you, like, flourish with, like, friends in high school, though? It sounds like you had, like, a lot of friends.

[B]

I had. I had friends. I do feel like, because I was gone a lot, I felt like I missed out a lot at the time because I can remember if I was away for a weekend at a competition, I'd come back on Monday, and then I'd hear everyone talking about the fun weekend and everything happening. And so I feel like I. I can remember feeling left out a lot just because I. Or FOMO maybe is the better word. But I felt like I had. Everyone was very nice to me in high school, and I had a good experience in high school. My friends were very supportive. I felt like people were very nice to me. And so. But I just remember feeling kind of like I was missing out on stuff. And it was hard coming back and hearing everyone talking about how fun stuff was. And I remember being very insecure. Like, I just didn't think that any guy in high school thought I was cute, which makes me so sad when I look back. And so I just remember, you know, any little thing that was wrong, I just felt like everyone was looking at it or everyone was noticing it. But in gymnastics, it's a subjective sport, so I was taught from a young Age that like every little thing is picked apart. And it's actually really hard for me in life now to realize that people aren't looking at me like that, like, no one cares. So it was very interesting. But in the moment, I was so in the thick of always kind of being critiqued all the time that I thought other people thought of me that way.

[A]

Can you talk a little bit more about that of like, insecurities in high school? And it's crazy to even talk about high school because it's like in gymnastics world, like, that is when most women are like, really girls. I literally say girls are coming into their prime in the sport. But you're so young. Like, what insecurities when you're talking about boys versus then what you're working towards on, like in the gym, like, what were the insecurities for you personally?

[B]

Yeah, it's like, really interesting. So I. When I was younger, I used to get made fun of all the time for how muscular my arms were. And I remember when I was in fifth grade, the boys would make fun of me and told me it looked like I was on steroids. And they would call me roids. And it made me so sad. And this has affected me so much that at 30 years old, I have just started to be able to like wear like sleeveless or tank dresses. And it makes me so sad that I wasted that much time. But it's really incredible how. I guess incredible in a bad way how when people make fun of you, how it can really stay with you. And then I remember in seventh grade so vividly, I was wearing a tank top and some guy told me that I looked disgusting. And so my arms were disgusting. And so I literally. Actually, this was a big moment for me at Olympic trials last week. I wore a dress that totally showed my arms. And I was saying to my mom, I was like, this is like such a big deal for me that I'm doing this because I would have been so self conscious and worried. And now I'm just trying. It feels so freeing to just try not to worry as much. But it's just so. I think that, like, as I do more therapy, it's amazing how much stuff sticks with us. And I think that's also why I have anxiety or social anxiety, because I'm like, I hope I've never said something that would ever stick with someone. I would feel so bad. And I know sometimes, you know, sometimes we. We're all human. We all say things sometimes we don't mean or we don't Even realize someone interpreted in a different way. But I think I'm like so afraid of making someone feel the way that other people made me feel that I'm almost like too hyper aware. But so that was a really big one. I think I was always self conscious of like my body because in gymnastics they were so strict with my weight. And even though we worked out so much, I still had to watch what I ate a lot of. I also want to be careful with saying this because I know how many people struggle with body dysmorphia and eating disorders. So I think it's so important, no matter what sport you're in, to fuel your body and eat a lot of food. And I wish I could go back and tell myself to eat more and feel my body, but I just felt so much pressure to always be skinnier and skinnier and it was so unhealthy because I was already working out so much. And it's crazy for me to look back at photos of myself where I was being told to lose more weight. And I'm like, I was. Didn't have an ounce of fat on me. It's just, this is for any of people that are athletes. And I'm obviously not a medical expert, so don't quote me on these exact numbers, but I do believe that women are supposed to have a higher body fat percentage than men. And I remember going into 2016 Olympics, I was very, very thin, just from the pressure in the sport to be a certain weight. And I was 22 years old, so I was kind of like fighting with like becoming a woman and still looking like a little girl. And I remember the person who was taking my body fat, they had said that I remember when I did it. So go back. Actually, when I was 16, I had someone else do my body fat. And they were saying that they'd never seen someone under 12. And they had said like, women should be like 18 or 20. I don't know how accurate the 18 to 20% is. So he was like, so you're probably going to be maybe around 12. And I remember I was at like 8% and at the time I was 16. And he was like, really concerned about it. He's like, you're way too low. That's. And I was 16. And then when I was 22, about to leave for the Rio Olympics, I remember my body fat was at 5%. And I remember the person who works with NFL players was like, I. He was like, this is not okay. Like, you can get seriously hurt. And this is. This is terrible. He's like, I've never seen. He's like, even the guys sometimes being this low. He's like, you're lower than some of the men on the team. And I remember I was like, I just need you to. There's nothing I can do about it because, like, this is what the judges and the coaches, like, need from me. I was like, I just need you to be supportive and tell me it's going to be okay. He's like, I can't. Like, he's like, this is so dangerous for you. And I actually feel like my body has never recovered from being that thin and, like, fighting against that. So it's very. It's very interesting because I can remember I would still eat and feel my body, but at the same time, there was this, like, trying to, like, I can. There was so much pressure. I can remember, like, this is so gross now. I'm like, I've become more of a germaphobe as I've gotten older, but this is so gross. But it just, like, desperate times call for desperate measures. Like, I remember times, like, literally, because there was so much pressure to be thin, I had to be careful what I ate in front of, you know, people on. On the staff. And I remember, like, I would go into, like, the airport in the plane bathroom, which is disgusting, and, like, eat a power bar, so, like, no one would see me where. That is just, like, so gross to me now. But when you're so hungry, it doesn't even seem gross. But it was just so. I remember, like, I would try to eat, but there was so much pressure to be thin that it just was very, very hard. So I was very insecure about that in high school, of course, because I thought, oh, well, the guys think that I'm big, too, so that's why they're not interested in me.

[A]

No. And, Ali, like, it's. It's not gross. Like, it's so sad like, that. Like, my heart breaks for you that you had to go into that bathroom and to, like, eat in secrecy because of the coaches and, like, the mentality and the rules and the strictness and, like, even thinking of, like, that doctor saying that to you of, like, wait, you're 5%. Like, do you think you were numb at that point? Like, did you feel anything? Like, what did you feel when someone said that to you and looked at you and said that to you?

[B]

I think at that point, because the Olympics were so soon, I was just consumed with anxiety and stress all the time. It's just so I just constantly had butterflies in my stomach, and I was so nervous that I also think part of it, in a way, was probably. I. I don't. I don't even remember. I think I was just. At the time, I had actually had a really sore Achilles, and I was really stressed about that. That's obviously a terrible injury. And if, you know, something happened, I would be out. So I was really stressed about that. And I remember every morning waking up and, like, it was so stiff in the morning, and I'd have to, like, brace myself to get out of bed. Like, there's just so many things I feel like now that I'm done, I'm so much more relaxed. But I remember just being so stressed, hoping that my body would keep it together. But I think one of my biggest concerns with competing was I hope my muscles don't cramp up. And I feel I'm so exhausted. So that was. What's so interesting to me is that I was so good at gymnastics and successful in the sport. While I had, like, so little energy, my muscles were cramping up. I was so exhausted and so fatigued. And I also would. In 2016, I remember a couple years maybe before the Olympics, I would start to get, like, extreme nausea. And I think because I was so thin for my size, I would, like, wake up in the morning and almost be, like, dry heaving because I was, like, gagging because I was so nauseous. And so it was really hard for me. And it's really hard when you're nauseous to eat. So I just remember feeling so sick all the time that I was so. I think I was numb. And I was so dissociated because I just needed to get through it. And I was so nervous. I don't know, it was just such a weird thing. And I'm now, like, doing a lot of therapy and going through it, but it's hard because you're, like, reliving that and going through that. And it's a very. It's very interesting.

[A]

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And the new moisture Melting is a rich milk to butter lotion with soothing coconut milk. So are you ready? Shop new body bottle out of lotions. Use code call her daddy for a free bottle at a baseball cap with orders $35 and up only on Sol de Janeiro.com. i appreciate you sharing this too, because I think what's really difficult for athletes is you hearing you say all of this and knowing you are like, one of the best and you've won medals and gold and all of it, and you've done what every gymnast dreams of doing. And then there is the dark side of it. And I think what we learn, and I appreciate these type of conversations is like, most people that get to the top of where they're at, there is also just like a lot of pain and suffering that goes into being the best at the time. And it doesn't mean that it's not a incredible sport and you are so talented, but the reality is, like, there were a lot of things that happened throughout your career that probably could. Someone could have been like, hey, can we do this differently? Can we protect you in so many different aspects? You know, And I. And my heart breaks for you, but I think that these type of conversations hopefully will help future athletes. Not that it's on you, and it sucks that it had to go this way for you, but I know there's so many amazing things that came from your career, but now you're 30 and you're like, damn, I'm having to fucking peel this shit back. And it is rough. And I can see it on your face. It's like, this is heavy shit. And I'm so sorry that it's like the thing that you loved and that you're so fucking good at also caused you pain. And that is relatable and sad and fucked up. And it's tough. Like, it's tough hearing you say it. And I, and I appreciate you even saying it because I can imagine it's terrifying to even admit this because now is the headline just gonna be like, negatives about it. And I hope people don't see that. It's just like, no, this is just the reality. Yeah, this is the reality. And that's why I hope when we watch the Olympics this year, it's Understanding that, like, having grace. For these athletes, when someone doesn't perform at their best, it's not just because, oh, they had an off game or they had an off. Like, no, there. Listen to what you're saying. The body, the pressure, the met half of it is just the mental. I know people forget, like, this is. We are human beings. Like, there's so much more that goes into this than just the minute that the person is standing at the top and about to do the beam or what. It's like.

[B]

It's so stressful.

[A]

It's so stressful.

[B]

It is. I, like, it's funny because the Olympics are coming up. I, like, am having dreams that I'm competing, and I wake up, I'm like, oh, my gosh, I'm so glad I'm done. I mean, look, like you mentioned, there's so many beautiful things that have come out of my gymnastics career, but it's also. It's such an interesting time right now, obviously, as the Olympics comes up. I'm so excited, and I can't wait. And I've been doing a lot of, actually, exposure therapy right now, where, for people who don't know, it's sort of like exposing yourself to the trauma or whatever it is that has caused you stress or pain. So that could be if you had someone that hurt you and they wore, like, a specific perfume or a cologne. Like, maybe you, like, smell the cologne or their perfume every day to like, remake better memories with that. Or it could be, you know, writing down a memory or talking about a memory or watching something. So I've been doing that a lot, and that's been really helpful. But it's kind of like, sometimes it can make things worse before it gets better. Or I'm like, oh, my God, I have so much to work through. It's so overwhelming. There's just so much there. And then there's stuff I forgot about that now. I'm like.

[A]

Yeah, I was gonna say, like, I. I think a lot of women write in about therapy, and. And everyone has, like, a different journey with, like, what type of therapy will work for them. And I think the exposure therapy is, like. Has been known recently to be very effective. But I was gonna ask you, like, in doing that type of therapy, or do you have to be strategic? Like, if, you know you're going on a long trip coming up, like, if you're going to Paris, like, are you doing sessions while you're in Paris? Are you doing it before? Are you too anxious around this type of, like, we're Talking about gymnastics right now. And that's the crux of the trauma. Like, you know what I mean?

[B]

Like, such a good question. Yeah, it's. So we actually have stopped doing the exposure homework. So what we. What I do is I do therapy every week, and then I would try to do exposure a little bit every single day. But because of. I had mentioned before, like, my body's never recovered, I've struggled with some health stuff, which we can get into after from just like, the over exhaustion of what I put my body through. So depending on the day, however, because there are so many actually, like, exposures of, you know, whether it's doing interviews or even going to Olympic trials was actually such a wonderful experience. And I'm so glad I went, but I was so nervous and just like, being back in that environment, like certain smells or even like there's like a bell that rings before you compete. And I'm like, oh, my gosh, I haven't heard this in so long. Like, all these little things. So. So I'm stopped the actual exposure homework and therapy, but I feel like I'm being exposed throughout a lot of different things right now. So we're doing baby steps and just working on, like, ways to cope with some of that stuff. But it's been. It's really interesting and I'm glad, like, my therapist has really worked with me. Like, for example, there was a person's name that someone who had abused me, that their name was so triggering for me. And so, like, anytime I'd be with someone and they'd mention their name, not about the person, but maybe like, their friend or someone they're golfing with, I was just like, I'd feel this, like, feeling. And so I would read a children's book with his name that was just like. Or I'd read a book about an athlete that had the same name. So it's like getting used to that name in a more positive way. And so I feel like my therapist has done such a good job of meeting me where I'm at, because in the past, maybe another therapist is like, just tell me all about your trauma. I'm like, I just. Let's just start with the children's book. Like, I'll watch a little kid show something to, like, baby steps into it. And I've learned there's no right or wrong way. And I think, like, I have so many people come up to me all the time and share their stories of, like, being a survivor of abuse or their mental health struggles. And I always will Say to them, like, if you're having a tough day, it's okay to watch your favorite show on Netflix or whatever it is. Like, it's okay to just, like, give yourself a break. Because when you are, people don't realize when you've experienced trauma, you have ptsd, you're going through it. Even if you're on the most beautiful island in the entire world, you are not there mentally sometimes, and you're just, like, reliving your trauma over and over again. And so I always try to validate people's experiences because I think so many people don't understand trauma and, like, the mental side of and how hard it is to be present when you're going through a hard time. Like, even if someone's hard time happened 10 years ago, you still could be living it every single day. You still could be super paranoid. You know, PTSD is, like, not one size fits all. It affects you in so many different ways. You could be totally fine, and then there could be, like, you know, someone's body lotion reminds you of a smell, and it brings you right back. And so I think that we all just have to talk about it more so we're all more aware of, like, how much people are struggling and dealing with. And give people grace, because sometimes you just need to. It's okay to just be home and take time for yourself. So I'm glad my therapist has kind of given me permission to just, like, take it really baby steps. And she's really good about, like, taking a break and now finding, like, good coping ways if I feel stressed or something.

[A]

No, and I love you sharing that, too. Thank you. Because, like, I love how you said, like, I've had certain therapists that tell me one thing, and it's like, it's okay if you do not vibe with a therapist. It's like, dating, get out. And it's not something hurting, right? Because it's like, it doesn't even mean that person's a bad therapist. Of course they're a bad therapist. But it really is a match of, like, there are people. There are certain even techniques. Like, you can't have a therapist asking, like, you said a certain, like, way, and maybe that works for someone else. You just have to, like, it's not linear with ptsd, and you have to just figure out what works for you and being, like, easy on yourself. But I also just want to say, like, thank you for even just, like, talking, whatever you feel comfortable. Because I can imagine it's exhausting, though, just hearing you speak Ali, like, you're. You're so wise, but it's like you are 30 years old. Like, you're so young. And I can imagine it's, like, a lot of pressure when people want you to speak up and, like, be an advocate and be the face of it. And it's like, you still. You still have your shit that you have to work through. Like, I. I hope that you know that, like, it's not on you to, like, always help other people and, like, you focus on yourself in moments where you. I can imagine so many young girls coming up to you is amazing, but it's also like, you can't help them if you're not good.

[B]

Thank you. I. I feel. I do feel a lot of pressure, and I care a lot, and I've Even had male CEOs pull me aside and say I was abused as a child. And thank you for saying something. So I've had a lot of men come up to me and share that. And I think that what's so hard about our world is that there are so many young boys and men who are survivors of sexual abuse, and they don't feel comfortable saying anything because our society doesn't. Like, there's so much pressure on men to be so tough and be manly, and the statistics are so alarming. But there's also so many. I think it's actually so much more than that. There's so many people who are really suffering in silence. And I have some people sometimes who I'll be in the grocery store, and they're like, my abuse happened 50 years ago. You're the only person I've ever told. And so I can't even tell you how much I've had to work on in therapy of, like, not overthinking what I say and worrying, because I know from personal experience, when we share what we've been through with someone and it's the only person, the first person, like, that is so correlated to how they're gonna heal is being validating to them. So I feel. I felt so much pressure. And now I have found that when I'm honest and just real with them and just supportive, that people are always, like, so understanding. And I think people who have been through hard times always give people the benefit of the doubt and are there for each other. But it is. It's really. It has affected me so much. And it's interesting, I've never actually shared this publicly at all, because it's been something that I deal with, I'd say, most days. And I think that I've thought about this a lot where I think that if I didn't train so intensely my whole entire life and I didn't experience trauma in my, you know, teenage years and younger years, I have actually been hospitalized several times for just, like, my body has. I read something on Instagram that I think really encapsulates it. It says if you don't pick a day to rest, your body will pick it for you. And it was. It's happened twice where it's been, like, this intense, but I feel like I have different minor issues as well, depending on what I'm going through at the time, but where, like, I have literally stroke, like, symptoms. I can't remember my name. I'm, like, slurring my words. I can barely speak. Both times I was tested for a stroke because, like, I literally couldn't move my body. It was so scary. And the first time, the doctors had, like, absolutely no idea what it was. And it's. It was so scary because also my abuse happened with the doctor. So being in the first time it happened was during COVID and so they wouldn't let my mom in the ambulance with me. So I was also. It's really interesting because I'm. I can't. I can understand what someone is saying to me and asking me. Like, I know they're asking me what my name is, but I can't remember my name or say what my name is. And I was aware enough to know, like, oh, my God, I have two men that I can't move my arms and my legs. I can't move my body. I can't speak. Like, what if they take advantage of me? And so that, at the time, this was years ago during COVID so I was, like, really still struggling a lot with ptsd, where people don't realize how much it still lives with you when you've been through something traumatic. So that was really hard, hard for me. And then it happened again a little bit over a year ago where it was like, I. It actually was in the hospital for three days. And, like, they obviously don't keep you in the ER for three days for. For nothing, but it was really scary. And I remember, like, I. They wouldn't release me because I couldn't, like, sit up on my own. It took me so long. I needed help, like, walking, going to the bathroom. Like, it was just the most to be able to. To go from being, like, an athlete and being able to push myself so much to being able to literally not even be able to, like, Move my fingers, move my legs. I had, like, complete, like, body paralysis. And not even to know, like, what my name is. It was so scary. And it's something where, like, on a daily basis, like, I have to manage making sure that I'm not, like, because stress exacerbates it. Like, what I have is a real medical thing, but stress makes everything worse. So I have to, like, be very on top of my therapy. But then also my therapist has to work with me of, like, if I'm starting to feel off, like, I just don't do the exposure stuff. So it's very. It's very hard and very interesting because I'm also, like, to your point, I'm very young, so to have something like that happen was very hard. And then also when I went both times, actually, the second time they didn't know who I was when I first got to the hospital, which is totally fine. That shouldn't matter. And the only reason why I share that is because my mom had said that they kept coming in and asking me to, like, lift my legs and I couldn't. They kept saying, what's your name? And I was kind of just like, it almost like even like lifting my finger would, like, take so much energy that I couldn't even, like, I just was so out of it. And they kept kind of like rolling their eyes and not really paying much attention to me. And then finally my mom was like, I really hate to do this, but you guys are like, ignoring her. I think you think she's like, I don't know what's going on, but you should treat everyone the same way. But she's like, I just want to tell you because you're not believing her, but just to give you a perspective of how, like, abnormal this is and how freaked out I am, she was like, do you know who Ali Raisman is? And they were like, yeah, we know who she is. And my mom was like, well, that's her. And then they were like, oh, my God. And then from there, they, like, took such great care of me and were there for me. And I'm like, it's. I want to share that because it's appalling. Like, it doesn't matter who you are. Everyone deserves to get excellent medical treatment. And I don't know why they were like, rolling their eyes at me or thought I was faking, but it wasn't until they realized that I was a very high level athlete, that they were very nice to me and taking care of me, which is just like, that's Also triggering for me because I already have trust issues with doctors. So it was just really. It's just. It's been a very complicated thing. And then I also have anxiety, like, what if I don't feel well again? Because there's the fear of, like, when I'm in Paris this summer, I'm going to be so busy, there's going to be a lot of triggers. I might see someone that maybe didn't protect me in the past. And so I always am just like. So it's working on that. It's very complicated. So I know that was a lot, but I.

[A]

First of all, I want to just, like, pause and be like, I'm so sorry again. Because, yes, you, like, went through it all. And I'm like, wait, Allie. Allie. Ally, wait. I want to, like, hug you. I'm like, I'm so sorry. Hearing the effects of what happened to you in the past still live with you, I think is so important to highlight because it's infuriating when people. And there are ignorant people out there that believe that, like, well, it happened so long ago. What. Why aren't, like. And you said you went to therapy. Like, why aren't you better? Like, this is with you for the rest of your life.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And not that it is going to define you or not that you can't, like, live a happy life, but, like, this happened to you and it was so traumatizing that this is, like, this is going to impact you. This is going to impact, like, you. Like, I want to talk to you about your future relationships and all of that we're going to get to. But, like, I just think it's important to have these conversations, though, because it's, like, educating people on the concept of, like, this lives forever and this isn't something that goes away. And those photos that the entire world remembers of all of you standing there together and speaking up on this, that was, like, day one of the beginning of the rest of your life of, like, trying to heal from this. And so, like, you talking about these effects, I. I think it's really important. And it is, like, it's. It's, I think, important. We're having this conversation around the Olympics of, like, there are so many newscasters and broadcasters and people that stand, and it's almost like the athletes are like horses. It's like, go. Like, everyone go. Like, win. And it's so fun to watch, but we have to stop, like, neglecting to acknowledge that, like, these are also the realities. And it doesn't take away from the beauty of sports, but it's the reality of a lot of the things that are happening behind sports. And it's on all of us to listen and to now, like, whenever someone sees anything happening again, like, someone better stand the fuck up. And I hope that this is, like, again, it's not your job to educate these people, but I hope this can change the culture slightly, and I believe it will. I believe the two of us sitting here and continued conversations, like, I believe this will empower people to speak up, but it's. It's hell. And it's a lot. It's a lot to go through. As you're sitting here. I'm just like, I'm. I'm so sorry. There's no right thing to say other than, like, I hope people can listen to you and hear you and know at home if they have endured anything similar. We see you and it. And anyone that's trying to say, well, it happened so long ago. It happened when you were five. Oh, well, then it's definitely with you forever. Like, this is ingrained in you, and you can get through it, but don't feel like you have to get over it.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. I think also both can be true. Like, I love gymnastics, and I have so many wonderful memories with my teammates, and I'm still so close with them, and there's been. I'm so proud of my gymnastics career, and I'm so excited to watch the Olympics. But then also, it could also be true that there was also a lot of moments that were really hard for me, and I still struggle with it to this day. And I also think, to your point of, you know, whether someone. I think a lot of times people will naturally. I think when people have been through hard times will be like, well, mine wasn't as bad. We kind of justify why it's not as bad. So I also want anyone who's listening to know, like, don't compare your experience to mine. Whether your abuse happened one time or hundreds of times or thousands of times, every experience is real and valid, and it all affects us in different ways. And you didn't do anything wrong, and it's not your fault. And just know that if you're struggling and to your point, if it was 10 years ago yesterday, 50 years ago, it's okay to still feel however you're feeling. I think that there's not enough people telling people that have been through hard times that we all are on our own path. And, you know, also, I think sometimes people might not be ready to do exposure Therapy, and that's fine. It took me a really long time to be like, I'm ready to take this on, because it's really hard to open stuff up. And I think if you want to, it's important to find a therapist who will, like, really do baby steps with you. And also, I'm here to validate. I also. I get so annoyed when people ask me why I'm tired. I just, like, can't stand it. Because I also think, like, why do people need an excuse to be tired? You have no idea what someone's going through. You could have, like, the most, you know, incredible job in other people's eyes. But if you're having anxiety, if you're stressed, we have no idea what people are dealing with at home or in their personal life. And I just think stress can be so exhausting. Like, I have seen the way that my stress and trauma has affected my health so much, to the point where it has made me so careful. Like, when someone's like, I'm tired, I'm like, that's cool. Like, just go rest and take care of yourself. But I think people can be really judgmental. We're judgmental with ourselves and we're tired, but we're also judgmental when. With other people, I think. And it drives me nuts. Like, when someone's like, well, why are you tired? I'm like, I don't have to explain myself to you. Like, you have no idea what I'm dealing with. And also, like, this would probably shock people too. But I barely have worked out in eight years because my body is just like, so tired. And it's interesting, like, I don't recover because of the similar with the hospital stuff. Like, my body doesn't recover the way that it used to. So if I were to run even for like a couple of minutes, like, it might actually take me like, several days to recover. Or I'll get like a migraine or I'll get super nauseous. So, like, I just have to be very careful and get very creative with how I take care of myself. But I think that, you know, for people who are obsessed with working out, like, they might be like, well, why don't you work out? Like, in. My favorite is like, when I'm. It's funny when you talk about dating, like, when I've dated guys, a lot of them are like, but if you work out, you'll feel better. I'm like, no, I have like a full on, like, medical diagnosis. And, like, I'm gonna be okay. Like, my Doctor is, like, confident that it's not gonna get worse because I'm aware of it and everything. But I'm like, I just. Because you might feel better working out, like, right now, for me, it literally makes me, like, almost, like, vomit. And I get a migraine, so I just have to do, like, I might have a good day, but sometimes when you have a good day as an athlete, I, like, push myself too much, and then I'm exhausted. But people. It's been hard with dating to get a guy to be very empathetic and, like, know how to, like, be there for me if I don't feel well. Like, people. People don't always know how to, like, handle it well. And my mom is so good at it. Like, in the times where I've gone to the hospital, my mom, instead of being like, you're fine. Cause that's also the worst. You're like, I'm not fine.

[A]

Right?

[B]

You're like, I'm not okay. Yeah.

[A]

I can't walk.

[B]

Yeah. So when my mom will always just say, they're gonna help you. Like, it's okay. I'm here for you. They're gonna help you. And that is just, like, everything I need. Because it's like, she's validating, like, this is crazy, and we're gonna figure this out. We're gonna help you. But she's also, like, there for me and encouraging me. But other people just, like, don't know what to say. They're just like, just breathe. You'll be fine. I'm like, no. I literally. I literally am laying on the floor. I can't move my body.

[A]

I think sometimes, like, note to anyone that finds themselves doing that, which I understand, maybe you're trying to help, but it's like, sometimes not saying anything, but being like, I'm here for you is all you need to do.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Like, stop trying to solve the problem. Why are you tired? Cause I'm depressed. Because I'm anxious. Like, whatever it is, just saying, like, I'm here for you. Let me know if you need anything. Like, and shut up. Yes, just shut up. Sometimes people, it's like, read the room. Like, just stop your dating life. And I want to talk about this, because it is all intertwined. And I think there's so many young women that listen to this podcast that, like, it's hard because when people write in and ask me questions, I wish all the time I could sit there and answer all of them being like, well, I need backstory. Like, what was your upbringing? Like? It all is affecting when you're trying to date and the men that you're picking or the women you're picking or whoever you're picking. So obviously, you're in this moment of your life right now. We're kind of trying to, like, process separating, and correct me if I'm wrong, but, like, kind of process separating your identity from gymnastics and then separating that of, like, Ally and, like, the adult woman you are today. And, like, you're trying to separate that. And in dating, that's like a third head that's popped up. That's like, another beast that you have to take on. In this article that you wrote, it was so brilliant and beautiful. When I read it, I was like, I wanted you to read the whole thing today, but I'm not gonna make you do that. But I have a card that I printed out that has a couple lines from your article that I want you to just read, because I thought it was so profound and accurate. And when you. When I was reading it, I'm like, yes. So if you don't mind just reading this for the Daddy.

[B]

Okay. Yes. This is actually my favorite part.

[A]

Me too.

[B]

It's, like, one of the first things that I had written. Okay. I've lost count of how many times people have told me, you're too picky, you're difficult, your standards are too high. Give him another chance. You're probably intimidating him. Maybe you should make yourself smaller. Your biological clock is ticking. Don't you want to have kids? You should put yourself out there more. How are you still single? Rarely am I asked, how are you? How do you feel with your partner? Do you like the person you are when you're with them? You're single. That's great. It's so important to take time to figure out who you are.

[A]

Preach, bitch. Like, what the hell? When I read that, it felt like it. It was so, like, truly emblematic of every young woman's experience with society of, like. Like, we give him another chance. Like, why don't you? And it's like, because I don't like him because he makes me feel like. Because it's toxic. Like, there's just so many things that women go through in their 20s and 30s when they're trying to find a partner. And so I want to talk to you, first of all, like, why did you decide to write this article? And I'll link it in the description Daddy Gang so you guys can all read it because it's amazing. But why did you decide to write that? Call her Daddy is brought to you by Clorox.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

You know, trying to keep your house clean. It's like one day a week, you're like, I'm gonna get this place together. And then all of a sudden, the rest of the week, you're like, wait, oh, my God. I. I need to keep it clean, but I don't want to spend all that time cleaning. Introducing Clorox Disinfecting Wipes. Okay. Boom. That is where you will be cleaning. This is your ride or die. Let me tell you something. You think, oh, I can't take that much time to clean. You don't need to. You just need Clorox Disinfecting Wipes you. Because just one Clorox wipe tackles up to 50ft of cleaning. I remember my entire childhood. My mother would whip out that box, and immediately my house would smell incredible. You don't need to spend tons of time or millions of products to clean your house with Clorox wipes. It's just one and done. Even with sticky, icky messes, we are talking kitchen, bathroom, literally anywhere. Okay? Anywhere you need to clean up. This. This is what you need to be using. These wipes are perfect for multitasking. If you're like, oh, my gosh, I need to do this right now. Yeah, you do. Because daddy. Gang, what are we waiting for? Plus, the gentle lemon scent is so light and fresh. That smell. When I came home from school. Oh, Lori got the house together. Shop Clorox Disinfecting wipes [e-mail] Clorox wipes call her Daddy is brought to you by Hidden Valley Ranch. This Fourth of July, as you gather to celebrate America's 250th birthday with with friends and family, Hidden Valley Ranch. It will be right there with you.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

Even if you can't be with friends and family, Hidden Valley Ranch will be right there with you. Bringing the creamy, zesty flavor. Hidden Valley Ranch is truly. It is the star of any party spread. It is the star of my life. Can you tell? You could prep burgers, wings, kebabs with Hidden Valley Ranch seasoning before you even throw them on the grill. How about that? Or shake Hidden Valley Ranch seasoning onto pasta, salad and fries. Boom. And then make dip. And then maybe dip the fries into more Hidden Valley Ranch. Drizzle even more Hidden Valley Ranch onto your burger. Yes, yes, and yes. Listen, my Fourth of July. Boom. I'm gonna have my Hidden Valley Ranch in my purse. If I have to leave the house, boom. I'm pulling it out. Hidden Valley Ranch will Be with me at all times. Honestly, this entire summer. Okay. The possibilities are endless and always delicious. There is no wonder why Hidden Valley Ranch is America's number one ranch, baby. The flavor speaks for itself. Celebrate this summer with the bold and delicious flavor of America. Now in a limited edition Bottle available at Walmart.com Hidden Valley I feel like

[B]

I'm always trying to think about ways of how I can talk about things that are important to me, but it's also really important to me to be relatable. And I want to be relatable. And I know that so many people are going through so much different stuff, and I know for myself that I do feel the pressure. I've even, I love my parents, but I've literally had to tell them, like, you can't. I like, yeah, like, every time they would be like, well, we really want to have grandkids. I'm like, I would love to be a mom one day, but, like, you can't control when you're gonna find the right person. And I'm like, I love you guys so much and I would love to give you grandkids, but let's just take a beat. And so they, like, I told them one time and now they, now it's like totally fine. But they're so well intentioned. They're just excited. But I also will tell my mom and dad stories, like, when I don't have great experiences with dating. And because I want them to understand it's not easy to find that right connection. And I think it's a very different time than when they were dating when they were younger. And I just know that there's a lot of people who feel the pressure to find someone. And I think that especially in this Instagram social media world, there's so much pressure for, like, this perfect relationship and we want to post the most perfect version of ourselves. And, you know, no matter who you are, nobody's life is perfect. No one's relationship is perfect. But I also think it's kind of interesting. To me, it almost feels like there's this, like, pressure that in our late 20s, we're like, supposed to find the right person. And I feel like the odds of us all finding that right person is just not realistic. And I wanted to sort of be a part of the narrative of trying to change that because it is so much pressure. And I feel like even I was just for July 4th weekend, I was with friends and just like the amount of people that were like, are you dating anyone? And I'm just like, I don't. I now, no matter what, am like, oh no, I'm not. I just don't. I also kind of feel more guarded and protective because I've shared so much publicly that I'm very protective over people that I date in my relationships just cause it should be sacred and special. And I think that it is. It's. It's really hard to find that good fit. And I also feel like, you know, I've gone through so much that I didn't really have the confidence to know who I was. And I feel like now I'm like just feeling more confident. And it's really interesting because I feel like now I'm finally at the point where I feel like when I was younger dating in my early 20s, it was so hard in the early 20s because I was so afraid to like, tell me about it, even tell them like, wait, this makes me uncomfortable or I don't want to do this. And now it's so interesting. The more I communicate, whether it's like from the first date or the first texts, they're so like, they're more into me because of it. It's really interesting and I feel really grateful for that because it makes me feel. I feel like very quickly I realize who actually is really supportive and understanding. And it makes me. When I do communicate what would make me more comfortable and they're like totally fine with it, in fact go out of their way to do that. It just makes me feel so much safer with them. So I'm going into dating very differently now where I'm not as afraid to be like. Like, I really would like this, this would make me feel good. Where I was so afraid. I think I was afraid they would leave then, you know, and it's actually like amazing.

[A]

Thanks for letting me know. I think that's so relatable. And thank you for sharing that because boundary setting with like a romantic partner. And when I say romantic partner, it could be your first date. Like you're trying to come off like, you know, fun time girl and like you want to not bring like your baggage and be like, when do we have this conversation? And there's so many things that everyone wonders. Like I was having a conversation with my sister recently. We were having fun girl talk and like she was asking me a question and I was like, this is such a good question. Like she's dating. And she was like, is it weird if I bring this up here? And I was like, I don't think so. But you know what if you do? And he Acts weird. Leave the date. Like, there's so many things that you second guess yourself for when you are dating. And I think it's so understandable because there are so many pieces of out there that can make you feel small and that can make you feel insane for bringing something up. And to have you now realize, like, oh, my God, I said what I've always wanted to say. And, like, I was just met with, like, amazing, like, thanks for letting me know. And you're literally like, wait. But you probably couldn't have done that back then. Not because you weren't actually capable of saying those words. It's a confidence thing, and it's like a learned habit that you just have to, like, exercise the muscle more to become. Because it's actually not about them. It's all about you. It's about you being able to sit there and to advocate for yourself and be able to even express that. Because maybe in your early, early 20s, you didn't even know you needed that. Yeah, you knew it was uncomfortable, but you didn't know why or, like, what to say or what. If you didn't want that, what did you want? Now you're like, yeah, she's figuring it out. I'm interested. Like, have you ever kind of, like, continued seeing someone because you just felt like you were behind and you were like, it. Like, I'll just keep kind of like, I'll go on another date because I'm single. And like, whatever. Before you kind of, like, got to this new.

[B]

Yeah, I feel like, yes, I have. But it's okay. Someone told me recently, and it really helped me there because I was saying. I was like, oh, my God. I'm like, so, like, cringing that I dated this person for so long. And they're like, if you're not looking back and cringing, you're not growing. And I was like, that is what I needed to hear. That made me feel better.

[A]

Pause on that for all the daddy gang. You are so embarrassed by an ex of yours. Me included. Let's all pause. And you're so right. It just means growth.

[B]

It's gross.

[A]

Thank God. We're all cringing, being like.

[B]

But I'm just sometimes, like, horrified at the stuff that I would put up with, you know?

[A]

And give me an example. Like, obviously we're not talking specific people, but just, like, a little example.

[B]

I feel like it's interesting. I. Something that I've struggled with with dating is that in the beginning, the guys are, like, really great. They're happy, they're chill. And also to what we were talking about before. I would want, I want a guy to communicate to me what they want too. And I also have had a therapist one time told me this and I've never forgotten it because I used to like wait and then I'd like we talk about it and be like this whole thing where like, it's funny. I feel like if you bring something up when it's like just the littlest bit like on your mind versus like you have like a 30 second conversation about it and the other person's like, great, like you're on the way to dinner, you're like, hey, by the way, this would like really mean a lot to me if we did this instead or didn't do this. And they're like, cool. Whereas if you wait till it happens like 50 times, then you have a three hour conversation about it. So I try to like also just bring it up really fast and then it's quick and it's done and then they like forget about it. It's not a big deal and I would want the same.

[A]

Such a good point for them.

[B]

But I've struggled with, I think, I don't know if it's because some of the guys I've dated maybe weren't like okay with my success or my life, but I feel like they've gotten very resentful and very moody. I don't know if like moody is the right word, but have you ever dated a guy that's very moody because it is just not fun.

[A]

Oh, it is miserable. Because then you're tiptoeing around them, everything's ruined, you are on eggshells. And it almost, it's, you know what it is? I feel like that's so interesting. I've had that where because of their insecurity about your success through the moodiness and through the like the lashing out moments. It, it's a way, it's like a power tactic where it becomes all about them. Everything is on their terms. And you're kind of like, wait, are we still going to dinner or are you pissed? And we're just now going to sit here in silence like, what are we doing? And like everything is on their terms, but it's all like a manipulation tactic at the end of the day. And like, it may not be so manipulative in what they're doing. It's the insecurity that breeds this. Like, how can I gain control? Because I feel so out of control because she's the one in a position of power in Their mind. Meanwhile, you're literally, like, in. In my success. That has nothing to do with you. Like, I'm here in this relationship. Why are we acting like, moodiness?

[B]

Oh, it is. Like, I would say that's something that immediately, like, within, like, immediately I bring that up to any new guy I'm dating. I'm like, this is a total deal breaker for me. I can't, Like, a guy is allowed to be upset or in a bad mood, but when you take it out on me and you're mean to me and you, like, ruin something that we're doing together, that's not okay. But everyone is allowed to. Everyone has good days, bad days. Like, if someone's in a bad mood and they're like, I'm in a really bad mood. But, like, I need. Like, I'm gonna go to the gym or I need some space or, like, can we talk about it? Totally fine. But when I'm sure you've had, like, when you do something together and you're like, I we just went to this concert. I would have gone with my friend. Right. I'd rather you have not gone. Or like, why are we going to dinner together if you're just, like, miserable? Like, I would have rather you told me, and we wouldn't have done that. So I just. That is something I look back and cringe on. I'm like, wow. I think because I'm a people pleaser and I tried. I really wanted to help them. I didn't realize there's, like, a difference between being supportive to your partner and then having them treat you not well. So I'm learning that. But that is something, like, I immediately bring up to a guy. I'm like, I am like, that is a deal breaker for me, and I'm not going to be treated like that.

[A]

That's interesting. When you look back at that, like, moodiness is, like, one thing. And I feel like now that you're talking about it more, it's a little bit more than moody.

[B]

Yeah, I think so.

[A]

Yeah. I'm like, wait a second.

[B]

Yeah, it was. It was. It's.

[A]

I don't think I realized moviness is the people pleaser. And you being like, he's just moody. I'm like, hold on.

[B]

No, I think it's. Yeah, it's. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, you are right. Add that to the list of therapy, right?

[A]

You're like, yeah, write that down. Yeah, hold on.

[B]

Yeah, that's the thing that I'm like, that is a full on deal breaker, right?

[A]

Like, not treating you right.

[B]

But it's interesting because I don't want to, like, you know, give in to. Well, it's interesting, like, when you think about stereotypes, I feel like women are stereotypically told that we're very moody and, like, we're like, on our periods and everything. And this is just in my experience, so I'm not trying to generalize, but, like, the women in my life are not in bad moods. And I honestly. I honestly like. Or if they're in a bad mood, they'll, like, communicate with me. But I really. There are a lot of men in my life that are. Do not. And I think it's because our society doesn't let men be men. I'll give them the benefit of the doubt for a moment, but, like, I feel like a lot of men in my life, and not even just in relationships in different areas, will take out their bad mood on me. And I'm also, like, sometimes too nice where I'm working on. I need to be better at being. It's just. It's very hard for me. But it's really interesting because I'm like, why is there such a, like, stigma that women are always moody? But I think because we're more open about therapy, we could call each other and be like, I'm having the worst day. We talk it out and we're good. But I don't think men have that same outlet.

[A]

Okay. I think you're on to something, and you're so right. I think it's this. I think women are more emotional in the best way because we actually express our emotions. And we actually are trying to, like, constantly work through things. And the way that we get through it is most of the time communicating. Like, if I'm upset, I'm going to say something. We all know that we cannot hold back.

[B]

Like, are you good at saying something if you're upset?

[A]

Oh, yeah. I've gotten better. But even when I was bad at it and I hadn't been in therapy, like, it's gonna come out one way or another. It's just a matter of if it coming out immediately, or am I gonna go sit in the room for an hour and then I'm gonna walk out and tell him I'm upset. Like, it's coming out with men. Men are moody. Women are emotional. And I would way rather be emotional because at least I'm in tune with my emotions. The moodiness is this big twister of a storm of all these things. And it's like, poke the bear and they're so moody, and it's like, why are you moody? They can't tell you because they don't know how to half the time express their emotions. Bye.

[B]

I just wish men knew. Like, I find it so attractive when a guy is vulnerable and open. Like, if a guy. It's so. I think it's so hard to find a man who's secure enough in himself to be like, can you just sit down with me for a minute? I'm, like, having a really tough day, or I'm struggling on this. Like, I would feel so into that and so attracted to that that I wish more men knew that. That is so attractive. And I. I feel. I have empathy for them that they feel like they can't. They have to be so tough all the time because it's so. There's literally nothing better when you're, like, on a date and you're just, like, vibing and. And you're just, like, socially. Yeah. Connecting about stuff. And it's just. It's really nice to have that connection where you both don't feel judged and you both can go to each other. And I think that that is hard to find. And that's, like. I think relationships. It should be. They should be hard to find, because I think that's what makes, like, finding the right person, you know, more special.

[A]

In your 20s, what partners were you pursuing? Like, describe?

[B]

Oh, I used to. I used to really go for the athletes, the professional athletes. Oh. And it's really hard to find a really good one. There have been a few very sweet ones, and I'm grateful for that. But, yeah, it's. It was. It's hard. It's hard to find a good one. I just think that.

[A]

Give me some qualities.

[B]

Yeah. I definitely wasn't treated the way I think that girls deserve to be treated, I think. Yeah, I think that was definitely my type. But I also will say, what's interesting is, like, for years, people were like, you gotta stop dating the athletes. I was like, all right, I'll date. Like, I'll go on a date with anyone. And I've been, like, so open. I literally would, like. Like, if someone set me up with someone, I'm like, I don't need to see a picture. Like, I'll just go on a date. And I go on these dates, and I'm like, okay, maybe I should be like. It's like, finding that I was trying to, like, find the right balance of, like, trying to be more open. Because I also think it's, like, crazy when we Meet someone, you feel a vibe and like, you know, you think about, like, maybe if someone showed you a photo of them, you wouldn't have maybe said yes. So I try to be, like, very open minded. But like, even dating guys who are not professional athletes and like, not in the public eye, like, some of them are not great either. So it just really just depends. I think that there's always like, good guys and same thing with. I'm sure guys will say the same thing. There are some girls who they. Or women they've dated that are wonderful and others, like, we all have had probably good and bad experiences. But I think that what I've also learned. I'm curious what you think about this is like, I used to take it so personally when I was younger. Like, if I dated an athlete, they were probably texting 30 people at the same time. Like, if they're not looking for something, there's just, most of the time there's no chance, like, they're not interested and it's not. I wish I knew, like, dating wasn't personal because I used to take it very personal when I was younger. And now I'm realizing, like, at least for me, I feel like guys show pretty quickly, like, what they're looking for and what they're interested in. Like, I'd have a guy like, years ago who like, you know, would like, text me like once every two, you know, two weeks or like, barely take much dinner. I'm like, oh my God. Do you think he's just busy? It's like, no, he's just not interested.

[A]

He's definitely not busy. Yeah, he could be busy, but he's also not interested.

[B]

Yeah, Like, I think now I do a better job of not overthinking and just being like, they're either. Like, I love. I saw something on Instagram that's like, when a guy is into, you know, if you're confused, it's just not it. And I really tell myself that too. Like, it doesn't mean, especially in the beginning, like, every person has like a different cadence of how. Like, even if, you know, sometimes I think people get so caught up in, like, oh, if you're texting every day or doing this, like, is, are they taking you out to dinner? Are they showing interest? Are they like you? I think that our gut is usually right and we should listen to that more because I think that that is something I wish I listened to more is like, understanding that if a guy is like, looking, then they're looking, but if they're not, it's like it's kind of hard to I think in my experience like change their minds.

[A]

I completely agree with you. And I think though what I have started to realize, I would say in the past couple years is like, I used to look at it a lot like, oh, I wish I would have done differently. And I actually the only thing I would change about everything you're saying is like, I think that guys definitely do show you immediately like what their kind of down to give you. And I think a lot of the times when we are not completely like full within ourselves and healthy and good and like know exactly what we want, we ignore that and we just choose to like kind of see what we want out of them. And I think that's normal and that's natural because that just means you're not ready for that end game relationship yet. You still have work to do because if you are going for someone that is treating you like that, it's because you're working something out on your end of like, like you needed to get this certain validation and you liked this one part of them and you're completely ignoring the part where they're like treating you like. And then eventually it ends because you wake up to being like, I feel like shit, why is this happening? And then you go to the next relationship and then maybe if you go for something a little different, it's because you're looking for something different to fill the void of xyz. All of a sudden these string of moments of dating all these different people builds you into this healthy person because you start to just, just create your palette of like, taste of like, I like this. I definitely would never go for that because we all know it. You go on the date and all of a sudden you're like, I remember my ex did that. I'm nope, I'm not interested. And you're out. But you needed to learn it in the first place to even recognize it. That's how I felt like when I met Matt. I, there were so many green flags and I, I always say had I met Matt when I was like 22, I would have been, have probably not dated Matt because I wasn't ready for Matt. So like, I think in a way when you're dating there's, there's almost like a hopeful element I can give to all the girls listening if like. And you of like this is really exciting because you are like building this like repertoire of like memory and understanding and you're just understanding what you like, what you don't like. And you're putting up with things as shitty as it feels in the moment that you'll never put up with again unless you don't grow. And half of the battle is on you. When people are like, God, what? This happened to me again? Did it happen to you, or did you put yourself in that position again?

[B]

I know I once had a. Actually a male therapist say to me one time. He was like, I was just talking to him about dating, and he was like, why do you think you're attracting these people who are treating you that way?

[A]

I was like, pulling yourself out the window.

[B]

Okay, you have a point. I was like, but maybe you can say. You could say it a little bit nicer. But he was like, why do you. What do you think is, like, wrong with you that you're attracting people like that? And I was like, that is something that, like, I'm the common denominator. So, like, I have to. And also that is separate from, like, if someone's in an abusive relationship. Very different. Like, different. Very, very different. But for me, like, I just had to take a hard look at being like. I also go through phases where, like, I'll go on dates, and then I'm like, I need a break and I need to take dating fatigue. Yeah, I need to take some time for myself. And it's really interesting because, like, the times where I'm the most happy being single and on my own, I, like, really try to think about I'm only gonna date someone or let someone in my life if they just, like, enhance or add to my life. And I think that really helps when I have that foundation of knowing what I want and what I'm looking for. But it is. It's. I definitely like the idea of being with someone when it's not right is just so lonely to me. And I just don't want. Want that.

[A]

It's so lonely. And I. I need to find this article. I read it so many years ago that my mom sent me. Now, looking back, I'm like, I think she sent this to me when I was in my previous relationship that I was miserable. And. Thanks, Mom. And it's a little, like, diagram that this person wrote. And it's an article about how, like, someone that is single is one step away from a healthy relationship. Someone that is married, in. Or in a relationship in a miserable relationship is three steps away from a healthy, happy relationship because they have to remove themselves from that relationship. Then they have to get good on their own again, and then they can start to seek health and happiness. With another person. But it's like, that's so exciting. And you have to be. I be so intentional about who you let into your space. But I agree. It's like, you have to get so good with yourself, because that's when you really start to attract good energy. When you get out of a relationship and you fling yourself to the neck, that's when you're just kind of, like, off balance, just trying to find anything that will, like, make you feel happy. But for a quick moment, it's not like you're actually stable enough to be like, hold on. What did I learn from that relationship? Let me be alone for a minute now. Let me go find something better. It's really tough, though. It can get exhausting.

[B]

It is exhausting. I'm curious what you think about this, because I feel like a lot of people are. Have different opinions on, like, when I go on a first date, like, if I am not excited to see them again, like, if I'm even on the fence, I'm not going on a second date. I'm curious what your perspective is on that. I just think it should be, like, easy and comfortable.

[A]

Okay. I have thoughts.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

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[B]

Oh.

[A]

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[B]

Okay.

[A]

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[B]

Sometimes you don't know until you.

[A]

Right. I agree.

[B]

Sometimes it's like, I will say that, like, sometimes there's almost this, like, awkwardness.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And then when you kiss, you need

[A]

to get out of the way.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yes. I kind of, like, am so down for a first kiss on a date. Like, I actually.

[B]

Well, you know what's kind of funny is sometimes, like, I feel like it's funny the guys who really comfortable just like grabbing you and kissing on the first day. I found sometimes they're just like, so smooth, know what they're doing and maybe they're a little bit more of a player.

[A]

Yes, I agree.

[B]

But like, so it's. And then sometimes the guys that are a little bit more timid, not always but they're just, like, trying to be, like, really sweet and respectful. And it just depends on, like, their experience. Like, if you're dating a professional athlete, like, they grabbing the back of your neck. Yeah, yeah. Romance.

[A]

But then like, three weeks later, you're like, like, hello. Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

You're like, wait, you just ghosted me. You just told me you wanted to date me and then you just ghosted me. What?

[A]

We were getting married. Okay. That.

[B]

It just depends. It depends on who it is. You have to, like, know the person.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I think it depends. Like, I do. Yeah. Whenever I theory. Yeah. Okay.

[A]

Okay. My theory is this. What my friend said to me was, she was like, well, you said that, like, you and Matt had sparks immediately on the first date. And I'm like, that is true. However, I have been in love before and I have been in love with people before that I didn't feel the, like, insane spark on the first date. And so I think my. My new rule to that I tell my friends is unless it was like, so bad that you were like. Whether it was how they spoke about something that you're like, I don't like the way they spoke about, like, their family or their mom or like, whoa, that was a red flag. If it was like a. It was a good date. Like, I don't know if the vibe is there, but I can't tell. Like, go on the second date because I feel like first dates. Unless you are a fucking pro. And then yet again, why are you a pro at first dates? It is like, harder than a job interview, in my opinion. Because a job interview, you have your piece of paper and you're reading your exact qualifications, and it doesn't actually matter that much on your personality. This is like, like every fucking thing of the delicate dance of your looks. Your are you funny? Are you charismatic? What's your personality? Do you vibe. It all has to match perfectly in one hour at a dinner. Like, give it a second shot. I think once the second date doesn't go well, never see them again. But if it was like a. Hmm, I don't know. I would say try it again. And I would say try a different vibe than the first date. So if you did a dinner, now go do an activity. If you did an activity now go sit down and have face to face dinner. I would say do a second date.

[B]

I think it also depends on if you're dreading going on a second date.

[A]

Yeah, don't.

[B]

But I think if you check in

[A]

with yourself, check in with yourself. Because I used to do that. And it was like, am I dreading going on the second date? Does it have anything to do with him? Or am I being lazy? And am I being. And when I say lazy, I'm not actually being lazy. Am I being. I want this to be easy. I wanted to feel it immediately. I wanted the spark to be there, and I wanted to be a done deal. And I wanted to be like, boom. It's not easy because. Do the work in the beginning. Because then once you actually in a relationship, like, that's also another set of just hell. Where you're, like, figuring out each other's trauma and boundaries and family. Like, the first date. I don't know. I don't think. I don't think we can count people out unless there's a glaring issue.

[B]

You're like, okay, let me know. I feel like a lot of people say that, but what do you think about if you're on a first date or a second date and you kiss and the kiss you don't feel that's That. I don't use the word spark because I feel like that's, like, unrealistic. But you just. Connection. Yeah. It's not there. Do you. I don't. I think if you don't have that, like, physical sexual chemistry in the beginning, I don't think you can, like, create it.

[A]

I completely agree. And I think that is so disappointing

[B]

when that happens, too.

[A]

It is so sad because you are, like, worse is when. If you went on a first date and you didn't kiss and you go on a second date, and you are, like, kind of fantasizing about it. You're, like, walking around your place. You're, like, drinking your coffee in the morning, like, picturing, like, you're almost, like, creating, like, a movie in your head of, like, what it's gonna be. And then it happens, and you're literally like, I need to go home. You're like. You're like, oh, God, I'm never gonna see you again. And that was not. And then when they're into it and you're not.

[B]

That's what I was gonna say, too. I sometimes feel like. Do you think that, like, we are sometimes more picky about that than men?

[A]

Yes. Because I think that there. You also then don't know their intention completely. Are they just hoping that they're gonna sleep with you while you're like, oh, I'm actually, like, looking for a partner? So they're like, hey, Allie, that was amazing. Let's go back to your place. And you're literally like, I hate you. Like, I literally felt nothing below the belly button. Like, we gotta go home. I think that men are less picky because men are just like dogs. And they're just like, oh, that was great. Meanwhile, it's like, no, that wasn't great. Like, what about that was great, Daniel? Like, that was bad. Like, leave me alone. So, no, I. I think you. I think you're on the right track. I also think everyone is different. But I don't know, ladies, maybe this is like the year of second dates. Because then at least you're. I think then you're training yourself to. Maybe then you can just start knowing in the first date, but start pushing yourself to see if there is a shift ever on the second date. And then maybe there is. And then you're like, holy. Maybe I need to stop counting people out. Because what I said to my friend was, she was so cute. She was like, you know me, I can be a little socially awkward in the moment. And I was like, but think about this. How many times have you told me, I wish people knew me, like, in settings with like, all of us and our friends, when I'm the most comfortable. You wish that people would give you that. So give that to the other person.

[B]

Wow. Okay.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Have convinced me we're going on a second date.

[A]

Get your phone out, girl. We're like, I think it's. Listen, there is. There's. There's no harm in it. And what I can say is if you are super anxious about the first date or second date. Oh, you could do it as like a drinks or something that you have somewhere to go afterwards. So you always have an out. And then if you're vibing, be like, let me cancel my dinner. Like, let's actually have dinner together. Let's go down the street. But you can always give yourself an out. Like, let's. I have like an hour before, like a work thing I have to go to. Like, want to meet for drinks. Like, it doesn't have to be this fucking three course sit down dinner where you're literally like at the appetizers and he's eating his calamari and you're like, oh, my God, I literally hate you.

[B]

I'm stuck here for two hours.

[A]

Like, this is a waste of my life. Like, don't do that. Grab a drink.

[B]

Worse when you're. When they're just like. You just know right away.

[A]

You're gridlocked.

[B]

You're just like. But also, I will say sometimes you, like, go on a date with someone and you are like. You are the nicest person. You are going to be an amazing.

[A]

You are just not.

[B]

You're amazing. You're going to make some person so happy. I just.

[A]

Not me.

[B]

No, it's just not me. But it doesn't. That's what. Dating isn't personal. I've gone on so many dates where I'm like, you're just, like, so wonderful. I have nothing bad to say about you, but it's just like. And it's the same with men. I've been in serious relationships with you. I'm like, you're so wonderful. It just. There's. You know, when you're. Yeah.

[A]

When was the last date you went on? Come on.

[B]

It was a few weeks ago. It was a few weeks ago. But I'm not sharing anything else.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I'm not sharing anything else.

[A]

Was it a first date?

[B]

Yeah. Not sharing anything else.

[A]

I keep saying that. I'm not sharing anything else. You're like, alex, Alex. I'm like, did it go well? Mm.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

But I'm not sharing anything else. I just keep asking. You keep answering.

[B]

Yeah, I did, but that's all I'm saying.

[A]

Did you meet on a dating app or.

[B]

Nope.

[A]

Nope. Should I keep asking for. Okay, okay, okay, okay. We're moving on. We're moving on. This has been fabulous.

[B]

I know. This is.

[A]

I'm, like, having the best time. I'm, like, I could keep going. I. I love, though, the. The biggest point that I love about you writing that article, too, was about calling out, like, I'm 30 now. And, like, everyone's like, what do you do? Like, you are young and you are beautiful and you are successful, and I think it's important, especially for women. I understand. We have our biological clock. Don't rush into something just because of a biolo clock. Like what? Like what? And be miserable with a random person that you hate just because, like, we're 30. Time's up. Like, no. What are you the most excited about, like, entering your 30s right now?

[B]

Well, I feel like I'm most excited because I. I've been told for a long time that when you hit 30, you kind of care less. And so I'm, like, slowly getting there, but I think I'm just excited to, like, peel back the layers of who I am and just have more fun, focus more on my personal life. And. And also, I had a friend one time tell me it was at her bachelorette party, actually, and this was years ago, and she just said, you have so much to look forward to. Like, you still have, like, that. So for anyone who's single, this actually really helped me is, like, you still have that, like, first day, your first kiss, going into that, like, talking stage and falling in love and, like. Like, there's still so much to look forward to. And if you're in a relationship or you're married, you still have so much to look forward to as well. Like, there's so much different beautiful variations and chapters of life that I'm excited to keep growing and evolving and figuring out who I am. Because I also think it's important to give ourselves, like, space and permission to. If you want to outgrow a friendship, you want to try something new, you want to, whatever it is, like, do what you want to do and do what makes you happy. So I'm starting to, like, care a little bit less, but I think that's beautiful. Can you tell I care too much?

[A]

No, no.

[B]

Too much.

[A]

You're like, I don't care, Alex.

[B]

Yeah, I'm like, I swear I don't, but I do.

[A]

Like, I literally don't give a shit. I. I actually think when you were saying that, it just made me think of something that is kind of beautiful. I. When. When I was reading that article you wrote, it was really interesting, you know, and you mentioned it earlier, like, talking about comparison, right? Have Instagram, and it's like, every week you open your phone and it's like, someone got engaged or someone had a baby. And I look back at when I was single, and I talked about this recently, like, I have two different friend groups. One friend group is, like, all married and have babies, and I'm, like, the one last on the totem pole. And then my other friend group is like, I'm ahead of the friend group in terms of, like, my relationship status or whatever the hell you want to call it. And I realize, like, we compare ourselves when we're single to the people in relationships that are getting married and all that stuff. We need to stop. Because what I can tell you all is this. Here's a secret. I am now married. And now I'm comparing myself to the moms. And what I hear from the moms is, then you compare yourself in your parenting style and where your kids are at, and then you compare what your. Like, what is your life balance to your kids and your career. It's like, the comparison literally never stops unless you stop it. And so, yes, it feels right now like, this big point of, like, whoa, I'm either married or I'm not. It's not Just that it's every fucking aspect of life is every fucking thing. Women are just. We keep comparing ourselves. Am I doing it as good? Am I doing it as good? And so I thought it would stop. Like. Like, whoa, I'm. I'm about to turn 30 this summer. I just got married. And I'm like, it really doesn't matter that I got married. Like, oh, no, it does. Sorry, Matt. No, it does, it does. It does. I promise. But I. But I mean, in terms of that, like, of course it was amazing and beautiful, but I also would have been so happy if it happened at 35. You know what I mean? Like, or 40. Like, the timeline. We need to be nicer to ourselves because the comparison game, the next step you get to. That's a whole new can of worms of comparing. So, like, don't worry.

[B]

It is. It's so interesting because for women, as you mentioned before, like, we have that biological clock. And it's also, like, so unfair how inaccessible egg freezing is for women and how expensive it is. And I think it's so unfair because for the women that are able to afford it, I think for so many, it gives you sort of, like, a little bit more, a little bit longer timeline. Not a little bit, but probably a lot longer if you're able to afford it and you're able to even, like, take off the time you need for work and everything where men don't have to worry about that. So it's very different. And I think it's so messed up how expensive egg retrieval is. It's so expensive. And obviously people need it for various reasons, but I think that adds a really complicated piece to it. And I also think that there's also so much pressure. I was gonna put this in the article, but then I just, like, didn't. It's like, a balance of not writing too much, and. But there's also so many people, like, don't want to be a mom, and that's also okay. And I think a lot of people feel guilty for that. And if someone doesn't want to be a mom or a dad, they don't have to be. And I feel like people are so judgmental. And I know, you know, for some of my friends that are married, like, they must feel like everywhere they go, people are asking them, when are you having kids? And it's like. Like, it's just. Not everyone wants to. But it's also so much pressure, and also, so many people struggle with infertility, and it's just such a personal thing that People go through, and there's just like, so many layers to it. But I just think, like, I'm someone where I've always wanted to be a mom, and I'm excited for that. But I can't imagine, like, how frustrating it must be for people who don't want to be a mom, but maybe feel like they have to be or they feel the pressure.

[A]

Yeah, no, I love that you're saying that, Ali. And I think this is like, it's like the trickle down effect of, like, I, I think a huge thing. I'm also taking from this and I try really hard. Like, I never ask people in interviews, like, do you want kids? Because it's like, we don't know anything behind the scenes. Kind of like when you said, when people ask me, why are you tired? Literally, stop. Just stop. Stop asking people. Like, I, like, oh, my God, the minute I got engaged, when are you getting married? When are you having kids? I'm like, oh, my God. Like, some of these people feel so entitled to answers that they have no business having or even asking. And I feel like we need to stop asking people, do you want kids? Or, oh, my God, when are you getting married? And like, are you dating Ally? It's like, read the room. If you have now asked Ali or one of your single friends constantly, every time you see them, imagine how annoying that is. Like, imagine how frustrating that is. Like, maybe wait, like, how. What's going on in your life? Like, how are you doing?

[B]

Well, like, if I was in a, like, happy relationship, like, like, you would know. I will tell you exactly. Like, they'd be here with me. You'd know. You know, sometimes it's. Yeah, I was at a group dinner and someone actually that I didn't know the other day was like, like, in front of everyone. And they mean well, but they're just like, so, Ali, like, what's the dating life like? And. And what? Like, are you dating anyone now? And I'm like, after being asked 10 times that day, I'm like, I just. Why is this always have to be the conversation? Like, why can't it just be. It's just all the time, right?

[A]

Like, what have you been up to? Like, do you have, like, anything fun you're looking forward to? What are you up to this summer? Like, I think that we. Yeah, I would just say Daddy gang. Like, be more cognizant. Anytime you're asking your friends whether they're the single friends, whether they're the married friends, whatever it is, like, be mindful and read Some context clues of, like, if your friend hasn't brought up kids to you, maybe it's because she doesn't want them, or maybe she's having a hard time with it, like, being a little bit more generalized in our questioning and, like, letting them answer what they want to answer about their life. And stop leading with, like, something so pointed that kind of puts them on the spot. It's like, excuse you.

[B]

It's, like, shocking. I think for people. The reason why I also want to do the article was because it's like, how often do we hear someone be like, I just turned 30 and I'm feeling better than I have in a very long time? And I'm also like, I'm okay with being single. Like, I'd rather be single and wait until I have a good match. And I also feel like, as a woman, too, I don't know if you ever struggle with this with dating, but I felt like. Like, as I got older, I have this. I'm like, I really hope that guys don't perceive, just because they know my age, that I'm, like, desperate or, like, you know, that, like, perception of, like. I feel like I hope they're not thinking I'm just, like, in a rush because I don't have a timeline. I genuinely don't. And I always wonder that.

[A]

I think you can. I think you can point to that by the way you speak on your dates of, like. Yeah, like, I'm just, like. I'm. I'll be honest. I'm dating, and I'm kind of just, like, looking for people that, like, I like to spend time with. And, like, I'm not in any rush to do anything. I'm just, like, looking for, like, a good person to, like, hang out with and spend time with. And, like, I think the way that you speak about it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Can immediately disarm that concept of, like, no, you're not desperate. You're actually, like, better than ever right now, and you're, like, working on yourself, and. And no one is gonna get to just come in and be your partner. They're gonna have to be really fucking great. Okay, last question. What is something that you've learned about yourself recently that you wish you had known in your early 20s?

[B]

Ooh, good one. I wish that I trusted my gut more and just listened to that more. And also realizing it's okay, in fact, important to be myself. And I found the more I figure out who I am, the more. The better relationships I have and the more fun that I have. So, yeah, I think. Trusting my gut.

[A]

Ali, I cannot thank you enough for coming on. This was like, one of my favorite conversations. I just feel like we. We hit so many different points. You are so smart and just like such a fascinating human being. And I really appreciate you opening up because I just know this episode is gonna touch so many women. And like, like, you really went in so many different directions that I'm like, I have no questions left. Like, you killed it. You crushed it. Thank you for coming on. Like, I. I'm so happy we finally met. And now let's go hang out in Paris.

[B]

Oh, my gosh. Wait, are you gonna be 30 in Paris?

[A]

No, August, but we'll do.

[B]

That's fine. Yeah, we're gonna like. We're gonna be like our third. Yeah, we're gonna have. Okay, perfect. Yeah. Thank you so much for having me on. This was so wonderful.

[A]

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[B]

Okay.

[A]

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