Aubrey O’Day: Overcoming Toxic Men (ft. Diddy, Trump & Pauly D) (FBF)

Summary

Podcast Summary: Call Her Daddy – Aubrey O’Day: Overcoming Toxic Men (ft. Diddy, Trump & Pauly D) (FBF)

Introduction

In this powerful episode of Call Her Daddy, host Alex Cooper engages in a candid and heartfelt conversation with Aubrey O’Day, a former member of the reality TV band Danity Kane. The discussion delves deep into Aubrey’s experiences with toxic relationships, her struggles within the music industry, and her journey toward healing and self-love. Throughout the interview, Aubrey shares intimate details about her interactions with influential figures like Diddy, Donald Trump Jr., and Pauly D, offering listeners invaluable insights into overcoming adversity and toxic dynamics.

Auditioning and Formation of Danity Kane

Aubrey opens up about her initial foray into the music industry, recounting the audition process for Danity Kane. She describes the intense competition and the pressures faced during the early days.

Aubrey O'Day [07:01]: "I was wearing the outfit I had on to class to go to class in. And I went to this audition. There were girls wrapped around, like, wherever we were, the Forum or some big theater. And I was like, there's no way."

Aubrey emphasizes the competitive environment and the emotional toll it took on her and her bandmates.

Relationship with Diddy and the Dynamics Within Danity Kane

A significant portion of the conversation focuses on Aubrey's relationship with Sean "Diddy" Combs, the executive producer behind Danity Kane. She provides an unfiltered look into the challenging dynamics and the exploitation she faced.

Aubrey O'Day [09:20]: "My first impression was he stole the oxygen out of the room. I've only met three men in my life that stole the oxygen out of the room. Diddy, Trump, Hugh Hefner."

Aubrey describes how Diddy's domineering presence influenced the band's work ethic and the lack of financial compensation they received despite their success.

Aubrey O'Day [10:03]: "He forced me into a work ethic that I respect to this day because I can do anything on no budget. If you put me in a pile of shit, I can turn that shit into a castle."

She candidly shares the struggles of negotiating contracts and the financial hardships the band endured, highlighting the stark contrast between their public success and private struggles.

Objectification and Pressure on Appearance

Aubrey sheds light on the objectification of female artists within the industry and the relentless pressure to conform to specific beauty standards.

Aubrey O'Day [13:09]: "We were put in these boxes and everybody had a label. And as women, I think that's one of the most frustrating things that we face because we don't. No woman that I know, women are so unique and beautifully drawn."

She discusses the emotional and psychological impact of body shaming and the expectation to maintain a certain appearance, which often led to drastic measures like plastic surgery.

Breakup of Danity Kane and Being Fired by Diddy

The conversation takes a poignant turn as Aubrey discusses her departure from the band and her conflicts with Diddy.

Aubrey O'Day [15:01]: "Diddy fired me on the sixth season. At the very end, he fired me."

She explains the public-facing reasons for her firing—being labeled as "rebellious" and overly friendly with high-profile individuals like Kim Kardashian—but clarifies the underlying issues related to control and exploitation.

Aubrey O'Day [15:27]: "Wild ho, rebellious, you'll never work again was kind of like the last few interpretations of me. What the truth was is what probably you can imagine."

Aubrey reflects on the trauma and lack of support she experienced, emphasizing the long-lasting effects of these experiences on her mental health.

Romantic Relationships with Donald Trump Jr. and Pauly D

Aubrey openly discusses her tumultuous relationships with Donald Trump Jr. and Pauly D, highlighting the toxic dynamics and emotional abuse she endured.

Donald Trump Jr.

Aubrey delves into her affair with Donald Trump Jr., providing a window into the complexities of dating someone deeply entrenched in a powerful and controversial family.

Aubrey O'Day [25:55]: "I think he probably fell in love with me during the show, probably both of us. I was the last woman standing on the show. I was the youngest contestant ever at that time."

She describes the façade of their relationship, where Trump Jr. presented his marriage as a "business transaction" to accommodate their affair. Aubrey shares the emotional turmoil and eventual end of their relationship, driven by external pressures and Trump's evolving persona.

Aubrey O'Day [28:32]: "It's just all fake, and I don't even feel like I could at all make a dent in how bad it's gotten. And I just didn't want to be here anymore."

Pauly D

Transitioning to her relationship with Pauly D from Jersey Shore, Aubrey recounts a deeply toxic and controlling partnership marked by emotional manipulation and abuse.

Aubrey O'Day [50:25]: "I've never really been able to talk to my family. I stopped talking to them. They were like, where did our daughter go? Like, what’s happening?"

She details the controlling behavior, including restrictions on her social interactions and constant surveillance, which led to a loss of self-worth and autonomy.

Aubrey O'Day [52:41]: "You never find yourself asking them and them actually changing for you."

Aubrey emphasizes the importance of recognizing these toxic signs early and empowering oneself to leave such harmful relationships.

Overcoming Trauma and Building Self-Love

Throughout the episode, Aubrey shares her journey of healing from past traumas and toxic relationships. She highlights the significance of self-love and accountability in her path to recovery.

Aubrey O'Day [72:12]: "I went to Bali, and it took me, like, two months to stop taking all medication. I went to an ayurvedic Panchakarma, which is like 14 days of, like, intense, basically, like Indian medicine."

Aubrey discusses how embracing self-love transformed her perspective, enabling her to move forward with resilience and authenticity.

Aubrey O'Day [79:30]: "Stop focusing on me and focus on yourself. Because when I judge people and I don't like people, it's because I don't like myself."

Key Takeaways and Advice for Listeners

Aubrey imparts crucial advice for listeners navigating similar toxic environments:

1. Recognize Red Flags Early: Identify controlling and manipulative behaviors to prevent prolonged exposure to toxicity.
2. Prioritize Self-Love: Cultivate self-worth and compassion to build resilience against external negativity.
3. Seek Support: Reach out to trusted friends, family, or professionals when facing emotional abuse or mental health struggles.
4. Hold Abusers Accountable: Understand that abusive behavior stems from their own insecurities and is not a reflection of your value.

Notable Quotes

• Aubrey O'Day [09:20]: "My first impression was he stole the oxygen out of the room. I've only met three men in my life that stole the oxygen out of the room. Diddy, Trump, Hugh Hefner."
• Aubrey O'Day [13:09]: "We were put in these boxes and everybody had a label. And as women, I think that's one of the most frustrating things that we face because we don't. No woman that I know, women are so unique and beautifully drawn."
• Aubrey O'Day [72:12]: "I went to Bali, and it took me, like, two months to stop taking all medication. I went to an ayurvedic Panchakarma, which is like 14 days of, like, intense, basically, like Indian medicine."
• Aubrey O'Day [79:30]: "Stop focusing on me and focus on yourself. Because when I judge people and I don't like people, it's because I don't like myself."

Conclusion

Aubrey O’Day’s episode on Call Her Daddy is a raw and unfiltered exploration of her battles with toxic men and the music industry's dark underbelly. Her vulnerability and honesty provide a compelling narrative that resonates with many, offering hope and guidance for those facing similar struggles. By sharing her story, Aubrey not only sheds light on the pervasive issues within powerful circles but also empowers listeners to seek self-love and break free from abusive patterns.

Key Sections:

1. Introduction
2. Auditioning and Formation of Danity Kane
3. Relationship with Diddy and Band Dynamics
4. Objectification and Appearance Pressure
5. Breakup of Danity Kane
6. Romantic Relationships with Donald Trump Jr. and Pauly D
7. Overcoming Trauma and Building Self-Love
8. Key Takeaways and Advice
9. Notable Quotes
10. Conclusion

Transcript

[Alex Cooper]

Okay, Daddy Gang. I am so determined to learn another language. I feel like every time I go out of the country or every time Matt and I are out of the country for work, I'm always so jealous of people that can speak multiple languages and I want to learn. Rosetta Stone is the most trusted language learning program to truly immerse yourself in language that you want to learn. It is available on desktop or as an app. Trusted for 30 years with millions of users and 25 languages offered. Daddy Gang, this is your sign. I think it is so attractive. You come off obviously, so smart, so interesting. It's like, why don't we all know multiple languages? Be that person that's able to actually engage with multiple cultures in multiple countries. I am going to start and so should you. Daddy Gang, don't put off learning that language. There's no better time than right now to get started. Call Her Daddy. Listeners can get Rosetta Stone's lifetime membership for 50% off. Yes, that is right. Visit rosettastone.com callherdaddy. That is 50% off, Daddy Gang. Unlimited access to 25 language courses for the rest of your Life. Redeem your 50% off at Rosetta stone.com callherdaddy.

[Aubrey O'Day]

What is up, daddy Gang?

[Alex Cooper]

It is your founding father, Alex Cooper with Call her dad.

[Aubrey O'Day]

Aubrey O'Day. Welcome to Call Her Daddy.

Thank you for having me.

I'm so excited to have you here. I remember watching you in 2005 on the biggest show on MTV at the time, making the band. This show was essentially the original X Factor. People were auditioning. It was thousands of people, and they put the best people together to form a band. Danity Kane, which is the band that you were part of. People need to understand that, like this show and this band that was created.

It was the first reality show that followed singers like it was before. It was before American Idol.

I remember watching the show. Aubry, I'm not kidding you. I was. And I think the entire world was enamored by you. You were so popular. What do you remember about captivating that many people at that time?

So it's funny you say that, because I don't even. I can't even like, associate with that. I. We were so removed from everything. When you're in Puff's world, it. Everything revolves around Puff. We didn't know. We were just working so much. We would be at like 6am Morning radio. We take a flight to the afternoon MySpace event. Then we'd be at night on our tour. We'd do an after party. And then we'd be back on a plane 6am next morning. Show. We hustled like that for years.

So you didn't even understand like the gravity of the situation, which was like you were the it girl in the band and the band had become so successful and everyone was obsessed with it. You didn't even know that?

No, I mean, I didn't know the extent I knew that we. I could see what we were, the numbers we were selling. I could see us charting things like that, but I didn't know we had such an impact.

Got it. And again, to give people context, like you didn't have an Instagram account at the time?

No, there was Nothing. There was MySpace, there was my website.

So let's go back to the audition process.

Okay.

[Alex Cooper]

Daddy gang. We all know good old Burt's Bees for their incredible self care products made with naturally derived ingredients. And that is why it is an absolute loot. It's like there's not even a question. Daddy gang. It is a no brainer to gift everyone on your list Burt's Bees gift sets this holiday season. Because it's the holiday season and Burt's Bees gift sets are literally the easiest must have gift for friends, neighbors, teachers, work, wives, husbands, BFFs, I don't care the people that you need to get a gift for. It's simple, it's a no brainer and no wrapping required because the boxes are so cute. You get to pick from a variety of gift set options. My go to is the Merry Berry gift set with the legendary pomegranate lip balm. Obviously get ready to win at White Elephant and crush hostess gifting. But don't forget yourself in the hustle and bustle of the season. Daddy gang, you know me, I'm always going to give myself a little pomegranate. Okay? And that is in the Mary Berry gift set. If Matt got me. I'm just trying to close my eyes here and think about that. If Matt got me a pomegranate, if he got me a Merry Berry gift set. Yeah, he's going to have a good Christmas. He's going to have a good holiday season. Head to Burt's bees.com and use my code daddy for 20% off and a free gift with purchase this month. That's Burt Bees.com with code Daddy for 20% off plus a free gift with purchase this month. Exclusions may apply. Daddy gang, Go enjoy. Okay, Daddy gang. I love workout clothes. Okay? Sometimes I love to put a workout clothing on even if I'm not Going to work out, right? Sometimes I just want to look cute in a little matching set. And if you're sick and tired of traditional old workout gear, you need to check out Viori. Viori products are designed for you to work out in, but also they look great in everyday life outside of the gym. Viori makes super comfy and versatile apparel that can be used for running, training, yoga, or even just lounging around. You guys know I love a good jogger. You need to check out the performance jogger, part of your dream knit collection. The performance jogger is great for stretching and again, maybe you just want to lounge in these things. All right. The performance jogger is made with dream knit fabric, which is moisture wicking, made from 89% recycled materials and has four way performance stretch. Daddy Gang, treat yourself. Get yourself new workout outfits. Get yourself some joggers. Sometimes I feel like we keep wearing the same ratty old workout clothes and it's like, we don't have to treat yourself today. Daddy Gang. For listeners that are the Daddy Gang, we are offering 20% off your first purchase. Plus enjoy some free shipping or any US orders over $75 and free returns. Daddy Gang, this is a good deal. Get yourself some of the most comfortable and versatile clothing on The Planet at viori.com callher daddy. That's V U O R I.com/call her daddy. Exclusions apply. Visit the website for full terms and conditions.

[Aubrey O'Day]

So let's go back to the audition process.

Okay.

Do you remember the first day? Like, what were you wearing? Did you have to wait in a line like, can you try to remember that day?

Okay, so I was. I had just taken the lsat. I wanted to go to Colombia and study international law. I have a family of attorneys. And my mom called me the day before and she said, hey, I think you're gonna be miserable being a lawyer. There's a glass ceiling. You're far too creative. And then she said, diddy's. A guy named P. Diddy was doing a competition show on making the band. He wanted to start an international girl group on television. And he was looking for girls that sang like Christina and danced like Britney. And the next morning I woke up and I called my boyfriend in college and was like, hey, can you take me to this audition? I'm scared to drive to la. And he was like, I can. I'm working. And so I was like, no problem. It wasn't meant to be. And I got. I went on to campus. I was going to my poli sci class. And then he Called me, and he's like, hey. They like, let me go for the day. I'll take you. So I jumped in his car. I was wearing the outfit I had on to class to go to class in. And I went to this audition. There were girls wrapped around, like, wherever we were, the Forum or some big theater. And I was like, there's no way. I got out of the car, and everyone was singing Whitney better than Whitney. And I was like, there is no way. And then this producer that I'm now very close with, she pulled me out of line, and she was like, tell me about you. Blah, blah, blah, blah. We had a little interview, and then she pulled me to the top of the line, and I went in and auditioned.

Why do you think she picked you out of that lineup?

God, probably because of the way I looked. Maybe.

Yeah.

That's what it always is.

First you mentioned the name Diddy, and it's crazy to me, and I know it's probably crazy to you, but there may be people that are watching this right now that have no fucking idea who Diddy is at the time. Daddy Gang, if you're listening, he was the executive producer of the show, and he, on top of that, was, like, one of the most influential people in Hollywood. He was a rapper. He was a mogul. He was so fucking powerful, and he happened to be the one that was running the band for you. What was your first impression of Diddy, and how did your relationship evolve over time while you were in the band?

My first impression was he stole the oxygen out of the room. I've only met three men in my life that stole the oxygen out of the room. Diddy Trump, Hugh Hefner. Everyone else is noticeable, but not in the way they are. I mean, literally, the oxygen was out of the room. He just stole everybody's breath. He's very, like, powerful and intense. He doesn't. He didn't at that time, say much, so you're always, like, hanging on every straw. How did it evolve? Obviously, we had, I think, six seasons of making the band, so we were together with him for a long time.

He.

He taught me, not taught me. He forced me into a work ethic that I respect to this day because I can do anything on no budget. If you put me in a pile of shit, I can turn that shit into a castle. Like, I learned how to be, like, a really, like, street smart, to be a hustler. Do I think the method that he went about teaching us that was healthy? Absolutely not. And, you know, after six years, two Double platinum selling albums. We were broke. I didn't have a dime to my name. And so for. I mean, like, we had six seasons on making the band. I think we made, like, $4,000 at the most. You're talking about a show that had the same numbers as a Jersey Shore or a Hills or whatever, and we weren't making anything. We were like. And we didn't even know that we could. We didn't know that we could negotiate our contracts. We didn't know that we could say, we're not coming back until you pay us correctly. Nothing.

When you talk about Diddy, it's interesting, too, because I remember watching the show, and I remember that he does come off so powerful. Obviously, he is so powerful. But you. You guys would argue like you were the one person I felt like in the band that had some ability to go at him. What do you remember arguing about with Diddy? What would you guys do?

Everything. Everything. But kind of how it worked was I'm obviously, like, the most vocal and fearless probably out of the girls in those two categories, so it was natural for me. But also, I didn't grow up idolizing him. So I spoke to him like a business partner. And I'm vocal when I don't think business is being handled correctly. So I was vocal. Another reason I was vocal is because I learned quickly, being in a multiracial group that, like, the black women, when they would come forward and speak about something that they weren't satisfied with, it was they were angry black women. Whereas if I did it, it was so cute that the little white girl was trying to have a little comment to us, so it was received differently. So we started to kind of learn how to protect each other. And so, like, I would speak up for things that the group wanted because it was, like, acceptable when I did it. And then when we'd be in the studio, the white girls were not being put on tracks ever. They weren't even being auditioned for the track. They were just. We were just sit there. So I started to, like, come forward, and I said, hey, I'll go to Diddy every time and take that bullet. If you guys say to them, hey, Aubry can sing this part dope, because you know I can. So they would protect me in the studio with producers. Literally, they would get out of the booth and be like, aubry's going to take this now and not even give them a chance to have a say.

Watching young women navigate the music industry with a mogul that's running all of it. It Was fascinating to see the dynamic. And if you go back and you watch some of the clips from the show, the way the women, AKA you and your bandmates were objectified would never happen today on, on television. Can we talk about that?

Sure.

Because I remember a scene where they're talking about your body and you're too big here or you're too this there or you're too slutty. What do you remember about the objectification?

Oh, God. I think to this day all of my band members are extremely affected by it, whether they understand what they're affected by or not. We were put in these boxes and everybody had a label. And as women, I think that's one of the most frustrating things that we face because we don't. No woman that I know, women are so unique and beautifully drawn. Like no one woman is any one thing. But there was just such a desire to put women in boxes. You're the pretty one, you're the this one. You're the talented one, you're the so like everybody had always felt so much pressure. So the girls that weren't considered the pretty ones ended up getting tons of plastic surgery and changing their whole look. The girls that were considered the pretty ones never really felt like worthy and talented to be in a room. And it took project after project for me to feel like I could say I'm a singer. I'm a real singer. I produce, I write, I do every I can. I shoot all of our videos. I mean, I went like overboard with Dumb Blonde just because I was like, I needed to get everything out and prove to people like, what my worth was. But as far as like looks go, a lot of body shaming. I mean, everybody in my group was tiny. I was 100 pounds when I first did making the band. I had no boobs, nothing. I was always a late. My mom was a late bloomer. I was always going to be a late bloomer. But like then when my body started to change in front of the world and people still take photos of me at 17 and then photos now and they're like, God, look at what happened to her. And I'm like, you guys can't take a photo at 17 and put it next to a 38 year old photo like it. There's obviously gonna have been all kinds of changes in that period of time.

What happened to Danity Kane? Why did the band break up?

Diddy fired me on the sixth. I think it was the sixth season. At the very end, he fired me.

Why?

Not for the reasons he said on tv.

What did he say on tv?

On tv, it was like, to sum it up quickly was like, you're wiling out. I was hanging out with Kim Kardashian. We were best friends. He thought I was like. He basically like told me I was going in a hoe direction and I needed to like cut ties with everybody.

So that was the public facing commentary as to why.

Wild ho, rebellious, you'll never work again was kind of like the last few line, the last few interpretations of me. What the truth was is what probably what you can imagine. I don't. I don't know legally what I can say or can't. It's everything you could imagine why somebody would want to fire somebody.

Can you give us a little.

I wasn't willing to do what was expected of me. Not talent wise, but in other areas.

And were other girls doing.

I was the only one that was in those types of positions.

Wow. When you look back on that, how does that make you feel?

You know, I have such a love hate with it all because I don't think I would have been able to be so successful in so many other areas had I not been trained under Diddy. He was the hardest person that you can work for. And it was torture. And not the work part of it, but the other stuff, mind games, like just all the girls were so divided and the men and the people running it had their hands in it, moving everything. There was a lot of betrayal. There was a lot of lies. There was a lot of, you know, when you're. When you're young and impressionable and you're just. We understand our beauty as women through the eyes of the people observing us. Well, who's observing us? Men. So we learn our beauty through a man's eye, which is very subjective. So it's difficult when you're that young to understand your worth as a woman through the men that I was around. And that was very traumatic. I don't think any of us have healed from that. Diddy would be like, you're not hot anymore. Like, what happened? You don't have anything. Like, you don't have any curves. You're looking like just. You're not looking like. I can't get people to think that you're my good looking person. And there was no me too at that time. There was no protecting anyone at that time. You signed a million NDAs and a million contracts that took away all your rights. So you really were operating in an environment that you had no control in.

When was the last time you Spoke to him.

I had seen him a few times after, but I've never really, like, sat down and had a conversation with him.

What do you. What do you think you would say to him if. If you did get that opportunity?

You know, I. I battle with this because there are parts of me that. That are just like, you have so much. You couldn't have just paid us properly. You couldn't have just. We wrote songs on both albums. Like, you couldn't have just given us our publishing. You couldn't have just been fair to us a little bit. There's. There's something really wrong that we were there for as long as we were and we had no money, that we couldn't buy a home. We were on tour for years at a time. We would leave tours in debt to the label because they were recouping things, but we never saw what was being recouped. And by the time we went to go after it, Bad Boy was bankrupt.

What do you feel on a personal level towards him and, like, how he handled being in a position of power and the dynamic between the two of you?

Well, I think it's him and a lot of other factors, like, they decided what. How I was going to be viewed. That's the production company, that's the network, and that's Diddy. So once you're. Once you're presented to the world in a certain way. I had to spend many years, like, in all kinds of twisted webs, trying to, like, you know, I got that, like, sexy girl card. So then I was getting Playboy offers. The crazy thing is, is I'm a huge nerd. I never was sexy, I never was cool. I didn't have sex until my, like, junior senior year of college. I wasn't, like, sexual. I wasn't anything. I just loved working and I loved being on stage. So, like, all of a sudden to play that role was, like, weird. And I took it on and owned it as mine because that's where my opportunity, the direction of the opportunities I was getting at that time. And that has likely set a course for me in life that is very specific and not necessarily authentic to me.

Did your bandmates have any idea of the real reason that you left?

Some of the bandmates saw everything that was happening behind the scenes. Some of the bandmates were a part of it, some of the bandmate. We were very, very disconnected. By the end, the hand had gone in, it had stirred the pot. Everybody was protecting their landing zone. And then there were some that just had no idea that all that was Happening that just got, like, blindsided and then ran away and disappeared because they didn't like it. So, like, did everybody know? I think now in life, we are all very aware of the things that we went through. We each went through different levels of it. But I would say then, I don't know then was everybody was in some type of competition with each other.

So when you left Danity Kane, where were you mentally during this time of your life?

So when he fired me, I just stood up, I said, bye. And I looked at the producers, and they were like. Everyone was just standing there, like, in shock. The producer, like, dropped his fucking clipboard. Everyone was just like, what the fuck? No one knew that was happening. So they, like, let me leave with my microphone on. They didn't even take it off. Like, nobody knew. We. And I just walked out. I got in a cab. I was being honored during Fashion Week is in some, like, one of the most fashionable whatever. And I was. And I was sitting in the car with my assistant, and I was like, I'm really scared. And she was like, I am, too. But this needed to happen. And now you're really gonna have to fight. And for the next, like, six years, I don't even know what I was doing, except my head was down and I was fighting for every inch. I had to take opportunities that I don't necessarily love. I had to play into ideas and concepts about me, because at that time, I wasn't gonna say, this is exactly what happened, and this is this, and that's that. Like, I don't think I had that voice developed yet. And I. And I was just scared. So I just knocked on every door. I stood in front of every person, and I just kept building opportunity after opportunity. But, yeah, it was. It was definitely, like. I don't even remember the trauma. I've had so much trauma since then, but it was my first big heartbreak.

I know you've been open about parts of your relationship and the struggle with your mom. Can you explain with how you're comfortable, like, what the abusive dynamic was?

I think my mother had me. This is just my opinion. I think my mother had me because she felt like she was incomplete and missing something in life. I think I was that thing that was supposed to make her life content and full. You should never have a child if that's the mentality that you're in. So when I wasn't fulfilling her life, I was punished. And I was a nuisance, and I was abused. So, you know, there are all kinds of things I can Remember, I can tie it back into situations and relationships later on in life, but there was always this abandonment factor. And there was. I was pretending all the time. I was going to school with wealthy kids that were super put together and had great parents and nannies and whatever the fuck else. And when I watched my mom get beat by my stepdad, and then all of a sudden, we were living in a car, then we were getting food stamps, then we were living in the back of a mechanic shop, and I could hear my mom hooking up with the guy. Like, I went through these, like, really wealthy times, really low times, but at school, I needed everybody to see me a certain way, which is also something that prepared me for who I became in the industry. It was very easy for me to put on that aspirational role. And, like, that's kind of where I learned it, I would say, because I never let anyone know I was being beaten up at school. I never let anyone know any of the chaos that was happening. It did come out here and there when certain things. I developed ocd. And I would spend my nights, like, my mom would pass out drunk in the shower, and I'd spend my nights, like, laying down next to. I'd figure out how to pick her lock with a bobby pin. And I'd go and lay down and take off my clothes and lay down in the shower and put my finger under her nose so I could make sure I felt breath. And I would just sit there like this under her nose all night until she'd wake up, you know, from being drunk and hit me and tell me to get the fuck out. And then I was like, thank God my mom's alive.

There's so many themes, like you said, of putting on a brave face, making everything look like it was everything's fine, but also getting used to the survival mentality and the role of just having to, like, take care of yourself, but also trying to, like, please everyone around you and make sure everything is okay.

And at the end of the day, there's one other element, too, is wanting my abuser to like me, to love me. Because it started with my mom, and I really did want my mom to love me. I probably will always feel that way until I'm dead.

Let's talk about some of the romantic relationships, because, yeah, it is. Yeah, it is. And I appreciate you sharing and being so open, Aubry, because it is interesting to hear, like, it, it, it, it. All of our lives are all connected, right? To what happened to us in childhood. And then for you to have A dynamic with Diddy of someone that is abusing their power, and you want them to love you, and you want to do everything you can to make sure they love you. And then now getting into the romantic side of things. So before Donald Trump was the president of the United States, he was the host of a reality show, Celebrity Apprentice, and you were a contestant on the show. You then started dating Donald Trump's son, Donald Trump Jr. And he was married at the time that you were dating him. So it was an affair. How did that relationship begin?

I think he probably fell in love with me during the show, probably both of us. I was the last woman standing on the show. I was the youngest contestant ever at that time, and I probably ever. And I was impressive in a way that people weren't expecting. So I think he enjoyed that. He's a sapiosexual. He loves smart people, so I think that's kind of how we both learned each other in this very intense environment where your mind was constantly on the chopping block, which I absolutely loved, because I would rather have my mind on the chopping block than anything else.

So he was on the show at the same time as you?

Yeah.

Got it. Okay. So you guys started to fall in love while you're on this show. You have said and you said today that Donald Trump Jr. Is your soulmate. What was your relationship like?

Happy, funny, Interesting. We both have similarities in childhood with the relationships we had with our parents. So we kind of, like, were able to. Those little, like, vulnerable pieces of us, those little holes, were able to, like, connect and protect each other. I think that he was able to be who he really is with me, and I think that his life in the other area required him to be something he wasn't. And for me, in that situation, like I said at that time, I understood the marriage to be a certain thing that didn't stand a chance next to what we had. So I never was threatened by it, and I never felt guilty or I didn't hold myself to any accountability until I saw my best friend give birth. I saw what a woman's body goes through. When I saw that, I felt to myself a little bit accountability for Vanessa, and I felt shame and, like, I needed to really rethink the narrative that I had been using in regards to that relationship.

Was there an explanation essentially, to you from Donald Trump Jr. To be like, we can do this? Because, like, is that what you're saying? It was kind of like, because this marriage is actually really more of just like a business transaction, and So I have room in my life for an actual real romantic situation. Is that what you're saying?

And I. And I told my family and friends, and they would think you're. They would think the usual thoughts. You're being lied to. And in the situation. So I would go back and tell him, and then he'd be like, okay, well, then let me sit in front of your parents. Let me sit in front of your friends and let me talk to them. And he did.

And what would he say?

That he loved me, that he wanted to be with me, that he was making plans to do that, that.

[Alex Cooper]

He.

[Aubrey O'Day]

Would explain to them. Like, he didn't really talk in depth about his marriage, probably to protect his family, I'm sure, but he would basically get them to a place where they understood that marriage, in our eyes, is much different than marriage at that level. It's a whole different set of rules.

Like, it's an agreement.

It's a contract. It's a contract.

Would he talk about his wife to you?

Yes.

In, like, how did that make you feel in those conversations?

He. Anything that he ever said about his wife made me feel very comfortable in our relationship.

Did she ever reach out to you?

Yeah.

How did that conversation go?

It wasn't nice. I got to see a whole other side of her.

Was. Was it. Was it because she found out, or do you think she always knew?

I don't know because I'm not her. But I believe the type of anger that was being displayed was potentially likely because she had found out something.

Because I'm thinking, if he was meeting up with your parents and stuff or your friends, how open was this relationship?

So in the very beginning, I basically just told him, if we're going to do this and I'm going to be comfortable in this type of setting, I'm never going to be hidden, brought up to your room by a fucking security guard, having to, like, hide and maneuver. Like, we have to be open and together, and we would literally be walking down Melrose holding hands, and he wasn't the president's son, and I wasn't famous enough to have paparazzi chasing me, and we would just live very normally.

What emotions come with being the other woman and having an affair? Like, what were you mentally feeling during that time of your life?

I was so in love and so happy that I don't know that I ever focused too much on this other woman idea because I didn't feel like I was.

Why did it end?

They basically gave him a choice of staying with me or staying with the family.

And did he articulate that to you?

Potentially. Our last conversation, I had taped it, so I list. I'd listen to it back with my therapist. I haven't listened to it in a long time, but I'm. There was a lot of explaining of things then. And then Michael kind of explained to me what was happening on that back end.

This guy Michael.

Yeah.

Can you explain who he is?

So Michael Cohen was like, a very trusted person, attorney on the inside that would, you know, they would depend on to clean up messes for them.

And he was the Trump family attorney?

I believe so. I don't know what the technical realities of that were, but, you know, he kind of doesn't want to be seen as this Ray Donovan, fixer type guy. And he knows that I didn't experience him like that, but he was fixing something at that time, so it was interesting to get his perspective. But he was like, you always worked with me and you always did anything. I asked you to keep it out of the press.

Right.

And to protect the family and to protect a man that you loved. And Don was not strong enough. He wouldn't have. He didn't want to leave you. And I asked you to. To leave him and to go away, and you did. And I'm like, thinking to myself, I did the. I don't know. I didn't remember that I did that. I don't. I didn't remember that. I. I knew that we would keep it out of the press, but I didn't know that. Like, I was part of stepping away from it also. I think I remember it as, like, abandonment, and it was like, overnight, and there was nothing prior to that that ever would have told me. Like, he was the one that was pushing. He was the one that was calling me soulmate. Well, before I even thought of him that way. He was the one with the I love yous and the being together and having a baby and everything else. Like, he was the one driving that.

It's so interesting to hear you talking about this because it's literally like what you see on TV shows. Like, I get what you're saying, Ray Donovan, if no one knows what that show is like, he's a fixer to people and, like, Hollywood and politics. And so to hear you talking about, like, one day you're having this affair, but it doesn't even feel like an affair because you're being told, yeah, the wife I have, it's more of a business arrangement. And, like, it's not actually real love, but this is real Love. So you're. You're infatuated, you're in love, you're happy. And then one day it just ends. And I don't know, because I don't know if I'm reading this wrong, and I'm so. I'm sure maybe other people can be. Be confused. Like, Donald Trump wasn't the president at the time, but when you ended your relationship, was it because he was currently about to be running?

Those discussions were being had, from what I understand.

Okay, so it was kind of like, everything needs to look good. We need to start.

They had a. They had a good amount of. They had a period of time where they were cleaning up all the messes and Michael was the man in charge of doing that.

And in their eyes, you were one.

Of the messes to somebody there. Yeah.

How does that make you feel? Like being a part of, like, almost like the politics. I mean, then we went on to see it with Donald Trump, like, all the things that have been hidden and with the women. And you were in the middle of parts of that. Like, how does that make you feel?

I feel sadness for who he became. I'm a liberal. I am a social justice warrior. I'm very outspoken when it comes to my feelings about protecting underdogs, giving people a voice that don't have as big of a platform and so on and so forth. I have a bleeding heart for people. I'm an empath. Like, I have all these attributes, and if Don was who he is now, that wouldn't be something that he would likely be attracted to and I wouldn't have been attracted to what I see now. So I try to tell people like, you believe that I am who I am. Right. Like, you believe that I am, like, steady in this. Am overspoken in life about the way that I feel about things to a point where it turns people off because I don't stay politically correct about anything. So you can imagine I've been that way since I was a child. So if he were the person he is now, I wouldn't have liked him and he wouldn't have liked me.

[Alex Cooper]

Collar Daddy is brought to you by Liquid iv. All right, Daddy gang. Whether your calendar is booked and busy girl, or maybe you're keeping it low key this year, stay hydrated through the holidays with Liquid iv. They have convenient packets of their hydration multiplier or sugar free hydration multiplier. You get eight vitamins and nutrients, three times the electrolytes of the leading sports drink, and no artificial sweetener. Tear Pour live More powered by Liquid IV Hydra Science. Liquid IV replaces necessary nutrients lost from everyday hydration. One stick plus 16 ounces of water hydrates better than water alone. Stay hydrated, okay through the holidays with Liquid IV. Get 20% off your first order of Liquid IV when you go to LiquidIV.com and use code Daddy at checkout. That's 20% off your first order when you shop Better hydration today using promo code daddy@liquid IV.com call her daddy is brought to you by Ollie Daddy Gang. We all know as women, there are just so many things we are constantly going through. And thankfully, Ollie helps prioritize wellness through every stage of life that we are going through. Right. So from multitasking, multivitamins that keep up to essential prenatal for mom and baby, Ali has got you through it all. Life's tricky, so do wellness on your terms. Daddy Gang. Get what you [e-mail] that's o l l y dot com. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.

[Aubrey O'Day]

So you're basically saying, like, it's a facade and a character that he has to play up?

I don't know, but I think so. When I first started seeing it, I sad for him because I felt like he's sold out and he was so interesting and I think could have been so successful breaking away from that family and just being him. He's gotten into a lane where he's such a joke. They kind of gave him the QAnon crowd as his fan base and he's just playing into that nonsense so loudly. And I. Part of me sometimes thinks he believes it. He's very smart. He could likely talk himself into many places. There was one part of him that I probably could have doubted and nothing else, but this one part. And the one part was his defensiveness and weakness and needing to please his father. He was just so weak in that area. And it was always, like, coming up in these discussions in a very defensive manner. So. And I didn't see him behaving that way with any other topics. So I. I don't know if it's for the love of daddy or because he wanted to have this, like, platform that he now has. He didn't do anything good with it, though, so what's the point in having it?

Did you meet his siblings?

I met. Obviously, I met the whole family. I can only give you my opinion, of course, but there's a lot of competition. I don't know how much they genuinely like each other. That could have changed by now. But at that time, and, like, there was a. They were always raised in this very competitive environment. So, like, can competitors have moments where they become friends or have respect for each other? Sure. But there was a lot of rivalry occurring. Michael also witnessed a lot of it in the same manner that I did it.

Just to also wrap that up, because it's interesting, in the beginning of the interview, we were talking about people that can, like, suck the air out of the room. Right. We talked about it with Diddy. You mentioned Hugh Hefner, and Trump was one of them, that you got to be in a room with him before he was the President of the United States, when he was hosting his reality show. What was your experience with him?

Hmm. He was. Well, okay. So in the very beginning of that show, I was being, like, very fashion forward, so I was doing, like, different, unique things with my hair and wardrobe, and then they were gonna fire me one night. It was between me and, like, Miss Universe, I think, or something like that. A pretty girl versus the not pretty girl in his eyes, and he was making that blatantly clear. My hair and makeup were, like, behind the scenes watching the cameras and got to hear the entire dialogue, and then told me later I was the only one with my own hair and makeup, so they shouldn't have been in that back room, because they would tell me everything. But I got to hear the conversation about keeping the pretty girl over the not pretty girl. But the not pretty girl was smart, and the pretty girl wasn't as smart. And from what I understand, Ivanka was defending me, Don was defending me, but Trump did not like the way I looked. And then I was approached by the two female producers, and they said, hey, you're the youngest person we've had here. You're running circles around everyone. But Trump doesn't think you're pretty. So I need you to part your hair down the middle and push your tits out and wear a tight dress. And so I started doing that. You see, in the. In the show, I was, like, wearing suits, and my hair was in all these, like, dynamic things. And then at one point, all you see after that is parted down the middle.

How interesting to go from what we've said earlier was you never felt like that, like, blonde bimbo, but you played the part, and it became more evident through making the band. You were, like, the beautiful one. But then it became more fixated on your look. So you would play that up more. Did you? And then you go on Celebrity Apprentice, and you're saying you're wearing suits and changing your hair up, which probably, I'm assuming, made you feel more like, take me seriously. For my brain, this is not about my looks. We're here for a job. And then to find out Donald Trump is like, I want to see her fudgeing tits and her hair looking so she's hot. And then all of a sudden, you have to go right back to that blonde bombshell role.

It was very hard for me because I respected those two women so much, and I want to be behind the scenes and be a producer at some point and think that I'd be, like, probably more effective there. And seeing two women that, like, were at the height of the game, they were working for one of the biggest people and biggest production companies around, and they were, like, still telling me, hey, listen, this is what you need to be as a woman. And I remember going home and, like, I cried a little, and I was like, I hate this industry, and I hate, like, I was on such a high. I was winning everything. I was, like, excelling and killing it. And I thought, like, finally, I'm in this zone where people are, like, paying attention to my mind because I've never been, like, attached to my looks. I didn't even really think I was that pretty. I never have been like, oh, my God, this is my moneymaker. I don't care about it at all.

And then once you changed your looks.

I was the last girl standing.

Damn.

Yeah. So. So, like, what do I think about him? Pretty easy to manipulate, if that's where the mentality is. I think that likely there are other people that are running things, and behind the scenes, potentially one of the kids. I think that he was, like, a creepy old guy that just wants pussy and Big Macs. But the intense, like, presence that he has in the room was there, but the conversation never aligned with that. So it wasn't someone like. Whereas Diddy could prove himself when he would have that type of energy, right? And Hugh Hefner, I don't know. I was only around him when I shot Playboy, but he had that same energy. But, yeah, I think, like, I think maybe Donald Trump's was a lot of smoke and mirrors, whereas Diddy is a very talented man. So, like, the smoke and mirrors aspect of him was not something I respected. And then once I loved Don and learned about the whole family in detail, then I was like, yeah, this. This is no good. And then when they were running the country, I was like, this is really no good. And I would wake up every day just, like, there were certain things that were happening that only I had information on. Like, no one else had been in a moment where somebody was discussed that is now being seen at the White House with Trump wearing the red hat. But I know what they were calling him behind his back, AKA Kanye.

Can you talk about that a tiny bit?

I can just say that, like, there were conversations about people that I heard, and then those people ended up going hard and representing him. I saw Kanye in the White House, and I just was like, I can't be in this country anymore. It's too fake.

So you're saying you heard conversations from the Trumps about Kanye?

I heard a conversation that was like, I knew Don's feelings about people, and when I saw them, like, interacting, I just really felt, like, shell shocked. Like, it's all fake. Yeah, it's all fake. I don't know what, you know, whatever Kanye felt in that moment might have been very real for him, but I know what was happening, like, prior. So to me, I was just like, this whole thing is so fake, and I don't even feel like I could at all make a dent in how bad it's gotten. And I just didn't want to be here anymore.

Right. Does it freak you out to be connected to one of, unfortunately, the most powerful families in the world? And, like, you were a part of something. You're sitting on a podcast right now. You have information. Like, does it freak you out?

No. But I have had a lot of people that were very concerned. There were a few really strange moments. Like, you know, I obviously am the daughter of attorneys, so I have receipts on everybody. And my phone was wiped right after I said something very controversial. And people around me were like, make sure you have proof of all the things you said just in case, Which I do. But as I was, like, looking for it on my phone, my entire phone blacked out. I don't know if that's just magic, something accidentally happened or if there's something more sinister happening, but there were, like, moments where I was like, I had. I even asked Michael. I'm like, could they have had somebody outside? Because his cellmate in prison was the guy who leaked. What's the girl from Hunger Games?

Oh, oh, Jennifer Lawrence's dudes.

Yes. He was the guy that. That leaked him. And how he would get them is by sitting outside of her apartment or wherever she lived, Right. And, like, waiting for her phone to be on a certain mode where they could access the cloud or whatever. So, like, there are people that park outside of your home and potentially do shit like that. So it. Is it, like beyond my, my comprehension that something like that could have occurred in that moment? I don't know. But for like a week, I just was like, looking everywhere, paranoid. But I don't. I don't believe that the type of people that could potentially do something like that, that are associated with them, care too much about what Don did before being in office. I thought like, when, when we started seeing all of daddy's girlfriends come forward or one night stands come forward when I did not know anything was leaking. I was at the store getting Lucky Charms because I was shooting a fashion nova campaign for fucking Irish Day. What is it called? St. Patrick's Day because I'm Irish. And so I was like, oh, I'm going to put on the little, like, tacky lingerie and go sit in a bathtub of milk with Lucky Charms around me and do some really creative shit. So I was in the store looking like, ass, going to get Lucky Charms. And I walked out and there was like flashes, like tons of cameras. And I was like. I went back inside the store and I was like, bitch, get it together. You are not that famous that you would not have fucking 60 people taking your photo light. That was not about you. Get it together. Take the ego down. So I walked outside again and it was. And I was like, okay, bitch, that was about you. I went back inside the store, I opened my phone, which was on silent. I had like fucking 600 messages of everyone being like, get inside now. I had no idea. And. And just like that, like, I, I would. They were lined outside of my house to the point where I would have my neighbors go give them packs of beer. They would be sending me DMs, like, Aubry, we're not leaving. We've been told not to leave. I've been out here for a week. I have a wife and children. I'm trying to get home too. Can you just fucking walk outside and let us get a goddamn photo? We'll split the money with you.

And just to clarify for everyone that doesn't understand what you're saying, why was this happening?

Because the affair had been put out into the media.

Do you think you would ever get back with him if you sat in a room with him and found out he actually is still the same guy? It's just all a Persona.

I have mixed feelings about that. If I'm being completely honest, my gut is to say no. Because once you've gone as far as he's gone and said the most ridiculous shit that he said. It's embarrassing and it's not something that I even respect. And if that's what you did in order to get your platform or whatever, if this is a power move, it's not very powerful. It's kind of lame. So my gut is to say no, but have I ever been loved like that by anyone else? No. And I don't have, don't talk to my mom, I don't talk to my dad. I don't know any other family members outside of them really. So I'm this like loner walking the earth looking for people that become my people one day. And because I was in this industry and so many intense things happened to me throughout that process, like I didn't really get to have those 20s and 30s where you find your group of girlfriends. And I try to tell people nowadays I'm like, I'm 38, like, I can't just walk up to a group of girlfriends and be like, hey guys, can I join the group? Like, it's not going to work like that. And everybody tries to just act like that's a possibility and I need to speak it. But I'm not walking up to a group of 38 year old women and being like, hey, can I join?

And I get that. And I get then why there is this, like, want to have such a romantic relationship that not that person's not just going to be, you know, the person you're having sex with. This is like your partner and your best friend. And so I appreciate you sharing the details of your relationship with Don because you gave some like, really interesting, concrete explanations as to like, what it was behind the scenes. One of your other relationships was with Pauly D, the DJ from the Jersey Shore. Were there any similarities between your relationship with Donald Trump Jr. And Pauly D?

No. 0.

You've said in the past that your relationship with Pauly D. Was incredibly toxic. What kind of abuse did he put you through?

So I'm careful about this topic because he's got a daughter that I care for. So I don't, I don't necessarily clarify all of the things, but I can just simply say it was fucking miserable and I'm happy that it's over. And if I'm taking accountability and able to talk about it now with like a bird's eye perspective, I was very sick to allow what was happening to happen. And because of all kinds of unprocessed trauma that occurred in my childhood and after that for long periods of time in the industry. I think at that time I was like, I've never sacrificed my career for a man, so I'm going to now because I want to get married and have children. So that with the combination of how he is meant that I went in knowing I was going to sacrifice and everything that he wanted me to be was expected of me. So I was sacrificing so much that I lost my backbone. It started small. It just was controlling things like, I can't show my cleavage on the Internet. I have to unfollow everybody because we can only follow each other. I unfollowed like 100,000 people. And it was expected to be done by a certain moment. Like, it was just things like that where I was like, this is really insecure and whack, but I want to compromise. I want to, you know, be in this place and kind of this idea of, do you want to be a hoe or a wife? Was always presented to me. And that's was the bottom line to forcing me to change everything that I was. And he kind of paints it like, oh, yeah, I don't. My rules are simple. Don't be a hoe and be loyal to your man. Those weren't really the rules. The rules were much more intense. And there were punishments if the rules were not followed. And there was very. Like, Polly and my mom have direct similarities, like, in a sick way, the.

Push and pull of the love and then. But it's like there is no actually push and pull. It's. You're constantly having to give to that person. And if not, there's moments and work.

Around their, like, stories that they're telling about their life and themselves that I know are not accurate. So it's like being around somebody that does not have the same awareness that you do, self awareness that you do. There was insincerity on my end, too. I. That's right around the time where this Internet, like, phenomenon and Instagram and these couple goals ideas started happening, right? Like Valentine's Day. The Kardashians have run that holiday for everybody. Unless your fucking man has got Kenny G&1800 individual roses plucked into a vase, he ain't. So. So then you just look at your man on Valentine's Day, like, dude, you're what? Chloe got this. What the fuck? Why can't I get that? So, like, so like, everybody and then like, you know, all the Instagram girls that wish they were Kim Kardashian come forward with their fake relationships, and they all have matching outfits and they're matching cars and the matching fucking flowers. If you really are in a happy relationship on Valentine's Day, you're fucking and eating Chinese food in bed with your fat bellies out laughing and watching some tv, you're not posing and fucking matching Jordans in front of cars. You know how long those photos take to shoot? It's miserable. And I faked miserable photos, like as if I were in a happy relationship all the time with Pauly. So I know what it is.

I want to say I really appreciate what you're saying because I can imagine it's exhausting. I guess my only comment really, and I'm trying to think as interviewing you, why do I want to know this? And to be honest, it's because everyone looks at him as like this great guy, Pauly D. From the Jersey Shore. And yet there's this dark side behind that's this abusive person. And I guess I'm just wondering how does that affect you, seeing how he's so glamorized and loved and he's the goofy guy and you were in a nightmare with him.

So I have two different feelings about it. One, it sucks. I've never really been believed when I talk about it to this day. I mean, because I'm being a little bit more specific about certain things. I am getting a lot of people that if you've been abused in any type of mental, mental abuse, physical abuse, if you've been in an abusive, toxic situation, you don't just say, hey, I saw your interview, great job. They'll write me two pages of I went through exactly what you just said. I went through exactly what you said. Here, go to your text messages and type in consequences on the search. And every single text message with the word consequences was from Polly. If you do this, this is what's going to happen in return to you. And it's usually cheating or whatever the punishments are. And usually it's because they wanted to do that anyways. And they're. There's a whole gaslighting circle that gets you blocked and them in some pussy for the weekend. If I had just known to look for just a few things, if I would have known that these things truly mean that this person is not ever going to be capable of loving me, I would have bounced and I never would have wasted that time. And that's the one thing that I'm angry about is like the time wasted. And I have to be angry at myself for that because I could easily have left.

I appreciate when people come on and are really open. Because I know so many young women write into me and ask me questions about, like, how do I know? Like, what are the signs? Like, what should I look for?

And have you been in an abusive relationship, mentally or physically?

I was in a mentally abusive situation where I was with, like, a serial cheater. And it was the gaslighting where, like, no, I love you. Like, that was not what you found, like, on the iPad. And I. And I was like, essentially, I was completely not able to talk to my family. I stopped talking to them. They were like, where did our daughter go? Like, what's happening? And I didn't see it at the time because it was like, no, you guys just don't get it. Like, you don't understand. And when I found out he was cheating the first time, I remember, like, you think you know what you're gonna do. And I like, it's me, Alex. Call her daddy, girl. I'd be like, fuck you. I'm out. And I remember I didn't tell a soul. And I just sat in the room. And it's, like, embarrassing for me to look back and think about because I'm like. But I now know I couldn't have seen it that way in the moment. I was so hurt. I was so brainwashed almost of the love that I was going to get back if I just stuck it through. And maybe it will get better now, because now that I know and we're going to talk through it, it's the goals.

They set a goal, and you're going to have extreme happiness if you get to this flag. So you're running, running, running to get to that flag. And the second you get to the flag, they move the flag over here. Then you're running, running, running, because you know that happiness is coming. You know that they're going to be great. You know that this is good. This has the potential to be all these things you want. And then the flag comes over here.

[Alex Cooper]

Can you.

[Aubrey O'Day]

You mentioned, which I really appreciate. You said, had I known these certain things, I would have bounced what they are. Yeah.

So anyone that is asking you to dull your light so, like, you know, it came down to appearance, clothing. I mean, these things were so big, and they're not anything to me, so I would compromise on them. But the second that you show somebody who has that mentality that you're willing to compromise to what they want, they will never stop doing that to you. You have to train men in the first month. It is highly important that you let them know exactly how this relationship is going to look, period. You need to train them. Maybe I take responsibility that I did not train him well enough in the very beginning and that I accepted a lot of the shit because I felt like I didn't think they were. They felt small to me in the beginning. They got bigger and bigger and the asks got bigger. But in the beginning, and by the way, maybe I'm just the wrong person for him, and maybe everything that I am freaked him out to the core. Because I am open. I am, like, very. I don't play a character like he does. I'm me all the time. There's no secret anything that happens behind the scene. I'm very open about all of my bad and good days, more so about my bad days. So, like, I think that if a man is trying to get you to change small things, don't think that it's going to stay small. It will get bigger. The isolation thing is a big thing. I wasn't allowed to hang out with gay men because gay is not really gay. Gay are just straight men that want to see some titties. So I had to cut off my makeup artist because I changed in front of him one time, and that was unacceptable. So I lost my favorite makeup artist. Like, people. And then. And then slowly but surely, like, either you're being isolated or expected to always be where they feel safe that you're there. And then, like, if I, like, I couldn't have male friends. That was absolutely not happening. I couldn't, like, guys on Instagram, like, producers that I work with that just won a Grammy. I couldn't acknowledge it. When I did, it did not work well for me. It was a big punishment that was horrible. So, like, there were all these, like, just slowly kind of stripping away these ideas, and it was always presented to me as, do you want to be a hoe or a wife? This is what hoes do. This is what wives do. Well, if a man ever says that to you, leave him immediately, because there is no such thing as a hoe and a wife. I know plenty of women that are freaks, that are wives, that are doing all kinds of wild shit, and I know plenty of girls that are sexually free, and they are. Would make incredible wives.

Yeah, I appreciate you saying that, because I definitely.

If I'm a man, I hope my wife is a hoe.

Yeah. Come on.

God, if I'm. If I'm married to a prude, my dick's gonna go unsucked. My entire marriage.

Yeah, the. The ex that I had experienced that with would always Say that to me. You can't post that on Instagram. Like, you look like a slut. Like, do you want to be my girlfriend or do you want to be a slut? And I'm like, well, I think you just like. Like someone's bikini picture the other day.

Right.

Why can't I?

Right.

We were at the beach. Like, it's. It's very. But I really think you did a great job of articulating it, which is all of a sudden, you start to make a little. It's. It feels little in a moment, but as a compromise, you're like, oh, I guess. But it's always you doing it.

Yeah.

You never find yourself asking them and them actually changing for you.

Yes. And that's where. That's where I feel I need to hold myself accountable. Because once I saw that he was never going to ever do anything for me, and it was always going to be the expectation that I change. I should have left, but I was sick. I was lost in these ideas that I landed in this place with this guy that's successful and I'm successful, and we're both these MTV babies, and we're going to have famous kids, and we're going to post all the Instagram photos, and no one's going to see me fail. And I wanted. What I really wanted before I started dating him was to get out of the industry. I did not want to be a celebrity, did not want to be Aubrey O'Day. I did not want to do any of that anymore. So, like, I thought, how can I not be that person and still not have anyone look at me? Like, I failed or fell off. I didn't continue to fight for the goal, the dream, but I didn't want it anymore. And I couldn't. I didn't understand that. So, like, I saw being with him as this nice resting place of, like, no one will ever have seen me fail or sweat. And I would just walk into this little life that was glamorized and people wanted to watch it.

I think that makes a lot of sense. And even going back to how you started saying, like, I don't have a relationship with my family. I'm an only child. I really wanted to get married. I wanted to create a life. I think that everyone listening and watching, you have to be easier on yourself when you have that hindsight. It's like, yeah, it's always 2020 of, like, whoa. But in the moment, if you have things that you really want within yourself, you're going to make compromises sometimes. In an unhealthy way to try to make it fit into the idea of what you want it to be. And so I, I appreciate you taking accountability, but I do think it's like accountability of like an understanding but not being too hard on yourself. Because those situations, when you get in it with someone like that, they are so fucking good at what they do and you had no fucking chance.

Imagine Pauly D. The guy who doesn't own a book that never had an intellectual conversation with me a day in his life, is the smart guy that is so good at doing what he does. It blew me the fuck out of the park. Like, I just did not see this guy ever being able to have mental control over me. And that is something that a lot of successful women have exceeded, experienced, and then do not talk about because they are in shame of that. Because do you know what it's like for me to tell my intellectual friends that Paulie D. Did a number on my mind?

I get it.

It's embarrassing.

Yeah, I understand.

[Alex Cooper]

Call her. Daddy is brought to you by Avocado Green Mattress. You know what? I love to be horizontal. I've said it since I basically came out of the womb. Okay? Sleep is so important to me and I am so, so, so, so intensely adamant about if I get a good night's sleep, I'm a different person. Okay? Here is some advice. Don't sleep on the benefits of a good night's sleep. You may already be familiar with Avocado Green Mattress and they're all eco friendly, health conscious products like their organic mattresses and home furnishings that are better for you and the planet. Well, daddy gang, here you go. Avocados got an amazing pillow you'll love too, called the Avocado Green pillow. Okay. The Avocado Green pillow is designed to provide the perfect amount of comfort and is fully adjustable. Just add or remove the natural fill to achieve your preferred level of support. I don't know about you, but when it comes to pillows for me, I am very, very, very particular. And this makes me very excited because to be able to kind of customize my own pillow. Yes, please. Sign me up, please. I'll take that one, please, you guys. It comes in different sizes too. There is a side sleeper version and even a mini version for travel. Yes, yes, yes and yes. It is made from natural and organic materials. Fall asleep knowing your head is resting on a pillow that's made safe.

[Aubrey O'Day]

Certified.

[Alex Cooper]

So, Daddy Yang, if you are interested in adding sustainable luxury to your bed with the Avocado Green pillow, shop the avocado green pillow and save 10% on avocado mattress.com that's avocado mattress.com call her daddy is brought to you by zip recruiter daddy gang. I have worked in many different environments and some are fabulous and some were not the best experiences. And while there are many types of offices out there that you can work in, one thing's for certain. Choosing the right candidate for any office is a huge responsibility. Well, if you're hiring and want to find the best candidate for your office, you need ZipRecruiter. And right now you can try it for free at ziprecruiter.com/dummy. Everyone that has a business or you are hiring, I highly, highly, highly recommend ZipRecruiter. ZipRecruiter is the hiring site employers prefer the most. Maybe you're wondering, how fast does ZipRecruiter smart technology start showing your job to qualified candidates? The answer is immediately. ZipRecruiter's powerful matching technology works fast to find top talent so you don't have to waste time or money. Daddy Gang, if you are running a business, you do not have time to be going through all of this. Let Zip recruiter do all of the legwork for you. You can invite top candidates for your job to apply to encourage them to apply sooner. Just remember, if you want to find the right candidate for your office, you need ZipRecruiter. See why 4 out of 5 employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Just go to this exclusive web address right now to try ZipRecruiter for free. Ziprecruiter.com Daddy again, that's ZipRecruiter. ZipRecruiter. The smartest way to hire you didn't.

[Aubrey O'Day]

Have sex for three years after breaking up with Pauly D. What happened?

So in that relationship, there was the first cheating person? Actually, I don't remember. She was. Yeah, I think she was the first. The girl who said that Offset got her pregnant. During Cardi B's marriage with Offset, this girl came forward and said Offset got her pregnant. And it was like this horrible thing that Cardi B had to go through in front of the world. That girl is like, I don't know her nickname. She's like called the Black Widow or something. It's like younger generation shit. But she fucks people's boyfriends and then comes forward to the media. So she was the first person I actually experienced her before she did that shit to Cardi B. And she had Text messages. She had everything, DMs and whatever to prove to me. And it turned out that he had hooked up with her, but not when she said they hooked up. And she had screen manipulated the data or whatever. And I was able to get her because Paulie had a dick piercing that he took out during something that he did. And I was like, don't put it back in now that you've had it out. I don't like it. And so she was saying that after that part that she had, she was like. I was like, oh, can you just tell me what his dickering looked like? And she was like, I don't know. But when it was clean clanging in my mouth, I could taste it, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, okay, she's lying. So the first one was a lie. And. But he was reaching out to her again. But did they have sex or anything during that time? I don't think so. So then that kind of showed me. It played games with me because somebody did lie. So was everybody lying? Because there were many women after that. So what happened was, is in the beginning, there were videos of one of the situations after that, all of the phones are taken from the girls that go up to the suite after the party, and they're put in, like, buckets or whatever at the door, and the assistants have them. So after that, I could never have any proof. There was never anything on video that I could actually see proof with. Like, I had prior. But the phones were being taken at the door. So these girls would come like clockwork. I was arguing with cocktail waitresses with tattoos all over their faces about whose pussy is better. I mean, it got so ignorant and cheap. I did not feel beautiful. And because I was not able to look beautiful, because he didn't want makeup, he didn't want outfits. I couldn't be in bathing suits. I couldn't have anything sexy on. So I could never show up like Aubry. I had to show up, like the down, like, head down, not looking at anyone, not being flirty and romantic and loving to a child, to a woman, to an older lady, to a guy. I'm just a natural flirt. I have that energy. I couldn't be any of that. So I just had to shut down and, like, kind of mosey in while all the girls that he fucks are looking at me. And I would just feel like, why can't I be these girls that you're going and hooking up with? So what I started to do was just have, like, extreme amounts of sex. With this man so that I thought his dick would be so tired that he wouldn't want to fuck anyone on the weekends. And I. And then I also made it like a thing that, like, he could not drink anymore because that's usually when things were happening. So that hap. That was cool for a second. And then one morning, I went into the bathroom to go to the bathroom. He would leave at like 4 or 5am to go to a gig. And he was shaving his pubes in the shower. And I was like, okay, that's not. That does. That's not right. So I, like, peeked my head in the shower. I'm like, hey, why are you shaving your dick right now? You're going on a gig for two days. Why would you need to have your dick shaved? And he was like, cause I always have it shaved. I'm like, your shit has been hairy for the past fucking two months, and now all of a sudden you're shaving it all off when you leave the pussy that it goes in. I couldn't take it anymore. I was so angry. And, like, it's one thing if it just happened another time or it was happening every weekend. And it was like, there isn't anyone on earth that has this many coincidences at a certain point. Everyone in my life was like, aubrey, you're not going to have proof, because they're taking the phones. And this is definitely occurring. This is not normal. And his thing to me was always, I'm a celebrity and everybody wants to be with me. And girls lie all the time and they talk shit, and you have to be strong and you have to know your place and you can't fucking react like this. So it was like all of these games, and I would be so tired, and I would just pray that he didn't cheat. Not even because I gave a fuck about him anymore, but just because it would ruin my entire week and then it would happen again on the weekend. I was just in, like, turmoil and chaos. I had very few times where I could, like, lift out of it and try to believe in him, but I was still searching his bag. Every time he wasn't in the room, I'd find condoms in it. Why do you have condoms in your fucking bag? Like, it would just be thing after thing after thing, and it was just like, I just couldn't ever feel comfortable in this. Like, I was just overutilizing my body and sexuality to. In all kinds of different ways and things to get him to not want to do that.

Where are you at now with working through the trauma of just that whole relationship.

Well, I think after. I mean, it was. It was. It went on for a while. So by when I got out of it, I went straight to touring and making albums. I was not processing it. And I was also taking extreme amounts of Ambien. So anytime I felt pain, I just took an Ambien. So once I was taking, like 16Ambien a day or more, I. I just knew I was going to die. I felt like it was coming and I didn't really care. I, like, talked to my friends. They all were, like, scared and sad. And I was like, you guys can go 5150 me. You can put me somewhere. You can call somebody and try to get something to happen, but I'll just. It's not ever going to be anything. You have control over stopping, so don't feel guilt over it. I just have done everything I want to do in life, and I'm sad and I did it all, and I never found a place of happiness. And I'm alone and I know my dogs will be safe with my assistant. And I just was like, okay. If I went to sleep and didn't wake up, I wasn't like, making plans to do it. But I just knew every time I had to take more pills to fall asleep that, like, maybe this one more pill will just allow me to be put down. And that's when I went to Bali, and it took me, like, two months to stop taking all medication. I went to an ayurvedic Panchakarma, which is like 14 days of, like, intense, basically, like Indian medicine. So you would be. Everything's natural. You grow everything that you put on your body. You grow everything that you eat. And you're doing Bikram. You're doing, like, Wim Hof ice baths. I was doing Reiki healing, Theta healing breath work. Like, all of these things for the entire time I was gone were just, like, building myself back into a place where I was comfortable. And I left. And I didn't have wigs, makeup, nothing. I was safe to walk around there. There's not people taking my picture. I didn't have to worry about leaving the home and having some photo altered where I look crazy so I felt free. But I would come in the mirror every day and be like, I'm so ugly. Like, I just could not feel pretty until this woman. One day, my Bikram teacher gave me a compliment. She was like, you're so beautiful. And I was. In my mind, I was like, oh, God, what does this bitch want? And then I was like, wait, this isn't a bitch. She gave me a compliment. She doesn't want anything from me. I'm not in LA and I'm not in the industry, so I can receive this as truth. And then I went in and I, like, noticed that I had pretty skin. And that was the first time that I remember saying something nice to myself in 20 years. And from there, I started to build a foundation of self love. And then once you have self love, you can have a bad day, but it's never really that bad.

It's really interesting as I'm putting all this together and listening to your story. Like, someone always has something to say about your body and the way that you look, Aubree. And so there's this fixation. And I remember in the pandemic In August of 2020, Daily Mail photos of you walking your dog in the middle of a global pandemic, and people had negative things to say about how you looked. What do you remember about the day that those photos were taken and the feedback?

So I was at home. Those photos were, like, sat on for weeks. Likely altered because it did not look like that. But I was at home and my best friend came to my door and she was, like, panicked. And I was like, what's. I was just taking Ambien. I don't even know, like, what I was doing except Ambien. And I was like, what's going on? And she's like. I opened the door and she's like, wow, they did you fucking dirty. And then she had her son with her. And her son was like, mom, everyone at my school was calling her fat today. And she doesn't even look like those photos. And I was like, what are you guys talking about? And then she was like, look, there's some photos that are released about you, and it's bad. And I was like, what? And she showed them. I think I saw one of them. And I threw the phone away, called my lawyer. My lawyer's like, take a photo in the mirror with your name and date, whatever, and I'll get on getting them taken down, like, to prove what I really looked like. I was going on Insta stories and posting my body, which is just fucking, like, degrading, frankly. But I sat with her and her son in my living room, and I was like, is everyone laughing at me? And she was like, yeah. And I was like, so, like, is Paulie sending it to his friends? And they're, like, writing shit on it and Sending it as like, memes because they, him and his friends used to do that about ugly people. And I, according to them. And I was like, are they like, passing the photos around, laughing at me? And she goes, 100%. And I was like, so like, is Don embarrassed that he loved me and that it's like out in the world? And she was like, probably. And I was like, so like, everybody that wants to see me fail, that's like, been waiting for me to be a fuck up, are they laughing at me? And she's like, this is literally the best day of their life. And I was like, wow, that shit hurt so bad. There was nothing I could do. There was like, no way to get it down once it's everywhere. And all I was getting was just like, extremely. The articles that were coming out were like a photo when I was 17 and those photos, like, nothing in between, no reference. And also, I did not look like those photos. I don't know exactly what the situation was because I never was able to reach the photographer or understand any of it. But beyond all of that, to me, my first thought is like, what does it matter if I looked like that, right? What the fuck does it matter? I've never come forward and told anybody to fucking starve themselves or be on a diet or look like me. I don't even care about my looks like that. I would be more mad if I came out as a Karen or a racist or some wild shit during COVID That would kill me. Fat is nothing to me. Who cares? But it was that everybody was associating the way they saw me look in those photos to me being a failure and losing it all. Those were the connotations that were being, like, told with those pictures. And then of course, everybody saying, you're lying all on your Instagram and this is what you really look like. And then, you know, everything happens from that. You lose your brand, deals.

That photo. I just remember seeing it. And you're right, it's like, okay, so what if that really was the photo? What if it. But let's pretend it wasn't altered. Like, so are we making fun of someone? Because you are all saying that she looks overweight.

I mean, I literally got messages from girls that were like, I really do look the way you look in those photos. So am I an obese loser too? And I was just like, that's when I stopped posting videos on my Insta store on my story, because I was like, I don't want to get into having to pick sides as to whether I look good or bad according to the world. Like, I didn't want to have to pick sides because then I'm telling a narrative to girls that potentially look like that photograph, that they aren't good enough. And I did not want to do that. And I did not want to act like I'm trying to disassociate with it so deeply that there's something wrong with it.

What do you hope people take away from this or, like, understand about you? If people have a misunderstanding about you, like, what would you say of to them that you wish people understood about you?

I would say stop focusing on me and focus on yourself. Because when I judge people and I don't like people, it's because I don't like myself. The way you think about other people is a representation of you and your mind and your place in life. It has nothing to do with the other people. And once I learned that lesson myself, which I'm extremely guilty of for most of my career, once I learned that myself, I give people the space and respect to just be who they are, and I withhold judging them, and I try to find empathy and compassion for them. And in doing so, I have a happier life. I have more peace. And I make other people feel good now instead of feel like shit. And everybody had made me feel like shit growing up, and then I made people feel like shit once I got some power, which is the cycle that most people play in this industry. The second you get something, you treat other people, you make other people come up the way you did. And I try now. And by the way, that doesn't mean that I'm gonna be without opinion. I have opinions about everything, and I will let them be known. But I'm usually nowadays talking about overall ideas of what I'm seeing happen in our society versus, like, hating an individual human, which I don't.

Yeah, I really appreciate that. And I do feel like everything you just said it has is shown through this interview. The way that you talk about yourself, the insight that you have and the ability to hold yourself accountable, but also be able to discuss what's happened to you. I have a lot of respect for you, and I can't wait to see what you continue to do. Congrats on your music, all the things that you're working on.

And it's only fans, too.

That's what I was gonna say. Aubry's on OnlyFans. She's thriving, so you definitely should subscribe because you put your music video on OnlyFans. Yeah.

You can only see the music. I did a fully nude make music video for my single so it's on OnlyFans. If you subscribe, you get it for free.

Aubry O'Day thank you so much for coming on. Call Her Daddy thank you.

This is great. You have a great podcast.

Thank you.

This is my favorite interview so far.

Thank you, thank you.

You're great. Nobody does selling better than Shopify, Home.

[Alex Cooper]

Of the number one checkout on the planet.

[Aubrey O'Day]

The Shop Pay feature even boosts conversions up to 50%. So if you're into growing your business.

[Alex Cooper]

Your commerce platform better be ready to.

[Aubrey O'Day]

Sell wherever your customers are scrolling or scrolling.

[Alex Cooper]

Upgrade your business and get the same.

[Aubrey O'Day]

Checkout top brands like all birds use. Sign up for your $1 per month.

[Alex Cooper]

Trial period at shopify.com podcast free. All lowercase go to shopify.com podcast free to upgrade your Selling Today, holiday magic is in the air and DSW's got.

[Aubrey O'Day]

All the shoes to make your season extra merry. Believe you've got parties to attend and lists to check, so DSW is taking care of the details like gifts to make their eyes all aglow.

[Alex Cooper]

Styles that bring joy to your world.

[Aubrey O'Day]

Brands everyone wants like Ugg, Nike, Birkenstock and more and deals to make your budget bright.

[Alex Cooper]

Find the perfect shoes for you and yours at a DSW store near you or dsw.com.