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Charlize Theron: I Don’t Need a Man
01:25:28
Join Alex in the studio for an interview with Charlize Theron. Charlize discusses her current approach to dating, being a single mom, and why marriage isn’t necessarily for her. She also opens up about her therapy journey, navigating power imbalances in Hollywood, and finding healing. Enjoy!
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- [00:01]
Alex Cooper
Hi Daddy Gang, it is your father. I am so excited that CallerDaddy has officially joined the SiriusXM family. I cannot wait to talk to new guests and continue to share my crazy personal stories and experiences with you every single week. If you want to hear new episodes ad free, subscribe to Sirius XM Podcasts on Apple Podcasts to start your free trial today. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Intuit QuickBooks. Do you own a business that's ready to thrive? Yes. Amazing. It is time to let Intuit QuickBooks take things like unpaid invoices and tracking expenses off your plate to take things to the next level. Intuit QuickBooks is an all in one business platform that can help with day to day tasks like invoicing and expenses. So manage and grow your business all in one place. Intuit QuickBooks your way to money get 90 off for 3 months limited time only. Terms and conditions apply. Money Movement services are provided by Intuit Payments, Inc. Licensed as a money transmitter by the New York State Department of Financial Services.
- [01:03]
Charlize Theron
Meeting new people just got more fun with Tinder's new Double Date feature. You and your bestie can match together. Tap the Double Date icon to see profiles built for two. When two pairs match, the group chat kicks off. Scope the profiles and keep the chat fun.
- [01:17]
Alex Cooper
Hype each other up, flirt a little.
- [01:19]
Charlize Theron
Maybe plan a hang. It's better when you're in it together. Try the new Tinder Double Date. Explore all the possibilities. Tinder.
- [01:27]
Alex Cooper
It starts with a swipe.
- [01:28]
Charlize Theron
Download Tinder today.
- [01:31]
Alex Cooper
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- [02:03]
Unknown Guest
Yeah.
- [02:04]
Alex Cooper
Try not to drool, okay? I am a Haagen Daz girl through and through. I can already picture myself with my Summer Berry Belgian Waffle Cone. I need it, I want it and I love it. Okay, Daddy Gang, welcome to summer. And welcome to a summer filled with Haagen Dazs new Haagen Dazs Belgian Waffle Cones available at retailers nationwide. What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper with Call Her Daddy.
- [02:37]
Unknown Guest
Charlize Theron. Welcome to Call Her Daddy thank you. I'm so excited to be meeting you.
- [02:42]
Charlize Theron
The same here.
- [02:43]
Unknown Guest
Cheers to it's happy hour.
- [02:47]
Charlize Theron
Somewhere in the world Somewhere in the.
- [02:48]
Unknown Guest
World it's happy hour. We're cheersing. We've got a little vodka and we're going to have a great conversation today. You, you're in your cozy.
- [02:56]
Charlize Theron
Yeah. I apologize if I was to get dressed.
- [02:58]
Unknown Guest
No, no, no. I'm usually in my cozies and I have to, I have a meeting after this. I would usually be wearing exactly what you're wearing, so this is perfect.
- [03:06]
Charlize Theron
You look great.
- [03:06]
Unknown Guest
You look like me today and I maybe look like you in another life. Okay. In doing research for this interview, I realized we have a couple things in common and maybe we'll find out more today, but one of them being we're notoriously known for saying the word fuck.
- [03:19]
Charlize Theron
Yes, I am. That's why I love your show. Well, I love your show for many. I just love. You're very authentic and I love your use of the word because, you know, if somebody uses it that much, it has to feel like it's coming from a real place. And yours feels very grounded.
- [03:37]
Unknown Guest
Okay. I haven't heard you say it yet, but I know it's going to come out today. But I'm like, I've heard that you have. You say it all the time. Yeah, I remember reading it said Hollywood Reporter profile said that you said 154 times in three hours in an interview.
- [03:50]
Charlize Theron
They have to fact check.
- [03:51]
Unknown Guest
No, I don't think that that's true.
- [03:52]
Charlize Theron
There's no way. I was like, she's an icon.
- [03:55]
Unknown Guest
Have you ever said it in a really, like, inappropriate setting where people were like, charlize, what the fuck are you doing?
- [04:02]
Charlize Theron
Listen, I, I, I, I, I have definitely I trying to think of how to say this without getting the right context around it. I swear in front of my kids because I feel like, you know, I feel like I, like, I am a responsible mom, but I also, I am who I am. I'm not ashamed of who I am. I also want to teach my kids that there are things for them to look forward to. They don't necessarily get to say that right now, but that's really fun because they're going to grow up and get to say what they want. And also just because sometimes it's hard to articulate exactly what cannot replace, like, I just feel. And maybe that's because my vocabulary is just not very strong and English is a second language. But it just, there's, it's hard to sometimes really get that thing across, you know, and you can just, you can special size it, you can custom it for your. Whatever that is that you need.
- [05:05]
Unknown Guest
You know, it's amazing.
- [05:08]
Charlize Theron
I do this really fun thing with my kids in the morning when we drive to school. They dj, so I can't DJ at all. So they'll take my phone and they'll just like alternate with each other and like play songs. And then they got a little older. They were like, you know, it used to be like the clean versions and then it was like, mom, can we like play the dirty versions? And I was like, okay, just for this car ride. So in the mornings, this is now where I think they get a half hour of just getting. They play it every inappropriate song so incredibly loud that I like lose my hearing. And we're driving for a half hour and they're screaming every single inappropriate word that they possibly can. And then I load and I can tell like all that energy's out. They're gonna have a great day at Cool. And then I put a podcast on and I probably listen to you. It's like by 10am I've had a full life. It's a, it's a full day.
- [05:54]
Unknown Guest
You're listening to like WAP at like 7:00am you're like, that's amazing.
- [06:00]
Charlize Theron
It's great. It's great. Foreign.
- [06:19]
Alex Cooper
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- [08:16]
Unknown Guest
Was a freshman and a sophomore, all.
- [08:18]
Alex Cooper
Of my cap captains. Because the people that are leading are the ones that are going to genuinely impact you and how you feel. But also you kind of have to be your own leader and you have to internally know how to motivate yourself. But support is an incredible thing. It can give someone the extra self confidence they need to hit the back of the net, push through to the finish line, or go faster, farther and higher to achieve greatness. Think about a person who believed in you when you didn't believe in yourself, who turns self doubt into self belief, pressure into joy. Without them, where would you be now? How much did there. You got this. Make you who you are today. When someone shows up for you Daddy gang, or you show up for someone else, that can change the game, change a challenge into a win. So whatever it is that you're taking on and you're looking at as a challenge in your life, we all have the power to choose. You got this. Instead of don't f this up. There's nothing like a great assist to help us remember you got this. Learn more@adidas.com you got this.
- [09:26]
Unknown Guest
Okay, let's go back to beginning days of your life. You grew up in a farm in South Africa. What was that like?
- [09:35]
Charlize Theron
It was, it was normal, you know, it's what I knew. It's all of my friends kind of grew up on these small farms. They weren't like these like out of Africa kind of farms. They were called small small holdings. We ate off the land and lived off the land. My mom grew, she's, she's growing stuff on our farm out in Ojai now. She's like a. Just a natural farmer. Knows everything about fruits and vegetables. So we, we, we lived a farm life, but not as isolated as people would imagine a farm life to be.
- [10:11]
Unknown Guest
And growing up, you went to a boarding school, right?
- [10:13]
Charlize Theron
High school, yeah.
- [10:14]
Unknown Guest
If I was to ask your classmates, like, what were you like in high school, what do you think they would say?
- [10:20]
Charlize Theron
Oh, that'd be interesting. I think there was a side of me, you know, my. I grew my. My. There was a lot of alcoholism in my family on both sides, and a lot of shame that I think kids in general have about a parent that might be an alcoholic, because my dad was, like, very. He'd show up in states that, you know, was just very inconsistent. And so I think my friends or people who knew me in school would say that there was a part of me that was very, like, closed off and not necessarily sharing the truth about my. Who I was in my life, like, kind of. I think. I think I created somewhat of an alter ego that came from, like, a happy house, and, like, my family were good, happy people. And I think the other side would probably be that I. I never really, like, fit in anywhere. It wasn't that I was unpopular. It was just that I almost, like, weirdly wanted. There were two girls that I very vividly remember in both my lower school and my high school. One was called Charlene in lower school, and the other one was called Marlise in my high school. They were both girls that I absolutely just admired. Like, I just thought the world of them. And if you asked me today why, I actually couldn't answer that.
- [12:06]
Unknown Guest
Do you think it was, like, their.
- [12:06]
Alex Cooper
Aura or their confidence?
- [12:08]
Charlize Theron
Yes, I think it was their confidence and that they were authentically, truthfully being who not only they are, but also living the truth of their circumstance at home. I think that was the thing that I really admired about them, not that they had. I don't think they dealt with this the same issues that I did. I don't think they had a parent that was dealing with alcoholism. But I. And I still have this with women who, like, when they date, they're just, like, very open and honest. Like, they don't try and hide anything. They'll say whatever they want. They're not walking on eggshells. And I think that's the part that kids in my school probably remember the most. But it's. I think, now looking back at it, I understand why I was that way better.
- [12:55]
Unknown Guest
But don't you think when you look back to, like, why you admired those girls so much, what you're saying also is, like, being that young and, like, masking in situations is exhausting. Like, you wish you could just be out in the open, but family is family, where you still. It is a reflection on you, even though you're doing nothing wrong, that your family is dealing with 100, but you still feel this almost, like, pride that you have to Try to uphold something because it's like currency in high school. Like, what is this person like and what is their family from? And so you try to create this narrative, but that's exhausting. And then you walk in the door at home, you're like, well, this is miserable. It's exhausting.
- [13:35]
Charlize Theron
It's very exhausting. And it's, it's crazy how we carry all of that weight. Like somehow it's us, like somehow their actions are reflective of us. And it's, it's, it's a crazy thing that I continued in other relationships in my life. And I just, I think I admire women who are just like, that's, that's that, like that's not me. But that was exhausting for sure. Yeah. And it affected my life in a way that I think it took me a long time to be able to figure out. So when you ask me like, how do, how do my, my friends or people who went to school with think of me, I think they think of me in a way that was not really authentic me. It was, it was, it was a put forth version of me in dealing.
- [14:19]
Unknown Guest
With that in high school then I know, like, we don't need to get into all the details today, but you experience such trauma at such a young age. How do you think experiencing that ended up impacting you in your later life? Not just in the, like, oh, she's not as authentic. But then once the trauma really hit, like, how did that impact you in the next couple decades of your life?
- [14:44]
Charlize Theron
I think it was just, I was, I, I, the first part of it was full denial because my mom didn't really have the tools to deal with, with that tragedy. But it was also just years and years of this consistent kind of like walking into a house or waking up in the morning and not knowing what I was walking into. It's like what a lot of people say about living with an alcoholic, right? You're kind of living at their whim. Like whatever they're feeling that day or wherever they are, that's what is going to be. The vibe and the energy of the house and that inconsistency, I think was what affected me way more than just that one night. And I think what happened was that there was such a focus placed on that one night when that tragedy happened. And it was very, very unfortunate. And I wish I could say it was only a one time occasion. This is something that happens in homes across the world more often than we want to admit. But you know, I think, I think it took me like well into my late 30s to really be able to look at that and actually like shake off the weight that I felt like I carried for my father, for my mother. You know, I felt like even when I got famous, like, I couldn't quite honestly speak about it because I didn't want to hurt her feelings. I felt like people were involved that didn't ask to be in the spotlight. But then I also got older and I was like, but this is also my truth. Like, this is where I come from and I don't want to have shame about it anymore. You know, my dad was an alcoholic, he wasn't healthy, and my mom stepped up and protected me. And if that happened to me with my children today, I can tell you right now, I would do the same thing. It doesn't make it less unfortunate. But, you know, I, but, and again, I can't protect people all the way through. Like, I have to also live my authentic self. So now it's not, it's. It was a one night event in my life. I am still dealing with the everyday consistency of a lot of damage that I think I experienced as a young person just in my every single day life.
- [16:59]
Unknown Guest
I think that is so relatable in the sense that like, if there is something catastrophic that happens that shakes a family or a relationship, that event feels very like palpable. And you just, people think of that event, but when you're living it, you're like, oh, it's kind of actually like not even where my head goes to when I actually think of all the trauma. Because that was an instant. The rest of my life, my entire childhood was this thing of living with this alcoholic and learning how to placate or hide or defend and shield and then go to school and pretend like this isn't ruining my entire life and, and smiling and pretending I'm this like cute girl that is fine. Everything's fine. I know that you've talked about it, but you said later on in your life you then got into therapy because you realize, like, oh, this is really still affecting me. Was there something that made you realize, like, holy, I've gotta, I've gotta get control of this.
- [18:00]
Charlize Theron
So strangely, I went into therapy because of a relationship, a long term relationship that I was in and it was falling apart and I, I think I touched lightly on, I was in relationships in a sense doing the same thing that I did at home, which is common, right? Walking on eggshells, trying to protect, protect ego, protect embarrassment for a partner, you know, because of their behavior. And Feeling like somehow that reflects bad on me. Like, all of these things I was kind of repeating in my relationships. And I had a narcissistic boyfriend that said, you know, you're the problem. And not that I believed it, but I was. I felt like I had invested a lot of time into this relationship, and I was like, well, maybe, you know, let me put my ego aside. Maybe I am. Maybe I should go. And there was always this kind of thing thrown my face, like, because everybody knew about my life, like, oh, you must be this damaged woman. Right. So I went actually to try and save this relationship. And what ended up happening was that I ended up saving myself. Yeah. So maybe in a weird way, I do owe this guy some gratitude.
- [19:11]
Unknown Guest
Even though you were the narcissist.
- [19:13]
Charlize Theron
Yeah.
- [19:13]
Unknown Guest
Thank you.
- [19:13]
Charlize Theron
Well, two things came out of it. The therapist was like, you should leave him. Yeah. And also, by the way, you're not the problem. Like, other people have been the problem in your life, and you need to start admitting that.
- [19:24]
Unknown Guest
I have gotten into therapy, and it's changed my life, too. And so I'm always such an advocate for it. But I know that everyone has to go at their own pace. So it's interesting to hear you be like, I actually went in for something that for sure was at the forefront of your life. And it was like an annoyance and painful. And you were like, I need to fix this. But really, it's like, oh, my God, girl, we have so, so many bigger problems in this, like, douchebag that. Yeah. Kick to the curb. And now let's focus on you.
- [19:50]
Charlize Theron
Yeah.
- [19:50]
Unknown Guest
Interesting. So once you got into therapy, though, and you realized you needed to start working through a lot of this, did you struggle a lot with coming to terms with bringing back up trauma? Because I think a lot of people are, like, terrified to engage with it. Because for a long time, if you just leave it in the corner, you think, like, I don't need to bring all that back up. I don't want to relive those. Those days and memories. Was it hard for you?
- [20:19]
Charlize Theron
Yeah. Because you. I've. I became an expert. I practiced avoidance. Right. My entire life. And also I. I was the product of an environment where therapy didn't exist. In South Africa. I didn't know one person who was in therapist. I don't even think we had therapists. Now. I might be totally wrong. And some South African person feel like, first of all, okay, in my community, I never heard the word therapist. We also didn't have aa. Nobody was an alcoholic. You never used the word alcoholic, like, this was just. I think I grew up in a culture where men were men and a real man drinks. And it was a very toxic culture. But therapy was just never something. And, you know, again, like I said, my mom didn't have the right tools. My mom. And my mom does not understand the concept around therapy. And I don't listen. She shouldn't. She didn't have it in her life. She doesn't know what that is. And so when it happened, her kind of words of wisdom, like, she sent me to school the next day. Like, that's. That. That tells you everything. My mom's like a survivor. My mom is like, you wake up the next day and you get up and you continue and nobody brings you down, and you just. And that's what she did to me. And I was 15 years old, so coming to therapy was not because I was avoiding it. It was just so foreign to me. And even I'm of a generation where I didn't even know a lot of friends that were in therapy. I think I knew, like, one friend that was in there, and it was this friend that I reached out to and said, could I meet with your therapist? Like, I didn't even know how to get a therapist. So it was all very foreign to me. So, yeah, putting aside the behavior that I had learned for years, it was also just like, it wasn't in my. You know, in my. I wasn't surrounded by it in a way where it felt very natural or normal or I had easy access to it.
- [22:36]
Unknown Guest
As you've evolved and continued to peel layers back of, like, how your childhood impacted you as an adult, I think I've even dealt with this with friends where it's like, as you become more therapized, you look at your relationship, obviously with your parents differently, and it sounds like you have such a beautiful relationship with your mother. But, like, how have you navigated being someone in therapy and dealing with that trauma, whereas you have then someone in your family? That's not. Because I feel like there's probably a lot of people listening. They're like, wait, so how do you handle those moments where, like, no, mom, remember? And she's like, shh, let's go out to the. Let's go out to the garden, honey. Like, I don't want to talk about that.
- [23:19]
Charlize Theron
In my 30s, it was very. It became contentious. It became. Because I think I was finding my. My voice. And I also felt. I still. I feel very protective of my mom because I think that, you know, without context and People really knowing who she is and that. But you can ask anybody who knows her. She is. Trust me, I cannot tell you. I can't go on a hike. I can't walk through a store without somebody coming up to me like, oh, my God, I love your mom. She's one of those people that just. She has a superpower, and her superpower is incredibly infectious, but it's also very, very damaged. You know, she. But what therapy taught me was that she is who she is, and I'm not here to change her. And if she doesn't want to change herself, that's okay. And for our relationship, there's enough compromise there that it works, that it doesn't feel like I am compromising too much or she's compromising too much. And we know how to kind of, like, live in. Be copacetic with each other and live in a very loving way with each other without me going, like, I cannot. Like, you are so unhealthy. You have. Like, I'm beyond that now. Right. And she thinks the same thing about me. Like, she's like, okay, whatever. Like you with your therapy. And that's what I love about her. She's authentic. She's very, very authentic. But, yeah, it's interesting not to. Like, I don't want to put you on the spot, but that's what I loved about hearing about your story.
- [24:55]
Unknown Guest
Yeah.
- [24:57]
Charlize Theron
It's just so rare to talk to somebody in this kind of environment. I've never had that where your story really moved me, and I was actually excited to sit down with you.
- [25:07]
Unknown Guest
Thank you.
- [25:07]
Charlize Theron
Because sometimes I feel like, you know, you feel so kind of alone in sharing a story like that. Yours is obviously different, but to have trauma at that young age and what you experienced was really painful to listen to and to hear your family talk.
- [25:22]
Unknown Guest
About it, it is. It's, like, such a strange thing when you get to connect with human beings, because you're right. Our stories are so different and yet so similar. So similar. And there's so much pain and there's so much hiding who you really are. And I agree. Like, when you were talking about the women or the girls in high school that you were like, I just was, you know, like, attracted to their aura. I had the same thing with so many women where I was like, I wish I could live free like that. I wish I could walk into a room and just be me and feel like I can just own it and. And I'm even. Someone calls me out, I don't care. I can't get Embarrassed. You can't embarrass me.
- [26:02]
Charlize Theron
Yeah.
- [26:02]
Unknown Guest
And I didn't have that.
- [26:04]
Charlize Theron
Yeah.
- [26:04]
Unknown Guest
So I think a lot of my career has been actually searching to find a way to get to that place because I wanted it.
- [26:14]
Charlize Theron
You're there.
- [26:15]
Unknown Guest
I feel. I feel so much more at peace. Like, even putting out the documentary, I feel another love, like, layer of peace. Because I think that medium also is different. Like, podcasting. I do this every Wednesday. Like, it's a thing that my audience is used to. But putting something in a piece of work out in a different format, I think was really a good way to engage.
- [26:40]
Charlize Theron
Therapeutic in a way.
- [26:41]
Unknown Guest
Yeah.
- [26:42]
Alex Cooper
Yes.
- [26:42]
Unknown Guest
Because, like, I kind of had hands off.
- [26:44]
Charlize Theron
Yeah.
- [26:44]
Unknown Guest
And a director was like, I'm going to tell your story. And I was like, please don't ruin my life.
- [26:49]
Charlize Theron
Yeah.
- [26:49]
Unknown Guest
But, like, I trust you, but you.
- [26:51]
Charlize Theron
Almost had to not be in control of it. Right. Like, here you're a little in control of it.
- [26:54]
Unknown Guest
And it was kind of nice. And so I think that's how I also feel about therapy, where it's like, I'm learning. I'm uncomfortable. What I'm learning about myself, I hate. Sometimes I'm like, no, there's no way. My therapist was like, keep going. Yeah, we're about to get under it. No, no, no, no, no. Really. So I. I relate a lot to that. I also was thinking about your mom when you were just saying how your relationship dynamic. You are a single mother, and your mom, essentially, after the passing of your father, became this single mother role.
- [27:25]
Charlize Theron
It was a single mother prior.
- [27:27]
Unknown Guest
Prior to that.
- [27:28]
Charlize Theron
Yeah.
- [27:28]
Unknown Guest
Your whole life, she's a single mother. How have you kind of found a way to appreciate each other even more and connect on a deeper level? Becoming a mother and her watching you be a single mother also.
- [27:43]
Charlize Theron
Yeah, that's such a good question. I feel. Yeah, it feels familiar. Right. But it also feels. God. You know, if there was a caution, a cautionary tale, it was definitely their relationship and how I didn't want that. And I think in many ways maybe that did. I think it's not just one thing. Right. It's. It's. It's very layered and complicated. But one of those layers of why I don't think I am in a relationship was just purely because I still not. It's a combination of, like, I don't want what they had, and then also being very honest with myself and understanding that I. I did not have the capability of being healthy in a relationship. And those two things I had to acknowledge when I decided to be a Parent. And I think it's probably one of the healthiest decisions I ever made. I think people look at it in our society as this kind of something must be wrong with her, right? With women, it's always like, something must be wrong with her. She can't keep a man. And it's never part of the discussion of, wow, she's really living her truth. Like, she's living in her happiness. Like, this is actually a choice that she made. I, like, want to look at them and just be like, do you know how fucking great it is to live exactly how I want to live, to experience motherhood exactly how I wanted to experience it? And I know the next thing they say is, like, well, that's not fair on your kids. Can I tell you something that will be their story to tell? I can't tell you. I can only tell you that this is the best way that I know how to be a mother to them. And maybe they'll grow up and tell their story, and I will respect that. I just know that this was the only way that I knew I could do it. And my God, do I love every single day of it. I love that I don't have to share them with somebody. I love that I don't have to run every thing by a guy. I don't. I love that I don't. Well, oh, my God, Copay. Like, I love that I don't have to do any of that stuff. And my children, you know, we joke. Listen, I think you can tell, like, this is how I raise my kids. Like, right? We don't hide this. They're like. They're like, oh, my God, Mom, I can't go to Sarah's house because, like, her father and I was like, oh, my God. Aren't you guys so happy we don't have to deal with that? Like, oh, my God, mom, that's amazing. Yeah. So I. This was how I wanted to be. I don't even know if I'm answering your question. I'm so sorry.
- [30:23]
Unknown Guest
No, no, no, this helps, because it's like, you broke this cycle.
- [30:27]
Charlize Theron
Essentially, I broke the cycle. I am raising. It looks from afar like I'm doing what I know, which is being a single mom, because I was raised by pretty much a single mom. But I think I'm raising my kids as a single mom because of definitely avoidance of things that I know I don't want. And also understanding who I am fully and being honest with who I am and what I can give right now. And who I am is. Was at the time that I wanted to be a parent, was not somebody who should be having kids with another person.
- [31:00]
Unknown Guest
I think that is the most mature, self aware thing that anyone could ever do.
- [31:07]
Charlize Theron
Have to be that honest. Because it's a child's life. You have to.
- [31:11]
Unknown Guest
And you again, sitting here being like, I've lived what a single mom looks like, who's not actually single, but happy about it. Right. And it's like the autonomy you've given yourself to find your happiness and give your kids a different life and a different meaning to what a single mom is.
- [31:29]
Charlize Theron
Yes.
- [31:30]
Unknown Guest
It's beautiful.
- [31:31]
Charlize Theron
Yeah, it's. It's. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you for recognizing that. I. I also love that I don't know what the future is gonna hold. Right. That's the other thing. It's like, this is like this moment in this time in my life now. And I mean, I'll be honest, I have tried dating and I can tell that no man's moving into our house while my daughters are there. Like, that's. And by the way, I don't think I can do it. Like, I literally can't imagine a man moving into our house and me sharing my closet. Or like, I just, I. I don't see that happening. Right. But then I imagine, like, being an empty nester and how that part of my life will be, and by then feeling like maybe I will feel like I. I want to be in a relationship, there's this. This notion that somebody like me must be missing out on something and that people feel sorry for you somehow, that you're missing out on love.
- [32:25]
Unknown Guest
And you're like, wait, guys, I'm telling you, I'm good. And they're like, no, no, no.
- [32:29]
Charlize Theron
It's the thing that you don't quite realize until you have kids. And I'm not saying that it replaces one love with the other, but it is such a tremendous love that I do not miss love. You know, I might miss sex.
- [32:43]
Unknown Guest
Fair. That's fair. My vibrator is only doing so much.
- [32:47]
Charlize Theron
No, the vibrator is good. And I'm having. Listen, I'm having. I'm having. I'm having the kind of sex I never had in my 20s or in my 30s. Yes. And so that part has been really exciting. But I'm not missing relation, like a relationship. I'm not missing the partnership that I think people think you miss when you're me.
- [33:09]
Unknown Guest
And it feels like what you're also saying is it's not that you're not open to it. You're Just at a point in your life where you're really content and you're really happy. And I want to also point out, because I can only imagine now even you just lightly explaining to me the judgment that comes with a woman in your position. And I. We know women in Hollywood who are single and people like, oh, what is actually wrong with her?
- [33:32]
Charlize Theron
Yeah, she must be a real.
- [33:34]
Unknown Guest
How what a truly. Like, you can. How crazy crazy are you?
- [33:39]
Charlize Theron
Yeah. How crazy are you? Truly.
- [33:40]
Unknown Guest
Yeah, but how gorgeous. To also hear you saying like everything you're saying makes me more wanting to put it back on other people who are so triggered. Of like, how many relationships do we know of these women in these households with these men who have lost their voice, who are not happy. It's not everyone. But being alone, you have that control that a lot of people don't have in these certain relationships that they've lost themselves to. So I think it's commendable that you're like, I know myself enough. I'm gonna stay right here until I want change it and then maybe I'll change it. But guess what? It's your decision.
- [34:14]
Charlize Theron
Yeah. Yeah. And then I watch you with your husband and I'm like, God, that's so incredible. And why can't we just, as women experience these. These two have these two very different experiences and let that be okay? You know, completely okay? Yeah.
- [34:30]
Unknown Guest
Like, yeah, I never thought I was going to be someone that was going to get married.
- [34:33]
Charlize Theron
You work with your husband and it works. And I'm like, exactly.
- [34:37]
Unknown Guest
And I get why people have opinions, but I'm like, but I'm happy.
- [34:41]
Charlize Theron
That's the other thing. Like, yeah, exactly. Everybody will always. Everyone. It's like an asshole. We all have one. It's like, please.
- [34:47]
Unknown Guest
Yeah, out of here.
- [34:48]
Charlize Theron
Yeah, this at my age, I'm like, I honestly, there's like, not. I can't make enough zero fucks.
- [34:56]
Unknown Guest
Like, I'm like, I love that from you, though. Immediately when you sat down, I was like, I fucking love you. Like, this energy is what we need. The girls need this energy.
- [35:06]
Charlize Theron
Good.
- [35:06]
Unknown Guest
Okay, let's go back. 19 years old, your mom buys you a plane ticket to LA and is like, one way you're gonna become an actress. Go and you land. What the fuck was the plan?
- [35:20]
Charlize Theron
Well, I think now you understand a little bit better that she was like, the next morning she's like, you're going to school.
- [35:25]
Alex Cooper
Right?
- [35:25]
Charlize Theron
Right. So I was in New York. I was living in somebody's basement. I was there. I. I did not have. I Think I overstayed on a tourist visa. So I was kind of in this no man's land of. I wasn't there legally. I couldn't really dance anymore. I wasn't happy with my life. I felt like my. My only other option was to go back to South Africa, a country that was in tremendous turmoil at the time. The brink of civil war breaking out, and I had nothing really to go back to. I like, you know, when I had to like, think about how was I going to survive, I was like, am I really going to like take over my mom's construction company? Like, I. I was willing to take. And also when you're young, you just. You're fucking insane. You're so stupid, so naive. I was like, this sounds like the best idea ever. Yes. Let's get a one way ticket to this place called Hollywood. And I get on this plane, Mother. With this credit card that there's no money in there. I know, but you're trying to make me feel better about. And I know nobody. And I will get in a cab and I will go and find some motel to live in. Those were better options than getting on a plane and going back to South Africa for me at that time.
- [36:53]
Unknown Guest
So you get there and like, how are you initially making ends meet before.
- [36:56]
Charlize Theron
You get all modeling? Yes. So a modeling was kind of my waitressing job.
- [37:00]
Unknown Guest
Okay.
- [37:00]
Charlize Theron
Because turns out nobody's really checking your Visa. They every once in a while will get you an O1, but they don't really care. Or back then. Yeah, sorry, I'm just gonna take this out.
- [37:11]
Unknown Guest
Oh, you got it.
- [37:13]
Charlize Theron
I tore my intercortal muscles or whatever. Coastal intercoastal muscles.
- [37:20]
Unknown Guest
By doing something.
- [37:21]
Charlize Theron
Yeah, I did something stupid. But anyway, get cozy. So I got here. I didn't know anybody, but modeling was always kind of an income for me.
- [37:31]
Unknown Guest
When you started making money, what did you spend your first, like big paycheck on?
- [37:52]
Alex Cooper
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- [38:32]
Unknown Guest
No lie.
- [38:32]
Alex Cooper
With Zola, you can plan your entire wedding in one convenient place while riding on the couch. That sounds like my cup of tea. Okay. And not only does Zola have every tool you need to make planning enjoyable, for making your vendor search non anxiety inducing to wedding websites and an instant registry that you can literally build with one click, they also really get you.
- [38:54]
Unknown Guest
Here's the thing.
- [38:54]
Alex Cooper
When you're planning a wedding, there are these challenging expectations that one person will.
- [39:01]
Unknown Guest
Be doing all of the work, right? You're like, oh my God, it's just.
- [39:03]
Alex Cooper
Going to be one.
- [39:04]
Unknown Guest
No, no, no.
- [39:05]
Alex Cooper
Here is the thing. They are here to remind you that there is no right way to do things and it's only what works for you. And Zola will have your back from day one to the wedding day. I get it. It is so stressful. Daddy gang, don't let yourself go through this like decision fatigue. I feel like that is a real thing. When I think about my friends that are now getting married, I'm like, you guys, I know. It's so hard to make decisions decision. You need someone to help you do that. And here you go, Zola. So Daddy gang, if you're getting married, if you're walking down the aisle, if you're doing the damn thing, start planning@zola.com that's z o l a.com call her daddy is brought to you by Cozy. Open up new home possibilities with Cozy. From first of its kind modular sofa beds to washables and interchangeable covers, Cozy makes easy everything. Cozy believes that you should have your home your way. Which is why every everything they make is versatile, personalized and easy to mix and match. They have modular designs that you can add, rearrange and swap pieces so that your furniture can grow with you instead of you outgrowing it. I feel like obviously when you buy furniture, you never know. Will you move? Will you stay? Also, I'm someone that wants to rearrange. Okay? If I buy a piece, I want to make sure that it can go in multiple different places and look a certain way in one area and change it up. They also have easy assembly and functional innovation. And all their pieces means every move, remodel or room refresh can be simple. Instead of a chore, Cozy is the modern, adaptable and worry free way to do furniture delivery ease all the way from the shopping process to the lounging and the care. Daddy gang, if you are looking for a new furniture piece and you haven't been able to find it yet. This is your go to transform your living space today with cozy. Visit cozy.com spelled C O Z E Y. The home of possibilities made easy.
- [40:59]
Unknown Guest
When you started making money, what did you spend your first, like, big paycheck on?
- [41:03]
Charlize Theron
I didn't make any money for a while. I was really, like, not even, like, paycheck to paycheck. I was like, two. I was waiting for two paychecks to fill in the first job as a model that I ever got that I was. I. I remember going to the bank and cashing this check for $75,000. And I. I can tell you exactly what I wore that day. I can tell you exactly how I felt. I can tell you the. How I walked to my Ford Escort. Like, I. It's so vivid in my mind because it was a moment of complete freedom. Like, it's so hard to explain, but I think women or having financial freedom is something that is so important. And when you don't have it and then one day you feel like you have it, it's a feeling that you never forget.
- [41:59]
Unknown Guest
You never forget, and you never want to go back.
- [42:02]
Charlize Theron
No.
- [42:02]
Unknown Guest
You're like.
- [42:03]
Charlize Theron
But I also, like, stupidly, I was like, well, I'm done. I'm set for life.
- [42:08]
Unknown Guest
Like, I was like, I'm balling.
- [42:09]
Charlize Theron
Yeah. Like, oh, well, I don't have to worry about that again, you know? But I didn't spend it on anything. Just do. Yeah, I didn't, I didn't. I was so scared of having to, like, go back to South Africa.
- [42:21]
Unknown Guest
You start getting into Hollywood as a young woman. Like, what were your first impressions of Hollywood?
- [42:29]
Charlize Theron
It was confusing, you know, because I didn't have. Really. I didn't have. I didn't know what it was. So I was kind of like, you have to understand, where I was raised, we had television from 6 o' clock until 9 o' clock. Like, we had three hours of television and then we had nothing. And my access to Hollywood was so limited. We had a magazine that would write about celebrities. That was really the only information that I ever got about celebrities. I watched movies and thought that it was like a job that your neighbor did. I didn't know they were celebrities. I thought that Tom Hanks was just some guy that had this job and he was an actor. Actor. The stat, like that status thing didn't exist for me. So when I got here, it was crazy. I was like, oh, like, people are like celebrities here. So it was very. It was very strange for Me. But again, I was just so excited. I was so excited.
- [43:37]
Unknown Guest
I want to ask you about one of your early auditions that you had in the industry where a director asked you to go to his house for an audition late on a Saturday night.
- [43:50]
Charlize Theron
Yeah.
- [43:50]
Unknown Guest
Can you just explain what happened when you got there?
- [43:56]
Charlize Theron
Yeah. I didn't know what an audition or what the process, really, what that looked like an agency that I was working at as a model. I said, listen, I'm interested. So naively didn't know how you went about being an actor. I said, if you hear of any auditions, I'd like to go. And they said, oh, we think there's a casting for this movie, and you'll have to go on Saturday night. And they gave me the address, and it was this director's house. And I might. The little voice inside me definitely said, this isn't right. But then the other voice in me says, well, I don't know. Maybe it is right. But you know that, like, that voice that we don't listen to, that voice knew that voice was like, this isn't right. And it wasn't right.
- [44:48]
Unknown Guest
And as women like you, we're constantly in positions where we almost like, we want to be like, no, I'm overreacting. Like, there's no way I'm gonna get there, and it's gonna be weird. There's no way.
- [45:05]
Charlize Theron
And even when it is weird, you're talking yourself out. If this isn't weird, like, no, I'm taking this. The wr. That's not what. He's mean with that. He's not. And by the way, this guy, he got a little nervous for a while there. I've never said his name because, honestly, I don't want the story to be about him. You know, Honestly, it's not because I'm protecting him or anything, but he got nervous for a little bit.
- [45:27]
Unknown Guest
Why?
- [45:27]
Charlize Theron
Because he. He heard me tell the story, and he knew it was about him. And he wrote me a pretend letter trying to explain his behavior and how I must. I must have misunderstood it. Which is classic, isn't it? It's so classic.
- [45:42]
Unknown Guest
No, Charlize. He wrote you a letter?
- [45:46]
Charlize Theron
Yeah. Cause I think he panicked. He started panicking, of course. He was, like, waiting for me. And I just realized, like, I won't even fucking say your name because, you know, you're the scumbag. Like, you know, it's you. And if anybody ever asked me about him, I would be completely honest. And he knows that. And I kind of like that. He's gotta be On a hot seat. He doesn't know when it's gonna come. I kind of like that a little more.
- [46:09]
Unknown Guest
I'm so sorry. Because, like, I opened up in my documentary about this person in a position of power that abused their power and sexually harassed me and all the things. And coming forward about it, I had, like, such anxiety. And it's interesting because it's like, you're in a position of power now. You were so young in your career. From what I understand, this was like. Like a huge director.
- [46:34]
Charlize Theron
Huge.
- [46:35]
Unknown Guest
And the power imbalance being there in that room on a late Saturday night. What the fuck are you going to do? And most people would be like, well, why don't you just get up and leave and yell and go immediately report it? And it's like. It's so nuanced and complicated. Like, can you just explain? Because I have so many women listening, like, a little bit about, in those moments now when you look back, how to not feel such shame and guilt for something that clearly was not your fault.
- [47:05]
Charlize Theron
Yeah, it's. It's so hard to even. It's like, we can only share these experiences and we can talk about them enough so that hopefully it becomes normalized, that we hear it enough where women can just go, like, okay, I've heard about this time. Like, and you're. While you're sitting in there, you can hopefully say, like, okay, force yourself to do this thing that you. That we. Maybe the point that I'm trying to make is that we have to be careful because it's very hard for people to understand why someone with a strong personality, someone who's outspoken, how someone like that can find themselves in a position where they won't say something. And that is the story that. It's a classic story, right? It's very, very complicated. And even though I want younger generations of women to not do the same thing, I also understand if they do do the same thing. Because I drove up Laurel Canyon and I was so mad at myself. I remember, like, being furious with myself because I couldn't believe how I had let myself down. Like, I was like, what the fuck? Who the fuck are you? Like, where the fuck. Why the fuck would you allow that? Like, why. I still get those feelings, you know, because it's like, you. You know yourself so well, and it's very. It's. There's something that really, like, kind of like breaks my heart to the core when people so. So in this very luxurious manner, talk about, well, you know what? Next time you should fucking say something like, don't wait 20 years. Okay? This kind of like, like, callous way of not wanting to believe, like, that's really what it boils down to. It's. Instead of saying like, I don't believe you, it's like, well, don't be a fucking pussy. Like, maybe you shouldn't have been a pussy about it. And we all know what that feels like. It feels like no matter what they say, it can't hurt more than what you're telling yourself. Like, I beat myself up over that. I was like, you can say whatever that you want, motherfucker. Trust me, you can't hurt me more than I hurt myself about what happened that day.
- [49:21]
Unknown Guest
I mean, even just listening to you say it, it's so. It brings up so much, I think, for every woman probably listening, because you're like, you're so right in those moments. I remember I was sitting. Every time I talk about it, it makes me emotional because I was. When I was sitting on the stage at Tribeca because that's where my documentary premiered, and I did a Q and A after, and I started talking about power imbalance. And when someone does something to you and you're in this moment and you freeze and. Or you fawn or whatever it be. And I'm looking at the audience and there's like a couple hundred people in this audience and I'm looking at all these women's faces and multiple women have just like that look where I almost wanted to pause and be like, I see you.
- [50:10]
Charlize Theron
Yeah.
- [50:10]
Unknown Guest
How many women in this room? How many? And I'm not kidding you, Charlize, I literally think almost every ham would have gone up. And it breaks my heart because I'm like, holy, this is happening as we're sitting here. Someone, some woman has experienced this in this feeling. And I agree with you. I think for me, I relate a lot to what you're saying of being someone that's so outspoken. I do think a lot of people are like, there. There's no way that would happen to you. There's no way. And it's like, like, oh, no. The minute you're in that room, you're not yourself. You are the smallest version of yourself. You don't even remember who you are. And the minute you walk out the door, you kind of start to remember. And that's when the shame hits you. Cuz you're like, wait, how did I not just. I. I said it to my husband. Less than a year ago, I had an executive say some of the most insane to me. And I'M Alex Cooper. I'm me. I'm supposed. Literally froze.
- [51:12]
Charlize Theron
Yeah.
- [51:13]
Unknown Guest
Froze.
- [51:13]
Charlize Theron
Yeah.
- [51:14]
Unknown Guest
So if it's happening to me now and it happened to me back then when I didn't have a voice, there is no through line of this can't happen to her. It doesn't matter where the. You are on the totem pole of power and success as a woman. When those men get you in that position or there's a power imbalance, you're.
- [51:30]
Charlize Theron
Or in your case, a woman. I, I actually, I think that story isn't told enough.
- [51:36]
Unknown Guest
Definitely not.
- [51:37]
Charlize Theron
So I'm really, I'm grateful and, and I really respect your choice in wanting to tell that story. Because I think, just as I feel like when I meet men who have experienced this kind of power play, I think that we need to tell these stories so that we can understand that we're not alone. Like, that's the thing, right? And it's hard to tell them in a world where people don't want to fucking believe you.
- [52:03]
Unknown Guest
You.
- [52:03]
Charlize Theron
It's really, really hard. It's not. Doesn't make it easy for us. And when it starts to sound repetitious and it's like, oh, it's the same story again. It's like, yeah, but guess what? We're all made of the same deal. We're human beings. And until you are in this environment, don't tell me how you're going to behave, because I will not let a motherfucker fuck with me any, any day of the week. Like, step up. But when somebody catches you off guard like that, you know, I don't, like, want to get emotional about it, but I think it's the fact that it's in an instant, within seconds, somebody is telling you your value and they're telling you you're not really that valuable. Because guess what? I was never going to get a part that night. And I knew that as soon as I left. Like, when I was driving up Laurel Canyon, I knew I wasn't there because I had some value that I was going to bring to this man's movie. I was there for one thing. I was only valued for one thing. That was it. So when somebody does that to you, you will fucking freeze. No matter who you are, you will fucking freeze.
- [53:11]
Unknown Guest
And the conversation you also brought up of why did it take you so long? Right? I had experienced some people being like, oh, 10 years. It took you 10 years.
- [53:23]
Charlize Theron
Now that you have this platform, now all of a sudden you want to.
- [53:26]
Unknown Guest
Talk about it and it's like, yeah, 10 years. Yes. Because like you just said, when you're driving up Laurel and you're leaving that moment.
- [53:34]
Charlize Theron
Yeah.
- [53:34]
Unknown Guest
And how quickly you realize your worth and who you are, and then you're mad at yourself, it starts to almost seep into every single decision and interaction you go forward having in that industry, whether or in your relationships, whatever it seeps into. So, yes, it took me that long because I had to repair what that person broke in me, and I had to find a way back. And it still hurts, and I still feel uncomfortable, and I still cry about it. I'm not. There's no closure, but there's a little bit of a semblance of healing. But, yeah, it took 10 years. And sometimes people are going to live the rest of their lives and never get to feel any bit of healing. So, like, there is no timeline.
- [54:15]
Charlize Theron
There's also the complication of. I feel, when I watch your documentary, how much you love playing soccer. Someone's taking something away from you that you love so much. So there's that fear on top of it. Right. Like, I remember I had this constant kind of worry for myself. Like, I was like, if I don't make this work, like, the alternative is just so dark. Like, I don't want to have this other life. And so that was like, the added thing on top of it was like, they're fucking with something that you really love, so it makes it even harder. It makes it more complicated. That's their power. Yes. That's their power over you.
- [54:55]
Unknown Guest
That's the. Why didn't you speak up? But most of these women are sitting there and like, this is my job.
- [54:59]
Charlize Theron
Yeah.
- [55:00]
Unknown Guest
This is what I. It's so complicated. So I think the takeaway for any woman listening is also just like, we see you. There is no answer. But.
- [55:09]
Charlize Theron
And we're not sitting here saying because of our experiences, you should do this. You're probably not. Not.
- [55:15]
Unknown Guest
And we understand and we need to.
- [55:17]
Charlize Theron
Be a community that can support each other. We can stand together, truly. And those.
- [55:23]
Unknown Guest
Those pieces of those you. What have you learned that's the beginning of your career? What have you then learned about your own strength through this crazy time in the industry that you've had?
- [55:40]
Charlize Theron
I feel fortunate that my. That I think I. I don't mean this in, like, a feel sorry for me way, but I feel like I had a hard childhood. I think it set me up for an industry that's hard. I'm hoping that it can become less hard. I'm working. I'm trying to be part of solving the problem. But I think it was the thing that helped me. It kind of set me up in a way where I was so the fish out of water. Like, you don't understand. Like, if you look at a map, that's where I was. And this is like, it was so. I'd never been on a plane. Like, I had never left South Africa. It was so insane to be that kind of a fish out of water. But I. The core of my experience as a child and being a survivor really, really helped me. It just really helped me to kind of. I, I. And this is not, I'm not, I'm not prescribing this to anybody because I don't want this for my own daughters.
- [56:45]
Unknown Guest
But I could suck it up in, though. Coming from a situation where you weren't really privy to the information about Hollywood, you had a really rough childhood. Then you get here. Like, did you ever get to a point where you felt like you could lean in and be proud of your success? Or have you. Or what is your relationship to success? Like, have you had like an I made it moment? You're like, this is great.
- [57:13]
Charlize Theron
We got that 75, 000. I was like, I'm done. I have had many moments like that because I think I always, you know, I think what happens when you have, when you experience death at a young age, this is, I'm not speaking for everybody, but for me, had. It made me hyper aware of time. And I also think that growing up in South Africa, at the time that I did, when AIDS just ravaged my country, in a way, it brought it to its knees. I, as a woman, you just couldn't help but feel like you were going to die of aids. Like, that's just, just what it was like. Like, I had this constant fear. Every time I had sex with somebody, I was like, I'm. I have aids. Like, I would go and get tested. And so I had this constant feeling of time running out. So when good shit came my way, I really, like, I felt it, but I also felt this thing kind of chasing me, like, time's going to run out, time's going to run out, time's going to run out. Like, you got to get it all in. You got to pack it all in. You got to get it done. Which is a horrible way to go through your 20s. So I have had this, this. I've had great success and I've had a ton of great opportunities come my way. I've always said this. I really believe this. It is not just about talent. There are people out there that I know that are way surpass my, my talent that will never have the opportunities that I had to showcase them. These are all things that I'm so aware of. So I try to. It's gotten better now that I'm older for sure. Like, I can definitely like sit in a moment. I don't feel like I have to make a movie every five seconds. I feel like I have other things that are more that I kind of gauge my success at. It's not just work related, but I also listen, after you win an Oscar, there's a part of you that can go, oh, like, what do I do now? Like, how do I, what do. What do you, what am I stepping up to now? Like, everything is going to be after this and then after you realize, like, yeah, it's probably going to be. You just go like all the, that then, then I'm just going to make movies that I want to make. Like I got an Oscar. Like I got nothing else to prove. So let me just make that I want to make. So it's great. It's very freeing.
- [59:42]
Unknown Guest
Something I think a lot of people obviously respect you for is the way that you have transformed yourself from, for so many roles. Like, you've gone Bald. You've gained 50 pounds. Like, you've, you've gone bald. Sounds like I was like, that was a shaved head.
- [59:59]
Charlize Theron
Like, we don't have to go that far.
- [60:03]
Unknown Guest
You've gone bald.
- [60:04]
Charlize Theron
You know what I mean? Well, you were bald.
- [60:06]
Unknown Guest
Bald. You shaved your head.
- [60:09]
Charlize Theron
There's a buzz and there's bald. Like, let's just gone bald.
- [60:12]
Unknown Guest
You're like, I buzzed my hair. But you know what I mean? Like, you've really taken things to the extreme. How when you were doing those things within your career, did it affect your confidence or did it not?
- [60:24]
Charlize Theron
No, I found it very freeing. I think that there's. It's much easier for me to kind of lose myself when I'm working to really kind of be a good actor. Like, I, if I look in the mirror and I see Charlize, I'm like, oh, like this is just all feeling. Like now I'm just feeling like I'm being like a fake version of myself. I don't know, there's something for me, maybe it's because I come from the world of dance. There is a real appreciation for costume and music and like this kind of of vibe that you have to set to this world that you're creating. And I don't know how to work without that. Like, I am Always in awe of actors who can just, you know, Philip Seymour Hoffman, just be Philip Seymour Hoffman and be amazing in every movie. But that's not who I am. Like, I really rely on finding a character from the outside in almost sometimes.
- [61:21]
Unknown Guest
Let's talk about your dating life.
- [61:22]
Charlize Theron
Oh, here we go.
- [61:23]
Unknown Guest
Okay. Okay, Hard pivot. Let's swerve. Okay.
- [61:29]
Charlize Theron
So when you were bald.
- [61:30]
Unknown Guest
So when you, I literally, let's say so now that you're not bald anymore. Okay, so obviously we spoke about it earlier. You've been outspoken about never wanting to probably get married.
- [61:41]
Charlize Theron
Yeah.
- [61:41]
Unknown Guest
And once you kind of accepted that, like, how has that impacted your dating life knowing that you're not looking for marriage, like with men and how has it affected, connected them with you?
- [61:55]
Charlize Theron
Well, I think there's a mis. Like, okay, let me just be clear. Marriage is a long term commitment and I think I want long term commitment. I just don't need to get married. So. So I just want to clarify that I, I will tell you in all honesty and the work that I've done on myself, I think a lot of that also has to do with the fact that I have a tremendous fear of not being able to, to get out of something. And that's again, me just understanding me. Right. And you know, now obviously by California laws, after seven years, you're in a marriage, whether you walk down the aisle and sign the piece of paper like you're. It's 50, 50, like, like, let's just be clear. So I'm like, my semantics is like crazy, but I want. And if I were to find a relationship, I would think of it as something that I'm aiming for, for long term. I've never been somebody that really wants to like, jump from one thing to another. From the time that I was in relationships, I was in one relationship after another relationship after another relationship. And so when I earlier said I'm having sex now for the first time like I never had before is because I'm not in relationship. And it's not because I'm not. I don't want to be in relationships, but I'm seeing things for what they are. Right. I'm not trying to force a circle into a scram or whatever the fuck an American saying is. The peg and the hole and the. I can never say it right. But. No, it's, but I, when I meet somebody, I can, I can see where it's going to go pretty quickly.
- [63:36]
Unknown Guest
What is relationship you like versus single you?
- [63:40]
Charlize Theron
So this is what we were talking about earlier. Like, I am Ashamed of being a person in a relation or that I used to be. I should speak now. I've done a lot of work, but I used to be someone in relationships that would lose herself. And again, it's that thing you, like, you're such a power. Like, you're a baller. Like, why that couldn't be you. But it goes back to how I looked at girls who were. So I've never really had a lot of practice and just being confident and like, saying, I. I've always felt like I've had to, like, protect other people so much that that's. That codependency has just remained in my relationships. So I used to be a person that would watch herself, would also attract narcissists, men who wanted me to kind of treat them that way. And if I didn't, there was a lot of conflict. And I actually don't like conflict. Yet again, something people are always surprised. I don't like conflict. But when I feel like I'm being. If I feel like I have to choose between conflict or just placating, then I will placate because I don't want the conflict.
- [64:54]
Unknown Guest
But when you're in those type of relationships that you've lost yourself.
- [64:58]
Charlize Theron
Yeah.
- [64:58]
Unknown Guest
How have you pulled yourself out?
- [65:00]
Charlize Theron
Friends. Yeah, Great friends. Like, now I'm gonna cry. Just great girlfriends. Wow. Yeah. Because I think sometimes you can't see when you're in it at all. And you need a friend that doesn't hit you over the head because you won't leave until you can see it for yourself. And a good girlfriend knows that. And so they support you while you're in the darkness because that's all you have. Like, you need that support. And I've had. I've put some girlfriends through fucking hell. So, yeah, I love that the show's for women fucking girlfriends. You need good girlfriends.
- [65:44]
Unknown Guest
But I think that the biggest also point that I want to highlight that you just said is like, there's a difference between being a really good girlfriend. And then when someone's in a really unhealthy relationship, making them feel shame about it and being like, we can't do this again. We can't.
- [66:01]
Charlize Theron
You're an idiot.
- [66:01]
Unknown Guest
What are you doing? Yeah, you then pull away. And if anything thing, you lean more towards the person you're in the relationship with. And we've all been there. If you have one of those great friends. And I've had it with my friend where I was in a horrible situation, and then when you give them a light opening because you're really looking for them to pull you out and they're like, okay, let's just, let's talk about it like. And then they slowly pull you and then you're out. But it takes you opening even the, like a crack in the door. Yeah. Cuz if you don't want to hear. It's like the same thing like we were saying earlier with therapy. You can't force someone to go to therapy. They're going to sit there with their. Yeah, they're like, I'm not going to listen to you. They have to be ready. And the only way they're going to come to you though, as a friend is if you've been there with them. And I know it's hard as a friend, but there's always so hard.
- [66:48]
Charlize Theron
That's the thing, I think that makes me emotional because it's the patience and it must. It's so hard when someone you love so much is just, just constantly hitting their head on the same wall and all you want to do is to remove them from the situation and you know that you can't and you have to like walk this fine line. Those, those. Yeah, I, I have. I don't know what I did in a past life. I really do not what I did in a past life, but I. Fuck me. I have been blessed with really, really good people in my life.
- [67:26]
Unknown Guest
That's half the battle.
- [67:28]
Charlize Theron
I'm a lucky call.
- [67:46]
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- [69:31]
Unknown Guest
You ready?
- [69:31]
Alex Cooper
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- [70:26]
Unknown Guest
When you're having these, like fun little new romance moments that you're in your era of not dating, but you're getting to have good stuff. Sex.
- [70:34]
Charlize Theron
Yeah.
- [70:35]
Unknown Guest
How are we, how are we meeting these men? Are they men in the industry? Do you not want a man in the industry?
- [70:41]
Charlize Theron
No, my God, no, no, no. I have zero interest. And again, like I say these things, you know, in a very glib way. But I, I, I don't think that dating somebody in my industry is a smart thing.
- [70:55]
Unknown Guest
I agree.
- [70:56]
Charlize Theron
Yeah, it's not. It's everything I have to. I. And I'm not saying it's impossible. I'm not saying that it's that binary. I just think that in general it's not a good thing for me.
- [71:08]
Unknown Guest
So how are you meeting these people? Are you on the apps? Are you out dating?
- [71:11]
Charlize Theron
I am on the apps, but I don't use the apps. I am, I have a few friends that are very, very good. And one of them I know is listening to this right now, who. Who always is like, okay, okay, you need to come here right now, and you need to meet this person. And I'm very grateful for her and you know who you are. And I. I have not taken. I have not been brave enough on a lot of her offers, but recently I have, and I. It has paid off tremendously. And so, yes, my dear friend Amanda out there, when she says, like, you need to just. We'd be in Paris. Be like, you just need to, like, come and say hi to this guy right now.
- [71:52]
Unknown Guest
So fun.
- [71:53]
Charlize Theron
And. Yeah. And then it totally pays off. And I'm like, yeah, I need to do that more often, honestly, because the apps are just horrible.
- [71:58]
Alex Cooper
It's hard.
- [72:00]
Charlize Theron
No, it's not hard. It's a. It's a clown show. I'm sorry, guys, but please, like, no, no. Like, I need. Like, honestly, not because I want to date you, but because I want to help you. No Burning man photos. No photos of you with other women. Like, I don't care. I don't want to know that you have girlfriends, and I don't want you shooting a fucking selfie in your closet of your hand in a jean pocket. I don't. I'm sorry. I don't want to see you looking at yourself in a mirror that way. It makes my vagina close. I just can't. And don't tell me you're a CEO because you're not. Like, I'm sorry, of what? Of some business you can't explain to me that I'm. None of my friends can understand. Like, no. And then. No, you don't live in this apartment if you're. No, you do not have a business. Stop. You're a fucking joke. You know, I get like. I get wet when you just tell me who you are. Like, don't be pretentious. I'm sorry.
- [73:03]
Unknown Guest
Picturing you on the app with your girlfriend over, like, wine one night, being like, let's just open this shit up.
- [73:10]
Charlize Theron
Well, by the way, that's how it started. I was, like, drunk enough to have a girlfriend be like, let's just fucking do it. I was like, yeah, let's do it. And that's how I ended up on this app. Listen, I could take myself off the app, but I make secretly enjoying the joke.
- [73:26]
Unknown Guest
It's great.
- [73:27]
Charlize Theron
It's the joke. I'm sorry. I'm not. I'm not trying to be mean. No, it's okay. I'm not trying to be mean, but, like, I'm trying to, like, help. This is, like, think of this as like help as I'm a 50 ass year old woman telling you don't do it. Girls don't like it. They don't like it.
- [73:44]
Unknown Guest
It, it's so true.
- [73:47]
Charlize Theron
Yeah.
- [73:47]
Unknown Guest
The hand in the jean in the closet.
- [73:53]
Charlize Theron
I just can't. I just can't. I'm sorry.
- [73:55]
Unknown Guest
The CEO is also crazy and he like works for his dad. Yeah, he works for his dad. Okay. How do we feel about sex on the first date?
- [74:05]
Charlize Theron
Well, so I like, what do you consider, what do you consider a date?
- [74:09]
Unknown Guest
Oh, are you going on dates? Dates.
- [74:11]
Charlize Theron
Yeah. But I like, I feel like when you like there's certain circumstances where you meet somebody at a party and yeah. You have sex and then that's it, you know, that's what it is. You're not thinking you're gonna marry this person.
- [74:25]
Unknown Guest
That's fair.
- [74:25]
Charlize Theron
Yeah.
- [74:26]
Unknown Guest
Are you down for a one night stand?
- [74:27]
Charlize Theron
Yes. I don't have many of them. I sound, I'm sitting here sounding like I do. So when I do I'm like, oh, fuck yeah. I should have done this. In my twenties. I was married from the time that I was like, like having sex to the time that I had my last relationship. Then I had children. Who has time for dates and shaving and waxing and makeup and like I've got two children that have to go to school. Then I like, I got it. Like this shit's on a time. Like we got. Do you need me to send you a call time?
- [74:56]
Unknown Guest
I'm obsessed.
- [74:57]
Charlize Theron
And it's this, you got two hours. Like what's happening? Cuz like I need to know.
- [75:02]
Unknown Guest
We have, do you have any.
- [75:06]
Charlize Theron
Sex.
- [75:06]
Unknown Guest
Tip for the girls?
- [75:07]
Charlize Theron
Sex tip? Like what does that mean? Like, what does that mean? Like how to have good sex. How to what? Have an organ.
- [75:14]
Unknown Guest
Anything. Anything that like you think a girls could just like, you're hot, you're having good sex.
- [75:21]
Charlize Theron
Okay. You're like, I almost choked. I am the last person to ask. I'm like sounding very cocky here, but I think it's because I have found this freedom in my 40s where I'm like, oh my God. So I just want to say this in perspective. I've probably had three one night stands in my entire life.
- [75:38]
Unknown Guest
Okay.
- [75:39]
Charlize Theron
But I did just recently a 26 year old and it was really amazing. Yes, yes. And I've never done that. And I was like, oh, this is great.
- [75:48]
Unknown Guest
Okay, Let me just say that 26 year old is the luckiest man walking on this God damn planet. He's walking different today knowing, oh my.
- [75:57]
Charlize Theron
God, he for sure is not, but thank you.
- [75:59]
Unknown Guest
No, he is. He is.
- [76:01]
Charlize Theron
I, I will just say this, like, I wish that this goes back to. I think this is kind of like a thread throughout our conversation. Women who come across as confident, women who come across as, like, outspoken ones that wouldn't speak up for themselves tend to also be in bed. People who want to please males, like, and I have found this in my experiences with talking to other women about this. Isn't it strange? Like, we should be the ones that are like, you, like, I'm gonna have an orgasm. And yet I. My whole life was so concerned about.
- [76:38]
Unknown Guest
Same, the same, same.
- [76:40]
Charlize Theron
Okay.
- [76:41]
Unknown Guest
Oh, my God.
- [76:42]
Charlize Theron
So my advice would be this. Don't do that for two reasons. You're gonna have better orgasms. And guess what? Your. Your man's gonna like that.
- [76:51]
Unknown Guest
They're gonna have such a better time too.
- [76:53]
Charlize Theron
Yes.
- [76:53]
Unknown Guest
It's so true. It's really hard. I think back to my 20s, and I. And in college, like, I was so thinking I was doing the right thing. And when you get the feedback of how great it was, and then you're walking away feeling great, but then you're also like, yeah, I don't know if I've even had an orgasm in my life before. Like, this is kind of.
- [77:12]
Charlize Theron
Yeah.
- [77:13]
Unknown Guest
Is this what it's supposed to do?
- [77:14]
Charlize Theron
And be.
- [77:14]
Unknown Guest
And what. And then the minute and. And it takes reps. Like, sometimes it just takes you, like, getting. Because no man is like, unless he's the most amazing man in the world, which go find him.
- [77:25]
Charlize Theron
But no, not gonna happen.
- [77:26]
Unknown Guest
It's all, all, all of these men, it's about them, and they're not actually being like, I know it takes you longer than my dick just getting off in two seconds. So it's like, it's a process to you, advocating for yourself in the bedroom, being like, yes, hold on. And actually then speaking up. But it takes time. But I agree. Once you hit that part of your life where it's not just like, I'll just, like, do it, and then, like, he'll get off and, like, I'm, like, faking it, your life changes and practice.
- [77:52]
Charlize Theron
Health helps. You love to practice, and then you'll figure it out. Yeah, that's good advice.
- [77:56]
Unknown Guest
See?
- [77:57]
Charlize Theron
Yeah, yeah. In the safe way. Please.
- [77:59]
Unknown Guest
Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Please, please, for the love of God. Okay. What is the biggest dating disaster you've ever had?
- [78:05]
Charlize Theron
Oh, my God. I, I, I had a guy once asked me to make out with his nose, which was really, really probably one of the most bizarre asks Ever? Yes. In a very. Like. Like, he was getting off on it. That was really gross. I would say. Aside from that, nobody's ever asked me to do something that I was like, whoa, that's really weird. Like, I guess I'm. I like weird shit. Like, I'm not, like, thrown by weird. Like, the nose thing was the weirdest thing.
- [78:35]
Alex Cooper
That.
- [78:35]
Unknown Guest
That'll do it.
- [78:36]
Charlize Theron
Yeah. But I'm not, like, thrown easily, so that's why I think I'm kind of like. I'm like, oh, that sounds a little. Let's see what happens.
- [78:42]
Unknown Guest
Let's give it a try.
- [78:43]
Charlize Theron
Yeah.
- [78:44]
Unknown Guest
Okay. We're gonna play a game.
- [78:45]
Charlize Theron
I'm having the best.
- [78:46]
Unknown Guest
Okay, you are.
- [78:46]
Charlize Theron
You are crying and we are laughing and we are.
- [78:49]
Unknown Guest
I'm not never gonna get over the bald comment. That jail for me. Okay. All right. I'm gonna go through some dating scenarios, and I want your opinion. Are you in or are you out?
- [79:02]
Charlize Theron
Wow. Okay.
- [79:02]
Unknown Guest
Okay. He tells you he loves you after one month.
- [79:06]
Charlize Theron
That's usually what I would do. Charlize. That's like a Charlize move. Oh, my God. This is like a constant joke between me and my friends. This is how unhealthy I am. Like, I just will tell you I love you in a heartbeat. Like, I've never understood this conversation. Like, have you ever had. Been in love? I'm like, I'm in love all the time. Like, I. Like, I. Like, while I'm you, I'll tell you I love you. Like, and for a long time, I was like, this is not healthy. And then I just went, you know, this is who I am. Like, honestly, like, I'm not gonna beat myself up over this. This anymore. So I'm going to say that's okay. I don't know if I want to hear it from a guy, though.
- [79:45]
Unknown Guest
Fair. So fair.
- [79:46]
Charlize Theron
I feel like, again, it's like the photo, the selfie. Like, no, like, calm down. Yeah. Let me be the one that's like, I think I love you.
- [79:53]
Unknown Guest
Yeah.
- [79:53]
Charlize Theron
Yeah.
- [79:54]
Unknown Guest
And making me chase you just a little bit.
- [79:56]
Charlize Theron
Like, God, can you believe it? I'm in love with you.
- [80:02]
Unknown Guest
Then you're literally at home being like, oh, my God, I can't believe he believes that.
- [80:05]
Charlize Theron
Anyways, but maybe I am.
- [80:07]
Unknown Guest
How quickly do you actually think, you know, if you're in love me with. With someone?
- [80:10]
Charlize Theron
I. In all seriousness, I feel like I have the ability to go there pretty easily for someone who is as like, have been. So I think maybe it is because I've been so protective of my life. And have to protect so many things in my life that there is. And it's maybe why acting is. Feel safe to me. I have the ability to kind of, like, go into that. That kind of, like, reckless, vulnerable place. It's beautiful. Easily. Yes.
- [80:41]
Unknown Guest
Have you ever had a guy tell you that he loved you and you were not on the same page?
- [80:46]
Charlize Theron
Yes. Yes.
- [80:48]
Unknown Guest
Tough.
- [80:48]
Charlize Theron
Yes.
- [80:49]
Unknown Guest
And do you just let them down easy or.
- [80:51]
Charlize Theron
I. I'm going to be honest with you. I'm not good at letting people off the hook easily.
- [80:56]
Unknown Guest
Do you say it back?
- [80:57]
Charlize Theron
No, I don't say it back, but I don't know how to. Like, I will pretend and then I'll probably ghost. Like, I. I'm not. I know it's really terrible, and I have to work on that.
- [81:08]
Unknown Guest
I love it.
- [81:09]
Charlize Theron
But after that, I just don't know. Like, it's. It's part of me is like, I don't have. I don't know. I. Like, it's a lot of time to get into, like, the softness of all of this. And sometimes I just think it's easier to just be like, let's just.
- [81:20]
Unknown Guest
Let's just not. Yeah, let's not. Because I don't love you.
- [81:23]
Charlize Theron
Yeah.
- [81:24]
Unknown Guest
And it's easy for me to tell people I love them. So if I can't say it back, you're really a fucking lose problem.
- [81:29]
Charlize Theron
There's a big problem here. Like, it's not gonna happen. Holy.
- [81:32]
Unknown Guest
Okay. You caught him going through your phone.
- [81:35]
Charlize Theron
No, I don't like stuff like that.
- [81:37]
Unknown Guest
Have you ever caught someone?
- [81:39]
Charlize Theron
Listen, I. When most of my dating and serious relationships happened, there were no iPhone.
- [81:46]
Unknown Guest
She's like, no iPhone gang over here.
- [81:48]
Charlize Theron
Yeah. We didn't have a problem. We didn't have. I. I mean, like, isn't that. Yeah, but I don't like stuff like that. Even my kids, like, my kids find it really hard that I'm like, I don't want to go through your phone. I want to. Want to be able to trust you.
- [82:01]
Unknown Guest
Yeah.
- [82:01]
Charlize Theron
Yeah.
- [82:02]
Unknown Guest
Have you ever been cheated on?
- [82:03]
Charlize Theron
Yes.
- [82:04]
Unknown Guest
How did you find out?
- [82:06]
Charlize Theron
I found out after. Not while I was in the relationship, but I always felt it like, you know, again, it's that little voice. Yeah. But it's actually. It wasn't worse for me because part of me was like, that wasn't the reason why I broke up with the person. And also, I don't think I was with, like. I don't think it was constant all the way through. I think it was like, towards the end or it was like somebody who Thought like a blowjob wasn't cheating, like shit like that, you know, But I.
- [82:35]
Unknown Guest
Classic them not thinking of blowjobs, cheating. Just the classic white stuff of men. Like that doesn't count. Oh, yeah, no. You getting your dick suck did not count for sure.
- [82:44]
Charlize Theron
No, not at all. 100.
- [82:47]
Unknown Guest
Wait, did you ever confront him about it? Or no, you just let it go?
- [82:50]
Charlize Theron
No, because most of the time I found out afterwards and then by then I was like, I like, couldn't give two.
- [82:56]
Unknown Guest
Okay, he hates cursing and asks you to stop saying impossible.
- [83:02]
Charlize Theron
Absolutely. If I, if I can't do that in front of my children, do you really think I'm going to do that for you? Go yourself. And I don't even love you here. Like, this is like before I've even told you I love you. So true. Yeah, true. Okay.
- [83:14]
Unknown Guest
What is something you'll never compromise on in a relationship now?
- [83:19]
Charlize Theron
I, I, I think, you know, I've talked about it. I will not lose myself, myself. I will not make myself smaller and I will not do things that are not authentically. It doesn't mean that I'm going to be selfish, but I, I will not make myself somebody that I'm not. For you, for you to feel better about being in a relationship with me.
- [83:39]
Unknown Guest
I love it.
- [83:40]
Charlize Theron
Oh, thanks.
- [83:41]
Unknown Guest
No, no, because it's like you being aware that that's your one thing. We all have that, right?
- [83:46]
Charlize Theron
Yeah.
- [83:47]
Unknown Guest
Like, I had that for so long where it was like, I, you, everyone knows that one thing that you're like, okay, this is this next time I've gotta stand my ground and I can't let myself do X, Y or Z. And I think that in its, like, for me, mine was like, I really loved the games. Like, I was like, addicted to like the push and the pull and the push. And I'm like, drama.
- [84:07]
Charlize Theron
You wanted the drama.
- [84:08]
Unknown Guest
And I'm like, what am I doing? I'm, I'm exhausted and like, I want to feel safe. So why am I doing this? And finally, why?
- [84:15]
Charlize Theron
Why?
- [84:15]
Unknown Guest
We're still working on that. I, I still don't fully know why.
- [84:19]
Charlize Theron
Do you still do it? No. Okay.
- [84:20]
Unknown Guest
I am so happy you're aware of it now. Matt was the first person that literally it was like a couple like a month or so in, and he was like, I don't know what you're doing, but I have literally no interest in it. So let me know if you want to continue or I'm done. And I was literally like, oh, I'm in love with you.
- [84:38]
Charlize Theron
But you obviously didn't stop it straight away.
- [84:40]
Unknown Guest
No, it just. It took. It was a concerted effort for me to recognize, like, I had become used to a pattern.
- [84:45]
Charlize Theron
Yeah.
- [84:45]
Unknown Guest
And it became familiar to me. Me. And then you jump right into it, into the next thing. And a lot of it made me feel like if we fight, then when we come back together, we feel closer. And it was a bad cycle I got into, and then Matt was the first person that I broke that cycle for, and it was like, I made such different life decisions with him that I was like, wow, I must really love you that I'm trying this hard to, like, not.
- [85:07]
Charlize Theron
That's amazing.
- [85:08]
Alex Cooper
Yeah.
- [85:08]
Unknown Guest
So, you know, we all have our thing.
- [85:10]
Charlize Theron
Yeah.
- [85:11]
Unknown Guest
Okay.
- [85:12]
Charlize Theron
You told him right there you loved him.
- [85:14]
Alex Cooper
Yeah.
- [85:14]
Unknown Guest
Then I was like, let me take my pants off. Me, and I love you. All in one night. Let's go.
- [85:19]
Charlize Theron
No.
- [85:20]
Unknown Guest
He's like, this bitch is crazy.
- [85:21]
Charlize Theron
You want no games?
- [85:22]
Unknown Guest
No. Literally, let's go.
- [85:24]
Charlize Theron
Yeah.
- [85:25]
Unknown Guest
But actually, that is.
- [85:25]
Charlize Theron
We're getting married tonight.
- [85:27]
Unknown Guest
Let's go to Vegas. He's like, you're insane.
- [85:30]
Charlize Theron
Yeah.
- [85:31]
Unknown Guest
Okay. Let's talk about your new movie, the Old Guard two.
- [85:34]
Charlize Theron
Yeah.
- [85:35]
Unknown Guest
What does it feel like playing this character again? Like, is it exciting to get to do something a second time?
- [85:41]
Charlize Theron
Yes, it's challenging, but also so. Yes, it's exciting because I've never. I've been wanting to do television for a while or, like, a limited series because I. I've never experienced having several hours to kind of build arc and explore a character. And so, like, my 20s, it's always felt like, pack it in two hours or under two. And so this was nice because it gave me an opportunity to kind of, like, go and revisit it. A character that I had played before, and I'd never done that before, but it also makes it challenging because then you're like, well, am I. What do I want to go and explore? Like, what. What are. What are the themes that I. Or the. The behaviors that I didn't feel like I fully fleshed out on the first one. So then it becomes complicated in that sense. But good complicated.
- [86:33]
Unknown Guest
Okay. You're hanging out of a helicopter in the movie.
- [86:36]
Charlize Theron
Yeah.
- [86:36]
Unknown Guest
How do you even train for something like that?
- [86:38]
Charlize Theron
You don't. There's no training for that. I wanted to do something. I'm actually. I. I don't like risk. I like challenging myself, but I'm actually not like, some rec. Like, I have kids. Like, I. And even prior to that, I'm not like, someone's like, I don't give A, let's just jump off this roof and see what happens in the water. And I'm not one of those people, but I do like the. The challenge of being a producer and being able to have some power over talking about that developmental part of what is the narrative and the action, because that's where you can start to challenge yourself a little bit. And if you're making, if you're making these movies, you should be asking those questions.
- [87:24]
Unknown Guest
What is the most insane stunt that you've ever done in your career?
- [87:28]
Charlize Theron
Well, that would probably be one of them.
- [87:30]
Unknown Guest
Yeah.
- [87:30]
Charlize Theron
But, you know, if you hear the story behind it, it's. It's not as crazy. It looks insane. That's why we did it. But. But it was explained to me by this incredible man, Fred north, who is like the guru of all helicopter stuff and movies. It's completely. He's like, this is really safe. No one's ever really done this. And you can do this completely practical. And that's really what I was looking for, was to do something that we didn't have to go on a stage age and fake and, you know, that I could have some cred and have a behind the scenes video that looked really badass and I could be like, yeah, and that's me right there. But yeah, so that's probably the craziest things, but I've done hard. I mean, I just had elbow surgery four weeks ago. I did this movie in Australia. I just wrapped it like a couple of months ago. I play like a really, a professional rock climber. Like a, like a free soloist kind of like rock climber. And I worked with a mad director from, like, Iceland who just like, was like, you have to climb the mountain. And I was like, holy fuck. Like, he's gonna actually make me climb this fucking mountain. I was like, for the next three weeks, we are only shooting this mountain and you are climbing this mountain. And I fucking climbed that mountain barefoot. Like, no shoes. Like, I was insane. I look at the footage now, like, I go back to the dailies and I go, what the fuck? But it's amazing. It's like you're in it and you just kind of go like, wow, it feels good to feel this strong, that I can do this.
- [89:06]
Unknown Guest
That it. Picturing you barefoot, climbing up and just being like, yeah.
- [89:11]
Charlize Theron
And they were like, they were making these silicone feet for me to protect my feet and stuff. And I was like, I'm from Africa, okay? I didn't have shoes until I was 13. Like, I climbed trees. I don't Have. And I was a dancer. I have no fucking feeling in my feet. Okay, put me in. Yes. I'm going to be fine. You guys.
- [89:28]
Unknown Guest
She's perfect for this role. Thank God we got her here. Holy shit. This is amazing.
- [89:33]
Charlize Theron
At the end, this madman of a director was fucking brilliant. And I love him. He, like. He never gave me one compliment. It was like my dad relationship all over again. I was trying to please this motherfucker every single day. I'd, like, be on the top of the mountain. I'd be like. My elbow, I couldn't feel. My fucking toe was broken. My ribs were. And he'd be like, walking away, and I'd be like, what did he think? He's like, oh. He went home, and at the end of the film, he, like, pulled me, and he was like, you are fucking amazing. And I was like, all right, I deserve that.
- [90:08]
Unknown Guest
I got it.
- [90:08]
Charlize Theron
Yeah.
- [90:09]
Unknown Guest
I got the approval. Thank God. We. Did your daughters go to the premiere last night?
- [90:13]
Charlize Theron
They did. They. My. My youngest likes to kind of, like, just ride along with me. I wasn't. The movie isn't right for her. She's. She's too young. There's too much violence in it. But she walked with me because she knew I was going to go home afterwards. So she just walked. She just waited for me. And I said a little thank you in the theater, and then we went home and. And I was like. She was like, why don't we. I said, no, no, no, no. I'm so tired. Like, we're gonna go home and have a girls night, and we're gonna have ice cream. And we got, like, the ice cream out of the freezer, and I had, like, a half a pound of ice cream. And then I fell asleep and sleep like, like an old man, Literally. Like, she was like, really? This is our date.
- [90:50]
Unknown Guest
Like, this is your premiere night. Yeah, I wish that was the headline. Like, you're in this gorgeous outfit, and then you get home, little does everyone know, you're like, I'm on the couch with my ice cream.
- [90:59]
Charlize Theron
Like, I was shoving a hobgoing Haagen dust. And I was like, I should walk this down to the freezer because it's going to melt. And I was like, that. I'm rich. It's fine. It's a half a pound of Haagen dust. Like, what am I worried about?
- [91:12]
Unknown Guest
So good. Do your daughters understand, like, who you are and what you do fully? I.
- [91:18]
Charlize Theron
Honestly, I couldn't tell you. You know, I feel like maybe I think that they're also They've been. They've been around it. I've. I've. Most of the movies that I've made since they've been around have been during the summer because I don't want to leave them. So they've been on every set that I've worked on from the time that they've been in my life. So they know that as mom's job, they obviously don't. You know, they. They don't watch the kind of movies that I make. So in their eyes, I'm like some dinosaur, right? And so, like, every once in a while when I work with somebody, they're like, wait, you know her? Like, oh, Renee raps coming on Saturday. Like, what? Like, every once in a while I'm like, yeah. Like, I'm cool. Yeah. Yeah. So I last. I was just driving here, and my oldest daughter, who's a real bitch, like, she does not make it easy on me one bit. Like, she does not suffer fools easily. She has never given me a compliment in my fucking life. I was driving here, she was at a sleepover, and I called her to tell her that, you know, her sister was coming home, and she goes, oh, I really liked what you wore last night. I almost fell off my chair. I would. I, like, the phone fell out of my. I was like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. Like, be cool, be cool, be cool.
- [92:39]
Unknown Guest
You're like, thanks.
- [92:40]
Charlize Theron
Yeah. So they. They play with my emotions, I think. I think it's really cute.
- [92:44]
Unknown Guest
Yeah, it sounds like you are such an incredible mother. You're a great daughter, and you've had such an incredible career, and you will continue to have such an incredible career. And, like, this is why I love my job, is getting to meet you. I had no idea what to expect. You know what I mean? Like, I didn't know.
- [93:02]
Charlize Theron
Like, I didn't know this woman that can't keep a man, like, this nutty. Like, let's see how bald now I understand.
- [93:11]
Unknown Guest
But I didn't know, you know, And I think. Not that it was bad or good. I was just like, oh, interesting.
- [93:16]
Charlize Theron
Yeah. Yeah. And.
- [93:17]
Unknown Guest
And in getting to speak with you, it's so inspiring hearing what you've done with your career, what you've done with your family. I think it's such a testament to women, and it's really, I hope, a message to women of all, like, you really can create your own path. Your past doesn't define you, but be aware of your childhood and any trauma you've had. And. And you've done such an incredible job like making your own version of what you want your life to be. Which is so inspiring for women to hear.
- [93:47]
Charlize Theron
Yeah. And we're. I'm still trying. Still figuring it out.
- [93:51]
Unknown Guest
Of course.
- [93:52]
Charlize Theron
Yeah. But we should definitely try for sure. Life is too short.
- [93:55]
Unknown Guest
As you enter this next, next gorgeous decade of your life, what are you the most excited for?
- [94:04]
Charlize Theron
I. Okay, so everyone's like, talking about the celebration. You're the first person that's ever asked me, like, what is this next chapter in my life? Right. I think outside of what I touched upon, which is that I do think about, like, because it's very real. My oldest is about to be 14. Like, I will be an empty nester soon. I think about that a lot because I love my kids. Kids so much that they can never know because I can't imagine my life without them. And the idea of them not being in my house, like, scares me enough to be like, who is this sad man that I am gonna catch in six years and be like, you can have my whole closet. Just don't let me be alone in this house.
- [94:45]
Unknown Guest
So real.
- [94:45]
Charlize Theron
Aside from thinking about that, I don't know. Because work feels really satisfying. I really feel so blessed and so lucky that I get to do something every single day that I love that doesn't. It doesn't feel like work. And I'm glad that I get to show my kids what that looks like. To find something that you love that when. If you can have a life where you don't feel like you're working, but you are working hard, that's a very rewarding life. And not all of us get to have that. So if I can continue that and, and, and make sure that my kids are okay, like that's going to be okay for me. I'm going to be okay.
- [95:23]
Unknown Guest
This is good to know. So whenever we see you pop up with a man, we're like, oh, the kids moved out. It's literally our.
- [95:29]
Charlize Theron
Oh, she must be 18.
- [95:31]
Unknown Guest
Oh, oh, she's. She's miserable. Kids are gone. This is just the. That happened to be at the coffee shop earlier that day that she's like, you're moving in with me. And he's like, I get to be with Charlize there.
- [95:43]
Charlize Theron
My secret's out. I just fucked myself. Yeah, well, there goes my vaginas. Joy. Like, that's not happening anymore. Thank you, Alex. Really great. No, I will tell this man I love him before I know his name. I will hook him so fast.
- [95:59]
Unknown Guest
And you'll hook him up good. Closet. Nice life. We're doing it right. We're doing it right.
- [96:03]
Charlize Theron
Exactly. Exactly.
- [96:04]
Unknown Guest
Thank you so much for coming on. This was truly a pleasure. You're such a good hang. And it felt like I don't. I forgot there were cameras. Like, it just felt like we were having really nice girl talk.
- [96:15]
Charlize Theron
I was looking forward to this because it's nice to. To know you. Like I feel not in a weird way. I'm not going to tell you I love you.
- [96:22]
Unknown Guest
Come on, come on, come on.
- [96:24]
Charlize Theron
It's nice to know a little bit about you. And I'm a huge fan, by the way.
- [96:28]
Unknown Guest
Well, I'm a huge fan too, so look at us.
- [96:48]
Alex Cooper
Surprise. Beach day.
- [96:50]
Charlize Theron
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- [97:14]
Alex Cooper
So smooth and beach ready.
- [97:15]
Unknown Guest
Let's go.
- [97:18]
Charlize Theron
In the summer, all of Oregon is our playground thanks to our incredible park system. That's why it's so cool that Oregon Lottery gameplay like video lottery or cash pop helps support Oregon tons of parks projects statewide like accessible trails at Silver.
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Alex Cooper
Falls State park or upgrades to your.
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Charlize Theron
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