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Cheers Bitches - Extra Dirty with Hallie Batchelder
00:46:39
Daddy Gang! I present to you the first episode of EXTRA DIRTY, a new Unwell podcast hosted by Hallie Batchelder, and you're in for a wild ride. Hallie kicks off this weekly spill sesh strong: how being a chubby kid made her funny, becoming a muse for a Canadian's wild fantasy, the (very honest) scoop on her cosmetic work, why she got her real estate license, and the secrets of her parents' rock-star romance. Of course, she could not do it alone: so listen in to hear what special guests stop by. Hint: one of them just rolled out of her bed from the night before... So whether you're here to laugh, gasp, or join the sh*t talking, pour up a drink and dive into the debauchery. Muah muah!
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- [00:01]
Alex Cooper
Daddy Gang. What's up, fuckers? It is your father. I am here to feed you. You guys are always asking for more content. And so I present to you another podcast, episode one of Extra Dirty. You guys just listened to Hallie Bachelder on Call Her Daddy and now she's officially launching her own podcast. I am so excited for you guys to go on this journey with Halle. I am obsessed with her. She has the craziest stories, she lives in New York City and I just know it is about to be a wild ride. So enjoy, sit back, relax, and maybe have a cocktail for this one. Listen to the first episode of Extra Dirty. Enjoy. Daddy Gang. Holiday shopping season is officially here and it can feel so overwhelming trying to find the right gifts for everyone on your list. So here is some advice. Don't overthink it. Just go to Sephora. Here is what I want you guys to think about. Every time you're stressing getting someone a gift, it's like, okay, does someone on your list have a face? I am guessing yes. Gift them makeup. Okay. Do they have skin? Yes. Quality skincare products are always a hit. Do they have a nose? Grab the best fragrance. The best in makeup, skincare, hair care and fragrance are always at Sephora, not to mention exclusive gift sets too. So this holiday, don't overthink it. Give something beautiful from Sephora this holiday season. Share a new language with your loved ones. Daddy Gang Gift a lifetime membership to Rosetta St. It makes a meaningful present for friends and family. I am constantly wanting to work on myself as I continue to grow. And I think I will be gifting my husband this and myself this for the holidays because why not work on ourselves together? Start learning today with Rosetta Stone's lifetime membership holiday Special. Visit Rosetta Stone.com CallHerDaddy for unlimited access to 25 language courses available for a short time at Rosetta Stone.com CallHerDaddy.
- [02:07]
Halle Bachelder
Hi my little freaks. We're happy little. Okay, guys, I'm doing something really stupid right now. We have an emergency debrief situation. Hi, this is Halle from the streets of New York. Intention of saying it last night. Welcome to my podcast. Welcome to Extra Dirty. I am so excited to be here with you guys. I know it's taken a minute, I know it's taken a long minute, but guys, perfection takes time. I was going to come out with something that's like shitty and like, I would have to redo and like, it was kind of ass, like, whatever. I wanted this to be perfect for you guys, like I was just being a woman of the people at this point. Okay? This podcast is going to be so graphic, so, so horrendous, so dirty, so slutty. You're going to look at me so differently. Please keep your AirPods on when you're listening to this podcast. I will say, do not listen to it at church. Do not listen to it at a classroom. Do not listen to it in front of your parents unless your dad is single. Please, for the love of God, strap in. We're going to have a fun time. I'm so happy to be here. It's going to be epic. I, like, might get canceled. Okay, but if I do get canceled, guys, I want to be canceled for, like, a really hot, controversial, like, athlete or maybe some, like, hedge fund guy that's gotten arrested. I don't know, like, something interesting, but, like, not too deep. We'll get into that later. But anyways, welcome to Extra Dirty. This podcast will not only be Extra Dirty, but probably most of the time, I'll be still, like, living on the fumes of my night before as I have consumed, like, a hundred Extra Dirty martinis. Like, they'll still be in my system as I sit here and talk to you guys. If you guys don't know me, you know, I kind of just, like, fell into social media. I started posting on TikTok like, a year, a year and a half ago, and honestly, I was just making that platform more of, like, my private story. Honestly, I was like, no one's, like, being honest on this platform. Like, no one's, like, telling the truth or, like, showing any flaw at all. Everything's just, like a perfect little, like, clean girl aesthetic image of what their life is. And that is just not what life's about. Life is fudgeing rough. Anyways. All that shit was very short formatted content, and I was like, I feel like I could yap for hours about, like, what's going on in my mind. So here we are, another fake blonde with a podcast. I apologize, but, like, here we are. Like, I'm not that mad. I feel like on TikTok, I'm so, like, ambiguous, like, what's going on with my, like, love life? I'm very good about, like, you know, dropping little hints there and here. Like, I definitely sleep around and I make that known. But I'm never, like, name dropping. I'm not like, a fucking weird freak. So the thing is, like, with what I do and, like, me just talking and doing, like, debriefs online, like, I have a lot of Men being like, I want to stay as far away from this as humanly possible. Because at fear I might talk about them online. I will. But, like, I'm only going to talk about you if you give me something, like, to talk about. Usually, like, these men, they piss me off and they think they can do whatever. Hi. Sorry. I'm here to talk about it. Why not? So what is going on in my love life right now? My most recent conquest. I call them conquests because what else are they? I made the mistake of hooking up with this man. He was in the entertainment industry, which, by the way, stay is humanly far. Oh, wait, am I in the. Wait, I'm considered. This is the entertainment industry, right, Pret. Ah, he was in the entertainment industry. And like, red flag number one, I feel like those men are just super narcissistic. Their egos are bigger than my fake tits. Like, it's just a lot of narcissism. Let's call him Old Spice. I'm going to give a code name for the man. Let me wet my whistle before I tell this story. Asmr. Also, guys, look at my coaster. It says, all right, let's talk about it. Okay, so I met this guy. We got introduced in the middle of the summer, whatever. And he was hot. Like, he was sexy. And honestly, I don't regret a thing because of how sexy he was. And I'm the type of girl that I see a hawkeye and say, we connect. I will sleep with that man that night. And I don't feel bad about that. I feel like that's pretty normal. But just no one says that, like, that's okay. And I don't see why that's frowned upon. I feel like that's good work ethic. Like, you see your prey, go get it. Like, go get it. So anyways, we met. He wouldn't sleep with me upon first meet, which is probably a green flag for him. I'll give him that. Probably a red flag for me, that I was super pissed off about it. So I never thought I'd see this man again. Anyways, I get a phone call, like, two days after I meet. I never thought I would talk to this man again. And I missed two phone calls, like, from this man. I was like, okay, he must got like in a car accident. I don't know what happened. So I go, is everything okay? Like, I was in the middle of moving, whatever. And he was like, no, I just want to hear your beautiful voice. I'm like, this voice, this vocal fry. You gotta Be fucking kidding me. From then on, we started talking. He would call me for like two hours every night, and I don't talk on the phone. I'm also like a horrible fucking texter. Like, text me if you're making plans or if someone died or if a baby was made. But other than that, like, please do not bother me. So anyways, we would talk on the phone because this man was fucking hot. So we would talk on the phone for two hours a night and he would tell me all these stories. He'd be like, what's your hobbies, baby? Yeah, yeah, ye. And I was like, hobbies? I don't have fucking hobbies. I go out, I drink a little, and then I do what I need to do to make money. And then I watch reality TV and rock and peace. But anyways, he called me up and he goes, I wrote this beautiful short story about you and you were my muse. And I'm like, what the flying fuck are you talking about? But anyways, obviously I wanted to hear the story, guys. The story was the most insane thing I've ever fudgeing. Heard of. Honestly, I hope it goes into. Because what. So this is the story you told me. Goes. So like, this couple, they meet on a farm. This guy works at a gun range. He teaches people. I'm just giving you guys the bullet points. He teaches people how to shoot guns. Essentially, whatever. They get set up. They go on a date and she's like, what do you do? He's like, I shoot guns. She's like this prim and proper bitch and she's like, oh, like, I hate guns. Like, I'm so scared of guns. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. They fall in love, whatever. He goes to work and she starts like, stealing the guns out of his cabinet and starts like, fucking herself with the gun. And I was like, I don't understand how we got. How am I the muse? I was like, how? How am I the muse to this fucking story? I do not understand. But anyways, this girl is stealing this man's guns, taking them out of the cabinet and using them as a big fucking massive rifle dildo. I was like, okay, continue. They'll end of the story is he walks back into his apartment or his ranch. I don't know, they're on a fucking ranch. And she's fucking herself with the fudgeing massive rifle. And he's like, what the fuck? And she's like, oh, my God. Caught off guard and accidentally pulls the trigger and blows her head off through her body, out of her Head. I was like, oh, he likes me. Oh, my God. I was like, what the actual fuck? It was the weirdest thing ever. But honestly, me being the person I'm demented to in the head, I was like, this might be a match made in heaven. Anyways, he invites me. Let's call it Canada. He invites me to Canada. Okay? Beautiful old Canada. I go, okay, let me just grab my fur, let's go. And I stay out there for like a week or so. And we eventually, like the first night, we didn't hook up, but he brought me to this weird ass 3 hour cinematic movie masterpiece and then just drops me off my hotel. And I was like, I did not fly and take a kayak and a train and a bus and roller skates to get here for you to not fuck me. So now I was pissed. And I was like, what is this? Like, I feel like I was getting punked. I was waiting for production to pop out with the little cameras and be like, what the flying fuck? But no, the next day he was like, I have to build rapport with someone before I engaged in sexual activity. And I was like, okay, like, we get it. Like, take your pants off. I don't. It was getting frustrating just because I was like, I didn't spend all this money and fly all this way for the hotel, but I didn't spend all this money to fly all this way for us to not be doing cartwheels in your bedroom. So anyways, the second night and all the nights from there on, we ended up hooking up. And it was crazy. Like, he had studio grade bondage equipment in his drawers that looked like they had tags on him. Like, I don't know if he went to Home Depot and purchased all this for me. Like, oh, my God, I was so flattered. But holy hell, this man had put me in a hog tie. Do you know what a hog tie is? Production. Yeah. You know what it is? Like, it's like, hold on. So he had me like this picture. Like, oh, so it's like this. And it was like that. Okay.
- [11:23]
Alex Cooper
This is what you do when you have high standards and fancy all the fancy things like an iconic Dior saddlebag or that diamond tennis bracelet. You go to ebay, there, you'll find new loves that will never disappoint. Expertly authenticated and everything. Whether it's that vintage pearl necklace or brand new ruby earrings, a Prada crossbody bag to be besties with your other handbag. Even an eternally classic watch like that Rolex Oyster or that Cartier tank, you know the one. And when you find Ebig has their experts eyes to make sure you're getting the real deal. That way you can be confident that the designer finds you came for the luxury wardrobe you've always wanted. It's all real. In fact it's verified authentic. So bring your high standards and never limit what you can find. Yeah, eBay, the place for new pre loved vintage and rare fashion. EBay, things people love. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Shopify. Okay, Daddy Gang, if you are a business owner, you are someone that is selling product. Let me just talk about this for a second, okay, because it has literally changed my life. I remember when I first started selling Caller Daddy merchandise and I was like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What do I, what do I, what do I do? How do I do this? I'm a business owner. Oh my God. Shopify, okay? Shopify is a commerce platform that allows you to start, grow and manage a business just like mine. It's the one commerce platform behind the big brands you know and love. Whether it's a size side hustle that you have or it's a storefront, with Shopify you can sell online and in person, locally and globally. Director wholesale desktop to mobile. Shopify can also help you scale and keep a tab on things effortlessly. At any time you can open Shopify on your phone or laptop and see where your customers are shopping from. I remember it was so fun. I opened the map setting when I first did my first like solo drop of Caller Daddy merch and I was like, oh my God, we have Daddy Gang all over the world and it is so, so, so cool. I love sh. So Daddy Gang, if you are ready to build your own empire, whether it's merch products or the next best idea, get on shopify.com/dobby and make it happen.
- [13:36]
Halle Bachelder
So we had me in a hog tie like this and I couldn't move and then he had this extension bar, like you know how you put like shades up or whatever. It's like a pole they put in between your legs. I don't know what this angle looks like by the way. So he put this pole between your legs and if you move your legs a little more out, you can't go back in. So I dislocated my hip. I literally think I tore my acl. But it was the craziest. I honestly, I would do it again. Honestly, Mr. Old Spice, you can call me anytime. You'll always have a seat at my table. But anyways, that ended Tragically, for a plethora of reasons. For me, long distance, there's just like, I feel like a physical aspect of a relationship is so important. Yes, the emotional connections also fine. But also I just don't think I have enough emotional maturity. I'm very self aware, but like I'm very toxic and I guess, like I have very low emotional iq. So I just think long distance for me wouldn't work because I would be plotting how to pick fights with someone that's in a different time zone, like all day long just for like my own entertainment. I don't think it was the right fit. Not because he was the wrong person. I think I just have like a lot of growing to do, which you'll probably see on this podcast. Like I'm probably going to come off as a fucking mess most of the time. I'm not going to tell you, like, this is how you should be doing things. Honestly, if anything, this is how you should not be doing things. Maybe, but it's entertaining and it's the truth. Enough of that nonsense, guys. Let's go back into the nitty gritty. I want to get into my childhood, the origin story. People need to understand the lore, the true lore. How did I become this product? And honestly, a lot of it goes back to childhood. A lot of people don't know this. As a child I was super fucking chubby. Like it was really cute, but like, not during the time period where sugar lips were really popular. I was the youngest my grade, the last to hit puberty, like all of that stuff. So I remember like all my friends were like so petite and so skinny and blah, blah, blah, and I was this like chunky monster, like little chunkster with a boy haircut. Because, you know, my mom has a really short, cute little pixie haircut and we thought that would look really cute on me. It doesn't look really cute on a nine year old that's a little obese. Also, like, maybe don't get that right before you attend an all girls Catholic school. I remember my first day, fifth grade, I walked into the school and Mr. Helm. Yeah, shout out Mr. Helm. I'll always remember this. He goes, oh, oh, where's your sister? Fuck you, Mr. Helm. Like that stayed with me forever. I was super chubby. So honestly, I felt like the way I was able to make friends was through like being funny. I feel like my sense of humor had to carry because my looks weren't, like people weren't my friend because I was like this hot, cute little like thing Wait, is that weird to say about a 9 year old? I don't like, I was like, not a popular girl. I wasn't popular because I was like, pretty. I was popular because I was was funny and I was kind and I was able to make friends with everyone. But I remembered in eighth grade was when I first got really skinny. We had a little bit of an eating issue there. I got really thin. And it was the first time boys recognized me. It was the first time I made friends with like the cool girls in my grade. So from that point on, I attributed like being super thin to having value as a person, someone that you could be friends with. Which started this whole other fucking series of drama. We'll get into that on another date. But yeah, anyways, high school, I had one boyfriend. He was at the Brother. I went to an all girls Catholic school. Like, how fucking ironic that is. I'm sitting on a podcast called Extra Dirty and I went to an all girls Catholic School for 8 years PSA. To all the parents watching, don't send your child to an all girls Catholic school. It's like caging a wild animal and then releasing them into college. Like, I turned ho because of that. The thing that is interesting about like the all girls Catholic school lore is like, I went to that school for eight years. I'm not even Catholic. I don't even. I'm protestant. I'm a CEO. I'm a Christmas, Easter only type of bitch. Okay? Like that church, like a church, he hates to see me coming. Like, trust me on that. Like, I've literally had sex in a church parking lot. Like, I am not like your typical Catholic school girl. Maybe like the kind of Catholic school girl you see in pornos. But, like, I'm not your typical, like prim and proper, like Blair Waldorf type of bitch. Like, that's just not who I am. But it was a great school. It's a private school. I wasn't a great student. I was like, probably a B average student. Just because I didn't give a fuck. I input like my whole pussy into like academics, which is fine. Whatever happened in the great war of 19, like, I'm not using that right now as I sit on this couch. I just feel like there was no need for me to really dive into academics. I mean, it works for some people, but it just wasn't my thing. Okay. Anyways, my parents weren't very strict. I mean, I think some of you have seen my dad online. Like, I post him a lot on my TikTok. He Is me personified. Like, I. The apple does not fall far from that tree. He's fucking funny. He's so unserious. And he's like. Like a little cringy, but, like, in a funny way, which I think I am too, to be honest. And then my mom is like, the complete opposite. They're in, like, in a rock star relationship, you have to have a rock and you have to have a star, and you both need each other for the whole machine to be well oiled. I feel like that's super important for a relationship. Like, I don't want to date someone that has a bigger ego than me. Like, we would kill each other. I think we'd act like it would be on, like, the Daily Mail. Like, we would kill each other. But yeah, they weren't strict at all. My mom was more of, like, the emotional support. My dad is more of, like, the financial support. He still is. Shout out, dad, for this beautiful apartment. I love you so dearly. Thank you, Dad. I love you. You're my favorite. When I think about it, actually. Have I dated more rocks or more stars? The men I've dated are fucking, no offense, duds. And then they would, like, cheat on me. I remember my first boyfriend, he cheated on me while I was in rehab for an eating disorder. So it's only I could break out the cage and go, like, confront him about it. I was dealing. I wasn't. Like, I was in knitting class. I don't. Like, I couldn't deal with his bullshit. He was cheating on me with my, like, best friend's twin. And I was knitting and coloring inside the circles and like, my little kumbaya group, trying to heal myself. And he was out there, like, playing me. I was like, after that, didn't trust any men. Even if they're a rock or they're a star. Men just suck in general. I don't know. I'm still figuring out it's a whole thing. Going back to my parents. They are amazing. They're like my best friends. I feel like as I've gotten older, I've appreciated spending so much time with them. Like, I, like, look forward to hanging out with them. They're way cooler than I'll ever be, but they're great people. But no, they were not strict. Honestly, I think they just sent me to the all girls private Catholic school so they could get me into a good college. And my dad's rich, so, like, I feel like he could afford the private school. I don't. I don't know, guys. Yeah. You can have to ask him. When he's on the podcast, he always used to say, 42. 5 down the drain, which was my tuition. Like, per year. 42. 5 down the drain. I would say, like, selling dumb or, like, uneducated, or just like, I can't believe this is the product I've made. He'd be like, 42. Five down the drain. Like, I've created a monster. It's his fault. We go to Bergdorf together. Like, he brings me there. Like, it's not like I'm going alone. He comes with me, and he approves of every purchase. Not only does he approve of every purchase, he picks things out. So speaking of my dad, he does commercial real estate development. He absolutely crushes it. He, like, really wanted me to be in it just because our personality types are so similar. At one point in time, when I had first moved to New York City, I had literally no idea what I wanted to do. This is before social media. I had no job, and I was luckily able to get away with that for some time. I would host this here and there in the summer on Nantucket. But for the most part, I was not doing anything during the year. So my parents were like, you need to get a job. Like, you. Like, this is like, you're 24 years old. Like, I don't know what the you're doing with yourself. And also, at the same time, I really wanted a new rack. Like, I really wanted new tits. So I told my mom. I was like, mom, like, I think I need new tits. They kind of look like a rock and a sock. Like, my weight really fluctuated and like, like, picture a rock in a sock. It's kind of like, you know, it's like, not cute. So I was like, all right, I need a new chest. And my mom's like, we'll pay for it if you get your real estate license. So I was like, kid in a candy shop. I was like, pen to paper. I was like, I got my real estate license within two weeks. I think that it was honestly a world record. I got that so quickly. At the same time, I was seeing this billionaire, and he was, oh, my God, this is. He's gonna be a whole chapter of this podcast. But I'll go a little into the. Because he kind of goes into this story. He called me from London one morning. He was like, up 7am there, and I was like, so head over heels over this man. He was like, 15 years older than me. Like, hedge fund daddy saw. Like, he was checked all the boxes. Besides the fact he was like a Peter Pan man, like, this man is never going to grow up, never wants to grow up, has a lot of money, can get any fucking bitch he wants. Is also like semi attractive. I miss him. He was fun. All right, I'm getting distracted. So anyways, at the same time, he also thought I needed new tits. Honestly, I think he planted the seed, which is kind of fucked up. But, like, he was like, I'll pay for them. He was like, Halle, like, like all Venmo. So him and his best rich daddy friend both venmo me four grand for my tits. It was like 12 grand. But like, they both venom me four grand. They think they own each tit. They named them like Francesca and Consuela. I don't know. Like, they think they own my chest. But little do they know I pocketed that money. It was just like play New York money at that time. I pocketed that money, got my real estate license, and then my parents paid for it. So I ended up getting the fake tits. And I've never sold a fucking house in my life. But I love a crown molding and I can appreciate good interior. A one bed, a one bath. And I know what areas of New York are the best in the city. I know where the daddies are. I know where the rent is the highest. And that's where I typically hang out because I know they can afford nice things. You know the thing about real estate, it's like location, location, location. Just like you guys right now, sitting at your little laptop or your phone or whatever. You're in the right place right now, watching the right podcast. Like, look at us. We're just growing together.
- [24:39]
Alex Cooper
This is what you do when you have high standards and fancy. All the fancy things like an iconic Dior saddlebag or that diamond tennis bracelet, you go to ebay there, you'll find new loves that will never disappoint. Expertly authenticated and everything. Whether it's that vintage pearl necklace or brand new ruby earrings, a Prada crossbody bag to be besties with your other handbag. Even an eternally classic watch like that Rolex Oyster or that Cartier tank. You know the one. And when you find it, EBIG has their experts eyes to make sure you're getting the real deal. That way you can be confident that the designer finds you came for the luxury wardrobe you've always wanted. It's all real. In fact, it's verified authentic. So bring your high standards and never limit what you can find. Yeah, ebay the place for New pre loved vintage and rare fashion ebay, things people love. Oh my God. Okay, listen, the holidays are great, but shopping for the holidays are not so great. Especially when you've got a long, long, long, long list of people and you actually want to get them something nice. It can honestly feel pretty overwhelming, at least for me. Okay, but Skims just launched their holiday shop and it is the destination to get all your g. They have pieces for your family, friends, and even a few things maybe that you'll lie for yourself. The Skims fits everybody bra and underwear packs come packaged in the cutest boxes that make for easy stocking stuffers. Daddy Gang, this is what I will be getting my girlfriends. Okay? What girl does not want a new bra? Boom. We rarely buy them for ourselves. So get your friends a new little set. Also, the soft lounge sleep set comes in new seasonal colors that are perfect for the holidays. Just cuddling up, a little hot cocoa and fire and you're playing the holiday boom. Yes, sign me up. They also have the cozy robe. It is so comfortable and snuggly. You can just watch a movie, cuddle up, walk around the house. Maybe you got kids, you want to throw it on while you're making those pancakes. It is perfect. Shop Skims holiday shop@skims.com available in styles for women, men, kids, and even pets. If you haven't yet, be sure to let them know I sent you. After you place your order, select Podcast in the survey and select Caller Daddy in the drop down menu that follows.
- [27:02]
Halle Bachelder
Okay, now that I've told you guys that different men own each of my tits, I have a little secret to share with you guys. There's actually, currently, right now, as we speak, a man in my bed. I didn't want to like tell you that, but like, don't ask questions you don't want the answers to. But I feel like we went so hard last night. I feel like he could use a little bit of the hair of the dog right now. So let's get him up. I feel like Cookie. Come here, lover.
- [27:27]
Graydon Cutler
Surprise. I don't know what I feel worse from the fucking dominoes or the vodka.
- [27:34]
Halle Bachelder
Here, get your fucking mic. Okay? Hi guys, this is Graydon, Cookie Cutler. Okay, guys, I feel like most of you know who Graydon is, but if you don't, he's like my best, most funniest friend. We sleep together all the time. He's so good in bed.
- [27:53]
Graydon Cutler
This is true. We do sleep together a lot.
- [27:55]
Halle Bachelder
No. Yeah, and you turn on your sound machine, it's always like super magical. We get cozy. No, I actually do, but I do have my AirPods in watching real Housewives.
- [28:03]
Graydon Cutler
Oh, okay. Well, this morning I woke up. Halle woke me up and she said I took.
- [28:09]
Halle Bachelder
It was 11. Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you. But it was 11:45.
- [28:13]
Graydon Cutler
Okay, but that's my morning. Halle told me that I was taking up the whole entire bed. But this morning I woke up and her head was on my shoulder.
- [28:20]
Halle Bachelder
And he hates physical touch. You don't like when I cuddle or hug you or anything?
- [28:26]
Graydon Cutler
I don't like that because you have a vagine. Okay, if you were a man, I wouldn't mind.
- [28:30]
Halle Bachelder
I can't picture you, like, cuddled up with someone. Like, I can't picture you, like, being the big spoon. Are you the big spoon or the little spoon?
- [28:36]
Graydon Cutler
I just think anatomically I have to be the big spoon. One time I was cuddling with somebody and I fell asleep and I woke up and they were just gone. And I'll be honest with you, I really haven't cuddled since.
- [28:48]
Halle Bachelder
So. Have you ever fucked a woman or are you like a gold star?
- [28:50]
Graydon Cutler
Do you know what a gold star is?
- [28:52]
Halle Bachelder
It's like they had a C section, right?
- [28:57]
Graydon Cutler
Yeah, exactly. Yeah. A gold star is when you have a C section. I'm a gold.
- [29:01]
Halle Bachelder
It's like you can't. You did not even like, come out of a vagina. Not only did you not sleep with a woman, you didn't even come out of a woman. You came out of their stomach.
- [29:09]
Graydon Cutler
That's actually a good point.
- [29:10]
Halle Bachelder
Not me teaching you about being gay again.
- [29:12]
Graydon Cutler
Well, that's not like actually gold star, but like, that, like, could be a thing.
- [29:15]
Halle Bachelder
That's platinum star.
- [29:16]
Graydon Cutler
Like, never touched a vag. Yeah, I'm a gold star.
- [29:18]
Halle Bachelder
Yeah, your mom had a C section.
- [29:21]
Graydon Cutler
No, Hallie, that's not actually what a gold star is. A gold star is when you're gay and you've never been with a girl.
- [29:26]
Halle Bachelder
So you're not a gold star.
- [29:27]
Graydon Cutler
Because I'm a gold star.
- [29:29]
Halle Bachelder
Okay.
- [29:30]
Graydon Cutler
Yeah, I'm a gold star. Loud and proud.
- [29:33]
Halle Bachelder
So, like, let's get back to like, our origin story. I feel like a lot of people don't know, like, how we became friends, how we met.
- [29:39]
Graydon Cutler
We should tell them the story of how we actually met.
- [29:41]
Halle Bachelder
Okay, let's tell it.
- [29:43]
Graydon Cutler
You would remember more than me, probably.
- [29:45]
Halle Bachelder
Are you really counting on me for memories?
- [29:47]
Graydon Cutler
So I walk into this party on Nantucket. Obviously. Shit face. This was like my first time actually going to Nantucket. The year I believe was like 2021, right after Covid. So this is my first, like, taste in Nantucket, kind of. And I see this girl and she's like, snatched. She's like her skin's pulled back. I'm like, did she get. I'm like, did she get a facelift? Like, what's going on? And I was like, your skin is so amazing. Like, what do you do? And you told me you, like, get your Botox at this girl in New York, but, like, you live in Boston. So at the time you were living in Boston and you would go to New York to get your face done.
- [30:21]
Halle Bachelder
I remember this flash forward.
- [30:23]
Graydon Cutler
I didn't know this bitch lived in was from Boston. I didn't know she had a house in Nantucket. So I thought I was never going to see you again. And then we were in Boston on a cold, rainy ass night.
- [30:35]
Halle Bachelder
Set the mood, set the tone.
- [30:36]
Graydon Cutler
We're on this yacht. That's where Hallie and I really rekindled. And I was like, oh, my God, you, like, are from Boston. Like, you're here. Oh, my God. Let's hang out. So that's how we started hanging out. And then I look over and there is this man. And he was like a tech CEO, founder. I think he is. I work.
- [30:54]
Halle Bachelder
Yeah, Yeah. I worked for him for a little bit. Like, when I was like, didn't have a job, trying to figure out what I was doing. He was like a crypto baddie. Like, he, like, promised me all these things. He used to put me up at the Nomo Soho and, like, work on his, like, computer for, like, this new app he was creating.
- [31:10]
Graydon Cutler
No offense, but, like, that's all he could afford if he. He's doing crypto. Is the Nomo Soho?
- [31:14]
Halle Bachelder
No. That was a red flag.
- [31:16]
Graydon Cutler
Yeah.
- [31:16]
Halle Bachelder
And he had, like a.
- [31:17]
Graydon Cutler
No, hate to the nomos.
- [31:18]
Halle Bachelder
And he had this really good friend who was bald that was, like, working on his crypto. This is like, such a side note. I went on this date with this man. He was like, bald and, like, it was the sketchiest thing I've ever done. He promised me, like, $10,000 in, like, fiscal cash.
- [31:32]
Graydon Cutler
No.
- [31:33]
Halle Bachelder
And he said he would only give it to me if I sucked him.
- [31:38]
Graydon Cutler
Him.
- [31:38]
Halle Bachelder
I didn't suck him. I didn't him. He was bald, so he looked like Mr. Clean. So he shows up to this date with a suitcase of ten grand in cash and gave it to me.
- [31:48]
Graydon Cutler
Did you keep it?
- [31:49]
Halle Bachelder
Yeah.
- [31:50]
Graydon Cutler
What'd you have to.
- [31:50]
Halle Bachelder
Then I told him I had a UTI and I couldn't hang out with him for the rest of the week. That made me sound like kind of an escort. It wasn't like that. I didn't even kiss him. Honestly, I feel like he got bamboozled that night.
- [32:02]
Graydon Cutler
Anyway, I hope he's well, but I looked over my shoulder and his pants were down to his ankles and his whole entire. Was out.
- [32:09]
Halle Bachelder
No cheek spread, cheeks spread.
- [32:12]
Graydon Cutler
Blackout drunk. And I was like, is somebody gonna put this guy's pants on? I can't be looking at this.
- [32:18]
Halle Bachelder
We had people seasick. The waves were tumultuous. And this man is, like, ripping his asshole apart. Like, basically in a fetal position. Like, I like. Anyway, I've seen darker parts of that man then.
- [32:32]
Graydon Cutler
Yeah.
- [32:32]
Halle Bachelder
His internal organ.
- [32:33]
Graydon Cutler
I could see his throat from behind. It was crazy.
- [32:38]
Halle Bachelder
You can't say that.
- [32:40]
Graydon Cutler
Yeah. You know, I think we shared that moment of seeing this man's asshole, and that's when we became friends. We've been through it.
- [32:49]
Halle Bachelder
Wait, speaking of men with gaping assholes, when was the last time you have entered or have been entered via throat, via ass, via ear? With a man via ear?
- [33:01]
Graydon Cutler
Like, yesterday. It's been a really long drought, and I feel like I'm, like, in the Sahara desert, like, one of those animals who, like, can't really access the watering hole. And it's not. I don't think it's the rain that's, like, blocking me from accessing water. I'm starting to think it's me.
- [33:20]
Halle Bachelder
No, I think your type is bad. Your type is straight men, so that automatically sets you up for failure.
- [33:25]
Graydon Cutler
Okay, I would just like to correct. Like, it's not straight men.
- [33:29]
Halle Bachelder
No, it is straight.
- [33:30]
Graydon Cutler
Like, I like a more masculine man, which is totally fine. But I don't know. I mean, I definitely don't think my TikTok videos help.
- [33:37]
Halle Bachelder
When was your last sexual encounter? Flaying romance. A spark that lit a fire under your beautiful, plump ass.
- [33:45]
Graydon Cutler
Oh, that's so sweet. Thank you. The last time. Let's just go with the last time I got diddled or diddled somebody else.
- [33:52]
Halle Bachelder
That sounds illegal.
- [33:53]
Graydon Cutler
I'm going to be honest with you. I don't remember.
- [33:58]
Halle Bachelder
No, like, you have to, like, I'm telling you right now to pick a date over.
- [34:02]
Graydon Cutler
Over a year ago, probably, that I fucked. I've sucked.
- [34:06]
Halle Bachelder
You're the sucking queen.
- [34:08]
Graydon Cutler
I used to be. Not anymore.
- [34:09]
Halle Bachelder
We're going out tonight. Again?
- [34:11]
Graydon Cutler
Tonight? Halle is having a party. I think tonight's my night where, like, I really want my eyes to cross. Last night we were pretty drunk, but tonight I want to be even more drunk anyways.
- [34:21]
Halle Bachelder
I feel like we could go on and on about fucking crazy stories. We've been like. We've seen so much together. Like, besides like the darkness as parts of people's. I think we've seen a lot of.
- [34:31]
Graydon Cutler
Lauren.
- [34:33]
Halle Bachelder
Wait for the wigs here.
- [34:46]
Alex Cooper
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- [36:50]
Graydon Cutler
Lauren's here.
- [36:54]
Halle Bachelder
Guys, this is Lauren.
- [36:56]
Graydon Cutler
Lauren's here, guys.
- [36:58]
Halle Bachelder
We're the three best friends that anyone could have. We're the three best friends.
- [37:02]
Graydon Cutler
Anyway, welcome to the casting codes.
- [37:05]
Lauren
Thank you, guys. I feel very welcome.
- [37:08]
Halle Bachelder
I know.
- [37:09]
Graydon Cutler
Should we all touch each other?
- [37:10]
Halle Bachelder
Yeah. I know. I don't like that.
- [37:11]
Graydon Cutler
Let's all hold hands.
- [37:12]
Lauren
Just let us.
- [37:13]
Halle Bachelder
Let us. No, I'm like, all right.
- [37:17]
Graydon Cutler
I see how it is.
- [37:19]
Halle Bachelder
All right. Hey, guys. If you don't know Lauren, Lauren's the one that like makes. She's the reason I'm alive. I feel like she keeps my schedule together. It sounds. Sounds like you work for me.
- [37:26]
Lauren
No, I like might be production.
- [37:28]
Halle Bachelder
No, she's. When I call it production in my tick tock, she is production I'm calling for.
- [37:32]
Lauren
Yeah.
- [37:33]
Halle Bachelder
Like I wouldn't show up to anything on time. I'm not a planner. True. I am just a personality hire. Yeah, yeah.
- [37:41]
Graydon Cutler
Fish is just good at getting done.
- [37:44]
Halle Bachelder
She's also really good in bed.
- [37:45]
Lauren
Oh my gosh.
- [37:46]
Halle Bachelder
Wait. She shows me her sex tapes all the time. It's like watching. You know when you're like on like a sport sports team and they like re watch tape. Just like see where they like could have like done better. I'm not for you. Yes.
- [37:58]
Lauren
Do you have any feedback?
- [37:59]
Halle Bachelder
You're amazing. Recoil is insane.
- [38:03]
Lauren
What happens to you in that?
- [38:04]
Halle Bachelder
I don't. We'll go into that. But anyways. This is Lauren. Introduce yourself, my little freak of the week.
- [38:09]
Lauren
I'm Lauren. I'm from New Jersey. That's like probably the most uninteresting thing about me. But me and Hallie have been best friends for like six years now.
- [38:20]
Halle Bachelder
Six years.
- [38:20]
Lauren
Yeah. Yeah. So my, my college roommate was Halle's best friend from high school. And then we met and we fell in love.
- [38:29]
Halle Bachelder
We did.
- [38:30]
Lauren
We did. We had a week of just going out straight together. Every single night. We would go to bed.
- [38:36]
Graydon Cutler
Sounds like you're legit. Let's vote.
- [38:39]
Halle Bachelder
A week. It was like a year last.
- [38:41]
Lauren
Last week we went accidentally ended up at a gay bar and it was like all lesbian couples with.
- [38:47]
Halle Bachelder
There was flags everywhere. We had no idea it was a gay bar.
- [38:51]
Lauren
There was like a lot of lesbian couples and we were just like sitting. I think we were one of them. Yeah, no, yeah, we might have been one of them.
- [38:56]
Halle Bachelder
We were one of them.
- [38:57]
Lauren
I think people thought that we were one of them.
- [38:59]
Halle Bachelder
No, definitely, definitely. People thought I was chowing down on you. Yeah. The lawn. Putting from the rough. The whole nine. Yeah.
- [39:06]
Graydon Cutler
Munching muffin.
- [39:07]
Halle Bachelder
Anyways, we've known each other for how many years?
- [39:09]
Lauren
Like six years now.
- [39:10]
Halle Bachelder
You've never seen me in a relationship.
- [39:12]
Lauren
I haven't, but I've seen you in multiple situationships.
- [39:15]
Halle Bachelder
I think that's always crazy that you've never seen me committed.
- [39:19]
Lauren
Yeah. And you've only seen me committed.
- [39:21]
Halle Bachelder
I. I was committed to them. They weren't.
- [39:24]
Lauren
They weren't committed to you.
- [39:25]
Halle Bachelder
No. No.
- [39:26]
Lauren
You thought they were. And I was always Trying to, like, tell. I was like, they're not hot. Even though some of them were. I was like, they're not hot, Halle. Like. Like, you could do so much better. And now looking back, like, fuck lacrosse. Really hot.
- [39:39]
Halle Bachelder
Lacrosse was hot.
- [39:40]
Lauren
Lacrosse was really hot. But I was trying. I'm. I was very convincing. I was like, he's not hot. Trust me.
- [39:45]
Halle Bachelder
He's the hottest guy I've ever caught with ever, in my whole entire life. Yeah. So you have a boyfriend. We love him.
- [39:50]
Lauren
We love him. Actually. You didn't like him at first, though.
- [39:53]
Halle Bachelder
I'm sure I didn't like that. I had.
- [39:54]
Lauren
He hit on Halle in front of me.
- [39:56]
Halle Bachelder
No, he didn't.
- [39:57]
Lauren
Yes, he did. He added you on Snapchat in front of me when he didn't like me.
- [40:00]
Graydon Cutler
No.
- [40:01]
Lauren
Yeah.
- [40:02]
Graydon Cutler
Did you accept?
- [40:02]
Alex Cooper
No, no, no.
- [40:03]
Lauren
Here's what happened. Here's what happened. My boyfriend now, at the time, like, didn't want anything to do with me. And. Yeah, in. Yeah. And, like, in order to, like, show me how he didn't want to have anything to do with me, he was like, I'm just gonna, like, flirt in front of her. I'm gonna, like, add her best friend on Snapchat and, like, would, like, put his phone down so I could see everything. This was when he was, like, mean.
- [40:26]
Graydon Cutler
And then the second didn't have a fuckboy face, right?
- [40:30]
Lauren
No, he's, like, perfect, but, like, for those, like, he's an angel. But, like, he wasn't an angel until the second that he asked me to be his girlfriend. Up until then, I was a doormat.
- [40:40]
Halle Bachelder
And, like, the Holland Tunnel.
- [40:42]
Graydon Cutler
Did you like being doormat or did you like.
- [40:44]
Halle Bachelder
And you were so thick. Lauren used to, like, show up, like, my house on Nantucket and, like, be wearing, like, AF ones and, like, Jordans.
- [40:52]
Lauren
Yeah, I wore, like, Jordans with, like, Nike made calves to the beach.
- [40:58]
Halle Bachelder
No, that was fake.
- [40:59]
Graydon Cutler
Deal.
- [40:59]
Lauren
Were Jordan.
- [41:00]
Graydon Cutler
They were fake.
- [41:01]
Lauren
Yeah, they were, like, custom made. Like, they just, like, took.
- [41:03]
Graydon Cutler
Oh, with the fabric.
- [41:04]
Halle Bachelder
Yeah.
- [41:04]
Graydon Cutler
Oh, yeah.
- [41:05]
Halle Bachelder
That is extremely ghetto.
- [41:06]
Lauren
And you wore leather pants to the beach. But here we are.
- [41:09]
Halle Bachelder
They were real leather. Then you met Jordan. You guys fell in love so deeply. He also has a massive piece.
- [41:16]
Graydon Cutler
Who?
- [41:17]
Halle Bachelder
Jordan's like a walking tripod. You know, like that thing that's holding up this camera right now that looks like Jordan. He has a third leg. A man. If, like a gust of wind ever hit him from behind, he would be standing up still.
- [41:28]
Graydon Cutler
I love that. And I love that he deserves that, honestly, that he deserves a big dick.
- [41:33]
Lauren
He has like short arms but he's making up for it.
- [41:36]
Halle Bachelder
Sounds like a T. Rex.
- [41:38]
Graydon Cutler
He has short limbs but a big dick.
- [41:39]
Halle Bachelder
Shortly. Yeah, he's like Tyrannosaurus.
- [41:42]
Lauren
I also think he like lifts so much those arms like progressively like get higher.
- [41:46]
Graydon Cutler
Oh.
- [41:47]
Lauren
What?
- [41:48]
Graydon Cutler
Totally.
- [41:50]
Halle Bachelder
He does have short biceps.
- [41:52]
Lauren
Yeah, he's got a really long.
- [41:54]
Halle Bachelder
We're not body shaming Jordan on episode one. We love Jordan.
- [41:58]
Graydon Cutler
No, we're complimenting.
- [41:59]
Lauren
Yeah, yeah. We're going to tell them about this later.
- [42:03]
Halle Bachelder
The thing is that's nice about me and Lauren is like we have very different tastes in men. I think we all have very different taste in men. Honestly, like especially me.
- [42:12]
Lauren
Actually.
- [42:13]
Halle Bachelder
I feel like you guys have the same taste in men. I feel like you would go for someone like Jordan.
- [42:17]
Graydon Cutler
Like a pretty boy.
- [42:18]
Halle Bachelder
No, you would go for Jordan.
- [42:19]
Graydon Cutler
I would go for Jordan. I'll go for Jordan right now. Tell him to come over. Jordan.
- [42:25]
Lauren
Jordan loves Jordan.
- [42:27]
Halle Bachelder
Jordan loves Jordan.
- [42:28]
Lauren
You and Jordan have a very special relationship.
- [42:30]
Graydon Cutler
Yeah, we do. Anyway, enough about him. Yeah.
- [42:32]
Halle Bachelder
So we're going out tonight. What is the pregame going to look like, you think? I'm like terrified. The fact that we have to get ready in like an hour and a half.
- [42:38]
Graydon Cutler
Should we tell them what the pregames usually look like?
- [42:40]
Halle Bachelder
Yeah, let's tell them.
- [42:41]
Graydon Cutler
Okay, let's. Let's run through it.
- [42:43]
Lauren
Well, I don't really drink that much.
- [42:45]
Graydon Cutler
Which is amazing for us.
- [42:46]
Lauren
Yes. Because I'm always driving. If it's an. If we're in Nantucket or I'm always, you know, directing.
- [42:53]
Halle Bachelder
I used to hate it. I feel like when you're younger you're like you're not taking shots and now we're like don't take a shot. I feel like you should because. Because I don't want to Uber on Nantucket and she is the dd. She is trusted by my parents. That's true. The vehicles.
- [43:07]
Lauren
That is true.
- [43:07]
Graydon Cutler
She's on the car insurance.
- [43:09]
Halle Bachelder
Like you should be. Other than some other siblings.
- [43:12]
Graydon Cutler
But Fish is the type of person where she can go out and like have like you'll have like one drink.
- [43:17]
Lauren
Yeah.
- [43:18]
Graydon Cutler
But like you don't need to be like shit faced to have fun. Like you always have fun.
- [43:21]
Lauren
I'm there for the music, I'm there for the networking.
- [43:25]
Halle Bachelder
Used to go out to network.
- [43:26]
Lauren
Ye. Halle would drink for us and I would network for us and honestly it works. It worked out pretty well for us.
- [43:32]
Halle Bachelder
Here we are.
- [43:33]
Lauren
Here we are. But yeah, no, Hallie is and great and are probably ripping shots together. I am looking on in amazement.
- [43:42]
Halle Bachelder
You're cheering on is crazy.
- [43:44]
Lauren
I am looking on an amazement. I'm like, wow, I would die. I would be in the hospital.
- [43:49]
Halle Bachelder
Sounds like shade. You're throwing. No, but we might die. But in a positive way. In a way that like will go out out with a bang. Hopefully. But the pre game, what are we having people over tonight and then I'm throwing a party later in the evening and the wee hours of the night, I will be so cross eyed. I will be caught crossing both streets at once because I'm gonna be like.
- [44:12]
Lauren
People used to like. Or I don't know if people do still think this but like some people think it's a bit like you're cross eyed. No, no, like you fully.
- [44:19]
Halle Bachelder
I had meningitis. No, I had meningitis as a toddler.
- [44:23]
Graydon Cutler
I had it too. Too. We both almost died.
- [44:25]
Lauren
But you're not crossing.
- [44:26]
Graydon Cutler
We did you. I almost died, like, but I'm not crossing.
- [44:29]
Halle Bachelder
I had a brain infection when I was 2 that affected my equilibrium. So they used to call me headwind H. I would just fall over, tip over. Like just simple tasks like walking. So then I turned completely cross eyed. Like this production zoom in. I'm looking at both screens right now. No, literally, I would get so cross eyed. So at 6 I got contact. But when I drink the muscles behind my eyes that keep them straight normally even right now, I'm like give out teetering. If I'm tired or a little tipsy, my eyes will just give out strength and I'll just go like this. So that's when Lauren knows that it's.
- [45:03]
Lauren
Time to take to close the tap. And you know, it's great. And I think I've said this before, but when someone looks at us and like they're like, you're leaving. You're leaving so early. I'm like, look at her.
- [45:14]
Halle Bachelder
That's what you do.
- [45:15]
Lauren
Yeah.
- [45:16]
Halle Bachelder
That is such a confidence.
- [45:18]
Graydon Cutler
You just like nod your head. You're like, yeah, look over here.
- [45:21]
Lauren
Look at her eyes. They're like, oh, of course. Take her home.
- [45:25]
Halle Bachelder
That's how you get out of going, like leaving.
- [45:28]
Graydon Cutler
They're like, we totally understand. Like, take your time getting out.
- [45:30]
Halle Bachelder
I hope you get home safe when you get back.
- [45:32]
Lauren
You're home safe.
- [45:35]
Halle Bachelder
I'm screaming.
- [45:36]
Lauren
And honestly, H, I think we should start using that moving forward. Like if we're just not having good times now you're.
- [45:43]
Graydon Cutler
You just go up to them and cross her eyes over.
- [45:44]
Lauren
I'm like, look at her.
- [45:46]
Halle Bachelder
He's dead. That's so Real, Real. Wait, we should do that. Yeah.
- [45:50]
Lauren
I think that's our new cop out. Cuz I hate, like. I hate being, like, pressured to stay.
- [45:54]
Halle Bachelder
It's a good cop out, but just, like, loop me in.
- [45:55]
Lauren
Yeah, I got you.
- [45:57]
Halle Bachelder
Next time.
- [45:57]
Lauren
But, like, sometimes, like, you're just out of it. I can't loop you in. You're. You're looped.
- [46:00]
Halle Bachelder
I'm never that out of it. Don't drink.
- [46:05]
Lauren
Stay in school.
- [46:06]
Halle Bachelder
I really don't want to go out tonight. I'm not gonna lie, guys.
- [46:08]
Graydon Cutler
It's your party, literally hosted by you.
- [46:11]
Lauren
You're on the invite.
- [46:12]
Graydon Cutler
You are hosting the party.
- [46:13]
Lauren
You have to go, honestly. Well, what's fun is Halle's hosting a pregame. And I think what's so great about my glassware is your glassware.
- [46:23]
Graydon Cutler
You're gonna let other people use it?
- [46:24]
Halle Bachelder
No, not.
- [46:25]
Lauren
Can I use it?
- [46:26]
Halle Bachelder
Yeah, you can use it. You're not a drunk like the rest of people coming over.
- [46:30]
Lauren
Also, though, like, I love that all our friends have meshed.
- [46:33]
Halle Bachelder
Yeah.
- [46:34]
Lauren
That's so important. Well, us, but also, like, your home friends. My school friends.
- [46:39]
Halle Bachelder
I don't have really. I feel like besides you guys, I don't really have that many more friends. Real friends I would consider, like. Oh, like, I could trust them with your dir secret. I mean, I'm telling everyone else here my dirtiest, darkest secrets, but. Yeah, things that would probably get me, like, in trouble with the police, like those things. I feel like I wouldn't try to help you get away with anything. Yeah.
- [47:00]
Lauren
Yeah.
- [47:01]
Halle Bachelder
Like, would you bury your body for me?
- [47:02]
Lauren
Yeah. Great. And what's our relationship?
- [47:05]
Halle Bachelder
Yeah. So how does the dynamic work here? You're probably wondering because I'm so perfect. And, like, they're like, oh, my God, Halle, you're so perfect. Like, how can we, like, share time? I have to split between the both of them. It's like, I'm divorced, parents, like, the product of. How do you guys get along? How do you co parent this beast?
- [47:22]
Graydon Cutler
I would. So I'm a cancer Leo Cusp. And I couldn't really tell you what the. Wait.
- [47:25]
Lauren
I can't wait. I'm a Leo cancer.
- [47:27]
Graydon Cutler
She's a. Wait. Wait, what? Leo cancer Cusp.
- [47:30]
Lauren
Yeah. Wait. No, no, no. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
- [47:32]
Graydon Cutler
Cancer Leo.
- [47:33]
Halle Bachelder
Yeah.
- [47:33]
Lauren
Yeah. So we're the same. We're the same. You're July 22nd. Yeah, I'm July 23rd.
- [47:38]
Graydon Cutler
Oh, yeah.
- [47:38]
Lauren
I'm the first day of. Leave it.
- [47:40]
Graydon Cutler
So we have the same.
- [47:41]
Halle Bachelder
Oh, my God. Significant.
- [47:43]
Lauren
We have, like, the same cost, but different. Like, like like fire sign. No, no, no, no, no, no. Like, main. Main sign.
- [47:50]
Graydon Cutler
We need to get our charts read or something. But Fish and I just have a really sensitive, like, loving connection.
- [47:56]
Lauren
We do.
- [47:57]
Graydon Cutler
You know? Although she's way more sensitive than me.
- [47:59]
Lauren
I'm sensitive. And I'm thinking she might start crying. Like, you will, like, have my back.
- [48:04]
Graydon Cutler
Yeah.
- [48:04]
Lauren
Yeah.
- [48:05]
Graydon Cutler
Sometimes Halle goes for her throat.
- [48:07]
Halle Bachelder
No. Well, sometimes I get very angry.
- [48:10]
Graydon Cutler
Sometimes Halle gets, like. At the end of a night, she'll be really drunk, and she'll sometimes jump on the neck.
- [48:15]
Lauren
And, like, not in a mean way. I'm just very sensitive. Like, I take everything so seriously.
- [48:20]
Halle Bachelder
Like, it's really hard to argue with you.
- [48:23]
Lauren
Yeah.
- [48:23]
Halle Bachelder
Because you will cry.
- [48:24]
Lauren
I will cry. And I'm like, that's it. Like, she never wants to see me again. Like, that's it. Our friendship is over. Like, all over. Because she was like, I don't know. Like, what. What have she said to me before? I'm, like, thinking about a time where, like, I took it so personally.
- [48:41]
Halle Bachelder
Like, the summer on your birthday. Like, oh, yeah. Into it. You were so sensitive.
- [48:46]
Lauren
I was so sensitive.
- [48:48]
Halle Bachelder
People that were staying at my house wanted to go to dinner with me. Yeah. They were staying at my house. But you. You would auction them off to my house because they couldn't stay at your boyfriend's house.
- [48:56]
Lauren
No, actually, we should talk about.
- [48:58]
Halle Bachelder
Because that was really. And you're like, you aren't coming to my thing. And I was like, wait, they're staying at my house?
- [49:05]
Alex Cooper
No, no, no, no.
- [49:06]
Lauren
I was just. I felt left out because normally in nucket, I always stay at your house. And this is the first time that I wasn't staying at your house where, like, everyone was there. So I was, like, feeling left out. And because I was feeling left out, I just started crying at Cisco. And actually, I'm mortified. And my boyfriend's brother likes to bring it up now. He's like, are you going to cry? Are you going to cry? Like, you cried at Cisco?
- [49:29]
Halle Bachelder
I'm glad he does, because you should have been an American.
- [49:32]
Lauren
Yeah.
- [49:32]
Halle Bachelder
You're being a weird little freak.
- [49:34]
Lauren
I was being a freak.
- [49:35]
Halle Bachelder
Yeah. And I was like.
- [49:35]
Lauren
And then I came home, and I was like, holly, I was like, you.
- [49:40]
Halle Bachelder
Can come to dinner, too. But, like, I was like, no, you.
- [49:43]
Lauren
Walk around the block.
- [49:44]
Halle Bachelder
You were also staying at your boyfriend. So I was like, are you gonna leave your boyfriend and their family and their cookout? They're back to the thing that they're throwing for you and come to my parents?
- [49:51]
Lauren
Look, at me in the eyes. Yes, I will leave him.
- [49:54]
Halle Bachelder
That's just kidding.
- [49:57]
Lauren
Yeah, I'm thinking about the Hamptons trip now. Now?
- [50:01]
Halle Bachelder
Oh, the Hampton ship, guys.
- [50:03]
Graydon Cutler
That's what I was referring to.
- [50:05]
Lauren
Yeah.
- [50:05]
Halle Bachelder
No, guys, we were at least forget what happened. We went. It was a brand trip. It was like one of the first brand trips I've ever been on. But, like, we were sharing a room.
- [50:11]
Lauren
The three of us.
- [50:12]
Halle Bachelder
Liv was there, too?
- [50:14]
Graydon Cutler
No, no, just us three.
- [50:15]
Lauren
No, it was just us three.
- [50:16]
Halle Bachelder
We were at.
- [50:17]
Lauren
She was there for another one. This one was just us three. And I was being the. Like, I was being the plus one. I got there. I opened up every single present. I got into the pajamas that were on my bed.
- [50:27]
Graydon Cutler
Immediately should. As you should.
- [50:29]
Lauren
I stole some of Gr. Raiden's products. Like, I was. I was there.
- [50:34]
Halle Bachelder
But, like, we went to Surf Lodge. A guy in your building.
- [50:38]
Lauren
Wait, I. I ran into him today. Yesterday. I run into him every single day. His name is Chow Down.
- [50:44]
Graydon Cutler
What?
- [50:45]
Lauren
His name is.
- [50:46]
Halle Bachelder
What do you mean?
- [50:47]
Lauren
Well, that name. His nickname is Chow Down. He lives in my building. I literally have the exact same schedule as him. I saw him this morning. I saw him yesterday. That's a story.
- [50:57]
Halle Bachelder
We met at Surf Lodge, and I was drunk, and I said, come back. And I was really cute.
- [51:00]
Lauren
He's really cute. He's really tall.
- [51:02]
Halle Bachelder
And I was weird, though. His giggle was like, he's telling hyena.
- [51:04]
Graydon Cutler
Wait, I wasn't here.
- [51:05]
Lauren
I think he was really nervous. You were in there. This is the weekend with Liv.
- [51:09]
Graydon Cutler
Yeah.
- [51:09]
Halle Bachelder
Yeah. You weren't there.
- [51:10]
Graydon Cutler
Yeah.
- [51:11]
Lauren
And we brought him back.
- [51:12]
Halle Bachelder
He went down on me in front of.
- [51:14]
Lauren
Yeah, in front of us. Me and Liv were, like, hiding in the bathroom, and we were like, okay, well, it's been, like, two minutes. Maybe you should come out now. We come out.
- [51:22]
Halle Bachelder
You giving me two minutes to work my masterpiece.
- [51:25]
Lauren
Yeah, we. It didn't seem like you were feeling.
- [51:27]
Halle Bachelder
It, because his laugh was really weird. I don't know.
- [51:30]
Lauren
Yeah. And then we came out and we were like, show us what you were doing.
- [51:33]
Graydon Cutler
Okay. I received a video this night. Do we want to talk about that?
- [51:38]
Lauren
That was. That was Chow Dao.
- [51:40]
Graydon Cutler
That was from you?
- [51:42]
Halle Bachelder
No, no, that was for me.
- [51:43]
Graydon Cutler
Okay.
- [51:44]
Halle Bachelder
Or Liv. And then group chat.
- [51:45]
Graydon Cutler
It was Liv. Or Fish sent it to me. And there's this. I see this hair underneath the sheet, and Halle's there, and I'm like, is she, like, playing with, like, a stuffed animal? Like, why is her hair under the sheet? It was Mr. Chow Down. Chowing down.
- [52:00]
Lauren
Chowing down.
- [52:02]
Graydon Cutler
Underneath the giving the name.
- [52:05]
Halle Bachelder
Yeah, he's a nice guy.
- [52:07]
Lauren
And then we set him on his way.
- [52:08]
Graydon Cutler
It's funny because I'll get those videos, and I will not think one thing of it.
- [52:11]
Halle Bachelder
Sleep over. We're like, all right, you have to go.
- [52:14]
Lauren
Bye. We, like, literally the way that we, like, hurried that man out of the room. Like, he didn't even have time to put his shoes on.
- [52:20]
Halle Bachelder
He was like.
- [52:20]
Lauren
By the time he was outside, he was weird, though.
- [52:23]
Halle Bachelder
He was a weird little freak.
- [52:24]
Lauren
Yeah. But anyway, I live in the same building as him, and I see him every single day, and I'm like, hey. And he's like, hey, how you doing? And then, you know, we talk about something for, like, the 30 seconds of the elevator ride. The minute. The weather, outdoors, and. Yeah, every day.
- [52:40]
Graydon Cutler
That's the worst.
- [52:41]
Lauren
Yeah.
- [52:41]
Halle Bachelder
Poor man. Mr. Chowdown. Okay, like, we need this. Wrap this up. We have to get ready with the shower, with the bathe. I'm sure Graydon has to take a nap. I need to take a couple shots, I think, before we go. Guys, guys, we should give a little, like, Real Housewives tagline. Like, what would, like, you know, up the ending of this. Okay.
- [52:58]
Graydon Cutler
Yes.
- [52:58]
Halle Bachelder
You can start and then Lauren. And then I have to think of mine because.
- [53:01]
Graydon Cutler
Okay, I love this. Okay, let's run it back.
- [53:03]
Lauren
This is your moment to shine.
- [53:05]
Graydon Cutler
If you won't suck my quacky, at least drink one, period. You like that?
- [53:13]
Lauren
That was good.
- [53:14]
Halle Bachelder
All right, Lauren, you go.
- [53:15]
Lauren
All right. Where am I looking? I may not drink drink, but I eat every day, period. Guys, I'm screaming. I do eat every day.
- [53:24]
Halle Bachelder
No, you do.
- [53:25]
Lauren
Yeah. Used to be I was thick AC more than once a day.
- [53:29]
Halle Bachelder
I don't even know what mine would be.
- [53:30]
Lauren
You got it.
- [53:31]
Halle Bachelder
Like, you miss a hundred percent of the cum shots you don't take, Period, period. All right, guys. Cheerleader. All right, all right. So, like, let's wrap it up, guys. We have to get ready with. Go take shots. This has been so much fun. I'm so excited for everyone to be here. Even if, like, you're just here to, like, make fun of me, if I'm crazy, I don't care. We're gonna have so much fun. This was amazing. You're gonna see a lot more of this situation going on. It's gonna be a lot of chaos, a lot of unhinged, raw energy. We're gonna raw dog this whole thing. Subscribe, like, review. Give us five stars, all that. You can find us on all platforms, wherever you watch your podcast, YouTube, whatever. Whatever floats your boat right now. Anyways, happy to be here. Love you all and thank you. Episode 1 let's do it.
- [54:19]
Graydon Cutler
Bye bye.
- [54:27]
Alex Cooper
Daddy Gang Holiday shopping season is officially here and it can feel so overwhelming trying to find the right gifts for everyone on your list. So here is some advice. Don't overthink it. Just go to Sephora. Here is what I want you guys to think about every time you're stressing getting someone a gift. It's like, okay, does someone on your list have a face? I am guessing yes. Gift them makeup. Okay? Do they have skin? Yes. Quality skincare products are always a hit. Do they have a nose? Grab the best fragrance. The best in makeup, skincare, hair care and fragrance are always at Sephora. Not to mention exclusive gift sets too. So this holiday, don't overthink it. Give something beautiful from Sephora.
- [55:10]
Graydon Cutler
Net Credit is here to say yes to a personal loan or line of credit when other lenders say no, apply in minutes and get a decision as soon as the same day. If approved, applications are typically funded the next business day or sooner. Loans offered by Netcredit or lending partner banks and serviced by NetCredit. Applications subject to review and approval. Learn more@netcredit.com partner NetCredit credit to the people Variety raves Maria is absolute perfection and Entertainment Weekly hails Academy Award winner Angelina Jolie. Brings track, tragedy and triumph to the last days of opera singer Maria Callis.
- [55:51]
Halle Bachelder
Finally, I am in control.
- [55:53]
Graydon Cutler
And critics agree it's a towering tour de force performance from Angelina Jolie and a career best.
- [55:59]
Halle Bachelder
My life is opera. There is no reason in Opera Maria.
- [56:04]
Graydon Cutler
Directed by Pablo Laray for your consideration now playing its lech theaters and on Netflix December 11th.