Chelsea Handler: Getting High as Fuck (FBF)

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Call Her Daddy" Episode Featuring Chelsea Handler

Podcast Information:

• Title: Call Her Daddy
• Host: Alex Cooper
• Guest: Chelsea Handler
• Episode Title: Chelsea Handler: Getting High as Fuck (FBF)

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1. Reconnecting and Past Interactions (01:21 - 09:29)

The episode kicks off with Alex Cooper warmly welcoming Chelsea Handler back to the "Call Her Daddy" podcast. Their reunion is marked by a candid and humorous exchange about their past interactions, including Handler's previous negative sentiments towards Cooper.

Notable Quote:

• Chelsea Handler [01:58]: "Call Her Daddy's podcast. And we're smoking because the last time I saw you, you were bitching at me about hating you the first time I met you."

Their conversation delves into a prior tense meeting where Handler felt Cooper was hostile, leading to a humorous recounting of their first podcast recording session.

Notable Quote:

• Chelsea Handler [08:02]: "Chelsea fucking Handler. So it's like one of my first big interviews. And so I'm sitting there, and all of a sudden my assistant at the time is like, Chelsea Handler's there, and I'm waiting for you to pull into the fucking driveway."

2. Discussing Personal Lives and Relationships (09:49 - 25:26)

The dialogue shifts to personal aspects of both personalities, particularly focusing on Handler's recent stand-up special and her breakup with her ex.

Notable Quote:

• Chelsea Handler [16:21]: "It's probably the sweetest thing that I've ever done. Like, in terms, I'm not a very sweet, like, you know, romantic person. I mean, I'm, you know, sweet."

Handler opens up about her relationship dynamics, emphasizing her preference for solitude and meaningful self-reflection before entering new relationships.

Notable Quote:

• Chelsea Handler [19:10]: "I have, like, a really enjoyable relationship with myself for the last few years when I've realized, like, the importance of actually spending time alone without tons of people around."

They also discuss темs like settling in relationships, with Handler advocating for self-respect and high standards, while Cooper counters by highlighting her struggles with understanding why some settle for unhappy relationships.

Notable Quote:

• Alex Cooper [26:11]: "I have to raise your standards and then meet you where you are."

3. Ambitions and Career Moves (25:26 - 34:08)

Handler expresses her ambitions to return to late-night television by hosting "The Daily Show," showcasing her desire to expand her influence and reach.

Notable Quote:

• Chelsea Handler [32:18]: "I'm about to host the Daily Show. I'll be about to host the Daily Show."

Cooper shares her excitement about potentially returning to television, emphasizing her readiness to take on new challenges after a period of self-discovery.

Notable Quote:

• Alex Cooper [60:38]: "I'm gonna host the Daily Show for a week. That's so fun."

4. Social Media and Public Relations (34:22 - 41:14)

The conversation delves into the complexities of social media, particularly the dynamics of posting significant others online. Handler shares her surprisingly positive experience with public displays of affection on social media, while Cooper critiques the obsession with online personas.

Notable Quote:

• Alex Cooper [35:35]: "You're all you need, sweetie."

They also touch upon the challenges of managing public perceptions and maintaining genuine relationships amidst the pressures of constant online scrutiny.

5. Views on Modern Culture and Society (41:14 - 48:10)

Handler and Cooper explore contemporary societal issues, including the prevalence of Certain behaviors like checking someone's phone, posting tearful videos online, and the pressures of public events like Valentine's Day and Disney World visits without children.

Notable Quote:

• Alex Cooper [58:31]: "I believe anything we're saying makes sense."

Handler advocates for personal boundaries and privacy, especially in intimate relationships, while Cooper emphasizes the importance of self-respect and avoiding settling for less.

6. Honest Reflections and Personal Growth (48:10 - 60:14)

The duo engages in a deep reflection on personal insecurities, the importance of honesty, and the struggles of maintaining authentic relationships. Cooper shares her experiences with vulnerabilities and the necessity of confronting personal fears, fostering a conversation that resonates with listeners on the importance of self-acceptance.

Notable Quote:

• Alex Cooper [59:16]: "That voice is when you know you are valuable and that you're lovable."

Handler supports Cooper's insights, emphasizing the universal nature of insecurities and the importance of recognizing one's worth beyond societal validations.

7. Closing Remarks and Future Plans (60:14 - End)

As the episode winds down, Handler and Cooper reaffirm their friendship, despite past tensions, and express mutual admiration for each other's work. They share light-hearted banter about future collaborations and personal aspirations, ending the episode on a positive and humorous note.

Notable Quote:

• Chelsea Handler [61:04]: "We would fucking love to see you on television again."

Overall Insights:

• Authenticity: Both hosts prioritize honesty and transparency, discussing personal flaws and insecurities openly.
• Self-Improvement: Emphasis on self-love and personal growth as foundations for healthy relationships.
• Humor and Candor: The episode balances serious discussions with humor, making complex topics approachable and relatable.
• Cultural Critique: Critical views on modern societal norms, especially concerning social media and public displays of affection.

Conclusion:

This episode of "Call Her Daddy" featuring Chelsea Handler provides a raw and insightful conversation between two prominent female personalities. Through their shared experiences and candid exchanges, listeners gain a deeper understanding of self-respect, the importance of personal growth, and navigating the complexities of modern relationships and societal expectations.

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Note: Advertisements and promotional segments were excluded from this summary to focus solely on the core content of the conversation between Alex Cooper and Chelsea Handler.

Transcript

[Alex Cooper]

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[Chelsea Handler]

What is up, Daddy gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper.

[Alex Cooper]

With Call Her Daddy.

[Chelsea Handler]

I haven't smoked in so long, I always just take edibles. Oh, God.

[Unknown]

You better not then.

[Chelsea Handler]

No, I'm going to.

[Unknown]

You better keep your shit together.

[Chelsea Handler]

I'm not gonna be able to ask.

[Unknown]

You a question to fucking carry this interview for you.

[Chelsea Handler]

I'm gonna be fine. Okay, but we only have one later, so don't hog it. I guess we can just. We'll just start. Fuck it.

[Unknown]

My name is Chelsea Handler. Joy. Chelsea Joy Handler. And I'm at Alexandra Joy Cooper's house. And we're recording her. Who's your daddy?

[Chelsea Handler]

Fuck.

[Unknown]

Call Her Daddy. Call Her Daddy's podcast. And we're smoking because the last time I saw you, you were bitching at me about hating you the first time I met you.

[Chelsea Handler]

That is not true.

[Unknown]

Yeah, you were.

[Chelsea Handler]

This is what happened.

[Unknown]

No, no, no, no. Why don't I tell my version and then you can tell?

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay, go ahead. Yeah, you go first.

[Alex Cooper]

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[Chelsea Handler]

Okay?

[Alex Cooper]

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[Chelsea Handler]

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[Alex Cooper]

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[Unknown]

So I came over to your ridiculous house that had no parking and that was so and again today, no parking. So I went over to this house that you said, don't worry, this isn't my house. Like I care. And then I. You told me to lie down on a couch like I was about to get examined by a gynecologist. And so I had to put my feet up like a little girl in nursery school and sit there and be interviewed. And I was like, who is this person? Because my PR team was like, you have to go do Alexandra Cooper's podcast. She's the it thing. She got some ridiculous deal and you have to go do an interview with her. I go, sure, no problem. And then the whole time you're like, do you hate me?

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, okay, first of all.

[Unknown]

Which is so annoying when people say that. Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

I'm like, do you hate me?

[Unknown]

Oh, that's all people say to me is, do you hate me?

[Chelsea Handler]

Because just to be fair, I'm a big fan. And I was so nervous I was shitting my pants.

[Unknown]

Well, now I'm a big fan of yours.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, thanks. I know the rules of switch. Okay, question. Where did you park today?

[Unknown]

Well, funny you say that, because I was driving myself today. Cause it's raining and I don't trust anyone to drive in the rain, even my driver. I'm like, listen, buddy, I actually think it's fun to drive in the rain in la because everybody's such an idiot.

[Chelsea Handler]

Pussies.

[Unknown]

And I like the rain. So I tried to park on the street, and then there were about 40,000 signs that were deterring me from doing that. And then I saw Alec, my publicist, and I said, can she please open the fucking gate to her garage or driveway so I can park in the driveway? And then he's like, oh, it's not open. And I go, no, it's not.

[Chelsea Handler]

So did you park in the fucking driveway?

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

So you have a fucking parking spot?

[Unknown]

Yeah. Well, that's typical for a guest when you invite them over is to provide parking.

[Chelsea Handler]

I'm going to tell you the truth of what happened.

[Unknown]

Why am I going like this? I've already stowed.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, bring your.

[Unknown]

I'm not going to, like, sit like.

[Chelsea Handler]

A hobbit sitting like this the whole time. We're like, hey, okay, listen to this. Last time we recorded, which is almost a year and a half ago.

[Unknown]

Excuse me.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's okay. Hawk. Your lung. You did that to me on your podcast. You were just coughing my face. And then I got Covid after it.

[Unknown]

Oh, I just got Covid, too.

[Chelsea Handler]

You gave it to me.

[Unknown]

No, I got it on Christmas. Oh, I had the flu. I was getting you monkey pox. And I had monkeypox and well, yeah, a couple of other things.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay, listen to my side of the story. I'm sitting, waiting for you, shitting my pants.

[Unknown]

I hate this. I hate that you would feel that way.

[Chelsea Handler]

I was just nervous.

[Unknown]

I know.

[Chelsea Handler]

Chelsea fucking Handler. So it's like one of my first big interviews. And so I'm sitting there, and all of a sudden my assistant at the time is like, chelsea Handler's there, and I'm waiting for you to pull into the fucking driveway. Because I had a driveway and I moved my fucking car for you.

[Unknown]

By the way, don't add, like, I had of a driveway.

[Chelsea Handler]

Like, I have a driveway.

[Unknown]

That's so cool.

[Chelsea Handler]

I am so privileged. I have a driveway. Okay, fuck you. So then I walk out, and at the time, none of my team could be there, so it was all virtual. I walk out and I'm looking for Chelsea, and Chelsea's nowhere to be fucking found. And I'm like, can you call Chelsea? Like, have her team call her? Like, she's not in front of my house. Your high ass was three houses down parked in front of another fucking house. I walk up to Chelsea's car also. Everyone.

[Unknown]

Oh, yeah, I remember that. Everyone. I was high. Everyone.

[Chelsea Handler]

Picture this. You're about to meet Chelsea Handler for the first time and have her on your show. Like, I'm all of you watching, shitting my pants, and I find this woman in a car, and I'm like, is that her car? I go to the window and I knock on.

[Unknown]

Was it a Subaru Outback?

[Chelsea Handler]

And you open the door, and I just get hit with a bunch of just, like, absolute paraphernalia. And I'm like. And you're like, hey, where am I? I'm like, hi, I'm Alex. So nice to meet you. I think you thought I was the assistant. You're like, I'm going to a show. My show, bitch. And then we went in, and then I wanted to make you cozy, but you were a fucking dress, and you were a. And you were, like, sitting like this, and I was like, we need to. So it all went well. And it went well.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

But I did ask you if you knew who I was. I didn't even know where you were.

[Unknown]

I didn't know where I was. You think I knew who you were, but I know who you are now. And it's very. Makes me very uncomfortable when you talk about me in that way, in that regard, because I'm just. It just makes. I don't know, I become shy. But I'm glad that we're friends now.

[Chelsea Handler]

Me too.

[Unknown]

And I respect you. I want you to know that. And I'm really like impressed with everything that you've done. So now that you have my attention, we can have a more prosperous interview. Total wrong use of prosperous. Like, what am I? Like, I work in. Like we've had a prosp. Like we've yielded prosperous grains. This harvesting. That's what I almost sounded like.

[Chelsea Handler]

I really appreciate your attempt to integrate the word prosperous.

[Unknown]

Yeah, yeah, I know. That was.

[Chelsea Handler]

You sound smarter than me. So.

[Unknown]

Well, what does that mean though?

[Chelsea Handler]

You know, you're like, watch yourself. Okay. We did your podcast the other week.

[Unknown]

Oh yeah, that was fun.

[Chelsea Handler]

That was really fun. And now we're here. Congrats on your new Netflix doc.

[Unknown]

Not Doc Special, it's a stand up special.

[Chelsea Handler]

I know it's a special. I said doc.

[Unknown]

Sorry.

[Chelsea Handler]

Now I'm already high.

[Unknown]

I'm a doctor, first of all, and you should know that. And all your viewers and listeners should also know that I am a doctor. I'm a farm to table gynecologist and I perform all sorts of. I can do so many things medically. I prescribe medication, drugs. I've injected about four or five of my friends with Ozempic because I realized I didn't want to use it because it's silly. Like it's, you know, for heavy people. I had people coming over to my house and I was like, okay, I can see you at 1, I can see you at 2.

[Chelsea Handler]

Can you believe the amount of people.

[Unknown]

In LA that are using everyone is on Ozempic? I have someone that's gonna backfire. Something bad is gonna happen. It's a miracle. It's too good to be true. You can just make people who've struggled with their weight their entire lives thin. It's a miracle.

[Chelsea Handler]

You know what's fucked up though is I have someone in my life that needs it medically and it's completely sold out.

[Unknown]

Tell her to come over to my house. I'll inject her tomorrow. What time does she free? I can, I'll open. I will inject her.

[Chelsea Handler]

Do you have it at your house?

[Unknown]

I have a semaglutide. Well, so my doctor, my anti aging doctor just hands it out to anybody, right? And obviously now I can't say her name, but I didn't even know I was on it. I went to dinner or she said, oh, if you ever want to drop. Because I said, she goes, if you ever want to drop five pounds, this is good. And I came back from a vacation and I Injected myself with it. And I went to lunch with a girlfriend a few days later, and she's like, I'm not really eating anything. I'm so nauseous. I'm monozempic. And I was like, I'm kind of nauseous too. But I had come back from Spain. I thought I was jet lagged. I had been gone for like a month and white privilege. And I was. And I was like, oh, I'm nauseous too. And then I'm like, but I'm not on Ozempic. And she's like, are you sure? And I'm like, well, what is it? I go, I'm on semaglutide. And she goes, that's Osambic.

[Chelsea Handler]

You look fucking great.

[Unknown]

No, I'm not on it anymore. I stopped taking. That's too irresponsible. I'm an irresponsible drug user, but I'm not going to take a diabetic drug for like, I tried it.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And I'm not going to do that.

[Chelsea Handler]

You're not going to do it anymore?

[Unknown]

No, that's not for me. That's not right. This is just.

[Chelsea Handler]

We're starting essentially the episode with just like, disclaimers.

[Unknown]

I'm on it right now.

[Chelsea Handler]

You're not a fucking doctor.

[Unknown]

No, I'm not a doctor.

[Chelsea Handler]

But go to Chelsea's house if you want to get on Ozempic.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Make an appointment with. Well, with Alexandra.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay. So your Netflix special, Revolution. Revolution. What is the joke that people are loving the most?

[Unknown]

I think my brother. My brother telling me that he had to have children. I said, what to my brother? Like, why are you even a father? You know, you're not very good at it. And my brother has turned into quite an asshole as he's gotten older. And he was like, chelsea, I have to think about. I had to think about my legacy. It's like, who's behind you, Abraham Lincoln? What are you talking about? Your legacy? You think people are thinking about what's going on with you after you're dead? I'm like, no fucking way, buddy. No one's thinking about what you're gonna leave behind except for you. I'm like, your legacy is that you're my fucking brother.

[Chelsea Handler]

When I saw that clip, let me be so clear. I clipped it and sent it to my fucking brother. I'm like, don't. You fucking forgot it. I sent it to my whole family. Yeah, like, it's a good one. The whole thing is amazing.

[Unknown]

Well, thank you so much. It was a really Fun, special to shoot. Like, I love it. It's very hard for me to watch myself in anything. And when I saw it, I was like, oh, this is great. Like, I was like, yeah, it worked out. You know, even when you're confident, you're insecure, you know, it's all, you know, it's all one big hot mess all the time. Look, I was confident yesterday, what happened. But yeah, it was fun to do that because my brother had seen my set, I was running it for like 100 shows and so my family had seen me at various times. And my brother's like, oh, you sure do a lot of material about Simone with the sun and the Moon. And I looked at him and I go, would you like me to do some material about you? No problem. So then I incorporated that joke that.

[Chelsea Handler]

Must be so terrifying to be related to someone that does stand up comedy, because it's like you're, you're at the crossfire and you're just like, just wait for your turn. Like, I would be terrified. I'm sure my siblings are terrified that I talk about them on the show, but I don't really. But, like, if you want me to, I will. And then I can't promise, obviously what's going to happen.

[Unknown]

I've made a lot of mistakes doing that. Like talking about people without their permission. Yeah. And I think that would be a good piece of advice actually for you to rethink about that because I definitely, like, you know, if I didn't think it was a big deal for somebody, I just assumed it wasn't a big deal. And like, some people are really sensitive.

[Chelsea Handler]

Can you give us an example?

[Unknown]

Oh, God, there are so many, I mean, where I've just kind of told someone the truth that couldn't handle the truth and not in a mean spirited way. Like, I want to be honest with you because you're a woman and I want to be honest and loyal to women. And I'll always tell you the truth. I'm never going to lie to you. And people don't like that. And then they found out it's abrasive. And I know, I own it. It is abrasive. It's like not welcoming, you know, so.

[Chelsea Handler]

You have to watch yourself a little bit more.

[Unknown]

Yeah, I mean, just be a little bit more mindful, just in a nice way, like not to be a cunt. You know what I mean? Like, I'm a cunt and I have to sometimes remember that other people are not like me. They are very sensitive to criticism or even like, you know, and it's an invasion of their privacy. My family has no choice. I mean, they just don't have a choice. Like, they understand I'm not going to abuse you, but I'm going to call you out. I'm never gonna lie. I mean, they say I lie about everything, but they're wrong. But I've crossed that line before, of course, with my family members. And I don't cross that line where it's, you know, mean spirited.

[Chelsea Handler]

I get that. Okay, fair. Your ex directed the special and he did it while you guys were dating. Then you guys broke up and the special came out. How has the breakup affected the way that you feel about your special?

[Unknown]

Oh, like sweet. You know, it's sweet. It's like one of my favorite moments of my career and I got to share it with somebody that I was like, you know, madly in love with. It's super sweet. It's probably the sweetest thing that I've ever done. Like, in terms, I'm not a very sweet, like, you know, romantic person. I mean, I'm, you know, sweet.

[Chelsea Handler]

But why did you guys break up?

[Unknown]

Well, I just don't want to really comment on it any further because it turns into a headline. And I'm not promoting a breakup from six months ago. Like, you know what I mean? I'm here to talk about all the other things, things I'm doing, and I understand people are interested, but it's just like, it's run. It's. It's run out of gas.

[Chelsea Handler]

I get it. I. I respect that answer.

[Alex Cooper]

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[Chelsea Handler]

Busy girl.

[Alex Cooper]

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[Chelsea Handler]

So you're single now?

[Unknown]

I am.

[Chelsea Handler]

How is it going?

[Unknown]

That's funny.

[Chelsea Handler]

Why?

[Unknown]

I haven't. Listen, I have. I have, like, a really enjoyable relationship with myself for the last few years when I've realized, like, the importance of actually spending time alone without tons of people around. I've actually meaningfully spent time by myself to see what was up with myself. Right. And I've really genuinely enjoyed getting to know me. And I have a lot of respect for that time where you are out of a relationship or right before you're going into a relationship to really be mindful of that time and the space that you have so that you can show up in, like, a really good way for any relationship you're in and to know when to take a time out. A lot of people don't seem to know that it's time to take a break.

[Chelsea Handler]

Isn't that so that I feel like that period, everyone has that moment of like, oh, my God, I hung out with myself for so long and I actually, for the first time, fucking enjoyed it. And I got to know myself and I was like, oh, this isn't bad. Like, maybe I don't need to be in a relationship to feel fulfilled. I feel like everyone goes through a purity of their time where they're like, I'm so comfortable with myself. I don't even want anyone unless they're like, great to add on to my life.

[Unknown]

Yeah, well, I think you have to always set your standards where you want people to meet them. Like, if you don't have any self respect, which so many people seem to suffer from, like, you know, what do you think you're attracting other people who are going to disrespect you? Like, when you think highly of yourself, you attract a higher vibe. That's just the way it is. And like, like, it's better to have a high vibe. Like, I've been low vibe. I know what that's like. And it's infective or like infectious no, it's infected.

[Chelsea Handler]

We have stds.

[Unknown]

My vocabulary is everything. And it's just.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's okay.

[Unknown]

It's invective is what I meant to say. And I. Yeah, so it's like. It's good to just, like, get to know yourself. Like, I went to. I remember going to Whistler. I bought this ski Chalet on FaceTime because I was so scared Donald Trump was going to get reelected. And I went to Whistler. I got into Canada. They were so strict with the quarantine because they wanted. They think Americans are disgusting, and they don't want us there. So I got a work visa. I got everything so that I could go to Canada and ski. Like, all I cared about. I flew my dogs and I there. We get there, we get down, we land in Canada, and we land. I had chartered a private plane. I can't tell this story, actually.

[Chelsea Handler]

Why?

[Unknown]

Because it's illegal.

[Chelsea Handler]

This is.

[Unknown]

Oh, it's illegal. You can air all of this. But I'm not gonna continue this story. What happened was illegal, okay? And it wasn't because of me.

[Chelsea Handler]

This is the best. Fuck. This is so classic, Chelsea.

[Unknown]

This is so classic. You have no idea. You know what happened. So I get to the airport, and this guy is like, oh, they're turning planes around at Canada. I mean, in Vancouver, we could get turned around. I go, well, who are you? And he was like. I thought he was a customs agent. And he had me on the phone with customs. I was talking to them about my work permit. I'm like, I did everything by the book. I hired, like, an immigration person. Like, this is going to get me in. What's your problem? And the guy was like, I don't think we're going to get in. I don't think we're going to get in. And then finally, I realized he was the pilot. So I had been listening to this fucking pilot tell me that I had to call this person and this person and show my paperwork, and I go, wait, what are you. You're the pilot. Why do you have. You have no jurisdiction over what's about to happen right now. Just like you're flying the plane. Let's go. And he was like, I can't. We can't go up there. And I go, look at me. I need to get to Vancouver. You're going to fly this plane to Vancouver, and if we get turned around at the border, then that's on me. And then, unfortunately, I have to fly all the way back with you. So I promise you, I am gonna get into Fucking Vancouver. And then we got there, and the customs guys came on the plane, and they were like, welcome, Chelsea. We missed you. Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

And you got in easy.

[Unknown]

Oh, my God. Yeah. Because Canada's awesome. And they know that I'm. Yeah, I support them. They just want to get along with everyone.

[Chelsea Handler]

So you left out the illegal part.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay, good. You know what's really interesting is when you said, I can't tell, but I.

[Unknown]

Really want to tell the story.

[Chelsea Handler]

I want to hear it.

[Unknown]

So it's very. I'm having a difficult mom moment right now because it's such a good story, but I can't.

[Alex Cooper]

We want.

[Chelsea Handler]

We want you.

[Unknown]

This is what I mean about getting people in trouble. You know what I mean? I can't do it.

[Chelsea Handler]

We're not gonna do it. When I. When you were about to say. But, like, if you want to do it. No, we don't want to do it. You can tell me after.

[Unknown]

I need something to. Is this my drink?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. Yeah. Pour your water. You know what's interesting?

[Unknown]

Pour your water.

[Chelsea Handler]

Pour your water in your glass. I should have done that. Pour your water. It's interesting when you just said that about, like, oh, I can't tell this story. You were saying, like, I chartered a private jet, and you said, oh, I can't tell the story. I thought because you're, like, a successful woman, and I guess we just always get shit on. You were going to say, I can't tell it because it's coming off as too, like, privileged, rich dick.

[Unknown]

Well, I'm not going to lie. I did fly. I mean, yeah, I do charter private planes. Not all the time, but, yeah, I'd love to fly privately all the time.

[Chelsea Handler]

I really like the honesty.

[Unknown]

I mean, I.

[Chelsea Handler]

Now we're a little. Are you high?

[Unknown]

Yes, very high. I'm very stoned.

[Chelsea Handler]

I'm trying to focus.

[Unknown]

And especially with you, it's very dangerous territory because you're like.

[Chelsea Handler]

You think you can keep.

[Unknown]

You think you can get in there? Like, I can see what you're doing. And I'm like, no, bitch.

[Chelsea Handler]

I saw your face when I asked you about the relationship, and immediately your demeanor went from like, I'm just out Alex's house to, well. And then you were like, fuck, I don't want to talk about this. I had to ask. I wouldn't be doing my job.

[Unknown]

But we're having such a good time. Why bring something like that up? You know what I mean? It's like, wait, why?

[Chelsea Handler]

Because the people want to know. I know I have to be half Friends? Half.

[Unknown]

Okay, well, obviously I'm gonna have to fuck somebody else publicly pretty quickly to get everybody to move on to the next conversation. You do.

[Chelsea Handler]

Do you have a pattern with a specific field that they're usually in?

[Unknown]

Oh, everything. I mean, I've dated every. I have dated the most random people. There is no type. I've look at the people that I've dated. There's none of them have anything in common. And I look at them all and I'm just like, you know, what's the connection?

[Chelsea Handler]

And you haven't found it?

[Unknown]

No, I haven't. I don't know. What do you think it is?

[Chelsea Handler]

I feel like you're a very. Like, at the moment, you'll. Maybe you're looking for something and you need it and you go into it with that person and then you leave and you're like, I didn't fucking need that. And then you meet someone very different. You're like, maybe this is what I need. But you're all you need, sweetie.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Thank you. Okay, can you write that down in my notes section? Do you have my notes section, Alex? What was that? You're all you need. And then put it in quotes and then write caller Daddy.

[Chelsea Handler]

I think that's the worst advice I ever gave.

[Unknown]

Yeah, that was.

[Chelsea Handler]

That was stupid.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay, let's talk about settling. Okay.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Single. We all have a friend who is either settled and we're like, oh, well, them, that sucks. Or they're on the path to settling because they'd rather be in a shitty relationship than no relationship. What advice do you give to women who feel like being in a bad relationship is better than being alone?

[Unknown]

Oh, I don't know. That's really hard for me to even understand. I think that's. How could you be doing that? That's like, you don't have any self respect and you could be so much happier. Like, that's so desperate.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, it's like they need to. They need to get on the path to being comfortable being alone. Because then you'll see, like.

[Unknown]

Well, just don't settle for anything. Like, why? You don't have to settle for anything. You have to raise your game and then meets you where you are. I mean, people think about things ending or like, I don't know, like breakups and stuff. Like, it's always a good opportunity. Everything is a good opportunity. The good experiences and the painful ones. And if you didn't have painful experiences, you'd be really fucking boring. The only difference is now everyone shares every experience, you know? So that used to be different. Like, most people wouldn't be, like, talking. Like, I talk and be open, but I've always been open because I'm not trying to hide anything. You know, if I'm doing like. I talk about whatever. I'm. What's going on with me. If I'm into therapy, I talk about that. If I'm into drugs, I talk about that. If I've been to rappers, I talk about that. You know, Like, I'm not. There's no mystique. Like, I'm not trying to, like, keep anything away.

[Chelsea Handler]

You should go back to some rappers.

[Unknown]

I know. I'm in the mood for a good rapper. That would be fun. Oh, let's line it up.

[Chelsea Handler]

You are due for a good rapper. I mean, 50 was like iconic, so I feel like the only person I could top him is like, Lil Wayne.

[Unknown]

You see that happening? Me and Lil Wayne. That's funny.

[Chelsea Handler]

Or what about like, I don't know.

[Unknown]

Yeah. What am I in the. I think I need to go somewhere I haven't been before.

[Chelsea Handler]

Where haven't you been?

[Unknown]

Like an adventure, you know?

[Chelsea Handler]

Have you ever dated a doctor?

[Unknown]

No, but I would love that.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, I would love that for you.

[Unknown]

Thank you.

[Chelsea Handler]

What about the pilot?

[Unknown]

Was he single, you think I was interested in him after the way he behaved at the airport.

[Chelsea Handler]

But you know when sometimes you fight and then you realize I like that.

[Unknown]

I'm not trying to fight you weren't.

[Chelsea Handler]

The girl picking on the kids in like, class, the cute guy.

[Unknown]

I want to know about your relationship with your boyfriend.

[Chelsea Handler]

No, no.

[Unknown]

Yeah, I do. Who's interviewing you?

[Chelsea Handler]

I'm interviewing you.

[Unknown]

What's the dynamic there? Because I have to tell you something. When I saw you at the Amfar event. Yeah. I was surprised to see that you had a long term boyfriend. Like, I kind of judged you in a way. Not. Not in a bad way. I just judged you as the type of person that wouldn't be in a long term relationship.

[Chelsea Handler]

Why?

[Unknown]

I don't know.

[Chelsea Handler]

Explain. Get to the deep.

[Unknown]

I'm just now asking myself that very question because I was. I was like, oh, yeah. I mean, what does he do?

[Chelsea Handler]

He produces movies.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Chelsea Handler]

And he knew your friend who gave us the mushrooms. We were at a really nice gala and Chelsea and her friend were indulging and offered my boyfriend and I some.

[Unknown]

Chocolate mushrooms, which I highly recommend for any gala.

[Chelsea Handler]

I really love that for you because I was like, oh, like, I've never done mushrooms. I've never done mushrooms.

[Unknown]

Oh, really?

[Chelsea Handler]

So I was like, I don't feel like at Amfar, it's the first place, and Chelsea's like, oh, I'm going. And I didn't even know you were fucking hosting. She was going up and, like, she was, like, giving a full speech. Two seconds later, after, I see she's on fucking mushrooms. Chelsea's on stage at Ampar being like, hello, everyone. I'm like, what the fuck? I would be in a fucking hole cradling myself. Well, I gotta try mushroom.

[Unknown]

Yeah, I know. Well, you're pretty amped up to begin with, so I don't know, maybe I.

[Chelsea Handler]

Should chill it down.

[Unknown]

Yeah, maybe because you would be like. You wouldn't be able to shut the fuck up on mushrooms.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, yeah, I would hate myself. Well, also, I'm having to interview you. When I'm high, I'm usually silent, violent, but I'm having to, like, really, I'm forcing myself to speak.

[Unknown]

Don't you think it's more fun to be high and social? I mean, I love to be high alone, too, but I like being high and social.

[Chelsea Handler]

I don't know. I think I'm really more of a high alone.

[Unknown]

Oh, I'm more. What do you do? Like, do you play games or something? Or, like, are you playing Fortnite?

[Chelsea Handler]

Playing my Xbox and jerking my boyfriend off? No.

[Unknown]

Are you on a tour on Atari? Do you play Atari?

[Alex Cooper]

What the fuck is that?

[Chelsea Handler]

No, I'm by myself watching, like, a movie. Like a normal.

[Unknown]

Yeah, yeah, that's. I mean, that's me. Every night.

[Chelsea Handler]

Maybe if I ever do mushrooms, I'd do it with you. No, Then you'd probably never be my friend.

[Unknown]

Oh, no, no. Let's not do that.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay. Okay, Moving on. Why do you think you're so normal?

[Unknown]

Because I like normal. It's more interesting. I think normal is very interesting because nobody's really normal. I mean, nobody's really boring. Everybody has something going, you know? I mean, some people are really annoying, and so it's hard to figure out what that something is or, you know, you don't have the patience to even deal with finding out, but everybody has something to say and, like, people's past and their childhoods. Like, I find everybody to be pretty interesting.

[Chelsea Handler]

I agree.

[Unknown]

Like, I. I could talk to anyone and just interview them all day long.

[Chelsea Handler]

I was saying I do like that about you. That I feel like you're, like, somehow living a seemingly normal life and, like, you're pretty fucking fast.

[Unknown]

Well, I mean, I'm flying privately with my dogs to Canada to a house I bought on FaceTime. And so, like, obviously it's not that normal. I like to have things outside of just my professional career. It's taken over a lot of my life for a lot of many years. And I really needed a time out also to be, like, by myself. And now I'm ready to rumble again. Like, and when I'm in the mood to work, then everything works.

[Chelsea Handler]

Works.

[Unknown]

It's easy, you know? So I had to really arrive at a moment where I got it back, and I'm hungry and I have ambition because for a couple years, I really did not give a shit. I was like, I'm just gonna go to Spain and hang out at my, you know, other house.

[Chelsea Handler]

You.

[Unknown]

That we have to edit out. That we have got to edit out.

[Chelsea Handler]

No. Do you know how that goes back to what I was saying? Like, oh, the private plane. Do you know how few people are. Have self. Like, you're self made. You've come up. You've made it on your own.

[Unknown]

Self made. My father was a used car dealer. What are you talking about?

[Chelsea Handler]

No, like, you. You're goddamn. So do you know what I mean? Like, I think you have the right to. I'm kind of sick of people being pissed when people.

[Unknown]

I don't lie or pretend. You're not. Whatever. I'm not like. I mean, I'm not gonna even say anybody's name that I could think of. Some wealthy millionaire. No. I just have a really nice life.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

I'm not like a. You know.

[Chelsea Handler]

And you're not gonna hide it.

[Unknown]

No. And I'm in love with Elon Musk. Okay, let's talk about that. That's the most fun thing that's happened.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's your next man.

[Unknown]

I can't stand Elon Musk.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's your next guy. Would you ever go on a date with that man?

[Unknown]

No. When does this come out?

[Chelsea Handler]

February 1st.

[Unknown]

Okay. So I'm about to host the Daily Show. I'll be about to host the Daily Show. I specifically asked the EP of the Daily show if we could roast Elon Musk physically. I'm like, he is such an. That we were allowed to actually, like, go after, like, looks because he's so, like, repugnant of a person. You know what I mean? Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

And would they say no?

[Unknown]

No. They. They were like, let's go for it.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, that's nice. Okay. This will be fun for you while we're high on.

[Unknown]

I think I just asked on that chair.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's fine.

[Unknown]

Oh, no, it's. I didn't.

[Chelsea Handler]

We're moving Opposite.

[Unknown]

Alec, would you mind grabbing me some lip balm? I feel like I'm about to swallow my tongue.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's why I was so. I think I've now been just talking to you like this.

[Unknown]

I like the way that you twitch around while you're talking. You're like, I can't.

[Chelsea Handler]

I can't.

[Unknown]

You're like, start talking. You. I don't know if you're mimicking what I'm saying.

[Chelsea Handler]

Are you saying that Tourette.

[Unknown]

Yeah. You have a tic.

[Chelsea Handler]

Do I? I'm trying to get cozy these chairs.

[Alex Cooper]

When I'm wearing real hair.

[Unknown]

This is. By the way, this is a great.

[Chelsea Handler]

We haven't moved at all.

[Unknown]

This is a great episode.

[Chelsea Handler]

This is great. We're flowing.

[Unknown]

It's awesome.

[Chelsea Handler]

We're vibing.

[Unknown]

Yeah. We're gonna have to do this once a year.

[Chelsea Handler]

Once a year. So listen to this. On your show, we did, like, let's answer some questions. I figured I could give you some topics and I want to hear your take on them.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's fun, right? Yeah.

[Unknown]

Yeah. I mean, we'll see.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay. What is your take on posting your significant other on social media?

[Unknown]

You're looking.

[Chelsea Handler]

Stop talking about.

[Unknown]

No, I like doing that. I've never done that before. So that was fun for me. It was funny. Like, I knew how annoying it was, but, like, I. I liked it.

[Chelsea Handler]

You did?

[Unknown]

Because I've never been public like that and I felt that way and it, you know.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

So why not?

[Chelsea Handler]

It was kind of cute. It was, like, very unexpected.

[Unknown]

Well, and it's also sincere because I'm not, you know, full of shit. I mean, if I'm doing that, I mean it.

[Chelsea Handler]

What do you think about when people get nervous that their partner won't post them on social. Social media?

[Unknown]

Like, that's annoying. Anything that you're arguing about with social media is annoying.

[Chelsea Handler]

End statement. Yeah, absolutely.

[Unknown]

I also.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, put that in my notes.

[Unknown]

Right.

[Chelsea Handler]

Chelsea Handler.

[Unknown]

Exactly.

[Chelsea Handler]

Anything that you argue about.

[Unknown]

And then. What was the other quote we came up with earlier? You could. You only know what you can do.

[Chelsea Handler]

No, it was like, you. You only know what you can do. I said, you only know. No, I said, you only what? I didn't say that.

[Unknown]

You're all.

[Chelsea Handler]

You're all you need.

[Unknown]

You're all your need. That's the title of this episode. You're all you need, sweetie.

[Chelsea Handler]

I didn't say sweetie. No.

[Unknown]

Do you get nervous when people come over to your house and you have to interview them for beside. Aside from me? Like, are you.

[Chelsea Handler]

No, I don't know why. I don't know what's wrong with me, but nothing in me gets, like, nervous.

[Alex Cooper]

I get.

[Chelsea Handler]

The only nerve I get is to make sure that I, like, do a good job and I give my audience, like, an entertaining episode. Obviously, if I'm having to talk about some, like, serious shit, I actually, like, get off on that. I'm like, let's go.

[Unknown]

Like my breakup.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. So why the fuck did you. You're like, please stop. Yeah, I was excited, but then I'm swerving, right? I'm being respectful.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Yeah. Right? Yeah, yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

But, like, if you want to give.

[Unknown]

Undertones, what the fuck is going on over there? Yeah. My God. I'm like, are you. What's happening?

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, yeah, that looks nice. That's a nice color. What is that?

[Unknown]

I don't know.

[Chelsea Handler]

Sounds like you just ate it.

[Unknown]

I did. I swallowed it.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay. You're taking.

[Unknown]

That's how you put lipstick on. You didn't know that? That you just put in your mouth and swallow it?

[Alex Cooper]

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[Chelsea Handler]

Okay, what are your thoughts on reigniting friendships with people you've had a fallout with?

[Unknown]

Oh, that's a good one for me because I have a lot of friendship endings. And like, yeah, I always go from people. Like, I go from group to group to group, and I do that a lot. Reigniting. Yeah, with the right people, for sure. Yeah. Because, you know, you do grow up and, like, whatever you thought about or disagreed about, you know, you mostly forget about, and then you're just, like, hanging on to the energy. So I definitely believe in reignition. Reignition. Do you see? I mean, I keep looking at the camera. Every time I say, what is that song?

[Chelsea Handler]

I.

[Unknown]

Every time I say, miss if. Stop it. Every time I miss say a word, I look into the camera.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's been, like, multiple times.

[Unknown]

I know. And it's so not me because I'm so. Like, vocabulary. Like, I read everything and I care about fucking words.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. Try to convince us now, but it's not.

[Unknown]

I'm really smart, you guys.

[Chelsea Handler]

We can tell. Why do you think you're bopping from friend group to friend group? What does that mean?

[Unknown]

Oh, I mean, I've done that my whole life. I've been multiple friends groups. Not friend group to friend group. Just having relationships end.

[Chelsea Handler]

Got it.

[Unknown]

You know, and not being. I don't think that's a bad. That's such a bad thing either. You know, like, people move on, people grow apart. Some people grow back together. But I. I don't think friendship, like. I think it's an evolution. Everyone has their own evolution. And if you're not on the right kind of frequency, you're not. I don't know. I just think people have, like, fantasies and, like, they're romantic. You know what I mean?

[Chelsea Handler]

You and your ex. People want to see something play out.

[Unknown]

Yeah. I think. And people are really. You know, one of the cutest things was, like, people would come up to me, like, screaming, or us on the street, like, oh, my God, you've renewed my faith in love. And I believe I'll be in love now. And I believe that everyone has their person. I was like, I believe it, too.

[Alex Cooper]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

I mean, if I fell in love like that, like, I'm. I mean, then anybody can.

[Chelsea Handler]

Do you think you can fall in love like that again?

[Unknown]

Yeah, now that I'm open, I'm in bloom. I'm just, like.

[Chelsea Handler]

With Elon Musk. With.

[Unknown]

Yeah, I'm having Elon Musk's baby. I'm actually having triplets.

[Chelsea Handler]

What is your take on when people post crying videos on the Internet?

[Unknown]

Well, I mean, I think when it first started happening, it was interesting, but now it's, like, too much.

[Chelsea Handler]

Right.

[Unknown]

I don't like the Internet.

[Chelsea Handler]

I'm scared of.

[Unknown]

I just don't. I just. It feels like it's a black mirror, you know, I just feel like we're living through black mirror, and at any moment, the world is going to implode because people are just fucking crazy. Everyone's crazy. Everyone's hooked up to a device. People aren't normal. After the pandemic, it's just. The world's on fire. I mean, I don't mean to be a Debbie Downer, but we are about to blow up. It's not looking good.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's not great.

[Unknown]

Better to be In a good mood about it, I guess.

[Alex Cooper]

Right?

[Chelsea Handler]

Like, go down smiling.

[Unknown]

Yeah. I don't want living in fear. Write down don't live in fear.

[Chelsea Handler]

And write down go down smiling.

[Unknown]

Yeah, right below. Don't live in fear.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay.

[Unknown]

We should come out with our own dictionary of phrases.

[Chelsea Handler]

The quotes that we're spewing this episode.

[Unknown]

Are going to be really hard for me to come back from football.

[Chelsea Handler]

I know.

[Unknown]

I'm not into it. I'm not into football.

[Chelsea Handler]

I wrote these being like, we're going to be. This is like the upper section. No, I was saying I was writing the take on, like, it was going to be an upper section. We're like, we're in black mirror. We're literally going to die. Everything's falling apart.

[Unknown]

Well, that's a real fun topic, by the way, so thanks for bringing that up.

[Chelsea Handler]

I know I need to. I'm trying to dry January.

[Unknown]

Yeah, seriously, you want to talk about Harvey Weinstein next? I mean, why not? Just.

[Chelsea Handler]

Dude, are you doing dry January?

[Unknown]

Try January. No, I'm not drinking cuz I'm hosting the Critics Choice Awards. But this will air after that.

[Chelsea Handler]

Wait, what? Why aren't you drinking before that?

[Unknown]

Just so I look great.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, it's more for the looks.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Not for the feel.

[Unknown]

No.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, I tried it. I lasted four days. Then my boyfriend and I the other night, I was like, have a drink.

[Unknown]

It's so fun to drink. Don't overdo it so you don't ever have to give it away, you know, Just don't ever overdo it so you don't have to stop doing it. One of my boyfriends once said that to me.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's a great bit of advice. Yeah, I'll keep that one. What is your opinion on adults who go to Disney World with their partner and, like, they don't have kids?

[Unknown]

Oh, definitely against it. That's so stupid. I don't understand. When I was insulted as a child going to Disney World, I was like 6 years old and I was like, oh, really? I'm supposed to believe that there's a bunch of grown mice running around trying to take photos with us that are also in a good mood? Fuck you. I'm like, I thought Disneyland was a sham. When I was six years old, I went off on my father. I was like, I don't want to come back to this place. I'm like, it's a joke. I'm like, this is like Valentine's Day. I mean, I couldn't believe. And they don't have alcohol there even at six, I was looking for a cocktail. I was like, I can't survive this place without a drink.

[Chelsea Handler]

I love this answer. Also, my next question was gonna be your take on Valentine's Day. I think we covered that one.

[Unknown]

Oh, my God. You can't ask that. Be asking that question to people. Why?

[Chelsea Handler]

What do you think about Valentine's Day? Do you know how many people love it?

[Unknown]

You can't be asking that question.

[Chelsea Handler]

What if I was sitting here? How about this? What if I was like, oh, wow, Chelsea. Like, I really like Disney World, and I also really like Valentine's Day.

[Unknown]

I wouldn't give a shit.

[Chelsea Handler]

You would just be like, yeah, fucking sauce.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Stop talking about it, please. I don't. It's like, people talk about Burning Man. I don't like to hear about that either.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, my God. Do you ever go to Coachella?

[Unknown]

I went once, but I wasn't there. I just was with the A's off, so I was like, backstage. I didn't go.

[Chelsea Handler]

Another relatable moment. Yeah. I feel like that just is awful. Burning Man. Have you ever been to Burning Man?

[Unknown]

No. No. I'm not down with that. I don't want sand blowing in my face while I'm tripping on whatever drug I'm on. I want a sand you have to wear, like, a gas mask mask. It's so ridiculous. I mean, if people show me pictures and I just. It just seems like someplace you go to have an affair. Right. And then, like, have communal living or something. That's what my.

[Chelsea Handler]

Can't relate. Okay. When I was bringing.

[Unknown]

Have you ever been a Burning Man?

[Chelsea Handler]

Absolutely not.

[Unknown]

No.

[Chelsea Handler]

No. Things like that.

[Unknown]

That doesn't interest.

[Chelsea Handler]

Whatever that is. That's not a concert. I'm terrified of concerts. I can't. I just don't want to do it.

[Unknown]

Yeah, I feel. I mean, I'm not terrified, but I prefer not to go.

[Chelsea Handler]

I guess terrified was a little aggressive. I just would prefer not. I want an assigned seat. What would you. What would you feel if you saw someone get proposed to in the middle of Disney World?

[Unknown]

I love that I. After I tell you that I will never go to Disneyland World, you asked me, the next question is, when I'm there, what I'll do if someone is proposed to. I like proposals. I think that's sweet. Really? Yeah, I do. I think that's sweet. Like, I mean, in Disneyland, obviously, that's ridiculous, but whatever. I don't care enough about any of it.

[Chelsea Handler]

Would you be upset if someone proposed to you at Disney World?

[Unknown]

Well, nobody would do that, Right? You wouldn't even go, No, I wouldn't. I wouldn't go, they're trying to propose. They're trying to propose to me, but I propose. Refused to go to Disneyland, so they can't propose.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, my God. So you're okay with public proposals?

[Unknown]

Well, not for me. I mean, I don't want that, but.

[Chelsea Handler]

They can have it.

[Unknown]

But yeah, if you want. A lot of people like that stuff.

[Chelsea Handler]

Really?

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Really?

[Unknown]

Yeah. The same girls that want to talk.

[Chelsea Handler]

About Valentine's Day want to get publicly proposed to.

[Unknown]

Well, not everyone wants publicly, but everyone. Like, I mean, not everyone, but most women want to be proposed to.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just mean like in public.

[Unknown]

Yeah, right.

[Chelsea Handler]

No, that's like at a sporting event. I would say no.

[Unknown]

No.

[Chelsea Handler]

Even if they were the love of my life.

[Unknown]

No. No, definitely not. Yeah, absolutely.

[Chelsea Handler]

Absolutely not. How do you feel about shower sex?

[Unknown]

Oh, no, I'm not into it.

[Chelsea Handler]

Me either. Last time I did, I got a yeast infection.

[Unknown]

Oh, yeast infections are the worst.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay, what do you think about nepotism, babies?

[Unknown]

I couldn't give a shit about that. Everyone is so bored. Like, obviously if your parents are both actors, you're probably going to be an actor. It's so stupid.

[Chelsea Handler]

It pisses me off so much. I'm like, why do you care?

[Unknown]

And I did every industry that, like, anyone with. Yeah, sorry, I interrupted you.

[Chelsea Handler]

No, no, I interrupted you. I wanted you to keep going. You're being funnier. I don't have much.

[Unknown]

Oh. I mean, it's just ridiculous. Like, obviously, you know, if your parents are both rappers, you're probably going to be a rapper. I mean, it's just unbelievable that people are so bored that this is a topic of conversation. It's so lame.

[Chelsea Handler]

I agree. Like, when you and Elon have children, it's not Elton.

[Unknown]

Our first baby is going to be called Elton. Okay.

[Chelsea Handler]

Elon and Chelsea with little Elton. Obviously Elton's going to be swinging the big black platinum card.

[Unknown]

Yeah, well, by then we won't even use credit cards.

[Chelsea Handler]

Elon will figure out.

[Unknown]

First of all, it's going to be a late. It's going to be a middle life to elderly pregnancy because I'm 47, so the baby might take a little bit longer to cook. So let's give it like a three year window. I'm not really good at cooking anyway, so I'm sure mine will be a little bit off.

[Chelsea Handler]

I think scientifically that just actually made actually quite a lot of sense. What my question is is this.

[Unknown]

I believe anything we're saying makes sense.

[Chelsea Handler]

I don't think any. I don't know even what I'm saying saying. I think nepotism babies. You're so right. What do we want them to do? I've been seeing a lot.

[Unknown]

Like, pay a fine.

[Chelsea Handler]

Right. Literally. What are your thoughts on kids sitting in first class?

[Unknown]

If they're not annoying, that's fine. Yeah, but parents paying for their kids to fly first. Yeah. I mean, I would put my kids in coach.

[Chelsea Handler]

Me too. Middle seat.

[Unknown]

I think I'd say that now, but maybe I wouldn't.

[Chelsea Handler]

They're gonna be flying on the pj.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Alex Cooper]

How?

[Unknown]

They're just not coming. They're not coming on.

[Chelsea Handler]

We'll send them to Disneyland.

[Unknown]

Yeah, they go to Disneyland every other weekend.

[Chelsea Handler]

How do you. What kind of traveler are you? Like, are you an anxious traveler? Like, when you're at the airport? Like, what's happening? I'm trying to picture.

[Unknown]

No, I'm not. I'm not anxious.

[Chelsea Handler]

You're not?

[Unknown]

Not at all. Traveling is a relaxant, actually. I love it.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, really?

[Unknown]

I like being on planes. I mean, you know, I don't like being. Going to the airport, but I like being on planes. And I like reading. I read lots of books when I'm on planes. I never can get on the WI fi, so I don't have to worry about being involved in any of that. So I'm, like, away for four hours, and I, like, either watch something or I read it. Like, the other day, I was flying somewhere, Philadelphia to Vancouver, and I read an entire book, this book called the Great Alone by Kristin Hannah. And it's like 600 pages, and I read it in one flight, and I was like, fuck, yeah. And then I read another book the next day because I was like, oh, yeah, I want to read another book. Because you forget how great reading is.

[Chelsea Handler]

So good.

[Unknown]

Like, it's just so good to be lost in a book that has nothing to do with anything you'll ever experience in your. Your entire life. And you get smart. Every time you read a book, you get smarter. Like, you understand another world or you have a glimmer into that.

[Chelsea Handler]

Back to airport. Sorry, I'm swerving back. What is the biggest sin someone can commit on an airport?

[Unknown]

I have a barefoot on their bare feet. It's disgusting, and it should be illegal. And I want to make a video for all airlines because it's like, it's not fair. People. My DMS are filled with bare feet on planes. People send them to me. Like, 30 people a day. Send me A barefoot on a plane or in an airport or on a train or on a bus. One flight attendant DMed me and told me that a guy brought mussels onto a plane and he had the shells and he put them in a plastic bag. He was eating mussels on a plane next to a person. Like, there are rules that need to be said out loud. And I found out Katherine, you met her. She's my co host on my podcast, Dear Chelsea Catherine, who I love, until she revealed that she travels to the airport with a dozen hard boiled eggs in a Ziploc bag. I almost stabbed myself in the vagina. I could not believe her. And I looked at her and then I looked at her husband and said, what do you have to say for yourself? She's with you and you didn't say anything about this. He's like, she loves eggs. And I was like, hey, guys, you can't do that ever again. You can't bring 10, 12 egg. You can't have any hard boiled eggs when you get on the plane. Eat them if you like them so much. You can't bring those on a plane. And she was someone who would also have seen someone with a bare foot and been like, gross.

[Chelsea Handler]

So does she still work with you?

[Unknown]

Yeah, she still works with me, but it's caused a chasm.

[Chelsea Handler]

It hasn't been the same since.

[Unknown]

Well, I just have to keep an eye on her now because I don't know what other shenanigans she's up to that she thinks is cool.

[Chelsea Handler]

I think that's a cardinal sin.

[Unknown]

It's pretty. Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Try to say the word. Go ahead.

[Unknown]

I can't. I can't say it. I can't.

[Chelsea Handler]

We're gonna say volatile.

[Unknown]

No.

[Chelsea Handler]

It was a V. No. And it wasn't vagina.

[Unknown]

No, no, not. Yeah, well, there are other words besides volatile and vagina that start with a V. Virginia.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay, listen, I need to recalibrate my brain. How about this? Ready for this one?

[Unknown]

Yeah, I'm ready.

[Chelsea Handler]

You're known for being very honest. What's the hardest thing you've had to tell someone?

[Unknown]

Oh, God, all the time.

[Chelsea Handler]

But like a hard one where you actually struggled a little bit and like, clenched and then released before just releasing.

[Unknown]

I mean, nothing that made me, like, clench. It's never that hard. I mean, there have been harder ones, but nothing where I. Things I've put off that. I was like, I'd rather hope that this disappears so I don't have to address. Address this.

[Chelsea Handler]

Like, and does and does it usually include you or are you just like, a bystander witnessing for, like, a friend or a family member?

[Unknown]

Both. Both. Yeah. If it's about someone else, I have tend to be a little bit more hot.

[Chelsea Handler]

Really?

[Unknown]

About the defense of that person. Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

As opposed to it being about you?

[Unknown]

Yeah. Like, I'll put up with a little bit more than I'll let my friends put up with.

[Chelsea Handler]

I think, oh, maybe we'll be friends one day.

[Unknown]

I need someone to stop threatening our friendship. You know what? You've been like this ever since.

[Chelsea Handler]

I'm saying I want you to be my friend.

[Unknown]

We are friends.

[Chelsea Handler]

We are.

[Unknown]

Well, yeah, we're friends now.

[Chelsea Handler]

I just wanted you to say it.

[Unknown]

But stop fucking threatening it. It's so annoying. I want you to defend just now we're in a friendship.

[Chelsea Handler]

I can flow.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

I get all nervous. It's exciting. Okay, listen to this one. I'm just saying that to buy myself time because I can't read. Okay.

[Unknown]

I was with Jennifer Hudson at the talk show, and she was like, they had the blue cards right behind my shoulder. And it was so funny because I remember it reminded me of doing a talk show. Like, I did Jay Leno the first time, and he was, like, talking to me. Like, I was that lamp behind you. And he'd be like, yeah, so what'd you do for this summer? A break. And you're like, hello.

[Chelsea Handler]

At least I'm making eye contact, right?

[Unknown]

Yeah. No, well, people are much better interviewers.

[Chelsea Handler]

But, yeah, but back in the day, I'd be like, hi, Chelsea, how are you doing? You're like, I'm over here. What personality type complements yours the best?

[Unknown]

Strong and confident.

[Chelsea Handler]

Good answer. What's an insecurity?

[Unknown]

You've dealt with someone checking my phone.

[Chelsea Handler]

Can I tell you a story?

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay. When we were doing your podcast, I. We remember, we got asked a question, and there was a girl being like, I went through his phone. He's got prostitutes, boots, and your. It was a big story. But your answer immediately. I, like, noted it that you were, like, very adamant. Which, of course, it's like, not good to look at someone's phone. But you were like. I could tell there was something personal about how you were like, don't check his phone. I also wanted to be like, chelsea, let's ease up on her a little bit.

[Unknown]

You're like, you don't ever check someone's phone. And I could tell them.

[Chelsea Handler]

I was like, is this something personal going on on? And I could tell someone had checked your phone because the way that you answered. I could tell it was coming from personal experience that it's a huge violation of privacy and you were frustrated about it.

[Unknown]

And I've also checked someone's phone. I've been that person when I was younger and I've done that. And that is no way to behave. It is not dignified. And you're going to find whatever it is you're looking for. Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Did. Did you find out the person checked your phone or did they tell you?

[Unknown]

It was revealed to me because they.

[Chelsea Handler]

Had something to confront you about.

[Unknown]

Yes.

[Chelsea Handler]

Isn't that interesting, though? Because that dynamic. I've done it also. I've checked someone, something. But it's so interesting because who's in the right, though? Because it's like.

[Unknown]

No, no.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's almost like null and void. Whatever you're bringing up. Because you checked my phone.

[Unknown]

Right, right, right, right, right.

[Chelsea Handler]

So anything you're saying, I could have elon yesterday. It doesn't matter.

[Unknown]

No, but also, if you're looking, you're going to misinterpret almost everything and think. I mean, I know I did that. I had a boyfriend where I was. So he was cheating on me, by the way. And I found plenty of text messages to confirm it. Like, that's my own problem. You know what I mean? I should never be in a situation where I have to look at someone's phone. My friend was joking yesterday and she said I look, she was looked through her daughter's phone. She goes. I have to read her phone every night after she goes to bed. And I go, oh, my God. But as a mother, I totally get it. But as like a lover, it's really pathetic.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, yeah, because. Do you think you were giving vibes?

[Unknown]

No. No, I was up to nothing. Ever. Never. I don't have the personality to be a liar or a cheater. I don't have the. I barely have the energy to be in one relationship. I am very into being alone, as we've discussed. So it's very hard for me to even give that up. You know what I mean? But I tried and that was a good example. I'll do it again, you know, But I don't remember what I was even talking about. Doesn't matter.

[Chelsea Handler]

You're just.

[Unknown]

You're doing great. Yeah, yeah, write that down. You're doing great.

[Chelsea Handler]

You're doing great, sweetie. I think that's a Kris Jenner line, so don't quote me on that. Okay.

[Unknown]

By the way, those. Christian. Did Kris Jenner send you that pajamas? Her pajama set. I'M not on the list. Well, you need to get yourself on that list. Yeah. She sent me this silk pillow. It's, like, the softest thing I've ever slept on.

[Chelsea Handler]

Put in a good word for me now that you know we're close.

[Unknown]

Okay. Give her a little like.

[Chelsea Handler]

Like, she's a nice girl.

[Unknown]

Okay. Well, I just forwarded her a video of somebody doing an impersonation of her on Instagram, so she's. It was this girl, Anna Roisman. She's really funny.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, my God. By the way, we call her Daddy Girls. Nice.

[Unknown]

All right. Yeah, I'll definitely mention that the next time I bump into Kris Jenner.

[Chelsea Handler]

What is an irrational fear you have.

[Unknown]

That everyone hates me?

[Chelsea Handler]

Really?

[Unknown]

Yeah. I can get, like, that. Where I think the whole, like. Like, oh, everyone thinks I'm bad or not or too difficult or whatever.

[Chelsea Handler]

I can confirm that's not true.

[Unknown]

Oh, that's really very sweet of you, but, you know, while everyone's listening, I want people to know that those thoughts that you have about yourself are, like. They happen to all of us. And we all have moments of insecurity. No matter how confident you may think I am listening to this or that or you are or whatever, whoever in your life you look up to and admire, know that. Like, you know that we all have that voice in our head that tells us we're not as good. We're not. And then the other voice is. The real voice is, like, when you know you are valuable and that you're lovable and that you bring something to the table that nobody else brings. Like, listen to that voice.

[Chelsea Handler]

That was really wise, Chelsea.

[Unknown]

Oh, really? Love it.

[Chelsea Handler]

I thought that was very. Yeah, it's, like, relatable to every single person listening.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Good.

[Chelsea Handler]

And this was pretty fun.

[Unknown]

I know. So our top. The. Out of the two times we've hung out, this is my favorite time.

[Chelsea Handler]

I think this is good. I think we should.

[Unknown]

Oh. Three times we saw each other at the amfar thing, so that's, like, you know. But this is my favorite time. So we'll do this every year. I'll come every year. Yeah. Oh, yeah, Definitely. You should be getting high all the time.

[Chelsea Handler]

Anyway, good to know what's next for.

[Unknown]

You in the next minute.

[Chelsea Handler]

Not, like, right now. I know you're driving home in the rain.

[Unknown]

I'm gonna host the. Oh, I'm gonna host the Daily show for a week. That's so fun. Yeah, I am. I am. I'm thinking that I would. I'm really interested in getting back into the late night game. And that is the perfect vehicle for me. And if everything goes the way that I think it's going to go, you know, that might be a more serious conversation.

[Chelsea Handler]

I can speak for everyone. We would fucking love to see you on television again.

[Unknown]

Yeah. And I'm in the mood.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, if she's in the fucking mood, it's going to happen. Chelsea Handler, thank you so much for coming on. Call her daddy.

[Unknown]

Oh my God. Call her daddy.

Woo.

[Chelsea Handler]

Dude, that was great.

[Unknown]

It was. That was really good.

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