← Call Her Daddy
Call Her Daddy
Emma Chamberlain - Part 2 (FBF)
01:14:28
This week, Father Cooper sits down with Emma Chamberlain for the second part of their conversation. Emma recalls feeling used by other Youtubers in order to gain views and how she was burned by the people she once looked up to. The pair discuss feeling out of control of their public perception and the need to consequently address and debunk fake rumors. Emma describes the anxiety she experiences as a result of constantly being surveillanced while out in public and the feeling of wanting to disappear. Let’s get into relationships and sex. Emma opens up about her struggles with her sexual identity, her ex-boyfriend, AND her new relationship. We also learn how Emma lost her virginity, what her favorite style of sex is, and what gives her the ick. Enjoy daddies!
Loading summary
Transcript290 lines
- [00:03]
A
What is up, Daddy gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call Her Daddy. Is there anything that made you almost quit?
- [00:18]
B
I will say there has been a lot of times where I've almost quit.
- [00:26]
A
And how do you not, like, what are the. What brings you back to not quitting?
- [00:31]
B
Well, I'm in an interesting spot now where, you know, I'm 20 and I am in a spot where I'm ready to evolve things. And I don't really know what that means for myself right now, but I need to, like, find what mediums and what things make me excited because I was in this hamster wheel of, you know, creating content every single week for four years. And the thing that kept me coming back was the fact that that's the dis. It's like, literally like a disease. Like, when you start doing YouTube or you start a podcast or whatever you do, which I. You know, I've been doing both now for, like, two years or so. Like, you're like, if I miss a week, I'm done. People are gonna fucking forget. People won't care. And you. You, like, guilt trip yourself into pushing through even the roughest moments because I burped. Because there's this stigma that, like, the second you take a break, you're out. But I'm done with that. I've taken a break for the past few months. I'm like, sorry, I'm done. Or two months or so. Not that long. But I was like, I'm burnt out, so I'm going to take a fucking break. I'm burnt out, so I'm going to take a fucking break.
- [02:12]
A
When we talk about going through this hamster wheel process, it's so hard to explain. Like, a tangible feeling that it is. And, like, I talk about it in therapy all the time. Like, I started this podcast kind of like when you started YouTube, and you didn't have anything in mind of, like, a start or end date. It was like, I'm just going to start this. And then all of a sudden you wake up and you're like, I've been doing this for years.
- [02:40]
B
Yeah.
- [02:40]
A
And, like, who am I without my podcast? Who are you without YouTube? Who is like, it?
- [02:48]
B
There's no light at the end of the tunnel. It's also not, like, the type of thing that you can ever stop thinking about. I've been thinking about YouTube for four years straight. There's not been a day or an hour that has gone by where something about it has not come into my head. And whether it's like, how do I want to evolve my videos, you know, what am I gonna film next? Like, what. What are people gonna think of that video? Was that video shit? Like, same thing with my podcast. Was this episode, did I rant too much? Did this episode. Like, was this episode fucking annoying? Like, was I repeating myself too much? You know, it's like, there's no end date. There's no room for a real break. There is, but you don't wanna let yourself believe that, right?
- [03:30]
A
And there's no room for mistakes.
- [03:33]
B
There's no room for mistakes. There's no room. It just feels. Feels like, you know, your boss is humanity in a way. Like, your boss is literally just like public opinion. It feels like. And that's fucking weird. And it's so out of your control. Because the court of public opinion evolves, it ebbs, it flows. It's not like you're reporting to one person and, like, being like, here's my work for the week. You just have to be constantly trying to guess what the people want. And when you're living by that, it's like, what formula are you to follow? There's no formula to follow. It's like uncharted territory. And sometimes the people don't even know what they want. So if they give you an idea that might not actually work, sometimes you have to predict what people want. And it's just this whole mind fuck. And listen, I'm not complaining about it because in every job, in every, you know, profession in life, like, there are elements of it that are just a nightmare. And I think just with this, it's like, everything could just go away so quickly. And I think the way that I found peace in it is I'm like, okay, if it does, then it does, and I'll just get pregnant and have a baby. This is Emma's pregnancy announcement, right, guys? I'm pregnant.
- [04:55]
A
Like, no. No. It's like, goodbye.
- [04:59]
B
No publicist said no.
- [05:00]
A
I have never heard someone explain it like that. Where your boss is the public, every single creator said does exactly what you just said. You quickly say, like, and I'm not ungrateful. And I'm not saying I'm not, like, so happy with what I have. That's not it. But in everyone's life, you have your struggles and you have your adversity that comes. And when you have millions of people every single day having not only an opinion on you, but sort of a holdover whether you have a career or not, right? It is a lot to fucking handle as a young adult.
- [05:38]
B
Well, the thing is, Too about it is that as humans, you know, we're not supposed to. I mean, this is just an issue with social media in general, but you're just not supposed to be exposed to that many opinions, that many people's successes, that many people's vacations, that many people's hot takes, you know, on, like, when they're. You know, you're just, like, not supposed to experience that many people's lives. Right. You're. You know, we're programmed biologically to only have to compare ourselves and listen to, like, a handful of people. Right. I've watched a video about this. Like, I'm not a fucking scientist, but, like, I did watch a video about this. Yeah. I'm citing my sources. Long story short, like, you're just not supposed to hear from that many people. It's not like something that we're evolved to be able to comprehend. So it makes sense that, you know, for us, for example, like, reading comments all the time from hundreds of different people, sometimes thousands, sometimes millions, that's just not a normal experience. And so when our brains react in weird ways, it's like, what else did we expect? This is a weird situation and is not natural.
- [06:58]
A
Yeah. And I hate when people say, like, then just don't do it. Yeah, I understand what you're saying, but I. I do love it. It's my passion. So then you have to. Basically, I think what we're both saying is, like, it is. There is no book.
- [07:14]
B
Yeah.
- [07:14]
A
That gives you. Here's a guideline.
- [07:16]
B
Right.
- [07:17]
A
This is. There is no one that can tell you, like, this is exactly how you act. The minute you get this many followers, then this is gonna happen. And then you talk to this therapist because they'll know how to. Like, there's just no formula.
- [07:27]
B
Yeah.
- [07:27]
A
And so it's weird you eventually moved to la.
- [07:32]
B
Yes.
- [07:33]
A
How did the change of scenery affect your videos and your life?
- [07:38]
B
Should I go pee before I do this one?
- [07:40]
A
Yeah. Okay, Wait, let me pee. Go in the.
- [07:42]
B
Sorry. Sorry, daddy. Gang. I'm pissing now. No, I'm kidding.
- [07:46]
A
You don't want us to listen to you. Pete, go down the. All the way down the hall.
- [07:51]
B
Okay.
- [07:53]
A
Anyways, Emma's back. How was your pee break? Hello. Hello.
- [07:59]
B
Check, check.
- [08:00]
A
Pee break was popping.
- [08:01]
B
It was popping.
- [08:03]
A
I hope there was toilet paper in there. I don't.
- [08:05]
B
Like, we could literally talk for six hours. Oh, wait. This is just like the podcast house.
- [08:09]
A
This is the dad pad.
- [08:10]
B
No way. Yeah. It's kind of nice to, like, not be in your own house. It.
- [08:14]
A
I used to do it from my bed all the time. Because where do you podcast from?
- [08:18]
B
My bed.
- [08:18]
A
Yeah. And, like, there's pros to that, but I started to feel like I could never turn it off. So I just.
- [08:23]
B
Yes, I've been having that struggle recently.
- [08:25]
A
Because that microphone is sitting on your bed or near it. You just keep being like, should I start?
- [08:30]
B
Should I start.
- [08:30]
A
Should I start podcasting?
- [08:31]
B
I'm like, I could record right now.
- [08:32]
A
And it will be, like, almost midnight. And I'm like, oh, I have a thought. And I'm like, no, I need to, like, set boundaries.
- [08:37]
B
Absolutely.
- [08:38]
A
Okay.
- [08:39]
B
Okay.
- [08:40]
A
So I asked you, how did the change of scenery to LA affect your video in your life?
- [08:45]
B
Well, I think a lot of people who were following me at the time when they found out I was moving to LA were like, there she goes. You know what I mean? Like, there goes the girl that we fell in love with. She's about to die. You know what I mean? Like, she's not going to be here anymore. And I think to a certain extent, that was a valid concern. And I think, well, okay, here was the thing was such a huge life shift in my foundation, in my reality, changed so much that my sense of identity kind of went out the window, and I was having to, like, rebuild my new. I mean, and this happens regardless of if you're moving to la and doing YouTube or if you're just literally a teenager, you know, like, there was a lot of shifting that was going on. It was like I was making new friends, I was starting to try to date guys. Like, I was, like, living on my own and, like, trying to figure out what that entailed. And, like, there was so many life changes all at once that, like, a whole new group of people, a whole new scenery. It was just like, whatever my sense of identity was. And so when it came to, like, making videos, the shift from moving from home to moving to LA took such a psychological toll on me that I don't think I was willing to admit to myself at the time. But it was so exhausting to, you know, find your footing in a new place, especially la, that, like, I was very drained just from life itself. And so when it came time to, like, make YouTube videos, I was like, I am so fucking tired just from, like, existing here right now that I think my content, at certain times throughout the first year and a half, two years of being in la, like, my content had moments of suffering because there were just moments when I was. My life itself was a mess. And not even a mess in a Bad way. Just simply a mess where I didn't feel like I had a foundation.
- [10:56]
A
Can you explain, in your opinion, like, the good and the bad evil parts of LA when you're talking about your experience?
- [11:04]
B
I think the good is that there are so many people here that are in a similar industry to me and to you. It's. So being here is nice because there's a lot of people around that can relate because it's a very unique situation and it's comfortable to be around people that are in the same industry as you. But. But. Well, also, another good thing about LA is that, you know, there's a lot more opportunities here and it's a lot easier. Like, if you have to do a shoot for something or if you have to do an interview for something, you know, everybody's in the same area, so it's just a lot more convenient to get a lot more done because everything's here. It's either here or New York, and usually it's here. Actually, a lot of people from New York fly here to do stuff. And so living here is very easy to get the most done. And I can't take that away from la. Also la, you know, it's like, the weather's nice and like, you know, you're close to the beach. Like, there's great things about la, but I will say that there is a lot of toxic stuff about it. Number one, being that you can't walk anywhere, that makes me really upset. Number two, that's like the stupidest thing to complain about. But it sucks. Number two, being around people that are in the same industry as you is also not always the best thing because there's a lot of competitiveness. There's a lot of trying to, you know, use you to get farther. And that's something I didn't anticipate. You know, it's great when you can find someone here who is in the same space as you that, like, just wants companionship. But that's actually more rare than you think.
- [12:51]
A
Yeah.
- [12:51]
B
So there's a lot of room to get over when you're being friends with people in your industry. And that's something that I really struggled with and experienced.
- [13:04]
A
When you say that, can you elaborate a little bit on, like, when was. And, you know, obviously you're not naming names, but of course, when was a moment that you realized, like, I think I'm getting used right now.
- [13:16]
B
Oh, my God, it's like, been so many times. I mean, like, I. And sometimes using is not always a bad thing. Like, sometimes you can even find yourself being like, well, yeah, they're maybe using me, but I guess I'm kind of using them too, you know, like in certain types of collaborations, things like that. But I think that's kind of different because usually when it comes to, like a collaboration of some sort, it's a mutual benefit. Sometimes it's not, though. And in those moments you're like, okay, I'm not benefiting from this at all. This person's like, profiting off of me in some way. And I don't feel, number one, like it's having a positive impact on me. And number two, like, I don't think that they actually care about me. And so that's when it gets a little messy, is when it's not a mutual thing and you can tell that they actually don't even care about you at all. And, you know, it's a part of it. Again, like, it's a part of it. And so I, in retrospect, now that I'm far away from all people or all things that could ever put me in a spot where I would be used or would feel taken advantage of in some way, like, now that I'm far away from those things and I can look back at them, those moments when I did feel that way and I was wrapped up in those things, I forgive because I understand that, you know, it's like we're all just trying to prove that we deserve to have dropped out of college or to have dropped out of high school or to have moved to la. Like, we're all just trying to make it happen. And so if somebody thought that they could benefit from me in some way, yeah, that's not nice of them. But also I understand where their head was at and I'm able to forgive.
- [15:04]
A
Now when you say you're able to forgive, so you've been burned by people and like, again, so not saying so surface, but not going to into actual detail. Like, when you say burned, like, can you give an example? Like, was it someone asking you to be in a video? Was it someone asking to come in your videos? Was it someone. A brand deal? Like, what are you referring to?
- [15:40]
B
There was, like, a few instances where, you know, people would want me to appear in their videos, for example, and, you know, I would be like, I can't today because, like, I need to be working and I need to, like, I have to be. And they'd be like. And, you know, maybe because they were more successful than me in some ways or whatever, when they would be, like, you have To I would be like, okay, you know. And so I was young and very yes man when I first moved to LA. So if somebody. And these like YouTubers who are maybe more established, they. I think that they knew that they could kind of push you around. Push me around a little bit. Not only on camera, but off as well. Just by, you know, like, they just knew that I was really also still kind of a fan of everyone. I think they could sense that as well. So a lot of people, I think, knew that they could take advantage of me and that it would be fine. And listen, again, it's fine. Like, I get it, but I'm also like, but it still sucked and it, it made me a lot less productive and it made me depressed because I felt like just an object in some ways, which again, I don't think that was their intent, but I felt like I was just like a drone, a corporate drone, you know what I mean? Like a YouTube corporate drone.
- [16:59]
A
Right.
- [17:02]
B
And I honestly would say that the ways that I was burned the most though, were like more personal ways. Like the ways that just like people who were like kind of bullies to me, like behind the scenes, like you would never like, not necessarily on camera, but like most of the. That was like bad. Was like behind the scenes where it's just like shitty friends.
- [17:25]
A
Yeah.
- [17:26]
B
Point blank. You know what I mean?
- [17:27]
A
And I feel like when you're also saying that would it also. But it would always somehow tie back to content.
- [17:33]
B
Well, I mean, I think that our friendship was based in content. You know, a lot of the times it was like, what was our friendship without content? Yeah. Like if we weren't friend. Like if we weren't making content together, would we be friends? It's hard to say.
- [17:48]
A
Yeah, that's what I think. A lot of people aren't able to obviously aren't privy to that information. On the Internet, you see these people, they're hanging out. Oh my God, they're new friends. Most of the relationships that I have seen in LA are transactional.
- [18:03]
B
A thousand percent.
- [18:04]
A
I don't know a lot of people that like, genuinely, when we're all home, like for like holidays, like, those people are not conversing. Yeah. Being like, hey, girl, like, how are you doing? Like, it's not like that. It's all based on, we're back in la. You want to shoot a tick tock.
- [18:19]
B
Yes.
- [18:20]
A
And it. And, and, and you're promoting. I remember doing it in the beginning of my show when I co host. It was like we were promoting being like, best Friends we had met like three months before, of course, and it was like. But it. You sell this like, fun lifestyle and it doesn't look great. I guess people think that if you're sitting, standing with someone that doesn't have followers, that's actually your friend from your hometown, right. No one's interested in that. But if you're standing next to. If I'm standing next to Tana Mongeau, that is logistically going to get more downloads and views than if my friend Jackie from home is going to be next to me. Like, is that.
- [18:52]
B
Yeah.
- [18:53]
A
So there is like an incentive to create these dynamics. But it's really dark.
- [19:00]
B
Well, it's interesting because actually some of the friendships were like quite close friendships where we were talking a lot, some of them not. But like, some of them genuinely were close like that. But the question still remains, would we be friends if we weren't making content together when we were together?
- [19:21]
A
Right.
- [19:22]
B
And it's like, that's kind of where it gets foggy, right? Because it's like we were really close, but if we weren't making content together, like, would we be hanging out? Would we even care to check in on one another? You know what I mean? Where was the intent?
- [19:37]
A
When did those type of dynamics. When did you wake up and they stopped?
- [19:44]
B
It happened like one by one, I would say, like, I would have kind of realization about just. And it wasn't like anything. Some of them. There was like moments where it was like a blow up where I was just like you, you know, like, this is just like, not like you are using me. I can tell. Fuck you. But then other moments, it was like, it was more just like a drift away where I was like, you know what? How is our friendship off camera? And if the friendship was like, not good, then I was like, you know what? I. I'm just gonna back away. And I've always been somebody where I'm like, I don't feel much sadness if a friendship's not like positive, I'm. I will be the first one to fucking cut it off. And just. Because what's the point, you know, Even if we're profiting off of our friendship, even if we're not, even if it's a private friendship, both, I will like walk away with no remorse if I feel like it's right. And so that I kept that principle for all friendships, you know, throughout my teen years.
- [20:46]
A
Have you ever stayed in a friendship longer for fear of the public perception and the fallout?
- [20:55]
B
Yes. Like, I've definitely, like, I've definitely struggled to cut off public friendships a lot more. Public friendships have always been harder to kind of back away from, even if it was, like, what needed to happen for all parties, you know? Like, it's definitely harder because you're like, God, like, you know, even if this ended civilly or even if it fucking didn't. Yeah, we, you know, I don't want someone else, the other party, to get in trouble by the court of public opinion for our friendship ending. Because even let's say they did the worst shit, let's say they were such an asshole to me, they're gonna pay enough with their own conscience. Yeah. You know, I don't think it's necessary to have the world knowing about that too.
- [21:42]
A
What do you get anxiety about in general? Like, what are the main things that give you anxiety?
- [21:48]
B
I would say the main thing that gives me anxiety is the pub. Is something happening where my character is portrayed incorrectly and it being believed? Right. And me not feeling like I'm able to say, this is not me, because I know, like, I don't care what anybody says. I'm not a fucking bad person. So. And I know that. And I know that because I have too much of a conscience. Like, I, I. The guilt I feel about everything, I. I can't do bad shit. Like, I. Because I just. My guilt and conscience is that, like, I almost wish I had less of that because I actually feel guilty about things that I don't need to feel guilty about. And it sucks, you know, Like. But I know that I'm not a bad person. But I do sometimes fear that something will get in the. Somebody will even spread a rumor about me that's not real, and that will become known as fact. And I know how things work on the Internet, where it's like, people aren't digging into every single story that they see. So if, like, a bad story that comes out about me comes out, people see it, they're just gonna take it as fact, and let's say a week later it's proven. Oh, that's not true. Like, Emma. Emma didn't hit an old person in the street. Like, people are still gonna remember the article that they saw where they said, where they said that I did. And that's what freaks me out, is that, you know, I don't always feel like I'm able to defend myself, and I also don't always want to.
- [23:35]
A
Yeah.
- [23:35]
B
And I also can't go in and diffuse every rumor about myself. I would be. That's all I would ever do, you know? What? I mean, if I went and addressed every rumor or every fake blah, blah, blah, blah about me, you know, I wouldn't. That would be actually my full time job. So like, I can't do it. And so it's just like this process of trying to figure out like, you know, like, I just feel so out of control of the public perception of me because somebody could go and lie about me tomorrow. And you know what the other thing is? I don't like, let's say I did do something fucked up. Let's say I did push an old lady in the street. Let's say I was having a really bad day. Who knows? There's not a lot of room for having a bad day. There's not a lot of room for making a one off mistake. And even if that's not something that reflects my character, how am I. I can apologize and say this is not me all I want, but everybody does that in. How do people even know that I'm being honest? You know? So it's like, it kind of feels like a witch hunt in a way. And I think that in some areas, like, yeah, criticism is necessary, absolutely. But I think that sometimes like people love it and so they want to feed the drama and I don't want to be the butt of that. And listen, it's happened, you survive, but it just fucking sucks. And it sucks even more when it's not true or it's not a representation of you as a person. People make blanket statements like, oh, we, we heard Emma did this one time. Emma is now evil all around. You know, there was like a rumor that I was a bully in high school. And I remember I was like, okay. And I saw like a girl from my high school made a TikTok that was fully not true. It was fully not true about like me saying some mean shit during class. Like made of this whole like fake story. I'm like, girl, I. We went to all girls school. We were like nerdy. Like nobody was bullying each other in high school. Is there a chance that I excluded somebody in high school? Is there a chance that I maybe made a snarky remark to someone in high school? Fuck yes there is. There's a great chance that I probably did that. Sometimes I woke up too early, I was in a bad fucking mood, sure. But I never did anything evil. I know that for a fact. And you know what? If I did, I'm sorry, I don't know. I don't remember. Do you fucking remember what you did in high school? No. Nobody fucking Remembers. And we're also kids. It's like kids playing a knife drawer. We're all learning how to be good people. And you're gonna up in that process. But it's the fact that, you know, my identity is in the hands of like, everyone who's ever met me and everybody who's ever seen me do anything. And I don't have control over that. And the psychological damage is quite. It is crazy. But also, I signed up for. So, yeah, here we are. You know what I mean?
- [26:40]
A
Most people listening to this podcast right now are the ones that you're referring to as your boss. My boss, yeah. They're listening to this and they're going to make a decision.
- [26:49]
B
Yeah.
- [26:50]
A
Do we like Emma Chamberlain?
- [26:51]
B
Right.
- [26:51]
A
Does the daddy gang like Emma Chamberlain? And. And I'm sure it's okay if you guys don't know, and I'm sure vice versa. There's going to be people that are like, why? There's people that don't like me. And they'll be like, why did Emma go on Alex's show? And it's like, people are unforgiving and ruthless on the Internet. And not only that, they are excited when there's drama. Like there are. There have been episodes where people are like, I'm gonna cancel you for having that person on your show. Yeah, but does it say more about me for having them on? Why are those episodes the most downloaded, though?
- [27:22]
B
Of course.
- [27:23]
A
So that's actually. You guys are listening. You are the ones ingesting it. You're clicking on it. I don't know. It's a scary industry a little bit to be in right now.
- [27:32]
B
I agree. And I think the other thing is, is that there's a difference between, you know, somebody doing something genuinely bad. Right. And something genuinely bad and having an intent that's like, I actually, like, want to hurt people, you know, because that, that happens on the Internet. You know, you see people fuck up and do things that genuinely directly harm people and they actually had the intent of harming people. Right. I never on my whole time on the Internet have ever posted something with the. With a negative intent. Right? Now, listen, if I do something that is perceived in a way where it's like, Emma, that's not right. And here's why that's fine. I'm willing to, like, learn. I'm always open minded, you know, And I think critic, constructive criticism, there's nothing wrong with it. This could have been perceived in a way that was offensive and hurtful. I totally get that. Then it's like, okay, we'll, we'll go from there and thank you for letting me know. Let's move on. Like, I, I didn't have that intent, but I totally understand where you're coming from. I'm so glad that, you know, you let me know. Yeah, I'm so happy to do better next time and to be more aware of how this could be perceived wrong.
- [28:44]
A
But it's when people are like, oh, no, you're done.
- [28:47]
B
You're done. Because even though you had no idea what you were doing, and even though it was a complete, complete 200% accident, you're still done because you made a mistake. That is such fucking uncharted territory. How are you supposed to predict? It's like I could fucking, like put on deodorant in a video and I feel like at this point somebody's going to be like, you're offending people that don't want to wear deodorant.
- [29:10]
A
Like, no, literally.
- [29:12]
B
You know what I mean? It's like, I understand that, like, you have to. If somebody does something wrong, holding them accountable is fair and in some actually places, very good. I've learned so much from being on the Internet and from people being like, hey, when you talk about this like this, that's not cool. And I've been like, damn, I would have never known that otherwise. Thank you, like, truly. Like, I'm grateful for that. But it's when it's like people twisting shit just for funsies and not giving me room to be, like, it just discourages me and it just makes me. Yeah, it makes me want to disappear.
- [29:47]
A
Yeah. You know, how has your brand evolved?
- [29:51]
B
When I first started on the Internet in general, I was just kind of copying what all the girlies were doing. You know, I was like, okay, I'll talk about makeup and clothes and things like that. And then that wasn't really lighting my soul on fire. So then I was like, I'm gonna start vlogging. And I just started vlogging. And then I vlogged for years. I mean, I was like, you know, just like filming random, like whatever I thought was like funny or interesting or random at the time. I was just filming it. And so in some like more concept based videos too. Like stuff where I was like going to children's place and trying to pick out a cute outfit, you know, like. Like that. Yeah. And just like having fun with whatever. I kind of had. No, I was like, my baseline theme on my channel is me. So, like, whatever happens, I'm just like the main Theme of it, which I mean, what kind of like self centered idiot 16 year old you have to be to think that that's good? I know, right? I'm like, damn, it's about me. I'm like, it's about me. Okay, that's it. My. What's your channel about, babe? It's about me.
- [30:53]
A
Tune in, bitch.
- [30:55]
B
I promise you'll love it. No, but really, that was it. And then I think within the past like year or so, I've been trying to kind of make my content a little bit more mature. Because I'm more mature, you know. So like on my podcast I've been talking about more serious topics and on my YouTube, you know, the last few videos I made were very like more just like chill and toned down and just relaxed and like not super based on like a gimmicky kind of concept. Like just kind of just me existing and doing whatever and like editing the videos myself in a way that I felt was like calming and more mature to watch, I would say, because I just don't think that like I want to be making, you know, I have to evolve the things that I'm putting out or else they'll seem ingenuine. They have to evolve with me or else it's like not gonna work.
- [32:01]
A
You mentioned kind of having an identity crisis. You have an entire life to live. How do you see this public Persona that you created basically as a child?
- [32:13]
B
Yeah.
- [32:14]
A
Evolving into adulthood.
- [32:17]
B
This is something I've been thinking about a lot because I think that the last four years or whatever of me being on the Internet, you know, I. When it came to my career, I was just in autopilot. I was just like pumping shit out and it was coming from my heart still. But it was like I was just kind of like on go, go, go, go, go mode. So I wasn't thinking about anything too deeply. And I also wasn't thinking about. I definitely wasn't thinking about my own personal identity. When no one's around and I'm by myself and I look in the mirror, who is that? I was so focused on working 247 for the past four years that I was teetering between having no thoughts and being burnt out and just feeling like I was like dying because I just could not look at a final cut pro one more time. Right? But then also moments of just like absolutely just busting shit out. And like it was just like back and forth teetering that left no time for me to ever have a free moment to be like, okay, wait, who am I? Outside all this. So for the past. For the past four years, you know, I've just been on the. In this hamster wheel of working and working and working and working and working and, you know, kind of exploiting myself at times to just do as much as I possibly could. Especially because I started to get so many opportunities that I was excited about. I was like, well, I don't want to say no. You know what I mean? Like, I, like, I want to do everything, but you can't do that. But I didn't know that at the time. So I was spreading myself so thin and giving myself no time to sit back and be like, okay, wait, who the fuck are you? Who the fuck are you? And within the past, I would say, honestly, especially two or three months, I've been having a lot of, like, psychological struggles because I'm like, I'm now having to figure out, like, refine my identity after, like, shoving it away for the past four years, ignoring it and just putting that on the back burner. It's like, now I'm left being like, I don't even know what fulfills me, what excites me, what, you know, makes me feel like I have purpose outside of my work. I don't know what it is because I've not let myself go there. I didn't have the time to go there. And so that's kind of what I'm figuring out now. And, you know, I've gotten to a place where it got so dark for me, you know, even recently, that I was like, well, I don't care if everything goes away. I'm like, I don't care because I'm so. I'm so disconnected from myself that, like, I need to refine that. And if. When I'm ready to come back to the Internet fully, and if. When I'm ready to, like, you know, get back into the swing of things, like, I. If people don't want to watch anymore, people don't care anymore. I need to do what I gotta do. Yeah, it's impossible to develop your identity and be online at the same time, because developing your identity means silence. You need silence. You need alone time. You need to be intimate with people. You know, you need all of these types of things that do not align with being a YouTuber or even being a podcaster at times. You know, I think podcast is, like, when it comes to personal identity, it's easier especially, too, because, like, they can't always see you. There's something nice about. I don't know. But with YouTube specifically. It's like trying to develop your personality and simultaneously continue to be consistent on the Internet. It's like you cannot do both because you have to have a fully formed something to show.
- [36:09]
A
Did you ever watch Harry Potter?
- [36:10]
B
You know, I did.
- [36:11]
A
Okay. Did you watch the Reunion?
- [36:14]
B
No.
- [36:15]
A
Emma, you need to watch it. I don't know if anyone listening is a Harry Potter fan, but some people may consider me like, Slytherin. I'm more of like, a Gryffindor Hufflepuff.
- [36:24]
B
You're giving me Gryffindor through and through. And I like. And I don't say that about many people.
- [36:27]
A
People like Slytherin, bitch. I'm like, no, I'm Hufflepuff. Like, I'm not.
- [36:30]
B
You're not. You're Grindor.
- [36:31]
A
Anyways, it is fascinating because Emma Watson, Daniel Radcliffe, and I think it was Ron who was like, I love how I'm calling the. See, I'm even calling them by those names. The characters, of course, they literally said they were like. When we stopped the movies, I genuinely felt uncomfortable when people called me my real name. I didn't feel like I could even identify. Identify with that name totally. Child stars or child performers or now Internet kids that come up on the Internet, they are losing some of their identity in the characters that they're portraying. How did the growth of Emma Chamberlain stop when Emma Chamberlain, the Internet character, was born?
- [37:22]
B
You know, I. I wouldn't say that, like, my growth completely stopped because I, you know, it's like I was still growing. I, for the last four years, made my entire purpose in life to, like, at a certain point, I was like, my entire purpose is to now succeed at this and take it as far as I can and enjoy it while I'm doing it right. And so I put away and threw away all other purposes that I had even brewing in me. I was like, I don't give a fuck about anything else. I'm throwing all of my eggs in this, in this basket. You know what I mean? I want to make. This is my only purpose. And then now I'm at a place where I've arrived at what I wanted to happen. And now I'm left with this feeling where I'm like, this is fucking amazing. And I'm so happy that I'm here, but I don't have any more goals in this area. Right? I don't have any more thing. I don't want to get more followers. I don't want to get more views. I don't care about that shit anymore. You know, like, at a certain point, I was like, I would love to grow this as big as I can, like, whatever. Now I'm like, I don't really think it needs to go any bigger. Like, I'm good. You know what I mean? I'm fine with it how it is now. So I'm having to, like, figure out now what things will give me purpose outside of this. And it's a fucking hard pill to swallow. I didn't. I. You know, I'm like, I'm 20 and I'm like, where I have to now, I have to find a whole new purpose. But also everybody is looking at me and is like, look at that. Like, you know, but you. But you have this to look at. And I'm like, I need something bigger and deeper for myself that might not have anything to do with the Internet. You know what I mean? I just don't know what that is yet. And so that's been something that I've been struggling with, is like, you know, I haven't had time to, like, you know, do hobbies or whatever. But the other thing is, is that I'm now in a routine where, like, I don't really have a lot of inspiration to do things that don't involve my work, which is a weird thing that, like. Because my work in my hobbies became one. Right, Right. So, like, I don't have, like, the desire to do other little hobbies that, like, my brain convinces me are pointless to do. You know what I'm saying?
- [39:53]
A
Well, and also, your job.
- [39:56]
B
Yeah.
- [39:57]
A
Has flowed in not only to, like, your purpose and your hobby, but it's also flowed into, like, your actual lifestyle and living. Every part of my life, you can't go. You're not even 21. But if once you're 21, you can't go to a bar and not get recognized. And what you do in that bar is a direct reflection on your job, which is your purpose. And so every single aspect of your life is wrapped up basically in your job.
- [40:24]
B
Yeah.
- [40:25]
A
Which for some people is very normal. And for some people, it's like, oh, I work a 9 to 5, and when Friday hits, I am a different bar beast on the weekend. You don't have a weekend.
- [40:36]
B
Yeah, it's. It's honestly, like, everything in my life is melded into one where it's like my job, my social life, or lack thereof most of the time because I'm too anxious. But, like, you know, every element of my life is all connected. You know, I don't have a Separation of things. And because of that, it all feels like everything could fall apart if I just pushed the wrong domino and it could just all fucking fall down. Like, you know, it's. It's. Everything feels very fragile, which is why I'm now, like, okay, I can't have all my eggs in this basket. I want to continue doing this. This is, you know, my passion and something that I. I enjoy doing this stuff. Right? But I have to find a life outside of it and solidify that life and, like, make that life something where I'm not so worried about what people think of me on the Internet. I'm not so worried about, you know, if this all went away tomorrow, because I do have this life outside of it. That's so rich that it doesn't matter.
- [41:37]
A
Walk me through social anxiety now with this platform.
- [41:44]
B
It is. I mean, of course, like, I do love meeting people. I mean, I really do. And I'm. I am generally a social person. I would say, like, I'm. I don't really get social anxiety about talking to people. Like, if somebody comes up, I mean, there's been moments when it's been, like, kind of overwhelming or something, just because it was like, you know, I was late to something or blah, blah, blah. I always, you know, the actual interaction itself is always pleasant. You know, the only thing that I'm paranoid about is people who don't maybe like me and see me in public and they are, like, want to film me or are, like, watching me and, like, making fun of me behind my back. Like, it's the fact that I could be anywhere and somebody might recognize me and I might not actually know that they know me. If somebody comes up to me and, like, says, oh, my God, like, what's up? You know, like, that's sweet. I don't actually mind that. It's. It's the fact that I don't know when I'm a. When I'm just another human being drifting through the street or when somebody is watching me because they've seen me before. That is what makes me anxious, and that's what makes it hard, you know, because I'm constantly feeling like I'm being surveillanced, whether I know it or not.
- [42:55]
A
What are you doing, though? Like, tangibles, in order to try to find and redefine and that identity that you're looking for.
- [43:04]
B
I think a big step in it was deciding, like, that I'm going to probably step back from YouTube.
- [43:14]
A
Okay.
- [43:14]
B
You know, just because I will say that. And I mean, I don't know I'm not making anything definite, right? I'm just, like, this is just where I'm at now. I take it day by day. That's what I have to do, or else I lose my mind. But I. I do. Like, for me, doing a weekly podcast is something that I can do because, I mean, it's very much me sitting in bed and, like, just talking. But I also think that by stepping back from YouTube, I have a lot more free time so that I can figure out, okay, maybe I want to, like, you know, who knows what I want to do? But, like, I might want to do something else that's creative, that I can create for, you know, the world to hopefully enjoy if they decide to enjoy it. Like, it gives me room to explore, number one, like, what I could do next in my career. But also it gives me more time to develop friendships properly. Cause I also don't like to have people in my videos or on my podcast or anything. Cause I just gives me too much anxiety, and I like it just to be me. And so it caused me to push a lot of people away. Cause I couldn't combine work and play. I had to keep those very separate. And so because of that, it was like, I didn't hang out with people very often. So I'm taking this time to just, like, have as much free time as possible and just let myself get really bored and, like, see what I do to entertain myself.
- [44:46]
A
I also hear when you're saying you're going to give yourself that freedom to find things you like, but then don't grab the camera and film it for content. Like, no, it's yours. Let it be yours. Let a hobby be yours. And don't be like, oh, this would make a good vlog.
- [45:01]
B
Yes.
- [45:01]
A
Like, you. There's got to be a line for yourself. Like, no, because then you're working, like, do it for yourself. I can already feel, like, the tension. You're like, fudge. I know.
- [45:09]
B
And I know.
- [45:09]
A
I've done it, too, where I'm like, oh, that was such a fun moment. And then I have to exploit it on my podcast. And I'm like, it's hard.
- [45:17]
B
I. And I think I have to be strict with myself and be like, Emma, like, you know, you can do your podcast.
- [45:23]
A
Yeah.
- [45:23]
B
But you can't be posting videos and be trying to figure out who you are and what you enjoy to do when the camera's off. If the camera's still fucking on every week, you just can't figure it out. So, you know, I don't Know like what's like. Yeah, I'm constantly like changing my. Like I'm like, oh, now I'm doing this. Oh wait, now I'm doing this. Like I'm all over the place. Right?
- [45:46]
A
Dude, you're 20 as you should be, right?
- [45:49]
B
So it's like I, But I just don't think, think I also don't know if I feel like that there might be something else out there that might excite me career wise and might light me, light my soul on fire, you know, like there's something out there that I might be missing. And so I want to have a, a little bit of time to explore that and see like what I want to do next. That's going to be exciting to me.
- [46:16]
A
I think that's amazing. So yeah, in terms of growing up basically on the Internet, you have presented a very like PC brand and no sex. No, like we don't even know. Like has Emma Chamberlain ever had sex? Has she ever kissed a boy? Has she ever gift, like we don't know.
- [46:39]
B
Right.
- [46:40]
A
How has people's fascination with your sexuality affected your sexuality?
- [46:50]
B
Yeah, it's really interesting because I always, I, I struggled with my sexual identity growing up as well because as I mentioned earlier, like, I was just a late bloomer and I just also wasn't like an ultra feminine girl. And I've never been like a super stereotypically feminine woman, but yet like I, I am a straight woman. Like that's what I am. But like no one ever like I've always gotten like for that, you know, and people have growing up too, you know, like people being like, that's not true. And I'm like, you guys like, why? And, and I mean, listen, like, I don't ever want to complain. Like sexuality is such a tough and like intimate and emotion filled subject that like I don't want to complain about people like, you know, questioning my sexuality because I know it can be so much worse and so much more complex. So I don't want to sound like I'm complaining, but at the time I was like, you know, people, like, I remember my ex boyfriend was like, we were dating and like one of his friends like was like, dude, like she doesn't actually like you. Like she, I don't think she actually likes you. Like she's, I think she likes girls. Like, I don't think she likes you. And then he came to me and told me that and I was like, why the fuck would you say that? Like just why the fuck would you say that? Like, why are you Assuming that, like, cuz that's not true and if it was true, so fucking be it. But like, why is this? Like why are people speculating? Like I'm like, I'm dating it.
- [48:30]
A
Like why do you think he thought that?
- [48:33]
B
So he actually told my ex boyfriend why he thought this and it was because I didn't wear makeup and I did and I wore sweatpants a lot. So all of a sudden now I'm like not allowed to like boys. I was like, shut.
- [48:45]
A
Like, right?
- [48:46]
B
Holy fuck. I mean, seriously, like just stupid. And I mean, I've always thought like, I mean, I get it, we're humans. Like we're curious about other humans. And so I don't think it's like, I don't think there's anything wrong with within the privacy of your own mind to look at somebody else and be like, I wonder this, this or that about their sexuality. If you do that within the safety of your own mind, totally fine, sure. But don't go to my boyfriend and be like, dude, like I think you're barking up the wrong tree here. Like, that's so fucking rude.
- [49:17]
A
Did that affect your relationship then with your boyfriend in terms of psychologically for you? Was it always?
- [49:22]
B
I was like, well, all of a sudden now I feel like I need to start being like not myself. Like this is me, right? You know what I mean? This is just who I am.
- [49:31]
A
Like trying to prove now you're straight. Like, no, I do like guys. I do like you.
- [49:35]
B
And I'm like, why the fuck should I have to prove that anyway? Nobody should ever have to prove shit about never. It's like, it's so incredibly nobody's business. Which is, I think why like I've always kind of been afraid of getting into it is just because I'm like. Sexuality is also something that has ebbs and flows too. Like some moments you're like, oh my God, I'm on it like a roll. I'm just like hooking up with everybody and like I just. Whatever. And sometimes you're like, I literally can't remember the last time I felt like any kind of excitement about anything sexually. Like there's so many moments, things are constantly evolving there. But I also think that I'm just not somebody where. Actually, let me rephrase. Because I was a very late developer as a young person and because I didn't get any attention from guys really for my appearance, I definitely like became used to getting attention from what I was talking about and like what I was and how I was behaving and like, that was what I started to lean into more because I was like, well, people don't. I don't have boobies. So, like, nobody's looking at me for my boobies. So, you know, I have to figure out some other way to get attention. And so that kind of became muscle memory where I was like, well, now I just feel like nobody's ever looking at me and is like, looking at me in a sexual way. So in order to, like, get attention, I just have to, like, utilize my personality and then hope that, like, through that somebody will be able to be attracted to me in a more sexual way. Like, if they maybe like, like me personality wise. So that's kind of what I became used to. But it always made me feel shitty because I was like, I just don't think guys are looking at me and are like, looking at me in a sexual way ever. And that fucked with me because I was like, but. But why? Like, you know what I mean? I was like, this sucks. And even now that I'm older and like, I like, my boob has grown, like, maybe like this much, like, like a tiny, little, little, tiny bit. But now that I'm older, you know, it's like, even though, like, that's not really as much of an issue anymore, it's still. There's a little trauma there, you know, where in the back of my head. I'm like, number one. I remember people always not believing that I was like, that I was somebody who preferred dating men, which, like, fucked with me. But then also, like, I like, have memories of like, just guys not being attracted to me physically. And then on top of that, like, I'm also just not a super outwardly sexual person. Like, I never present myself in a very outwardly sexual way. I'm just not comfortable doing that. And I don't have. There's nothing wrong with doing that. I just. It's never felt right to me. And I've always felt like, well, because I'm not an outwardly sexual person, like, does that make me less attractive to. In some ways? You know what I mean? So. But like, that's just. It's so interesting though, because the perception of me is, is so interesting for me to, like, watch. Like, people are like, I've seen comments that are just like, there's just no way, like, Emma's ever had sex. And I get it, but I get it. But then that fucks with me because I'm like, I get why they think that. So it like, creeps me out. You Know what I mean?
- [53:22]
A
I will admit I'm a tomboy and I have been my whole life. And so my brand is weird because I was so over sexualizing myself totally that I felt imposter syndrome sometimes where I'm like, that's not actually the full truth. Like, I don't, I'm not incredible in bed every night. That's the truth. Some days I'm really tired and like. And so for me it was like weird to acknowledge that. But for you, do you ever find yourself like pushing yourself to try to be more feminine so that you feel something? Like, does that make sense?
- [53:55]
B
A thousand percent. I, I mean my like experiences in. Throughout my life actually I haven't had like a lot of one off experiences. Like I've mainly just been in relationships, which I think was good and bad. You know what I mean? Well, I think. Okay, I would say when it came to like any experience I've ever had in my life where it's been like a sort of one time thing which hasn't actually happened a lot, but every time that it has, I feel like I've been able to kind of play a game where maybe I'm being a little bit more feminine because it's like, it's just fun. Like, it's just fun. It's like I can just like be whatever the fuck I want right now.
- [54:44]
A
And it's like a fake confidence you give yourself.
- [54:46]
B
Yes.
- [54:46]
A
Acting it out, you're like, I can be this way. I am.
- [54:49]
B
You can't do that in a relationship. No, because the fucking, the colors come out far too quick. So like, I've never really been able to like play that game in a relationship. I definitely have done that in the few times that I've like. Again like, so it's happened, but never in relationships. But I found that in past relationships I didn't feel as respected by guys that I've dated in the past just because I feel like they kind of. Well, especially like one relationship in particular. But it was just like, I just felt like, you know, he was very critical of the fact that I like maybe wasn't a super feminine girl. And like sometimes he was like, oh, it's actually super cool and chill. And then sometimes he was like, he was like, like, if I had like put on jeans and come over, he would be like, oh my God. Like you finally like put effort in. Like that's crazy. Like it was like.
- [55:42]
A
And you're like.
- [55:43]
B
And I'm like, dude, shut the. Like I'm like. Or you know, if I would be wearing makeup or whatever. It would be like, a big deal. And, like, it would be like, oh, my God, you're wearing makeup. Like, whoa. You know what I mean? Or like. Or like, you should wear heels tonight. And I'm like, what the are you talking about? Like, I'm like, no. Like, I felt like I wasn't enough.
- [56:03]
A
Yeah.
- [56:03]
B
In. In, like, the areas that I was feminine weren't enough. So I felt like, you know, there was an effort to, like, make me more feminine, to fit what they wanted, which is like, again, it's like, we were kids. We were. All my relationships happen, you know, at such young ages that it's like, of course there's going to be, like, that.
- [56:20]
A
Yeah.
- [56:21]
B
But I would say I'm fully comfortable now in, like, what areas I'm more feminine and what areas I'm more masculine because I simply just getting into a relationship where my masculine and feminine traits are appreciated. But also, like, you know, dating somebody who, like, just doesn't care about that shit and is just, like, enjoys people for, like, being a person like that, it's like, in less about, like. And also it's, like, kind of similar to me in the sense where, like, maybe not the super traditional, super masculine, super feminine, like, that's not playing any roles in our relationship.
- [57:04]
A
Yeah.
- [57:04]
B
You know, so.
- [57:05]
A
And that's what it is. Is, like, anyone listening? Like, sometimes it just takes finding the right partner that you don't need to change yourself.
- [57:12]
B
No.
- [57:12]
A
You just need to find someone that, like, aligns with making you feel like you can be 100% authentically yourself around them. And when you do that, it's a. It's a beautiful place to be in.
- [57:23]
B
It really is.
- [57:37]
A
So this is. Call her Daddy.
- [57:40]
B
Yes, I have had sex. Alex.
- [57:44]
A
Can you tell me. Would. Can you tell me when you lost your virginity or no.
- [57:47]
B
Yeah.
- [57:48]
A
Okay.
- [57:48]
B
I was. I've never talked about this on the Internet. This is so fun. This is.
- [57:53]
A
Call her Daddy and I'll get roasted.
- [57:54]
B
I also, like, in my personal life, I talk about sex all the time. That's why it's so fucking weird for me that I never talk about it. Like, I'm not, like, I talk about it all the time, so it's like, not.
- [58:07]
A
And you're not saying in your show. You just mean in real life.
- [58:10]
B
Yeah, like, in real life, I'm. I am. Like, I talk about it all the time.
- [58:14]
A
Weird thing, that time you were talking about it with me. Yeah. Not saying, like, even just sex. She's not like, Emma's not Like a nympho.
- [58:20]
B
Like, I have so much sex, you guys, right?
- [58:22]
A
But, like, it. I was surprised. I remember on that zoom, how naturally you discussed just like, oh, yeah. Like, I loved that. Like, I've listened to your show and I like. And I was like, oh, shit. I had no fucking idea. Your brand is very specific. And it's not that you're avoiding it. It's just. It's not talked about.
- [58:40]
B
Well, that's the thing. It's like, if something's not talked about, then how are you supposed to, like, know how someone. Where someone stands on a topic and it's interesting because. Yeah, I just, like. It's so bizarre to, like, talk about it, but it's also kind of fun, okay. Because I feel like I'm old enough now. Like, I'm finally old enough where I get to talk about it.
- [58:57]
A
It's like the Disney Channel effect. It was like when Miley Cyrus was like, I have to go to the such extreme and go, like, dance on a pole. Because, like, everyone sees me as a baby and I need them to not see me as that.
- [59:06]
B
Meanwhile, she was like, probably, like, fucking smoking weed on set of Montana.
- [59:10]
A
Yeah.
- [59:10]
B
You know what I'm saying? Like, there's. There's so many things that, like, the.
- [59:15]
A
Perceptions can pigeonhole you and it. And then it does affect your identity. And so I can feel you being like, hey, guys, like, I'm 20. Yeah, I can say I've had sex before. Yeah, that's okay. Even though your publicist may be like, don't say that.
- [59:30]
B
I don't think. But also, like, I. Yeah, okay, so. Oh, yeah. Oh, I was 17.
- [59:38]
A
Great age.
- [59:38]
B
It was actually a really not bad experience. Experience. Like, it was with a guy that I was, like, seeing at the time that I was pretty comfortable with. And, I mean, he was definitely, like. You know, he had had sex lots of times, and I obviously hadn't, but he was, like, great. He, like, really, like. I don't know. It was just like. It was one of the most jarring experiences for me, though, in my entire life because it was one of those things where it was something I just, like, never believed was possible for myself. Because I, you know, growing up, I had these experiences of people, like, you know, doubting my sexuality. You know, I even had moments where, like, I was kind of, like, I don't even know if I like anyone. Like, I went through phases where I was like, I feel nothing towards anyone. And, like, I don't even know if, like, I'm ever gonna, like, somebody Enough to, you know, let them in like that. And. And I also was like, I don't feel like anybody wants to do this with me, you know? Like, I've never been. Nobody's ever looked at me in a sexual way before, at least to my face. So, like, I don't think that this is possible. Yeah. And so when it was happening, I was like, oh, it was so. It was. I was like, this is just, like. Feels like everything's, like, shifting in my life, you know? Because I was like, damn, this is like a new chapter. And I felt I had weirdly, like, imposter syndrome with it, right? Because I was like, I don't feel like. I'm like, are you sure that you want to do this? I'm like, nobody ever wanted to do this, so I don't know why you want to do this. And also, I had a huge crush on this guy at the time. So, like, you know, it was even more crazy for me. And in retrospect, I can look back and be like, no. Like, I. I get, like, it. I was being hard on myself, and I didn't need to be like that. But it. I mean, it hurt really bad. That's all.
- [61:35]
A
Dude. I don't. No one should ever be. Like, my first time was incredible. Like, no, it was so awful.
- [61:42]
B
We didn't even have sex, right? You're like.
- [61:44]
A
It's like. It's like a movement, and then you're like, all right, we did it. Because it's like one you. No one has.
- [61:48]
B
It doesn't.
- [61:48]
A
You're not gonna have an orgasm. Yeah, it's not gonna fit. You're. You're not experienced. You don't know you're supposed to be doing. You don't know you're supposed to be feeling. It's almost like, let me just get through this. Not in, like, a creepy way. It's more just like, no one's going to be relaxed and chill.
- [62:00]
B
It doesn't get fun until you're, like, older. Older, yes. And even, like, then, like, there's always more to learn.
- [62:09]
A
Always. And really, I think the weird thing is, is, like, the. As I've learned through my show is, like, it really starts with yourself. And a lot of people don't feel comfortable starting sexually with themselves until you get a little bit older, right? Because there's, like, a lot of weird shame. And especially if you haven't felt this, like, feminine sexual energy, you're so in your head that to even, like, be by yourself and masturbating, you're Already thinking outside of your body.
- [62:34]
B
Yes.
- [62:35]
A
About how I'm not sexual. This is weird. What am I? And you get in your head.
- [62:39]
B
Well, you also are, like. It's so true. I mean, I've had moments, like, on a personal level, but also, like, with other people. Like, when I'm, you know, like, where I've just been. I. I've gotten into my head and been, like, almost embarrassed where I'm like, you are not. Stop, like, stop being like, like, stop faking it.
- [63:03]
A
Like, you're on top and you're like, I'm. This isn't. This doesn't feel genuine.
- [63:07]
B
Like, I literally. I'm like, this is not. It feels like out of character. Yes. And it doesn't feel like it aligns with me. And, like.
- [63:17]
A
And you want to do.
- [63:18]
B
I hate going on top because I. I'm like, I don't want to have to fucking think about me. No.
- [63:22]
A
But I think. I think it's okay to say in terms of, like, sexually, it's hard, especially growing up where. There. I mean, I will admit, like, my show, as much as it probably gave women confidence, it also probably drew a big hole in people's sex lives. Being like, wait, I don't do that. And like, I. I've never. And then it's in. You get insecure.
- [63:43]
B
Totally.
- [63:43]
A
And again, porn and everything makes you feel like you've got to be this, like, sexual deviant.
- [63:48]
B
Yeah.
- [63:48]
A
And so when you're like, again, like a position, like, on top, eyes are on you, and you're like, okay. So I know I'm supposed to start, like, moaning and then, like, I should, like, throw my head back and like. But naturally, right now, like, I feel a little out of body imposter syndrome of, like, I don't feel. Feel that yet. And it's so. It's weird.
- [64:06]
B
But also, like, if you're like. For me, personally, I'm not, like, I don't, like, want to. It doesn't excite me to, like, do crazy necessarily. I just don't. But it's like, people are very judgmental about if you're like, I'm not. I don't. Like, I listen. It's not like I'm not a sexual person. There's definitely that side of me. But I also am, like, not a super sexual person. And, like, there are times when I'm like, I don't. It doesn't need to be this, like, whole crazy thing. Like, it's just. It just is what it is. And, like, I don't feel like I Don't want to perform. I don't want to. It just. And I think that the expectation to perform might actually end up being detrimental too at times because you're like. It's all about like figuring out what the vibe is. And like, if you're just like, well, the vibe doesn't feel like making really loud sounds right now. But I'm just going to do it anyway. Cuz I saw it in porn yesterday.
- [65:03]
A
And then you get a pattern and.
- [65:04]
B
You know what you know. But then it's like kind of like. But then it takes away from the intimacy of it.
- [65:08]
A
Yeah.
- [65:08]
B
You should just disappear and like not think.
- [65:11]
A
Yes.
- [65:11]
B
And like let it happen.
- [65:12]
A
Yeah.
- [65:12]
B
And that's it. You just have to get out of your way.
- [65:15]
A
I will also say to like, I think when what you're saying is the majority and the norm and, and. But people publicly don't admit that.
- [65:25]
B
I know.
- [65:26]
A
And so it's like, let's just say it.
- [65:27]
B
I will admit that I, like, will enjoy like it. Okay. I know you're gonna hate what I was just about to say, so I'm not gonna say it. Wait, but should I say it anyways? What? And then I'll cut it out on Call Her Daddy. I will admit that I enjoy vanilla sex.
- [65:43]
A
I think that's okay. Like, you're not trying to, like, you're not boring sex. Like you're not trying to like swing from the. I think that's totally fine.
- [65:51]
B
What's wrong with like, like, like a.
- [65:54]
A
Good missionary and then like one other position.
- [65:56]
B
Go to bed. What is wrong with you? I don't need to like literally do a helicopter background. Right. Flip all over. I don't want to do that. I also like feel like, like, I mean, listen. Okay. Yeah. There's moments when you can be crazy. There's moments when you can be fun. I get it. That's like once in a blue moon. In reality. It doesn't need to be like that.
- [66:19]
A
And I think it's also like, I'm thinking about like the sex I was having at 20. Like, I'm excited for you because it's like in. At 20, I was faking things and I was performing and I knew like, I. It was. It was all a game to me because I was like, if I do this and he'll be obsessed with me. And then blah, blah, blah. And it was all right. It kind of all corresponded to like a bigger goal of mine. Not just like the immediate bedroom. But I do think as you get older and again, as you get to know yourself sexually, you begin to, like, actually find things that you know you like. And then it's not even about vanilla sex. It's, like, what works for you. You can start to implement in the bedroom, and it's not like you're faking it, but you have to actually find those things by yourself. Okay, let's move on. Kate's like, I'm gonna. What gives you the ick? I'm gonna do. Come some rapid fire, and then we're done. I know. This is going so long. We need to go.
- [67:08]
B
We can't really go for six.
- [67:10]
A
No, I know.
- [67:11]
B
Actually, like, wool is not. But I like what she said because I think girls need to.
- [67:15]
A
I like that.
- [67:16]
B
I agree.
- [67:16]
A
Dude. I think that also, like, is. Is really. Yeah, it's, like, real, and it's not, like, jarring. I thought you were gonna say something crazier. Then I was like, oh, that's a good answer.
- [67:24]
B
Emma loves anal. I'm kidding.
- [67:28]
A
Promo of it. Okay, I'm gonna go rapid fire, and then we're done.
- [67:32]
B
I'm ready.
- [67:33]
A
What gives you the ick?
- [67:37]
B
With guys or in general?
- [67:39]
A
Oh, both.
- [67:40]
B
Okay. With guys, I get the ick. When Just, like, any kind of, like, cockiness and bragging and, like, trying to, like, signal that they're, like, successful to me. This is not rapid fire with me. Nothing will ever be rapid fire with me. I'm so sorry. Being cocky. And honestly, when people, like, just have bad taste in, like, clothing and fashion, I feel.
- [68:04]
A
Not that I know around Emma right now. Stop with my outfit. I'm like.
- [68:08]
B
I'm not saying, like, if there's, like, a certain, like. But they're, like, braggy about it, so, like, Got it. Being cocky about, like, having bad taste, that's really icky to me. It makes me have the ick every time.
- [68:20]
A
Is that you?
- [68:21]
B
That's not you. You. You're always hot.
- [68:25]
A
You always, like, you don't.
- [68:26]
B
You're not allowed.
- [68:27]
A
So anyone wondering who we're talking to? It's our mutual publicist on the right side who's been crying this entire.
- [68:32]
B
And who's also so gorgeous.
- [68:34]
A
So gorgeous and so perfect.
- [68:36]
B
The hottest.
- [68:38]
A
She's a full sweat outfit on with heels.
- [68:40]
B
Like, no, I think.
- [68:41]
A
Yeah, they're, like, flared sweatpants.
- [68:43]
B
No. She genuinely is slaying, and nobody can tell anyways.
- [68:46]
A
Okay. Have you ever been cheated on? You know, Emma, you're like, it can never be short.
- [68:53]
B
It can never be short. Not technically, but, like, I've been in situations where it was maybe not right for People to be going out, and they did. Fair, you know?
- [69:03]
A
Have you ever cheated on someone?
- [69:04]
B
No.
- [69:05]
A
What is the longest relationship you've ever been in?
- [69:10]
B
A year and, like, 10 months.
- [69:16]
A
Is that the one you're in right now?
- [69:18]
B
I will not say.
- [69:19]
A
Okay, fine. Better question after that. Do you own a vibrator?
- [69:23]
B
Yes.
- [69:24]
A
I have one downstairs. It's in a box.
- [69:26]
B
I got one when I was, like, 17.
- [69:28]
A
That's amazing. Who got. Who told you to get it? You just got it yourself.
- [69:31]
B
It was somebody I was talking to at the time.
- [69:33]
A
Okay. What is the most hurtful thing someone has done to you in a relationship?
- [69:38]
B
Ah, I would say, like, just, like, not be supportive of, like, things that I was doing. Like, simple things, like, work stuff, what I decided to order on a menu. Like, just, like, being in a relationship where somebody was constantly disapproving of every little thing I was doing and, like, being genuinely mean about it.
- [70:00]
A
Good answer. How is the relationship you're in now different from previous experiences with partners?
- [70:06]
B
It's. I mean, so many. Everything about it. I mean, obviously being, like, best friends with your significant other is the best fucking thing ever. And I don't think that that's ever been true. Prior also, like, just the most, like. Like, incredible. I. I can't even. It's just like. It's almost like when you're in a good relationship, it's like you found somebody that's, like, a missing piece.
- [70:37]
A
Yeah.
- [70:38]
B
And, like, they just have all the things that you wish you had, and you learn from them, and they learn from you, and they treat you with respect, and there's a mutual respect. And it's like all these things, and it's like, also your best friend. And then it all comes together and you're like, I don't have any complaints. And I don't know how that's possible. You know?
- [70:56]
A
Could you share? What do you argue about in this relationship? Not a lot.
- [71:05]
B
We don't argue.
- [71:07]
A
Can I ask you how you guys met through the Internet? Why do you think fans have become so invested with gaining access and insight into your dating life?
- [71:17]
B
I think that, like, even for me, like, as a consumer of the Internet, like, things are interesting when there's mystery around them. And because I don't ever confirm or deny anything, that's why I think it's so interesting. It's almost like if I were to share it, it would become possibly less interesting. But the problem is that I want to protect the people that I'm dating or the people that I'm, like, even Just lightly talking to or the people that I'm hooking up with, like, whoever it is, at whatever given moment, like, even at whatever st. Age it's at, I want to give them complete privacy, and I don't want my life to, like, affect them.
- [71:59]
A
Do. Are you frustrated when you do see like, if, like, God forbid, like, a paparazzi thing comes out of you, like, how does that make you feel?
- [72:07]
B
I mean, for me, personally, I'm like, I don't care. Like, I mean, I. It's more like I'm concerned about how it affects them. And. And I don't ever want to, like, lose an opportunity to, like, have a good connection with somebody because my life style creates them stress. Right? And that's something I've, like, worried about in, like, relationships that I've been in that have been positive. I'm like, I just, like, am scared that this is going to get out because I don't want them to feel violated. And, like, they didn't sign up for this. Like, you know what I mean? And so that's why I keep it private. But also, if things come out or things are speculated about, most of the time, people that I've been with are people that I haven't been with, where it's been speculation, and they're like, this is silly. Right? But I just decided to talk about none of it because I'm like, if it's true or it's not, it doesn't fucking matter. Because if I chime in about stuff when it's not true, then that means everything. I don't chime in about smart. I just leave it all to the imagination. And honestly, it's kind of fun to see. It's kind of fun to see, like, what people assume. So, yeah.
- [73:07]
A
Okay. Wrapping up in 30, 40 years. What do you hope people say about Emma Chamberlain?
- [73:16]
B
I would hope that people would say that in one way or another, like, something that I said, something that I shared made them feel inspired or made them feel comforted in some way. Like, that's my main goal, is I want people to feel comfortable and heard by listening to me, but also kind of, like, safe in a way, too.
- [73:45]
A
Emma Chamberlain. Thank you for Alex.
- [73:47]
B
Killer Daddy. We did it.
- [73:49]
A
We finally. Dude, it's been a long time.
- [73:52]
B
I'm sweating, dude.
- [73:53]
A
I am dehydrated. My legs are cramping.
- [73:56]
B
We're a mess.
- [73:57]
A
You look great.
- [73:58]
B
I'm literally. Well, I mean, that was. This has just opened up a whole new chapter for me.
- [74:02]
A
Hours and 42 minutes. This is gonna be another two part series.
- [74:05]
B
I wait. We needed this, though. I could have kept going.
- [74:09]
A
I do feel. Yeah, it was like therapeutic.
- [74:10]
B
Yeah. We need great work. Thank you, Alex. Thank you for having me. That.