Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)

Fri Dec 27 2024

Janelle Monáe joins Call Her Daddy to discuss her personal evolution and the work required to reach her own age of pleasure. Addressing past rejection and trauma from her father's instability, she opens up about how these struggles impacted her personal relationships and how she found herself closed off to love. Janelle and Alex reflect on lessons learned from failed relationships and share why we should actually be going back and thanking our exes. Janelle speaks about her experience being in polyamorous relationships and her choice to openly talk about her sexuality despite coming from a religious family. Janelle and Alex discuss what it means if a partner refuses to post you on social media and debate whether this is actually a red flag. Janelle speaks about the inspiration for her new album, The Age of Pleasure, and what this phase of life means to her. For the game mentioned in the episode look for: Real Talk: 110 Relationship Questions You Should Only Ask Your Friends by Amil...

Summary

Podcast Summary: Call Her Daddy Episode: Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF) Release Date: December 27, 2024 Host: Alex Cooper Guest: Janelle Monáe

Introduction

In this captivating episode of Call Her Daddy, host Alex Cooper welcomes the multifaceted artist Janelle Monáe. The conversation delves deep into Janelle's personal journey, her latest project, and her insights on relationships, healing, and embracing one's true self. Skipping over the initial advertisements and introductions, the episode quickly immerses listeners into a meaningful dialogue that offers valuable takeaways for anyone navigating personal growth and relationships.

Janelle Monáe's New Album: Age of Pleasure

[08:39]
Janelle Monáe introduces her latest project, Age of Pleasure, describing it not just as an album but as a "soundtrack to a lifestyle." She emphasizes that the creation of this project was deeply personal, crafted for her friends and herself. The album represents a shift from her previous works that focused more on themes of fear and anxiety to one that centers on pleasure, safety, and living authentically.

Janelle Monáe: "I wrote this project for my friends and for me, and I was just like, if we fuck with it, that's all I care about."

[10:16]
Monáe discusses the confidence it took to share her work publicly, highlighting the vulnerability involved in presenting something so personal.

Janelle Monáe: "If you don't like my stuff, that could go down to the root of an issue that you just need to fix."

Personal Growth and Healing from Trauma

[15:53]
Janelle opens up about her journey of healing from childhood trauma related to her father's struggle with addiction and periods of absence. This experience shaped her understanding of trust and forgiveness.

Janelle Monáe: "I had to forgive my dad. I was like, I have to forgive you. You were struggling with drug addiction."

[25:34]
Monáe shares her profound experience of thanking an ex-partner for inadvertently pushing her to confront and heal her abandonment issues, transforming resentment into gratitude.

Janelle Monáe: "I thanked them. I said, thank you so much. Like, I was really walking around here hurt, and you forced me to deal with something that I was not going to deal with."

[25:34]
She emphasizes the importance of therapy in her healing process, advocating for accessible mental health support for everyone.

Janelle Monáe: "I wish everybody could afford therapy. If you can try to get a good therapist, that can help you."

Impact on Personal Relationships

[19:17]
Monáe explains how her childhood trauma affected her romantic relationships, leading to intense breakups and trust issues.

Janelle Monáe: "Breakups were intense because it just mirrored that [childhood abandonment]."

[23:06]
She discusses transforming her approach to relationships by appreciating past relationships for the lessons they provided rather than holding onto resentment.

Janelle Monáe: "I could never talk to this person again... after understanding my trauma, I thanked them instead."

Exploring Polyamory and Modern Relationships

[40:51]
Janelle delves into her experiences with polyamory, highlighting the importance of communication and evolving together in relationships.

Janelle Monáe: "I'm a big communicator. I believe in evolution in partnerships. I'm always open to us growing."

[46:43]
She reflects on societal norms and the challenges of practicing polyamory in a world that often misunderstands it, advocating for education and open-mindedness.

Janelle Monáe: "I have to know that this is my life here on Earth. I wasn't put here to follow every rule. I was put here to help rewrite them."

Maintaining Privacy in Relationships

[35:58]
Monáe discusses her conscious decision to keep her dating life private to protect her partners from public scrutiny and maintain harmony.

Janelle Monáe: "I love protect[ing] and it really is for the protection of them."

[38:02]
She elaborates on the pressures of social media in relationships and stresses the importance of aligning priorities with partners rather than fulfilling societal expectations.

Janelle Monáe: "If my love is defined by a post, you don't post me enough on social media, I really need to understand my own damn priorities."

Embracing Sexuality and Pleasure

[61:23]
Janelle passionately speaks about reclaiming her sexuality and pleasure, advocating for women to embrace their bodies and sexual autonomy without shame.

Janelle Monáe: "I will always just... reclaim my sensuality, my sexuality, my pleasure. Unapologetically."

[65:59]
She shares her perspectives on sexual empowerment, emphasizing the importance of self-pleasure and breaking free from societal shame.

Janelle Monáe: "The only way that I can feel less shame about sex is if I do it with this person. But it's a whole thing. I think you actually avoid. You have less stress when you take matters into your own hands."

Building a Supportive Community

[54:13]
Monáe highlights the significance of finding a supportive community, especially when family or traditional structures may not be affirming.

Janelle Monáe: "Once I felt supported and I felt safe enough, that's when I started to become even more brave."

[53:11]
She underscores the importance of community in affirming one's identity and supporting individual growth.

Janelle Monáe: "You have community that supports you."

Choosing When to Speak Openly About Sexuality

[58:48]
Janelle explains her preference for the term "coming in" over "coming out," framing her openness about her sexuality as inviting others into her world rather than revealing something hidden.

Janelle Monáe: "I'm letting you in on who I am versus, like, you guys are the norm."

[59:48]
She reinforces the idea that sharing one's true self is a personal choice and should be done on one's own terms without obligation.

Janelle Monáe: "I don't owe you anything. When I feel comfortable, I'll let you in."

Conclusion

As the episode wraps up, Janelle Monáe shares her excitement about her upcoming Age of Pleasure tour, highlighting how the album resonates with diverse audiences and emphasizes the importance of finding pleasure and self-love amidst life's chaos.

Janelle Monáe: "You gotta find your pleasure. You have to make time for yourself."

Alex Cooper expresses her gratitude for Janelle's openness and the profound insights she shared, encouraging listeners to embrace their true selves and seek healing and happiness.

Key Takeaways

Healing Through Therapy: Addressing past traumas through professional support is crucial for personal growth.
Gratitude Over Resentment: Transforming negative feelings towards ex-partners can lead to healing and self-improvement.
Authentic Relationships: Open communication and evolving together are essential in polyamorous and modern relationships.
Privacy Matters: Maintaining personal boundaries in relationships can protect partners and foster healthier connections.
Sexual Empowerment: Embracing one's sexuality and pleasure without shame is vital for self-love and empowerment.
Supportive Communities: Building and relying on a supportive network can affirm one's identity and aid in personal development.
Personal Choice in Identity Sharing: Sharing one's true self should be a personal and comfortable choice, free from societal pressure.

Notable Quotes

Janelle Monáe on Creating Age of Pleasure:

"I wrote this project for my friends and for me, and I was just like, if we fuck with it, that's all I care about." [08:39]
On Forgiveness and Healing:

"I had to forgive my dad. I was like, I have to forgive you. You were struggling with drug addiction." [15:53]
On Transforming Resentment into Gratitude:

"I thanked them. I said, thank you so much. Like, I was really walking around here hurt, and you forced me to deal with something that I was not going to deal with." [25:34]
On Embracing Sexuality:

"I will always just... reclaim my sensuality, my sexuality, my pleasure. Unapologetically." [61:23]
On Community Support:

"Once I felt supported and I felt safe enough, that's when I started to become even more brave." [53:11]
On Personal Choice in Identity Sharing:

"I'm letting you in on who I am versus, like, you guys are the norm." [58:48]

This episode of Call Her Daddy offers a profound exploration of Janelle Monáe's artistic vision and her personal journey toward self-acceptance and empowerment. Listeners are encouraged to embrace their true selves, seek support, and prioritize their well-being in relationships and personal growth.