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Call Her Daddy
Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)
01:03:43
Janelle Monáe joins Call Her Daddy to discuss her personal evolution and the work required to reach her own age of pleasure. Addressing past rejection and trauma from her father's instability, she opens up about how these struggles impacted her personal relationships and how she found herself closed off to love. Janelle and Alex reflect on lessons learned from failed relationships and share why we should actually be going back and thanking our exes. Janelle speaks about her experience being in polyamorous relationships and her choice to openly talk about her sexuality despite coming from a religious family. Janelle and Alex discuss what it means if a partner refuses to post you on social media and debate whether this is actually a red flag. Janelle speaks about the inspiration for her new album, The Age of Pleasure, and what this phase of life means to her. For the game mentioned in the episode look for: Real Talk: 110 Relationship Questions You Should Only Ask Your Friends by Amil...
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- [00:01]
Alex Cooper
Hi, Daddy gang, It is your father. I am so excited that CallerDaddy has officially joined the SiriusXM family. I cannot wait to talk to new guests and continue to share my crazy personal stories and experiences with you every single week. If you want to hear new episodes ad free, subscribe to Sirius XM podcasts on Apple Podcasts to start your free trial today. If you dunk Michelle, you could dunk a dunk your way back into the competition.
- [00:31]
Janelle Monae
RuPaul's Drag Race is back only on.
- [00:33]
Alex Cooper
MTV with show stopping celebrity guest judges.
- [00:36]
Janelle Monae
Like Katy Perry, Dochi, Sam Smith, Adam Lambert and more.
- [00:41]
Alex Cooper
The splashiest season in her story is making major waves.
- [00:45]
Janelle Monae
Raider Queen is back. I hold their face in my dainty little hand because wetter is better. RuPaul's Drag Race is back. New season, Friday at 8, 7 Central on MTV.
- [01:00]
Alex Cooper
What is up, Daddy gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper with Call Her Daddy. Janelle Monae, welcome to Call Her Daddy.
- [01:10]
Janelle Monae
Thank you so much for having me.
- [01:12]
Alex Cooper
I'm. First of all, I'm just so excited to meet you. I'm a huge fan of all your work. I was listening to your music on my way here and I'm like, okay, you are giving sexual, sensual, fun party vibes. It gives all the vibes. Your album is amazing. I'm so happy to have you here.
- [01:26]
Janelle Monae
Oh, thank you so much for having me.
- [01:28]
Alex Cooper
Of course.
- [01:29]
Janelle Monae
I'm, I'm a big fan of your show.
- [01:31]
Alex Cooper
Thank you.
- [01:31]
Janelle Monae
Of your experience, rather. So I was really happy when I found out we were going to do this. So thank you. Thank you.
- [01:54]
Alex Cooper
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- [04:37]
Janelle Monae
Oh, please. I'm like, can we all just go on vacation for the whole summer? Come on, everybody, everybody, let's do this. Let's all agree that summers are for vacations paid for by the government.
- [04:53]
Alex Cooper
I love this energy.
- [04:55]
Janelle Monae
Paid for by the government.
- [04:57]
Alex Cooper
Let's we're gonna like manifest it here now because it's like when you were younger, I feel like summers were always vacation because off of school. But when you become an adult, nothing is fun anymore. We're like how we need to go on vacation. Okay, so where were you?
- [05:11]
Janelle Monae
Okay, so I was in Ibiza. Ibiza, Spain. And then I stayed there for probably like five or six days, which was like an experience. Like it is a party place. So we did not go to sleep. I went with like 10 of my other friends and we didn't go to sleep till like 7 in the morning every morning. I can't even say night, right. But it was so fun. It was that, that music. I kind of like ooch ooch. But I need like some hip hop, some something mixed in with it. But, but it so fun. The sunsets are Beautiful. And then the second portion of the vacay was Jamaica. I've never been Ocho Rios. Beautiful people. The food, the chicken patties, the beef patties, the shrimp curry. Oh, the plantains. I had at least 152 plantains.
- [06:07]
Alex Cooper
What?
- [06:08]
Janelle Monae
One by one. Oh, yeah.
- [06:10]
Alex Cooper
I was saying that I'm like, oh, I feel like I'm there with you.
- [06:13]
Janelle Monae
Ah. It was like. It was heaven. So I will say I'm sort of mentally still there.
- [06:18]
Alex Cooper
It's okay. We can keep it chill. We're on vacation. This is summer. Like, we're just gonna relax today.
- [06:24]
Janelle Monae
Okay, let's relax. And it's so interesting that you say, like, as kids growing up, it just reminded me, like, yeah, I didn't take vacations as a kid. Okay. I think that's why I'm so adamant about it now. I didn't. You know, my parents worked a lot, and. And we didn't get the opportunity to go outside of Kansas, so I didn't take my first vacation until really my first album came out.
- [06:47]
Alex Cooper
And now you're like, I deserve this.
- [06:50]
Janelle Monae
I'm making up for lost time.
- [06:51]
Alex Cooper
As you should. That's phenomenal. I feel like when I go on trips with my friends, there's someone in the friend group that's like the planner. That's like the reservations and the itinerary person. And then there's people that are more like, chill and just going with the flow. Who are you in the friend group?
- [07:05]
Janelle Monae
Oh, my God. I'm the one actually sending out the group texts. Like, dinner. I could be at the club. It could be 4 in the morning. I'm like, lunch is going to be served at 2pm Breakfast for anybody between 9 and noon. Dinner's gonna be at 8. Like, I love making the itineraries. I'm that friend.
- [07:27]
Alex Cooper
You're the dream, though.
- [07:28]
Janelle Monae
I'm. I'm. Yeah. Like, people are like, janelle, why are you doing. And I just. I don't know. I just love curating experiences.
- [07:35]
Alex Cooper
Yeah.
- [07:35]
Janelle Monae
I grew up actually throwing parties with my best friends. Middle school, sixth grade, seventh grade. We would rent out this location in one of our friends neighborhoods, this little white building. And we would charge people a dollar to get in. And I would hide in the bathroom because I didn't know who was going to come. I had so much anxiety around it. And then once it would get packed, my friends would come underneath the stall because I locked myself in the bathroom. They'd be like, it's Pat. Come out, come out, get out, get out, get out. And so I've just always loved curating experiences for people.
- [08:13]
Alex Cooper
I. I mean, I think that's a, like a great trait and quality to have. Like, I feel like that makes a lot of sense of, like. What I wanted to talk to you about today is obviously your new album, the Age of Pleasure is out. And I was, while I was listening to it, I'm like, you have so such a specific great vibe that's like, very infectious, which I love. And I'm curious, like, are you currently in your age of pleasure? Have you always been like, and what is age of pleasure to you?
- [08:39]
Janelle Monae
Oh, that's a great question. I wasn't always in my age of pleasure. I've been in an age of fear, age of anxiety, age of just worry, a fight, you know, fighting back against systems that seek to oppress folks like myself and the people that I love and centering that. And with this album, which I actually don't even call an album, I say that it is a soundtrack to a lifestyle. It's a lifestyle. You know, we live this. I wrote this project for my friends and for me, and I was just like, if we fuck with it, that's all I care about. So I would throw parties at my house with my friends who owned this party collective called Everyday People. And if I knew we were going to be having and hosting them on a Saturday, that Monday or Tuesday, we would go into the studio and we would write like two to three songs that would work in the DJs playlist. I wouldn't tell anybody it was me. I would not, like, make a big thing about it. And I would be very nervous, like, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. Are people going to sit down? Because if people sat down, it was not going to go on the album. If people were not shazaming, it wasn't going on the album. And so every song that you hear, all of my friends, all of the people who were with us celebrating in this safe space, they are responsible for the songs making the album.
- [10:17]
Alex Cooper
That takes a lot of confidence, but also just like self awareness to be like, I'm gonna play my friends my songs. They're gonna have no idea it's me and watch. Let's see if they vibe with it. So, like, every single, because I was thinking, I. When I was listening to Champagne, I was like, okay, like, this is a vibe. Like, I would listen to this, like, getting ready with my flight friends, like, getting ready to go out, like, but then I'm all. I'm wondering, like, so you're Sitting there, being like, do they like it? Do they like it? And then you're like, check, that's going on the soundtrack.
- [10:47]
Janelle Monae
Yep. I'm like, how do people move? Okay, what? Or I saw some people shazaming. And then some people be like, wait, is this. But I never would confirm. I would go hide and be like, you know, having somebody else tell me what's going on. But, yeah, like, it's. It's. As an artist presenting anything before the world gets it. Like, for that first time, I talked a lot of my artist friends, and we're all like. It is one of the most, like, scary things ever. Scary feelings to have, because it comes from such a pure place when we create, and for it not to be accepted, you don't know. You know, you take it. But for me, I got. I was like, I'm ready. I'm okay. I had to heal some, you know, because. Because some of that is attached to just rejection issues, abandonment issues. Like, people don't like my stuff. That could go down to the root of an issue that you just need to fix. And I definitely used a portion of this pandemic to sort of work on that and to get to my own traumas that I had to heal and to get to a place to where I was like, wait. I've been really centering fighting so much that I don't even know what my life is like outside of that. Who am I? You know, I taught. I, like, who am I outside of the fight? You know, who am I? And so I had to sit with myself and ask myself, and, you know, when I think about the word pleasure, there is no pleasure without feeling safe. I didn't always feel safe.
- [12:17]
Alex Cooper
That's.
- [12:17]
Janelle Monae
So.
- [12:18]
Alex Cooper
I appreciate you sharing that, because I won. Can relate in terms of, like, putting something creatively out there and being extremely nervous to see, obviously, like, are people gonna like it on top of that, obviously, you infusing parts of you with your sexuality and race and growing up and your experiences, like, that's like, a really vulnerable moment to be infusing something into a work of art and then, like, fingers crossed, hoping people like it. You kind of have to slowly be really good with yourself to be able to know, like, sure, I can, like, perfect my craft a little bit more, but down to the core, like, if people don't like it, I'm still going to be okay with myself. And that must take time, though.
- [13:00]
Janelle Monae
Exactly. It does. It takes a lot of unlearning. Yeah, it takes a lot of. With yourself, you know, and And. And, like, I have to say, like, you have to be like, I. With me, you know? Yeah. Okay. Somebody doesn't like a song that I made, but that doesn't make me a bad songwriter.
- [13:24]
Alex Cooper
Yeah.
- [13:24]
Janelle Monae
That doesn't make me a bad artist. That doesn't mean that I should just throw away my whole career. You know, it. And you have to just understand that sometimes we're not always in the same space that we can take in.
- [13:38]
Alex Cooper
Yeah.
- [13:38]
Janelle Monae
You know, take in the message or the energy that an artist is trying to put out. And there's nothing wrong with that. It's just like, okay, this didn't resonate with you. Okay. But I don't give you that power over me. You're not more powerful. Your thoughts about my art are not more powerful than my thoughts about my art.
- [14:00]
Alex Cooper
Yeah. It's so real what you're saying, too, because even when I was listening to you say, like, I was fighting for so much of my life, like, and when am I gonna get out of this stage? That's also the beauty of art is, like, it will come to it when you're ready. Like, your music would have sounded so different in your fighting stages versus now when you're like, I love myself. I'm more clear on who I am. I'm more secure in certain things that were, like, eating me alive maybe when I was younger and going through it. And you can tell, like, this album, I like it makes you smile. It makes you feel yourself. It makes you just, like, want to live. And I. I don't know if that sounds corny, but, like.
- [14:38]
Janelle Monae
No, it's facts.
- [14:40]
Alex Cooper
No, it's really beautiful.
- [14:41]
Janelle Monae
Thank you. Really, really sharing.
- [14:42]
Alex Cooper
Yeah. Every moment of your soundtrack felt very thoughtful and. And put together, and it is a story. So I just. I'm a creative person, so I just let you know I really respect you, and it's great.
- [14:54]
Janelle Monae
Thank you. You know, I. I wanted to focus on feeling too. You know, I think feeling is what music gives us. It makes us feel. It makes us want to dance, it makes us want to party, it makes us want to cry, makes us want to feel ourselves and feel sexy, have sex, all those things is such a powerful energy. And the fact that it's a feeling that I had that I felt like, man, this is. This makes me feel good. Knowing that that makes you feel. And we are just meeting each other. That's such. I think that's such a beautiful exchange. So thank you so much.
- [15:29]
Alex Cooper
Of course. It's interesting you kind of mentioned this earlier, and I want to Talk about it. I know you've talked about going to therapy and working on yourself, and I know you're at a great place in your life and, you know, the age of play, pleasure. But let's go back a little bit. What is the biggest part of yourself you had to heal in order to be who you are Sitting here today.
- [15:53]
Janelle Monae
Oh, wow. You know, one of the things that I had to do was again, deal with my rejection and abandon. Abandonment, sort of trauma. Where did that start from? You know, my dad and I, who were like this now, we're super close, but my dad struggled with addiction growing up, and so he was in and out of my life. And so there were just times where I didn't know if he was really going to come and pick me up. You know, I just. The trust wasn't there. I felt let down. There were, you know, moments that. That. That happened all the way up into, you know, high school and other things that happened. So I had to go back to those times that were painful, that. Those times that I just had to forgive my dad. I was like, I have to forgive you. You were struggling with drug addiction. You were not the best version of yourself. And now that you are, we get to make up for that. We get to make up for that time. And as I healed that and I talked to him about it, a lot changed for me as I forgave him. I forgave my own self for spending so many years, you know, in that dark space and connecting that to my art. You know, if. If I thought that I had done something wrong, you know, why wasn't he showing up for me? And so when you go and you in. In the back of your head or thinking that you're doing something wrong, that your own dad isn't around, if, in your art, you feel like people are not liking what it is that you're doing or they're judging you or whatever. It's so all. It's intertwined. You know, the feeling of, like, them leaving you, like your dad left you. You never want to feel that. And so I had to get to a place where I was. I understood what that was, and I had to let go. And I had to be okay with knowing that there's nothing wrong with me. If. If. If folks don't want to come to my party. Yeah. You know, even me hiding in the bathroom, they don't. They didn't want to come to my party. Okay. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with me. My dad. It wasn't nothing Wrong. Wrong with me. While my dad wasn't around, he was struggling, he was battling. And people are battling so many things. People are into different things that perhaps what you're, you're doing doesn't necessarily align with it or they just plain might not like it. And that's okay. But do you like you?
- [18:18]
Alex Cooper
Mm. I think it's so interesting when you start to connect to your childhood and how your parents raised you and, you know, what trauma did you go through when you don't deal with it? There's just like this anger in you or there's this like resentment. And there's just a part of you, even if you don't want to label that. Like, there's just something in you that you feel like you haven't resolved. And a lot of times we don't have the perspective of kids of like, oh, like, this wasn't intentional that my dad was doing this to like, neglect me and make me feel abandoned. But it happened. And so two things can be true. Right. Like, he wasn't trying to like, inflict pain on you. He was going through something, but it affected you. And until you go through all of that, it's going to influence the way.
- [19:05]
Janelle Monae
That you move in life, that you see life.
- [19:08]
Alex Cooper
But even you saying it's interesting, like it affected your art, I'm interested to know how did it affect your personal relationships with this theme of abandonment within you?
- [19:17]
Janelle Monae
It affected them for sure. Yeah, it was just like trust issues. You know, breakups were intense.
- [19:27]
Alex Cooper
Yep.
- [19:27]
Janelle Monae
Cuz it just mirrored that. But now, like, there were moments where, you know, I was dating someone and, you know, we broke up and, and, and I just was like, I will never talk to this person again. The way they made me feel. I will never talk to them again. And after I started to go through therapy and I have an emotional support coach that I talk to after which, by the way, therapy, like, we're, we're, we're benefiting from therapy. I just really wish that it was free for every person around the world. I really, really, really do wish that there was a fund that everybody could access to where they could have therapy, they could have somebody to talk to and work through. I do believe that we will be in a much better shape as a community, as a nation, as a world. So I just wanted to say that because I feel like, damn, I wish everybody could go, could experience these things. So I was like, I will never talk to this person again. And after I went through, you know, understanding and getting to the root of like, my My rejection, abandonment, trauma. You know what I did? I thanked the person who I was in a relationship with, and it did not work out for us. I thanked them. I said, you know what? In my emotional support, coach said that I was going to do that. It's like, you are going to thank this person because you know what this person did for you? They forced you to deal with something that you were not going to deal with. They pushed you to go back to the root of the problem. You were not going to do it. You were moving. You were too busy moving. You didn't have time. But that relationship, the ending of that specific relationship forced that. And I literally called that person and I thanked them. I said, thank you so much. You have no idea. Like, I was really walking around here hurt, and you forced me to, like, you know. And so they started sharing things with me. They were just like, I just wasn't ready. I was confused myself. I did not trust it was going so well for. For us. I'm so used to chaos that I didn't. I felt like this was not going to end how I wanted it to end. I. I'm also dealing with rejection issues. So we just kind of healed through each other and, and that. And. And it helped me in my other relationships. I was like, here. The. Here are the things that I was doing because of my trauma. When I'm free from that trauma, I'm, like, a really, really, really good, like, beautiful partner to have. And it just helped me to understand how I want to show up for. For my future partners.
- [22:06]
Alex Cooper
Isn't that so interesting when you meet people in life that obviously, again, like, you needed to work on yourself to be able to have that hindsight and be like, wait, that was so helpful. But, like, most of the time in life, in romantic partnerships, I feel like, specifically, like, you can get so hurt by them, but that's not your family. So you're like, I can walk away, but you're always going to learn something so incredible. And if you can get past that hurt. Initially, we really should be thanking all of our exes, because it's like, even if you cheated on me, like, I have partners in the past that I had so much resentment and anger. And I look back and I'm like, there's so much I learned about myself and my resilience and my worth. And it's like, had that not happened, of course there's moments in life where, like, I wish no harm on anyone, but, like, certain themes that you can take, find the good part of it Rather than feeling so negative and angry because Becca gets us nowhere.
- [23:02]
Janelle Monae
Yeah.
- [23:02]
Alex Cooper
That's interesting to hear you talk about, like, how you connected with that person.
- [23:06]
Janelle Monae
Yeah.
- [23:06]
Alex Cooper
At first being like, I'll never talk to you again. And then you're like, wait a second. Thank you.
- [23:10]
Janelle Monae
Thank you. Like, thank you. And I will say, though, I mean, I know it's like sometimes with exes, because I also had an ex that was just like, man, I wish I really had this new version of you. Like, when we were dating. I wish that I was around. That was the person you showed me. And I was just like, yeah, I. I agree. But listen, what do you want me to say? Like, I wasn't. I wasn't ready. I was growing. I needed to grow. And, you know, I'm sorry. You know, true.
- [23:42]
Alex Cooper
And, you know, it's interesting without. I've had. I remember an ex I had kind of similar to that. But you also wonder, like, but if I was this new version of myself, we probably wouldn't have been together because you were attracted to me. Then we ended up for some reason. Right.
- [23:56]
Janelle Monae
Because we were both toxic as hell. As hell.
- [24:00]
Alex Cooper
Right.
- [24:00]
Janelle Monae
We both were toxic.
- [24:01]
Alex Cooper
And so, like, you can wish.
- [24:05]
Janelle Monae
Yeah. It wouldn't. You would. We. I would definitely would not. This new version would have not dated.
- [24:10]
Alex Cooper
Right.
- [24:10]
Janelle Monae
You know, that. That. That. That person. I love you.
- [24:13]
Alex Cooper
Yes.
- [24:14]
Janelle Monae
I love you. But there's just no way that I could put myself back into that sort of like, chaos. Chaos. Yeah. Yeah.
- [24:21]
Alex Cooper
And it's like, again, it's like you're both growing. So for him to be even able to see your growth.
- [24:26]
Janelle Monae
Yeah.
- [24:26]
Alex Cooper
Phenomenal. Love it. Amazing. But we probably needed to go on our own ways to actually get whole and good and feel healthy within ourselves. And maybe that's just not the right fit, but at the time, it was.
- [24:38]
Janelle Monae
Yeah.
- [24:39]
Alex Cooper
And so we can appreciate each other's growth, but we're not going to grow together.
- [24:42]
Janelle Monae
Y. We grew together, and that's a beautiful thing. Always want the best for people. Like, even if we're not together as a human. That also help contextualize breakups. It's like, even though we're not together, I don't want anything negative to happen to you. I don't want you to. I don't want anything bad to happen to you as a human. I want the best for you. And if that means that it's not with me at that time or at that season, then so be it.
- [25:06]
Alex Cooper
Yeah.
- [25:06]
Janelle Monae
Yeah.
- [25:07]
Alex Cooper
If someone's listening to this and is like, wow, I really relate to you, maybe they had someone in their life that didn't show up for them and was constantly, you know, neglecting to be there and show up. What did actually working through that childhood trauma, like, look like for you? Because I can see some people like Janelle. How do I even begin to, like, repair this? Like, where do I start?
- [25:35]
Janelle Monae
Ooh. I mean, like I said, I just wish everybody could afford therapy. So if, but if you can try to get you a good therapist that you can just talk freely to, that can help you, like. And don't lie to them. You know, don't lie. Be transparent. Tell the truth. Have. Make sure that they, they're pushing you. And you need to not be afraid to do the work. It's going to be painful to be a lot of tears, a lot of crying, a lot of just, like, confusion. But just know that you're growing, like you know better. Right. You're. No, you're, you're understanding you a lot more. And sometimes that, that feels confusing to your body, to your cells, because you're literally being, like, rerouted. Like, the way that your mind is, is, is being rewired. So it's going to feel uncomfortable, but just stay the course because I promise you that if you do the work, there is going to be, you're going to be like, I never thought I would see the day. I literally never thought that I would be this person. It's like I planned, I sort of planned it out, but to live it out and to be living what I dreamt about doing and, and the freedom in which I move. Because it's not that, like, you're not going to deal with issues and problems and things like that, but the way that I'm so solid with myself now, I didn't know, you know, I, I, I, I was free. But, but there are levels to it. Yeah, they're levels to it. So just stay the course and you'll reach the next level.
- [27:15]
Alex Cooper
I love that advice because even hearing you talk, it's like, we all reach a point in life when we haven't dealt with our. Where it just starts coming up. More and more. Relationships are failing, friendships are having issues. There's. It just starts to creep up.
- [27:30]
Janelle Monae
Yeah.
- [27:31]
Alex Cooper
And those are usually the moments where in a good way, like, you cannot deny you need to address it. And I love that you said it's so uncomfortable.
- [27:39]
Janelle Monae
Yeah.
- [27:40]
Alex Cooper
But you got to do the work because then you won't be uncomfortable. But you're going against something that you literally have been living this way your whole life.
- [27:46]
Janelle Monae
Yes.
- [27:47]
Alex Cooper
So you're going, like, against the grain.
- [27:48]
Janelle Monae
You're going against yourself. Your future self is fighting your past version, old version of yourself.
- [27:54]
Alex Cooper
Damn.
- [27:55]
Janelle Monae
It's like Looper in a sense, but different.
- [27:59]
Alex Cooper
Right, Right. Anyway, you mentioned now that you have a good relationship with your father. And I can imagine there are people really relating to you today also of like, how did you know it was time for that you were going to be able to forgive and have an actual relationship with your dad.
- [28:17]
Janelle Monae
I wanted it. You got to want it too. Sometimes you're just like, I don't really want a relationship just because you birthed or helped bring me into this world. Like, as a person, you can be like, I don't really want this. And that's totally fine. I think I wanted it because my dad is cool. Like, my dad also had a music career, but drugs got in the way of that. And so me and him can talk music. He understands. Like, all my favorite artists are his favorite artists. When I put out Lipstick Lover, all of the art that, that I'm doing, my dad supports it. Like, he's like, I want you to know, as your dad, I think what you're doing is brave, is sick. As I love you, I want you to know I got your back. Like, as a black man in this, in living in this country, I'm supporting you, my queer, non binary, you know, artistic daughter. Like, I'm here for you. And I knew he always had that sort of, that's sort of where I get. Both my parents are like shows. Like, they could each have their own TV show and people, they would not care about me. They'd be like your mom and your dad. Like, you know, they're not together because they're very much so alike in, in many ways. You know, they're super, like, flamboyant and their personalities can take up a room, but good, sweet people. So with my dad, I always knew that, like, when it was time to take risks, that was going to be the person that was going to affirm me. And I, and I. And I wanted that and I needed that. And also for him, I wanted to give him another opportunity post like, being sober, to know me, you know, to know me. I think that that for both of us, we needed that. Like, I needed to have the support of, of, of my dad. And I felt like for him to have been. Because he had also gone to prison, so he had been locked away for years. And I was like, I want him to come out sober and to know what it's like to receive love from Me. Was that not guilt?
- [30:29]
Alex Cooper
How old were you when your dad went to prison?
- [30:31]
Janelle Monae
I'm timeless, so.
- [30:32]
Alex Cooper
Yeah, yeah. Doesn't matter. I was there. I was alive at some point.
- [30:36]
Janelle Monae
Yeah, I know. No, but I was this. It was on and off, you know, middle school, elementary school, high school. Like always.
- [30:45]
Alex Cooper
You're so successful in so many different areas. Like, you're an author, you're an actor, you're a singer. It's insane how talented you are. And I'm thinking again, it's always like, we never know what someone goes through. Like. Yeah, you rising to fame, having your father, you know, having these struggles. Like, were you ever just. Was he still struggling when you first came up and started to get.
- [31:10]
Janelle Monae
Yeah, yeah. Well, no, he was. That's when he sort of got. Got clean. So that was great. That was good. I needed that right at that time.
- [31:19]
Alex Cooper
Because I was gonna say, like, damn, like, everyone probably seeing you in the tabloids and everything, like, having all this success and yet you want to repair a relationship with your father. Because there's nothing. Everyone can relate. When you do something so good at work or in school or you want to call your parents.
- [31:37]
Janelle Monae
Yeah.
- [31:38]
Alex Cooper
And you. Because, you know, there's no one that's going to be more proud of you. And so I appreciate you sharing that a little bit because it's like, yes, you have all this success and. But family. And again, when I say family, I always make sure to clarify, like, I don't care if they're blood. Like, you don't have to be with people that abused you or whatever. Whatever you consider who your family is to be able to repair relationships if you want it. Yeah, it is kind of beautiful because you get to share your life with people that love you and support you. And there's no jealousy. It's just like, we love you. Like your mom outside the talent shows. Me.
- [32:10]
Janelle Monae
Yeah, yeah.
- [32:14]
Alex Cooper
No, it's really cute. Call her. Daddy is brought to you by way. Here's the thing, Daddy gang. When it comes to the holidays, I am, you know, I have good things about me, but I am a procrastinator through and through when it comes to a gift. Okay? But it is okay if you don't get all of your holiday shopping as early as you hoped. Because way is making it easy to give way better gifts this holiday. Boom. Their hair and body products are specifically designed to customize a routine that works for you and personalize a gift for everyone on your list. Give way better gifts with best sellers, they have the multitasking leave in conditioner detangles, hydrates and fights frizz for every type of hair on your list. Okay? They have the Detox shampoo which helps get rid of buildup and hard water deposits, dirt, oil and other impurities in your hair. It is safe for all hair types, basically. Daddy Gang, it is the season to get away and save.15% off site wide when you give the gift of whey. Whether the person on your list has fine, medium or thick hair or multiple hair concerns, ouai has got you. Here's the thing, Daddy Gang, if you are struggling with a gift, it is so easy to give someone ouai because everyone needs to be washing their hair and everyone cares about their hair. You know what I mean? So, Daddy gang, if you are interested, okay, get your way to save for the holidays. Go to t h e o u I.com for 15% off site wide and enter promo code daddy. That's t h e o u I.Com for 15% off with code daddy. Go enjoy yourselves this holiday season, Daddy Gang. This is a paid advertisement from Better Help. Daddy Gang, I love the holiday season, but here's the thing. Some of my favorite moments for the holidays are just sitting on a couch, putting my fire on, either reading a book or watching a movie with my dogs and my husband. But another huge thing that I do love about the holidays is keeping my therapy going. I think a lot of times people take off from therapy during the holidays because, like, oh, I'm going to be fine. No, no, no, no, no. I find that therapy is a great way to bring myself some comfort that never goes away. Even when the seasons are changing. Especially when the seasons are changing. I think it is so important to be on my therapy grind because you're with family or you're not with family or you're dealing with dynamics that doesn't just go away because of the holidays. So, Daddy gang, take care of yourself. With thousands of certified therapists, Better Help can provide access to mental health professionals with a wide variety of expertise in mental thinking of starting therapy. Give Better Help online therapy a try. It is entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible and suited to your schedule. If anything, Daddy gang, give yourself a gift this season and start therapy. Visit betterhelp.comdummy today to get 10 off your first month. That's better. H E L p.com Daddy, you are very private about your dating life.
- [35:52]
Janelle Monae
Yeah.
- [35:53]
Alex Cooper
How have you decided to make that decision in this crazy Hollywood world that we live in?
- [35:58]
Janelle Monae
I just did. I was like, just watching, observing. I was like, you know, the People that actually are more private seem more happy to me. They just seemed more happy, you know, because it's like, you don't have to worry about, you know, anybody seeing your partner over here and been like, oh, they're not. They're. They. They assume that if you're not with them and they're seen with somebody else that you broke up, and now you got to go answer that question. You have to go do that. And perhaps maybe later on in life, I'll open up a little more. But for now, I love having. I love protect. And it really is for the protection of. Of. Of them.
- [36:43]
Alex Cooper
Yeah.
- [36:44]
Janelle Monae
I. I don't want them to, you know, because I can handle sort of like paparazzi or whatever. It's annoying sometimes. Sometimes it's fun. I love messing with them, whatever. But I never want anybody that I'm dating to ever feel pressure because they didn't ask for it. You know, they didn't ask for it. So I just like to keep peace.
- [37:07]
Alex Cooper
Yeah.
- [37:07]
Janelle Monae
And harmony and no expectation from the public to know our every move.
- [37:13]
Alex Cooper
I think that's really healthy. And I think in a weird way, I do always talk about. On my show now, like, I feel like people now more than ever can kind of relate to a lack of privacy, even if you have 500 followers. Like, we have accessibility now to post as much as we want. And I think there are people that feel societal pressure to, like, post my partner with me, because it's like, there's almost, like, social currency that comes with, like, being this it couple and having. Whether you're in college or high school. Like, this is everywhere now where people are feeling pressured to prove something on the Internet.
- [37:50]
Janelle Monae
Yeah.
- [37:50]
Alex Cooper
And when you can actually step back from it. I'm not saying don't post on the Internet, but, like, try to find a balance within yourself of, like, why are you actually doing this? Why are you doing certain things? Is it just to get the photo to prove something to people?
- [38:02]
Janelle Monae
Right.
- [38:03]
Alex Cooper
It's just. It's not as healthy, like, you know, like, live. Some type of privacy is really good for yourself because then you can also be with yourself. Like, do I like this person or do I like how I'm doing this, or do I even want to do this?
- [38:15]
Janelle Monae
Right.
- [38:15]
Alex Cooper
You kind of have to, like, make sure you're not just doing it for the gram.
- [38:18]
Janelle Monae
Yeah. No, seriously, I think because it's the norm to people to be like, well, you must post your kids and who you're dating. And, you know, it's sort of like, that's the norm these days. Definitely. I don't feel like anybody should feel pressure. And I think that if you are in a relationship where they're like, if you don't post me, we're done. I've had like, people. We were just talking about this when we were on vacay and there was a question like, are. Would you be upset if your partner did not post you on social media? And there were a lot of mixed questions, I mean, answers. But I was just like, we have to talk about that first and foremost. And if we agree that we want to keep things private, then no. But also, like, if my love is defined by a post, you don't post me enough on social media. Like, I really need to understand my own damn, like, priorities in life. Is that really necessary for me? So I just think it's like, for me it's not. I do think people should have conversations around it prior so that there are no expectations and, you know, because it could hurt somebody's feeling too, though, if they feel like you're trying to hide them. But that's deeper. That's like, y'all need to really, literally, y'all need to really work through some things. Yeah, no, that's true.
- [39:40]
Alex Cooper
Because I'm thinking about it, like, I feel like there are some people that also now, because social media has been, like, very, you know, prevalent for the past last, I guess, like 10 something years, people may have been in relationships where someone was extremely adamant about posting them and they almost found, like, when we're good, he posts me. When we're not, he doesn't post me. So when you go to your next relationship, I bet there are some people that have like, lingering feelings about, like, well, why aren't you posting me? And someone could literally be like, because I don't think we need to. I love you. We're sitting here together. Isn't this better than us taking a selfie? So also, check in with yourself of like, are you comparing yourself to your friends or your past relationships get on the same page as your current partner?
- [40:23]
Janelle Monae
Yes.
- [40:23]
Alex Cooper
They may not be being shady at all. They're actually like, no, I love you. And I don't feel like we need.
- [40:27]
Janelle Monae
And I want, or I want to protect you from, you know, all of the scrutiny or the, you know, just, just things like that online world, it's its own matrix. And yeah, you know, it's. It's tough.
- [40:41]
Alex Cooper
It's wild. What are you like, in a relationship? Are you romantic? Are you dominant? Like, what's the vibe over there?
- [40:52]
Janelle Monae
That was also. We played this game called. Oh, God, I'm gonna. I gotta get the. Get the name of it. Actually, it's a. A black guy who made the game card game. So it's not a lot of us in that space. So I really, really have to get the name of it. Oh, my God. It's the. Anyway, one of the cards.
- [41:11]
Alex Cooper
I can link it in the description. When you can have your team send it.
- [41:14]
Janelle Monae
You're so sweet.
- [41:15]
Alex Cooper
I got it, of course.
- [41:16]
Janelle Monae
Okay. But the. One of the questions was like, what would your ex say about you? And we were just like. Everybody was like, oh, wow, that's a good one. I feel like now I am. Let me think. I mean, because, you know, it's like. And so the question. When the question made me be like, well, this is what I think about myself, but what if that isn't what they thought about? Right. Like, okay, of course I'm gonna say glowing reviews about me, you know, or maybe, like, a couple things that I need to work on, but, you know, could have been some other things. So for me, if I was being honest in a relationship, I mean, I think I used to be a very, like, hard to know if I really loved them sort of person. Like, it was hard to get to my heart because I had just been hurt, and I hadn't really again, dealt with sort of that trauma or of someone, what it would feel like of somebody leaving me. I never wanted anybody to leave me, and if they did, I didn't want them to ever feel like I really loved you, you know, because, like, if you. If I really told you that I really loved you and you. We still didn't work then, like, wow, what a stab in the heart, right? Yeah. But now, having gone to this new space, I'm a big communicator. I, you know, believe in evolution. Even in your partnerships and even if you started out one way, I'm always open to us growing. And I want to make sure that as we grow individually and as, you know, together. I've also been in polyamorous relationships as well. And I, you know, know what it's like to be with multiple partners. So it's very important that, you know, we're communicating in real time about our feelings. And if things are coming up, like, if. If one person feels like, okay, I'm having feelings of jealousy, or I need some more time with both of you, or, you know, how do we, you know, if we. If we need to, like, work on some things, I like to know that. And I always welcome. You know, feedback. I'm that type of person. Like, I don't. I don't ever want to be in a relationship where I'm thinking we're good and we're not.
- [43:47]
Alex Cooper
Yeah. Like you're wondering, like.
- [43:48]
Janelle Monae
Like, just let me know.
- [43:50]
Alex Cooper
Yeah.
- [43:50]
Janelle Monae
Because I. I could probably adjust. We could adjust. Perhaps it was a misunderstanding or perhaps, like, oh, you know, maybe you thought you knew me or you knew how you. You don't know how much I love you.
- [44:04]
Alex Cooper
Yeah.
- [44:04]
Janelle Monae
I need to be more expressive in. In those things. And so I think I'm a verse.
- [44:12]
Alex Cooper
I love it.
- [44:13]
Janelle Monae
So I. I can be dominant sub, like, you know, I'm non binary as well, so I can go with the. I can go with the flow about things. I love it. Meaning, like, I don't. I don't just consider myself, like, to be boxed in. It's like this type of partner. Like, sometimes you need me to be more like water. Okay.
- [44:33]
Alex Cooper
Okay.
- [44:33]
Janelle Monae
I need to be more like water. You need me to be more like a rock for us. Okay. I'll be more like a rock for us.
- [44:42]
Alex Cooper
How did you know? Was there, like, a conversation, or did you just know the moment when you first had your first polyamorous relationship? Like, how did you know that you were comfortable with that dynamic back?
- [44:53]
Janelle Monae
Well, I was already in a relationship, and. And the person who was attracted to me was also attracted to my partner. And so they made it very clear, and we just made it work.
- [45:06]
Alex Cooper
Okay. Would you. Would you continue to have those type of relationships again? Like, are you still interested in that, or has anything changed?
- [45:13]
Janelle Monae
Sure. I'm open to love. You know, I'm like, I think, you know, I love going to weddings, and, you know, there are certain traditions that I love. And congratulations. I know you're engaged, so I honor love, of course. And I think, though, love comes in different. Different variations. And that is what I love about polyamory, is it just shows us, like, just in the same way. Like, I don't have just one best friend. I have multiple best friends. And I love y'all. You know, we love each other, and we can all hang out. I don't just love one parent. I don't just love one aunt. Like, I love all of you. And. And in relationships, you know, I think when intimate relationships, partnerships, I think that if we can talk about what we need and what works for all of us, and I'll tell you, like, it takes a lot of unlearning because we're conditioned, especially in this society, that this is what a union Looks like this is what, you know, it's two people in a relationship. You know, it, it, it's like, so you're, you're fighting against or not fighting against, but you're, you're constantly have to having to unlearn the traditional way of, of what love looks like. And so I love to, by being my authentic self and us being our authentic selves, challenge that notion.
- [46:43]
Alex Cooper
Yeah, I love that. Because what is very frustrating and I love having conversations like this on my show because you're right, we were all raised with something that was like, this is the norm. And it's like, I'm so happy finally. I mean, there's still so much work to be done. But like, even with sexuality and, you know, fluidity, it's just like, why? Like, it's very frustrating, I think, for people that see it so clearly, like, let everyone do what they want to do and then people that are still so stuck in the way that they want things to have been done for thousands of years prior. When you speak about polyamory, like, I can imagine there are people that are so judgmental of even that word. Like, yeah, how do you even do that? And like, yeah, it's so small minded. And it's also like half the people that are saying that are speaking from a place of intelligence, insecurity. Because I've seen people do it and be like, isn't he cheating on his wife? And like, it's like, there's so much judgment when, when it. Something really frustrates someone. I always believe, like, there's something internally that like, is getting you going because why do you care so much? Yeah, but how did you. I'm assuming at some point you have dealt with judgment. And to anyone listening, that's also maybe like going against the norm, which, the norm. Let's just make everything normal.
- [47:56]
Janelle Monae
Yeah.
- [47:57]
Alex Cooper
How did you deal with that?
- [47:58]
Janelle Monae
Yeah, always, always, always people are intrigued. People think, you know, I think all sorts of things, but I think education is important. I mean, we have the Internet. People can look things up. And I mean, my close friends are super supportive. You know, certain family members have been like, but for the most part, my, my circle of people that I have around have been supportive, even if they have questions and they wonder like, okay, all right. Because also people are trying to figure out, well, is that what I need or what we need or. Because I definitely been cheating on my significant other for a very long time. But what if after all, we just needed a third? We needed somebody else, you know, that. That loved us and we love them to, to, to. To be a part of our union.
- [48:53]
Alex Cooper
Yeah.
- [48:53]
Janelle Monae
You know, people are trying and people are scared. I understand that too. Some people are scared to go against tradition. And, you know, some people come from conservative environments. I came from, you know, a conservative Baptist background where I was taught to fear everything. You know, even getting into the music industry, I was taught to just fear, you know, don't be like this artist or don't be like that, or, you know, it's just been a lot of unlearning and, and I get that. And, and I think, I think though, for me, I, I have to know that this is my life here on Earth. I wasn't put here to, to follow every rule. I was, I was put here to help rewrite them.
- [49:36]
Alex Cooper
Yeah, I really appreciate you talking about that because it's just such a prevalent topic that still, like, is we, again, we have so much movement that we need to keep doing. But I think having conversations like this help. I'm curious to know, like, how did you decide, obviously, being a public figure, to speak openly about your sexuality?
- [49:57]
Janelle Monae
Oh, how did I decide? It's sort of like decided for me because my art is a direct reflection of who I am. You know, I, I have Metropolis, which is my first ep. I have a lot of independent work I put out before that. And then I did the Arch Android, my first full length album, Sweets. Then I did the Electric Lady, Dirty Computer, and All the Way now to the Age of Pleasure and all those projects that have come out, I discovered that, I mean, I knew when I was a child that I was attracted to not just boys, but to women and to energies. I knew that. And because of my sort of conservative Baptist, this upbringing, it wasn't welcomed. I, I suppressed my sexuality, I suppressed my sensuality, I suppressed so much of me because I didn't feel safe. And so once I got to a place where, okay, I know for sure, for sure that, you know, I, I am, I, I am attracted to, to, to, you know, these energies. I, I'm gonna honor that. And with each project, you could, you can hear me and feel me getting more brave. You know, I created the Android Cindy Mayweather, who is representative of, in my work, who's representative of the other, you know, the queer person, the black person, the non binary person, trans. All of, all of us who are pushed to the margins of society. And so I use that as a form of, like a form of coping, a coping mechanism until I was brave enough to actually say it. And I think I was always Dropping hints. And I was getting more brave and, you know, less afraid. And then finally, because also I was in a relationship in what some would say, you know, it was a lot of things, like, you know, understanding, you know, polyamory is, Was something that I wanted to explore. Well, if you're already in a relationship, you have to go have conversations with that person's family. Well, what does that mean for you guys? So I could not talk publicly about certain things because they impacted my real everyday life. You know what I'm saying? Like, when I got off the stage, I would also have to go see these communities that I was a part of. And, like, if they heard about it through, you know, any other thing outside of, like, me saying it, then what does that mean? And I just wasn't ready to have those sorts of conversations. And so I guess, to answer your question, like, you know, I just got brave over time. And once I also felt like I had community because the albums and the art and music, what it also does is it signals like, hey, I'm out here. I'm out here. And then you meet people who come to your shows, and you meet other artists and people, other humans who, like, are like, oh, I identify with that or I with that. And then we become friends. And you have a community now that supports you.
- [53:11]
Alex Cooper
Yeah.
- [53:11]
Janelle Monae
That sees you that even if your family you were born into doesn't support you or see you, you have support. And so once I felt supported and I felt safe enough, that's when I started to become even more brave. And I, I started to be courageous in the way that I started to live my life. And I think right now, what I am doing, I've done this privately, is that I'm honoring all of me. I'm not closing off, you know, my sensuality anymore. I'm not closing off my sexuality. My polyamory, if you listen to only have eyes 42, you know, that's honoring that sort of union. If you're listening to Hot from the Age of Pleasure or Champagne or even float. Yeah, you know, you know, I, I, I'm feeling much lighter now. I float. I had to let some things go to get to this place, and fear of not being accepted was one of them. And once I got over that hump, everything started to change for me.
- [54:13]
Alex Cooper
Community. When you were saying that, like, I hope everyone listening, if you're sitting listening to this or watching this in your room, and you haven't been able to fully embrace your sexuality, whether it's people around you, you're afraid how they're going to accept you. Like, there are so many people out there that will love you and, like, are so having the same feelings as you. And so just don't limit yourself to just the people that you've been assigned as to you.
- [54:38]
Janelle Monae
Absolutely. It gets better.
- [54:39]
Alex Cooper
It does.
- [54:40]
Janelle Monae
Yep. As you start walking, whenever you're ready, don't feel pressure, too.
- [54:43]
Alex Cooper
Yeah.
- [54:43]
Janelle Monae
Because, I mean, there were moments where I felt the pressure to talk. Like, interviewers would. They would just speculate based on my appearance because I was wearing a suit. They were like, you're a lesbian. Like, that's what I would get. You're a lesbian. And, you know, as I was trying to discover who I was and I didn't identify with being a lesbian, I. I, you know, and. And I had lesbian friends. I love my lesbian family. But, like, people would say certain things and try to force me to out what I was. Well, if you're not a lesbian, then what are you?
- [55:17]
Alex Cooper
Yeah.
- [55:17]
Janelle Monae
And so I wasn't ready. So don't feel. Also feel pressured to talk about your sexuality. It is a private. It can be as private or as public as you want it to be. For me, it was seeping out into my art so much that, like, I'm like, yeah, this is. This is me. Yeah, this is who I am. And I wanted to also free a lot of people who were in their rooms who could be in their rooms right now listening. Like, you have family. You have a church. Even outside of the. The church that you went to, if they disown you, like, there is a big church around the world with people who will affirm you, people who are like you. Your identity is not new. Like, it's been happening. We're here. We're showing up for each other. And I love you. I love you.
- [56:25]
Alex Cooper
Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Amazon Music. All right, Daddy gang, I know you like podcasts because here we are on Call Her Daddy. I'm assuming you like music and maybe you love audiobooks. Well, if you do, then you better subscribe to Amazon Music Unlimited and you are going to get three in one app. Here's the thing. Imagine listening to your favorite podcast, Call Her Daddy, and music on the go to work, school, the gym. Or maybe you're on vacation right now. Imagine being on vacation with your favorite audiobook from Audible and then listening to a new one every month from a huge selection of popular titles. That sounds like a pretty great vacation, right? We got our books, we got our music, we got our podcast. Podcast. What more could you Ask for Daddy Gang. Audible is now included on Amazon Music Unlimited. Download the Amazon Music app now. To start listening terms apply. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Shopify. Okay, Daddy Gang, if you are a business owner, you are someone that is selling product. Let me just talk about this for a second, okay? Because it has literally changed my life. I remember when I first started selling Caller Daddy merchandise and I was like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What do I, what do I. What do I do? How do I do this? I'm a business owner. Oh, my God. Shopify, okay? Shopify is a commerce platform that allows you to start, grow and manage a business just like mine. It's the one commerce platform behind the big brands you know and love. Whether it's a side hustle that you have or it's a storefront, with Shopify you can sell online and in person, locally and globally. Director wholesale desktop to mobile. Shopify can also help you scale and keep a tab on things effortlessly. At any time, you can open Shopify on your phone or laptop and see where your customers are shopping from. I remember it was so fun. I opened the map setting when I first did my first, like, solo drop of color Daddy merch, and I was like, oh, my God, we have Daddy Gang all over the world and it is so, so, so cool. I love Shopify. So, Daddy Gang, if you are ready to build your own empire, whether it's merch products or the next best idea, get on shopify.com daddy and make it happen. When I was researching, I. I read somewhere you don't refer to opening up to others about your sexuality as coming out, but rather coming in. Can you explain that?
- [58:48]
Janelle Monae
I didn't actually come up with that terminology of coming in. I just thought it resonated with me more. A guy by the name of John. I forgot his last name, but I heard him say it and he. He's a queer black man.
- [59:02]
Alex Cooper
And.
- [59:02]
Janelle Monae
And I heard him and I was like, that's exactly what it is. It is bringing people, bringing people into our world. I'm letting you in on who I am versus, like, you guys are the norm. And I'm just like, hi, I'm out here. Like, no, I'm letting you in to my world, which is sacred, which should be respected and appreciated. Most certainly not apologetic about it.
- [59:33]
Alex Cooper
I love that you're so right. Because it's like, I'm letting you in on who I am. I don't. You don't deserve me. I don't have to come out to you. I don't owe you anything.
- [59:41]
Janelle Monae
Exactly.
- [59:42]
Alex Cooper
Like, when I feel comfortable, I'll let you in.
- [59:43]
Janelle Monae
Like, come clean.
- [59:45]
Alex Cooper
Yeah.
- [59:45]
Janelle Monae
You're. Come out of the closet.
- [59:47]
Alex Cooper
Yeah.
- [59:48]
Janelle Monae
I'm sorry. I've been here. You just must not have seen me. Or not even. You must not have seen me. You must think that you and your. Or, you know what? Let's not even talk about that.
- [60:02]
Alex Cooper
Nope.
- [60:03]
Janelle Monae
I was gonna go down a whole stream. Trust me.
- [60:05]
Alex Cooper
I could too. I could, too.
- [60:06]
Janelle Monae
Yeah.
- [60:07]
Alex Cooper
How about this? Do you have a mantra you come back to when it comes to people who actively do not agree with the way that you live?
- [60:14]
Janelle Monae
Oh, yeah, I do. I have so much. I wish I had my phone with me. But I think it comes down to power. You know, I think, like, when you give your power up to folks, like, people's opinions have more power over you than how you feel about you. That's, I think, where things take that turn, where the depression sets in, where the constant need for approval comes in. And I think I'm a powerful ass, you know? Really?
- [60:45]
Alex Cooper
Yeah.
- [60:46]
Janelle Monae
Just as you're powerful. We're all powerful, right? We all hold gifts that we have. And I think that, you know, again, how I think about myself has to be more powerful than someone who is trying to take me down through their negativity, who is trying to oppress me through their fear. My power and my love for myself is greater than that.
- [61:15]
Alex Cooper
Mic drop. Yeah, mic drop. What is something when it comes to dating and love that you know now that you wish you knew when you were younger?
- [61:24]
Janelle Monae
Oof. Sheesh. Man. I would say I wish I had discovered vibrators a long time ago. Like, honestly, it's so fun to experience that with your partner.
- [61:40]
Alex Cooper
It's phenomenal.
- [61:41]
Janelle Monae
It's so great. It's like, what, going to the set sex shop. Like, I remember when I first went. See, again, when you come from those sort of, like, conservative backgrounds, a sex shop. I was full sunglasses on, like, do not have me in here. Oh, my God. What am I. Oh, my God. Please nobody take photos of me. Like, I did not know, right? I did not know the world of vibrators. I did not know the clitoral stimulation that you and your. The fun y'all can have with one. You know, it doesn't necessarily have to be penetration. It's life changing, right? How about you?
- [62:18]
Alex Cooper
I remember I. I didn't have one, and my friend bought me one for my birthday in college. And I. I remember, like, the first time I tried something was the back of my electric toothbrush.
- [62:29]
Janelle Monae
And I Was like, hang on front. No, the electric toothbrushes. If, if you're. If you forget, just go buy you a brand new one.
- [62:37]
Alex Cooper
It slaps.
- [62:38]
Janelle Monae
It's gotten me through. It's gotten me through.
- [62:40]
Alex Cooper
It is a lifesaver. And so I, I felt the same way, though, of. I. My friend got me my first one, and then I was like, oh, my God, like, I never have to have sex again. Like, this is amazing.
- [62:51]
Janelle Monae
Like, right.
- [62:52]
Alex Cooper
It just allowed me to recognize that, like, I hold the power of, like, my own orgasm. And, like, I, I don't need someone else to make me feel amazing. Like, I can do it myself. Because being taught, like, we grow up and it's just like, the men will do this for you and, like, you. And I'm like, why am I gonna wait for a. To give me an orgasm? Like, this is amazing.
- [63:11]
Janelle Monae
Exactly.
- [63:12]
Alex Cooper
Wait for a man or anyone to give you. You can do it yourself.
- [63:15]
Janelle Monae
Yes.
- [63:15]
Alex Cooper
So I remember I felt the same way in New York. I remember the first sex shop I went to with my friend. I was not famous, but, like, I was mortified just being like, I just can't make eye contact. And I think that just comes from, like, shame of, like, we're not normalizing, like, like exploring your sexuality and enjoying, especially as women like, enjoying loving sex, being connected with your body. And I think it's so important that we start to have those conversations at younger ages, obviously in a safe way. But, like, yeah, especially for young girls, you just start to, like, feel shame and, like, you're doing something wrong. And that's why so many women, I truly believe, like, we have such a hard time in the beginning, like, figuring out what works for us and knowing how to, like, get off, because we were like, it was basically like, don't touch yourself. You're a war. You're a. And it's like, like, what?
- [64:02]
Janelle Monae
Or you're a deviant or, like, touching yourself. Gross. You know, like, if it was not, you go get a boyfriend and y'all wait. But don't have sex actually until you're married. So go marry to have sex. Like, I have cousins who actually married women just to have sex because they were just like, God won't let. It's a lie. It's a lot. And I'm. I, I, I will always just, like, you know, say, like, my heart goes out to, to those of us who have clitorises and, and, and. And just not just those of us who are with clitoris even, you know, for, for those of us who have penises. Or whatever it is the pleasure that we can give ourselves. Like how that was stripped away from us. I just hope that we can reconnect again with our bodies and reclaim our bodies. That's the space that I'm in. Like, I am reclaiming my sensuality, my. My sexuality, my pleasure. Like, unapologetically. Like, I'm not apologizing for talking about it, for taking time to myself to make up for lost times. I mean, I think I could have avoided a lot of, of just even sexual interactions with people who I didn't really like, but I just was like, well, here we go. This is. The only way that I can feel less shame about sex is if I do it with this person. But, like, that leads to so much confusion sometimes if you don't really, really, really like this person and they don't really, really like you. And it's a whole thing. And so I think you actually avoid. You have less stress when you take matters into your own hands. Literally. Absolutely.
- [65:52]
Alex Cooper
Okay, everyone listening. Today we are entering our era of the art of pleasure. Okay, we're taking it into our own hands.
- [65:59]
Janelle Monae
Yes, we are.
- [66:00]
Alex Cooper
I know we've been kind of like essentially talking about it this whole episode because we're talking about pleasure and finding our own voices to find that pleasure. But what has been the most, most rewarding part of making this soundtrack for you?
- [66:14]
Janelle Monae
Yeah, I mean, just like, you know, we're talking about. It's a soundtrack to a lifestyle. And I think so many people, you know, that I'm. That I'm hearing. That's why I can't wait to go on tour. I'm on tour. Our first show is in Seattle the end of August. We're on tour, so get your tickets. We have some more, a little bit more available, but they're selling out right now. And I'll be on tour in North America throughout October 21st. The age of Pleasure tour. And so to see how people are like, making this their album, owning it and like with their friends, I see them just certain songs, they're like, oh my God, you're speaking to my heart. Like, I. I needed to hear float. I needed to give myself permission to, to let things go and, and to go into my, you know, a stage of like, what Hot is talking about. Like, I look good, I look sexy, I look handsome. Like non binary folks are feeling seen, trans folks are being seen, like the community in which I intended for it to be. And even outside of that, I think that you don't necessarily have to be a part of My community to. To. To vibe with it. I think that what it just represents is, like, even in the midst of chaos, us, you gotta find your pleasure. You have to make time for yourself. And I actually brought you something.
- [67:38]
Alex Cooper
What? What?
- [67:40]
Janelle Monae
So here's.
- [67:41]
Alex Cooper
Oh, my God.
- [67:42]
Janelle Monae
Official Age of Pleasure shirts. I cut mine.
- [67:45]
Alex Cooper
Wait, I was gonna say it's so cute. No, it's so cute. You know, I'm gonna do this. Like, it's so cute.
- [67:50]
Janelle Monae
I wanted to bring you.
- [67:54]
Alex Cooper
This is so sweet.
- [67:55]
Janelle Monae
A shirt. And if you need another size.
- [67:58]
Alex Cooper
No, this is so good.
- [67:59]
Janelle Monae
I'll give you another one.
- [68:01]
Alex Cooper
No, I'm. Can I cut it like you cut it like me? I'm just copying you, but I've been staring at it like it's such a vibe.
- [68:07]
Janelle Monae
It's yours.
- [68:08]
Alex Cooper
Thank you.
- [68:09]
Janelle Monae
I adore you.
- [68:10]
Alex Cooper
It's so dope.
- [68:11]
Janelle Monae
I wanted to bring you a hand.
- [68:16]
Alex Cooper
This is so good.
- [68:18]
Janelle Monae
A handwritten, autographed. Renner. That's what I meant to say. I autographed you a copy of my book that I released in 2021 called the Memory Librarian. Thank you so much of Dirty Computer. And, yes, this is bringing the gifts, right?
- [68:37]
Alex Cooper
And, girl, I know you just got back from vacation.
- [68:40]
Janelle Monae
Like, you're giving us all.
- [68:41]
Alex Cooper
You're getting us in our feels. We're all ready to go have sex with ourselves.
- [68:44]
Janelle Monae
Come on.
- [68:45]
Alex Cooper
We got a book.
- [68:46]
Janelle Monae
We got a shirt on.
- [68:47]
Alex Cooper
Okay. Okay. To anyone that is like, you gotta tell us what is. If you have to pick, what is your favorite song on the soundtrack?
- [68:57]
Janelle Monae
Ooh, shoot. Wow.
- [69:00]
Alex Cooper
Everyone's gonna go listen to this one, so.
- [69:03]
Janelle Monae
Okay. It varies because all of them, man, I. I mean, I hate to say it, but it's. It's. It's not a long album. I usually put out, like. Like. Excuse me. Like, double albums. And with this one, I wanted you to want to replay it over and over and over again. I didn't want to. Excuse me. I didn't want it to be too long because this one was just on. President Barack Obama's Song of Summer. Only have eyes. 42. 42. So listen to that one.
- [69:34]
Alex Cooper
Love it.
- [69:35]
Janelle Monae
I mean, but I love every last song on this project. I'm having a hard time, like, figuring out what songs we're going to play on tour. I think I might have to just play all of them. I don't know. But because I love. I also thought about them from a live perspective and just.
- [69:50]
Alex Cooper
Yeah.
- [69:51]
Janelle Monae
How fun it's gonna be to perform. Champagne and.
- [69:55]
Alex Cooper
It's gonna be insane.
- [69:56]
Janelle Monae
And I don't know. What songs were you vibing to? What are some of your favorites?
- [70:00]
Alex Cooper
Champagne. Is it called? Phenomenal. I really like that one.
- [70:04]
Janelle Monae
Like, featuring Dochi.
- [70:06]
Alex Cooper
Yeah, it's a vibe where, like, I don't know. I really like that one. Like, but again, I. It's. It feels like it's a story that's being told and you're just like. It's almost like an anthem vibe where you're just like vibing the whole time. So I. I agree. I guess I couldn't like, pick one too, because it. You almost have to, like, listen to it all together, like, start to finish, like, feel it.
- [70:25]
Janelle Monae
Cuz a Dry Red is good. The last song I love. I. When I was writing this album, I wrote it with friends. I got to give a shout out to Nate Rocket, Wonder, to Bueno, to Nona Kwabana. And also the features, like, some of my favorite things is just to look down and be like, okay. Grace Jones is literally on this album. You know, Sister Nancy, who is like, bomb, bomb. You know, we can't go anywhere at a party without hearing her Jamaican influence. Patra. Her Jamaican influence. When I think about Nia Long, who's an incredible actress coming and being a part of it. Amore Dochi. Who else? Fela Kuti, Son Shayun Kuti. Lots of horns on this project. CK's on this project. I don't know, it's just so, like, such a beautiful love letter to the diaspora and to. To music that, again, has gotten us through. You know, a lot of the influences come from a lot of my friends who were in, you know, who are from Nigeria at our parties. Ghana, South Africa, Louisiana, New York, Atlanta, you know, all of us coming together and, and feeling safe. Yeah, Safe enough to explore, safe enough to be.
- [71:52]
Alex Cooper
Janelle, I can't thank you enough for coming. And call her Daddy. This was truly such a pleasure. I'm so happy I got to sit in the same room with you and feel your energy. Thank you. Thank you.
- [72:01]
Janelle Monae
Thank you are fantastic. Alex, thank you so much for having me and all the beautiful work you do. Like, I don't really love doing lots of interviews, but you have a very great way of, of connecting human to human with folks, and I'm sure people tell you that a lot, but I'll just say, like, I feel your aura and your energy through the screen and just congratulations on everything.
- [72:27]
Alex Cooper
Thank you.
- [72:27]
Janelle Monae
You're fantastic. Thank you.
- [72:45]
Alex Cooper
Hi, Daddy gang. It is your father. I am so excited that Color Daddy has officially joined the Sirius XM family. I cannot wait to talk to new guests and continue to my crazy personal stories and experiences with you every single week. If you want to hear new episodes ad free, subscribe to SiriusXM podcasts on Apple Podcasts to start your free trial today. Netcredit is here to say yes to a personal loan or line of credit when other lenders say no, apply in.
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Janelle Monae
Minutes and get a decision as soon.
- [73:17]
Alex Cooper
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