Madison Beer: Blackmailed With My Nudes (FBF)

Summary

Call Her Daddy – Madison Beer: Blackmailed With My Nudes (FBF)

Host: Alex Cooper
Guest: Madison Beer
Release Date: December 10, 2025

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Episode Overview

This raw and intensely personal episode centers on singer Madison Beer’s rise to fame, her struggles with online victimization and childhood trauma, and her journey toward healing, empathy, and self-advocacy. With brutal honesty, Madison recounts the experience of being blackmailed with her nudes as a young teen amid the perils of early Internet fame, as well as the aftershocks of sexual abuse in her childhood. Through reflective, empowering discussion, Alex and Madison peel back the performative sheen of celebrity, highlighting the often impossible pressures, misogyny, and lack of compassion faced by women in the public eye. Madison’s recently published memoir, The Half of It, serves as the springboard for deep dives into these experiences, aiming to humanize victims and encourage greater empathy both online and in everyday life.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Madison’s Childhood, Parents’ Divorce, and Growing Up Fast

• Early Fame and Online Scrutiny: Madison was thrust into the spotlight at 13 when Justin Bieber posted her YouTube cover (02:03). Since then, immense social media attention—often negative—has followed her.
• Happy Core Memory: Summer camp was Madison’s “escape place” during her parents’ divorce—a time she could “live for herself,” highlighting the loneliness and confusion of her childhood.
  — “I lived for camp … that’s definitely my happy place.” (03:38)
• Effect of Divorce: She became a “mediator” for her parents and their new partners, forced to grow up fast and protect her younger brother. This involvement with her father’s relationships led to deep-seated abandonment and attachment issues.
  — “I did have to see … this revolving door of women … it definitely also instilled abandonment issues in me very, very young.” (05:47)

2. Life in the Public Eye and the Impact of Social Media

• Objectification and Humanization: The Internet dehumanizes, scrutinizes, and invents narratives about public figures, with Alex noting:
  — “The Internet is a dark, scary place.” (02:47)
• Madison’s Memoir: The Half of It is praised for its honesty and the perspective it provides on Madison as a person, not just a celebrity (02:54).

3. The Trauma of Having Nudes Leaked as a Minor

• The Leak: At age 15 (possibly as young as 13 in some videos), nudes Madison sent to a trusted boy were leaked via apps like Snapsave, then spread online.
  — “If I get a call in the middle of the night, I’m back, I’m 15 again … finding out this video is out there and it’s really scary.” (11:47)
• Immediate Response: Madison describes frantic damage control, being unable to stop the spread, getting blocked by those who shared the videos, and feeling totally powerless.
  — “I remember just dropping to the floor and being like, oh my God, what do I do?” (13:13)
• Aftermath: The violation spawned years of PTSD and triggers—particularly the fear of being watched or blackmailed further.
  — “I got an anonymous text message … it was a picture of a computer screen with like, 50 videos on it … I couldn’t believe that they had everything I’d ever sent.” (19:14)

4. Victim-Blaming, Double Standards, and Lack of Protection

• Victim-Blaming: Madison faces ongoing shame and blame—both in her youth and still now—from people who minimize the trauma or say she’s at fault for sending the images.
  — “People are like, maybe you shouldn’t have been dumb enough to send that … I was a young girl with an app called Snapchat.” (13:12)
• Gender Double Standards: Boys who share or save nudes aren’t held accountable. Madison reflects on differences in how men and women are treated for the same actions, and how bro culture enabled her ex to share her images:
  — “I was learning very quickly that men and women get treated very differently.” (19:14)
• Then-vs-Now: Madison highlights how platforms today might better protect a minor, but when her videos leaked, no one intervened, removed content, or sympathized:
  — “I am hopeful that now the Internet would protect a 14, 15 year old girl … I didn’t get that privilege.” (21:48)
• Financial and Emotional Cost: She spent all her earnings on teams to scrub the Internet, personally scouring the web for every post.
  — “Every dollar I’d earned up until that point … I then spent on clearing this and scrubbing it from the Internet.” (21:48)

5. Online Sexualization, Childhood Sexual Abuse, and Their Impact

• Abuse as a Child: Madison shares, for the first time publicly, having been abused around age six or seven by someone often around her (29:17). The deep shame and confusion lasted years; she confided in her mother only long after the fact.
• Online Sexualization: The Internet’s commentary (from strangers and grown men) was agonizing, especially as Madison hadn't even engaged in consensual sex at the time:
  — “There was such … sexualization of you on the Internet … you are looking at yourself, barely have ever been in a sexual relationship.” (28:07)
• Harassment and PTSD: The compounded trauma of childhood abuse and online comments contributed to ongoing triggers, panic, and dissociation—especially in dark or enclosed spaces. Madison describes needing grounding techniques and supportive friends/crew while touring.
  — “I have horrible paranoia … if I know people are there, I’m okay.” (37:39)

6. Coping, Healing, and Living with BPD

• Boundaries and Support: Madison discusses healing as a long process, recommending patience, boundaries, and self-friendship to survivors (“be your own best friend” (41:18)).
• Honest About Mental Health: She details her diagnosis with borderline personality disorder (BPD), caused by her history of trauma, not as an inherent defect—hoping to destigmatize it.
  — “It feels like my entire life's journey … has been a perfectly crafted cocktail of situations that landed me at this borderline personality diagnosis.” (53:20)
• Therapeutic Perspective: Madison has learned that being resilient doesn’t mean she “should have gone through” such pain; she’s at peace, but still healing:
  — “Just because you’ve shouldered them gracefully … doesn’t mean you should have had to go through them.” (36:43)

7. Accountability, Suicide, and the Toll of the Internet

• Suicidal Ideation: Madison attempted suicide twice during her darkest periods (59:01), overwhelmed by relentless bullying and dehumanization. She reminds listeners:
  — “I just want to talk about that for a minute because … people need to realize what their words can do.” (42:28)
• Ongoing Struggle: Even now, hurtful comments trigger panic attacks. She refutes the narrative that choosing public life means accepting abuse:
  — “Why does being in my position mean I have to endure abuse?” (46:41)
• Hunger for Empathy: Both Madison and Alex plead for kindness and understanding toward anyone—famous or not—because everyone has a story others can’t see.

8. Relationships, Rumors, and Clearing the Air

• Dating, Codependency, Red Flags: Madison acknowledges her tendency toward codependent relationships due to abandonment issues, and now avoids men who blame female exes or lack basic hygiene.
• Rumors About Fame & Justin Bieber: Madison directly addresses speculation about her industry connections, clarifying her discovery was organic—her parents had no inside ties, and Justin Bieber posted her video because he liked it (65:13).
• Endless Gossip: She laments the Internet's fixation, conspiracies, and lack of empathy for her, despite her transparency.

9. Why Write a Memoir at 24?

• Madison explains that The Half of It is for her—a way to tell her truth unfiltered—and to urge people to see the humanity in everyone:
  — “Now that you’ve read my story, I hope you realize that everyone has a story you just haven’t read yet.” (71:47)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• On the impact of her parents’ divorce:
  “That was sort of the beginning of aging me really quickly and growing up really fast, because I was just put in sort of adult positions really young.” — Madison (04:57)
• On the infamous leak:
  “I just feel powerless in the moment. And then I’m just sitting and typing my name in quotation marks on Twitter to see everything people are saying about me … and it was just everywhere.” — Madison (13:13)
• On not blaming herself:
  “That was also me learning very quickly that, like, men and women get treated very differently.” — Madison (19:14)
• On sexualization as a minor:
  “So much endless like sexualization … grown men participating in the conversation … when you’re young, you don’t realize how young you really are.” — Madison (23:19)
• On healing and therapy:
  “Just because you’ve shouldered them gracefully … doesn’t mean you should have had to go through them.” — Madison (36:43)
• On the power of online hate:
  “I still have not gotten used to it … I spend every night crying my eyes out because people are so vicious.” — Madison (43:09)
• On BPD and trauma:
  “It feels like my entire life’s journey … has been a perfectly crafted cocktail of situations that landed me at this borderline personality diagnosis.” — Madison (53:20)
• On wanting empathy:
  “I just hope for a day of like, people having empathy and people not judging each other and being able to be kind and loving.” — Madison (59:01)
• On her message to listeners and readers:
  “Just be nice and just love each other … Now that you’ve read my story, I hope you realize that everyone has a story you just haven’t read yet, and that’s the truth.” — Madison (69:59, 71:47)

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Important Timestamps

• [03:38] Madison’s happy childhood memory
• [04:31] Discussing effects of parents’ divorce
• [11:36] Madison recounts the experience of her nudes being leaked
• [19:14] Reflection on victim-blaming and double standards
• [28:07] Impact of being sexualized as a minor
• [29:17] Madison describes experiencing childhood sexual abuse
• [36:43] Lessons from therapy and healing
• [42:28] Talking openly about suicide attempts
• [53:20] Madison on her BPD diagnosis
• [59:01] How the Internet and trauma nearly ended her life
• [65:13] Debunking rumors about Justin Bieber and her career start
• [71:47] Why she wrote a memoir—and her hope for empathy

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Tone & Style

The episode is candid, vulnerable, conversational, and darkly humorous at times. Both Madison and Alex speak with deep authenticity, moving fluidly from gravity to laughter as a means of emotional survival. Their language is direct, unapologetic, and often explicit, reflecting both the seriousness of Madison’s experiences and the liberating power of honest expression.

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a testament to the urgency of empathy, the long shadow cast by childhood and online trauma, and the perverse culture of victim-blaming, misogyny, and casual cruelty that persists across digital platforms. Madison Beer’s honesty cuts through tabloid-fueled narratives, offering a plea for kindness and a reminder that beneath every celebrity persona is a complex, hurting, and resilient human being.

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For anyone struggling with similar issues, please know help is available, and you are not alone.

Transcript

[Alex Cooper]

Hi, Daddy gang, it is your father. I am so excited that Caller Daddy has officially joined the Sirius XM family. I cannot wait to talk to new guests and continue to share my crazy personal stories and experiences with you every single week. If you want to hear new episodes ad free, subscribe to Sirius XM podcasts plus on Apple Podcasts or visit siriusxm.com podcastsplus to start your free trial today.

[Madison Beer]

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What is up, Daddy gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper with Call Her Daddy.

Madison beer. Welcome to Call Her Daddy.

[Madison Beer]

Thank you.

[Alex Cooper]

I am so happy that we're finally doing this. I know you and I have like, of kind, kind of talked before. We were like, we need to make it happen. And now we're here.

[Madison Beer]

We're here.

[Alex Cooper]

It feels right. Thank you for coming today.

[Madison Beer]

Thank you for having me.

[Alex Cooper]

I'm going to get into it and explain just like a little, little recap of things that have happened.

[Madison Beer]

Okay.

[Alex Cooper]

At 13 years old, you got your first record deal after Justin Bieber posted a video on the Internet from YouTube of you singing a cover. And it went viral. And ever since then, you have been in. In the public eye. You have over 35 plus million followers on Instagram, millions on TikTok, millions all over every platform. Crazy. And you're constantly a topic of conversation on the Internet.

[Madison Beer]

Unfortunately, I was gonna say, which, I.

[Alex Cooper]

Don'T know, like, do you love it? Do you hate it?

[Madison Beer]

Definitely don't love it. It's not fun always. Sometimes it's fun. Sometimes when people are Nice. It's fun. But people are not usually nice.

[Alex Cooper]

To me, the Internet is a dark, scary place.

[Madison Beer]

Yeah.

[Alex Cooper]

You just released your memoir, the Half of It.

[Madison Beer]

Yeah.

[Alex Cooper]

And I am so happy for you because, again, I feel like the Internet has a way to, like, dehumanize people to come up with narratives and storylines. And, like, it really was powerful reading your book. I read the whole thing.

[Madison Beer]

Thank you.

[Alex Cooper]

Talk about a lot of personal moments and events in your life that I think gives you us a better insight into who you are sitting here today and how you got here. So we're gonna get into it.

[Madison Beer]

Thank you.

[Alex Cooper]

Here we go. Let's go back to the beginning to kind of just like, start from. Start from scratch. Okay. You grew up in Long Island. I did what is, like, a core childhood memory of yours that's happy and you, like, smile when you think back on it.

[Madison Beer]

I always think about summer camp in a really positive way, which wasn't in Long Island. It was, like, in upstate New York. But it was always just sort of. Yeah. Like an escape, obviously, from school at the time. And, like, my parents were going through a divorce, so it was nice to just have a summer to myself, essentially. Like, my parents used to always joke and say that, like, I was the first kid on the bus and the last kid off. And at visiting day, kids were, like, wrapped around their parents ankles, begging them not to leave. And I was just like, is it over yet? Can you guys go? And I don't know. It was just sort of like my escape place. I lived for camp, so that's definitely my happy place. When I think back to my childhood.

[Alex Cooper]

That'S a very cute memory when you say it was your escape place. I know you mentioned your parents got divorced when you were seven.

[Madison Beer]

Yeah.

[Alex Cooper]

I think sometimes, like, divorce is so common, but I feel like people forget that, like, it can really shape who you are. How did your parents divorce affect you growing up?

[Madison Beer]

I feel like, for me, I spent a lot of time trying to protect my little brother because he was really, really young at the time. He was like, four, four or five. And I remember just wanting to make sure he was okay. And obviously the change of, like, bouncing back and forth every two, three days was weird and hard, but I don't know, my main focus was him at the time, so I don't feel like I really dealt with it. And then I actually quickly sort of became.

Like a mediator in not even their relationship. Like, in my dad's relationships with new women or my mom and my dad. I was really lucky that my parents were able to sort of still have a relationship and be on good terms. And in the same room, I have friends I grew up with whose parents couldn't even speak. So I was very grateful for that. But I think that that was sort of the beginning of aging me really quickly and growing up really fast, because I was just put in sort of adult positions really young.

[Alex Cooper]

When you talked about also, like, being a mediator, I'm also thinking, like, I think every time a kid's worst nightmare is, like, who the fuck is going to be my stepmom or my stepdad?

[Madison Beer]

Dad. Like, multiple.

[Alex Cooper]

Okay, there you go. Like, was it hard for you to see, like, your father dating new women? And, like, was that, like, a weird dynamic for you?

[Madison Beer]

My dad's gonna kill me for talking about this. Love you, dad. It was really, really weird and really, really hard. And I think it was hard in ways that my dad. It's, I think, okay. To contextualize growing up. I think we all have that moment of, like, whoa, our parents are people weird. Okay? So that's like, a moment that I think you have at some point. Now, when I talk about this, I do look back as a man going through a divorce who was going through a difficult time, and I empathize with him in those ways. But at the same time, I look at myself and I'm like, I did have to see sort of this, like, he's gonna kill me. This, like, revolving door of women. And there was a lot of people, and, you know, there was things that I just sort of, like, had to see whether it was like him kissing someone or even having his arm around someone. That was weird. And of course, I was very protective of my mom and didn't want her to be hurt, of course. And it was hard, for sure. And my dad got remarried once, but kind of twice. Like, he. He had a very serious, like, six, seven year long relationship after his second wife. But it was hard. It definitely also instilled abandonment issues in me very, very young because I would develop this relationship with this woman who I sort of was like, oh, you're like, kind of my second mom. And I was actually into it because I enjoyed having these relationships with these, like, new women. It was fun. And then they would. I would never see them again. And it was really hard. And I do look back and think that that is, like, a lot of why I have maybe these, like, attachment abandonment issues. Yeah.

[Alex Cooper]

I also appreciate you saying, like, my dad is gonna kill me. I think it's a really weird. It's fucking weird. Like, trust me, I sit here and I've talked about family members and I'm like, what the fuck? And I. But weirdly on the other end. And I'm sure you felt this through your music and writing. Like, I can imagine the amount of young women listening being like, I'm in it right now, Madison. Like, one of my parents is going through it and it's not even to judge the parent again, because we're almost now going to get to the age where we're the parent and our kids are like, you fudged me up.

[Madison Beer]

Exactly.

[Alex Cooper]

But you can never get over what you saw at a young age. We're so impressionable. Anything we see that doesn't fully make sense to us and isn't like cut and dry, it can affect you and you absorb it and it becomes who you are.

[Madison Beer]

I literally have a song about my dad on my album and it was sort of uncomfortable because I. The first time I played it for him, we were in a big label meeting with like 30 people. And I wanted everyone to know that it was about my dad because it's quite a beautiful song. I kind of am at a place where I'm like, it's okay to write a song that maybe is like, negative because this is like a sliver of my experience with my dad. And he actually took it well. He liked it. He was like, it's beautiful.

[Alex Cooper]

Wait, what is the song?

[Madison Beer]

It's a song on my album.

[Alex Cooper]

Can you tell us the song name or no?

[Madison Beer]

It starts with an A. That's all I'll say.

[Alex Cooper]

Okay, that's enough.

[Madison Beer]

That's enough.

[Alex Cooper]

That's all I'll say.

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In your memoir, you write about one of the most traumatic experiences that you experienced in your rise of fame and your career. When you were only 15 years old, you had a nude video leaked and spread across the Internet.

[Madison Beer]

Yep.

[Alex Cooper]

Can you take us back to that moment, Madison, of like, when do you remember finding out that this got leaked and was spreading?

[Madison Beer]

It's unfortunately a memory I'll never be able to shake. It's remained so vividly to the point where like I still to this day, if I get a call in the middle of the night, it's I'm back, I'm 15 again and I'm in my room and I'm finding out that this video is out there and it's really scary.

So yeah, so I.

Yeah, I was 15, I probably was even maybe 14, 13 in some of the videos that exist. And I will get to the, where I'm going with, you know, the Multiples, but. So, of course, as a young girl, there was a boy that I liked from back home, and when I was sort of already like in LA a bit, going back and forth, I started sending videos of myself to him, as I think a lot of people do. And I also won't, like, ever convince myself that a lot of people don't do that, because I've seen tweets of people, people being like, maybe you shouldn't have been dumb enough to send that to this person. And why would you do that? And I'm like, because I was a young girl with also an app called Snapchat that literally deletes the video after you send it. What could. What. What's the harm in that? I remember hearing of this thing called Snapsave, and I was like, what the fuck is that? And someone told me it was an app that you can download that basically whenever you open a Snapchat, it saves to your camera roll automatically. And I was like, that can't be real. Cause you know how you get a notification when someone screen records or takes a screenshot? I was like, that something has to notify you.

[Alex Cooper]

Yeah.

[Madison Beer]

So I found out that existed, but I just didn't think that the person I was sending this stuff to would remotely ever think to do something like that, because this was someone I'd known my whole life. So I was wrong, obviously. When I first. First. First found out that it was going around, I don't. I think I was like, in bed or something, and someone had sent it to me and was like, yo, this is going. I just got this. No, it was like, I just got this sent to me. And I was like, who sent it to you? Where did you get this from? What the fuck? Full. Just like, I. I just couldn't believe what was going on. So I'm in crisis mode, just trying to trace it and do damage control and be like, where did it come from? Because maybe if I find the source, I can stop this. And I knew in my bones that the second it was texted to me, it would end up on the Internet, unfortunately. And I couldn't run from that fact. So it went from that to then my friend in Florida the next day, and this was someone from New York that originally texted me. My friend in Florida the next day calls me, and immediately, of course, I answer. And I'm like, what? What's going on? She's like, I just saw this video of you, and she sent me a different video. So now there's two. And I'm like, whoa, Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. And I just knew at that point it was spiraling, and I knew it was a matter of time until it got online. And it was so. It was so hard to just not tell my mom. And, like, I just didn't know what. I did not know what to do. And then that night was sort of when I got the, like. No, that wasn't even that night. It was that day, actually. I literally went to dance rehearsals, and I remember I was, like, with my choreographer, and I was just working on, like, dance movement or something for a show, and it was on Twitter, and it was just there, and I was just looking at it, and I remember just dropping to the floor and being like, oh, my God, what do I do? And I reached out to the person who posted it and begged them to delete it, and they just blocked me, straight up. Just blocked me immediately. And then now I'm staring at this gray screen with a dull username, and I'm like, I just feel powerless in the moment. And then I'm just sitting and typing my name in quotation marks on Twitter to see everything people are saying about me and just refreshing in real time. And it was just everywhere. And then it was on vine, and it was just on every social media platform possible so quickly. And I didn't realize until, like, years later that I was the victim in this situation. And I don't know, there's just so many. There's so many things I can say about it. And I think that some people who maybe haven't gone through it or men don't understand how truly, like, traumatizing something like this can be, especially for a minor. So when I talk about it, like, I've had people, of course, sympathize and be like, that's horrible. But I've also had people be like, who cares?

[Alex Cooper]

Okay.

[Madison Beer]

Yeah.

[Alex Cooper]

I'm so sorry. First of all, it's okay, like, disgusting that. Did you reach out to the kid that you were sending this shit to?

[Madison Beer]

Yeah, I did, and I was just really disappointed. And what did he say? He just denied that he did anything. And I was like, well, you're the only person that I sent these things to, so. And then. So it also then just continued to get worse. So then other videos would be uploaded that, you know, would be girls that I could sort of see a resemblance of. They maybe looked like me a bit, and people would think it was me. And then. And then I was put in this position that I couldn't admit to one video and deny the rest. And again, being 15 years old, I just denied it all being me. I was like, this isn't me. It's full stop. Just not me. Because I was also, at the time, the adults around me were telling me that it was bad and it was gonna ruin my career. And, oh, my goodness, this is just horrible. And I remember, like, you know, when we were younger, like, Miley Cyrus had that video of her smoking a bong going viral. And I remember thinking to myself, something like that at the time was really negative, that if I'm, like, naked in something, that's. That's a million times worse. And I just remember I kept thinking about that and just being like, I'm done. I'm finished. And it was so, so hard for so long. And I felt like the whole world had seen this video. And I. I also had this. This is also the beginning of having, like, real triggerable PTSD from the situation. Because right when I sort of started a couple weeks later, being able to breathe again and being like, okay, it's dying down. The Internet's finding something else to, like, fixate on. I got an anonymous text message, like, literally, like, I was in fucking Pretty Little Liars. That was a picture of a computer screen with, like, 50 videos on it that were all, like, little. And I'm looking at this, and I. And it's blurry, but I can see exactly what it is. And again, for anyone out there who's like, that's a lot of videos. I. I was a young, horny kid that, like, sent videos to a guy that I liked. Like, I'm not going to let anyone shame me for it because it is what it is. But, like, it was a. It was a lot. And I just, like, was staring at this, and I couldn't believe that they had everything I'd ever sent. And I know that in some of these videos, again, I'm like, 13, 14, 15. These are, like, year. I'm not talking about a day. Like, these are years worth of, like, nudes I'm sending to this kid. So that just instilled a whole other level of paranoia. Am I being watched? Does someone have my Snapchat hacked? Like, what is going on right now? And I think what was the most, like, difficult part was knowing in my bones that I wasn't the one who was at fault, that the boy who betrayed my trust was the one who should be at fault. But that was also me learning very quickly that, like, men and women get treated very differently.

[Alex Cooper]

I appreciate you saying that, because as you were saying, like, I love that you said, like, I'm not ashamed. Like, it's so sick and sad. There's so many people that may listen to this and being like, it's her fault. Like, why would you send that?

[Madison Beer]

I.

[Alex Cooper]

You said you could fill one computer. I could have felled 20 Madison.

[Madison Beer]

It's like. And like, we're all young women that are like, right. We get Snapchat, social media. We're like, exploring our bodies. We feel good. We're gonna take a picture. A lot of us are gonna take a picture.

[Alex Cooper]

And there is something to be said also of like, I remember there are moments of like, kind of peer pressure, of like, the guy you're talking to is asking for it, and you're like, I feel uncomfortable. Like, I want to, like, impress him.

[Madison Beer]

So, like, if I don't do it, another girl will. Like all that.

[Alex Cooper]

Then you start sending it and then it opens up the floodgates and it's like, it doesn't stop. And I appreciate you clarifying, though, and, like, we will get to that in a little bit of, like, you are the victim here.

Could you not have pressed charges on this kid?

[Madison Beer]

I could have, I think, but I feel like maybe this is a downfall of to me, but I look at it as a, I guess, good thing. Even though maybe there are people in my life who should be held accountable for things. I just feel like we were so young, and he was a young boy and he was 14, 15 years old himself. I just. As much as I was hurt, I don't. I don't know. I don't hold it against him. And maybe that's wrong, but I just don't think. I don't think that he's evil. I think that the people who are evil are the people who. He didn't post on the Internet. I think he saved it to show his guy friends and look and act cool, which is wrong. I'm not saying that that's okay at all. But he was so young. I think he was just like, look like, yeah, hot girl sending me nudes. I really just don't think it was malicious. And that's been something that I've had to come to that place because I have seen people do evil shit. I've had people in the last. So on my 21st birthday was when I, like, posted on International Women's Day saying sort of like, I take back the anxiety and the shame that I felt all these years, and I don't let. I'm not letting anyone control me because I had someone threatening Me at that time being like, I'm gonna leak this. You're a whore. Everyone's gonna know all this stuff. And that was to me, like, that is a malicious person that is trying to use like, revenge porn.

[Alex Cooper]

Yes.

[Madison Beer]

I don't think that the guy who did this was doing that to me. And I know people are going to be like, that's no, no, no.

[Alex Cooper]

I. To back you up there at first, I will say my jaw dropped a little. I fuck that motherfucker. No, I get what you're saying. Again, we're having a conversation about minors. So I think it's like, I get what you're saying. Where there is also a bro culture that has been instilled of him being able to puff his chest around the kids in element middle school, high school, to be like, look, I got these nudes. But it wasn't his intent to then be like, I want the world to see this. There was no. Again, this is though a PSA to any men or young boys. Listening, like, this can ruin someone's life.

[Madison Beer]

Many girls have committed suicide over this. I attempted to over this. This was something that was like weighing on me for years and years of just like. It just also was like I felt so betrayed and like, not even by. Yes, by him, but also by like a girl was the person who first uploaded it. I know for a fact because we like traced. I had to hire. So also I discussed this in my book. I had to hire a web sheriff is something that I didn't even know existed out of my own money. Every dollar I'd earned up until that point in my career I then spent on clearing this and scrubbing it from the Internet. And something that I want to like bring this conversation back to is that I am hopeful that now the Internet would protect a 14, 15 year old girl who had something like this happen. I think it would be removed on TikTok instantaneously. Removed on Twitter instantaneously. I didn't get that privilege. And I think it was just a different time in 2014 and people had little to no compassion for me specifically. And yeah, I sort of just got the sharp end of the stick. That was like really difficult. And it was spreading on. I remember specifically Twitter and Vine like wildfire and just people. Not one person was like, isn't this girl a minor? Isn't she really young? Like, no one said that it was horrible.

[Alex Cooper]

Okay.

Also to just people that.

Weren'T obviously there had to read this. Like, can you remember, like, what was being said on the Internet about you at that time.

[Madison Beer]

Well, first of all, of course, so much endless like sexualization of just even grown men participating in the conversation of like oh, I want to fuck her and she looks so hot and this and that. And it's, it's funny when you obviously when you're young, you don't realize how young you really are. And so I didn't at the time. I knew it was inappropriate, but I wasn't as shocked and disgusted as I am now. But I do remember warning for the graphicness. I remember there was a video that I saw and it's one of those things that like once you click it, like it's. You're like sort of in this trance of like, oh my God, this guy had a, had the video, one of them on his TV in his room and had like a sex doll. And he was just like having aggressive sex with this sex doll while watching this video of me of a 14 year old little girl. And it was a grown man, like visibly a grown adult. And I remember just like first of all being reminded of being sexually abused as a child. And I was like, I just, I couldn't like take my eyes off of it cause of how shocking it was. That was also like the day I discovered what like being triggered was. And I was just. It was. I had so many feelings and emotions of like, just like that image will never leave my head. I was so disturbed by it and so afraid. I felt so unsafe and just like scared. And there was so many layers of like peeling the onion of that, of how that made me feel. And again like just no, no one saying that it was wrong.

[Alex Cooper]

There's so many things to unpack.

[Madison Beer]

Yeah, there's a lot.

Foreign.

[Alex Cooper]

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You talk about.

In your memoir kind of how like all of these people are online. They're calling you a. They're slut shaming you. They're talking about you. You're a minor.

[Madison Beer]

Yeah.

[Alex Cooper]

I also vividly remember the scene. It like made me want to vomit of it could have been like a 45 year old man or like a full grown man getting off to you again as a minor.

[Madison Beer]

Yep.

[Alex Cooper]

And Henry, sit down.

[Madison Beer]

Come here Henry.

[Alex Cooper]

Oh, he goes back.

You mentioned in the book that you were abused as a child and I thought it was really.

Sad but like insightful to hear you talk about like these comments that were being said to you. Of course they were so hurtful. But what people didn't understand was how painful they were for you to be called A and A. Yeah. And yet you are looking at yourself. Barely have ever been in a sexual relationship at this point in your life.

[Madison Beer]

Yeah.

[Alex Cooper]

Can you go back a little to your childhood and as much as you're comfortable sharing like.

How did you handle what happened to you and how old were you?

[Madison Beer]

Yeah. I think that I never have spoken about anything like this up until now because I just didn't feel like there was a platform or a place to do it that felt appropriate. And that's why I felt like the book was a great place to do it and I didn't want to go too much in detail because you can't really put a trigger warning on a book. So I just wanted to sort of like allude to that.

Well, okay, so firstly, yeah, there was, you know, someone in, in my childhood that was around me frequently that sort of would. That I had an inappropriate relationship with very early on. I would say like.

Probably, I don't even know. I would say maybe six, seven. I. I'm not sure it sort of began. And.

I've also like. I want to say like I've come to peace with this because I feel like in talking in person with some people about this, I've been able to create. I've been able to like join this community of women specifically that I feel really proud to like stand amongst genuinely. So I remember feeling really dirty after like all of anything I would endure, whether it was like whatever it was. And I just remember like feeling like I had done something wrong. Not being able to fully articulate what.

I don't know. I feel like I just look back.

And being.

Someone who had gone through all of this so privately. Whereas like my own family didn't even know about this until. I mean this might be news to like some people in my family, but my like my mom, I didn't even tell my mom till years later.

[Alex Cooper]

Who is the first person you told?

[Madison Beer]

Man?

My ex boyfriend was the first person I told, I think like ever.

I sort of also blocked it out for a really long time and I didn't want to accept that it had happened. Dating that person and having like everyone on the online, you know, call me names like a slut or a whore and stuff, when in reality he was the first person who ever laid a finger on me consensually for a fact. And it was really difficult to have people, especially like people who would speculate about, you know, all the other guys that I had in theory hooked up with when they were actually just my friends. I never hooked up with any of them. I might have like kissed one or two of them, but that was like the extent of it. And people were just like, oh, she slept with all of them and she did this. And I'm like, whoa, you guys don't even know it took me so long to like have sex with my first boyfriend because I was so afraid and like traumatized. So it just, it just goes to show that people really have no idea what the they're talking about.

[Alex Cooper]

No, I agree. It's like there was such like this like sexualization of you on the Internet. Like I remember doing research for this, like looking up that first kind of public relationship that you had and this kid had a Following. And you had a following again.

How old were you?

[Madison Beer]

Like, 15 when we started.

[Alex Cooper]

15. Okay. And so it's like we have this incident, which I do want to go back to, because I do think, sadly, so many women actually experience revenge porn and blackmail. But then you have this multiple moments where you're then dating this kid, and there's people on the Internet slut shaming you, being like, she's a whore, she's fucked his friends. Again, as a child, having been abused, then having the most violating experience with your nudes, and then having people look at your, like, romantic relationship. None of this is any accountability to any man in any of these situations. It's you.

Yeah.

You and your body and, like, the fixation on you. It's so sick. And it, like, it makes me so upset because, again, it's like. And I. Not back to the kid that released your nudes, but it is kind of like, where is any accountability for any men in this situation?

[Madison Beer]

In this society, we don't hold men accountable. It's like, even. Have you been seeing this? Like, what? Whenever there's, like, a girl who posts sexual things online, they're like, fatherless behavior. I'm like, why are you blaming the girl if she doesn't have a father? Why are we not blaming a father who walked out on their child? Potentially. Question marks.

[Alex Cooper]

It's full question mark.

[Madison Beer]

It's just always like, it's how I think. It's. It's just. And I think there's things like that that we've become so accustomed to that we don't even realize these. These are men who will comment, like, fatherless behavior. And I'm like, do you not realize that you're like. Like you're saying something horrible? Like, the call is coming from within the house. What are we talking about? Why are you blaming a girl? You're saying, okay, so you're. You're saying that this girl turned out this way, which you're again portraying as negative, yet you're also addicted to porn. And, like, let's not even get into that. So you're gonna. You're gonna then blame and shame a girl who's posting with, like, her boobs looking, whatever, and say fatherless behavior. But we're not going to talk about the fact that you're not discussing that maybe a parent actually did walk out on this little girl. And that's horrible, right? Like, what the are you saying? I'm sorry.

[Alex Cooper]

No, no, no, it's fine. No, I get upset too, because it's like, Back to this whole exploitation of your life. I guess I didn't ask you, like, how. How did you tell your family when all this was going down?

[Madison Beer]

It's like another really fucked up story that, like, you actually won't even believe sometimes. And I have to laugh at this point because I'm like, my ex boyfriend's Snapchat got hacked, and I'm on FaceTime with him and I'm like, hey, babe, why are you typing to me on Snapchat? Because he sends you a notification when you're typing and he's like, I'm not. And he goes and opens Snapchat. He's logged out our conversation about a week prior that we used to save all of our conversations like this. Even if they were ones that we wanted to delete, we would save them, whatever. So he types to me a message that says, basically, I hacked this person's Snapchat and I know that you were R worded, and I'm gonna tell the entire Internet if you don't follow me on Instagram and, like, do X, Y and Z. And I was like, what the fuck? And I'd only told him this in person, like, a couple months prior, but we were talking about it on Snapchat because something had happened. I forget what. Obviously that upset me. And I was just talking to him about, like, you know, because this happened, I feel really upset and da, da, da. And I was now being threatened to release, basically to do things to shout this person out on Instagram and to do things online to benefit this guy, or else he was gonna leak this information to the public. So in that moment, I was like, well, this isn't how I want my mom to find out. So I had to call my mom and be like, hey, something might end up on the Internet that I think you should know. Yeah, that's why I just laugh because.

[Alex Cooper]

I'm like, madison, it's just crazy. We. And. And that. Unreal.

Sorry.

To confirm that was over the nudes or the sexual abuse when you were younger?

[Madison Beer]

No, that was. Yeah, that was over the sexual abuse when I was younger. Was literally someone threatening to leak it online. And my. My mother had no idea that I ever endured any of that, so I literally had to call her on the phone. Like, what the. I just.

[Alex Cooper]

No, I get what you mean, though. You almost have to, like, laugh through it, because I obviously know I've cried enough.

[Madison Beer]

Yes, I've cried enough. Yeah. My whole, like, past 10 years have been. Not even my past 24 years have been filled with Tears that I'm like, I'm at the point where I've just accepted things and I'm just like, I feel like I've made lemonade out of lemons and I feel like I'm a good person and I feel like in a up way all of these experiences have shaped me to be better. That I'm like. I also want to say that like there's, there's. I think that because I'm coming across like light hearted about this, I obviously want to say that this is something with like extensive therapy that I've been able to have the perspective of like I do believe. I don't want to say everything happens for a reason because the biggest thing I say in my book is that just because I endured these things and turned out okay and I was able to turn these things into in the most fucked up way, a positive, it doesn't mean I should have had to go through them. And that's been the biggest thing with therapy that I've learned is being able to tell myself like, you didn't deserve these things and just because you've done, just because you've shouldered them gracefully and you've been able to like survive doesn't mean you should have gone through them. Just because you're able to talk about it and hopefully help other people to does not fucking mean that anyone nor myself should have gone through these things. So that's something that I've been able to just like give myself. So I want anyone watching or listening to know that I'm at peace with these things. But I still like literally two nights ago I was so triggered and so upset about something that happened that I like was dissociating and didn't know where I was and was like very afraid and felt like a little girl again. Like I have a lot of issues still that I'm very much so working through. So I don't want people to think I'm just like haha, okay about it. I just can't. Yeah, I just, I just can't like break down and cry about it every time because I'm just at a place where I'm like, you know, it. Yeah, it is, it sort of says what it is.

[Alex Cooper]

What? You don't have to tell me. You can be like next. But like, can you do you mind sharing like what is it that would trigger you like the other day? Like what makes you dissociate and go into a different place?

[Madison Beer]

Yeah, there's a few things.

I'm really petrified of. The Dark, which I have a hard time saying publicly because I feel like the paranoia. I have also horrible paranoia, which, as you can see, why.

The paranoia in me thinks someone's gonna purposely do that to me and put me in a dark room or a dark place and just, like, want to see me suffer. So that's like, why I've never really talked about it. But I also discuss in the book, like, on tour we'll have the. Obviously we have blackouts after every song. I had to do, like, submersion therapy almost where I was like, I had to like, work myself up to going from like a 0.5 second blackout to a 3 second blackout and being able to sort of be okay in those moments. And I had to literally, like, submerse myself in it and like, get through that. And that was something I worked on with my therapist before I went on tour. And now I have this, like, simple yet effective thing where, like, I just. I like sort of do this and it helps, like, ground me. It's weird. And I also. People don't really see, but when I do have a blackout, there will be people on both sides of the stage with some form of light that just helps remind me where I am because I can just get, like, lost in it. And sometimes I'll feel like I'm in, you know, the place that I was abused and whatnot. So I just need something to kind of ground me. Whether it's like, okay, I'm here, I'm at my show, I hear my fans screaming I'm okay. Or like, looking to the side of the stage and seeing, like, there's one song I have called Sour Times that has like, quite a long blackout at the beginning at my concert. And if you look at videos, you'll sort of always see me looking off to the left or right at my dancers. Because if I know people are there, I'm okay. Yeah, but I have such an amazing. What's helped me so much is I have such amazing friends and family and relationships with people that like, for example, when I go to, like, Universal, if I'm in a dark ride, someone will just hold my hand and be like, I'm here with you and it's okay. And it's so nice. And to have people that just sort of of don't make it like, oh, she's so dramatic, or she doesn't. Because I'm not gonna also go into depth and explain to everyone what happened or, hey, just let. Letting everyone know I'm really scared of the dark and don't ask why. It's just not something I care to really make public or talk about. So it's really nice when I have someone who's able to just, yeah, be like, hey, I'm here and you're good one.

[Alex Cooper]

I appreciate. And like, we are, like, talking, like, in bits. Like, people have to go read your book because, like, you did such an incredible job bringing us through everything you've been through. But the amount of women that have had some type of sexual violence or sexual abuse, like, is there anything that has specifically helped you cope that you could share with people that are also kind of in this, like, really deep healing journey right now and trying to find a way to keep going?

[Madison Beer]

I mean, there's so many things I can say. I think that there's. Yeah, there's like, endless things I can talk about. I think everyone's also situation is very specific to them, so it's hard to give, like, a marginalized. Like, this helped me. I know that, like, setting boundaries. It sounds vague, but that's been super huge for me is just being able to be like, hey, I'm uncomfortable with the topic of discussion here. Or, like, I don't want to be in this room or that person makes me uncomfortable. Like, just little things like that. And being able to, I always say, be your own best friend and look out for yourself the same way you would look out for your best friend is really helpful and I think just being patient. It took me years and years to be able to even discuss this. Like, I think that anyone who's a fan of mine is going to be like, what? We had no idea. And I've been very open and candid about a lot of things that I've gone through, but this has never been something that I've been ready to talk about. And.

Yeah, it's just. I don't know, it's all. It's all a journey. There's no right answer. There's nothing that anyone could say to, like, make it okay or go away. And I think just, yeah, I don't know, hopefully, like, wishing anyone who's listening to find peace someday. It's. It's really hard and it's. I don't know. There's. There's no. There's literally nothing I can say. It's, like, very difficult. Yeah.

[Alex Cooper]

You mentioned while you were talking about everything with what happened with the nudes, which I think is, like, very important to talk about, is people behind computer screens have forgotten on their little fake accounts or even their main accounts if they Are, like, shameless, literally. They have, like, we have forgotten. Even if you're posting something that's, like, funny, and then you're like, was that insensitive? We have forgotten because social media has completely desensitized us how hurtful things can be. And it. There is not even, like, enough hours in the day for us to have this conversation. But you just said casually, you were like. And that also led me to attempting to take my own life. And, like.

And I. I just want to talk about that for a minute because it's like, it's so real. You lived it and you can talk about it, but it's like, we have to talk about it because, like, people need to realize what their words can do. And so you sitting there by yourself as a minor going through this, like, it's so sick. Like, can you try to articulate? And it's not your job to, like, right the wrongs of people, but maybe there's someone listening that will, like, never write a negative comment again because, like, you're someone sitting here that has endured so much online bullying. Like, where do. Where do you go when those type of comments come on your feed and come on your post?

[Madison Beer]

I think that it's something that I still, unfortunately, struggle with, which should speak volumes to anyone out there who, you know, I don't want to say is a hater, but is a hater. Not only to me, to anyone. It's been over 10 years, and I still have not gotten used to it. I recently, like, walked a carpet, and people just had, like, a million negative things to say about, like, my body and, like, how I looked, and it was, like, really hurtful. And I had a panic attack about it. And so I think, again, it's something that you never get used to. I was raised, because I was raised in the industry to be told and to tell people it doesn't affect you and you're strong. And it was sort of. And it was. It was done with the right intention, I believe, of.

If you want to be a good role model for your fans and let them, like, think that you're this strong individual that doesn't let things get to them, which is what I want my fans to think and people who look up to me, whatever. But it felt so.

Disingenuous to me. And I was like, it does get to me, though. And I spend every night crying my eyes out because people are so vicious that I don't feel right when an interviewer is like, how do you deal with hate? I'm like, it doesn't affect me. It's fine. I was like, this needs to be something that I'm honest about. So I just stopped with that nonsense because I felt like it was really silly. And I felt like I owed it to people to know that their words hurt and even if that's honestly what they wanted to hear, because some of them probably got satisfaction hearing that I was affected by their words. But it's important. I think it's never going to end. I think people should know that your words have power. I think that people's digital footprints should be more serious, that say things like, kill yourself to people. And, you know, there's also people who I've spoken to who haven't ever dealt with it, who are like, just turn your phone off. Why do you even read it? I'm like, it's not that simple. And especially someone like me who has been unfortunately scrolling and scrolling through hate comments since I was 12 years old. It's become, like, part of my nature to see, to seek out what people have to say about me. And it's been something because I'm also, just, like, being completely genuine. I'm someone who does care about what people think about me. Like, I pride myself on being a kind individual who has a good heart that, like, wants me to feel good. I. I think that that's what life is about. And I want people to be happy when they're around me. And I. Whatever the it is, like, that's something that's really important to me and has been deeply ingrained in me as a human being. So when I read tens of thousands of comments of people saying things that I know are so far from the truth about me and my character, it bothers me. And I can't help but look and I can't help but be upset by it. And it sucks. And I wish I didn't care, but I do.

[Alex Cooper]

Yeah, that was something in your book that I was like, this is dark. Because it was like, you were like, at that age, at 15, 14 when those were released, you were like, I was using all of my money to have this person try to get them off the Internet. But you were personally going through each website, each forum and sending them to this guy. So you are having to watch the man jerking off the doll.

[Madison Beer]

Everything.

[Alex Cooper]

You were seeing everything.

[Madison Beer]

Everything.

[Alex Cooper]

And to have that level of violation to then paranoia and then to have to read every comment like, and looking like, like, what do they say? What do they say? I don't think under. People understand, like, I understand it's like, oh, what was you. You choose this life. If there was a forum. I want everyone to pause for a minute. If there was a forum that you knew, you're sitting at home right now. If you knew someone was writing things about you 10 out of 10 times, you're clicking.

[Madison Beer]

Well, it's funny because I'll have, like, friends of mine who will say, like, similar things of, like, well, you know, you sort of, like, chose this, and if you can't handle it, you shouldn't be in your. Your position. I'm like, well, why does being in my position mean I have to endure abuse?

[Alex Cooper]

You talked about this red carpet moment, and I feel like there's so many people that are so fascinated by your looks and your body and what you are doing, and people have so much to say about it. It's like, you, you look perfect. You. You're setting an unrealistic beauty standard. There's all these people. But I'm like, okay, let's pause for five seconds about, like, what anyone else thinks. How do you feel about your body image and your sexuality now?

[Madison Beer]

I think that it's. It's very hard. I mean, it was something that was scrutinized publicly for so long, but it's. Again, it goes into, I think, being a woman and people objectifying you and looking at you as just a pretty face and nothing more. And if you ask a man to name three women who inspire him, like, he probably is going to have a very difficult time doing so. And obviously there are some men who can. There are a lot of men who can't. And I think that society in general objectifies women and makes them to be not talented enough, not smart enough, not good enough, not articulate enough. And I just. I don't know, I feel like it does sort of, like, feed into all of it. I feel like it's interlocked in this weird, misogynistic way. And. I don't know.

[Alex Cooper]

No, I. I completely agree. I think, like, listening to everything that you've said, reading your memoir, like, it feels really disheartening of, like, the lack of protection you had as a young girl, the exploitation, the violation, and there's this, like, sense of entitlement that men have over women and our bodies, and we essentially come into this world and it almost feels like we have no autonomy over our bodies. Look at the abortion issue we just dealt with. Like, it is really sad. And I think. And you don't have to comment on this, but, like, it's the truth. Then there's a different level also for, like, a very attractive woman. Like, we just watched the Pamela Anderson doc and it's like the world also believes. Listen, the world believes that if you're a pretty woman, like, they're entitled to look and, and get off to and stare at your body. And it's so dehumanizing. And it is also completely stripping you of your ability to feel like you're going to be seen and heard for what you've been through. And it is like, I hate everyone.

[Madison Beer]

It's really difficult.

[Alex Cooper]

It's like I want to, like, scream when I have conversations because it's like.

[Madison Beer]

All the time, all hours of the day.

[Alex Cooper]

It's, it's, it's, it's awful.

[Madison Beer]

I just don't think that men ever get that same level of, like, objectification, of like, you're just something pretty to look at. And I'm like. But I feel like I have a lot to show that isn't just that. It's always the, like, I have a platinum single right? The.

[Alex Cooper]

Thank you. It's like, oh, God, she seems angry. I am. I am angry.

[Madison Beer]

Literally generational.

[Alex Cooper]

And we're two white women sitting here. So it's like the layers that go underneath it of, like, women, minorities, underprivileged.

[Madison Beer]

Like, like, it's never ending.

[Alex Cooper]

It's never ending. So everyone that has a penis listening to this, just hear us a little bit today.

[Madison Beer]

Seriously.

[Alex Cooper]

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In your memoir, you write and I I just think it's important to read this because a lot of what we've talked about. This is an interesting summation of how you wrote this. You said it feels like my entire life's journey thus far has been a perfectly crafted cocktail of situations that landed me at this borderline personality diagnosis. As if my biography could be written and titled how to Give Someone BPD A Step by Step Guide.

What do you want people to understand from you writing that?

[Madison Beer]

I think that when I read, you know, when you read something about like your astrological sign, you're like, that's so me. I feel like when I first discovered not only what BPD was, but how one can become diagnosed with it or what the things that have to sort of happen to a young developing mind in order to whatever. I literally was like this, this is feel scripted. It felt, it felt humorous to me because I was like, this is just such a recipe for disaster, honestly. And I just, I knew, I knew that it was the right diagnosis for me when I, when I was diagnosed with it because of course it just felt so right. But I just, yeah, I couldn't. It just felt like I was like, was this the goal in my life was for people to like give me this disorder? I don't understand It. So, yeah, I don't. I don't know. It's. It's very. It's very strange.

[Alex Cooper]

I mean, there's so many different stigmas around so many different mental health disorders or, you know, things people are going through. But, like, specifically with bpd, I think there's such a lack of education around this topic. And I do appreciate you saying, like, how to give someone bpd. Like, not that any mental health disorder is anyone's fault, but this is not something you were born with. Like, this happened to you. Yeah. Developed, and it develops through trauma in childhood. And so, like, I appreciate you writing this because it's like, let's have a little empathy and compassion when someone says that they are struggling or they have bpd. Like, that's actually such a great way to start a conversation with someone of, like, I'm here for you. Like, I want to listen to you. I want to understand you. I want to understand what you've been through. Like, you're not a bad person. You're a wonderful person with a great heart, and you had a lot of happen to you. But, like, I just felt like the way that you wrote it, people don't understand it. And I really appreciated the way that you said that. I'm like, how to give someone it. Like, this shit happened to you, but you're alive and you're here and you've.

[Madison Beer]

Like, powered through, thankfully. Yeah. And it's. It's. I really appreciate you saying that. It's just hard to. It's hard to, like, think about my younger self sometimes. I get really emotional about it because I just feel like I. Of course, I'm really grateful for the place that I'm in, and I'm really grateful for, like, the insight that I've been given and all of that stuff. But I just. I think about my younger self, who.

It just. I don't. Yeah. There was so many times where it felt like the only way out was to end it. And I just. I don't know, I just feel like I.

Am grateful for sure, for everything, because I feel like I wouldn't be the person I am today if literally everything didn't happen. But it's hard to come to terms with a lot of these things. And I. It's hard to not feel bitter, I think, towards people because. And that's the biggest thing that, like, my therapist, who's amazing, always says to me, and she's like, I'm so glad that you've never turned cold to people and you're still like warm and fuzzy and friendly and you want to be friends with everyone and you still have like, faith in people. But it's a lot. It's hard. It's a hard journey.

[Alex Cooper]

I'm happy I read the book because I am too. Again, you. There are so many good things in your life, and there's really hard moments. And you write about a lot of heavy stuff in here about like multiple times thinking about or trying to take your life.

[Madison Beer]

Yeah.

[Alex Cooper]

And in the summer of 2019, you wrote about how it was like the best part of your career. You were at a career high, but like, personally, you had never been lower. What were you going through?

[Madison Beer]

That was the year that I started to really face everything that had happened to me in my younger years. Whether it's like coming to terms that so many people have the wrong idea of me or the sexual abuse, or people have naked pictures of me. There were so many things that I felt like were just like really catching up with me. I also, that was the age that I started to feel a lot of guilt around my little brother because I feel like I sort of uprooted and changed his life without him having any say over it. And I still feel guilt surrounding that to this day because I know how it was to get my childhood sort of taken from me in ways that he didn't even have a choice. It was like, you're just along for the ride. And I feel so sorry for that to this day. So that was a lot. And I had a lot of things just like really, really weighing on me heavily for so long. And I just felt like I was. I just felt like also nothing would ever change. I felt like I would live in this sort of like, begging to be seen place for the rest of my life. I was like, I'm never, no one's ever gonna know me and I'm never gonna have a real friendship and I'm always gonna be like, betrayed or like blackmailed and just so many endless things. I'm also, I'm never gonna be a successful artist. There was so many things weighing on me that I really. I started self harming again, which I had been clean for a while. And so that was again something that was like, oh, you're weak and you did the wrong thing and whatever. So. So I just felt like it was something I'd been thinking about for a really long time. I also always said to people, and this is like horrible and dark, but probably from like Starting at like 15, I would always tell people because, you know, we have Those conversations, like, do you have any idea of, like, how you think you're gonna die? I would always say, I know I'm gonna die from suicide. I know.

And now that makes me so sad because I just think about that like, child who was just hurting and felt like she was screaming into a void all the time and no one cared to listen. And that just makes me really sad. And I wish I can hug her. I thought that everyone on the fucking face of this earth would have rathered me dead. And so I just. I did attempt.

Twice. And yeah, I'm really grateful that I was obviously unsuccessful, but I think people need to understand that, like, it's really serious and not something to joke about. And I just, like, my life was almost over. Like, I almost died. I almost was dead because of all of this. And it's a lot to comprehend. It's a lot for me to think about. It's a lot for me to accept that people made me feel that way. People kicked me while I was down and just like, did not give a fuck. Did not look at me as human at all. I would think about the tweets that would be posted the next day. People like, laughing and making fun of the fact that I was debt. And I knew it would happen. That was the sickest part, was like, I. I still know to this day that if it happened, people would joke about it. Because I've seen people joke about the most horrible things ever online. And I think it all just ties back into the fact of, like, I just hope for a day of like, people having empathy and people not judging each other and being able to be kind and loving.

But I still, like. I definitely don't feel like I have this like suicidal ideation thing and in me anymore. But I still have really, really horrible dark days. Like to this day that I just feel defeated and I just. There's so much grieving I do from my younger self and there's so much like I. I am a bit angry, a little towards the Internet in some ways. I feel like I never got an apology from a lot of people. I don't know. I feel like I'm still also, like, made fun of all the time. I'll talk in a video and people be like, she's so cringy and embarrassing.

[Alex Cooper]

Does it make you. Does it make you nervous?

[Madison Beer]

I never want to talk ever again.

[Alex Cooper]

No. But I'm wondering, like, will you have anxiety before this comes out?

[Madison Beer]

Oh, 100. I'm like, already, like, can we restart, like, literally? Like, it's I'm like, no, it's how I am.

[Alex Cooper]

But that is why I do appreciate podcasting because I'm like, I wish people were just nice.

[Madison Beer]

It's like so. It's so crazy. That's like a huge ask of people. Can you just be nice and like, not like, we're going through it, like.

[Alex Cooper]

Listen to what you're going through.

[Madison Beer]

I'm in pain. Please. It's just too much.

[Alex Cooper]

You are currently in a relationship. We don't need to talk about your relationship. But I do want to know about you in relationships, dealing with everything that you're going through. And it seems like again, you said 2019 was how when you kind of really started to break in to everything that happened to you. And I also want to say, like, people that are going to start therapy, like, it, it is a, at first to open up Pandora's box and be like, yeah, whoa.

[Madison Beer]

Yeah.

[Alex Cooper]

But when you finally even get a little bit on that other side of like, it's the best, it's the best. And you find a reason to live and you find like a perspective that you could have never had. When you're in a relationship and you're going through all this, like, how does having a partner and having to have someone in your life and be, you know, in this dynamic where you have to be not selfish all the time and not focusing on yourself, like, how does that affect your mental health of being in a relationship while you're going through this mental health journey?

[Madison Beer]

I think there's two sides of the coin. I think on side A, I recognize that I've become definitely very codependent. I've had three now long term relationships in my life back to back. I've like really never been single. I've just been like, in very serious relationships. I think that is because of. Of my deep rooted abandonment issues and attachment style and whatever. And I am working through that. But I think on the other side, it's been amazing and I feel like I've been able to. Obviously breakups are really hard, but I think in all three of my relationships, I look back and I feel, you know, a lot of support at times from those people. And especially in my current one, like, I feel, yeah, supported and I feel like, taken care of in, in a way that I can break down and like, I have someone to lean on and I, I think it's important.

[Alex Cooper]

What's a red flag in dating that you used to ignore that you would now if you saw it, you would like, run the other direction. Like you Used to put up with, but you're like, nope, not now.

[Madison Beer]

There's a lot.

[Alex Cooper]

Okay.

[Madison Beer]

First being when guys. I know this is so basic, but when guys say, like, my ex girlfriend is so crazy, I'm like, oh, so you were horrible and you don't want to be accountable, is what you're trying to say Cool. So that I don't, like, at all. I feel like also, it's just. It's just like, you can't convince me that your ex girlfriend was just, like, crazy for no reason. Like, you definitely caused her to be that way. So I don't really give a fuck what you have to say about yourself.

[Alex Cooper]

It's your fault.

[Madison Beer]

It just drives insane. And I've heard people say it, and it won't even be like, forget Red Flag in dating. Like, if. If I'm in a room of boys and they're, like, talking about even a girl they, like, slept with in a negative way, I'm like, twitching. I'm sitting there like, are you fucking joking right now? Who raised you? But, yeah, I hate. I especially can't handle it in a guy who's like, my. My crazy ex girlfriend. I'm like, sir.

But other than that, I think that someone who, like, oof. I don't know. There's so many things I can say. I think hygiene is, like, huge. Brush your teeth. Please, I'm begging you, please brush your teeth.

[Alex Cooper]

We just went from, like, crazy. I feel like, hygiene, Alex, like, it is through.

[Madison Beer]

Wash your hair. It's been three weeks.

[Alex Cooper]

Please.

[Madison Beer]

Like, I'm begging you. I'm literally begging. I'm dead.

[Alex Cooper]

How did that. I did. That's the last thing I thought you would say. Hygiene.

[Madison Beer]

Please, Please. Okay.

[Alex Cooper]

Hygiene. And when someone says their ex hygiene.

[Madison Beer]

And when someone says their ex girlfriend is crazy, I don't believe you for a fucking second.

[Alex Cooper]

Something that I love to do on Call Her Daddy is like, if there are rumors or if there have been, like, anything kind of out there that people are, like, speculating. I'm like, let's just get to the bottom of it.

[Madison Beer]

Sure.

[Alex Cooper]

People are so confused. Like, this video came out that Justin posted of you, and there's so much controversy on the Internet of, like, you may have had connections to him and people before. And I'm like, who cares if that's the case?

[Madison Beer]

Like, right.

[Alex Cooper]

In any way, shape or form, did you have or anyone in your family or anyone know anyone in Justin's camp? And it wasn't like, a random thing that he stumbled upon to you on YouTub?

[Madison Beer]

Definitely no correlation to Justin. I was Justin's biggest, biggest fan. Let me make that very abundantly clear. He was my lock screen. When I met Scooter. I was like crying my eyes out, screaming when Scooter played me boyfriend the day that he signed me. There's a lot of things, but at this point, the truth is all that I really care to talk about because I think that it just doesn't matter at this point. It's 10 years ago. So literally, to break it down quite simply, my mom and dad have no music industry correlation. My mom was an interior designer, My dad was a builder. Like, it just was not part of our life. The only person that my mom knew as I was younger that sort of had an in with those people was a guy who owns Catch, like the restaurants.

[Alex Cooper]

Got it.

[Madison Beer]

Which for those of you who don't know are like la, New York hotspot restaurants. And she sort of knew him. And she, being a proud mom, posted my YouTube video to her Facebook and was texting all her friends, like, you know, who. Who could get my daughter like an audition somewhere. Like, she. My dream was to be on Broadway. That was like my number one dream. So she was like, who can help my daughter? Whatever. So she messaged this guy Mark and was like, do you know anyone who maybe would want to, like, I don't even know. Like, we didn't even know at the time, like, what the verbiage was or what the goal was. It was more so just like, clearly I was a kid who loved to sing and what can we do with this, right? People also have this idea that my mom knew Scooter personally because there's a picture that this is also. I have to again, contextualize. Peak of me being like, hated online. When I was like 16 years old, this rumor began to spread and there's a picture of some woman with Scooter when in like college. And people are like, this is Madison's mom and Scooter Braun in college. My mom's like 15 years older than Scooter, mind you. And also like, we. It's just that. That's just not true. And at this point I would just say, yeah, that he. She did. People have this idea that, like, you can buy your way. Like, I. My dad like, wrote him a check and was like, sign my daughter. You know how many kids would be famous? Yeah, Like, I just. It's just not. It's just not true. And it's. It's quite silly. And I think that obviously also what Scooter Braun, who had Justin Bieber as his artist, do you think he really like needed to sign little Madison beer from Long Island? Like it also didn't work out so it wasn't like, you know, so I just. Yeah. So basically to make a long story short, Mark ended up connecting us with Scooter who then showed to Justin and that's how it all happened. And it was just, just quite simple and it was all very cool for me and very exciting. 12 year old me, I was just excited that Justin Bieber watched one of my videos.

[Alex Cooper]

Right. Also it's not like anyone was like, justin, you have to post this. No, no, he had to have liked it to post it.

[Madison Beer]

He, I think felt passionate about me when I was younger because that's how he was discovered. So I think that, I don't know, I wasn't in the room but potentially when Scooter showed it to him, he was like, I want to get involved with this.

[Alex Cooper]

I feel like I remember also back in the day seeing just Justin post. Like a lot of people he would do stuff like that because that's how he was getting discovered. And I appreciate you clarifying and I know there are some people watching that are like, what the is going on? The point is, is there was a conspiracy.

[Madison Beer]

There was literally.

[Alex Cooper]

It's crazy the amount of rumors about you on the Internet.

[Madison Beer]

I know.

[Alex Cooper]

Why do you think that is?

[Madison Beer]

Firstly, I think I got in this very young. I think that like it's been 11, 12 years of me being on social media. So of course throughout the years, like, like as I've grown into the human form, like I'm sure that I've made mistakes or said things or done things like any person would in, in my shoes that maybe I look back and I'm not proud of, but I don't. I can't give you an answer as to why there's so many people that literally make things up about me or are just specifically mean to me. I feel like I've been a victim of like, just no empathy. People are just mean and vicious and will like make fun of me and not give me any benefit of the doubt or assume that I'm a liar. And it's really hard, but I don't know the reason. And I don't think that I'm at a place where I blame myself anymore because I used to be like, oh, it has to be something, it has to be me. And I'm like, I didn't, I didn't do anything to these people. And I don't think that's true.

[Alex Cooper]

I feel like if I can take a crack at it, I'm like, I feel like one the, the relationship to Justin, we don't need to get into it, but anyone that has any, like, touching of that man near him, yeah, if you're a woman and you're not a certain woman, you're dead. And I think naturally, when you're young and you're on the Internet, people get so fixated and obsessed with that that it's like, we're right until the grave with you, Madison, even if we're bullying you. Like, they just become obsessed with your life from day one. And then it's like they feel like they know you because they've watched you quite literally mature from a girl to a woman. And there's like some weird it for sure. You're so young. We've said you've been in the industry for 11 years. What made you want to write a memoir at 24?

[Madison Beer]

I know, and I feel like it's very young and I've seen a lot of people online be like, what the hell? And I'm like, that's kind of the point though. And I feel like it should show people how much I've been through at 24 to be able to even write this in the first place. But I don't know, I just think, like I said earlier, there's so much I wanted to say for so long that I just didn't feel was appropriate anywhere. But a book format of some kind. I didn't feel like a teary eyed Instagram post would really do it justice. I didn't feel like coming on here for the first time and like, being this, the first time I ever really said things was I just wanted it to be like me telling my story without anyone else, no strings attached. And I feel good about it. And I feel like it's definitely peculiar that someone so young is like writing a memoir. But I think it's. It's bigger than just a memoir. It's more of like, I guess a tell all and just sort of me. And the reason it's called the Half of It is because I want people to understand that obviously, just because, you know now this, you still only know the half of it. And we have so much more to go. Like, I have so much more life to live and it's really just also about like, everyone viewing each other as human and being like, wait, we're literally all trying and it's everyone's first time here that I don't really think that we deserve to scrutinize each other and be mean and make fun of each other and think everyone's a liar and just. Just put, like, people should be, in my eyes, innocent until proven guilty, not vice versa. And I just. I don't know. I just hope this book makes some people a little more empathetic towards each other. And, like, not to spoil the ending, but the last line in the book is like, now that you've read my story, I hope you realize that everyone has a story you just haven't read yet, and that's the truth. And it's just the reality of life. And I think there's so many people who don't go through life with that perspective. And I think looking at everyone as someone's child, as a probably wounded kid, we've all been through. And I just. Not to sound too preachy, but, like, just be nice and just love each other and I don't know.

[Alex Cooper]

It's not preachy. I love the last line of the book because, again, going back to the beginning of the interview when I was like, dude, like, you look at someone's social media, you look at your social media, you're so beautiful. You look like you have your life together. You are on tour, like, you're singing, you have albums, like, you're thriving. Like, people don't know the half of it. And it's like, if we sit down and we take this as to heart of, like, now, next time you open your phone and you're someone that's a mean person.

[Madison Beer]

No, but you're 100. Right. And I think that it's just so important, and I think people really forget that. And it's such a crucial part of this life, and I think that it's something that, like, we all can do better at is. And. And again, I feel like it. As much as I would love to be on social media, like, guys, this is something that's happened to me. I don't feel like all my followers A, give A. Yeah. Let alone B would care. So I'm like, I just feel like there's no point in. And this is for me. He is so. I know it's really only for me. Like, I think there's other people who feel differently and do feel like maybe I can use my platform and be more open and honest, but I just. I just don't feel like that audience.

[Alex Cooper]

It's not the appropriate space sometimes.

[Madison Beer]

Exactly. And that's. That's how I feel when I, like, do, like, my tour And I have, have at the beginning of tour, I have Q&As. I talk to my fans in the most honest, vulnerable way I can. And we have such a deep personal connection that, like, to me, those are the appropriate spaces. It's not. It's just not for, like, it's my Instagram.

[Alex Cooper]

Yes. In a few weeks, you're going on a much different tour than you're used to. You're not going to be singing. You're going on a book tour. Yeah. What are you looking forward to from this book tour?

[Madison Beer]

I'm. I'm excited. I. I really like, a lot of my experiences I've had so far in this, this crazy time and world has. Have been like my. I write about this experience in my book about, like, holding hands with a stranger. And like, you know that, you know you're both going through something beautiful and emotional when, like, the first thing you do is, like, hold hands and have this really true human connection. There's been so many instances like that that I really look back on. I'm like, what an amazing life I've had and what a privileged position am I in to be so lucky to like, have these deep connections with utter strangers through music and through vulnerability, hopefully through this book. Like, that's such a beautiful, awesome thing. And I, and I, and I do, and I. And obviously in the book you'll read that, like, it comes to this sort of ending of, like, I definitely made the right choice. And like, the answer is yes. And moral of the whole story of, like, all these fucked up things have happened is like, I'm still so, so grateful for all of it. And I wouldn't trade my position for the world. I just hope that me as a singular individual can make some sort of a positive impact on people. I hope people listen to this podcast and say, like, oh, maybe I shouldn't comment that this girl looks ugly in this video because why the should I? Or like, maybe I should hold the door for someone because I never know what kind of day they had. Like, I just think I want. I just want so cheesy the world to be a bit of a better place. And I want people to be nicer to each other. And I think that this book is really about that specifically of just, like, be empathetic.

[Alex Cooper]

I can't thank you enough for coming on because I feel like there's like, again, there's so many things on the Internet about you and rumors and gossip and mean things. It's like, it's really nice that you put this into a book that is like, like humanizes you and gives us all a chance to get to know you better. And I also really appreciate you sitting down with me and talking about topics that I know are very sensitive and personal to you. But in a strange way, like, I know so many people are going to relate to you and connect with you and feel like I can go another day because, like, look, she's sitting here still and like, there's more to her story and there's more to come. And yeah, hopefully it's going to be be positive and there's going to be things that come from it. But I also agree, I hope people take from this, like, let's be more compassionate because we have no idea what anyone is going through and they shouldn't have to put their life out there 24 7. And to explain why you should be.

[Madison Beer]

Nice to people, definitely not. Agreed.

[Alex Cooper]

Thank you for coming on Madison.

[Madison Beer]

It was coming.

[Alex Cooper]

Truly a pleasure not coming.

[Madison Beer]

I'm at your house. Thank you.

[Alex Cooper]

Thanks for coming to my house.

[Madison Beer]

Coming, Alex. Next guest, please.

[Alex Cooper]

Next guest. Thank you.

Thank you.

[Madison Beer]

Welcome to Reality Replay, where we break.

[Alex Cooper]

Down the top reality show moments of the week.

[Madison Beer]

First up, ladies who lunch.

[Alex Cooper]

We live for a reality show moments, but what you really need to hear.

[Madison Beer]

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[Alex Cooper]

Call Her Daddy is brought to you by McDonald's. I feel like there is always one person during the holidays who just wants.

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