Alex Cooper (3:33)

It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call Her Daddy.

Mariska Hargitay (3:40)

Mariska Hargitay. Welcome to Call Her Daddy.

Unknown Guest (3:42)

Thank you. I'm so excited to be here.

Mariska Hargitay (3:44)

You don't even know, okay? You just walked in here saying, everyone's so excited for you to come on.

Unknown Guest (3:49)

Everyone is texting me, saying, you should be on it. I said, sweetheart, that's why I'm here.

Mariska Hargitay (3:53)

Okay? Everyone in my life. I feel like a lot of my friends and family have gotten used to my job by now. When they found out you were coming on. Everyone's being a little nicer to me this week. Everyone's like, do you think you could get a selfie? I'm like, leave me alone. You have literally put me into a different strategy.

Unknown Guest (4:11)

Am I giving you street cred?

Mariska Hargitay (4:12)

Without a doubt. I've never been cooler in my life. Everyone's like, holy shit, you got her. I'm like, I got her.

Unknown Guest (4:19)

Guess what.

Mariska Hargitay (4:19)

What?

Unknown Guest (4:19)

I think this goes both ways.

Mariska Hargitay (4:21)

Okay, good. Okay.

Unknown Guest (4:22)

Right? Because now I'm cool with the kids.

Mariska Hargitay (4:23)

Okay, cool.

Unknown Guest (4:24)

I'm cool with the kids.

Mariska Hargitay (4:24)

Yeah. We're both giving each other a little street cred.

Unknown Guest (4:26)

I like it.

Mariska Hargitay (4:27)

What are you up to this summer? Like, are you. Do you have plans? Are you working? What's your life going to be like?

Unknown Guest (4:32)

Well, first of all, I'm here. Today's a very exciting day because my trailer dropped for my film.

Mariska Hargitay (4:38)

Congratulations.

Unknown Guest (4:39)

Thank you. So today I'm sort of buzzy and so exciting, and it feels newly real to me right when the trailer drops and the poster's out. So I'm here doing that. I'm getting ready for my Tribeca premiere on the 13th.

Alex Cooper (4:54)

You're gonna be a Tribeca, too?

Unknown Guest (4:55)

Yes.

Mariska Hargitay (4:56)

Wait, I'm gonna be a Tribeca?

Unknown Guest (4:57)

I told you we need our own shows. We're just warming up.

Mariska Hargitay (5:00)

Sweetie, lovey, honey, Sweet cheeks. Oh, my God. Babe.

Unknown Guest (5:04)

Honey pie. Holy pumpkin. Oh, my God. Congratulations.

Mariska Hargitay (5:10)

Thank you. I know.

Unknown Guest (5:10)

Isn't it weird you have a documentary about you and you're 12?

Mariska Hargitay (5:13)

No.

Unknown Guest (5:15)

And I'm so proud of you. You know who you are? You're the young Olivia Benson. You are so badass.

Mariska Hargitay (5:21)

I am obsessed with you.

Unknown Guest (5:22)

No, but seriously.

Mariska Hargitay (5:23)

No, it's so. But isn't it scary? It's a little scary.

Unknown Guest (5:26)

Oh, it's a lot scary.

Mariska Hargitay (5:27)

Right.

Unknown Guest (5:28)

But can I tell you something?

Mariska Hargitay (5:29)

Yeah.

Unknown Guest (5:30)

Being vulnerable and putting yourself out there, that's the most badass thing you can do. It is, and it's the truth.

Mariska Hargitay (5:40)

But I'm curious for you. With this documentary, obviously, you get into your childhood, which I love to talk about, and call her Daddy. Is it weird for you to have been playing Olivia Benson for so many years and now you're about to be on screen as yourself?

Unknown Guest (5:53)

No, no, no. Because I feel like. And this is something I've thought about a lot.

Mariska Hargitay (5:59)

Yeah.

Unknown Guest (6:00)

I feel that I have been preparing for this moment or this project my entire life. It took me two years to make this movie. I started two years ago in June. I did the first interview. I think it was the end of May or June. I can't remember exactly the date right now, but I decided to do it in the pandemic during COVID And once I decided, you know, it was off to the races. And so for me, I mean, it's such a loaded question. Right. Because, yes, I play Olivia Benson on tv, and I asked people to come forward to tell their stories. So I wanted to do what I preach and to come forward and tell my story. And I believe that telling our story and being vulnerable is the thing that makes us the most authentic, the most badass, the most human. And it only brings people toward us because it levels the playing field of our humanity.

Mariska Hargitay (7:04)

That makes me feel really good because I feel like with a documentary, it is so vulnerable.

Unknown Guest (7:09)

It is.

Mariska Hargitay (7:10)

And you are prepared, obviously, like. But a documentary is a piece of work, so you're ready for the critics, but you're also like, this is my life. Go easy on me. And so it's a little.

Unknown Guest (7:20)

But I feel like this is. This is my life. This is my story. Everyone is obviously welcome to have their reaction and their opinion and to sort of metabolize it and assimilate it in their own way, but I find that there's such universality in this specific. Right. So you're telling your story, and is it about how you got here in the sort of genesis of.

Mariska Hargitay (7:46)

Yes. It's just I had a big part of my. The end of my first episode, I talk about the sexual harassment I endured from my college soccer coach. And I had never really talked about it. And I felt guilty because a part of me was like, I. I'm similar in that way where I'm like, I'm having people sit in this chair and tell me their stories. Why have I been holding on to this for so long? And so I kind of go through the process of telling it in a way that it was nice to have a director do it for me. I know you directed your piece, but for me, I almost needed someone to take it from me a little bit, because I was like, I'm gonna. I. I don't even know how to say this. Just interview me and I'll tell you what happened to me.

Unknown Guest (8:25)

Yes.

Mariska Hargitay (8:26)

So it was very freeing. But you.

Unknown Guest (8:28)

So beautiful and so brave. And you know what? Don't ever question why, seriously, why you didn't tell your story, because you tell when you're ready and not a moment before. And I tell that to everyone. And I. I mean, you know, I disclosed my story of abuse and. And. And I told it when I was ready. So I don't. You don't. I don't fault anyone. They need to come forward when they are ready, and they have the infrastructure and they have the scaffolding and the support after to be able to integrate into the world. And so I just think it's amazing that you're doing that and so young.

Mariska Hargitay (9:07)

Thank you. No.

Unknown Guest (9:07)

And I think I could be your mom, like, three times over.

Mariska Hargitay (9:10)

Stop.

Unknown Guest (9:10)

I would be 87 on Friday.

Mariska Hargitay (9:13)

You're. Get out of here. You're perfect in your Chanel. Shut up. Can we talk about this documentary, though? It. It really focuses obviously on your mom, who you lost when you were three.

Unknown Guest (9:24)

Yes.

Mariska Hargitay (9:25)

What was it like revisiting this time in your life?

Unknown Guest (9:29)

It was so many things, and I allowed it to be so many things, and, you know, it was like a archeological dig for me. It was like the ultimate detective work. Right. And I didn't know what I was going to find, but my. It was such a. A beautiful journey, a painful journey, a bumpy ride. It was e. All of the above. It was so many things.

Mariska Hargitay (9:56)

Okay, my. I'm wondering, though, you're three years old, when you lose your mom, did you have any memories at all of her?

Unknown Guest (10:03)

I have a couple of memories that I don't know if they're memories or they're photographs or they're something that I wish happened or a Fragment of a memory. And I don't know, but it's been a life of trying to. Of longing for her and trying to, you know, reconstruct connection, which was so painful for me. You know, I say in the movie, losing my mother felt like having a hole in your heart. That's what it felt like to me. And so it's been a life of navigating that and trying to figure out how to do it. So this movie, being ready to make this movie and go on this, you know, expedition and go on this journey of finding her has been one of, you know, besides my husband and children and SVU has been one of the most rewarding, profound experiences of my life. And because there was so much archival footage on my mom, it was the gift that just kept on giving. It was just. It kept on giving. It was magnificent.

Mariska Hargitay (11:37)

When you just said that, though, it made me think. I feel like a lot of people, we have these memories from childhood that either come back up or are so specific. And then you do start to, as you get older, be like, did that happen?

Unknown Guest (11:51)

Like, exactly.

Mariska Hargitay (11:52)

Do you have any advice for people going through that? Like, have you just leaned in and accepted that maybe they're not real? Maybe they are, but they're what I remember, so I'm going to live in them. Or are you. Is it unsettling to not know if it's real?

Unknown Guest (12:03)

It's not unsettling. And I think that was part of the journey of making the film, is that I missed my mother. What's true about memories doesn't really matter. What matters is I missed her, and I love her, and we are forever connected. And I'm finding new sort of avenues of connection as I live forward. And I remember, you know, one of the things was when your mom dies, when you're so young, you know, and preverbal, really, it's hard to remember anything. And you certainly can't express what you felt. Right. Because it was preverbal. And that goes with. That goes for my trauma as well, about living through the accident of her dying. And I remember when I got my star in 2011 on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, and I remember thinking, like, oh, you know, it's nice. It's a thing that people do. Oh, yeah, it's nice. I didn't really know how to take it in, I guess, and I thought, like, oh, yeah. I mean, it kind of dismissed it, I'll be honest with you. And then I got there that day, and when I saw my star on the ground next to her, Star. I was so overcome with emotion and somehow into that moment of seeing her, this visual of these two stars with her name on it and my name on it was one of the most emotionally connected moments that I've ever had with her. And I tell you this, it took me by surprise to be connected with her and the stars because it was on such a primal level and it was in my cells, it was in my cellular DNA. And I was so. Again, I was so surprised by it, but I just took it as a gift. So there's been these moments, and during the making of this film and on this journey, I've had so many moments where I got to see our similarity or what I came from. And what I admire and revere and respect are the things about her that I'm in awe of and the things about her that. That are so similar to how I am. So in that way, it has been this gift.

Mariska Hargitay (14:38)

It's beautiful.

Unknown Guest (14:39)

It's so. It's so magnificent.

Mariska Hargitay (14:41)

And it's beautiful too, because anyone that's lost a parent or a loved one or whoever, like, there's such pain when you think about it.

Unknown Guest (14:48)

But the more universal pain. Yes, Right.

Mariska Hargitay (14:50)

And the more you're able to slowly allow yourself to be open to those moments where you're looking at the star and then you feel connected to your mom or you're going through this archetypal footage.

Unknown Guest (14:59)

That's exactly what you said is the truth is allowing ourselves to be open. That is so exactly right. Right. And. And this kind of, like, broke me open.

Mariska Hargitay (15:08)

Yeah.

Unknown Guest (15:08)

Right. Because it was a struggle for me. And there were things and decisions that. And choices that my mother made that were so painful for me. Or I didn't understand. I was like, why would you do that? Or I think you could have done it a different way. And maybe me not understanding and grokking the time, the 50s, all that stuff. And now the making of this film has reframed all of that for me.

Mariska Hargitay (15:37)

Even, like, as simple as someone not being able to, you know, whether you're not doing a documentary one, if you have photos or you have film or even journaling about your memories and your experiences, anything that can allow you to feel a little bit closer to your memory of and. And have that intact because you don't want it to feel like this scary void that you can't remember this person. So then you just feel shut down. The more you're open to it, I feel like you almost come back to feel. Feeling whole and full, completely. Your dad, your mom. After she passes. You're raised by your dad, Mickey?

Unknown Guest (16:13)

And my stepmother, yes.

Mariska Hargitay (16:15)

Can you talk to me about your relationship with him growing up? Like, what was it like?

Unknown Guest (16:20)

Amazing. He was everything to me. He was my mentor, my inspiration. I revered him. I modeled myself after him. I. He made me feel safe and seen. And he was such a great parent because he was reasonable. And what I mean by that is, you know, I, like, do something wrong. And then back in my day, we used to talk on the phone. Not the cell phone, but we used to, like, that's what you would do. You talk to your boyfriend or you talk to your friends every night on the phone, rotary phone. And so I do something wrong. And then he's like, no phone, one month. And I would go, okay, dad. Okay, you're out of control. That feels unadjusted for what I did. And I think you need to think about that because it's not fair. And he would go, okay, fine. Do you know what you did wrong? Yeah. Okay, you could use a phone. And it was stuff like that. And. And he also raised me when I did something wrong to go, you know what you did? You know what you did, and then not punish me. And then I had to sit with it. So he really nurtured my own sense of my conscience, my sense of responsibility, my sense of wrong and right. And he was just so true blue. He showed up to every one of my athletic events. You know, I was a swimmer in high school and did cross country, and when I was, you know, middle school, volleyball and cheerleading and, you know, all the activities, whatever I did. And he was so supportive, and it was like I was his life. Meanwhile, you know, working his ass off and providing for our family and teaching me gymnastics. And the fact that he was. His mentality was that of champion athlete. He, you know, was a speed skater. He played soccer. He came to America and wanted to be a weightlifter and a bodybuilder. And they said, how old are you? He said, I'm 26. They said, you're too old to do that. And he said, you're too old. And then he went on to become Mr. Universe. And so everything that he set out to do, he did. So he taught me, if there's a will, there's a way, and if there's one avenue gets shut down or foiled, then what is plan B? So I modeled myself, and I wanted to be like him. And I just felt like I knew what love was because of his commitment to me. That's why I found, like, that's why I could recognize it in my husband. Do you know what I mean?

Mariska Hargitay (19:06)

Well, I was gonna say, because even someone listening to this, it's like, wow, what an incredible father you had. And then obviously there's this big reveal in the documentary of like, you find out that he's not your biological father. How did you find this out?

Unknown Guest (19:25)

Oh my gosh, it was so rough. So I had been invited to this guy named Saban Gray's house and he was head of the Jane Mansfield fan club. And he was this lovely guy and, you know, just obsessed with Jane and loved her so much and was a huge collector of, you know, memorabilia and movie posters and anything related to her. So he invited to his house once and I went over there and then he walked me around. And you know, it was a little overwhelming for me because there were life size cutouts and it was truly like a museum or a shrine to her. And I like, that was hard for me at that age to sort of understand. I was like.

Mariska Hargitay (20:10)

And can just for anyone that doesn't know about your mom and like what, like, can you explain what her background was when. When you're talking about this?

Unknown Guest (20:19)

Oh, so my mom was just in case. Oh yes. No, please. So my mom was an actress and sort of a iconic sex symbol in the 50s, like Marilyn Monroe. So she was one of the most photographed women ever and a big, you know, movie star and, you know, legendary really. And so I went to his house and again, I'm seeing all this stuff, stuff that I had never seen and kind of grew up away from all of that and didn't have a very sort of Hollywood childhood. My dad was a builder, my stepmother was a flight attendant. So we traveled a lot and just had a really normal, I would say, life. And so I went to his house and then he's showing me around, he's showing me all these photos. He's showing me, you know, whatever it is, dresses that she had that he collected, you know, earrings that she wore, things from movies, from the movie set, you know, props or whatever. And then he says to me.

Mariska Hargitay (21:23)

Do.

Unknown Guest (21:24)

You want to see a picture of Nelson? And I just looked at him and this jolt went through my body and I said, who's Nelson? And then I knew in one second. You did? Uh huh. How? I don't know. I think my whole life, all the just like millions of mela moments. I don't even know if that's a word. Little fragments of a memory, of a moment, of a thing, things I caught that my sort of Subconscious that went into my subconscious moments. And then I said, who's Nelson? And then he, you know, I saw the drain. Blood out. Drain out of his face. And he sort of panicked and turned white. And then he said, you know, he panicked and he said, oh, it's probably not true. It's probably not true. And that's when I knew. And I think that he couldn't believe that I didn't know. I was 25. How could I not know? And I understand that. And then he said, it's not true. I'm sure it's not true. And then he showed me his picture. And you're like, it's true on a cellular level. It was just like a DNA talking to DNA. I knew it was true, and I just really thought my life was over. I mean, I remember leaving and driving to my brother's house, and I thought I was going to crash my car because I was so not present. I was totally, like, dissociated and out of my body. And I got to my brother's house. I didn't even know how I got there, but I knew that I shouldn't be driving. Yeah, it was a nut. It was crazy.

Mariska Hargitay (23:24)

25 years thinking, you know, your story and your narrative and your mom also. You're trying to process, like, not having your mom, and you're at this man's house and you're seeing, like, oh, my God. Everyone was obsessed with my mom and loved my mom, and I don't get to have her. And then it's like, you're hit in the face again. It's like, oh, by the way, the.

Unknown Guest (23:46)

One thing I did have, the one thing that I was rooted in, the one thing that was my constant was no longer mine, and my identity was. It was just smashed. It was like it broke into. It's like I had thousand pellets of hard truth going. My brothers aren't my brothers. My Hungarians. I'm not related to. I'm not Hungarian. I'm not related to all my family that I grew up with in Hungary. What about this? What about this? I'm not related to my sister who's. My dad's. My dad's first daughter. I'm not related to. Oh, my gosh, all the times when, you know, I spent so much time as a kid in Italy, and every time I was there, and you can see I'm a big gesticulator, and I talk with my hands. I can't. I get in trouble on SVU because they're like, mirza, sit on your Hands. And I can't. I just can't. It's like a cellular genetic thing. But. But my whole childhood, everyone asked me if I was Italian. My entire childhood. And it was like that. Being barraged by. It was just like a million missiles of these mini micro moments going.

Alex Cooper (25:07)

And you're not allowed to. I'm not allowed.

Mariska Hargitay (25:09)

You can't talk to your mom. So when you obviously, at some point go to Mickey, do you immediately go to him?

Unknown Guest (25:16)

I did. I drove from. I went to my brother's house first and asked him if he knew, and he said he didn't. And I'm very, very, very, very close with my brother, and he. He didn't. So then that was also confusing. And then I went up to my dad's house and I was, you know, hysterically crying and in a state, and he was. And here's. Here's how about this metaphor. My dad was building me, physically building me a house. So I drive up to the house that he is building me and confront him, and he was like, what? What are you talking about? Are you crazy? That's so not true. He kept saying, you look like my father. You look exactly like my father. You're a hargitay to the end. And, you know, the irony is that I'm more like my dad than anyone in our whole family. Like, I am Mickey, Minnie Mickey. Right? And so it was just a very extraordinarily painful moment. And I always, like. And I say. I say that this is the moment that I became an adult. And it's so visceral for me because I was in so much pain. I was so overwhelmed, and I was in the, you know, me, me, me, me. I, oh, my gosh, my life is over. And then. And looking at this man who's been nothing but loving to me and nothing but this amazing father to me, and I saw his pain and I said, it doesn't matter what I feel. I love him. And I'm not. We're done here. We're done here. And so I said, okay, thank you for telling me. And I pretended that I believed him, and we never spoke of it again. And then he used to say, even before he died, Remember when you thought that crazy thing? And I go, I know. Wasn't that nuts?

Alex Cooper (27:24)

Stop.

Unknown Guest (27:24)

Yeah.

Alex Cooper (27:25)

Oh, and you just went with it.

Unknown Guest (27:27)

Because you're like, I went with it. And then I felt like I became the parent in a way, and I was grateful to. To be that.

Mariska Hargitay (27:34)

But there was no way that he.

Unknown Guest (27:35)

Genuinely thought, I don't know, I'll never know.

Alex Cooper (27:38)

Right.

Unknown Guest (27:39)

I think that he integrated it in. This is my new reality. He made a choice, and that was his new truth. And whether it's true or not, emotionally, it was his truth. And I'll tell you something, I understand it because I have two adopted kids and they are no different. No different than my biological son. No different. And so to me, I go, I get. Didn't matter. It doesn't matter, right?

Alex Cooper (28:14)

Because when he.

Mariska Hargitay (28:15)

Even when that moment he's speaking to you, which is so beautiful, it's like I've talked a lot about on the show that obviously there are so many people who don't have the privilege of family. And. But you can then make your own family. Blood family is one thing. Family is family. The family that you choose. So it's like, I think there's a lot of people that maybe would look at that. And it's actually so beautiful that he's like, no, you are mine. Like, you've been my daughter. I love you so much.

Unknown Guest (28:40)

Talk about being claimed, right?

Mariska Hargitay (28:42)

Right.

Unknown Guest (28:42)

He's like, but the irony is, Alex, I know that now, right? In hindsight, yeah. But when I found out at 25, that was where the injury was, is why wasn't I claimed? He must have known. He didn't care. He didn't care. He didn't love me. I wasn't worth it. I was nothing to him. He knew. He had to know that I was his daughter. Nelson, I'm talking about. And I wasn't worth it. I wasn't valuable enough. And that's what I lived with, is that I wasn't enough. My mother left me. And when you're a kid, you know, listen, mother is everything. We know. Mother is everything. Until you know, at least you're three, right? It's your survival. And so having that feeling of my mother left me and then again my father abandoned me, was so hard to integrate or make sense out of. And the irony, this is the irony is that I lived with these. I mean, they were my truths and they were real to me at the time. But I go back now and I go, I was claimed like nobody's business. And that's why I think I love so hard and can love so hard because I was so loved.

Mariska Hargitay (30:16)

Time also just gives you such different perspective. And you can't. You can never fault yourself when you're younger for the reactions you have. Cause you just. That's who you are in that moment. And that's all you're capable of trying.

Unknown Guest (30:27)

To figure it out. Yes. So all and with limited information.

Mariska Hargitay (30:32)

Exactly.

Unknown Guest (30:32)

That's why it's hard, because young people and I, when I say young people, I'm talking about myself. I couldn't, I didn't have the whole picture. So you think, you know when people say to you, feelings aren't facts. And I remember when people would say that to me and I'd go, but yes, they are, because that's what happened. And I would argue it and I did not understand, I could not comprehend what that meant, that feelings aren't facts. I was like, this is my facts, these are my reality. And now, you know, this is what wisdom is. This is what age is. This is what perspective is. And I'm just, I'm so grateful for this life to grow into the miracle of my story and having this comprehensive understanding and getting the full perspective. And now seeing that I had such a limited teeny, teeny, teeny sliver of the truth.

Alex Cooper (31:41)

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Mariska Hargitay (32:14)

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Alex Cooper (32:15)

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Mariska Hargitay (34:04)

Can we talk about your career? Did you always want to be an actress?

Unknown Guest (34:10)

So, no. When I was young, as I said, we traveled a lot. I spent a lot of time in Italy. It's a lot of time in Hungary, you know, a lot of time in Colorado and. And Dallas, Texas, to visit my grandmother. I spent a lot of time. My parents, you know, would take us around the world, and we. I was very privileged in terms of traveling, and I loved it, and I still love it. And so I loved connecting with different cultures and languages and took French in high school, and I was like, I think I want to be either a translator or, like a French diplomat, but something where I could bring people together. And my favorite teacher, who was a nun named Sister Margaret, pulled me aside and said, mariska, because I used to get in trouble for talking all the time. I'm sure you know that one all the time. And she said, I think that you should try out for a play. And I was like, what? She said, you're an extrovert, and I wonder if you would like to try acting. I went. And I never had thought about it. It was a matter of fact. I was like, no, I don't want to do that. It's not. And then I tried out for the play, and it was a comedy, and I had the best time, and it was a crazy French farce, so I got to be nuts, which was very comfortable for me. And I always thought that my career would be in comedy, by the way. I mean, I started in comedy.

Mariska Hargitay (35:45)

You're funny.

Unknown Guest (35:46)

I know. No, no one knows that except you.

Mariska Hargitay (35:50)

You walked in here and, like, understandably, I didn't know what to expect because it's like, dun, dun. And I'm ready. And then you walk in.

Unknown Guest (35:55)

Olivia Benson, right?

Mariska Hargitay (35:56)

You're like, girl. I'm like, oh, shit, I love you.

Unknown Guest (36:00)

It's different. It's so funny. I know. I got Cast. You know what's funny? I always get cast as cops. I'm like, what is the deal? I'm a comedian. But anyway, not a comedian. Not. Not a real comedian. Don't take that back. I have serious respect for real comedians, believe me.

Mariska Hargitay (36:15)

In another life you're a comedian.

Unknown Guest (36:17)

Yeah, in another life. But anyway, the point is, so then I had so much fun. And then my senior year, I tried out for the lead in the play, which was a drama, and I got it and fell in love. And I was like, this is the end of it. And then I applied to USC and ucla and I decided to be a theater major. And that was the end of it.

Mariska Hargitay (36:41)

How long into you going for auditions did you get SVU?

Unknown Guest (36:45)

My 20s was really hard. And then I did a couple of guest star things, but then it dried up for me and I just went to acting class. And then it was when I turned 30 that I started working in a consistent way.

Mariska Hargitay (37:03)

I mean, even that. Yeah, is such just like a nice thing to hear because I feel like obviously people are going to watch this and be like, oh, you have the best fudge life.

Unknown Guest (37:12)

Like, no, no, no.

Mariska Hargitay (37:13)

You're so successful.

Unknown Guest (37:14)

Let me tell you something, thing. My 20s were not cute. Not only were they not cute work wise, but I found out this when I was 20, which, by the way, I think that also really took me apart. So I didn't work. You know, I worked in my early 20s and then I don't remember working so much 25 to 30. Like it was a dark time for me and I really wasn't confident. I had an identity crisis, which I'm, you know, I like telling people that I'm not. It's true. It's what happened. We all have our demons. We all have our skeletons. Life is hard. It's hard navigating it. It's hard figuring it out. There's so much to figure out. And so then at 30 is when I started working in a more consistent way. And then it was at 34. I'll tell you a fun story. This is a great story. You'll appreciate it. Okay, so I used to go to New York twice a year and just see theater. So I went on one of my Trips. I was 30. I think it was in like January. I was 34 and I come to New York and a friend of mine said, oh, my gosh, Marshka, you have to go to the psychic. You have to go to the psychic on Long Island. I didn't even know where Long island was. I mean, I Was, you know, yeah, of course you're going to Long Island. I'm like, I'll go to Long Island. So I drive out to this guy's house, house on Long island, and he gives me a psychic reading. And I'm. Because my mom was famous, I always was like, you are just probably going to Google me and, you know, Jay Mansfield's daughter, and then come up with some.

Mariska Hargitay (38:52)

Of course.

Unknown Guest (38:53)

So I sit down with this guy, and we're talking, we're talking, we're talking. He says some things, and then he says to me, and I was listening to him, and I'm like this. And he goes, I swear to God, he says, you see that face? I have this on recording. You see that face right now? I said, yeah. He goes, you're gonna be famous for that face. That face, that serious face. And I said, no, I am funny, and a pretty deadly combination. I'm gonna be a comedian. I say. And he says, this is my favorite thing I think anyone's ever said to me. He goes like this. I don't give a rat's ass what you think. You're going to be famous for that face. And then he says to me, and you're moving to New York? And I said, no. I have this gorgeous house my father built. I was living in a house with, like, 32 roommates because I had this house, and it had five rooms. Obviously couldn't afford it, so I rented out rooms. So I'm, like, actually living out an episode of Friends. Not an episode, but the whole season, because I had so many roommates. And I was like, I live in la. This is my town. I have my roommates. I have my house. What am I gonna do with my house? Swear to God, six months later, I got svu. I swear this is true. On my children, this happened. He said, I don't give a rat's ass. First of all, how great is rat's ass?

Mariska Hargitay (40:29)

No, it's in everything.

Unknown Guest (40:30)

No better expression.

Mariska Hargitay (40:31)

I'm taking it all in because I'm also just, like, this psychic in Long Island. I'm like, holy.

Unknown Guest (40:37)

He also said that there was going to be an issue with a cocktail ring. And then there was. I'm not going to get into that story.

Mariska Hargitay (40:45)

Okay, wait.

Unknown Guest (40:46)

But I just want you to know that this happened. This is good stuff. I need to write a book and put it in. You heard it here, people.

Mariska Hargitay (40:53)

Okay, wait. You get the script finally, for svu. What is your first impression of. Of your character?

Unknown Guest (41:00)

So I read it, and I said, and I never had this experience. I've never loved anything more. This is my show. This is the most progressive show I've ever seen. I love it. I need it. I have to do the show. And then I had the audition, and then I got a callback. And on the second callback, Dick Wolf was there, and I see another girl in the waiting room, and I'm like, oh, no, this is not happening. So I walked in there and I said, listen to me. I didn't know that Dick Wolf was, like, the king of television. And I go, I don't know who that is out there, but let me tell you something. This is my part. He's like, oh, was it? And I said, yeah, so you tell her to go home. So I do. I do my audition. And then he gives me notes. He gave me notes. And then I go, those are good notes. Thank you. And he's like, oh, are they. Are they good notes? It was so funny. I had, like, lost myself. I didn't even know what overtook me, but I was so clear about it. And then it turns out that the beautiful, talented actress that was in the waiting room was there for another part.

Mariska Hargitay (42:21)

Oh, my God.

Unknown Guest (42:23)

And she was in the pilot. And she's a fantastic actress. I know. Fuck this bitch. Get out of here. I was like, get her out of here. And then, of course, you know, we're friends now for life. But she was so magnificent, and she was in it. And so they all told me this after. And then the next audition was for the network. And that is amazing. Wow. That's when I met Chris Maloney. And that was. The rest is history.

Mariska Hargitay (42:48)

What do you think is the biggest similarity between you and Olivia?

Unknown Guest (42:53)

Compassion. Empathy. And feel the fear and do it anyway.

Mariska Hargitay (42:58)

What do you think is the biggest difference? You're funny.

Unknown Guest (43:02)

Comedy.

Mariska Hargitay (43:03)

You're fucking funny.

Unknown Guest (43:05)

She's not as funny as I am, and she doesn't have this much joy and balance, but she's awesome. So we give her a pass on all her flaws.

Mariska Hargitay (43:18)

Not only do we give her a.

Unknown Guest (43:19)

Pass, we love her.

Mariska Hargitay (43:20)

Taylor Swift named her cat after Olivia Benson. Can we just.

Unknown Guest (43:26)

Can we just for a second. But I. I will say, as epic as that is, I did name my cat Karma. Okay, so. So payback's a bitch, isn't it? So I. I leveled the playing field there. And my cat's name is Karma because Karma is a cat, and she and Karma vibe like that.

Mariska Hargitay (43:53)

Hold on.

Unknown Guest (43:54)

That happened.

Mariska Hargitay (43:55)

Did you name your cat Karma before or after the song came out?

Unknown Guest (44:00)

Right after. It was the only thing it Seemed fair.

Mariska Hargitay (44:03)

So you went and got a cat.

Unknown Guest (44:05)

Yeah. Well, I named it Karma.

Mariska Hargitay (44:07)

Did you go get a cat just to name a cat Karma, or did you want a cat?

Unknown Guest (44:11)

Oh, actually, there's two things. That's a great question. I didn't want a cat. I wasn't planning on getting a cat. And I was walking to Starbucks with my daughter, and, well, all my kids. And there was a pet store there. So embarrassed about this, because I don't like buying animals from pet stores, and I really don't, because my dog is a rescue, and I'm all about a rescue. However, and parents understand this, there are moments, as a parent, when your kids lose their shit. They lost their shit. And then my husband, who is the kind of guy that would go, we're not buying a cat. We're not, guys. No, we're not buying a cat. And I said, peter, just get in here for one second. And we're in the little room. Like, you know, they have little. Little sections in the. In the pet store. And. And then Peter gets in with the cat. And Peter's like, this is. He picks the cat.

Mariska Hargitay (45:07)

No.

Unknown Guest (45:07)

And then the kids are like, we want this one. Peter goes, no, we're getting this one. And it was so hilarious. And then Peter picked a cat. So I guess Peter and Karma vibed like that. I don't know. So we went home with the cat, the kitty. The cutest little kitty, who now we call it kittens.

Mariska Hargitay (45:26)

That's your cat voice. Kittis.

Unknown Guest (45:28)

Kittens.

Mariska Hargitay (45:29)

I can't believe.

Unknown Guest (45:30)

And you know what the sad part is? The cat ignores me. The cat is so bitchy. If I didn't have my dog, I'd be the most insecure person on the planet. Because I come home, and our dog, right, she goes crazy. She jumps on Peter. She's like, she can't come down for half hour. She loves us so much, she can't see straight. Like, I have to send her to the shrink when we're gone because she. She's so upset if the whole five of us are not together. And I come home, my cat's like, what?

Mariska Hargitay (45:55)

Karma's like, I don't give.

Unknown Guest (45:56)

She walks by me and goes, whatever. How's your chip? Okay, that's. She's so bitchy. But I love her. And the whole hard to get thing, I play it right back. You love it? Yeah, I love it.

Mariska Hargitay (46:07)

Okay. You don't strike me. Well, maybe as a music video, girly.

Unknown Guest (46:12)

Oh, I'm so. Music video.

Mariska Hargitay (46:14)

You are so.

Unknown Guest (46:15)

Let me tell you something. I did A music video before. Tay Tay, what did you do, sweetheart? I did Ronnie Millsap. She loves my car. Okay, Because I was on a car in a bathing suit throwing a beach ball.

Mariska Hargitay (46:30)

What?

Unknown Guest (46:31)

Oh, yes.

Mariska Hargitay (46:32)

Guys, someone pulled this up.

Unknown Guest (46:33)

This video is going to make a huge comeback.

Mariska Hargitay (46:36)

Hold on. Ronnie Carmack.

Unknown Guest (46:39)

Did you just say. No, sorry, I forget. See, this is when you're 12 and you're showing your age. Wait, Ronnie Millsap.

Mariska Hargitay (46:46)

Ratty Ronnie Mills.

Unknown Guest (46:47)

Say it. Ratty.

Mariska Hargitay (46:48)

Ronnie.

Unknown Guest (46:49)

Ronnie. Ronnie. Ronnie. Just made my voice correct. Ronnie Millsap. She loves my car.

Mariska Hargitay (46:56)

She loves my car.

Unknown Guest (46:57)

I'm in it with X. Xene. There's a lot of cool stuff.

Mariska Hargitay (47:01)

We don't need the audio. We just need the video.

Unknown Guest (47:02)

No, no, you're gonna lose that's whole place.

Mariska Hargitay (47:05)

Where are you?

Unknown Guest (47:06)

Just whole place.

Mariska Hargitay (47:07)

Guys, we're watching the music video. One sec.

Unknown Guest (47:09)

Oh, please. Oh, is that you? Yes. Well, I'm gonna tell you a funny story about this. This is the night I got arrested.

Mariska Hargitay (47:18)

Okay, pause. Excuse me. Olivia Benson. What?

Unknown Guest (47:21)

I was arrested and thrown in the slammer. Why? I was thrown in the clink. Why? You said call the clink. Yeah. Okay, here's what happened. This is an excellent story. Okay, so in that video we were shooting, and I think it was a two day shoot, but on the last day, we were losing the light. As you can see, it was shot in the day and we were shooting in Santa Monica. So as we were losing the light, I had to go back into two outfits. One was like a pink situation, the other was blue. And I had pink and blue lipstick on. So we were losing the light. We didn't have time to switch the makeup palette. So she started adding a lot of makeup on me. A lot. And at that night, my parents were leaving for Africa. So as the sun set at, I don't know, 8 o' clock, I jumped in my car, full face of makeup, hair out to here, no shoes, like in fishnets. And a questionable outfit. Let's just say I've always been known to have a bit of a lead foot. And stop signs. Well, you know, I always saw them as optional. I've changed and I've changed my way since then, but I wouldn't not stop. It was just about like rolling through the red light. I'm not proud of it. I'm not proud of it. And don't, don't do this at home. But. So I was trying to race home to see my parents. All of a sudden, no, pull me over. And they're like, math. You just ran. Stop sign. I Was like, I wasn't. But, like, I just. I'm going home to see my parents. I. Please, please can I have you drive a sign?

Mariska Hargitay (49:05)

License?

Unknown Guest (49:06)

They pull up my driver's license, and he says, ma' am, please get out of the car. I go, what for a stop sign? What? He says, ma' am, please get out of the car. I had three. I can't say this. People won't look at me the same way.

Mariska Hargitay (49:25)

Say it.

Unknown Guest (49:25)

I had $3,000 in outstanding in parking tickets. Tickets. Because at UCLA, I didn't. I was late to class, and I didn't always use my parking pass because the garage where my classes were was so far away. I was like, I'll just be fine here. I'll just really quick. I'll just really quick go to class and come back out. And I would get tickets every day. And I was in, like, a fantasy denial world. And So I had $3,000. And when this guy told me to get out of the car, and of course, I don't have shoes on. And he's like, like, thinking, making a lot of judgments about me. And he puts me in his car, locks me in the back, and throws me in the clink. He throws me in the clink. I can't call my parents after I've just said, hey, guys, I'm coming home. I want to see you before you go to Africa. And so I was like, hey, the video. The shoot has gone over. I don't know that we can. So I called also. I never. I'm a girl that never. Not anymore. But during my 20s, I never have cash. I never had cash on me. Never. That night, I had a hundred and $60 in 20s, and I think bail was like 180. I was 120 short of making bail. Oh, they throwed me in that. They threw me in the slammer.

Mariska Hargitay (50:48)

The clink.

Unknown Guest (50:49)

The clink. Is that what they call. It's so good. They threw me in the clink. And I'm standing there, and everyone's like, what are you in for? And I asked everybody what they were in for.

Mariska Hargitay (50:57)

Are you not supposed to do that?

Unknown Guest (50:59)

I don't know. But I make friends with everyone. And then they all gave me phone numbers when I got out, because at the time, a friend came and picked me up, and I got everyone's phone number, and they said, will you call this person? Will you call this person? So I had four phone numbers when I left. And I was calling, going, hey, just want to let you know your friend is in the Santa Monica Jailhouse. And it was so funny. People were like, what are you in for? And I was like, I got a speeding ticket. But the point is, it was.

Mariska Hargitay (51:27)

You got arrested after your first music video.

Unknown Guest (51:29)

Yep. Thank God that didn't happen after bad blood.

Mariska Hargitay (51:34)

Can you imagine?

Unknown Guest (51:35)

Can you imagine after bad blood if they threw me in a clank again? And I said, sweetheart, I've been here before. You can't scare me.

Alex Cooper (51:41)

That is.

Unknown Guest (51:42)

I just realized that that is so funny.

Mariska Hargitay (51:45)

So, okay, so you are a music video girl.

Unknown Guest (51:48)

Yeah.

Mariska Hargitay (51:49)

Would you ever do another one again.

Unknown Guest (51:50)

If Tay Tay asked me? Me, I'm hoping I'm standing by for Taylor. I only do Taylor Swift videos. I hit the big time. I've hit the big time.

Mariska Hargitay (52:00)

The fact that you can say that is such a flex. Like, oh, I only do Taylor Swift.

Unknown Guest (52:03)

I only do Taylor Swift videos.

Mariska Hargitay (52:05)

Okay. You need to give me a little behind the scenes of the music video with her. Like, give us anything. You know, the world is all.

Unknown Guest (52:12)

It was so fun.

Mariska Hargitay (52:14)

It's the best music video.

Unknown Guest (52:16)

It's the best music video. And I'd already. Wait. I think I'd already gone to the. The music. The Music Video Awards. Look, I can't even think of what it's called. What's it called? The Music Awards, When I got to go with the squad. No, it was after. Right after we made the video.

Mariska Hargitay (52:31)

That was cool. Yeah.

Alex Cooper (52:31)

Yeah.

Unknown Guest (52:31)

That was the most fun. But being in the squad with all the cool girls, supermodels, and all of it, it was, like, the most fun ever. It was just so great. And she was just warm and smart and kind and such a boss lady, and. And it was so amazing because what year was that? And I learned. So. I learned so much from her. That's what I love about her is she's so young, but she shows us in such beautiful ways how to be fearless and a boss lady.

Mariska Hargitay (53:03)

I literally was trying to fall asleep last night, and I turned on the ERAS tour to put me to bed, and then I watched the entire thing, and I was up till 3am that's right.

Unknown Guest (53:10)

My daughter watches the same thing. We have it on a repeat. It's the best.

Alex Cooper (53:30)

Call her Daddy is brought to you by Air bnb. Oh, my God. Okay. I'm very, very excited for summer 2025.

Mariska Hargitay (53:39)

And when I think about summer, I think about my birthday because I am an August baby.

Alex Cooper (53:45)

Love to use my birthday as an excuse for Matt and I to go away. I don't really love big parties. I really want this summer to be a really really romantic getaway for Matt and I and that is where we are going to use Airbnb. I have been using the guest favorites section of Airbnb.

Mariska Hargitay (54:04)

If you guys don't know what that.

Alex Cooper (54:05)

Is, they basically post guest favorite listings that can then help inspire a trip where you want to go. Personally, I want to be by the beach this summer, so Airbnb is the best way to make your trip one to remember because you get to explore not only a new city, but the new space in that city. And staying like a local helps you feel immersed wherever you are as opposed to feeling like a tourist. You can grab groceries at the local market, explore the neighborhood bars and restaurants. If you just want to go somewhere but you don't really know where yet, let Airbnb make the decision for you.

Mariska Hargitay (54:37)

I'm kind of letting them do that for me.

Alex Cooper (54:39)

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Mariska Hargitay (56:16)

Can we talk about your time on SVU, obviously, I know that you've talked a lot about how people will come up to you and feel comfortable to share. Yeah. Disclose their stories and sometimes they're telling it for. For the first time to you. Like, how does it feel to know people trust you like that?

Unknown Guest (56:37)

It's such a privilege. It's such an honor.

Alex Cooper (56:40)

Yeah.

Unknown Guest (56:41)

It's insane. You know, I live a very unique existence that way, with such a deep connection, like, soul connection to my, you know, people, survivors and fans. And it's so different than I think maybe other artists have, because they share with me the deepest, most sacred, most tender, intimate parts of themselves with me. And there's such a beautiful, you know, understanding or a feeling of safety. And that's been. It's hard really, to put into words to have such a connection with a person that almost requires no words because it's an understanding. And I. So grateful. And I think it's part of the reason of svu. I obviously it's been a marathon, and I. And I love it, and I'm so not done with it. But there are times and there have been years where I am, you know, I've been running a marathon, and I'm exhausted. I'm exhausted. But there's so much. There's so much healing and so much beauty, and we know that bearing witness to someone's story is healing. And I'm just profoundly grateful that I get to be whatever part of somebody's healing journey. So it's magnificent.

Alex Cooper (58:28)

It is.

Mariska Hargitay (58:29)

Last year, then, you shared in an op ed that you are also a survivor and you were assaulted in your 30s. What made you want to speak about it publicly?

Unknown Guest (58:41)

It was very interesting. I was doing the People magazine cover, and it was a feature on, you know, milestones. Right. It was. I turned 60, joyful heart, was 20 years old. I was married for 20 years, you know, 20 year anniversary and my oldest son going to college. And there was just milestone after milestone after milestone. And what's so beautiful about that is this. The woman, the journalist came over and I wasn't planning on talking about that, and I had so much to talk about, and it just came up organically. And so the way I see that is it was about me being present. And I was ready. I was just ready. And that felt also like a gift, that it just came up and there was no shame. There was no stigma, There was no fear. I was unencumbered because of the work that I had done on it. And I had some work to do. Yeah. To process It. And again, I was so happy to, I was so happy to because it just came up and that's where it was. And that was real. And I was ready to talk about.

Mariska Hargitay (60:13)

It because I was thinking, like, I noticed obviously there's like a parallel in this character that you've been playing is investigating these types of crimes. Right, right. But then behind the scenes, you're processing trauma. Like, what was that like for you, being on SVU and, and having these heavy hitting topics every single week. Did it ever impact you emotionally?

Unknown Guest (60:43)

Oh, yeah. What you've gone through so much, and I think that's the deep compassion and empathy and understanding and connection of really understanding it on, you know, a visceral level. And that's why I wanted to talk about it, because so many people blame themselves, myself included, and I couldn't process that. I couldn't get out of it. I couldn't. I have gotten out of so many things, through, through my intellect, through comedy, through just outsmarting, through, you know, physically, and I couldn't get out of this and I couldn't metabolize it. I couldn't understand that. I couldn't. And that just lived in me. And so I, I, I blamed myself. And then it got to the point where I went. It just became so clear what happened. And I was ready to, I was also in denial about it. And I remember I told my husband and he said, he looked at me like, ishka, you said that you were never sexually assaulted. You were. He said that. And I remember going like. And that's why I understand about denial and dissociating. And I have so much room for that in people. Because now I look at it and I say, I'm grateful for that part of myself that kept me safe, for that part of myself that said, you're not ready to deal with it. So there's no blame, there's only integration. And, you know, we have to scaffold ourselves, we have to support ourselves, we have to be ready. We have to build an infrastructure within ourselves and external support that we know that will be heard and that will be understood and timing is right. Right. And so I was very excited to share that because I know that, you know, as Olivia Benson, I know that people, like, project on me and think, oh, she's so this, she's so that it could never happen to her. Well, guess what? It did. And there was nothing I could do about it. And even if I could fight or flight is real and people freeze, and that is the neurobiology of Trauma, that is what happens. We freeze. And so understanding that and studying that, and I think that in all my research and all the studying that I've done and really learning about trauma and understanding, you know, the body keeps the score and how we hold trauma in our body on a cellular level and, you know, fracturing and memory fracturing and all the things that happen to us. I had to fully understand that to be able to talk about it, because I couldn't understand and so many people couldn't understand. And. And my favorite thing was after I shared that story, so many women came forward and said that happened to me, and they couldn't believe that. They couldn't. They didn't understand what happened to them physically.

Mariska Hargitay (64:38)

It is like, incredible the way you talk about it and that you're doing this publicly, though, not that it is like, for you to have to do, but it, I. It does help hearing someone really put it in perspective because there are so many people that are like, well, why did it take so long? And I've had it. I know it's going to happen. Like, well, why didn't you come out with this? Why does it take a decade later? And it's like normalizing that. There is no timeline of when it is correct for someone to speak up about what happened to them. That was traumatic trauma is not linear. It. You could come out with it the day of, you could come out with it never. Or it could be. Be 50 years. We don't know. But I think that question is such a question of privilege to be like, well, why didn't you. Well, then you probably haven't experienced something like that because then you wouldn't be asking that question or you're projecting or.

Unknown Guest (65:31)

But also, Alex. Or they're also in denial.

Alex Cooper (65:36)

Yeah.

Unknown Guest (65:36)

And they're also not ready to deal with it because I've had so many people that I've heard them talk about that. And certainly, you know, I mean, in. In my movie, I am evidence, you know, about the backlog of the untested rape kids. You know, we have an expert talk about the neurobiology of trauma. And listen, when law enforcement said she was gang raped, well, she just lied there and she must have wanted it. They don't understand. So part of it is truly a lack of education and understanding. And also, for example, one out of, you know, three women is sexually assaulted in their life. And one out of six men. Men. It has been my experience that the men who have disclosed to me that were assaulted many times in their teens, all the men that have disclosed to me, and there's been a few were all in their 50s, and that's just not an accident. It took them that long to process it. So I think that the people that are judging either are a little disconnected or they don't. Are not educated in trauma.

Alex Cooper (66:59)

Something that you wrote in your op.

Mariska Hargitay (67:01)

Ed that I thought was really beautiful is you really talk about how your mission is to take. Take the shame off of survivors and put it on who it belongs to, which is the abusers. What do you think, though, is the first step to doing that?

Unknown Guest (67:17)

Women say, I was raped. Where's the perpetrator in that? There's no perpetrator. So there's a weird ownership. Right. I think the blame. It has to be named. He raped me. Name it. One of the greatest pieces of advice that I've ever received, and I'll tell you two. Well, there's three. One is slowing down everything. Second is noticing things. Just notice it. Don't need to change it, but notice it. And the third is naming things. Right? We push through our emotions to not feel because it's too painful. So for me, being able to slow down, notice a feeling, and honor it, not have to do anything, you take the pressure off just sitting with yourself and noticing that you go. And it's like, right? And then you name it. And once you name it, things get put in the right piles. So for me, this person raped me. I was not raped. He raped me. There was nothing I could do about it. And I have clarity about what happened. And I don't blame myself at all. I'm. I survived it. My unconscious and myself and my whole being did what I had to do to survive. And if that was going into denial about it, then so be it. I'm grateful for the part of me that said, we're not ready to deal with this. And you'll be ready when you're ready. Now. Now what did I do? I started a foundation for victims of sexual assault and domestic violence. So I did something about it, and I did something great about it, and I talked about it, and I dealt with mine when I was ready. And I'm grateful for that. And I have patience for that, and I have empathy for the part of myself that wasn't ready to deal with it. So that's what I feel like. I don't have judgment. I look at. I say, when you're ready. When people can't deal with it, when they judge, when they blame, when they go, you go, okay, I understand. That's about Them. And you don't take that on. What you're doing is brave. It's powerful. You understand the power of healing. You know, I talked to so many people since I. You invited me to come beyond this show, and people have a very emotional connection with you. And that's what I found so moving. Right. Because you're so funny, and you talked about, you know, fun stuff and comedy and frivolous things and silly things, and you go in.

Mariska Hargitay (70:59)

Yeah.

Unknown Guest (71:00)

And you do it all. I had somebody say to me last week. I said, what do you like about it? I wanted to understand. And they said, I grew up in a house where nobody talked about sex. I grew up in a house where it was so I didn't know anything. I learned she's like my sister. And that made me. I was like, oh, my God, I love her, but. You know what I mean? But what you do. I mean, we're not. We're similar. I think, in a way, I really do. And I feel a weird connection to you because you give people permission. You talk about things where people don't. What do I tell people in. In this field? Talk about it. Talk about it. Go to your dinner table and say, I want to talk about it. Talk to your sons, talk to boys, talk to your friends. People didn't talk about it, and now they do. And guess what? Everyone goes, me, too.

Mariska Hargitay (71:53)

Immediately.

Unknown Guest (71:54)

Immediately.

Mariska Hargitay (71:55)

It's like, conversation is such power. And it makes me happy to hear.

Unknown Guest (71:59)

That because it's power.

Mariska Hargitay (72:00)

It is. And it's like people are just looking to feel connected because we're so IC.

Unknown Guest (72:06)

Are looking for community. You give that, I give that. We give that. Connection is everything. It makes us feel less isolated, less ashamed, less alone. Those were the things when people wrote to me. Those were the things in the letters that I got when people started disclosing their stories of abuse. I'm ashamed. I'm alone. They're so isolated. They didn't know to tell people. And as soon as you tell people, everyone says. Says, I have a story. I have this. I have that. That's how we change the culture. That is what's so exciting. And I'm so happy. I'm so. I don't know. It's not appropriate, But I'm so proud of you for what you did. I'm so proud of you for what you built and what you made and your fearlessness and your badassery.

Mariska Hargitay (72:54)

I feel the same exact way with you. I think, like, when you meet women who are trying to do their best, it's like, we're not. Not. We're just sharing our experiences. And yes, it's uncomfortable, but I've always said if me being vulnerable online can help anyone at home sitting in their room be like, oh, my God, Alex, me too. Then I did my job today.

Unknown Guest (73:16)

You did your job today. And that's why I said people are like, oh, are you? Do you feel vulnerable? And I go, yeah, I feel really vulnerable. But guess what? When people are vulnerable to me, you know what it makes me want to do? Hug them. Yes, hug them and get.

Mariska Hargitay (73:28)

And get vulnerable again and get vulnerable.

Unknown Guest (73:29)

Again and tell them everything and go, oh, my God, I do. And then you have a connection with somebody that you may have out of fear or insecurity you may have projected on them, and then you don't even see them, and they could be awesome and your bestie, right? And then you have a connection forever. Because if somebody goes, I don't know that girl. Then you go, you know, what? Do you know her story? She's been through a lot, right? And then you get curious. You get curious about somebody, and it even. I say that to my daughter. It's one of my favorite things. You know, she's in middle school, and it's tough to navigate, and she's like, this person was mean or this person was rude, and she didn't talk to me. And I always go, why? Why? Why do you think? Do you think she was having a bad day? Do you think she felt. Do you think she felt insecure or jealous? Do you think she saw you with somebody else and did this? This. Because we're all so tender and, like, tender, and we just want to feel cozy and connected.

Mariska Hargitay (74:19)

I know when people are acting out, a lot of times you're like, oh, my God, don't even get mad. Be like, what is this person going through?

Unknown Guest (74:26)

What's wrong?

Mariska Hargitay (74:26)

What's wrong?

Unknown Guest (74:27)

What? Robin Williams said we're all carrying. What's that beautiful quote? Quote. Everyone is fighting a battle that you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.

Mariska Hargitay (74:37)

Boom. I know. We only have so much time, so I have to.

Unknown Guest (74:40)

I have a heart out at five o' clock. No, you five o' clock. No. I am jumping on a plane.

Mariska Hargitay (74:45)

I know, I know. So let me ask some of, like, the questions I need to ask. First of all, I could talk about this with you. We could go on a retreat together and sit and talk and write nine books together. But I only have so much time with you, so I need to ask these questions, too. Okay? SVU fans are obsessed with you. And Chris Maloney's on screen dynamic, obviously. Talk to me about your friendship in real life.

Unknown Guest (75:11)

We are just connected. We are so close. It's like we've been through the battle together. We know each other so well. We love each other so much. We respect each other so much. We connected, obviously, by living these stories and living and going so deep together for so many years, acting. And he and I really bond over comedy. We have a very similar sense of humor, and we just have. You know what it is? It's shared perspective. It's shorthand. We are so comfortable with each other. We deeply trust each other. We know, like, whatever he needs, I will always be there for him. And that's mutual. And we have grown together. We've known each other 27 years.

Mariska Hargitay (76:08)

When he left the show, I felt like, obviously, the entire world was just devastated. Like, how did you handle that? Did you know, had you guys talked about it? Like, what was. And how did, like, it affect the cast and everything?

Unknown Guest (76:21)

I was devastated. It. I was devastated. No. Happened very quickly, and it was surprising. It was over a negotiation, and I tried everything I could to fix it and change it. And, you know, again, it's one of these things in life where you. I have these. I'm sorry, I don't mean to have add, but I have these chandeliers.

Mariska Hargitay (76:50)

You're lying.

Unknown Guest (76:50)

I swear to God. God. Sophie.

Mariska Hargitay (76:53)

No, we have.

Unknown Guest (76:54)

Pull up my. The Scott. The chandeliers in my dressing room.

Mariska Hargitay (76:58)

You're lying. We have the same.

Unknown Guest (77:00)

Separated at birth.

Mariska Hargitay (77:02)

Yes.

Unknown Guest (77:03)

We look so much alike. When I saw you, I was like, this is like a mirror. No, no, no. I'm going to show you my. I'm sending you photos of my dressing room. This is. She has the sconce version of my chandeliers. Sorry. ADD moment. Come back. What would you ask me?

Mariska Hargitay (77:16)

Oh, contract. He left. You were sad.

Unknown Guest (77:18)

He left. I was devastated. And. And, and. And it was awesome. He was ready to go. He did. He went on and did all these other great shows, great work. I got to meet some of my favorite humans. All the people that. All the actors that have come on svu. It's a. I will say this. It's a magical place. It's a magical place to work. Everyone is deeply, deeply invested. And my favorite thing of all of it is when guest stars come and say to me, is it always like this here? And I go, yep.

Mariska Hargitay (78:04)

What?

Unknown Guest (78:05)

It's a team. It's fun. We laugh and we get it done. Like, we are so focused. And so listen, it's shorthand everyone knows a drill. Everyone's so good. And we know when to play. We know when to work. We have been together so long, there's a real intimacy. I'm, like, very close with my crew. Like, we text yesterday. We love each other, and we are a team. And if somebody's not invested, they're out. Like, we bring our A game. Best idea wins, and it is a joy. And I look forward to going to work every day. And you can't believe how much we laugh.

Mariska Hargitay (78:56)

What time do you have to wake up?

Unknown Guest (78:58)

Well, now that I've been on the show since 1926, my call is seven every day. Everyone else gets up at, like, five, but I'm like, Sweetie, I'm gonna roll in around 7:30. I hope you're cool with that. There's little mama. Mama has mama sits. The mama's the boss. Mama's the boss. Now I hashtag boss lady. What? I don't wield it around. But they're not confused. Do you know what I'm saying?

Mariska Hargitay (79:23)

I'm obsessed.

Unknown Guest (79:24)

No, it's really good. But I'm the hardest worker of all of them too.

Mariska Hargitay (79:28)

There you go.

Unknown Guest (79:28)

I don't play. I set the standard. I say, this is what we're doing, and if it's not working, I go, that's not good. Let's go again.

Mariska Hargitay (79:35)

Okay, SVU talk for the really, really, really crazies. They need me to ask. Olivia and Elliot had a will they, won't they relationship for years. Do you think they'll ever end up together?

Unknown Guest (79:46)

Maybe on the last episode? I think that's when they should be together.

Alex Cooper (79:52)

On the last episode? Yeah.

Mariska Hargitay (79:54)

Do you want them to be at the end?

Unknown Guest (79:56)

If it's right. We'll see when we get there. We are soulmates in a way. Yes, we are. And I think that I. I mean, Chris has had a. A profound impact on my life, my artistry. I think we've had a big impact on each other. And so Olivia and Elliot are. But let's see where the story takes us, you know?

Alex Cooper (80:43)

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D (81:23)

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Mariska Hargitay (82:03)

Okay, quick, Rapid Fire. Who has been your favorite guest star to work with?

Unknown Guest (82:07)

Are you. Are you fucking kidding me? There's so many good ones for different reasons.

Mariska Hargitay (82:12)

Name a couple. Quick.

Unknown Guest (82:14)

Oh, Jesus. Well, I mean, the first thing comes out of my mouth right now is Bradley Woodford and Amy Landecker.

Mariska Hargitay (82:20)

Boom.

Unknown Guest (82:21)

Okay. Just because it's recent and they're so funny.

Mariska Hargitay (82:23)

Okay, what episode of SVU are the most prominent? Proud of Rapid Fire.

Unknown Guest (82:31)

The one I directed. Maybe what's it called in the.

Mariska Hargitay (82:36)

That. That thing.

Unknown Guest (82:37)

The one in the sky with Bradley Whitford.

Mariska Hargitay (82:38)

Boom. Okay, what has been your craziest fan interaction?

Unknown Guest (82:43)

Craziest fan interaction. Hold on. There's a lot. I like it when, like, you know, because I get so much love on the street, and I get. I mean, I get a lot of love. Somebody's like, I don't get svl. I don't get it. Somebody came up to me, I'm like, oh, my God. Well, I'm so sorry. Thank you. I don't know what to say. Sophie, do I have another fan interaction?

Mariska Hargitay (83:03)

That's good. Sophie's not even Sophie. Sophie. But you live in New York City.

Unknown Guest (83:07)

Yeah.

Mariska Hargitay (83:07)

Is it like. Are you getting. Are you. Can you walk to the bagel shop?

Unknown Guest (83:12)

No.

Mariska Hargitay (83:12)

No.

Unknown Guest (83:12)

It's so awesome. But you have to understand, I walk. It's. It's such a joy because I walk and they're like, oh, my God. I love, like, Olivia. Yeah. And I hug it out. I'm a hug. It's a. It's very intimate relationship in New York. So one time I was. I was. Well, I was getting in my car and I was. Saw a man fall, and so I went over. I jumped out of My car. I grabbed the man and I picked him up and I put him in my car, and I took him to the hospital, and then I took him home. Like, I do like stuff like that a lot. If I see. If I see something. If you see something, say something. If I see something, I just hate there's stuff like that.

Mariska Hargitay (83:52)

Has anyone ever mistaken you while you're on set for being an actual cop?

Unknown Guest (83:56)

Well, there was the time when I was shooting a scene in a park, and we were shooting a scene, and the little girl came up to me crying and said, hi. And she was just crying, and she wouldn't talk. And I said, what's the matter, honey? And she said she was crying, and I said, did you lose your. Did you lose your mom? Can you. Where's your mom? And she was like. And so I just picked her up. I said, can I pick you up? And I picked her up, and then I walked around the park until I. Until I found her. Mom. Mom. So I think she thought I was a police officer, and. But either way, she trusted me, so. That was beautiful, Olivia.

Mariska Hargitay (84:29)

We love it. Have you ever taken anything from set? Like, do you have. Do you have any of, like, Olivia's memorabilia in your house?

Unknown Guest (84:37)

Oh, yeah. Take whatever I want. Whenever I want. I just go, can I have this? I always ask, can I have this? And they're like, yeah, go ahead.

Mariska Hargitay (84:44)

Or they're like, no, and you're like, okay, thanks, and you take it anyway.

Unknown Guest (84:46)

Yeah. They don't say no, but I don't ask for stuff like that. You know, they gave me, like, my real badge because I wanted that, and I framed it, and then they made a new badge for me.

Mariska Hargitay (84:57)

That's really cute.

Unknown Guest (84:58)

Yeah.

Mariska Hargitay (84:58)

Okay. With all that you've achieved, how do you define success at this point in your life?

Unknown Guest (85:05)

Peace, space, balance. I feel so peaceful and present in a new way. I haven't always. I used to have a lot of anxiety. I'd be scared, and I'm just not anymore. And I trust. I think that I trust. I think I had a lot of catastrophic thinking and was waiting for the shoe to drop, which is understandable. Losing my mother and then this thing happening with my father. And now I feel steady and grateful and loved. I think my family is my biggest place of success in my life. It's everything that I wanted. My husband is everything that I wanted. My husband is my home, my cheerleader, my. Makes me laugh if he can fix anything. And the best dad. I call him Daddy. I'm just kidding. I so don't don't use that. It was shtick. That was shtick.

Mariska Hargitay (86:33)

That's the headline.

Unknown Guest (86:34)

No. And then my kids. Kids like our family. I love my kids so much, and I just love our family. I love our family. The fact that I get to go home right now to my kids and my family, I like. What else is there? What else is there? An integration. I say integration. This is what I was talking about. All the parts I feel success because I'm integration. Everything's in balance. There's no, like, highs and lows. I'm like, oh, yes, okay, the movie is great, but I'm just settled being with you and being present and connecting. It's. I just feel settled and hopeful. And now I go back to svu and I'm like, oh, I wonder what I'll do. I'm not as fearful.

Mariska Hargitay (87:19)

You know, I think that's incredible advice. Like, even thinking back to the beginning of this episode, when you were talking about, you know, your 20s, you were like, that was the worst era of my life. And I know I have a lot of women in their 20s listening, and I think, think it's so beautiful to hear from you, how they should feel so hopeful that it's going to get better. You're going to know yourself more. You're going to grow into yourself more. You're going to learn how to heal your traumas. You're going to learn how to love yourself more. It's all coming.

Unknown Guest (87:48)

Be patient and be gentle with yourself and know that there's parts of you at work and they're all trying to figure it out, and they're all parts that want your attention. So. So be gentle and listen. Listen to that inner voice. My inner voice has guided me, and when I'm still enough to listen to, has all the answers. You already have everything you need. You already have it inside. And that's the thing that we. That we need to grow into.

Mariska Hargitay (88:25)

This was so lovely.

Unknown Guest (88:26)

This was so lovely.

Mariska Hargitay (88:27)

I feel like I was just, like, at coffee with a girlfriend, chatting. Truly, you are so inspiring. You're so talented. You're so smart. You're all the things of, like, a dream guest that I could have asked for. And my family and friends are so jealous right now, and I had the best time. So thank you so much for coming on caller, Daddy. This was a dream.

Unknown Guest (88:47)

I am honored to be here. Let's do it again.

Mariska Hargitay (89:06)

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D (89:22)

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Mariska Hargitay (89:46)

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