Parenting Your Parents

Summary

Call Her Daddy – “Parenting Your Parents”

Host: Alex Cooper
Episode Date: March 22, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this emotional yet characteristically candid episode, Alex Cooper (with Sofia Franklyn guesting) dives into the deeply personal topic of what it means when the roles in a parent-child relationship start to reverse—when you find yourself “parenting” your parents. Packed with humor, raw reflections, and advice, this episode is aimed at anyone experiencing the unsettling but inevitable changes that come as our parents age and begin to rely more on us. Through honest anecdotes, therapy takeaways, and practical advice, Alex creates space for her listeners to process these transitions and even find connection and beauty in embracing this new dynamic.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. When the Roles Reverse: Realizing You’re Parenting Your Parents

[03:24-07:10]

• Alex and Sofia open the conversation with a relatable story: their friend’s “exhausting” family vacation led to her becoming the parent to her own parents, managing all travel logistics and tech issues.
  • “My friend on this vacation had gone through her first experience of having to be the parent to her own parents.” [04:03]
• The hosts reflect on the ease of childhood, when parents seamlessly handled everything, vs. the current reality of being thrust into responsibility.

2. The Emotional Impact: Identity, Grief, and Frustration

[09:32-27:29]

• Alex opens up about her own experience shifting into this caretaker role during a family Christmas, realizing the mental load had fallen on her, and how destabilizing that felt.
  • “For me, confronting that over…holiday, it felt like I was going through this massive identity shift because I wanted my parents to still be my parents.” [13:55]
• She discusses the uncomfortable truth that our parents aren’t static—they’re aging, changing, and eventually will need us more than we need them.
  • “Our parents are human beings. They are changing, evolving, aging, learning new things or struggling…” [10:05]
• Therapist’s Wisdom: Alex shares her therapist’s framework: we transition from dependence (as kids), to independence, then to interdependence as adults. The role reversal is inevitable and profoundly unnerving.
  • “That stability… becomes just like a part of your nervous system. You don't even question it… So when aging begins to slowly chip away at this stability, it's actually an indication that a foundational shift is happening.” [15:18]
• Normalizing the Frustration: Alex admits to feeling intense irritation at first, which her therapist called “anticipatory grief”—grieving someone before they’re even gone.
  • “I remember my therapist was like, all of this whiplash and frustration stems from…anticipatory grief.” [27:29]

3. How to Cope: Practical Steps and Boundaries

[27:29-39:31]

• Having “the conversation”: The hardest but most important advice from therapy was to proactively talk with parents about these changes—before life forces you to.
  • “It doesn’t need to be some dramatic sit down—like, ‘we need to talk about how you’re getting old.’ Keep it gentle and offer support.” [30:16]
• Tips for Navigating Tough Talks:
  • Come from a place of genuine care.
  • Use concrete, loving examples rather than accusations.
  • Enlist siblings or partners for support.
  • Respect their autonomy: “Remember, you’re not stepping in and taking over their lives… You’re just showing them that you want to support them.” [33:53]
• Setting Boundaries: Protect your own mental health.
  • Divide labor among siblings if possible, seek outside help if needed, and set clear limits on availability.
  • “You’re entering the role of being more of a parent to your parents, but they’re not the sole focus of your life—and that’s okay.” [37:00]
• Emotional Reciprocity: As roles shift, you can actually find new closeness with your parents by supporting them practically, and leaning in emotionally.
  • “Once we got through that [conversation], it’s almost like we needed to just put it out in the open…then…now I just want to have my mom and dad there for that emotional side.” [35:01]

4. Larger Reflections: Universality and the Cycle of Life

[39:31-42:38]

• Alex discusses the cultural context: this role reversal is universal, but responses and expectations are shaped by family history, culture, and resources.
• She emphasizes the sacredness of the parent-child bond, the inevitability of change, and the importance of acknowledging evolving dynamics.
  • “The relationship that you share with your parents, it’s so sacred and it’s so complicated…at the core of who we are is really what our relationship with our parents is and was and is going to continue to be.” [41:00]

5. Listener Q&A (A Light-hearted Shift)

[45:07-54:36]

• The episode ends on a lighter note as Alex and Sofia answer a listener’s question about whether to write a letter to an ex before he moves overseas.
  • The advice is a rollercoaster—first discouraging, then ultimately encouraging it in a classic, dramatic “Dear John” fashion, peppered with humor and nostalgia for their own letter-writing escapades.
  • “Write the letter. Yeah, I guess we’re going all the way back to this…the more [sic] of the story is write the letter because…It’s so good. It’s romantic. It’s pathetic. It’s everything. And we’re alive once…” [53:17]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the role reversal:
  “The relationship is now interdependent on a much deeper level…I was now becoming the top layer of reliability in our family structure. And I was like, wait, I don’t know if I want this yet.” [16:28]

• On anticipatory grief:
  “It’s basically grieving someone before they’re even gone, simply because there is so much internal stress and anxiety around losing them that is just taking up your mental load.” [27:34]

• On boundaries:
  “This transitional time is only going to be healthy and good for everyone if you’re also protecting your emotional bandwidth.” [37:27]

• On acceptance:
  “You never stop being someone’s child. And…I know I want to have kids—like, then one day I’m gonna be the woman, hopefully, knock on wood, I last that long, that’s like, ‘can you come help me with my taxes?’” [40:24]

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Important Segments & Timestamps

• [03:24] – Story that sparks topic: realizing you’re now “parenting” your parents on a family trip
• [09:32] – The emotional whiplash when roles begin to change
• [12:50] – Alex’s personal account of a family holiday where she assumed new responsibility
• [14:35-16:30] – Therapist’s framework: dependence, independence, interdependence
• [27:29] – Identifying anticipatory grief; therapy insights
• [30:15] – How to have “the talk” with aging parents
• [37:00] – Advice on boundaries & self-care
• [39:31] – Reflections on the universality and sacredness of the parent-child bond
• [45:07-54:36] – Listener question: writing a letter to an ex; humorous end to the episode

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Tone & Style

• Honest and Vulnerable: Alex is open about her fears, guilt, and adjustment to this new family dynamic, normalizing discomfort and frustration.
• Conversational and Humorous: Balances the heavy subject with jokes and self-deprecating stories (“I just wanted my parents to stay constant and I wanted them to stay the same. And again, that is not reality. And that is why I went to therapy.” [24:59])
• Empowering and Supportive: Offers reassurance that listeners are not alone, and that talking about these feelings—and with their parents—is both brave and essential.

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Takeaways

• The process of “parenting your parents” is emotional, confusing, and filled with grief and gratitude.
• Open conversations with parents can alleviate anxiety and foster more meaningful relationships—even as practical responsibilities shift.
• Setting boundaries is crucial; you can only help others if you’re also caring for yourself.
• The cycle of caring is natural and, when embraced, can yield new closeness and understanding in the parent-child bond.
• And, sometimes, you just need to write the damn letter (to your ex)—because life is both tragic and hilarious, all at once.

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For anyone navigating the complex territory of aging parents, this episode is an invaluable blueprint—and an empathetic, entertaining companion—for facing tough transitions with grace, humor, and love.

Transcript

[Alex Cooper]

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[Sofia Franklyn]

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[Alex Cooper]

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[Sofia Franklyn]

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[Alex Cooper]

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[Sofia Franklyn]

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[Alex Cooper]

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[Sofia Franklyn]

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[Alex Cooper]

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[Sofia Franklyn]

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[Alex Cooper]

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[Sofia Franklyn]

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[Alex Cooper]

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[Sofia Franklyn]

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[Alex Cooper]

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[Alex Cooper]

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[Sofia Franklyn]

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[Alex Cooper]

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[Sofia Franklyn]

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[Alex Cooper]

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[Sofia Franklyn]

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[Alex Cooper]

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[Sofia Franklyn]

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[Alex Cooper]

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[Sofia Franklyn]

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[Alex Cooper]

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[Sofia Franklyn]

I feel like it's kind of been a while since we've been here and just chatted together and so I'm really excited to have this space today because there is something that my friends and I have been talking about a lot lately that I wanted to just kind

[Alex Cooper]

of like open up and share with

[Sofia Franklyn]

you guys because I'm assuming it is applicable to all of your lives as well.

[Alex Cooper]

So I had a few girlfriends over

[Sofia Franklyn]

last week for a little wine night and one of my close friends had just gotten back from a week long vacation with her family. So we were in excited to hear her stories and have her just tell us all about it. But instead of, you know, coming back, relaxed, beautiful, well rested, excited to share the details, she was so absolutely exhausted. And as she started telling us about what happened and why she was emotionally drained from the trip, all of us just began like aggressively nodding along to her story being like, absolutely, yep, we understand, we have been there, we understand we've all go through this. So basically my friend on this vacation had gone through her first experience of having to be the parent to her own parents. And listen, back when you were a kid traveling with your Parents, obviously your brain could probably just go onto autopilot, right? Like, maybe your dad had the boarding passes, your mom had all of the snacks planned. It was just you and your Harry Potter book against the world and you didn't have to worry about a God damn thing. You could literally go through the airport blindfolded. And like, you wouldn't. You would get there. You would get there. You don't even know how you got there, but you got there because your parents led you there. But now maybe you get to the airport and your dad can't understand how the self service baggage tagging ticket situation works, right? So then you end up taking over. It's all right, Dad, I got this one. And then your mom can't figure out how to download the airplane app on her phone, so you're like, no, no, no, I got it.

[Alex Cooper]

Don't worry, Mom.

[Sofia Franklyn]

Like, we got it. And then maybe you land, right? You're in a new city and the process of finding the Uber pickup location is basically impossible for them. So then you're like, don't worry guys. I will lead you to the promised land. I got this. And then from there, figuring out the hotel logistics or the car rental or the dinner reservations or the trip itinerary, like, it basically just starts to fall all on you because you're just quicker and more capable than your parents. So now you're on this vacation, looking around of like, what is going on? And maybe you're starting to think to yourself, how the fuck did my parents ever do all of this on their own? Like, not only that, how did they do this all when they also had young children to navigate? Like, how am I alive? How am I breathing to this day? And I don't want to sound dramatic, but like, I get like technology at the airport and on trips. I understand it has changed a lot and it can be super confusing and overwhelming for anyone, but. But my friends and I came to the conclusion that it's not really about that because, like, at some point there was a different form of technology at the airport that they also had to figure out, right? Like, it's about the fact that now in certain settings, our parents, they just fully rely on us. And it's not the other way around anymore.

[Alex Cooper]

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[Sofia Franklyn]

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[Sofia Franklyn]

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[Sofia Franklyn]

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[Alex Cooper]

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[Sofia Franklyn]

kids, our parents exist in this larger than life role in our lives, right? They're the people who just like know

[Alex Cooper]

how to fix everything.

[Sofia Franklyn]

They know where we're supposed to be and when we're supposed to be there. And they calm us down when we're upset and they make our big wins and our big moments feel really special. And they're, they're just like essentially the ones holding up the entire structure of our lives, right? They keep everything together. And because of that and because that dynamic is so, like, just natural and almost unspoken, I guess. Growing up, I don't think we ever stop to consider the fact that our parents are not actually these static, ever solid figures. Like, it's a crazy concept. I know, guys, but, like, our parents are human beings. They are changing, evolving, aging, learning new things or struggling through other things, right? Like, all while we are focusing on our own growth. And I think, like, this concept when I say that it can be slightly uncomfortable, at least for me to think about my parents as being these, like, deeply complex people and, like, constantly moving forward in their own lives. Because in my head, like, I'm like, no, no, they're just mom and dad. Like, they've just been mom and dad. And it's like, no, like, they are. They were. They were babies at one point. They were children at one point. They got up from their parents at some point, too. They went to. Whether it was high school or college and fell in love multiple times. Like, they've lived the same, similar lives or different lives than us, but they've done all the feelings and things that we've done. And I think it's hard to engage with the thoughts of, like, oh, my God. My parents inevitably are not just my parents. They're also individuals who aren't going to be here forever. They may not be here one day. And so as my friend was talking, I actually could just totally to relate to, like, what she was going through with her parents, because I had actually really struggled through a very similar situation with my own. This happened a couple years back, and I think I kind of podcasted about this a little bit at one point, but over Christmas, I was, like, really looking forward to the time off with my family and getting a break from life. And I was also just very used to the holidays just being handled by my parents, which was something I appreciated more and more as my adult life got busier, right? I would. Whether it was I come. Come home from college or whether I came back from the city, like, I would just go home and they'd have the tree decorated. They'd have all of my childhood things in the room. Like, oh, my God, they kept everything. The meals are prepared. They have the gifts wrapped. Like, it was all just ready. And so my siblings and I could just pop in and enjoy the holidays. And it was like a prerequisite. Like, you're like, of course my parents will have all this ready. But that year we decided we weren't going to go home to Pennsylvania for Christmas. And somehow that turned into all of the holiday planning, like, kind of falling on me. And now also in hindsight again, like, did it fall on me or did I put it on myself? Because I felt like they weren't like, in the same headspace anymore to put it together. I don't know. But I was the one finding us a house, finding our flights, booking our cars, planning the meals, doing the grocery shopping, making a schedule. And while I was capable, of course, of handling it, I was also extremely overwhelmed. And I felt like not once during that holiday was I ever able to fully relax or enjoy the time with my parents the way that I used to. And it really ended up getting to me. And I started thinking back to how when I was a kid, I maybe took for granted the way that my parents had just had everything handled. And yeah, I guess that's what parents are supposed to do. But, like, whether it was from soccer practice to homework to school lunches to scheduling, I always had this layer of stability beneath me where I didn't have to think about everything all at once because there was someone who loved me that was just taking care of it. And that is. I just also want to acknowledge, like, of course that is not the case for everyone. So I do want to just super quick, like, disclaimer here that I can only speak obviously from my relationship with my parents and what I was able to experience growing up. I'm so fortunate that I had the experience I did. If you grew up with an unstable family dynamic or abuse or trauma, a lot of what I'm unpacking today may not relate to you in the same way, which I completely understand. But I do want to use today to talk about how foundationally destabilizing it can be to realize that your parents now need you more than you need them is basically what I'm trying to say. Like, what the. For me confronting that over, I remember that Christmas holiday specifically, it felt like I was going through this massive identity shift because I. I wanted my parents to still be my parents.

[Alex Cooper]

And.

[Sofia Franklyn]

And I also knew I was probably the more capable one. And I didn't know how I felt about it, and I didn't feel like I could talk to them about it. So then I just started handling things. And then I was, like, kind of resentful. But then I was also like, they've done this my whole life. Like, I should step up, right? And I just remember on that trip, I became really hyper fixated on the way everything was changing. Like, change was so uncomfortable, right? Like, you're just like, what is happening. Your reality. All of a sudden, it just feels like it completely shifts. And all these little moments were making me extremely emotional, which is why I then, like, booked a therapy appointment immediately upon returning home, because I was like, I need to tell my therapist. Like, something is changing, and I need help. But it was one of the most existential therapy sessions I think I've had for, like, a really long time. Because for better or for worse, my therapist told me that I was not catastrophizing any of this. She was like, from birth to death. Our lives as humans revolve around dependence, independence, and interdependence. When we're born, we're completely dependent on our parents for regulation, safety, and structure. Their job is essentially to just help us grow into independence while still maintaining our familial connection, right? So if we have a secure attachment to our parents, then we naturally internalize the feeling that something solid exists above us. And that solidity becomes just like a part of your nervous system. You don't even question it. It's just been there since a very young age, right? And so then when aging begins to slowly chip away at this stability, it's actually an indication that a foundational shift is happening. The relationship is now interdependent on a much deeper level. I was like, okay, therapist, let me write this down, because. Hold on. Say that one more time. I'm gonna really need to. I'm gonna also need to tell this to the daddying. So I pulled my notes back up for this episode, and I was like, what did she say to me again? But for me, that meant that I was now becoming the top layer of reliability in our family structure. And I was like, wait, I don't know if I want this yet. I don't know if I'm ready for this. Like, how did this happen? And so if you think about it, that shift might be. It may. It may be great in some ways, right? Like, I think there is something great about stepping into a larger role in your family. It means that you are now fully capable of taking care of things. It means that my parents successfully did their job, right? I am now able to provide and protect and do all the things. But it also means a lot more responsibility was coming my way that I don't think anyone really warns you about. There's not this, like, literal passive. The torch. It's like, all right, sweet. Like, that doesn't happen. It's just, like, this unsaid thing that just slowly shifts. And so you think about it, and you're like, okay, you now need to be the one to make sure that they're going to their doctor appointments. And maybe it's not today, but like, it's coming where, like, you're gonna be the one that has to be on top of their health care. You need to be the one to fully set up the WI fi or their phones or their TVs or their iPads or like whatever devices it is that they're overwhelmed by, right? You need to call them to check in on them because all of their friends, you know, maybe they moved to Florida and so then they haven't had any human interaction in like three days. And you're like, you guys good? Like, I know some people watching. Maybe you only have one parent, right? And that person you're like constantly worried about, worried about, worried about. And you, and you probably sit with yourself and you're like, when did I start to be so worried about this person? Because when did the roles shift? They always were just worried about me. And I was frolicking along and I was like, you know, drinking at some club and waking up in a random man's basement in Brooklyn being like a. And my mom was probably so worried and I wasn't even thinking about my mom at that point, right? I was just hoping I had an orgasm. Like, you're not even thinking about your parents and then all of a sudden one day you're more stressed about their safety, their well being, their health, and you're like, when did I know even that my parents went to the doctor? Like, I didn't know my parents. Like, I hate this to realize that there are like no longer built in structures for your life. There are only the structures that you choose to invest in moving forward. That so much of that stability when you were younger and that comfort and that like, it also just can exist. Your, your parents can't protect you in that way anymore, right? Like, they can't walk you into your job every day and make sure that everyone's being nice to you. Like when you were young and in kindergarten, they're like, let's have a after school conference with the parents and come together because your kid was bullying mine. They don't do that anymore. It's on you now and again. That is the whole point of life, that they got you to the point where you can then advocate for yourself. But it fucking sucks because I still want my mom to make my doctor's appointments. Like, I know that I want to be independent and I don't want to want my mommy or my daddy. But also, I want them. You know, it's just. It's a little mind. And I remember, according to my therapist, this is very common for people in their early 30s to mid-40s to be facing. As we just, like, reach a state of full independence, our parents begin to exit their state of full independence. It's like. It's basically like two escalators moving in complete opposite directions. You're like, bye, mom and dad. And they're like, bye, sweetie. And you're like, okay. We're basically swapping positions. And so, as aging begins to impact our parents physical health and their energy and their cognition, like, they step onto the escalator, moving downward. Oh, my God. That, like, is making me almost sad and want to cry. And then, because, like, it's so fudgeing sad, that, like, that's the whole thing of life. And now they're getting older. And I think this often happens right when you are in one of the busiest, most generative phases of your own life, right? You're building a career, you're managing relationships. Maybe you're raising kids, which obviously makes, I think, the emotional collision just so much harder. When you're, like, on this high, and then your parents are shifting so much, and you're like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Stop. What are you doing? Why? Wait. No, I. I don't. I don't like this. And I think sometimes this change can be incredibly pronounced, right? Like, maybe a sudden accident or a life shift happens, and it alters your family circumstances. But I think more often, like, there really is no clear moment when the dynamic formally changes from what I was talking about with my friends. Like, none of us had that big, like, this happened, so then this happened. It was just kind of like, when did this happen? Like, I can't really pinpoint it. Like, you're just slowly realizing that you're existing in a different place in your family than you used to be, and your nervous system is trying to reconcile what the actual F is happening. So for me, when I was navigating this, and I'm kind of embarrassed to admit it, but I think my nervous system processed these just changes with, like, feelings of intense frustration. I found myself more frustrated and annoyed than ever with my parents as I saw them aging. And I know this was coming from my inner child just wanting to be that little kid again and wanting things to go back to the way that they used to be. But instead of sitting with that sadness ultimately and allowing it to just cycle through, I just got irrationally irritated and I know that probably sounds terrible because it's, like, not their fault, but I think it was, like, when I was having a super hard day at work, and I'm, like, juggling my job and my relationship and my friendships and all the stress in my life. It would piss me off if my dad was calling me, like, asking me for help on something that, like, he used to able to, like, maybe figure out on his own. And it just felt unnatural. And meanwhile, now I look back and I'm like, oh, my God. Like, no, that's actually so beautiful that my dad has helped me get to every place I have gotten in life. And the fact that he's. I. He's never had to ask me for anything. Like, my dad, when I'm growing up, like, he never asked me, like, can you help me? Like, I don't. Like, never. And so the fact that he is now able to ask me for help because I am a capable human being, that should be something that I can look at as a positive. But it was just too scary to me. So I was like, this is annoying. And it's like, it's not annoying. It's like a beautiful progression of me being an independent individual that now can actually support my father. And I used to not be able to do that and how great that I can now. But at the time, I was like, dad, can't you just Google it? And it's like, no, be there for him. And I think it's also just because, like, I felt like there was already so much on my plate and I just wanted to be their kid. That's where I was still in my head, like, I just want to be your kid again. And I. That's what I want, but that's just not the case, right? And so I remember this was like, two years ago. I would be, like, snippy, and I would take it out on my dad or my mom, because all the things in my life stressed me out. And what I really wasn't getting underneath is, like, it's not that he's calling me and asking me for help. It was freaking me out that he was calling me and asking me for help, because that had never, never happened before. And I also, by the way, would then, like, immediately like, this is this guilt then started to, like, really get underneath me. And that was like, a huge therapy session I had with my therapist where I was like, I don't like this. I'm feeling guilty. Why am I speaking to my parents this way? Like, they gave up their whole lives for me dedicated 31 years of raising me and I can't take five minutes to explain something like what the is wrong with me. And it's this whiplash from guilt to frustration to sadness. And where it led for me was just then I remember going into like pure avoidance. I didn't want to deal with it. I didn't want to think about it. I just wanted my parents to stay constant and I wanted them to stay the same. And again, that is not reality. And that is why I went to therapy. And my therapist is like, let's talk this through.

[Alex Cooper]

Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Airbnb so my mom and I recently went on a little girls trip, just the two of us. We have been saying we wanted to do this for forever, but we wanted to go somewhere with a spa. We wanted to relax, we wanted to have good girly dinners with some wine. And we did just that using Airbnb. It was so incredible, guys. I think my mom and I were like, okay, we just booked Airbnb. We're hoping it's like in an area where we can go get spa treatments and get good eats and restaurants and all the things. And it was the perfect, perfect, perfect girls trip. I couldn't have been happier. Also, my mom and I each had a king bed and we had a Jacuzzi in the back. So a little wine, a little Jacuzzi, it was really something that we needed

[Sofia Franklyn]

and we really were able to just reconnect and catch up.

[Alex Cooper]

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[Sofia Franklyn]

by T Mobile Daddy's I'm starting to suspect that a night in is the new nightlife. Okay, this is my life now. Snacks, comfy clothes. I want to romanticize doing absolutely nothing.

[Alex Cooper]

And on those nights when I'm staying

[Sofia Franklyn]

in, T Mobile has me covered with value that keeps on stacking up the more I use it. Like hi. Streaming benefits and snack perks that truly deliver. Guys, the math is mathing, okay? There are so many perks and benefits. T Mobile is basically making staying in a full blown lifestyle powered by carbs and content. I am a T Mobile Stan. Okay? Anyone that makes me feel not Only better, but great about staying in. Yeah, I love you, T Mobile. Okay? And if you have T Mobile like I do, you won't believe how good staying in can be. Check it out@t mobile.com Magenta Status, Disclaimer

[Alex Cooper]

Streaming, benefits included while you maintain a qualifying experience beyond plan line.

[Sofia Franklyn]

I remember my therapist was like, all of this whiplash and frustration stems from something that she. I remember she called it anticipatory grief. Which I was like, I don't like that. I don't like that. What's that? I don't like that at all. It's basically grieving someone before they're even gone, simply because there is so much internal stress and anxiety around losing them that is just taking up your mental load. And. Which I was like, okay, that's enough for this session. I was like, and time. And she's like, we're only 15 minutes in. I was like, okay, I'm fucked. Like, I think that anxiety, that's really what was coming up for me constantly. And I can't speak for any of you going through this, but when I reflect, like, on this big kind of inflection point I went through two years ago, we would be sitting around at a normal dinner, and I would suddenly get this deep, guttural sadness, realizing that this version of my parents was finite and one day they wouldn't be here at dinner with me. And it's these small moments that your brain can take and then just spiral into, like, what's gonna happen when they're gone? Like, is this the last time that we're ever gonna, you know, have these type of holidays together? Or, how much longer do we have? Like, will I ever, you know, Like, I hope my mom and my father around for, like, all of my kids when I have kids one day, right? Like, I would just get so overwhelmed, and my mind would then start racing ahead to these scenarios that hadn't happened and probably wouldn't happen for a really long time. But this anxiety is just like my brain's attempt to control what it can't actually control. And there is nothing more out of our control than our parents inevitable aging. And so luckily, my therapist didn't just let me end the therapy session there. I remember I was like, bye. She's like, sit down. I'm like, okay, this is why I pay the big bucks. My therapist shared that there was a way to gain some agency over this spiral. And I think you all know what I'm gonna say. Maybe not. It's kind of like a therapist's answer to every single problem you ever had. And it's really hard to do. But the answer always is you need to have a conversation with your parents where you all acknowledge what is happening and talk about moving forward. And daddy gang, as much as it sucks to sit down with your parents and talk about the ways that they are aging and so awkward and also like uncomfortable because you're like, wait a second. Although I do kind of feel like the parent in this dynamic to acknowledge it to my parents face, how is that going to work? Because like, even though it feels this way, I don't want to acknowledge it's so, it's so awkward. But it is so important to do it before I think life forces you. And trust me, it actually does help to have these conversations because so much of what you're feeling, you're then able to kind of like, like get a handle on the situation when you open it up to all of you so you can be like, this is what's going on, guys. It doesn't also, it doesn't need to be some dramatic sit down of like, we need to talk about how you're getting old. Like, sit down, dad. And you're like, what the. Like, okay, thanks. Like, no, it shouldn't be so, so intense because if you come in hot about how your parents aren't as young and as capable and as with it, like they're just gonna feel like shit or get defensive and be like, what are you talking about? These are grown adults who raised you and have been nothing but capable of taking care of you their entire lives. It is going to be uncomfortable for you all to address the shift, but it's needed. And so instead my approach was to just start the conversation from my own viewpoint of like, hey, I have been thinking a lot about my future, your guys future, and I just want to like talk about how you guys factor into it. Have you guys thought about retirement and what's that going to look like long term? Like do you guys have. Whether it's a will or do you. What do you have planned for the next X amount of years and what do you need help with in this next phase of life? I think it's just helpful to really keep in like, keep it focused on how you can be there to best support them as they look ahead at their own futures and just emphasize that you're here to make this time feel easier and more comfortable for them. And obviously if they're in denial about the fact that things are starting to change, that's when you can Start to mention some just like, like, tangible examples of like, well, you know, like, I did notice, like, you forgot that appointment last week, dad. Or like, you know, I see the lawn hasn't been woed in a while. Like, could we find someone to help come and handle that? Like, basically gentle reminders of changes that don't feel too daunting. Like, that's a good place to start,

[Alex Cooper]

I would say the conversation.

[Sofia Franklyn]

It also may help if you have siblings to call them or your partner or friend search for just reinforcement. But like, like, when you get to. I just remember sitting down with my parents being like, guys, we all feel this shift in like the matriarch and the patriarch of the family. And it's all changing and the siblings are now becoming the ones and the parents are not as like, let's just talk about it. And it took many conversations. Like, it wasn't just one and done it was a lot. Like so much of this conversation is. Is just like, first of all, the way you approach it, like, again, not having it be too heavy. Remember, you're not stepping in and taking over their lives. We've got to put you on a conservatorship. Now you're like, what? Like, that's really not happening. They still have authority and autonomy over their lives, but you're just showing them that you want to support them and they don't need to hide their struggles. But you also want to put it out in the open that the dynamic is shifting, that maybe you would never talk about their finances or their living situation or their future plans in the past when you're in college or high school, but now you probably need to know these things because God forbid something happens to one of the other parents and you, whatever it is, you need to be there to support them to some capacity. Again, everyone's situation is different, but I think that emotional support of, like, I'm here, you can talk to me, is important because honestly, of course our parents want to protect us. They want to shield us from all the shitty things in life, including their own problems. They haven't stopped being parents. It may feel that way to some of us, but they haven't. But it's now on us to open the door and say, hey, we don't need to avoid this. Let's move forward in a way that we all feel good about. And so I guess the point of this is like, at the end of the day, parenting your parents is actually a sign of really amazing reciprocity in one of the most important relationships that you will have in your lifetime. The role reversal is painful to confront in the beginning, I think, but once you do acknowledge it, it really does make it helpful to mitigate some of the frustration that's probably been felt on both sides.

[Alex Cooper]

Right.

[Sofia Franklyn]

Like, being open about this, I personally think can help you give back some of those moments where you do just want to be a kid again. Which on my end has been really nice. I would say once I was able to have this conversation about my parents of just like, I'm stressing out, you guys are getting older, the dynamic is shifting. I feel like I need to take on more responsibility, blah, blah, blah. Once we got through that, it's almost like we needed to just put it out in the open that the dynamic had changed. And then, since then, what's so ironic is I now have kind of felt like I'm able to be a kid again with my parents because I now am so excited to lean into the emotional aspect of our relationship. I feel like so much of growing up is logistics and your environment and protecting how did I end up going to soccer all the time or whatever. And it's just like these things that I talked about at the beginning of this, like that were these unsaid, obvious things that my parents just provided. Now I think in this later half of their life, what I'm now tapping into is the complete opposite of what my childhood really was. Now I'm able to way more have the ability to front load on just the emotional dynamic with my parents. I go over to my parents house and I just talk to them about how I'm feeling and what I'm going through and, and that's all that, that's it right now that I'm kind of more in the supportive role on logistics. And we've all put that out there and acknowledged that it's been so beautiful to realign and being like, now I just want to have my mom and dad there for that emotional side, which has been really, really beautiful. I don't know, it's a, it's a weird turning point. And I think in terms of how you're gonna show up for your parents going forward, like the range of things they're going to need help with is so wide. Every single person listening to this, your situation is going to be different. Maybe it's handling their taxes for them or finding a way to financially figure out, you know, whether it's a house cleaner for them, maybe it's helping them get doctor's appointments or maybe it's just fully organizing an assisted living situation or you going over a couple times a month and helping organize their house for them or clean it. Like, whatever it is, like it's going to fluctuate as time goes on. It's going to fluctuate given, you know, your financial situation, your proximity to your parents. Like, there's so many dynamics. So the last thing that my therapist reminded me of is that you still need to protect your own mental health first. Navigating the final chapters of someone's life alongside them is extremely mentally taxing. And it's even more painful when it's someone you're so close to. When it's our parents, we can feel selfish or, I don't know, even shameful to not give them a hundred percent of every part of our time and energy because we feel like they did that for us growing up. And we might feel guilty that we're not able to be there for them around the clock. But in reality, this transitional time is only going to be healthy and good for everyone if you're also protecting your emotional bandwidth. So maybe that means dividing the labor more equally between you and your siblings. Maybe that means looking into a caregiver. Maybe it's small and simple as like only talking on the phone when you're able to call them, not the other way around that they call you all the time. Like, whatever it is, you're entering the role of being more of a parent to your parents. But they're not the sole focus of your life. And that's okay. You're allowed to put parameters in place to make sure that you don't become a full time caregiver when you genuinely just don't have the time to. And I also want to acknowledge that the expectations on how to show up for your parents in this time of their lives, it can be really also rooted in culture or your family's background. Right. You might not be in a situation where it's okay to be bringing outside help in, but that doesn't mean you can't still find ways to protect your own mental health. Right? Whether it's with your family or with work or with your friends, you need to try to find some section of your life to set boundaries in. And that goes for everything. Not just with your parents. Right. Because you can't just, you can't be crashing out being like, I'm giving everything to everyone and like, I have nothing left. No, in my opinion, setting boundaries really just means you're allowing yourself to be more present during the time that you have with your Parents or with your partner, whoever. Right. Because yes, there will be a day when you don't get their calls anymore. There will be a last holiday where you orchestrated everything. There will be a last plane ride together. And I don't say that to be dark.

[Alex Cooper]

I say that because when we allow

[Sofia Franklyn]

ourselves to just fully accept it, I think it's really helpful when it comes to actually enjoying the current moment. I don't know what tomorrow or next week or next year with my parents is gonna hold, but I do know now that, that whatever happens, we're going to communicate through it. And in the meantime, I can continue to show up as their daughter in the day to day. This stage of independence is actually, it's a really sweet spot in your relationship with your parents. You're both giving and you're receiving in different ways. And if you're able to be open about that, then this stage can really just deepen that foundation instead of destabilizing it. But the first step is just acknowledging it it. And I know that isn't easy. There are days I still get overwhelmed and I'm scared about what the future holds. But I also know that my parents have equipped me with the tools that I need to handle those changes head on. So we're all just like sitting, being like, okay, there's a lot, there's a lot going on right now. Even if you're 30, 40, 50, 60, 100 years old, you never stop being someone's child. Okay. And I also love it like, daddy gang, we're all talking about this right now. I don't know if anyone is thinking of having kids. I know I want to have kids. Like then one day I'm gonna be the woman. Hopefully, knock on wood, I last that long. That's like, can you come help me with my taxes? And my kids are showing up. Like, that's just the cycle of life, right? The relationship that you share with your parents, it's so sacred and it's so complicated and there's so. There's just so much to these dynamics and, and even after they're gone, even after you lose your parents or a parent, whatever it be like they pass on to us when we will pass on to our children one day and so forth and how we treat our friendships and all of it. So there's so much that's intertwined and it's at the core of who we are, is really what our relationship with our parents is and was and is going to continue to be. It's so formative to who we are as individuals. And so to not. Not acknowledge your relationship with your parents. And it's changing. Like, we do this with friendships. We do this with relationships. So we have to do this with our parents, too. Your relationship with your parents is not going to be stagnant for the rest of your life. As much as we may want it to. As much as we may want them to do our laundry and to cook us the chicken noodle soup and to cradle us and tell us everything's going to be okay. I mean, they can still do some of that, but like I said, they can't walk you into work every day. And if they are, girl, then you need to. You need to get into therapy, okay? Because we need to adjust. Okay. I feel like we should, like, answer a couple questions to, like, really wrap this up and maybe end on a little bit of a brighter, happier note. You ready? Let's do it.

[Alex Cooper]

Listen, I know it's freezing out there. I know the sun is setting atrociously early. I get it, okay? But hear me out. Just because you have to throw on a couple extra layers does not mean you can't live your best lives and

[Sofia Franklyn]

crack a few claws with your friends.

[Alex Cooper]

Do you hear me, daddy gang?

[Sofia Franklyn]

Okay?

[Alex Cooper]

That means snuggling up in a booth at your favorite dive bar, warming up in the crowd, an epic concert, or having your friends over to watch sports. Listen, seriously, the best winter nights are

[Sofia Franklyn]

really just about doing something together.

[Alex Cooper]

And guess what I'm going to be

[Sofia Franklyn]

holding when I'm doing that?

[Alex Cooper]

A claw.

[Sofia Franklyn]

Thank you, White claw.

[Alex Cooper]

I have stocked my entire drink fridge,

[Sofia Franklyn]

my bevy fridge, with white claws.

[Alex Cooper]

Because I know it is a surefire

[Sofia Franklyn]

way to have everyone getting whatever they

[Alex Cooper]

want because you got all the flavors and then some. So, daddy gang, you know the drill. Pick up a pack from your favorite local spot and grab life by the claw with your favorite flavor this winter. Please drink responsibly. Hard seltzer with flavors. White gloss Seltzer Works, Chicago, Illinois. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Shopify. March is the month where everyone is out of reset mode and really actually starting to make moves. It's when resolutions either fade or they turn into results. And for entrepreneurs, March is the momentum season.

[Sofia Franklyn]

I just feel like.

[Alex Cooper]

Like, almost January and February feel like that time where you're, like, focused so much on those goals that you almost

[Sofia Franklyn]

can't let yourself just, like, flow naturally and do what you want to do

[Alex Cooper]

and get the work done in the natural way. And I find I'm really hitting my stride by March. So whether you're preparing for spring drops, leveling up your marketing, or tightening operations, Shopify helps you go from idea to execution to growth without losing speed.

[Sofia Franklyn]

Even if you have no idea what

[Alex Cooper]

your brand vibe is yet, Shopify makes it super easy to pick a theme and customize your store.

[Sofia Franklyn]

So it feels like you.

[Alex Cooper]

Daddy. Gang, if. If you are listening to this and you are someone who has been wanting to start a business or you run your own business but you don't know where to start or you are craving more support, I am telling you, Shopify has changed my personal business. It has been there basically since day one. They have been such incredible support system for me to grow and amplify my business. So whether you're just wanting to test an idea out or you're getting serious about launching your own brand, it's never been easier to get started on shopify.com. daddy.

[Sofia Franklyn]

Okay, question one. Alex, please help. My ex and I were close friends before we ever dated, and we share a huge mutual friend group at home. Our relationship ended last year mostly because of timing. We were at different colleges and long distance. Just didn't end up working. It wasn't some explosive breakup. He now plays hockey and is planning to go overseas in the fall. This summer, back in our hometown might be the last time I could ever see him. I've accepted that the relationship is over, but there are still things I wish were just different about the whole situation. Here's my question. I want to write him a letter and give it to him this summer before he leaves. We have no contact right now anyway, so part of me thinks, why not? I know it might be dumb, but I don't want to regret never telling him all my true feelings before he goes away. This is some Dear John type, okay? And this also sounds like Alex in college. Oh, my God, I loved a letter. Oh, I love the letter. I love the letter. Because you know what? It was more manipulative. It was more for me to know that I was just gonna, like, ruin him. Like, oh, he's gonna be so in love. Like, I needed him. I needed him to just, like, just chew on that. Like, oh, chew on that. Like, linger on that, buddy. Like, giving a man a letter. It just. And even if he did, like, if he threw it out in your head, you think, like, damn, that's notebook type shit. Like, ooh, that has weight. Let me tell you something. First of all, this man isn't dead. And he's not, like, going away to the army. Like, he's going to play hockey overseas. So when you're worried you're never going to see this man again, he's probably going to get cut, right? He's probably going to get cut. He's going to get homesick, he's going to come home. Also, there's Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, DMS. What, you like FaceTime?

[Alex Cooper]

You just FaceTime them.

[Sofia Franklyn]

Like, you don't act like this is like, we're done, we're done, we're done. If, like, you could contact him immediately, you could call him right now. But I get it. You're, like, you're almost convincing yourself, like, this is it. Like, him leaving the country is like, the sign that, like, it's over, so let it be over, right? Instead of, like, then writing this letter. Because what is the point of the letter? You telling him your feelings. Feelings. You're. No contact right now. It didn't work when you were long distance in the same country. It's definitely not going to work now that he's out of the country. My fear is that you are romanticizing this thing and him leaving. You're convincing yourself that, what if you write this letter? Just write it to yourself and then don't give it to him. If you give it to him, what do you want out of it? Will it hurt more if you give him this letter and then he doesn't contact you after? You're like, like.

[Alex Cooper]

Dear John, every time I see a

[Sofia Franklyn]

rose, I think of you.

[Alex Cooper]

Every time I walk through the streets at night with the twinkling stars, I think of you. Every time I have a brisk brew

[Sofia Franklyn]

in the morning, I think of you. Every time I smell peppermint, it reminds me of that Christmas we spent under the stars. Like, you're gonna. You're. And then he doesn't respond. You're gonna be like, like, what do you. You know? So I think a lot of this, like, a lot of times, I think us as girlies, we want to. We want to get in there. We want to get underneath it. We want to. We want to get validated that he did love us, that he did care. He's gone, you know, and if he cared, he would be. He would be letting you know that he cared. And so my fear for you is you're just going to get more hurt by writing this really, really, really intense letter that is just going to leave you brokenhearted. Now. Now, am I being a hypocrite because I was someone who would write letters? Yes. Yes, yes. So let's talk about the letter, because you're going to write the letter. Even if I tell you not to write the letter. Because even if I was back in college and I was listening to Call her daddy, I would have written the letter. Do you know what I mean? So I think what the letter needs to say now that we've gone all the way backwards on what I just told you to not do, now, let's just write the letter, right? I think what you need to do is recognize what do you want out of this, right? Do you want him? Him? How about this? He's in a different country. He thinks, oh, I'm gonna get so much, but it's not gonna feel the same as home, you know, I mean, doesn't feel like that homegrown pussy. So you gotta remind him, like, I'm here. And, and. And I don't even really think that we're meant to be. But before you go, this is more for me. And you almost need to make it like, go, go, go, go, John. Like, like, of course we're not together, but like, this is closure for myself. So almost he gets on that Delta flight and he's like, oh, and then you almost make him sick to his stomach that he's on that flight and that he's leaving. So every time he does, like, hook up with a new girl, he's like, ooh. But he keeps it in his bedside drawer. Cuz he's like, ooh, it makes me feel cozy. It makes. She's. She's. I'm homesick for her. You need to make him kind of pine over you, but you need to let him know that you're not pining over him. So make sure that the letter is not like, if only we could have worked out. It's more like, like, hit him with all the good ass times and boom, boom, boom, boom. Maybe throw in a nude there and be like, oops, didn't mean to put that in there. But then you're kind of like, I'm moving forward. And I think in a great way, like you going to another country, like, this is such a good restart for both of us. And I just had to say this so I could fully move forward and like, start dating with like, no, you know, weight on my chest. Like, bye, John. Like, hope you score a few goals. And then he's gonna be like, but it. But Cassidy, I want to be deep in that puss. And you're like, oh, well, you better come back if you want this. And then it will just reignite. You know what I mean? It was so fun to be Toxic, but, like, I have no energy for it anymore. Like, I'm just, like, too old now. I'm like, oh, God, my back hurts thinking about all the texting. I was doing, like, carpal tunnel, you know what I mean? But the letters I would write to a guy, I don't know if I ever told the story of the time where me and my, like, super, super, super, super, super toxic ex boyfriend that I was, like, madly in love with, I was, like, forbidden to see him for, like, so many different reasons. And I wrote him 365 letters, and I left it on his doorstep before I left for college. Yeah. Hi, Ali from the Notebook. Yeah, me and Rachel McAdams. I could have played the part because I. And let me tell you something. I was in love with that man, but I more did it for myself because I thought, this is so romantic. This is so epic. This is so epic. I bought a box. I put the 365 letters in there. Every day, I wrote him a letter. I would actually murder myself if I wrote those letters. Now what was I saying? I think I was honestly on Tumblr, like, looking up quotes, and then there would be such good Tumblr quotes of, like, the heartache and the pain of not being able to be with the person you love. Oh, my God. Honestly, they probably were slay. Okay. I was like, I was good at writing, but when I think back to that time, I'm like, why was I doing that? I didn't even think he would read any of the letters. I think it was for myself. It was, like, cathartic. It was so. It was like artsy girl, just, like, brooding in the corner, like, wanting my man back. And, you know, I guess I wouldn't take it back. At least. You know what they always say, like, don't put something in writing. I could deny it. Like, that's not my handwriting. You know what I mean? A text is forever a letter. You could always. You could always play it off like it was someone else. Oh, man, that totally wasn't me. That was someone else. He faked it. So write the letter. Yeah, I guess we're going all the way back to this. The more of the story is write the letter because it is so. It's so good. It's romantic. It's pathetic. It's everything. And we're alive once, and you're gonna look back one day and be like, oh, man. Remember when he went overseas and I wrote him that fucking fuck ass letter? The only thing I would say, actually, last note, and Then we actually can move on. Is you have to take a picture of the letter. Because when I tell you though, this has to be our last question. This is just too good. When I tell you, when I look back, I think to myself, of all the letters that I've written, men. Because365, boy, he wasn't the only one that received a letter from a Coop K actually stabbed me in the face. So cringe. I would say that it is so fun to go back and read your fuck ass letters when you get older and your frontal lobe just like continues to develop and you just keep getting better. You look back at yourself and you're like, oh my God, sweetie, you were so pathetic. I'm obsessed with you. Or you're like, you were so good. I could never. Like, there are parts of myself when I read certain letters that I wrote. Oh, oh. I was like, that is grade A type shit. I need to give this to someone to put into a movie. I found a box recently of letters that my exes wrote me. Even fucking better. Oh my God. Give him a return address. Put your address on there so he could maybe. What if you guys. Oh my God. If he starts writing you letters, you are, oh my God, you're going to have a gold mine. Like I'm telling you as a 31 year old woman who had so many different relationships and a lot of them were just not the healthiest. Lot of them were letter, you know, letter driven. It's so good because now as a stable person, I read them and it's better than reality tv. I'm like, I can't believe this is real. Like a man sat down, a professional athlete sat down when he was in like Wisconsin for his game that night. And before the game he sat down, pen to paper, it says like the Weston or like whatever, like the Marriott. And he's like writing down like, Alice, Alex, Alex, I got your letter. I got your letter. I know things have been tense being on the road. I wish you were my bed. Oh, my God. You have to write this letter even if nothing comes of it. DM me and let's make a TV show out of this. We know hockey sells, right? Hockey boy leaves the country, you're rendezvousing it up, you're writing letters back, back and forth. There's like a little tryst and a little. You fly across and you meet him and he's with another woman. And then you try to leave, but he pulls out the ladder and says, remember when you told me I was the love of your life. And you're like, but you're lying. And then this whole thing. Oh, my God. And then you say, and you his coach. And it's the whole, oh, my God, you're so writing the letter. Ah, you're writing the letter. That is such a good way to end this episode. Oh, my God. I need to go get my letters and we should read them on this show. I get like five cease and desists. They're like, no. Oh, it's good. All right, well, that's it for this week's episode. That took a turn. I. I almost forgot the fact that this whole episode started on us being like, oh my God. Like, our parents are dying. This is like, really depressing. Like, they're on their way out. What are we gonna do? And now I'm like, let's go write a rom com. Dear John, things can change in an instant on Call Her Daddy. You know what I mean? Wow. I'm feeling inspired. I'm gonna go write a screenplay. Okay, Daddy gang, thank you so much for tuning in and prepare yourselves because we have a very, very, very interesting episode coming out this week. Some drama, some tea. Also, The Hannah Montana 20th Anniversary Special is dropping on this Tuesday. So get ready, get set. Please don't go. Okay? Love you guys. I will see you on Wednesday. Bye.

[Alex Cooper]

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[Sofia Franklyn]

on jewelry, I want it to mean something.

[Alex Cooper]

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[Sofia Franklyn]

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[Alex Cooper]

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