Robby Hoffman: Hot Takes & Falling in Love

Summary

Call Her Daddy: Robby Hoffman - Hot Takes & Falling in Love

Host: Alex Cooper
Guest: Robby Hoffman
Release Date: May 20, 2026

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Overview

In this candid, unfiltered, and hilarious episode, comedian and Emmy-nominated writer Robby Hoffman joins Alex Cooper for a deep-dive into her unique journey from accountant to stand-up, her signature hot takes on relationships, sexuality, and the quirks of modern life, and her love story with Gabby Windey (The Bachelor). The conversation weaves sharp observations on gender, family, class, and queer identity with uproarious personal anecdotes and fast-paced banter.

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Main Topics & Key Segments

• [02:22] Growing Up, Comedy Beginnings, and Early Influences
• [10:20] From Accountant to Comedian: The Practical Dreamer
• [14:45] Odd Jobs, McDonald’s Stories, and Early Hustle
• [24:00] Hot Takes on Men, Gender, and Society
• [29:10] “Jail or Great” Game: Life’s Questionable Habits
• [45:10] Teenage Survival Tactics and Using Charisma
• [49:44] The "Hot/Smart" Ratio Theory in Relationships
• [60:20] Advice for Dating & Approaching People: In the Wild
• [66:33] Falling in Love with Gabby: Meeting, Compatibility, and Healing
• [78:49] “Who’s More Likely” Game — Gabby vs. Robby Edition
• [84:38] Robby’s Comedy Special, Career Milestones, and Gratitude
• [89:06] On Gabby’s Reality Show Hosting: Letting Her “Rip”

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Detailed Breakdown

Growing Up and Embracing Self-Pride

[02:34 – 04:34]

• Robby shares she’s proud of her accomplishments—especially after a self-reliant upbringing:
  • “I think when your parents aren’t that involved in the raising of you and you depend on yourself… I look at myself and I go, my God, I’m really proud of you. Well done.” – Robby [02:42]
• Reflections on craving attention as a “class clown” and how she now channels that energy more “sophisticatedly” through her career.

Audience Dynamics & Arguments

[06:44 – 10:13]

• Robby’s audiences are engaged, not heckling:
  • “My audience just comes to church. We’re together. I just don’t experience that sort of thing.” – Robby [07:06]
• Regarding arguments: Robby thrives on lively debate:
  • “To complain is to enjoy. To argue is to speak.” – Robby [09:16]

The Pivot: From Accountant to Comedy

[10:23 – 19:55]

• Motivation to study accounting came from growing up poor and wanting security:
  • “Being poor is just so criminal… I’m not over missing the bus 15 years ago. I’m not over anything.” – Robby [10:32]
• Used internships to get work ASAP. Found comedy almost by accident. Gave herself “six months” to prove her onstage talents and “benchmarked” herself with competitions and external feedback:
  • “Delusion and dreams… it’s free. It’s like taking soap from the hotel.” – Robby [18:14]

The Observing Ego & Self-Awareness

[18:14 – 21:12]

• Explains “observing ego”:
  • “Self awareness is almost like your observing ego. It’s like, ‘okay, you think you’re good at that. Let’s get some data in…’” – Robby [19:08]
• Both Alex and Robby joke about medical anxieties in relationships and how Gabby’s medical background is a comfort.

Gender Hot Takes: Men, Women, and Jail

[24:01 – 27:28]

• Robby’s infamous ratio: every man is “95% the greatest guy in the world, 5% jail,” referencing men’s capacity for darkness and the absurdity of social double standards.
  • “It’s like, we all have known. But I guess now men are like, you caught us. But not really.” – Robby [24:13]
  • “The economy is run on the stock market, which is astrology for men.” – Robby [26:29]
• Women are more “case by case,” nuanced, and less prone to violence.

“Jail or Great” Game: Life Habits Edition

[29:14 – 37:21]

• Alex reads “questionable” behaviors; Robby deems them “great” or “jail,” e.g. having sex in socks, airport fashion choices, cats vs. dogs, gluten allergies, Erewhon shoppers, having your own photo as phone background, amateur DJs.
  • On men wearing socks during sex:
    • “I would probably prefer. I don’t want to see a man’s feet.” [30:15]
  • On gluten:
    • “It better look like Hitch. If it’s not Will Smith blowing up in Hitch, I don’t know.” [35:28]

The “Hot/Smart” Ratio in Relationships

[49:44 – 54:02]

• Robby lays out her theory: couples need a ratio—one brings the “hot,” the other brings the “smart,” or both in balance:
  • “One side’s got to be hot... and then there’s smart. That’s a scale. If you’re bringing mostly smart, you got to look for mostly hot.” – Robby [49:52]
  • “If you have two hot people, it’s a disaster… Hollywood, JLo and Ben. Too hot.” – Robby [50:39]
  • On her and Gabby:
    • “Gabby, I think, brings 90% of the hotness… we split the smart 50-50.” [52:04]

Relationship Advice, Dating, and Approaching People

[60:20 – 62:52]

• Robby’s advice: Never have a woman approach a man first:
  • “No, never. You don’t need to be doing that.” – Robby [60:40]
• If a man approaches a woman, keep it simple:
  • “Can I buy you a drink? I’ve been looking at you. No worries either way… Have a great evening.” [60:54]
• Shares her own story of meeting Gabby and their instant connection:
  • “I was like, listen, I don’t want to beat around the bush, but I gotta get your number, love.” – Robby [61:21]

Queer Identity, Bachelorette, and Class

[62:48 – 66:29]

• They discuss coming out, the nuances of bisexual/queer female vs. gay male experience, and how shared class background (both not from money) bonded Robby and Gabby:
  • “To me, it’s like dating outside of the faith. Like… people who grew up with money vs. people who didn’t. It’s day in and day out, every small thing.” – Robby [64:59]
  • On Gabby’s family:
    • “Military, for sure. No money. That’s wonderful. They… her family is amazing. Thank you for your service.” [65:10]

Emotional Baggage and Relationship Compatibility

[69:11 – 75:31]

• Robby admitted "I love you" first, fast-tracked the relationship, and describes how her and Gabby’s traumas and strengths “heal together”:
  • “What’s amazing… your baggage works really well with your baggage. What I’m bringing… Gabby’s like, can you handle this? I got you.” – Alex [73:40]
  • “I’m in the kitchen. I’m in the kitchen. And I love every… They just are healing together.” – Robby [74:13]

Rapid-Fire: “Who’s More Likely” – Gabby vs. Robby

[78:49 – 84:38]

• Who laughs at inappropriate times? Both.
• Who’s more likely to plan a spontaneous date? Robby.
• Who’s more likely to send back food? Robby, but only if it’s bad.
• Who tells more secrets? Both share everything with each other:
  • “Are you out of your goddamn mind? We are NDA proof, okay?” – Robby [81:34]

Robby’s Comedy Special and Gratitude

[84:38 – 87:48]

• Her Netflix special “Wake Up” produced by John Mulaney:

  • “John Mulaney… called me out of the blue… He put his weight behind me. This is the fellows helping. You want to be a good dude? This is the way to fucking do it.” – Robby [84:55]

• Robby’s at-ease on stage, love for touring, and continuing to “build her dream with Gabby.”

  • “I live again, one of the greatest lives. I’m building on my life with Gabby, and… We just love it.” [87:48]

Gabby as Reality Host

[89:06 – 89:51]

• Praise for Gabby’s authentic, comedic flair in her own hosting gigs and the importance of letting her be herself on TV.

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Notable Quotes

On self-awareness:
“Self-awareness is almost like your observing ego. It’s like, okay, you think you’re good at that. Let’s get some data in… let’s look at this practically.” — Robby Hoffman [19:08]

On the “Hot/Smart” relationship ratio:
“You need the right ratio…one side’s got to be hot… and then there’s smart.” — Robby Hoffman [49:52]

On approaching strangers:
“No, never. [A woman shouldn’t approach]. You don’t need to be doing that.” — Robby Hoffman [60:40]

On class and compatibility:
“Grocery shopping changes… whether I have the money or not to spend $9.99 on raspberries from an Erewhon, I’m not in the mood...We keep moving.” — Robby Hoffman [65:00]

On sharing everything with a spouse:
“Are you out of your goddamn mind? We are NDA proof, okay? Gabby knows everything I know and I know everything she knows… That’s the way it is.” — Robby Hoffman [81:34]

On touring and performing:
“People go, did you get nervous?… I feel amazing in these theaters. It’s feeling so warm. I walked in, I turned the lights on, and they work, and the water is running hot. It’s just a great spot.” — Robby Hoffman [87:11]

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Memorable Moments

• Robby’s gleeful recounting of being a “class clown,” admitting to “six blowjobs” ever (to two men), and breaking down the absurdities of adult life.
• Deep dive into hilarious, controversial, yet oddly insightful life “red flags” and social customs.
• The warm honesty in unpacking her relationship with Gabby, especially about building trust, combining emotional “baggage,” and navigating fame and queerness.

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Timestamps Reference

• [02:22] Introduction/accusations of attention-seeking as a kid
• [10:23] Why accounting? Growing up poor & practicality
• [19:08] “Observing ego” and therapy—Self-awareness in comedy/life
• [24:13] The 95/5% “men are jail” breakdown
• [29:14] Start of “Jail or Great” decision game
• [49:44] The “hot/smart” partner ratio theory
• [60:40] Advice for approaching people: dos and don’ts
• [66:33] How Robby and Gabby met and why compatibility is more than appearance
• [78:49] “Who’s more likely” — Gameshow segment
• [84:38] Netflix special, working with John Mulaney, career gratitude

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Tone & Style

• Hyper-candid, sharp, energetic, and highly comedic
• Mix of personal and universal, with a direct, confessional vibe
• Emphasizes lived experience, queer/feminist humor, and irreverence to norms

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Final Thoughts

This episode of Call Her Daddy delivers the best of both worlds: laugh-out-loud comedy and refreshingly raw honesty. Robby Hoffman offers witty cultural critique, heartfelt insights about love and self-worth, and the kind of practical, lived wisdom that makes both her comedy and her conversations stand out.

For more, catch Robby’s Netflix special “Wake Up” and follow her on socials for tour updates.

Transcript

[A]

All right, Daddy gang. I have had this SiriusXM music channel for about a year now called Unwell Music. I pick all the songs, I play whatever the hell I want 247 so you already know the vibe. Disney hits, throwbacks. We've got Miley, Selena, Demi, Hillary, Justin, Britney, Rihanna. No more playlist fatigue or trying to decide what to listen to anymore. Father's got the ox and Father's got you. I have a special offer for you. Daddies get three months of Sirius XM free. Visit Sirius xm.com/unwell music to see offer details. Call Her Daddy Is brought to you by Ross. Spring is officially here. The time is perfect to refresh your home in your wardrobe shop Ross, where spring trends are everywhere. Find that flowy floral dress or the perfect sandal to kick off the season. Spring is also about creating new vibes at home and getting outside with outdoor entertaining essentials with brands you love at 20 to 60% off other retailers prices. New looks and vibes don't mean a huge price tag at Ross. You you work your magic. Find your nearest ross@ross stores.com call her daddy is brought to you by Clorox Disinfecting Wipes. We all know how good it feels to refresh our space and sometimes a little spring cleaning. Pick me up with Clorox Disinfecting Wipes is the best way to get back on track. Let me just say she's quick, she's easy, she's Clorox Disinfecting Wipes plus the lemon scent. Oh my God. You know what it reminds me of my mom. My mom used these in our home growing up. No doubt about it. Our house smelled so incredibly clean. And now I just have them in my house because it's tradition, right? My mom used it and naturally I use whatever my mother used. It is the best. Guys, a quick wipe down is one of the easiest ways to channel a little spring cleaning energy. The wipes are perfect also for multitasking. So you can just get back to your day to day with ease and with a better vibe. Thanks to Clorox, we can have spring cleaning and they can get us through it, right? We don't need to stress. Thank you, Clorox. Okay, so shop Clorox Disinfecting wipes [e-mail] Clorox wipes. What is up Daddy gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper with Call Her Daddy Robbie Hoffman. Welcome to Call Her Daddy.

[B]

Thanks for having me.

[A]

I'm so happy you're here.

[B]

Thrilled.

[A]

I mean, you are an Emmy nominated actress and comedian. In my opinion, you're one of the funniest people in the industry right now.

[B]

Thank you. I appreciate that.

[A]

How do you feel when people read your bio and like accolades to you? Do you like it?

[B]

I feel great when I hear about my stuff. I'm extremely proud of myself and I think it's probably something that comes from the self raising of it all. I don't know, I just feel like, I think when you're, when you don't know, when your parents aren't that involved in the raising of you and you depend on yourself a lot for the, you know, the raising. I kind of look at myself and I go, my God, I'm really proud of you. Well done. Like it was, you know. So first of all, not many people are reading my bio back to me but if they did and it's in a positive light, I say thank you.

[A]

Keep it coming.

[B]

Like what am I gonna, it's amazing.

[A]

I feel like you can kind of tell a lot about a person by how they react when people sing them Happy birthday.

[B]

Oh, right.

[A]

What are you doing? What are you doing? When people are like, here we go, Happy birthday.

[B]

You know, I get a lot of attention.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Nature of what I do. I, I, I'm an entertainer, I do stand up comedy. I act and I write and I'm in the public and my relationship gets attention. So I do like and like things like that. I'm, I'm, I'm happy to give other people the attention. Especially like weddings and like Gab and I eloped, we had a very small wedding. But in my family, I like partaking in their weddings and really celebrating them because it's like they have more quiet. They are not as accoladed, not for any reason. It's just not what they do. For instance, my sister's a social worker. She doesn't, you know, she's not like getting articles and you know, so when she has a wedding I'm like thrilled to, to throw that on. So the happy birthday. I feel like I get enough. That's why our wedding being small, it's like we're going to have the whole family fly out. We get a ton of praise all the time and so where we can pull back, we do.

[A]

If you had to say though, what is the most attention whore thing you've ever done?

[B]

I mean I was like class clown. I think I was always, I didn't know how to, I didn't know how to, you know, steer or finesse that energy. You Know, I kind of wanted whatever attention. I got in trouble a lot. You know, I got kicked out of class and things like that. And then now that I've harnessed it, like, I do have attention, but it's in a very sophisticated, harnessed way now. Versus it was free for all until I figured it all out.

[A]

Yeah. Free for all. Whorish.

[B]

Like, like, like, okay, like. Yeah, I gave tons of hand jobs. Is that what you're getting to call her daddy? Like in ninth grade? Like, what do you mean? Okay, yeah, I. I gave what I gave. They were a couple of tugs. It wasn't much. I didn't know about lube. They were very dry. And I. The customers seemed happy. I never had a problem.

[A]

Hand jobs are just never a good experience for anymore.

[B]

I mean.

[A]

No, no.

[B]

But I've given six blow jobs.

[A]

Six.

[B]

I know, it's a lot. It's very generous.

[A]

Six.

[B]

I've given six.

[A]

I like that number for you.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Two guys. Six.

[A]

Two guys.

[B]

Yeah, like one kind of four. One, two, one. I really tried again, but I said, you know what? I'm really not in the mood. I said, I don't think so. He had hair on the bottom of his shaft. I just, I. I couldn't get it together. Well, I never even went all the way down the shaft, but I just, I. And he was like, I'll get rid of it. And I said, just forget misery. Just forget it. It was brutal.

[A]

Yeah. I can't imagine being down there in that moment. You're just like contemplating your whole life.

[B]

Yeah. Is that the kind of you're asking about?

[A]

Oddly, no.

[B]

I'm back to the again. I'm getting them going through. I like jobs.

[A]

I'm going through Class clown is a good answer.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Like, you're hitting it hard. So being a stand up comedian, at some point, you're obviously going to interact with your audience, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What are some unhinged things that the crowd has ever said to you done to you?

[B]

This is gonna sound insane. What? And I know that people have said this before. I don't experience any of what you're about to ask the heckling or the this. My audience is in it to win it with me. I can't even tell you the vibe and the energy. Like they. Maybe I don't come off approachable. If they did say something to me, I don't think they think it would go well. But I don't invite that sort of back and forth. And my audience just comes to church. We're together. We are in it together. And I just don't experience that sort of thing. And I know that sounds like whatever, whatever, but it's just literally, I, I can't believe the energy of my audience.

[A]

I mean, that's incredible.

[B]

People. Like, I remember when it wasn't, like, my show, like, when I used to do just whatever shows around the city. I remember I did a show in Canada where some guy on a bachelor party, like, took his dick out or something. But there were things like that that happened in general audiences. But I'm telling you, when they come for me, it's like we. The sermon has begun. The phones are out. Everybody is just, they, They've taken a deep breath, and we're just together for an hour half. Literally, take us home. Literally. It feels that way, and I feel for people who deal with this sort of thing, but it's just never been. It's. And thank God. Keep it that way, by the way. Keep it that way.

[A]

No, keep it that way. For sure. But I. Yeah, when you just said that earlier, though, like, do you think there's also an intimidation thing?

[B]

Yeah, there's no way they'd win that. Oh, right. So I think it's like, if somebody, I mean, if somebody sneezes in my eye, I say, bless you, you know, like, there's nothing. I'm not gonna, you know, can we all say bless you? You know, like, people are so. It's like, you know, I, I, I don't know. I'm not challenging anyone, you know, but if someone challenged you, I would, you know, give them the attention, though. This person needs attention. Let's all. I'm sorry you're sad, what happened, and let's work through it together. Is there anything else you'd like to say? And okay.

[A]

Is that what you're like in an argument?

[B]

Explain.

[A]

Like, if someone is arguing with you, do you take the temperature down?

[B]

No.

[A]

Make the.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. Okay.

[B]

No. Okay. I don't know. I have never taken the temperature down, unfortunately. As another thing that I don't really relate to. But arguing is an interesting question to me, because I, I mean, to me, to complain is to enjoy. To argue is to speak occasionally, depending what culture I'm in and the cultures I've grown up in.

[A]

Like, you're going in at the dinner table.

[B]

Yeah, but so is everyone else I know there. Keep in mind, I'm, you know, I have nine siblings who are a lot like me. I, you know, I'm friends with similar comedians and this sort of thing. So we're all like, that now if I went to a normie dinner, you know, I'm actually really pulled back at something like that. I might still be the craziest person there, but for me, that is, like, you don't even know if I was just with comics or just with my fan. Forget it. We're all going. And he said, but she said. Said, okay, so we're going to see. You know, so we.

[A]

Like an argument. I like this.

[B]

Yeah, I love an argument. Bring it on. Oh, I love an argument.

[A]

Before you got into comedy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You were pursuing a career as an accountant.

[B]

Correct.

[A]

You know, that's a pretty big pivot. Comedian, accountant. What happened there?

[B]

What happened is. Is comedy really. I really wouldn't wish this happening to anyone, but, yeah, I grew up again. Bore. You know, you're gonna. My violin comes out. My violin is only getting bigger. I think being poor is just so criminal, and it's so bad that I'm not over it. Like, people want me to be over it. I'm not over missing the bus 15 minutes 15 years ago. Like, I'm not over, like, people, like, ghetto. I'm not over anything. You know what I mean? I'm not over spectrum going from 39.99amonth to 79. 99amonth. Like, and then you want me to get over my chat. Like, there's things I'm just not over. But not everybody in my family went to school. So when I got to go to school, I was like, what's the least amount of school for the most payoff? And they were like, you can get a job this summer in accounting or finance with an internship. And that's exactly what I did. I said, say no more. Where do I sign up? And I. And I in. You know, and that's what I did. I didn't. And then when I started to have money every two weeks, direct deposit, I considered miraculous and amazing. That's when I started really, like, to sleep for the first time and to really, like. I know people think I'm anxious now. This is. I'm actually quite calm. This is. You know, I used to be a farmer.

[A]

See me back then as an accountant. Okay. Then from there. Yeah, you go to McDonald's. Well, back to McDonald's. Teenage years.

[B]

Yeah, I always had jobs during school, during all this. These are simultaneous.

[A]

How would you describe yourself as an employee?

[B]

Horrendous but joyful. Like, we refused to work the back and flip the burgers. I only wanted to work the till the cash. But I was Alex. I was hitting them Orders in. It was crazy. And so, you know, but we had a good time. Yeah. And like I said, you know, I really. I was eating McDonald's every day when I worked there, and it was amazing.

[A]

Were you ever employee of the month? Like, no.

[B]

We did do well. No, no, no. I was actually really good during lunch rush and stuff like that. Maybe because of how I grew up. I'm used to a rush. So we. I was very good. And we did get pins. Yeah, I got a pin. The only reason I earned that pin, actually, is we randomly had a uniform spot check. Like, our manager. Our floor manager decided to do this check. Maybe the owner was coming in. I can't remember. And so everybody had to lift their pants. And if you were wearing black socks, which I happened to be wearing for no reason, I wasn't even. I don't even know. But me and my friend were wearing black socks.

[A]

And you're not allowed to wear black socks?

[B]

No. You had to be wearing black.

[A]

Oh, you had to be.

[B]

So we got the pin for hygiene or whatever it was.

[A]

Why do black socks mean.

[B]

At the time, it was part of a uniform. McDonald's famously changes their uniforms all the time. But we had. We had, like, Jean on Friday. You could wear jeans.

[A]

But don't you think that it would be white socks? You can see what's going on. Black hides.

[B]

I have no clue. We never even knew of this rule. It's just maybe he had extra pins. Like, to this day, and there was no. The pin didn't come with any. I don't remember the pin. Other than we got the pin, we were thrilled, and we were killing it at work. There's nothing to say.

[A]

Wow. Okay. So you were never, like, the personality hire. You did the job?

[B]

Both. I was definitely a personality hire too. Yeah.

[A]

Can you give me a little intel? Is there anything you've seen a little too close up there? Like, maybe don't get that.

[B]

Well, you know, I was at McDonald's. They had, like, fun. Like, they were going through a sub phase. Oh. Like they had their own identity crisis. Let people, like, they were, like, trying to do subs at one point. Thank God those are gone. I hear the filet o fish is good. I don't go near it, which is a lesbian is. Is shocking. But people who like it, that is their go to.

[A]

That's their go to.

[B]

Yeah. That is their go to.

[A]

Okay. All right. I've never tried it. Maybe I'll try it.

[B]

Maybe we'll try it. I don't know.

[A]

Is it true that in the early days of your career, you got your script for comedy in front of network executives by impersonating couriers claiming that you have a delivery to make.

[B]

Yes. It was only one. You know, I wrote a script when I discovered Stand Up. And this relates to your earlier question. I was like. And then I thought I could be good at it. And I was. Now most people who see Stand up, they think they can be good at it. They can't. I happen to be. It's. It's like nine out of 10 times. It's not going to be the case for you if you're watching this. And I apologize. But for me, it was. And it was like, devastating because it's like, now I have to pursue this thing. I had a moral dilemma. Like, I have the opportunity to make. To have a good job, like, to make more than, you know, just as an accountant. I was making 32,500 a year Canadian, my first year at 22 years old, which was. Nobody was really even salaried. Right. Already making more than obviously my mother or whatever. And then I'm gonna pursue the arts. Like, the thing. It just. It was very difficult to think, but I knew I was good at it. How did you know you were good? Because I was winning. Like, I gave it six months. I said, if six months, nothing is doing phenomenal. KPMG gave me a laptop for keeps. We are killing it. Like, they couldn't be nicer to me. I wasn't the best auditor, but I was invited on the audits that were, you know, out of state and stuff, because just the travel. I'm good on a plane. Let's have, you know, let's press play on the movie. But yeah, it was a real moral. Moral dilemma. Moral dilemma for me. Like, and. And so that's why I gave myself that six months. Like, if six months, nothing's doing okay, you have a great job. You get paid every two weeks. This is wonderful. And during that six months, I was doing mics and stuff and competing. I did open mic competitions, I was submitting to festivals. And it was all. I was getting approved. So there were benchmarks, there were ways to know that you were good at it. And trust me, if I wasn't good at it, I would have stopped. I do not want to be traipsing around this scene like many that we see. And there's no awareness. And if you don't have self awareness, take it from others. After a certain point, you know, there are comics who get up there and they say, you know, I've been bombing for six years and they, they talk about it on podcast and they're bombing. And if you're bombing to that extent, by the way, it happens, no question. Okay, but to that extent, maybe, maybe it isn't for you.

[A]

No worries, you gotta go.

[B]

No worries. But I. It could never be me.

[A]

You're too self aware.

[B]

No, and if I'm not, I don't even trust that. I thought I was good, but I'm not going by me. I'm then going to say, okay, I'm going to enter that competition. I'm going to enter this, I'm going to do that. Is every. Is everybody on my page? Right? Because I know that I come with a certain amount of dilution. I think I'm great, for sure. But I could be wrong. I've been wrong a million times. I'm wrong about so many things. So this was no different. I wasn't going to Trust that I'm 100% right on this. I felt a ping in my stomach that I probably have to do this. I'm probably good at it. But there was still a hope that I wasn't good at it and I wouldn't have to do it.

[A]

What do you think you are like, percentage wise? Delusion to self? Aware? Probably both split down the middle.

[B]

Because delusion is free. Delusion and dreams. Like when people ask me what I dream, like, I don't put a limit on my dreams. It's like, it's free. It's like taking soap from the hotel. It's like, just take it. Who cares? You know, you've already paid for it. Like dreams is like, I'm not charged to think of living on the beach. So just if you want to live on the beach, dream about that. That's in the delusion thing. The self aware thing is on the critical think. It's kind of like just reading about this, the observing ego. My therapist was telling me that and I go to her ad hoc and I don't want to hear it. I dip in and I dip out. And her big thing is, that's okay to think that that's a, that's a, that's a thought. It's a feeling you fear. Um, it's not a fact. And the other thing is there's something called your observing ego. Your observing ego looks at your ego. And I could be getting this wrong, but for the most part it's right.

[A]

Let's try it.

[B]

Okay. Your observing ego is all about skeptic. It's all like, huh, I hear that story that you think, okay, you took a blood test and it's gonna come back. You had your annual physical, normal, normal. But you've worked this up into being that it's going to come back, and you're whatever, sure, but you're observing goes. I'm doubtful. I don't know if I believe that. I don't know if I believe that story. And that's where the self awareness comes. Self awareness is almost like you're observing ego. It's like, okay, you think you're good at that. Let's get some data in. Let's, let's look at the, let's look at this practically speaking, and object as objectively as you can.

[A]

Do you think you really let your mind wander with the medical. Oh, yeah, my husband, I've had him lay next to me at night and he's like, Has a cough, and he's like, what if.

[B]

No, it changes my whole, what if

[A]

it is cancer, though? And I'm like, literally, how did we get from the sinus infection to cancer? But I have to hold him in that space, but also bring him back to reality. Like, does Gabby meet you there?

[B]

Gabby was an ICU nurse by the grace of God, as if she couldn't get any better. It's when I first met Gabby, when we were first dating, like, my stomach hurt. Like, I slept over, but I did shows that night. I maybe didn't eat dinner and was gonna eat after, but I just crawled into bed with her and I had a tummy. She, like, literally sprung up to make me something. Like, she was like, oh, there's, like, these oats that I've given to patients, and it's like, like, she's so good with the medical. Like, she's unreal with the medical.

[A]

How soon in did you start asking Gabby for medical advice?

[B]

I mean, I can't even remember to me to breathe this. I, I don't even. Well, you know, I, I, I couldn't pinpoint. I mean, I'm pretty sure it's something I taught. It's like the weather. You know, how I'm feeling.

[A]

You could be in the coffee line and you could turn to someone. Like, do you think the symptom means No?

[B]

I know it's very scary.

[A]

It's terrifying.

[B]

No, your husband should see an ent. If he. No, if this. I, I do want to say it seems if you guys have good insurance, I mean, by all means,

[A]

Call her. Daddy is brought to you by SoFi, the all in One finance app, where you can bank, borrow and invest. Nobody really explains how your money is supposed to work for you, right? You just put it into a savings account and assume that's enough, right? But Daddy gang, the average bank Savings rate is 0.39% in interest, which basically means you're only earning pennies on your savings when it could be doing so much more. And that is where so Far comes in with so far high yield checking and savings. The money sitting in your savings account right now can earn over eight times the national average with eligible direct deposit. And there is no account fees or overdraft fees so you get to keep more of your money. You can also get your paycheck up to two days early. And when you sign up with eligible direct deposit, you can earn up to $300 welcome bonus which we absolutely love to see. Okay, so if you're ready to get more out of your money, sign up for Sofi Checking and [e-mail] slash call her daddy. Sofi checking and savings is offered through SOFI bank and a member FDIC terms apply. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by T Mobile Daddies. I'm starting to suspect that a night in is the new nightlife. Okay? This is my life now. Snacks, comfy clothes. I want to romanticize doing absolutely nothing. And on those nights and when I'm staying in, T Mobile has me covered with value that keeps on stacking up the more I use it. Like hi. Streaming benefits and snack perks that truly deliver. Guys, the math is mathing, okay? There are so many perks and benefits. T Mobile is basically making staying in a full blown lifestyle powered by carbs and content. I am a T Mobile Stan, okay? Anyone that makes me feel not only better but great about staying in. Yeah, I. I love you T Mobile, okay? And if you have T Mobile like I do, you won't believe how good staying in can be. Check it out at t mobile.com/magenta Status Disclaimer streaming benefits included while you maintain a qualifying experience beyond plan line. Can we talk about men for a second?

[B]

Of course.

[A]

In one of your sets you said that the makeup of any man is 95% the greatest guy in the world.

[B]

Oh yeah.

[A]

And 5% jail.

[B]

Oh right.

[A]

Can you elaborate on that breakdown?

[B]

Well, men have a very dark. Some of it is coming to light now. It's amazing how much of men's darkness continues to come to light. Like it just continues. Continues. It's like an onion, right? It's like we all have known. But I guess now men are like you caught us. But not really. Right. Like, it was the Harvey Weinstein thing. We're like. We all knew now it's the pedophile thing. And we're like, all right, this is like, really, fellas, this is not. You've got to get it together. This is just unbecoming. Like, this is just unwell. Right? What you're. Is this punch.

[A]

Yep. Oh, have a little.

[B]

It's cold, too.

[A]

A little refresher. Watermelon.

[B]

That's excellent. Thank you.

[A]

Of course. Yeah. So they started to kind of. We started to be like, yeah, I

[B]

don't know what the men are doing anymore. I can barely keep up. Right. But 5%, it's. You don't want to know. I guarantee 5% of this, man. I don't want to know.

[A]

Can you imagine if women were doing that?

[B]

It's crazy.

[A]

We would be in jail.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, they're putting. They're trying to put women in jail for emails. I mean, this is. What's going on. Never mind. Right?

[A]

We're like, you're with the children, and we're sending emails.

[B]

Every problem in the world. And I. Not a. I love the fellows in my. You know, and. And. And I. I'm with dudes a lot, and I'm best friends with them. You know when somebody says, oh, I'm friends with it. Well, I'm friends with a Jewish person or, you know, I know gay people, and I'm friends with them. I know. And I am friends with some of them. But every massive problem is them. It really is. It's distilled down to men versus women. At the end of the day, war. We would not have gone about with war thousand years ago. We're setting up society. I'm not gonna be like, you know what? Let me bash a bitch into the wall. Like, we just don't think like that. I'm like, I'm gonna talk to her. We'll talk it through, see how. How long is she staying here. How. Okay, okay. No problem. So we won't be like. Like, we would discuss.

[A]

Communicate at first.

[B]

Yeah. So war is just not the way we would have gone about it. We wouldn't have invented, you know, the economy is run on the stock market, which is astrology for men. You know, it's like. It's just not the way we would have gone about money, all of it. It's like, we would have been like, everybody gets 100k to start. Is that good? Okay, so let's just all take 100. Okay. And we end at four. Let's all go home. If I like. Like we would have set up every system, the economy, warfare, politics. It just would have been very different.

[A]

What do you think about women? What is our makeup of jail to great.

[B]

Women are more nuanced. It's hard. It's. To me, women are more case by case men. I can apply more of a general. They're. They're more basically made. So I can. You know, they're like a pill like that. Like. Like I can. You know, we're more. Women are a lot more complex.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. Let's unpack this further. I'm going to give you a scenario.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're going to tell me if it qualifies as great or jail. And we're like. We're bringing this down to like normal life.

[B]

We're not typically now or after.

[A]

You have already have to pee.

[B]

I. Because I'm having my tea go. Really? Okay. But. But are you going to be able to continue as is?

[A]

Oh, well, I'll sit right here. Will you run? Do you know where it is? I don't think. Hey everyone. Intermission. I actually don't think anyone's ever left during an interview to pee. I appreciate the directness. Most people would sit there and just hold it.

[B]

No, no, no. Because you know what?

[A]

Tell me.

[B]

I consume a lot of water and tea.

[A]

I just saw the tea's gone.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

You're already hitting the unwell and I

[B]

won't do this on here. And it makes gab sick. I will squeeze that tea bag at the end. It's one of the grossest things that I do. 5% of the woman. You know what? That was exactly 95% normal and 5%. She takes the end at the end of her tea and it's as gross some might say as pedophilia. She takes the end of the tea bag, some may say, and she squeezes it.

[A]

Squeeze it into her mouth or squeeze

[B]

it back into the back in here. And I finish the tea.

[A]

That's like backwash. That's like the last driblets of like a.

[B]

The tea bag.

[A]

Don't you dare.

[B]

Because it has the most tea in the bag. I think it's the most potent of the flavor of the tea.

[A]

Put it down. Put it the down.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's looking nasty now.

[B]

Yeah. No, it's fat. We can remove it now.

[A]

Okay. That's your jail ready game.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're gonna tell me if it's great.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Or if it's jail.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

They with their socks on.

[B]

A guy or A girl. Yeah, I think that's fine.

[A]

I think it's fine, too. I remember reading are you cold?

[B]

I mean, I also grew up in Canada. Like, is it cold? How's your heat?

[A]

You like to set the mood.

[B]

I. With all clothes. Like, we're both like, let's just. The least amount that has to be shown is fine. You know what I mean? There's a reason there's a fly for some people.

[A]

I remember reading at one point that if you keep your socks on during sex, you can have a better orgasm. And this was back in the day when my boyfriend was just like, not getting it done. And so I tried it and I don't know if it was like a placebo effect, you know, But I kind of convinced myself, like, maybe we are having more progress. And it's not like I'm not running to put the socks on to then have sex, but if they're on sometimes I just won't take them off.

[B]

Well, it's also, it's a nice thing. Like, maybe you keep your extremities warm. You know, we tend to clench.

[A]

We can relate.

[B]

I think on a man, I would probably prefer. I don't want to see a man's feet.

[A]

Such a good point. Yep.

[B]

I think a woman can go either way. Like, if she wants to be cozy and cute in socks, I'm not mad. But a man, please. So I would say, as somebody prefer. I don't. You know, I don't even. Men who don't wear socks with shoes, like, if. Even if they're in a shoe and there's no sock, I'm upset. I don't want to see a grown man's ankle. That I'm in no mood for the

[A]

ankle on a man, it's.

[B]

It is rare.

[A]

It's a good one.

[B]

It doesn't matter. Unless you're on a boat, that is. You're on a boat, you're at the pool. There's no reason for me to see your ankle. You're at the airport in a flip flop.

[A]

What do you think about that?

[B]

Call the police. That's. That, that. That is just what you think about

[A]

shorts at the airport.

[B]

I. I'm more fine with shorts, but I don't love them.

[A]

Would you ever wear shorts to the airport?

[B]

No, I like to be cozy and I'm cold a lot.

[A]

What about bare feet on a plane?

[B]

It's unacceptable. It's horrible.

[A]

What would you do if you were sitting next to someone with bare feet on a plane?

[B]

I would combust. I really thank God. And I travel so often. I've been near it, but not quite directly next to it. And I'm. See, I'm grateful once again, you know, I'm extremely grateful for the life I have, including somehow dodging something like that.

[A]

You've been like a few rows away.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Caught the glimpse.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

The shiver down the spine.

[B]

It's just so gross. I. I don't know. It's really gross.

[A]

It's disgusting.

[B]

I did sit next to somebody once. This man could only be described as homeless. And I don't know if he was unhoused or not, but I'm describing him that way to give you the idea. And he had one singular tissue. Not a hanky, not one. And he blow his. He blew his nose so aggressively so many times into this, like. And I asked the flight attendant for a mask. This is before COVID Before anything. How I even thought to ask for a mask before COVID I never. You know what I mean? I didn't even know, like, you're heading outside the hospital. Yeah. And they didn't. And I literally thought I would die of aids. Like, I thought like, that flight, like, I'm done for.

[A]

When you sit on the plane and you hear the person going, like. And it is all the. It's just the coughing, the hacking. You're like, I am sitting in an incubator.

[B]

Yeah, I do feel that. It's terrible. It's. I do feel that.

[A]

Good to know. Okay. They sit on the couch in their outside clothes.

[B]

That's fine.

[A]

We're okay.

[B]

Couch. The bed, no less. So. But it's fine. Occasionally. Is the comforter on?

[A]

Comfort.

[B]

Is there a cover let. Is there a little throw at the end? You know, when you throw the throw.

[A]

How do you feel about the throw, though, in a hotel?

[B]

Get rid of it immediately. Get it the away from me. Get it the away from me.

[A]

No, my husband does the same. He's like, put out the window.

[B]

Yeah. And here's the whole thing. I've stated Holiday Inn Express not. Not to brag. And I used to, like, sometimes the COVID let is the blanket at those hotels. Like, there isn't a blanket under. It's like just sheets or a very thin blanket. Like, I've been frozen as can be before. I. I'm like, I'll freeze to death. I don't care.

[A]

The. That's on there. Oh, a decorative pillow in a hotel.

[B]

Terrible.

[A]

Okay. They have a cat.

[B]

I have a cat.

[A]

How many?

[B]

One. And I don't like other cats just because I have a Cat. So it depends the cat. I'm also case by case, just like humans. I'm case by case with the animals. I don't need an animal, a dog, to run and, and, and, and, and pounce on me. I'm not in the mood to be assaulted by a dog today. Sometimes you go to somebody's house. I was not in the mood to be jumped by a dog. It used to be acceptable if somebody had such a dog to say, could you put it in a room? Could you can't ask somebody to put the dog in the room now, by the way, I'm a little afraid of dogs. I don't want to really be harassed right now. Can you put the dog in the room? Like, it's okay. It's okay. It's okay. No, it's not okay for me. I don't want to be. I once had somebody's dog. They were, like, gnawing at my sock. They're like, oh, he just wants your sock. I'm like, I want my sock. Look, look. I want my sock. So, I don't know. So the dogs. It depends the dog, and it depends the cat. I don't want your cat scratching. My cat doesn't do such a thing. My cat is the gentlest little cat that ever was. I got her already at 2 years old, and so she was. She was fully grown and very gentle, and I knew her. But some people get a kitten and it grows up. It's a menace. And I'm. I'm locking the door. I'm afraid of the cat.

[A]

Does your cat have a name?

[B]

Numb.

[A]

No.

[B]

Numb.

[A]

Oh, I think he said no.

[B]

I was like, no. Her name is Num Num. Yeah.

[A]

Okay. They are allergic to gluten.

[B]

No, it can't be done. It can't be done. Is it real or they think they are, like, unless they come. Like, I want to see the outbreak. I want to pick up a roll. We're having rolls tonight. Just a bag of rolls. I don't care if it's the Hawaiian roll. Whatever roll. Okay. I don't care if it's a dinner roll. Butter it up and let's see. Is it Hitch? It better look like Hitch. It better look like Will Smith and Hitch. If it's not Will Smith blowing up and Hitch. I don't know.

[A]

It does feel kind of recent.

[B]

It's very recent. It's very recent. And, you know, I don't want to. It's just. I gotta see. Everybody is suddenly celiac.

[A]

Yeah. Like, I don't think people in my parents generation, like, remember when we were

[B]

kids, probably everybody was allergic to peanuts. I never hear that anymore. Because it's not cool anymore. It's not cool anymore. Less and less people are allergic to peanuts. People used to. Kids used to pass out. Need an EpiPen. You were taught you gotta stab them. I was ready. I grew up ready to stab a. Who was freaking out with a peanut.

[A]

Such a Good point.

[B]

The EpiPen was killer. And they said, you. And I said, I'll. Believe me, I'll do it. I remember, like, could I do it? I remember really, like, you know, and they're like, in third because we had somebody in our class allergic. Take the epic. And I said, teacher, I will do it.

[A]

But no one was allergic to gluten in our classes.

[B]

No. And now I don't see the peanut allergy too much.

[A]

Yeah. Comment down below if you've got a peanut allergy, and comment down below if you have a gluten allergy.

[B]

They had. And by the way, they're coming for us. And fine. I believe you. I'm also.

[A]

We don't care.

[B]

But we're also.

[A]

We're curious.

[B]

We're curious. Is it a gluten in time? You know when they ask you at a restaurant, like, hey, like, Gab and I like to go to Sugarfish in order to trust me, we're like, we could trust me, but instead of the crab, could we do the sound? And they go, is it allergy or is it a preference? It's like, that's what I want to know with these people is an analogy or a preference.

[A]

Okay. Their go to grocery store is erewhon.

[B]

I mean, I. I'm sorry to say this is. People are not gonna lie. Gabby orders from Erewhon more than. More than I. I would like. Now, when Gabby is on a trip, I. I can't imagine it. Okay. And also, it's a very annoying grocery store to shop in because they don't label any of their aisles. Like, they make you want to go through the aisles. And I'm like, I'm not here. Like, explore the grocery store. Like, what's in the aisles? Like, I'm looking for. So. And the only time I go is, if Gabby's coming back from a trip, I will buy her her treats from. From Erwan. I'll pick up a bag. I'll get her, like, flowers, and I'll get her, like, you know, she likes these mush oatmeals and different things that they sell there. So I will get her the Stuff that she likes just to make sure that there's a couple things that she really likes.

[A]

Okay. Someone that has their phone background is a photo of themselves.

[B]

That's terrible. So weird. So very weird.

[A]

I agree. People who have dabbled with DJing, it's horrible.

[B]

Criminal. DJ. Can I add something? Alex? Permission.

[A]

Of course.

[B]

Permission to elaborate?

[A]

Of course.

[B]

Photography, fellas. You got a nice camera, you got a couple. You got a record player. Like, how much is you and how much is the. Is the thing, like the camera photography? I'm not sure. It's very hard to. Especially at the amateur level and the dj at the amateur level, it's very hard to denote what are the tables doing and what are you doing? What are the songs themselves doing? You drop hot in here. We're on. Okay. I don't know if they give you the credit.

[A]

What did you do?

[B]

We're back to Nelly. But is it Nelly hot in here?

[A]

Is it Nelly? Yeah, it's Nelly. It's like.

[B]

I don't know. Photography. Was it. Was it the Leica or was it you? I don't know.

[A]

It's such a good point. And the photography. I remember being on Dating apps and being like, if he was a model or a photographer, it was just a. It was a quick. It was a quick, easy decision.

[B]

Oh, a model. A model for a man. I mean, there's certain. This is where I get in trouble sometimes, because I can be traditional, even though I live an untraditional life to some extent. I had a task rabbit once come over. I bought, you know, the cheaper the thing at ikea, the more of your life they take, right? Like, so it's like, yeah, the shelf's really cheap because there's 97 different screws that you're going to spend the next two days doing, right? So it's like, that's what you pay for.

[A]

So.

[B]

And so I would, you know, I'm. I'm no stranger to ordering the cheapest possible things. Moving to a new apartment. Not anymore. By the grace of God and all of you, thank you. And so I was just moving to la, maybe a new apartment, and I called a task rabbit. It's maybe six, seven years ago, and another lesbian shows, another dike shows up. I got the girl. No, I need my handyman. Excuse me, I. If I could do, I would have done it. Now we're both. I'm on the floor with this bitch doing it. Send me. I need a guy to come over here. Like, I'm looking for, like, an old Italian or Mexican dude to come in here and do what the hell he does.

[A]

You got on the floor with her. Why?

[B]

Because she was. She was like, oh, I know. That was my problem. All right, let's see if we can figure out. It's like, no, the hash rabbit's got to be a dude. Okay. And the model has got to be a girl. I don't want to. You're a male model.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. Okay.

[B]

So men who are so into fashion and know what kind of jeans a woman's wearing that really just be gay. Like, women don't, like, literally save women's time. Like, I hear these stories all the time where I'm like, that sounds good. And I have a theory about gay. And again, and I don't. It's only a theory.

[A]

Yeah. Talk to me.

[B]

Okay, we are. We are hypothesizing still, but I do think that everybody who you think is gay is gay. And then on top of that, there's a million more people you wouldn't even know who are gay, who are gay. So if you think a dude's gay, that's all you need is 100% factually gay. Because then on top of that, there's the whole download, the people you don't know who are gay.

[A]

So that. Yeah, a really intriguing. Because I feel like I've seen you said something about, like, everyone has a little gay in them, right?

[B]

The fellas.

[A]

The fellas, yeah.

[B]

But they're scared of it. Like, girls want a little gay in them. Even if they don't have a little gay in them. They're like, well, kind of hold my hand. Like, girls on a beach will, like, be like, let's, like, pose like this. Like, you know, they're not shy of being a little gay. They, like, have fun with it. They, like, like, flirting or whatever. But fellas are, like, so afraid of it that if they just were like, you know, like, yeah, we're, you know, like, terrified. Yeah, they're, like, terrified of it because they've hurt each other doing it. Like, the thing is, is they used to bash each other's head in. If they actually were. They've scared each other again. Goes back to men being the problem. They're also a problem to themselves, right?

[A]

Like, embrace yourself.

[B]

Yeah. Like, they bash themselves. Dude on dude. Violence is massive.

[A]

Call her Daddy is brought to you by SoFi, the all in one finance app where you can bank, borrow, and invest. Nobody really explains how your money is supposed to work for you, right? You just put it into a savings account and assume that's enough, right? But Daddy gang. The average bank Savings rate is 0.39 in interest, which basically means you're only earning pennies on your savings when it could be doing so much more. And that is where SoFi comes in. With SoFi's high yield checking and savings, the money sitting in your savings account right now can earn over eight times the national average with eligible direct deposit. And there is no account fees or overdraft fees, so you get to keep more of your money. You can also get your paycheck up to two days early. And when you sign up with eligible direct deposit, you can earn up to $300 welcome bonus which we absolutely love to see. Okay, so if you're ready to get more out of your money, sign up for Sofi Checking and [e-mail] call her daddy. Sofi Checking and savings is offered through SoFi Bank NA member FDIC terms apply. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Macy's. I am so excited about this summer, guys. I just, I love the outfits. I love all of it. But I'm like, oh my God, wait, now I need to like literally start planning my outfits for summer and celebrations. Don't start when the party begins. They start before. Obviously, Macy's personal stylists and expert beauty advisors can help turn what should I wear? Into a pulled together look. Build your ultimate summer outfits from head to toe, all in one place with apparel, shoes, jewelry and beauty. Explore items from their curated golden hour glow trend. Think warm neutrals and metallic accents or the tropical fantasy trend featuring sheer fabrics and bright colors. Shop now in store or online@macy's.com when you were a teenager, you said you made sure you earned your stay in your friend group by bringing the tea, right? And getting your friends some dick.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What, what were you up to? What was your.

[B]

Well, you know, I was naturally born. I had a good figure. I'm low key pretty. I have a prettiness to me. You know, my brother always asks, he's like, why are you starting to look like Joe Pesci? Like, he's like, you know, like my family thinks like somebody says like, you know, you were, you know, you could be pretty. Like, you know, like they think, like, I don't know, like he thinks like I have an insecurity or whatever. Like I dress like, you know, you could be wearing like my sister used to, like if we were window shopping, she'd be like, oh, with your figure, I'd wear that dress. And it's like they can't Imagine that. I choose to dress like they think it's like, must be something. But in high school, when I wasn't in tune to what I just was like, oh, yeah, like, you know, in high school we wanted jobs, boyfriends, like, you know, it was Romeo. Michelle, let's go. So my friends had, you know, like, let's say my friend's father would take us somewhere. Like, my mom didn't drive right? Or like, I never had any money. And maybe my friends would. They got allowance. I once asked my grandfather for allowance and he walked me to the fridge. He's like, you want allowance? Ah, what do you think? This is all the food in the fridge. And I'm like, copy that.

[A]

Thank you, grandpa.

[B]

But yeah, so I would. I think it's. It's like being, you know, being blind and maybe your other senses pick up the slack. I didn't have a lot monetarily to contribute in the summers. I wasn't the house that had a pool, that knew somebody who had a pool, you know, But I could, I could get us to the front of the line if I needed to. I could, you know, like, I could get us, get us drinks, right? She's paying the Uber. Why should we be? No girls. I always knew girls don't pay for drinks at bars. I looked good. I put on whatever tight I had to be. I had a good time. And I would just walk up to whatever, you know, that used to have guys roped off at clubs and stuff. I'd say, what are we drinking, fellas? Before we knew it were like five girls. We're sitting there, we're drinking, you know, the orange juice and the cranberry juice are there. The bottle service, I'm like pouring all of them. And then we would leave. Those guys, we never put out. We never anything. We just got our friends.

[A]

We actually call them fellas back then.

[B]

No, I would say, hey, guys, what are we? You know, like, we were always. And we were always. It's so funny looking back, we were always like, amazed. Like, let's say we were like, we were like five, like skinny bitches, like 20 years old, short skirts, heels, the whole bit in the freezing cold, you know? No, not even paying for Kodak. So running from, running from the car to the club, trying to get him. Hey, please, sir, we're cold. And we can't believe he lets us in. Okay. Meanwhile, we're like five 20 year old girls. Like, of course that's who's getting. And we can't believe we got the freedom. Did you believe these guys gave us their crap?

[A]

It's so obvious.

[B]

The only reason they got the bottle was for this to happen to them.

[A]

Dude, it's. Isn't it so terrifying when you look at it? You're like, oh, my God, how stupid and easy men are when it's like, it's all it took was me to wear that chop. Are you kidding me?

[B]

But they had to spend some money. I do remember thinking I. Well, I do remember because I remember my brothers having to go out. And I helped my brothers with their. Plenty of fish profiles and online dating back then. And one of my brothers was colorblind shirt. This shirt. My brother was so cute. But they didn't have money. And I always felt like what really sung me because I always had a great date for any amount was a movie. And when movies became unaffordable, I said, that is it. If my brother cannot even take a girl to a movie, what are we doing? What chance does he have? What Chat? And he's only like 18. Like, he's trying to order. He's working at FedEx. Like, if he can't take a. To a movie, like, he's not. I've been out to these clubs.

[A]

What is he gonna do? He's stuck.

[B]

It's horrible because these fellas had to have, like, that bottle was like, five. And I don't know what it was.

[A]

The bottle service is fucking crazy.

[B]

And they did it. So, you know, there was. They were doing their thing. However they got their money. Maybe they were flipping cell phones. I don't know what they were doing or coming from it. In many cases, the ones not coming from it, who got it. I'm not looking at your. Your taxes. I don't care. What.

[A]

You don't care.

[B]

You did what you had to do,

[A]

and you did what you had to

[B]

do, and you got. Yeah, and I did what I had to do.

[A]

Okay, you have a theory?

[B]

Oh.

[A]

In every relationship, you need one hot person.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

And one smart person. How did this idea come to be.

[B]

It's just always been the case. I. I can't tell that ideas. And it's not 100 for the. You need the right ratio. There's a relationship ratio. That. That's what we're talking about. We're talking about the two sides of the ratio. Okay, for those of you who didn't, you know, math is, you know, the two colon. The colon is the ratio. And you're quitting both sides. One side's got to be hot. You need an attraction. Something hot. Is different to people, but also it's, you know, and then there's smart. Those are the two things for the relationship. That's a scale. So if you're bringing mostly smart, you got to look for mostly hot. If you're bringing 50% smart and 50% hot, you need a 5052.

[A]

What if the balance is off and you have two hot people or two

[B]

smart people look hot people. It's a disaster. Hollywood, JLo and Ben. It doesn't matter how many times they try. They're missing an entire circle. Right? They have too hot. And I'm not saying and they're lovely, but they're missing an entire too smart. That's two uggos. That's a hazard on the road. No, and nothing wrong, but that's just what it is. We've seen the couples, but you need something driving. The other stuff, you need a good mix of both.

[A]

But what's more lethal or what's more like, oh, this is going to go down in flames. Hot, hot, smart, smart.

[B]

Down in flames, I think is hot. Hot.

[A]

What happens with two hot people or two smart people? They're just. You're literally just walking around.

[B]

Like, I goes, yeah, but is that so. By the way. By the way. Okay, but at least they can work, you know, but. But what happens is, you know, sometimes, you know, you get. You know, then, you know, they either go outside or whatever if the hot doesn't pick up, right?

[A]

Like maybe the Ugos. He's a hottie.

[B]

I mean, she's going to kill me for saying this. Emily.

[A]

What?

[B]

Emily, are you trying to talk to your team?

[A]

Yeah, they can't talk to you back in here.

[B]

So basically, it's a general ratio. You want to make sure you have it. Okay. Gabby, you know, and. And the ratios don't even make sense. Gabby, I think, brings 90% of the hotness. And I can feel confident going anywhere with her, whether it's a grocery store, whether it's a carpet, whatever it is. Because I'm like, with Gab, nobody's even looking at me. Who cares? Okay? But I think I'm a cutie, So I bring 10. So we have our 100 hot. And on the smart people forget Gabby was a nurse, so she's practically a fucking doctor in this country. She's an ICU nurse. So we split the smart 5050. We have our circle there. Just fill the circles however you can get to your fill. Do it.

[A]

You got to do it. Yeah, I think that's a really great point. I Do think people need to be a little bit more self aware. And it also depends what type of like time you're in your life, right? And sometimes in college you're like, I just want a hot guy, I want a hot girl. And you're just going for the hot. And you actually like. I don't want you to be fudgeing smart because I don't want to end up with you. I just want to have fun.

[B]

And you might be smart, right? That's a lethal. You want to know lethal. Somebody like you or Gab, they're hot and they're smart. Gab, I always tell she doesn't have to be hot, she doesn't have to be hot or smart. For as hot and smart as she is, she's. You don't have to be hot, you don't have to be as smart as you are. For as hot as you are, you could have leaned on one that is the lethal combo is that sometimes they're hot like Gab and they're brilliant too. What fucking chance do you have? What chance do you have?

[A]

But does that mean that they have. They could get with someone that can bring less to the table because they're bringing more?

[B]

It does.

[A]

Or does that build resentment?

[B]

No, but that means that you, if you want just some guy in college, what do you care? You're carrying a lot of the circles, all carrying it. Yeah. You, you have a big contribution to your, your, your right. Your fill is, is, is there. You need less of it. Maybe you're doing 90% hot like Gap and 90 smart and you just knew you're looking for 10 on either.

[A]

Oh, what a life.

[B]

A guy walking around with 20. That checks out. Most of them are.

[A]

And that's generous.

[B]

Yeah. Thank you.

[A]

You had a live call in show once where you gave advice called the Robbie Hoffman Consulting Group. What do you think during COVID qualified to you to give people advice?

[B]

Well, I mean, I have an undergraduate degree from McGill University in accounting, thank you very much. I think I'm qualified on all areas of relationship, of psychology, of finance, of fashion, due to my credentials. Right there.

[A]

What are some of the weirdest calls you ever got?

[B]

No, we got a lot of calls. You know, this is so boring. We went through people's resumes. I like to spruce up a resume. You know, things like that. We really, I don't know, we got tons. None. I don't know what weird is. I can't even qualify as something being weird. Like somebody could ask me anything and I'm like, oh, yeah, that's a fair question.

[A]

What?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

What celebrity would you call for advice?

[B]

A celebrity?

[A]

Well, they're calling you. What would it take for you to call in?

[B]

I wouldn't do all I want, like, you know, the. The. The. The. The neurologists at Cedar Sinai. That's somebody I would call. You know, I don't think a celebrity. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think a celebrity. I'm going to. For advice. But to me, celebrities are. Because my mother always had a reverence for doctors. And we went once a year for a checkup. And I remember at one point, and if we weren't going to school, I don't think we would have had these checkups. So thank God for the schools, the school system. But I remember me and my brothers sitting on the. What is that bench called? At the doctors.

[A]

Oh, I know what you mean. What is the. The. Well, you know.

[B]

You know, the thing. Paper on it.

[A]

It's like the. It's like the table.

[B]

The table. Gurney. It's almost a gurney.

[A]

It's kind of creepy.

[B]

Okay. So anyway, we're all on there. We're all in our underwear. You know, I may be like 8, 9, 10. And, like. Right. We're all a year apart, and we're all in our under. Me and three of my brothers, okay. We're freezing. We're sitting. He's doing the knee thing. We're having fun, okay? He weighs us all, and he's going down. My mother's there, like, you know, nervous. Like she's brought four of her kids in for this appointment. And he does our checkup, and he's going through it, and he's like, yeah, your brother looks really healthy. This one over here, the oldest is. He's looking great, perfectly. You know, the other one, we'd love if he was finishing his plate. My brother, who was like a little. Nothing crazy, but just make sure he's finishing everything on his plate. He's in a little lower of a percentile. We'd love to see him. Just a little meteor next year. Nothing. Nothing crazy me, you know, Rifka, Robbie. She. She looks healthy. Fine. Okay? He. He gets finished with all of us, and he goes, okay, kids, have a great year at school. See you next year. He leaves the room for us.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Right. My mother's like, get dressed. Get dressed. Get you. We're, like, pulling our. We're getting dressed. Okay. She's pulling my brother's pants. She's like, you are way enough embarrassing me in front of the doctor. Because my mother, all she did was cooked and you know, threw food on the table. Right. And he's just a small. We were also. He's still small to the say, you know what I mean? He's just a skinny guy. Right. And. But my mother, she was so embarrassed, like it looked upon her that she wasn't feeding her kids because he's. And he doesn't. You don't weigh enough. He's eight years old. He has no clue what he. What does he have anything to do with what he weighs at that age?

[A]

It's like a full form of self examination for her in that moment. She's like, how they looking? But really it's like a reflection on her.

[B]

Yeah, she's taking it like. So then she implemented the peace system where you finish to, you know, two more pieces or whatever doing all that. And I'm like, I already had my two more pieces. I'm good. You said two more pieces last time. I am done with pieces for this one.

[A]

I love that you all went in together.

[B]

She would do as many as she could.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Four then. Four.

[B]

Yeah. Cuz it was just like an annual checkup. Like are the kids. Do they have their shots or whatever?

[A]

They were always kind of a little intimidating.

[B]

It was sitting there in our underwear. I was like, cold. He's some pedophile, obviously that he's just

[A]

wondering, did I have things tripped out to my underwear. Not thinking about it. That may have been a unique.

[B]

And that may have been my mother being like, everybody get okay? You know, he's. The doctor's coming in to examine ready. Like she didn't waste a doctor's time. And the doctor was like, I didn't need you to be naked to this day. Like I, I like to get on the phone with a great lawyer or

[A]

a doctor scientist having one of them on speed dial.

[B]

A lawyer on speed dial, a doctor on speed dial. There's. There's nothing like it.

[A]

There's nothing. Okay. In one of the episode descriptions you said, we are now helping those most in need, predominantly non lesbians. What?

[B]

What? Did I say that?

[A]

Yeah, that was in one of your. That was in one of your episode descriptions. For your advice.

[B]

Oh, for advice? Yes, because I. No, no, no. Because what happened was people thought it was only lesbians to call in. And you're like lesbians were flooding the lines. And it's like, no, like the fellas need a lot of help here. You see how they're walking around? They're. They're in Many wars. They're. They're. They're investing in. In crypto at credit. You know, they're. And, you know, so get them on the line. So I think that was a clarification.

[A]

What. What is some straight people, you just, like, cannot get behind a lot. Okay. A lot of straight men claim that going down on a woman is so difficult because it's hard to find the.

[B]

Oh, okay. Yeah. Like, DJ Khaled is gay. Yeah. No, that's what I think. I think if you're bragging about not going down on a woman, it's like, bro, just come out. Like, there's no other way to come out. Like, it's not giving what you think it's giving, fellas. It's like bizarre. It's like, just be gay. Like, again, leave women alone. Like, why this whole song in dance. Like, they like gay men. Like, just be gay. Be like, they'd be thrilled for you. Like, don't drag them on this thing. And your weird thing. Yeah, no, I think a man not going down on women, which by the. Going down on some women is great. Some others it's not. I'm sure. It's like hooking up with men. I've had. I've had, you know, thank God I married Gabby is all I can say. Thank God I married Gabby. But, you know, so it. Find your girl, you know, But I think bragging about not going, it's like, okay, like, I don't know where to go from that. Like, just literally be gay. So weird.

[A]

Give us your advice. Ready? If someone's like, how do I approach someone in the wild? What do I do?

[B]

It depends on the circumstance. Okay. Who's approaching who?

[A]

A young woman in her early 20s to a man is going up to a man.

[B]

No, never. Do not do that. You don't need to be doing that.

[A]

A man in.

[B]

A man is going up to a

[A]

woman in her 30s.

[B]

Where are they? In a place.

[A]

They're at a. A luxury bar.

[B]

Okay. They're at a bar. They're at a place of approach. I don't know. I think. Just keep it simple. Can I buy you a drink? Listen, I don't want to beat around the bush. Can I get you a drink? I've been looking at you. No worries either way. Okay. Have a great evening. She says, no, walk away. Nice. She says, I'm okay, thank you. Say, have a terrific evening.

[A]

I like the. No worries either way. Like, don't put too much pressure.

[B]

Yeah. Hey, was just wondering, you know, it's like, Gabby, when I met her the first time, and I was like, listen, I don't want to beat around the bush, but I got to get your number, love, you know?

[A]

Did she give it to you?

[B]

Well, her friend, who is a fan of mine, that's how, like, her friend spotted me, and I was like, thank God. That was very new for me for spotting to be happening. She was with Gab, and she said, I'll give you the number. I'll give you the number. She was a fan of mine. I said, no, no, I'm not getting it from you. I'm getting it from the source, and I'm testing it tonight.

[A]

Wait, how did you guys meet?

[B]

We met outside of. We were. There was, like, a. A little, like, event happening at a bar space.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. And I was late to it because I work nights, and I got there to meet up with a friend, and we were all on our way out, and I got spotted by. By, well, another lesbian who kind of looked like me, like, one of the more boyish ones, even more boyish than me. So at this point, I thought, well, let's get out of here. This is really. This is not the night. I'm like, I'm not gay like that. You know, somebody like that is looking at me. I'm like, oh, no, no, no, no. I'm not one of those. I'm not that gay. You know? Like, I don't feel gay with Gabby because I'm like, okay. One's, like, kind of doing the boy weird thing, and one's a girl. Like, we kind of have a hetero, like, heteronormative lifestyle. Like, the only gay thing about me is that I'm gay, but other than that, I'm not even gay. But if another lesbian like me, like, or even butchier than me, with the buzz cut and the whole hit on me, I'd be like, what are you gay? Like, that, to me, is so gay, and it happens.

[A]

It'd be too much for you.

[B]

That's too gay.

[A]

You have a very specific type that you're going for.

[B]

Yeah, just. No, I. It's not even. Yeah. Like, you know, Gavin, I make sense to me. So that person was. And I was like. And they were like, no, no, I love. They were like, oh, no, I'm not gay like that. They were like, I love your comedy. I'm like, oh, thank God. Thank you so much. I'm happy. It's relating, you know? But then I was like, okay, never mind. You. Who are you with? And it was Gabby. And, you know, one of these things doesn't belong, you know, kind of a dive. You know, lesbian events are not. Let's just say we're not gay men. You know, the event space isn't. Isn't. You know, the flowers weren't picked up that day and all. All the stuff that gay men maybe do, but we could use more at our places. But Gab was there, and I was like, well, well, who's this? And they were like, oh, yeah, that's Gabby the Bachelor. I was like, the bachelor's gay, but I don't know what the Bachelor's doing. Maybe they are gay now and some of them are. You know, I then heard one was gay. I mean, he tricked all these women again, just be gay. Even though people would argue that Gab did that. But bisexuality in women is a lot more like. They're more open with it. I just think it's not as shameful. Men have, like, shamed each other into, like, not even being able to be their 5% gay, which is a minimum maybe for them. But. Yeah, so I just. I wasn't sure that was the bachelor's gay. I've missed out on so long of the bat, you know, And. And they were like, oh, no, no. You know, she's. She's. She's just exploring. And I'm like, what is she, Dora the Explorer? I was like 28 years old, exploring? I said, I don't think so. You know, And I got right to it. I got right to it. I was like, okay, well, do. Do I forget what I asked her? But then the second question or something I asked her is like, do you come from money? And she was like. And I was like, say no more. I knew she didn't. You know, because people come for money. Nothing wrong, but I can't date them. They say we were comfortable or something. Right?

[A]

Why couldn't you date someone with money?

[B]

To me, it's like dating outside of the faith. Like, I don't. You know, for me, religion isn't the. The thing that it's like the day to day. Like people who grew up with money versus people who didn't. It's an entire different. It's. It's day in and day out, it's every small thing. You know, I joke about it, but grocery. You know, grocery shopping changes. Everything changes. If I'm not in the mood, whether I have the money or not to spend 9.99 on raspberries from an air one, I'm not in the mood. I don't care if the Money is there. I cannot. And she moves on. We understand that language. We're like, that is criminal. We keep it moving. We keep it moving. Right? With somebody who grew up differently than that. Those are. Those are too many. We're not speaking the same language. Gab and I speak the same language, and that's. I want somebody who's doing well now by the grace of God. And we both get it. We both have our own. We don't want to spend that. We know it's. We don't want to. We don't want to. So I asked her that, and she said, no, you know, military, like. And I said, military, for sure. No money. That's wonderful. They. We don't receive, you know, and her father is. You know, her family is amazing. And thank you for. Thank you for your service for her entire family, but military family. And I just love that. I love the grid of. Of how she grew up and being a nurse. And I just. There was so many things that lined up. You know, we spoke the same language. Like, on paper, we don't look. People like, what an odd couple. But it's like the compatibility is through the roof.

[A]

Did. Even though you were first told, like, oh, she's just exposed, exploring.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You were right now just like, oh, my God, no, not interested. Then you started talking to her. Did you kind of know immediately?

[B]

What do you mean, the not interested?

[A]

Like, you said, like, oh, when you're someone, when the person told you, like, oh, she's exploring, you're like, no, what does she do? Or the explorer, like, no, no way. Like, I'm not interested in that.

[B]

No, I didn't say I'm not interested. I said she's just. She already knows.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Yeah, she's made it to the dyke bar or the dyke event. This is. This is not Dora the Explorer on an assignment. She's not Anderson Cooper in the war zone reporting back. No, no, no, she knows that. Yeah, I see she was a little reaching your late 20s when you're 30, I think. No, you're 16, and you're exploring. Go ahead, but do not come to me. You know, you knew she was ready certain age. And tell me you're exploring.

[A]

So you knew if you got in there, you're like, no, no, she's ready.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, she just explored. She had 25 boyfriends, you know, so that didn't. You know, so she's here. You know, she did her last ditch hurrah, and I got the final rose. It's unbelievable.

[A]

How did you and Gabby kind of navigate those early days in your relationship with, like, the fame of the Bachelor and people looking at you guys like, how did that go?

[B]

Honestly? And again, I hate saying this. It could not have gone better. I really am living one of the greatest lives I've heard about, and it happens to be mine. And I'm, like, thrilled with it. Like, I really thought the worst case scenario, but my observing ego was like, maybe it'll work out somehow. I'm like, no, this is gonna go like. I told her not to come out. I said, this is not gonna be good for Bachelor Nation. They don't want you to be gay. The fellows are gonna go crazy, right? And then I don't need this mob. Bachelor Nation has embraced me. I love you. Everyone is just tremendous to me and to Gab. So it went really well. But I told her I thought, she doesn't have to come out. People were starting to see us. I don't love living in secret, but I also was fine to do it because I'm like, oh, she's a lot more public and that, you know, her dating life is specifically public. I'm public with my work, you know, but nobody's really, you know, so it was a new sensitivity or another, you know? And so I told her not to come out because I said, they're going to blame me. They're going to look at us and say, whose fault is this? Obviously this. You know, they're going to blame me. And then they're gonna find out, like, you know, Jewish. It's like, we don't need. Like, forget it. It's all gonna come down to me. I was in no mood. I said, this is a miracle that we even met and that we get to enjoy. But actually, it went amazing. And people have been. Again, it's like. I hate to say it, but people have been so good to us.

[A]

Who said I love you first?

[B]

Me, of course.

[A]

Did she say it back right away or no?

[B]

Yeah, but then she stopped saying it for a minute. So here's what happened.

[A]

What'd you do?

[B]

This is the gayest thing about me, because I have dated before, but I'm very. I've been slow. I never really lived with anyone. I took five years to, like, maybe, you know, with Gab, I was like, 13 days in. Like, sat her down, and I'm like, I just gotta. Like, I. I gotta be up front. I am falling in love with you. Because she was like, what is this? And I'm like, this is love. Like, what are we. She's like, what is this? And I don't know. And I'm like, it's love. It's what it is. And I. So that's what's going on, and we need to confront that, you know, and so I asked her to be my girlfriend. And then, you know, it was very elementary, very sweet, very cute, very lesbian, which. But you know what? It's never too late to be a lesbian. For the first time, I was acting as fast as they tell. Say we were. And then, yeah, it was feeling fast for her. So we, we, we pulled back. But she was also not trusting, like, in the beginning, like Gabby, you know, and in a healthy relationship or good relationship, ideally, you work through your stuff with the person. Like, you realize why you are the way you are and you don't. You know what I mean? And it all comes out. So she was having that experience of like, you know, I guess I didn't trust that, you know, one of her parents would be home when they should be home, or they said something to her and it didn't happen. You know, she wasn't able to trust it. But as we committed more and more, she always felt like, even though it felt like she actually enjoyed the commitment, like when we became, when we moved in, she was like, oh, my God, I really trust that you love me. Like, I really feel better. Like, every step that we do did to more commitment, which would seem that she was like a pulling back, but actually when. And I never. When she was like, okay, yeah, let's move. Like, when she. I would never push or whatever, she would then feel 10 times closer. When we got married, she even said she's like, I really trust that you love me. Like, it's just about. It's just about. We're all coming from our, our spaces. And in the beginning, she was sometimes afraid to say a feeling that she had because if she spoke up as a child sometimes. And you know, one day when she, you know, if you, you know, if you want her on it, she's leaving the house or you catch her at the right time. She could speak more to this. I hate to share her stuff, but she. What was I saying with the trust?

[A]

Didn't believe. Love.

[B]

Oh, yeah. No. Yes. You got it. You got it. You're a pro.

[A]

Got you.

[B]

I appreciate you. I appreciate you.

[A]

Caught you.

[B]

Yeah, she would like, if she expressed her feeling, let's say something I did annoyed her. I'm annoying. I'm expecting to be like, I'm expecting at some point she's gonna be Annoyed with me. I'm a very annoying person. It's one of my biggest insecurities. I always try not to be. And for people who find me annoying, I'm always trying to talk less and to be less annoying. And unfortunately, part of my anxiety is I talk a lot and I am annoying. So it is what it is. But I'm aware and I don't like it either. I don't like it either. But let's say she, you know, I left something where she wouldn't want something or I don't know it, like, if I'm like, oh, well, you throw me the leash. And she would rather, like, I throw me this. She wouldn't even say something, even as small as that bothered her because she would think that it's like a fight. She would think that, like, oh, I wouldn't love her if, if something, you know, she's so used. Like, if she brought up problems as a kid, it was like a problem with her. So that stuff like came out and I'm like, babe, you're going to have a million problems with me. Like, you're going to be like a million things. Sometimes I'm going to hurt your feelings. Like, there's going to be so many things. And I'm still here. I'm here. I had the opposite experience. But even though I was so poor, my mother was always home. So I knew no matter what happened, I colored on the walls. I fucking flunked this. I, I whatever. We got into a fight. The is in the kitchen. She's cooking. She's cooking. Where is she? I know to this day where my mother is, she's in the kitchen. The is in the kitchen. You know, she was for love or money poor, cooking and doing laundry every single day. She never left the house, right? So that type of stability. So we come from. So where that I can handle a lot. I'm like, bring it on. What is it?

[A]

What's probably so amazing to her, though, but she had never experienced that. And I love what you had said at the beginning, which is so real. It's like sometimes you do have to really individually do the work because your partner can't solve it for you. But then the fun moments in relationships when you realize you're compatible is also realizing like, oh, my baggage. And my works really well with your baggage and your. And what I'm bringing, like, Gabby's like, oh, my gosh, let's see if you can handle this. And you're like, this is child's play. I got you and she's like, wait, you're not gonna run? You're not gonna get mad at me. I'm actually beautiful.

[B]

I am in the kitchen. I'm in the kitchen. I'm in the kitchen. I'm in the kitchen. And I love every. Yeah. Like, yeah. It's kind of like. Yeah, what you were saying, the baggage. It's like we heal each other through. You know, it's like I have the exact for her, and she is exact for my stuff. So it really, really works in a way that isn't. Yeah. We're not solving each other's problems, nor is it our responsibility. They just are healing together.

[A]

And how amazing that like, her, with her wanting to trust but not feeling like she could trust you having. Yes. Things in your childhood, but you being like, no, no, I'm always gonna be in the kitchen. I'm not going anywhere.

[B]

I'm not.

[A]

And to be that stable force for her to keep proving, like, proving when you moved in together. And she's like, oh, my God, maybe this is real. Proving when you got married. She's like, oh, my God, you really do love me. You're like, girl, I'm always gonna be here.

[B]

Like, I'm just. Nobody is here. Like, I'm just here. That's what. Like, it's not. Yeah. So once I decide. I mean, I'm also like that with so many things. I found these glasses 12 years ago. I don't know what I'm gonna do if this, like, they work, they fit. This is my glasses. Like, I don't rethink. I have one. You know, I decide on the thing, babe, look how I am. What I used to do with everything. Not just people.

[A]

You're all in.

[B]

I'm like, if I like something, why am I getting new glasses? Why am I going to the optometrist trying like. Well, no, I don't. I like it. It works. And I can like something for a long time. I still listen to songs. 20 years ago. Okay. Freaking Vanessa Carlton, Making my way back home. Nothing like that.

[A]

I think it's making my way downtown.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Could be wrong. Listen. 20 years, and I still don't know the lyrics. But that is a classic. That's a classic. Like, I won't get over it.

[A]

Making my way.

[B]

Making my way back. Wait, does she ever say that?

[A]

No. It's making my way downtown. Walking. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. But then at some point, she goes home.

[A]

She goes home.

[B]

Can you tell us in the comments? She does. She's looking up.

[A]

Look it up. I do Love a good Vanessa.

[B]

Carl, are these real?

[A]

Yeah. You can eat them. No.

[B]

No.

[A]

You can. Maybe you're not the person to eat them.

[B]

How long have they been there?

[A]

We replenish. But there could be a little dust.

[B]

You just replenished.

[A]

There's no way. It says making my way back home. She says making my way down.

[B]

You're right about that.

[A]

I'm homebound. Yeah, she's homebound. Call her. Daddy is brought to you by Shopify. Whether you're testing a side hustle or launching a full blown brand online or in real life, local or global, Shopify takes all the guesswork out of starting a business. Plus, it's actually fun to build. Daddy Gang. I know so many of you are entrepreneurs, so this one is for you. Shopify is how your stuff gets discovered everywhere From Google to YouTube to Shop app, even ChatGPT. Your fans can buy your products from an IG ad straight to your Shopify store, link your products under a video and watch a spike. You don't even have to try that hard. Also make sure your stuff shows up or wherever people are shopping because of Shopify and get that passive income. And because we're all glued to our phone, Shopify lets you sell across TikTok, IG, Pinterest, YouTube streaming platforms, literally everywhere your customers are. Let me just say this, guys. Shopify has changed my business. And I think so many people, especially with social media, have realized that you can make money literally from the comfort of your home and on your phones, but you can't do it alone. And in order to actually maximize it, that is where Shopify comes in. They have changed my business. Now let them change yours. Build your store, own your audience and create something that lasts. Start [e-mail] daddy call her daddy is brought to you by Macy's. I am so excited about this summer, guys. I just, I love the outfits. I love all of it. But I'm like, oh my God, wait, now I need to like literally start planning my outfits for summer and celebrations. Don't start when the party begins. They start before. Obviously, Macy's personal stylist and expert beauty advisors can help turn one what should I wear? Into a pulled together look. Build your ultimate summer outfits from head to toe, all in one place with apparel, shoes, jewelry and beauty. Explore items from their curated golden hour glow trend. Think warm neutrals and metallic accents. Or the tropical fantasy trend featuring sheer fabrics and bright colors. Shop now in store or online@macy's.com. are we playing a game? Ready?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Who's more likely to you and Gabby edition.

[B]

People hate when I chew on podcasts.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah. That can get you.

[B]

See. See the annoying. I hear you.

[A]

Are they good?

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. Okay. Okay. All right. Who is more likely to laugh at an inappropriate time, me or Gab?

[B]

Gab and I are the same. Gab and I laugh at everything the same. Like, we both. We are so inappropriate at home. She lets me be me. I let her be her.

[A]

What is like an inopportune time that you guys have found something funny that you're like, we need to fudgeing. Stop right now. Stop laughing. Stop laughing.

[B]

It could be an unfortunate circumstance, and we're laughing. It's not my fault.

[A]

Who's more likely to send back a meal at a restaurant?

[B]

Me. But I don't send anything back. It really would have to be very bad, but I'd be more likely.

[A]

Are you leaving reviews?

[B]

No, never. I don't know the site. The depths of a person who logs in. I can't even. They're logging in the login alone. Forgot password. Go to the email, get the code. I. It. It bewilders.

[A]

It's bad.

[B]

It's really scary stuff.

[A]

Who's more likely to plan a spontaneous date?

[B]

Me.

[A]

What is one of the most romantic things you've ever done for her?

[B]

I don't know. We do so many romance. We love to be romantic together. The most romantic thing or just like

[A]

an example doesn't have to be the most.

[B]

It's. It's. It's so tough to say. Let me think. Well. Well, I know, but I do romantic things for her all the time. I mean, I drive home from. From shows, and she likes high shoes. So if I pick up gas, I go and I grab high shoes and I bring her a snack.

[A]

You're thoughtful.

[B]

Or things like that. So there's small dayto day, and then there's the big grand. We go horseback riding. I booked us a beautiful. You know, I don't want to say the inn, but, you know, they have this and that, so we do. We do big and small romantic things all the time, I think. Yeah.

[A]

Who's more likely to pick a fight?

[B]

Her.

[A]

What is the dumbest thing you guys have ever argued over?

[B]

We. Dumb things all the time. And we're over in two seconds. Something that Gab and I have in common. And this is back to the compatibility. None of us hold a grudge. We are ready in two seconds to kiss and sit on the couch together. Like it. It's the best thing. Well, like, I was you know, sorry. I was like. I'll be like. I was in a mood. Kiss, kiss. We're back. It's two seconds.

[A]

Who's more dramatic?

[B]

I don't know. Maybe her, but not by much.

[A]

Okay, who is more likely to spill a secret?

[B]

I think neither of us really.

[A]

Of each other or just like if someone. How about this?

[B]

We tell each other every.

[A]

I was gonna say, are you the couple that's like. If someone tells Gabby a secret and they're like, do not tell anyone. She's like, uh, huh.

[B]

No, no. She is your spouse. Guys don't do. You're not going to come between my marriage. It's like I signed this NDA. Like she signed this NDA for Traders or something. One of the shows that she went on to. She had to sign an NDA. I'm not going to. She won. You think an NDA is going to come between me and my wife? Are you out of your fudgeing mind? Are you out of your goddamn mind? It's like, we know. We. We are NBA proof, okay? So you just need to know that industry studios, NDA. Gabby, Wendy knows everything I know and I know everything she knows. And that's the way it is.

[A]

I don't see how it could. Like, I think my husband. I had this conversation with someone recently where we're like, oh, we know everything. Like we. We tell each other everything. And one of the couples was like, what? And we were like, are we the weird ones or are they the weird ones? And this is making me feel like they're the weird.

[B]

They're the weird ones. You know, My friend Ali, and we debated this, but she. She told me about somebody, you know, she told me about this, you know, love affair that she was having. Having. Not an affair like cheating, just a love affair. She was having a romance. And she said, but don't tell Gab, you know, because Gab might know the person or something like this. I said, okay, come on. And especially fun tea like that. I'm running, bro. I am running. I am running. Pedal to the metal. I can't wait to tell her. And guess who's hooking up. I walk into the house, guess who's hooking up. I mean, that's all. That's a joy. We have such small joys. Let's have joy.

[A]

It's just the best.

[B]

A great new piping hot tea.

[A]

And when.

[B]

I love my tea, when it's not

[A]

also, like, impacting your life at all. So you can kind of just like,

[B]

she told me that you Know that, you know, she's like, come on.

[A]

Yeah. If you think that someone's not telling their fucking partner.

[B]

I hate when someone says, if I sell a friend and it's nothing to do with spousal telling or whatever, I say, don't tell anyone this. And they go, who am I going to tell? I go, what kind of a response is that? I don't care. I don't care. Even if you had no one to tell, Even if you were in jail cell, I don't care. No one. I don't want to fathom who you have, who you don't have. I don't know you're friends with this week and who you're not. What kind of response when somebody says, don't tell anyone? Who am I going to tell? I don't know. That's not the response that you say. You say, don't tell anyone. You go, I will not.

[A]

I will not. Because you know what it is? You're right. And people have said that to me before. Now I'm like, oh, have I ever said that to anyone? It's almost like you're kind of already admitting guilt. You're. You're like, who would I tell? Like, I have no one to tell.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Yeah, you do. There's always someone to tell.

[B]

There's someone to sell. It's like, who would? And it's just not a relevant response to that. It. I. I don't know how we got to that. And that's gotta. That's.

[A]

That's gotta go. Yeah, because there's always someone to tell.

[B]

There's always someone to tell. And. And you may not have someone to tell today, but you could tomorrow. I don't care. I have nothing to do. I just said don't tell anyone. I didn't ask who.

[A]

You have a comedy special called Wake up, currently out on Netflix. Congratulations.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

I mean, from the beginning of this, you saying, like, I gave it six months. I was going to say people liked it.

[B]

I know.

[A]

I was good with my accounting position.

[B]

I know.

[A]

You know. And now here you are on Netflix. How does that feel?

[B]

It's unreal. I mean, John Mulaney, who is one of the greatest standups ever, end of our time, you know, called me out of the blue on this. It's like. And I. I wasn't. You know, John Mulaney's in a suit, he's so polished, you know, that he would jive with someone like me. But again, it's about that compatibility, you know, he Just was tremendous. He put his weight behind me. This is the fellow's helping. You want to be a good dude? This is the way to fucking do it. And he got it done, and I showed up for him. I said, well, I'm going to. All I can do is bring you an amazing hour of material. I got. You got me, and I will not let you down. And we went out there and we did our. In one night.

[A]

Were you nervous at all?

[B]

No, I was. I'm always nervous. I mean, when you ask me if I'm nervous, I wake up nervous.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You know, it's my baseline, but I. It's also an excitement. I'm very. I know how to chat. Like, I'm just always a little bit of a nervous person, but especially nervous for this. No, it's always before I go on. As soon as I get on stage, I'm home. I feel like all the lights, it's just me. And I traipse around like it's my living room. I feel so comfortable when it's all the beginning and the stuff around it. But as soon as they call me up and I got the mic and I know I. I have some stuff to say, and everybody just sit the down, we're gonna get through it. I feel so at ease. It's almost like the talking to you or the small talk that I have to experience, or the handshaking or the. Or the small social gatherings that I'm more nervous than when I get onto that stage where I feel completely home. People go, did you get nervous? Front? And all these big theaters. I was thinking the other week, I'm like. I think these big. The bigger, the better for, like, I feel amazing in these theaters. It's feeling so warm. It's feeling like an apartment. I walked in, I turned the lights on, and they work, and the water is running hot. And it's just a great spot. I'll take it. Everything I do, I just take seriously, and I enjoy doing. So I'll continue. This is how I toil, basically, how I do stand up, I write, and I act, and I'm continuing to do it on bigger and bigger scales. But within due time, I'm working on my own show for hbo. Obviously a dream, but it's not to say that my first part on Hacks wasn't a dream. They're all part of the dream, and they're all just, you know, snowballing into the. They're all just growing the dream. So it's all. It's all good. I'll be on tour. I love seeing you guys in these theaters. I've never felt more at home.

[A]

And it's all sold out. I looked at your website. I know.

[B]

And we're just dropping. When this comes out. I think we're dropping the next, you know, swag two of the tourists, so to speak.

[A]

Congratulations.

[B]

Yeah, thank you. So, just doing. Just. Yeah, just. I. I live again, one of the greatest lives. I'm building on my life with Gabby, and we just. We just love it. So I really. I wish. Yeah. I don't know how humble that sounds. I'm just really grateful and I'm really thrilled.

[A]

Well, I think we can all agree you've done a wonderful job.

[B]

I. Very, very nervous to be on this.

[A]

Why?

[B]

No, because I'm not so familiar. I have no clue what's going on.

[A]

I think you've done an excellent job.

[B]

They said you would ask pointed questions. I said, okay, I don't know if it's like, you know, who wants to be a Millionaire? I'm, like, trying to get my pointed. No, but. But they said, you know, she can. She can be realized. Okay, well, I'm going to. You know, I can't say anything other than what I said, but also, like,

[A]

I wanted to just have fun with you. You're really entertaining person. I was excited to get to know you. I'm excited for my audience to continue to get to know you. I wanted to have a nice. We're in May, you know, it's unreal. The. The weather's good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Our feet are up. You're eating jelly beans. You finish your tea. You didn't drink the bag in front

[B]

of me to make me. Baby, look at this. See, this is all part of the dream. Actually.

[A]

We did it.

[B]

See, I'm not upset with the other podcasts I've done. I'm just saying we're now on Call her Daddy. That is all I'm saying.

[A]

No, this was such a pleasure. You were so fun.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Your wife also was such an incredible host on our reality show.

[B]

How good was she? I know. And people think I'm biased, but she's objectively good. I'm asking others when I would get

[A]

the cuts and I would see her sections were like, this woman's a star.

[B]

Oh, right. Because it was your. That's true.

[A]

So I'm in post edit watching her, and we're watching her different takes, and I'm like, how do you pick a take? Like every take?

[B]

Let her get away. Because she was like. She was saying some and thank God you guys let her get away her.

[A]

I said to everyone, I said, if this is our host, you have to let her be Gabby and let her do her thing, because you can't dilute it to just for television. Make sure it's friendly, like, let Gabby rip. Because that is when she's at her best.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

And when she was calling people perverts, I was like, they were pervert.

[B]

You know, it's not. I wish they weren't. It's like people ask me, how do I come up with my ideas for comedy? And why do I talk about I wish I didn't know of pedophilia. I wish I didn't know it, fellas, but you have outdone yourselves. And now it's in my head and I don't want it there. So I bring it to you.

[A]

We got to talk about it.

[B]

Robbie Hoffman on Instagram. We will be dropping the new dates. Thank you so much.

[A]

Thank you for coming.

[B]

Alex for. Foreign.

[A]

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