Shay Mitchell: Let Him Go, You Deserve Better (FBF)

Summary

Call Her Daddy: "Shay Mitchell: Let Him Go, You Deserve Better (FBF)"

Podcast: Call Her Daddy
Host: Alex Cooper
Guest: Shay Mitchell
Date: November 21, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this vibrant and candid throwback episode, Alex Cooper welcomes actress, entrepreneur, and mother Shay Mitchell to dive into heartfelt topics ranging from self-worth and independence to relationships, motherhood, and the importance of living authentically. Shay opens up about her personal evolution, navigating love, friendships, societal expectations, and offers empowering advice for listeners—especially women—struggling to find themselves within or beyond romantic relationships.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. First Impressions and “The Vibe”

• Setting the Scene: Shay and Alex bond over the updated podcast set, which Shay describes as “serene” and “a good vibe.” (03:21)
• Drinks and Honesty: Shay prepares Alex a passionfruit spritzer, joking about her status as a “media-trained queen.” (04:00; 11:56)
• Friendship Roots: They share the backstory of their meeting and their mutual friend/publicist Kate Bailey. Shay is described as the life of the party, deeply present, and an “energy person,” unlike the always-stressed hustler Kate. (05:06)

2. Shay’s Approach to Love and Dating

• Dating as Chapters: Shay viewed her 20s as a time to collect experiences—dating different types, saying yes “for the story,” not sticking to a ‘type’ but always ensuring self-control and consent. (06:12-06:52)
  • Quote: “It’s a vibe. I have zero type.” (06:58)
• Self-Knowledge & Relationship Lessons: Shay believes her exes would say, “She knew what she wanted.” She maintains generally positive relationships post-breakup. (07:48)
• No Labels Philosophy: Shay is adamant about not wanting labels—on relationships, sexuality, or even her role as “wife.”
  • Quote: “I don’t want to label my sexuality. I don’t want to label my relationship. I never wanted to be a wife.” (09:30)

3. Pretty Little Liars & Queer Representation

• Gratitude for Career Start: Shay expresses immense gratitude for Pretty Little Liars, crediting it as the “biggest turning point” in her life and loving ongoing fan engagement. (08:30)
• Authenticity in Queer Roles: She confirms she had real-life experience with women before her on-screen roles and dislikes reductive questions about playing queer characters.
  • Quote: “How do I know what it’s like to like somebody? It’s the same shit.” (10:24-10:50)

4. Partnership Over Marriage

• Redefining Relationship Terms: Shay prefers calling her significant other “partner” instead of “husband” or “baby daddy,” highlighting their deep connection and shared parenting. (15:19-16:33)
  • Quote: “He’s more than my baby daddy...I love the word partner.” (15:55)
• Choice to Not Marry: Despite her parents' long marriage, she never felt the need for a wedding or rings, emphasizing love and partnership over tradition. (18:21-19:17)
  • Quote: “I didn’t feel that a piece of paper and a big celebration and a ring would, like, justify my love.” (18:54)
• Evolving Models for Commitment: Shay discusses trends of delayed or skipped marriage, believing it’s healthy for personal growth, especially for women. (19:17)

5. Trust and Jealousy in Relationships

• Navigating Trust with a Touring Partner: With Matt (her partner) often traveling with Drake, Shay admits it’s hard at times, but prioritizes trust and communication.
  • Quote: “He is living his own life. We are two individuals that have come together...” (22:42)
• Outgrowing Relationship Anxieties: Shay reflects on her 20s spent stalking social media to check up on partners and how she’s learned to “let go.”
  • Quote: “If you can take him from me, then he’s yours. I’ll keep it moving.” (25:06)
  • Powerful Advice: “If you are so in love but always anxious about him, love yourself more. You shouldn’t be feeling that way in a healthy relationship.” (27:39)

6. Motherhood and the Loss of Self

• Identity Shift: Shay candidly discusses mourning her old self during pregnancy, the feeling that “a piece of me is dying” upon becoming a mom.
  • Quote: “Yes, old Shay did...have to be put to rest.” (34:32)
• Need for Self-Care: Emphasizes the importance of maintaining a sense of self and friendship outside motherhood, even suggesting a “mama shower” to celebrate women post-birth. (37:05)
  • Quote: “For me to feel rested, for me to feel like, you know, I’ve done what I needed to do, because then I’m a better mother.” (36:26)

7. Independence, Self-Worth, and Manifestation

• Core Message: Shay’s defining trait is her independence—financial, emotional, and social.
  • Quote: “Everything just feels better when, like, I did that...that is what kind of clicked in.” (40:00)
• Empowerment for Young Women: Alex and Shay stress building your own life, confidence, and friend group outside of a partner.
  • Quote (Alex): "If you have your own life outside of them...you’re so much stronger.” (42:19)
• On Insecurity: Shay’s biggest insecurity is education—wishing she’d spent more time learning languages; she uses positive affirmations and manifestation to conquer self-doubt.
  • Quote: “Words are very powerful, and I am a big believer of manifesting.” (44:26)
  • Rihanna Reference: “Sometimes you don’t feel confident. You just get up and you do it.” (46:18)

8. Friendships and Letting Go

• Quality over Quantity: Shay values her tight-knit group and doesn’t stress over not having a massive friend group.
  • Quote: “If you have two solid friends, that’s amazing. And like, own that.” (53:09)
• Losing Friends Is Okay: She’s ended friendships after losing respect, equating it to outgrowing relationships.
  • Quote: “Once you lose respect in any relationship, it’s over.” (55:42)

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Advice & Audience Q&A

On Setting Boundaries & Trust

• Establish Your Needs: Shay and Alex agree on sharing expectations—like a "safe in bed" text with partners—and normalizing honest communication about boundaries. (58:04)
  • Quote (Shay): “It depends what your boundary is...Did you set it?” (58:04)
• If You’re Anxious, Something’s Off: Don’t ignore your gut if you feel anxious about your partner’s whereabouts or behavior. (59:21)
  • Quote (Alex): “I truly believe it. If there’s certain shit that they’re doing...you always, always know.”
• On Addressing Insecurities: If you’re nervous to raise concerns, remember: The right person won’t run from your vulnerability; the wrong person will—and that’s your answer. (61:45)
  • Quote: “Let him go. Let him free. If it’s the wrong person, why do you want to waste your time with them anyway?” (61:45)
• No Settling for Less: Shay and Alex emphasize not being afraid to walk away when something no longer feels right.

On Dating & Singlehood

• “Date for the Experience”: Shay advocates using your single years to explore, learn about yourself, and have fun—but always with self-respect and on your own terms.
  • Quote: “Learn about yourself through other people.” (65:22)
  • Quote: “Don’t just date a loser to date a loser...Always have that self-respect.” (67:49)
• Freedom to Redefine: Both women urge: don’t let societal norms or pressure to settle down rush you. Live your life, gather stories, and trust that you will know when it’s right. (66:31)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with timestamps)

• On Labels and Relationships:
  • “I just want to be free. Like, I just want to be me, whatever that is.” – Shay (09:56)
• Motherhood and Identity:
  • “A piece of me is dying. I’m going to be a mother.” – Shay (34:32)
• Trust in Relationships:
  • “If you can take him from me, then he’s yours. I’m good, and I can keep it moving.” – Shay (25:06)
• Advice to Women:
  • “Love yourself more.” – Shay (27:39)
  • “Don’t waste any more days. I did that enough in my 20s. For those listening who are in their 20s, save yourselves, learn from us, and don’t waste your days worrying about somebody else. Let them be.” – Shay (70:39)
• Friendship Wisdom:
  • “If you have two solid friends, that’s amazing. And like, own that.” – Shay (53:09)
  • “Once you lose respect in any relationship, it’s over.” – Shay (55:42)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [03:29] Shay introduced; friendship dynamics and “good vibes”
• [06:12] Dating attitude and approach in her 20s
• [08:30] On Pretty Little Liars fame and gratitude
• [09:30] Queer roles and the aversion to labels
• [15:19] Why she prefers “partner” over “husband”
• [19:17] The changing face of marriage; importance of self-development
• [22:42] Building trust with her partner and dealing with jealousy
• [34:32] Pregnancy, motherhood, and identity shift
• [40:00] Independence as her core value
• [44:26] Manifestation, positivity, and how to speak about oneself
• [53:09] Friendship quality over quantity
• [58:04] On relationship boundaries and trust
• [67:49] Dating advice—“don’t just date a loser...always have that self respect.”

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Final Takeaways

• Live Authentically: Don’t box yourself into labels or societal expectations.
• Prioritize Self-Worth: Your peace and independence matter more than any relationship.
• Communicate and Set Boundaries: Healthy relationships are built on trust and clear boundaries—don’t be afraid to communicate your needs.
• Experience and Learn: Use your single years as an opportunity to get to know yourself through different experiences.
• Empower Your Inner Circle: Invest in quality friendships and let go without guilt when you outgrow people.
• Don’t Settle: If you are not being treated right, let them go—you deserve better.

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This episode is quintessential Call Her Daddy—raw, empowering, and full of both laughter and life lessons. Shay Mitchell shines as a voice for growth, self-love, and the freedom to choose your own path, offering invaluable advice for listeners navigating love, friendships, and everything in between.

Transcript

[A]

Hi Daddy gang, it is your father. I am so excited that Caller Daddy has officially joined the Sirius XM family. I cannot wait to talk to new guests and continue to share my crazy personal stories and experiences with you every single week. If you want to hear new episodes ad free, subscribe to Sirius XM podcasts plus on Apple Podcasts or visit siriusxm.com podcastsplus to start your free trial today. Call her Daddy is brought to you by Domino's. I love Domino's. If I'm gonna treat myself, I'm getting myself a Domino's Pizza, okay? Because Domino's gets it. Their specialty pizzas are loaded with toppings full of flavor and the perfect way to treat yourself without breaking the bank. Try the new Spicy Chicken Bacon Ranch Pizza. Grilled chicken breast, creamy ranch smoked bacon, jalapenos, provolone and cheese made with 100% real mozzarella and finished off with a drizzle of buffalo sauce. Yum. You guys know what to do. Order Domino's Specialty Pizzas today. Order now@Domino's.com everyone that listens to this podcast knows the way that I feel about Hidden Valley Ranch, okay? It has been in my life through and through since honestly, I feel like I came out of the womb, okay? And I am so excited for Thanksgiving because obviously I am going to have Hidden Valley Ranch seasoning a part of my ingredients. Okay? Hidden Valley Ranch tastes amazing on so many of your favorite foods. You might already love enjoying Hidden Valley Ranch with wings and pizza, but there is so much more flavor to explore. Daddy Gang Adding a ranch twist to your favorite dishes will make Hidden Valley Ranch the star of your holiday table. And I know for a fact because I have been doing it.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

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[B]

What is up, Daddy gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call Her Daddy.

[C]

Can we talk about this set?

[B]

I know. I. I'm really happy about it. There's so many things I have to change. I know, I know. I see it because I'm a crazy person. Like, there's certain things I need.

[C]

I would have changed. Like those one flower that were in your last set. I was like, I'm gonna move those when I come over. No, I'm not lying, like, because I'm.

[B]

It was bad.

[C]

It was just the one flower arrangement that would always be sat behind you. And I was like, I just want to move that when I go on our show. I'm. This is insane. This is beautiful.

[B]

You like it?

[C]

I love it.

[B]

Good vibes.

[C]

I feel very serene.

[B]

Isn't this, like, you want to tell me, like, all your secrets in this room?

[C]

I mean. Yes. That and the truth serum right here.

[B]

Okay, wait, let's start. Shay Mitchell, welcome to Color Daddy.

[C]

Thank you.

[B]

Shay made me a drink. What is in this drink?

[C]

This is. Okay, this is passion fruit Onda, but I made you a passion fruit spritzer. So. I actually got passion fruit before coming over here. Just kidding. I lied. I got it delivered. I have two kids.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

I love you, but, like, thank you, Postmates. So I had passion fruit. Like, the guts of it. I put in one whole one, and then over ice and then just passion fruit Onda.

[B]

But, like, it's honestly really good.

[C]

It's good, right? Little spritz.

[B]

So I was told why I wanted you to drink. Why I was told you were a lightweight.

[C]

That's crazy. And if that was Kate, let's start.

[B]

Okay, everybody listening? Let me give you a little backstory. If you don't know who Kate Bailey is. Actually, this is what I was going to say. The only reason it's appropriate, the amount of times that we've canceled on each other is because we have a mutual friend. Shay and I have been like, we're going to do it this month. We're going to do it. I canceled on you. You canceled on me. And I was like, it's good that we have a mutual friend. Her name is Kate Bailey.

[C]

Kate Bailey.

[B]

Kate Bailey is my publicist. Kate Bailey is your very, very good friend of how many years?

[C]

So many.

[B]

Obviously we've met before, but, like, we haven't, like, hung out never. And I'm. I kind of feel like I already know you from Kate. Kate. Every time she's with you is like, Shay is the most fun, outgoing life of the party. You're like, stop. Oh, my God. Keep going. She truly all. Every time that she's with you, I feel like she's having the best time unless she's with me. And I'm like, why are you, like, what makes you so fun? Like, what is your social life like right now?

[C]

What is my social life? I don't know if it's necessarily like, my. I don't go out a ton. I say that. And then I was just at a concert last night until 1. I think what it is is, like, my perspective on things may be good. So even if Kate's stressed out, I kind of am the opposite. I'm not stressed out or, like, I kind of feed off of people's energy and I, like, want to support you. And you're like, I'm just, I. I'm like a real energy person.

[B]

I can get that from you immediately. Because we were just joking. We're like, kate's always working on her phone 24 7. You're like, live in the moment.

[C]

No, I'm super present. Like, I will be super present if we were out to dinner. Unless there was something where I'm like, hey, I have my phone because of my kids.

[A]

Right?

[C]

But aside from that, I'm very big on living in the moment.

[B]

So another vibe I got from you is that before you met your partner, which we'll get into, I'm like, I fucking know. Shay Mitchell was out there on the streets, getting after it, dating, hooking up, having a good time.

[C]

Tell me. Take a sip.

[B]

Yeah. You're like, okay, I'm gonna chug this whole thing. What was your dating life like in your 20s?

[C]

My dating life was. I think I always thought about my life in ways of, like, chapters to a book. I always kind of said yes to things so that I could have that experience and be able to, like, I don't know, talk about it after. Like, I do things for the experiential, like, aspect of it.

[B]

I get that.

[C]

I want to add that to my chapter. I'm like, oh, that'd be a fun thing. Oh, okay, Fly here. I do. Cool, let's try it. Or like, he does this profession. Let's see what that's like. But as long as I was in control and, like, you know, it was my decision to do things and, like, I felt comfortable, I was good to go.

[B]

You were good to go.

[C]

So I like, yeah.

[B]

Do you have a type?

[C]

Not at all. Not at all. I have zero type.

[B]

Really?

[C]

Zero type? If you were to look, I like the trajectory of my past. There is no type. It's a vibe.

[B]

I love it.

[C]

It's a vibe. It really is.

[B]

Like, okay, what kind of vibe? What do you need, though?

[C]

I need confidence, but not cockiness. And that is something I need somebody who is like, respectful and like a good human. And that's like, truthfully, I feel like I've been in maybe like I've experienced like a couple bad ones and that's it. Out of like a bunch.

[B]

I'm curious if all of your exes were like, having a text thread. What is. You're like, oh, God. Shay, like, loves it. She's like, oh. Like, what are they saying? What do you think that they would be, like, saying. Saying about you? Like, was there any theme after relationships?

[C]

She knew what she wanted. I think that would be like the group chat. Like, she knew what she wanted. That's what I think everybody would say. And I actually have really good relate. There's. You know, again, aside from a few, like, I really have awesome experiences from my past and they were great guys. We just weren't right for each other.

[B]

We all know you. Like, originally, originally you popped off Pretty Little Liars. And I want to talk to you lightly about Pretty Little Liars because I can imagine. I don't want to say you're, like, annoyed by talking about it, but that was 13 years ago.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

So, like, I'm sure in every interview you do, people want to talk to you about it. How does that make you feel?

[C]

A. Okay. You know why? Because that's what gave me my start. And I will never forget that. And I will never look down on that. Pretty Little Liars was the biggest turning point in my life. I was doing bottle service before that. And when I booked this job, it changed my life forever. And it. It gave me the opportunities and the experiences that I've had and I owe everything. I'm like, I still talk to Marlene King all the time. And I'm like, thank you for saying yes in that callback, you know, and like, it changed my life. I could never talk badly about it and I love it. And I love, you know, when they do the spin offs and I'm always like, that's amazing. That's awesome. I love the fact that I was a part of so many people's lives in a really important part. Like, for me, like, watching the oc, like, that was my thing, you know, Gossip Girl, that was my thing. So when people come up, and they're like, I loved you. You know, I grew up with you. I'm like, that's awesome. And the fact that I got to play the character that I did is, like, even more amazing.

[B]

Well, yeah. You have now played how many queer characters in your career?

[C]

Almost all of them. Maybe I was just, like, meant to be. I'm, like, a vehicle to, like, tell their stories. But I also feel like I have never also put myself in a category. I. I'm not one. I don't love a label. I don't love a title. Like, I don't want to label my sexuality. I don't want to label my relationship. I don't. Like, I never wanted to be a wife. Like, I don't. I don't. I don't want to be put in a category.

[B]

Why do you think that is?

[C]

I just want to be free. Like, I just want to be me, whatever that is. And, like, right now, I'm in a relationship with a man, and I don't. That's cool, and it's amazing, but, like, in five or 10 years, I don't know, could be a woman, could be you. Like, I just. I never know, and I never want to put myself in a position where I feel, like, constricted.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Did you. Had you ever kissed a girl before you took on the Emily role in Pretty Little. You had?

[C]

Yeah, I had an experience before playing these characters. Yeah. It wasn't like, oh, I'm playing this character. Let me see how this feels. And that was the thing when people were like, how do you know how to play this if you haven't been in a relationship with a girl? Like, what. How do I know what it's like to, like, somebody loves? Like, I hated those questions. And that's what I would always get. Like, how do you know how it feels? Or, like, how can you play this character if you're not a less. Like, what? I don't know. I know what it's like to like somebody. It's the same shit.

[B]

Right? And I feel like we felt that in your character where, like, you are so confident in that role that I think it probably does help a lot of people watching you on screen, being like, I want to be like that. I want to emulate that energy of just, like, confidence instead of still such a hetero world that we're in. Like, it's still not completely accepted, which is so. And for you to be like, I don't give a.

[C]

There's so much stuff that I do that's not Accepted. Like, I really obviously aren't. Like, I'm not one to stand by tradition.

[B]

Like, let's talk about that. Okay, let's talk about that.

[C]

My hands are freezing. I wish I. You know what? I should have brought the whole.

[B]

Let's chug it, because let's do a little breakfast. That was a loud gulp.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

I'm impressed. That's okay.

[B]

But you're not gonna eat the pomegranate, are you?

[C]

No, I'm gonna pour more into it.

[B]

I got it right here, guys. I just knew Shay Mitchell, the media train queen. Media train queen. That's what Kate said to me.

[C]

Media. Oh.

[B]

She was like, she's media trained. She will swerve your questions.

[C]

I'm like, yeah, for the first 15.

[B]

Minutes, then I'm gonna sauce her up. That's, like, the complete opposite of, like, what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm like, I'll just get her a little drunk, and then I'll ask her all the hard questions.

[C]

I love it. I also did say, let's just tell everybody. There was no question. There was no question. That was. There was no topic that was off. You did say that, right? Okay. Thank you.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You're welcome.

[C]

Okay. Wow my thigh for a minute. Okay.

[A]

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[A]

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[B]

Let's talk about your relationship.

[C]

Yeah. What one? No, I mean, like, what kind?

[B]

Like with.

[C]

You're just joking.

[B]

You're slowly unbuttoning your partner.

[C]

Did you. When you were thinking about how you were gonna ask me this, were you like, what do I call him?

[B]

Yeah. And you know what's interesting is I want to ask you, is the term baby daddy insulting to you? Because I feel like Nick Cannon really has put a little downer on that one for everyone. No one wants to be called a baby daddy anymore. So it's insulting to you.

[C]

It's not insulting. It's. Listen, you know, it's not insulting. No, because he's more than. He's more than my baby daddy. He's not Nick Cannon. He's more than my baby daddy. And so I think that there is, like, I love the word partner. Some people don't. Some people don't love it. Like, you're never gonna please anybody, so let's just get that out of the way.

[B]

Totally.

[C]

For me, I like the term partner. He is my partner. He's my partner in a lot of things. He helps me with so much with my business. Obviously, we're partners in raising our girls together. He's my partner in life that we're living right now, and I like it.

[B]

How does he feel about the term partner?

[C]

I don't know if he loves it. I don't know if he loves it. You know, sometimes he'll be on calls, and he's like, in my wife. And I'm like, what? You know, and I'm always like, not. Because I'm like. Like, I want it. Like, I'm like.

[B]

Why do you think that is?

[C]

Why? I don't like the word white?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I don't know. I just, like, I. I'm not. And he's not my hut. Like, I don't know.

[B]

Your partner.

[C]

I love, Like, I think, like, girlfriend is cute. And like, I. We met when I was 19, and I love that. Like, we weren't girlfriend and boyfriend at that point, but I love the. I love. I love that. Like, I'm like, his. I'm like, his girlfriend. Like, we are friends.

[B]

So you have two kids together, Two girls? Yeah. But you met and you were friends first?

[C]

Yeah, I was 19.

[B]

How did you transition from friends to relationship?

[C]

It's been a lot of years. I met him, actually, when I was doing bottle service at Drake's birthday. Like, Drake's, like, 21st birthday in Toronto. We're from Toronto, so I was doing bottle service there. And we met. And we didn't start dating right away. Like, we were just talking. We found out that we were neighbors and we started hanging out. I'd go to his basket. Like, we just started hanging out as friends. And then, you know, we tried to, like, make it work in more than a friend way, didn't we tried it a couple times, didn't work. And then we took some time apart. And then I think it was like four or five years or something. And then randomly, a mutual friend just kind of connected us together. Together. And it was like, third time's a charm.

[B]

So when you started getting serious and, like, even when you got pregnant, like, did you have to have a conversation with him to be like, I don't ever want to get married?

[C]

I think we had that conversation. Like, even when we were friends, I think I always spoke about my feelings. And I will never say, like, never say never about anything, but I Just was never that girl of, like, who had a Pinterest board of her wedding. I never did. And my parents have been married for, like, 38, maybe even 40 years, and they've had an amazing relationship, but it just wasn't something that I wanted. I didn't feel the need to. Like, I didn't feel that a piece of paper and a big celebration and a ring would, like, justify my love. Like, it's.

[B]

Yeah, it's more. Yeah. But I like that you're saying it, because I was sitting here thinking, like, I think there's some people, when they listen to that. Of you are like, whoa. Like, that's so interesting and, like, really crazy. And I'm like, if a man was saying that, they'd be like, oh, he never thought he was gonna get married. Like, okay, dope. I like that you're saying it, though, because it's really healthy to not just keep doing what the fuck came before us and not questioning it.

[C]

There is a trend, because there's more people that aren't getting married now, like, since the 1970s. I think it's like a. The age is getting later on, which I. I love, because I think similar to how we have to hit a certain age to drink and drive. We are developing so much in our 20s, and, like, we are learning who we are. And when you get together and you're married, you grow as a unit, you know, and sometimes that's great, but sometimes it's detrimental to your own development.

[B]

Totally.

[C]

And I think the reason why I've. I've been very lucky to be in, for the most cases, you know, great relationships is because I've always felt pretty secure and confident with who I was first before getting into a relationship. And I think that, you know, with marriage, sometimes you're more concerned about how you guys are both growing. You're trying to help him lift up. When at that point in your early 20s, you. You need to get your own self out. You need to, like, figure out yourself. That's not to say that it can't work in your 20s for all of those people. I love it and amazing, but I feel like for me, it just wasn't necessary. And that's not to say that I don't believe in something I like, hey, I'd love to have a commitment ceremony maybe in, like, I don't know, 10 years, whatever the. Like, if it ever happens, I could look at him and be like, hey, we should have a celebration, because we just did that. Look at our girls. Or, like, in high School. And, like, we crushed it. We went through storms and we are here and we are standing and we're like, high five. Because we just did that. Like, let's make a commitment to this family and to raising these girls and our kids at that, whatever. But, like, I would be all up for that because sometimes I think the celebration happens before you've even been through some storms.

[B]

You know, I fucking love it. Because it's basically you're saying, like, do whatever feels good for you and, like.

[A]

We can make up new shit.

[B]

Take a sip. Matt works with Drake.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And when I think about that, you know, he goes on tour with him, right.

[C]

He's on his, like, management team. He, like, a lot of the creative is from him. Like, he's like a creative genius, truthfully.

[B]

So he's like, in the world that is, like, he's traveling. He's with all these people. There's parties, there's girls around. There's a lot happening. And how does it feel? Or how do you handle when he's, like, away and, like, at these parties and at these events and you're sitting at home with the kids being like, I wonder what he's doing. And I'm not talking recently. Take me back to, like, more beginning stages of, like, building trust around this type of lifestyle.

[C]

Yeah, I mean, it is 100% hard. Like, I can't be like, it's fine. I don't feel a thing. No, it's hard. But it's hard because I care. Yeah, it's hard because I love what we have. You know what I mean? So, yeah, it's like, it's difficult. But then at the same time, I'm like, we just talked and they're away in South America, and I'm like, are you having fun? What are you guys doing? Like, there's also that element because I feel like in the same way that I have with my friendships, like, those are so successful because I trust them and there's communication. And not that it's the same, but, like, there's trust and there's communication with us. And it's not always perfect by any means, but there has to be trust. And I can't think about other scenarios or, like, think about hypothetical situations if it ever were to come out or anything. There's, like, deceive any of that, then, like, I'll deal with it then.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

But I also can't live my life worrying about what he's doing. He is living his own life. We are two individuals that have come together and Chosen to, like, have kids together and, like, have a family together, but at the same time, he is, like, doing his own thing. And I love that for him. Like, he's having fun. He's crushing it. He's so good at what he does. And I love that he's with his friends, getting to work and have fun, you know? So I love that. But, like, as long as there is communication, once that is broken for me, then it's done. And that's. That's a known thing that we have. So as long as he knows that and I know that, like, I feel like we're good.

[B]

I dated an athlete. I love how he. Singular, plural. I dated athletes in the past, and I found myself, like, in moments, being the same as you. Of, like, what do I give a. Like, I'm sitting here with my girlfriends, we're at it, we're having a great time. Like, and he's gonna do what he's gonna do. But then there are, like, the spiral moments. I remember I used to. If he was, like, in Milwaukee or Texas or Milwaukee. Yeah. They always would go to, like, the worst places. But that's when I know, like, you're desperate. Like, you're gonna find some type of, like. So I would always be like, oh, they're. If they're going out tonight, I would, like, spiral and, like, look up, like, the bar that I knew they were at. And then I would go to, like, the Instagram. And then I would be like, oh, who's, like, at the bar? And if they tagged anyone, I would go to that girl's Instagram and, like, look for him in the background and then be like, oh, my God, there he is. Like, he's standing next to that girl. Like, he's really close to that girl. What's happening? And then I would text him, be like, hey, like, how's your night? And, like, it's a normal. Like, I always used to be embarrassed to admit that. And I was like, I was in love with this person. I was in a relationship with this person, and I cared about this person. And I think jealousy and anxiety in relationships is. Can be normal depending on, like, the level of it.

[C]

Sure.

[B]

So I'm wondering, like, because this is like, a very public, touring, facing situation, how do you not spiral in moments? And I don't even mean now. I mean, like, beginning. Oh, my gosh.

[C]

No, no, for sure. Absolutely. I can't. I could not return. I did the exact same thing. Back in the day, I would say, for sure. In my 20s, I fully get You. I could do the exact same thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

But it got to a point where I was like, okay, so if he did, then what? Or if anybody. At that point, that was. If he did, then what? Yeah, I'll be okay. I'll keep it moving. And it wasn't meant to be, but that is how I live my life. And once you think about it like that, I don't want that. Then, yeah, if you can take him from me, then he's yours. I'm good, and I can keep it moving, be there for my kids, or that's another story. But, like, in terms of us, then our story ends, and that's okay. I still have my life to live. I cannot live my life like I did in my 20s, because I did do that. And it's like, for what I wasted so many sleepless nights for. For what? Did that change how he acted? No, you're gonna do the guys, the girls, whatever. We're gonna do what we're gonna do regardless if. If you're staying up at night, not sleeping, stalking an Instagram, he's still gonna do what he's gonna do. He's not gonna be like, well, Alex is probably up, looking at the club's Instagram, trying to, like, you know, zoom into this. That's not gonna stop him. So, like, what does that. You just lose sleep?

[B]

You're so right. Okay, like, it's.

[C]

I'm not gonna worry about it before it happens. If you do it, then we. We deal, and I'll figure out, like, co parenting, but, like, then it is. And I hope you're happy, and I genuinely mean that. I want you to be happy, because I feel like when you truly love somebody, you want them to live their happiest life. And I do. And if that's not with me, I don't want to force that.

[B]

I love this energy, too, because I feel like I've said this on my show. It's like, I know there's so many people. I always just say women, because I know women listen to this podcast the most. So I'm like, hi, ladies.

[C]

Like, I think there's a lot of guys, too.

[B]

You think.

[C]

You think you have a video. You have a video component to this?

[B]

They used to. It's got the little too sappy that they're like, okay, there's no more, like, full sex like, you talking about, like, the dick going into the. Like, I'm out. I'm like, okay, pervs. I think I've had a lot of conversations on this podcast trying to when women write in being like, I'm so in love with this person. And I love your advice, too, because I know Kate has always said, like, you are, like, almost like the friend therapist. Like, all your friends go to you. And I feel similar with my friend group of, like, you have to almost, like, back out of it and look at it, like, from a third POV of, like, what would you tell your friend?

[A]

Right?

[B]

And I feel like a lot of women listen to this podcast being like, yeah, but Shay, like, I'm so in love with him, but I just have that, like, feeling almost every time. He's always doing boys nights. He's always kind of, like, out. And I just feel like I'm not fully a part of those moments. And I sit at home. But, like, like, when we're together, our relationship is great, but he makes me feel really insecure. Like, what do I do?

[C]

Like, what would you be in love with yourself more than you need to love yourself more? Because I would tell my daughters, like, you shouldn't be doing that. I don't want them having a million sleepless nights. A couple are fine. Like, it's healthy.

[A]

Whatever.

[C]

We get it. But, like, you shouldn't be feeling that way in a healthy relationship. And if you are, then maybe it isn't the right one. I don't want to constantly be living in a state of anxiety, wondering where they are, what they're doing. Like, I actually love the fact that he's traveling with the biggest person. And, like, you get to see. See all of that. And if you still come back, then, like, I'm the baddest. You know what I mean?

[B]

Right.

[C]

That's what I feel like. And if I don't, then, like, cool, go be with her. And then I'll keep it moving, too. Like, it just wasn't meant to be. And I'm such a believer of that. I feel like that's why my perspective on life and different experiences. If I miss a plane, I was like, oh, there was a reason for that. Like, that is how I live my life. And let me tell you, it's a lot more peaceful than what it was before. I had this sort of, like, real realization about how it. How it works for me and how it should be.

[B]

I love that advice, too, because I feel like it's like, half the time, more than half the time we have to look at it. Like, it's actually not about him. You're sitting there, like, why are you sitting there stressing? Why was I on my phone zooming so intensely like, because I was bored in college, being like, this is better than the guys I could be dating here. So, like, there's always, if you break it down, like, I wanted to be with him because of the status and the money and the lifestyle. And I loved it and I didn't want to lose it. And I was willing to maybe look the other way because, like, I love that now in hindsight, I'm like, that was perfect for where I was in that moment. I absolutely loved that moment in my life. Now, I would never put up with that because I want time.

[C]

You could be putting into building yourself like a reading a book, educating yourself, going to the gym, hanging out with your friends, like, doing other things. I think as you get older. And the reason why I say, like, I did that all in my 20s. 20s, but, like, it changed when I was 30 is because I realized how valuable every single day is. And I do not want to waste my time stalking other people's movements. You know what I mean? Like, then I'm taking away my time and living my life and, like, spending quality time with friends or people that are here watching somebody else's move. They're gonna do it if they're gonna do it, and I can't stop it. So, like, it's not healthy. We need to cut it out. It's too short. I don't want to look back at my life dedicating so many of my, like, precious days to doing that.

[B]

I. Amen.

[A]

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[B]

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[B]

So your mother.

[C]

Yeah, I'm a mother.

[B]

You're a mother. Did you always picture you're gonna have kids?

[C]

Yeah, yeah, I did.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

I never had a set age. I wasn't like when I'm 26. I'm gonna have. No, I. I knew that I wanted to experience that.

[B]

When you think about there's so many beautiful things that come with motherhood.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

But I feel like you're a good person to talk to about, like, because you don't like to label things, like, absolutely not. When I think about mothers, there's a lot of pressure if you're not just dedicating your entire life in other people's eyes to your children. Did you ever lose yourself in the beginning stages of trying to navigate, like, being a mother, being also Shay Mitchell, this, like, independent, successful woman that wants to have both?

[C]

Oh, my gosh. I remember when I was first pregnant with Atlas, and I was like, nine months. I was talking to my doula at the time, and all of a sudden we're talking, and I just started bawling, and she's like, oh, my gosh. Are you so excited? I was like, no, a piece of me is dying. I'm gonna be a mother. Like, I'm now gonna be a mom. And she was like, okay. Like, that's amazing. I was like, no, I'm a mom now. Like, I am a mother. She's like, okay, amazing. Like, not understanding. And I think what I had to come to an understanding with is that, yes, old Shay did. A part of me did have to be put to rest. I am a mother now. I wasn't beforehand. Like, and it does change. There's a leaf that turns when you get pregnant. And, like, from the moment you see that you are pregnant on that stick, it changes. And that life that you lived before is over. And that's okay, because there's a new life. Like, there's a new chapter, like, a new relationship. And that's. It's fun and it's exciting. It's also scary. And, you know, at that. At that point, it was also a little bit lonely because, like, your partner won't understand. They don't go through the same thing. They don't understand the changes and the sacrifices, choices that we make, especially being somebody who also, you know, was very active, like, in my work and, you know, my social and everything. It was like, I have to take a pause. I can't be. Like, I was fortunate to be able to act up until the point where I was, like, eight months. But still, I had to take a moment. I had to take a break, whereas he didn't. And so that was really difficult for me when I was pregnant.

[B]

Do you have advice for someone that's currently having a Little bit of a difficult time finding their. Like, regaining their identity after they just, like, gave birth. Now they've, like, their kids alive and well, and they're like, who am I? Independent of being a mother.

[C]

I think you need that time outside of your kids. I think it is so crucial. I love my girls. I will do anything. Of course it is. Like, having kids, truthfully, is like having a heart live outside of you. Like. Like my heartbeats in them. But I also need to continue to do things for myself and for me to feel rested, for me to feel like, you know, I've done what I needed to do, because then I'm a better, better mother when I can come back and, like, I feel good, you know? And I think that that's the thing. It is really hard, especially after, like, I always say, I love a baby shower. I think that's great. Even though I did mine at, like, Magic Mike.

[B]

What?

[C]

I also think there needs to be, like, another, like, a postpartum sort of baby, like, a mama shower after, because it's all fine and dandy when you have that celebration when the baby's in your stomach and, like, things are cool and there's a million beautiful flowers and friends and all of that around you. There needs to be something after when you're in the postpartum, when you're in the bed by yourself or maybe with your partner, like, in and feeling like a mess. Feeling like if you're breastfeeding or you're feeding them with a bot, like, you just don't feel your best. Yeah, there needs to be a celebration for you. At that moment. I'm like, I want to start, you know, the mama shower. Something where you have all your friends. I needed a flower crown. Then when the babies were crying, when Atlas was screaming, when the house was a mess. I need that, like, you know.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

That kind of like, group and party.

[B]

Then I actually love that, too, because I. You're so right. There's such a celebration of, like, right before, like, this is gonna be great. And then, like, life happens, and then life happens, and there's judgment.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You're a very independent person, and I wonder, what does independence look like for you?

[C]

Independence to me means that, like, this is, like, asmr. Because I'm crunching these passion fruit. Is it?

[B]

Are you hearing independence?

[C]

Independence means that I can make my own moves and do what I want to do, and when I want to do something, I do it. I don't know. Listen, let me tell you something. This is when I was. How Old driving age. When I got my first car, my parents got me a car, okay. And I was so excited. Drove it around everywhere. Me and my girlfriends had picked them up, you know, as you do. You're like, just got my license. Let's drive to McDonald's. And then one day I came downstairs and I was like, where my keys at? And I couldn't find them. And I was like, wait, hi, mom, dad. Like, where are my keys? And he's like, you don't have your car today. I was like, wait, why is it in the shop?

[B]

You getting it washed?

[C]

You filling it up? Like, what's going on? He was like, you just don't have it today. I took it. And I'm like, okay, so, like, you want to drive it? Can I drive yours? Like, what's going on? He's like, no, I bought it. I own it. It's mine. You don't have it. And I was like, wait, what? You bought it? It's my car. He's like, it's not your car. I bought it for you and I can take it away. And I was like, I didn't even do anything then. I'm like, trying to think. I'm like, did I do something last night? Like, did he go through my. Like, what is happening? Nothing had happened. He just took my car away because he wanted to prove a point that, like, he bought it and I didn't own it. And just because, you know, he had gotten me the car at that point, like, he could also take it away. And I was so annoyed by it. But then I also was like, you're right, he did buy from. But like, this. This is so annoying. And from that moment, I was like, I don't ever want that to happen because I actually had to go somewhere that wasn't a drive through. And I needed my car at that time.

[B]

So I was. Of course you did.

[C]

Of course I did. You know, I needed to go to the mall. So I was like, I will never have that happen again. I'm gonna own my. And like, that is what kind of clicked in. There was a bigger message with that. That was just really like, I need to own my shit, because nobody can take that away from me. And everything just. Just feels better when I, like, I did that, you know? And, like, I don't need somebody else to do that for me. And so I've always been super independent when it's come to that. Like, if I want to go to dinner, I'm going to dinner. I don't need to wait for somebody to invite me. Or, like, no, no. If I want that on the menu, I'll order it, because I bust my ass to do that. And I think there's such a power. And with that, everything just tastes sweeter. It feels better. You rock it better when you're wearing that bag that you got. And again, gifts are nice, and I'll always take them, and I love that. So if you get that, like, good on you and amazing. However, I feel like independence gives you a freedom to live your life as authentic as you want it to be. Like, I can do things that feel right to me without any sort of hesitancy that, like, oh, so and so might not. This may get taken away from me. Or if I act this way, I'll get kicked out. No, I don't want that. I never wanted that. And I don't want my girls to ever do that. You will be independent. You will own your own, and you will always have it. Nobody can take away from you.

[B]

What you're saying is so empowering in terms of just, like, you can't then be that affected by anyone other than yourself when you have that independence. And I think it's so important for young women to hear, because when I was dating professional athletes or rich guys in the moment, it felt so, like, invigorating to me, and I felt, like, alive, and I felt so powerful because I was attached to someone powerful. And then if they ended it, I was on the street with nothing.

[C]

Then you feel like back at square one again, and you're like, but wait, like, what happened?

[B]

And you look around and you have nothing. And so it's like, I'm also not even talking about financial. Like, no, if you have your own in terms of, I know who I am. I know I'm stable with my confidence and my personality. And you. If you end it tomorrow, I'm still good.

[C]

I'm still good.

[B]

And I can carry on. Focusing on your independence, recognizing your worth, because then when you meet someone and you're like that, you're like, but having.

[C]

Your own life outside of them, having your own friend group, having your own places that you go to, like, you are so much stronger when you're like, two pillars holding something up than when you're trying to, like, conform to one. You know what I mean? Just, like, have your own life, I think is so important.

[B]

Totally, totally.

[C]

And then you're stronger, and then it, like, offers up more questions. Then I can genuinely be like, what did you do today? You know, Totally different strokes for different folks. Like, again, this is just how it is for me. I've also seen it on the flip side where, like, it works. They work, and they have the same friends and all that, and that also works.

[A]

I agree.

[C]

This is just how it works for me.

[B]

No, And I think that's, like, also, I love this job because I get to just talk to so many different people that it's like, there is no right answer for no right anyone. It's like, you're gonna find your own. But it's helpful to hear if some people are lost or just, like, kind of looking for guidance. Like, you have a very specific way that you view life and the way that you view your worth and yourself and the way that you like to move. My question, though, for you is if I.

[C]

You always know there's going to be something juicy when you, like, well, this is her head, and, like, you're getting real comfy now.

[B]

No, I just like to ask this because sometimes it's helpful to humanize people in terms of. You're so confident. But what is your biggest insecurity?

[C]

What is my biggest insecurity? Like, my biggest insecurity is. I mean, I can be in rooms. Like, just recently, I was in Paris, and I was around a group of people that were speaking so many different languages, and I was like. Like, oh, my gosh, that is amazing. I feel like I. I could be spending more time educating myself instead of doing some other things. Maybe if I cut down some social media, I feel like I could be. I could have learned another language, you know? Like, I get on myself sometimes for that, for education. So I'm like, okay, I need to work on this. But then I download Word of the Day, and I feel like, okay, I'm done.

[B]

I'm trying.

[A]

I'm trying.

[C]

I. I feel like that's what. Yeah. I mean, I think every day there's, like, different things. Of course, I'm not, like, the most confident, most secure person. The reason why I sound like that is because I'm a big believer of saying things and. And, like, manifesting and words being very powerful. You will never hear me say, oh, gosh, I'm such an idiot, or like, oh, dumb me. I don't speak like that. I don't ever say, like, I'm starving. I don't ever say, like. Like, I'm very careful with my words because they are very powerful, and I am a big believer of manifesting. When I was doing bottle service, I had a cork board in my kitchen, Had Teen Choice awards. I had Blake Lively and Gossip Girl. It had a white Range Rover. It had palm trees. A lot of that has come true. And I believe, like, working hard in addition to just manifesting. But I am a very big believer of manifesting. And there's a difference with just saying, like, like, okay, I will come into success. I will meet the love of my. No, no. You need to believe it and you need to own it. And if that at the beginning is called delusion, then let it be. Because I was delusional when I was doing bottle service. But when I was rocking to your table, asking you if you wanted Kettle one or Grey Goose, I thought I was the biggest actress, like, playing a bottle service girl. And I walked with that. And I walked in the snow in my uggs, like, to my office, to the bottle service place, being like, bottle service place, to the lounge, being like, I own this. Like, no, not today. Like, I was an actress and I was living in the States and I was, you know, I felt it. So, like, delusional, manifesting all of that. I'm a big believer of saying and putting out there positive energy. And so I don't know what the first thing was that you were asking me. Oh, yeah. So it may come off as being super confident, secure, but even like Rihanna, like that tick tock that was going around where she's like, sometimes you don't feel confident. You just get up and you do it. You do.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And you own it. And you. And you have that. Because if you do and other people feel it, then, like, you become that.

[B]

How the did you become a bottle girl?

[C]

Bottle service.

[B]

Bottle service.

[C]

It was like a. I wasn't a good bartender. My memory wasn't good. So, like, bottles were easier. I could like, have my little thing. But like, bartenders, it was like too many people asking me for too many drinks and I never got it right. Also, I wasn't a good waitress. Like, I'd forget things. Hostess crushed. I could always offer up a smile and take you to your table, but bottle service was just. It was like fun. It wasn't fun. It wasn't really going to it.

[A]

No.

[B]

I did it for one day and then I went to the bartending dude. What was like some. Do you have any memories of back in those days? Oh, my God, how creepy.

[C]

A guy slapped my ass. Almost broke his arm. No, like, I was not that person. And then I charged you like crazy. And I made so much money that night because that was not okay. I am not good in those situations. I'm not good being disrespectful not that anybody is, but that like I will not handle disrespect.

[A]

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[A]

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[B]

I've heard through the grapevine, like, Kate, hi. You really are such an incredible friend. And I think, especially when you get to a certain age, like, I'm not gonna say it's easy to be a friend in middle school and elementary school and high school, but, like, there is something of that. You're all kind of going through similar at that time. You're all in the same environment. And then when you get into your 20s and your 30s and your 40s and on, like, it is a of, like, being selfish of your own, being there for your friends. Like, what kind of friend are you?

[C]

I would have to say I'm a really good listener. I'm always there. Like, if I hear, like, in high school, if a girl, like, a friend of mine had a bad relationship or some guy did a wrong, like, like, don't ever talk to me again. That guy, like, do not come across me. I am a girl's girl. I love women. I really do, because I just. There's such a, like, beautiful sensitivity and vulnerability to women, and I love that. And I. And I see it, like, through all ages and now having two little girls, like, I see it in them. But then I also see the up part where I'm like, we're watching these Disney movies and, like, everything is about, like, finding your heavily up happily ever after with, like, this prince. And I'm like, it doesn't have to be like that. Like, if you don't want to end up with a guy, you don't have to. Like, if you don't want to end up in a relationship at all, you don't have to. Like, I'm, like, constantly doing this because I'm like, hey, like, she only. She loves this princess life, which I want her to live, but I'm also like, this is kind of fucked up when I'm watching this. Like, happily ever after doesn't mean you always have to end up with somebody. It doesn't always mean you have to have kids, you know? And so I always forget what I'm talking about. What was the genuine.

[B]

Oh, what kind of friend are you? No, this is great.

[C]

Okay. Okay. So on the friend level, like, I love my friends are my family. They are. And I have a very small group of friends. I have a lot of acquaintances. I have a lot. I love people, too. But I have a very small, tight knit of friends who I feel like have. Are my. They are my family. And they've, like, just held me down. And why I Feel like I can be the way that I am. It's because I have such a solid, so support group of people, you know, and they are there for me no matter what. And I feel that they are like that because it's a two way street. Like, I am there for them as well. And if anybody needed me, like any my girl, I will be on that plane. I don't care. I will be there for you. Because life is crazy and it's wild and sometimes you need me more than I need you. And sometimes I need you more than you need me. And so it's a beautiful relationship. It's like a teeter totter of like, Like, I don't know. It's a teeter totter. Like, I just feel like that is how my friendship is with people.

[B]

Women go through it in their 20s of kind of losing that friend group that maybe they had in school. Yeah. And feeling like, almost ashamed if they don't have like the big friend group and they don't have like all of like the big, like, can you talk about that a little bit of like the cattiness of women being like, oh, she doesn't have that many friends. Or like, she doesn't. Because I have people writing all the time that are like, I have two really good friends. But I feel bad that I don't.

[C]

Have, like, no, babe, you're black blessed. You have two solid friends. Like, no, we do not compare ourselves to movies. We do not compare ourselves to other people. You have no idea what's actually happening. A girl could have 15 solid friends. You don't know if they're all talking shit about each other. Like, if you have two solid friends, that's amazing. And like, own that, you know, and be thankful you have that. I have my childhood best friends and the amazing part is that I talk to them the least out of everybody else else. My best friend I talked to like once every three months and it doesn't even matter. I pick up, I talk to her and she's like, cool, cool, cool, we got it. Like, she gives me what I need, I give her what she. And I'm like, boom. Like, I didn't even talk to her for the past three months.

[B]

And you do like your quick rundown, like, what's going on in your life?

[C]

And that's it. I catch up. I have no photos with her. Like, it comes time to be in her birthday and I'm like, I have no photos with her. Like, we never take photos. Those are the best relationships when you have the Best night of your life. You're not taking photos. You forget. And that's the same thing with your friends. It's like, yeah, but I mean, I have a lot of photos with Kate. So, like, Kate, you're awesome.

[B]

Yeah, Kate's like the lowest of your friends.

[C]

Like, wait a minute, we have thousands.

[B]

Yeah, you're not periphery, bitch. You're not in the inner core.

[C]

But even with, like, my solid group of friends, I go to them for different things. Same with, like, title of this. But, like, I have different friends that I go to for different things, you know, And I think that's like a beautiful thing.

[B]

No, I love that you said that because I just. At my engagement party, like, my three, like, best best friends from childhood were there. And then I was talking to my friend Kristen, who has literally been there since I don't even remember what age, and I was like, I don't think we have more than like, three photos together. And we do the same thing where it's like every four months, we're like, hello. And I'm like, okay, go. And she gives me the rundown.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that is like. Like, I think should be more normalized. Like, you don't need to talk to someone every day. You don't also need to feel like you need 15 people around you because that also usually means, like, well, who's your. Who's your one?

[C]

Right.

[B]

Everyone knows who they're like, best friend is or their three or their four best friends. I just think it's like, important to normalize because, like, all these, like, I feel like women online are shaming of, like, she doesn't seem like she is friends.

[C]

It's every, literally everything trying to appease everybody. That would be so exhausting.

[B]

No, you're right.

[C]

You are happy and you are good with your life and your circumstances, regardless of if they go against the norm, then, like, you're crushing it.

[B]

Tell me about a time that you had to end a friendship.

[C]

Oh, my God. I ended a friendship because I stopped respecting her. Truthfully, I didn't respect certain decisions she made. And I think once you lose a respect in any relationship, it's over. And I don't know if that's the Aries in me. Probably I follow this account. That's like Aries facts or something. And like, every time they post, I'm like, that's so true. That's like, I am an Aries. But yeah, it sucked. We were friends for a long time and it got to a point where I just kind of like, you Know when you're, like, with a guy, you're dating a guy, and you, like, see something that's so unattractive, it could be anything. It'd be like, Like, I don't know, his hands or, like, hair in a certain place, and you're just like. And it's done. You can't see it, can't unsee it. That was the same thing with this. I couldn't unsee this one part, and I just. It was over and I never look back. It was. It. It happened. And, you know, we had a good amount of years together as friends, but I had to cut it again. Life is too short. I have a very limited amount of time that I get to spend with people, and I want that to be quality over quantity. And you're either in or you're out. And, like, same thing with me, you know, who's to say, like, her life isn't better without me, but whatever. It's just. It wasn't meant to continue.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And that's okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

People in and out of her life. So it's like, look at seasons. That's the same thing with people. Like, have them come in. You learn different things about each other and then you continue, and that's okay.

[B]

I love that too. I feel like there's such, like, again, stick to stigma for women of, like, the bitchiness and, like, the friend loss. And it's like, I get so many questions about this all the time, and I'm like, if you had a great thing for a certain amount of time that gave you something in your life and vice versa, and it ended, that's okay. Because I know then, like, then you go to a new part of your life where you have kids and you meet friends through your kids parent, and it's like you're always going through new iterations of your life and welcome it. Exactly.

[C]

Like, being open to it, like, unknown and is so exciting.

[B]

No, I agree. Okay, we need advice. I figured I'd be like, okay, let's talk about some situations, hypotheticals. Okay. Number one, what would you tell someone who opens up Instagram and sees the person that they're dating out partying at a club at 2am and they haven't heard from that person all night? I feel like we kind of talked.

[C]

About it, but, like, what's your boundary? Like, I have it, you know, for. For us, it's like, hey, I always just want to know when you're, like, safe in bed. I don't need a photo. I don't need a FaceTime. But like, just text, you know, like, hey, just. And also, we have two kids. I want to know, like, around the area of what you're doing so I can be like, if anything were to happen, I don't want to be like, I don't know where he is. Like, tell me the country you're in. You know, maybe the hotel would help. I don't need to know anything else. But like, like, I need to know certain things. So it depends what your boundary is. Like, did you set it so you're like, hey, I want to hear from you in this amount of times? Or like, like, is it okay if they text you when they go to bed? Like, what's your boundary? So it depends on that.

[B]

I agree with you. Because I think I remember in the beginning of dating Matt and he was like, you just have to send me a text when you get in bed. Like, I just want to know you're alive and at home. And at first I was like, that's being clingy. And then afterwards I was like, oh, wait, I get what he's doing. He's actually respecting. Have the best. Totally. I just want to know you're safe. That's it. And like, what a great boundary.

[A]

That's it.

[B]

But if you're so triggered by seeing him on the Internet of like, stalking him again, like, I go back to that version of myself. That's your first real red flag to be like, yeah, why are you so stressed? Yeah, because that's probably, you know, he's actually doing something shady.

[C]

Totally.

[B]

I don't have a doubt in my mind, like right now with the partner that I'm with that I'm like, nothing.

[C]

Right.

[B]

But when other relationships, I'm like, I knew. We always, always know. You always in your gut kind of know. I truly believe it. If there's certain that they're doing. I think most you do, but they're.

[C]

Having the odd cases.

[B]

True.

[C]

That you're like, where some people may not have. And that's okay too. You know, then. Then I mean, yeah, that's okay too, if you don't expect.

[A]

True.

[B]

But I also think it's like having the confidence and the self respect to. If this is bothering you so much much, tell him.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Say it.

[B]

It's like you're not being needy or clingy. It's like if you're in a relationship and you're like, hey, babe, it really upsets me. I realize, like, I get so triggered and anxious when you're out and I.

[C]

Don'T Hear from you, Think about what it is about that. Because just being out as a human, I mean, I go out, I come back sometimes at 2, 4, 6, you know, so it's like, what. What about that is bothering you? Is it that you think there's other girls there? Is it that he hasn't told you where he's at?

[B]

Like. Like.

[C]

Like, ask yourself and then have that conversation.

[B]

And then if there's that, it's like, well, because he does this all the time and he cheated once. Well, then. Okay, that's right.

[C]

And then reassess the situation. But, like, just being out, I mean, we're humans.

[B]

We gotta go out.

[C]

Gotta go out. And also, like, I love it when I'm like, do you go out? There was a, like, hot girl. Like, I want you to see that. I don't want to keep you in a little room with blindfolds on. Like. Like, please go out there and see.

[B]

It's so healthy to have your partner go out. Like, every time Matt goes out and he comes home, I'm like, okay, tell me everything. And I'm like, laying in bed, like, hi. I'm like, oh, what happened? And he's like, this person was there. Yeah. This no ex was there.

[C]

And like, let me. Like, even when we've been out, there have been girls that have come up and been like, oh, my gosh, she's so handsome. I'm like, thank you. Like, yes, absolutely.

[A]

Because he doesn't wear a ring.

[B]

No.

[A]

And you don't.

[C]

But also, like, if you wore a ring, does that deter anybody? No, that deter.

[B]

No them.

[C]

Does that deter, like. No, it doesn't do anything. Sometimes it's more attractive. Like, look, go out, live your life. Be free. If you come back, awesome. If you don't, we'll figure it out.

[B]

Peace. Peace.

[C]

I don't have time for that anymore.

[B]

Like, okay, let's say someone wants to approach their partner about an issue in their relationship that they're insecure about.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

What advice would you give them in approaching this topic? So you're going to someone. You're like, I'm insecure about this. I want to talk about my partner about it. They're nervous.

[C]

Rightfully so. But also, I feel like I've had this so many times where I've been so vulnerable, and, like, I can't be any more vulnerable. Like, he knows, and I think that's okay because the right person will accept it and take it and hear you. The wrong person might run from it and then let him run. It may Seem like I'm like, let him go. Let him free. But also like, yeah, because if it's the wrong person, why do you want to waste your time with them anyways?

[B]

Dude, My mom always said it. And I remember in the early days of my show, I would always say this. My mom would always be like. And at first it was friends, because when I was younger, my mom would always say, like, why would you want to be friends with someone that doesn't want to be friends with you? No, Same thing with relationship, right? You're like, why would you want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you or doesn't respect you? It's like, like, answer the.

[C]

You don't.

[A]

You don't.

[C]

But that's also why, like, my whole thing. And, like, again, love it for everybody else, but, like, the whole concept of, like, we need to have a bachelorette part or a bachelor party because this is the last night of freedom. Like, what? No, you can have all of those nights. You want to go at Timmy, Tony, John and Frank all day long. You can go like, I'm not holding you back. That would never be the life that I live where you feel the need that, like, your last, like. I hate that.

[B]

Dude. You're so right. Okay, we need, like, a little te. Okay, tell us about some, like, drama you've ever had in a relationship. All of this is like, Shay's got it all together. Shay, no, no, not in a bad way. Not in a bad way. But it's like, you are. You have this. You have it all together right now in terms of, like, how you think about shit. Give us your twenties. Give us a story about Shay not having it together and a relationship in.

[C]

My 20s, like, I think in your. Like, again, it did really change for me in my 30s.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

I will say I feel, like, good now. But no, in my 20s, all my friends would be like, wait a minute. Sammy, like, has been there through with me through, like, thick and thin. And she knows those times where she's had to, like, sleep over. And I'm, like, convulsing into a paper bag. I'm like, he did. Like, I've had those moments. Humans, a thousand percent. But sometimes I think I brought them on me because I'm dramatic and wanted to experience that. Like, I don't know if I was listening to a song and I was like, I can't relate to this. Let's relate to this. And then I'd go out and. Cause Because I was like, like, I'm telling You. That tattoo is white. Not because I wanted to get it for you to see. I wanted to feel it. Like, I am that person right where I want to feel it. So, like, I wanted to. Cause sometimes, and I would. And that was just me experimenting at that age. So, like, I had so much drama in my life, and I would do things that would put me in, like, situations, or I'm like, oh, that wasn't fair. But, like, let's see how it rides out, you know? And then that's gonna be a story to tell. And, yeah, I did it because I wanted to be able to have that story.

[B]

No, I get that. I relate to that in a lot of ways of just being like, do it for the experience. Yeah.

[C]

Or you're listening to a song and, like, you want to put your hand on the window when it's raining too, and, like, sing out to it. Like, sometimes I wouldn't feel that way, but I wanted to, so I would go and set that situation up for myself, you know, like, it's like, I did so good.

[B]

No, that's like, I relate to that. And then on top of it, I then started a show where I did talk about my life. So I was like, I need a up story. Like, let's go out. I get it. I think that's. In a weird way, I think it's healthy, because then you do experience where you're like, I don't want that. I want this. Looking back on your single days, what's one piece of dating advice you can give my listeners straight from the Shea Mitchell playbook?

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Something you haven't said yet to all the single ladies?

[C]

I don't know. I feel like, listen, if Madden. Like, I feel so happy with the way that everything turned out, because, like, if we had been together from the moment that I met him, I don't know if I would be completely content and happy right now. I would have wondered. My mind would have drifted. And that's not to say it doesn't drift. We're humans. But I got to live out a lot of it of different experiences. And I had a lot of fun. I loved that. I thought that these were the years where I will be able to do this and you can still do it later on when you're married, blah, blah, blah. But, like, it was fun. It was fun to go out one day with this guy and then another with this guy. As long as I. I was in control, you know, like, conscious control, all of that. It was like, on my terms. I loved it. And I thought there was nothing wrong because I learned so much about myself through each of these relationships and that's what I loved. I was like, okay, if I date this person, I wonder how this would be. Well, let's find out. Let's see how I can deal with his lifestyle. Let's see how I can deal being taken on, you know, in this way or like that. Like I loved learning about myself through other people.

[A]

Cool.

[B]

I think that's such good advice and we almost can end on that one of like when you are in your single part of your life, it's such an opportunity to get to know yourself better. And it's like there's such a pressure I think for women to like settle down and have kids and start your life. And it's like just make sure that you know yourself before you pick that person. And that's where like you're saying and I feel the same way of like I've gone through so many things that like, like I wouldn't have been able to be with my partner now had I not been through all that. So like sometimes you have to put yourself into weird situations. Like if you're sitting at home being like, I haven't been going on dates. Like I've been kind of like put your, like listen to Shay. Like put yourself out there, create a scenario. Even if you get the story, it's ending up creating a better version of yourself because you're going to learn what you like, you're going to learn what you don't like and you're going to be like invigorated to should find the next story, find the next thing for yourself so you can look back and be like, holy, I lived it, I did it. And then when you find the right person, there's no doubt in your mind it's the right person. Because you've been with so many different people in different settings. I don't mean sleeping. You've got so many different, so many people. But it's like you know your of like I don't like that. I like this. And you're like you're a kid in a candy store of like you know.

[C]

What you don't want. However, don't just date anybody. Always have that self respect. And that's why looking at my past I get can say like I said, besides a couple out of them, I always had that respect. And that's important. Don't just date a loser. To date a loser, we don't need to experience that. No, the outcome on that but if you can go into like a respectful relationship, hookup, whatever, with somebody, then do it, experience it, explore it, and learn about yourself. Now is the time.

[B]

Is that it?

[C]

I don't know. I feel like once we turn this off, she likes. Keeps it real.

[B]

Like, I'm like, keep rolling. No, I. I do think this is in an, in an odd way. That's the thing.

[C]

It's like even like having two daughters, I always look at it like, what would I say to them? I like, yes, talking about, even thinking about that right now. And they're so. Yeah, but like, if you are going into a relationship and experience with like, self respect, you know that that person has respect for you, you are aware, you are conscious, you are all. Then I think there is like no harm in that. You are learning about yourself through that. And I love that. I love. I wouldn't take away the experiences that I've had. And the other thing is, I would never take away the experiences that my partner has had. I don't talk about any of the people he's been with because all of those people that he was with made him the person that he is today, you know, and sometimes I'm like, well, wish you could have had a couple.

[B]

Like, you know, like, there's like, it's so true.

[C]

Like, I never talk about that because. Thank you.

[B]

The last thing that I would like to say is I feel like this episode also. It sounds easy, but. No, it sounds easy and it seems kind of hard, but like, it really is easy. Where you were kind of talking about if you're not being treated right, if you're not feeling right in a relationship, like, if you're listening to this and you have a pit in your stomach right now because your partner's doing something, if you're questioning certain things, if they're not acting the right way, if they're not treating you right, like, that's it. That's your answer.

[C]

That's your answer. Life is too short. And you only recognize that when you're in a moment where you realize that which doesn't happen for all of us. But it's like, I don't want to wait for that moment. If you know when it happens to be like, oh, I should have done this differently, or why did I waste those. Those days or those sleepless nights worrying about this. It didn't do anything. It doesn't do anything. So live your life how you want to live it. Don't worry about somebody else else, because your worrying isn't going to change the outcome. It's not going to change the outcome. I can promise you that. They don't care if you're worrying or not. Live your life, do what you. What makes you happy, and do what you love. Like, do what makes you happy. I don't want to waste any more days. I did that enough in my 20s, like I said. But, like, for those listening who are in their 20s, save yourselves, learn from us, and, like, don't waste your days worrying about somebody else. Let them be.

[B]

God bless you.

[C]

If you. What's that quote? If you love something, let it go, comes back, it's yours. That's the same thing. Every day he comes home, I'm like, hey, there you are. You know what I mean?

[B]

But, like, you have to, like, hey, you're back.

[C]

Like, hey, can you put her to bed? You know what I mean? But, like, that's how it is. And I. I think there's something so romantic about that. And like, I always say, I think it was like Charlize Theron that said this in a quote where, like, if you come home because you want to know, not because you feel like you have to, or, like, then you'd have to call the lawyers and do. Yeah, I think there's something so romantic about that. Like, we don't need anything else to, like, define our love or relationship at this moment. We have two beautiful girls. We are very fortunate to have the life that we live, and we recognize that. And if that ever were to change, and we'll deal with it. But, like, nothing that I can do or especially, like, signing the paper or getting the right, like, confirms that. We confirm it. You confirm it in your relationship. And don't let societal public pressures, parental, religious, deter you from doing what you feel is right, you know?

[B]

Shay, thank you for coming. And Call Her Daddy.

[C]

I mean, thank you for having me.

[A]

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[B]

Okay?

[A]

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