Podcast Summary: Choice Classic Radio Detectives | Nero Wolfe: Disappearing Diamonds (03/09/1951)

Theme
In this episode, the formidable detective Nero Wolfe must unravel the truth behind the murder of Mrs. Florence Avery March and the disappearance of her valuable diamonds. As a thief seeks Wolfe’s help to clear his name, Wolfe and his loyal assistant Archie Goodwin navigate police suspicion, cunning suspects, and a web of deceit amid the glamorous world of high society.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Arrival of Willie Inch and a "Phony Murder Rap"

• Timestamps: 00:19–03:59
  • Willie Inch, a self-confessed “sneak thief,” calls on Nero Wolfe claiming he's being framed for murder.
  • Wolfe and Archie quickly establish Inch’s criminal background but doubt his capacity for murder.
  • Notable Quotes:
    • “Did you ever hear of a sneak thief committing murder if it could possibly be avoided?” – Nero Wolfe [00:54]
  • Inch explains he was burgling Mrs. March’s house, left fingerprints, but claims innocence in the murder.

2. Inspector Kramer Brings the Heat

• Timestamps: 05:09–09:02
  • Inspector Kramer enters, searching for Willie Inch and the missing diamonds, suspecting Wolfe of being involved in hiding stolen goods.
  • Tensions rise as Kramer suggests Wolfe might be part of a conspiracy.
  • Notable Quotes:
    • “My theory is that both Wolf and you are receivers of stolen property and possibly guilty of murder conspiracy.” – Inspector Kramer [08:01]
  • Wolfe maintains his innocence, challenging the Inspector to search for the diamonds.

3. Questioning Anson Stark

• Timestamps: 09:02–10:36
  • Anson Stark, the man who discovered Mrs. March’s body, is questioned.
  • He claims ignorance about the diamonds' disappearance and insists the room light was on, a detail Wolfe is later skeptical about.
  • Stark’s background in electronics is subtly noted.

4. The Entrancing Valerie Ladd Appears

• Timestamps: 10:54–16:32
  • Valerie Ladd visits Wolfe under the pretense of being a writer for a profile on him.
  • Wolfe is suspicious; gives her a typist’s code (“QWERTYUIOP”) to test her claim of being a writer.
  • Valerie fails the test; Wolfe exposes her as a fraud.
  • Notable Quotes:
    • “It was a test and you flunked it, baby. You’re no writer.” – Archie Goodwin [17:18]
  • Valerie later admits she was at the party where Mrs. March died.

5. Archie Gets Played

• Timestamps: 18:26–20:49
  • Archie, entranced by Valerie, is duped. She vanishes during a dinner outing, taking his keys and money.
  • Memorable Exchange:
    • “She paid [the bill], sir… In fact, she said you gave her the money for it.” – Waiter [20:00]
    • “Well, I didn’t know it, but she is certainly right.” – Archie Goodwin [20:02]

6. Break-in at Wolfe's Office

• Timestamps: 21:12–22:11
  • Archie hears a noise at night, confronts an intruder (expecting just Valerie), and is knocked out from behind.
  • The office is ransacked; Nero Wolfe notes there must have been two intruders, as Valerie couldn't have overpowered Archie alone.

7. Wolfe’s Deductive Game with Inspector Kramer

• Timestamps: 23:01–24:23
  • Wolfe analyzes a floor plan and confirms with Kramer the thoroughness of the police search at Mrs. March’s house.

8. The Truth Revealed: The Light Bulb Ruse

• Timestamps: 25:25–27:20
  • Wolfe gathers all the suspects for a dramatic denouement.
  • He revisits the dilemma about the room’s lighting and questions Stark about a box he brought to the party.
  • Wolfe reveals Stark smuggled the diamonds out in a hollowed-out light bulb, replacing it in the lamp so police wouldn’t find it.
  • Notable Quotes:
    • “Mr. Stark, that box contained two parts of a light bulb and some adhesive... you strangled Mrs. March, put the diamonds into the light bulb... and screwed it into the lamp socket.” – Nero Wolfe [26:27]
    • “Really, Archie, it was quite simple. Light bulbs are only a stem, glass bowl, and a brass sheet; yet nobody, including the police, would think of looking inside one.” – Nero Wolfe [27:01]

9. Finale: Lessons and Laughter

• Timestamps: 27:10–27:57
  • Wolfe muses about Archie’s trust in women, comparing him humorously to Mark Antony and Samson.
  • The case closes with Wolfe asking for beer and Archie heading to bed, sporting a headache from his misadventure.

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “Did you ever hear of a sneak thief committing murder if it could possibly be avoided?” – Nero Wolfe [00:54]
• “It was a test and you flunked it, baby. You’re no writer.” – Archie Goodwin [17:18]
• “My theory is that both Wolf and you are receivers of stolen property and possibly guilty of murder conspiracy.” – Inspector Kramer [08:01]
• “Really, Archie, it was quite simple. Light bulbs are only a stem, glass bowl, and a brass sheet; yet nobody, including the police, would think of looking inside one.” – Nero Wolfe [27:01]
• “Why must you place such confidence in women? Remember what happened to Mark Antony and Samson... and Archie Goodwin.” – Nero Wolfe [27:30]

Important Timestamps

• Willie Inch’s Petty Crime Confession – [00:19–03:59]
• Inspector Kramer’s Confrontation – [05:09–09:02]
• Anson Stark’s Questioning – [09:02–10:36]
• Valerie Ladd’s Arrival and Exposure – [10:54–17:18]
• Archie Gets Duped at Dinner – [18:26–20:49]
• Office Break-In & Archie Knocked Out – [21:12–22:11]
• Wolfe’s Floor Plan Analysis with Kramer – [23:01–24:23]
• Culprit Revealed, The Light Bulb Scheme – [25:25–27:20]
• Closing Reflections – [27:10–27:57]

Tone & Original Voice

The episode is delivered in a sharp, witty, and rapid-fire style. Wolfe’s ponderous intellect is contrasted with Archie’s streetwise banter and endless flirtation with femme fatales. The repartee between detective and assistant is punctuated by dry humor, deadpan remarks, and the air of 1950s detective drama.

For Listeners New and Old

This episode exemplifies Nero Wolfe’s unique approach to detection: cerebral, theatrical, and layered with delicious dialogue. The “Disappearing Diamonds” caper is a classic twist-filled whodunit, made lively by memorable characters, clever puzzles, and the irresistible chemistry of Wolfe and Archie. Whether you know the Golden Age of Radio or not, it’s a sparkling listen!