Choice Classic Radio Detectives | Nero Wolfe: "The Slaughtered Santas" (12/22/1950)

Podcast: Choice Classic Radio Detectives
Episode: Nero Wolfe: The Slaughtered Santas
Date: December 30, 2025
Host: Choice Classic Radio

Overview

In this festive yet chilling mystery from the golden age of radio, detective Nero Wolfe and his witty assistant Archie Goodwin investigate a string of murders targeting men dressed as Santa Claus just days before Christmas. As the bodies accumulate, Wolfe and Goodwin work against time to unravel a clever scheme—one that hides motive beneath a veneer of holiday chaos and charity, threatening both a wealthy client and the spirit of the season.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Case Begins: Murdered Santas and a Frightened Visitor

• [01:22] Archie Goodwin receives a call from "Santa Claus" (John Barton), who arrives at Wolfe’s office fearing for his life.
• John Barton explains he has been playing Santa for the tuberculosis fund at a busy city intersection and claims someone is targeting Santas.
• Two Santas from the same intersection are already dead—one in a hit-and-run, another shot at home. Barton is convinced he is next.

Notable Quote:

“I have no time for the social graces, Mr. Wolfe. I'm about to be murdered.”
— John Barton ([06:39])

2. Wolfe's Approach: Safety and Investigation

• Wolfe insists Barton remain at his home for protection, refusing to take the case unless Barton complies.
• Archie is sent to the crime scene and to gather police information from Inspector Kramer, learning that both previous victims had no obvious connection except for their role as Santa.

Notable Quote:

“It is very easy to murder someone. Avoiding the consequences of such an action is something else again.”
— Nero Wolfe ([08:35])

3. The Suspects and Motives

• Archie visits Barton's home, meeting Laura (niece) and Wayne Stevens (half-brother). Both stand to inherit from Barton's estate.
• The butler, Pleasant, is suspiciously missing.
• Laura tracks Archie back to Wolfe’s home, revealing deep concern and a complicated relationship.

Notable Quote:

“How much money do you inherit on the death of your uncle?”
— Nero Wolfe, shocking Laura and drawing attention to motive ([18:16])

4. Twists and Disguises

• Barton vanishes from Wolfe’s protection, evidenced by Archie being knocked out.
• Inspector Kramer posits a bank robbery theory, suggesting the Santas may have witnessed a bank’s routines, making them targets.
• Wolfe sends Archie to retrieve a mysterious “coffee-loving friend” from the street—the supposed bum previously encountered.

Notable Quote:

“If you were very clever, you would hide it in a forest. If you wanted to hide a murder and were very clever, you'd adopt the same principle.”
— Nero Wolfe explains the ruse ([26:09])

5. The Reveal: Motive, Method, and the Real Barton

• Wolfe assembles Laura, Wayne, and the bum (who’d been requesting “two bits for coffee”) at his home.
• Wolfe deduces the two previous murders were committed to make Barton’s planned murder appear random, avoiding direct suspicion.
• Through logic and knowledge—such as who knew about Barton’s escape—Wolfe unmasks Wayne as the mastermind, having used the butler Pleasant as an accomplice. Stevens’ inside knowledge (without being told) betrays him.

Notable Quotes:

“It was Stevens who knew without being told that Barton had been in this house and had fled from it.”
— Nero Wolfe ([29:16])

“So it turns out I gave a quarter to a millionaire.”
— Archie Goodwin, after realizing the "bum" is actually Barton in disguise ([30:19])

6. Resolution & Epilogue

• The “bum” on the street is revealed as John Barton, hiding in plain sight and evading his would-be murderer.
• Wolfe explains that "Pleasant," the butler, posed as Barton to lure Wolfe into finding the real target for Wayne.
• With logic (and sharp questioning), Wolfe unravels the layered deception.
• Laura is exonerated, Wayne is in police custody, and Barton is safe.

Notable Quote:

“Not recognition, Mr. Barton. Logic.”
— Nero Wolfe ([30:32])

Memorable Moments & Quotes

• Comic Banter:
  “You'd make a wonderful Santa Claus. You got the perfect build for it. As for character…” — Archie Goodwin to Wolfe ([05:44])

• Archie’s Wit:
  “Prettiest butler I ever saw. Blonde. Now old Dr. Tidmouse always said beware of blondes…” — Archie ([15:00])

Important Segment Timestamps

• [01:22] – Introduction to the case: Santa Claus calls Nero Wolfe.
• [06:39] – Barton arrives, claims he's targeted for murder.
• [08:35] – Wolfe demands Barton stays put; outlines risk avoidance.
• [11:05] – Archie's scene with Inspector Kramer at police HQ.
• [12:50] – Archie's first encounter with Laura and Wayne at Barton’s home.
• [18:16] – Wolfe startles Laura with questions about her inheritance.
• [20:25] – Archie confronts Barton, who’s armed and then disappears.
• [22:12] – Inspector Kramer discusses the bank robbery theory.
• [23:38] – Archie brings the “bum” to Wolfe; confrontation begins.
• [26:01] – Wolfe’s ‘forest’ analogy reveals the murders’ true purpose.
• [29:16] – Wolfe pins key suspicion on Wayne Stevens.
• [30:19] – Archie realizes the “bum” is Barton himself.

Conclusion

This classic Nero Wolfe episode blends festive atmosphere with a tense, layered mystery. The plot uses clever misdirection—both narrative and literal disguise—to explore themes of greed, deception, and hiding evil “in plain sight,” culminating in Wolfe’s signature deductive triumph buoyed by Archie Goodwin’s streetwise humor.

Listeners enjoy the vintage interplay between master detective and street-smart assistant while appreciating the intricate narrative mechanics that still stand up as a shining example of old-time radio detective storytelling.