Pat Novak for Hire: Georgie Lampson 06/11/1949

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Choice Classic Radio Detectives – "Pat Novak for Hire: Georgie Lampson" (06/11/1949)

Podcast: Choice Classic Radio Detectives | Old Time Radio
Episode: Pat Novak for Hire: Georgie Lampson
Original Air Date: June 11, 1949
Summary Date: February 14, 2026

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Overview

This episode of "Pat Novak for Hire" plunges listeners into a classic noir mystery on San Francisco’s fog-drenched waterfront. Pat Novak, a cynically poetic boat rental operator, is hired for what seems an "easy" job escorting a mysterious woman to greet a ship. Instead, he careens into a deadly tangle of murder, revenge, family betrayal, and stolen emeralds — or so everyone thinks.

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Key Discussion Points & Plot Highlights

1. A Femme Fatale’s Favor & Trouble’s First Taste

• [02:51] Georgie Lampson emerges from Novak's darkened apartment, restarting an old flame and drawing him into a scheme involving her stepmother, Mrs. Sheila Lampson, and a ship called the SS Calcutta.
• [03:09] She insists it’s "easy business," needing Novak’s boat for a “welcoming committee” rendezvous with a package.
• [03:17] Novak’s skepticism oozes: "You pay and I'll do... unless he's after murder. Then the price gets out of range." (Pat Novak, [00:15])

2. Ambushed & Framed

• [04:40] Novak is knocked out and wakes beside Georgie — now battered — and a dead man.
• [06:01] Police Lieutenant Hellman arrives, finding Novak with incriminating evidence ("Your prints are all over it," [06:24]) and ready to pin the murder rap on him.

3. A Back-Alley City & a Tangled Backstory

• [07:46] Novak’s investigation reveals Professor Burton Lampson, recently murdered in Shanghai with rumored emeralds stolen, is Georgie’s father.
• [08:45] Hellman identifies the murdered man as "Warren Haynes, local socialite" ([08:48]), linked to the Lampson intrigue.

4. A Gunman Demands the 'Package'

• [09:26] A desperate stranger confronts Novak for the mysterious package, leading to another scuffle — and another body on Novak's floor ([09:34 – 10:00]).

5. Jocko Madigan — Drunken Detective Work

• [11:32] Novak turns to the ever-tipsy ex-doctor Jocko Madigan for help:
  • “You’re a pebble shaking a tiny fist at the mountain… But you can’t find anybody your size. Men are too small and gods are too big.” (Jocko, [12:26])
  • Jocko’s research unravels Sheila's scandalous past, the stolen emeralds, and familial strife.

6. Hospital & Family Secrets

• [15:39] Novak presses Georgie for the truth at the hospital. She’s evasive, despite the murder charge hovering over him.
• [16:56] Georgie disappears from the hospital, intensifying suspicion.

7. The Other Women — Sheila’s World

• [19:23] Novak’s search leads him to Sheila’s home, a party, and a brush with her sister’s drunken flirtation and her boyfriend ‘Mike’ — ending with a brawl ([20:59 – 21:07]).

8. The Truth Surfaces — Cat and Mouse Finale

• [23:17] A clue on a dead man links back to Captain Edward Small of the SS Calcutta.
• [24:54] In a tense showdown, Georgie, fueled by hate and grief, confronts Sheila with a gun:
  • "Those emeralds you've got... the ones he killed my father for—they were glass, Sheila. Ten-cent green glass. Do you hear, Sheila? Glass." (Georgie, [25:38])
• [26:06] Gunshots settle old scores. Sheila is dead, Georgie fatally wounded and regretful.

9. Aftermath: The Real Story & Unanswered Questions

• [26:40] Novak’s closing narration reveals the complicated, futile web spun by greed and revenge:
  • The "emeralds" were fakes.
  • The true conspirators fought each other for nothing.
  • Georgie’s thirst for revenge ultimately destroyed her.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the Rules of the Waterfront:
  • "If he's got an open wallet, then I'll match it with an open mind. Unless he's after murder. Then the price gets out of range."
    — Pat Novak ([00:15])
• Novak’s View of the City:
  • "Down here, you're either high on your toes or flat on your back... most of the time you get only one kind of pitch. Fast and inside."
    — Pat Novak ([00:15])
• Jocko’s Philosophy:
  • "You're a pebble shaking a tiny fist at the mountain... but you can't find anybody your size. Men are too small and the gods are too big."
    — Jocko Madigan ([12:26])
• On Revenge:
  • "How come a smart girl like Georgie bought something as stupid as revenge? I don't know. She was a lot better at a lot of other things."
    — Pat Novak ([29:10])

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Important Timestamps

• [02:51] — Georgie’s proposition
• [06:01] — Hellman pins Novak at the murder scene
• [07:46] — Discovery of Professor Lampson’s murder & the mythical emeralds
• [09:34] — Second murder in Novak’s apartment
• [11:32] — Jocko Madigan’s poetic drunk counsel
• [15:39] — Hospital confrontation with Georgie
• [19:23] — Encounter at Sheila's home
• [24:54] — Seacliff showdown: Georgie confronts Sheila
• [25:38] — Georgie reveals the emeralds are fake
• [26:40] — Closing narration

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Tone & Style

"Pat Novak for Hire" unspools its mystery with a snappy, hardboiled wit and metaphor-laden narration. Novak’s weary cynicism, Jocko’s drunken philosophy, and the sharp repartee between Novak and Hellman keep the episode brisk and biting — a perfect distillation of noir radio style.

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For New Listeners

This episode weaves foggy San Francisco atmosphere with classic noir tropes: sardonic narration, double-crossing dames, seedy crime, and hard truths glimmering dimly through a worn-out world. It's all held together by Pat Novak’s deadpan delivery and a supporting cast of flawed, memorable characters.

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Transcript

[Detective Hellman]

Most people would rather remove a nest of irate hornets than search for auto and home insurance. That's why the zebra searches for you. Comparing over 100 insurance companies to find savings no one else can Compare. [e-mail] I think I'll wait inside.

[Pat Novak]

Welcome to Choice Classic Radio where we bring to you the greatest old time radio shows like us on Facebook, subscribe to us on YouTube and thank you for donating at ChoiceClassicRadio.com Tap Novak or higher. Sure, I'm pat novak for hire. That's what the sign out in front of my office says. Pat Novak for hire. Oh sure, you can spell it 50 different ways. But down on the waterfront in San Francisco it all means the same thing. You pay and I'll do and the customer's always right. If he's got an open wallet, then I'll match it with an open mind. Unless he's after murder. Then the price gets out of range and down here you're either high on your toes or flat on your back. Because most of the time you get only one kind of pitch. Fast and inside. And you don't cry if you're foul because nobody cares. Even then you can't complain. During the summer, the morgue's the coolest spot in town. Oh, I rent boats, wrap up small sins and twenty dollar bills. The money's good when you get it, but there's no retirement plan and you can't buy vaccination for trouble. I found that out last Wednesday night. I closed up Shop about 8 o' clock and I started walking home. The city was down on its hands and knees trying to crawl through one of those San Francisco hot spells that blast by every five years from up on the hill. The Chinatown tenements lined up down below like sweaty little kids waiting for a shower. There was heat and headaches all the way. But when I opened my front door and stepped inside, who wanted to talk about the weather? She was standing in the dark, smoking a cigarette. And the silhouette or figure cut against the window was something you'd never believe. Then she reached over and turned on a lamp. It was a fast, dizzy trip, but when I got around to her eyes, they were the kind that made you think of hard working geysers, deep and warm. You knew you could count them from fast action when they came to a boil. The smile was familiar and the lips were red and moist like a souped up rose waiting for a bee. She did lots of nice things with her mouth and talking was one of them.

[Georgie Lampson]

Taxi. Welcome Home. It's been a long time.

[Pat Novak]

Yeah. It's good to see you, Georgie. What's on your mind, Patsy?

[Georgie Lampson]

Can't you ever take your time?

[Pat Novak]

It's not mine. It's borrowed. Anything special in mind?

[Georgie Lampson]

Easy business.

[Detective Hellman]

Got a drink?

[Pat Novak]

How easy?

[Detective Hellman]

Just about.

[Georgie Lampson]

Ride, you can't get hurt.

[Pat Novak]

That's what they told the Spanish Armada.

[Georgie Lampson]

Getting soft, Patsy?

[Pat Novak]

No, not in the head. Now, look, if it's work, let's talk. Otherwise, I should be cute, huh?

[Georgie Lampson]

All right, Patsy, the last time you saw me was a year ago. As far as you know, I'm not in town.

[Detective Hellman]

Fine.

[Pat Novak]

You tell me. Go on.

[Detective Hellman]

There's more.

[Georgie Lampson]

Not a freighter's due in here from Shanghai. The SS Calcutta. I want to be on the welcoming committee.

[Pat Novak]

Who says you can't?

[Georgie Lampson]

Nobody yet. But the ship's going to anchor in the stream. So I need a boat.

[Detective Hellman]

And I need you.

[Pat Novak]

I'm not the social type. I don't think I'll go.

[Georgie Lampson]

Believe me, Patsy, it's an easy trip.

[Pat Novak]

Soul's falling downstairs. Come on, let's deal or drink.

[Georgie Lampson]

All right, Patsy. My stepmother's going to meet the Calcutta, too.

[Pat Novak]

Who's she?

[Georgie Lampson]

Mrs. Sheila Lampson.

[Pat Novak]

She likes parties.

[Georgie Lampson]

She likes a package she's gonna get from somebody aboard the Calcutta.

[Pat Novak]

What's in it?

[Georgie Lampson]

That's her business. I just want to make sure she gets that package of store.

[Pat Novak]

All right. You in on it?

[Georgie Lampson]

She doesn't even know I'm in town.

[Pat Novak]

Who picks up the here?

[Georgie Lampson]

The $40 covers.

[Pat Novak]

It's too much for an easy job and not enough for a hard one. Where do I find you if I need bail?

[Georgie Lampson]

Just a phone number. You can call me there tomorrow. And Patsy, thanks. I don't forget easy.

[Pat Novak]

Why the rush, cuz?

[Georgie Lampson]

You scare me, Patsy. You really scare me. You remember the party, Betsy?

[Pat Novak]

Yeah. But memories are like everything else. They wear out.

[Georgie Lampson]

Then let's make some new ones, Patsy.

[Pat Novak]

A little later, I stood at the door and watched her move down the hall toward the stairs. The white dress she had on was plain enough, but it didn't have a mind of its own. It just did what it was told and tried to behave, but Georgie and nature wouldn't let it. There was only one catch in scene Georgie. She always left too soon like a small bottle of fine whiskey. Well, it must have been a good five minutes after she left when I heard the buzzer. I was looking for the white dress when I opened the door, but I was looking the wr. Something with an echo and it came down hard on the side of my head. I went down like mercury in a quick freeze. The trip wasn't nice, but it was long. Halfway there, I came up for breath, and I found the deck of one of my own boats under me. The bay bridge lights were still around, and that made it kind of cozy. When my eyes got in focus, the smooth looking bundle laid out next to me shaped up like Georgie Lampson. She wasn't looking her best. I had just enough time to remember a a pair of women's shoes standing next to my face. Then I must have moved, and they punched my ticket for a return trip. The next time I opened my eyes, I was looking up at the lights on Pier 19. The shoes were still there, but this time they were black and the feet inside squashed out wide and flat like tired beef steak. That meant only one thing. Hellman from homicide.

[Detective Hellman]

You can stop playing mouse, Novak. Get up.

[Pat Novak]

The party's over. Yeah, Helmet. I thought they'd never go home.

[Detective Hellman]

Your boyfriend here isn't talking bashful. Yeah, Novak. He's real shy.

[Pat Novak]

He's dead.

[Detective Hellman]

Who is he?

[Pat Novak]

That's what you get paid for. What about the girl that was here?

[Detective Hellman]

County hospital? You better pray she makes it, Novak.

[Pat Novak]

Because you like blonde, hellman?

[Detective Hellman]

Because nobody beats two murder raps, Novak.

[Pat Novak]

You talk funny.

[Detective Hellman]

So does this hunk of lead pipe. Your prints are all over it.

[Pat Novak]

What's that make me, a plumber?

[Detective Hellman]

Better than that, Novak. The pipe fits the dent in that guy's skull like a grew there.

[Pat Novak]

Well, maybe he's the plumber.

[Detective Hellman]

You're a smart Novak. Now, come on. Who's the guy, and who was the dame?

[Pat Novak]

He's Georgie Lampson. The guy I don't know will Novak.

[Detective Hellman]

We'll take care of that.

[Pat Novak]

Oh, you try hard, don't you, Hellman? You move your lips when you read. You use your fingers when you count, but you never get the right answer.

[Detective Hellman]

Don't tempt me, Novak. I'm not my cheery best in the morning.

[Pat Novak]

You don't have a best, Hellman. You tried thinking once, but it gave you a headache. Now when you get in a squeeze, you have to pound your way out with your fist.

[Detective Hellman]

I warned you, Novak. Now talk nice and save Keith.

[Pat Novak]

Yeah, I'll talk when that blonde tells her story.

[Detective Hellman]

If she makes a grade.

[Pat Novak]

How did she figure? She met me in my apartment last night on business. Five minutes after she left, the doorbell rang. When I answered it, somebody sat me. Now, you take it from there.

[Detective Hellman]

Yeah, I will. Write to the d. A.

[Pat Novak]

Go ahead, Hellman, but don't look Hurt when the case blows up in your face.

[Detective Hellman]

You're giving odds.

[Pat Novak]

That's all I'm giving, Hellman. You figure it. I took the gallon. This girl I don't even know for a ride at 3 in the morning. We had a party and I killed a guy. But the gal, I only messed up good because I like the way she talks.

[Detective Hellman]

You sound scared. No.

[Pat Novak]

Well, I'm not, Hellman, but you are. Because it doesn't add. Why did I beat my skull with that same hunk of pipe? And how did I drive back here to meet you?

[Detective Hellman]

Keep your mouth open.

[Pat Novak]

Crack.

[Detective Hellman]

Smart boy. They got a little green room up at San Quentin. Gets awful stuffy when they close the door.

[Pat Novak]

Well, after I left Helman, I figured I'd had a bumper trop of trouble for one day. The sun was just beginning to stagger up over the Berkeley hills when I caught a cab uptown. On the way, I stopped off for coffee and a 6am Chronicle at 1 of the little Greek joints off Geary Street. The windows were blind with grease and the light was bad, but the reading was money from home. The story made me stop counting the lumps on my head. Professor Burton Lampson had gotten himself murdered in the Shanghai hotel room a month ago and they were sending his body back on the SS Calcutta. It was due to anchor in the bay that night like Georgie said, but the shipping page didn't agree. The Calcutta was listed inside the gate at 7:30 the night before. How did that check out? What about that package that had everybody worried? Well, when I got back to my apartment, I called the hospital to check on Georgie. They were still giving odds. The long, thin kind. A little later, I was in the middle of a cold shower adding up rows of zeros and getting different answers every round when the phone rang. It was Hellman. And he was selling nothing but smiles.

[Detective Hellman]

You feeling any better, Novak?

[Pat Novak]

Oh, don't tell me you're worried.

[Detective Hellman]

We just identified the dead guy. His name's Warren Haynes, local socialite. You know him?

[Pat Novak]

Yeah, I'm an old friend of the family.

[Detective Hellman]

The guy's from one of the old families in town. The important kind.

[Pat Novak]

His blood wasn't blue.

[Detective Hellman]

No, but we are. We're feeling the pressure already. So I'm calling you in today for a little talk.

[Pat Novak]

That's a great job, Hellman. You keep out on smacking your fat lips because you're gonna get more answers than questions.

[Detective Hellman]

That's funny, Novak. I didn't think you knew the difference.

[Pat Novak]

When I hung up the phone, I was seeing more Red than the bleachers at a bull fighting. I probably would have walked right by him if he didn't open his mouth. Even then, it wasn't much more than a loud squeak. He was a skinny guy standing against the door with a half smile twisting his mouth and a bright, wild look in his eyes.

[Detective Hellman]

You seem disturbed, Mr. Novak.

[Pat Novak]

Where's your invitation, mister?

[Detective Hellman]

This should prove sufficient, Mr. Novak.

[Pat Novak]

All right, so you want a gun. What happens now?

[Detective Hellman]

Now, Mr. Novak, I use the gun.

[Pat Novak]

Unless you hand over the package. Sorry, mister. You're in the wrong laundry.

[Detective Hellman]

Mr. Novak, I've been crossed once today. I don't intend it should happen twice. The package.

[Pat Novak]

Now, look, you. I'm going to spell it again. I don't know what you're talking about. And I take that can on your pointing. And I think you realize I'm about.

[Detective Hellman]

To use this gun, Mr. Noveck, for the last time.

[Pat Novak]

All right, all right. You'll find it right over there. Now, here. Right next to. Now, come on, give me that gun before somebody gets hurt. He stood there for a minute, shaking his head as if he wanted to go back and wipe five minutes from his life. All of a sudden, he jerked around on his tracks and he stumbled for the door like a timid drunk when you tell him he's had enough. Then he folded up hard against the wall on his knees. But it was a little too late for prayers. I stood there for a minute, trying to think of a good lawyer who owed me money. But all I could see was a courtroom and a picture of Hellman smiling as he listened to the verdict. Well, accident or not, if Hellman dropped in with a body on the floor, he'd bury me so deep in San Quentin they'd be bringing me air in paper bags. When the knot in my stomach untied, I dragged the little guy away from the door and I rolled him on his back. His eyes were still asking for the package, but the rest of them didn't care. Outside of a few bucks, his wallet was empty. Not even a laundry tag. Well, I got dressed and I pulled the blinds and locked the place up. Then I went out to look for the only honest guy I know, an ex doctor by the name of Jocko Madigan, who was a fine surgeon till something made him decide life was temporary at best. Now he's got a permanent post on a bar stool looking for answers at the bottom of whiskey bottles. It's hard on the liver that way, but you're never short on dreams. I finally found him with a bourbon halo And a musty little Italian joint over in North Beach. It was a long stretch from Easter Monday, but he was still celebrating Irish independence. He looked like he was on the wrong side because his nose was a bright orange.

[Detective Hellman]

Ah, Patsy, my boy, you're just in time. These simple but honest Sicilians have agreed to embark with me on a crusade. And as honorary past president of the sons of St Patrick the power Street Chapter, I invite you to join us.

[Pat Novak]

Come on, Jacko, sober up. I got to talk to you.

[Detective Hellman]

To fittingly observe the occasion of Old A's joyful victory, we're first fortifying ourselves with Grappa and Bushmills. Then we sally forth to chase all the snakes out of Long beach and the cockroaches out of Chinatown. How does that strike you, Patsy? And why aren't you smiling? Tis a glorious day.

[Pat Novak]

Because I'm in a jam and I want to talk, Jocko.

[Detective Hellman]

Now cut it. Oh, Patsy, you remind me of that devil era fellow. You're sitting on the curb and pouting just because they won't let you march in front of the band in the victory parade. You're sour, Patsy. Admit it.

[Pat Novak]

Jocko, will you snap out of it? I'm in big trouble.

[Detective Hellman]

You're always in trouble, Patsy. You're a child of adversity, a son of scorn. The fates spit in your eye and you try to retaliate, but the wind's always blowing in the wrong direction. You're a lost leap in the mortal storm, Patsy. You're a pebble shaking a tiny fist at the mountain. You would like to fight for some strange, fantastic cause, wouldn't you, Patsy? But you can't find anybody your size. Men are too small and the gods are too big. Patsy, you're lost.

[Pat Novak]

Are you all through?

[Georgie Lampson]

Yeah.

[Detective Hellman]

What kind of trouble?

[Pat Novak]

The pair of bum murder wraps? Jocko, somebody sat me in my apartment last night and I woke up to morning with a dead guy.

[Detective Hellman]

That sounds interesting. What was it you were drinking?

[Pat Novak]

Hellman got to pin this on me?

[Detective Hellman]

Oh, a dubious honor. You mentioned two murders.

[Pat Novak]

A guy came in my apartment this morning waving a gun and asking for a package that I never heard of. We started wrestling for the gun.

[Detective Hellman]

Mildly exciting. Who got it?

[Pat Novak]

He did. Right in the chest.

[Detective Hellman]

Patsy, you have absolutely no excuse for losing your temper. Why, you're not even Irish. Still, you're always getting hot headed at the wrong time.

[Pat Novak]

It was an accident, Jocko. I didn't even know the guy. I'm sorry, but I can't cry.

[Detective Hellman]

Sure, that's what the British General said after he hung Robert Emmett at the dock. But he didn't straighten out the Marcel in his neck. What are you doing out of jail?

[Pat Novak]

You knock it off, Jocko. Now, look, did you ever hear of a Mrs. Sheila Lanson?

[Detective Hellman]

Certainly, and I'm very offended with her. In the past year, she set up drinks for every eligible and non eligible in San Francisco.

[Pat Novak]

Except that sounds good. What else?

[Detective Hellman]

Not much. But I often wonder what that poor old professor she married does with his evening.

[Pat Novak]

He. Stop worrying, Jocko. He's dead. Now, look, will you hop down to the Chronicle? Morgan, check with Steve Nagel. Have him dig out all the old clips on the professor and Mrs. Lampson, will you? And while you're there, check on a guy by the name of Warren Haynes. You got that?

[Detective Hellman]

Yes, but what do I do for money?

[Pat Novak]

Half a buck for car fare and nothing for booze.

[Detective Hellman]

Pepsi, surely. You're jesty.

[Pat Novak]

Will you quit clowning and get going?

[Detective Hellman]

You say so, Patsy, but you've broken up a beautiful party. My Sicilian friends have gone to sleep and I'm thirsty again. Let's have four or five for the road, shall we?

[Pat Novak]

Later, Jocko.

[Detective Hellman]

Oh, all right, Patsy, but only for you. By the way, where can I find you?

[Pat Novak]

I'm gonna tag by the county hospital and then I'm gonna look up Sheila Lanson.

[Detective Hellman]

If I remember the story correctly, Patsy, you'd better reverse your schedule. Good night.

[Pat Novak]

When I left Jocko, I tagged by Mama Lupo's on Kearney street and I called the hospital again. Oh, Georgie was a little better. At least the undertakers had stopped bidding. Mama Lupo clouded up for a storm when I asked to borrow her new car for a couple of hours. But a few pats and a pinch and she was all giggles and car keys. Ten minutes later, I was fighting traffic on Potrero Avenue. The south wind out there brought the slaughterhouses right into your front seat. I found the hospital out on the far edge and it was a nice looking pile of dirty red brick. The nurse in the ward didn't believe I was Georgie's brother until I asked her if she was busy Saturday night. Then she saw the resemblance right away. I found Georgie behind a couple of screens at the end of the ward. For a dying woman, she looked pretty good. She smiled a little when she saw me, like she was saving up for a bigger try later on.

[Georgie Lampson]

Patsy, I'm glad you made it.

[Pat Novak]

Look, I'm gonna keep it short, baby. Who was it last night?

[Georgie Lampson]

Sorry, Patsy. Big deal.

[Pat Novak]

You can't tell her you won't Can't, Fancy.

[Georgie Lampson]

Later. I will.

[Pat Novak]

And that package. Same deal?

[Georgie Lampson]

Same.

[Pat Novak]

Well, I got a deal too, Jordy. A murder rap. They want to hang it on me.

[Georgie Lampson]

Who was it?

[Pat Novak]

Warren Haynes. Do you know him?

[Georgie Lampson]

I remember.

[Pat Novak]

Good corpse. Look, you're slicing an awful thin for 40 bucks. Georgie.

[Georgie Lampson]

Patsy. Patsy, trust me.

[Pat Novak]

No choice, baby. You're driving. Don't go through any red lights.

[Georgie Lampson]

I won't. Telephone, Mr. Novak. I said it was urgent.

[Pat Novak]

That's it, Georgie. I'll see you later. Yeah.

[Detective Hellman]

Having a good time, Novak?

[Pat Novak]

You know any phone numbers besides mine, Hellman?

[Detective Hellman]

Not today, bright boy. You near a streetcar, or do I send a chauffeur?

[Pat Novak]

What's your beef?

[Detective Hellman]

Our beef, Novak. We'd like it fine if you paid us a visit real soon.

[Pat Novak]

Sorry, Hellman.

[Detective Hellman]

Book. Solid command performance, Novak. I wouldn't disappoint.

[Pat Novak]

What's the matter, Hellman? You want it in blood? I told you, I don't know anything about last night. I never saw Hanes before.

[Detective Hellman]

You got me wrong, Novak. This one's about a knife. We just found it in your office down on the waterfront.

[Pat Novak]

It's fine. Peel yourself an apple and keep busy.

[Detective Hellman]

You better come down, Novak. I found the knife in some guy's back.

[Pat Novak]

Houdini couldn't get out of that one in two hours with both hands. And a can of olive oil was like chasing cyanide with a bucket of brandy. Well, it tastes bright, but it's only a matter of time. Well, I headed for Sheila Lampson's place, and on the way, I pulled up by a drugstore out in the Haight street jungles and called the Chronicle morgue. They said Jocko had just left. So I called the nearest bar and asked if they had a customer with a bright orange nose. They did.

[Detective Hellman]

Jocko Madigan speaking.

[Pat Novak]

Jocko, this is Novak. What'd you find out?

[Georgie Lampson]

Ah, Patsy.

[Detective Hellman]

Just enjoying a small refresher after some very excellent reading. For instance, Sheila Howard Drum, sir. She started seeing the professor back in 46. There was a scandal, the nasty kind. And the professor's first wife, Barbara, jumped off the bridge. The Bay Bridge?

[Pat Novak]

Yeah. Go on.

[Detective Hellman]

A month after she married the professor, Sheila was mentioned in every gossip column in town. So the professor took off on a.

[Georgie Lampson]

Scientific trip to China.

[Detective Hellman]

A month ago, he was murdered in a Shanghai hotel and a hatful of emeralds was stolen. The authorities figured that the murder was premature.

[Pat Novak]

What do you mean?

[Detective Hellman]

Well, the professor had had three major operations. And at the time of the murder, he had less than a week to go.

[Pat Novak]

What About Haynes.

[Detective Hellman]

Haines is one of those black sheep that wealthy families have cut off without a penny. He's one of Sheila Lampson's escorts and he's now on his way back from the Orient on the SS Calcutta. Anything else, Jocko?

[Pat Novak]

Like a kiss?

[Detective Hellman]

You, Patsy, you stick to your line and I'll stick to mine.

[Pat Novak]

Well, the puzzle was still a sack full of holes and question marks. But at least Jocko's leads had a little juice in them. I found the Lampson house in the best part of the Sea Cliff district. It was one of those big nervous joints hanging by its shutters to the side of a steep drop that slid down sharp into the all green trim and stucco the color of mortgages. The front doorbell was wearing out in my hand when the maid showed up. And then she was tongue tied. She didn't know a thing except good money when it was offered. Then she told me I'd find Mrs. Lampson in the second floor sitting room. She went away. I found the sitting room all right, but Mrs. Lamson wasn't there. So I followed on through till I came to a bedroom with a bright red ceiling. And I lived in feeling. Reminded you of something Henry VIII might order for a bridal suite. She was sitting next to the couch holding a martini and making noises like a leopard on a honeymoon. Hello.

[Georgie Lampson]

Don't call me baby.

[Pat Novak]

Yeah. You always wear handkerchiefs to parties?

[Georgie Lampson]

Save time dressing. You're nice. Have a drink.

[Pat Novak]

I'll fix them.

[Georgie Lampson]

Oh, you are nice. What's your name?

[Pat Novak]

Novak. What's yours?

[Georgie Lampson]

Bindy.

[Pat Novak]

Got a name or a game?

[Georgie Lampson]

You're just like Mike. He's my new boyfriend.

[Pat Novak]

Miss his night off?

[Georgie Lampson]

Oh, no. You just went downstairs for a minute. Hey, you fix a nice drink, Mr. Novak.

[Detective Hellman]

Warm?

[Pat Novak]

Yeah. You got a fever or something?

[Georgie Lampson]

No. Must be the weather, Mr. Novak. You fermented?

[Pat Novak]

You're a big spender, aren't you? What do I do when Mike walks in? Smile?

[Georgie Lampson]

Oh, Mike's broad minded.

[Pat Novak]

How about Sheila?

[Georgie Lampson]

You fix a good drink, Mr. Novak. He asks a lot of questions, too.

[Pat Novak]

Yeah, well, that's because I like answers. Now, what about Sheila?

[Georgie Lampson]

Hey, you're gonna get rough. I'll call mine.

[Pat Novak]

All right, all right.

[Georgie Lampson]

I'm Sheila's sister. And it's much better when you're nice to me.

[Pat Novak]

All right, then let's start being nice.

[Georgie Lampson]

Mr. Novak. What was that for?

[Pat Novak]

I'm a big spender too. Here, have another drink.

[Georgie Lampson]

I think maybe I'll have another. You, Mr. Novak? Got Mike coming upstairs?

[Pat Novak]

Could be, baby. Now come On. Where's Sheila?

[Georgie Lampson]

Oh, Sheila, Sheila. Who cares? She's downtown. Anyway, she won't know. Sheila. Hey, where are you going?

[Pat Novak]

Sorry, baby, I got a date.

[Detective Hellman]

I'm not busy. Well, I do.

[Georgie Lampson]

Don't let him leave, Mike.

[Detective Hellman]

He does. He's gonna walk through me.

[Pat Novak]

I'm sorry, baby, he's not my type. Mike was a tall, wide package, so I gave him a bargain offer. He didn't fold after two, but he had a kind of hurt look in his eye when I hit him the third time, like I didn't know he could take a hint. When he wound up and hit the floor, every window in the house rattled and I figured the Berkeley seismograph got a cheap thrill. I made it as far as the front door when I heard a car pull up in the driveway. When I got to the window, a dame and a guy were getting out of a new Nash and heading for the door. The guy was a middle class gunful, but if the gal was Sheila Lamson, she made nice opposition. Well, I couldn't wait around to see. I finally managed to make my apartment without having one of Hellman's men pick me up. And when I got in, Jocko was just pouring himself another glass of Green Dreams and posing in the mirror like a man of distinction. The stiff was still there on the floor next to a glass of ice water.

[Detective Hellman]

Patsy, I don't approve of your choice of party guests.

[Pat Novak]

The guy's dead, Jocko.

[Detective Hellman]

Oh, well, in that case, I'll overlook it. This is the friend you were telling me about. When are you due at the gas chamber, Patsy?

[Pat Novak]

Any phone calls?

[Detective Hellman]

Now that you mention it, yes. Hellman regularly on the quarter hour. Not very coherent, but I got the idea he's looking for you. Also a call from the hospital. They wanted to know the whereabouts of a Miss Georgie Lamson.

[Pat Novak]

What do you mean?

[Detective Hellman]

She disappeared a few hours ago from one of their wards. Patsy, you look worried. Perhaps a sampling of this delicate dollar ambrosia would help.

[Pat Novak]

Try it now. Thanks.

[Detective Hellman]

Suit yourself, Patsy. Myself, I'm an old subscriber to the Socrates plan of self destruction. If you want it done right, do it yourself. By the way, have you noticed our friend's hands lately?

[Pat Novak]

Huh?

[Detective Hellman]

It looks like he's entertaining a scrap of paper in his right hand.

[Pat Novak]

Yeah, I see it. Oh, let me see.

[Detective Hellman]

He seems kind of stingy with it, doesn't he?

[Pat Novak]

Yeah. There, I got it.

[Detective Hellman]

Oh, an old envelope. Not even a coded letter to puzzle over.

[Pat Novak]

I'll settle for the address. Jocko, take a look.

[Detective Hellman]

Captain Edward Small, SS Calcutta, Paramount Line, Shanghai. Well, that's nice. Shall we have another drink?

[Pat Novak]

Later, Jocko. Right now, we haven't got the time.

[Detective Hellman]

That's who I think it is, Patchy. You're going to have lots of time. I'll just whip up a short one.

[Pat Novak]

Novak talking.

[Detective Hellman]

Listen, smart boy, and listen hard.

[Pat Novak]

This is for the last time.

[Detective Hellman]

You check in here in 10 minutes or I'll send out an all points dead or alive. Novak.

[Pat Novak]

All right, Hellman. There's a dead guy here in my apartment right now. His name's Captain Edward Small off the Calcutta.

[Detective Hellman]

I don't need any more bodies, Novak. I can hang you twice with what I got.

[Pat Novak]

All right, copper. But if you want your picture in the paper tomorrow, you can meet me out in sea clip in 15 minutes. 48 Camino Drive. When I hung up the phone, most of the puzzle straightened out like wet wash in a dry wind. Now, there's one thing you can count on when you bet on miracles. You buy a ticket straight through. I finally pulled up at the Lampson place and I started looking around for Hellman. The joint looked about as crowded as a Kremlin breakfast for Senator Taft. I was taking a fast check, trying to figure how far they could have gone. When Hellman fought his way through the box hedge by the driveway. We circled down behind the garage and around and back of the house. We just made it in time for the curtain scene. Sheila Lampson was backing down slow toward the seawall. Waving her arms in the air and begging every inch of the way. And Georgie stumbled after her like the avenging angel. And she had a gun. She had a coat tossed over her hospital gown. And the look in her eyes told the whole story. Tears and hate and lots of both.

[Georgie Lampson]

No, B. No. You've got a.

[Detective Hellman]

Stop.

[Georgie Lampson]

She's crazy. She wanted to kill me.

[Pat Novak]

What's so crazy about that?

[Georgie Lampson]

You're sweet, Patty, but you weren't bited. Don't get too close to the animal.

[Pat Novak]

It's your gun, Georgie. Don't let it hang you. This is Hellman from Homicide.

[Georgie Lampson]

No good, Patsy. This one's for me, isn't it, Sheila? Isn't it for me? Please, Georgie, don't nobody stop her.

[Detective Hellman]

All right, girls, let's break it up. Be good, copper.

[Georgie Lampson]

You, too, Patsy.

[Pat Novak]

It's your neck. It won't look good, Stretch.

[Georgie Lampson]

Please, Georgie. Don't eat that, Sheila. Not yet. First I want to tell you how clever you are. How sweet you looked at my mother's funeral. How you ruined my father. How to screech with other men. Sheila. Hero is magnificent. Georgie, please. I didn't know, Georgie. I didn't know it.

[Pat Novak]

I swear.

[Georgie Lampson]

I'll make it up to you. Please. One other thing, Sheila. Listen to me, Sheila. Those emeralds you've got, the ones you sent Haynes to Shanghai for. The ones he killed my father for. They were glass, Sheila. 10 cent green. Glass. Do you hear Sheila?

[Pat Novak]

Glass.

[Georgie Lampson]

Please, Georgie. Please.

[Pat Novak]

Georgie.

[Detective Hellman]

Watcher.

[Pat Novak]

Teela's got a gun.

[Georgie Lampson]

Patsy.

[Pat Novak]

Take it easy baby. You got a long trip. She's dead, isn't she?

[Georgie Lampson]

Patsy? She's dead.

[Pat Novak]

She didn't die, baby. With that much lead she sank. It burns, Patsy.

[Detective Hellman]

It burns.

[Pat Novak]

Little cool. The fog's starting to come in.

[Georgie Lampson]

Remember the party, Ben?

[Pat Novak]

Yeah, I remember.

[Georgie Lampson]

Then say it, Ben. Please say it now. Say it.

[Pat Novak]

Yeah, Georgie. I'd say it but you're not listening. We found a letter in Georgie's coat pocket that told most of the story. And then Hellman grabbed Mike and Sheila's sister and sweated the rest out of them. It wasn't a pretty story, but it moved. When Sheila spent the professor bro and we checked out over in China. Georgie decided to blow the whistle on her. She made up that phony yarn about the emeralds and then she let Haines murder her father and walk off with him. They were glass to make it look good. Haines played pallbearer and took the boat back with the body. But not before Georgie tipped the captain and the first mate about that sack of emeralds Haynes was supposed to have. So they went to work, they robbed Haines and and planted a fake for a fake. It was a real cat and mouse game. Georgie only made one mistake. But sometimes that's all it takes. She flew back here a few days before the Calcutta got in so that she could be around for the payoff. One of Sheila's pals must have spotted her and trailed her to my place. And then the sapping started. That was the same night the Calcutta got in. And people started checking packages and pulling triggers. When Sheila found her package was a fake, she figured Haines was being cute so he got it first. And then she went out after that original fake. She tried to double up and hang Haines body on me and get rid of Georgie at the same time. But Georgie didn't die easy. I don't know how the captain got onto me. Probably through Sheila. But her dental friends took care of the first mate with a knife when he got anxious. Well, when the dust lifted and they counted cold noses it was a real devil's game. Wherever he was, Georgie's old man must have been holding his sides and rolling in the aisles. Yeah, a real plum. And Sheila found out when you get close enough to the seed, the taste gets bitter. Well, Hellman, that's only one question. How come a smart girl like Georgie bought something as stupid as revenge? I don't know. She was a lot better at a lot of other things.

[Detective Hellman]

Last included lois andrews, steve brody, herbert lytton, jerry hausner, ivan dickmars, ray erlenborn and hal sawyer. This is a larry finley transcription brought to you from hollywood.