Richard Diamond, Private Detective: The Bogus Bills Case 10/15/1949

Summary

Podcast Summary:

Choice Classic Radio Detectives | Old Time Radio
Episode: Richard Diamond, Private Detective: The Bogus Bills Case (10/15/1949)
Date Aired: February 9, 2026 (Rebroadcast by Choice Classic Radio)
Original Language/Style: Hardboiled, witty, with noir banter and humor

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Episode Overview

In this classic episode of Richard Diamond, Private Detective, Dick Powell’s wisecracking gumshoe is drawn into a counterfeit money scheme when a newsboy friend gets tricked with a fake $5 bill. The case escalates as Diamond uncovers a connection between a neighborhood bar, an ice cream parlor, and a notorious ex-con known for counterfeiting operations. The tale blends suspense, humor, and the affable rapport between Diamond and supporting characters, all set against the hustle of New York’s streets.

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Key Discussion Points & Plot Beats

1. Diamond’s Introduction & A New Case Begins

• Setting the Stage: Diamond introduces himself with sardonic flair, describing his line of work and respect for “old man trouble.”
  • “If you come up with something unusual, a new kind of trouble, drop around and see me.” (00:50)
• Inciting Incident: Diamond stops at the local newsstand, chats with young Jeff the newsboy, and they head for ice cream at Mary Lou’s.
  • Jeff inadvertently receives a counterfeit $5 bill as payment.

2. Encounter with Counterfeit Money

• Identification of Counterfeit: Diamond recognizes the fake bill immediately.
  • “Well, this Finn's counterfeit...One of the best engraving jobs I’ve ever run across.” – Diamond (03:54)
• Jeff’s Disappointment: Jeff refuses Diamond’s offer to reimburse him, unwilling to be “bailed out” for his mistake.
  • “You only learn by mistakes. I made a big one, so I'm out five. I'll get along.” – Jeff (04:29)

3. Investigation Kicks Off

• Fifth Precinct Visit: Diamond checks in with Lieutenant Walt Levinson, whose banter matches Diamond’s humor.
  • Memorable repartee about homicide and coroner routines.
  • “There ain’t gonna be any rough stuff in my joint, so you better relax, Sonny!” – Bar Owner (09:30)
• Tip From Jeff: Jeff spots the man who passed him the fake bill entering a nearby bar, alerting Diamond.
  • Diamond follows up, encouraging Jeff’s involvement while cautioning him not to take risks. (05:05, 08:25)

4. The Counterfeit Ring Connection

• Confrontation in the Bar: Diamond confronts “Walker,” the suspect, but the situation turns hostile and Walker flees.
• Trail Leads to a Gambling Den: Diamond tails Walker, ending up in a backroom gambling operation where counterfeit money is used to pay winners.
  • “Pay the winner off with counterfeit. I think we better go back to my office.” – Walker (10:20)

5. The Tables Turn

• Desk-struggle Showdown: Diamond ingeniously pins Walker with a desk, trying to force a confession about the mastermind behind the counterfeiting.
  • “If I mash you any more, they’ll be able to use you for wallpaper.” – Diamond (14:01)
• Sudden Murder: As Walker’s about to reveal the big boss, he’s shot through the window, dying instantly.
  • “He died with his head rolled back and his eyes staring up like he wanted to starve for trying.” (14:45)

6. Mary Lou’s Involvement & the Hidden Presses

• Leads to Dad Foster: Lieutenant Walt mentions “Dad Foster,” an ex-con and former counterfeiter, now running a saloon next to Mary Lou’s ice cream shop.
• Jeff in Danger: Overhearing suspicious talk at the ice cream parlor, Jeff realizes the involvement of the bartender and Mary Lou in the crime. He tries to alert Diamond but is caught and tied up.

7. Diamond Confronts the Villains

• Diamond Faces Dad Foster: In the bar, “Dad” Foster pulls a gun on Diamond, concealing the counterfeiting operation behind the ice cream parlor.
  • “You see that door there in the back?...Keep walking along your side of the bar and don’t try anything. I just had my floor scrubbed; it’d be a shame to spill you all over.” – Foster (21:00)
• Revelation: The operation's cover is exposed—presses disguised as ice cream machines, fake bills shipped in ice cream cartons.

8. The Climax & Rescue

• Alley Showdown: Diamond is led outside at gunpoint, but the police arrive in the nick of time.
  • “Lieutenant. Walt. Get the girl…You got him, Rick. He won’t play.” (23:03)
• Villains Captured: Dad Foster and Mary Lou are apprehended. Jeff is rescued from the closet unharmed.

9. Light-hearted Epilogue

• Celebratory Dinner: Diamond takes Jeff to dinner at Helen Asher's, his romantic interest. Francis, Helen’s butler, provides further comic relief.
  • “She thinks I'm an undercover agent, and I'm afraid I'm going to have to prove it.” – Francis (24:50)
• A Song for Supper: Diamond croons “You're Breaking My Heart” for his supper, sustaining the show’s trademark blend of action and charm.
  • “You’re breaking my heart, ’cause you’re leaving…” – Diamond (26:21+)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Diamond’s Office Philosophy: “It’s like a penny getting lost in a gum machine.” (02:10)
• Detective Banter:
  • “If you want to see the lieutenant, go on in.” – Otis
  • “Thank you, Sergeant…Until we meet again.” – Diamond (05:37)
• On Jeff’s Pluck:
  • “You only learn by mistakes. I made a big one, so I'm out five. I'll get along.” – Jeff (04:29)
• On Counterfeiters:
  • “Pay the winner off with counterfeit. I think we better go back to my office.” – Walker (10:20)
• Desk Maneuver:
  • “If I mash you anymore, they’ll be able to use you for wallpaper.” – Diamond (14:01)
• Walker's Death:
  • “He died with his head rolled back and his eyes staring up like he wanted to starve for trying.” (14:45)
• Foster's Threat:
  • “I just had my floor scrubbed. It’d be a shame to spill you all over.” – Dad Foster (20:58)
• Comic Close:
  • “You get two desserts.” – Diamond to Jeff (28:05)

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Important Timestamps

| Timestamp | Event/Dialogue |
|-----------|----------------|
| 00:50 | Diamond’s introduction to his “trouble” business | | 03:54 | Diamond identifies the counterfeit bill | | 05:05 | Diamond warns Jeff not to act alone | | 08:25 | Jeff tips Diamond about the suspect’s location | | 10:20 | Walker forced to discuss the counterfeit operation | | 14:01 | Diamond confronts Walker, uses the desk trick | | 14:45 | Walker is shot while confessing | | 16:25 | Jeff is instructed to watch the saloon, then captured | | 20:58 | Foster menaces Diamond at gunpoint | | 23:03 | Police arrive, villains apprehended | | 25:26 | Jeff joins Diamond at Helen’s for dinner | | 26:21 | Diamond sings “You’re Breaking My Heart” |

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Summary Flow & Tone

This episode is a quintessential slice of mid-century radio noir, balancing suspenseful detective work with a light touch of humor and endearing camaraderie. The narrative is brisk, laced with snappy dialogue, dry wit, and urban cleverness. Diamond’s rapport with Jeff, Walt, Francis, and even his antagonists, infuses the episode with warmth and personality, making it engaging for listeners old and new. The episode delivers action-packed mystery but always circles back to levity—a hallmark of the Richard Diamond series.

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For new listeners:
Even if you’re unfamiliar with Richard Diamond, this episode is rich in character and atmosphere, providing a full detective story with all the twists, turns, wisecracks, and an ending tune that defines the Golden Age of Radio's detective genre.

Transcript

[A]

Welcome to Choice Classic Radio, where we bring to you the greatest old time radio shows, like us on Facebook, subscribe to us on YouTube and thank you for [e-mail]. Here's Dick Powell as Richard diamond, private detective. Hello there. This is Diamond. I've got a little office near 53rd street on Broadway, 8th floor. My business trouble. What kind of trouble? Well, take your pick. If you come up with something unusual, a new kind of trouble, drop around and see me. Because I'm known along the big street as a shamus, a gumshoe, or to the guy on Park Avenue as a private detective. If you happen to be stuck with your problem for $100 a day in expenses, I'll chase it around until I can catch up and break its back. I average about 20 fast rounds a week with old man trouble, and so far the decision's been on my side. But don't misunderstand me. It's my business to beat him, but I respect him. Trouble goes to work with every trick in the book, so I play it the same way. And believe me, when I put him away for the count, I don't clap my little hands in glee. I know he's just taking a rest and he'll be back again with some new stunts. Wanna know how he works? Well, the other day I was on the way to my office. I stopped at The Corner Newsstand, 53rd and Broadway, to buy a paper and to say hello to an old friend.

[B]

Hi, Mr. Diamond.

[A]

Well, hello, Jeff. How's the newspaper business? Swell.

[B]

How's the detective racket?

[A]

Oh, swell.

[B]

Hey, you don't sound too happy, Jeff.

[A]

I couldn't be happier if my hair was on fire. Take my advice, son. When you grow up, be sure and get a job that pays off every week in that little white envelope. Don't ever become a private detective. It's like a penny getting lost in a gun machine.

[B]

I'm going to stick to the newspaper business.

[A]

Good for you.

[B]

So, say, I was just about to go across the street to Mary Lou's and get some ice cream. How about it? Can I buy you a cone?

[A]

Now, that is a beautiful idea. Let's go.

[B]

Aren't you coming to work a little late, Mr. Diamond?

[A]

Well, you see, Jeff, I was up kind of late. Research, you know.

[B]

Yeah, I know. I see him going into your office all the time. That blonde last week stopped traffic all the way to 42nd Street.

[A]

Yeah, she was lovely. Got tired of social standards and shot her husband right through his morning cup of coffee.

[B]

Was that the one in the headlines?

[A]

That's the one.

[B]

Hi, Mary Lou.

[A]

Hello.

[B]

Take a seat, Mr. Diamond. Well, what have you and your friends have? Well, I'm gonna have a double strawberry. How about it, Mr. Diamond?

[A]

Sounds great.

[B]

Two double strawberries. This is Mr. Diamond, Mary Lou. His office is in that building across the street. How do you do?

[A]

How are you, Mary?

[B]

Well, all right, I guess business could get better and I wouldn't mind at all. Here are your cones. This is on me, Mr. Diamond.

[A]

Oh, no. Now put it away.

[B]

Oh, now, come on. I asked you over and that makes it my tree. Here's a five, Mary Lou. Mr. Diamond's money isn't any good today.

[A]

Tell me what I'll do. Jeff, give me a five a minute. Sure. Here. Now, if you can tell me whose picture's on this bill, you can buy the cones.

[B]

That a deal?

[A]

That's a deal, Lincoln.

[B]

What's the matter? That's right, isn't it?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

What's wrong?

[A]

Where did you get this bill, Jeff?

[B]

Well, I just made change for it a few minutes. Hey, what's the matter with that bill? You two act like you'd never seen a five dollar bill before.

[A]

Well, this Finn's counterfeit.

[B]

What?

[A]

That's right. Good job, too.

[B]

You sure?

[A]

Yep. One of the best engraving jobs I've ever run across. Paper's not too good.

[B]

Oh, that's swell. That's real great. I get just out of a whole five bucks.

[A]

Who gave it to you?

[B]

I remember the guy all right. He came by just before you did. Made change for him. The heel.

[A]

Yeah, Five bucks is a lot of papers.

[B]

I'll say it is. Well, maybe you're wrong. You could be not, Mr. Diamond. He's a private detective. Used to be a cop.

[A]

Look, Jeff, mind if I take this bill along with me?

[B]

Nah. What good's it gonna do me?

[A]

Oh, it's not so bad. Here, I'll give you a good five for it. No, sir.

[B]

You only learn by mistakes. I made a big one, so I'm out five. I'll get along.

[A]

Look, it's worth the five. I'm just buying it from you.

[B]

Sure, Jeff, go ahead and take it. Thanks a lot, Mr. Diamond, but I just can't.

[A]

Okay, Jeff. Maybe I can find the guy who slipped this to you. Maybe we can get your five back.

[B]

What are you gonna do?

[A]

Take a run down to the Fifth Precinct. See how much of this stuff is floating around New York Now I want you to do something for me, Jeff.

[B]

Sure, anything.

[A]

I want you to keep an eye out for the guy who gave you this phone.

[B]

I'm way ahead of you.

[A]

Now, that's what I'm afraid of. I want you to promise me if you do spot him, not to do anything until you get in touch with me. Promise?

[B]

Yeah. Okay.

[A]

I'll be at the station. Ask for Lieutenant Levinson's office.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Here's for the ice cream, Mary Lou. Good ice cream.

[B]

Oh, thanks. I make it here, right and back. Take a cord home some night.

[A]

I always do, but it generally has a cork in it. I left Mary Lou's ice cream parlor and headed for the 5th Precinct Police Station. I don't usually start something like that, but when a kid gets fleeced out of a whole day's pay, I get a little hot under the collar. I walked into the squadroom and spotted Sergeant Otis putting shine on his big shoes. Oh, it's you, Diamond. Now, what good is that gonna do you, Otis? You can lose a whole can of polish in the cracks. What do you mean, my shoes ain't cracked so bad? Well, maybe not, but I've seen bacon that look better. If you want to see the lieutenant, go on in. Thank you, Sergeant. Until we meet again. Why don't you stop trying to be so funny, Sergeant? I'll do it if you'll do something for me. What? Cut off your head. That face could start a Harry Carey epidem.

[B]

Hello, Walt.

[A]

Now what the devil's the about? What do you mean? That bilious explosion you just popped up with. Sound like you just swallowed a whole pineapple. Why? What do you mean, why? Who's dead? Huh? The body. You said you found a body. I said. Oh, no, no, Walt, you're not built for it. Who? No, Walt, it's my routine. It won't work for you. Oh, I don't know what you're talking about. Why, sure you do. You wanted to know who's dead. Well, I'm not going to tell you.

[B]

Huh?

[A]

Don't try to be cute with me. You know what it's all about. I'm not gonna be the fall guy. Just hunt for the body. Wait a minute. I don't know anything about a body. You wanted to know who's dead, didn't you? Sure, but that was just a gag. Okay, have your fun, But I'm not gonna tell you. Tell me what? Who's dead. You mean somebody really is? What are you talking about? Well, I'm talking about what you just said. Now, who's dead? That's a stupid question. Why is it? Well, if you don't know who's dead. What the devil are you doing in charge of homicide? Go on over to the robbery details. Now, you wait a minute. You said, yes, Walt. Oh, get out of here. I did not. I never said, oh, get out of here. When I came in, I said, hello, Walt. And you said, uh huh. Then I said, what do you mean, huh? You wanted to know where the body was. I did not. I said, who's dead? Why? Oh, no, no, no, no, please. I'm an old man. Oh, Walt. Get away from that window and take a look at this. Oh, please. Do I have to? It'll probably explode. Now, be a good boy and open your little eyes. All right, but I just know I'll be sorry. Here. You don't owe me any money. Well, if I did, I'd make sure to pay you off in this stuff. Why, what's wrong with. Where'd you get this? Some guy slipped it to Jeff the newsboy. He got change for it. That certainly is a nice stunt. Well, maybe the guy didn't know he was passing counterfeit. I doubt it. You don't give a newsboy five bucks for a paper. Okay, tell me about it. This stuff has been flooding the city. We can't get a lead picked up, a couple of passes, but they won't crack. How did it work? Look, Rick, this isn't my department. The treasury boys are working on it right now. Why don't you go over and talk to them? Well, if you want to be snooty about it. Now, you wait a minute. Diamond. Yeah? Lieutenant Levinson, Homicide.

[B]

Is Mr. Diamond there?

[A]

Wait a minute. Rick, it's for you. Yeah? Wait just a minute here. Diamond, enough. You're mixed up in something. What? Be quiet. Hello?

[B]

Mr. Diamond?

[A]

Yeah, Jeff.

[B]

Yeah. I just spotted the guy who slipped me the phony bill. He went into the bar next to the ice cream parlor.

[A]

You stay where you are. I'll be right over.

[B]

I'll be at the stand.

[A]

Rick. Yeah? Please, Walt. Yeah. Bye.

[B]

Bye. Paper. Late edition paper.

[A]

Jeff.

[B]

Oh, Mr. Diamond. He hasn't come out yet. He's still in the bar.

[A]

Come on.

[B]

Where are we going?

[A]

Leave your papers for a second. I want you to point him out.

[B]

Okay. He's a big guy. You better be careful.

[A]

Big guys always make me careful.

[B]

You want me to go in with you?

[A]

Just stick your head in the door and point him out. And then go on back to your papers. If I start bleeding, I'll scream. See him?

[B]

No. Yeah, there he is, over in that booth.

[A]

Well, well, well, you know him. Yeah. Go on back to your stand.

[B]

Oh, golly, Mr. Diamond, can't I.

[A]

No, Jeff, go on back.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Hello, Walker. Oh, what do you want, shammas? Well, I'll have a talk. Mind if I sit down? Does it make any difference? Not much. Then sit. You passed a phony five spot this morning. I did? Well, shame on me. How many more you got on you? I don't know what you're talking about. You want me to turn you upside down? Shake it out of you, Diamond. Yeah, Bo. Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, you. Michael. Oh, my arm. You want it back?

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Now let's see your pocket. Okay. Okay, get on your feet. I want to see what you're doing. All right. Okay, dump them. Hey, hey, what's going on here? Just relax, Bark. I'm taking care of some business. There ain't gonna be any rough stuff in my joints, so you better relax. Sonny. Yeah, make this guy take his big paws off of me. He's trying to shake me down. Oh, yeah? You want me to call the cops, Sonny? Maybe that's not a bad idea. How about it, Walker? You want him to call the law? I don't care who he calls. Just get out of my way. Diamond, you're not going anywhere. Now, I told you to lay off Sonny and I meant it. Now let him go. You hear me? Look out, he's making a break. Just let him be. Get out of my way. Pop, you're too old to lose another set of teeth. I ain't turning you loose until that guy makes the street. Sorry, Pop. You.

[B]

Mr. Diamond?

[A]

What happened? You see which way you went?

[B]

Yeah. There it goes, around that corner.

[A]

Stay at the ice cream parlor, Jeff, so I can get you if I need you. I took off like a seagull in the hurricane. I turned the corner and spotted my man jumping into our cab. So I did the same. He led me across town to a little dive on 13th street and got out of his cab. My boy parked up the block and we watched while Walker looked around for a tail. When he was satisfied he'd given me the shake, he went in. I paid off my cabby and followed. It was another bar and Walker wasn't anywhere in the room. I sat down, ordered a beer and waited. After about 10 minutes, I saw a couple of guys wander out of a door in the back. A couple of minutes later, a couple of more wandered out. So I wandered in. It was small time gambling setup. The kind you can throw in the back of your car if the cops come. I started getting that lousy feeling again. You don't just walk into a place like that unless someone wants you to. And if they do, it's usually because they got it fixed. So you stay around. Maybe permanently. What are you telling me for, Diamond? Why? Make you uncomfortable? Yeah, that's cozy. Setup. Good way to get rid of bad money. Pay the winner off with counterfeit. I think we better go back to my office. Oh, I don't know. I might have a little fun here. I'll bet if one of those guys at the table knew he was going to be paid off in counterfeit, he'd just about tear this place apart. And you too, Diamond. Don't be stupid. Oh, something new's been added. Yeah, to make so much noise when it goes off. Let's go back to my office, huh? For some reason, I just can't think of a good argument not to. This way. Have a seat. My ankles get lumpy when I sit down. Bad circulation. And stand on your head. It doesn't work. I keep talking to Toes all day. How'd you get onto this setup? Oh, luck. You passed a bad bill to a newspaper boy. He spotted you for me. You know what happens to you? No. Matter of fact, I was thinking, what's going to happen to you? What do you mean? Treasury Boys, Homicide, 5th Precinct. And tomorrow we're taking a full page ad in the time you should do a big business. You're lying. Okay. I think I'll sit down while you wrestle with it. You mean the team? I know about this place. And me. The only way they'll get to know you any better is when they give you a room number at Sing Sing. Oh, you mind if I put my feet up? Go ahead. He kept asking questions, not waiting for answers. He was good and worried. And as long as I could keep him that way, the longer I was going to keep on breathing. I don't believe one rotten thing you said, Diamond. Okay. He kept trying to convince himself that I was lying. He wanted to shoot me in the worst way. He moved around behind his desk and sat down, bless his little heart. I had both feet on the front of his desk, so I shoved out as hard as I could. I pinned him against the wall with the desk and jumped up to get better leverage. I shoved so hard the front of the desk nearly cut him in two. He was stuck and he couldn't use his arms. I can't breathe. You want to tell me about it? I don't know. Things okay? It will look pretty silly from the waist down. Come on, Walker, if I mash you anymore, they'll be able to use you for wallpaper. Okay. Now, leave the gun in your pocket. When I pull the desk back, put your hands on top of it. You try a stunt and you end up in Hal. Okay, what do you want to know? Who's the big wheel behind the counterfeit ring? You give me a chance. If I tell you, no deals. Can't blame me for trying. All right, you tried. Now you want back in the vice. No, no, no, no. I'll tell you. Walker. Walker. He died with his head rolled back and his eyes staring up like he wanted to starve for trying. Whoever shot him had been out in the alley and had nailed him through the window. I looked out, but the killer had disappeared. So I put in a call to Homicide and finally Walt and his boys arrived. Diamond, don't you ever get tired of corpses? Well, of course not. I just do my bit and try to make you happy. You want me to call the wagon and get the coroner down here, Lieutenant? No, Otis, I thought we might all sit around and wait for the dead man to say something. Oh, I was only asking, Lieutenant. Well, start using that mallet head of yours, your mallet head, and make a report. Okay. Now, Diamond, I want to know how you got mixed up in this thing. Well, the dead man was the one who slipped the paperboy the phony 5. I tailed him and he was just about to tell me who was behind the ring when he got a hole in his head. Oh, he was gonna tell you, was he? Just like that? What did you do, set his clothes on fire? No, we were playing Truth and Consequences and he fibbed, so I. Now, you stop that. This guy was the only link we had on the counterfeit ring, and you have to fix it so he dies. Rick, there's enough phony money floating around New York right now to start another Black Friday. This is the best setup we've run into since dad Foster operated in 1937. Dad Foster? Yeah, dad Foster. You remember hearing about him? Yeah. Is he still doing time? No, he served his sentence and he's gone straight ever since. How do you know? Where is he? He runs a Little Saloon on 53rd Street. 53rd. Thanks, Bob. Oh, now, you wait a minute. Who the devil are you calling a quiz program? I want to win an electric chair.

[B]

Oh, Mary Lou's Ice Cream Parlor.

[A]

Is Jeff the newsboy there?

[B]

Why, yes. It's for you, Jeff. Thanks.

[A]

Hello, Jeff, this is Mr. Diamond. I want you to do me a favor.

[B]

Sure. Anything for you.

[A]

Okay. Now, you know the saloon next to the ice cream parlor? Yeah. You know the bartender? Yeah.

[B]

Old guy buys a paper from me every night.

[A]

All right, now stay in the parlor and keep an eye on the front of the saloon. If the bartender comes out, find out where he goes. But for Pete's sake, be careful.

[B]

Sure, Mr. Diamond. I'll do what you say. Is something up?

[A]

Well, could be. Now, if anything happens before I get there, call Lieutenant Levinson. I'll tell you all about it when I see you.

[B]

You're getting to be a pretty important fella, Jeff. Phone calls now. Oh, that was Mr. Diamond. He wants me to stay here and keep an eye on the front of the saloon. Okay? Oh, sure, of course. But why does he want you to do that? Oh, it's something big, I think. Something to do with the bartender that works there. The bartender? Yeah. I'll just sit up in front here and keep an eye out. Look, Jeff, watch the store for me, will you? I've got to go in back and pack some ice cream to be sent out.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Meloo Meilou. Guess I better get it myself. May Lou's Ice Cream Parlor.

[A]

Can I talk with Mary Lou?

[B]

She went in back. I'll get her for you. Just a minute.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

I tell you, it's getting too risky. That Diamond's a private detective.

[A]

Yeah, he came in the bar and started to rough up Walker.

[B]

Well, that stupid Walker should have been more careful about passing out that money. What if diamond catches him and makes him talk?

[A]

He caught up, but he didn't make Walker talk.

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

I took care of Walker. I got a good shot at him from the alley.

[B]

Well, maybe it's better like that. Good luck if we don't. Hello? Mary Lou isn't here. Get off the line.

[A]

What? What?

[B]

Yeah, get off. Operator, get me the 5th Precinct Police Station. It's a matter of life and death. I'll connect you. Oh, golly. Please hurry. I'm ringing.

[A]

It'S precinct.

[B]

Is Mr. Richard diamond around there? He said to call Lieutenant Levinson.

[A]

Oh, diamond isn't here. Neither is the lieutenant.

[B]

You know where I can reach them?

[A]

Yeah, but that's about set all. Who's this?

[B]

I'm a friend of Mr. Diamond's. I'm in an ice cream parlor.

[A]

Ice cream parlor? Look, son.

[B]

No, no. I just heard someone say that they'd killed a man named Walker. And I think I know who's behind the counterfeit ring.

[A]

What's the address?

[B]

It's.

[A]

Hello?

[B]

Hello?

[A]

What's wrong? Hello? Good. Lucky, we Came out this way.

[B]

I wonder how he hurt us.

[A]

Walk back and open the door. What are we gonna do with him?

[B]

Well, tie him up and gag him. There's a closet in the back and we can put him in there until it's safe to take him out.

[A]

But he's making too much trouble the way he is.

[B]

Okay, I can get him back there. You better go on over to the bar in case someone shows up.

[A]

All right. Later tonight, I'll take the kid down to the river and teach him how hard it is to swim when he's dead. Now, you listen here, young fella. If you're back here for trouble. Dad, I'm back for a lot of trouble. And I think you're going to help me out. You'd better leave, Sonny, or I'll call the law. Why don't you? What do you want? I want to know how long you've been back in the counterfeit racket. Now, look, Sonny, I've been going straight for a long time. You know something, Dad? I don't think so. Let's go down to the station and talk about it. You got a warrant, Shammas? I got a nasty disposition. You want me to show you? No. You want a gun, dad? Why? What difference does it make? I'm gonna look at it. A guy named Walker got dead from a gun. Now, let's. Let's see it. Sonny, what is it? I can't show it to you. Why not? Because I got it under the bar, pointed right at your belly. If I drag it out, it might scare the customers. Oh, it's like that, huh? It sure is. You see that door there in the back? I know. That's a good boy. You just keep walking along your side of the bar and don't try anything. I just had my floor scrubbed. It'd be a shame to spill you all over. Okay, open the door. Go on now. Up the alley. You shoot Walker? I might. Now, where you got your printing presses? You're just full of questions, aren't you, Sonny? Okay, stop here. Behind the ice cream parlor, huh? Well, well, well. Mary, make mine hot fudge with the nuts.

[B]

Mary, for just a minute. Say, what's the idea? I thought you.

[A]

Oh, good afternoon. I'm selling a new brand of Indian nuts. Great for banana splits.

[B]

What's the shamus doing here?

[A]

He's too smart. I gotta cut off his education.

[B]

Are you crazy? This guy's got friends. That kid was calling the 5th Precinct. Remember, kid? Yeah, you're your little news hound.

[A]

What did you do with him? He's all right until tonight. We got him locked up. Dad, I think I'll make you eat that.38. I don't think so. No difference if I kill you right here.

[B]

Hold it, dad. We can't have a gun going off back here. Even if we could hide the Shammys, they'd find the presses.

[A]

Oh, so that's it. Those ice cream machines. The COVID up. Ain't he smart? What do you do, ship the stuff out in ice cream cartons?

[B]

What's with you? You want a tour of inspection?

[A]

Come on now, take it easy. He won't be smart for long.

[B]

Well, how are you going to do it?

[A]

We're going to take a walk, aren't we? Shammers. Oh, I have the most horrible instep. I'll never make it without skates or something. You'll make it. Come on, the car's around for him. Hey, hey, what's happening to the street?

[B]

A dance?

[A]

Yeah, it's only some drunk come out of the bar the wrong way. Funny, I didn't see him in here. This is very confusing. If this is 50 Thursday, somebody's stolen some buildings.

[B]

Oh, hey.

[A]

Hello. Take it easy, Shammas. I'm putting the gun in my pocket, but it's still right in line with your belt.

[B]

I'm going back inside.

[A]

No, no, no. Play it straight, just like we were talking. Well, you're pretty unsociable to say the least. What's the matter? Can't you even say hello? I'm sure. Sure you're. You're in an alley. The entrance is right out there. Oh, yeah. Oh, would you mind showing me? I seem to be a little confused. Now, look, it's right up there. Just keep going. Hey, where'd you go? Oh, no. Oh, there you are. Lieutenant. Lieutenant. Walt.

[B]

Get the girl.

[A]

Come on, dad. Give me that dog. No.

[B]

You laughing gopher.

[A]

You got him, Rick. He won't play. Now you will. Just take it easy, ladies. Hey, what's going on? Otis. Yeah? Go out and start walking around the block. Huh? You hear me? Go on. Okay, but I don't get it. What do you want me to walk around the block for? I want you to get used to it because that's what you're going to be doing for the rest of your time on the force in Flatbush.

[B]

Flatbush?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Gee, Mr. Diamond, thanks for the dinner invitation, but where are we going?

[A]

Well, I'm going to introduce you to Miguel. She's a redhead, Jeff, so no cracks about my office research.

[B]

Oh, sure, but don't you think you should have called her first? How do you know she's got enough dinner?

[A]

Jeff, this girl's got more stakes in her deep freezer than a bullfight arena season a year. Here we are. Yes. Oh, good evening, Mr. Diamond. Good evening, Francis. This is Jeff, Francis. He's going to have dinner with us.

[B]

Hi.

[A]

Oh, hi. Come right in.

[B]

Ms. Asher's in the study, Mr. Diamond.

[A]

Thank you, Francis. Mr. Diamond. Yes? You know the various items that you've left with me for safekeeping? Look, Francis, I promise I'll get them out of hockey as soon as I get a paying client. Oh, no, no, it's not that, sir. I didn't really want to hold them a security in the first place, but as long as you insisted. In such a fine collection. I'd like to show them to. Well, to my girl, sir. Why, sure. Frances. I didn't know you had a girl.

[B]

Oh, yes, sir.

[A]

She's the upstairs maid in the apartment below us. I'm afraid I told her a wee fib to get acquainted, as it were. She thinks I'm an undercover agent, and I'm afraid I'm going to have to prove it. Well, my gun and the badge should do the trick. And if it doesn't work, just get under a cover. Oh, my God. That was the real.

[B]

Yes, sir.

[A]

Good evening, sir. Come on, Jeff. We're not appreciated.

[B]

Rick. Oh, hello.

[A]

Hello, Helen. This is Jeff, the boy who's helping me send dad Foster and company back to prison. Jeff, this is Helen Asher.

[B]

Yes, sir. Well, thank you, Jeff.

[A]

They had him locked up in the closet for a couple of hours and he looked kind of hungry when he got him out. How about it, honey? You think you can grind up another cow?

[B]

Oh, well, there's plenty for Jeff and me, but you've got to make up for three things.

[A]

Three things?

[B]

Yes. First of all, you haven't called me in two days. Second, you're half hour late for dinner. And third. Well, I'll tell you later. I'll leave the room if you want me to. No, no, Jeff, you stay right here. You're going to literally see a man sing for his supper.

[A]

Helen.

[B]

All right. Come on, Jeff. We'll go dig into those nice, fat, juicy steaks.

[A]

Oh, boy, steaks. Wait a minute, wait a minute. My taste buds just started whipping each other. My vibrato may sound like a machine gun, but I'll do it.

[B]

I thought you were kidding. Is he really gonna sing, Ms. Asher?

[A]

No, I'm not going to sing, Ms. Asher. I'm going to do A little song I used to sing. With hip boots and a gondola. You're breaking my heart. Cause you're leaving. You've fallen for somebody new. It isn't too easy believing you'd leave. After all we been through. It's breaking my heart to remember the dreams we depended upon. You're leaving a slow dying ember. I'll miss you, my love. When you're gone. I wish you joy though teardrops burn. But if someday you should want to return. Please hurry back and we'll make a new stand. Till then you're breaking my heart.

[B]

Mr. Diamond, did you really sing a gondola with hip boots on?

[A]

Yeah, that's right, Jeff.

[B]

Well, I know you don't need the hip boots anymore. Will you loan them to me?

[A]

What for?

[B]

I want to wait out of here. Well, get him for that. You get two desserts.

[A]

You have just heard Richard Diamond, Private Detective, starring Dick Powell. Helen was played by Virginia Gregg, Lieutenant Levinson by Ed Begley. Also in our cast were Wills Herbert, Tommy Bernard, Sammy Hill, Lou Krugman and Polly Bear. Music was under the direction of Frank Worth. Richard diamond is written by Blake Edwards and directed by Richard Sanville. Dick Powell soon will be seen in the screen version of the best selling novel, Mrs. Mike. Now this is Eddie King inviting you to be with us again at the same time next week when we will again bring you Dick Powell as Richard Diamond, Private Detective. Saturday night brings you some of the week's best radio entertainment when you tune for the stars on NBC. Stay tuned to NBC every Saturday evening for a great lineup of programs including Hollywood Star Theater, Ralph Edwards, Truth or Consequences, your Hit parade, A Day in the Life of Dennis Day, the Judy Canova show, and Grand Ole Opry. All the best on NBC. Stay tuned now for Victor Mature and Hollywood Star Theater on NBC.