The Adventures of Sam Spade: The Death of Sam Spade Caper 11/17/1950

Summary

Podcast Summary: "The Adventures of Sam Spade: The Death of Sam Spade Caper 11/17/1950"

Hosted by Choice Classic Radio on April 5, 2025

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Introduction

In this captivating episode of "The Adventures of Sam Spade," titled "The Death of Sam Spade Caper," listeners are plunged into a thrilling narrative that blurs the lines between reality and deception. Set against the backdrop of post-war San Francisco, renowned private detective Sam Spade finds himself entangled in a web of intrigue that threatens not only his career but his very existence.

Plot Overview

The episode opens with Sam Spade addressing his audience directly, challenging reports of his untimely demise. Amidst apparent chaos and confusion, Sam narrates his own "death," revealing it as a calculated move to uncover a deeper conspiracy. The central plot revolves around Chester Swan, a mortician with ambitions that may not align with his seemingly respectable profession.

Key Characters

• Sam Spade: The quintessential private detective, sharp-witted and unflappable, navigating through layers of deception.

• Effie Paris: Sam's loyal secretary, embodying both professionalism and underlying tension as the plot unfolds.

• Chester Swan: A mortician whose facade of respectability begins to crumble under Sam’s scrutiny.

• Amy Goodrich: An enigmatic artist whose involvement adds complexity to the mystery.

• Al Torrington: Another private investigator whose interactions with Sam hint at a larger network of deceit.

Detailed Narrative

Sam's Faux Demise and Reappearance

The episode begins with Sam Spade seemingly assuring Effie of his survival despite widespread reports of his death. At [00:25], Sam remarks, "I'm not dead. Don't believe everything you read in the papers or hear on the radio." This declaration sets the tone for the intricate plot that follows, suggesting Sam’s death was fabricated as part of a larger scheme.

Chester Swan's Distress

Chester Swan approaches Sam with concerns about being followed, expressing, "I've noticed a man... I think he's following me" ([07:22]). His anxiety underscores the threat looming over both him and, indirectly, Sam. Sam delves into Swan's background, uncovering inconsistencies in his story and motives, particularly surrounding Swan's aspirations within the Undertaker's Breakfast Club.

The Confrontation and Revelation

As Sam investigates, he orchestrates a confrontation designed to flush out the antagonist. At [07:46], Chester reveals his business: "The Bonton Mortuary. Oh, 25 years, same location." Sam's tactical maneuvers lead to a tense encounter where Chester's desperation becomes palpable.

Faked Identity and Final Showdown

The plot thickens as Sam discovers discrepancies in his own reported death. At [15:03], he reflects, "I gave me a 2 inch spread item November 15, 1950. What happened to the 13th and the 14th detective perishes in Berkeley Fire?" Realizing his death was a cover-up, Sam confronts Chester Swan, who confesses his plot to assume Sam's identity for insurance fraud. In a climactic showdown, Chester threatens, "I could kill you and put you in a fire somewhere and collect my insurance on Theodore," ([26:22]). Sam ingeniously counters Chester's plan, ensuring his survival and exposing the fraudulent scheme.

Character Dynamics and Relationships

The interactions between Sam and Effie reveal a deep professional bond, underscored by moments of tension and alliance. Effie's role becomes crucial as she assists in unraveling the mystery, particularly during the pivotal moments when Sam confronts Chester. Amy Goodrich’s artistic persona adds a layer of complexity, highlighting themes of trust and betrayal within the narrative.

Resolution and Conclusion

In the episode's resolution, Sam successfully thwarts Chester's scheme, securing his identity and ensuring justice. The final moments emphasize Sam's resilience and cunning, as he reassures Effie, "I'm going to try," ([29:16]). The episode closes with a reaffirmation of Sam Spade's status as San Francisco's premier detective, ready to tackle future mysteries.

Notable Quotes

• Sam Spade ([00:25]): "I'm not dead. Don't believe everything you read in the papers or hear on the radio."

• Chester Swan ([07:22]): "I've noticed a man... I think he's following me."

• Sam Spade ([25:02]): "Why, you'd have to really burn me up to cover up the bullet hole."

• Chester Swan ([26:22]): "I could kill you and put you in a fire somewhere and collect my insurance on Theodore."

• Effie Paris ([27:22]): "Oh, Sam, you were so brave. You actually stood there and talked that crazy man out of murdering you."

Production and Behind the Scenes

Produced, edited, and directed by William Speer, this episode features Stephen Dunn’s masterful portrayal of Sam Spade, bringing depth and intensity to the character. Loreen Tuttle as Effie adds a nuanced performance, balancing strength and vulnerability. The script, penned by E. Jack Newman, weaves a complex narrative enriched by Lud Gluskin’s musical scoring, conducted by Frank Wirth, which accentuates the suspense and dramatic turns of the story.

Conclusion

"The Death of Sam Spade Caper" stands out as a remarkable installment in the Sam Spade series, blending classic detective noir elements with innovative storytelling. Choice Classic Radio delivers a compelling episode that not only entertains but also engages listeners with its intricate plot and memorable characters. Whether you’re a long-time fan or new to old-time radio dramas, this episode is a testament to Sam Spade’s enduring legacy as the quintessential private detective.

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Transcript

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[Sam Spade]

Welcome to Choice Classic Radio where we bring to you the greatest old time radio shows like us on Facebook. Subscribe to us on YouTube and thank you for [e-mail].

[Narrator]

In response to requests representing millions of listening friends, the National Broadcasting Company is pleased indeed to bring you again. The adventures of Sam Spade Detective.

[Sam Spade]

Hello, me sweet. What number have I got?

[Effie]

The Sam Spade Detective Agency.

[Sam Spade]

Oh. Oh, well, me sweetheart, something's happened.

[Effie]

Call me later. Dwight.

[Sam Spade]

Dwight yet.

[Effie]

Look, I didn't know you. You were in town. You didn't write to me or Effie.

[Sam Spade]

F. This is me in the flesh. Sammy the Spade. Oh, now what?

[Chester Swan]

Goodbye, Effie.

[Sam Spade]

I'm in a payphone. My nickel is running out.

[Effie]

Oh, Dwight, how can you be so cruel and play jokes at a time like this?

[Sam Spade]

Wait, wait. Listen. Ella, you listening?

[Effie]

Yes.

[Sam Spade]

I am not dead. Don't believe everything you read in the papers or hear on the radio. You were at my funeral. Is that what you were about to say?

[Effie]

Yes, and it was lovely.

[Sam Spade]

Don't believe that either. Stay right where you are, sweetheart, because I'll be there alive and handsomer than ever. With an account of a caper which proves you can kill some of the people part of the time. My exaggerated report on the death of Sam Spade.

[Narrator]

NBC welcomes back to the air a character who has captured the public imagination more completely than any other since the birth of Sherlock Holmes. William Spear, radio's outstanding producer, director of mystery and crime drama, brings you the greatest private detective of them all in the Adventures of Sam Spade.

[Sam Spade]

Ain't it grand to be blooming well, dead? Candles at my feet, candles at my head.

[Effie]

We're not open for business today. I mean, Mr. Spade's office is closed right now because. Because.

[Sam Spade]

I'll wait. I'll wait.

[Effie]

Oh, you look just like Mr. Spade. What's your name?

[Sam Spade]

Spade. S, P A, D E. Spade.

[Effie]

Sam never told me he had a twin brother.

[Sam Spade]

He doesn't.

[Effie]

But then you.

[Sam Spade]

I'm me. Sam. Oh, wait. Come here. Now do you believe me? Well, I. Oh, what's the use?

[Effie]

Oh, you're so much like him.

[Sam Spade]

Never mind, never mind. Now get your pencil and paper and take it. Date? November 17, 1950. To Ms. Effie Paris.

[Effie]

That's me.

[Sam Spade]

From Samuel Spade. That's me. License number 137596.

[Effie]

You must have been the last one to see him alive. Did he tell you to get me a message?

[Sam Spade]

Shut up. Subject my death. Dear Effie, since the sight of me in the flesh, breathing, hungering and living doesn't convince you, maybe this report will. Think if you can, back to last Monday. Now, if you recall, it was about 11 o'clock when, on the flimsy pretense that we needed stamps for the office, you drew $2 from petty cash and stepped out to buy a pair of step ins. And that's when my client materialized. He was small and thin and carried with him the unmistakable odor of stale flowers. His black alpaca suit, string bow tie, elevator shoes and white gloves had no bearing on his conversation.

[Chester Swan]

Oh, dear. My name is Chester Swan.

[Sam Spade]

Are you sure?

[Chester Swan]

Yes.

[Sam Spade]

My name is Spade. What can I do for you?

[Chester Swan]

How tall are you, Mr. Spade?

[Sam Spade]

Six feet in my feet.

[Chester Swan]

Weight?

[Sam Spade]

178.

[Chester Swan]

I always notice a man's bone structure, don't you?

[Sam Spade]

Oh. Always open, huh?

[Chester Swan]

Open. Let me see inside.

[Sam Spade]

Oh.

[Chester Swan]

Oh, I guess. All right. Fine.

[Sam Spade]

Oh. Well, now that you know me this well, Mr. Swan, what can I do for you?

[Chester Swan]

Oh, dear. Perhaps I. Perhaps I shouldn't have come here at all. I'm, I'm sorry, Mr. Spain.

[Sam Spade]

Well, really.

[Chester Swan]

Oh, dear.

[Sam Spade]

Oh, hello again, Mr. Swan. You wanted to talk to me?

[Chester Swan]

Yes, but I, I, I, I can't talk now, Mr. Spade.

[Sam Spade]

Still here?

[Chester Swan]

I live at 8516 Claremont in Berkeley.

[Business Representative]

I'll be there tonight.

[Chester Swan]

Oh, dear.

[Sam Spade]

This time, as he made his exit, he left $50 on the edge of my desk. And so stupid me, I was at 8516 Claremont at the close of the day. It was a small white cottage with green shutters and a white ticket fence. There was a hill in back and a brook in front. The sun was beginning to set on it, and it was all very picturesque. In fact, so much so that a girl with red hair, blue jeans, purple smock, oils and canvas was making it immortal. She liked me immediately.

[Business Representative]

Here, hold this. Certainly like it?

[Sam Spade]

Oh, yeah.

[Business Representative]

This is my first landscape. I'm a sprouting artist.

[Sam Spade]

Obvious. Makes your own.

[Business Representative]

Not when I can get somebody to do it for me. Who are you?

[Sam Spade]

Oh, I might be a fellow artist.

[Business Representative]

Don't do that. You're a liar. You're Sam Spade. I saw your picture in a newspaper clipping when I was helping Chester clean out his desk before he moved it.

[Sam Spade]

But I.

[Business Representative]

You don't know an easel from a pallet.

[Sam Spade]

Oh, but I could learn.

[Business Representative]

I take it seriously.

[Sam Spade]

Well, then, so do I. I doubt it.

[Business Representative]

You've never tried to get away, to stand off, to throw off the shackles, have you?

[Sam Spade]

No. No. I'll have to admit that the urgency of living, the pressure of merely existing, has had to.

[Business Representative]

Catfish. Sam. By the way, I'm Amy Goodrich.

[Sam Spade]

Catfish.

[Business Representative]

The world is full of unhappy people who never try to get away from it all.

[Sam Spade]

Well, honestly.

[Business Representative]

Stop it.

[Sam Spade]

But I wanted to, really, honestly, Sam.

[Business Representative]

Get away from everything. Leave.

[Chester Swan]

Desire.

[Sam Spade]

I've dreamed of it.

[Business Representative]

Never return.

[Sam Spade]

Cross my heart.

[Business Representative]

What are you doing here?

[Sam Spade]

To see Mr. Swan.

[Business Representative]

He isn't home yet. His house is a wonderful subject. Look, Sam. Colorful, moderate, pleasant. That is, until the sun stops shining. But picture it at night in the fog, crushed with barrenness, full of death, brooding, ominous. I'm trying to capture that too. It's what we've got to get away from, isn't it?

[Sam Spade]

Absolutely.

[Business Representative]

You and I, Sam, as you start up the hill on Claremont. There's a green apartment house on the right. I'm in. 420.

[Sam Spade]

Well, maybe we'll find a way out together.

[Business Representative]

Maybe.

[Sam Spade]

I waved her a fond farewell and sat on the steps of my client's house until he showed up at 6:15. He took me inside where the only furniture was an army cot and a portable barbecue.

[Chester Swan]

I'm so glad you kept our appointment, Mrs. Spade. I'm sorry. Frightened. I've been upset all week long. I didn't know what to do. I just didn't.

[Sam Spade]

And what have you been so upset about, Mr. Swan?

[Chester Swan]

Well, lately, Mr. Spade, infrequently for the last week, I've noticed a man. I think he's following me. At first I'd see him in a car following my bus when I went downtown. Then he'd be waiting around at the bus stop in the evening when I came back. I've sold my house and I'm ready to move. It's unnerved me so much, but.

[Sam Spade]

Did he follow you home tonight?

[Chester Swan]

No. No, but I.

[Sam Spade]

Now, would anyone be following you, Mr. Swan?

[Chester Swan]

Well, I don't, Mr. Spade. I don't know. I really don't.

[Sam Spade]

All right, I'll try another tack. What does this man look like?

[Chester Swan]

He always wears dark clothes and a hat. I'd say he was about your height.

[Sam Spade]

Six feet, I remember.

[Chester Swan]

Maybe heavier. Same bone structure, though.

[Sam Spade]

Yeah. You haven't been to the police? Oh, dear, no.

[Chester Swan]

A man in my business can't afford off color publicity.

[Sam Spade]

No? What kind of business is that?

[Chester Swan]

The Bonton Mortuary. Oh, 25 years, same location. When I've worked hard, so very hard. And if there's something behind all, there's something that has stopped me from being made the executive secretary of the Undertaker's Breakfast Club when they hold their annual election next month. I don't know what I'll do, Mr. Spade. I just don't really know what I'll do. I just don't.

[Sam Spade]

Oh, go ahead, Mr. Swan. You'll feel better. Just let it all out. Just really do. And he did. When he stopped crying, I instructed him to go about his daily habits as always and left, assuring him I'd get to the bottom of it all. I walked down to the corner, ostentatiously, which is a neat trick, well calculated to throw nefarious observers off the track and lull them into false security. And when the bus showed up 10 minutes later, I got on it, rode three blocks, walked back and took a plant across the street. A clever ruse, as you see, to invite a showdown. Two hours later, a man about my size and dark clothes appeared over the hill and crept stealthily to the front of my client's cottage. He had his eyes glued to the window when I walked up behind him. Hey, let go. Let go of me. Come on, you're going inside. Listen, I'm no Peeping Tom. No, no, you're the bloodhound type. I'm inviting you in for a real sniff. Oh, no, you don't. Well, all right, then. I'll go quietly. Okay, that's better. Now we'll just walk. The kick he landed on me wasn't, according to QU Queensbury. I couldn't move for three or four minutes, and by that time, he disappeared. When I recovered my faculties I reported the incident to my client who cried himself to sleep after I bolted him in for the night. I stopped on my way down the hill at apartment 420 in the Little green apartment house. She was still wearing the blue jeans and the purple smock. And she still had the same ideas.

[Business Representative]

Come in. Sam, you said you were serious about getting away from it all. And a whole day has passed.

[Sam Spade]

It was that pressure of living. I'm here to apologize.

[Business Representative]

You are not, but go ahead.

[Sam Spade]

I'm sorry, angel.

[Business Representative]

I love to be fooled. Sam. You're forgiven.

[Sam Spade]

How's the painting coming? The one of Swan's cottage?

[Business Representative]

Slow. Fog is always tough.

[Sam Spade]

Looks nice, though. How long you been on it?

[Business Representative]

Three weeks, all told.

[Sam Spade]

Well, then you've had a pretty good plant on the house, haven't you? Ever notice a tall, broad shouldered guy in a dark suit casing the place?

[Business Representative]

Tall, broad shouldered, Pretty much like me? Could anybody be pretty much like you, Sam?

[Sam Spade]

No, you're right, Sam.

[Business Representative]

Is there something wrong?

[Sam Spade]

No. No.

[Business Representative]

Well, then don't stand there doing nothing. Do something.

[Sam Spade]

Who, me? Amy fixed me a small dinner which had a strong turpentine taste to it. And then we mixed oils and painted and made fudge. Next afternoon at the hall of Records, I did a little spade work on Chester Swan. His application and permit to practice undertaking in the city of San Francisco were dated 1938. Unmarried, 52 years of age, graduated from mortician school in Ohio. Listed one living relative, Nephew, Theodore J. Swan, Toledo, Ohio. I was gathering the above information when I smelled whiskey over my shoulder, which is always good luck. It was Al Torrington, who was also in the private investigation racket in this city. And he was leaning, peering from my face to the card that I held in my hand.

[Al Torrington]

Did he get over to you too, Sam?

[Sam Spade]

Who got over to me, Al? Him.

[Al Torrington]

That thinny with the tears. What's his name? My eyes ain't so good.

[Sam Spade]

Swan. Al Chester Swan, mortician.

[Al Torrington]

Yeah, yeah, that's him, Sam. The same one. Exactly. Came to my office two weeks complaining about somebody following him and he did nothing about it. Said I was too fat.

[Sam Spade]

Oh, well, you are. Are you sure?

[Al Torrington]

Sure I'm sure. And some other boy said he was around there too. Wanted a private eye, but he wanted a man who looked just right.

[Sam Spade]

All right.

[Al Torrington]

Obviously as right as you are, Sam. Cuz it looks like he picked you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Sam Spade]

Yes, f it did look like he picked me. And I thought that over and I didn't like it. And I called my client at home to tell him he was fired, but he didn't give me a chance.

[Chester Swan]

Oh, dear. I'm so glad you called, Mr. Spade. I really am.

[Sam Spade]

I called for a reason, Mr. Swan. I'm resigning this case.

[Chester Swan]

Oh, dear, Mr. Spade, you can't do that. You really can.

[Sam Spade]

I don't think you've been quite honest with me, Mr. Swan.

[Chester Swan]

Oh, dear.

[Sam Spade]

Tears will get you nowhere. I made a routine check on your reasons for hiring me and they don't quite fit with the reasons you gave. They really just don't quite, Mr. Swan.

[Chester Swan]

It's no game, Mr. Spade, believe me. He's back tonight. Right now he's standing beneath the lamppost outside my window and I'm frightened to death. Please hurry over, Mr. Spade. And let's get this business straightened out. Please, Please.

[Sam Spade]

And stupid, stupid me. I went over and I found that little white cottage on the hill looking grim and gaunt in the heavy fog. Amy's words about it being crushed with barrenness, full of brooding and death, came back to me. And Mr. Swan's frightened words about a mysterious man in dark clothes waiting beneath the streetlight also came back to me, particularly when I noted there was no street light near the house. However, there was a light somewhere in the rear of the house and the front door was ajar. Mr. Swan? Mr. Swan, are you here? Oh, Mr. Swan, it's me, Sam Spade. Are you here?

[Chester Swan]

Mr. Spade? Is that you? Are you out there?

[Sam Spade]

Where are you? Things happen fast. I turned around to find the front door filled with a man in a dark suit. He had something in his hand. It looked like a roll of cotton candy, but it felt different. It only staggered me against the wall, but it made me forget where my arms were. Easy, Spade. Easy does it, boy. Easy. He let me down to the floor gently. I could still see the lights somewhere in the back of the house, and I could hear him talking way off. Take off his coat, quick. Give me the knees.

[Chester Swan]

I can't watch. I. I'm going upstairs.

[Sam Spade]

The needle went somewhere in my left arm, but not before somebody pulled my coat off and for no reason I could think of at the moment. Also tried to p. Finger off. Well, I couldn't dwell on it. By that time, the stuff in my arm was going other places and I was going with it, even though there was action all around me.

[Effie]

This ought to do it.

[Sam Spade]

No, no. Stay away from me. Get out of here. Vaguely, somewhere somebody was shooting Roman candles or having blowouts or playing bebop. I just didn't care at all. I just didn't. The first thing I saw was sunlight. It was the kind you see in a picture. It was a picture of a little white cottage with green shutters. You guessed it. I was in Amy's apartment where we made fudge together. I got to my feet somehow.

[Business Representative]

I've had it here for two days. We'll have to figure out the best thing to do with him.

[Sam Spade]

I knew the best thing to do with me. There was a fire escape in a window. I got out there and I weaved against the wall.

[Effie]

He's gone.

[Sam Spade]

He's gone. What do you mean, he's gone?

[Al Torrington]

He couldn't have gotten away with that load he was carrying.

[Sam Spade]

I don't know.

[Business Representative]

I don't know.

[Effie]

He was unconscious when I left.

[Fireman]

Well, don't just stand there. We've got to do something.

[Sam Spade]

There might be trouble. Now let's get going. I didn't wait to find out what they were going to do. I made my way down the fire escape and started walking for the street. And that's when I noticed my shoes didn't fit me anymore. They weren't mine. Neither was the gray flannel suit with the label marked TID Keys. Neither was the blue shirt. While I was at it, the ring on my finger engraved Emerson High 1936, wasn't mine either. My new belt buckle had a big letter T on it, which is not my initial. It really isn't. And I didn't have any use for the eyeglasses in my coat pocket either. You were out when I walked in the office. F but you'd been there. There was a black crepe done up in a white satin ribbon hanging on the door. The desk blotter was drenched with salt tears and a newspaper folded Back to page 13. And I'll sue the Chronicle on this if it's the last thing I do. Gave me a 2 inch spread item November 15, 195015 what happened to the 13th and the 14th detective perishes in Berkeley Fire? I read it through once, then twice. It was my obituary.

[Narrator]

You are listening to the first in a new series of adventures involving radio's most famous detective, Sam Spade.

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[Narrator]

Later tonight on most NBC stations, Duffy's Tavern comes your way with another merry half hour session starring Ed Gardner as Archie the manager. There's a full serving of laughs, garnished with chuckles and whipped up by Archie and his unpredictable friends, Ms. Duffy, Clifton Finnegan and Eddie the Waiter. It's just one of the many great Friday evening entertainment features on NBC. It's Duffy's Tavern, your cue for better listening, where the three chimes always mean good times. Make it a Friday evening habit to tune early and stay late at your favorite NBC station. And now back to caper Over My Dead Body, tonight's adventure with Sam Spade.

[Sam Spade]

I left the crepe on the Door and went out to buy a new desk blotter and some more newspapers. The Hobo News had the best story, which wasn't much. Samuel Spade, licensed private investigator, perished Wednesday night in a fire in a vacant house in Berkeley. His warm friends will feel regret at the passing of a man who was always kind to the poor. None of us ever asked Sam Spade for a handout without receiving a kind word and bon motion as he turned us down. This was nice, but I wanted more. Figured I was fairly safe to wander about unrecognized. My ill fitting attire, acquired from my unknown benefactor, would be disguised enough when combined with my two day beer engine. Company 16 Berkeley Division had handled the fire and half a block away was a grog shop called the Shamrock. I waited for a fireman to come in.

[Fireman]

Bartender. Bartender. What kind of a place are you running now? I've been here five minutes already. Why?

[Al Torrington]

Shut up, Paddy. You just arrived.

[Fireman]

Well, it seemed like five minutes. A wee bit more there.

[Al Torrington]

If you don't think that's enough for you, Paddy, you're still on duty.

[Fireman]

I am not. I'm off now. The chief said I could be off. It ain't every day I receive such a shock to me system.

[Al Torrington]

You received your shock three days ago.

[Fireman]

And I'm still shaking. Man.

[Effie]

Bean.

[Fireman]

Oh, the sight of him was terrible.

[Sam Spade]

Terrible.

[Fireman]

Burnt, as black as the good saint's beard. Hard, twisted and horrible.

[Al Torrington]

In death, he was probably dead drunk and didn't know what happened to him.

[Fireman]

And were you there fighting the flames and finding them like me?

[Sam Spade]

Hmm?

[Fireman]

Oh, it was terrible. Terrible, terrible, terrible.

[Al Torrington]

It wasn't that bad. And you've had your limit.

[Fireman]

And who says so?

[Al Torrington]

I say so. Oh, you do, do you?

[Fireman]

And who are you?

[Al Torrington]

Your brother in law.

[Fireman]

Well, now.

[Sam Spade]

Well, maybe I can spot you one pair.

[Fireman]

I never drink with strangers. What's your name?

[Sam Spade]

O'Doolan.

[Fireman]

Well, you heard the man. Go ahead, pour. Cheers.

[Sam Spade]

Yeah. Fireman, you had a terrible experience three days ago.

[Fireman]

Oh, that I did, Mr. O'Doolan. That I did indeed.

[Al Torrington]

I've heard it a dozen times. I'll be at the other end.

[Fireman]

Twas three nights ago, Mr. O'Doolan, and we get a call to the house on Claremont is afire. Well, sir, when we get there, it's about all gone. Can't understand why it went up flames so fast.

[Sam Spade]

Wood.

[Fireman]

It was the funeral pyre of a man who lived in sin. Huh, Detective fellow, Sam Spade. He was identified as Ooey.

[Sam Spade]

Oh, one moment, Fireman. I've heard fine things about him.

[Fireman]

Ah, Some of those Upper te foldies fellows from the Division of Homicide says he was a nice fellow. But some of the boys at the fire station and myself, well, we got our own ideas about that.

[Sam Spade]

What kind of ideas, Patty May, Boy.

[Fireman]

What kind of good can any man be accomplishing in an empty house late at night? I ask you, Mr. O'Doolan? Oh, he was done to a turn, he was. When I burst in the door with me axe, saved Sid and the trouble charred empty whisky bottles scattered all about. Sin, O'Dolan. Sin. He'd gone to sleep with a smoke and cigarette that set the whole place off. Voice rampant.

[Sam Spade]

From there I went downtown to a telegraph office where I sent a wire to Toledo on a long chance. While I was waiting for an answer, on a not so long chance, I slunk into the Bon Ton Funeral parlor to pay my respects to the departed. I stood in the back of that dimly lit chapel and scanned the scene. Three of the boys from Homicide were there, blowing their noses. Two chorus girls I thought had long since forgotten me were there in black deep v necks. My insurance man was there, looking awful worried. One Chronicle reporter with photographer and a shoe shine boy from our building and the bailiff from the courthouse, just to mention a few I could make up. And you were there, Effie. Up front, near a closed casket, I made out a bar of flowers from robbery detail. It said goodbye, Sam. Maxie from the city morgue was the only one who looked at ease.

[Chester Swan]

All right. Does anyone wish to you miss?

[Effie]

Many call him Shaman, but I call him friend. On this, his last caper, he. He.

[Sam Spade]

I was touched, Effie. And I would have stopped the whole thing then and there, but I had to find out who was in that casket. I reeled out the front door with tears in my eyes and slid around to the back door and into Chester Swan's private office. And there I made a phone call and got an answer to my telegram, which caused me to make another call to his bank. By that time, most of it was right in place. A search through his desk revealed nothing. And a safe standing in the corner the same. But then my answer walked right in the door.

[Business Representative]

Oh, Sam, darling, I was so worried when I found you'd left. But I saw you at the funeral and I thought you'd be here.

[Sam Spade]

And the guy was with you. Was he worried?

[Business Representative]

Oh, him. Him. That was Dr. Jesslyn, Sam. You'd been out for two days and I didn't. Oh, Sam, you're safe. You got away from it all. You've escaped, darling.

[Sam Spade]

Yeah. Yeah. They're burying me right now. I'm dead.

[Business Representative]

It's so wonderful, Sam.

[Sam Spade]

Only one thing. Where do you fit the caper? I was supposed to burn up in that fire. And what was left was supposed to look enough like Theodore J. Swan, Class of 1936, Toledo, Ohio, to let beneficiary Chester Swan collect a nice pile of insurance money.

[Business Representative]

Sam, what are you talking about? Who's Theodore J. What did you say?

[Sam Spade]

Chester's only living relative. They're burying him right now. Somebody lost his caper. You want to tell me, darling?

[Business Representative]

I was at the house the night of the fire, working on my foggy picture. You didn't see me when you went in, and later on you didn't come out.

[Sam Spade]

And I went over and I was on the floor and a man was bending over me.

[Business Representative]

He changed clothes with you, Sam. And I screamed and he pulled out a gun and I hit him with a hoe. And I drug you out on the lawn.

[Sam Spade]

And then what happened?

[Business Representative]

I put you in my car and took you home. I was going to phone the police, but I decided it was something you were working on. And I went back to the house, and it.

[Sam Spade]

And it was burning. And you knew the man you'd hit on the head was in there.

[Business Representative]

Believe me, Sam, I didn't know the house was going to burn down. I wouldn't kill anybody, Sam. I only wanted to.

[Sam Spade]

You only wanted to help me, and you did. Right, angel?

[Effie]

Oh, Sam.

[Sam Spade]

That's all right. I'm your witness. You didn't start the fire.

[Business Representative]

You mean somebody really started it?

[Sam Spade]

Chester. He thought it was me lying on the floor in there. The bank tells me he's about to go busted. He figured this one out with his nephew to scare up some insurance, though. I'm about the same size.

[Business Representative]

Sam. Hold me. It's been horrible. This is the kind of thing I was trying to paint. Now I'm smack dab up against it and I'm sick. I'm scared.

[Sam Spade]

Easy.

[Business Representative]

Easy, Sam.

[Effie]

You're really dead.

[Business Representative]

There's our way out, Sam. Just leave now. Let it go the way it is. They all think you're dead.

[Chester Swan]

Oh, dear.

[Sam Spade]

Huh?

[Chester Swan]

But we know different, don't we, Mr. Spade?

[Sam Spade]

He was holding a Navy Colt revolver in front of him with both hands. I couldn't make up my mind to rush him and count on his bad aim or stand still and be a perfect target while I tried to talk him out of it. Either way, he was a crazy man with a gun and he was getting ready to use it.

[Business Representative]

Sam, he's going to kill us because.

[Chester Swan]

My nephew was stupid enough to wear your watch and your suit when he exchanged clothes with you. I'm going to lose the bonton.

[Sam Spade]

And that puts you in quite a spot, doesn't it, Mr. Swan?

[Chester Swan]

Until a moment ago, yes. But now, Mr. Spade, the newspapers all say you're dead. A death certificate says the same thing. All of your friends are following your casket and my nephew's corpse to the cemetery at this very moment. Everybody expects you to be dead, Mr. Spade.

[Sam Spade]

Thanks to you, Mr. Swan.

[Chester Swan]

But now nobody'd miss you if. If I killed you.

[Business Representative]

I'd miss you, Sam, but I'd have.

[Chester Swan]

To kill you, too. Oh, did you notice you're still wearing Theodore's clothes? Even his ring. Why, Mr. Spade, I. I could kill you and put you in a fire somewhere and collect my insurance on Theodore, now, couldn't I?

[Sam Spade]

No. Why, that's a terrible thing to think. Oh, you're not reasoning properly, Chester. You really aren't. How would you explain Amy? You just said you'd have to kill her. And what about the coroner's office? You know how they are. And don't forget, the medical examiner's got something to say, too. Not to mention the fact that you'd have to really burn me up to cover up the bullet hole. And furthermore, Chester, when you shoot me, if you happen to hit a rib and chip off some bone, they'd know I was shot before and then Homicide would be in on it.

[Chester Swan]

Oh, no. Stop, stop, stop. Nothing works for me. I'm a failure.

[Sam Spade]

Go ahead, Mr. Swan. Let it all out. You'll feel better. And he did. And he's still crying in his cell downtown. Period. End of report.

[Effie]

Oh, Sam, you were so brave. You actually stood there and talked that crazy man out of. Out of murdering you. You were wonderful.

[Sam Spade]

True, Effie. Amy thinks so, too. She's gonna do me in oils when they let her out of the pokies.

[Effie]

Amy's in jail? What for, say?

[Sam Spade]

Oh, technical charge of an involuntary manslaughter. They'll spring her as soon as the coroner's inquest is completed. Dear Amy.

[Effie]

Did she make good fudge, Sam?

[Chester Swan]

Fudge?

[Sam Spade]

Oh, that was the least of it.

[Effie]

Oh, what do you mean?

[Sam Spade]

After the fudge? What that Panucci. Oh, boy, oh, boy. Say, go type that up, sweetheart, while I see if there's any mention of my miraculous resuscitation on the radio page. Go, go.

[Chester Swan]

Scoot, scoot.

[Narrator]

There certainly is a mention of Sam Spade on the radio page for Friday. Sam Spade is one more in the list of great shows to join up in NBC's Parade of the Stars, have you heard the big show this Sunday? The big show comes your way once again on NBC. Listen to just a few of the star names who will be appearing this week. Bob Hope, Jimmy Durante, Perry Como, Jose Ferrer, Mindy Carson, Eddie Cantor, Meredith Wilson and his orchestra and many, many more. And of course, your MC once again will be the lady who invented the snappy retort, Tallulah Bankhead. Yes, it's the big show. It's big in music, big in drama and big in comedy. Be sure to hear the big show Sunday.

[Effie]

Well, here it is, Sam. All typed up.

[Sam Spade]

Good. I will sign it and you will keep it. Always to remind you that I'm still here. Oh, living, breathing, brave and handsome. A paragon.

[Effie]

Sam, what we do about the mail?

[Sam Spade]

The mail? What mail?

[Effie]

Where all the letters and postcards and telegrams and all that came when. When people thought you. Oh, you weren't good.

[Sam Spade]

When they thought you were. Oh, there have been enough tears tonight.

[Effie]

Oh, Sam, it's so good to have you back. Will you be the same as you always were?

[Sam Spade]

Well, I'm going to try.

[Effie]

Because then you can't help but be, like they say, the greatest private detective of them all.

[Sam Spade]

Well, we'll see.

[Effie]

Good night, Sam.

[Sam Spade]

Good night, sweetheart.

[Narrator]

The Adventures of Sam Spade are produced, edited and directed by William Speer. Sam Spade was played by Stephen Dunn. Loreen Tuttle is Effie. Script for tonight's adventure by E. Jack Newman. Musical scoring by Lud Gluskin, conducted by Frank Wirth. Join us again next week, same time, for another adventure with Sam Spade. Hear the Magnificent Montague, then visit Duffy's Tavern on NBC.