The Adventures of Sam Spade: The Flopsy, Mopsy & Cottontail Caper

Summary

Choice Classic Radio Detectives | Old Time Radio
Episode: The Adventures of Sam Spade: The Flopsy, Mopsy & Cottontail Caper
Release Date: March 8, 2025

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1. Introduction to the Case

Timestamp: [02:46 - 05:04]

The episode kicks off with Sam Spade returning to his office to find unexpected changes. Effie, his secretary, informs him that his desk and chair have been moved to accommodate another desk and a new bookcase. Sam expresses his displeasure, hinting at underlying tensions.

Notable Quote:
Sam Spade: "There'll be no other desk and no bookcase. And no. Anything else?" [03:00]

As Sam navigates his cluttered office, an enigmatic figure known as Fritz Crockett enters, proposing a partnership. Fritz, a seasoned detective from Chicago, seeks to collaborate with Sam to tackle a new case.

Notable Quote:
Fritz Crockett: "We couldn't miss luck. Ever hear of Fritz Crockett?" [05:22]

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2. The Costume Party Setup

Timestamp: [05:04 - 10:16]

Fritz outlines the details of their assignment: guarding a valuable piece of jewelry at a high-profile costume party in Nob Hill. The event requires them to don elaborate rabbit costumes—Flopsy and Mopsy—which Fritz reluctantly accepts.

Notable Quote:
Fritz Crockett: "Mrs. Montague, perhaps you'd be disposed to outline our job." [10:18]

At the party, the guests are in full disguise, ranging from pirates to Arabian princesses. Sam and Fritz blend into the crowd, keeping a vigilant eye on the Josephine crown, an heirloom of immense value.

Notable Quote:
Sam Spade: "Everybody was masked and loaded and it was all very gay." [11:08]

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3. The Theft Unfolds

Timestamp: [10:22 - 16:33]

As the evening progresses, tensions rise. Sam engages with various guests, including Effie, who reveals herself as Charmaine Roget, a French guest with a keen interest in the crown. Suspicious activities begin to surface when Horace Montague, the self-proclaimed "pickle king," exhibits erratic behavior.

A pivotal moment occurs when Horace confronts Sam, accusing him of negligence as the crown goes missing from the master bedroom safe. Suspicion swiftly shifts towards Sam and Fritz, placing immense pressure on the detectives.

Notable Quote:
Mrs. Montague: "You were supposed to guard, and it's your fault. Maybe you stole it yourself." [16:17]

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4. Investigation and Clues

Timestamp: [16:33 - 22:38]

Determined to clear their names, Sam and Fritz delve deeper into the mystery. Sam follows Charmaine Roget to a secluded apartment, where he discovers ulterior motives behind her presence. Meanwhile, Horace Montague reveals his disdain for the crown, confessing that Charmaine coveted it not for its monetary value but for its historical significance to France.

Notable Quote:
Charmaine Roget: "Because it does not belong in the ugly home of a rich American party giver." [20:50]

As Sam presses Horace for information, it's unveiled that the crown was intended to be returned to France. Horace admits his role in facilitating its disappearance, aiming to appease Charmaine's demands without causing a scandal.

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5. Confrontations and Revelations

Timestamp: [22:38 - 26:13]

The plot thickens with the arrival of Sam's auntie Mamie, a decorated war veteran whose unexpected entrance turns the tide. Her presence disrupts the escalating conflict, leading to a physical altercation where Sam regains control of the situation. In the chaos, the true location of the Josephine crown comes to light—it was hidden in a baking oven.

Notable Quote:
Sam Spade: "The Josephine crown hidden in the baking oven and called the police." [26:13]

Mamie's intervention helps resolve the immediate tension, and the culprits are apprehended. The crown’s recovery restores peace, and Sam ensures its safe return to the French Historical Society, mending Franco-American relations.

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6. Resolution and Departure

Timestamp: [26:13 - 28:22]

With the case closed, Fritz Crockett announces his departure, entrusting Sam with the entire detective agency. Sam, however, remains cautious about Fritz’s sudden exit, hinting at future complexities.

Notable Quote:
Fritz Crockett: "And you can use Effie if you need her for anything." [27:58]

The episode concludes with Sam reflecting on the day's events, reaffirming his commitment to his role as the city's premier detective.

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7. Conclusion

Timestamp: [28:22 - End]

The adventure wraps up with a final interaction between Sam and Effie, solidifying the events of the evening and setting the stage for future mysteries in the Sam Spade Detective Agency.

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Overall Insights:

• Character Dynamics: The interplay between Sam and Fritz highlights themes of trust and professional integrity. Fritz's abrupt departure raises questions about his true intentions, adding depth to the narrative.

• Thematic Elements: The blending of disguise and deception at the costume party serves as a metaphor for the hidden motives and facades individuals maintain, a common trope in detective fiction.

• Cultural References: The Josephine crown symbolizes the clash between personal value and monetary worth, reflecting broader societal themes of heritage versus wealth.

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Notable Quotes Summary:

• Sam Spade on the Party Atmosphere: "Everybody was masked and loaded and it was all very gay." [11:08]

• Charmaine Roget's Motive: "Because it does not belong in the ugly home of a rich American party giver." [20:50]

• Fritz Crockett's Proposal: "We couldn't miss luck. Ever hear of Fritz Crockett?" [05:22]

• Sam's Reflection on the Case: "The Josephine crown hidden in the baking oven and called the police." [26:13]

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This detailed summary encapsulates the captivating detective work of Sam Spade as he navigates through deception, cultural conflicts, and unexpected alliances to resolve the Flopsy, Mopsy & Cottontail Caper. For old-time radio enthusiasts, this episode offers a blend of classic mystery and engaging storytelling that stands out in the Golden Age of Radio.

Transcript

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Welcome to Choice Classic Radio where we bring to you the greatest old time radio shows like us on Facebook. Subscribe to us on YouTube and thank you for [e-mail] the Adventures of Sam Spade Detective Brought to you by Wild Root Cream Oil Hair Tonic, the non alcoholic hair tonic that contains lanolin and new Wild Root liquid cream shampoo.

[Effie]

Sam's Day Detective Agency.

[Sam Spade]

It's me, sweetheart. You've heard of pulling a rabbit out of a hat?

[Effie]

Yes.

[Sam Spade]

Well, I pulled one out of a pickle.

[Effie]

What happened, Sam?

[Sam Spade]

What happened? She asked. Well, goodbye.

[Effie]

Oh, don't go, Sam. Don't you feel like talking about it?

[Sam Spade]

Frankly, no, but it's expected of me. Sharpen a carrot, roll me some rabbit punch, get the hutch ready for I'm about to hippity hop through the door. With a lowdown on the flopsy mopsy and cotton candy tail caper.

[Narrator]

Dashiell Hammett, America's leading detective fiction writer and creator of Sam Spade, the Hard Boiled Private Eye, and William Spear, radio's outstanding producer director of mystery and crime drama, join their talents to make your hair stand on end with the Adventures of Sam Spade presented by the makers of Wild Root Cream Oil for the Hair. Say, mother, if you got a special thrill out of buying things the whole family can use, then stop at your drug or toilet goods counter for a big family sized bottle or tube of Wild Root Cream Oil, America's favorite family hair tonic. Dad, Junior, Sis. Yes, and you yourself, mom will find Wild Root Cream Oil ideal for grooming the hair neatly and naturally, for relieving dryness and removing loose dandruff. So, mom, ask for it tonight or tomorrow for sure. Wild Root Cream Oil Hair Tonic again and again, the choice of men and women and children too. And now, with Howard starring as Spade, Wild Root brings to the air the greatest private detective of them all in the Adventures of Sam Spade.

[Sam Spade]

Effie. Here I am. Sam, what's the meaning of this?

[Effie]

Of what?

[Sam Spade]

My desk and my chair shoved over to one side of the office to.

[Effie]

Make room for the other desk and the bookcase.

[Sam Spade]

There'll be no other desk and no bookcase. And no. Anything else?

[Effie]

I thought you.

[Sam Spade]

Don't say it. Don't even think about that name. You understand? It's deliciously silent in here, don't you think? Ev.

[Effie]

Sam. Weren't you and he supposed to go stop?

[Sam Spade]

Effie, would you like to have your mouth dry cleaned?

[Effie]

No.

[Sam Spade]

Sid, I'm sorry I spoke harshly. Forgive me, but the past hours have taken their toll on my nerves. Perhaps I should unburden myself. We'd all feel better.

[Effie]

All right, unburden yourself.

[Sam Spade]

I'm still in command here. Two Mrs. Wellington, Van Cleave, Montague, Knob Hill. Where else? City from Samuel Spade, license number 137596. What else? The Flopsy Mopsy and Cottontail caper or How Fritz Crockett Saved the Day. My dear, dear Mrs. Montague. It all began Thursday afternoon when I entered my office and discovered a tall, wiry young man sitting in my chair with his feet up on my desk and sampling my office bottle. Hi. The pose was so familiar, for a minute I thought it was me.

[Business Representative]

Hello, Sam. I'll be with you in a minute.

[Sam Spade]

Have a thanks. I think I will. The one you're sitting in. You see, the detective sits in that seat and the clients sit over there.

[Business Representative]

Well, that qualifies me for this seat then. I'm a detective.

[Sam Spade]

I see. Well, the detective we like in this office is Sam Spade. See, he pays the rent, he hires the secretary, he earns the money and he sits behind his desk. Now, on your feet.

[Business Representative]

Okay, but with two detectives around here and only one detective's chair, it's going to get a little crowded.

[Sam Spade]

Mind if I have a drink out of my glass?

[Business Representative]

Oh, sure, sure.

[Narrator]

Here.

[Business Representative]

You know, we better make a note to get another glass too. And some scotch. I don't care much for that bourbon.

[Sam Spade]

No self respecting detective drinks scotch.

[Business Representative]

And put this down. We'll need another desk. And new paint job on these walls. I think something bright robin's egg blue maybe soothes the nervous clients. And a bookshelf. You got that epi, dear, or am I going too fast?

[Effie]

It all down, Chris. Desk, paint, bookshelf, scotch.

[Sam Spade]

Et too Effie.

[Business Representative]

Oh, she's a doll.

[Sam Spade]

Wait a minute. That's my line.

[Business Representative]

After I work with you a while, Sam, you'll appreciate me.

[Sam Spade]

So long.

[Business Representative]

I'm great.

[Sam Spade]

Bye.

[Business Representative]

You need me.

[Sam Spade]

Why?

[Business Representative]

Because we'd be an unbeatable team. With my talent and your luck, we couldn't miss luck. Ever hear of Fritz Crockett?

[Sam Spade]

Chicago? Fritz Crockett?

[Business Representative]

Yeah.

[Sam Spade]

Never heard of awesome. Look, you're making a mark in your hometown. Now, why do you want to work for me in San Francisco?

[Business Representative]

I lost my license in Chicago. Got caught on the hot side of a political battle. Worked for the losers and the winners framed me for my license.

[Sam Spade]

Oh, gee, tough care. That's true.

[Business Representative]

I can't get a license in any state until I clear that mess up. And so I have to work under somebody else's failures.

[Sam Spade]

But why me?

[Business Representative]

Because I've kept my eye on you, Sam. I like the way you're developing. I think you could work well with me.

[Sam Spade]

Gee, thanks. Well, your application's received. Now give me a couple of years to think it over.

[Business Representative]

What's the matter, Sam? Afraid I might cut your reputation in town?

[Sam Spade]

You found me out. But anyway, bye.

[Business Representative]

Chicken, huh? Look, you want to compare a scrapbook sometime? A really good detective's gotta be an actor. I play any style. Listen, we're following a Russian countess to recover Gorky's original manuscript of the Lower Depths. I meet her in the lobby of the St. Mark disguised as an itinerant caviar salesman. Countess Natasha Mishikov. Oh, here in San Francisco? My dear. How long has it been? 8 years? 12 years? Have you forgotten little Andrea?

[Sam Spade]

So soon? No casting today.

[Business Representative]

Well, look, you gotta be an actor, Sam. Look, we're dealing a mortal blow to the gun running career of Don Jose Ortega Sanchez, the notorious bandit king. Don Jose, you have run your last peace loving border countries. I am powerless to prevent your execution. Die like the proud Spaniard you are.

[Sam Spade]

Cigarette, Fritz, for heaven's sake.

[Business Representative]

I help you, Sam. Look, you've been captured by a mutinous crew off an English tramp steamer and I burst through the door. Get your blooming bloody hands off that man.

[Sam Spade]

This one I can do myself. Awful mo Tigger. I don't know exactly why I sat there listening to the guy, but I did. He was a sort of a one man theater guild. He ran through 28 dialects. Played a scene in which James Mason and Montgomery Cliff were trapped by an Armenian rug merchant and was saved by the voice of Gabriel Heater on the radio. Then he played all four of the Marx brothers arguing with the Andrews Sisters. Then after the intermission, he told me a little bit about himself, regaling me with spine tingling accounts of his Frank Merriwell type achievements on the football field in professional boxing and hockey. It was pretty thrilling stuff. But nonetheless, I was about to usher him out when he came up with a particularly good bit of dialogue.

[Business Representative]

I have a job for us.

[Sam Spade]

Yeah, well. So, John.

[Business Representative]

Where Yesterday, Sam, I met an old Friend from Chicago. She remembered me from an important cocktail party. Saved it for her. The party. Everyone was absolutely dreary until I became De Rigo with a brace of amusing anecdotes.

[Sam Spade]

The job, frets. The job.

[Business Representative]

Well, anyway, she wants us to guard a valuable hunk of jewelry at a party tonight on Nob Hill.

[Sam Spade]

What's the money?

[Business Representative]

A hundred apiece, plus mingling with notch dancers and all the caviar we can eat.

[Sam Spade]

Well, that was better than I expected. In fact.

[Business Representative]

Now, here's what I want you to do.

[Sam Spade]

Wait a minute. Watch this. Here's what I want you to do. This is the Sam Spade Detective Agency. Named so because Sam Spade is the man who gives the orders around here. Now, what do you want me to do?

[Business Representative]

Well, this is a costume party and we have to wear costumes. It's in the deal.

[Horace Montague]

Good.

[Sam Spade]

I'll break your leg and you can go as the man who came to dinner.

[Business Representative]

Sam, I already have the costumes.

[Sam Spade]

Why, right here. Crockett, what would you have done if I didn't go with you?

[Business Representative]

The thought never entered my head. Sam.

[Sam Spade]

What are the costumes?

[Business Representative]

Sam, 100 clams a piece is a lot of dough, isn't it?

[Sam Spade]

Agreed.

[Business Representative]

You are about to confront the reason we are being paid so much.

[Sam Spade]

What is that?

[Business Representative]

Your costume. You are to go as a rabbit. A white rabbit. Here's the suit. Oh, and here's the head. Notice the shocking pink ears.

[Sam Spade]

No, the Dale's office been swelled fresh.

[Business Representative]

Now, wait a minute. I am also going as a rabbit. See? You will go as Flopsy and I will go as Mopsy.

[Sam Spade]

I will not go anywhere dressed in that ridiculous outfit.

[Business Representative]

$100, Sam.

[Sam Spade]

I will.

[Business Representative]

Well, Sam, let's talk this over. Now, look, I will talk to you as a businessman might talk to you. Now, Mr. Spade, you take your ordinary type detective and you have got a pretty solid citizen.

[Sam Spade]

We talked and taught and. And around 8:00 that night, I found myself still talking and walking up the steps of your Knob Hill mansion. Mrs. Montague cleverly disguised as Flopsy the Rabbit, paw in paw with Mopsy Crockett. My headpiece covered everything but my eyes, nose and mouth, and I was grateful for that. When I passed the doorman, I was tempted to say, ah, what's up, Doc? But Fritz said it ahead of me. He walked in as if this were his personal hutch and you and Mrs. Montague cruised over to us.

[Mrs. Montague]

Oh, here, my little bunny. Twins. Aren't you both just darling? Which one of you is Mr. Spade?

[Business Representative]

Well, I'm Mr. Crockett. Mrs. Montague. Mopsy. You remember me from the Nesbit soiree. Ronnie and Bonita. Or maybe it was Gypsy introduced us. Nez pas.

[Mrs. Montague]

Oh, yes. Oh, and Flopsy here must be Mr. Spade. I've always wanted to meet him.

[Sam Spade]

Thank you, Mrs. Montague. I am the straight man.

[Mrs. Montague]

How do you like my costume? There's not another one like it in town. I'm the only wood nymph in San Francisco.

[Sam Spade]

The trays will swoo.

[Business Representative]

Mrs. Montague, perhaps you'd be disposed to outline our job.

[Mrs. Montague]

Well, of course, Mr. Crockett, myself, Mrs. Arlington Crippet McGill and the famous Spanish artist Julio Duriego are going to pick the woman with the most fascinating costume.

[Sam Spade]

Search. No, father, it could be no one but you.

[Mrs. Montague]

Flatterer. I'm not eligible. Then at 10 o'clock we will have the grand parade. The winner will lead the parade wearing a small jewel studded crown. Oh, it's darling. Diamonds and emeralds and all sorts of amusing things. Well, this crown once belonged to Josephine of France.

[Effie]

Imagine.

[Sam Spade]

Mrs. Montague, I hate to be an old killjoy, but are we here to guide the crown?

[Mrs. Montague]

That's right, flossy. I mean, Mr. Spade.

[Sam Spade]

Oh, sorry.

[Mrs. Montague]

Of course I don't expect any trouble. But it's so valuable I can't take any chances. My husband picked it up in Iran. He's in Pickles, you know.

[Sam Spade]

Well, you know best.

[Business Representative]

Where is the crown now, Mrs. Montague?

[Mrs. Montague]

Oh, in a wall safe in the master bedroom on the second floor. Here's the combination to the safe written down.

[Sam Spade]

I'd rather not have the combination, if you don't mind, until it's time to get the crown.

[Mrs. Montague]

Oh, now, don't you be silly, Mr. Spade. Except for the crown, there's only 50 or 60 thousand dollars in the safe.

[Sam Spade]

Oh, well, if that's all right.

[Mrs. Montague]

Now, the safe is behind the Degar original. Now, until I need you. Go and enjoy yourself.

[Sam Spade]

Well, we'll go.

[Mrs. Montague]

Maybe I'll even let you dance with little me.

[Sam Spade]

Fritz and I synchronized our watches and decided that until we were needed, we would lose ourselves in the crowd to keep our big rabbit ears open. Everybody was masked and loaded and it was all very gay. I brushed elbows with pirates, Northwest Mounted Police unmounted a gorilla, an Arabian princess, Four Pocahontas Sea and assorted historical characters from Julius Caesar to Mike Romanoff. While I was dipping a carrot into the punch bowl, a girl made her way over to me. I knew it was a girl immediately. You could tell I tagged her as a burlesque queen. But she didn't talk much like it.

[Effie]

Are you an he bunny or a she bunny?

[Sam Spade]

I'm a he bunny.

[Effie]

Would you like to dance with me?

[Sam Spade]

I'd be delighted.

[Effie]

Who are you?

[Sam Spade]

I'm not supposed to tell until the masks come on. But for now, just call me Flopsy.

[Mrs. Montague]

Flopsy.

[Effie]

How cute. You Americans have the cutest ideas.

[Sam Spade]

Yes. Speaking of ideas, what do you represent?

[Effie]

Oh, I am a Folies Verger dancer. Do you like me?

[Sam Spade]

Well, from where I stand, it'll be next to impossible to dislike you.

[Effie]

Such a sweet compliment.

[Sam Spade]

Believe me, it was easy. Tell me, have you been in this country long?

[Effie]

A few weeks. My family has sent me on a tour of America.

[Sam Spade]

I see.

[Effie]

I am here as a guest of Monsieur Montague. Now, tell me, you are a detective, are you not?

[Sam Spade]

As much as I regretted doing it, I hastily detached myself from Ms. Foley's Bergere of 1949. How she knew I was a detective puzzled me. I saw Crockett talking with a paunchy red devil and a middle aged Christopher Columbus and stopped by. They were big businessmen, obviously, and so. So was he.

[Business Representative]

Well, now you take your ordinary harsh tape.

[Sam Spade]

It was impossible to interrupt him, so I moved on. Finally, I sat down to rest in a dim corner of the library. And I know soon it did. And a large green pickle with two bandy legs sticking out of it sat down beside me.

[Horace Montague]

Want to bite a pickle?

[Sam Spade]

No, thanks.

[Horace Montague]

Go ahead. It's free.

[Sam Spade]

I only eat carrots, thank you. Just a second.

[Horace Montague]

I suppose you know who I am.

[Sam Spade]

As a matter of fact, I don't know.

[Horace Montague]

Well, I shouldn't tell you, but I'm lonesome for somebody to talk to. My wife dancing with another man. Sometimes I think she only likes me for my money.

[Sam Spade]

I find that hard to believe.

[Horace Montague]

I have millions, you know. Just millions. I'm Horace Montague, the pickle king. I've sold more pickles than any living man.

[Sam Spade]

Congratulations.

[Horace Montague]

You like my costume?

[Sam Spade]

Never smelled anything like it.

[Horace Montague]

I came this time as just an ordinary new pickle. Sometimes there comes a dill, sometimes I come as a gherkin.

[Sam Spade]

Oh, jolly.

[Horace Montague]

Once I came as a sweet sour mixture and I got very confused.

[Sam Spade]

Well, that's up to you, I guess.

[Horace Montague]

All I really have is my money. But I get tired of being so rich. It was fun in the early days. I was a pioneer, you know.

[Sam Spade]

You started, I suppose, with just a wart.

[Horace Montague]

That's very funny. Very funny.

[Sam Spade]

Yes. Well, keep laughing, Horace. I have to be running along.

[Horace Montague]

Thank you for talking to Me.

[Narrator]

I.

[Sam Spade]

Was beginning to feel like an extra in Alice in wonderland and headed back for the solace of the punch bowl. I saw Mopsy Crockett standing with a fish be dancer and went over to him. But he suddenly turned and hopped away faster than I could hop after him. Why the coyness I couldn't understand. When I finally caught up with him 10 minutes later, he was waltzing with Anne of Austria, who was hanging on his every word. And that was a lot of hanging.

[Business Representative]

Until you tasted my lebkuchen. You have the spirit of Goethe. Schiller, heine. All baked in one kuchen.

[Sam Spade]

Mind if I cut in?

[Effie]

If you must.

[Sam Spade]

I mean, with the other rabbit. Come along, Mopsy.

[Effie]

Well, of all the straight.

[Business Representative]

Excuse me, darling. I come later back. Hello, Sam. What do you hear from the mom?

[Sam Spade]

The idea of avoiding me.

[Business Representative]

Me avoid you?

[Sam Spade]

I don't know what you mean, Craggy. Don't you remember just 10 minutes ago my chasing you all over the floor?

[Business Representative]

So help me, I don't.

[Mrs. Montague]

Oh, there you are, my little bunny.

[Sam Spade]

Yeah.

[Business Representative]

Here we are, Mrs. Montague.

[Mrs. Montague]

All right, you can give me the crown now. I'm almost ready to announce the winner of the costume contest.

[Sam Spade]

We haven't taken it out yet, Mrs. Montague.

[Mrs. Montague]

You haven't? Well, you just said you were going to get it.

[Sam Spade]

I didn't.

[Narrator]

Did you, Fritz?

[Business Representative]

Not I, Flopsy.

[Mrs. Montague]

Now, bunny, stop playing jokes. One of you came up to me a couple of minutes ago and said you lost the combination to the safe. So I gave it to you again. You said you were going to get the crown. Now, where is it?

[Sam Spade]

I don't know, but let's find it. When we arrived in the master bedroom, the worst had happened. The Degar original was down off the wall. The safe had been opened. Believe it or not, the 50,000 or $60,000 habitually kept in it wasn't even fetched. But you, Mrs. Montague, weren't worried about the cash.

[Mrs. Montague]

Oh, it's not there. The Josephine crown is gone. All this is frightful. What will Horace say?

[Sam Spade]

We're sorry, Mrs. Montague.

[Horace Montague]

Sorry?

[Mrs. Montague]

You were supposed to guard, and it's your fault. Maybe you stole it yourself.

[Business Representative]

Mrs. Montague, we did nothing of the kind.

[Mrs. Montague]

I distinctly remember saying you were gonna get it. And I did give you the combination again. I know. It's Horace.

[Horace Montague]

Horace.

[Mrs. Montague]

What happened, hubby dear?

[Horace Montague]

I was walking down the hall and a bunny came running out, dragged me into a room, made me take off my pickle. He hit me on the head with something. Then he took off his bunny suit jumped right into my pickle and oh, my head.

[Sam Spade]

Crockett and I dashed down the hall to the room the Pickle King had abdicated. On the floor was the limp, unfilled costume of a rabbit. The Montague's party not only had a flopsy and a mopsy, but it also had a thieving cotton tail.

[Narrator]

The makers of Wild Root Cream Oil are presenting the weekly Sunday adventure of Dashiell Hammett's famous private detective, Sam Spade.

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[Sam Spade]

I left Fritz Crockett and you, Mrs. Sam, attending to Horace in your master bedroom, pounded down the stairs, through the guests and out the front door. I was standing there wondering where to pick up the tracks of a rabbit turned pickle when I saw the Foley's Berger dancer come running out of the Montague mansion through a side entrance and enter a taxi. I jumped into another cab and followed it, divesting myself of my flopsy costume Our roots. She went almost to the west end of O'Farrell street and enter the shabby gray apartment house. I followed. I knocked on every door until I found hers.

[Mrs. Montague]

Yes?

[Sam Spade]

It's me. The he Bunny Flopsy. Remember?

[Effie]

Why did you follow me here?

[Sam Spade]

Voila. Because you're so beautiful. May I come in?

[Mrs. Montague]

No thanks.

[Effie]

I said no. Did you not hear me?

[Sam Spade]

Yes, but have no fears. I'm bonded. How did you know there was a detective. A detective's heart beating under my rabbit suit.

[Effie]

I am not going to answer. You have no right to come in here.

[Sam Spade]

Come on. How?

[Effie]

I think I overheard somebody say it. Now if that is all you wanted to know, please go.

[Sam Spade]

Why did you leave the party early?

[Effie]

Because it bored me. I thought America was not a police state. Why am I being questioned?

[Sam Spade]

Because somebody stole the Josephine crown that belonged to Mrs. Montague.

[Effie]

You see, I heard that it was stolen and I am delighted. But I did not steal it.

[Sam Spade]

What's your name?

[Effie]

Charmaine Roget. And what is yours?

[Sam Spade]

Sam Spade. Why are you so happy that the crown was stolen?

[Effie]

Because it does not belong in the ugly home of a rich American party giver. A childish woman who thinks only of her social position and her money.

[Sam Spade]

Where does it belong?

[Effie]

In France. Where it was made and where it was appreciated.

[Sam Spade]

I see. How much is it worth?

[Effie]

Money. Almost 52 million francs in sentiment. More than one can say. Now will you leave me alone?

[Sam Spade]

You're saying that the crown means more to a Frenchman than money?

[Effie]

How would you like it if your Abraham Lincoln's desk was being used by some French businessman to serve cocktails over?

[Sam Spade]

I get the point.

[Effie]

I tell you again, I do not know what happened to the Josephine Khan tonight. Do you believe me?

[Sam Spade]

I did. But only because when she left the party she wore only her costume. And that costume wouldn't have hidden. Well, she couldn't have had it on her. I went a block up the street, picked up a cab and sat in it until she came out five minutes later. She was now in street clothes and carrying an overnight case. She drove to Castle street and I followed. She went into a restaurant called La Parisienne. I waited at a discreet moment, then went in. She was nowhere to be seen. But a tall, lean, black haired individual approached me with a menu in his hand. Good evening, monsieur.

[Horace Montague]

I regret to say that we are just close.

[Sam Spade]

I'm not interested in meeting you. Where's the girl who just came in?

[Horace Montague]

Girl?

[Sam Spade]

In here? Don't dummy on me. She walked right in here 30 seconds ago. Brown hair, red coat. Charmaine Roget by name. You have made some mistake. You can see there was no one here. I made no mistake. Now, come clean.

[Business Representative]

Will you contain yourself? Please let me go. No girl came in. But if one did, there is no place to hide but the kitchen.

[Sam Spade]

All right, then, show me the kitchen.

[Horace Montague]

Monsieur Bonneau. Oh, my.

[Narrator]

Spade.

[Sam Spade]

Well, it didn't take you long to get here, Mr. Montagu.

[Horace Montague]

Well, I.

[Business Representative]

Don't move, Mr. Spade. I have a knife at your neck.

[Sam Spade]

Yes, I feel it.

[Horace Montague]

Shall I take care of him, Monsieur Montague? No, but. No, put down your knife.

[Sam Spade]

Thanks, Mr. Spade.

[Horace Montague]

And I'll sit down to table and talk quietly. You can go.

[Business Representative]

As you say, monsieur, but I will keep out an eye.

[Sam Spade]

Let's keep an eye out.

[Horace Montague]

Sit down, please. Spade, while you're here, I have a personal matter to take up with you.

[Sam Spade]

About the Josephine crown?

[Horace Montague]

Yes.

[Sam Spade]

Well, I'm sorry to report that as yet, I haven't found it.

[Horace Montague]

Good. I'd be happy if you never found it.

[Sam Spade]

Oh, does Mrs. Montague know you fail this way?

[Horace Montague]

No, and I'd be equally happy if she didn't know.

[Sam Spade]

In other words, you want me to stop looking for it.

[Horace Montague]

That's the idea. You could make a pretense at trying to find it, but no more.

[Sam Spade]

That's interesting.

[Horace Montague]

I'll pay you a good fee if you do this for.

[Sam Spade]

Why don't you want it found, Mr. Montague?

[Horace Montague]

Well, I'll talk to you man to man.

[Sam Spade]

Please do.

[Horace Montague]

A French girl showed up in town.

[Sam Spade]

Charmaine Roget.

[Horace Montague]

Well, then you've seen her.

[Sam Spade]

Quite a bit of her at the party.

[Horace Montague]

Well, she's young and beautiful and to the point. I was indiscreet.

[Sam Spade]

I see.

[Horace Montague]

She turned out to be more designing than I realized.

[Sam Spade]

A black man of a sort.

[Horace Montague]

She didn't want just money. She wanted the Josephine crown.

[Sam Spade]

And you let them steal it?

[Horace Montague]

Well, I told them I'd get them into the party, furnish them a car, and the rest is up to them.

[Sam Spade]

Why don't you just give them the crown?

[Horace Montague]

Couldn't. My wife values it too much. It's her prized possession. She even wears it around the house when just the two of us are there.

[Sam Spade]

Oh, that's cute.

[Horace Montague]

Now, will you forget about this, Spate?

[Sam Spade]

I'm afraid not, Mr. Montague. I'm hired after your wife, who asked me to guard it. I did a bad job, so it's up to me to get it back. You see?

[Horace Montague]

No, speak. I. I can't afford a scandal with that girl.

[Sam Spade]

Well, you'll have to work that out for yourself.

[Horace Montague]

Very well. I'm sorry.

[Sam Spade]

I must admit, Mrs. Montague, I underestimated your husband. For at that point he produced a gun out of thin air and very professionally relieved me of mine. He called the proprietor, Bono, who appeared with Charmaine Roget. They held an immediate kangaroo court. Sentence was about to be pronounced when the front door burst open and in swept a tall character in black beret and cape and sporting a handlebar mustache. Prominently pinned on his cape were a brace of French war medals, including the Croix de Guerre, and so on. His entrance held everybody bug eyed, including me.

[Horace Montague]

Keep your mouth that space.

[Business Representative]

Ah, what a joyous, charming gathering have we here. Oh, the glow of warm friendship fills the room like a cottage fireplace in Alsace Lorraine. Ah, no, it cannot be. Can I believe these weary eyes of mine? Is it not truly my auntie Mamie?

[Sam Spade]

Monsieur Montague.

[Business Representative]

I kiss you on both cheeks in happiness.

[Horace Montague]

I don't seem to remember.

[Business Representative]

Oh, but you have not so soon forgotten me. We met at the legation in 38. Those years. Do you not recall the nights in Montmartre and the days in Montpar? Oh, my goodness. Parbleu.

[Sam Spade]

When he bent over to kiss Montague again, his mustache fell off as usual. Crockett had overplayed, and before he could straighten up, Bono hit him in the back of the head and he fell flat on his face, out cold. That was my cue to go into action. I turned over the table, wrestled with Horace and Bono. Charmaine was striking at me with a heel of a shoe. I got to the gun first and everything came to a sudden low. At that point, Fritz Crockett came to.

[Business Representative]

Oh, mes ami, where did the sudden darkness come from?

[Sam Spade]

Yeah, well, you can drop the dialect, Crockett. I wish I had a picture of you there on the floor for your scrapbook.

[Business Representative]

Oh, it was in the act, Sam. All in the act.

[Sam Spade]

Yeah, well, you think you're well enough to hold this gun while I make a search? Oh, leave it to me, Sam.

[Business Representative]

Everything will be under control. Now stand back, everybody. I'm in charge here. The US Government is not entirely without influence in Washington.

[Sam Spade]

The Josephine crown hidden in the baking oven and called the police. I was afraid the incident struck a blow at Franco American relations until a search of Charmaine, Rouget and Binot produced two tickets not to Paris or Points French, but the Rio de Janeiro. And you know the rest, Mrs. Montague. Your husband went home and you forgave, made a superb gesture and contributed to international harmony by returning the Josephine crown to the French Historical Society. And when you asked who might be the man to guard the crown safely back to la belle France. I was overjoyed to be in a position to recommend to you Brit Scroggin. I hope he marries Sue Brett and stays over there.

[Horace Montague]

Period.

[Narrator]

End of report.

[Effie]

Oh, Sam, isn't that Fitz Crockett an exciting man?

[Sam Spade]

Don't let's talk any more about him. Let him get his own program. The first person in this office to mention his name again is a rotten egg. Now go type that up.

[Narrator]

Don't buy a different brand of hair tonic for every member of your family. Get the one kind they all like. Wild Root Cream Oil Hair Tonic. Wild Root Cream Oil Grooms your hair neatly and naturally, relieves annoying dryness and removes loose, ugly dandruff. Get a bottle or two of tonight and ask your barber for a professional application of Wild Root Cream Oil Hair Tonic. Again and again, the choice of men and women and children, too.

[Sam Spade]

Here it is, Sam.

[Effie]

All typed up.

[Sam Spade]

Oh, thanks, honey.

[Effie]

Sam's Bay Detective Agency. Oh, it's for you, Sam.

[Sam Spade]

Hello?

[Business Representative]

It's me, Sam.

[Sam Spade]

Fritz. Oh, no, I'm at the airport.

[Business Representative]

I just wanted to tell you I'll be out of town for a while. Won't be using the office, so just take the whole thing over.

[Sam Spade]

Well, that's very generous of you.

[Business Representative]

And you can use Effie if you need her for anything.

[Sam Spade]

Well, I'll never be able to repay you.

[Business Representative]

Oh, that's all right. You did a pretty good job on the caper today. I was just talking with Mrs. Montague and I told her.

[Sam Spade]

I said, if you wanted.

[Effie]

You're not even listening.

[Sam Spade]

I've heard enough of him for one day. Come here. Tonight, you'll have to be satisfied with my one arm. Good night, sweetheart.

[Effie]

Good night, Fritz.