The Falcon: The Case of the Carved Ham 04/08/1951

Summary

The Falcon: The Case of the Carved Ham – Detailed Summary

Episode Information:

• Title: The Falcon: The Case of the Carved Ham
• Host/Author: Choice Classic Radio
• Release Date: April 17, 2025
• Original Air Date: April 8, 1951

---

1. Introduction and Initial Encounter

The episode opens with The Falcon, Mike Waring, engaging with his listeners. The narrative begins on a tranquil Sunday afternoon in New York City, where Doris Webster, a pleasant redhead, disembarks from a Fifth Avenue bus at 76th Street. Her routine journey takes an unsettling turn when she perceives a tall, thin man shadowing her movements. At [01:05], Doris expresses her discomfort:

Doris Webster [01:05]: "You've been following me for the last hour."

The man, later revealed to be Brian King, dismisses her concerns, claiming he's merely sightseeing. Doris's apprehension grows, prompting her to involve her boyfriend, Stuart Van Dyne, an actor, in the situation.

---

2. Rising Tensions and Suspicious Activities

Doris contacts Stuart, informing him of the unsettling presence of Brian King. During their conversation at [02:47], Doris reveals:

Doris Webster [02:47]: "I just had a funny experience. I thought a man was following me."

Stuart, attempting to reassure her, dismisses the possibility that Brian King poses a genuine threat. However, Doris remains skeptical, hinting at possible connections between Brian King and her employer, Joe Santos.

At [05:20], a pivotal exchange unfolds between Brian King and Joe Santos:

Brian King [05:16]: "And don't forget the brain, Brian."

Joe Santos [05:20]: "What do you mean?"

Their dialogue suggests underlying tensions and potential illicit dealings within their professional relationship.

---

3. The Disappearance and Investigation

Doris later visits The Falcon's office seeking assistance. At [07:00], she discloses:

Doris Webster [07:03]: "A very dear friend of mine has been kidnapped."

She refers to Stuart Van Dyne, who she claims has disappeared under mysterious circumstances. The Falcon, committed to uncovering the truth, begins his investigation, suspecting foul play rather than a mere disappearance.

---

4. Unraveling the Mystery: The Death of Brian King

As the plot thickens, Brian King is found dead, having been shot in his hotel suite. His wife, Emily King, is allegedly held captive, adding layers of complexity to the case. The Falcon interacts with Joe Santos, questioning his involvement and motives.

At [12:38], Brian King confronts The Falcon and Sergeant Corbett:

Brian King [12:38]: "Steve killed Doris."

This revelation shifts the investigation's focus towards Joe Santos, suggesting a connection between the murders of Doris Webster and Brian King.

---

5. The Death of Doris Webster

The narrative takes a dark turn when Doris Webster is discovered dead, seemingly a victim of suicide, hanging from the ceiling. However, The Falcon's keen instincts detect discrepancies in the scene, particularly the condition of a red leather vanity bench and the absence of typical suicide indicators such as a chair or ladder.

At [21:04], The Falcon asserts:

The Falcon [21:04]: "It was human flesh, wasn't it?"

Joe Santos [21:09]: "Yeah, that's right. The doc said probably came from a man."

This evidential detail leads The Falcon to dismiss the suicide theory, positing that Doris was coerced or murdered.

---

6. Confrontation and Revelation

The Falcon meticulously pieces together the evidence, deducing that Joe Santos orchestrated the murders to eliminate obstacles in his illicit operations. A climactic confrontation occurs when The Falcon accuses Santos directly, unveiling his culpability in both Doris Webster's and Brian King's deaths.

At [24:12], The Falcon declares:

The Falcon [24:12]: "Santos killed both Doris and Brian King."

Joe Santos, initially dismissing the accusations, finds himself cornered by the incontrovertible evidence presented by The Falcon, including the disarray in Doris's apartment and the forensic findings.

---

7. Conclusion and Resolution

The episode concludes with The Falcon successfully unmasking Joe Santos as the murderer, ensuring justice is served. The intricate web of deceit, manipulation, and murder is unraveled through The Falcon's astute detective work, reinforcing his reputation as one of old-time radio's greatest detectives.

Notable Quotes:

• Doris Webster [02:09]: "Listen, mister, I don't know what your game is."
• Brian King [05:16]: "And don't forget the brain, Brian."
• The Falcon [21:04]: "It was human flesh, wasn't it?"
• The Falcon [24:12]: "Santos killed both Doris and Brian King."

---

Key Takeaways and Insights

• Intricate Plotting: The episode showcases classic detective storytelling with multiple twists, red herrings, and character complexities.
• Character Dynamics: The interplay between Doris, Stuart, Brian King, and Joe Santos highlights themes of betrayal, manipulation, and power struggles.
• Detective Acumen: The Falcon's methodical approach emphasizes the importance of attention to detail and logical deduction in solving crimes.
• Moral Undertones: The narrative underscores the triumph of justice over corruption and deceit, a staple in detective fiction.

---

Conclusion

"The Falcon: The Case of the Carved Ham" stands out as a compelling installment in the Golden Age of Radio's detective genre. Through masterful storytelling, engaging characters, and a tightly woven mystery, Choice Classic Radio delivers an episode that captivates both long-time fans and newcomers alike. The Falcon's relentless pursuit of truth not only entertains but also reinforces the enduring appeal of classic detective tales.

Transcript

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[Radio Show Host]

Welcome to Choice Classic Radio, where we bring to you the greatest old time radio shows like us on Facebook. Subscribe to us on YouTube and thank you for [e-mail] hello? Yes, this is the Falcon speaking. Oh, Alice, I'm glad you called. You'll have to count me out tonight, angel. I'm all jammed up. Some friend of mine just signed the temperance pledge. But with the people he knows, even without alcohol, he still may wind up half shot.

[Ed Herr]

This is Ed Herr, he friends inviting you to listen to the adventures of the Falcon, starring Les Damon. You met the Falcon first in his bestselling novels. Then you saw him in his thrilling motion picture series. Now join him on the air when the Falcon solves the case of the carved ham. And now, the case of the carved ham. It is early Sunday afternoon in New York, and a lovely redhead named Doris Webster gets off the Fifth Avenue bus at 76th Street. As she does, she notices a tall, thin man behind her. His he's still behind her. Is 78 at 81st. Doris gets a little frightened at the game and stops dead in her tracks, whereupon her shadow almost topples over her.

[Business Representative]

Oh, I'm terribly sorry, lady. I should have looked where I was going.

[Doris Webster]

That's the trouble. You did.

[Business Representative]

How's that?

[Doris Webster]

You've been following me for the last hour.

[Brian King]

Me?

[Doris Webster]

Listen, mister, I don't know what your game is.

[Business Representative]

I'm sightseeing.

[Doris Webster]

Well, do it elsewhere or I'll call the police.

[Business Representative]

You don't really mean that, baby. Officer, I guess you do want me, lady.

[Doris Webster]

Yeah, please.

[Business Representative]

I guess that's my cue to beat it. Been nice knowing you, honey. We must do this more often.

[Doris Webster]

41171.

[Radio Show Host]

Hello?

[Doris Webster]

Is that you, Stuart?

[Brian King]

Yeah.

[Doris Webster]

It's Darris. I gotta see you.

[Joe Santos]

Why?

[Stuart Van Dyne]

What's the trouble?

[Doris Webster]

Well, I. I just had a funny experience. I. I thought a man was following me.

[Stuart Van Dyne]

Was he?

[Doris Webster]

Well, he might have been only trying to pick me up. At least that's what he claimed.

[Stuart Van Dyne]

Don't worry about it, Darc. You come on over.

[Doris Webster]

All right, honey, I'll be there in 20 minutes.

[Business Representative]

You threw at the phone? Lady, you. Oh, hi, beautiful. Imagine, bumping into you here certainly is a small world.

[Doris Webster]

Don't tell me it was a coincidence, do it, because it wasn't. I tell you he was following me.

[Stuart Van Dyne]

That's ridiculous, Doris. Why should he?

[Doris Webster]

Well, maybe he's working for Santos.

[Stuart Van Dyne]

Never in a million years. If your boyfriend, Mr. Santos, knew about me, we would have heard from him long before this.

[Doris Webster]

Listen, listen, Stewart, if anything should happen.

[Stuart Van Dyne]

Now you're talking like a child.

[Doris Webster]

I know, I know, but, well, if anything should. Look, there's a red leather vanity bench in my bedroom.

[Joe Santos]

Vanity bench?

[Doris Webster]

Yeah, yeah, you can't miss it. It's a 24 inches high and about 18 inches wide.

[Brian King]

Yeah, yeah.

[Doris Webster]

Well, if you turn it upside down, you'll see the padding comes out. Inside, you'll find some newspaper clippings. I want you to send those clips to the police.

[Stuart Van Dyne]

Forget it, darling. Nothing's going to happen.

[Business Representative]

Want to bet?

[Stuart Van Dyne]

What the devil are you?

[Doris Webster]

He's the man I've been telling you about.

[Business Representative]

The name is Brian King, honey.

[Stuart Van Dyne]

What do you want?

[Radio Show Host]

You what?

[Business Representative]

Yeah, the fellow I work for. I'd like to see you. Oh, Joe Santis.

[Stuart Van Dyne]

You can tell Mr. Santis I'm not interested.

[Business Representative]

Maybe you better tell him yourself. Let's go, chum.

[Doris Webster]

Take your hands off him.

[Business Representative]

Come on, handsome. I told him you were practically on your way over. Now, you don't want to make a liar out of me, do you?

[Radio Show Host]

Look out, Stuart.

[Business Representative]

You were a little late, honey. Stewart, now, don't give him a second thought, baby. He'll be all right.

[Brian King]

I'll buy that drink, Brian.

[Business Representative]

Don't mind if I do. Sant. Now, that boy Stewart's no lightweight, but I lost five pounds lugging him over here. Thanks.

[Brian King]

Still out cold. What do you do for a living?

[Business Representative]

He's an actor. Goes under the name of Stuart Van Dyne.

[Brian King]

I wonder what Doris sees in him.

[Business Representative]

He's a pretty good looking guy.

[Brian King]

Yeah, he'll make much better appearance than Santos, huh?

[Business Representative]

Well, you can't have everything, Santos. After all, you've got the money and the muscles.

[Brian King]

And don't forget the brain, Brian.

[Business Representative]

Well, you can't prove that by me.

[Brian King]

What do you mean?

[Business Representative]

I came up here from Kansas City because I heard that you were going to be the biggest operator of gambling joints in New York.

[Brian King]

So?

[Business Representative]

So ever since I got here, all you seem to be interested in is that girl, Doris Webster and the schmo she's been seeing on the side by me. That ain't tending to business.

[Brian King]

Just let me take care of Mr. Stuart Van Dyne first.

[Business Representative]

There's your chance. He's coming to now.

[Brian King]

Hello, palsy. How you feel?

[Stuart Van Dyne]

Who are you?

[Brian King]

Joe Santos. Oh. You hear me, huh?

[Joe Santos]

Yeah.

[Brian King]

You never should play around with my girl, Stuart.

[Stuart Van Dyne]

Well, what are you gonna do to me?

[Brian King]

Well, Brian here thinks Doris likes you because you're a good looking fellow. Well, well, we fix it so you ain't so good looking no more. Mess up that face, Brian. But good.

[Stuart Van Dyne]

No.

[Brian King]

Shut up. Go on, Brian.

[Business Representative]

You're crazy.

[Brian King]

What's the matter? Don't they tell you in Kansas City that anybody who works for Sandoz follows orders?

[Business Representative]

Not that kind I don't.

[Brian King]

Vince. Vince.

[Radio Show Host]

What's the matter, boss?

[Brian King]

I don't think Mr. Kane wants to play on our team.

[Radio Show Host]

Oh, is that so?

[Business Representative]

Wait a minute, Santos.

[Brian King]

Well.

[Business Representative]

Come here, Stewart.

[Stuart Van Dyne]

Okay. Oh, no.

[Radio Show Host]

Just a second. Yum.

[Doris Webster]

I. I'm looking for a Michael Waring. A falcon.

[Radio Show Host]

Come in.

[Doris Webster]

My name is Webster. Doris Webster.

[Radio Show Host]

Sit down, Ms. Webster.

[Joe Santos]

Thanks.

[Radio Show Host]

Now, what's the problem?

[Doris Webster]

Well, a very dear friend of mine has been kidnapped.

[Radio Show Host]

What's his dear friend's name?

[Doris Webster]

Stuart Van Dyne.

[Radio Show Host]

Did you report it to the police?

[Doris Webster]

No.

[Radio Show Host]

Why not?

[Doris Webster]

Because I don't want them involved.

[Radio Show Host]

You don't want them involved? A man is kidnapped?

[Doris Webster]

I didn't say he was kidnapped. I said he disappeared.

[Radio Show Host]

You said nothing of the sort.

[Doris Webster]

I can see I made a big mistake in coming here.

[Radio Show Host]

Oh, I don't know.

[Doris Webster]

Well, I do. I'm sorry to have bothered you, Mr. Waring. Believe me, it won't happen again. All right, all right.

[Business Representative]

Hello, Doris.

[Doris Webster]

What do you want?

[Business Representative]

Mr. Santis sent me around to find out whether beauty was only skin deep.

[Doris Webster]

Where's Stewart? Where is he?

[Business Representative]

All right, Vince.

[Brian King]

Here we are, right on cue. Come on, pretty boy.

[Doris Webster]

Doris, I. I can't look at him. Take him away.

[Brian King]

Take him away.

[Business Representative]

Who is it?

[Doris Webster]

It's Emily Bryant. Open up.

[Business Representative]

Just a second, Emily. All right, get in here.

[Doris Webster]

What's the matter, Brian?

[Business Representative]

Who says anything's the matter?

[Doris Webster]

Oh, well, you're packing.

[Business Representative]

That's right. We're taking the 1035 back to Kansas City.

[Doris Webster]

Why?

[Business Representative]

Because that guy Santis I came here to work for is nuts.

[Doris Webster]

What happened?

[Business Representative]

Never mind, Emily. Just take my word for it. He's out of his mind. Who would that be?

[Doris Webster]

Oh, it's the billboard, honey. I asked him to bring up a package for me. I'll let him in.

[Business Representative]

No, you get started packing. I'll take care of it. Just a second. All right, son, let's.

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[Radio Show Host]

Hi, sergeant.

[Joe Santos]

Well, it's about time, Mr. Waring. I hope I haven't inconvenienced you.

[Radio Show Host]

As a matter of fact, you have. What's on your mind, Corbett?

[Joe Santos]

Sit down. Have a cup of coffee. Did you read about a guy named Brian King being gunned yesterday in his hotel?

[Radio Show Host]

Yeah. I understand they're holding his wife.

[Joe Santos]

She didn't do it, Mike. You've got to look out for her interests.

[Radio Show Host]

As she asked me.

[Joe Santos]

No. She don't know a soul in New York.

[Radio Show Host]

Whose idea is this?

[Joe Santos]

Mine.

[Radio Show Host]

Yours? Now I've heard everything. What's your interest in this? What's her name?

[Joe Santos]

Emily. Emily King.

[Radio Show Host]

How come you're so concerned about it?

[Joe Santos]

I just feel sorry for the dame.

[Radio Show Host]

You sure that's all?

[Joe Santos]

Look, can't a guy do a decent thing in his life without everyone being suspicious?

[Radio Show Host]

All depends on who the guy is. Who does Mrs. King say killed her husband?

[Joe Santos]

She don't know. She was in the bedroom packing when Brian got it.

[Radio Show Host]

What were they doing in New York?

[Joe Santos]

Her husband came here to work for Joe Santis. Maybe it didn't pan out because he was in an awful hurry to leave.

[Radio Show Host]

Did you speak to Santos?

[Joe Santos]

Yeah. He denies the whole thing. Claims King was doing fine.

[Radio Show Host]

And I suppose he has an alibi for the time of the murder.

[Joe Santos]

What do you think?

[Radio Show Host]

I think if I'm going to prove my unknown client didn't kill her husband, I better get started finding the party who did. I'll be seeing you, Sergeant.

[Ed Herr]

Now back to the adventures of the Falcon. An hour has passed since Mike Waring, acting at the behest of Sergeant Corbett, undertook to do some private detecting for Emily King. And now, as we find the Falcon, he is making like a private eye.

[Brian King]

Oh, no, don't tell me.

[Radio Show Host]

Yes, it's me, Santos. Or should I say I?

[Brian King]

Anything you say, Mike, is okay with me. Sit down.

[Radio Show Host]

Thanks.

[Brian King]

Would you like something to drink? Maybe.

[Radio Show Host]

Maybe. Scott's fine.

[Brian King]

You think you're going to be able to do something for that little girl?

[Radio Show Host]

What little girl?

[Brian King]

Brian's wife.

[Radio Show Host]

How did you know I was working for her?

[Brian King]

I got ways. Look, Mike, if she needs money Let me know.

[Radio Show Host]

Where's your white beard, Santos?

[Brian King]

Don't get me wrong, Mike. I give nothing away. You ever stop to think that the party who killed Brian maybe was trying to kill me?

[Radio Show Host]

You kidding?

[Brian King]

Didn't the cops tell you the hotel suite Brian was using was registered in my name?

[Radio Show Host]

No.

[Brian King]

Well, it was. I turned it over to Mr. And Mrs. King because they have no place to live in New York.

[Radio Show Host]

What kind of work did Brian do for you?

[Brian King]

Oh, little this, little dad that tells me. What's the matter?

[Radio Show Host]

That picture on the piano.

[Brian King]

What about it?

[Radio Show Host]

I think I recognize the lady. Isn't her name Doris Webster?

[Brian King]

Yeah.

[Radio Show Host]

Certainly is a small world.

[Brian King]

Where do you know Doris from?

[Radio Show Host]

Oh, she was up to see me yesterday.

[Brian King]

About what?

[Radio Show Host]

Oh, no, Santos, don't tell me you're jealous.

[Brian King]

I asked you a question, Mike.

[Radio Show Host]

I suppose you answer one of mine first. Was Doris running around with Brian King?

[Brian King]

No.

[Radio Show Host]

Well, I've only got your wood. Who's in the next room?

[Brian King]

Nobody.

[Radio Show Host]

Don't give me that. I heard something in there.

[Brian King]

You're crazy. I assure you. See?

[Radio Show Host]

Look out, Santa.

[Doris Webster]

All the rotten luck.

[Radio Show Host]

What's the trouble, angel?

[Doris Webster]

Well, if it isn't Mr. Waring.

[Radio Show Host]

Well, darned if it isn't. It's like I just mentioned to a friend. It certainly is a small world.

[Doris Webster]

Yeah, too small.

[Radio Show Host]

Say, that must be a dihedral, huh? That's the molten joint that's attached to the Finnegan pen. Here, let me show you.

[Doris Webster]

Wait a minute.

[Radio Show Host]

All right. If you don't want your car started.

[Doris Webster]

You think you can, Angel?

[Radio Show Host]

I'm the greatest little Mr. Fix It in the Business. Move over. Now, if I'm not mistaken, there should be a loose wire under the dash. Mm. What did I tell you?

[Doris Webster]

It's been cut.

[Radio Show Host]

Exactly. But if we wind the ends together like so, then.

[Doris Webster]

Who cut those wires?

[Brian King]

Me.

[Doris Webster]

What was the idea?

[Radio Show Host]

Well, it was the only way I could think of to arrange this interview. How about a drive around Central Park?

[Doris Webster]

Get out.

[Radio Show Host]

Oh, you're not gonna make me do that. Beautiful. After all the trouble I went to.

[Doris Webster]

Do you want me to call a cop?

[Radio Show Host]

Well, that's entirely up to you, Doris, but I don't think Joe Santos would approve.

[Doris Webster]

Well, if Santa's ever finds you talking to me.

[Radio Show Host]

I don't think there's any danger of that, at least for a couple of hours. Or haven't you heard? He was shot at 2:30 this afternoon.

[Doris Webster]

You're lying.

[Radio Show Host]

Well, there's no reason to be upset, Angel. The bullet just tore a chunk out of his side.

[Doris Webster]

Listen, Waring what do you want a.

[Radio Show Host]

Murderer of Brian King?

[Doris Webster]

I don't know anything about it.

[Radio Show Host]

I suppose you let me be the judge of that. Now, when was the last time you saw Brian King alive?

[Doris Webster]

Yesterday, when he brought Stuart.

[Radio Show Host]

Mm. Now we're getting to it. Stuart's the boy who told me was kidnapped.

[Doris Webster]

I didn't say he was kidnapped.

[Radio Show Host]

Oh, please, let's not start that again. I gather Mr. Van Dyne has finally turned up, huh?

[Doris Webster]

Yeah.

[Radio Show Host]

And Brian King was the one who located him.

[Doris Webster]

That's one way to put it.

[Radio Show Host]

What's the connection between you and Stuart?

[Doris Webster]

We used to be kind of friendly.

[Radio Show Host]

What stopped you?

[Doris Webster]

Santa's found out about us through Brian King.

[Radio Show Host]

Oh, so that's the connection. And what did the messages King and Santos do to Stuart?

[Doris Webster]

I. I have no idea.

[Radio Show Host]

Well, suppose you give me Stuart's address and let me find out for myself.

[Joe Santos]

You sure this is the right place, Mike?

[Radio Show Host]

Doris told me Stuart Van Dyne was living in apartment 4E, sergeant.

[Joe Santos]

Guess he's out. Are you surprised I don't follow you?

[Radio Show Host]

Mr. Santos is inclined to be a little on the possessive side. What do you think would happen to anyone who he caught playing around with Doris?

[Joe Santos]

Well, where are your keys? I don't like to do this.

[Radio Show Host]

Whose idea was it for me to get messed up in this business? Who asked me to try and help? Emily Kane?

[Joe Santos]

Okay, okay. This one ought to do it. Yeah. Awful dark in here.

[Radio Show Host]

Light switch ought to be somewhere.

[Stuart Van Dyne]

Get your hands off that switch. I've got enough light from the hallway.

[Radio Show Host]

Oh, no. That's not fair, chum. You can see us and we can't see you.

[Joe Santos]

That's tough.

[Stuart Van Dyne]

But just to make things easier for you, I'll tell you. I've got a gun in my hand.

[Radio Show Host]

You Stuart Van Dyne?

[Stuart Van Dyne]

What's it to you?

[Radio Show Host]

A thought just occurred to me, Stuart, that you'd be no better off than we are if I were to shut the door. Will you hit the light, Sergeant?

[Stuart Van Dyne]

I'm warning you. Put him out.

[Radio Show Host]

It's too late, friend.

[Joe Santos]

No wonder he was sitting alone in the dark.

[Radio Show Host]

Yeah. Who did that to your face?

[Stuart Van Dyne]

None of your business.

[Radio Show Host]

It was Brian King, wasn't it?

[Stuart Van Dyne]

What if it was?

[Radio Show Host]

That might explain a lot of things. Such as? Finding you alive and him dead. What did Dara say when she saw you?

[Stuart Van Dyne]

I'll take care of her, too.

[Radio Show Host]

Well, you took care of Brian King.

[Stuart Van Dyne]

Suppose you start answering some of my questions for a change. How did you guys get in here?

[Radio Show Host]

Simple. Sergeant has a set of skeleton keys.

[Stuart Van Dyne]

Let's have them now. Let me have them, Sergeant. Or would you sooner I took him off your body.

[Radio Show Host]

I think he means that, Corbett.

[Joe Santos]

Okay.

[Stuart Van Dyne]

Nope. Just drop him on that bureau. I'll pick him up from there. Now let's see how fast you boys can get to the other side of the room. Come on, hurry up.

[Radio Show Host]

You're making a mistake, Stuart.

[Stuart Van Dyne]

Let me worry about that.

[Radio Show Host]

Where are you going?

[Joe Santos]

Out. You're not gonna lock us in here.

[Stuart Van Dyne]

You know, Sergeant, you ought to make a great detective. That's as good a piece of deduction as I've heard in years.

[Radio Show Host]

Are you coming on that door, Sergeant?

[Joe Santos]

Ain't made a dent in it yet.

[Radio Show Host]

Well, save your knuckles. The squad car will be here in a minute.

[Joe Santos]

Were you able to get Doris Webster on the phone?

[Radio Show Host]

Oh, our line has been busy.

[Joe Santos]

I'll try her again.

[Brian King]

Okay.

[Joe Santos]

You don't think Van Dyne could have gotten to her yet?

[Radio Show Host]

No, not a chance.

[Joe Santos]

Can I get my hands on that guy?

[Doris Webster]

Hello?

[Radio Show Host]

Hello? That's you, Doris.

[Doris Webster]

Who's this?

[Radio Show Host]

Mike Waring. Hey, Stewart's looking for you. Hope you got a good strong lock on your door.

[Doris Webster]

You're not frightening me.

[Radio Show Host]

I didn't intend to. That's Joe santis's department.

[Doris Webster]

And Mr. Santis doesn't worry me either. Little Doris can look after herself.

[Radio Show Host]

You know, it's a funny thing, Doris, but the last time I heard someone say that the undertaker was around in short order. I hope you have better luck.

[Doris Webster]

Who's there?

[Brian King]

He's me, Doris Thanos. Yeah.

[Doris Webster]

Okay, honey. Just a second. Come on in, honey.

[Brian King]

Thanks.

[Doris Webster]

Oh, I. I thought you'd be in bed.

[Brian King]

You mean that bullet? Nothing.

[Doris Webster]

Oh, I'll bet it hurts something awful. Here, come on, sit down, honey.

[Brian King]

I tell you, it's not in.

[Doris Webster]

Doris, you're angry with me, aren't you?

[Brian King]

Why? I got the reason.

[Doris Webster]

Oh, I give you my word, honey. That Stewart character didn't mean a thing. You know there's only one man in the world for me.

[Brian King]

Sure.

[Doris Webster]

Oh, come on, honey. Say you forgive me.

[Brian King]

And if I do?

[Doris Webster]

I promise I'll never look at another man again.

[Brian King]

Until the next time, huh?

[Doris Webster]

What do you want me to do, crawl on my knees?

[Brian King]

It might be a good idea.

[Doris Webster]

Listen, you creep. Who do you think you're talking to anyway?

[Brian King]

What's the matter, Doris? You fed up?

[Doris Webster]

You're darn right I am. Did you ever get a good look at yourself in a mirror?

[Brian King]

Oh, I know Santos is not so good looking.

[Doris Webster]

That's putting it mildly. Sure, I went with Stuart and there were other guys too. And there will be again.

[Brian King]

I won't bet on that.

[Doris Webster]

Yeah, well, I would.

[Brian King]

You're not afraid of what this actor fellow story is gonna have to say?

[Doris Webster]

No. The police will take care of him.

[Brian King]

Why should they?

[Doris Webster]

Because he killed Brian King.

[Brian King]

Why should he?

[Doris Webster]

Because of what King did to his face.

[Brian King]

You're forgetting something, Doris. I tell King to do this thing.

[Doris Webster]

Well, he took a shot at you too, didn't he?

[Brian King]

No. Dad was one of my boys.

[Doris Webster]

What?

[Brian King]

Yeah, Vince, you remember him. Nice tall fellow.

[Doris Webster]

I don't understand.

[Brian King]

Sure you do, Doris. You are a very smart girl.

[Doris Webster]

You killed Brian.

[Brian King]

That's right.

[Doris Webster]

You're crazy.

[Brian King]

I can't be. If the cops think Stuart did it, of course you could tell him.

[Doris Webster]

Now listen. Listen, Sandy, I swear I wouldn't give you way.

[Brian King]

Wouldn't you?

[Doris Webster]

No, no. If I wanted to squeal, there are plenty of other things. I know.

[Brian King]

Come here, baby.

[Doris Webster]

Oh, darling, you gotta believe me. Honey, I'll never open my mouth.

[Brian King]

Yes, I believe.

[Radio Show Host]

Wait a minute, Sergeant. I think that's the apartment.

[Joe Santos]

Is there a name plate?

[Radio Show Host]

Yeah.

[Joe Santos]

Uh huh.

[Radio Show Host]

Doris Webster.

[Joe Santos]

What are you waiting for?

[Radio Show Host]

I got a hunch she ain't gonna answer.

[Joe Santos]

I wouldn't be surprised if you're right.

[Radio Show Host]

Well, shall we?

[Joe Santos]

By all means. Uh, take a look at what's hanging from the chandelier. Well, that's one way to get up in the world.

[Radio Show Host]

Good three feet, I'd say.

[Joe Santos]

Might as well have been a mile.

[Radio Show Host]

All right, let's get her down.

[Joe Santos]

Well, that's life for you. But I wonder why she did it.

[Radio Show Host]

Did what, Sergeant?

[Joe Santos]

Commit suicide.

[Radio Show Host]

Who says it's suicide?

[Joe Santos]

I do.

[Radio Show Host]

You see any sign of a note around?

[Joe Santos]

What makes you think there has to be a note every time? The girl was scared so she put.

[Radio Show Host]

A rope around her neck and hung herself.

[Joe Santos]

Won't be the first time it happened.

[Radio Show Host]

No, it doesn't make. Take a look at that red leather vanity bench.

[Joe Santos]

Yeah, what about it?

[Radio Show Host]

Can't you see it's been torn apart? Look at the condition of the living room.

[Joe Santos]

What does that prove?

[Radio Show Host]

Well, if Doris committed suicide, who took the joint apart?

[Joe Santos]

She might have herself.

[Radio Show Host]

Why?

[Joe Santos]

How should I know?

[Radio Show Host]

Well, maybe I can guess. Dara seemed awfully sure that she could keep Joe Santos in line. Now, how could she do that?

[Joe Santos]

I don't know.

[Radio Show Host]

The obvious answer is that she must have been holding something over his head. I suppose it was hidden in that vanity bench.

[Joe Santos]

Why would it have to be in there?

[Radio Show Host]

It didn't. The point is, wherever it was, Santos must have found it. And Destroyed it?

[Joe Santos]

Well, assuming for the sake of argument, he did, I don't see how that makes us any better off.

[Radio Show Host]

Frankly, I don't either, Sergeant, but I'm grasping at straws. Let's hope one of them is enough to break Santos neck.

[Ed Herr]

Now back to the adventure of the Falcon. An hour has passed since Mike and Sergeant Corbett discovered the body of Doris Webster hanging in her apartment. And now, as we find the aforementioned gentleman, they're breaking the news to Joe Santos, who, surprisingly enough, doesn't seem in the least bit disturbed.

[Brian King]

Well, what are you going to do? That's life.

[Radio Show Host]

You seem to be taking it pretty much in your stride, Santos.

[Brian King]

You expect me to cut my throat?

[Radio Show Host]

You may want to with that because.

[Brian King]

I've got a theory you killed Doris. You got a theory? You're out of your mind, Mike. I haven't been out of these beds since I was shot.

[Radio Show Host]

How do you account for those scratches on your face when I saw you earlier today? There wasn't a mark on you.

[Joe Santos]

And don't tell us you caught yourself shaving.

[Radio Show Host]

Say, Sergeant.

[Joe Santos]

Yeah?

[Radio Show Host]

Has the report come through on the substance under Doris fingernails?

[Joe Santos]

Huh?

[Radio Show Host]

You know, the stuff you had analyzed.

[Joe Santos]

Oh, sure, sure.

[Radio Show Host]

It was human flesh, wasn't it?

[Joe Santos]

Yeah, that's right. The doc said probably came from a man.

[Radio Show Host]

You know, Santos, they can tell in five minutes who that man was.

[Joe Santos]

Who?

[Brian King]

Are you kidding?

[Radio Show Host]

Okay, don't bleep me, Sergeant.

[Brian King]

Wait a minute. Well, suppose I was in Dori's apartment.

[Radio Show Host]

But were you or weren't you?

[Brian King]

Yeah.

[Radio Show Host]

And you did fight with her?

[Brian King]

Yeah, I tried to keep her from committing suicide.

[Radio Show Host]

You couldn't have tried very hard.

[Brian King]

Well, I do the best I can. Remember, she showed me this afternoon. I'm still weak. Sure.

[Radio Show Host]

Well, it may be news to you, Santos, but when people hang themselves, they customarily step off a height. And there was nothing resembling a chair in that bedroom.

[Brian King]

You're sure of that?

[Radio Show Host]

Positive.

[Brian King]

You don't see a red leather vanity bench, you mean? Yeah.

[Joe Santos]

Looks like he's got you there, Mike. Remember, you were the one who commented on it.

[Radio Show Host]

Yes, so I did. What did you take out of that bench, Santos?

[Brian King]

Dawn? You wish you knew.

[Radio Show Host]

Maybe I can guess. Probably some evidence linking you with a couple of unsolved murders.

[Brian King]

Yes. It's all no good, Mike. You got to be able to prove it.

[Radio Show Host]

Not if we can prove you killed Doris Webster. And take it from me, Santos, we can. All right, sergeant, make like a cup.

[Joe Santos]

I hope you're not bluffing this time, Mike.

[Radio Show Host]

No, I'm not, Sergeant. Santos killed both Doris and Brian King.

[Joe Santos]

But that's what doesn't make sense. Why should he kill King? The guy was working for him.

[Radio Show Host]

Oh, yeah, but Santos didn't believe he was working out, right? King didn't approve of what Santos forced him to do to Stuart Van Dyne and he was all for taking a powder. Well, you know Santos. The only time you quit his outfit is the way King did.

[Joe Santos]

Well, why did he kill Doris?

[Radio Show Host]

He was tired of her horsing around. And he couldn't have been exactly crazy about whatever it was she was holding over his head.

[Joe Santos]

So he strung her up.

[Radio Show Host]

That's right. And you're probably curious about how I figured that one out.

[Joe Santos]

No, no, no. We found Doris hanging three feet off the floor.

[Radio Show Host]

Listen.

[Joe Santos]

And that vanity bench Santa's claims she used was only 24 inches high. Now, you tell me how you can step off something 2ft high and wind up 3ft in the air.

[Radio Show Host]

All right, if you saw it, why didn't you say something before?

[Joe Santos]

What, spoil your fun? Don't forget, Mike, I'm a typical dumb cop who can't add two and two together without using his fingers. If I claimed I solved a crime, who'd ever believe me?

[Radio Show Host]

Certainly no one who ever listened to a show called the Adventures of the Falcon. Good night, sergeant. This is NBC, the National Broadcasting Company.