The Saint: The Horrible Hamburger 09/10/1950

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Saint – "The Horrible Hamburger" (09/10/1950)

Podcast: Choice Classic Radio Detectives | Old Time Radio
Host: Choice Classic Radio
Episode Title: The Saint: The Horrible Hamburger
Air Date: March 28, 2026 (originally 09/10/1950)
Main Voice Cast: Vincent Price as Simon Templer ("The Saint")
Runtime (content): Begins ~01:05, ends ~28:09

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Episode Overview

In this classic radio mystery, Simon Templer (alias "The Saint"), played by Vincent Price, stumbles into intrigue on a countryside detour. What starts as an innocent trip to visit friends in Westchester swiftly turns into a murder investigation centered around a grim eatery called "The Happy Hamburger." The episode is a mix of suspense, sharp wit, and colorful characters, exemplifying the charm and cleverness of vintage detective radio.

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Key Discussion & Plot Points

1. A Detour in the Night

• [01:05–03:00] Simon hails a cab with his driver Louie, bantering about directions and language.
• Louie gets lost en route, prompting them to stop for dinner at the "Happy Hamburger," a decrepit roadside restaurant.
• Quote – (Simon): “A gourmet who could have delighted in this place is still undiscovered.” (03:14)

2. A Corpse in the Trunk

• [05:18–06:28] After dinner and a flat tire, Louie discovers a body stuffed in the trunk of his cab.
• They deduce the murder must have taken place—or at least the corpse was added—while they ate at the Happy Hamburger.
• Quote – (Louie): “Somebody shoots a guy, all right, maybe you don't like him. Why does he have to stuff the corpse into the trunk of my cab?” (06:28)

3. Investigation at the Happy Hamburger

• [07:34–13:05] Simon and Louie return to the Happy Hamburger, meeting the dour Mrs. Lawton and her surly husband, who reluctantly endure their interrogation about the deceased (identified as their recently quit hired hand, Dan Webster).
• The corpse vanishes before it can be shown, deepening the mystery.
• Quote – (Simon): “We’ve kind of found that corpse all over again.” (20:43)

4. Small Town Characters & Discoveries

• [14:01–16:11] In the nearby town of Exburg, they stop at the local drugstore. Simon extracts rumors from Teddy, the flirtatious local “farmer’s daughter,” who hints at a clandestine relationship between Webster and Mrs. Lawton.
• Quote – (Teddy): “He [Webster] wears a Private Property No Trespassing sign on him. Whose sign? Mrs. Lawton's.” (15:28–15:37)

5. Muddy Evidence

• [17:11–19:44] Returning to the Lawton property by night, Simon deduces that the burial of the corpse would be near a water source, using the Lawton's hungry dog as a guide.
• The dog leads them to a muddy pond where the body is rediscovered, buried in a shallow grave.
• Simon realizes Mrs. Lawton’s mention of muddy shoes was a critical clue.

6. Bullets and Revelations

• [21:04–22:32] A shadowy figure fires at them as they unearth the grave; Simon instructs Louie to escape for help.
• Teddy unexpectedly appears in the grave, confirming the dead man is indeed Mr. Lawton, not Webster; the murderers tried to pass him off as the missing hired hand.
• Quote – (Simon): “Teddy, Dan Webster along with Mrs. Lawton murdered Mr. Lawton.” (23:14–23:26)

7. Final Showdown and Justice

• [25:09–27:00] As Webster and Mrs. Lawton attempt to flee, Templer, Louie, and Teddy follow and force their car off the road near the police station, ensuring their arrest.
• Simon explains his deductions: the muddy shoes, fast removal of the corpse, and the critical role of luck (the flat tire) in uncovering the crime.
• Quote – (Simon): “Actually, their idea of placing the corpse in the trunk compartment of the cab was clever. Normally, the body wouldn't have been discovered for days and then miles away from Exburgh.” (27:02)

8. Closing Notes and Lighthearted Resolution

• [27:58–28:30] Teddy hints at romance, but Simon, ever proper, gently rebuffs her; the case is closed, with justice and Simon's integrity intact.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Banter and Wit

• (Louie, on being lost): "So, I'll turn my badge in. So my wife will despise me. So my children will go through life ashamed of their old man." (02:39)

Comic/Satirical Moments

• (Louie, on dessert): “We got blueberry pie and we got huckleberry pie. Huckleberry is a nickel more. Why? Harder to spell.” (04:49)
• (Teddy, on Simon): “Tell me then, my dear…” (15:17)
• (Simon, to Teddy): “But Simon, my dear, you're very lovely, but you're very young. So I'm afraid this is where the farmer's daughter goes back to the farm.” (28:09)

Key Deductions

• (Simon, on Mrs. Lawton): “Her instinctive reaction was to tell [Webster] not to track mud on the rug. If he’d been asleep in the house, there shouldn’t have been mud on his shoes.” (27:28)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:05] – Introduction to Simon & Louie; setting up the trip
• [03:02] – Arrival at Happy Hamburger
• [05:18] – Discovery of the corpse
• [08:20] – Confrontation with Mrs. Lawton
• [12:09] – Attempt to show Lawtons the body; body missing
• [14:15] – Seeking town gossip at the drugstore
• [17:11] – Searching for the burial site (the pond)
• [20:43] – Rediscovery of the body
• [21:04] – Shooting at the graveside
• [23:14] – Revelation of the murderers’ plot
• [25:09] – Car chase and apprehension
• [27:02] – Simon explains the solution
• [28:09] – Light romantic close; Simon sends Teddy home

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Tone & Style

The episode is marked by the quick, dry wit of both Simon Templer and his sidekick Louie. The dialogue brims with sharp retorts, playful sarcasm, and irony, in classic Saint fashion. The “farmer’s daughter” trope is played humorously, with Teddy's nonchalance juxtaposed against the sinister crime. Simon remains ever the unflappable, charming investigator, bringing calm and clarity to a convoluted rural murder – with a bit of luck and plenty of brains.

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In Summary

A tightly plotted rural whodunit with clever dialogue and memorable characters, "The Horrible Hamburger" delivers all the hallmarks that made "The Saint" beloved in radio's golden age: suspense, deduction, humor, and, above all, Vincent Price’s suave delivery. The crime is solved not just by acute observation, but by happenstance and the quirks of its eccentric supporting cast.

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Listen to this episode for:

• Snappy period dialogue
• An atmosphere of suspense laced with sardonic humor
• Vincent Price at his most charismatic detective best

Classic Moment: The case turns on a flat tire, a muddy pawprint, and the investigative skills of a very hungry, very persistent Saint.

Transcript

[Louie]

Welcome to Choice Classic Radio where we bring to you the greatest old time radio shows like us on Facebook, subscribe to us on YouTube and thank you for [e-mail].

[Announcer]

The Adventures of the Saints starring Vincent Price, The Saint. Based on characters created by Leslie Charters and known to millions from books, magazines and motion pictures, the Robin Hood of modern crime now comes transcribed to radio. Starring Hollywood's brilliant and talented actor Vincent Price as the Saint.

[Simon Templer]

Taxi. Taxi.

[Louie]

Among men who know locomotion Test, it's Louie. Three to one.

[Simon Templer]

Hello, Louie.

[Louie]

Hi, Mr. Templar. Climb in.

[Simon Templer]

Thank you.

[Louie]

And with it can I waft you this beautiful evening?

[Simon Templer]

With it can you waft me? Louie, what's wrong?

[Louie]

Something has to be wrong before I use a poetical type speech. No, but I. There's a law which says cab drivers can't use good English.

[Simon Templer]

Well, no, but I.

[Louie]

So, Whitaker, can I watch you walk

[Simon Templer]

me to Spring Lake Road, if you please?

[Louie]

Spring Lake Road? I never heard of it. You've nothing better to do than go around making up new streets?

[Simon Templer]

Louis, Spring Lake Road is in Westchester.

[Louie]

Good. Let it stay there. Louie, I want to go there. Why?

[Simon Templer]

I've been invited to dinner by some friends.

[Louie]

The food tastes better in Westchester.

[Simon Templer]

No, but my friends live there.

[Louie]

Okay?

[Simon Templer]

So please don't sulk. Louis. Lots of people live in Westchester.

[Louie]

Lots of people are crazy.

[Simon Templer]

Westchester happens to be a very lovely place.

[Louie]

Full of trees, ain't it?

[Simon Templer]

The trees are attractive to who apes. I'd better tell you how to go.

[Louie]

You don't have to tell me. I'll find it. I know, but listen, Mr. Templer, I'm a cab driver. Cab drivers never get lost. Louie, don't say it.

[Simon Templer]

We've just passed that oak tree on the left for the third time.

[Louie]

So? It's an active tree.

[Simon Templer]

I thought cab drivers never got lost.

[Louie]

Somebody swiped all the street sign from the trees. So I got lost. So I'll turn my badge in. So my wife will despise me. So my children will go through life ashamed of their old man. So I. Louie, it's 10 o'. Clock.

[Simon Templer]

My dinner invitation was for 8:30.

[Louie]

You'll never make it.

[Simon Templer]

I don't doubt that, but I'm hungry. Next time you get to an eating

[Louie]

place, don't say any more. Right up the road.

[Simon Templer]

Oh yeah, the happy hamburger. Ben Lawton, proprietor. It doesn't look very happy.

[Louie]

What has it got to look happy about?

[Simon Templer]

I meant the place itself.

[Louie]

So maybe it looks a little like if the wolf came around and huffed and puffed you Wouldn't have to strain it lung before it fell down. But food is food.

[Simon Templer]

Except when it's a happy hamburger.

[Announcer]

Perhaps.

[Louie]

However. Hey, must be the wolf huffing or maybe puffin. Here he is.

[Simon Templer]

Yeah, savage looking animal.

[Louie]

Some wolf.

[Simon Templer]

The poor dog looks as if he hadn't eaten for a week.

[Louie]

Let's get into the joint before he mistakes me for a T ball steak. Oh, I must have read his feelings.

[Simon Templer]

Happy hamburger is not having a busy night.

[Louie]

What can I do for you?

[Simon Templer]

We'd like some dinner.

[Louie]

Well, we're kind of closing.

[Simon Templer]

But you haven't closed yet.

[Louie]

No, I guess we ain't set anywhere. I guess the missus will dish up some food. I'll go tell her. A very enthusiastic type host.

[Simon Templer]

Never mind that. I hope they have a well stocked larder. I hope. It further occurs to me that they don't have to go out and catch that dog before they have a larder at all.

[Louie]

Stop hoping.

[Simon Templer]

A man could get ceasing. Of course, this place may be an undiscovered gourmet's delight, but I wouldn't bet on it. And. A gourmet who could have delighted in this place is still undiscovered. What do you think of Mrs. Lawton's cooking?

[Louie]

I don't want to think of it. I'm trying to eat it. You finish with your dinner, fellas.

[Simon Templer]

The dinner is more likely to finish. Oh, how about dessert?

[Louie]

Well, we got blueberry pie and we got huckleberry p. Pie.

[Simon Templer]

What's the difference?

[Louie]

Huckleberry pie is a nickel more. Why harder to spell? What will you have?

[Simon Templer]

Apple pie. Oh, man. What's the matter, Louie?

[Louie]

Dinner.

[Simon Templer]

Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. However, we won't starve to death while you try to find your way back. I beg your pardon?

[Louie]

It wasn't me. That was a tire.

[Simon Templer]

I was afraid it was.

[Louie]

I think maybe. Yeah, Flat. Flat.

[Simon Templer]

Fine. We're back in front of that oak tree again.

[Louie]

You keep your eye on that oak, Mr. Templer, while I get to spare.

[Simon Templer]

Yeah. Want some help?

[Louie]

No, thanks. Mr. Templar.

[Simon Templer]

Yes, Louie.

[Louie]

Come here.

[Simon Templer]

Don't tell me you can't lift the spare all by yourself.

[Louie]

The spare I could lift, but there's something else, you see.

[Simon Templer]

Yes? A hitchhiker man in his 40s, perhaps, dressed in farmer's clothing.

[Louie]

He might have walking terribly tired.

[Simon Templer]

Louie, he got dead.

[Louie]

Somebody shoots a guy, all right, maybe you don't like him. Why does he have to stuff the corpse into the trunk of my cab?

[Simon Templer]

I don't know. There were no papers of any Kind on the body.

[Louie]

All right, so he's a total stranger. But why are we heading back to the Happy Hamburger?

[Simon Templer]

Because that's where we must have acquired the corpse. It's the only place we stopped. We're out of sight of the car. Unless he was already in the trunk before we left the city.

[Louie]

No, no. I checked the tires plus the spare before I picked you up.

[Simon Templer]

Then it's the Happy Hamburger. The man was murdered. Fairly recently, anyway.

[Louie]

How do you know I'm.

[Simon Templer]

No. Rigor mortis. Body warrant.

[Louie]

Never mind. Never mind. You know I'll stay a dope. Hey, Mr. Templer?

[Simon Templer]

Yes, Louie?

[Louie]

What kind of a welcome you think we're going to get at the Hamburger?

[Simon Templer]

It's hard to tell, except that it may not be a welcome at all. Joint is dark.

[Louie]

Looks like maybe they went out of business.

[Simon Templer]

There's a house behind the restaurant that's dark too. The Lawtons may have gone to bed. It's after 11.

[Louie]

It is very late. Maybe we should go to bed. Here comes the junior werewolf again.

[Simon Templer]

Yeah.

[Louie]

That animal should be fed, but not by me. All the flesh I got, I need.

[Simon Templer]

Come along now.

[Louie]

Yeah, I'm coming. So is the hound of the basket.

[Simon Templer]

No, he's not bothering us.

[Louie]

So far he kept his teeth to himself. Suppose he decides to risk a few and see how we taste.

[Simon Templer]

That's a chance we'll have to take. Well, here goes.

[Louie]

Don't look now, but our chum has left us again.

[Simon Templer]

I couldn't be more pleased.

[Louie]

You know, if they're asleep, they're not gonna love us with a great love.

[Simon Templer]

And I'm not at the moment seeking affection.

[Mrs. Lawton]

Yeah?

[Simon Templer]

Mrs. Lawton?

[Mrs. Lawton]

That's right.

[Simon Templer]

My name is Simon Templer. This is Louie.

[Mrs. Lawton]

What do you want?

[Simon Templer]

You cooked dinner for us a little while ago.

[Mrs. Lawton]

So I cooked dinner for you.

[Simon Templer]

Well, since that time, we've had a little trouble. We had a flat tire.

[Mrs. Lawton]

This ain't a garage.

[Simon Templer]

I wasn't referring to the tire when I said trouble.

[Mrs. Lawton]

Why don't you say what you're referring to?

[Simon Templer]

Well, I would rather your husband were here when I do.

[Mrs. Lawton]

He's asleep.

[Simon Templer]

Or he can be weight.

[Mrs. Lawton]

What for?

[Simon Templer]

It's a matter of some importance.

[Mrs. Lawton]

You still ain't said anything.

[Simon Templer]

The matter might be murder.

[Mrs. Lawton]

Murder?

[Simon Templer]

That's right.

[Mrs. Lawton]

Come in.

[Louie]

Thanks.

[Mrs. Lawton]

Wait in here. It's the parlor. We shall takes time to waken Mr. Lawton. He sleeps hard.

[Simon Templer]

Well, I'm sorry, but I'm afraid it's necessary.

[Mrs. Lawton]

That don't make it easier. Set. I'll get him up and dress.

[Louie]

I think the word for her is gracious.

[Simon Templer]

Very few women are at their best in the middle of the night, Louie.

[Louie]

That's what you think.

[Simon Templer]

Would you like no?

[Louie]

Okay. Hey, Mr. Templar. You figuring the deceased we got in the cab was put there by the Lawtons?

[Simon Templer]

Not necessarily. They did have the opportunity, but so would anyone else who might have been around the place while we were having dinner.

[Louie]

Oh, stop complicating things. It's bad enough this is some parlor.

[Simon Templer]

Yes, I've seen cheerier places.

[Louie]

They got a radio, though. No television set is that bad. Well, Mr. Templar, what do you think of television?

[Simon Templer]

I think of it as infrequently as I can. Mrs. Lawton is apparently having difficulty waking her husband.

[Louie]

From what we've seen of the guy, how can she tell when he's awake? 10, 11. Well, you know what happens at midnight.

[Simon Templer]

What?

[Louie]

Ghosts take walks. Maybe our boats have flown the coop.

[Simon Templer]

It's a possibility.

[Louie]

How can a Boyd fly a coop?

[Mrs. Lawton]

They're in here in the parlor.

[Simon Templer]

Mm.

[Louie]

They can't fly a coop.

[Simon Templer]

Hi. Hello, Mr. Lawton. You didn't have to bother dressing for us.

[Louie]

I dress for myself.

[Mrs. Lawton]

And don't go tracking mud over the best rug set where you are.

[Louie]

I'll sit where I am. Wife tells me you're Mr. Templar.

[Simon Templer]

I am.

[Louie]

She also tells me you got something to say about a murder.

[Simon Templer]

I have. Say it in a moment. Your wife and you own the Happy Hamburger.

[Louie]

You already know that.

[Simon Templer]

I noticed quite some farmland behind the house. Yours?

[Louie]

Yeah.

[Simon Templer]

You farm it yourself?

[Louie]

Pretty much.

[Simon Templer]

Does that pretty much mean you have help?

[Louie]

Sometimes. Hired hand named Webster.

[Simon Templer]

Why only sometimes?

[Louie]

Well, he up and quit this afternoon.

[Simon Templer]

That's too bad.

[Louie]

Oh, he'll be back. Soon as he spends his money.

[Simon Templer]

You might be wrong about that.

[Louie]

Always has before. What are you getting at?

[Simon Templer]

Suppose we go outside to the cab, huh?

[Louie]

I don't mind. Come on, Emmy.

[Mrs. Lawton]

I'm right here.

[Simon Templer]

What kind of a man is West?

[Louie]

Not much count. Works when he has to eat, gets a full belly, stops working.

[Simon Templer]

A philosopher, perhaps. Ever have any quarrels with him?

[Mrs. Lawton]

Kind of nosy, ain't you, Mr. Templer?

[Simon Templer]

Perhaps. But is there any reason why your husband should hesitate about answering that question?

[Louie]

No reason. No quarrels?

[Simon Templer]

Fine. Louie. Yeah? Please open the trunk compartment, will you?

[Louie]

Sure, In a second.

[Simon Templer]

There's something I'd like to show you, Mr. Lawton.

[Louie]

The Templar?

[Simon Templer]

Yes, Louis?

[Louie]

If you were planning on surprising anybody, give up.

[Simon Templer]

What do you mean?

[Louie]

Look. Looks like Boyd's can fly coops. Only I picked the Wrong boat. We have Mislaid our corpse, Mr. Temple.

[Simon Templer]

So it would appear. Strange.

[Louie]

Say, how about letting us in on this?

[Simon Templer]

Mr. Lawton was your hired hand. A man in the middle 40s with brown hair and eyes of stocky build. A small scar under his left jawbone.

[Louie]

That's Webster. You must have met him. What do you have to say for himself?

[Simon Templer]

We met him, but he didn't have anything to say.

[Louie]

We didn't start out being the great loves of the Lawton's life, but I hate to think what they must be thinking of us now.

[Simon Templer]

I hate to think of the missing Mr. Webster.

[Louie]

Yeah. He didn't even say goodbye, Mr. Templer. What happened to him?

[Simon Templer]

I don't know. Corpses rarely are the active type. But the late Mr. Webster may have been an exception.

[Louie]

Exceptions like that, I hope. Stay away from me. We're in what could easily be an overgrown filling station.

[Simon Templer]

Slow down, Louie. This is Exburg. Oh, town nearest the happy hamburger. Place seems to be shut up for the night.

[Louie]

They didn't take the sidewalks in, though. Hey, up ahead, the gay white way.

[Simon Templer]

A drugstore apparently still open. Let's stop there, Louie.

[Louie]

Okay. Front windows full of harnesses, fertilizer and yard goods. How did you know it was a drugstore?

[Simon Templer]

There's a large sign advertising ice cream sodas in front.

[Louie]

Oh, well, that explains it.

[Simon Templer]

Worth thirsty only for information. Come along. Come on.

[Louie]

Joint is crawling with juveniles now. Look at a jukebox.

[Simon Templer]

So it is the waitress behind the fountain. It's too public.

[Louie]

The waitress, the fountain. Ah, Mr. Templar, I just noticed. Behind the cash register this end. Look it.

[Simon Templer]

Yeah, I'm looking.

[Louie]

Well, now put your eyes back in their sockets. She's dressed in gingham. She's wearing pigtails and big blue eyes.

[Simon Templer]

She's nearly the farmer's daughter, Louie.

[Louie]

Is that a fact? Hey, maybe she knows a joke.

[Simon Templer]

He's. Still, she may be able to help us.

[Louie]

Is help the word you really had in mind?

[Simon Templer]

Good evening, miss.

[Teddy]

Hiya, toots.

[Simon Templer]

I beg your pardon so far.

[Mrs. Lawton]

What for?

[Simon Templer]

Hmm. That farm ain't what it used to be.

[Louie]

Not to mention the farmer's daughter.

[Teddy]

Who's the little stranger?

[Simon Templer]

Who's the. Oh, that's Louie.

[Teddy]

It's not bad either, but it looks married. Who are you?

[Simon Templer]

I'm Simon Templer.

[Teddy]

I'm Teddy. And what are you doing after I get through here?

[Simon Templer]

Well, I.

[Teddy]

You married?

[Simon Templer]

No.

[Teddy]

What a coincidence. I'm not married either.

[Simon Templer]

Well, it happens all the time. But what I wanted was.

[Teddy]

Door closes in half hour. Tell me then, my dear.

[Simon Templer]

Teddy, I. Look, what do you know about a man named Webster?

[Teddy]

Dan Webster?

[Simon Templer]

I imagine so.

[Teddy]

Hired hand out to the Lawtons.

[Simon Templer]

Yeah, that's the Dan Webster I had in mind.

[Teddy]

He wears a Private property no Trespassing sign on him.

[Simon Templer]

Oh, whose sign?

[Teddy]

Mrs. Lawton's.

[Simon Templer]

How does Mr. Lawton feel about that?

[Teddy]

Mr. Lawton has never seen fit to whisper sweet nothings in my shell like ear. Don't you think they're shell like my ears, I mean.

[Simon Templer]

I hadn't noticed.

[Teddy]

Stop wasting time and do so. Noticing?

[Simon Templer]

Look, I'm almost old enough to be your father.

[Teddy]

Maybe, but you're not my father.

[Simon Templer]

Good evening, Teddy.

[Teddy]

So far it's a terrible evening. Where you going?

[Simon Templer]

Louis and I have an errand to do.

[Teddy]

My Phone number is 137.

[Simon Templer]

In case. In case of what?

[Teddy]

Your errand is out of town. Goodbye.

[Simon Templer]

Wow. I'm afraid wow is exactly right.

[Louie]

Oh, you know, I'm coming to the conclusion they got something in these small towns up in Westchester.

[Simon Templer]

What? You mean they have his teddy and you're married and we have an appointment.

[Louie]

Yeah.

[Simon Templer]

Where? The Happy Hamburger.

[Louie]

You mean we're going to wake the Lawtons again?

[Simon Templer]

I hope not.

[Louie]

Then what are we going out there for?

[Simon Templer]

We're going to trespass on very private property.

[Louie]

I ought to hang a sign with shuttle on it on my can.

[Simon Templer]

I don't imagine we're going to be coming out here again.

[Louie]

You're not breaking my heart. You know, every time we come out

[Simon Templer]

to the Happy Hamburger, it gets darker. I think I'll coin a proverb.

[Louie]

It's too late.

[Simon Templer]

It's always darker before it's lighter.

[Louie]

I don't think that'll catch on.

[Simon Templer]

Happy Hamburgers up ahead. Louie, we have a problem.

[Louie]

Oh, thanks for letting. What kind of a problem have we got?

[Simon Templer]

We gotta find a pond, a brook or perhaps a lake.

[Louie]

You got a sudden desire to go swimming?

[Simon Templer]

No, not swimming. You forget something, Louie?

[Louie]

I always forget something. What is it this time?

[Simon Templer]

Ponds, brooks or lakes create mud.

[Louie]

Oh, thanks a lot. Tonight I don't need any mud. Call me hypersensitive. I just don't need any mud.

[Simon Templer]

You better stop the car. Under these trees.

[Louie]

Okay.

[Simon Templer]

You know about that mud. I suspect you're mistaken.

[Louie]

That's because you got a suspicious nature. Be sure.

[Simon Templer]

We've got to get started.

[Louie]

Hey, we're heading away from the house.

[Simon Templer]

How true.

[Louie]

Why?

[Simon Templer]

We're looking forward.

[Louie]

I know, I know.

[Simon Templer]

And they rarely occur in houses.

[Louie]

Okay, okay. Does this watery object you're looking for have to be any place in particular or are we surveying Westchester County?

[Simon Templer]

It has to be on the Lawton's land.

[Louie]

Oh, well, that helps. Yeah, probably. They got 139 acres. And in the dark. How are we going to search it? I understand hazel twigs don't work anymore. That hound without a home again. I hope he goes away.

[Simon Templer]

Don't be silly. Louie would want to meet up with him.

[Louie]

You'll do all the wanting by yourself.

[Simon Templer]

Why? Because he's going to be a hazel twig.

[Louie]

What is? Mm. Hey, wait a minute. You mean he'll help us find water?

[Simon Templer]

That's right.

[Louie]

Well, what is all this excitement about water anyway?

[Simon Templer]

Among other things, Louie, water washes away blood,

[Louie]

You know. I'll tell you a secret, Mr. Templer. I never liked hikes.

[Simon Templer]

It can't be much longer. That dog is definitely leading us somewhere.

[Louie]

Sure, sure. Probably to a bony buried last month.

[Simon Templer]

I don't it.

[Louie]

Are you referring to the junior sized lake?

[Simon Templer]

That pond?

[Louie]

Yes. Now. Oh, fine, fine. He went swimming. We gotta go swimming too.

[Simon Templer]

No, we can walk around the pond. We're at one end of it.

[Louie]

Hey, look at that. Unground Hunk of hamburger has stopped.

[Simon Templer]

Yeah, just beyond the pond in a small clump of trees.

[Louie]

We're joining them, of course.

[Simon Templer]

Come on. Why? Because the land around the pond is muddy.

[Louie]

All right, so the land around the pond is muddy. This fills me with a great joy.

[Simon Templer]

Dog's not moving. He's waiting for him.

[Louie]

Also fills my shoes with mud. Hey, you know what happens to trees when they die?

[Simon Templer]

Yeah, they become telegraph poles.

[Louie]

Stop swiping my jokes.

[Simon Templer]

That dog is going nuts with joy.

[Louie]

What does he got to be so happy about? He hasn't even gone near a tree.

[Simon Templer]

He's digging at the ground.

[Louie]

Oh, sure, yeah, that bony buried last month.

[Simon Templer]

Do you know what we're going to do, Louie?

[Louie]

I got an unhappy idea. We're going to copy the dog and dig.

[Simon Templer]

Right.

[Louie]

I'm already looking for something to do with what? Are we gonna dig for something the dog lost?

[Simon Templer]

No, something we lost.

[Louie]

Hey, Mr. Templar, couple of feet more, I'll be in China.

[Simon Templer]

Oh, don't be silly. You can't get to China by digging stuff straight down.

[Louie]

You can't, huh?

[Simon Templer]

Where you get is Australia.

[Louie]

Nobody ever tells me things like that.

[Simon Templer]

Hey, what is it, Louie?

[Louie]

From where you are, you can't see, but from down here.

[Simon Templer]

Well, I'll come to the edge of the hole. Well, Louie, we've kind of found that corpse all over again.

[Louie]

Look, tell that dog to shut up, will you?

[Simon Templer]

I don't feel no, I'll give you a hand. Louie, help. Climb out of the hole.

[Louie]

That sounds like a car backfiring.

[Simon Templer]

Road's too far away. Never mind climbing up here, Louie. I'm going to join you down.

[Louie]

Hey, what's going on? And I'm not going to like the answer.

[Simon Templer]

Someone is having target practice with us. For targets, I could see a vague figure at the other side of the pond. Too dark to identify.

[Louie]

Oh, there goes that hound that walks like a horse. Probably figured was too crowded down here. Hey, Mr. Templar, I hate to mention this, but if the boy with the gun kind of wanders over here.

[Simon Templer]

I realize that. Louie, this grave we're in isn't level. The edge on your side is lower than the one facing the pond. Which means you can climb out without being seen. Make for the trees, then for the road, your cab.

[Louie]

And if you policeman. Maybe so, but then what are you gonna do? Stay here.

[Simon Templer]

Otherwise our gun shooting friend will head for the cab too.

[Louie]

But while I'm getting help, you are liable to be getting killed.

[Simon Templer]

It's a chance we'll have to take. And believe me, I'm not taking it with any great joy. But we have no alternative. You better hurry.

[Louie]

Okay, Mr. Templer. But look at with the way the taxi business is, be careful. I don't want to have to look for another fair on account of you got shot in the woods.

[Simon Templer]

Well, it's been a lovely life.

[Teddy]

Simon, what on earth are you doing down there?

[Simon Templer]

What on earth? I. Teddy.

[Louie]

Uh huh.

[Teddy]

Is it fun down there? Because if it's fun, I'll come right down.

[Simon Templer]

Teddy, stay where you are. I'll.

[Teddy]

Hmm. May not be very fancy down here, but it is cozy. Simon, you didn't tell me you weren't alone.

[Simon Templer]

I didn't have a chance to. You better not look at him too long.

[Teddy]

Simon, what on earth are you doing down at the bottom of a grave with Mr. Lawton?

[Simon Templer]

He is Mr. Lawton, isn't he?

[Teddy]

Well, of course he is. Why do you say it in that funny way?

[Simon Templer]

Because we were supposed to think it was Dan Webster. Except that I hadn't thought so, not for a while. And he was murdered.

[Teddy]

Teddy, did you murder him?

[Simon Templer]

No.

[Teddy]

Well, I'm certainly glad to hear that. Because you're very handsome. But after all, even handsome fellows shouldn't murder people. What they should do is.

[Simon Templer]

Teddy, Dan Webster, along with Mrs. Lawton murdered Mr. Lawton.

[Teddy]

Well, that's not very surprising because they did have a crush on each other and nobody loved Mr. Lawton.

[Simon Templer]

Anyway, they must have planned to leave town immediately after the murder. But, teddy, did you happen to notice a dog about. Not to mention dan whamston.

[Teddy]

I heard somebody running and a dog barking before I found you.

[Simon Templer]

Dog must have frightened webster off, so that's all right. How did you find me?

[Teddy]

I noticed your car outside the happy hamburger. I lived on the road a bit and was going home, so I knew you were someplace around. And when I was a little girl, I used to be a girl scout.

[Simon Templer]

Because you wanted to learn how to tie knots or build campfires?

[Teddy]

No, because I wanted to learn how to track a man. I had a feeling it would come in handy. It has.

[Louie]

Did anybody call for a cab?

[Simon Templer]

Louie. Oh, excuse me, Teddy. Hello, Louie.

[Louie]

Hello, louie, he says.

[Simon Templer]

I thought you'd gone to town for help.

[Louie]

I figured it would take too long, Thinking maybe I could get behind the villain and surprise him. So instead, Mr. Templar, you surpr. Back to the hamburger again.

[Simon Templer]

We're hungry, no? Except perhaps for justice.

[Teddy]

Simon, the lawton's car is out front. Mrs. Lawton's in it.

[Simon Templer]

Come on into the cab.

[Louie]

Over this way and be as quiet as you can.

[Teddy]

All right, Simon,

[Simon Templer]

quiet. You can't see us under the trees here. Turn your ignition on. Louie, Be ready to start the car.

[Louie]

Okay, it's ready.

[Simon Templer]

Webster's coming out of the house carrying a couple of suitcases. He's getting into the car. There they go, Louie.

[Louie]

I know. Follow them.

[Simon Templer]

May not notice they're being followed.

[Louie]

Supposing they do?

[Simon Templer]

We'll have to chance that.

[Louie]

Okay, but look, I don't mind so much being shot myself. But don't forget, this here cab belongs to the company. I can't afford to get bullets in it. We're coming into x brook. What now, Mr. Templer?

[Simon Templer]

Teddy, this hour of the night, no one would be about. Am I right?

[Teddy]

It is kind of late.

[Simon Templer]

The police station is where?

[Teddy]

The next block.

[Simon Templer]

In that case, catch up with them, Louie, quick.

[Louie]

Well, I should have a collision with him.

[Simon Templer]

Preferably a small sized one. You're a good driver, Louie. Run them off the road.

[Louie]

But the.

[Simon Templer]

Never mind that. Hit them soon as we get opposite the station.

[Louie]

Okay. I only hope it'll show on the meter. We're getting close to him. And here goes.

[Simon Templer]

Nice going, Louie.

[Louie]

Oh, didn't even scratch your fender. Say, why aren't those cops polite? Which is very unusual.

[Simon Templer]

And Louis, be still.

[Mrs. Lawton]

Why?

[Simon Templer]

I have to explain things to teddy here.

[Louie]

From what I heard, she don't need no.

[Simon Templer]

8.

[Louie]

I. Shut up.

[Teddy]

Please, Simon, tell me.

[Simon Templer]

Well, you see, Teddy. Mrs. Lawton and Webster planned to kill Mr. Lawton and then leave town, figuring no one would ever know.

[Teddy]

How did they expect to get away with it?

[Simon Templer]

Actually, their idea of placing the corpse in the trunk compartment of the cab was clever. Normally, the body wouldn't have been discovered for days and then miles away from Exburgh.

[Teddy]

But instead you got a flat and came back.

[Simon Templer]

A very lucky flat. But not for Mrs. Lawton and Webster. She kept quite a shock when she saw ours smiling faces. But she kept her head and sent Webster out to remove the body from Louie's cab and hide it. The only mistake she made was being too housewifely.

[Teddy]

What do you mean?

[Simon Templer]

When Webster returned, her instinctive reaction was to tell him not to track mud on the rug. If he'd been asleep in the house, there shouldn't have been mud on his shoes. Therefore, I concluded he'd been out.

[Teddy]

I see.

[Simon Templer]

And when the body was missing, I knew that he'd buried it. The mud also told me the burial place had to be near water.

[Teddy]

And Mr. Lawton's dog led you to the burial place and. And that's where I found you, Simon.

[Simon Templer]

Yes, of course.

[Teddy]

But we were kind of interrupted back there, so.

[Louie]

Wow.

[Simon Templer]

Wow.

[Louie]

Louie, I'm not hearing a thing or see anything in my rear view mirror.

[Simon Templer]

Louie, we've reached Teddy's place. Stop the car.

[Louie]

Okay.

[Simon Templer]

But Simon, my dear, you're very lovely, but you're very young. So I'm afraid this is where the farmer's daughter goes back to the farm.

[Announcer]

You've been listening to. Another transcribed Adventure of the Saint. The Robin Hood of modern crime. Now here is our star, Vincent Price.

[Simon Templer]

Ladies and gentlemen. Our cast tonight included Louise Erickson, Noreen Gamil, Arthur Q. Brian and Dave Light. Larry Doin was Louie. This is Vincent Price inviting you to join us again next week at this same time for another exciting adventure of the Saint. Good night.

[Announcer]

Tonight's script of the Saint was written by Louis Vitis. The music was composed and conducted by Von Dexter. The Saints, based on characters created by Leslie Charteris, is a James L. Sapphire production and is directed by Helen Mack. Vincent Price is soon to be seen co starring in RKO's production of his Kind of Woman. All you Saint fans will be glad to know that the Saint comic books are on sale at all newsstands. Your announcer is Don Stanley. Three chimes mean good Times on NBC. Wednesday marks the return to the air of that delightful couple. Mr. And Mrs. Ronald Coleman has more good times when the Halls of Ivy with Mr. And Mrs. Ronald Coleman returns to NBC next Wednesday.

[Louie]

Make a date here.

[Announcer]

The Halls of Ivy. Next Wednesday evening. The chimes are your invitation. Next it's Sam Spade. Then an hour long drama on Theater Guild on NBC.