The Saint: The Miracle Tea Party (Audition with Dennis Greene)

Summary

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Podcast Summary

Choice Classic Radio Detectives | Old Time Radio

Episode: The Saint – "The Miracle Tea Party" (Audition with Dennis Greene)

Date: October 26, 2025
Host: Choice Classic Radio
Featured Characters: Simon Templar (The Saint), Patricia Holm, Inspector John Henry Fernak, Leslie Charteris (author)

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Brief Overview

In this lively episode, listeners are introduced to Simon Templar—“The Saint”—in the classic radio audition “The Miracle Tea Party,” performed by Dennis Greene. Walthering between charming banter and suspenseful investigation, the story launches the Saint into a mysterious case involving espionage, coded messages over radio airwaves, and a criminal syndicate disguised behind the facade of a miracle health tea. Leslie Charteris, creator of The Saint, personally introduces his creation, setting the stage for an hour packed with witty repartee, thriller twists, and vintage detective style.

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Key Discussion Points & Story Breakdown

1. Introduction to The Saint

• [00:00–03:13]
  • The Announcer sets the tone with praise for The Saint’s global popularity and literary pedigree.
  • Leslie Charteris, the author, joins to explain The Saint’s unique character—humorous, irreverent, and motivated by a personal code of justice.
  • Charteris introduces the upcoming mystery: “The Miracle Tea Party.”
  • Key quote:

    • “He has a sense of humor. He never takes anything too seriously, not even himself. Of course, he has his own idealistic motives for poking the ungodly in the snoot, but he really thinks it’s quite a lot of fun, too.” – Leslie Charteris (02:28)

2. Setup: Inspector Fernak and the Miracle Tea

• [03:09–07:56]
  • Inspector Fernak, beleaguered by stress and indigestion, is pressurized by the Police Commissioner about an espionage case.
  • Fernak, seeking relief, is told to purchase “Miracle Tea” at a drugstore, unwittingly stepping into a criminal plot.
  • Chaos ensues when Fernak receives a suspicious package by mistake and is assaulted outside the shop; Simon Templar intervenes in classic cheeky fashion.
  • Key comic banter:

    • “Don’t be an ass, Henry. I was just passing by when I saw a bloke in the distance whacking you over the beam with a piece of lead pipe.” – Simon Templar (07:10)

3. Discovery: The Tea Package with a Secret

• [08:24–09:30]
  • Simon brings the package home to Patricia Holm; they discover it is full of thousand-dollar bills instead of tea.
  • They deduce Inspector Fernak’s innocence and suspect a criminal smuggling operation.
  • Memorable exchange:

    • “Miracle tea. What an excellent name for it.” – Simon Templar (08:57)

    • “Maybe he’s taking graft.” – Patricia Holm (09:23)

    • “John Henry? No, he’s so honest, it runs out of his ears.” – Simon Templar (09:30)

4. Investigation at Osbit's Drugstore

• [10:01–13:11]
  • Simon and Patricia return to the drugstore, interacting with suspicious staff while cleverly maneuvering for information.
  • A comedic interlude unfolds as Simon offers outrageous “sales” to shoppers while waiting for the next criminal to show.
  • The duo discovers crucial evidence: the drugstore not only distributes illicit money but also passes messages via “prescriptions” that are actually coded plans.

5. The Mastermind and the Radio Code

• [13:38–18:10]
  • A disturbing “customer” delivers a coded prescription that is exposed as architectural plans.
  • Simon realizes the bigger racket: Miracle Tea radio advertisements include coded signals—testimonials with initials that notify operatives.
  • Key revelation:

    • “The initials of the operatives the big boss wants to get in touch with are given over the radio.” – Simon Templar (17:33)

6. The Sting: Outwitting the Espionage Ring

• [18:19–22:38]
  • Simon tips off Inspector Fernak, orchestrating a sting at the drugstore.
  • Templar confronts the ringleader, Baron UNESCO (a.k.a. Osbit), at his luxurious Park Avenue address, forcing him at gunpoint to broadcast a trap message on air.
  • Baron UNESCO is revealed to be operating under a false identity, running a sophisticated criminal espionage network.
  • Climactic confrontation:

    • “Well, I’m going to leave that to Inspector Fernak. His men are already at your drugstore... And in a few minutes, when your 10 o’clock program goes on the air, there’ll be a whole flock of dyspeptics rolling in to join the tea party.” – Simon Templar (21:57)

7. Wrap-up and Next Week’s Teaser

• [22:38–24:21]
  • Leslie Charteris and the Announcer close out the episode, teasing next week’s adventure: “Saint Overboard.”
  • A snippet of the upcoming high-seas drama is previewed.

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Notable Quotes and Moments

• On The Saint’s Role:

  • “After all, the world is full of villains who ought to be jumped on. And I suppose most people would really like to take a share in the jumping. But since most of them aren’t quite so quick on the draw as they’d like to be, they don’t mind letting the Saint do it for them.” – Leslie Charteris (02:50)

• On the Money in the Tea:

  • “Police inspectors don’t carry their worldly wealth around in packets of tea.” – Simon Templar (09:27)

• Lighthearted Banter:

  • “Taxi. Now, be careful of him, driver. He’s very fragile. Sorry I can’t go with you, Henry, but I’m late already. I’ve got a date with someone much more beautiful than you.” – Simon Templar (07:34)

• On Detailing the Code:

  • “It’s so gorgeously simple, I almost missed it.” – Simon Templar (17:33)

• Villain Reveal:

  • “I recognized your voice the instant I heard it, in spite of your false whiskers.” – Simon Templar (21:30)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [00:00–02:28] – Announcer and author’s introduction to The Saint
• [03:09–04:53] – Police Commissioner rebukes Fernak, launching the plot
• [07:00–07:56] – The Saint rescues Fernak after his attack
• [08:30–09:30] – Patricia and Simon discover money in the Miracle Tea box
• [10:51–13:11] – Return to drugstore and comic investigation
• [14:07–15:00] – Receipt of “prescription,” the coded criminal plan
• [16:55–17:45] – Discovery of radio code linking broadcasts to espionage
• [18:19–19:09] – Simon calls Inspector Fernak to set the trap
• [21:08–21:57] – Simon confronts Baron/Osbit and closes the case
• [22:38–24:21] – Author’s outro and preview of next week

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Tone and Style

The episode is a sharp blend of zippy, witty humor and classic detective tension. Simon Templar, with a devil-may-care charm, deftly maneuvers through both comic and dangerous situations. The chemistry between Simon and Patricia Holm adds warm playfulness to the daring plot.

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Summary

This episode of The Saint encapsulates the irresistible combination of charm, suspense, and quick-witted detective work that defines the classic detective radio era. With Leslie Charteris’ personal introduction, a brain-teasing plot about radio-coded espionage, and a memorable performance from Dennis Greene, “The Miracle Tea Party” shines as a quintessential old-time radio thriller. For fans of vintage mystery and urbane heroes, this is an hour of radio not to be missed.

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Transcript

[Announcer]

Welcome to Choice Classic Radio where we bring to you the greatest old time radio shows like us on Facebook, subscribe to us on YouTube and thank you for [e-mail] Listen for the Saints. The Saint, the hero of a hundred thrilling yarns of breathless adventure and mystery. The Robin Hood of modern crime. The 20th century's gayest buccaneer, already immortalized in 25 best selling books, half a dozen popular motion pictures and countless magazine stories. The Saint by Leslie Charteris, brought to you now in a new medium, the radio and the author, Mr. Leslie Charteris himself will appear on this program personally introducing his famous character. Have you read the latest Saints? The Saint has revolutionized this technique of adventure writing. The Saint has won friends in every corner of the globe. The Saint who made such men as PG Wodehouse write to the author. I hope you're going to write dozens more Saint stories. They're simply corking stories of thrilling adventure that made naturalist William Beebe say, if.

[Leslie Charteris]

I were marooned at the bottom of.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

The sea in my bathysphere, I'd choose the Saint stories for company.

[Announcer]

And humorist Will Cuppy christened the Saint.

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

The Prince of Adventurers.

[Announcer]

The Saint's exploits have been translated into every European language. Critics have placed him in the tradition of Sherlock Holmes and Raffles, but actually, he's like neither. He is unique. And so I bring you the only man who can do him justice. The author who first brought him to life. Oh, Mr. Charteris.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Yes, coming.

[Announcer]

But wait. Before Leslie Charteris speaks, let me tell you that he isn't the gray whiskered author you may have pictured. In spite of all the exciting things he's done, he's still only 33, and yet he knows what he's writing about. For 14 years, he's been traveling and adventuring all over the world. And more than half the Saint's exploits are founded on things he has seen himself. But meet Mr. Leslie Chatteris for yourself. Good evening, Mr. Chatteris. Tell us how you see the saint's character.

[Leslie Charteris]

Well, that is rather a tall order.

[Patricia Holm]

Let's.

[Leslie Charteris]

Let's say that he has a sense of humor. He never takes anything too seriously, not even himself. Of course, he has his own idealistic motives for poking the ungodly in the snoot, but he really thinks it's quite a lot of fun, too.

[Announcer]

And you let the public share the fun with him?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

I hope they do.

[Leslie Charteris]

After all, the world is full of villains who ought to be jumped on. And I suppose most people would really like to take a share in the jumping. But since most of them aren't quite so quick on the draw as they'd like to be, they don't mind letting the Saint do it for them.

[Announcer]

I know just what you mean. I've often felt that way myself. So, which of these adventures are you bringing us tonight?

[Leslie Charteris]

The Miracle Tea Party.

[Announcer]

The Miracle Tea Party?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Yes.

[Leslie Charteris]

It sounds screwy, doesn't it? But it explains itself as we go along.

[Announcer]

Well, who else is in it beside the Saint?

[Leslie Charteris]

There's Patricia. Home, of course.

[Announcer]

She's the Saint's beautiful companion in crime, isn't she?

[Leslie Charteris]

You could put it that way. But anyway, she's been in most of the Saints and Ventures. Then this Fernak.

[Announcer]

Oh, you mean Inspector John Henry Fernak of the Detective Bureau? Yes, he's quite an old favorite in the Saint series, isn't he? The Saint certainly has given him a lot of gray hairs, though.

[Leslie Charteris]

Well, they have had a few battles, but they really think quite a lot of each other. Now, on this occasion, Fernak's indigestion was what really started the whole thing.

[Announcer]

His indigestion?

[Leslie Charteris]

Yes. Oh, he was in all kinds of trouble. The New York Police Commissioner was running him ragged about some espionage business. And of course, the pains in his tummy weren't helping him a bit. I suppose the story really began when the Commissioner was sitting in his office waiting for Inspector John Henry Fernand to come up on the carpet.

[Announcer]

Yes?

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

Inspector Fernandez is outside, Commissioner.

[Announcer]

Send him in.

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

You sent for me, Commissioner? Yes.

[Announcer]

I'm still waiting for your report on that espionage business out at the airplane factory.

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

My men are doing their best, sir.

[Announcer]

You better get some men who can do better. I promised the FBI months ago we'd crack this case. You're laying down on the job for Neck. I want action. I want it fast.

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

Yes, sir.

[Announcer]

And another thing. Why haven't you rounded up this man Simon Templar, fellow they call the Saint?

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

Well, you can't arrest a man without evidence, Commissioner.

[Announcer]

Then get some. Everybody knows the man's a crook. One of the most notorious crooks in the country.

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

Well, we've never been able to prove it, Commissioner.

[Announcer]

In a minute you'll be telling me you've fallen for this stuff about him being the modern Robin Hood.

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

Well, the things he does generally seem to turn out all right. He's even helped me a lot of times.

[Announcer]

Fernak, you must be getting soft in the head. What's the matter with you? Are you sick or something?

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

Well, as a matter of fact, sir, I am. I'm Suffering from indigestion.

[Announcer]

Indigestion. Why don't you get something for it? Why don't you get some miracle tea?

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

Is that the stuff they advertise on the radio?

[Announcer]

Yes. Why don't you buy some?

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

Well, I. I will, sir. I. I'll stop in at a drugstore on my way home. Yes, sir. Good evening. What can I do for you? I'll give me some.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Give me a package of miracle tea.

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

One package of miracle tea. Yes, sir. Here you are, sir.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

And isn't there something else?

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

What do you mean, something else? What are you looking at me like that for? Come on, give me that stuff. And take your money.

[Announcer]

Hey.

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

Hey, wait. Hey, mister. Come back here. I made a mistake. He's gone. Oh, Mr. Osborne. Mr. Osbot.

[Announcer]

Quick. What's the trouble out there?

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

Terrible mistake, sir. A customer came in and I made a terrible mistake.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Hello. Goes on down the street. Hey.

[Leslie Charteris]

Hey, you.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Stop. Well, well, well, if it isn't my old friend, John Henry Fernock, the saint.

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

Now, what did you do that for?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

I'm ashamed of you, Henry. Rolling in the gutter at your age.

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

Well, you hit me.

[Announcer]

You.

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

I'm walking down the street a lot and you hit me.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Don't be an ass, Henry. I was just passing by when I saw a bloke in the distance whacking you over the beam with a piece of lead pipe. I ran after him.

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

And he got away?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Yes. I thought of asking him to come and have a drink on it, but he ran too fast. Was he a friend of yours?

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

I don't know what it's all about. I. I just came out of that drugstore back there, and I. I heard footsteps behind me and I. Oh, Lord, my head.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

You better go home, Henry, and rest that dented dome.

[Announcer]

Taxi.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Oh, taxi. Now, be careful of him, driver. He's very fragile. Sorry I can't go with you, Henry, but I'm late already. I've got a date with someone much more beautiful than you.

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

Well, I suppose I ought to thank you. But I'm still not sure that you didn't sock me. Simon Templer, 1444 Prospect Place.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

So long, Henry. Call me anytime you want a bodyguard. Hey, wait, Henry. You dropped your package. Ah, well, I'll just have to keep his little package with me until the morning.

[Patricia Holm]

Hello, Simon. You're late.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Oh, I ran into a little excitement on the way, darling.

[Patricia Holm]

What's in the box you're carrying? Orchids.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Now, Pat, give me back that box. It's not mine.

[Patricia Holm]

Well, tea. A package of tea. Miracle Tea for indigestion. Indigestion? So your sins are catching up with you now.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Don't open it. It belongs to Simon.

[Patricia Holm]

Where did you get all this money?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

What money?

[Patricia Holm]

The money that's in this package of tea. It's full of thousand dollar bills.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Let's have a look.

[Patricia Holm]

1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

$5,000. Miracle tea. What an excellent name for it.

[Patricia Holm]

Simon, where do you get this tea?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Believe it or not, Inspector Fernand dropped it and I picked it up.

[Patricia Holm]

Inspector Fernand?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

A few moments ago, I found him being beaten up by some plug ugly. I rescued the poor old buzzard and poured him into a taxi. Then I found this package lying on the sidewalk.

[Patricia Holm]

This money, Simon. You think it's real?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

No doubt. A bit.

[Patricia Holm]

Maybe you'll grab poor old Fernack's life savings.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Well, he has a bank account. Darling. Police inspectors don't carry their worldly wealth around in packets of tea.

[Patricia Holm]

Graft, Simon. Maybe he's taking graft.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

John Henry? No, he's so honest, it runs out of his ears.

[Patricia Holm]

Then what?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Well, let's see. John Henry had a pain in his tum tum and stopped into Osbit's drugstore on the way home. My hunch is that he was handed this packet by mistake. My further hunch is that right now there must be considerable agitation going on in Mr. Osbit's drugstore.

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

Mr. Osborne, please. How was I to know it wasn't our man?

[Announcer]

Come over here, you fool.

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

But how was I to know it was Inspector Furnick at the police department? He came in so quietly, he lowered his voice, just like one of our own men.

[Announcer]

I said, come here.

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

I ran after him. I almost had the package back, sir, when this other fellow came along and he. You incompetent fool. Please, Mr. Osborne, it was a mistake. This other fellow was twice my size. And it killed me that my friend.

[Announcer]

Might have saved me the trouble. Come here. Oh, no.

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

No, please, no.

[Patricia Holm]

Darling, I wish you'd explain. Where are we going?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Osbit's Drugstore, in search of further miracles.

[Patricia Holm]

There's the drugstore right over there.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Now come in with me, darling. What fun.

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

Good evening, sir. What can I do for you?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Is Mr. Osbert around?

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

What's it about?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

It's about this package of tea. I'd like to return it. Friend of mine bought it, but decided he wouldn't risk taking it. So I said, fernak, old pal, why waste a perfectly good half dollar? I'll take it back and change it for you.

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

Did you say your friend's name was Fernak?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Yes, you. You probably know him. Great detective and all that sort of thing.

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

Oh, I'm sure we can change this package for you, sir, if. Now if you wait right here, Sir, I'll get Mr. Osbert.

[Patricia Holm]

Simon. His eyes popped out of his head when you mentioned Fernak.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

It worked, my sweet. You notice how he grabbed the packet and scuttled up those back stairs?

[Patricia Holm]

Osbert must be back there.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

You stay here, darling, in the store while I see what goes on.

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

Oh, Mr. Osborne, what are you bursting in for?

[Announcer]

Your job is down below in the store.

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

It's Fernak's package, sir. A man just brought it in. The store wants to exchange it.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Fernax package. Give it to me.

[Announcer]

You're crazy. There's no money in here.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

But.

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

But he said. Why the fellow. Listen.

[Announcer]

Who's there?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Hello, little people. Hope I'm not interrupting. Oh, don't bother searching that box, Mr. Osbit. I removed the Doremi and sealed it up again.

[Announcer]

Who are you?

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

I know who he is. I've heard about that whistle. The saint. That's who he is.

[Announcer]

The saint.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

So you see, I want to learn about your business, comrade Osbot. I don't know what your racket is yet, but obviously it's something big. If you can give away five grand with a four bit packet of tea.

[Announcer]

I don't know what you're talking about.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Oh yes you do. Take your hand away from that pocket, Osbit. Miss me, old boy. Very bad manners. But if you want to play rough.

[Announcer]

Next.

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

Please let me alone. I didn't die.

[Patricia Holm]

Simon. Simon, are you all right?

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

All right.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

I'm having a beautiful time. Hosbit pulled a gun so I had to put them both to sleep. Come on, darling, let's go downstairs again and look after the shop.

[Announcer]

Let me have 10 cents worth of cough drops, please. And hurry it up.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

10 cents worth? Yes, sir. Here you are. Here, here.

[Announcer]

Not all that. Only 10 cents worth, I said.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Special bargain price today, sir. Three pounds for a dime. I'd like some razor blades now. Why don't you try this excellent electric razor?

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

But I don't want an electric razor.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Exactly the same price as the blades. We're selling electric razors for a dime today, sir. Here you are.

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

But I don't want an electric razor.

[Patricia Holm]

I'll have a dollar bottle of SW Perry perfume, please.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Here you are, miss. It's reduced to a quarter today. And please accept these bath salts.

[Patricia Holm]

Really, it's very kind of you.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Don't mention it. It's Mr. Osborne's birthday today and he's in the mood.

[Patricia Holm]

Simon. You're giving the whole store away. It may be loads of fun, darling, but where is it getting us?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Very far yet. But I've really been hanging around here in the hopes that someone at. Hello. Another customer.

[Patricia Holm]

What a revolting specimen.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

I wonder how much he had charged to haunt a house. Out of the way, darling. Yes, sir? What will it be? Razor blades? Shaving cream? Hot water bottle?

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

I haven't seen you before.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Then you should admire the view.

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

Where's Ossie?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Ossie? Yeah. Oh, dear old Ossie's lying down for a while. Got a headache or something. Say, have you tried our Passion Flower lipstick?

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

Cut the comedy.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

Here, give Ossie this prescription and find out when my. My medicine will be ready.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Come back at 6 o' clock this evening. I think your. Your medicine will be ready for you then.

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

Six o'.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Clock. Okay.

[Patricia Holm]

Simon, what did that man give you?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

This piece of paper. He called it a prescription.

[Patricia Holm]

Well, after all, this is a drug store.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Well, look at it, Pat. Ever see a doctor write out a prescription like that? It's a drawing, a floor plan of a building.

[Patricia Holm]

Now I suppose we have to go back to burglary.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

No, my pet. I think we run into something bigger than burglars.

[Patricia Holm]

What then, Simon?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

I don't know. I think I'll go upstairs again and investigate our sleeping beauties. Come on, Patricia. Roll over, Ossie. Let's see what you've got in your pockets. Ah, here's a wallet.

[Patricia Holm]

What's inside, Simon?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

How very interesting. Mr. Osbit has a driving license and a credit card, both made out in the name of Baron and Nesque. 577 Park Avenue. I wonder if Ossie has been leading a double life. Anything interesting on the desk?

[Patricia Holm]

Just these papers. They look like a lot of radio commercials about Miracle Tea.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Let's see them. Well, this doesn't look very sinister. Let's take them along anyway.

[Patricia Holm]

Your babies are waking up, Simon.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Oh, I've had enough exercise for today. Come on, darling, let's go. I think we've earned a drink.

[Patricia Holm]

Make mine a Miracle Tea and a soda. Simon, we've had dinner. Why aren't we doing something about Baron and ESQ Instead of sitting at home listening to the radio?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Well, aren't you satisfied, darling? We are hot on the trailer. One of the most ingenious rackets I've ever heard of. Money flows like water, plans are handed over a drugstore counter and packets of tea get spiked with thousand dollar bills.

[Patricia Holm]

What you really mean is that this thing is stinking.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

On the contrary, my deductive genius is just getting into high gear. You know, I'm convinced that there's some connection between these Miracle Tea broadcasts and the racket we're onto. That's why I've been studying all these radio commercials you found in Osbit's office. Just been waiting for the program to come on the air, and I. I think it's due right now.

[Announcer]

Good evening, everybody. Folks, why not try Miracle Tea, the amazing health beverage which has brought relief to so many sufferers. Let me read you a few testimonials. Mrs. G.K. of Brooklyn writes, for years.

[Patricia Holm]

I don't see what this radio program has to do with Osborne's drugstore and the money and the plans.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Don't you listen?

[Announcer]

And Mr. J.B. of Philadelphia writes, Miracle T. Has indeed performed miracles for me. Ms. L.G. of Trenton writes.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Pat, I was right. I got it. The code signal. It's one of the neatest I ever came across.

[Patricia Holm]

Code signal?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Yes. It's so gorgeously simple, I almost missed it. The one thing I couldn't figure out was how the agents of this ring knew when to visit Osbot's drugstore. Well, this is how it's done. The initials of the operatives the big boss wants to get in touch with are given over the radio.

[Patricia Holm]

Through the testimony.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Exactly. No detective on earth could trace the connection between a radio broadcast and the particular person who listens to it.

[Patricia Holm]

Well, yes. After all, anybody can go into a drugstore and buy a patent medicine without attracting attention.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Yes, and then the package contains the wages of work well done. Like the one Fernandez got hold of. Or instructions for another job.

[Patricia Holm]

Darling, you're wonderful. Don't you ever amaze yourself?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Constantly. Give me the phone.

[Patricia Holm]

Whom are you calling?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

I'm going to organize a little tea party of my own.

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

Inspector Fernack speaking. Hello, John.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Henry. And how is the little Tum Tum this evening?

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

Simon, haven't you anything better than do Than to call me up at this time of night and make funny remarks?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Seriously, Henry, if you're really interested in cleaning up this espionage business, Just rush one of your squads to Osbit's drugstore. The place where you bought your Miracle tea.

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

Hey, are you kidding me?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

For once I'm not. Henry, unless I'm very much mistaken, a few other guys are gonna be there shopping for Miracle tea tonight. You better pick up everybody who buys it and hold them for questioning.

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

If I saw.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

But you never have. Don't spoil your record, Henry. Just do as I say and I'll get In touch with you later. I may have the big shot for you then.

[Patricia Holm]

But who is the big shot of this ring?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Well, I'm not certain, but I'll bet Doe that Baron UNESCO could tell us something, I think. Just run over and ask him.

[Patricia Holm]

What was the address?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

577 Park Avenue.

[Patricia Holm]

If you're not back in an hour, I'll meet you there with an ambulance.

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

I'm very sorry, sir, but the Baron.

[Leslie Charteris]

Is not at home.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

No?

[Announcer]

No.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Who's playing that typewriter down the hall then?

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

I'm sorry, sir, but the Baron is not at home.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Oh, you repeat yourself, Clarence. Oh, sorry I had to tout you, but you really were getting monotonous. Now to find the dear bar. Hello, station DLPK?

[Announcer]

Give me Mr. Vernon, the announcer of.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

The military tea program, please.

[Announcer]

Hello, Vernon.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Here are the Testimonials for the 10 o' clock broadcast. Are you ready?

[Announcer]

Mrs. B.C. of Los Angeles writes, since drinking your.

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

Tea, I have become.

[Announcer]

Hold on. Hold on a moment, Vernon.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Good evening, Baron. Put your hand over that mouthpiece. What are you doing here?

[Leslie Charteris]

Don't move.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Do you feel this gun in your back? Baron talks faster than you can. Now get back on that phone and repeat exactly what I tell you.

[Announcer]

Hello? Hello, Vernon?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Tell him. Tell him you're changing the copy completely. Vernon, I'm. I'm changing the copy completely. Tell him to make it read like this. There are many testimonials in our files and they all praise miracle tea.

[Announcer]

Hello?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Make the 10 o' clock commercial read. There are many testimonials in our files and. And they all praise miracle tea. Stop reaching for that desk drawer, Baron. It makes me nervous. Now, say all of you. Everybody, why not buy miracle tea tonight? Go and say it.

[Announcer]

All of you. Everybody, why not buy miracle tea tonight?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

I tell him. That's all.

[Announcer]

That's all, Vernon.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

All right, now you can turn around. What is the meaning of this? I should say about 15 years for you, Baron. Or would you prefer me to call you Osbit?

[Announcer]

Osbit?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Mm. I recognized your voice the instant I heard it, in spite of your false whiskers. Besides, I took the liberty of looking through your wallet while you were taking a siesta in the shop. Very smart, aren't you, Mr. Templar? I get along. You've been running one of the most efficient espionage rackets in the country, haven't you?

[Announcer]

Are you crazy?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Crazy enough to recognize plans of an airplane factory disguised as a prescription.

[Announcer]

Well, what are you going to do about it?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Well, I'm going to leave that to Inspector Fernak. His men are already at your drugstore. They've probably picked up Ms. G.K. Mr. L.G. and Mrs. B.C. already. And in a few minutes, when your 10 o' clock program goes on the air, there'll be a whole flock of dyspeptics rolling in to join the tea party.

[Announcer]

I have an uncanny memory for people.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Who interfere with me, Simon Templar. Well, while you're thinking it over in Alcatraz, don't forget to tell the other boys to look out for me. Tell them about the Saint.

[Announcer]

Well, that certainly had me on the edge of my chair, Mr. Charteris. But it seems that Simon did all the work and Inspector Fernak got all the credit.

[Leslie Charteris]

In a business like the Saints, you.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Can'T advertise too much.

[Leslie Charteris]

Besides, he doesn't own a private jail.

[Announcer]

No, of course. Well, now, what are you going to tell us about next week?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Well, there was a man who was.

[Leslie Charteris]

Snatching loot out of sunken ships.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

That sounds interesting.

[Leslie Charteris]

I called that story Saint Overboard. There was a guy named Vogel who was pretending to finance a certain Professor Yule, the inventor of an extra deep sea diving suit. Remember that exciting moment when Simon was on Vogel's yacht and Professor Yule was.

[Announcer]

Going down to make a test? 575ft. Splendid. Professor, can you hear me down there?

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

Yes, Mr. Vogel. I'm on the bottom. Everything is working splendidly. Give me another 20ft of cable. I'm going to try to walk a bit. Something's gone wrong with the oxygen supply. Quick, bring me up.

[Announcer]

The winch is jammed.

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Hello.

[Announcer]

Hello down there. Professor, what can we do, Saint?

[Simon Templar (The Saint)]

Get away from that winch, Vogel, or this gun might go off. Now watch me start it.

[Inspector John Henry Fernak]

Simon, look out behind you.

[Announcer]

I'm afraid we'll have to wait until next week to hear this new story entitled Saint Overboard Another Thrilling Adventure in this program by Leslie Charteris, a program in which the author himself each week sets the scene for a new story of the Saint. The part of the Saint is played by the noted English actor of stage, screen and radio, Dennis Green. And so, until next week, listen for the Saint.