This Is Your FBI: The Sorrowful Swindler 12/21/1945

Summary

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Podcast Summary: "This Is Your FBI: The Sorrowful Swindler" (Original Air Date: 12/21/1945)

Podcast: Choice Classic Radio Detectives | Old Time Radio
Episode: The Sorrowful Swindler
Release Date: November 9, 2025 (rebroadcast)
Duration: ~31 minutes (excluding ads and outro)

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Main Theme

This episode of This Is Your FBI, titled "The Sorrowful Swindler," blends holiday reflections with a riveting tale of deception. Set around the first postwar Christmas season, it tracks a notorious con man, "Colonel" Josiah Weatherford, as he attempts a securities swindle—only to find himself outwitted by a veteran grifter known as Larceny Annie. The episode underscores the FBI's vigilance, even during times of goodwill, and explores the ironic justice often meted out to criminals.

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Key Discussion Points & Story Breakdown

Setting the Scene and Tone

• Holiday Context: The story opens with a warm seasonal greeting, linking the Equitable Society (the program sponsor) and Christmas security (03:24).
• Moral Framing: The episode positions crime as the opposite of the Christmas spirit—crime as “the religion of taking” in contrast to “the religion of giving” (03:24–04:04).

The Swindler on the Train

• Characters Introduced:
  • Colonel Josiah Weatherford: Master con artist, accompanied by his sidekick Michael (04:34).
  • Mrs. Greeley: Appears to be a vulnerable, elderly lady with questionable stock certificates (05:28).
• Initial Scheme: Weatherford, fleeing Chicago after a bad check, seeks to put distance between himself and the police while regaling Michael with plans for sharing stolen funds with his partner, Valerie (04:48–05:21).

Notable Quote

“Valerie has demanded a mink coat of Santa Claus. And Valerie, my dear Michael, knows who Santa Claus is.”
— Colonel Weatherford (05:13)

• Opportunity on the Rails: Mrs. Greeley seeks Weatherford’s 'expertise' regarding stock certificates. Weatherford immediately sees a potential swindle (07:41–09:47).

Notable Quote

“Santa Claus is not merely knocking at our door, Michael. He's trying to break in with a pack full of gold.”
— Colonel Weatherford (09:53)

FBI Involvement

• Agent Assignment: Special Agents Barclay and Farrell receive the case as they close in on Weatherford, tracking his movements from Chicago to New York after learning of his alias and recent scam (06:45–07:16, 10:17–10:39).

The Setup: Confidence Games Collide

• Weatherford’s Homecoming: Weatherford hands a wad of cash to Valerie, who is only momentarily appeased and suspects a "hook"; Weatherford offers to invest the $5,000 in “Lodestar Mining” shares (12:11–13:39).
• Double Deception: Valerie remains skeptical, refusing to surrender the money for a speculative stock deal, demanding her promised mink coat instead (13:39–13:46).

Notable Quote

“A mink coat on the back is worth forty in the window. Nothing doing.”
— Valerie (13:39)

The Tables Turn

• Mrs. Greeley’s True Intentions Revealed: Mrs. Greeley, still feigning innocence, agrees to sell her (worthless) shares to Weatherford for $5,000 (15:10–16:15).
• Reversal: She then draws a gun and demands both Weatherford and Valerie into the closet, revealing her identity as Larceny Annie—a seasoned swindler who just conned the conmen (16:33–17:02).

Memorable Moment

“Oh, it merely means that I know as much about Lodestar as you do, you old swindler, and I wish I did have some of the stuff.”
— Larceny Annie/Mrs. Greeley (16:40)

• FBI Observes: Agents realize the "little old lady" is actually Larceny Annie, altering their investigation from protecting a victim to apprehending all parties involved (22:12–22:34).

Chase and Arrest

• Money on the Move: Weatherford and partner Michael attempt to recover their lost $5,000, trailing Annie to a brownstone—but they’re being tracked by the FBI (24:05–26:31).
• Finale: At Annie’s supposed safe house, the FBI springs the trap, arresting all con artists involved (26:32–27:09).

Notable Exchange

“What she means, Weatherford, is that you’re all under arrest.”
— Special Agent (26:57)

“Not willingly, Colonel. But as you know, this is the Christmas season, and it’s full of surprises for everyone.”
— Larceny Annie (27:12)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Holiday Message & Introduction: 03:24–04:04
• Train Journey & Weatherford’s Plot: 04:27–09:53
• FBI Begins Investigation: 06:45–07:16; 10:17–10:39
• Weatherford and Valerie’s Confrontation: 12:11–13:46
• Mrs. Greeley’s Con (Larceny Annie): 15:30–17:02
• Locked in the Closet/Comic Recriminations: 20:41–21:45
• FBI Identifies Larceny Annie: 22:12–22:34
• Climax: Arrest at the Brownstone: 26:31–27:12

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Tone and Style

Rich in period detail and hard-boiled banter, the episode mixes suspense, wit, and moralizing. The moral undercurrent—“crime never takes a holiday, nor does your FBI”—is ever-present, delivered with an authority and folksy charm characteristic of postwar radio dramas. The interplay between conman and conwoman injects a sharp comedic edge, while the FBI agents remain understated and methodical.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “His profession of cheating, as demonstrated in tonight’s case…” — Analyst (04:05)
• The swindler’s lament in the closet: “Oh, for heaven’s sake, Valerie, shut up. Come on, let’s get out of here quickly.” — Weatherford (21:28)
• “It’s the mink or the clink.” — Valerie, threatening Weatherford with police unless she gets her coat (21:45)
• Larceny Annie’s reveal: “I know as much about Lodestar as you do, you old swindler.” (16:40)
• FBI’s final reflection: “No one is so easily swindled as a swindler…” (20:01)

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Conclusion

"The Sorrowful Swindler" is a tongue-in-cheek holiday crime caper, illustrating poetic justice as career con artists outmaneuver each other—only to be undone by their own greed and the unwavering attention of the law. With snappy repartee, a surprise double-cross, and the steady hand of the FBI, the episode remains a classic example of the golden age of radio detectives.

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Transcript

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[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

Welcome to Choice Classic Radio where we bring to you the greatest old time radio shows like us on Facebook, subscribe to us on YouTube and thank you for [e-mail].

[Narrator / FBI Announcer]

The Equitable Society presents this is your FBI this is your FBI an official broadcast from the files of the Federal Bureau of Investigation, presented as a public service by the Equitable Life Assurance Society of the United States and the Equitable Society's representative in your community. Tonight's file, the Sorrowful Swindler. Before opening tonight's File, it is my pleasure to bring you season's greetings from the Equitable Society. This week at the Equitable Society in the lobby of our home office building, we have decorated one of the tallest Christmas trees in New York. This very afternoon, as we gathered round this tree and the sound of the traditional carols echoed through the halls, there was one pleasant thought that kept coming to our minds. We thought of all the homes in this country that are celebrating Christmas more merrily, more securely. We thought of all the children to whom Santa Claus will be more real because someone in that home had the forethought to purchase life insurance. And we of the Equitable Society and the Equitable Society representatives all over America are happy to have done our share in bringing that kind of happiness to so many American homes this Christmas time. And so to each of our three and a quarter million members and to the other millions of Americans who enjoy this radio program, we of the Equitable Life Assurance Society of the United States wish a very merry Christmas and a very happy new Year. And now to the file on the Sorrowful Swindler.

[FBI Commentator / Analyst]

With America virtually on the eve of celebrating her first peacetime Christmas in several years, the topic of crime seems hardly in keeping with the mood of the day. But then there is a negative kind of relationship between the two. Because it can be said truly that the doctrine of crime is the direct antithesis to of the philosophy of Christmas. One is the religion of taking, the other the religion of giving. And to the criminal Christmas time is no more than just another time in which to apply his profession of cheating.

[Narrator / FBI Announcer]

I.

[FBI Commentator / Analyst]

His profession of cheating, as demonstrated in tonight's case from the files of your FBI. Several years ago, during another Christmas season, a man using the alias of Colonel Weatherford and a companion in larceny were speeding eastward on a cracked train headed for New York.

[Michael]

You know, Colonel.

[Narrator / FBI Announcer]

Yeah?

[Michael]

I still can't figure out how come we leave Chicago so quick.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

I think, Michael, we may sum it up in one word of two syllables.

[Michael]

Like which police? You mean they were heptus?

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

They would have been, Michael. Shortly after that check, I cached began to ricochet.

[Michael]

Yeah, but suppose they get an idea we caught this train and they got the New York police waiting for us when we roll into Grand Central.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Please, Michael, I'd rather not have to wrestle with that remote contingency for the moment, huh? Allow me, if you will, to revel in a vision of the unbounded joy of my dear Valerie when I show her the fruits of this little mission to the West.

[Michael]

You ain't gonna give her the whole five grand?

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Valerie has demanded a mink coat of Santa Claus. And Valerie, my dear Michael, knows who Santa Claus is.

[Narrator / FBI Announcer]

Have your tickets ready, please.

[Michael]

All right, get them right here, Colonel.

[Narrator / FBI Announcer]

May I check your ticket, please, madam?

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Oh, yes. Here's my ticket right there. Thank you. What time do we get to New York in the morning, Mr. Conductor?

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Nine o'.

[Narrator / FBI Announcer]

Clock.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Well, I do hope my daughter is there to meet me.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Sweet little old lady, ain't she? Yes. You may keep this part, madam.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Oh, thank you. Just a minute, please.

[Narrator / FBI Announcer]

Yes?

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

I wonder if you'd help me. I have some stock certificates with me which may be very valuable, Colonel.

[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

I'm listening.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

I'm kind of afraid to keep them in my berth with me tonight.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Well, I'll be back directly, madam, and.

[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

We'Ll make some arrangements, I'm sure.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Thank you very much.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Michael, I think Donder and Blitzen and the other tiny reindeer are about to make a landing on our own roof.

[FBI Commentator / Analyst]

Since crime never takes a holiday, neither does your FBI. And at about the same moment that the pompous gentleman on the New York bound train became stock certificate minded, Special Agent Barclay in the New York office of the FBI was handed a teletype from Washington.

[Narrator / FBI Announcer]

What does it say, Alan?

[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

Well, Jim, there goes my Christmas shopping push with Marjorie today or they want us to go to work on a swindler.

[Narrator / FBI Announcer]

Anybody we know?

[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

No. He's avoided federal violations up to now.

[Narrator / FBI Announcer]

What's the up to now?

[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

He put over a Fraudulent deal in Denver a few days ago by posing as a United States attorney.

[Narrator / FBI Announcer]

Uh.

[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

Oh, he may have stopped over in Chicago, but they believe he's headed for New York.

[Narrator / FBI Announcer]

Is this his home?

[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

He's got a record here.

[Narrator / FBI Announcer]

Who is he?

[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

Several persons, it seems. Colonel Josiah Weatherford and about six others. Here, look this over and let's get busy.

[Narrator / FBI Announcer]

Right.

[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

While you're digesting the teletype, I'll check with the New York police and also put a cover on railroad, plane and bus terminals.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

I didn't quite catch the name Weatherford.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Colonel Josiah Weatherford.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Oh, yes. Well, I'm Mrs. Greeley. Will you please sit down? Thank you.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

I came primarily to apologize for staring at you as I did.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Oh, I didn't think anything about it.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

You see, you look so much like my own dear mother.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Then I feel quite honored.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

She passed on last March.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

This is to be my first Christmas without her. It'll be most desolate.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Yes, I know it. Will.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

You live in New York, Mrs. Greeley?

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Oh, no, it's too big a place for me. I'm just going there to spend Christmas with my daughter.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

How fortunate for your daughter.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Oh, I suppose that you live in New York.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Well, I sort of divide my time between Chicago and New York. I have an investment business with offices.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

An investment business, did you say?

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Yes.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Well, then maybe you'd know about my stock certificate.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

I beg your pardon?

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

I mean, know whether they're any good or not.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Oh, well, I don't know. May I see them?

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Oh, dear, I've already let the conductor put them away in a safe place for the night.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Oh.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

You see, I was going to have them looked into while I was in New York.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

I could do that for you.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

You see, my husband had been dead about 10 years, and I didn't know he'd left anything like that till. So the other day I was rummaging around in his old desk and, well, there it was, a thousand shares all tied together.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Thousand shares of what?

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Lodestar Mining Company.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

What was that again?

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Lodestar Mining Company.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Lodestar. That's what I thought you said.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Do you know something about it?

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Well, it's not listed on the exchange anymore, that I know.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Oh, then. Then you mean it's. It's no good?

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

I wouldn't say that. I. I want to look it up for you. Oh, you will let me serve you on this, won't you?

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Oh, I'd be very glad if you would. Especially since that's your business.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Well, now, you just leave everything to me. And I'll be talking to you again in the morning before we get off the train.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Oh, thanks. Oh, thank you so much.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Well, how'd you make out? Santa Claus is not merely knocking at our door, Michael. He's trying to break in with a pack full of gold.

[Narrator / FBI Announcer]

Special Agent Farrell speaking.

[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

Morning, Jim. This is Alan.

[Narrator / FBI Announcer]

Hey, say, where are you?

[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

Grand Central, waiting to cover the Manhattan Limited when it gets in.

[Narrator / FBI Announcer]

Good. I was just going to have to hop over there myself.

[Michael]

What's up?

[Narrator / FBI Announcer]

Well, Weatherford's on that train.

[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

How do you know?

[Narrator / FBI Announcer]

A teletype just came in from Chicago. He passed a bad check there yesterday. And the ticket agent at La Salle Station remembers selling Weatherford and a man with him space on the Manhattan.

[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

Then I better run. It's about to pull in.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Right. Yes, sir, Mr. Barclay. A man of that description occupied space in car 254.

[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

Then what happened to him? Porter?

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Well, he and the fellow with him got off at Harmon this morning.

[Narrator / FBI Announcer]

Uh.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Oh, I sure wish I'd have known earlier.

[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

We didn't know ourselves in time to be prepared for that trick. Well, thanks anyway.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Oh, say, wait a minute.

[FBI Commentator / Analyst]

Yes?

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

There's somebody might know something about him. And maybe she's still in the station. Oh, a little old lady who had the space across the aisle from them. Oh, this man gave me a note when he got off in Harmony to give to her when she got up.

[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

What does she look like?

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Well, her name is Greeley and she's about five two, gray hair and she's wearing.

[Dutch Vet Representative]

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[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Michael. Yeah? Valerie's waiting in the apartment here for me. I prefer to see her alone.

[Michael]

Yeah, I prefer the same thing. I'll wait for you downstairs.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Splendid. Valerie?

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Valerie, I'm in here.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Valerie, my darling, come here.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Wait a minute. Not so fast.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

But my dear, aren't you glad to see me?

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

I don't know. How was your trip?

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

How was it? Look, my sweet. Here. $5,000.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Let me see one of the bills.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

They're genuine. Every last one of them.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Oh, my darling, I am so glad to see you. I have missed you so much. And now I can go right down this very day and get my mink coat.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Oh, well, you see.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Valerim, what's the matter?

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Well, naturally, you're going to get the fur coat, Valerie.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

That's right.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

But tomorrow will be ample time. What is, my sweet?

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

I'm waiting for the hook. What is it?

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

I merely want to retain possession of the money for the balance of the day.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Go on.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

For $5 a share, darling, I can pick up a thousand shares of Lodestar Mining stock from a party who doesn't know their true value.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Have they got any true value?

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Have they? Lodestar merged a few years ago with Rocky Mountain. Each share of Lodestar is still exchangeable for one share of Rocky mountain worth today $100 a share.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

You mean put out 5,000 and get back 100,000?

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Exactly.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Look, a mink coat on the back is worth 40 in the window. Nothing doing.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Darling, you can't.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

You just dreamed this up to keep from coming across.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

I swear I didn't. Valerie. She's gonna call me any minute.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

What? She?

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Now, don't get excited, my dear. Don't get excited. It's a little old lady, a Mrs. Greeley, I met on the train. She has the stock.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Oh, yeah, that's probably Mrs. Greeley now.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Colonel Weatherford speaking.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

This is Mrs. Greeley.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Oh, hello, Mrs. Greeley. Are you at your daughter's now?

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

No, no, she lives in the country and she didn't get my telegram until this morning. Oh, but she'll be in for me this evening.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Oh, I see.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

It was snowing, so I took a room in a little hotel not far from the station to wait for her, of course.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Well, Mrs. Greeley, I have some good news for you about your stock.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Oh, you have?

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

How would you like to have $5,000 in cash for a Christmas present?

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

$5,000?

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

That's right.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Good gracious me.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

You just give me the name of.

[Narrator / FBI Announcer]

Your hotel and I'll be right over.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

In a few minutes.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

You mean, we'll be right over.

[Narrator / FBI Announcer]

Alan?

[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

Yes, Jim.

[Narrator / FBI Announcer]

Well, I mushed over as soon as I could.

[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

Good. I think this is our best prospect of getting a line on Weatherford.

[Narrator / FBI Announcer]

The Greeley woman checked her back at the station, huh? Yeah.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

You got anything out of the conductor?

[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

Mrs. Greeley gave him what she said with some stock certificates to keep safe for her last night. Oh, Weatherford was across the aisle and saw it all I see. 10 to one he's trying to pull a swindle on her for that stock.

[Narrator / FBI Announcer]

Well, I hope she comes back for a bag before the job's done.

[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

Yes, but she checked it two hours ago, and a lot can happen in two hours.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Colonel Weatherford.

[FBI Commentator / Analyst]

Yes?

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

If the Lodestar Mining Company is out of existence, I don't see why the group this young lady represents wants to buy my star. Oh, you should make that clearer, Colonel Weatherford.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

The group still controls the lodestar company's property, Mrs. Greasy, and they're going to start operating again, and they're willing to pay 5, let's say $5 a share for all the old outstanding stuff.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Well, maybe I'd better hold on to mine, then. Maybe it'll be worth more after a while. Oh, oh, explain it to her, Colonel.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

It may be years before it's worth a cent more, Mrs. Greeley. And after all, $5,000 is a lot of money.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Well, I'll trust your judgment, Colonel Weatherford.

[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

Good.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

I'm sure you won't regret it.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Do you have all that money with you?

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Here it is. $5,000. $5,100. Bill.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Gracious me.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Now, if you have a stock for you.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Oh, of course, yes, it's right here in my hand. There.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Blended.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Yes. Here we are. And now I want you both to put up your hand. What?

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

What's the meaning of that gun?

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Oh, it merely means that I know as much about Lodestar as you do, you old swindler, and I wish I did have some of the stuff.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Well, now, look here, you can.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

You asked her if she didn't want $5,000 for a Christmas present, didn't you? Well, I'm not going to give up my mink coat. Ah, be nice now and back into that closet over there. Both cellulars.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Yeah.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Who knows? Maybe somebody will open it before Christmas.

[Narrator / FBI Announcer]

Crooks don't qualify as men of goodwill, do they? So let's leave them for a moment while I tell you about someone you like. A man who is bubbling over with the contagious good humor that infects all good people this time of year. This week at the Equitable Society, I met a senior vice president coming out of the building. He was carrying a regular pyramid of packages in his arms. And just as I said hello to him, something went wrong with the middle of the pyramid, and half of his packages fell out of his arms and slid to the floor. Serves me right. He laughed as I helped him to pick him up. Just what I deserve for putting off my Christmas shopping till the last minute and then trying to do it all at once. He paused and chuckled. And I'm the man who's spent his life telling folks not to put things off. My business in life is telling folks not to put off buying the life insurance protection they need. Well, I said, that's not such a bad way to spend your life, is it? He smiled and answered saying, yes, there are a lot of people in this world who are much happier right now because someone from the Equitable Society kept urging a husband or father not to put off buying life insurance. Believe me, that's a pretty pleasant thought for a fellow to entertain this time of year. Well, as I said goodbye to him, the thought came to me that it'd be a very fine thing if all members of the Equitable Life Assurance Society of the United States had the same opportunity to know the officers of their society that I have could get to know the sincerity and human understanding that they put into their daily work managing the life insurance of three and a quarter million Equitable Society members. I've met all these men and I've yet to find any stuffing in any one of their shirts or any brass in any one of their hats. No matter how important their jobs are, their doors are always open and their time is always at the disposal of members of this Life Assurance Society. You see, the officers of the Equitable Society are the kind of men who take pride in the thought that this week and every week for 86 years the equitable Society has been building security for you, your home and your country. And now back to the file on the Sorrowful Swindler.

[FBI Commentator / Analyst]

There is a saying that no one is so easily swindled as a swindler and the victim intending himself to commit a crime can ill afford to complain to the law. Therefore, being denied recourse to the law, he usually takes matters into his own hands and generally with the same net result both are caught. At the moment, however, the little gray haired confidence woman is trudging through the snow away from the hotel with $5,000 in $100 bills while behind the locked door of the closet in the hotel room.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

But Valerie, darling.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Don't darling me, you financial wizard.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Nagging me is not going to get us out of here.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

You just be glad it's a closet where there's not room enough to swing at you.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Michael's waiting just outside the hotel.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Sure, probably building a snowman.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

But he's surely seen the woman leaving by herself.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Oh, of course, of course. He probably helped me across the street.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

You'd think he'd suspect something and come up here to see about us. Oh, no.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

That calls for thinking.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Valerie, if you'll help me push against the door just once more, I'm sure we can force.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

I should knock myself out getting you out of a closet.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Look, you're in here, too.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

You got us in, you get us out.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Very well.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

5,000 and get back. A hundred thousand can's miss at the time same.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Oh, for heaven's sake, Valerie, shut up. Come on, let's get out of here quickly.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Now, I'm warning you. I'm getting a mink coat tomorrow or else.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Or else what?

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Or else the police are going to learn where you got that 5,000 in the first place.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

But Valerie, darling, you can't.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

You heard me. It's the mink or the clink.

[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

Well, it doesn't look like our Mrs. Greeley's coming back for a bag.

[Narrator / FBI Announcer]

She only checked it a couple of hours ago. Give her time.

[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

Yes, but in the meantime, this weather could have.

[Narrator / FBI Announcer]

This looks like our little lady now.

[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

Yeah, seems to fit a description all right.

[Narrator / FBI Announcer]

And she's going over the baggage counter.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Come on.

[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

No, wait a minute.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

What?

[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

For one thing, somebody's trailing her.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Huh?

[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

Look over there. And according to the conductor's description, that would be Weatherford's pal.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Yeah, you're right.

[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

And item number two, do you know.

[Narrator / FBI Announcer]

Who our Mrs. Greeley really is?

[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

No, I had dealings with her a.

[Narrator / FBI Announcer]

Couple of years ago.

[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

That's an old time operator who's known as Larceny Annie.

[Narrator / FBI Announcer]

What?

[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

So far as Weatherford and she are concerned, I'd say at this point it's a question of who has done what to whom.

[Narrator / FBI Announcer]

Well, then let's pick them up and ask some questions.

[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

And Miss Getting Weatherford.

[Narrator / FBI Announcer]

Hey, look, there she goes.

[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

And a shadow, too. Come on, Jim, let's make it a convoy.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

What good is it going to do to come back here to the apartment?

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Michael wasn't in front of the hotel, was he?

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

So what?

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Darling, please. Patience and Fortitude. Probably saw the woman leave and suspect. Just a minute.

[Michael]

Hello, this is Mike. Say, what's going on?

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Where the devil are you?

[Michael]

Michael, I seen the old lady leave the hotel by herself and I said, something's crazy about this.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Where is she now?

[Michael]

I'm in a telephone booth at the State National Bank.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

I said, where? Where is she?

[Michael]

She's standing in line with a deposit slip and a fistful of dough.

[Narrator / FBI Announcer]

Oh, what happened?

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

We've been robbed. Michael. Yeah, don't take your eyes off her until she holds up somewhere. And then call me, do you hear? If you slip up, Michael, it'll be a cheerless Christmas for you and me.

[Michael]

What do you mean?

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Did you ever spend Christmas behind the bars, Michael?

[Michael]

Not yet.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Then do what I tell you. Or you will.

[Narrator / FBI Announcer]

Here comes larceny.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Annie's shadow back from the phone.

[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

He must have contacted Weatherford.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

What do you make of all this?

[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

I'd say the Weatherford has now learned how it feels to be swindled himself.

[Narrator / FBI Announcer]

Took somebody for the money first, and now Annie's taken him.

[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

Yes, which puts it up to us to take them both.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

What's your idea?

[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

You stay here and keep your eyes open.

[Narrator / FBI Announcer]

And you?

[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

If Weatherford's pal saw me talking to Annie, what would he probably think?

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

That you were a confederate of hers.

[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

Maybe that's all I wanted to be sure of.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

What?

[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

Maybe this will do the trick. Jim.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Come, darling. Let me help you trim the Christmas tree.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

You better get out and trim somebody for that mink coat.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

I tell you, I'm waiting on a telephone call from Michael.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

I'm surprised he can even use a telephone.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

You should not disparage Michael's intelligence, my dear. Ha.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Providence beat me to it.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Michael is a simple soul, but a loyal one, with a great amount of common sense. And on occasion, displays a flash of superior intelligence.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Maybe you ought to be working for him then.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

May I fix your cocktail?

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

No. And don't try to soften me up, because I'm.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Yes?

[Michael]

It's me, Colonel. Well, I done what you told me.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Where is she?

[Michael]

You better meet me quick. Corner of Madison and 91st.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

There are four corners, Michael, you know.

[Michael]

Yeah, but I'll be standing on just one of them, boss. East side, downtown. You better hurry.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

I'll be there right away.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

You mean we'll be there.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Then come on. Quickly, my dear. Now you shall have that mink. Here you are, sir. Valerie, my dear.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Okay. Okay. Here you are, driver.

[Narrator / FBI Announcer]

Oh, thanks, miss.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

All right, where is he?

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Right over there. Michael.

[Michael]

Oh, hi.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Where's the woman?

[Michael]

I done a good job of trailing her. You ought to be proud of her.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

I said, where is she?

[Michael]

Right in that brownstone house.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

What are we waiting for? Lead the way, Michael.

[Michael]

Okay, come on. She went right in here. The ground floor.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

This better work.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Please, my dear.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Yes?

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Greetings, Mrs. Greeley.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Well, come right in.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Go ahead, darling.

[FBI Commentator / Analyst]

Michael.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

I dare say you're a trifle surprised to see us again.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Well, as a matter of fact, Colonel Weatherford, I am a little Surprised the way things turned out. But we rather expected you'd come here. Who's we?

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

Yes. What do you mean?

[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

What she means, Weatherford, is that you're all under arrest.

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

What? What is this?

[Choice Classic Radio Announcer]

We're special agents of the FBI. This is an apartment that we used on another case. It was also convenient to bring Mrs. Greeley here for questioning.

[Narrator / FBI Announcer]

We hoped you'd follow her.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

You mean she's working with you?

[Mrs. Greeley / Larceny Annie]

Oh, not willingly, Colonel. But as you know, this is the Christmas season and it's full of surprises for everyone.

[FBI Commentator / Analyst]

And now your FBI would like to take this opportunity to wish for all of you a Merry Christmas and a happy, peaceful and prosperous New Year. And through your continued support and cooperation it will go on protecting your right to enjoy them year after year.

[Narrator / FBI Announcer]

Before we tell you about next week's thrilling case from the files of your FBI a word about a man worth knowing. To your FBI, you look for national security and to the Equitable Society for the financial security of life insurance. In the past 86 years the equitable Life Assurance Society of the United States has weathered four wars and seven major depressions. During that time, over five and one half billion dollars have been paid to policyholders. This tower of strength, security and stability is represented in your community by a man whom hundreds of your fellow citizens know as their good friend. The Equitable Society agent who, like your FBI, is dedicated to the protection of you, your home and your country.

[FBI Commentator / Analyst]

Next week we will bring you another colorful story from the files of the Federal Bureau of Investigation. Murder on the high seas.

[Narrator / FBI Announcer]

The incidents used in tonight's Equitable Societies broadcast are taken from the files of the Federal Bureau of Investigation. However, all names used are fictitious and any similarity thereof to the names of persons living or dead is accidental. Programs in this series of particular interest to service men and women are broadcast overseas through the worldwide facilities of the Armed Forces Radio Service. Tonight, the music was under the direction of Frederick Steiner. The author was Frank Ferries and your narrator was Dean Carlton. This is your FBI Is a Jerry Devine production. Now, this is Carl Frank speaking for the Equitable Life Assurance Society of the United States and the Equitable Society's representative in your community. And inviting you to tune in again next week at this same time for this is your FBI.

[Colonel Josiah Weatherford]

This is abc, the American Broadcasting Company.