EP 7 - The Handyman of West Texas

Summary

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EP 7 - The Handyman of West Texas

Podcast: Johnathan Walton Media
Host: Johnathan Walton
Date: May 26, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode, titled "I don’t want no Bunnies on my Stove Top," delves into intimate listener questions posed to Mickey, the infamous "Handyman of West Texas." Host Johnathan Walton unearths new layers to Mickey's unconventional life, exploring issues of safety, intimacy, emotional fallout, racial stereotypes, and the human connections he formed in his years as a handyman-turned-gigolo. The discussion takes an honest, uncensored look at sex work in small-town Texas, romantic entanglements, and Mickey's reflections as he steps away from this double life.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Dilemma of Openness and Secrecy

[01:12]

• Walton looks for other provocative handymen, but only Mickey is willing to talk.
• Mickey: "If anyone were to ever ask me, I would tell them, but no one ever asked."
• His frankness is juxtaposed with secrecy: open if confronted, otherwise private.

2. Listener-Driven Interview

[02:46]

• Walton gathers questions directly from listeners.
• "Up until now, I thought I had fully fleshed out Mickey's incredible life story... but the questions I've been receiving from all of you are questions that just never occurred to me to ask." (Walton, 02:46)

3. Oil Field Life & Economic Realities

[03:10]

• Brief descent into current events (Iran crisis), with Mickey working hard but only bosses reaping rewards:
  "The oil companies are going to make an extra 50 billion in profit. Not 50 billion in profit, an extra 50 billion extra." (Mickey, 03:40)
• Reflections on rising fuel prices; Texas versus California cost shock.

4. Safe Sex & “Big Dick Problems”

[04:57 – 07:21]

• Listeners ask about condoms.
  • Mickey strictly insists: "Always."
  • "That was always the rule. I was told as a kid, you don't want to have kids by mistake. You don't want to get some disease." (Mickey, 05:00)
• Housewife clients sometimes pressure him not to use protection; he refuses.
• Comedic details regarding condom size:
  • "I only could use the magnums... and they're still a stretch, literally." (Mickey, 06:09)
  • "Big dick problems." (Walton, 07:19 – laughter)

5. Catching STDs & Irony

[07:46 – 09:11]

• Mickey contracted syphilis only once, ironically from a girlfriend (with whom he broke his protection rule), not a client.
  • “I made the exception not to go with the condom. And there, that's what happened." (Mickey, 08:31)
  • "I'm doing all this other stuff and... the one that I go home to is the one that screws me over. How ironic." (Mickey, 09:02)

6. Emotional Entanglements & Clingy Clients

[09:22 – 17:01]

• Multiple women fell in love or got possessive.
• Mickey's approach: "I treat these women like they're my girlfriends, like they're long time lovers.... You have to be physical like they were your wife or your girlfriend..." (Mickey, 09:41)
• Stories of repeat clients, including a "cuckold" couple where the wife wanted to run away with him:
  • "You want to leave your millionaire husband for a rough neck? ...That's not happening, lady." (Mickey, 14:36)
• Managing clinginess: if it gets "fatal attraction"–level, he cuts things off:
  • "I'm not waiting on the dead rabbit. I see the signs and I'm like, all right, I'm out." (Mickey, 16:25)
• Unlike female sex workers, who set emotional boundaries, Mickey is open and affectionate, causing attachments.

7. Acting as a Therapist

[17:20 – 19:58]

• Women unload personal and family secrets, using Mickey as confession booth and emotional support:
  • "I would just be there to listen to them and it would usually lead us into, you know, another round or something because that's how I would console them." (Mickey, 17:27)
• He provides a safe, anonymous outlet.

8. Masculinity, Stereotypes & Reflections

[21:28 – 22:48]

• Listener asks about the "big hands, big penis" stereotype.
  • "I have small hands. They're very powerful ... but they're small." (Mickey, 22:07)
• Challenges racial stereotypes:
  • "Several of these women have told me... black guys have the biggest. But you, I've been with black guys and your cocks are way bigger than theirs. ...that is another, you know, false logic that we always just carry with us... I think it is an individual thing." (Mickey, 22:48)

9. Personal Care and Pineapple Juice

[25:44 – 26:47]

• Does Mickey prepare for encounters?
  • He loves pineapple juice but didn't know its supposed semen-sweetening effect.
  • "I would drink a glass of pineapple juice every single day... it just happened to, you know, suit what I was doing." (Mickey, 26:12)
  • Women noticed; he eventually tuned out compliments as "background noise." (Mickey, 27:24)

10. Guilt, Regret, and Moral Logic

[27:27 – 28:28]

• "Regret’s a useless emotion... I'm giving a woman who's lacking something what she's lacking, regardless if that's ruining her marriage or, you know, breaking the sanctity of their wedding vows. That's nothing to do with me." (Mickey, 27:51)
• Walton pushes back: people who say they’re assholes are actually often kind.
• Mickey discusses Hispanic family values and contrasts with white families abandoning elders.

11. Generosity and Gendered Kindness

[32:07 – 33:05]

• Mickey shares a story helping a locked-out woman for free.
  • "She was already having a bad day. …Let me do something nice. Maybe it'll change her day." (Mickey, 32:10)
• Admits he likely would have charged a man.
  • "I have an affinity for women. I feel bad... For a guy, I wouldn't give a shit." (Mickey, 32:44)

12. On Intelligence and Relationships

[33:05 – 34:31]

• Mickey insists women are "smarter than us by a chunk." Beautiful women who are not intelligent do not interest him; he ended a potential relationship over this.

13. The End of an Era: Retiring from the Game

[35:38 – 38:35]

• Mickey stopped his handyman–gigolo business after the podcast's release.
  • "I stopped. Where the show came out, I stopped. I… can't do it no more. I'm gonna be murdered." (Mickey, 35:40)
• Not due to regret or podcast guilt, but because of lifestyle and safety changes.
  • “You didn’t ruin anything for me... The show came out at the end of January... So you're in the clear, man." (Mickey, 36:24)
• Not worried about retribution unless “caught in the act”:
  • "If something is in the past, it's... done. ...If you see footage of something that I was doing to your wife a year ago, fucking divorce her. You come looking for me, I'm going to fuck you up." (Mickey, 37:30)
• The original catalyst was a church deacon’s wife, not his initiative:
  • "If she would have never made her move, this whole... thing would have never happened." (Mickey, 38:48)
• Walton reflects on the ripple effect of one incident changing an entire life.

14. Final Reflection: Service or Sin?

[39:23 – 39:56]

• Mickey: "Nobody really got hurt. ...I was for the betterment of the situation because there was something... making them sad... I took that away from them. ...I should be granted a sainthood or something. ...Saint Mickey."
• Walton jokes: "Saint Coca Cola can Foreign."

15. The Future: Scripted Adaptation

[39:56]

• Walton teases a Hollywood adaptation of Mickey's story.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "You better be ready for the answer, because I'm going to tell you what I think, tell you the truth, but no one has ever asked me this question."
  — Mickey, 01:48

• "I only could use the magnums. And they're still a stretch, literally."
  — Mickey, 06:09

• "Big dick problems."
  — Walton, 07:19

• "I'm not waiting on the dead rabbit. I see the signs and I'm like, all right, I'm out."
  — Mickey, 16:26

• "I treat these women like they're my girlfriends, like they're long time lovers... You have to be physical like they were your wife or your girlfriend..."
  — Mickey, 09:41

• "Regret’s a useless emotion... I'm giving a woman who's lacking something what she's lacking... That's nothing to do with me."
  — Mickey, 27:51

• "I have small hands. ...But they're small."
  — Mickey, 22:07

• "If she would have never made her move, this whole... thing would have never happened."
  — Mickey, 38:48

• "Nobody really got hurt... If anything, I was for the betterment of the situation... I should be granted a sainthood..."
  — Mickey, 39:26

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:06 — Copycat handyman ads and Mickey’s willingness to talk.
• 02:46 — Listener-driven Q&A begins.
• 03:10 — Oil field work, economic shifts.
• 04:57 — Condom use, safe sex practices.
• 06:12 — Discussion of condom sizes and “big dick problems.”
• 07:46 — Mickey reveals STD experience.
• 09:32 — Listeners ask about emotional entanglements.
• 14:16 — Story of a repeat (cuckold) client wanting to run away.
• 16:25 — Managing stalker-like clinginess (“no bunnies on my stove top”).
• 17:20–18:43 — Acting as an emotional confidant.
• 21:28–22:48 — Debunking penis size stereotypes tied to hands and race.
• 25:44 — Pineapple juice and personal care.
• 27:51 — Moral reflection on guilt and regret.
• 32:07–33:05 — Story: helping a stranger for free.
• 35:38–38:35 — Mickey exits the business, worried about exposure.
• 39:23–39:56 — "Saint Mickey" reflection and humor.
• 39:56+ — Announcement of scripted adaptation.

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Tone and Language

The conversation is frank, direct, and laced with humor and vulnerability. Both Walton and Mickey maintain an unabashedly honest yet empathetic manner, blending raw anecdotes with self-awareness and comedic touches.

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Summary

Episode 7 unpacks Mickey's role as both a literal and figurative handyman—fixing not only physical problems but emotional voids for the women of West Texas. Listener questions inspire reflections on sexual health, boundaries, emotional fallout, gender and racial stereotypes, as well as the unpredictable course of life. Now retired, Mickey looks back on his journey with few regrets and surprising pride, while Walton hints at bigger things to come for "The Handyman" story.

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For more details and updates on the scripted adaptation, follow Jonathan Walton on Instagram @QueenOfTheCon.

Transcript

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[Jonathan Walton]

Are there any other handymen with ads like yours?

[Mickey]

You know, I've seen some kind of copycats.

[Jonathan Walton]

I went looking and I found a couple.

[Mickey]

Oh, really?

[Jonathan Walton]

Yeah. Like, two other provocative handyman ads. And I. They never responded to me.

[Mickey]

Really?

[Jonathan Walton]

I texted them. I'm like, hey, I produced a podcast. I'd love to know more about your life. You know, I even offered to pay them for an interview. No response. But it's interesting that, you know, you. You're so open and yet so secretive. It's this. This double thing that is intriguing.

[Mickey]

If anyone were to ever ask me, I would tell them, but no one ever asked.

[Jonathan Walton]

Yeah.

[Mickey]

So. Exactly. Right. It's. It's not something that. Oh, by the way. Yeah. That doesn't really come up.

[Jonathan Walton]

I know it's the last thing anyone

[Mickey]

would think to ask you, and so I am very open, if anyone were to. That's why a lot of people don't really like me, because I'm very honest. Brutally so. So if you ask me a question, you better be ready for the answer, because I'm going to tell you what I think, tell you the truth, but no one has ever asked me this question.

[Jonathan Walton]

Are you banging all these women as a handyman?

[Mickey]

Yeah. That question's never come up, so.

[Jonathan Walton]

And it never will. I'm Jonathan Walton, and this is the Handyman of West Texas. Episode 7. I don't want no Bunnies on my Stove Top. Let me get my questions up. And I sent you those. Yeah, those are just questions different listeners have been asking.

[Mickey]

Okay.

[Jonathan Walton]

Up until now, I thought I had fully fleshed out Mickey's incredible life story. I thought I'd asked every kind of question I could ask, but I was wrong, because the questions I've been receiving from all of you are questions that just never occurred to me to ask. All right, let me hit record. They're always moving the record. Okay.

[Mickey]

Record.

[Jonathan Walton]

Right now, I'm on a zoom with Mickey. He's using his phone and I'm using my laptop because I'm in Los Angeles and he's in Midland, Texas. Taking a quick break from the oil field to talk to me. So I imagine you've just been working gangbusters because of this whole Iran situation.

[Mickey]

Big time. Well, our bosses are profiting from it. Not so much us, but it keeps us working.

[Jonathan Walton]

Yeah. Because we need more oil, more gas, more fuel. Right. There's a shortage.

[Mickey]

Or they had said that because of what happened, the oil companies are going to make an extra 50 billion in profit. Not 50 billion in profit, an extra 50 billion extra.

[Jonathan Walton]

So like 50 billion they weren't making before because this whole Iran thing, now they're making an extra 50 billion.

[Mickey]

Yeah, that's.

[Jonathan Walton]

I know. Because so many people, you know, regular middle class people are just suffering with the higher gas prices. Gas prices in la are like six, seven. There, there's one station, $8 a gallon. It's fucking insane.

[Mickey]

That is insane. Over here it's between $354, which is a lot for.

[Jonathan Walton]

For Texas.

[Mickey]

It's a fucking lot over here. People are like pissed off.

[Jonathan Walton]

Last time I was in Texas, it was like $2 and something a gallon.

[Mickey]

Yeah. 250. $2.50.

[Jonathan Walton]

250. Wow. Thanks for making the time to check in with me even though we can't be in person. I appreciate it.

[Mickey]

Yes, sir.

[Jonathan Walton]

A lot of listeners have questions that I didn't think to ask you before, so I'm going to ask you now this, this is based on a bunch of different listeners who've contacted me. Okay, Question number one. And I don't know why I didn't think of this. It just never occurred to me. Do you wear condoms?

[Mickey]

Always.

[Jonathan Walton]

You always wear condoms?

[Mickey]

Okay, yeah. I mean, just in general in life, I've always worn condoms because, you know, that was always the rule. I was told as a kid, you don't want to get. You don't want to have kids by mistake. You don't want to get some disease. Back then, AIDS was something you died from.

[Jonathan Walton]

Yeah.

[Mickey]

So ever since then, condoms are my go to. So yeah, it's a must.

[Jonathan Walton]

And are there ever housewives who want you to take off the condom or don't wear the condom? And how do you handle that?

[Mickey]

I just tell them, no, I will not do that. It's for my safety and for your safety, just think of it like that. But if it's something that means that much to you, you just call it quits right now.

[Jonathan Walton]

Wow. So you insist on the condom, which is odd from the guy. Right. Normally it's the women insisting on condom, especially the housewives who'd be like, you

[Mickey]

know, and that's the thing. Guys, for the most part, are stupid. They're like, yeah, I want to go bareback, I think. Yeah, that's why your fucking dick's falling off. It has all the weird fucking bumps on it. Yeah. Not mine. I cherish mine and I treat it as such.

[Jonathan Walton]

And what kind of condoms do you buy? I imagine not every condom fits you.

[Mickey]

I only could use the magnums.

[Jonathan Walton]

The Magnums.

[Mickey]

And they're still a stretch, literally.

[Jonathan Walton]

Yeah, Magnums are tight on you.

[Mickey]

And that's the thing, you know, After a while, starts cutting off my circulation. I can feel it.

[Jonathan Walton]

And for people who don't know, magnums are a brand of condom that are, like twice as big as a regular condom. Like, condoms are condoms. And then the brand magnum is for, like, well hung guys like yourself.

[Mickey]

Yeah. Because those little ones, they. They tear before they even get around the tip. Back when I first started, I. I didn't know. I thought condom was condom. I didn't know, you know, that there was choices and sizes. I thought it was a one size fits all kind of thing. And no, I thought, am I doing this wrong? You know, I wasn't given a class.

[Jonathan Walton]

You'd put on the regular size condom and what, it wouldn't go on or it would break or tear?

[Mickey]

It would. Well, while I was trying to put it on, it would just tear because I was pulling it so hard to try to stretch it to fit that it would just rip.

[Jonathan Walton]

Wow.

[Mickey]

I'd go through like three or four, and then the one that I would finally get to fit, I. I'd have to take it off because I could. I could feel it cutting off the circulation. It was painful.

[Jonathan Walton]

Big dick problems.

[Mickey]

Yeah. Sorry. I should. I shouldn't complain, but. Yeah, we have our problems.

[Jonathan Walton]

I know. Well, I mean, you know, pain is pain, right? Like, if it's uncomfortable, it's uncomfortable. Another question the listener had. Have you ever caught any sexually transmitted diseases from any of these housewives?

[Mickey]

Yes, I did.

[Jonathan Walton]

Ooh. Okay, so because it's zoom. Mickey didn't actually hear the end of my question. He thought I was asking about STDs in general, not whether or not he caught one from a housewife. So he's answering in general terms here. You'll understand what I mean in a second.

[Mickey]

I'm pretty sure I got syphilis.

[Jonathan Walton]

Syphilis?

[Mickey]

Yeah. And I went to the doctor. I was like, something's fucking wrong here. Birds. I'm dripping. They're like, yeah, well, caught a sexually transmitted disease. So I took a course of antibiotics or whatever the hell they had for two weeks and then it was gone. And that was not for one of these housewives. That was from a girlfriend.

[Jonathan Walton]

Ooh, a girl. How ironic that it was a girlfriend who gave you syphilis.

[Mickey]

Exactly. And I made the exception. I made the exception not to go with the condom. And there, that's what happened.

[Jonathan Walton]

And how did that go? What did you. Did you go home and be like, you gave me syphilis?

[Mickey]

I fucking did. Well, I was like, you know what, you dirty. Get the out. We're done. Because she, she had to have known that she had it, right, I would imagine. I don't know. Either way, she didn't get it from me, so she got it from someone else. And then. So.

[Jonathan Walton]

Yeah, so that ended the relationship with this.

[Mickey]

Oh, yeah. Right there on the spot.

[Jonathan Walton]

Yeah, that's the irony.

[Mickey]

Yeah. Right. I'm doing all this other stuff and my. The one that I go home to is the one that screws me over. How ironic.

[Jonathan Walton]

Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Alanis Morset, where are you when we need you?

[Mickey]

Right.

[Jonathan Walton]

Another question, another listener had. Have any of these housewives fallen in love with you or become clingy or possessive and try to stalk you or anything?

[Mickey]

Yeah, several.

[Jonathan Walton]

Why does that not surprise me?

[Mickey]

You know, it's very difficult not to start having some kind of feelings because you're doing a intimate act, you know, even if you try to separate as much as you can. And I don't know how, I guess I'm professional, but I don't consider my. Like the professional female sex workers, they don't allow kissing. They don't. They have rules to separate the feeling out of it, you know, to make it a business transaction. It's just an act that I'm doing. Getting paid and getting the hell out of there. I'm the opposite. I treat these women like they're my girlfriends, like they're long time lovers. You know, I try to make it as sensuous as. As I can because you don't want that kind of like detached feeling. That's not what they're looking for. They have that already. They have the detachment. They want someone to, you know, enjoy the time with them, make them and enjoy it. So you have to be more physical. You have to be physical like they were your wife or your girlfriend or, you know, someone that you've known for a long period of time. Not just men. The feelings that come with that are inevitable. Unfortunately, when they're repeat. If it's a one and done. Then, you know, the feelings didn't last long enough because you're gone. But the women that would call me back there was the first one was the wife that the husband was there filming us.

[Jonathan Walton]

Aha.

[Mickey]

So it was a cuckold situation. And he was always there when, you know, I would come over to service her. But one time she reached out to me. She's like, I don't want my husband to be there. I just want him to be me and you.

[Jonathan Walton]

Hey everyone, Jonathan Walton here. I'm doing a live one man show titled Hunting the Irish heiress about the crazy con woman who scammed me. Mare Smith, AKA the Irish heiress living

[Mickey]

in Belfast and my family and I had a huge fight.

[Jonathan Walton]

Well, she's out of jail and she could be scamming you or someone you love right now. Did you know she started a satanic church?

[Mickey]

Satan, my father, I so many.

[Jonathan Walton]

And she also created a phony non profit to run rescue missions in Ukraine.

[Mickey]

We are doing medical evacuations and refugee evacuations. Our safe house is in.

[Jonathan Walton]

I'm showing audiences all the crazy pictures and videos and audio recordings of all her new scams. Come see me live and see Southern California at the Newport Theater arts Center on June 5. It's funny, it's dramatic, it's bonkers and audiences are raving.

[Mickey]

That was better than a Netflix.

[Jonathan Walton]

For tickets, go to my website Jonathan Walton.com also I'd love to perform my one man show Hunting the Irish heiress in your city. So if you know of a theater or playhouse that wants to host a compelling new show, go to Jonathan Walton.com and let me know. There's nothing like my American Express platinum card. I love that I can earn hotel credits when I travel. I can also earn resi credits so you know, I'm hitting the restaurants everyone's talking about.

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[Jonathan Walton]

even more excited to catch my favorite shows. All in all, I can access over $3,500 in annual value with benefits and eligible purchases across travel, entertainment and more. Learn [e-mail] Explore Platinum Enrollment Requirements monthly

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[Mickey]

So it was a cuckold situation. And he was always there when, you know, I would come over to service her. But one. One time she reached out to me. She's like, I don't want my husband to be there. I just want it to be me and you. I want us to run away. I want us to. It's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. What the Whoa?

[Jonathan Walton]

She wants to run away?

[Mickey]

Yeah, she wants us to, like, you know, run off together like some movie. And I'm like, what, are you crazy? You want to leave your millionaire husband for a rough neck? And. Yeah, no, that's. That's not happening, lady. I don't. You know, you obviously feel a lot more. More for me than I do for you. I mean, I liked her.

[Jonathan Walton]

She was.

[Mickey]

She was pleasant enough, but I didn't have rest of my life feelings for her, which she did. And so that ended that interaction because was probably around the 10th time where that happened. So it was. It was. It was pretty frequent. It was once a week and like once, like 10.

[Jonathan Walton]

The 10th time you saw this couple?

[Mickey]

Yeah, the 10th time I saw them. She called me afterwards and said, I don't want my husband to be here involved with us anymore. I was like, your husband's the one that set this up. This is his thing, you know? And she's like, I. I just want it to be me and you. And I was like, whoa. And other times when there was repeat customers, I would say that's when feeling would arise more than anything, because there was. There was. Most women would be repeat customers. And. Yeah, so I. I ran into that a lot.

[Jonathan Walton]

And how do you deal with it? You're just straight with them?

[Mickey]

Well, it depends on the severity of their clinginess. You know, if. If it's something that's manageable, I'll let them have their little fantasy. It doesn't bother me that much. But when it becomes like fatal attraction, kind of.

[Jonathan Walton]

I'm not going to be ignored, Dan.

[Mickey]

I could see that line coming, and I cut it before it gets to that line, you know, I don't want no bunnies on my stove top or please go.

[Jonathan Walton]

You're not waiting on the dead rabbit.

[Mickey]

I am not waiting on the dead rabbit. I see the signs and I'm like, all right, I'm out. So it, it's happened. And it's like I said with, with female sex workers. They will not kiss you. They will not do, they will not let you go down on them. There's certain rules. They have to block intimacy, to block feelings. And I didn't block any of those. So I, I, I kind of caused it with the way I am.

[Jonathan Walton]

But I mean, yeah, cuz you kiss these women, like open mouth, kiss like passionately, make out French.

[Mickey]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, I can't, I can't see, having intimacy without kissing boggles my mind, you know, that that's, that's how it all starts. You know, you build from that. But yeah.

[Jonathan Walton]

Do any of these women treat you like a therapist where they tell you their deep dark secrets and divulge things?

[Mickey]

Well, they always would tell, they would always complain about their husbands to me, Like, I can't tell anyone, but he's, you know, he doesn't pay attention to me. He's probably his secretary. He's, you know, they would, they would lay all their grievances, all their, you know, all the things that was pissing them off in their lives and they lay it on me and I, you know, I'd console them, you know, and these were the women that we had the longer sessions where it was cuddling afterwards. It wasn't just the act, it was, you know, a whole scene where, you know, I did brace them, cuddle and just, you know, listen to their day as it was. And it was all complaining about, you know, different aspects of their lives. You know, my mother likes my sisters better than me. You know, they're probably my husband and you know, all kinds of weird shit. So, yeah, kind of like a therapist. I mean, I wouldn't give any advice. I would just be there to listen to them and it would usually lead us into, you know, another round or something because that's how I would console them. But yeah, wow.

[Jonathan Walton]

So it sounds like they would, they would tell you things they're not telling their best friend. They're not telling anyone, but they can tell you because you're still kind of a stranger, right?

[Mickey]

You're, you're all on honest. They don't know me, I don't know them, you know. Yeah, and they will not tell anyone else because one thing I have found is the insecurity of anyone, you know, sensing weakness in them. They have to be the model of success, the perfect, you know, perfect family, perfect, whatever. And they, even if they're fucking live, you're falling apart behind closed doors. They will never let anyone see that because they want to put that image out there.

[Jonathan Walton]

They want the Instagram photo, they want the pretty family picture.

[Mickey]

And because I'm just an anonymous stranger, they could finally let it out and I just take it in, you know, console them as best I could. It was therapeutic for them. I wasn't a therapist, but it was therapeutic in the. Them being able to get it off their chest because they've been holding it for who knows how long, so.

[Jonathan Walton]

Wow. Yeah. That's fascinating, man. That's almost a whole show by itself is just what these women tell you and how you console them and, you know, you're there for them in their moment of need, ironically, even though you're this handyman, gigolo, sex worker, but you care.

[Mickey]

Oh, yeah. Still a person, you know, And I. I guess that was my kind of definition downfall. I. I care too much. I wouldn't. I. I cannot be mean to women. I love women.

[Jonathan Walton]

Yeah.

[Mickey]

You know, I could be blunt and, you know, like, direct and forceful, but I could never be intentionally mean to a woman. That's just not me. My family's all women. I have sisters and dozens of nieces and cousins and my mom, you know, they're all women. So I always. I. I treat women with respect.

[Jonathan Walton]

Yeah. And I guess that that tracks. Right. And that. That's. That leads to this other question from the listener about do they become obsessed with you or clingy or fall in love with you? I guess they do, because you're meeting with them. They're telling you things that they never tell anyone. And you're. You're kind and you're listening and you're consoling, and. Yeah, that's. That's how they get hooked on the magic that is Mickey the Handyman.

[Mickey]

Well, I'm the perfect man. In that small space of time, if they would spend a fucking week with me, they wouldn't like me. But, you know, in that small, little fucking space of time that we're together, I'm perfect of everything that they could hope for, because it's just that moment.

[Jonathan Walton]

Wow.

[Mickey]

And that's kind of what I was trying to give them. You know, their fantasy. I will be whatever you want, Whatever's lacking in your life that will. I will fill that void for you.

[Jonathan Walton]

Interesting. Correct me if I'm wrong. The. The few times I've met you and we've hung out and we've recorded. Jesus. Hours and hours of interviews for this podcast, I. I shook your hand every Time. And you didn't strike me as having large hands. Because that's another question from another listener. Does Mickey have large hands? Because the adage is if you have large hands, you have a large dick. And in my experience, that's not always

[Mickey]

true, because that's not true at all. I have small hands.

[Jonathan Walton]

You have small hands.

[Mickey]

I wear small to medium sized gloves.

[Jonathan Walton]

Oh, really?

[Mickey]

Yeah, yeah. My hands are small. They're very powerful because they swing a sledgehammer every single day. I could crush a man's throat with one. One hand. But they're. They're small.

[Jonathan Walton]

Huh. So that kind of flies in the face of what we always thought or were told in society. Like large hands, large dick. Not true.

[Mickey]

Yeah, that. That's just not true. And another thing that several of these women have told me is that, you know, everyone says that black guys have the biggest. But you, I've been with black guys and your cocks are way bigger than theirs. So. And I have no verifiable, you know, evidence of that.

[Jonathan Walton]

Right, right, right.

[Mickey]

But from what I've been told, you know, that is another, you know, false logic that we always just carry with us. Oh, you know, black guys have a big. Now, you know, I think it is an individual thing. It doesn't. It's not determined by any sort of thing like the hands or the color.

[Jonathan Walton]

Yeah. It's a case by case.

[Mickey]

Yeah.

[Jonathan Walton]

Hey, everyone, Jonathan Walton here. I'm doing a live one man show titled Hunting the Irish heiress about the crazy con woman who scammed me, Mare Smith, AKA the Irish heiress, living in Belfast.

[Mickey]

And my family and I had a huge fight.

[Jonathan Walton]

Well, she's out of jail and she could be scamming you or someone you love right now. Did you know she started a satanic church?

[Mickey]

Satan, My father, by so many.

[Jonathan Walton]

And she also created a phony nonprofit to run rescue missions in Ukraine.

[Mickey]

We are doing medical evacuations and refugee evacuations. Our safe house is in.

[Jonathan Walton]

I'm showing audiences all the crazy pictures and videos and audio recordings of all her new scams. Come see me live inside Southern California at the Newport Theater arts Center on June 5. It's funny, it's dramatic, it's bonkers, and audiences are raving.

[Mickey]

That was better than a Netflix.

[Jonathan Walton]

For tickets, go to my website, Jonathan walton dot com. Also, I'd love to perform my one man show, Hunting the Irish Heiress in your city. So if you know of a theater or playhouse that wants to host a compelling new show, go to Jonathan Walton.com and let me know.

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[Mickey]

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[Jonathan Walton]

Do you do any special prep. Do you drink pineapple juice? Do you do any kind of special preparation before you go on these encounters?

[Mickey]

Well, you know, it's funny because my whole life I've loved pineapple juice.

[Jonathan Walton]

FYI, the acidity and the sugar in pineapple juice is thought to make semen taste more sweet and less chalky.

[Mickey]

I didn't know it had any effect on anything. It's just what I like to drink. So I would drink a glass of pineapple juice every single day of my life and it just happened to, you know, suit what I was doing. I wasn't doing it because of that, because I was doing it since I was a kid.

[Jonathan Walton]

But yeah, yeah, because it makes your semen taste sweeter.

[Mickey]

I did not know that. I mean, I knew it after the fact, but I didn't know when I started drinking pineapple juice.

[Jonathan Walton]

You just like pineapple juice.

[Mickey]

Yeah, it's delicious.

[Jonathan Walton]

And it makes you delicious.

[Mickey]

That's right. Apparently.

[Jonathan Walton]

Have women, have the housewives commented on how you taste?

[Mickey]

They have, but, you know, I. All the things that they would say throughout the whole process after a while was just, you know, background noise because there's only so many compliments you can get for just like at first it was great. Boosted up my ego. I thought it was a big man. And, you know, it was great hearing that stuff from beautiful rich women. But after a while they were all seeing it. It was just like over and over. I was, all right, that's enough. I wasn't telling them that. But in my mind I was just shutting off. I wasn't hearing it anymore. It was like static.

[Jonathan Walton]

It's human nature, right? You get accustomed to anything.

[Mickey]

Yeah.

[Jonathan Walton]

And it just becomes part of the white noise. A question that keeps coming up again and again from different listeners is, do you feel ever regretful or guilty that, you know, these women are cheating with you, cheating on their husbands? Do you feel bad at all, ever?

[Mickey]

Regrets, a useless emotion. If, if I wanted to break it down, she's up, you know, she made the commitment to him. I don't even know the guy. You know, I am giving a woman who's lacking something what she's lacking, regardless if that's ruining her marriage or, you know, breaking the sanctity of their wedding vows. That's nothing to do with me. So just in general, I never feel regret unless I do did something intentional that hurt someone that I care about, then I might regret those situations. But I'm kind of an.

[Jonathan Walton]

So in my experience though, the opposite is true. Right. People who say they're assholes are actually not. And people who say they're the nicest people or people who say, listen, you can trust me, you actually can't. Like, you know, it's always opposite day with these kind of self declarative statements like I'm the nicest guy in the world. No, you're the asshole. But it's people like you who say, well, I'm an asshole, but deep down. No, you're a nice guy. You, you moved to LA for a few months to help your, your elderly parents get settled. Like that's, that's a very. A lot of grown men do not do that. A lot of grown men abandon their, their elderly parents. But you came and helped.

[Mickey]

I hate to say this because it's going to go out to all these other people. And maybe you decided to edit it out, but I think that's a white thing. Like Hispanics. Hispanics, we will move in. The parents, the grandparents, and everyone's living in the fucking house. Because that's just the way we were raised.

[Jonathan Walton]

I mean, no, I'm not editing that out. That's a great answer. Maybe it is a white thing. When I was young, when I was 17 years old, you know, my grandmother died and my grandmother and I were very close. And it devastated me. And as a way to, like, I don't know, be around that kind of grandmother energy, I started volunteering at a nursing home.

[Mickey]

Oh, wow.

[Jonathan Walton]

And all the other volunteers were there because of, like, drunk driving convictions or, you know, they're doing community service, and they could not believe that I was just there because I just like being around old people. I did it for, like a year, and I made friends with these grandmother types and they became my grandmothers and I enjoyed it. And their family never visited them. They were just discarded.

[Mickey]

Yeah. They put them there and they. They forget all about them. Yeah, that's. That's sad. And you don't. I'm sure it's changed over the years, but if you go and do, like, a demographic of all the different people that are in nursing homes, there's not a lot of Hispanics. Yeah, they're usually all white.

[Jonathan Walton]

You know, they were all white. I mean, you're not wrong.

[Mickey]

Yeah. It's just because I had a lot of white friends in high school. I went to a really rich, private high school, a Catholic school. I got a scholarship to go. But they. They were just rich people that could afford to pay that. And I would go sometimes to their houses for dinner. And the way they interacted was so foreign, so alien compared to how my family was. There was no. Like, the mom comes home, she doesn't kiss the husband, kiss the son. She's like a businesswoman, you know, Know, laying out. Have you done this? Have you done that? Okay, I'm gonna. You know, she had a role that didn't even fall in the category of my mother. My mother was. How was your day, Miho? Give you a kiss. Give you a hug. I mean, that's how Hispanic families are. And so anything outside of that is weird to us, but that's how they are, all the white families or my white friends that I would go for dinner. That's how their families were. I was, like, wrong with you guys. It's like, what I was like, don't you ever hug. Hug my mom? No. All right. Weirdos.

[Jonathan Walton]

Wow. Yeah. That's so fascinating. Yeah, well, you know, it made you. That's why you're a kind. You're a kind, loving guy in so many ways. When we first met in la, when you were here last year helping your parents get settled, you told me you do handyman jobs. And this woman called you because she got locked out of her house and she needed you to help her get back in. She couldn't, you know, and you came and got her back in. And you didn't charge her any money?

[Mickey]

Yeah.

[Jonathan Walton]

Why?

[Mickey]

Well, because she was already having a bad day. You know, she was going to be late to work. She was frustrated. She was, she, she was losing her mind. How am I gonna. And so I, I figured out she's having a bad enough day. Let me do something nice. Maybe it'll change her day.

[Jonathan Walton]

I imagine she tried to pay you.

[Mickey]

Oh, yeah. No, no, no. Let me give you something. Let me give you. I was like, no, I don't, I don't need anything. I'm fine. Just make sure you pay it forward. You know what? I'll tell you what, though. If it was a guy, I would have fucking taken his money.

[Jonathan Walton]

You have a soft spot for women.

[Mickey]

Yeah, I have a affinity for women. You know, I feel bad, you know, she's having a bad day. That actually, you know, I, I feel that for a guy, I wouldn't give a shit. But. So don't ask me why. But.

[Jonathan Walton]

Yeah, yeah, no, well, no, I get it. I mean, you're raised by women and you have sisters and nieces and. Yeah, you're very woman. Pro. Woman.

[Mickey]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think women are smarter than us, like, by a chunk. Yeah. Guys, Guys, typically, are the guys I work with. You put them in a, in a table together, it just, it just devolves into chaos and ape, like, behavior and it's. I, I, I feel embarrassed. I'm like, you know what? I'm going to my room. You guys, if no one's embarrassed, no one thinks anything about it. I was like, how are you not embarrassed? You're stupid. You know, intelligence to me is. I was talking girlfriend that I have now. I said, I don't care how beautiful you are, if you're stupid, I will not spend time with you. And I've had, or I had a potential girlfriend in the past. She was beautiful. She was, like, supermodel, but she was dumb as a brick. And so she's like, come on, you know, let's do this. I was like, you know what? I don't want to spend any more time with you. She's like, what? No one ever tells beautiful women, you know, shit like that. She's like, what? I was like, I don't want to spend any more time with you. I think we should just not talk anymore. She's like, why? I was like, you're not very smart. I said, I can have a conversation with you, and it is something I cannot overcome. I said, you know, there's plenty of Dumb guys out there that don't date you, but not me.

[Jonathan Walton]

And this is new on the horizon, Right. The last time I spoke to you, a couple months ago or a month ago, you didn't have a girlfriend. And now you do. This is news.

[Mickey]

Yeah. I met this woman that, you know, that was something special. And so I said, all right. I mean, it's. It's kind of fucked up the way I'm going to say this, but I spent three weeks out of the month over here, so it's. If I had to have a full time girlfriend, I probably wouldn't have. And I don't. I have a quarterly, you know, one quarter of a month I spent with her, and it's not even a quarter because I split the time that I'm back home, half with my family, half with her. So, yeah, she gets three days a month from me. She's happy with that. And, you know, I like spending time with her for those three days, but I think we would both get on each other's nerves if it was more than that. I had a 9 to 5 job and I'd come home every day, I don't think. Yeah.

[Jonathan Walton]

Another question a listener had. How long will you do this? Handyman man gigolo?

[Mickey]

I stopped.

[Jonathan Walton]

You stopped?

[Mickey]

I stopped. Ooh, where the show came out, I stopped. I. I can't do it no more. I'm gonna be murdered.

[Jonathan Walton]

I didn't realize you had stopped.

[Mickey]

Well, yeah, it was just recently because the. The podcast just came out a couple months ago, right?

[Jonathan Walton]

Yeah, end of January. Oh, wow. So you haven't done. You're not doing any more handyman jobs right now?

[Mickey]

I'm still fucking women, but I'm not getting paid for it.

[Jonathan Walton]

That'll go on the tombstone. I'm still fucking women, but I'm not getting paid for it. Wow. Okay. Wow.

[Mickey]

Yeah, I'm not. I took down all the ads and. Yeah, I'm not doing any of that.

[Jonathan Walton]

Well, I feel bad. Did the podcast end it for you or were you looking for a reason to walk away?

[Mickey]

I don't. I didn't need to do it when I first started. It was just something to pass the time because I had too much time on my hands. But now the situation where I live in la, but I work in Texas, I don't really have time to do it anymore. I can always make time to do it, but, you know, and plus, the show, you know, brought it out in the open. Yeah. I'm not taking any chances. And no, you didn't ruin anything for Me, because the moving to California and then starting to work in Texas again is what did it. And that just started getting. Because I took that one year hiatus to come home and take care of my parents. And then I started working back in the oil field in December. The show came out at the end of January, so it was, you know, it was probably not going to happen regardless if the show was there or not. So you're in the clear, man.

[Jonathan Walton]

That was a question several listeners had. Are you worried now that the podcast is out, these husbands are going to find out, or they have security, security cam footage on their patio, their ring cam, or they're going to be looking for you or setting a trap for you or something. But you're out of the business.

[Mickey]

I'm out of business. And if any of these people that, you know wanted to go back, if. If I'm not caught in the act, if I'm caught in the act, go ahead, kill me. I deserve it. But if something is in the past, it's. It's deadly gun. And you come up, you. You better be quicker than I am, because, yeah, then I don't feel like you are justified in coming at me because that shit's passed. You know, like I said, regret's a wasted emotion. It's gone. If you caught me in the heat of the moment, that's why they call it a crime of passion. Because you walk in, you see it, your brain goes berserk, and you do something that you would normally not do. If you see footage of something that I was doing to your wife a year ago, fucking divorce her. You come looking for me, I'm going to you up. Because you know that I'm not doing it anymore. You know, you don't have a legitimate reason in my mind to be mad at me. Your wife's a whore. By me. Well, we're both whores. But

[Jonathan Walton]

if that woman, that church deacon, that first client who became a repeat, if she didn't do what she did, if she didn't make a pass at you, would you have become a sex worker?

[Mickey]

No. Definitely not. That was not even the remotest thing from my. When I set out to do this, I was trying to kill time because I was bored making a little extra money. If she would have never made her move, this whole. This whole thing would have never happened.

[Jonathan Walton]

Yeah. That's so fascinating to look back at your life and think that one slight turn led to all of this. And if that. Well, I mean, it was meant to be. I think you brought a lot of people a lot of pleasure for a lot of years. For five years.

[Mickey]

Yeah.

[Jonathan Walton]

And that's. That's ultimately a beautiful thing, I think.

[Mickey]

Oh, yeah. I mean, no one, if you really think about it, you could. Oh, on the husbands, the. No, nobody really got hurt. If anything, I was for the betterment of the situation because there was something there that was lacking, that was making them sad, that was making them depressed. Whatever it was, I took that away from them. They should. I should. I should be granted a sainthood or some, I don't know, Saint Mickey just have, you know. Yeah, right.

[Jonathan Walton]

Saint Coca Cola can Foreign. This will not be the last you hear of the Handyman of West Texas. Without giving too much away, there is a scripted adaptation in the works. Yep, Mickey is getting the Tinseltown treatment. Hit me up on Instagram at Queen of the Con to keep abreast and to let me know which Hollywood actor you think should play. Play Mickey. Comment with your picks on my Instagram. The Handyman of West Texas was created, written and hosted by me, Jonathan Walton for Jonathan Walton Media Executive producer Evan Goldstein. All sound design and editing was done by Jimmy o'. Holigan. Make sure you're subscribed to Jonathan Walton Media so you can get alerts when new episodes drop and new series. And if you've got a great story that you think deserves its own podcast, pitch it to me@Jonathan Walton.com.