Most people use the Enneagram to figure out who they are.

But what if that's not actually the point?

What if it's showing you what's getting in your way?

This week's episode is a little different—and honestly, one of my favorites.

I sat down with my oldest son, Elijah, and we talked about the Enneagram… but not in the way you usually hear it talked about.

Not "what type are you?" Not "here's how to label yourself."

But what it actually does when you use it in real life—especially inside relationships, parenting, and your own growth.

We talk about what it looked like for him to first encounter the Enneagram as a teenager in a really hard season… how he was mistyped… and why that still helped.

And then we go deeper into the part most people miss:

The Enneagram isn't here to tell you who you are. It's here to show you what you're caught in.

What you'll hear in this episode:

Why the Enneagram "meets you where you are" (and why that matters more than getting your type right)
What mistyping actually reveals—and why it can still be useful
How dysregulation makes everyone look the same (and why that changes how we see ourselves and our kids)
The difference between your essential self and your personality patterns
How the Enneagram can be used for control… or for empathy
What shifted when Elijah realized his actual type—and why he couldn't see it before
The connection between self-worth, shame, and how we identify ourselves
Why awareness doesn't immediately change your behavior (and why that's not a problem)

The deeper pattern:

You're not your type.

You're the person underneath the patterns your type is describing.

And those patterns tend to get louder when you're struggling—not more accurate.

Which is why so many people misidentify themselves when they're in a hard season.

One of the most important takeaways:

Even when you're "wrong"… you're not actually wrong.

If something resonates, it's telling you something about where you are—even if it's not telling you who you are.

For parents (this part matters):

When your kid is acting in ways that feel confusing, reactive, or out of character…

You might not be seeing their personality.

You might be seeing their level of regulation.

And those are not the same thing.

A moment worth listening for:

The part where Elijah talks about believing he couldn't be a certain type because he thought he was a bad person.

And how that belief was actually the most accurate clue about who he was all along.

If you want to go deeper:

If you've been curious about the Enneagram but also a little skeptical—or you've felt like "none of the types fully fit"—this is exactly why.

And if you want to actually experience this work (not just learn about it), I'm hosting a small, in-person Living Enneagram mini retreat.

Details are in the link below.

Resources & Next Steps:

🧠 Living Enneagram Mini Retreat (limited spots available)

📞 Book a Free Call

Share this episode:

If you've ever felt like:

"None of the types fully fit me"
"Why do I act like a completely different person sometimes?"
"I understand this… but I still do the same things"

Send this to someone who's in that space.

The Enneagram Isn't Who You Are (And That Changes Everything)