What if the problem isn't your child's behavior… but the way that behavior impacts you?

In this deeply honest episode of Confessions of a Parent Coach, Ann Kaplan returns to the powerful thread she began in Episodes 157, 159, and 160 — conversations about polarities, impossible situations, and personal power — and brings them together in a final, integrative discussion about parenting, self-regulation, and radical accountability.

Ann explores one of the hardest lessons parents (and humans) continually relearn: the impulse to control the people around us in order to avoid our own discomfort.

Through real coaching examples and personal reflection, she unpacks:

Why some parenting struggles feel impossible
How black-and-white thinking keeps us stuck in "either/or" thinking
The difference between boundaries and control
How parents unintentionally reinforce codependency
Why your child's behavior may not actually be "misbehavior"
What it really means to do your own inner work instead of outsourcing it to your kids
How acceptance becomes the doorway to real power and change

Ann also shares a vulnerable behind-the-scenes confession as a coach — noticing how easy it is to fall into the same pattern she teaches against: trying to change others instead of tending to her own internal response.

This episode is a powerful reminder that:

"Our feelings are not our kids' jobs."

And that real transformation begins when we stop asking:

"How do I make my child stop doing this?"

…and start asking:

"What is this bringing up in me that I need to meet?"

If you've ever felt trapped between resentment and control, exhausted from trying to manage everyone around you, or frustrated that parenting still triggers you despite all the work you've done, this episode will land deeply.

In This Episode

Internal Family Systems (IFS) and internal "polarities"
Why the mind defaults to black-and-white thinking
Impossible situations and radical acceptance
Nervous system regulation in parenting
Emotional responsibility vs. control
Self-energy: compassion, patience, calmness, and connection
Why insight alone isn't enough — integration matters

Mentioned in This Episode

Episodes 157, 159, and 160
The Enneagram
Internal Family Systems (IFS)
The Anatomy of Peace by The Arbinger Institute

Upcoming Fall Retreat: Connection Experience

If this episode resonates, the next step is deep integration — not just insight.

Ann's upcoming Fall Retreat is designed exactly for that: a multi-day immersive experience where you don't just learn these concepts, you live them, process them, and integrate them in real time with support.

This year's theme is Connection — to yourself, your nervous system, and your relationships.

Learn more or reserve your spot here: Fall Retreat — Connection Experience

Spots are limited.