Conversations By The Sea

Small things like these

I think there’s a common misconception that goals are achieved through greatness.But, to me, it’s the opposite.The greatest progress is made in the mundane moments.Initially, I was thinking about this in the context of parenting. What does it mean to be a good parent? It’s about reliability, care, and love. You can only do this by being consistent. One big day out will not make you a good parent. It might make a great day, which is always nice… but being a good parent is more than just great days. It’s about being there for your child. All the time. Feeding them. Holding them. Listening to them.And often we are led to believe that these moments are all just happening in the mundanity of our daily lives, where the big summer holidays and days out are the ones to look forward to.But I recently had a revelation that while I enjoy every day out, holiday, and surprise gift I give my daughter, it’s actually the culmination of all of the tiny things that make her happy and keep her safe and secure. And that is good parenting. Making her favourite tea, even though she had it last night. Washing her clothes and bedding. Keeping the house running. And while these are the boring parts of parenting, I’d go as far as to say they are the most important. There’s a reason why absent parents will appear once in a blue moon with a lovebomb day out… but never show up when the kid is sick or in need of a random cuddle. That’s because the small things are the hardest.You can apply this to so many aspects of our lives. I’ve written before about the life lessons I’ve learned from running, and how the act of training for a half marathon is far, far more difficult than the race. That is exactly like how showing up for your child, every single day, is always going to be hard… but it is also that which gets you to where you want to go:I will say that the journey to my half marathon PB was far, far more brutal than the race. If anything, the race was kind of… easy? I only noticed aches and pains in the last mile or two, and for the majority of the race, I was in Zone 3, which is a relatively relaxed heart rate zone. I didn’t push myself to go faster until the very last mile, because I had 100% faith in my training.- Absolutely not born to run (May 2024)Part of why I find this philosophy so comforting is that it also allows you to give yourself some grace when things go wrong. A bad run won’t ruin a race. Just like one bad day won’t make you a bad parent. We all get frustrated or forget something and because those things are just small, they can be fixed. Forgetting my daughter’s water bottle won’t ruin her day, I’ll just buy her a drink. Giving her the same tea for two nights in a row won’t make her sick. It’s no big deal. Being mindful about the small things allows you to appreciate what works, and let what doesn’t just slide by.Holding that thought in your mind will allow you to ease the pressure on yourself and, ultimately, make you a kinder person to yourself and others. It’s easy to become stressed by domestic tasks, especially when there’s also pressure at work, from family and friends… but really it’s about working out which spinning plates will smash, and which will bounce. The answer to that might not be what you think.The concept of this post shouldn’t be a controversial one, but it does feel like a capitalist society doesn’t want us to think like this. We are led to believe that we can only achieve our goals if we buy something, or that a big, expensive holiday will make the best memories. That’s simply not true. My daughter is just as happy at Center Parcs as she is playing in her own local park. Food tastes the same if you don’t take a photo of it for the ‘gram. Our entire wedding cost the same price as a typical wedding dress, and the memories will last a lifetime. So much of what we do is performative. And this is where you lose the spark. I am not here to shame anyone who does splash out on any of the above (I am a Center Parcs stan for life, obviously) but this isn’t where the happiness comes from. It’s not about the grand gestures. It’s the little things that get you to where you want to be. And as soon as you realise that, you can start enjoying the journey. We took a half-day off and went to Lilidorei at Alnwick Garden because they had a full-day ticket for £2! Our daughter is finally getting braver at the park, and she really loved exploring the structure. This place is a must-see if you live in the North East.Here are some things I've enjoyed over the last week:📺 This City Is Ours (BBC) - This scouse crime family drama has us hooked📚Saving Five: A Memoir of Hope by Amanda Nguyen - Amazing memoir by the astronaut and activist who fights for survivors’ rights at the highest level.📽️ Memories of Murder (Prime Rental) - We watched this Bong Joon-Ho classic at the weekend and it was a wild ride. Ellen x💌 About this emailI’m Ellen, and I write about mental health for the chronically online. I am a freelance copywriter, strategist and web designer, and I work from home with my husband, Craig, at Content By The Sea. We have two rescue greyhounds, Potter and Harmony, and a toddler.I started this newsletter in March 2020 and have sent over 200(!) emails; currently, I have over 1,300 subscribers. I write about a wide variety of topics, including diet culture, my love of running, jealousy, my life falling apart, mam guilt, and this dystopian world we all live in.💛 How you can support meIf you like reading my weekly emails, you can give me a kickback in one or more of the following ways:📨 Share this post📬 Subscribe for free (if you haven’t already!)💬 Leave a comment on this newsletter Get full access to Conversations By The Sea at ellenforster.substack.com/subscribe