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Josh Dean
This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human. What if mind control is real?
Rory Scovel
If you could control the behavior of anybody around you, what kind of life would you have?
Josh Dean
Can you hypnotically persuade someone to buy a car?
Lane Rose
When you look at your car, you're gonna become overwhelmed with such good feelings.
Josh Dean
Can you hypnotize someone into sleeping with you?
Rory Scovel
I gave her some suggestions to be sexually aroused.
Josh Dean
Can you get someone to join your cult?
Amanda Knox
NLP was used on me to access my subconscious mind games.
Josh Dean
A new podcast exploring nlp, AK Neuro linguistic Programming. Is it a self help miracle, a shady hypnosis scam? Or both? Listen to Mind Games on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
Amanda Knox
I'm Amanda Knox and in the new podcast the Case of Lucy Letby, we unpack the story of an unimaginable tragedy that gripped the UK in 2023. But what if we didn't get the whole story?
Rory Scovel
Evidence has been made to fit. The moment you look at the whole picture, the case collapsed.
Amanda Knox
What if the truth was disguised by a chose to believe?
Nancy Glass
Oh my God, I think she might be innocent.
Amanda Knox
Listen to Doubt the Case of Lucy Letby on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
Rory Scovel
This is Special Agent Riegel, Special Agent Bradley Hall.
Special Agent Riegel
In 2018, the FBI took down a ring of spies working for China's Ministry of State Security, one of the most mysterious intelligence agencies in the world.
Narrator/Guest
The Sixth Bureau podcast is a story of the inner workings of the MSS and how one man's ambition and mistakes opened its vault of secrets.
Special Agent Riegel
Listen to the 6th Bureau on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
Nancy Glass
I'm Nancy Glass, host of the Burden of Guilt season two podcast. This is a story about a horrendous lie that destroyed two families. Late one night, Bobby Gumpright became the victim of a random crime. The perpetrator was sentenced to to 99 years until a confession changed everything.
Narrator/Guest
I was a monster.
Nancy Glass
Listen to Burden of guilt Season 2 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
Amanda Knox
Campsite media smart bless.
Special Agent Riegel
Foreign.
Rory Scovel
Hello and welcome to a very special bonus edition of Crimeless, a mini episode if you will. We had so much fun with the rampaging monkeys that I got curious and made a little list of the world's most dangerous monkeys that we ultimately didn't have time for in the show. But it made us laugh and seemed too fun not to share. So I Present it to you, Crimeless Nation, as special bonus content. Our first ever special bonus content. So here. Drumroll, please. Is an utterly subjective list of the world's 11 most dangerous types of monkeys. You have been warned. Head on a swivel. Stay frosty out there, people. We'll see you next week. Oh, wait, hold that drumroll for a second. If you find yourself feeling left out when we are giggling about monkey butts or other obviously visual things that you can't see, because this is a podcast, I'm here to help. The monkeys mentioned here in our special bonus content will all be posted on our Instagram. So rush on over to crimelesspod on Insta and see those monkey butts for yourself.
Lane Rose
You have a list of the top
Rory Scovel
11 monkeys, most dangerous monkeys.
Lane Rose
Okay, because I was like, you can't have some obscure list. I am say top 11. Josh, you don't decide.
Rory Scovel
I would ask you to rank the monkeys. Rory, put them in order. You have three minutes to prepare your answer. I could ask you to name 11 types of monkey and see if you can get there.
Lane Rose
I could. There's no world where I could name 11 types of monkeys.
Rory Scovel
All right, so this week's top 10 list is top 11. It's a completely subjective list of the worst kinds of monkeys. I clicked on a site called Outdoor Guide, which seems to be a site for enjoying the outdoors, which I guess this is helpful content for people who recreate in monkey ridden areas, which is 11 types of monkeys ranked by danger level. Okay. A writer named Brian Cashman. All right, we're going in reverse order. We're gonna start immediately with one that you definitely have not heard of.
Lane Rose
Great.
Rory Scovel
The bald uacari. It's a vulnerable species native to the Amazon jungles of Peru and western Brazil. It's not what you think of when you think of a monkey. This is what the writer Ryan Cashman said. What does that mean? So this thing is really ugly, and I quote, with a bright red, hairless face. The sight of one of these monkeys can easily shock those who are not prepared for it. It's this surprise factor that can make the bald uakari seem more dangerous than it actually is.
Josh Dean
Oh. Oh, yeah, that's scary.
Lane Rose
It's superpowers being ugly, huh?
Rory Scovel
Should we go? We should probably show them to Rory as we go. Rory, here you go. All right.
Lane Rose
Jesus Christ. Oh, my God. Guys, you can't just do that. Wow.
Rory Scovel
Wow.
Lane Rose
With human eyes and everything.
Josh Dean
It looks like a burn victim.
Rory Scovel
Just.
Lane Rose
Good Lord.
Rory Scovel
All right, well, that's just number 11. Stay tuned.
Lane Rose
But.
Rory Scovel
But for the record, it's actually a very shy and docile monkey. It's just terrifying. So that's the. That's what makes it dangerous.
Lane Rose
That is so ugly. It's just ugly. And that's. It's ugly, therefore it's dangerous.
Rory Scovel
I think we can all agree number 10 is a cousin of a monkey. You'll recognize the Japanese macaque. It's AKA the Japanese snow monkey, known for enjoying hot springs. I bet you've seen those pictures of the monkeys chilling. Found on almost every island in Japan, it's one of the more sizable populations on this list. Lives in troops, not gangs of up to 140 members, which feels extremely specific to me. How they landed on. Why 140. Like, wow, was that natural selection? The 150 was too many. 130, not enough. Yeah, they used to be pretty harmless. Okay, this will sound familiar to you. Then humans encroached on their land. And then we have the cautionary tale of the city of Yamaguchi, where, According to the UK's Independent, the city was beset by a large troop, not gang. Of incredibly violent Snow Monkeys. For three weeks in 2022, 58 people reported being attacked. There were stories of monkeys biting and punching people breaking into homes, attacking school children, even attempting to steal babies.
Lane Rose
Yeah, I mean, look that you. You encroached on their land. This is warfare, right? Look at. They just want to live in the hot springs. Leave them alone. Their life is an eternal spa.
Rory Scovel
All right, number nine, capuchin monkeys. Adorable little guys. Remember, Ross had Marcel on Friends.
Amanda Knox
What is that?
Rory Scovel
That would be Marcel. You want to say hi? No.
Lane Rose
No, I don't.
Rory Scovel
Oh, yeah. Yep. Known for their cunning strategy, especially when it comes to handling those who are aggravating them. Biting, scratching, and attempted maiming is not uncommon. Ryan quotes NBC News saying that despite their miniature stature, pet capuchin monkeys have a tendency to turn on their owners. When they reach sexual maturity at around 5, they can become extremely destructive and dangerous to those trying to domesticate them.
Lane Rose
Yep. That's no different than any teenage boy.
Rory Scovel
Yeah, I mean, fair enough, right? They're like, I'm ready to meet some lady monkeys or boy monkeys. And they're like, no, sorry. You're going to be my pet and live in this cage.
Lane Rose
Yeah. I think we all become teenagers and turn on our owners. That's just a natural. That's the most natural thing I've ever heard.
Rory Scovel
Oh, here's an important thing I forgot to read to you. While a cabochon is not strong enough to carry knives. Oh, okay.
Lane Rose
Yeah, you should maybe include that.
Rory Scovel
Not strong enough to tear the skin away from your face. Its teeth and bite are sharp and powerful enough to take off a finger.
Lane Rose
I am. You know, I'm willing to lose a finger if I get to keep all of my epidermis.
Rory Scovel
Eight spider monkeys. Named for those really long, dangly arms. They're actually pretty adorable. And they're generally not at all mean, but when you try and domesticate them, there's a theme developing here. I feel like, not mean at all in the wild. And then you try and domesticate them. Spider monkeys that have been kept in isolation and as pets, even in zoos, display extremely violent behavior toward their human keepers. Isolated spider monkeys will frequently attempt to bite and choke whoever comes near them.
Lane Rose
I agree 100%. I agree. That's. I think that's just correct. I don't know.
Rory Scovel
Did your kid ever have one of those stuffed animals with the Velcro on the legs?
Lane Rose
Yes. Even those can become violent.
Rory Scovel
Okay. Another relative, the rhesus macaque, is number seven. Yep. Oh, this is our friends from Thailand. Right. Which is now also an invasive species in Florida. When a rhesus macaque is cornered, they will lash out, biting, tearing, and scratching their pursuit. We know all about that. Right. Of course. From Thailand. But here's the twist in Florida, which will make a lot of sense when you hear this. Florida's rhesus macaque population are known harbingers of a fatal strain of herpes.
Josh Dean
Checks out. Yeah.
Lane Rose
All right.
Rory Scovel
Consider yourself warned, Rory.
Narrator/Guest
All right.
Lane Rose
You know, I had the information. It's my own fault.
Rory Scovel
Six howler monkeys. Those are the really loud ones from Central America for anyone who's been there. Not super aggressive, but they're filthy and they spread a lot of disease. According to the Guardian, researchers in South America linked three separate outbreaks to zoonotic malaria. Those who came down with the disease. This is quoted from the Guardian, by the way. Those who came down with the disease were mostly middle aged men who enjoyed spending time wandering in the forest. Yeah.
Lane Rose
Yeah, that's right.
Rory Scovel
What the hell?
Lane Rose
Yeah. You're Emersons. You're Emersons of the world.
Rory Scovel
I feel like probably most diseases that came from the wild were initially spread by some middle aged white man who wandered into the forest. Right? Like, yeah, he's like, I wonder what's in this forest.
Lane Rose
Yeah, the Unabomber. Who knows what monkeys did to him.
Rory Scovel
5 Gelada. Very cool looking monkey. It looks like a CGI. Bad guy monkey from a movie. Lang. He pull one up. Natives of the Ethiopian highlands. Their teeth do not seem suited to their diet. Look at these canines. They're called a gelada. Gelada.
Lane Rose
Ugh, what a great name.
Josh Dean
They look kind of gelada. Chesty.
Rory Scovel
Yeah, they're ripped.
Lane Rose
These are beautiful. This is great.
Rory Scovel
Cool as hell, right?
Lane Rose
I love it. But yeah, the teeth are terrifying. Of course.
Rory Scovel
But fortunate for humans, they prefer to eat grass and vegetation.
Lane Rose
Would never have guessed that.
Rory Scovel
No, I know you would think.
Josh Dean
Why do they have those teeth then?
Rory Scovel
I don't know.
Lane Rose
Oh, these, These are for the grass that. The grass that doesn't want to play ball.
Rory Scovel
All right, four crab eating macaques. Small monkeys with a penchant for theft. The crab eating macaque will often steal people's possessions, then use said possessions as collateral for getting food. These actions may seem mildly amusing, but if the monkeys don't get what they want, things can turn violent quickly. Sounds familiar, right? These are relatives of our friends in Thailand.
Narrator/Guest
Yeah.
Lane Rose
Although with a very specific diet. So much so it influenced their name.
Rory Scovel
By the way, they also carry herpes and are invading Florida.
Lane Rose
Also should be noted, the macaque does not appreciate a seafood medley. It specifically wants crab.
Rory Scovel
Do you think it's just coincidence that the two species that are invasive to Florida have herpes?
Lane Rose
Not even slightly.
Rory Scovel
There's some guy in Key west, he's like, wasn't me. It was like.
Lane Rose
No one said it was you. I just want you guys to know it wasn't me. I'm just getting out in front of it.
Rory Scovel
Three baboons. Several different types. All of them have the potential to kill humans. Note this word, potential. As of yet, there are no recorded instances of baboons killing human beings. Yeah, so they're mostly known for eating crops. But Ryan did almost end with this terrifying tidbit. They're also known to kill and eat sheep on occasion.
Lane Rose
You know, hey, we've all got. We've all got sheep skeletons in the closet. Okay.
Rory Scovel
I'm not a judge. Number two, mandrills. You pull those up. Those are also. That's a good looking monkey. They can weigh 120 pounds of mostly muscle.
Lane Rose
Yeah, that's what's scary.
Rory Scovel
The largest monkey on earth.
Josh Dean
I think this is rafiki from Lion King.
Lane Rose
It means you're a baboon and I'm not.
Rory Scovel
Here's what Ryan writes and I really enjoying. In all seriousness, Ryan's pros. I really enjoyed this story. Bearing this in mind, a mandrel is certainly capable of Taking on a fully grown human and tearing them to shreds. If the occasion calls for it. They will defend their territory against other animals with a ferocity that is unmatched by any other monkey.
Josh Dean
Top, top hit is a $254 Home Depot statue of a Mandalorian.
Lane Rose
I did not see. I did not see statue. And I was like wait, we buy these things for 254.04 at Home Depot. Quite a deal. Home Depot is just stunning. Beautiful. These obviously were the monkeys where they were trying out the makeup.
Rory Scovel
A new release from Alpha Genesis 2024 collection.
Lane Rose
What do you think about a sky blue blush?
Rory Scovel
So the largest and most powerful monkey also lives in groups, not gangs. That can number up to a thousand. So imagine 1,120 pound ripped monkeys. And finally, number one, slow loris. The only venomous primate.
Lane Rose
That's a thing.
Rory Scovel
That's the. Oh wait.
Lane Rose
It's the equivalent of finding out about flying spiders. Venomous monkeys.
Rory Scovel
As Ryan writes, most would want nothing more than to cuddle these little guys for hours. That would be a mistake.
Lane Rose
That's a poisonous. That's a venomous monkey.
Rory Scovel
It is.
Lane Rose
That's not fair.
Rory Scovel
According to the Smithsonian, the bite from a slow loris is powerful enough to rot and melt flesh away. Can also lead to anaphylactic shock. If not treated immediately, the bite is strong enough to pierce through bone. Is going to kill you. And gruesomely.
Lane Rose
Oh my God. That's crazy.
Rory Scovel
Look how cute.
Lane Rose
It looks like a mogwai from Gremlins.
Narrator/Guest
What is it?
Lane Rose
Your new pet. They're so tiny. They got those eyes. That's how they do it.
Rory Scovel
What an incredible like nature made them so cute and so deadly. Yeah.
Lane Rose
Why is it called the slow loris?
Rory Scovel
Actually I have seen them move at a zoo. They're very slow.
Lane Rose
Oh, well that's good to know. Well, you know what? Maybe they should be venomous then. That's on. That's on us.
Josh Dean
They gotta have something you know also
Lane Rose
appreciates a hot spring. That's the one thing they don't say about all the monkeys. Also, all of them love hot springs.
Rory Scovel
Can we see what they're going for at Home Depot?
Lane Rose
Now these are if you want to get on a payment plan.
Rory Scovel
Crimlyss is a production of Smartless Media, Campside Media and Big Money Players in partnership with Iheart Podcasts. It's hosted by Rory Scovel and me, Josh Dean. Our senior producer is Lane Rose. Emma Siminoff is our associate producer. Were sound, designed and engineered by Blake Brook with support from Ewan Leitram. Ewan Mark McAdam composed our theme song. The executive producers at Campside Media are Vanessa Gregoriadis, Matt Sher and me, Josh Dean. The executive producers for iHeart podcast and Big Money Players are Jack O', Brien, Lindsey Hoffman and Matt Apodaca. For Smartlos Media, the executive producers are Will Arnett, Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes and Richard Corson. Bernie Kaminski is Head of Production. The Associate producer is Matty McCann. A special thanks to our operations team, Ashley Warren and Sabina Mara. Do you have a question, comment or confession for the Crimless team? Email us@crimeless campsidemedia.com and if you enjoyed Crimeless, Please rate and review the show wherever you get your podcasts. It helps people find the show and also makes us feel validated. Unless you're mean, in which case keep it to yourself. We'll see you next week. Crimeless Nation.
Josh Dean
What if Mind Control is real?
Rory Scovel
If you could control the behavior of anybody around you, what kind of life would you have?
Josh Dean
Can you hypnotically persuade someone to buy a car?
Lane Rose
When you look at your car, you're going to become over overwhelmed with such good feelings.
Josh Dean
Can you hypnotize someone into sleeping with you?
Rory Scovel
I gave her some suggestions to be sexually aroused.
Josh Dean
Can you get someone to join your cult?
Amanda Knox
NLP was used on me to access
Josh Dean
my subconscious Mind Games, a new podcast Exploring nlp, AKA Neuro Linguistic Programming. Is it a self help miracle, a shady hypnosis scam, or both? Listen to Mind Games on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts.
Amanda Knox
I'm Amanda Knox and in the new podcast the Case of Lucy Letby, we unpack the story of an unimaginable tragedy that gripped the UK in 2023. But what if we didn't get the whole story?
Rory Scovel
Evidence has been made to fit. The moment you look at the whole picture, the case collapsed.
Amanda Knox
What if the truth was disguised by a story we chose to believe?
Nancy Glass
Oh my God. I think she might be innocent.
Amanda Knox
Listen to Doubt the Case of Lucy Letby on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Rory Scovel
This is Special Agent Riegel, Special Agent Bradley Hall.
Special Agent Riegel
In 2018, the FBI took down a ring of spies working for China's Ministry of State Security, one of the most mysterious intelligence agencies in the world.
Narrator/Guest
The Sixth Bureau podcast is a story of the inner workings of the MSS and how one man's ambition and mistakes opened its vault of secrets.
Special Agent Riegel
Listen to the 6th Bureau on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Nancy Glass
I'm Nancy Glass, host of the Burden of Guilt Season two podcast. This is a story about a horrendous lie that destroyed two families. Late one night, Bobby Gumpright became the victim of a random crime. The perpetrator was sentenced to to 99 years until a confession changed everything.
Narrator/Guest
I was a monster.
Nancy Glass
Listen to Burden of guilt season two on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Josh Dean
This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.
Podcast: CrimeLess
Hosts: Rory Scovel, Josh Dean
Date: January 24, 2026
Episode Type: Bonus Mini-Episode
This bonus episode of CrimeLess is a comedic, fast-paced rundown of the “world’s most dangerous monkeys,” inspired by the hosts’ amusement and curiosity during previous monkey-related segments. Comedian Rory Scovel leads with a tongue-in-cheek countdown, joined by producer Lane Rose and co-host/journalist Josh Dean, blending genuine animal facts with irreverent banter. The trio rate 11 monkey species for their “danger,” focusing just as much on their wild looks and outlandish behaviors as on actual threats to humans. The tone is rowdy, light-hearted, and educational (sort of).
Quote:
“So here. Drumroll please. Is an utterly subjective list of the world’s 11 most dangerous types of monkeys. You have been warned. Head on a swivel. Stay frosty out there, people.” – Rory Scovel ([02:50])
“Its superpower is being ugly, huh?” – Lane Rose ([05:29])
“They’re like, I’m ready to meet some lady monkeys or boy monkeys. And they’re like, no, sorry, you’re going to be my pet and live in this cage.” – Rory Scovel ([08:11])
“I feel like probably most diseases that came from the wild were initially spread by some middle aged white man who wandered into the forest.” – Rory Scovel ([10:59])
“Imagine 1,120 pound ripped monkeys.” – Rory Scovel ([14:53])
“That’s a venomous monkey!” – Lane Rose ([15:31])
“The bite from a slow loris is powerful enough to rot and melt flesh away. Can also lead to anaphylactic shock. If not treated immediately, the bite is strong enough to pierce through bone.” – Rory Scovel ([15:38])
“What an incredible like, nature made them so cute and so deadly.” – Rory Scovel ([16:09]) “It looks like a Mogwai from Gremlins.” – Lane Rose ([15:57])
A hilarious, breezy mini-episode, “The World’s Most Dangerous Monkeys” fuses real zoological facts with the CrimeLess team’s signature irreverence. Listeners get a surprisingly informative overview of primate dangers, from viral transmission to violent behavior—always with jokes about ugly faces, Florida’s monkeys, and the perils of monkey domestication.
Quote:
“What an incredible like, nature made them so cute and so deadly.” – Rory Scovel ([16:09])
Tip: For the full (visual) effect of the “monkey butts,” check out @crimelesspod on Instagram.
For more weird true crime—and possibly even weirder animal lists—Crimeless Nation awaits you next week.