BONUS: Will Ferrell would kick you in the nuts (if you ask nicely)

Summary

CrimeLess – BONUS: Will Ferrell would kick you in the nuts (if you ask nicely)

Date: May 15, 2026
Hosts: Rory Scovel (Comedian), Josh Dean (Journalist and True Crime Podcaster)
Special Segment: First-ever listener mailbag featuring Will Ferrell

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Episode Overview

This bonus episode of CrimeLess departs from the usual format by showcasing the hosts' first ever "viewer mailbag"—a listener-submitted story from Guelph, Canada. The segment features a bizarre local crime, provides comedic and thoughtful analysis, and takes plenty of wild sidetracks about what constitutes truly strange (yet, comparatively harmless) criminal behavior. Will Ferrell is referenced in the banter and title, though the story itself centers on the absurd antics of a real Canadian local and the social dynamics and psychology behind such minor, yet memorable, crimes.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Unpacking the Listener’s Story: The “Nuts” Guy of Guelph (02:20–05:55)

• Introduction to the Story:

  • A Canadian listener writes in about a "criminal" in Guelph, Ontario, known for a peculiar pattern: cycling around and asking women to kick him in the nuts.
  • The hosts treat this as a "Crimeless mad lib," inviting speculation on what such a character might have requested.

    “If you guys want to guess what a weirdo on a bike in Guelph asking women to— I mean, it doesn’t sound good, but it’s not as bad as you think.” – Host (03:19)

  • Punchline: The crime was asking for groin kicks, as an expression of fetish.

• Crime Details:

  • The offender asked at least seven women to kick him, thanked them afterwards, and rode away.

    “After they kicked him, he would thank them and ride away. It was his fetish.” – Host (03:58)

  • He was not aggressive or violent but did target women who were alone—considered predatory by the court.
  • The police produced a sketch; the story gained notable local attention.
  • Verdict: 60 days in jail, to be served on weekends—a “Canadian” approach to sentencing.

2. Hosts’ (and Will Ferrell’s) Reactions: Social & Ethical Digressions (05:06–07:36)

• Analyzing the Response:

  • The hosts explore why women complied—fear of potential escalation, humor in the act, and psychological dynamics.

    “I like that. The woman, out of fear of, like, not wanting to create more of an issue, acquiesced and said, okay, I’ll kick you in the nuts.” – Co-host (05:08)

  • One victim reportedly delivered multiple kicks out of uncertainty—a “just-to-be-sure” approach.

• Speculation and Empathy:

  • Discussed whether people, when asked for an “unusual favor” by a harmless-seeming stranger, might just go along.

    “There must have been times where he got kicked and he’s like, really? Is that it? ... Give me the goods.” – Host and Co-host (06:28–06:30)

• Comedic Musings:

  • Wondering about genetic/hereditary components:

    “Are his kids, if they are males, are they going to be asked to be kicked in the nuts?” – Co-host (07:31)

  • Quirky conclusion: Of all the weird things that could happen in a park, getting asked to do this is “not even the worst.”

    “Of all the things I think could possibly happen in that scenario. ... Being asked to kick him in the balls is, I would say, not even the best. ... Arguably a thrilling experience.” – Host (07:48)

3. Reflections on Relationships and the Aftermath (05:36–07:25)

• Unexpected Marital Loyalty:

  • The perpetrator’s partner stayed with him for six more years (and had another child) before finally leaving.

    “She stayed with him for another six years and one more kid before the brain started working and she discovered he can’t fix that. … And they are still friends.” – Host (05:46)

  • Co-hosts react with equal surprise and resignation: “At least they’re still friends.”

• Judicial and Social Commentary:

  • The judge was unequivocally unimpressed, struggling with motive and risk to community.

    “I cannot be satisfied that you do not presently present a risk to the community.” – Quoting Judge (04:40)

  • The comedic comparison to Will Ferrell is promptly dismissed (but remains a running title gag).

    “And this guy’s name was Will Ferrell.” – Co-host (05:00) “It was not.” – Host (05:02)

4. Meta-Reflection and Audience Engagement (08:15–08:36)

• Call for More Listener Stories:
  • The hosts urge listeners to submit their local “dumb crime” stories, reflecting appreciation for grassroots content.

    “I wish I had more viewer mail to share … but that was our first listener submitted dumb crime that rose to the level of making the show.” – Host (08:36)

  • The Canadian listener remains unnamed, but their submission is lauded as an inspiration.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Consent and Crime:
  • “Will you kick me in the nuts? ... After they kicked him, he would thank them and ride away. It was his fetish.” – Host (03:57)
• Dark Humor About Damage:
  • “Oh, yeah, that’s right. They kicked him hard enough. They didn’t kick him hard enough. He wasn’t getting what he was after.” – Co-host and Host (07:23–07:28)
• Philosophical asides:
  • “On the scale of creepy things people can do on bicycles in parks... I would be thrilled with that. If a man on a bike cornered me in a park, you would go, okay, this is better than I thought.” – Host (07:42)
• On Inheritance of Peculiar Fetishes:
  • “Are his kids, if they are males, are they going to be asked to be kicked in the nuts?” – Co-host (07:31)
• On Community and Content:
  • “I hope the rest of you are inspired enough to write us about the dumbest crimes in your town.” – Host (08:36)

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Key Timestamps

• [02:20] – Start of listener mailbag; intro to the story of “the Guelph bike kicker”
• [03:06] – Hosts guess what the crime actually was
• [03:45] – Reveal: “kick me in the nuts” case
• [04:31] – Victim’s account: complying due to fear; multiple kicks
• [04:40] – Judge's reaction and sentencing
• [05:46] – Twist: wife stayed for six years after conviction
• [06:05] – Banter: “Will Ferrell” joke & riffing on the experience of being asked such a question
• [07:36] – Reflection on public safety: “as far as creepy park incidents go…”
• [08:36] – Host’s call for more audience participation, wrapping up the segment

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Tone & Style

• Comedic yet empathetic: Hosts combine true crime curiosity with irreverence, but never at the expense of empathy toward victims or fairness in social commentary.
• Reflective and invitational: The episode doubles as a call for more grassroots crime stories, showing a community and participatory feel.
• Clever pop-culture asides: The Will Ferrell connection is a tongue-in-cheek nod, not literal, underscoring the guests’ and hosts’ penchant for playful misdirection.

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Summary

This CrimeLess bonus episode stands out for its quirky, listener-submitted crime: A Guelph man’s peculiar campaign to get kicked in the groin by random women. The hosts lean into the story’s absurdity with witty but thoughtful analysis—exploring fear, social compliance, and the surprisingly gray ethical lines of “victimless” predatory behavior. With laughs, sharp cultural commentary, and a call for more oddities from the audience, the episode cements the show’s identity as smart, funny, true crime for the not-so-serious. And though Will Ferrell features only in jest, the episode more than delivers on its offbeat promise.

Transcript

[Diana Maria Riva]

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[Robert Smigel]

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[Host of Crimeless]

Where does your group perform? We do some retirement homes.

[Robert Smigel]

Those people are starving for banter. Listen to Humor Me with Robert Smigel and friends on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Joseph Scott Morgan]

If you're seeking to try to understand the forensic science behind these cases that we hear about in the news, Body Bags is where you need to turn. There's no fluff. We do a deep dive into the forensics. Listen to Body Bags with Joseph Scott Morgan on America's number one podcast network. I heart open your free iHeart app and search Body Bags with Joseph Scott

[Jordan Sillers]

Morgan and start listening Blood Trails is a true crime podcast born in the outdoors, where the terrain is unforgiving, the evidence is scarce, and the truth gets buried under brush and silence.

[Host of Crimeless]

I seen something in the road. I instantly thought it was a sleeping bed and there was a pool of blood. Somebody somewhere knows something.

[Jordan Sillers]

I'm Jordan Sillers. Season 2 is out now with new episodes every Thursday. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Co-host of Crimeless]

Campsite media smart bless media.

[Host of Crimeless]

Hello crimeless Nation. I am interrupting your commute. Bursting into your earballs to say that it was a blast to have the great Will Ferrell on our show. And in the making of that episode, we had to leave some fun stuff on the cutting room floor. Perhaps the hardest cut was this, our first ever viewer mailbag, a single DM from a listener in Canada that I just had to share with Will and Rory from Guelph, specifically a town about an hour west of Toronto known as the Royal city for its 19th century limestone architecture. Enjoy this little amuse bouche to ease you into the weekend. As long as we're breaking format, I'm also Going to read a piece of your mail, which is something I believe we've also never done before.

[Co-host of Crimeless]

Okay.

[Host of Crimeless]

But I got a DM from a fan in Canada. So this Canadian fan told me to check out a criminal that my friend was married to for many years. It's promising start. She sent a link. And his crime. It's a weird one. Here's what she told me. He would go around Guelph on his bike asking women to. And I'm going to pause here for a minute. This is a crimeless mad lib. If you guys want to guess what a weirdo on a bike in Guelph asking women to. I mean, it doesn't sound good, but it's not as bad as you think. Good recipe. Something weird. But.

[Co-host of Crimeless]

See it on my handlebars.

[Host of Crimeless]

You got a guess. Mine was gonna be stand on the pegs at the back of the. The correct answer is kick him in the nuts.

[Co-host of Crimeless]

Okay.

[Host of Crimeless]

Oh, he did this seven times in April and May of 2007. The Facebook.

[Co-host of Crimeless]

And they're just sneak attacks. Who drives by and he just. No, no.

[Host of Crimeless]

He asks them. So here's. Here's.

[Co-host of Crimeless]

Will you kick me in the nuts?

[Host of Crimeless]

Here's what she wrote to me. After they kicked him, he would thank them and ride away. It was his fetish. They had a sketch artist and they were sharing on the news. And he's got a super distinct face. Sorry to say I couldn't find the sketch. I would be sharing it right now. Yeah. The cops eventually ended his low stakes reign of terror. And if you're wondering how the interactions went down, because I'm sure you are, like, how did this work? One victim reported to authorities. She said that she was understandably afraid of what a weirdo on a bike might do if she refused. So she complied, which I totally understand. Also, she didn't just comply. She said she kicked him repeatedly in the nuts. Which is how I hope any of

[Co-host of Crimeless]

us would react just to. Just to hedge your bet. Just.

[Host of Crimeless]

I mean, if you're.

[Co-host of Crimeless]

So he's hopping off the bike, I imagine. Right. To get full effect.

[Joseph Scott Morgan]

That's right.

[Co-host of Crimeless]

Of the impact.

[Joseph Scott Morgan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Host of Crimeless]

The judge, if you're wondering, wasn't amused. And he wanted. He was also upset because he didn't understand what the motive was. He's. I cannot be satisfied that you do not presently present a risk to the community, he said. The prosecutor called it predatory planned behavior because the man selected women who were alone and isolated. He gave the perp 60 days in jail. And because Canadian judges are nice, he Was allowed to serve it on weekends.

[Co-host of Crimeless]

And this guy's name was Will ferrell.

[Host of Crimeless]

It was not.

[Co-host of Crimeless]

Oh, this is just a dm.

[Host of Crimeless]

This is just a random. Just a random dm. Okay, Got it.

[Co-host of Crimeless]

I like that. The woman, out of fear of, like, not wanting to create more of an issue, acquiesced and said, okay, I'll kick you in the nuts.

[Host of Crimeless]

Multiple. Actually, I'll go. I mean, I feel like that's the way you should react. Yeah. Situation. Yeah. To make matters worse, the man's partner was eight months pregnant at the time, and his wife told the court she couldn't explain it either. That his explanation was he'd been frequenting some porn insights that I guess that's a fetish I've never heard of before.

[Co-host of Crimeless]

Okay.

[Host of Crimeless]

I can honestly say I find it as odd and peculiar and disturbing as everyone else. The judge said. And here's the sad punchline, I guess. Do you think his wife dumped him? No.

[Co-host of Crimeless]

No.

[Host of Crimeless]

She stayed with him for another six years and one more kid before the brain started working and she discovered he can't fix that. Kind of crazy. Said the friend. And they are still friends.

[Co-host of Crimeless]

Huh. Okay. At least they're still friends.

[Host of Crimeless]

On that note, welcome to crimeless. Welcome to crimeless. After the break, we journey through the many crimes committed by people named Will ferrell.

[Co-host of Crimeless]

I wonder. I wonder. Sorry. I don't think we're done with the guy on the bike. There's more there. I wonder for people who are like, sure, I don't care. Yeah, he must have been, like. There must have been times where he got kicked and he's like, really? Is that it?

[Host of Crimeless]

Yeah, he, like, trash talked him a little bit.

[Co-host of Crimeless]

Lane. Really? Really?

[Host of Crimeless]

Give me the goods.

[Co-host of Crimeless]

Give me the goods.

[Host of Crimeless]

Yeah, give me the goods.

[Co-host of Crimeless]

To the goods. So funny, because it's like, would you

[Host of Crimeless]

if you were approached. Yeah.

[Co-host of Crimeless]

What's the percentage of you that would say, sorry, guy, no way, mixed with. I got to give this a shot if I'm approached. Yeah, I probably do.

[Host of Crimeless]

You're doing it.

[Co-host of Crimeless]

Yeah.

[Host of Crimeless]

You're doing it.

[Co-host of Crimeless]

It's a freebie. It is a freebie because you haven't done that if you ever did. Also, you never really just straight up

[Host of Crimeless]

kick somebody in the.

[Co-host of Crimeless]

Usually, like your bunny, you'd tap or you'd knee them, but you never like.

[Host of Crimeless]

You never got to get out what you like.

[Co-host of Crimeless]

If somebody goes unleash, you'd be like, this is the first. I haven't really got to do that. And I wonder if he had it. He had his route that he would Take. Yeah, I guess he didn't. He. He probably loved it if other people watched too, I gotta say.

[Host of Crimeless]

Still had another kid.

[Co-host of Crimeless]

Yes, still.

[Host of Crimeless]

Oh, yeah, that's right. They kicked him hard enough. They didn't kick him hard enough.

[Co-host of Crimeless]

He wasn't getting what he was after. We're not damaged.

[Host of Crimeless]

They didn't kick hard.

[Co-host of Crimeless]

Yeah. I wonder, is that passed down? Heredity? Are his kids, if they are males, are they going to be asked to be kicked in the nuts?

[Host of Crimeless]

I believe he often is passed down. You believe that is often passed down. What he just said. I've heard that. Oh, I've heard that at many parties. I do have to say, on the scale of like creepy things that people can do on bicycles in parks, it's like I would be thrilled with that. If a man on a bike cornered me in a park, you would go, okay, this is better than I thought. Of all the things I think could possibly happen in that scenario. Yes. Being asked to kick him in the balls is, I would say, not even the best. I mean, if you get the opportunity to kick someone creepy in the balls, I would say a net positive. Yeah. Arguably a thrilling experience.

[Co-host of Crimeless]

Yeah. Welcome to Crimeless.

[Host of Crimeless]

And that man's name was not Will Ferrell.

[Co-host of Crimeless]

Will Ferrell, by the way. Exactly the type of shit that goes down in Guelph.

[Host of Crimeless]

I wondered if we all would just ride over this.

[Co-host of Crimeless]

When he first said it, I go,

[Host of Crimeless]

who will ask first?

[Co-host of Crimeless]

Guelph. Welcome to Guelph.

[Host of Crimeless]

And that's a. It's a ph. If you're. If you're playing along at home. G U L. I wish I had more viewer mail to share with Will and then with you, Criminal Station, but that was our first listener submitted dumb crime that rose to the level of making the show. I'm thankful to this listener in Canada who shall not be named and I hope the rest of you are inspired enough to write us about the dumbest crimes in your town. And with that, we'll see you next week.

[Robert Smigel]

Another podcast from some SNL late night comedy guy not quite on Humor Me with Robert Smigel and friends. Me and hilarious guests from Bob Odenkirk to David Letterman help make you funnier. This week. My guests, SNL's Mikey Day and head writer Streeter Seidel help an acapella band with their between songs banter.

[Host of Crimeless]

Where does your group perform? We do some retirement homes.

[Robert Smigel]

Those people are starving for banter. Listen to Humor Me with Robert Smigel and friends on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts

[Joseph Scott Morgan]

if you're seeking to try to understand the forensic science behind these cases that we hear about in the news, body bags is where you need to turn. There's no fluff. We do a deep dive into the forensics. Listen to Body Bags with Joseph Scott Morgan on America's number one podcast network. I heart open your free iHeart app and search Body Bags with Joseph Scott

[Jordan Sillers]

Morgan and start listening Blood Trails is a true crime podcast born in the outdoors, where the terrain is unforgiving, the evidence is scarce, and the truth gets buried under brush and silence.

[Host of Crimeless]

I seen something in the road. I instantly thought it was a sleeping bag. Then there was a full of blood. Somebody somewhere knows something.

[Jordan Sillers]

I'm Jordan Sillers. Season 2 is out now with new episodes every Thursday. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Diana Maria Riva]

Hey, I'm Diana Maria Riva, and on my new podcast, How Hard Can It Be? I call on my Gen X squad. From Ohio to Hollywood as we navigate midlife's most fantastic bs unfiltered conversations from night sweatshirt to fupas to scheduling sex. Wait, what sex? Is it just me, or does every woman my age want to look at Pinterest instead of having sex? Sometimes they say we can't polish a turd, but we're sure gonna try. So let's get blunt with laughs, tears, or tears of laughter. Listen to How Hard Can It Be With Diana Maria Riva on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.