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Josh Dean
This is an iHeart podcast.
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Rory Scoville
Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile with a message for everyone paying Big Wireless Way too much. Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop with Mint. You can get premium wireless for just $15 a month. Of course, if you enjoy overpaying. No judgments. But that's weird. Okay, one judgment anyway. Give it a try@mintmobile.com Switch upfront payment
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Josh Dean
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Rory Scoville
This is Bowen Yang from Los Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang.
Josh Dean
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Rory Scoville
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Lane Rose
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Josh Dean
Were you even aware that there was a deadly new drug made of human bones? And if not, why are you so square?
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Rory Scoville
Less me.
Josh Dean
Rory, you fly a lot. What's your airline?
Rory Scoville
I fly Delta a lot, and I fly United second a lot.
Josh Dean
I'm also a Delta guy. I'm forever chasing platinum. Doesn't that screw up your mileage if you use two airlines, though?
Rory Scoville
Well, I fly so much for standup that I have already reached diamond status again for next year. Now I'm buying United to be like, can I hit high status on both airlines? What is that like, oh, man, I
Josh Dean
don't think I've ever met anyone with diamond on two airlines.
Rory Scoville
You should get the key to the city if you can pull off something like that.
Josh Dean
I think that city is Newark, New Jersey. That's right. So what's the worst or the weirdest thing you've ever seen on an airplane?
Rory Scoville
You know, for me, personally, my worst airline experience was having food poisoning while on a flight. And I mean, having it from leaving the hotel to getting to the airport to being on the flight. So much so that the flight attendant told me to just stay in the bathroom and that she was like, we'll just keep it blocked, but don't come out of there the whole flight until landing.
Josh Dean
Did you?
Rory Scoville
Yeah, I stayed in the bathroom all the way from Atlanta to New York City.
Josh Dean
Oh, my God.
Rory Scoville
So that was my worst flight experience. But I've had, like. I've never had anything you see in videos and stuff that's wildly crazy.
Josh Dean
All right, well, then this. This week's episode will be exciting for you.
Rory Scoville
Nice.
Josh Dean
Have you ever had a bad experience with a flight attendant? Like, seen one do anything inappropriate?
Rory Scoville
I mean, just have an attitude. But, you know, we've all had bad days at work.
Josh Dean
In fact, like, the one was quite kind to you when you were, like, having the worst day of your life. She's like, you know what? I'm just gonna let you have it.
Rory Scoville
I think she was also like, no need to watch. You keep down. And also, how about you don't puke in the aisle?
Josh Dean
Well, I asked these questions because that's where we're going this week. It's a very important category of crime that I feel like we're just not discussing enough in public.
Rory Scoville
Okay.
Josh Dean
Most journalists are too scared to even touch it. It's Flight Attendants Behaving Badly, our new
Rory Scoville
TV show we're pitching this fall.
Josh Dean
Coming to Quibi.
Rory Scoville
Coming to Quibby Flight Attendant Mayhem.
Josh Dean
So, yeah, we've got perverts, smugglers, exhausted workers who just had it up to here with passengers. And the main event, one flight attendant who just couldn't keep his pants on.
Emma Siminoff
Perfect.
Josh Dean
His story and more this week on Crimeless. Hello and welcome back to Crimeless, the podcast that celebrates the amazing creativity of the world. Dumbest criminals while also aspiring to reach diamond status, which Rory has already gotten twice. I'm Josh Dean.
Rory Scoville
And I'm Rory Scoville.
Josh Dean
Okay, Rory.
Rory Scoville
Yep.
Josh Dean
I'm going to mix things up this week and try something new. I'm going to read you a headline, and you tell me what the crime is. Okay, Here goes.
Rory Scoville
Perfect.
Josh Dean
Flight attendant reportedly found naked during flight from sfo. I love the influence of lawyers on that sentence. Reportedly,
Rory Scoville
yeah. Might have been completely fabricated. Completely clothed the whole time.
Josh Dean
So what is the crime?
Rory Scoville
I mean, I immediately pants off. You just go to a sexual place, Some sort of, like, masturbatory. Like, what is this? Male or female? What are we talking about?
Josh Dean
It's a male.
Rory Scoville
Yeah, that's exactly right. I think I'm. I might be right.
Josh Dean
Would you like to imagine the series of events that led to a flight attendant being, quote, found naked during a flight?
Rory Scoville
If I was one of these lawyers, I'd be like, he spilled hot soup on his crotch region, so he had to eliminate the pants.
Josh Dean
No choice.
Rory Scoville
No choice.
Josh Dean
I think the best way to clear this up is to read you another headline. Okay. This one comes from the UK's sun tabloid. I think they got this first because it was a British Airways flight from San Francisco to London. And I just want to say, great work to the sun, because the actual headline was British bear ways. Perfect, no notes, tabloid headline.
Rory Scoville
Yep.
Josh Dean
So the rest of their headline is what I want to share with you. British Airways steward found dancing naked in business class after, quote, drugs binge before flight from US to London.
Rory Scoville
I love that. Way less criminal than what I predicted.
Josh Dean
So it makes sense, right? I might honestly worry more if he was not on drugs.
Rory Scoville
Yeah.
Josh Dean
So the subhead also tells us a lot. Angry crew members had to work the entire flight without breaks to cover for the naked crew member.
Rory Scoville
Yep.
Josh Dean
Imagine how pissed those guys were.
Rory Scoville
Yeah, I mean, he's not gonna get put back on shift, you know?
Emma Siminoff
Okay.
Josh Dean
Just put your pants back on if you want.
Rory Scoville
Hey, guys. You probably remember me from being naked earlier. And dancing. Sorry about that. Any drinks? Can I get any drinks? Any snacks?
Josh Dean
So here's the story as best I can piece it together. Early in the flight, on May 25th of 2025, we got a British Airways A380 800 jumbo jet takes off from SFO. And just as the crew was starting up meal service, the other flight attendants realized that one guy's missing. He's not heating up little beef stroganoffs in the galley. He's not delivering cheese plates. So they mount a search for him. I mean, talk about a terrible place for hide and seek. A fucking airplane.
Rory Scoville
I know. I love that they mount a search. It's like, aren't there kind of just two places?
Josh Dean
Well, Lo and Beh. They found our guy in the business class. Pardon? Club World bathroom. He's naked and he's dancing. Yeah, I guess you'd need the business class bathroom to dance. I mean, it seems pretty impossible to dance in a regular airplane bathroom.
Rory Scoville
You're going to need the space. Yeah. Yeah.
Josh Dean
I can't imagine what kind of dance you could do in your typical economy class bathroom.
Rory Scoville
What drugs was he doing?
Josh Dean
Well, we don't know exactly what series of events led to this guy. His name was not released, by the way, to hole up in a bathroom, strip naked and dance. But speculation again is that he was on drugs. Cocaine, Ecstasy. Cocaine and ecstasy. Meth. We don't know.
Rory Scoville
Yeah.
Josh Dean
Could have been bath salts.
Rory Scoville
That would make the most sense.
Josh Dean
I don't know what bath salts are, by the way.
Rory Scoville
I don't either. I don't either, but I've never liked the title.
Josh Dean
You've never been tempted to snort some bath salts?
Rory Scoville
Exactly. I don't know what takes you down the road of snorting anything with the word bath in it. It's immediately a turn off.
Josh Dean
Very good point.
Rory Scoville
Yeah.
Josh Dean
You're in a dark place.
Rory Scoville
Yeah.
Josh Dean
So here. What we do know is that the crew put the naked dancer into some PJs, the kind they give to first class flyers. And imagine that scene, by the way. We've got a naked flight attendant high on drugs, getting his groove on in a smelly closet. And his coworkers have to somehow get him into his pajamas on an airplane.
Rory Scoville
Yeah.
Josh Dean
It's like a Japanese game show challenge.
Rory Scoville
Yeah. And what makes it exciting is that everyone has a British accent and that immediately makes it a little more entertaining.
Josh Dean
I mean, I'm picturing this in my mind. All the passengers watching the flight attendants try and put pants on a guy.
Rory Scoville
Yeah. Come on, in you go. Come on. One leg, one leg, then the other. Come on. Here you go. They're very mature about it. No one's being accusatory. Everyone's being wildly polite to him.
Josh Dean
And then once he's finally in his PJs, they buckled him into a first class seat for the rest of the 10 and a half hour flight. So that's his punishment.
Rory Scoville
Whoever you get to sit next to him. Loved how much that cost.
Josh Dean
This is a new strategy for getting an upgrade.
Rory Scoville
Become a part of the flight crew, do drugs, have a seat.
Josh Dean
What could go wrong? It's a flawless plan.
Rory Scoville
Yeah. I wonder how he behaved.
Josh Dean
If he was like, yeah, it was not in the story. So I mean, he must have behaved. Cause I feel like if he had been violent or, you know, he probably just sat down and watched a movie. He's like, this is actually way better than working.
Rory Scoville
He's like, oh my God, I see why people buy these tickets and sit in these seats. This is great. I joined a company to get to fly.
Josh Dean
So the pilots called ahead and the Metropolitan Police in London met the flight. And here's what they told The Independent newspaper. 41 year old man was taken to a hospital for treatment once the flight had landed. Officers arrested the man after he received medical attention. He was arrested on suspicion of, and this is so British, of being unfit for duty. He has since been released under investigation. Inquiries remain ongoing into the circumstances and an investigation has been launched.
Rory Scoville
Oh my gosh. I definitely want to know this guy's story.
Josh Dean
I know we may have to revisit this in a future episode once we know, once he gives his public, you know, tells his side of the story to the sun tablet.
Rory Scoville
I hope his side is so practical that we all are. Like, I mean, that's what I would have done.
Josh Dean
Or his side will just be, I took way too many drugs.
Rory Scoville
Yeah, he's like, you say it's drugs, I say I had a bunch of fire ants in my pants. What would you do?
Josh Dean
So this story also raised an important question for me, which is who has legal jurisdiction on an airplane, especially when it's flying over an ocean? Do you know?
Rory Scoville
Oh, I guess no, because you're in International waters. That's why the. Isn't that why the alcohol is free?
Josh Dean
I think yes. Because technically an airplane is not in a country when it's in the air.
Rory Scoville
Yeah.
Josh Dean
So, well, here's how it works. On the ground is easy, so the laws of the land apply, but once the plane is, quote, in flight, and that happens, by the way, as soon as they shut the door and detach from the walkway. So it's in flight even when it's taxiing on the Runway.
Rory Scoville
So that makes sense.
Josh Dean
If our guy has decided to launch his one man rave while he's still at the gate, he's going to get charged under California laws, and those laws take precedence. But after that, it's where the plane originated, who owns it, or the nationality, the perpetrator. It all depends.
Rory Scoville
Well, I feel like once you're in the air, then it's God's law.
Josh Dean
Good point. It really is.
Rory Scoville
And now it's based on what religion you.
Josh Dean
You.
Rory Scoville
You subscribe to.
Josh Dean
It gets actually a little bit complicated. And it's governed by the so called Tokyo Convention, AKA the Convention on Offenses and Certain Other Acts Committed Onboard Aircraft. Real ring to that.
Rory Scoville
God, what happened in Tokyo?
Josh Dean
Good question.
Rory Scoville
They got the title for a reason.
Josh Dean
We're going to need everybody to sit down. It's a treaty ratified in the 60s into which 187 countries are now signatories. Can you name at least 180, Rory?
Rory Scoville
Of course I can. And I can probably do it in alphabetical order.
Josh Dean
Albania.
Rory Scoville
I know Brazil's gonna be close to the top.
Josh Dean
So it says that the country where the plane itself is registered. So the Tokyo Convention says where the plane is registered is the one that shall handle any lawbreaking that happens on board. So British Airways would be England. Okay. And fun side note, this also means in some cases, a baby born on a flight can get citizenship from the country of the plane's owner.
Rory Scoville
Oh, that is fun.
Josh Dean
So if you know it's going to require a bit of a long game for people, but if you're like dying to get citizenship somewhere, try and time the birth of your child to happen during the flight.
Rory Scoville
Yep, smart. Smart way to do it.
Josh Dean
Definitely where you want to deliver a baby. By the way, most women would know.
Rory Scoville
If you interview most women, they're like, my dream location is on a flight in front of at least 300 strangers, and I hope there's no medicine to alleviate the pain. It's a weird answer, but most women give that answer.
Josh Dean
It's true. Also, lots of comfortable places just to just lie down and.
Rory Scoville
Yes, and you know what? Even then they don't then give them first class. Only then you still have to be a drug addled raver.
Josh Dean
Of course, nothing is ever easy. And in 2020, the Tokyo Convention was amended with the so called Montreal Protocol.
Rory Scoville
Ugh, what happened there?
Josh Dean
Surely you're familiar with the Montreal Protocol, Rory.
Rory Scoville
Yeah, I feel like Montreal Protocol ex exists for all treaties, all, all amendments to anything. We're getting montrealed over here. They're changing the rules.
Josh Dean
What this did is just make everything more complicated because it's more nuanced in the laws. It's the destination country, the country that's being overflown, and the country of the plane's owner all ultimately get a say in what happens in a crime.
Rory Scoville
See, that's why, you know, here in America, because of American football, we say moving the goalposts, but in Canada, they say getting Montreal. And that's what this is.
Josh Dean
So, I mean, in this case of a serious crime, obviously, like a hijacking, it's the country where the plane lands is most likely going to take care of it.
Rory Scoville
You would hope. You would truly hope.
Josh Dean
In conclusion, it's just really fucking complicated. So let's all try not to break laws on planes.
Rory Scoville
Yeah, agree.
Josh Dean
By the way, in case you're wondering, the captain is the boss of any plane that's underway, and he has the power to restrain any person who he has reasonable suspicion to believe has committed an offense or might commit an offense.
Rory Scoville
You know, I. I just remembered my first flight to Las Vegas ever for a bachelor party. We flew from DC at night and a guy smoked a cigarette in the bathroom and tampered with the smoke thing.
Josh Dean
Oh.
Rory Scoville
And it was very clear that a cigarette had been smoked and everybody was pretty sure who it was, but no one was being accusatory. And no other, you know, you're not on the flight going, oh, I think it was that guy. In the event that it's not that guy. And now you're the guy who just brought, you know, now it's gonna be on you karmically. And I'll never forget the captain getting on the intercom and going, I know you all want to get to Vegas. If we don't figure out who smoked the cigarette, if they don't come forward, I am going to assume no one smoked a cigarette, and we have a smoke issue, and I am going to land this plane. An emergency landing, and we will not be getting to Vegas tonight.
Josh Dean
That is so awesome.
Rory Scoville
Basically, that move was, how do I get the whole plane angry at whoever did it. And I gotta say that tension got the person to go hit their button. Flight attendant came over, I smoked a cigarette and when we landed they were like, nobody stand up at all. And we watched federal agents come onto the plane, not cops, grab this guy and walk him out. I think we were an hour away.
Josh Dean
Oh my God.
Rory Scoville
He had one more hour to go of a four hour flight.
Josh Dean
Worst decision he ever made. Yeah, I mean, first of all, that's a baller move by the captain. I love that.
Rory Scoville
Like, yeah.
Josh Dean
Second of all, every time you sit down, they say, I believe it's a federal crime to tamper with the smoke.
Rory Scoville
Yeah.
Josh Dean
Like it's a thing that they say
Rory Scoville
every time when you sit down, every single time. And I gotta say, like, you know, you always wonder, is that like kind of big talk to kind of deter people from doing it? But the moment I saw those federal agents come, I. You saw everybody go, oh, it is a federal offense. I mean, oh, these are not just local airport cops.
Josh Dean
Holy shit, that's awesome. So after the break, we've got a perv, some drug mules, and the single greatest Karen in flight attendant history.
Rory Scoville
I just realized I should have made the joke that guy decided to gamble before he got to Vegas.
Lane Rose
Support for the show comes from Public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On Public you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index. With AI, it all starts with your prompt. From renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year, you can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index and lets you back test it against the S&P 500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like ETFs with infinite possibilities, completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member FINRA and SIPC Advisory services by Public Advisors llc. SEC Registered Advisor. Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not an investment recommendation or advice. Complete disclosures available@public.com disclosures let's talk about modern home shopping.
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Rory Scoville
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Josh Dean
This is crimeless. So, before we move on to our second story, I just want to run you through a few stories that did not quite make the flight attendants behaving badly. Cut.
Rory Scoville
Oh.
Josh Dean
So start starting with the all timer of Steven Slater, a JetBlue flight attendant who, back in 2010 became a media sensation when upon landing at JFK, he picked up the PA, said, I've been in this business for 20 years, and that's it. I've had it. I'm done. Then he grabbed two beers from the galley, deployed, and slid down the emergency slide, tossed his tie on the Runway, and went home to his apartment in Queens.
Rory Scoville
That was Christian Slater's uncle. That's right. I can't. That was in 2010.
Josh Dean
Yeah. Does that make you feel old?
Rory Scoville
I remember that. I honestly. If you told me to guess when I thought that was, I would have said six. Six years ago. Yeah, I definitely didn't think it was 15 years ago.
Josh Dean
I mean, this is what happens as we get older. Children.
Rory Scoville
What have I done with my life? That guy at least made bold decisions.
Josh Dean
Yeah, the two beers were always my favorite touch.
Rory Scoville
Like, I think that's what ingratiated him to the public. Yeah, they were like, what a lunatic. Like, yeah, but he grabbed two beers, and you're like, you know what? He's just as blue collar as we are. Good for him.
Josh Dean
I mean, who among us hasn't overreacted after a bad day at work?
Rory Scoville
Yeah. And then because we're America, our next question was, well, hold on. What kind of beer that'll determine if I like him or not.
Josh Dean
They were blue moons.
Rory Scoville
I don't like all the wheat.
Josh Dean
So, flight attendants also smuggle lots of things. So back in May of last year, four flight attendants were arrested for allegedly smuggling $8 million in drug money onto flights at JFK bound for the Dominican Republic. They had what's called KCM status. Known crew member, which means they get a special lane in the TSA doesn't scrutinize them as much. Or I guess probably does. Now I'm guessing they've ruined it for everybody.
Rory Scoville
This classic bad apple.
Josh Dean
Here we go. They all four pled guilty. And then, speaking of smuggling, I got another headline to read to you. Okay, this is a. This is a really good one. Ex flight attendant caught smuggling 100 pounds of deadly new drug made of human bones. Faces decades in prison, Man.
Rory Scoville
I mean, that sounds very exciting.
Josh Dean
Were you even aware that there was a deadly new drug made of human bones? And if not. Why are you so square?
Rory Scoville
Thank you. That's what we call being woke in the drug world. Human bones, man. I mean, I gotta say, the sustainability part of me kinda likes that. That's where the drugs are coming from. You reduce, reuse, recycle.
Josh Dean
I mean, you raise a good point.
Rory Scoville
I mean, it's better than something synthetic or a plant. And also, it's wildly natural. All you gotta do is become a wellness influencer and then suddenly that's a legal drug.
Josh Dean
Well, the drug is apparently called kush. It comes from West Africa, and according to a New York Post story, quote, kills an estimated dozen people a week in Sierra Leone alone. Stay off the Kush, Rory.
Rory Scoville
I think if I'm writing that article, I'm never using the phrase Sierra Leone alone.
Josh Dean
It is not the best word. Right word. Like I think you could have just said a week in Sierra Leone.
Rory Scoville
Yeah, Sierra Leone alone. It's honestly how a lot of people on Broadway warm up before a show. Sierra Leone alone. Sierra Leone alone.
Josh Dean
So this poor lady, a 21 year old British flight attendant named Charlotte Mae Lee, was allegedly carrying, quote, suitcases full of the stuff.
Rory Scoville
Love that name. Charlotte may Lee.
Josh Dean
Oh, $3.3 million worth of sweet, sweet kush. And she had the very bad luck of getting pinched for this at an airport in Colombo, Sri Lanka.
Rory Scoville
What does it say? What kush is? Is it like a powder?
Josh Dean
I did. I didn't do that much research.
Rory Scoville
I think I'm just picturing like bricks of cocaine.
Josh Dean
Let's imagine it's like bricks of.
Rory Scoville
But it seems like it probably is, I think bone. I'm just figuring.
Josh Dean
I mean, it's white powder, right?
Rory Scoville
I'm just honestly figuring, picturing like completely like, just gnarled bone.
Josh Dean
Well, she gets pinched in Sri Lanka. I don't know if you've seen Broke down palace starring Claire Danes and Kate Beckinsale, but you do not want to get caught with drugs in the third world.
Rory Scoville
Oh, no. Okay, so, yeah, this is intense.
Josh Dean
This lady's in trouble. So, yeah, as of a few weeks ago, she was still very much not enjoying her accommodations at a jail north of Colombo, where she sleeps on a concrete floor.
Rory Scoville
Yeah, that's not comfortable, but probably good for your back.
Josh Dean
Do you want to guess what her defense was?
Rory Scoville
She. She thought it was just human bone. And, and she was starting a new bone broth company.
Josh Dean
Close, she says.
Rory Scoville
Someone shut up. There's no way that's close.
Josh Dean
It's not, it's not close at all. She, she, she claims someone planted, of course, like it's always planted, right? You're like, I don't know where those suitcases full of kush came from.
Rory Scoville
Oh, that sounds like a new drug. I don't even know about that new drug you're talking about.
Josh Dean
She also implied she knew who had planted the drugs but wouldn't name them. She's not snitching. I feel like that's more suspicious, actually.
Rory Scoville
I feel like she's trying to play both sides there, right? I did not know about them. Slash, I know who put them there and I'll never tell you. It's like, so you maybe knew about them.
Josh Dean
Moving on. The story I really wanted to tell you about here in Act 2 wasn't a crime. Exactly. Or at least it's not about a crime that anyone was charged with. It does, however, involve an arrest, a citizen's arrest, which is always the best kind.
Rory Scoville
I have so many good. I have questions about this.
Josh Dean
Okay, so in early June of this year, 2025, a frequent traveler website called One Mile at a Time reported on a Reddit post that was later deleted, but not before the writer of this post saw it and posted screenshots. Here's what that One Mile at a Time post reports. A flight attendant at a major US Airline claims to have been suspended after being accused of assault and unlawful detention for conducting a citizen's arrest on a colleague.
Rory Scoville
Oh man, this is good.
Josh Dean
Wait to the details here. So the light lead flight attendant on some unnamed airline posting to a flight attendant subreddit claimed to have been suspended for attempting a citizen's arrest. Dork behavior, but I'm here for it. This particular attendant posted in search of advice from her peers, thinking that she was in the right. Yeah, here's what she wrote. I always fly lead, but I like to keep on top of everything that's happening in my cabin. So I went to the aft galley and inspected the carts and made sure everything was packed up and completed according to company policy.
Rory Scoville
I gotta say, so far, great employee.
Josh Dean
Thankfully it was. Which saved me needing to file an incident report. And I counted, there were four snack boxes remaining. Okay, so just for starters, total control freak. But you're right. Like, I'm sure her boss would be like, a little annoying, but good job, Karen.
Rory Scoville
Yeah, yeah.
Josh Dean
So she goes on. Context for this passage is that one of the other flight attendants had apparently mentioned being hungry and forgetting to pack lunch. I think you can see where this is going.
Rory Scoville
I already love how low level fucking nothing this crime is.
Josh Dean
So, okay, this. This person continues. So to ensure the Security of company property on the descent, I went to double check the carts and found there were only three snack boxes left.
Rory Scoville
Yeah.
Josh Dean
I did not raise it with the crew member, but immediately rang the captain and requested a supervisor to meet us at the gate. By the time all passengers had disembarked, the supervisor had still not arrived. So I told the crew they were unable to leave, and they were not under any circumstances to touch or move their baggage. You get what's happening here? The narc counts the snack boxes, finds one missing, decides it was her hungry pal calls ahead and wants to have this person arrested.
Rory Scoville
I guess this is so extreme for a. Something that's valued at, I think, $10 and overpriced by $8.
Josh Dean
Yeah, I was gonna say that's retail. I think the value of that thing is, like, two bucks.
Rory Scoville
You're right.
Josh Dean
Yeah. So, not surprisingly, the other flight attendant is like, fuck this, and tries to leave, at which point, the lead attendant, the writer of this post, blocked the door with a service cart.
Rory Scoville
Okay, this is absurd.
Josh Dean
Who are we siding with here, Rory?
Rory Scoville
Well, remember in the 80s, every movie and TV show, there would be a moment where someone's like, I'm making a citizen's arrest. Like, you and I grew up in a world where we thought that, like, a thing that we would one day get to do.
Josh Dean
Exactly.
Rory Scoville
And now we're like, well, no, that's absurd. You'll get killed. And also, there goes my day. What am I doing? Like, this is crazy to hold up people's lives for. I. Like, had this been something more critical, I go, oh, I get it. You know? But one snack box? Oh, my God.
Josh Dean
So here's the kicker. From one mile at a time, when a supervisor did finally arrive, no missing snack boxes or other service items were found. Several days later, the flight attendant got a call from the airline informing her she was being suspended for assault, bullying, and unlawful detention.
Rory Scoville
Wait, they found the snack box?
Josh Dean
It was never missing to begin with.
Rory Scoville
Oh, my God.
Josh Dean
I mean, the drama. Like I said, the greatest Karen in flight attendant history.
Rory Scoville
Yeah. Not just a manufactured incident.
Josh Dean
I mean, good riddance to that narc.
Rory Scoville
What a.
Josh Dean
What a crazy. Like, just trying to imagine getting inside the head of that person.
Rory Scoville
I couldn't imagine being on that flight and being like, yeah, no one's got the snack box, bro. I got. I'm trying to go home or I've got another flight.
Josh Dean
Right.
Rory Scoville
Imagine holding up another flight, because when. Now imagine that every time you're at the airport, they're like, the crew isn't here yet. Just imagine that it's because they're on a flight being accused of stealing some Slim Jims and Captain's wafers.
Josh Dean
One snack box.
Rory Scoville
Yeah. Some bad olives. One piece of chocolate.
Josh Dean
Oh I mean just incredible. An all timer after the break Lane makes us do math or something.
Lane Rose
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Josh Dean
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Rory Scoville
This is Bowen Yang from Los Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. What if your WI fi was more than just WI fi? What if your WI fi made everything in your whole house just work together better?
Josh Dean
Well, Xfinity WI fi pretty much does exactly that. It's powered by their best, most elite high performing tech.
Rory Scoville
Allow us to paint a very realistic example. Everyone in your house, everyone is on their devices at the exact same time. Gaming, working, swiping. Right? Because of course they are. And the finale of your favorite show of all time of the week is on at the exact same moment. Well, you can boost the WI fi to your device with Xfinity.
Josh Dean
And have you ever asked yourself, what if my wi fi could keep watch over my kids for me? Well, probably not, because that's a weird thing to ask yourself. But Xfinity WI Fi has parenting skills, even if you sometimes forget yours. Xfinity's like, don't worry, I'll monitor the WI Fi.
Rory Scoville
It's completely proactive, fixing issues before they even happen. Bottom line, Xfinity is smart and reliable. You deserve the peace of mind of having wifi that's got your back.
Josh Dean
Xfinity.
Rory Scoville
Imagine that. Lane Games
Josh Dean
Lane. What are we doing this week?
Rory Scoville
Math or something with Lane.
Emma Siminoff
Today, for our final segment, we're going to be exploring an age old question. A riddle that court jesters and jokers have posed for centuries. Delighting kings and queens and common folk alike. And that question is, wait for it. While I share sound.
Rory Scoville
What's the deal with airplane food?
Emma Siminoff
Was that worth it? Was that worth the wait?
Rory Scoville
It was, it was.
Emma Siminoff
Okay, good.
Rory Scoville
I don't know if that was Jerry or a impression of Jerry.
Emma Siminoff
It was Jerry himself.
Rory Scoville
That was, that sounded like Jerry doing an impression of Jerry. I agree, like, turned it up a notch.
Emma Siminoff
So, Roy, as the professional comedian, I feel like this is your time to shine. You should know the deal with airplane food.
Rory Scoville
I know the deal. There's so many comics in the 80s during the comedy boom, who were traveling all the time. And this is also at a time when they just weren't figuring out how to economically even have good food on an airplane or any kind of, like, food. There was no, like, snack box or peanuts or maybe peanuts was like, as far as it ever went. And then I, I, I've told people that I genuinely in my heart believe this. There were so many jokes through standup comedy about airline food that I think that made airlines actually try to go, okay, let's fix the food.
Josh Dean
So your theory is that stand up comics saved are responsible for us having better food?
Rory Scoville
Yeah. Cause I gotta say, I do think every now and then, because I fly Delta all the time, I get upgraded on if there's a seat, I'm. There's a good chance it's going to go to me. And I have eaten the food and it's pretty good. It's actually pretty good now.
Josh Dean
All right, Lane, what is the quiz?
Emma Siminoff
So, just some trivia questions about in flight meals, to be honest.
Rory Scoville
Here we go. I know them.
Josh Dean
Love Rory's. Rory's going to kill me on this.
Emma Siminoff
It's more about, like, what, what is the deal with airline food? I think the general opinion is that it's bad. But I do agree with you, Rory. I have had some tasty in flight meals, so things are changing. But my first question, there's a lot of reasons why airline food can taste bad, but science has given us a few. Can you name any of them as
Rory Scoville
to why it tastes bad?
Emma Siminoff
Yeah,
Rory Scoville
preservation. How the food gets preserved.
Josh Dean
That's what I was gonna say, too.
Emma Siminoff
You're not wrong, but you're not right.
Rory Scoville
That's been my whole life to be quite fr.
Emma Siminoff
So I'm looking for low air pressure, lack of humidity, and high noise levels actually affects how food tastes.
Rory Scoville
High noise levels?
Emma Siminoff
Yeah. So the low air pressure and low humidity dries out your nasal passages, which, like, reduces your sense of smell, which affects how food tastes. And it also Dries your food out. And then high noise levels from the aircraft can dampen your taste buds and weaken your enjoyment of the meal. So if you have noise canceling headphones on an airplane, it'll actually make your food taste better.
Josh Dean
Whoa.
Rory Scoville
Oh, my God. I wear noise canceling. That's why I. Guys, I'm out there saying, this food tastes good and it's slop. It's people sitting next to me. Like, this guy's just inhaling it.
Emma Siminoff
To your answer, the meals are not really fresh. How long in advance are they typically prepared?
Rory Scoville
Oh, God. This is maybe something we don't want to know.
Josh Dean
I'm going to say average of two weeks.
Rory Scoville
I'm going to say no, no more than one week.
Emma Siminoff
Wow. You guys, you really.
Rory Scoville
You're like five years, ten hours beforehand. Okay. That good. Okay. Thank God.
Emma Siminoff
You had no faith in that. But sometimes they're frozen and can be made up to 72 hours in advance.
Rory Scoville
Okay.
Emma Siminoff
Don't worry. There are five tastes that humans can Sweet, salty, bitter, sour, and umami. Which one works best for the air?
Rory Scoville
Salty, sweet.
Emma Siminoff
I'm looking for umami.
Josh Dean
I've never understood what that one is.
Emma Siminoff
It's like savory.
Josh Dean
Okay.
Emma Siminoff
So if you're like looking at a menu and you have a choice, look for things like anchovy, mushroom, aged cheese.
Josh Dean
Okay.
Emma Siminoff
All very appetizing sounding things.
Josh Dean
This is the most useful episode of Crimeless ever.
Rory Scoville
Yeah.
Emma Siminoff
Truly, one beverage is popular on planes simply because it tastes better 30,000ft in the air. Which beverage is that?
Rory Scoville
Oh, shit. I will say, even though this is not what you're asking, people always say, don't get coffee on a plane because of the water filtration.
Emma Siminoff
I did read that. Yeah.
Josh Dean
Okay.
Rory Scoville
Okay, good.
Josh Dean
I think it's ginger ale. Because up until recent years when I've started seeing people drink ginger ale again, for most of my life, the only place I ever saw ginger ale consumed was on airplanes. I don't know.
Rory Scoville
I feel like. Yeah, ginger ale, I think is a good guess. People always get like Coke or ginger. Maybe Coke. I'll go Coke just to mix it up.
Emma Siminoff
I'm looking for tomato juice.
Rory Scoville
Oh, you didn't let me finish. Oh, yeah, I meant coke flavored tomato juice.
Emma Siminoff
Got a couple more. Airline food used to be fancier in pre Reagan era. Flying passengers could enjoy roast beef au jus carved from a trolley in the aisle.
Rory Scoville
Yeah.
Emma Siminoff
Economy passengers could get stuffed guinea hen caviar. Yeah.
Rory Scoville
This was back when companies respected their customers. That's not really. That's not a thing anymore. Have you ever seen those pictures of, like, what first class eating looked like? It looks like a restaurant.
Emma Siminoff
Why were the food options so much better back then? This is according to a guy who wrote a book about this.
Rory Scoville
I think it's because it used to be so much more exotic to fly and it used to be so much more. I mean, that's why I think people dressed up to go onto a flight, because it was like this exotic upper class experience.
Josh Dean
I agree. And I think probably was much more expensive for that reason. Right. It was just something that only you either did it so infrequently that you saved up for it or you were rich.
Rory Scoville
Yeah. Yeah.
Josh Dean
Are we right, Lane?
Emma Siminoff
No, but I think.
Rory Scoville
Can you just pretend I was right?
Emma Siminoff
Rory, you've gotten all these answers correct.
Rory Scoville
Yes. Ginger ale.
Emma Siminoff
It's most likely because airlines in the era were prohibited from competing on price, so the only way they could compete was on quality of service. So the better the food, the more likely they are to get people to buy a ticket to their airline.
Rory Scoville
Can you imagine a world where that was the case?
Josh Dean
Right, where your business should win customers by trying to be really good at its job instead of just being the cheapest option.
Rory Scoville
Exactly. Yeah.
Emma Siminoff
Yeah. So now we have $11 for dry cheese and sad grapes, so.
Josh Dean
Yep. Flight attendants going to war over a snack box. Exactly.
Rory Scoville
That's the old. They don't make it like they used to. And the people who say that you want to go. Well, when you vote for people who eliminate accountability, why would anything be like it used to be? Slam mic drop. Follow me on all the socials.
Emma Siminoff
Airlines can save a lot of money by cutting back on their menu, as we probably have guessed by now. For example, American Airlines saved $210,000 a year by changing what part of their menu? I'm going to give you multiple choice. A, getting rid of Kool Aid as a drink option. B, serving nuts cold instead of warmed up, or C, removing a single strawberry from their fruit salads.
Rory Scoville
Ooh, I bet it's going to be
Josh Dean
something like C, I'm gonna go cold nuts. Because it feels like the obvious one and I'm probably wrong.
Emma Siminoff
It's C. Rory's right.
Rory Scoville
Yes.
Emma Siminoff
A single strawberry from their first class fruit salad.
Josh Dean
200 grand.
Rory Scoville
You wouldn't be. I stopped eating fruit altogether, and I have saved $500,000 a year in my home.
Emma Siminoff
All right, last question. So despite all of the things we've talked about, airline food is generally safe and fine to eat. Which of the following items, though, caused headline making widespread illness aboard planes. A ham and cheese omelets, B tapioca pudding or C shrimp.
Josh Dean
Shrimp tapioca pudding. Tapioca.
Emma Siminoff
Guys are both right because it was all of the above.
Rory Scoville
It did feel all of the above esque.
Emma Siminoff
After all this, do you have a different answer to what's the deal with airplane food?
Rory Scoville
I mean, no, I still like my original answer, even if someone says that's not what the case was. But I gotta say I'm now fascinated to know that 10 hours. That makes me feel a lot better about the food.
Josh Dean
Yeah, I agree.
Rory Scoville
And also like I've never considered literally our own ears affecting our taste buds. So that's maybe the most interesting takeaway for me.
Emma Siminoff
The science of sound.
Josh Dean
Yeah, you're gonna be that dork in first class. You should really put your guys know
Rory Scoville
that the food it.
Josh Dean
All right, we'll see you next week. Crimeless is a production of Smartless Media, Campside Media and Big Money Players in partnership with iHeart podcasts. It's hosted by Rory Scoville and me, Josh Dean. Our senior producer is Lane Rose. Emma Siminoff is our associate producer. This episode was written by Lane Rose and me, Josh Dean. We're sound designed and engineered by Blake Rook with support from Ewan Lytramuin. Mark McAdam composed our theme song. The executive producers at Campside Media are Vanessa Gregoriadis, Matt Sher and me, Josh Dean. The executive producers for iHeart podcasts and Big Money Players are Jack O', Brien, Lindsey Hoffman and Matt Apodaca. For Smartless Media, the executive producers are Will Arnett, Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes and Richard Courson. Bernie Kaminski is head of production. The associate producer is Matty McCann. A special thanks to our operations team, Ashley Warren and Sabina Mara. Do you have a question, comment or confession for the Crimless team? Email us@crimlyampsidemedia.com and if you enjoyed Crimless, please rate and review the show wherever you get your podcast. It helps people find the show and also makes us feel validated. Unless you're mean, in which case keep it to yourself. We'll see you next week, Crimeless Nation.
Lane Rose
This episode is brought to you by Bobcat. They started the compact equipment industry through grit, determination and a whole lot of think we can't do that.
Rory Scoville
Watch us.
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We've all been there with doubters telling us what we can't do.
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Who cares what they think? We don't need their permission or forgiveness. We just get things done. So go ahead and doubt me, judge me, challenge me. But when the time comes, watch me podcast
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This raucous episode of CrimeLess dives into the bizarre, criminal, and just plain unhinged stories of flight attendants behaving badly. Rory and Josh dissect outrageous in-flight crimes, the legal chaos of airplane jurisdiction, and the most epic tales of airborne meltdowns—including streaking, smuggling, and the pettiness of a “snack box Karen.” The hosts bring signature irreverence and curiosity as they unravel these stories, exploring “what really happened” and what the law (or lack thereof) says about mischief in the skies.
Frequent Flyer Flexing
“I have already reached diamond status again for next year.” – Rory Scoville [03:22]
Worst In-flight Experience
“Stay in the bathroom all the way from Atlanta to New York City.” – Rory Scoville [04:15]
Setting up the episode’s theme: “Flight Attendants Behaving Badly” ([05:05]–[05:20])
“Most journalists are too scared to even touch it. It’s Flight Attendants Behaving Badly.” – Josh Dean [05:05]
Headline Game
What Happened?
“He’s naked and he’s dancing... I guess you’d need the business class bathroom to dance.” – Josh Dean [08:36]
“It’s like a Japanese game show challenge.” – Josh Dean [09:56]
“This is a new strategy for getting an upgrade.” – Josh Dean [10:36]
Legal Aftermath & Jurisdiction
"It’s like, once you’re in the air, it’s God’s law." – Rory Scoville [12:55]
Legendary JetBlue Meltdown: Steven Slater (2010)
“He picked up the PA, said, I’ve been in this business for 20 years, and that’s it. I’ve had it. I’m done.” – Josh Dean [22:41]
Drug Smuggling Flight Attendants
New Drug Made from Human Bones
Smoking in the Plane Bathroom Story
“The captain getting on the intercom: 'If we don’t figure out who smoked the cigarette... I am going to land this plane.'” – Rory Scoville [16:33]
“When I saw those federal agents come, you saw everybody go, 'Oh, it is a federal offense.'” – Rory Scoville [18:12]
“The narc counts the snack boxes, finds one missing... and wants to have this person arrested.” – Josh Dean [29:33] “This is so extreme for a. Something that’s valued at, I think, $10 and overpriced by $8.” – Rory Scoville [29:57] “The greatest Karen in flight attendant history.” – Josh Dean [32:04]
“Low humidity dries out your nasal passages, which... reduces your sense of smell, which affects how food tastes.” – Emma Siminoff [39:13]
"Once you’re in the air, then it’s God’s law." – Rory Scoville [12:55]
“He grabbed two beers from the galley, deployed, and slid down the emergency slide...” – Josh Dean [22:41]
“I think the best way to clear this up is to read you another headline. This one comes from the UK’s Sun tabloid...‘British Bear Ways’.” – Josh Dean [06:56]
“Noise canceling headphones on an airplane—will actually make your food taste better.” – Emma Siminoff [39:26]
“Just imagine that it’s because they’re on a flight being accused of stealing some Slim Jims and Captain’s wafers.” – Rory Scoville [31:49]
The hosts maintain a fast-paced, wisecracking, sometimes irreverent style, mixing real crime analysis with punchy comedic asides. They gleefully point out absurdities in air travel and policing, always circling back to their central question: who are the dumbest criminals, and what can we learn (or at least mock)?
Crimeless
“Celebrating the amazing creativity of the world’s dumbest criminals while aspiring to reach diamond status... and maybe just learning enough to sound interesting for ten minutes at a party.”