CrimeLess: How to Fake Your Death and (Almost) Get Away With It

Date: April 8, 2026
Hosts: Rory Scovel (comedian), Josh Dean (journalist)
Producer/Guest: Lane Rose

Episode Overview

This episode dives into the wild, absurd world of people who try to fake their own deaths to escape consequences—be they debts, relationships, or the law. Starting with a hypothetical brainstorm on how they would try it themselves, hosts Rory and Josh break down two real-life cases: the recent “Wisconsin Kayak Dad” and the infamous British “canoe man,” John Darwin. The duo revel in the extraordinary stupidity, audacity, and, sometimes, accidental genius of these attempted vanishing acts—all in the show’s trademark irreverent, comedic tone.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Allure (and Folly) of Faking Your Death

• Rory and Josh begin by asking: “How would you fake your death?” (03:13)
  • Rory: “This is where I'm not even smart enough to know the best way to do it, because I almost started giving you ways in which I would kill myself.” (03:22)
  • Josh corrects him: “That's the opposite of faking your death.” (03:35)
• They riff on classic schemes: disappearing while boating, leaving behind evidence to point to drowning, and even referencing The Dark Knight ending with Michael Caine in Italy. (03:37–04:22)

2. Is Faking Your Death Actually a Crime?

• The show explores whether faking death is itself illegal.
  • Josh: “Technically, I have the answer. It's not technically a crime... no one’s gonna... I mean, your wife might be upset.” (07:36)
• Motivation:
  • Most people fake deaths due to financial crimes or to escape other criminal trouble.
  • The hosts agree: “This is a very dramatic solution to a problem... if you owe millions, it could be your only solution.” (08:21)

3. Case Study: Ryan Borgwart, the ‘Wisconsin Kayak Dad’

The Disappearance

• Ryan, a father of three from Wisconsin, “went out one day to do an extremely basic weekend dad activity. He went kayaking, but he never came home.” (05:25)
• All signs pointed to accidental drowning: “His kayak capsized, life jacket floating, all his stuff left behind.” (11:28)
• Massive search launched: “58 days searching for his body,” with “no evidence of the body in the lake, on the land. He’s just gone.” (12:09–12:45)

The Twist

• Police eventually realize: “Ryan, apparently at the Canadian border, he used his own name and crossed the border the day after he went missing.” (13:22)
• Critique: “I feel like 54 days searching the lake when he had crossed the border the day after he disappeared.” (13:45)
• He prepped by: reporting his passport missing (then using his new one), clearing digital records, transferring money, buying life insurance, and prepping escape supplies. (15:42–17:22)

The Motive & Unraveling

• Ryan was in debt and “met a woman named Katya on a dating app...I just want to be with you so you can see how he was wooed.” (24:03–24:32)
• He executed a convoluted escape:
  • Throws phone overboard, uses kiddie raft, stashes an e-bike to ride 70 miles, buses to Canada, flies to Paris, then Georgia, then meets Katya. (25:04–26:20)
  • Notable quote: “I cannot even get toothpaste past TSA. This guy... you can’t bring over 5 oz, but you can pretend to be someone else.” (18:23)

How He Got Caught & Consequences

• Electronic breadcrumbs and suspicious life insurance activity give him away.
• Caught when Katya helps police with a “proof of life” video exchange. (26:26–27:16)
• Sentenced to 89 days in jail (matching the search days), and $30,000 restitution. (23:16)
• Marriage: “His wife filed for legal separation, calling the marriage irretrievably broken, which feels kind of like an understatement.” (27:26)

Host advice:
Josh: “You can always get divorced.” (24:09, 28:11)
Rory: “Just get divorced. It’s one of our T-shirts—JGD.” (28:27–28:32)

4. Case Study: John Darwin, the “Canoe Man” (UK, 2002–2007)

The Plot

• John and wife Anne, in debt, devise a plan: John goes canoeing, “disappears” in the North Sea, is declared dead. (32:22–33:58)
• For five years, John lives as “Carl Fenwick”—in the same town, in one of their rental units. (35:00)
• “John has not gone anywhere... not just to his town, into one of those rental units that they can’t rent.” (35:00)

Living Undercover

• Plays EverQuest, walks around, and even interacts with old acquaintances: “Aren’t you supposed to be dead?” / “Don’t tell anyone.” (37:04)
• Secures a new passport under “John Jones,” travels internationally, buys property in Panama with Anne. (37:30–38:33)

The Downfall

• Blown by a real estate photo posted online.
• John returns to the UK and claims amnesia: “I think I’m a missing person,” but police are tipped that Anne was talking to her “dead” husband at work. (39:24)
• Both convicted of fraud—each receives 6+ years in prison. They later divorce. (40:59–41:27)
• Rory, reflecting: “If you can fake your own death and still live in the same town and all you did was change your name... you are either an incredible actor or you live in the dumbest town.” (41:52)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On DIY Witness Protection:
  Rory: “DIY witness protection is 100% a TV show we’re now pitching.” (07:25)

• After learning Ryan’s escape plan:
  Josh: “Around 1 or 2am, he finally makes it to his stashed electric bike. He pedals 70 miles to Madison, Wisconsin, and catches a Greyhound to Toronto...” (25:04)

• Highlighting the absurdity:
  Rory: “He doesn’t need his women to be real. And airline food is the best food he’s ever had.” (26:20)

• Summary lesson:
  Josh: “I feel like this is a lesson to you and our listeners, Rory. You can always get divorced.” (24:09)

• John Darwin’s bravado:
  “He returns to the UK, walks into a police station and claims he’s been suffering from amnesia.” (39:24)

Key Segment Timestamps

• Start of main discussion: 02:44 – Podcast proper begins
• How would you fake your own death? 03:13–04:22
• Introduction of fake death as a crime topic: 06:23–07:36
• Case 1: Ryan Borgwart (Kayak Dad): 05:25–28:24 (with updates and full story)
• Case 2: John Darwin (Canoe Man): 32:14–41:27
• Possum vs. Alien Quiz/Game: 46:02–49:50 (comic palate cleanser)
• Concluding banter: 49:56–50:20

Possum vs. Alien Game (Comic Relief)

• Lane quizzes Rory & Josh on whether odd names refer to a possum species or an alleged alien type.
• Highlights the wildness of natural—and supernatural—taxonomy, and the hosts’ inability to distinguish between the two.
• Notable self-awareness: “I didn't even… I went along with it as though we've discovered numerous types of aliens.” (47:14–47:19)

Episode’s Takeaway Message

• Faking your death is almost never a good idea—it’s rarely successful, deeply traumatic for family, and usually leaves a criminal trail.
• Both hosts drive home: “Just get divorced.”
• These stories are both cautionary and hilariously human, exposing the inherent messiness—and ingenuity—of people trying desperately to escape their lives.

Memorable Sign-Offs

• Josh: “See you all next week. Unless I fake my death and fly off to Georgia.” (49:56)
• Rory: “Well, that's what we're going to do. That's our immediate first assumption. Even with a body, we assume it's not you.” (50:02)
• Josh, repeating the lesson: “Just get divorced. JGD.” (28:27–28:32)

For listeners:

• The episode’s comedic, conversational tone keeps the subject light without losing sight of the human cost and sheer audacity of attempted “death-faking.”
• If you remember one lesson: Don’t try to vanish. Just deal with your problems—or at least, as the hosts suggest, “Just get divorced.”