How to get banned from Walt Disney World

Summary

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CrimeLess Podcast Summary

Episode: How to get banned from Walt Disney World
Hosts: Rory Scovel & Josh Dean
Date: April 29, 2026

Overview

In this raucous episode, comedians Rory Scovel and journalist Josh Dean dive into the wacky, inventive world of Disney trespassers—especially those who have managed to get themselves banned for life from the Most Magical Place on Earth. The primary focus is on the outlandish real-life attempts to break into Disney World’s notorious “Discovery Island,” once a zoo-like attraction and now an abandoned island in Bay Lake. The hosts discuss Disney’s deep lore, elaborate security, and profile the eccentric "urban explorers" whose adventures border on criminal folklore.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. “Disney Adults” and the Ultimate Punishment

• Definition: Adults who are deeply fanatical about all things Disney, investing significant time and money pursuing their hobby
• Discussion:
  • Being banned from Disney World is the worst fate for these devoted fans.
  • Disney's banishment process is serious:
    • Surveillance identifies trespassers
    • Attempts at re-entry trigger alerts and may result in misdemeanor trespassing charges
  • Memorable quote:
    • "Don’t fuck with the mouse." — Josh Dean (05:00)

2. Common Ways to Get Banned

• List includes: Stealing, sneaking in weapons/contraband, drunken/disorderly conduct, underage drinking, public nudity/vulgarity, skipping lines, jumping off rides, petting animals, and especially assaulting cast members.
• Notable moment (Brawls):
  • Viral video reviewed: Family brawls break out over strollers—showing that even the “Happiest Place on Earth” isn’t immune to chaos.
  • "Even the rascal was like, I’ll break this up.” — Rory Scovel (06:28)
  • "That’s not even our subject today..." — Josh Dean (07:10)
  • Timestamps: (05:53–07:20)

3. Disney World as Urban Explorer’s “Final Boss”

• Urbex (“Urban Exploration”): Practice of sneaking into abandoned sites for photos, videos, or thrill-seeking
• Discovery Island:
  • Once a wildlife attraction, now an overgrown, forgotten land in the middle of Bay Lake, notorious in Urbex circles.
  • Disney Details:
    • 27,000 acres, 4 theme parks, multiple resorts/golf courses, own transit system, vast water features (10:08–10:35)
  • Quote:
    • “It’s 27,000 acres, roughly the size of two Manhattan islands…” — Josh Dean (10:15)

4. Tales from Discovery Island: The Urbex Hall of Fame

a. Shane Perez (Mid-2000s)

• Smuggled an inflatable boat, failed, later swam to the island at night, surrounded by thousands of vulture chicks and weird animal jars.
• Waited four years to blog about it (statute of limitations).
• Still received a lifetime ban:
  • “The happiest place in the world is now off-limits to Shane.” (16:20)
• Timestamps: (13:48–16:31)

b. Nomius (Disney Employee)

• Used insider info to borrow a company boat and reach the island but didn’t get to explore fully.
• Banned and fired after blogging about it; Disney ramps up security.
• Timestamps: (16:35–17:50)

c. Matt Sans (2017)

• Determined to be the first to spend a full night on the island, he sneaked over and captured video footage of the mysterious, decaying buildings and animal cages.
• His YouTube videos go viral; he returns nine times(!).
• Ultimately arrested and banned for life after repeated trespasses and after being caught backstage in the parks.
• "All these people sneak in. You’re banned for life. It’s like, well, yeah, they’re probably just gonna sneak in again.” — Rory Scovel (23:18)
• Video Moment:
  • "He does play it pretty well... That is the angle you got to do. He's smart." — Rory Scovel (22:51–22:58)
• Timestamps: (17:52–24:41)

d. Richard "Southern Pirate" McGuire (2020 COVID Lockdown)

• Flaunts his exploits on YouTube, including a documented infiltration of Epstein’s mansion.
• Months of prep for Discovery Island; kayak is stolen, replaces it with leaky, duct-taped boat.
• Survives on stagnant water and unripened fruit while hiding from Disney security, sheriff’s deputies with guns, boats, and even a helicopter.
• Attempts to mislead authorities by having his friend call in a false tip; finally gives up when told his girlfriend will be arrested (likely a bluff).
• Pleads no contest, pays $100, and receives a lifetime ban.
• "He stuffs water bottles into a backpack to use as a flotation device, and he swims to shore." — Josh Dean (39:49)
• "He really knows how to keep playing to his fan base, and I respect that, quite frankly." — Rory Scovel (38:15)
• Timestamps: (29:20–42:40)

5. Disney’s Ongoing Security Escalation

• Increased surveillance, fences, motion sensors on Discovery Island.
• The island remains undeveloped—possibly forever.
• Inside the maintenance building, explorers keep an (illicit) guestbook, marking 17 years’ worth of signatures.
• "Someone risked it all just to write 420, and to draw a dick. There is a dick." — Rory Scovel (43:44)
• Timestamps: (43:01–44:04)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "Don’t fuck with the mouse." — Josh Dean (05:00)
• “Even the rascal was like, I’ll break this up.” — Rory Scovel (06:28)
• “Disney World is our Vatican City.” — Josh Dean (10:18)
• "The happiest place in the world is now off limits to Shane." — Rory Scovel (16:22)
• "You're banned for life, sir." — Josh Dean (42:49)
• "Someone risked it all just to write 420 and to draw a dick." — Rory Scovel (43:44)

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Standout Segments & Timestamps

| Segment | Timestamp | Content | | --- | --- | --- | | Disney Adult Banishment | 03:44–05:20 | The ultimate punishment for fanatic Disney lovers | | Urban Exploration “Urbex” | 08:47–10:08 | Introduction to Disney World as an Urbex “final boss” | | History of Discovery Island | 10:34–12:17 | Fascinating and bizarre backstory | | Shane Perez’s Blogged Infiltration | 13:48–16:31 | Early Urbex exploits and Disney’s lasting response | | Matt Sans’s Viral YouTube Streak | 18:07–24:41 | The first person to spend the night, the YouTube era begins | | Richard McGuire/Southern Pirate | 29:20–42:40 | The most intense, lockdown-era infiltration | | Explorer Guestbook & Signatures | 43:01–44:04 | The secret wall of Urbex infamy on Discovery Island | | Disney Villain Quote Game | 48:47–51:59 | Lighthearted trivia to close out the episode |

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Tone & Style

The episode maintains a quick, cheeky, irreverent tone, balancing genuine research with sharp comedy. Rory brings self-deprecating humor and playful criminal fantasy, while Josh grounds the tales in real-life criminal lore.

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Conclusion

This episode leaves listeners with a sense of awe at the strange lengths people will go just to outwit the Mouse. The abandoned, quasi-mythic Discovery Island has become a real-world Holy Grail for urban explorers—a place steeped in lore, risk, and vulture poop. Despite escalating security, the island and its legend persist, with explorers’ signatures (and poorly drawn anatomy) as lasting marks. In classic CrimeLess fashion, the takeaway is a mix of cautionary tale, ridiculous inspiration, and permission to laugh loudly at the world's most inventive (but usually harmless) outlaws.

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For more:

• Listen to “CrimeLess” for stories blending crime, history, and comedy every week.
• Episode produced by Smartless Media, Campside Media, and iHeartPodcasts.

Transcript

[Sophia Donner]

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[Rory Scovel]

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[Josh Dean]

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[Ad Voice]

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[Josh Dean]

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[Rory Scovel]

Did you draw the picture of the Dick.

[Josh Dean]

Campsite media smart glass? Rory, you're not a Disney adult, are you?

[Rory Scovel]

I'm not. That's not to say I don't appreciate. Appreciate Disney. You never know which overlords are listening.

[Josh Dean]

Could you define that for our listeners? Are you familiar with the Disney adult concept?

[Rory Scovel]

Is it adults who are just very fanatical about Disney, and because they're adults, they have the means to research all the little doodads and knickknacks of lore?

[Josh Dean]

Yeah, it's their hobby, basically, which is a little weird, but I'm not here to throw stones.

[Rory Scovel]

I get it.

[Josh Dean]

What is a punishment worse than death for a Disney adult?

[Rory Scovel]

I mean, probably to be banished from Disney World or Disneyland. Yes, yes, exactly. To be exiled,

[Josh Dean]

banned from Disney World or any of the Disney properties. Which means you've done something to really upset Mickey and you're never setting foot in that theme park again. Here's what happens to you.

[Rory Scovel]

Oh, man, this already breaks my heart in a weird way, and I don't even know. I don't even know the variables.

[Josh Dean]

Surveillance cameras will spot you. Your information will ping in their system if you try to make a reservation. Disney cops will stop you at the gate if you try to reenter. And you could get slapped with a misdemeanor trespassing charge. Oh, yeah, don't fuck with the mouse.

[Rory Scovel]

You don't do that. You don't do that. You don't fuck with him.

[Josh Dean]

So it turns out there's more than one way to get banned from Disney. Here are the boring ways. Stealing from a gift shop, bringing a gun or contraband to the park.

[Rory Scovel]

Okay, that really escalated quick. Murdering someone. Okay, yeah, okay.

[Josh Dean]

Yeah, of course. Drunken disorderly, underage drinking.

[Rory Scovel]

Okay.

[Josh Dean]

Exposing yourself or being vulgar, which. I mean, it's a family part. Come on, put your pants on, sir.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

And then there's some other ways that could be loosely grouped under the heading of ruining the magic of Disney. This list would include skipping the line or jumping off a ride, petting the animals or. And I believe we have video here assaulting a cast member.

[Sophia Donner]

All right, friends, please hide your eyes.

[Rory Scovel]

I like that. Olaf dies immediately. He just.

[Josh Dean]

That's it for him. They don't design those costumes for a person to have to stand up. You're supposed to be standing. That's right.

[Rory Scovel]

That's right. Oh, man. So that guy got the boot?

[Josh Dean]

Yeah, he got the boot. We also have a video of a brawl because assault in general is obviously cause for. Can we see that brawl?

[Rory Scovel]

Oh, yeah, a brawl. A Disney brawl. Whoa.

[Josh Dean]

Is that a scooter in the middle of it? What's happening? Video of the 4 and a half

[Ad Voice]

minute long fight with fists flying over children's strollers went viral.

[Josh Dean]

It's part of the evidence prosecutors are

[Ad Voice]

using against the man in the red shirt, now identified as 35 year old.

[Rory Scovel]

Wow, that was intense.

[Josh Dean]

There was a rascal in the middle of it at the beginning.

[Rory Scovel]

There was a rascal just trying to. Just trying to get through. Even the rascal was like, I'll break this up.

[Josh Dean]

Wait, we have another one.

[Rory Scovel]

Oh, my God. What is going on?

[Ad Voice]

This fight began after two separate families were attempting to take.

[Rory Scovel]

I mean, this just seems intense.

[Ad Voice]

One person then punched someone from the other family in the face. At least one was treated for injuries at the park, but no one's pressing any charges.

[Rory Scovel]

What in the world?

[Josh Dean]

Like, you're at Disneyland, the world's happiest place.

[Rory Scovel]

It's the world's happiest place. They're like, ah, we found a reason to get into a little scuffle. That is intense.

[Josh Dean]

And that's not even our subject today. We just needed to share with you the kind of stuff that's happening that's getting people banned. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Safe to say that all these people will not have the privilege of riding that creepy It's a Small World boat ride ever again.

[Rory Scovel]

No, they'll never get that chance. You screwed up. You screwed up.

[Josh Dean]

But for today's episode, I want to talk about a very specific and special way of getting on this list. It culminates in a thrilling tale involving helicopters, tactical gear, and swimming across gator invested waters.

[Rory Scovel]

Okay, all right.

[Josh Dean]

Florida.

[Rory Scovel]

Are you in Florida? Indeed.

[Josh Dean]

Hello and welcome back to Crimly, the weekly podcast celebrating the amazing creativity of the world's dumbest criminals and also teaching you new hobbies like how to break into Disney World after hours.

[Rory Scovel]

That's right.

[Josh Dean]

Have you ever trespassed before?

[Rory Scovel]

Of course I've trespassed. I do it all the time. Does that sound cool? Did that sound cool? I Do it all the time. Like where, where do you even, where do you go do that?

[Josh Dean]

I mean, I feel like for the young crimeless fans just learning how to be criminals, it's like got to be one of the most commonly broken laws.

[Rory Scovel]

A million percent nightly. I break into Dairy Queens, make myself a little blizzard, you know, little nightcap, head back home.

[Josh Dean]

Christmas orgies.

[Rory Scovel]

That's right.

[Josh Dean]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it means to enter an owner's land or property without permission, obviously. In all seriousness, we've all done it. Like, people just put signs up. Sometimes you're like, I like, okay.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah. It feels more like a suggestion.

[Josh Dean]

It does. But this week we're going to talk about professional trespassers.

[Rory Scovel]

Okay.

[Josh Dean]

And there's a name for this. Urban Explorers, who are people who venture into abandoned man made structures. And there's also a nickname because I guess takes too long to say urban exploration. So they say Urbex.

[Rory Scovel]

Urbex.

[Josh Dean]

Which sounds like a Monsanto weed killing agent.

[Rory Scovel]

We sprayed it with Urbex. A lot of people are getting cancer.

[Josh Dean]

So think malls, factories, prisons, amusement parks, tunnel systems. People sneak in after hours and take photos. A lot of times these are easy to get into, like empty malls. There's not a lot of security in empty malls. But the biggest and the most enticing targets are often quite risky. Today I want to talk about a specific location. I think you can guess what that location is. That became the final boss for these urban explorers. This week on Crimeless, we're going to follow some of these Urbex pros as they venture onto an abandoned island in the middle of a lake in the middle of Disney World.

[Rory Scovel]

Oh, yeah, here we go. This is what I'm talking about.

[Josh Dean]

Have you been to Disney World?

[Rory Scovel]

I've been to Disney World many, many, many moons ago. Disneyland. More so because of la, but yeah, not so much Disney World.

[Josh Dean]

Recently, well, you have taken your daughter to Disneyland.

[Rory Scovel]

I've taken my daughter to Disneyland, not Disney World.

[Josh Dean]

Okay.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

All right. So you haven't neglected her. She's been to a Disney property.

[Rory Scovel]

That's right. That's right.

[Josh Dean]

There's no way you're gonna know the answer to this question. But just guess. Do you have any idea how big Disney.

[Rory Scovel]

Isn't it kind of its own city?

[Josh Dean]

I believe it is.

[Rory Scovel]

It's like its own county or something.

[Josh Dean]

It has some like weird legal designation where I think it's like exempt from many of the laws of Florida somehow. Yeah, like the Vatican.

[Rory Scovel]

That's like churches with tax exemption. That's Disney World.

[Josh Dean]

Makes sense that Disney World is our Vatican City. Yeah. Yeah. So it's 27,000 acres, roughly the size of two Manhattan islands. It has four theme parks, two water parks, more than 30 resorts and hotels, four golf courses, and its own transit system which includes buses, monorails, boats, and the Skyliner Gondola.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah, that's insane.

[Josh Dean]

And there's lots of water. But the largest body is Bay Lake, a natural body of water that's a mile across, 35ft deep at its deepest point. And in the middle of this lake sits Discovery Island.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

Which has an interesting history. From 1900 to 1937, it was called Ras island, named for the family that lived on it.

[Rory Scovel]

The Razz's.

[Josh Dean]

That's a future crimeless movie adaptation.

[Rory Scovel]

I think the Raz fam.

[Josh Dean]

1900 in Florida, just living on an island. Like, what was that life like? So they sold the island for $800 to Florida's first disc jockey, Del Mar ra Nick Nicholson. Yep. Who could forget the work of Radio Nick? And then he rebranded the place Isle Bay Island. He lived there for two decades with his wife and their pet sand crane, which is also extremely Florida.

[Rory Scovel]

Wow. Okay.

[Josh Dean]

Then he sold it to some business guys to use it for a hunting retreat. And then finally they sold it to Walt Disney. Yeah. It was apparently one of the things he liked most about the Disney World property. He named it Blackbeard's island, then rebranded it Treasure island when he opened an 11 acre zoo like attraction on April 8, 1974. And then because people couldn't stop changing the name, he named it Discovery Island. And that's still the name today.

[Rory Scovel]

Okay. Discovery Island.

[Josh Dean]

And for the first 20 years in Disney World, guests would take a boat across the lake to see exotic birds and wildlife. And that worked until they opened animal kingdom in 1998, which is bigger and better. And you didn't have to take a boat to get there. So people were like, enough with the island. Going to Animal Kingdom.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah. What are we doing?

[Josh Dean]

We are Americans. Make this as easy as possible, please. So that was the end of Discovery Island. Except after it closed, Disney didn't know what to do with it. So they just left it untouched. Like Jurassic Park.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

There are rumors of animals left there running wild. Lights still worked and the allure of this place started to get out.

[Rory Scovel]

Okay.

[Josh Dean]

In the early 2000s, back when people were blogging. So luckily we have a lot of first hand accounts of this. People started to try and get there and Disney in response, upped the security, which made it harder and harder to get to the island. Thus, the challenge was more and more enticing to urban explorers. So the first step is you have to get inside Disney World. So if any supplies are necessary, you're going to have to sneak them into the park itself.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

Then you got to figure out how to get across the lake without getting caught. And there's a ferry boat that passes every 10 minutes. This is starting to seem like a Mission Impossible. I was going to say episode. Those are movies.

[Rory Scovel]

Plot. Yeah, yeah, plot.

[Josh Dean]

Plot.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah, yeah.

[Josh Dean]

Finally, the lake itself is very dangerous. It has gators and allegedly also a very dangerous bacteria.

[Rory Scovel]

Okay, a little bit of a challenge for the Urbex community.

[Josh Dean]

If you were asked to breach the security and get there, how would you do it? Like, get into Disney World and across a lake with gators and bacteria?

[Rory Scovel]

Well, I got to say, knowing that it's 11 acres and it's a little too obvious, but at night, I'd maybe skydive in.

[Josh Dean]

Oh.

[Rory Scovel]

Huh.

[Josh Dean]

Wait a second.

[Rory Scovel]

I'm definitely not going to swim with the gators, but this island is much bigger than I thought. So the landing space for a skilled skydiver. And I'm not saying that's me, but this is how I would go. Little nighttime skydive a la Mission impossible. Indeed.

[Josh Dean]

This does not come up in our story. So that's kind of brilliant.

[Rory Scovel]

See, this show's made me a better criminal. It really has theoretically zero proof of that, but theoretically.

[Josh Dean]

So you've already, like, you're way better than the people we're gonna talk about. Which starts with a guy named Shane Perez. He's a blogger from Florida. He heard rumors and locals had told him that it was only 100ft from the shore to the island. So he and his friends cook up a plan. They smuggle an inflatable boat, 150ft of rope and some oars through one of the resort shuttle buses. So they get to the shore and then realize the locals didn't quite get it right. It was 350ft in this, like, lame little inflatable raft with their cheap oars is not going to get them there fast to get by the ferry boats. So Shane's plan, option A, off the table, botched. But he's not giving up. A year later, he comes back. He's going to swim across with a few waterproof bags under the COVID of night without getting eaten by gators or flesh eating bacteria. Okay, so they do get there. Thankfully, the dock lights are still lit. I don't know why all these years later, it's an abandoned island. They keep it lit. Yeah, but the interior paths are not. And here's what he wrote on his blog spot. We knew we wouldn't be able to use any bright lights. So with the small red colored lights, we made our way through overgrown paths. Almost immediately, he said, they realized we were not alone on this island. We could hear all sorts of noises in the trees surrounding us. We were literally surrounded by what sounded like thousands of birds.

[Rory Scovel]

Oh yeah, Okay. I love that.

[Josh Dean]

We could hear them cawing and cooing in all directions. Some sounded almost like people speaking. With every branch we stepped on that made us snap. A group of birds would be startled and take off all at once, making even more noise. Yeah, Picture this. Pitch black, thousands of birds that you can't see in the trees above your

[Rory Scovel]

head just making so much noise. The most natural alarm system.

[Josh Dean]

So the rumors were true. There were animals on the island. They were vultures and they were nesting.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

So this is terrifying.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah, that's pretty terrifying.

[Josh Dean]

So he took a picture of these gross looking vulture chicks, which I guess were pretty aggressive. He also found some snakes preserved in bottles. This is getting weirder by the moment.

[Rory Scovel]

Okay, classic Disney.

[Josh Dean]

They didn't have enough time to explore the island. The alarms that are now going off in the form of thousands of angry vultures. Yeah, they leave before sunrise and do get away undetected. Then he writes his blog post, which goes viral. But he's no dummy. He waits four years outside the statute of limitations for trespassing.

[Rory Scovel]

Yes.

[Josh Dean]

However, Walt Disney couldn't press criminal charges. He gets banned for life.

[Rory Scovel]

So they got wind of it.

[Josh Dean]

They did. Well, when he blogged about it four years later thinking, haha, they can't charge me with trespassing, they were like, yeah,

[Rory Scovel]

fine, you can never come back.

[Josh Dean]

The happiest place in the world is now off limits to Shane.

[Rory Scovel]

I think it would like four years. It wouldn't even be exciting after that.

[Josh Dean]

I know. Well, you would think you'd be dying to post the pictures, but yeah, he's playing a long game for the clicks.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

So anyway, that's the first person. The second person to breach Discovery island is a man who goes by the codename Nomius. He is a Disney employee.

[Rory Scovel]

I already love this. Nomi is just transported to the island through a portal. Oh, all right.

[Josh Dean]

Wasn't he in the Matrix?

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah. This is Morpheus Neo, combo hybrid.

[Josh Dean]

So he's a Disney employee and has inside information.

[Rory Scovel]

This is what I'm talking about. Here we go.

[Josh Dean]

He knows where to find Boats. So he borrows some boats from the corporate stash and he gets there kind of no problem. But he runs out of time and he wasn't able to actually explore the full island. And that becomes the challenge now. Right. Each person who goes is trying to reveal more of what's there. First guy scared away by thousands of angry vulture babies.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

Second guy runs out of time. He also blogs about it, but he doesn't wait as long. And his boss, Mickey Mouse sees this and presumably fires him, but also bans him for life.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

So Gnomius reaches there, doesn't exactly advance the ball. Gets fired, banned for life. So, yeah, Disney makes sure to make examples of these guys. They also add more security, erecting fences around the main entrance. But this only sweetens the pot. Yeah, Just makes people want to go more. They will do whatever it takes, even risk a lifetime ban just to get pooped on by vulture babies.

[Rory Scovel]

I mean, it's kind of fun.

[Josh Dean]

It's magical. It is. It's a little fun, actually. Years go by before the next reported breach of Disney security. And by this time, this website called YouTube has popped up. People are putting all kinds of urban exploration Urbex videos on there.

[Rory Scovel]

Yep.

[Josh Dean]

And Discovery island for a long time isn't one of them. But the challenge only grows and eventually the appeal is too great. And a man named Matt sans. What? Here we're jumping ahead to 2017. He becomes the first man to spend an entire night on the island.

[Rory Scovel]

Now that's advancing the ball. Here we go. We're in the red zone now.

[Josh Dean]

And Matt, he goes to Florida. He's visiting his girlfriend one day he's bored and he's looking for things to do. He looks online for stuff to do in the area. He finds Shane's blog, the first guy to go. He has an epiphany. This is his new mission in life. Yeah. Or at least on this trip to see his girlfriend in Florida. He's going to become the first person to see the whole island and spend the night. Not only that, he's going to make a video and he's going to put it on YouTube.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

He spends the last of the money he'd saved for this trip on a camera and an inflatable raft, hoping this investment would pay off in some sweet, sweet clicks. Matt and his friend Chris wait for hours on the Fort Wilderness dock for the ferryboats to stop running. The plans to explore nighttime like Shane and Nomius, but it takes too long. He's only got a four hour window that's not enough time. He's going to have to go back and spend the night. He's not going to get in and out. So the day Matt and Chris try again.

[Rory Scovel]

Oh, man. Back to back.

[Josh Dean]

They wake up and they find themselves gloriously alone on Discovery island when they wake up in the morning. So they have all the time in the world. They have a full day because Disney didn't see them get there. They wake up. They've now got all the time in the world.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

He sees the stuff that had been reported in the past. The snake in the Coke bottle, the empty animal cages, this cool thing, avian way. It's like an elevated bridge walkway that stretches across the whole island. So I guess people could walk around and see birds.

[Rory Scovel]

It's specifically just vulture babies. Just vulture babies.

[Josh Dean]

Not my favorite Disney cartoon.

[Rory Scovel]

By not a bird anyone's really kind of vying for. Really, everyone can kind of pass on that.

[Josh Dean]

So they film for hours. They get back safely. But after looking at the footage, Matt's not satisfied, so he's going back again with an even better kit.

[Rory Scovel]

God, I love this guy's gumption.

[Josh Dean]

So here he films an infamous video of himself strolling through the island, which goes viral. I think we're going to show you a minute of it.

[Rory Scovel]

What's up, YouTube? My name is Matt Sansoie. I'm here at Disney's Discovery Island. I was here a couple days ago, and I uploaded a couple videos but wasn't satisfied with quality.

[Josh Dean]

What is that?

[Rory Scovel]

Experiments. Illegal experiments. I mean, how could you be there and not be terrified?

[Josh Dean]

Yeah, I mean, Rory, describe for the people at home what we're seeing here.

[Rory Scovel]

I mean, it's honestly just going through a completely disheveled, abandoned. Like, it seems like an apartment, but also an office building in a laboratory.

[Josh Dean]

There was, like, laboratory.

[Rory Scovel]

There was, like, a little bit of a laboratory vibe to it, but the walls have been, like, destroyed. It's so absolutely demolished. Ceiling is coming down. It's rotted. Oh, another person. Thank God. I could never be there by myself.

[Josh Dean]

Yeah, it feels like the opening of a horror movie or something. He sees the lab equipment and then turns out the vulture babies are actually dinosaurs.

[Rory Scovel]

It is very jungle vibes. Like, I think I was kind of picturing a pretty open space that was for some pretty dense, thick jungle feeling type forest. Like, I mean, it's Florida, so the vegetation would lend itself to kind of feel that way. But definitely a denser wood than I was picturing.

[Josh Dean]

To your point earlier, I think I would expect Disney to be A little bit tidier with its property. If they were to, like, trash the place.

[Rory Scovel]

Like, hey, let's take this building down. Like, Disney by now knows people are attracted to this, so why not go get rid of the thing and go, yeah, now it's not fun anymore, so stop coming here. Yeah, we don't want to deal with it.

[Josh Dean]

Instead, it's like, oh, let's leave the creepy abandoned lab equipment and all the files.

[Rory Scovel]

Like, Disney is almost like, you're going to show up. Go have fun. Disney almost wants it, it seems like.

[Josh Dean]

So Matt is like, his video goes viral. It gets picked up by some YouTubers. It bounces around, it becomes a hit. And so he goes back to this Urbex Mecca nine times, man.

[Rory Scovel]

For sure.

[Josh Dean]

Must have the record. Oh, definitely. And I think you can imagine how this ends, because Matt flies a little too close to the sun. After gaining some clout for this, he starts going to other abandoned Disney properties. I didn't know there was more than one.

[Rory Scovel]

Oh, my God. Disney, clean up after yourself.

[Josh Dean]

Exactly. Like, what do you expect? He goes into closed attractions in water parks scheduled for demolitions. He skips backstage in active parks, and he continues recording even after he's caught. Lane, do we have a video of him being caught?

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah. Can you help me get out of here? No. Oh, I just freaking tried to go to the bathroom, and then I found myself in the middle of nowhere.

[Josh Dean]

Yeah. The tone of voice of this lady. Were you in the park? Are you a cast member? Let me get Carolyn to help.

[Rory Scovel]

Let me get Carolyn.

[Security/Police Officer]

Man.

[Rory Scovel]

Talking about stairwell after door after. Sheesh. He's.

[Security/Police Officer]

He's.

[Rory Scovel]

He does play it pretty well.

[Josh Dean]

So he's playing the whole, like, I was just looking for the bathroom. I don't know how I ended up backing this.

[Rory Scovel]

That is the angle you got to do. He's smart. That. I mean, that's really kind of your only option.

[Josh Dean]

It is. But meanwhile, the lady, obviously, she's like, oh, are you cast member? How did you get back? Like, in the. Like, faux nice. Like, I completely know who you are, asshole.

[Rory Scovel]

She was playing it smart, too, being like, oh, let's make him think he's fine. So how did that end? Was he arrested?

[Josh Dean]

He got arrested, yeah. And banned for life, of course.

[Rory Scovel]

Well, I mean, he obviously didn't care. It's so funny. All these people sneak in. You're banned for life. It's like, well, yeah, they're probably just gonna sneak in again. I think you're just giving them the, like, drug they're looking for. Oh, Now I'm not allowed here. Great. That's my life.

[Lane Rose]

He literally is escorted out. And later in that video, he goes back inside and the same woman finds him again. And she's like, oh, how are you? How's it been?

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah, what do we got going on here? But I just. Looking for the bathroom again. All right, Same. Same space. Okay.

[Josh Dean]

Yeah. She's like, I'm going to have to look. Carolyn. Do we. Carolyn? Like, who the hell is Carolyn?

[Rory Scovel]

I appreciate his gumption, but a little too much ego, a little too arrogant.

[Josh Dean]

I like that it being Disney, they're both playing their parts in the most polite way. He's sort of like, oh, I'm so sorry.

[Rory Scovel]

They're both like, well, we're at Disney. No one's going to curse.

[Josh Dean]

Right?

[Rory Scovel]

You know, that guy could have been like, get the fuck out of here. Instead, they're like, hello. Let me go get Carolyn.

[Josh Dean]

Hello, sir. Are you a cast member? Where's your. Where's your uniform?

[Rory Scovel]

Why are you in this abandoned building? Furthermore, why are we in this abandoned building?

[Josh Dean]

So he gets banned from all the parks. Later, he's arrested and charged with misdemeanor trespassing and felony burglary. Yeah, of course, those charges are dropped, but he pleads no contest and ends up paying a fine and serves community service. So I guess Disney did their nice thing in the end.

[Rory Scovel]

That's a shock that the powerhouse that Disney is to be like, ah, you know, they. I mean, maybe they got it hard. They're like, ah, he's a kid. Like, he didn't hurt anybody. I don't know. That that actually is kind of like. That's a curveball. It is. I would just assume, like, hey, we're not here. We've no compassion for anyone's thing. If you've trespassed, you've trespassed.

[Josh Dean]

And Disney, being an independent state, they could, like, lock him up forever if

[Rory Scovel]

they wanted to, since they have their own county.

[Josh Dean]

Yeah. Yeah. This is the most serious offense in all of Disney World. Therefore, sir, you are in prison for life.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah. How insane.

[Josh Dean]

Yeah. So after Matt, a handful of other people try and come out relatively unscathed, maybe with some poison ivy. But none of those are the most dramatic Discovery island exploration of all time, which we are going to talk about after the break.

[Rory Scovel]

I knew you were going to ramp it up. Just classic Josh ramping it up.

[Kal Penn]

Hey, everyone, it's Kal Penn. I'm the host of Irsay The Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's audiobook project, Hail Mary Massive sci fi adventure about survival and science and what happens when you wake up alone, very far from Earth.

[Ray Porter]

I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary as I'm narrating some of these sections and it's like, okay, yo yo, yo, is this indulgent? And I really thought about it. I was like, no. At this point it would kind of be betraying the trust the author and the listener have in telling this story if I don't go through it. But there's places in this book that that deeply, emotionally affected me and I left it on the mic. That's great because it served the story. People will say like, oh my God, I cried at the end. It's like, yeah, dude, me too.

[Kal Penn]

Listen to Hearsay, the Audible and iHeart audiobook club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

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[Josh Dean]

hi, and welcome back to Crimeless, the podcast devoted to the COVID infiltration of Walt Disney properties.

[Rory Scovel]

In fact, this is every episode. From now on, we're only focusing on Disney crimes. You're listening to Disney Crimes with Josh and Rory.

[Josh Dean]

Our first spin off the most intense visit to Discovery island comes in 2020 peak COVID 19 lockdown.

[Rory Scovel]

This is what I like. This is what I'm in it for.

[Josh Dean]

What were you doing during lockdown?

[Rory Scovel]

Probably crying to myself in a closet thinking time and everything was done. I should have been exploring urban decay. Wasn't.

[Josh Dean]

Well, Richard McGuire had a little more fun than you did.

[Rory Scovel]

Oh, yeah, Mark McGuire's little brother. Here we go, Ricky.

[Josh Dean]

So he's a YouTuber who was using the nickname the Southern Pirate outdoors.

[Rory Scovel]

Okay.

[Josh Dean]

I think he fancies himself some sort of vigilante fighting the man by trespassing. Yeah, his YouTube channel is a little odd. He's got a lot of videos about catching snapping turtles, which he calls white dinosaurs for some reason. Is that a Southern thing?

[Rory Scovel]

I mean, we'll take it.

[Josh Dean]

Okay, here we go. We got a video.

[Rory Scovel]

Okay, so I see this guy's vibe. People say they bite fingers off. Watch out for you. Okay, so he's got a southern peel. He's definitely torturing an animal that doesn't need to be tortured just by catching it for no reason. But you can tell he is like Steve Irwin extraordinaire. He's like, australian can do it. We can do it. Here in the south, dinosaurs don't exist. He's fully clothed in swamp water, grabbing a giant snapping turtle.

[Josh Dean]

A white dinosaur, I believe.

[Rory Scovel]

A white dinosaur. Excuse me. Pardon. White dinosaur.

[Josh Dean]

So among his Urbex missions, he takes a video of his trip to Jeffrey Epstein's abandoned palm Beach Mansion, which he posted four years ago when it was in the process of being demolished.

[Rory Scovel]

All right. Ahead of the curve.

[Josh Dean]

Here's what he wrote. This footage will be some of the last taken in the Mansion of Sin. I entered this property undetected, dressed as a construction worker, and successfully got inside to see what is left of this mansion of horror.

[Rory Scovel]

Yep. So something bad, if is how he decided to describe it.

[Josh Dean]

Yep. So that was a little detour on his way to Discovery Island. Discovery island is what he really wanted to see before it closed. Because eventually, I mean, Disney's bound to close this thing up. Maybe not. I don't know.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Especially because it just gives them problems and it's just filled with their trash.

[Josh Dean]

He'd already missed the window to be the first to explore the island. He knew security would be tight after all the trespassing over the years. So he spends months studying the area and mapping out his plan. There's videos of him training, working out by lifting huge tires and flexing for the camera. Like some montage from Rocky.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah. Now, this is what we want. This is the entertainment.

[Josh Dean]

Exactly. You would think because it's COVID 19, when he finally decides to make his move, that it would be an advantage, but it actually isn't. Do you know why that would be?

[Rory Scovel]

I mean, the park is probably closed. Right.

[Josh Dean]

Exactly the part. Or it's virtually empty. Right. So, like, any movement is suspicious.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah, exactly. He's more highlighted.

[Josh Dean]

Here's how he does it. He pulls up to the dock, leaving his van and the kayak behind so he can scope out a path to the island. But when he returns, his kayak is missing. Someone has stolen it. Yeah, because it's Florida. Florida, man.

[Rory Scovel]

That's right.

[Josh Dean]

Okay, already a curve. He's got a pivot. He heads down the road to a 7 11, where, of course, it's Florida. He sees a man with a canoe strapped to his car.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

You can just assume in most Florida 7 11s there'll be a guy with a canoe.

[Rory Scovel]

That's. I always assumed it. I thought it was the law. You had to have a canoe.

[Josh Dean]

He offers to buy it. The guy is not selling, but he says he will sell him his aluminum boat filled with holes and.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah, and that's the boat you to want. The fixer upper.

[Josh Dean]

Also that A guy has two boats in the 711 parking lot.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

He's not willing to sell the good one, but he'll sell you the shit.

[Rory Scovel]

I'll say the one that's definitely not a boat anymore.

[Josh Dean]

So he's not in a position to bargain. He buys the leaky boat, uses duct tape to fix it up, drives back to Disney, stashes his van in the woods, sneaks to the lake, and manages to row his leaky duct tape boat all the way to the island.

[Rory Scovel]

Almost.

[Josh Dean]

He arrives, swims the last little bit. He arrives on the island, decked out in camo, head to toe. He sets up camp in one of the old buildings and lights a campfire to warm himself.

[Rory Scovel]

All right, I feel like that's gonna be noticeable, but I'm not. Maybe I'm not picturing it. Right.

[Josh Dean]

The plan is to spend a week on the island, explore every inch, and study the wildlife in great detail. And things are going smoothly until he notices that he stepped right in front of a trail cam. He's busted.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

They've got him on camera.

[Rory Scovel]

Camera. Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

So he rushes back to the campsite to pack up, figure out a plan, and then he hears voices. He's not alone, which we know because there's video. Like any good YouTuber, Richard's rolling. He later posted the footage titled Escape from Discovery Island. The actual footage.

[Rory Scovel]

God, this is also thrilling. Here we go.

[Security/Police Officer]

They've gone around the island, around the island, around the island at least a thousand bucks. Times they're trying to call me out and say they're not going to take me to jail, but I have to leave the island. I guess they don't know who Rip Thorne is. If they catch me, it's gonna have to be tonight, because I'm gonna wait it all the way tonight, and I'm a swim for it. Yes.

[Rory Scovel]

God, I love this guy. He might have just introduced me to my first real hero.

[Security/Police Officer]

I think if I swim, I'm gonna do it on that side, so I'm gonna throw them off and swim a long way. I got a bad feeling about this water right now.

[Lane Rose]

Anyways.

[Josh Dean]

This is like the world's lamest version of Alone. I don't.

[Rory Scovel]

I, I, I. Part of me doesn't believe he's really there. We. We should go make these kind of videos. You got to show me a trashed building for me to believe that he's. So does he. So he swims, and he's.

[Josh Dean]

Well, what you're seeing now is there are cops on the island. There are actual sheriffs walking around announcing their presence with the guns drawn and everything. There's a security boat circling the island.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

And there's also footage of this taken by the cops as they search for the trespasser.

[Rory Scovel]

And this is day four.

[Josh Dean]

Not yet. No. No, this is. I think this is day one. Day two, he spent one night already. Okay, this is from the cops. Look, guns drawn. Look at that. Feels a little unnecessary.

[Rory Scovel]

Feels a little unnecessary. I gotta say. The shorts feel strange. Just guns. Guns with shorts.

[Josh Dean]

So, yeah, what are we seeing here?

[Rory Scovel]

Rory? I appreciate that these cops actually use body cam footage. You just don't see that a lot anymore, despite the fact that it's the law. We're seeing some cops rummage through these abandoned Disney buildings that just again, create the target. They could just get rid of these buildings and make the island boring. So they're looking indoors. I mean, these guys have flashlights, they've got guns drawn. It's definitely more real than I'm sure this dude had expected it to be in terms of, you know, get caught, slap on the wrist, banned for life.

[Josh Dean]

I love that she just said he's got to be somewhere here.

[Rory Scovel]

I mean, we're talking 11 acres. It doesn't look like there's more than these two. It looks like even the sheriff's department kind of doesn't give a fuck about

[Josh Dean]

this island, except they've got their guns drawn.

[Rory Scovel]

I don't know why she keeps lifting her gun and putting it back down. I just. What's. What is enticing her to lift that gun? Now, in. In defense of the police here, they obviously don't know what kind of trespasser they're dealing with, so they clearly don't know if somebody on this island also has a gun. True. That might try to hurt them. Naturally. If I'm a cop in this situation, I maybe don't go shorts, but it's Florida, it's hot. But I'm for sure gonna have my gun out. Especially if, you know, someone has been on this island. I don't know. If you do your research, you can tell all the people that are on that island. I don't know. Maybe it's kind of difficult to get a gun out there. I mean, I gotta assume they don't think a Navy SEAL has decided to go to the island.

[Josh Dean]

Well, that's what I would say. I think what would lead you to believe is a dangerous situation. Right. Like, it's a place people have been trying to get to shoot. Like, I don't know that my gun needs to be drawn.

[Rory Scovel]

It doesn't seem like the Urbex community is out there to try to hurt anyone. They just don't want to get caught.

[Josh Dean]

Exactly.

[Rory Scovel]

But I don't get the impression any of Them are wanting to shoot their way out. Butch Cassidy, Sundance Kid style. I think they're like, yeah, if I get caught, I get caught.

[Josh Dean]

Yeah. So anyway, this is what Richard's dealing with. He figures he's.

[Rory Scovel]

He.

[Josh Dean]

What he's going to do is hide. So he hunkers down in some brush and he covers himself in dirt and leaves like Rambo. Hours go by. Here's. Here's his pov. Look at.

[Security/Police Officer]

20 years. I'll look back and have a good laugh.

[Rory Scovel]

Holy

[Security/Police Officer]

Leroy playing Just.

[Josh Dean]

Did he say Disney? Right? Playing.

[Lane Rose]

I think he said Disney's not playing.

[Josh Dean]

Oh, Disney's not playing.

[Rory Scovel]

Disney's not playing. Dude.

[Lane Rose]

He never gives up is what he said.

[Rory Scovel]

He really knows how to keep playing to his fan base, and I. I respect that, quite frankly.

[Josh Dean]

I like the first shot of that was nice when he picked up a few extra leaves and covered the part

[Rory Scovel]

of his most minimal effort to cover his kneecap.

[Lane Rose]

He continues talking Southern pirate.

[Josh Dean]

So hours go by. The cops aren't leaving now. There's a helicopter circling. There's a boat. There's a helicopter. We got armed cops. He's hiding with just his knee covered in some leaves. He needs a plan. And here's his first plan. He's gonna have a friend make an anonymous call to Disney to say that he's off the island and they can give up the search. Do you think this plan works?

[Rory Scovel]

No, but great. Great. But honestly, not an awful plan.

[Josh Dean]

I really wanted that one to work. So they're like, okay, guys, we can call the search.

[Rory Scovel]

I gotta say, the shorts on those cops, they'd be like, oh, great. Oh, great. Let's get outta here. I know.

[Josh Dean]

I don't wanna. I didn't wanna throw any shade. I know it's hot in Florida, but there's like, you're a little bit less intimidating in shorts. So anyway, that doesn't work. So he's getting desperate. He might have to try and wait it out. So he digs up some bottles that have been washed ashore, hoping there might be some drinking water inside.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah.

[Security/Police Officer]

So thirsty. Oh, shit. There's water in there.

[Josh Dean]

And for food, he eats unripened fruit from some trees.

[Security/Police Officer]

This is a wild persimmon right here.

[Josh Dean]

So we got stagnant water from some buried old plastic bottles and some Aquafina and some unripened fruit. Then he decides he's just gonna make a break for it. And he's got a plan for this. He stuffs water bottles into a backpack to use as a flotation device, and he swims to shore.

[Security/Police Officer]

Good enough to put in my book bag. That's a long swim.

[Josh Dean]

It takes an hour. And because content is king, he's rolling film the whole time.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah, well, he's got to assume he's

[Josh Dean]

about to get caught, even back on dry land. He's not safe, though, because he's still on Disney property and cops are now swarming the area. He buries himself again in dirt and

[Rory Scovel]

brush, but barely, as we've seen in the video.

[Josh Dean]

His other knee this time, but not.

[Rory Scovel]

But never both knees.

[Josh Dean]

At one point, he calls his girlfriend to tell her what's going on, only to find out that she has been detained and has been told she'll go to jail if her boyfriend doesn't turn himself in. Is that legal?

[Rory Scovel]

I don't think that's true. You can't be. You can't go to jail for someone else's actions.

[Josh Dean]

Wait, we got another video link.

[Security/Police Officer]

What do you mean they surrendered the van? They have you right now. You see?

[Josh Dean]

No way.

[Security/Police Officer]

They have you. You believe.

[Josh Dean]

Oh, my go. I can't believe it.

[Security/Police Officer]

You have no idea what I've just. They're going to take you to jail if I don't come out and turn myself in. How did they get you? You were driving through in the van and they hemmed you up. Oh, God.

[Josh Dean]

So he falls for it. Oh, you.

[Rory Scovel]

I thought he was just playing that up for the camera, creating mistakes where anybody watching would go, well, that's not legal.

[Josh Dean]

You can't do that. He's talking to her on the phone.

[Rory Scovel]

Oh, God. They got you. Oh, God. They said you're gonna go to jail. Like, he's saying it for the camera. I didn't hear her voice. I don't believe it.

[Josh Dean]

Oh, you think that was Southern Pirate?

[Rory Scovel]

He knows. He knows how to entertain the guys, knows how to keep us on the hook.

[Josh Dean]

So that was it. He's like, he can't let his lady go to jail. He's a. He's a chivalrous man. He turns himself in. And there's body cam video of this, too.

[Rory Scovel]

What's going on?

[Security/Police Officer]

Yeah, like what, man?

[Josh Dean]

I just moved down here and.

[Rory Scovel]

From where?

[Security/Police Officer]

Mobile, Alabama?

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

22 years, and I don't have a job anymore.

[Rory Scovel]

Okay. You know, there's easier ways to apply to work for Disney. Love that. Okay, well, obviously all. All this attention is. Is because the area which you were is a restricted area. Okay. What's your local address? Fuck. I never thought they'd ask for details.

[Josh Dean]

He did not have an answer for that question. He just sat there silently. He was like, oh, I just did not prepare for.

[Rory Scovel]

Again, I respect that Southern pirate.

[Josh Dean]

So basically what he did there. Yeah, he played dumb. He just moved there. He didn't know there were cops looking for him, despite the helicopters and the boats and the armed people. Shorts. No.

[Rory Scovel]

He's.

[Josh Dean]

Oh, sorry, officer. Basically, it was the strategy of Matt, who got caught in the abandonment.

[Rory Scovel]

It really is your only card.

[Josh Dean]

Oh, I did not notice the helicopter. So I'm new here.

[Rory Scovel]

I didn't know that creepy island was off limits, the one that's incredibly difficult to get to.

[Josh Dean]

So in the end, he pleads no contest to trespassing, pays a $100 fine, and is banned for life.

[Rory Scovel]

I mean, what does he care? I know, $100 fine.

[Josh Dean]

I feel like, if anything, Disney's overvaluing the importance of. Of being able to go to Disney World. They're like, you are banned for life, sir.

[Rory Scovel]

All of them are like, oh, that's fine. I could never go anywhere. I can't afford it.

[Josh Dean]

I sort of thought I would go to jail, but.

[Jana Kramer]

Cool.

[Josh Dean]

Okay. This is way worse, sir. I can't go back to Disney World.

[Rory Scovel]

Oh, man, that's crazy.

[Josh Dean]

Lest this episode give you any ideas, Rory, Discovery island is now under heavy surveillance. Cameras, motion tractors, more fences. As for the future of the island, Disney has no plans for its development. It may sit dormant for the rest of time until a hurricane finishes it off. But. But in the maintenance hall, and this is a piece of video we got from him, there's a whiteboard with the signature of every explorer who's been to the island, acting as a guest book and showcasing 17 years of history. Look closely at the lower right.

[Rory Scovel]

Josh, Josh, Josh. You've been there. Did you draw the picture of the dick?

[Josh Dean]

Oh, I didn't even notice that. Look at that.

[Rory Scovel]

Someone risked it all just to write 420

[Josh Dean]

and to draw a dick. There is a dick.

[Rory Scovel]

Oh, man. That's kind of cool.

[Josh Dean]

Yeah. So this is a real. We'll post this in our socials. This is a real board. The last person to sign it was named Josh. Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

There you go.

[Josh Dean]

Was it me?

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah. Why did you stumble on this? Why did you want to talk about this today? I think we all know why now?

[Josh Dean]

I don't know. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm new here.

[Rory Scovel]

That's great. I love that. All right.

[Josh Dean]

I hope I've inspired you to take up a new hobby, Roy.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah. Urbex. Urbex Scoville.

[Josh Dean]

But first, after the break, we'll play a game.

[Kal Penn]

Hey everyone, it's Cal Penn. I'm the host of Irsay The Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's audiobook book project, Hail Mary Massive Sci fi adventure about survival and science and what happens when you wake up alone, very far from Earth.

[Ray Porter]

I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary as I'm narrating some of these sections and it's like, okay, yo, yo, yo, is this indulgent? And I really thought about it. I was like, no. At this point it would kind of be betraying the trust the author and the listener have in telling this story if I don't go through it. But there's places in this book that deeply, emotionally affected me and I left it on the mic. That's great because it served the story. People will say like, oh my God, I cried at the end. It's like, yeah, dude, me too.

[Kal Penn]

Listen to Irsay the Audible and iHeart audiobook club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

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[Martha Stewart]

This is Martha Stewart from the Martha Stewart Podcast. Ever wonder how to make hosting look effortless? Here's a secret Getting ahead of the mess with new Reynolds Kitchens countertop prep paper. Just lightly wet the counter beforehand so the paper grips and stays in place. Then lay down the Reynolds Kitchens countertop prep paper so drips and spills stay on the paper paper, not all over your kitchen counter. You can roll out dough, prep a party spread, or cook alongside family. When you're done, cleanup is as simple as lifting the paper and revealing that clean counter underneath. Effortless. You can use it for cooking and baking, prep and even crafting, especially when you need extra working space. Because when the mess is already handled, you can focus on what matters. The food, the people, and the moment. It may look effortless, but now you know. It's Reynolds Kitchens countertop prep paper. Take a tip from me. Wet it, set it, prep it. Done. Make it easy. Make it with Reynolds Kitchens countertop prep paper. Available now in the Reynolds wrap aisle in Walmart, Target, Amazon, and Costco.

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[Martha Stewart]

this is crimeless.

[Josh Dean]

Greetings, crimeless nation and Urbex enthusiasts here for Disney crimes. Welcome back to our final segment, which is Lane's game.

[Lane Rose]

Lane, thank you.

[Ad Voice]

You.

[Lane Rose]

We're not leaving Disneyland yet.

[Rory Scovel]

I didn't think we would.

[Lane Rose]

Nope. We're going to celebrate some beloved Disney villains.

[Josh Dean]

Yes.

[Lane Rose]

I'm just going to read you some Disney villain quotes and you have to tell me who said them, okay?

[Josh Dean]

All right, all right.

[Lane Rose]

Any way you want. Poison them, drown them, bash them on the head. Got any chloroform? Who said that?

[Rory Scovel]

I'm going to go with Cruella de Vil.

[Josh Dean]

Oh, that's a good guess. Can I name another Disney film?

[Rory Scovel]

Can you name the same one?

[Josh Dean]

All right, I'm gonna go with Rory because I can't think of another one right now.

[Lane Rose]

It is Cruella de Vil. Nice.

[Rory Scovel]

Yes. Now I'll get all the rest of them wrong.

[Lane Rose]

How about I'm surrounded by idiots?

[Josh Dean]

Oh, wait. Who's the bad person in Beauty and the Beast? I'm gonna be terrible at this.

[Rory Scovel]

Oh, the French guy.

[Josh Dean]

We are really bad at this.

[Rory Scovel]

Gaston.

[Josh Dean]

Gaston.

[Rory Scovel]

Is it Gaston? Wait, are we on the same Team.

[Lane Rose]

Yeah, it seems like you are now.

[Josh Dean]

Okay, well, I need to be on the same team.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah, let's go, Gaston.

[Lane Rose]

No, it's Scar from the Lion King.

[Rory Scovel]

Ah, the Lion King.

[Lane Rose]

The King of the Lions. All right, how about this? A woman doesn't know how powerful her voice is until it's been silenced.

[Rory Scovel]

That's going to be Ursula.

[Josh Dean]

I like that.

[Lane Rose]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

What?

[Rory Scovel]

Look at Rory go. I'm a Disney adult, dude. What do I know? What do I even know?

[Lane Rose]

My business is dead people. If I have no dead people, my business is dead people.

[Josh Dean]

No. Wait, what were the dead people in? I don't even know what Disney movie this could be.

[Rory Scovel]

I don't know the name, but I want to go. It's from, like, the Frog Princess, but I don't know the background.

[Josh Dean]

Is that a Disney movie?

[Rory Scovel]

Is that right?

[Lane Rose]

No, it's Hades from Hercules. His business. Dead people.

[Rory Scovel]

I've never seen.

[Lane Rose]

It's not right for women to read. Soon she starts getting ideas and thinking,

[Josh Dean]

oh, is that from Frozen?

[Rory Scovel]

Is that from the Republican Party? Wait, is that a Disney movie?

[Lane Rose]

I'll give you a hint. You already guessed this person.

[Rory Scovel]

Oh, Gaston.

[Lane Rose]

Yep.

[Rory Scovel]

Look at that.

[Josh Dean]

Wow.

[Lane Rose]

Gaston from Beauty and Beast. All right, last one. I'll turn him into a flea, a harmless little flea. And then I'll put that flea in a box, and I'll put that box inside another box. Then I'll mail that box to myself, and when it arrives, I'll smash it with a hammer.

[Josh Dean]

I like that plot a lot, but I don't have. Any villain has the power to turn people into other things.

[Rory Scovel]

I don't know. I mean, now I'm thinking the end when Jafar is kind of the genie.

[Josh Dean]

I guess that's our answer.

[Rory Scovel]

That's not right. I don't know. I don't know.

[Lane Rose]

I think David Spade is the lead in this movie. Any hints?

[Rory Scovel]

Does that help in the Disney movie?

[Lane Rose]

Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

I don't know.

[Josh Dean]

I have no idea what David Spade Disney movie is.

[Lane Rose]

It is Emperor's New Groo, if David Spade is. But that's Yzma.

[Josh Dean]

That's a deep cut. I feel like.

[Lane Rose]

Oh, is it?

[Josh Dean]

I mean, I feel like this was a quiz for much more.

[Rory Scovel]

Season six for us Disney heads. How many did we get right? Three. I think.

[Lane Rose]

You got three.

[Rory Scovel]

It's not bad. I mean, we're not Disney adults, but we're not Disney children.

[Josh Dean]

I've been drawing dicks on the board at Discovery Island. I don't have time to study for this board.

[Rory Scovel]

You're in your own space.

[Security/Police Officer]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

All right. I think Rory, even though we are a team, you get all the points.

[Rory Scovel]

I'll take captain.

[Lane Rose]

I'll carry the team. Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

All right.

[Josh Dean]

Next week, if I'm not in jail for breaching Discovery island yet again, we'll be back. Crimlyss is a production of Smartless Media, Campside Media and Big Money Players in partnership with iHeart podcasts. It's hosted by Rory Scovel and me, Josh Dean. Our senior producer is Lane Rose. Emma Siminoff is our associate producer. This episode was written by Lane Rose and me, Josh Dean. We're sound, designed and engineered by Blake Rook with support from Ewan Leitram. Ewan Mark McAdam composed our theme song. The executive producers at Campside Media are Vanessa Gregoriadas, Matt Sher and me, Josh Dean. The executive producers for iHeart Podcast and Big Money Players are Jack O', Brien, Lindsey Hoffman and Matt Apodaca. For Smartless Media, the executive producers are Will Arnett, Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes and Richard Courson. Bernie Kaminski is head of production. The associate producer is Matty McCant. A special thanks to our operations team, Ashley Warren and Sabina Mara. Do you have a question, comment or confession for the Crimless team? Email [e-mail] and if you enjoyed Crimeless, please rate and review the show wherever you get your podcasts. It helps people find the show and also makes us feel validated. Unless you're mean, in which case keep it to yourself. We'll see you next week. Crimeless Nation.

[Sophia Donner]

This is Sophia Donner from OK Storytime this summer. Find your next obsession on Prime Video and listen. We're not saying you need another obsession, but there could be a lot worse ones. Steamy romance, addictive love stories, and the book to screen favorites you've already read twice, so why not watch them a third time off campus? Elle, the Love Hypothesis and more Slow Burns Second Chances Chemistry you can feel through the screen and it makes you wish you were actually in that movie. We've got binge worthy series can't miss movies. Perfect for when you're ignoring your own problems or procrastinating as one does. Your next obsession is waiting. Watch only on Prime.

[Martha Stewart]

This is Martha Stewart from the Martha Stewart Podcast. Ever wonder how to make hosting look effortless? Here's a secret. Getting ahead of the mess with new Reynolds Kitchens countertop prep paper. Just lightly wet the counter beforehand so the paper grips and stays in place. Then lay down the Reynolds Kitchens countertop prep paper so drips and spills stay on the paper, not all over your kitchen counter. You can roll out dough, prep a party spread, or cook alongside family. When you're done, cleanup is as simple as lifting the paper and revealing that clean counter underneath. Effortless. You can use it for cooking and baking, prep and even crafting, especially when you need extra working space. Because when the mess is already handled, you can focus on what matters the food, the people, and the moment. It may look effortless, but now you know it's Reynolds Kitchens Countertop Prep Paper. Take a tip from me. Wet it, set it, prep it. Done. Make it easy. Make it with Reynolds Kitchens Countertop prep paper. Available now in the Reynolds Wrap aisle in Walmart, Target, Amazon and Costco.

[Rory Scovel]

Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile with a message for everyone paying Big Wireless Way too much, Please. For the love, love everything good in this world, stop. With Mint, you can get premium wireless for just $15 a month. Of course, if you enjoy overpaying. No judgments. But that's weird. Okay, one judgment anyway. Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment

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[Josh Dean]

to Nuggets Diablo Dusted Crispy Chicken Nuggets no, they don't come in mild. That would make like zero sense with the name New Diablo Dusted Crispy Chicken Nuggets Only at Taco bell at participating U.S. taco Bell locations for a limited time and while supplies last.

[Sophia Donner]

This is an Iheart podcast.

[Rory Scovel]

Guaranteed human.