Man verses Nature: Real Estate Edition

Summary

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CrimeLess Podcast: "Man Versus Nature: Real Estate Edition"

Date: May 20, 2026
Hosts: Rory Scovel (comedian) & Josh Dean (veteran journalist/podcaster)
Produced by: iHeartPodcasts & Smartless Media

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Episode Overview

This week on CrimeLess, hosts Rory Scovel and Josh Dean tackle the intersection of real estate, eviction—and the wild, creative lengths people go to when threatened with losing their homes. The episode’s main narrative centers on an anti-eviction activist in Massachusetts who used BEES as a weapon to thwart sheriff’s deputies. The hosts also unpack a San Antonio case involving an "attack goat," muse on animal-based defenses, make a detour through pop culture's bee moments, and finish off with “Lane’s Game”: a lighthearted Rory-themed trivia.

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Main Story: "The Bee Defense" (06:13–19:25)

The Set-Up (06:13–08:06)

• Setting: Longmeadow, Massachusetts, October 2022
• Sheriffs arrive to evict a resident after foreclosure proceedings, a scenario the hosts note plays out across America.
• Enter “Rory Susan Woods” (who sometimes goes by Rory, though her legal name is Rebecca): a mid-50s anti-eviction activist, hauling three pastel-colored beehives on a trailer behind her blue Nissan Xterra.

Notable Quote:

• (06:36) Josh: "The sheriff's posse...are rolling up to get this guy out of his house."
• (08:03) Josh: "You're Rory with a Y. She's Rory with an 'ie.'"

The Crime (09:11–11:16)

• Woods jumps out and goes "absolutely ham": forcibly opens and tips over the hives, unleashing swarms of angry bees upon the unsuspecting deputies and bystanders.
• Amidst the chaos, Woods suits up in a beekeeper outfit to avoid stings.

Notable Quotes:

• (11:16) Josh: "At some point during the scuffle, Rory manages to get her bee suit on...she's reached anti-eviction Robin Hood superhero status."
• (11:38) Josh: "There's a great photo of Rory with an IE being restrained by deputies while wearing the bee suit."

Bee Logistics & Questions (11:38–13:31)

• Brief bee-keeping 101—yes, hives can be transported, but bees need ventilation and careful handling.
• Rory and Josh riff on the logistical (and ethical) paradox of destroying bee homes to protest human eviction.

Notable Moments:

• (13:07) Josh (joking): "Really, what you're doing is you're unleashing a random cloud of bees that just had their home pushed off a trailer...they're confused and probably mad, but not necessarily irate and looking to attack deputies."
• (13:31) Josh: "A little bit Beist, I guess."

The Aftermath (13:50–19:25)

• The bee attack delays the eviction only by a day.
• The home: a 10,000 sq ft mansion, owned by octogenarian Alton King Jr.—who built a basketball court for his mother-in-law using a loan that ballooned into foreclosure.
• Rory Woods: Arrested for assault with a deadly weapon (the bees), expressed no remorse, and even reportedly taunted an allergic deputy.
• Woods, despite not knowing King personally, returns the next day to protest, this time sans bees. Later she skips her trial and is found 800 miles away in Tennessee; extradition is pending.

Notable Quotes:

• (14:08) Josh: "I gotta give Rory a lot of creativity points."
• (14:24) Josh: "The home that the bank foreclosed on was a giant mansion...almost 10,000 square feet. It even has a basketball court."
• (15:50) Josh: "I do too. The real villain here is banks."
• (18:06) Josh: "Rory was charged with assault and battery with a deadly weapon. The weapon being bees."
• (18:17) Josh: "One of the deputies was allergic, and when he told Rory, she reportedly replied, 'Oh, you're allergic. Good.'"

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Other Animal-Assisted Evictions: The Goat Gambit (23:05–32:11)

The Goat Story (23:05–31:52)

• San Antonio, Texas: A woman sells her house to a flipper after foreclosure proceedings—but refuses to leave, leaving a "solid-sized" goat tied to the porch as a deterrence.
• The goat attacks the new owner; later, when sheriff’s deputies come to enforce the eviction, the goat is inside the house and headbutts a cop.
• Ultimately, despite animal antics causing delays and drama, the house is flipped for a $40,000 profit.

Notable Quotes:

• (28:45) Josh: "This is San Antonio. A city of 1.5 million people and presumably far fewer goats. So not exactly a common sight."
• (31:16) Josh: "Apparently, the goat actually headbutts one of the cops."

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Lighter Moments: Cultural and Comic Detours

Films & TV’s Best Bee Moments (04:07–05:37)

• The hosts list and riff on iconic bee scenes like "My Girl," "Wicker Man," Jerry Seinfeld’s "Bee Movie," and especially the “Tommy Boy” scene, which closely parallels the episode’s main caper.

Notable Quotes:

• (05:31) Josh: "The scene in Tommy Boy where Chris Farley and David Spade pretend they're being attacked by bees in order to avoid the cops."
• (05:37) Rory: "Pretty smart move."

Animals as Anti-Eviction Defenses (23:20–24:33)

• Josh and Rory brainstorm the most effective animals for defending against eviction—skunks (Rory) and howler monkeys (Josh).

Notable Quotes:

• (24:23) Josh (after hearing the howler monkey audio): "If there's an anti-eviction Josh out there, he's showing up with a truck full of howler monkeys."
• (24:33) Rory: "Oh, my God. Yeah."

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Game Segment: Lane’s Game—Famous Rorys Trivia

(35:08–44:14)

Lane Rose quizzes the group on famous “Rory”s in pop culture, sports, and beyond.

• Notable Rorys covered: Rory Kinnear ("Black Mirror"), Rory Kennedy (RFK’s daughter/filmmaker), Rory Gilmore ("Gilmore Girls"), Rory McIlroy (golfer), Rory Culkin (actor), Rory Regan (DC’s Ragman).
• Playful banter on trivia prowess; Rory Scovel wins.

Notable Moments:

• (38:12) Lane: "I would have taken the social issues of addiction, the treatment of prisoners of war, or the politics of the Mexican border fence, or cults, believe it or not, those were my second guesses. All of those as one big second guess."
• (43:08) Josh (on DC's Ragman): "Also, like, the least reassuring superhero name of all. 'Don't worry, Ragman is coming.'"

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Other Highlights & Memorable Quotes

• On the irony of the bee protest:
  (13:07) Josh: "I’d be bad at my job if I didn’t point out the irony of destroying the home of thousands of bees to protest the eviction of one person."
• On the antiheroic timing of the goat:
  (31:16) Josh: "The goat is in the house. He's the captain now."
• On the real villains:
  (15:50) Josh: “The real villain here is banks.”
• On the bee-wielder’s attitude:
  (18:17) Josh: "One of the deputies was allergic, and when he told Rory, she reportedly replied, 'Oh, you're allergic. Good.'"

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Time | Segment Description | |----------|-------------------------------------------------------------------| | 06:13 | Introduction of the bee eviction story | | 09:11 | The bee attack unfolds | | 11:16 | Bee suit & superhero antics, the aftermath | | 13:50 | Legality & consequences of bee-based protest | | 14:24 | Eviction background and revelation about the homeowner | | 18:06 | Legal charges for Rory Woods, final twists | | 23:05 | Animal alternatives—skunks, monkeys, and the San Antonio goat | | 24:13 | Howler monkeys as anti-eviction defense | | 28:45 | The goat takes the porch, then the house, and attacks | | 31:16 | The goat headbutts a police officer | | 35:08 | Lane’s Game—Rory trivia |

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Tone, Style & Final Thoughts

The episode is a satirical, fast-talking romp combining lighthearted crime stories, pop culture riffs, real estate satire, and sly social commentary (especially regarding banks and landlords). The hosts maintain a humorous and self-aware tone, balancing empathy for those caught up in strange evictions with amusement at the absurd “nature-based” defenses wielded.

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For Listeners:

• You’ll learn surprising details about bee and goat logistics, the realities of American foreclosure, and the enduring creativity (and desperation) of those facing eviction.
• You’ll also laugh—a lot—as Rory and Josh riff, digress, and spin even the most bizarre turns into comedic gold.

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Memorable Takeaway:

• (19:25) "She'll be the first cult hero of Crimeless." — Josh, about bee-wielding activist Rory Woods

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Episode Summary by Segment:

• Bee-Based Eviction Heroics: Wild anti-eviction protest in Massachusetts featuring weaponized bees.
• Goat Defense in Texas: House flipper’s battle to evict a woman and her attack goat.
• Pop Culture Animal Hijinks: Film and TV’s legacy of bees, goats, and animal antics.
• Final Game: Trivia on famous “Rory”s, including a DC superhero no one wants in a crisis.

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End Note:
If you only remember one thing: Next time the eviction notice comes, hope that the "twist" invaders are bees or goats—not bank execs.

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Transcript

[Lane Rose]

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[Rory Scovel]

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[Commercial Voice]

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what's up, y'?

[Rory Scovel]

All?

[Commercial Voice]

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[Josh Dean]

Hey everyone, it's Kel Penn.

[Rory Scovel]

I'm inviting you to join the best sounding book club you've ever heard with my podcast, Hearsay, The Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. Every episode, I nerd out with amazing guests and dive into the best new audiobooks available on Audible. It's the book club for your ears. Listen to Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Bees are Us. Rory's choice weapon in any situation.

[Josh Dean]

I've got some in my pocket right now.

[Commercial Voice]

Campsite media smart.

[Rory Scovel]

Less media.

[Josh Dean]

Rory, you strike me as someone who maybe doesn't have the best relationship with authority figures. Is that true?

[Rory Scovel]

So you think I'm a little bit of a badass kind of bad boy plays by his own rules? Yeah, I think that's pretty accurate.

[Josh Dean]

How's your relationship with landlords, banks, or the various real Estate powers that be.

[Rory Scovel]

I think I have great relationships with all three of those.

[Josh Dean]

So are you saying you've never fallen so behind on your mortgage that you had to procure a hive of bees to attack the sheriffs when they came to evict you?

[Rory Scovel]

I'm not saying yes or no,

[Josh Dean]

Because this week we have an unbelievable tale of harnessing the power of nature to foil law enforcement.

[Rory Scovel]

Nice.

[Josh Dean]

As well as a lot of fascinating stuff about bees. Oh, can you feel the buzz, Rory?

[Rory Scovel]

I can feel it in the air. I can hear it.

[Josh Dean]

More on creatures versus landlords after break. Hello, and welcome back to Crimeless, the podcast that celebrates the amazing creativity of the world's dumbest criminal. Come for the funny crime stories. Stay to brush up on real estate law as delivered by two guys who aren't lawyers.

[Rory Scovel]

I'm Josh D. And I'm Rory Scovel. And we mean that about real estate law. We're trying to slowly transition this podcast into real estate law Chat.

[Josh Dean]

We heard there's a higher CPM in the advertising category.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

All right, so there are a number of famous B scenes in movies. Can you remember any of them?

[Rory Scovel]

Well, the moment you said it earlier, I just started picturing Jerry Seinfeld's voice in a B movie.

[Josh Dean]

Yeah, definitely. Definitely the most famous of the B related movies.

[Rory Scovel]

But the one that I will say that maybe traumatized me as a child was in the movie Inner Space where Martin Short gets stung and doesn't he, like, puff up like crazy? He has a crazy reaction to a bee sting.

[Josh Dean]

That one didn't make our list, so I don't even remember it. We missed one.

[Rory Scovel]

I might be misremembering, but I think I'm right. That was back when you had to watch HBO to watch movies, and they played the same movie 8,000 times. So you got to know it really

[Josh Dean]

well until you taped it on your vhs. Real relevant content we're providing here for the youth of America. So our list, we had my girl, of course. Too sad for a comedy podcast, but a required reference. Also, why aren't there more coming of age stories where the dad is a mortician?

[Rory Scovel]

Yep. Thank you.

[Josh Dean]

There's the weird Nicolas Cage movie, the Wicker Man. Have you seen that one?

[Rory Scovel]

Yes.

[Josh Dean]

Anything with Cage, a must see. Yeah. Then I was gonna mention that Jerry Seinfeld movie literally called the Bee Movie. You like Jazz? Bye. And then there's arguably the closest reference for our story today, the scene in Tommy Boy where Chris Farley and David Spade pretend they're being attacked by Bees in order to avoid the cops. Bees everywhere.

[Rory Scovel]

God, they're here. They're ripping my. Yeah, I forgot about that. Pretty smart move.

[Josh Dean]

Honestly, that feels like a lesson for your career here, Rory. A good bee screaming scene is total Oscar bait.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah, I agree.

[Josh Dean]

So you gotta land a role where you're being attacked by bees someday.

[Rory Scovel]

That's my request all the time. Is there anything I can do related to bees in this?

[Josh Dean]

It's in your writer.

[Rory Scovel]

How about Candyman in the original one? He had negotiated that contract. If he got stung by a bee ever, they were using real bees. He got $1,000 every bee sting. And I think he got stung like 50 something times. I don't know. A significant amount of times.

[Josh Dean]

Is that true?

[Rory Scovel]

That's true. The original actor who passed away not that long ago. I don't remember his name, but I'm talking about the original Candyman.

[Josh Dean]

Wow, you've added two to our list that we missed. Two good ones. Yeah. Well, now that we've established the cinematic tableau, let's go to the buzzworthy crime itself. Okay, we're in Longmeadow, Massachusetts, a small town near the Connecticut border that sounds sort of made up. Longmeadow. It's known for its historic homes and its town green. Although based on the pictures I've found online, town green seems to be more like a fancy word for park.

[Rory Scovel]

Yep.

[Josh Dean]

Anyway, this is a show about crimes, and for that we go back to October 12, 2022. A clear, crisp fall day in Long Meadow. O New England. Stuff is happening everywhere. People are sipping breakfast chowders. Some Wahlbergs are probably at Dunkies. All that stuff people are doing in New England. Classic.

[Rory Scovel]

Just your classic New England behavior. Yeah, yeah.

[Josh Dean]

What's important is that into this bucolic scene strolls the sheriff's posse in their patrol cars. Apparently, some unfortunate person has fallen behind on their mortgage payments. The bank is foreclosing on his home. It's gone through the courts now the Hampton County Sheriff's Department is rolling up to get this guy out of his house.

[Rory Scovel]

This is an eviction. That's what they're there for.

[Josh Dean]

It's an eviction. It's a sad scene that plays out of every American city every day. But on the horizon, a savior appears. In this case, the savior is a woman in her mid-50s, and her name is Rory Susan Woods.

[Rory Scovel]

Her name is Rory.

[Josh Dean]

A fellow Rory.

[Rory Scovel]

Okay, because I didn't know if you were saying my name and then. Susan Woods.

[Josh Dean]

No, no, no.

[Rory Scovel]

But her name is Rory Susan Woods.

[Josh Dean]

It's a crimeless first. Another Rory.

[Rory Scovel]

Rory Woods. Rory Woods. I like that.

[Josh Dean]

I believe her name is actually Rebecca, I think, but she goes by Rory.

[Rory Scovel]

Who does that?

[Josh Dean]

Rory Woods.

[Rory Scovel]

You can't just do that, Becky. You can't just. You can't pivot to Rory from Rebecca. So far, this is my biggest issue with who I will refer to as Susan.

[Josh Dean]

Refuse to dignify.

[Rory Scovel]

Refuse to acknowledge this woman's first name.

[Josh Dean]

Well, I should point out you're Rory with a Y. She's Rory with an ie.

[Rory Scovel]

I don't hate that. A lot of people ask me if I hate it. I don't actually hate it.

[Josh Dean]

Do you have any other feelings you'd like to share, for the record, about the appropriate spelling or its suitability across genders?

[Rory Scovel]

I like four letters for the spelling. It's my preference. Not just because it's mine. I like that the name has an ambiguity to it. Really appreciate that aspect of it.

[Josh Dean]

Is your Rory short for something, by the way?

[Rory Scovel]

Not for me personally. If it is in general, I don't know, but not for me.

[Josh Dean]

I can't think of what it would be.

[Rory Scovel]

Short.

[Josh Dean]

I was trying to think of what it might be.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah, I mean, honestly, it's Rebecca also, but I didn't want to bring that up after blowing my gasket a second ago.

[Josh Dean]

I was going to say Robert. A little known version.

[Rory Scovel]

Robert.

[Josh Dean]

Absolutely.

[Rory Scovel]

Something miserable. Hi, I'm Robert. Oh, I can see why you go by Rory.

[Josh Dean]

Okay, back to the scene in Longmeadow. The sheriff's deputies have amassed at the front door of this two story home with gabled windows. They're ready to evict whoever lives there. And then here comes Rory with an A. Yeah. She's in her mid-50s with long gray hair. She looks like the angriest vendor at a farmer's market. And she's driving a blue Nissan Xterra. And she's towing a flatbed trailer with three beehives secured to the back with straps.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah, now we're not talking about beekeeping. Beehives, like in the shelving type units. That's what you're talking about.

[Josh Dean]

Oh, just you wait, okay, Because I'm going to get more specific here.

[Rory Scovel]

Good.

[Josh Dean]

Good question. Good prompt.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

So these are those beekeeper beehives that look kind of like a dresser.

[Rory Scovel]

Okay.

[Josh Dean]

A stack of bee drawers. And actually, if I can be a little pedantic here for a minute, New England boxes are going to be bigger and taller than your usual Southern variety.

[Rory Scovel]

Yep.

[Josh Dean]

Because the bees need two big bottom drawers. They're called supers, Rory. That gives them room to make a bunch of wax and bee babies to survive the cold winter.

[Rory Scovel]

Oh, nature really is fascinating and beautiful if you step back from all this digital shit and really drink it up.

[Josh Dean]

You know, that's what I'm here to do. Make you step back from your. I'm just. This is B talk.

[Rory Scovel]

Hey, when we started this venture, you said, I'm here to make you step back and drink it up. And I thought you were hitting on me, but instead you really were just trying to expand my mind and help me mature into a better person.

[Josh Dean]

I mean, I was also hitting on it.

[Rory Scovel]

And. And I'm okay with it. I'm okay with it now.

[Josh Dean]

So, bees in warmer places, like your home state of South Carolina, those bees don't need as much space. They're coddled and soft, just like most southerners.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah, I'll take that. I'm a softy. I'm a softy.

[Josh Dean]

Boy, Rory with an ie. Beehives are painted in a variety of quaint pastel colors. Very cute. I think they get a lot of likes from bee people on Instagram. Nice. Hashtag honey, hashtag blessed.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah, hashtag you said this is 2021 that we're talking about.

[Josh Dean]

No, 2022.

[Rory Scovel]

2022. All right, post quarantine, Rory on the rampage. Got it.

[Josh Dean]

She sure is. Okay, so Rory rolls up next to the sheriff's cruisers in her blue Xterra with those pastel boxes. The deputies are already out of their vehicles, amassing in the front yard, ready to evict some deadbeats blissfully unaware of the threat in their midst. And then, according to local TV news reports, Rory with an ie hops out of the car and goes, absolutely ham. She smashes the lid on one hive and tips another hive off the trailer. And the bees, not surprisingly, they're pissed. They're nice little pastel houses with the extra drawers are now tipped over and smashed. They start flying around like crazy. Swarming maybe? Yeah, definitely. Attacking the sheriff and the deputies. And a few bystanders, too, according to reports from the sheriff's office.

[Commercial Voice]

Wow.

[Josh Dean]

And at some point during the scuffle, Rory manages to get her bee suit on. So at this point, she's in costume. Basically, she's reached anti eviction Robin Hood superhero status.

[Rory Scovel]

Oh, I like that.

[Josh Dean]

Without getting stung herself. She's put on her bee suit. She's got the metal mesh face thing. Unfortunately, it doesn't fight off cops because they arrest her.

[Rory Scovel]

Yep.

[Josh Dean]

And there's a great photo of Rory with an IE being restrained by deputies while wearing the bee suit. According to sheriffs, one deputy had high blood pressure afterwards and went to the er but otherwise, no cops were injured. But before we get to what happened with the eviction and after her arrest, let's pause to consider the important unresolved questions of this crime. First, should we all be worried when we're driving the country roads of Massachusetts, just for instance, that we might encounter a trailer full of bees? Is this a new fear you should be considering? It turns out strapping hives to a trailer is totally legit. You just have to secure them early in the morning or at night to make sure all bees are at home before you close the boxes and put them on the trailer. Also, bees are less active before dawn and after dusk, so you're less likely to get a million bee stings if you forget your bee suit. Okay, but you shouldn't be driving bees around without a bee suit. Let's be honest. Another important thing to consider. You had to make sure the bees have proper ventilation but can't escape. So the vent holes have to be smaller than the bee bodies. Common mistake out there in bee amateur land.

[Rory Scovel]

Bees are getting just pulled up out of the.

[Josh Dean]

Just sucked out of their stinging people all up and down I84. That's a Massachusetts interstate. Look how I just pulled that one out.

[Rory Scovel]

I know you did your research.

[Josh Dean]

Bees are moved peacefully in this way all the time. Now, as for this very unusual strategy of using bees as a kind of weapon as a way to thwart an eviction, that's probably not going to go great.

[Rory Scovel]

Unus to you, Josh.

[Josh Dean]

Us Rorys.

[Rory Scovel]

Bees are us Rory's choice weapon in any situation.

[Josh Dean]

Got some in my pocket right now. Really, what you're doing is you're unleashing a random cloud of bees that just had their home pushed off a trailer. They're confused and probably mad, but not necessarily irate and looking to attack deputies who are kicking someone out of a house. They're just flying around, probably looking for a new place to settle down. Yeah, I mean, I'd also be bad at my job if I didn't point out the irony of destroying the home of thousands of bees to protest the eviction of one person.

[Rory Scovel]

I was thinking the exact same thing

[Josh Dean]

a little bit Beist, I guess.

[Rory Scovel]

Honestly, felt like sort of a guerrilla art, you know what I mean? Showed up to be like, this is what you're doing to them.

[Josh Dean]

Oh, I hadn't thought of that. Like a living metaphor.

[Rory Scovel]

Living metaphor. And that's Us Rorys. We communicate that way.

[Josh Dean]

So, back to the eviction. It appears the swarm of bees defense did manage to delay the eviction, but only by one day. So was it a success?

[Rory Scovel]

No. And also, there's no way to assume it would ever change the course of action. It could only ever be a delay. Honestly, one day is impressive.

[Josh Dean]

I gotta give Rory a lot of creativity points.

[Rory Scovel]

Yes, million percent.

[Josh Dean]

It's also worth noting the home that the bank foreclosed on was a giant mansion. Zillow said it's worth 1.7 million. It has seven bedrooms, nine bathrooms, and it's almost 10,000 square feet. It even has a basketball court.

[Rory Scovel]

Okay, you really put the cart before the horse there when describing this entire picture that we are so many of

[Josh Dean]

us were not picturing that at all. I saved that for you. I felt like that might change the way that you looked at this story. Yeah, but that's actually, there's another twist in the story. You might think someone rich enough to have a 10,000 square foot house with a basketball court isn't really worthy of your sympathy. But you'd be wrong. Because according to a story in the local newspaper, the house was owned by a man in his 80s named Alton King Jr. He was the home's original owner, and in 2006, he took out a massive construction loan to build the basketball court in a suite for his mother in law. Eventually, that loan got out of control. This is such an American story. King blames predatory lending practices. The basketball court project eventually led to his eviction. But the octogenarian told the paper he doesn't regret it. You have to do what you love every day. That's the key to life. You have to keep going and going until you can't anymore. There have been thousands of games played at my home. I've played in many of them. It's kept me young. Okay, all right. I've come back around.

[Rory Scovel]

As often is the case, I'm going to side with the civilians.

[Josh Dean]

Yep. I'm with both Alton King and with Rory, who came to stand up for him.

[Rory Scovel]

I already knew I had to be that way because us Rory's have a bond that I can't even begin to explain. You guys wouldn't understand it.

[Josh Dean]

I wouldn't expect you to.

[Rory Scovel]

I was already on Team Rory, but I was like, ah, these poor cops just doing their jobs. Now I'm like, you know what? The guy's in his 80s. You're evicting him. I believe the predatory lending practices. I believe all of it.

[Josh Dean]

I do too. The real villain here is banks.

[Rory Scovel]

Thank you.

[Josh Dean]

As we say out on the playa.

[Rory Scovel]

That's exact. That's exact. And we say it every morning. It's our morning prayer.

[Josh Dean]

Was there now another episode that could air who God knows when. And I'm making playa come. No one will understand what the hell I'm talking about.

[Rory Scovel]

They don't need to. That's not for them.

[Josh Dean]

Exactly. And here's one more bizarre twist. The cops around Long Meadow are actually pretty nice folks too. Sure, they evicted an 80 year old man from his dream home. But hear me out. Sure. This very sheriff's department, Hampton county, the one getting mercilessly attacked by bees while trying to serve an eviction, was once profiled in the New York Times for being nice cops who tried to help find people housing. The headline is quote, is there such a thing as a humane eviction? What another twist this is. So it happened in one county where the cops are like now.

[Rory Scovel]

There's no villains in this story. I mean, what.

[Josh Dean]

Ban banks.

[Rory Scovel]

Oh, right, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Josh Dean]

We still have banks. Right, I forgot. One more twist. The bank is so lovable. It's the most lovable bank in America. They give out those little like white and red striped mints when you go in.

[Rory Scovel]

And those are pricey. Those are pricey. That's an overhead that they incur. They incur those costs.

[Josh Dean]

So fuck the banks. So anyway, these sheriff's department, they do welfare check ins. They called around to vouch for people with other landlords on the spectrum of law enforcement that deserves to be attacked by B wielding supervillain. They're low on the list.

[Rory Scovel]

Oh, well.

[Josh Dean]

And I know what you're really wondering here. What became of Rory with an ie.

[Rory Scovel]

Rory. Susan, I was. I knew you were going to get to it, but I almost asked it way too early.

[Josh Dean]

Okay. It's now the time in which we tie up with a bow the story of Rory.

[Rory Scovel]

All right, so let me ask it, Josh. What ended up happening to this Rory character you spoke of?

[Josh Dean]

Well, funny you should ask because she's honestly looking pretty proud of herself in her mugshot, which, Fair enough, this is one of the most creative crimes I have seen recently. Look at that.

[Rory Scovel]

I like that smirk. God, really like lustrous head of hair.

[Josh Dean]

Oh, yeah. Beautiful head of hair. Really full, like a lion's mane.

[Rory Scovel]

Like a lion's mane. Not to protect the entire crew.

[Josh Dean]

That's the kind of swagger I like to see in a mug shot. She's just like unrepentant. Like, nope, I don't regret it.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah, it wasn't me, it was the bees. And she doesn't have, you know, not an argument.

[Josh Dean]

Yeah, I mean, I'm sure there's a lawyer who could make a case of, like, I don't know. Those boxes fell off.

[Rory Scovel]

Yep.

[Josh Dean]

Anyway, sadly, Rory was charged with assault and battery with a deadly weapon. The weapon being bees. It feels like a bit of a stretch until you hear that one of the deputies was allergic to bees. And when he told Rory, she reportedly replied, oh, you're allergic. Good.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah, that's how we talk.

[Josh Dean]

You're bad boys, right? Aren't Rory's all, we're bad boys?

[Rory Scovel]

We don't. We don't follow authority. So what do you want us to do?

[Josh Dean]

The sheriff gave a quote to a local news saying if one of the deputies had died, she would have been charged with manslaughter. Imagine that case.

[Commercial Voice]

Wow.

[Josh Dean]

And here's the kicker. Rory didn't actually know the homeowner. She's just an anti eviction activist. She was released without bail, then went back the next day to protest the eviction again, this time peacefully, without bees. That's dedication to the cause. She's a worker bee.

[Rory Scovel]

Oh, Josh, look at you.

[Josh Dean]

I'm sorry?

[Rory Scovel]

Look at you. Cute little button at the end.

[Josh Dean]

The case against Rory has dragged on for years, and trial date was finally set for August of 2025. And when her day in court finally arrived, Rory with an ie was mia. She didn't show.

[Rory Scovel]

That's right.

[Josh Dean]

The judge issued a non bailable warrant for failure to appear in court. Police found her two days later, nearly 800 miles away in Kingsport, Tennessee. The extradition process is ongoing. As of this recording, we will be following this case closely.

[Rory Scovel]

Oh, love it.

[Josh Dean]

Because Rory's got to stick together, right? Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

Teammates for life.

[Josh Dean]

She'll be the first cult hero of crimeless.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

More on evictions and the forces of nature you can use to thwart them. After the break,

[Rory Scovel]

Amazon Health AI presents Painful Thoughts. I. I can't stop scratching my downtown. Yeah, but I'm not itching to go downtown and tell a receptionist I'm here to talk about my downtown. Some things you'd rather type than say out loud. There's no question too embarrassing for Amazon Health AI. Chat your symptoms and get virtual care. 24. 7. Healthcare just got less painful.

[Commercial Voice]

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[Rory Scovel]

Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile with a message for everyone paying Big Wireless Way too much. Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop with Mint. You can get premium wireless for just $15 a month. Of course, if you enjoy overpaying. No judgments. But that's weird. Okay, one judgment anyway. Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment

[Commercial Voice]

of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month required intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See full [e-mail] Ever wonder how to

make hosting look effortless? Here's a secret. Getting ahead of the mess with new Reynolds Kitchens countertop prep paper. Just lightly wet the counter beforehand so the paper grips and stays in place. Then lay down the Reynolds Kitchens countertop prep paper so drips and spills stay on the paper, not all over your kitchen counter. You can roll out dough, prep a party spread or cook alongside family. When you're done, cleanup is as simple as lifting the paper and revealing that clean counter underneath. Effortless. You can use it for cooking and baking, prep and even crafting, especially when you need extra working space. Because when the mess is already handled, you can focus on what matters. The food, the people, and the moment. It may look effortless, but now you know. It's Reynolds Kitchen's countertop prep paper. Take a tip from me. Wet it, set it, prep it. Done. Make it easy. Make it with Reynolds Kitchens countertop prep paper available now in the Reynolds wrap aisle in Walmart, Target, Amazon and Costco.

[Josh Dean]

Welcome back to Crimlyss. This week we're talking about the most dangerous of cocktails. Real Estate, animals and vengeance.

[Rory Scovel]

Of course we are.

[Josh Dean]

We just heard about a woman named Rory with an ie using bees to effectively delay an eviction. Only by a day, but still, what other animal or insect could we recruit to help us keep us in our homes should we become delinquent on our rent payments?

[Rory Scovel]

Rory to help keep us in our homes. It can't be a dog. I would say a guard dog, but it's got to be something absurd. Bees was so absurd. Skunks. There, I said it.

[Josh Dean]

Oh, that's very. I feel like, appropriate to South Carolina too. You probably have a lot of skunks down there.

[Rory Scovel]

Everyone. If you have an alarm system, you have skunks. That's what an alarm system is. And people who've never been to the south believe it. They're like, you guys have shoes down there? Like, yeah, we just got them.

[Josh Dean]

It was like a Larry the Cable Guy joke. You might be a redneck if your alarm system is a skunk.

[Rory Scovel]

That was Foxworthy. Foxworthy was the. You might be a redneck as a stand up. Who cherishes that man. I have to put that out there.

[Josh Dean]

Apologies to Foxworthy. I think I would pick a howler monkey. These things sound terrifying. Lane, do we have some audio queued up?

[Lane Rose]

Yeah, we do. Oh.

[Rory Scovel]

Oh, my God. Turn that off. That's like a satanic spell that's subconsciously getting into our psyche and changing us without our knowing.

[Josh Dean]

If there's a anti eviction Josh out there, he's showing up with a truck full of howler monkeys.

[Rory Scovel]

Oh, my God. Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

Amazing. Amazing. Howl on that thing.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

But actually for our next story, it's a little less exciting. The woman facing eviction has chosen a goat.

[Rory Scovel]

After that, you're all right.

[Josh Dean]

It's a very terrifying goat. It's an attack goat.

[Rory Scovel]

All right, I believe you.

[Josh Dean]

Let's get into it. This happened a couple years ago in San Antonio, Texas. And the story we found was published from the perspective of a guy named Daniel Cabrera who owns a house flipping company in town. One of those places you see the signs for sell your house fast for cash, any condition, that kind of thing. You know the sign?

[Rory Scovel]

Yep.

[Josh Dean]

I've always been kind of fascinated by these signs. We want your house, even if it has mold and termites and chunk everywhere. Please give it to us. We'll pay you in cash.

[Lane Rose]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

Feels like there's a scam in there somewhere. I just don't know.

[Rory Scovel]

Couldn't be more scammish than. And they don't even care. They're like, what do you care to get this cash?

[Josh Dean]

Do you want to get out of that moldy house or what? Yeah. So this particular San Antonio house flipping company actually got hall of Fame quarterback Brett Favre to cut a commercial for them.

[Rory Scovel]

And we all know now that he's a good person. So that's great.

[Josh Dean]

It's also one of the saddest commercials I've ever seen. Poor Brett looks and sounds exhausted. One minute you're winning Super Bowls, the next you're doing commercials for house flippers in San Antonio. I think we have a clip. Hey, Brett, far up here with Sell my house fast, San Antonio, where every second counts, just like in football. Ensuring yourself your home quickly and efficient. Oh, my God.

[Lane Rose]

Because it doesn't get any better.

[Rory Scovel]

I mean, that is so that no one was like, hey, Brett, maybe one more time, let's maybe go with sort of a level camera. Maybe we'll just maybe put it on a stack of books. Put the laptop on a stack of books to get this next one. Good Lord.

[Josh Dean]

Blurry Kelly.

[Rory Scovel]

Matt, if you want to sell your house fast, go to sell your house fast, San Antonio, and they will sell your house fast. Thanks, Brett.

[Josh Dean]

That man won, like, five MVPs. Super.

[Rory Scovel]

I used to love that man. And then he was like, hey, how do I get everyone to stop loving me?

[Josh Dean]

He's doing well. A wildly successful campaign to make himself less love.

[Rory Scovel]

Rushing it, really?

[Josh Dean]

That has got to be seriously, one of the saddest commercials I've ever seen. A famous person.

[Rory Scovel]

It's like they paid him to do a cameo and then just took that,

[Josh Dean]

like, unbeknownst to him, they're like, brett, could you read this? He's like, wait, yeah, this sure feels like a commercial.

[Rory Scovel]

It's my buddy's birthday. It's my buddy's birthday.

[Josh Dean]

His name is.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah, his name is San Antonio. Oh, man.

[Josh Dean]

Well, it's a funny thing. Browsing around the Internet, you can basically find anything. Like, there's this whole realm about shitty landlords and getting revenge. And then there's this whole other realm where the landlords are the heroes. It's the landlords talking about how they defeated bad tenants or whatever. Which I guess makes sense.

[Rory Scovel]

It makes perfect sense. Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

Eye of the beholder. I'm sure there are a lot of terrible tenants out there. Easily. And also, renters and landlords are natural enemies. Not like cats and dogs, because cats and dogs don't own houses or pay rent.

[Rory Scovel]

That's right.

[Josh Dean]

More like hermit crabs and whatever creatures own seashell investment properties. Yeah, I'M stretching the metaphor. Now, the point of this story is told from the house flipper guy's perspective, and it was a story we found on realtor.com we don't actually know the name of the woman or the name of her goat, so keep that in mind. Anyway, the house flipper got a call from a panicked woman. The bank was going to foreclose on her house. She was going to be evicted in a matter of days, and she wanted to sell it to him before the bank kicked her out. The house flipper guy moved quickly to get ahead of the bank. He paid a lawyer to work on a temporary order to stop the foreclosure process. He agreed to buy the house for 175 grand. Pretty good deal for a five bedroom in San Antonio. I gotta imagine once the bank got their cut, the woman's share was 12,000. Instead of an eviction, she got enough money to buy like, used Hyundai or something. 12K. And I mean, not bad. You're about to get kicked out, you end up with 12,000.

[Rory Scovel]

Yep.

[Josh Dean]

And just like the signs promised, the house flipper paid her in cash. Now, here's where the guy says he made a mistake. The mistake of human kindness.

[Rory Scovel]

Oh.

[Josh Dean]

He gave the lady the money, and then he gave her a week to move out. I think you see where this is going.

[Rory Scovel]

I do. This is going to be a classic reverse Rory situation. They put bees in the house.

[Josh Dean]

Close. Those bees made the form of a goat. Love this. So, yeah, the woman ghosted him. She wouldn't respond to texts. He drives by the house to look into things, and that's when he sees it. A goat tied to the front porch.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

Keep in mind, this is San Antonio. A city of 1.5 million people and presumably far fewer goats. So not exactly a common sight. This is not Cleveland. And there's a great quote from the guy in the article. He says, quote, it wasn't a little goat either. It was a solid sized goat.

[Rory Scovel]

Solid sized is how I often describe things that are big. I say solid sized. We didn't assume it was a watery goat. Gaseous formed goat, that would freak me out.

[Josh Dean]

I think what he really meant was a goat you don't want to fuck with. Yeah, but the house flipper hadn't learned his lesson yet. He approaches the front porch, strolls right up, and then the goat attacks the guy says the goat kept coming at him like he's some rival male trying to steal a lady. Yeah, like, this is my house. I will ram your ass.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

And the house flipper is like, now listen, goat, Your name is not on the deed. Which immediately made me think of that Andy Samberg SNL sketch. Mark Wahlberg talks to animals. Do you remember this one? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do we have a clip of that? Lane?

[Rory Scovel]

Now I'm gonna talk to a goat. Hey, goat. It's good to see you.

[Josh Dean]

I like your beard.

[Rory Scovel]

I had a beard like that in the Perfect Storm. Did you see that movie? Say hi to your mother for me. Okay. The best.

[Josh Dean]

I always loved that. I love that.

[Rory Scovel]

That goat was like, I'm not willing to be in your sketch. I don't want. I'm not playing your game, dude.

[Josh Dean]

Well, that is not the situation on this porch of San Antonio. That goat was in it to win it.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

So what happened? The woman sold her house to the house flipper. He paid her. It's done. But she won't leave. She's staying put. And her goat is going to deal with anyone who tries to stop her.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

So the house flipper consults a lawyer who tells him the woman is now what real estate lawyers call a, quote, tenant at sufferance. We knew that. I mean, from our many episodes about real estate law. It's basically a legal term for someone who used to have the right to live in a house but doesn't anymore. Oh, okay.

[Rory Scovel]

Yep.

[Josh Dean]

You still have certain rights, however, even in Texas, which typically doesn't extend rights to anyone except for guns.

[Rory Scovel]

That's exactly right.

[Josh Dean]

Not to get all political.

[Rory Scovel]

No, and you're not. You're just stating a fact.

[Josh Dean]

So the house flipper now has to get the courts involved to evict the woman from the house she sold him. The house guarded by the world's most fearsome solid sized goat. And this takes a couple months, but the guy does get the court order for eviction. Then he comes the day when the house flipper shows up with cops to get her out of the house. They arrive, the goat's gone. It's no longer on the front porch. They knock, but no one comes to the door. A locksmith comes, he pops the door open, and there's the goat. The goat is in the house. He's the captain now.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah, I like that. I like that a lot.

[Josh Dean]

So apparently, the goat actually headbutts one of the cops.

[Rory Scovel]

Illegal, by the way. That's illegal. Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

I believe that is a crime. That's assault of a law enforcement officer.

[Rory Scovel]

That's right.

[Josh Dean]

There are also a bunch of cats and dogs in the house. It's a whole Noah's ark situation in there. The house flipper reports in his article that he felt bad for the woman. He also says he renovated the house and turned a forty thousand dollar profit. So I guess that's the moral of the story. From a real estate perspective, not every house flip goes smoothly. But if you play your cards right and don't with the wrong goat, you'll still make your profit.

[Rory Scovel]

You'll make your profit. Yep, I get it.

[Josh Dean]

That's America. Yeah. I think we can all agree that the goat and the bees are the true heroes of this episode. They didn't ask for any of this. They're free spirits. They just follow their hearts. Yeah, and sometimes their hearts tell them to attack the cops in order to prevent a human from eviction. Yeah. Bet you weren't seeing it that way.

[Rory Scovel]

I never saw it that way. And even five minutes from now, I won't remember that I saw it that way for even just a glimpse.

[Josh Dean]

It's also possible the bees had no fucking idea what was going on.

[Rory Scovel]

No, I think they knew. I think the bees were very informative. Does not downplay the intelligence of these animals.

[Josh Dean]

Are you saying bees are as smart as four year olds?

[Lane Rose]

Yes.

[Rory Scovel]

Maybe even older. Maybe eight, maybe nine year old.

[Josh Dean]

After the break, we play games against animals or something. Oh. How will Lane top it? We'll find out.

[Rory Scovel]

Amazon Health AI presents Painful Thoughts why

[Commercial Voice]

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[Rory Scovel]

Don't go down the rabbit hole. Amazon Health AI gets you the right care fast. Healthcare just got less painful.

[Commercial Voice]

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[Rory Scovel]

Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile with a message for everyone paying Big wireless way too much. Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop with Mint. You can get premium wireless for just $15 a month. Of course, if you enjoy overpaying, no judgments. But that's weird. Okay, one judgment anyway. Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment

[Commercial Voice]

of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month required intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See full terms at Mintmobile.

Do ever wonder how to make hosting look effortless? Here's a secret. When prepping for cooking and baking, get ahead of the mess with new Reynolds Kitchens countertop prep paper. Just lightly wet the counter so the paper grips. Lay it down and drips and spills stay on the paper, not on your counter. Cleanup is as simple as lifting it away to reveal clean counters. Effortless it is. Thanks to Reynolds Kitchens countertop prep paper. Wet it, set it, prep it, done. Available in the Reynolds wrap aisle at Walmart, Target, Amazon and Costco. This is Crimly.

[Josh Dean]

Hello and welcome back to Crimlyss. It's now time for our final segment, Rory. What's that called?

[Rory Scovel]

It's called Lane's Game.

[Commercial Voice]

Lame.

[Lane Rose]

Thank you.

[Josh Dean]

Featuring what?

[Rory Scovel]

Lane Lane. With. With no Lane Lane games.

[Lane Rose]

Today I have some trivia about some Rory's. Oh, famous Rorys.

[Rory Scovel]

Here we go.

[Lane Rose]

At first I was like, maybe I'll do it all on Rory. I'll, like, really get into his biography.

[Josh Dean]

Oh, see if you can stump him on his own biography. I like that sound.

[Lane Rose]

I'm going to save that. I felt weird about that.

[Rory Scovel]

Oh, my God, could you imagine? I get it all wrong and you realize everything I've said is a lie.

[Lane Rose]

I really felt like I needed to watch, like, more of your standup and

[Rory Scovel]

maybe, like, I feel, like, an intense pressure to get this right. Even though it's about other Rorys. I feel like I'm supposed to know this.

[Josh Dean]

I mean, if you can't beat me in Rory trivia.

[Rory Scovel]

You're feeling that, too? Yeah. You're feeling that, too. Okay.

[Josh Dean]

I feel like you will have failed us all if you don't win this.

[Rory Scovel]

That's how I feel. I feel like I'm carrying the weight of this show right now. It falls apart if I don't win this.

[Josh Dean]

Of every Rory who's ever lived. Yep.

[Lane Rose]

This is so tense. Okay, first one. Rory Kinnear is an English actor. Do we know if I said that right? Kinnear.

[Rory Scovel]

Kinnear sounds right.

[Josh Dean]

I mean, that's how Greg Kinir.

[Rory Scovel]

I was gonna say that's what I was gonna go with.

[Lane Rose]

He plays the lead in the debut episode of the British science fiction series Black Mirror. What is that episode about?

[Rory Scovel]

Oh, it is about the politician who has to do the. They didn't like fuck a sheep or a goat.

[Josh Dean]

It's a goat. Pig. No, it's a pig. Pig.

[Rory Scovel]

It's a pig.

[Lane Rose]

Ding, ding, ding. Yes, Rory, a member of the royal family is kidnapped and will only be released if the British prime minister, played by Rory, has sexual intercourse with a pig on live television.

[Rory Scovel]

Yep, yep. Also easy peasy. I could do that right now if you guys need me to.

[Josh Dean]

I don't even need a. I don't

[Rory Scovel]

even need a reward or a punishment.

[Lane Rose]

I'll just do it.

[Josh Dean]

That, by the way, loosely inspired by a rumor that I believe. David Cameron, former prime minister, in a fraternity prank. Like, had. I don't know if sex is the right term. With a pig's head. A dead pig. I don't know what you call that.

[Lane Rose]

Ew.

[Josh Dean]

Yeah, just. You wanted to know that I know.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah, you know, fraternities around the world, all the same.

[Josh Dean]

Yeah, Terrible, terrible place.

[Rory Scovel]

Okay, wait.

[Josh Dean]

Unless you're a fraternity and you're listening to this, in which case I love you.

[Rory Scovel]

Unless you're a big fan, obviously we respect you and whatever organization you're a

[Josh Dean]

part of, go Greek.

[Lane Rose]

All right, next question. Rory Kennedy is the youngest child of U. S. Senator Robert F. Kennedy. Not the bad one. And Ethel Kennedy, she is a well known documentary filmmaker. What sort of topics do her films focus on? I'll take anything.

[Rory Scovel]

I feel like at one point I did know this, but all I can get in my head right now is Nancy Pelosi's daughter, who made that documentary about the pastor. And I can't remember what it was called, but fascinated. She's not documentary.

[Josh Dean]

She's not named Rory, though.

[Rory Scovel]

I know, I know. I was just trying to stall.

[Josh Dean]

Her name is Alex Pelosi, I believe. Oh, look at that. Do I get a bonus point?

[Rory Scovel]

Actually, I think that's worth a bonus point. I think I actually did know this. I read it not that long ago.

[Josh Dean]

I'm going to say children. Kids.

[Rory Scovel]

I'm going to say the topic of these documentaries is environmental.

[Lane Rose]

You know, I'm going to give it to Rory because one of them is on the opposition to nuclear power.

[Josh Dean]

Yeah, okay, okay, I'll take it.

[Lane Rose]

Yeah. I would have taken the social issues of addiction, the treatment of prisoners of war, or the politics of the Mexican border fence, or cults, believe it or

[Rory Scovel]

not, those were my second guesses. All of those as one big second guess.

[Josh Dean]

I could tell you were going to say that.

[Lane Rose]

Yeah, maybe children would have. I mean, depending on the cult, I think we could have maybe counted also,

[Josh Dean]

like the kids at the Border. The border fence. Lots of kids.

[Lane Rose]

Sure. Okay.

[Rory Scovel]

I think he already got the bonus point for Alex Pelosi.

[Josh Dean]

That's right. I'm already way. I'm way. I'm so far ahead now with my.

[Rory Scovel]

You already got the Easter egg. Pelosi point, so.

[Lane Rose]

Yeah, every episode's gotta have a Pelosi stand right here.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah.

[Lane Rose]

Okay. Rory Gilmore is one of the main characters in the show Gilmore Girls. What is the name of Rory's best friend?

[Rory Scovel]

Oh, I don't know this at all. And I wish it was just. What's Roy's last name? And then I was at Gilmore. I don't know. I don't know.

[Josh Dean]

I don't know either, but let's just guess one anyway.

[Lane Rose]

Trisha, I'm gonna give you a hint.

[Josh Dean]

Okay?

[Lane Rose]

It's on the screen right now.

[Josh Dean]

Lane.

[Rory Scovel]

Lane.

[Lane Rose]

Yes.

[Rory Scovel]

Josh.

[Lane Rose]

Josh.

[Rory Scovel]

Rory. Also Rory.

[Josh Dean]

You should have guessed. Also Rory.

[Rory Scovel]

Rory.

[Lane Rose]

It's Lane, Kim.

[Josh Dean]

It's not lame. Yeah, Lane's friends.

[Lane Rose]

All right. Rory McElroy is a professional golfer.

[Rory Scovel]

McElroy, McElroy.

[Lane Rose]

My in laws are gonna kill me. McElroy.

[Rory Scovel]

That's murder. Lane. If they do that. And also, we have this on tape, so.

[Lane Rose]

Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

Okay, cool. That'll be who we question first. If you end up.

[Lane Rose]

Okay, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Okay, well, he's one of the highest paying professional athletes in the world, but as of right now, he sits in 17th place. Who's in first?

[Rory Scovel]

Scotty Scheffler.

[Josh Dean]

All time.

[Lane Rose]

All time. Oh, any sport. Any sport. Any sport.

[Josh Dean]

Oh, any sport.

[Rory Scovel]

Oh, highest paid. I thought you meant who's leading in golf.

[Josh Dean]

Highest paid athlete of all time as

[Lane Rose]

of right now, according to Forbes.

[Rory Scovel]

I mean, is it still Michael Jordan?

[Josh Dean]

Yeah, I think it's got to be Michael Jordan.

[Lane Rose]

No, it's Cristana Ronaldo.

[Josh Dean]

What?

[Rory Scovel]

Cristiano.

[Lane Rose]

Cristiano. I can't pronounce any of these dudes names.

[Josh Dean]

That's all right.

[Rory Scovel]

It is like you're learning about them for the first time, which fascinates me.

[Lane Rose]

I mean, honestly, I did. I did learn a lot about professional golf when I looked this up.

[Rory Scovel]

Oh, that's interesting.

[Lane Rose]

By a lot, I mean, I confirmed I knew nothing.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah.

[Lane Rose]

Okay, two more Rory's. So far, you guys are doing pretty good.

[Rory Scovel]

This is the best we've ever shown up.

[Lane Rose]

Yeah, I would say so. Rory Culkin is the youngest brother of Macaulay and Kieran. Name one thing he's been in.

[Josh Dean]

Oh, dear.

[Rory Scovel]

Home Alone?

[Lane Rose]

I don't think so.

[Rory Scovel]

Isn't he the younger brother or the Younger cousin.

[Lane Rose]

I'm looking at his Wikipedia and I'll see it in there.

[Rory Scovel]

Well, I'm gonna look it up because I don't trust your research.

[Lane Rose]

Fact check me.

[Rory Scovel]

I'm gonna fact check Lane. I've never done this before. Guys. I'm so scared.

[Josh Dean]

Gotcha. Media. I. I have no idea. I don't have a guess.

[Rory Scovel]

No, it's Kieran Culkin who's in Home Alone.

[Lane Rose]

I'll give you a hint.

[Rory Scovel]

I now can't guess. Cause in looking it up, I saw an answer.

[Josh Dean]

That's right.

[Lane Rose]

I'll give you a hint. Josh. There was a clue earlier in this quiz.

[Josh Dean]

Gilmore Girls.

[Lane Rose]

No.

[Rory Scovel]

That's a great guess.

[Lane Rose]

That is a good guess.

[Josh Dean]

Alex Pelosi's film In Her Church Doc. Oh, wait. Black Mirror.

[Lane Rose]

Yeah, he was in a recent episode of Black Mirror 2023.

[Rory Scovel]

He was in that San Antonio commercial with Bret.

[Lane Rose]

All right, last one. Rory Regan Reagan.

[Rory Scovel]

Okay.

[Lane Rose]

Is the alter ego of what? DC comic superhero.

[Josh Dean]

Oh, wait. DC comic superhero.

[Lane Rose]

I kind of thought Rory would know this because, like, I don't know, it's your name. Superhero.

[Rory Scovel]

Is it a famous, like, popular? Or is this kind of like a list? Deep Cut.

[Lane Rose]

I've. I've never heard of this person before. Research.

[Rory Scovel]

So it's Deep Cut.

[Lane Rose]

It's kind of deep Cut. But boys like that. And you guys, they're boys.

[Josh Dean]

I'm gonna say Green Lantern.

[Rory Scovel]

So here's what's so funny. I know for a fact it's not Green Lantern, because I think that's Hal something. But what's so crazy is I also wanted to say Green Lantern, even though I knew it wasn't Green Lantern.

[Josh Dean]

I can only name, like, the famous. I don't know, the Deep Cut. Dc.

[Rory Scovel]

I don't know. Aquaman. No, if it's Deep Cut, I have no idea.

[Lane Rose]

No, it's a character.

[Rory Scovel]

Hawkeye. Hawkman.

[Lane Rose]

That's not right.

[Rory Scovel]

Invisible Glob.

[Lane Rose]

All right, closer, Closer. Keep going.

[Rory Scovel]

Flying person.

[Lane Rose]

Kind of. It's Ragman. He wears the suit of souls made of corrupt souls from different Ragmen that different Ragmen have encountered over the centuries, giving him superhuman strength, speed, stamina and some magic.

[Rory Scovel]

See, there is some, like, positivity with drugs. Drugs lead us to that character. Whoever came up with that was fucked up. And they were like, this is Ragman. I just thought of a guy, Ragman.

[Josh Dean]

Also, like, the least, like, reassuring superhero name of all. Don't worry, Ragman is coming. Great. Very excited for his arrival.

[Rory Scovel]

Yeah, Ragman will be here. Oh, okay. He sounds like he'll help.

[Lane Rose]

What about one of the other ones?

[Josh Dean]

Is that Ragman? No, that's just a homeless person.

[Rory Scovel]

Are you sure? Batman is like, busy, busy or like, what?

[Lane Rose]

We get Ragman, man. Yeah, I'll just die. Okay.

[Rory Scovel]

Gotham City, Metropolis. You know who Milwaukee's got Ragman cleaning up the mess during the daytime. He owns a brewery.

[Lane Rose]

All right. That's all I have. Those all the Rory that ever existed?

[Josh Dean]

Oh, that was the final one.

[Lane Rose]

Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

Rory on Lane's games.

[Josh Dean]

Did we miss any famous Rory's? Rory?

[Rory Scovel]

Rory Calhoun, the actor.

[Josh Dean]

What was he in?

[Rory Scovel]

I don't know, but people bring it up all the time. When I say my name is Rory,

[Josh Dean]

Rory McElroy was. That's the guy. I was gonna say he's the most famous Rory that I.

[Rory Scovel]

That comes up all the time. Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

All right, well, I think Rory won.

[Lane Rose]

Yeah.

[Rory Scovel]

Yes. Finally.

[Lane Rose]

Congrats, Rory. You won your Rory game.

[Rory Scovel]

I needed to thank you.

[Josh Dean]

We'll see you next week.

[Rory Scovel]

Bye.

[Commercial Voice]

Bye.

[Josh Dean]

Crimlyss is a production of Smartless Media, Campside Media and Big Money Players in partnership with iHeart podcasts. It's hosted by Rory Scoville and me, Josh Dean. Our senior producer is Lane Rose. Emma Siminoff is our associate producer. This episode was written by Michael Canyon Meyer and me, Josh Dean. We're sound, designed and engineered by Blake Rook with support from Ewan Lytramuin. Mark McAdam composed our theme song. The executive producers at Campside Media are Vanessa Gregoriadas, Matt Scher and me, Josh Dean. The executive producers for iHeart podcasts and Big Money Players are Jack O', Brien, Lindsey Hoffman and Matt Apodaca. For Smartless Media, the executive producers are Will Arnett, Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes and Richard Korson. Bernie Kaminski is head of production. The associate producer is Matty McCann. A special thanks to our operations team, Ashley Warren and Sabina Mark. Do you have a question, comment or confession for the Crimless team? Email [e-mail] and if you enjoyed Crimeless, please rate and review the show wherever you get your podcasts. It helps people find the show and also makes us feel validated. Unless you're mean, in which case keep it to yourself. We'll see you next week. Crimeless Nation.

[Commercial Voice]

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[Josh Dean]

Here's the truth.

[Rory Scovel]

You could literally be adored by everyone and then come home and still get completely ignored by your own cat.

[Commercial Voice]

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[Josh Dean]

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[Rory Scovel]

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[Josh Dean]

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[Commercial Voice]

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[Rory Scovel]

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[Josh Dean]

Yeah, it's more than a treat.

[Rory Scovel]

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[Josh Dean]

So feed your cat Sheba and go from totally ignored to truly adored in

[Rory Scovel]

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[Commercial Voice]

Learn more at Shiba.com streaming May 22nd on Paramount. The acclaimed series from executive producer Lena Waithe reaches its final chapter. The Shy. For seven seasons, these stories, these streets, this community have stayed with us. Now it all leads to this. As friendships are tested, families evolve, and secrets refuse to stay buried. One thing is certain. The Shy is more than just a series. It's a legacy. Don't miss the final season. May 22nd on the Paramount plus premium plan.

[Josh Dean]

From Sauce to dust to nuggets.

[Rory Scovel]

Diablo Dusted Crispy Chicken Nuggets.

[Josh Dean]

No, they don't come in mild.

[Rory Scovel]

That would make like zero sense with

[Commercial Voice]

the name New Diablo Dusted Crispy Chicken

[Josh Dean]

Nuggets Only at Taco bell at participating

[Rory Scovel]

U.S. taco Bell locations for a limited

[Josh Dean]

time and while supplies last.

[Rory Scovel]

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.