CrimeLess Podcast Summary
Episode Title: Monkey gangs could actually take over your city
Date: January 21, 2026
Hosts: Rory Scoville (comedian) & Josh Dean (journalist, true crime podcaster)
Podcast: CrimeLess (iHeartPodcasts + Smartless Media)
Episode Overview
This episode dives into the bizarre and chaotic events that unfolded in Lopburi, Thailand, when the town was overtaken by rival gangs—not of humans, but of macaque monkeys. What began as a peaceful coexistence exploded into a full-blown "monkey gang war" during the pandemic, raising questions about human-animal coexistence, failed interventions, and the increasingly blurred line between crime, chaos, and comedy. Rory and Josh also draw surprising parallels to a more recent escape of macaques in South Carolina, exploring the (theoretical!) implications of urban monkey takeovers. The episode concludes with a humorous quiz segment: "Monkey or Child Actor?"
Key Topics & Discussion Points
1. Setting the Scene: Lopburi, Thailand – "Monkey City"
[04:01-08:20]
- Peaceful coexistence: For thousands of years, residents lived harmoniously with local macaques, reinforced by a 2000-year-old legend of monkeys as the town's saviors and symbols of prosperity.
- Tourist attraction: Lopburi built its identity around monkeys, hosting the annual Monkey Buffet Festival with tables piled high with fruits (and disappointing lettuce).
- Quote (Rory, 09:02): “I can't believe you named all that food. And lettuce was one of them. As though the monkeys were like, you know what actually is my favorite? The flavorless lett. I just can't believe that... the people have just succumbed to the authority of the monkeys.”
2. The Downward Spiral: Pandemic Fallout and the Rise of Monkey Gangs
[08:20-11:57]
- Tourist drought = food shortage: Borders closed, tourists stopped visiting, and food for monkeys dried up.
- Locals feed them junk food: In an attempt to placate hungry monkeys, residents handed out candy and snacks—fueling hyperactivity and accelerated breeding.
- Quote (Josh, 10:13): “So the sugary snacks just fired them up, gave them more energy to mate at a higher rate than normal.”
- Quote (Rory, 10:45): “There are thousands of angry, horny monkeys.”
- Monkey gangs emerge: Deprived and increasingly aggressive, the monkeys formed two organized rival gangs, each led by named "bosses," Krau and Yak.
3. Monkey Mayhem: Gangs vs. City
[11:40-15:47]
- Turf wars: Monkeys brawled openly in intersections, commandeered cinemas, and even rode trains to rival territories.
- Quote (Josh, 12:02): “The town of Lopburi becomes a war zone... They took over buildings like a cinema, which one gang used as a headquarters.”
- Escalation: Normal defenses failed (fake tigers, toy guns); residents couldn't safely walk outside, and property was routinely stolen.
- Monkey mugging: AirPods, iPads, jewelry regularly snatched; school swimming pool repurposed as a monkey toilet.
- Memorable anecdote: “One infamous monkey known as the gym teacher was known for stealing from kids...” (Josh, 14:13)
- Quote (Rory, 14:13): “And you just gotta wonder, why was that the name? And it's because of the short shorts, the tank top, and the headband.”
4. The Anti Monkey Unit: Strategies and Stalemates
[15:47-21:21]
- AMU formed: The Anti Monkey Unit launches operation "arrest and neuter" to control population growth humanely.
- Quote (Josh, 17:07): “Their plan was arrest and neuter.”
- Clever monkeys: Smart enough to avoid repeated traps, monkeys retaliated—including a jailbreak to storm the police station.
- Quote (Josh, 18:36): “Soon after the arrests had begun, about 30 monkeys escaped and stormed the police station.”
- Neutered monkeys tattooed: Marked with a black dot under the nose, earning the nickname "Hitler mustaches.”
- Quote (Rory, 19:41): “No foresight into, where should we put the dot?”
5. Population, Logistics, and The Ongoing Monkey Refugee Crisis
[21:21-23:29]
- Monkey leaders taken down: Arresting gang leaders (Krau and Yak) caused emotional turmoil among the troops.
- Mass monkey detainment: Over 1,200 monkeys captured, new “cages” built, but budget constraints threaten sustainability.
- Quote (Josh, 22:13): “We won't have the budget for that. The budget for 4,000 monkeys would be more than 20 million baht, which is $850,000 for food, not including medicine.”
6. Aftermath, Lessons, and Satirical “Solutions”
[23:29-24:57]
- Tourism fallout: Monkey menace damages the city’s brand as “Monkey Paradise”—an existential crisis for heritage and economy.
- Farcical proposals: The hosts riff on possible “solutions,” from parades to luring monkeys to sea on cruise ships.
7. The Twist: Macaque Escape in South Carolina
[30:25-38:45]
- 43 macaques escape: Same species as Lopburi; escape from Alpha Genesis Research Facility in Yamassee, South Carolina.
- Media and official response: Officials urge calm; monkeys "not likely to be aggressive," but residents advised to secure homes.
- Quote (Rory, 33:02): “The sheriff was quoted saying the monkeys do not pose an actual threat. Please do not Google Thailand macaque monkeys... If they ask for lettuce, run.”
- Legal loopholes: The possibility that escapees may not “belong” to the company if not recaptured; cheeky speculation about macaques lawyering up.
- Monkeys outsmart traps: Clever monkeys evade recapture, returning for food but avoiding cages.
- Host skepticism and humor: Locals claim monkey sightings; company tries to gaslight public (“that’s a squirrel,” not a monkey).
8. Ethical Musings and Cultural Impact
[37:10-38:45]
- Ethical stance: Both hosts gently weigh in against monkey research/testing.
- Quote (Rory, 37:17): “Ever since seeing Project X, I've been wildly anti monkey research.”
- Viral memes: Escaped monkeys become an internet sensation, perceived more as folk heroes than threats.
- Update segment: All monkeys from the SC escape were eventually recaptured after two months, despite a rare snowstorm.
Notable Quotes and Moments
- On the monkey war’s absurdity:
- Rory [22:17]: “It's just absurd. It's absurd, all of it. Everything you've just said to me and our listeners, all of us think that you have made this up... and yet I haven't made up a word of it.”
- On the Anti Monkey Unit's humane approach:
- Rory [17:13]: “I just want to applaud the humans’ effort to be so humane about every step of this. I mean, not even 60 seconds ago, I said poison all the monkeys.”
- On Satirical U.S. Response:
- Rory [33:02]: “The sheriff was quoted saying the monkeys do not pose an actual threat. Please do not Google Thailand macaque monkeys... If they ask for lettuce, run.”
- On the monkeys’ resilience and wit:
- Josh [36:53]: “They're just being goofy monkeys, jumping back and forth, playing with each other. It's kind of like a playground situation here. And they're putting out traps, and the monkeys are out winning the traps, of course, grabbing the food and not getting trapped.”
[39:55-47:20] Lightning Round: "Monkey or Child Actor"
A playful, rapid-fire game led by producer Lane:
- Hosts are given biographical snippets and asked to guess: is the subject a monkey or a child actor?
- Notable entries:
- Joe Mendy II: performing chimp with a vaudeville career.
- Roddy McDowall: real child actor—famous for Planet of the Apes (the meta twist!).
- Crystal the Monkey: Hollywood’s hottest simian (Night at the Museum, The Hangover).
- Darwin, the IKEA monkey: viral photo star, now in animal sanctuary.
[47:21-48:56] Episode Sign-off
The hosts wrap up, encourage listener engagement, and riff on future episode possibilities.
Timestamps for Key Segments
- Monkey gangs and Lopburi backstory: [04:01-08:20]
- Pandemic, food shortage, rise of gangs: [08:20-11:57]
- Monkey mayhem escalates: [11:40-15:47]
- Anti Monkey Unit & neutering campaign: [15:47-21:21]
- Leader arrests, city logistics, budget crisis: [21:21-23:29]
- Satirical solution brainstorming: [23:29-24:57]
- Twist: South Carolina escape: [30:25-38:45]
- Monkey or Child Actor game: [39:55-47:20]
Takeaways & Lessons
- Animal-Human dependence is unpredictable: Even long-standing harmony can be upended by societal changes.
- Well-intentioned interventions may backfire: Feeding with junk food and erratic management escalated the crisis.
- Monkey intelligence and adaptability: Macaques rapidly learn from human behavior, evade traps, and form complex social hierarchies.
- Humor and empathy matter: The absurdity of the story is approached with empathy for both the townspeople and the monkeys.
Closing Thoughts
This Crimeless episode blends real journalism, wild storytelling, and irreverent comedy to highlight not just how monkey gangs can (sort of) take over a city, but how the best-laid plans of humans and monkeys alike often go hilariously and unpredictably awry.
“The symbol of Lopburi must stay on—Lopburi must have monkeys. There's no other way. We must leave some of them to make the balance so that humans and monkeys are able to live together.”
— The Mayor of Lopburi ([23:43])