The dumbest thing to leave at a crime scene

Summary

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CrimeLess – "The Dumbest Thing to Leave at a Crime Scene"

Podcast: CrimeLess (iHeartPodcasts & SmartLess Media)
Hosts: Rory Scoville (comedian), Josh Dean (journalist, true crime podcaster)
Date: July 15, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode is a hilarious and macabre deep-dive into one of the dumbest mistakes criminals consistently make: leaving a severed finger behind at the scene of their crime. Hosts Rory Scoville and Josh Dean recount a parade of bungled burglaries, botched robberies, and infamous food contamination scandals, all with the connecting tissue (pardon the pun) of missing digits. Along the way, they riff on amateur criminal logic, law enforcement’s easy jobs, culinary horrors, and finger-related legal drama. If you ever wanted to know just how often a severed finger solves the case, or what not to do with found body parts, this episode will fill you in—and crack you up.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. “Do Not Leave Your Severed Finger at the Scene of the Crime” – A Criminal’s Primer

• Introductory Tale: Maricopa, Arizona Tire Slashing (00:33)

  • Francesca Witkoff finds her car tires slashed—and a severed finger with a blood trail to the neighbor’s house.
  • This neighbor had argued drunkenly with Francesca and her husband the night before.
  • “You want to guess who did it, Rory?” (A)

• Quote:

  • “I'm trying to imagine that scene when you get so mad at your neighbor that you go to slash their tires and accidentally cut your finger off.” (A, 01:43)

• Hosts’ Analysis:

  • Rory and Josh speculate: was the criminal so drunk and shocked by sudden pain, he just abandoned the finger in his panic?
  • “You're just screaming and running, and then it's only several minutes later when you're icing it in your kitchen when you're like, 'Oh, no.'” (A, 02:59)
  • Sets up the theme: criminals incapacitate themselves and make the case child’s play for detectives.

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2. A Gallery of Severed Finger Crime Scenes and Police Cakewalks

Maricopa, AZ (2021) → Burlington, NC (2022) → Glendale, AZ (2013) → Milan, Italy (2022)

a. Home Invasion Stopped at the Door – Burlington, NC (04:45)

• Burglar's finger severed as homeowner slams the door—remains trapped (with glove) inside.

• Print check instantly identifies Vernon Wilson, 67.

• “Crimeless PSA time, folks. Always grab your finger if it pops off while committing a crime.” (A, 06:05)

• Discussion: The hosts laugh about the futility: “Already a criminal. Like, yeah, you're in the system. We know exactly where you live.” (B, 06:22)

b. Copper Wire Theft Gone Wrong – Glendale, AZ (07:16)

• Joshua Allen’s finger gets tangled in copper wire during attempted theft, ripped off when wire snags under a car tire.
• He’s identified in part due to a Facebook post of his “little finger stump” the day after. (“If he wants his finger, he can always come back and get it.” – police, 09:02)
• Value of wire: only $300.

c. Recycling Center Break-In – Milan, Italy (09:33)

• Barbed wire snags thief’s finger & ring as he escapes.
• Accomplice returns days later: “I’m here for a friend. I’m looking for his finger with a ring on it.” (A, 11:14)
• Hosts debate whether they'd risk capture to retrieve their own finger for reattachment.
• Medical note: “An attempt to reattach a finger can generally be made within 6 and 12 hours. Any longer than that, and you’re going to have to learn to type with nine fingies.” (A, 12:12)

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3. Not All Severed Finger Cases Are Crimes – Sometimes They're in Your Dessert

Kohl’s Frozen Custard, Wilmington, NC – The Custard Finger Saga (12:31)

• The Story:

  • Customer Clarence Stowers finds (and nearly eats) a finger in his chocolate custard.
  • Staff member Brandon Frizer lost finger to custard machine just prior.
  • Clarence refuses to return the finger (kept it in his freezer as “evidence”), blocks reattachment chance.

• Memorable Quote:

  • Clarence: “I said, God, this ain't no nut. So I came in here to the kitchen and rinsed it off with water and realized it was a human finger. And I just started screaming.” (A quoting Clarence, 14:09)

  • Legal Drama:

    • Clarence tries to sue for “psychological trauma” (case dismissed). Brandon, the real victim, considers but doesn’t pursue a lawsuit over not getting his finger back in time.
    • “I'm not a suing kind of guy. He's got his life to live, and I've got mine.” (Brandon, 19:45)

  • Not the only case: another employee lost a finger to the same machine a year before.

• Funniest Reaction:

  • Rory: “This is going to completely change my Dairy Queen experiences from now on. Like, I'm going to have to rummage through the blizzard a little bit harder.” (B, 20:33)

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4. The Wendy’s Chili Finger Capper: Crime, Scandal, and Hoax

The 2005 San Jose “Wendy’s Finger Chili” (21:14)

• Anna Ayala claims to find a finger in her chili, launches a lawsuit.

• “She screamed, she cried. She throw up. She threw up.” (A, 24:04)

• Investigation exposes the finger as part of a fraud.

  • Anna had orchestrated the hoax, buying a real severed finger from a friend of her husband (who’d lost it in a work accident).
  • Numerous prior lawsuits by Anna come to light.
  • Wendy's rewards for "tips" about the finger’s origins; over 300 people call with stories about their missing fingers. (A/B, 27:32)

• Resolution:

  • Anna and her husband sentenced to prison, ordered to pay $21M restitution to Wendy’s, and Anna is banned for life from Wendy’s.
  • “Anna's banned for life from all Wendy’s. Come on, Judge. The Baconator? ...Those patties are square. And you can't get that anywhere else.” (A/B, 32:53)

• Aftermath:

  • Anna pops up in news years later—incarcerated again for felonies and appears in a 2024 NYT voter interview, which the paper then retracts after realizing her infamous past.
  • “I think I don't even need a vote. Like, she goes into the Crimeless Hall of Fame. On first ballot, 100%. She's a lock.” (A, 35:14)

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5. Finger Food Trivia: 'Lane's Game' Segment

(36:00–44:16)

• Trivia game themed around "finger foods"—translations and global appetizers.
• Notable banter and running jokes about French phrases, tapas, dim sum, mezze, and English foods with misleading names.
• Humorous exchange trying to translate “hors d’oeuvre” and “amuse bouche.”
  • “Menage a trois.” — B: "Wow, wow.” (37:53)
• The recurring theme: the hosts are better at food than French.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On criminal stupidity:
  “Do not leave your severed finger at the scene of the crime.” (A, 03:29)
• On the inevitability of being caught:
  “It’s like shooting a fish in a barrel, except fish are already dead in the barrel.” (A, 04:45)
• On dramatic irony: “It took a week [to arrest him]. That’s impressive.” (B, 08:21)
• On medical facts:
  “Freezing a finger ruins the chances of reattachment because it kills the cells.” (A, 17:01)
• On American habits:
  “It’s America. We're basically set up for this. That's what we do. We, like, blow shit up. We sue each other. We scam people.” (A, 27:03)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Topic | |---------------|-----------| | 00:33 | Maricopa, AZ tire slashing and severed finger | | 04:45 | Burlington, NC burglary finger case | | 06:38 | Glendale, AZ copper wire theft (another finger left behind) | | 09:33 | Milan, Italy: Finger lost on barbed wire during break-in | | 12:31 | Kohl’s Frozen Custard: The custard finger story | | 21:14 | 2005 Wendy’s chili finger incident | | 32:53 | Anna Ayala’s restitution sentence and Wendy’s lifetime ban | | 36:00–44:16 | "Lane's Game": Finger food trivia and global appetizers |

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Tone and Style

Light-hearted, irreverent, and sharp, the hosts blend true crime storytelling with comedy, riffing on the absurdities and physical comedy of dumb criminals, finger mishaps, and legal aftershocks. The banter ranges from gleeful gross-out storytelling to quippy cultural asides and personal anecdotes.

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For Listeners Who Haven't Heard the Episode

This episode of CrimeLess is a thoroughly entertaining (and occasionally stomach-churning) romp through a parade of ridiculous crime stories, all centered on the weird recurrence of severed fingers left behind at crime scenes or appearing in food. The hosts’ comedic chemistry, personal insights, and legitimate informative asides turn what might be horror stories into tales of epic (and deeply human) stupidity. Alongside the laughs, you’ll actually learn a surprising amount about forensic science, legal culpability, and how not to handle other people’s body parts. The episode wraps up with a trivia segment that pivots the dumb finger theme into an international finger-food feast.

Bottom line:
If you’re looking for wild true crime stories with a big helping of humor—and some genuinely “I can’t believe that happened” moments—this episode is a must-listen.

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Transcript

[A]

This is an iHeart podcast.

[B]

Guaranteed Human.

[A]

She screamed, she cried. She throw up.

[B]

She throw up. See, your grammar is. Dude,

[C]

Campsite Media smart.

[B]

Less media.

[A]

Rory, we've been studying crime for a while now, which I think means we can spot rookie mistakes when we see them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Take for example, this story. The morning of April 15, 2021, Francesca Witkoff went out to her car in Maricopa, Arizona, only to find the tires slashed. Bummer. But fortunately for Francesca, the perpetrator left some clues.

[D]

Oh.

[A]

Specifically, she found a severed finger and a trail of blood leading directly to her neighbor's house. You want to guess who did it, Rory?

[B]

That seems too obvious. This is actually a really smart criminal.

[A]

Oh, it was a red herring. It was a finger.

[B]

Exactly. Someone was like, this will throw the scent off the trail.

[A]

Alas, no.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

She called the police. Cops came to document the crime, took the finger into evidence. Even without the finger and the trail of blood leading directly to the culprit's house, Francesca already knew who did it because the night before, she and her husband had gotten into a drunken disagreement with that neighbor at a party. Have you ever had a fight with your neighbors like that that escalated to this?

[B]

No, not to this. I've had some quarrels with my neighbors, but not like this. Which, I mean, I feel like is probably pretty obvious if you're like, well,

[A]

actually, once I did cut my finger off.

[B]

Oh. You know, one time we did do sort of a severed finger thing.

[A]

So another neighbor, Francesca told a reporter, had, quote, heard him yelling and crying probably around 10:30pm so we figure that's when it happen. Yeah. So we have witness of who hears hollering. We have a blood trail. We have a finger. Yeah, I'm trying to imagine that scene when you get so mad at your neighbor that you go to slash their tires and accidentally cut your finger off.

[B]

I mean, the absurdity.

[A]

He just, like, he was so drunk and just slashed. I don't even know if you're slashing a tire, why your finger would be in the way.

[B]

I don't know how to slash a tire. I can't say. You know, movies and TV shows make it seem pretty easy. Whereas in reality, the durability of that knife has gotta be pretty significant against that level of pressurized rubber. So I gotta say, I bet this perpetrator thought, I'll just do what I've seen in the moving pictures, like it

[A]

just cutting into a balloon.

[B]

I think that's what they thought, and they maybe got a little bounce back. It's like in fact, they're probably lucky it's only a severed finger.

[A]

All right, fair. I think that actually, I think that's probably smart analysis. Now, the part I don't understand is, why do you leave the finger behind?

[B]

I wonder if it's because you're in so much pain, you're not even thinking about getting caught now. Now you're just like, holy fuck, my finger.

[A]

You're just screaming and running, and then it's only several minutes later when you're icing it in your kitchen when you're like, oh, no.

[B]

Yeah, you're like, oh, fuck. And it's dark out.

[A]

And you're like, they heard me. If I go out now, they're going to catch me. Red fingered any. I wish I could say this was an isolated case of idiocy, but it's not.

[C]

Oh.

[A]

As you will learn this week on Crimeless as we conduct a thorough review of the first lesson they teach at criminal school. Do not leave your severed finger at the scene of the crime.

[B]

Big no. No.

[A]

Welcome back to Crimeless, the podcast that celebrates the amazing creativity of the world's dumbest criminals. Hosted and produced by people who have all 10 of their fin.

[B]

I think.

[A]

Ewan, do you have 10 fingers?

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Okay, just checking. I've seen Rory's hands.

[B]

It's actually good to. It's actually good to double check stuff like that. The same in New Zealand.

[A]

I wasn't sure about New Zealand. I thought maybe there was a chance. Yeah, you guys evolutionarily got rid of your pinkies because they're kind of useless. The possums do occasionally bite fingers off. I'm Josh Dean.

[B]

And I'm Rory Scoville. Crime expert Rory Scoville, as he is

[A]

known at the conferences.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So, Rory, we're always looking for new ways to push the envelope to branch into new and surprising areas of dumb crime. And today's episode is a doozy. It is fully dedicated to crimes involving severed fingers.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

None of which are murders.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So don't worry. This is not going to be a sad episode.

[B]

Yeah. For any of you guys that get a little queasy.

[A]

Nope.

[B]

It's only severed fingers, which is probably more disturbing than murder.

[A]

Well, if you're the person who loses a finger, probably. I have to imagine for a cop, a severed finger at a crime scene is a pretty welcome sight.

[B]

There it is. Home run.

[A]

It's like shooting a fish in a barrel, except fish are already dead in the barrel. So I'm going to give you another example where October 2022. Some residents in Burlington, North Carolina, or as you call it, the other Carolina.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Were minding their own business at home when a burglar tried to break in. Luckily, they were able to slam the door right on the invader's finger before he could get in. Off pops his glove with a finger inside. Oh, he flees, but he does not take his appendage with him.

[B]

Well, ye.

[A]

Police run the prints on the severed digit leads them straight to Vernon Wilson, 67, who looks kind of like an old Johnny Knoxville if he had a buzz cut and only nine fingers, though. Maybe Knoxville only has nine fingers. It seems very possible.

[B]

I feel like this is a new phase in your life where you ask about how many digits people have.

[A]

It's my thing now.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know. I learned.

[B]

Kind of obsessed with it. Josh has really changed.

[A]

So this guy tries to break in their home. They slam the door. I mean, you'd have to slam the door very hard to completely pop off someone's finger. I feel like. Yeah, yeah, I don't want to try it. So he's arrested on first degree burglary charges, assault with a deadly weapon with intent to kill. Because he must have had a knife. I don't know that. Or a gun.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Inflicting injury, although I think a little ironic there. And possession of a firearm by. Oh, there we go. Prohibited felon. And he's held on $250,000 bond. Crimeless PSA time, folks. Always grab your finger if it pops off while committing a crime.

[B]

But if they slam the door, did that finger pop off on the inside and he couldn't grab it?

[A]

Good point.

[B]

So.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. It's locked in.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, so maybe he didn't make a mistake.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Anyway, that was the second consecutive crime in which the crime was solved instantly solved. Instantly solved by the finger.

[B]

Not only a fingerprint check, but, like, already a criminal. Like, yeah, you're in the system. We already know exactly where you live.

[A]

So I wish I could say these were isolated incidents, but this is a lesson that also could have saved a 29 year old named Joshua Allen, Government from Glendale, Arizona. Arizona again?

[B]

Yeah. The new Florida.

[A]

It is the Florida of the West. Yep. Of the southwest.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

In 2013, Joshua spotted a beautiful spool of copper wiring in the back of an air conditioning truck. Just daring him to steal it.

[B]

Yeah. I feel the temptation as you say

[A]

those words just glittering in the air over here.

[B]

Look at me.

[A]

So Joshua grabbed that beautiful spool.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But when he tried to flee with the copper wire, something goes Horribly awry. Which we know because the next day, when the owner of the vehicle got to his truck, which was parked outside his house, he found a human finger all tangled in the wiring. You had no idea this happened so often, did you?

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Why would you? And if you're like, no, I. I knew this very well.

[B]

I assumed there were lots of these stories.

[A]

A neighbor speculated about what happened to poor Joshua. Quote, I'm guessing he got in his car and was driving down the street trying to pull it off the spool, and it got snagged on the tire of this Subaru right here. When that wire pulled tight, it popped the finger off. He told ABC's affiliate.

[C]

Ooh.

[D]

Oh.

[B]

Like instant.

[A]

Yeah. So I believe what he's saying is this guy grabs the wire, Somehow his finger gets caught in the wire. He drags it into his vehicle, starts driving away, but the wire gets caught under the tire of another vehicle, and it gets pulled tight and rips his finger. So we have a finger cut off by a knife, a finger cut off by a Fuck. Sliding glass.

[B]

And was the finger. And the finger went out the window or something?

[A]

I guess, like, maybe all of the wiring went out. I mean, that details a little. Or maybe maybe the wiring tore at that point with his finger.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Horrific. So basically, like, pinches it so tight that it rips the finger off.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Really learning a lot of ways to lose your finger today.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Pretty cool one.

[A]

And not surprisingly, Joshua arrested a week later on a misdemeanor theft charge.

[B]

That makes it. Honestly, the fact that it took a week is impressive.

[A]

Maybe not a super high. The value of that copper wire, if you're wondering, was only $300.

[B]

Yeah. That's even all reattaching a finger. $400.

[A]

I like to imagine the detectives are just pinning the finger to the cork board. They're like, we'll take care of this one later. Get rid of some of that red on the board.

[B]

Yeah. Let this thing rot. Turn black for a little bit, and then we'll get to it.

[A]

If you're wondering, here's what he told the officers, that he was working on a car. That's how he lost his finger. But if the smoking finger wasn't enough, he had also shared a photo on Facebook of himself cleaning his little finger stump the day after the theft.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So basically proving that it happened when it happened, and they didn't believe his lie. I guess if he wants his finger, he can always come back and get it. A cop said.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

All right.

[B]

That Seems like pretty nice by the police. Hey, we're not keeping it from him.

[A]

What do they do with the finger when it's no longer useful to them?

[B]

I hope they're smart enough to put it on ice or, you know, keep it.

[A]

Well, I just meant when they're like, if he doesn't claim it, how do they just throw.

[B]

They eat it. They eat it. I know. One of their things.

[A]

Yeah, that's. That's commonly. No waste.

[B]

Human flesh.

[A]

Famous for not wasting. Yeah, yeah. Okay. In 2022, we go to Italy for this story.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

CCTV images captured two men climbing over a fence, attempting to break into a recycling center in Milan. I don't know if it was some sweet copper wire, but something in that recycling center.

[B]

I was going to say, what is the fucking take in a recycling center?

[A]

Just bags of your old.

[B]

I love plastic and aluminum.

[A]

Oh, so sweet. So many Coke Zero cans. They were spotted by a security guard who activated an alarm. Scrambling to flee the scene, the would be thieves climbed over a gate topped with sharp barbed wire. I think you see where this is going.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

One of the crooks got his finger tangled up in the wire and lost his ring finger along with the ring that was on it. So we now have razor wire.

[B]

Yeah. So this and the copper wire, I mean, they're all bad. I mean, I don't know. Getting slammed in a door. I mean, I don't know. I actually don't know. I don't know. All of them are like the worst.

[A]

I'm like flexing my fingers.

[B]

I know, I feel it too. I'm like, anytime you've jammed your finger or slammed your own finger, like in anything, it's just. It's the worst.

[A]

I once shoved my finger in a car. Do you. Had the nail fall off, turn black. And it was so painful that I had to get a needle very hot and poke through to release the pressure because it feels like it's going to explode.

[B]

Yes. And it is going to explode.

[A]

It is like. And actually, when you poke a hot needle through your fingernail, it's like wonderful relief.

[B]

Yeah, that's right.

[A]

So anyway, these poor guys. Yeah, just looking for some copper wire, some. Some old cans. So a few days later, in this case, a guard notices someone rummaging in the brush. When he asked what he was doing, the man calmly replied, I'm here for a friend. I'm looking for his finger with a ring on it. Which is not the answer that guard was looking for. Probably.

[B]

Oh, it's right over here. I was about to eat it.

[A]

Maybe the only excuse your spouse will accept when you lose your wedding ring. Yeah, honey, I lost my wedding band and also my finger.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The guard called La Palisia, but before they arrived, the guy escaped in a getaway car. A little while later, the fingers found in the trash close to the fence with no ring in sight. He did it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which made me think, would I go back for my finger? Would you?

[B]

No. Well, yes, I would assume I could get a reattached and I'd want to. I don't think I'd leave without it, to be honest.

[A]

But I guess in the commission of a crime, you might have to. If someone. What a dilemma that is.

[B]

If.

[A]

If someone says, I've spotted you, I'm calling the police.

[B]

And you're like, wait, I. Can you call timeout? Would that work with the guard? Would they be like, okay, timeout. Find the ring and then we're back. Find the finger.

[A]

Look at this.

[B]

Timeout. Time out. Stop time.

[A]

I lost my finger. Well, this might influence your decision. Medical experts say an attempt to reattach a finger can generally be made within 6 and 12 hours.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Any longer than that, and you're going to have to learn to type with nine fingies.

[B]

Yikes.

[A]

So.

[B]

And it's the ring finger, so that's going to be a good amount of letters you're dropping.

[A]

You are. That's the. That's the W and the E in my case.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

All right, now I'm going to switch gears a little bit. This is a slightly different severed finger thread that we're going to follow.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

It's a headline from 20. Or actually 2005. Customer refuses to return severed finger.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's early May 2005, and a guy named Clarence Stowers buys a pint of chocolate custard from Cole's Frozen Custard in Wilmington in the other Carolina. Have you been there?

[C]

I have.

[B]

I've not been. I've been to Wilmington, North Carolina.

[A]

Have you ever had a frozen custard?

[B]

Not there, but yes, in general.

[A]

Well, so why is it not ice cream? What is it? Do you know?

[B]

I think it's the. I don't even know. I mean, it's like, probably the fat content or something, or cream.

[A]

I just wondered if it was, like a regional thing that people call their ice cream.

[B]

I thought it was very Midwestern, but it's. It's getting around. I mean, if this is 2005, which is, by the way, a year that, you know, things were different, people kept fingers There was a different value on them at the time. People didn't return them.

[A]

That's true. Yeah, well, not like today.

[B]

Yeah. And people were doing more custard than they were ice cream. And gelato. Gelato wasn't even heard of yet.

[A]

It hadn't leave.

[B]

It hadn't leaved Italy yet.

[A]

As the season goes on, I lose my ability to speak English.

[B]

You lose the ability to talk, which is the only thing we have to do.

[A]

Right. So Clarence is a patient guy. He waits at home before he cracks into his frozen treat. But when he does, he spots an object in his custard.

[B]

Oh, fuck.

[A]

He assumed it was candy and he popped it in his mouth. And here's what he said later to the local news station.

[B]

It was not candy.

[A]

Spoiler alert. I thought it was candy because they put candy in your ice cream to make it a treat is what he said. He quickly realized it wasn't candy and spit it out. Yeah, Rory, what was it?

[B]

It was a severed finger. Josh, for $5,000 it was a severed finger.

[A]

I have to read you the rest of his quote. I said, God, this ain't no nut. So I came in here to the kitchen and rinsed it off with water and realized it was a human finger. And I just started screaming, which I think is fair.

[B]

Yeah, I'm surprised you didn't start puking. I would have puked and screamed at the same time. I would have puke. Screamed.

[A]

Trying to imagine your wife coming into the kitchen after you've screamed. And that is the answer for what is happening.

[B]

And her going, I'm never kissing you ever again. Loudly the whole time.

[A]

What a shocking thing. You like, take a bite of your ice cream and there's a finger. I just can't like. It's not even in the realm of things that you would consider could happen to you possibly someday.

[B]

Right.

[A]

By the way, I do think that's a real all timer of a quote, maybe should be on the future crimeless T shirts list is God, this ain't no nut.

[B]

This ain't no nut. Severed finger. Hashtag.

[A]

Severed finger alert, hashtag. It turns out that just before I have the story for what happened here, just before Clarence bought his pint, a 23 year old named Brandon Frizer was working in the back when he dropped a bucket of custard. While attempting to catch said custard, he accidentally put his finger into a machine that beats the custard mix and it got sliced off as his coworkers tried to help him. In the chaos that followed. A drive through window attendant unknowingly scooped custard from the bucket containing the finger and served it to a customer. That is some real Keystone Cop shit right there.

[B]

That is wild timing. That's crazy, man. Is it weird that this whole story, I've really been like, God, I want to eat some custard. Like, I haven't even been dissuaded.

[A]

I'm hungry, so I kind of feel the same way.

[B]

I have to say.

[A]

What are the odds that would happen to you?

[B]

Yeah, it wouldn't happen twice. Come on, never.

[A]

So Brandon is rushed to the hospital without his missing finger. The general manager of the shop, who's having the worst day of her year, searches high and low for that finger, not realizing that one of her other employees has scooped it up and it's now in the possession of a customer

[B]

on its way to their house.

[A]

So when Clarence returned to the scene of the crime 30 minutes later, everyone was relieved until he refused to hand over the finger.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

He only drove back to wave it around and threatened litigation.

[B]

Interesting.

[A]

Wave it around like a tiny little finger. He said he would be calling TV stations. And then he took the finger home and kept it in his freezer, only taking it out to show news cameras.

[B]

It's kind of interesting because it's like, it wasn't malicious.

[A]

No, I know.

[B]

It was just an accident.

[A]

God bless America. He saw opportunity.

[B]

I do get that. I mean, I'd be so grossed out, too. I'd be like, I don't believe it was an accident. You guys are fucked up and weird.

[A]

I'm suing you. A few days later, during a telephone interview with the ap, Clarence said he wasn't revealing where the finger was. I'm not saying who has it, but somebody has it, he said.

[B]

Smart.

[A]

As the week went on, though, he started to have second thoughts. He wanted to do the right thing and return the finger. His lawyer even sent a letter to the shop owner offering to give the finger back if it could be reattached. But as we now know, it was too late. Yep, the window of reattachment had passed. And once it was put in the freezer, it was useless. Freezing a finger ruins the chances of reattachment because it kills the cells.

[B]

Rory. Oh, didn't know that.

[A]

You're learning so much today.

[B]

So I wonder, can that employee sue him?

[A]

Oh, good question. It's an error of fingers.

[B]

I mean, we're probably outside the statute of limitations, but.

[A]

So if your fingers cut off, you have six to 12 hours and don't put it in the freezer and that

[B]

guy showed up with it 30 minutes later.

[A]

You're right.

[B]

They had so much time to get it reattached.

[A]

True. But then they wasted enough time that it was too late.

[B]

I mean, if that's you and it's your finger, you're like, I will follow you home and I will kill your entire family. Give me my finger right now.

[A]

Yeah. What about this poor guy? Did he not, like, completely. He's like, I feel like we've left him out of the story. He's like, wait, you have my finger, but you're not giving it to me?

[B]

I would be like, I will figure out where you live and I will find every gun that I can find and I will come to your house. Give me my finger right now.

[A]

Also, wouldn't the police do it? Like, can you hold also, 6 to

[B]

12 hours of police had time. Now, granted, the guy threw it in the freezer immediately. So to your point, rendered it useless.

[A]

Is this like some version of kidnapping? Stealing part of a person?

[B]

This is just. Honestly, this is just classic Wilmington, North Carolina behavior if I've ever seen it. You're not going to get this in South Carolina.

[A]

No. So much or genteel.

[B]

You're going to get people being respectful and empathetic. I think we all know politically, that's just what the south is.

[A]

Oh, yeah, definitely. Caring a lot about others.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Unless it was a black finger and

[B]

then they were like, no, no. And now we're going to get so many letters from the state of South

[A]

Carolina, the governor, I hope.

[B]

How dare you call us racist until

[A]

we rewrite his theme song. Oh, win him back. Remember how we did that for Florida?

[B]

I do remember that.

[A]

A few months later, Clarence did sue Cole's frozen custard for the psychological trauma and post traumatic stre caused by the negligence lawsuit. He was looking for ten grand in damages. The case was dismissed in October of the next year. So he tried to sue, saying that psychological trauma for him, the guy who took the finger, not the guy whose finger was cut off. But I do have news about him. Brandon. He and his nine fingers continued to work at Cole's custard.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

He told the Star News month later that, I'm doing fine. I'm mentally all right. Everything's going fine. Which is what someone who's definitely not fine would say.

[B]

Yeah, I'm fine. I swear, I'm fine. I'm fine.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

No one asked you and you just said it three times because definitely what

[A]

you say when someone Asks how you're doing, you say, I'm mentally all right.

[B]

I am mentally a.

[A]

Okay, if I said, rory, how are you doing? And you're like, I'm mentally fine.

[B]

Five. Okay, Mentally. Five stars.

[A]

Not what I asked Rory.

[B]

Physically, not Nine stars. Not as many stars.

[A]

Physically. Barely holding it together, guys.

[B]

Yeah, making the custard is not easier. Just to be clear.

[A]

So Brandon said he also considered a lawsuit against Clarence for not returning the severed portion of his finger in time, but decided not to. I'm not a suing kind of guy. He said. He's got his life to live, and I've got mine. What a. What a guy.

[B]

Love that.

[A]

But then he changed his mind. Okay, Two years after the custard incident, Brandon filed a civil suit against Clarence, but that case was voluntarily dismissed. Okay, before we move on, I just want to point out this was not an isolated incident at Kohl's Custard.

[D]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Less than a year before the event, at the same location, another Kohl's employee accidentally severed a finger on the same machine.

[B]

So there you go. Kohl's is negligent. You could probably sue Kohl's.

[A]

Allegedly negligent.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The State Department of Labor, however, cleared the restaurant of any wrongdoing. So maybe it's just dumb employees.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

I mean, like, if you have a job where you work a saw and you cut your finger off, I think that's your fault.

[B]

This is going to completely change my Dairy Queen experiences from now on. Like, I'm going to have to rummage through the blizzard a little bit.

[A]

A little bit harder. Right.

[B]

What is a Heath bar? What is a finger?

[A]

Is that a. Is that a nail?

[B]

Is that nougat? Or is that finger muscle bone meat?

[A]

This is going to blow up, and Dairy Queen's going to have to change their slogan. Yeah, that's not a finger. Yeah, that's a Heath bar, not a finger.

[B]

Dairy Queen. Swear to God. Those toppings are supposed to be in there.

[A]

After the break, we dive into a steaming cup of Wendy's chili with a very special ingredient.

[B]

Oh, no,

[D]

This is crimeless.

[A]

Rory, do you remember the great Wendy's chili incident of 2005?

[B]

No, but I have a feeling I'm gonna have nightmares about it now.

[A]

This was all over the news back then. Where Were you in 2005?

[B]

Washington, D.C. oh.

[A]

What were you doing?

[B]

Doing stand up comedy, Starting my career.

[A]

For context, this is the month that the US Office premiered on NBC.

[B]

So nice.

[A]

That was actually a helpful timeline for me. Why Washington, D.C. my sister lived there.

[B]

And I just moved there to get into stand up. And that was my liaison into the adult world.

[A]

Was that your first professional gig was in Washington, D.C. well, I mean, that's

[B]

where I started going to open mics and stuff. But at the time, I worked for the Department of Defense. What for a government contracting firm for the Department of Defense called iba.

[D]

Whoa.

[B]

And I was basically a secretary.

[D]

Oh.

[B]

But I was called a desktop support specialist, of course. And I was so bad at it, I don't even know what that title means. But I would get supplies and I would fix the copier if it seemed easy.

[A]

Did you have top secret clearance?

[B]

Nothing. So four star generals came in for their meetings and stuff. And I learned you're supposed to stand up when they walk in.

[A]

Are you supposed to salute them?

[B]

No, you just stand up out of respect. And I was like, oh, we're all okay. What's going on? Oh, we're all standing. All right.

[A]

That's news. You can use criminalization. That's right. If a general enters, stand.

[B]

Just stand.

[D]

All right.

[A]

So this happened just months before Brandon Stowers found a finger in his custard in North Carolina. The other Carolina. It's March 22, 2005, in San Jose, California, and Anna Ayala was dining inside of Wendy's with her family. And dining is what we call it at Wendy's?

[B]

Yes, dining. Dining in.

[A]

Anna ordered chili, which is a bold choice to start with.

[B]

Well, Wendy's has a pretty good chili.

[A]

Lo and behold, she bites into that chili and finds

[B]

a digit.

[A]

It's a human finger.

[B]

Which one? Which. Which finger? I feel like that makes a difference.

[A]

Let's see if we find out.

[B]

It's never the middle finger. It's always like a pinky or the

[A]

ring finger or maybe an index.

[B]

The index. Sometimes you get the index.

[A]

It's never right. It's rarely a thumb, it's rarely a

[B]

thumb, it's rarely the middle finger.

[A]

I feel like if we were ranking fingers, to lose thumb is definitely number one. The worst one to lose.

[B]

Worst to lose. You want to lose the pinky. I can see the advantage of the ring finger.

[A]

So you think pinky first, then ring finger.

[B]

I would probably want to lose ring finger just to maintain index and thumb. I just. I don't want to lose those.

[A]

Lane, we're going to have to run a poll. Yeah, let's poll the listeners.

[B]

Poll the listeners which finger is best

[A]

to listen, ranking them one to five. I think thumb is indisputably number one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Where do you Go, Lane. Which one?

[C]

I think I'm losing the pinky first.

[B]

Interesting.

[A]

Okay, I think I'm with you. Rory's going ring finger. All right, bring a ring finger. We'll take this to the people.

[C]

Yeah, and the chili finger was a ring finger.

[B]

See, there you go.

[A]

Oh, okay, Rory.

[B]

It's always a ring finger.

[A]

So she screamed, she cried. She throw up. She threw up.

[B]

She throw up. Your grammar is fucked, dude.

[A]

Terrible. I may be drunk.

[B]

And then she leaved the restaurant.

[A]

What has happened? That's what her daughter told News 3. It's just nasty. After the incident, Anna Ayala planned to sue Wendy's for emotional trauma. Do you remember, or do you have a sense of what the twist here might be? Rory in this one.

[B]

I don't fully remember this, so. I don't. I don't.

[A]

It's a hoax.

[D]

Oh.

[A]

Anna put the finger in the chili herself and tried to sue Wendy's to make a fortune. The American way.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

By suing someone who didn't do anything wrong.

[B]

Yeah, I like that. That's what we're about.

[A]

But of course, we wouldn't be talking about it if it hadn't backfired, so let me explain.

[B]

So this was a real finger, though.

[A]

There was a finger. So let me. I'm going to walk you through the story as it played out. So for the first month, it's absolute chaos.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Trying to figure out what the hell happened with that chili. Everybody's talking about the finger on the news, the water cooler, Anna and her lawyer going Good Morning America. To take Wendy's to task. God damn, Lane. Do we have video of that?

[B]

To take Wendy's to task.

[D]

Well, as I was eating my chili, I usually crack all my crackers, mix it all around and started eating. And suddenly I chew something that's kind of hard. Crunchy, crunchy. Spit it out. At first I wasn't sure what it was. And as we started investigating, poking it, that's when we find that there's something that looks like a nail.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Pretty calm and collected there. She's, like, lying fairly convincingly. I would believe that. Would you watch that and think she was lying?

[B]

I would not have thought she was lying.

[A]

So meanwhile, Wendy's is scrambling. Dave Thomas and co are hemorrhaging profit DT $1 million a day.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So this is like doing real damage to Wendy's brand.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There's fingers in chili. Not good for your brain when you're a fast food chain.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

However, an internal investigation found no wrongdoing. And within days the county health department, which also investigated, concluded that all chili preparation procedures were docum documented and up to code. They checked all hands of employees. All fingers were there.

[B]

All hands on deck.

[A]

Backtracked to the supplier and the distributor. The ingredients. No missing fingers. The Santa Clara county coroner concluded that the finger was, quote, not consistent with an object that had been cooked in chili at 170 degrees for three hours, as is Wendy's chili policy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So with what I can only imagine is a great corporate sigh of relief, Wendy and its suppliers are cleared of any responsibility for the finger and the chili, which did not solve the mystery. So investigators start looking at Anna.

[B]

Interesting.

[A]

What do you know? She's got a bit of a litigious history.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

In 2004, a year before Anna successfully sued El Pollo Loco after her daughter allegedly contracted salmonella poisoning, and she unsuccessfully had sued a car company when the wheel fell off her car. In fact, according to a police affidavit, Anna had filed at least 13 civil actions in California and Nevada involving her family.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

So, Rory, if times get tough.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This is a plan for you.

[B]

I don't mind this. Have fun. Just sue people.

[A]

It's America. We're basically set up for this. That's what we do. That's what we do. We, like, blow shit up. We sue each other.

[B]

We scam people.

[A]

So, yeah, she took down El Pollo Loco. I mean, not literally. They're still in business. But she won that one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Wendy's sets a reward. This is turning into a. This is like an episode of Law and Order, Rory. So buckle up. Wendy sets a reward for $50,000 and then ups it to $100,000,000 for information identifying the fingers owner. And they set up a hotline for any finger tips. Yeah, see what I did there? Tips, fingertips.

[C]

I got it.

[A]

Okay, just making sure.

[B]

I heard it. I heard it. And that's my reaction.

[A]

I think that's appropriate. I'll take that. Calls are pouring in about people who've recently lost a finger. More than 300 people call to talk about missing fingers, which makes me want to just set up a hotline on crimeless. Call us with your. Actually, what the hell? If you're hearing this, please call us with your missing finger stories. We also would like to cover these.

[B]

Yeah, we'll insert the number at the end.

[A]

Mexican law enforcement is even called in to assist after a rumor surfaces about a finger being transported across the border.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

One woman calls to say she lost a finger trying to break up a dog fight. And quote apparently, the hospital lost her finger. Sandy Allman from Nevada calls to say, and this is not one I saw coming, that she'd lost a finger in a leopard attack at home the month before and quote, does not know what happened to the finger.

[B]

More common than you think. More common than you think.

[A]

DNA testing later confirmed it was not Sandy's lost finger from the leopard attack. Finally, on April 13, Anna drops her lawsuit, citing great emotional stress. I think she could smell the police getting closer to identifying the finger. And they did. The lead comes through the Wendy's tip line.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And leads them to a co worker of Anna's husband. Jaime. Yes, or Jamie, but it's spelled Jaime,

[B]

so I'm just saying that. Keep going. You're tripping up. Keep going, keep going.

[A]

A man named Brian Paul Rossiter had lost part of his finger in a mechanical truck lift at work. Instead of tossing his digit, or I guess reattaching it, he kept it wrapped in some plastic wrap in a drawer at home, as one does. So what the hell? Another scenario I would not have imagined is that you lose your finger at work and your reaction is, I'll just wrap it in some plastic and put it in a drawer.

[B]

I'm just gonna keep it just here in a drawer.

[A]

Putting that aside for now. Some months later, Jaime approaches Brian about buying the finger.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

But won't say why. Nothing weird about that at all. Like, hey, dude, remember when your finger got cut off at work? Could I, like, take that off your hands?

[B]

Yeah, literally. Can I?

[A]

It's Rory. It's already been taken off his hand.

[B]

He's like, it's not there anymore. It's not there anymore.

[A]

Rory, what do you think the going rate is for an old finger in a drawer?

[B]

Okay, so I'm going to go $1,000.

[A]

It's $100. Okay, 50 in cash and then 50 forgiven from a debt Brian owed Jamie.

[B]

Oh, yep. Okay.

[A]

This is the sad, low stakes missing finger story. It was only after Brian saw the news reports about the finger in the chile that he confronted Jaime came clean. So basically, it sounds like he sold him the finger without needing to the explanation, which I feel like I might need that context of, like, all right, I'll sell it to you.

[B]

He just wanted out of that $50 debt.

[C]

Bad.

[A]

What are you going to do with it, man? Yeah, I can't tell you. When Brian found out that his long lost finger was implicated in a scandal, his first call was to his mom. Before she saw the headlines, she recalled that shocking call to the San Francisco Chronicle. Brian said, mom, do you know what's happened? The last time he said something like that to me was 9 11. So I'm gonna guess he had some urgency in his voice. He calls, mom. He says, mom, did you. Can you believe what happened? And it's because his finger had been cut off, put in a drawer, then sold to a co worker and used in an attempted extortion fraud case at Wendy's. Yeah, it sounds like Brian struggled with his newfound fame after that. According to the Chronicle, he spent one drunken evening at his favorite bar asking people if they, quote, wanted to shake the most famous hand in America. Bar patrons bought him shots of his favorite drink, Goldschlager. Then, after one too many shots of schnapps, he started getting belligerent and cursed out his mother, who had leaked his identity to the press. When reporters knocked on his door the next day, he yelled, it's been hell. You don't even know.

[B]

Yeah, I'm too famous now.

[A]

And I'm missing a finger.

[B]

I'm missing a finger. When I try to wave people off, I don't have enough digits to accurately communicate. I don't want the fame.

[A]

On the other hand, you have an amazing story for what happened. People are like, what happened to your finger? Usually it's like, oh, fuck. I cut it off at work. It's like, well, yeah, sit down, sir. Yeah, there's a twist. Another twist. So before Police had even ID'd Brian, Anna is arrested on charges from another case completely. Apparently, someone called the tip line to say that she and her husband had scammed them over the sale of a trailer. So she's scamming all across the world, man.

[D]

Wow.

[A]

Jamie's arrested on unrelated felony charges, including failure to pay child support and identity theft. So not a great gentleman.

[B]

How do you even keep track of all the crime?

[A]

You just don't.

[B]

More like crime full. Right, right.

[A]

Crime full.

[B]

Crime full.

[A]

Coming next season. Crimeful. On September 9, just five months after that first bite of finger chili, Anna pleads guilty to charges of conspiracy to file a false insurance claim, attempted grand theft, plus fraud related to the mobile home sale. Jamie pleads guilty to the same conspiracy and grand theft charges, in addition to charges from the other cases of failing to pay child support, child endangerment, identity theft, and official document fraud.

[B]

Jesus Christ.

[A]

Anna sentenced to nine years in prison, but appeals her sentence reduced to four. She's released on parole in 2009. Okay, Jamie gets more. He had more charges. He gets 12 years and four months. They're both ordered to pay nearly 21 million in restitution to Wendy's in damages.

[B]

Wow. Wow. How do you even do that? It's like they don't have $21 million,

[A]

and they're never going to. I think they just put a lien on everything, basically. So, like, if you make 21,000, they take what you don't need for rent.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And here's the worst part. Anna's banned for life from all Wendy's. Come on, Judge the Baconator.

[B]

Come on, you can't do that. Those patties are square. And you can't get that anywhere else.

[A]

Rory. You'd think that would be the last we hear of her.

[B]

Frosties with your French fries? You can't do that in other places.

[A]

The dollar menu saved me in high school.

[B]

I mean, when the dollar menu started, incredible. I was like, this country does care about us.

[A]

It does. I mean, I'm not like, I had so little money. We had an open campus, so we were allowed to go out for lunch in high school. And I would go out and, like, I like five bucks to spend. I could get a full feast at Wendy's.

[B]

Oh, yeah, that's lunch and dinner.

[A]

It is. Yeah. I could get the Junior Bacon Fries a Frosty, and still have two bucks left.

[B]

Yep. You tip. You just left it. You were so rich. Keep that. That's for you. You'd wink at them.

[A]

That's for you.

[B]

All right, so this isn't the last we hear of this lady.

[A]

Anna's back in the headlines eight years later.

[B]

All right, here we go.

[A]

She's sentenced to two more years in prison for being an accessory to another felony.

[B]

What in the fuck?

[A]

The previous October, her son had accidentally shot himself in the ankle.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

But he was. He was on parole at the time, so he wasn't allowed to have the gun. So Anna files a false police report making up a story that her son had been shot by two men. The son eventually cracked himself during questioning and fessed up that he'd shot himself. And that's still not the end of Anna, Rory.

[B]

I mean, some people. Some people are just built different. They're just built different.

[A]

She can't stay out of the news. So for our final, I hope for now appearance, it's 2024, and Anna's back. She's in the New York Times this time. Yes, but she didn't commit any crimes in this case.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The Times publishes an interview interviewing a variety of voters. One of those voters is Anna Ayala of Northern California, who's quoted the saying, she plans to vote for Donald Trump in November despite being a Democrat. That her primary reason the border is out of control. Yeah, because that's. That's definitely what's hurt her life.

[B]

It's just out of control.

[A]

It led her to do all of this, I'm sure.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And of course, Anna's section is later removed with a spicy correction. And I will read that for you. The Times removed comments from one voter in an earlier edition of this article after learning that the person had been convicted in an extortion scheme in which she made fraudulent claims.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

What?

[B]

A lady can't escape your past? Classic.

[A]

I think I don't even need a vote. Like, she goes into the crimeless hall of Fame.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

On first ballot, 100%. She's a lock.

[B]

This is like. Are the Rolling Stones getting into the Rock and Roll hall of Fame? Are we gonna let the Beatles in?

[A]

Congratulations, Anna.

[B]

Anna, you did it. You really did some things, but you never stopped crime. You never stopped criming.

[A]

Never stop. Never stopping.

[B]

Never stop criming.

[A]

After the break, we play that game where you spread your fingers out on a table and the other person has enough.

[B]

Yes. And Lane makes us do it. In fact, it's the most dangerous of the Lanes games.

[A]

Hello, and welcome back to Crimeless Rory. What time is it?

[B]

It is time for Lane's games.

[A]

Lane has said that we should each reach out under our chair and we'll find something duct taped there.

[C]

Yeah, it's a knife or it's a finger.

[A]

Oh, I got a finger.

[C]

Okay, so today we talked about fingers ending up in food. So today our trivia is about finger food, AKA hors d'. Oeuvres.

[B]

Yeah. Okay.

[A]

Okay. All right.

[C]

Get my line of thought there.

[B]

Okay, Makes sense.

[C]

So in the style of appetizers, I have a sampling of different types of questions, a charcuterie of trivia, so to speak.

[B]

Oh.

[C]

Oh. All right. So the first type of questions are translation based because a lot of the phrases we associate with finger foods are French. So please translate the following phrases.

[B]

Oh, shit. Okay.

[C]

What does hors d' oeuvre mean in French?

[B]

Oh, good. This is where everyone finds out. Me and Josh are so fucking stupid. Josh, do you know it?

[A]

I don't.

[B]

Do you know any French?

[A]

I mean, I took it in, like, middle school, I think, for I might get a. But I don't know any of these words, so if that makes you feel better, I don't know any of the words in this.

[B]

I'm just finding out that this is a French phrase.

[A]

Hors D' oeuvres means hand food. Yeah, I like hands.

[C]

No.

[B]

Okay. D' oeuvres means food de ouvers.

[A]

Other things. It means other things.

[C]

It means outside the work. That is not an ordinary set of courses.

[B]

In the meal, not cool.

[A]

But work, not cool. Come on, French people. There's no work involved.

[C]

All right, this is a phrase that Josh likes to use a lot. A moosh bouche.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

We're supposed to say what it is.

[C]

Yeah. What does it translate to?

[A]

Oh, I think I do know this one. But, Rory, do you want to go pre dinner niblet? I think. I believe boosh is mouth, so I think it's like, please your mouth. Mouth pleaser.

[C]

Yeah, it's a mouth amuser, but I'll take it.

[B]

I didn't know it was going to get sexual. Jesus.

[A]

Menage a trois.

[B]

Wow. Wow.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Food menagerie. Oh, all right.

[C]

How about canape? Canape.

[A]

Canape.

[B]

Little sweet, sweet, sweet surprise.

[A]

Canape means.

[B]

Oh, it's like a tent. It's actually like a tent.

[A]

Small, small food, tiny food, tiny tent.

[C]

Rory's closer. It comes from the French word for sofa.

[B]

Oh.

[C]

Drawing the analogy that the garnish sits atop the bread as people do a sofa.

[B]

Okay, I was trying to be funny, but I'll take the point.

[A]

Don't take it.

[C]

Yeah. All right, here's a follow up on canapes. They rose to popularity in the US in the 1920s.

[A]

Why 1820s?

[B]

People would hide booze in them.

[A]

I was gonna say because the Depression. And people can't afford big meals, so they have to eat small things.

[C]

Oh, I would say Rory's closer. It's because they were served in speakeasies during prohibition to ensure that guests would be, like, fed throughout the night and that they were also, like, small enough to eat while drinking.

[B]

I don't know. Take that, Josh. Take that to the bank and cash it.

[A]

I think you won that one.

[C]

I think we're tied so far. All right, so the French, they don't have the market on finger foods. Lots of different cultures have their own versions of snack menus. Gonna give you a type of, you know, snack menu. Light bites. And you have to tell me what's on that roster on the menu.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Okay, so tapas. Just anything that you would get served in a tapas restaurant.

[A]

Garlic shrimp. I love tapas restaurant.

[B]

Tiny tacos.

[A]

And I do speak some Spanish. Gambas aio.

[B]

Is that a thing? Is my answer an answer?

[C]

Kama sayup. Yep.

[B]

Ceviche.

[C]

I mean, maybe, but that's not on My traditional list.

[A]

Okay. Oh, I know. Cod fritters.

[B]

Bacalao beef steak.

[C]

Fritters. Yes.

[A]

Cod fritters.

[C]

Bacalao or croquetas.

[A]

Croquettes. Yes.

[B]

Croquetas.

[A]

How many do we need to do anchovies?

[B]

Jamon.

[C]

Yep.

[A]

Yeah, jamon is good. Sardines.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

What are we doing?

[C]

Just list and stuff.

[B]

We're just naming tapas, which can kind of be anything thing.

[C]

It's a game. It's true.

[A]

This is also making me hungry, by the way. I haven't eaten lunch yet. Now I want.

[C]

All right, I'm cheesecake.

[A]

Yeah, I think we dominated that category. We could have kept going for hours.

[C]

How about a dim sum? A dim sum meal?

[A]

Dumplings.

[B]

Some dumplings. Shrimp shimai.

[A]

Yeah, like soup dumplings.

[B]

Soup dumplings. Pot stickers.

[C]

Yeah. Also a dumpling, I suppose.

[B]

Bow buns.

[A]

How about meat on a stick?

[B]

Okay. Not as fun to say, but all right.

[C]

Okay, I'm gonna say that's a win.

[B]

Again. Sexual, but okay.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Crimeless after dark.

[C]

What about a mezze? A mezze meal?

[A]

Oh, that's Middle Eastern. We got hummus.

[B]

We got baba pita bread.

[A]

We got some stuffed grapes, grape leaves, olives. We got. What's the yogurt?

[B]

What's the one that starts with the D? And it's, like, wrapped up? Doma, doma. Yep, doma, doma.

[A]

Maybe some baklava to cleanse your palate afterwards.

[B]

I think we're smarter than we give ourselves credit. I think we're more cultured than we give ourselves credit. We're not all just Wendy's and McDonald's Dollar Menu guys. We have more than we do.

[A]

Love the. We contain multitudes, Rory.

[B]

We like the finer things here and there.

[A]

I mean, if there was a $meze meal, I would eat that shit, too.

[B]

Get out of my town. You're right.

[A]

All right, I think we did. We really did well in those categories.

[C]

But you up top of that one. You said you didn't.

[B]

We brought some heat.

[A]

We struggled with some French, but after that we got. We were rolling.

[C]

Okay, now to the uk, where nothing makes sense. These small plates have misleading names. Tell me what this dish is.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Devils on horseback.

[A]

Well, deviled eggs. Is it related to deviled eggs? Devil's on horseback.

[B]

Devils on horse.

[A]

Hot peppers on top of deviled eggs

[B]

on top of deviled eggs on top of actual horse meat.

[C]

It is actually a hot appetizer of dried fruit stuffed with such ingredients, such as cheese or nuts wrapped in bacon, prosciutto or pancetta?

[B]

Okay. Yeah, that sounds amazing.

[C]

It's like a bacon drip.

[A]

I've never heard of this. I've been to England numerous times. I've never heard of this.

[B]

Yeah, I think it's.

[D]

I don't.

[B]

There's. Sometimes I just don't trust Lane. And there I've said it.

[C]

Listen, I get most of my stuff. Stuff from Wikipedia. So go to the source. How about Scotch woodcock?

[A]

Hey, now, is that a scotch egg? Yeah, let's go with that.

[C]

Yeah, I mean, it's a creamy light scrambled eggs on toast that has been spread with anchovy paste or something called gentleman's relish.

[B]

Maybe mine shouldn't have counted. I didn't give any of those details. And. And also named and named the wrong thing.

[A]

Gentleman's relish is quite a euphemism for something that's probably like ketchup.

[B]

I know.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't like that immediately. I was. Food is this.

[C]

This is too sexual of a game. Okay. Welsh rabbit.

[B]

It's not rabbit.

[A]

Definitely not rabbit. It's meat of some kind.

[B]

It's a meat.

[A]

Corned beef.

[B]

Corned beef?

[C]

No, sorry. It is. The reason why it's called rabbit is because it's a fake rabbit. Rarebit is the other way to say it, but it's melted cheese on toasted bread.

[A]

In what way is that a fake rabbit?

[C]

Because it's a substitute for meat. Fake rabbit.

[B]

It's hard to trust this world. This world is so many lies.

[A]

And what is this? It's fake rabbits. It's melted cheese on bread.

[B]

So it's like an alternative meat? No, there's no meat at all. And there's no animal products of any kind. It's actually vegan.

[A]

It also looks nothing like a rabbit, but other than that, great.

[B]

Oh, it's just a cracker with salt on it.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[C]

I didn't say it made sense. Okay, last question. More of a personal one. What's my dog's name? It relates to the quiz.

[B]

Oh, Biscuit. Pop Tarts.

[A]

Oh, is it biscuit? No, I've God damn Pop Tarts. I've heard you say this.

[B]

S'. Mores.

[A]

Hot dogs.

[B]

Waffles.

[A]

Waffles.

[C]

Think broader. I think broader category.

[B]

Steak dinner.

[C]

Snacks. It's snacks.

[B]

Snacks.

[A]

I did remember that. That's a good name.

[B]

That's a good name.

[C]

I can hear you from.

[A]

What's your dog's name? Rory. I forget that too.

[B]

Charlie.

[A]

Charlie, which is my son's name. Great name.

[B]

That's why we did that.

[C]

That.

[B]

That's why we did that long before

[A]

he Is your dog older than my son? How old is your dog?

[B]

Is your dog older than 300 in dog years?

[A]

300 in dog years?

[C]

Is your dog older than my son? Who?

[A]

Who was Charlie first?

[B]

Who gets to keep the name?

[C]

That fight.

[B]

We did it.

[C]

Did it.

[B]

We've come to the end of Lane's games.

[A]

Whoa.

[C]

Where did that come from?

[B]

Who did that? Wasn't me, but it was perfect. Perfect.

[A]

Crimeless is a production of Smartless Media, Campside Media and Big Money Players in partnership with iHeart podcasts. It's hosted by Rory Scoville and me, Josh Dean. Our senior producer is Lane Rose. Emma Siminoff is our associate producer. This episode was written by Lane Rose and me, Josh Dean. We're sound, designed and engineered by Blake Rose with support from Ewan lytram. Ewen Mark McAdam composed our theme song. The executive producers at Campside Media are Vanessa Gregoriadis, Matt Sher and me, Josh Dean. The executive producers for iHeart podcasts and Big Money Players are Jack O', Brien, Lindsey Hoffman and Matt Apodaca. For Smartland Media, the executive producers are Will Arnett, Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes and Richard Corson. Bernie Kaminsky Keat is head of production. The associate producer is Matty McCann. A special thanks to our operations team, Ashley Warren and Sabina Mara. Do you have a question, comment or confession for the Crimless team? Email [e-mail] and if you enjoyed Crimeless, please rate and review the show wherever you get your podcasts. It helps people find the show and also makes us feel validated. Unless you're mean, in which case keep it to yourself.

[D]

This is an iHeart podcast.

[B]

Guaranteed Human.